I find that in many cases they want to spend more tome with the parent that does not have other children. All you can do is trying to keep meeting each individual child’s needs.
It might end up that way but both kids have been asking for a "new baby" and one day my oldest said "dad will need a new bed for when the baby goes over!" And they were both really confused and sad that the new baby wouldn't go with them between houses, despite not being related to him at all 😅
Yeah my step kids wanted that until they had it. Similar ages. Then they wanted a quiet place where there wasn’t a baby or toddler or pre schooler in their space
Keep their traditions, like reading to them every night. The baby won't notice or remember your absence for ten minutes, but the older ones will. Keep your one on one time, treat them as always. Don't give their father anything to use.
And remember, they're only there half the time, there will be plenty of alone time with the baby. Involve the kids, if they're interested: have them fetch bottles and binkies, spit up towels, blankets, fresh shirts. Have frequently needed things low, where the older kids can get to them. Let them push the stroller. Praise them for being such big helpers. Let them hold the baby, supervised of course. Praise them for being great big brothers/sisters. Let them help as much as you can. Praise them as much as you can.
Hopefully they'll embrace their new sibling. Good luck!
I honestly plan on my SO taking primary care of new baby (minus breastfeeding of course) when my kiddos are around. Like, he can bond with baby for a few hours while I do homework baths and bed!
First and most importantly after the baby comes home always make time for your kids it's very important to show them you love them and make sure to tell them that you love them just as much as the baby their sibling. Don't change up their routine just because of the baby and let them help you with the baby. And spend equal time together and separate. You can ask them to help decorate the nursery or pick out baby clothes and toys. You see to much like this app and others where kids in blended families the kids from prior relationship is neglected almost forgotten about in the new family or pushed aside example I'm to tired to play or go to the park maybe another time. As for addressing just when you want to tell them their going to become a big brother to the new baby and that you will always love them.
Imagine how they will feel when the “ours” baby will be with you and SO full time while they have to leave. But everything you’ve said is an absolute possibility to happen. I think you should just breathe and take it a day at a time and accept your kids will more than likely feel left out. It’s the reality of having kids from different relationships
That is what I'm afraid of. My ex has half siblings, but his parents were not nice to each other so he lived primarily with his mom and her new husband. Me and SOs parents are both happily still married couples. None of us experienced what these kiddos are gonna go through.
I almost didn't have anymore kids because this thought broke my heart. Now I feel guilty too lol
My SO has three daughters with his ex-wife and we have a 6 month old daughter together. His youngest was 10 when the baby was born, so that significant age difference helps. My step daughters absolutely love their baby sister. I make sure my SO prioritizes them when they are with us (also 50/50). In the beginning we would have one here for an extra day here and there and I would put active effort into trying to help them bond with the baby, from a perspective that really put them first.
Middle SD had a hard time accepting a new sister when we first told them I was pregnant, but try and remember that your youngest would be upset about no longer being the baby even if their new sibling wasn't a half sibling.
The advice I gave my SO while pregnant when he had these worries was that he needed to practice loving his children first and above all else when they were with us and hope that they wouldn't feel insecure in their relationship with him. Things are going very well for us.
My oldest remembers me being pregnant with the youngest and he's very excited when we talk about the possibility of another baby brother or sister. My youngest wants to be THE BABY forever lol I can't imagine if my ex's gf got pregnant but my oldest would also probably be over the moon 😅
Hiya, I know a lot of people are really down on the idea of ours babies on here.
Just wanted to be a voice to say it can also go so beautifully. We have 50/50 of my SS who was 7 when my husband and I welcomed our baby boy.
It’s been such a positive experience and the two boys adore each other like nothing else. Our house is full of so much laughter and my SS has taken to his big brother role very seriously.
He stayed with his mum for almost two weeks when the baby was born due to complications and a NICU stay and all that time his dad couldn’t see him hasn’t caused any ill feelings at all. We just resumed regular wo/wo after that and he’s been great.
They play, cuddle, SS is so attentive to him when he’s upset. He’s already asking constantly for a sister too 🤷🏻♀️
That's what I'm hoping we can achieve, at least some of the days. I think they will enjoy seeing the baby, and enjoy time just having fun at dad's without the baby. The transition will be difficult and I know this. I'm already mentally distancing myself from my unborn baby so I don't hurt the kids feelings 😅
Ok tips.
Husband told him alone, I joined after work (and confirmation it had gone well) with a gender balloon just for us three to do. He thought it was the best.
When we decorated a nursery we redid SS room. He picked out colours and bedding, decorations etc.
We made a countdown calendar on the fridge and marked the weeks off together.
We had fun guessing what new fruit size the baby would be every Thursday. We’d all take bets:
We got him a gift from the baby.
Other advice, if your kids don’t sleep independently start working on it asap. Teach them age appropriate independence now so there isn’t a drastic change when baby comes. They can start getting their own snacks now, picking out their clothes and getting dressed, taking a shower alone, create a realistic bedtime routine.
Yes this is great advice, we did these things too.
We didn’t tell SS the reason but we did teach him to tie his laces, make toast and cereal for breakfast and a few other things while I was pregnant. Just a couple things like that to ease the daily routine.
We also talked a lot about the reality of newborns and how they DO have more needs, and that mum WILL be very busy especially in the first few months but that the hard, tired part doesn’t last forever. We also stressed that he isn’t responsible for taking care of the baby but can help where he enjoys it.
There's already been a bunch of great things mentioned.
Some of it is the reality of a baby sibling, some of it is that there will be a baby with you all the time when they are not. One or both of these parts might be challenging at different times.
I think my only additional advice would be thinking about the relationship between your children and your significant other. If they are close and enjoy each other's company, I'd look at nurturing that too.
It was always laughed about how I was a nightmare after my half brother was born, despite all the efforts that were put in and the one on one time with my dad. It took a while to figure out that my stepmum was the person who I was missing and felt I had lost. Once I had one on one time with both my dad and stepmum (separately), and knew predictably when that would next be, that I was able to feel much more secure and stopped resenting my baby brother.
Edit: also consider investing in headphones if they struggle with baby crying
If your current kids are open to the idea of a sibling then they will be fine.
You also have to remember your eldest has already been through this at a younger age (unless they're twins?!).
My eldest was a bit confused about the daddy thing at first but soon got her head round it and your kids are older so should take them even less time. My eldest has her moments of wishing we could go back pre baby but I know that's just frustration when a toddler is being a toddler and stealing her toys! Lol. Mine loves having her time with her dad. She does miss her sister but we video call every couple of days when she's doing longer stretches. Before baby was born I explained to her that I might be very busy for a few weeks while we settle in but it didn't mean I didn't love her or want to be with her. My partner and MIL also tried to give me a couple of hours here and there so I could do something with my eldest. Same with my partners boys. I've also kept an activity that we go off and do together every couple of weeks but actually often she wants her sister to come watch anyway.
I think don't overthink it. You're just building your little clan! For us the one that had the worst reaction was actually my partner's eldest but he's always been a very selfish child so it often comes down to temperament. He soon got over it though and loves her now. I'm sure you'll be fine!
Oh and I also waited until later in my pregnancy to tell all the kids. We told the eldest 2 first and then my younger one (due to differences in custody arrangements).
I find that in many cases they want to spend more tome with the parent that does not have other children. All you can do is trying to keep meeting each individual child’s needs.
It might end up that way but both kids have been asking for a "new baby" and one day my oldest said "dad will need a new bed for when the baby goes over!" And they were both really confused and sad that the new baby wouldn't go with them between houses, despite not being related to him at all 😅
Yeah my step kids wanted that until they had it. Similar ages. Then they wanted a quiet place where there wasn’t a baby or toddler or pre schooler in their space
Keep their traditions, like reading to them every night. The baby won't notice or remember your absence for ten minutes, but the older ones will. Keep your one on one time, treat them as always. Don't give their father anything to use. And remember, they're only there half the time, there will be plenty of alone time with the baby. Involve the kids, if they're interested: have them fetch bottles and binkies, spit up towels, blankets, fresh shirts. Have frequently needed things low, where the older kids can get to them. Let them push the stroller. Praise them for being such big helpers. Let them hold the baby, supervised of course. Praise them for being great big brothers/sisters. Let them help as much as you can. Praise them as much as you can. Hopefully they'll embrace their new sibling. Good luck!
I honestly plan on my SO taking primary care of new baby (minus breastfeeding of course) when my kiddos are around. Like, he can bond with baby for a few hours while I do homework baths and bed!
First and most importantly after the baby comes home always make time for your kids it's very important to show them you love them and make sure to tell them that you love them just as much as the baby their sibling. Don't change up their routine just because of the baby and let them help you with the baby. And spend equal time together and separate. You can ask them to help decorate the nursery or pick out baby clothes and toys. You see to much like this app and others where kids in blended families the kids from prior relationship is neglected almost forgotten about in the new family or pushed aside example I'm to tired to play or go to the park maybe another time. As for addressing just when you want to tell them their going to become a big brother to the new baby and that you will always love them.
Imagine how they will feel when the “ours” baby will be with you and SO full time while they have to leave. But everything you’ve said is an absolute possibility to happen. I think you should just breathe and take it a day at a time and accept your kids will more than likely feel left out. It’s the reality of having kids from different relationships
That is what I'm afraid of. My ex has half siblings, but his parents were not nice to each other so he lived primarily with his mom and her new husband. Me and SOs parents are both happily still married couples. None of us experienced what these kiddos are gonna go through. I almost didn't have anymore kids because this thought broke my heart. Now I feel guilty too lol
My SO has three daughters with his ex-wife and we have a 6 month old daughter together. His youngest was 10 when the baby was born, so that significant age difference helps. My step daughters absolutely love their baby sister. I make sure my SO prioritizes them when they are with us (also 50/50). In the beginning we would have one here for an extra day here and there and I would put active effort into trying to help them bond with the baby, from a perspective that really put them first. Middle SD had a hard time accepting a new sister when we first told them I was pregnant, but try and remember that your youngest would be upset about no longer being the baby even if their new sibling wasn't a half sibling. The advice I gave my SO while pregnant when he had these worries was that he needed to practice loving his children first and above all else when they were with us and hope that they wouldn't feel insecure in their relationship with him. Things are going very well for us.
I find it easier when the mom is pregnant for some reason.
My oldest remembers me being pregnant with the youngest and he's very excited when we talk about the possibility of another baby brother or sister. My youngest wants to be THE BABY forever lol I can't imagine if my ex's gf got pregnant but my oldest would also probably be over the moon 😅
Hiya, I know a lot of people are really down on the idea of ours babies on here. Just wanted to be a voice to say it can also go so beautifully. We have 50/50 of my SS who was 7 when my husband and I welcomed our baby boy. It’s been such a positive experience and the two boys adore each other like nothing else. Our house is full of so much laughter and my SS has taken to his big brother role very seriously. He stayed with his mum for almost two weeks when the baby was born due to complications and a NICU stay and all that time his dad couldn’t see him hasn’t caused any ill feelings at all. We just resumed regular wo/wo after that and he’s been great. They play, cuddle, SS is so attentive to him when he’s upset. He’s already asking constantly for a sister too 🤷🏻♀️
That's what I'm hoping we can achieve, at least some of the days. I think they will enjoy seeing the baby, and enjoy time just having fun at dad's without the baby. The transition will be difficult and I know this. I'm already mentally distancing myself from my unborn baby so I don't hurt the kids feelings 😅
Ok tips. Husband told him alone, I joined after work (and confirmation it had gone well) with a gender balloon just for us three to do. He thought it was the best. When we decorated a nursery we redid SS room. He picked out colours and bedding, decorations etc. We made a countdown calendar on the fridge and marked the weeks off together. We had fun guessing what new fruit size the baby would be every Thursday. We’d all take bets: We got him a gift from the baby.
Other advice, if your kids don’t sleep independently start working on it asap. Teach them age appropriate independence now so there isn’t a drastic change when baby comes. They can start getting their own snacks now, picking out their clothes and getting dressed, taking a shower alone, create a realistic bedtime routine.
Yes this is great advice, we did these things too. We didn’t tell SS the reason but we did teach him to tie his laces, make toast and cereal for breakfast and a few other things while I was pregnant. Just a couple things like that to ease the daily routine. We also talked a lot about the reality of newborns and how they DO have more needs, and that mum WILL be very busy especially in the first few months but that the hard, tired part doesn’t last forever. We also stressed that he isn’t responsible for taking care of the baby but can help where he enjoys it.
There's already been a bunch of great things mentioned. Some of it is the reality of a baby sibling, some of it is that there will be a baby with you all the time when they are not. One or both of these parts might be challenging at different times. I think my only additional advice would be thinking about the relationship between your children and your significant other. If they are close and enjoy each other's company, I'd look at nurturing that too. It was always laughed about how I was a nightmare after my half brother was born, despite all the efforts that were put in and the one on one time with my dad. It took a while to figure out that my stepmum was the person who I was missing and felt I had lost. Once I had one on one time with both my dad and stepmum (separately), and knew predictably when that would next be, that I was able to feel much more secure and stopped resenting my baby brother. Edit: also consider investing in headphones if they struggle with baby crying
If your current kids are open to the idea of a sibling then they will be fine. You also have to remember your eldest has already been through this at a younger age (unless they're twins?!). My eldest was a bit confused about the daddy thing at first but soon got her head round it and your kids are older so should take them even less time. My eldest has her moments of wishing we could go back pre baby but I know that's just frustration when a toddler is being a toddler and stealing her toys! Lol. Mine loves having her time with her dad. She does miss her sister but we video call every couple of days when she's doing longer stretches. Before baby was born I explained to her that I might be very busy for a few weeks while we settle in but it didn't mean I didn't love her or want to be with her. My partner and MIL also tried to give me a couple of hours here and there so I could do something with my eldest. Same with my partners boys. I've also kept an activity that we go off and do together every couple of weeks but actually often she wants her sister to come watch anyway. I think don't overthink it. You're just building your little clan! For us the one that had the worst reaction was actually my partner's eldest but he's always been a very selfish child so it often comes down to temperament. He soon got over it though and loves her now. I'm sure you'll be fine! Oh and I also waited until later in my pregnancy to tell all the kids. We told the eldest 2 first and then my younger one (due to differences in custody arrangements).