Yep, growing up, my parents had a whole wall in our huge basement that was lined with bookshelves. Us kids knew which books were off-limits for as long as I can remember. And they were only off-limits because they were historical or sentimental, never because of the content. But they weren't locked away or anything, we just knew not to touch them. And of course we did now and then, either under supervision, or sometimes just when curiosity got the best of us. But even then we handled them very carefully and made sure to have clean hands first, because we learned to respect the books as well.
My wife and I have a pretty extensive library (we’re both English teachers, but my personal “everyday” taste leans toward horror and hers leans toward smut, so we have a *very* eclectic collection), and the thought of having to hide a book from my kids has literally never crossed my mind.
If anything, literature is a great space to explore and discuss tough topics. I honestly hope at least one of my kids ends up with the same taste in literature as me so that we can have some good discussions!
We had a good section of transparencies of human anatomy in one part of our encyclopedia. Which were interesting, but I was much more of a Sears Catalog kind of guy when I was younger.
Me too! My grandparents had a set of medical encyclopedias with pretty graphic images of all sorts of maladies and injuries and my siblings and I all loved looking through them (and 2 out of 3 of us ended up in the medical field).
I found my parents' when I was young. I spent too many years misunderstanding one of the diagrams which showed a sperm and a baby at the same size. That was a real terror of my childhood, let me tell you.
Im pretty sure I read "Flowers in the Attic" waaayyy before I should have. I was like 10/11. It opened a few convos about topics I wouldnt have discussed otherwise.
Oh my gosh! I LOVED Boxcar Children. I tell people about that series all the time and how it taught my to always be loyal and know how to take care of myself. And boy oh boy, did I end up bothering my poor mother with questions about what would happen to us kids if she died. 😳
I grew up with a mom who worked in healthcare. Big books of childhood diseases and rashes were common in my house! Fast forward ... I am a pediatric nurse!
Edit: spelling
When I was a kid literally anything was fair game…. except for The Golden Compass (raised Catholic). My mom insists to this day that it was because I wasn’t old enough at the time (I was 7), but when I saw the trailer for the movie and asked for the book for Christmas she literally was like “I heard they kill God in the book so pick something else.”
That and some “Big Book of Urban Legends and Monsters” after my then 7 year old brother started reading it while on a trip to Myrtle Beach and refused to sleep the first night because he was scared that a Book Hag was going to steal our mom’s skin.
Yup! My mom let me read whatever I wanted and although sometimes the themes were a little adult for me, I did just fine. I was reading Stephen King and Danielle Steele when I was eleven lol. I firmly believe this is what kept my love of reading alive, had I been restricted to "kids" books I probably would have just gotten bored of reading very early in life.
I can't even think of what kind of book my parents would want to hide. They encouraged me to read anything and everything. I wasn't interested in anything but their science fiction books, I think. But the idea of hiding a book would be like burning a book.
Yeah, I think my mom viewed it as, "I want to encourage curiosity; if anything in that book is too much, I'll address it as it comes up." It was all a potential learning experience, including learning how to deal with the emotions the book gave rise to.
I agree. I'm a reading support teacher with an English teacher certification and a school librarian certification. I think if my 10 yo picked something up and was not into it for any reason, he'd put it right back down. I feel the same for TV. If I'm watching something that he doesn't enjoy for any reason, he will meander off. I leave the choices to him. I'm not in his head and cannot predict what will make him uncomfortable. That's just what I do, and by no means is my opinion a fit for all families (nor should it be). It's just a fit for us.
My dad and I used to share books all of the time! Now we both devour kindle unlimited books so we just send each other the names we think the other would like. Much easier, lol.
My 9 year old and I have a monthly book brunch date. We pick a weekend, hit the library for new books, then go out to eat at a local diner and read while we eat. At home books aren't allowed the table so it's a huge treat.
Oh, and to answer OPs question. I have a whole wall covered in book shelves. The ones with racier titles are way up top but you can't see the covers so I don't care about that. He knows not to touch my books and I give him the courtesy of not touching his. It's never been an issue. We've had the this is not appropriate talk about books, movies, TV shows multiple times from an early age and he's never tried to bypass that rule.
This.
If they start asking I do a quick eval on relative appropriateness. Generally we lean toward letting them see things vs not see things. We are more permissive about nudity and more strict about violent content. Both need context and are good opportunities for discussion.
Once you get out of early elementary school a lot of youth-oriented media is quite graphic across the board so we have more concerns about current youth oriented content than a lot of traditional adult oriented (non-pornographic/salacious) media.
This is what my parents did. As I got older, the books magically moved down. Rather than talk to me about sex, an old Masters and Johnson book suddenly appeared on the bottom shelf when I hit puberty.
I was an extremely literary kid and my dad was a librarian. My house was full of book, many of which were inappropriate.
I never had any desire whatsoever to read them. Why would I want to read my dad’s boring books???
This is what I've experienced with my kids. They don't even know what's up there. They focus on their own books. I've had a few of their friends notice some of the more obvious stuff. My son's friend was a little scandalized by The Vagina Bible, but I figured it was good for him.
That was about it here too - higher shelves. I can't say I worried about it much, and the kids never mentioned anything. Of course they had internet access, so I don't think it ever occurred to them to look for porn to *read*.
(I just want to add: the similar responses here are making me tear up. Our parents gave us such an amazing gift to let us read!)
I was born in '71. My dad was a HS English Teacher who had books upon books upon books, and a deep love of all literature. Shelves loaded in every room. My parents read to me every night from the day I was born until I was reading myself.
He had a strict no censorship rule. His library was open to me, as was any library. He just wanted me to love reading. Kids do a very good job of censoring themselves.
I'm very grateful for that. I naturally gravitated to stuff that interested me. If it was beyond my understanding, I took little interest in it. Passages of books that were too adult had little meaning and didn't affect me.
Sure, there were books that scared me. There were books that made me uncomfortable. But my parents were there to go to and talk it out. Impromptu book club meetings.
I grew up in rural, homogeneous areas, and books were how I learned about the world. About different cultures, different families, different struggles, different languages, different religions. Also that so many experiences can be different, but at the core we are humans with emotions and problems and joy and love and dreams. That things are complicated and confusing and wonderful and horrible. That people go through scary things fighting and problem-solving as best as they can.
Books, even though they were not your typical children's fare, taught me everything that matters at a deep, foundational level.
Take that with whatever worth you want, but if I'd been limited to safe, age-appropriate material, my life would have been flat, shallow, lonely and probably scarier.
I'd certainly prefer my kids to read any book they want to, rather than freely roam around online.
I was born in the 90’s and also not really censored at all as far as books. My parents wanted me to love reading so they never really steered away from anything I was interested in.
I think kids do a good job for the most part of self censoring? My mom had a bunch of drug store romances, Stephen King books, series like Outlander - I just wasn’t really interested in those books as a kid because they were “mom” books 😂
A lot of people don’t want teens reading books about sex and drugs and dark themes but I’ve never really understood that argument. Kids will learn about that stuff anyway, on the internet or from their peers or from media, so keeping them from reading books about those things doesn’t mean they don’t know about them?
Just like you can learn lessons from watching your siblings or friends make mistakes/succeed, you can learn from books too. Letting kids read books about real life topics makes it easier for kids to deal with those same things in real life. Censorship doesn’t do anyone any favors 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah this is true. My parents didn’t really censor books too much, but my mom specifically banned Lovely Bones, because my friend recommended it to me when we were either 10-11. I couldn’t tell u how that ban made me fixate on reading that thing.
When I was around 14-15, the ban had apparently ended. I got the book for free, read it, and my first thought was “I have read much worse things for school back then.” Didn’t like the book. 10/10 cover design tho. The only reason I didn’t read it back then was because the copy in the school library was always gone!
Yaaaah! I have banned my daughter from all books. I told her only losers read. She looks at me sideways and says, “you read all the time, so you must be a huge loser.” Aaargh, kid brains are too smart for my feeble psy ops game.
you make a good point— i know the books i’ve read only in my 30s that involve people making similar choices to those i made in my teens/20s included characters who are a mess! social media/online content doesn’t necessarily give the context of the choices you’re watching 2 dimensionally on social media. not sure i would have done half the shit i did in my teens and 20s had i been able to read stories about people going through similar life experiences.
Thanks for this. I had thought OPs question just last week and wasn’t sure if I should put certain books away, but this has given me the confidence to keep them out. There are some books I’d be happy with her reading early.
I remember reading Lolita at 15.
This has been exactly my experience! My parents never tried to control what I read, I think I first read a Stephen King book at ten, but all of the sex stuff just flew over my head. I literally told myself "yeah, I'll probably understand this when I'm older" and left it at that.
I had zero recollection of That Chapter in IT. You know the one. Years later upon a reread I was beyond shocked.
Kid me: idkwtf this is, I'll just skip.
Adult me: CLUTCH **ALL** THE PEARLS.
When I was 8 I read Firestarter. I asked my mom what a cunt was. She might have swallowed her tongue lol. She screamed at me and said “WHERE DID YOU SEE THAT WORD?” Thanks Stephen King😂
I was born in 1960. Singapore Chinese. Doctor parents. Mum’s teacher parents lived next door too. Brought up in a British colonial atmosphere.
They had a no-censorship rule too. We had everything in the house. Medical books. War and military books. Fiction. True crime. Romance. Horror. Cookbooks. Poetry. Cowboy novels, thrillers. On and on. As you say, rooms and rooms of books, everyone read. I read from the age of about 3½ (?) to 4? I read even in the toilet. I remember vividly reading William Shirer’s The Third Reich in the toilet when I was in the sixth grade.
I was the kid who used to frequent secondhand bookshops near my school and regularly bring home stacks of grimy paperbacks, ranging from Erle Stanley Gardner to Barbara Cartland to Stephen King’s early books.
My only kid was also brought up in a no-censorship world. My house is still filled with a few thousand books. Philosophy. History. Design. Art. Fantasy. Science fiction. Romance. Fiction. Crime. News analysis. Politics. The Renaissance. Gastronomy. Medicine.( we are both doctors) Essays. All shelves are open.
My kid now helps fill those shelves. He asks questions. Dinner table conversations can get quite wild. My kid is mostly sensible, though opinionated. We have a TV but mostly we read. Or use the computer. My kid doesn’t watch TV ( never forbidden to him), he’s found more interesting things to do.
I remember particularly my kid at age maybe 7 or so, watching David Lynch’s THE ELEPHANT MAN ( and subsequently reading about Joseph Merrick) with tears streaming down his face, and asking me, “Why are they so mean to him?” (“I am not an animal! I am a human being!”)
Which lead to discussions about disabilities and appearances and mobs. Community work was one of the major features of his teenage years ( his choice). He is a medical student now. He seems to like working with old people.
I had a great literary upbringing and I feel, so has my son. My shelves will always be free of censorship.
I love this answer. My mom was the same and would never hide a book from me. However, as you also mentioned, I would only seek out books that I was interested in, anyway.
I remember a family friend gave me Grimm’s complete work for Christmas. The illustrations were so dark that I was a bit creeped out (I was 10). But I talked with my mom about it and we read the stories together.
Also born in '71. My dad was much the same with me, which is why I grew up reading Tolkien, Louis L'Amour, Tom Clancy and Stephen King. Probably at too young an age, but I don't seem to have taken any harm from it. I was a pretty weird kid to start with, and I'm even weirder now. :)
I was weird, too, and am so grateful for that. The "normal" kids hated reading (or at least that's what they said) and preferred the comfort of their small world.
Sci fi and fantasy were my life. Bradbury has been my favorite my entire life. Vonnegut at 10 years old! Hell yeah.
And I loved kid lit too. Judy Blume! Judy Campbell! Give me all the Narnias and Sidewalks Endings and Giant Peaches! Andersen and the Grimms!
If I had one book I wish I hadn't read, it would be Amityville Horror. I was... 8? 9? I know now it's a dumb, bad book but I was convinced Jodi was watching me every night. For *yeeeears*. A lot of popular novels with very adult themes sat on our coffee tables, so yes, I had exposure to sex before The Talk, but I don't think I noticed or cared until I was ready to notice and care. 😅
My father had Bradbury and Vonnegut books on his bookshelf. I read them as a child. That's how I got into Science Fiction. I think Bradbury helped shape me as a person, too
Bradbury still makes me weep. What a beautiful talent. I have an indescribable feeling that comes over me when I read anything he wrote, and that feeling is unique to his works. IDK what it is. Comforting and slightly menacing and warm with the promise of chills
My mom was like that too. I will say that reading a horror story called “The Patchwork Monkey” far, far too young left me with a lifelong revulsion against stuffed monkey toys, but it was a small price to pay…
That brought back a memory to me.
There's this story from Horacio Quiroga, called "The Feather Pillow". A teacher gave us that story on the final year of elementary school. I must have been 10 or 11. It's quite short, less than 10 pages long i think, but i swear, for months and maybe even years after reading it, i was scared to death of feeling something moving on my pillow.
I don’t know that story, but it sounds terrifying! My mom loved history and used to tell me stories from history as bedtime stories. Rasputin was a favorite – but once she told me about the insect climbing in Speke’s ear while he was searching for the Nile – the pain was so extreme he ended up driving a spike into his own ear and was deaf on that side ever after.
I slept with the sheet up over my head so nothing could crawl into my ear well into my 20s.
I have always loved reading, and my parents never restricted what I chose to read. With 18 years of experience teaching reading, a master's degree in the subject, and my current role as a school librarian, I strongly oppose limiting children's reading choices. My parents never denied me any book based on its difficulty, length, or simplicity.
Same here. We had lots of books and if I could read the words then I could read the book. I feel really fortunate because reading has widened my life so much I can't imagine what I'd be like without it
My parents could have done a better job talking to me about what I read sometimes but all in all, I think censorship is more often for the censor than the reader. Small minds that need to censor are vile IMO.
RIF!!!
We moved to a teeny town in Ohio when my dad changed careers and I was 9. The library was about 20 miles away, in a county seat.
The librarians tried to steer me away from anything outside of children's and reference, but I was like, "Nah, I gotta wander." They'd tell my mom that I was checking out books that would just cause trouble, and my mom always had my back. Eventually, librarians stayed out of it, or were amused by some of my choices.
My brother and I used to ride our bikes up to the library, and one day we had a new librarian who had the idea that we should only be allowed to check out books from the children's section unless we had signed, direct parental permission for each non-children's title. I remember my mother walking into the library after the librarian called her to let her know that we were trying to check out Isaac Asimov and Arthur Clarke books. She said, "I will never hold you responsible if you allow my children to check out any book in this library, but I will certainly hold you responsible if you don't."
I was raised by a novelist and it was exactly the same for me. The only book that ever disturbed me was an illustrated version of Rumpelstiltskin because I thought that little fucker was going to jump out of the pages and poke me with a needle.
I think you’re right that kids censor themselves well, too.
I’m a little older than you and grew up in a diverse suburb of a medium-sized city but other than that: same. 📚📚
I discovered my dad’s porn stash when I was 7 (learned how to read at 3). I had several months of interesting reading until my sister ratted me out. I was never punished…but I never found his stash again. 😅
Another friend who grew up similarly asked her parents as an adult how they could allow her to access so many “inappropriate” books as a kid.
Them: Did you understand them?
Her: No.
Them: 🤷♂️🤷♀️
All of this. I grew up in a house full of books, and we went to the library all the time. I love to read. I have read probably 80-90% of the books in this house (I live in the house I grew up in). I forget now who said it to me at somepoint (possibly my husband?), but they noted that ours is/was the first/only house they had ever been in with a bookshelf in, quite literally, every room :D
We've raised 2 boys here - they're 14 & 17 now, and sadly, neither is much of a 'reader'. But, there as absolutely never been any censorship of them or books. There is a bookshelf up in our room which is full of books that we... don't show off. Most/many of hte bookshelves in the house are actually double-stacked, though you wouldn't know it from a glance - there's the 'front rack' that everyone sees... and a second rack behind them, that are semi-hidden. Some are more interesting than others. For various reasons.
Agree. Had similar experience as a child, then got a degree as a librarian in adulthood. For my personal library I am planning on not censoring (but I have a2 yr old now, so a while before I have to wonder about her reading my old VC Andrew’s novels lol)
I read Flowers in the Attic at age 11 or 12. Left a bad taste in my mouth. But my folks never stopped me reading anything. Didn’t read any more VC Andrews after that. My choice.
This! I'm a massive bookworm, with multiple overflowing bookshelves, kindle, and library apps. I read anything, although my favourites are sci-fi, paranormal, fantasy and biographies.
My kids are now 16 and 14 and not once have I ever censored a book they want to read. I was just happy they wanted to read.
My youngest in particular, due to a variety of disabilities and issues with his school, couldn't read until he was 11 - 1 year at a new school he learnt all the phonics and could read most subtitles on TV (always them on to assist with literacy). My eldest is also a massive bookworm, could read fluently by 5 and we have our book club (she picks the books).
I’m a good bit younger, but my dad had a similar ethos. When I was a really small kid, he’d tell me “this book is for when you’re older,” and keep things on the higher shelves, which was enough. Once I started expressing interest in reading stuff beyond YA, he just said okay and gave me recommendations, and if there was something that was challenging we could talk about it. You’ll do a lot more for your kid’s development by helping them process a difficult idea than by hiding it from them, I think.
this right here. There was only one time I remember my mom telling me that I couldn't read a particular book, and it wasn't even a "you can't" so much as a "I don't think you're going to understand some of the things in this at the moment, it should probably wait until you're a little bit older".
My mom reeaaalllly didn't want me to read *Go Ask Alice*, so I did. I didn't understand anything but the taboo made me read the whole thing.
She told me later that yes, the subject matter was awful but also that it had an agenda behind its publication that she didn't like.
… thank you for putting this into words because it is exactly how I felt. I grew up in the most backwoods community with people who are so one dimensional. It took me years to understand that I grew up with depth and dreams because of reading and learning about the world and other people.
I harken it to the quote “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” - George RR Martin
1967, and same. My parents library was 100% open to me. And as it was the era before chain bookstores and internet sites a lot of the books I read were hand me downs of whatever books other adults in the family wanted to pass on after they read them. Parents encouraged me to read voraciously, anything and everything I wanted and on occasion even defended my right to do so against other adults (including teachers) who tried to stick their nose in and tell me what I could *not* read. And I'm still grateful for that to this day.
OP (and anyone else) - Especially in this day and age, if kids are into books enough to even care what's on your bookshelves don't discourage it, *encourage* it.
My parents were the same, except they loved their Sci-fi and fantasy. My grade 3 teacher told me to read something else when I was trying to struggle through an Issue of Analog that my dad let me borrow. I refused hehe.
Good on you! My parents were ready to go to battle against any adult who questioned my literary freedom. But I'd always take up the fight first, because I knew I had their support.
I wrote my my 5th grade book reports on Flowers in the Attic and Clan of the Cave Bear. I kept things more age appropriate for my daughter. The complicated sexual topics in the books were not good for me.
My mom was born the same year as you & is a teacher. She taught me to read very young & always encouraged me to read no matter what it was & to try new/harder things.
She never had any sort of restrictions cause she knew I knew what books were age appropriate for me & I was always a very honest kid so they never felt the need to restrict me or question me. & I gained a deep love of reading & writing & study because of that.
I grew up in the 50s/60s and in elementary school and on the bookmobile was limited to certain shelves. My mother would check out any book I pointed at. Never said "that's too . . " She knew I took Dad's James Bond books one at a time to read, all her Hemingways. On the other hand, she never discussed books with me and I didn't know anyone else who read what I read.
Totally and completely agree with this!!! My dad & grandparent were the same way. Anything to get me to love reading, be good at reading, and foster my critical thinking skills
Oh my gosh, this is almost exactly my story! I lived in a very rural ranching community in the 70's where my mother was a high school science teacher. Both of my parents were avid readers of many different genres from Western to science fiction.
We had access to all of the books, magazines, and medical instructional journals one can think of. Our parents weren't concerned with what we were reading and would gladly answer questions. It was wonderful!
I’m a late 80’s baby and my parents were the same. They weren’t big readers themselves but we did have a decent collection of novels and textbooks, plus a set of old encyclopedias. They never told me I couldn’t read something and were always happy to buy me books when I asked for them. It probably helped that books were a lot cheaper than the electric guitars and skateboards my brother was asking for.
With my own daughter now, I notice the same thing a lot of others are saying. I don’t hide any books from her (and I have a ton from my days as an English major), but she gravitates towards the ones that match her interests and maturity level. She asked me to read the manga Sailor V to her once, but it became clear pretty early that it wasn’t right for her, at least not yet. She much prefers Dragonball, which my husband reads to her every night.
My parents tried keeping us censored. We grew up in a very religious household, and my mom hates reading. So the only books available were old history on presidents and coins books from dad, and religious self help books for my mom. Luckily, though, my dad was also a closet nerd and got into LOTR with my sister.
This turned into me getting introduced to romance novels in high school (I think age 16). The amount of hiding I tried to do until I realized I just didn’t care was crazy. Luckily my older sister is also an avid reader, so her and I would share YA books together. As I got older I just kept everything in my own room and they stayed out. They learned quickly not to ask questions about my stuff 😅. The manga helped.
Now that I have a daughter (1yo) myself, I think I want to take a similar stance as you. I do have a lot of inappropriate books, but I have even more YA that I hope she would like later on. But I don’t want her to feel like she has to hide stuff from me like I had to do. It took my husband so many years between dating and being married to help me open myself up more and to stop being ashamed of what I enjoyed, and he actively encourages me to go get more books. It’s nice knowing the only judgement I’ll get from him is a slight side eye with a smirk and a “you and your weird sex books” lol.
My parents moved the sexually explicit books to the top shelf, other than that it was fair game. We were massive stephen king fans and war history fans so been reading those since i was like 10 years old.
everything is *potentially traumatizing*. I was never traumatized by a book. Only traumatized by life. Books help process that trauma.
Well.
I did find Stephen King’s THE GREEN MILE traumatising. Especially the chapter titled “ The Bad Death of Edward Delacroix”. I have this morbid fascination/ fear of execution. More or less gave up Stephen King after that.
The rest of the book was marvellous though, and deeply touching. Though I think the bit about the mouse was pushing the sentimentality envelope a bit.
Would never recommend any sort of censorship though.
My traumatic Stephen King experience was Gerald's Game when I was maybe 11 or 12. Scared the hell out of me and I still won't let anyone use actual handcuffs on me in bed (the escape scene was the traumatizing part for me). But I'm still grateful that all my mom said was "be careful, it might be too scary for you" and let me be.
FWIW, I remember spending a lot of time going through my mom's medical textbooks and journals and looking at all the pictures as a young kid. A lot of it was graphic, with photographs of organs and all, but it never particularly bothered or traumatized me.
Same. I think kids are most likely to search that stuff out if/when they are more able to deal with it. The kids who are easily frightened/disturbed don't usually go delving into the unknown as much ime.
I think most kids of doctors are pretty desensitized to that stuff. My parents are family docs and dinner time conversation was generally pretty wild. It’s hard for me to remember not to discuss interesting parasites over meals with friends.
A big fat medical book was one of the few that my parents even owned (my mom needed it for her studies) and I'm absolutely convinced that it played a role in me becoming slightly hypochrondric. I would absolutely seek out not age appropriate material, also when it comes to TV shows, youtube videos and games that terrified me but it was like a car accident, I couldn't look away even though it had a bad affect on me.
I'm still okay with parents not enforcing any kind of censorship when it comes to books but I would not agree that children do a good job at self censoring like someone else in this thread suggested.
Yes, that was a bit gory. Have you ever seen the opening chapters of Bailey and Love’s seminal book on surgery ? ( Dad was a surgeon)
Those pictures could curl your hair.
Same except it was my aunt's books. They were the heaviest, so they were on the bottom shelves all child-accessible and everything. It taught me not to self-diagnose, though. I sometimes thought I had one of the illnesses and my aunt patiently explained why I didn't.
I do wonder how much of things like this comes down to a child’s lack of both context and empathy.
To them, they giggle over a picture of a smoker’s lung because it’s just a gross picture. Or a diseased kidney because they think the word ‘kidney’ is funny.
Whereas an adult would look and go “Oh no, my neighbors smoke. Is that happening to *my* lungs?” Or “My kidneys? But I need those for living!”
My parents just let me read whatever. I went from reading kids books to adult books practically overnight when I turned 12 or so. (I bypassed YA completely as a teen.) I was reading Memoirs of a Geisha and Wuthering Heights and I don’t think my parents particularly cared, they were just happy I was curious enough to read them.
Same. I read almost all of Daphne du Maurier's books when I was 11 and 12. I had a big classics phase.
I also read the Exorcist at that age, and though I was scared shitless, it was one of my favorite memories.
My mom always let me pick whatever media I wished regardless of ratings - movies included. I would do the same for my kid, as long as they could handle it.
I’m planning on doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got an actual whole dedicated library room, and we have a child lock for the double doors. He has his own shelves and storage for picture books. I’m planning on that room being off limits to him (without me present) until he’s old enough to not destroy the rare books and limited editions I own. If he sees something he shouldn’t because he broke the rules… oh well. I’m a librarian and I feel like “protect the kids” is not a reason to hide books or pretend that books for adults don’t exist. (Obviously not suggesting leaving porn or erotic graphic novels sitting out intentionally for kids to find, but you know what I mean.) I plan to have a continuing and evolving conversation with my son as he gets older about what books are appropriate for him and letting him know he can always come to me with questions if he sees or reads something that upsets/confuses him.
My daughter is 11 and a huge reader, but it never occurred to me to hide anything. She has her own books and her own interests, and she also knows her own limits. At least at this age, she has no interest in reading anything sexual or disturbingly violent. We talk about books we are reading often, and I’ll be honest with her if something I’m reading is “not for kids.” That said I don’t have a lot of that on my shelves anyway. If I had anything that was erotica I might hide it in some way, but horror or brutal non-fiction, I don’t think so. And once she’s a teenager and curious about those kinds of things, I don’t think I’ll discourage it if she wants to read my “not for kids” books. Whatever I have on my bookshelves will pale to whatever she could find on the internet anyway…
I’m older but my parents had an extensive collection of books that weren’t “child friendly”. We were allowed to pick 1 book and when we were done, we put it back and got another.
I read The Thorn Birds at 9 and the Art of Making Love to a Man when I wasn’t much older.
I don’t think it occurred to them that some books were age appropriate. They never once censored our reading. Certainly if they saw us reading something, they would ask why we were interested in reading that particular book. (Example, Mama had Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard, she asked why I was interested and opened up the conversation)
When I had kids, I did the same. Sadly, my kids weren’t readers until they moved into their own homes. Now they borrow books all the time.
I think conversations are key when seeing a kid reading something maybe a little graphic, not age appropriate.
Honestly, I do not think you need to monitor reading the same way you need to monitor Internet use. My parents never monitored my reading. My sister is a few years older than me, so I think I read perks of being a wallflower around 8 or 9. I read valley of the dolls around the same age. If the kids isn't ready for the material, IMO they won't understand it anyway or will put the book down.
I just think the most important bit is making yourself available to be spoken to if they have questions—be a person they’re comfortable coming to without judgment or fear.
Exactly. I remember I was not interested in the romantic bits when I was younger, only the adventure. That often meant that as I reread my favorites as I got older, new elements opened up for me and it never got boring. I reread The Three Musketeers and The Lord of the Rings at least 10 times each :)
My parents let me read Dekameron and 1001 nights when I was a tween (had nothing to say when I lent the first from the library and helped me to get the second book from a family friend). I guess I learned about sex from these books (with some additional technical details from school). When it was time that our school started recommending young adult novels for our reading, those seemed awfully immature and dull, compared to the classical naughties I had been reading :D
I was the kid that sought out those kinds of books. My 5 siblings did not. They were buried in the middle of a massive collection of books.
I think for the most part, kids are far more at risk of seeing emotionally disturbing content online these days. I was happy if my kid was reading.
I don’t care. I poked around my mom’s and grandmama book cases when I was young and I don’t have any VC Andrew’s books like they did lol. There’s nothing in my collection that I think would be bad for them. Sure they could pick up something like Beloved…but it’s not gonna mean anything to them until they’re old enough to get it, and that point it would be enriching.
I have a lot of true crime. But I started reading true crime in middle school too. I don’t see them as kindergartners reaching for these books or even having context for them if they did. With all the news and true crime shows they’re gonna know about murder whether the books are locked up or not.
I was given a Bible when I was in 4th grade and I remember flipping to the part where Lot’s daughters get him drunk and have sex with him. I was like, wtf is this book everyone likes so much haha. And that was it. I was not damaged. Also as a kid I would spend long summer days at the library…not monitored…I could look at any book I wanted. They don’t lock up the “scary stuff”…I still only just looked at nerd stuff that aligned with my interest. I really can’t imagine what I would’ve gotten into at the library that would’ve disturbed me.
You just let them roam freely.
Children will either self-censor and avoid books that make them uncomfortable, be perfectly fine, or things will just fly over their head.
The translation of a thousand and one night I had at home was full of innuendos. 8 years old me just blissfully missed them and kept reading about Simbad, Alì Babà, the Roc and so on. 20 years old me noticed, however.
I absolutely loved anatomy books, no matter how graphic were the pictures.
I also read my first graphic sex scene when I was like 9 and my great reaction was "is that what all fuss is about?" And went back reading about Pleistocene Magafauna and how the Levallois technique of chopping stone worked, which was way more interesting to me.
Well I got into history and languages so went to a humanities high school because it meant 5 years of Latin and Ancient Greek.
Then at uni got a degree in classic (Latin and Greek) language and literatures, got a master in Archaeology then went teaching Latin and Greek in high schools.
Then moved to Sweden for family reasons and became a translator because here nobody cares about antiquity, but at least knowing several languages was useful.
I do still like to pick up a biology topic and study it because why not in my free time.
And I do still read a stupid amount of books. But here the winter is long, need to pass it somehow.
I once talked to my local librarian about some racy books I read as a child that I just didn't understand and she said that in her experience kids self-sensor and only read things that match their maturity.
These days I still don't have children but keep some books around just to upset some adults I know.
Kids self-censor, yes. I think children are used to the idea that they don't understand everything, that some things will wash over them, and they're willing to press on until the book starts making sense again. And then they'll put the story together, minus the bits they missed, and that's generally fine.
Not that I'd want to give a kid a novel with actual graphic violence (or pure smut) in it. The violence is more likely to be damaging, as they're more likely to understand it. Smut, I imagine most young kids would find boring.
My parents were avid readers, had an emense library, and encouraged us to read. They didn't censor or hide books from us as they didn't want to shield us from the world. They were always available to answer any questions we had.
I am thankful for them preparing me for the real world and allowing me to grow.
The kids had their own bookshelves, and we moved books that were not appropriate to higher shelves in the living room. But we didn't have a significant collection of inappropriate stuff, just a few books that were an inappropriate genre or particularly disturbing. There was always so much reading material about that they didn't really spend time poking around our shelves.
Yep - we have a library/study but the kids have their own bookshelves in their rooms and they don't tend to touch the bigger library books. We also have books shelves in our bedroom too where I keep some of my more lascivious tomes.
Not a parent here, but a teacher, and someone who was raised by parents with a vast collection, plus an express authorisation to get any book I wanted from the library (they gave both the school and the local library written consent to let me pick from any section). Protecting kids from books is a good way to discourage reading. Let them choose, but explain things, contextualise them, and if things are truly way too disturbing for an age group (which I can't think of a good example), suggest they leave it for a few years.
I loved reading classics. When I was 12/ 13, I started on the French, and decided to read some of the Libertines. Eventually, I worked my way to Sade. My mom saw the book, and calmly told me "it's pretty much a philosophical book, but written in a peculiar way". I read it like that, and it was fine. No trauma, no "growing up too fast", nothing bad. Just another book.
When my students want to read something, I'm always supportive, and do my best to calm parents down when needed (I don't teach anyone below the age of 13). It's healthy to know the world is vast, and exploring it through books is just about the safest way possible.
I taught reading for 18 years and now work as a school librarian. It frustrates me when students come in and say their teacher insists they choose a book at their grade level with at least 250 pages. That's unrealistic and stifles their love for reading. They might find a great book, but if it only has 150 pages, they're discouraged from reading it. This approach kills their drive to read.
I love the thought that your kids are curious enough to hunt out smut, gore etc. I find books are increasingly ignored by a lot of young people, and I find this sad.
I have always let my kids read anything at all they wanted to read. I’ve given them gentle heads up a time or two, but if they’re interested, it’s no questions asked from me.
This is coming from someone whose mom came down to the public library when I was a kid and told them to let me take out anything I wanted from the adult section when I started getting interested in Stephen King when I was 11. When people would sometimes ask her if she thought it was responsible letting me read comics (which I was very into), she told them “His hobby is reading. You want me to make him stop?!?”
Don’t have kids, I’m 25. I can say that my mom (who worked in a bookstore and made all my book recs as a kid) did not shelter me from difficult elements in books. This was one of the best things she ever did for me.
Sometimes life hurts, sometimes knowledge hurts. Exposure to books with dark themes taught me the necessary resilience to that kind of pain that I need to live and be ok.
Hiya - this question would have been aimed at my parents, but I can quite confidently answer for them - nothing. Not one thing. They stayed on the bookshelves as if they never had me.
Growing up in the 70s, traditionally parents his their copy of Joy of Sex either in a dresser drawer in their bedroom or behind another book that they thought wouldn’t be interesting to children. I found my parents’ copy behind The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich!
My parents loved everything from high-brow nonfiction to cheap and often smutty 70s romance. Reading *Flowers in the Attic* or *Princess Daisy* was just a rite of passage back then. 😄
The Temptation of Angelique!
My great aunt was the one with the really smutty stuff, and it was often weirdly racist, which just confused me. I remember visiting her house and being bored when I was 10 and finding Mandingo 😳
Oof yeah. Racist literature was a real issue. Thank God my parents were aware of what I was reading, so if it was something where the messaging was not okay, they'd talk about it. I mean, they weren't interested in having hateful shitty racist books in the house but, like, books with minstral-inspired characters or Mark Twain or Gone with the Wind... Big stuff meant we'd chat. Words in books were not always words we should use, stuff like that.
Ha, my mom was having a cocktail party and thought I was safe upstairs reading Tom Sawyer, only to have me come toddling down, wait for a break in the conversation as I had been taught (you don’t interrupt adults!), and ask her what the N-word meant. Good ol’ Tom Sawyer!
It became legend in my family, but I don’t really remember it. I do remember all the Black adults having call him “Mars Tom,” and me getting really excited because I thought maybe they were going to Mars and the book would finally get interesting. Nope. 😒
I was a very easily scared child, so my mom would warn me "don't read that book. You'll have nightmares." There was only one time that I read it anyway and yep, came crying into my parents' room that night and she said "I told you so" while comforting me. That's all it took and trusted her opinion after that.
I've got a kid just beginning to read chapter books independently and I don't plan to have anything off limits. While there is definite content I'd prefer she didn't read for a while (IT, Blood Meridian, game of thrones, etc) I think A) My kid will still be self selecting age appropriate stuff for quite a while B) putting books off limits will just make her curious to read those specific books when I'm not around, and C) I'm pretty opposed to all the right wing attempts to ban books from libraries and most of the arguments I would make against that apply equally well to a home library.
I didn’t hide anything. We have books all over the house and they always had their own shelves in their bedrooms and they never wanted to read anything I was unhappy about. I read to them both every night until they were in senior school. When they got to about eleven, I said they could read anything they wanted but let me know, as some things might need context
My mother told me that she read some very inappropriate books when she was younger but never said anything in case it meant people would monitor her more closely and I did the same. I thought at least this way, they can feel safe to talk things through if they’re worried about anything
Absolutely zero restrictions. It's not, like, they were putting East of Eden into my hands when I was 8, but I was free to explore whatever literature I felt like. I tried reading James Joyce when I was 11 (I didn't really get it). You're not helping your children by preventing them from experiencing the world around them.
I read entirely inappropriate things for my age when I was a kid. My parents never knew and probably wouldn't have cared. They were just happy that I was reading and getting good grades. I'm a huge reader to this day.
If my kids are old enough to be interested in reading it and can read it on their own, they're old enough to decide if it's too much for them or not. We don't have anything TOO crazy lying around, but we don't censor or hide things, either.
One of my kids is hilariously good about knowing his limits. He won't read or watch anything that makes him uncomfortable. The other one will dip her toe in, and if that leads to nightmares or questions, then we'll do our job as parents and soothe her/answer them.
I feel like my first is actually a little immature but I'd never push him to read something he wasn't ready for. My second has asked me so many questions on taboo topics at this point that she probably knows more than most kids twice her age. I don't have to worry about her getting misinformation from idiot peers at least. I do have to worry about her being the kid who's teaching all her classmates about things that might be a little inappropriate for class/school. So we remind her to know her audience for certain topics.
So far, so good. If things crash and burn spectacularly we'll re-evaluate.
My dad did not censor his library. I read some things some would argue I should not have read at such a tender age. It made for some awkward conversations with my dad, but it didn’t do me any lasting harm, other than looking at my dad with new eyes.
I never put a limit on what my kids could read, and now they literally test off the charts in reading comprehension. That's my argument against censorship.
I dreamed of raising a bookworm. She never enjoyed reading, nor did she ever investigate my large and exotic library. I grew up in a home without censorship. My parents collected every type of book. I was taught critical thinking. It still serves me well. Don't censor children; teach them appropriate discernment. After all, life won't censor itself for them.
My mom's book collection was not kid friendly at all. She had books on history, including the crusades, the inquisition, and the holocaust. She also had books about war.
She read sci-fi, techno thrillers, romance, mysteries, philosophy, religion, and horror.
Some of her 'romance' books were basically porn with a lot of flowery prose.
Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.
She explained the holocaust to me. I learned about why the crusades and the inquisition happened.
She kept me away from the 'romances' until I was in my late teens, but I'd already acquired a stash of Penthouse Forum, Playboy, and Hustler magazines by the time I was 12 anyway, so that was a moot point.
My wife's mother was a True Crime fan, and had all kinds of books and magazines about murderers, kidnappers, rapists and serial killers. My wife had read all of them by the time she was in middle school.
You will not do your kids any favors by sheltering them from anything and everything that *might* shock them.
Kids need to learn that the world is not a 'friendly' place and that people do all kinds of fucked up things to each other.
Give them context so they can understand.
Talk to them and explain that yes these events really happened, yes people do things like that, and no it's not okay but it happens anyway.
Also, which albums or movies do you have that are so outrageous that the *cover* could 'traumatize' a kid anyway?
My folks have an entire small room as a dedicated library, floor to ceiling shelves all around, and plenty of books you don't want a kid reading in there. My parents just sat me down and explained that some things aren't for kids, just like some things on the internet or TV aren't for kids, and what to do if we accidentally read/watched/saw something we didn't feel like we should have / didn't understand (stop reading, tell a grown up, talk about it. No one was ever in trouble for this). Funny enough, kids are often smart enough to self police if they're given good guidelines in a safe space.
They also intentionally set up one shelf that was geared towards my interest, and nine times out of ten, I just read things off that shelf. Why bother looking at romance novels when there's a book on dinosaurs?
I imagine some kids might need more shepherding. Generalizing doesn't work with this kind of question because first, each kid is different, and second, there's no kind way to keep a kid from whatever they're intent on reading or watching. Mom was aware I read everything. She just told me to stop if something bothered me, and ask her if I had questions. So that's what I did for my kid.
I read all that stuff when was growing up, lol. My mom liked romance novels and left a lot of them lying around. I started reading John Grisham in middle school.
I turned out fine! Love reading, actually.
My mother was a librarian. She did not believe in censorship. The only thing she would not let us have was Donald Duck comics. She hated Disney. But I read anything on my parents’ shelves and I had access to a public library. No prohibition against a child borrowing from the adult section. Only my school library was segregated and even they relented when I could prove I had read Al the books in the elementary school section. Censorship doesn’t work. Anything in your shelves they can find in the internet
I never plan to have kids but one thing I appreciated about my dad & his side of the family is they made absolutely no effort to shield me from things I WANTED to read learn or ask about. My dad respected me as a human being and would always explain, preface, and answer my questions truthfully without hiding. They just explained it simply matter of fact and moved on. I was allowed to read or watch pretty much anything I wanted. As a child in elementary school my favorite movie was Forrest Gump (still is) and my dad always played western movies with me in the room and did not shield me from sex or war scenes. My mom made me watch Hotel Rwanda in 4th grade because she thought I should learn the gory truthful history in all its nastiness. They turned it into a lesson rather than letting me be scared and unsure. They figured either I’d learn from it or not understand it anyway so why prevent a child from experiencing something they absolutely will come into contact with later, under your guidance & supervision.
Let them read them if they’re interested and try to provide some context and assistance if needed.
Kids are worried about school shootings; they can handle reading *It* or *From Hell* etc
*Blood Meridian* and its lack of punctuation is its own barrier for entry.
Can I speak for my parents?
They did nothing, and it was amazing. My brother and I had full access to whatever we wanted to read. I talked to my mom about it recently, and her perspective was that if content was not suitable for us, then there is a good chance a) we wouldn’t understand it or b) we would ask questions about it, which she encouraged.
I remember my brother reading A Time to Kill when he was quite young. And then I remember talking about rape and murder with my mom, and her explaining that these bad things happen in the world, and explaining the motivation of the characters.
In my opinion, parents shelter their kids from content for two reasons a) they are afraid of being judged by others for letting their kids access certain types of content and b) they are afraid of having hard/weird/real conversations with their kids.
My mom didn’t care about either of those. We grew up in the middle of nowhere in a time before internet and no cable. We had to experience the world somehow.
I follow the Mitch Hedberg policy. "All books are children's books if the kid can read."
My 11 & 13 year old have been reading King, Gaiman, Card, and a bunch of other stuff for several years now.
They are still there. The "rule" is they should come and ask me about any book they want to read. I never say you can't read that but I do say things like "that's a frightening book" or "there are lots of very adult things in it and I don't think you should read it till you are a bit older" and they mostly do what I say.
I worry much less about books than TV because as a reader you can only process the text at the level you can imagine/conceptualise. And you can always stop at any moment.
As someone who grew up with access to a few big libraries, from my own house and from my family; it doesn't matter what you do, if the kid wants to read the book, the kid is gonna read the book. No harm was done, and I grew up with a MUCH better vocabulary, syntax, and reading comprehension (for my native language) than the absolute majority of other kids. Reading is not gonna hurt your kids, as long as the books available are good; the kids are gonna make up their own minds, and they don't need to be nearly as sheltered from simple truths as people would want you to believe. Chances are they are gonna turn up better than alright if you let them nurture their minds and imagination.
Neither disturbing nor inappropriate, but my mom kept her copy of Gray's Anatomy from her days in PT school and when I started bugging her about the birds and the bees at a pretty young age she had the great idea that if she made it all very boring and scientific she could discourage my too early interest without actually resorting to euphemisms. Bad idea, the next time we had show and tell in school, I stuffed that giant tome in my book bag and tried to give the entire class the same lesson because I thought it was so cool. This did not go over well with faculty and other staff.
My wife & I aren’t parents but we have 9 nieces and nephews between us and are big on family time (Aunt Day is a normal occurrence for us. Sometimes it’s one nibling at a time, sometimes it’s all the littles spending the night or all the teenagers spending the weekend at our place, etc). Most of them are very inquisitive and want to get into EVERYTHING.
Anything of an intimate nature went into our bedroom. While they know our bedroom is off limits to them, kids will be kids and sometimes they still snoop so we put the intimate books on the highest shelves.
As far as books with strong language/photography/storyline/graphic novels etc, those are still in our main library. However, it helps that our siblings are very open when it comes to the kids learning through reading, so it’s not really an issue. Still, we keep the extra graphic stuff on higher shelves. If the older kids see it, they’re fine. They ask questions, we answer them truthfully. The littles can’t reach them so it’s a non-issue. And we keep a foldable step stool by the book shelves so my stature-deficient wife can still reach them.
By the age they got curious to read them I just let them; and told them that the adult stuff in there might sound strange and to ask me if there are any questions.
I am that typical Generation X who got into my moms Stephen King and Anne rice and bodice rippers at 12 and all it did was make me a lifelong reader.
What *not* to do, especially if your kids are exceptionally curious & prone to bookshelf climbing (as I was), is to simply place “adult subject” books on a high shelf with the spines turned inward to hide the titles. Trust me. The 70s aesthetic super hairy illustrations in my parents’ copy of “The Joy of Sex” traumatized the hell out of +/-4yo me, and still haunt me to this day.
Gross/horrify fun facts are a favorite of a lot of kids.
I learned most of my world history knowledge from a "100 worst genocides book" in middle school.
My kids never really 'inspected' my books like i did w my mom's (primarily for the sex scenes lol). They have always had their own tastes and access to books so have never really even looled at mine.
Slightly disappointed tbh .
My parents had no restrictions. If you could read it it was available. Same with the library.
And thats how I read two chapters of mein kamph as a child. It was very boring so I found a piers Anthony book in the bathroom.
My favorite book was Howard carters king tuts tomb. I was like 7.
Leave them on the shelves. Anything else is censorship. My parents kept books on the Holocaust next to books on yoga next to religious texts next to The Hobbit and everything in between.
I read Stephen King rape scenes way before I should have. But I don't regret it.
All of those books opened my eyes to the world we inhabit.
I recommend people just leave them. A library is a library. Good and bad.
I have a two year old daughtet and does not pretend to hide anything. My mother didn't censure anything, so I pretend to do the same. I red books with violence, rape and other dark themes when I was 9, 10 years old. Obviously I didn't know the impact of it at the time, but it didn't traumatize me.
I have a three-year-old daughter and *I think* what I'll do is I'll quietly move the more potentially "traumatizing" books to a top shelf so they won't tempt her until she's at least a pre/early teen. I read mostly horror, sci-fi, and fantasy so they might have heavy subject matter or be scary - but nothing too over the top. I'm not really into the SplatterPunk or Extreme horror.
Then, if she wants to read something from that shelf - have at it. But she'll have to remember she's reading off mom's shelf and I've read them all, most multiple times. If she's mature enough to read those books, she's mature enough to talk about them with Mom after. And if she has no problem talking about violent, scary, sexual, or heavy subject matter with me then she can read whatever she wants.
Censoring certain subjects will only make them more enticing, for all the wrong reasons. And, as many others have commented, books are how we learn and make sense of the world. She'll gravitate towards what she's ready for, when she's ready for it.
That being said I have a few graphic novel collections that I'll probably completely tuck away until she's older. I don't need her stumbling across Berserk or Junji Ito any time soon. And mostly all of my shameless smutty romances are on a Kindle so no issue there lol.
My books are just sitting on my shelf. If my kid wants to read Dexter or Flowers in the Attic, he can. I reserve the right to discuss any book he reads, but I'm not going to place limits on paper books when the internet exists.
I don't know that any of the books were very disturbing or inappropriate, but they were mostly adult fiction (classics, commercial, mystery fiction) and non fiction (biography, history, essays). They let me read anything I wanted, figured that if it was too hard for me to understand, I'd give up and pick up something else.
I grew up in a house that had like 2 religious books + the Bible, Readers Digest and the newspaper.
I loved reading and later, as a teacher, I pushed literacy in my schools, adding thousands of books to our library year after year.
I also collected thousands as well and read to our boys since they were little. They are all big readers, buy books and audio books. I didn't hide "questionable" or adult literature. I didn't own anything I was ashamed of and the adult novels with adult themes didn't interest them until they were in their teens.
Nowadays, with the Internet freely available, there is little use in hiding your adult literature unless you personally are ashamed of it for some reason. Your children will be harmed more by what they see everyday on the internet and their cellphones unless you severely restrict their access somehow.
My children are old enough to read independently and I haven't reorganised my collection: there are some history books that have upsetting content but I don't think they're much gorier than the Redwall books my oldest loves.
I'll admit I own some erotic novels and those are safely stowed away, but not really to keep my kids off them, just because they're not the sort of thing I'd proudly put on display *anyway*.
Edit: One book I did remove from my shelves. My Complete Works of Joseph Conrad is now slightly less complete.
I've never denied my kids whatever reading material they were interested in. Before moving almost exclusively to digital, I had quite a lot of horror novels, art books, and graphic novels around the house. If I saw one of them, for instance, pick up a Stephen King book at an early age, I might have said something like "Wow! That one might have given me nightmares at your age. Have fun!" and left it at that.
I’ll answer this as a former child who happened to stumble upon one of my dad’s less appropriate books. It was stranger in the mirror by Sydney Sheldon. It was so tastefully sexual. That was what piqued my interest in novels and I’ve been an avid reader since then. I was 12 then, touching 30 now. Even my career is largely based off of writing and reading.
When my kids were old enough to get interested in my reading materials, I would give it a quick look through to see if there was anything I had forgotten about that would make it inappropriate for their age/maturity level.
I also made a point to have discussions about what they were reading, to see what they were getting out of it. Sometimes they understood perfectly, sometimes there was a LOT of misunderstanding.
And there are some things that are classics, but still not appropriate for kids. Ex: A Moveable Feast
Yeah, it's Hemingway, he's a classic author. But there's a lot of stuff in there that's a little disturbing. Leaving your infant at move with the cat for a babysitter while they go out drinking. An Irish poet high on laudanum that gets on someone's rooftop and sets himself on fire. Had a whole discussion about why Hemingway thought oysters tasted like semen.
A Separate Peace is pretty disturbing. Written from the perspective of a boy jealous of his friend. Eventually "accidentally" kills him.
So I wasn't terribly disturbed when they were interested in my ancient Stephen King.
I can’t think of anything I had that I wouldn’t let my kids read. Maybe the Joy of Sex but that was in our bedroom in a drawer. 😂
We did clear off a bottom shelf and put kid books there. Our eldest liked to pull books off the shelf at an early age. A family member gave us a box of books their kids had outgrown so that was perfect. We were like, Yeah! Play with the books!
I don't have kids but my parents house was full of books and they never censored anything from us. We were allowed to read any book we got our hands on and we did. Everything turned out ok! The idea that you have to protect children from ideas and words in a book but they can roam free on the internet or in talking to their peers or when adults have conversations around them is kind of crazy when you think about it. I'd argue that the nightly news is more traumatizing than reading books.
As someone whose books and movies are mostly horror and true crime I discuss with my kid what's appropriate or not.
I basically reorganized my collection and showed him the piles. If he could get through one without being scared he could move up to the next, and then there was a 4th pile of "Your dad said not till your 15. But he's not big into horror and we can talk about it if you really want to try these."
He does have his own 2 bookcases and he usually just asks, "are you reading a scary book again?"
"Yup. Wanna read it?"
"No thanks."
Kiddo likes comedy and action, Husband reads fantasy, and I have so much horror.
Born in 1971 and I read my first adult novel in third grade (Watership Down).
Nothing was off-limits from the library my parents had. I read Jaws shortly after Watership Down and then started on Stephen King books. As an adult who still loves to read I'm grateful my parents never told me "no, you can't read that."
i don't. please realize that your kids don't give a crap about your books and if they do it will be when they are old enough to handle inappropriate content. your kids don't care about the books you read especially war books. kids don't give a crap
By and large kids won’t be interested enough to look at things that aren’t suitable until they’re at least pre-teen and more able to handle it.
Things with graphic images/photos might go on a high shelf for a while just in case, but I won’t be policing what my kid can read.
The best policy is usually to make sure that your kids have free access to a wide range of interesting (to them) age-appropriate reading material to fill their time. Your 7-year-old is going to be much less interested in a graphic description of how so-and-so lost three limbs and an eye in a minor skirmish of some big war than in a book of knock-knock jokes or an adventure where a few plucky kids managed to ditch their parents for a day or two and solve some mysteries.
Just for context, this was my parents’ policy too, and the only books that have seriously disturbed me in any lasting way were ones that I read while they were age-appropriate (or very close to age-appropriate) anyway. I had the vocabulary and skill to read whatever I chose from the age of five but Roald Dahl’s The Witches gave me nightmares at 6, and The Birds by Daphne Du Maurier did the same when I was 14.
Beyond that, I had zero interest in any of the murder mysteries my mother was obsessed with until I was well old enough to handle the descriptions, and my dad’s military history books the same applied. Occasionally I’d pick something up that might have disturbed me, but I’d get a page or two into it and get bored because without the context of years of learning history and knowing how this story fitted into that, most of them are very dry and not worth reading to a young kid.
The other key thing is to read *with* your child up until they are around 11 or 12, increasing the reading level of the books as your kid develops, and be available to discuss what they have read so that if they do come across something that bothers them (and it will almost certainly not be the things you expect that cause them concern), you can talk them through how to think of those things and rationalise their fear or horror so that they can live with the ideas they’ve been exposed to. If you have a strong and trusting relationship with your children you will be able to say to them “maybe read that one when you’re older, I think you might be upset by [theme or overview of scene] because it’s not very nice” and have them trust your judgement and hold off until they are ready.
My wife is a college English Lit prof. She grew up with well-read hippie parents (like actual 60s/70s hippies). I had a more disciplined Catholic upbringing but also had smart, well-educated parents. Our kids are in high school and college now. Growing up, we didn't care what our kids read. We had zero restrictions. The more inappropriate a book was, the better the dinner convos.
I am a Boomer and was the oldest child to very young parents. That meant I spent a lot of time at my grandparents in the 50's and early 60's. I was also a precocious reader.
That means I honed my reading skills on Peyton Place, Marjorie Morningstar and early Harold Robbins at an age when I had only a glimmer of what was going on and no one I could ask. Best was my grandmother's True Romance magazines.
Picture , if you will, the silence at the Sunday family dinner table when 9 year old me asks how you can avoid being an unwed mother?
Also near 50, ex-librarian, have enormous folklore and ghostlore collection, plus plenty of dodgy late 18th-early 20th century stuff; nothing has ever been off-limits, kids (now 19 and 9) are usually more interested in buying new books or the local library. Elder one went through a Stephen King phase at about 9, but again, no biggie. They are always welcome to read anything that interests them.
They just got moved to higher shelves, mostly to protect the books, not the kids. Lol. I've never been that worried about it.
Yep, growing up, my parents had a whole wall in our huge basement that was lined with bookshelves. Us kids knew which books were off-limits for as long as I can remember. And they were only off-limits because they were historical or sentimental, never because of the content. But they weren't locked away or anything, we just knew not to touch them. And of course we did now and then, either under supervision, or sometimes just when curiosity got the best of us. But even then we handled them very carefully and made sure to have clean hands first, because we learned to respect the books as well.
My wife and I have a pretty extensive library (we’re both English teachers, but my personal “everyday” taste leans toward horror and hers leans toward smut, so we have a *very* eclectic collection), and the thought of having to hide a book from my kids has literally never crossed my mind. If anything, literature is a great space to explore and discuss tough topics. I honestly hope at least one of my kids ends up with the same taste in literature as me so that we can have some good discussions!
When I was a kid I loved leafing through a fairly graphic medical encyclopedia
Me too! Saw a baby's head emerge from a birth canal. Good times :)
Classic! I think there was also a page on parasites like tapeworms in ours.
My mum had a great book about parasites! I loved that thing as a kid!
We had a good section of transparencies of human anatomy in one part of our encyclopedia. Which were interesting, but I was much more of a Sears Catalog kind of guy when I was younger.
Me too! My grandparents had a set of medical encyclopedias with pretty graphic images of all sorts of maladies and injuries and my siblings and I all loved looking through them (and 2 out of 3 of us ended up in the medical field).
I found my parents' when I was young. I spent too many years misunderstanding one of the diagrams which showed a sperm and a baby at the same size. That was a real terror of my childhood, let me tell you.
practically a gateway to underground sex dungeons and furrists ^^^/s
Same and I Credit that to me being in medical research now😁
Im pretty sure I read "Flowers in the Attic" waaayyy before I should have. I was like 10/11. It opened a few convos about topics I wouldnt have discussed otherwise.
I’ve never read Flowers in the Attic, but my wife talks about reading it way too young, too!
It's an experience many people have had, for some reason haha
Apparently there’s just a straight pipeline from Boxcar Children to Flowers in the Attic!
Oh my gosh! I LOVED Boxcar Children. I tell people about that series all the time and how it taught my to always be loyal and know how to take care of myself. And boy oh boy, did I end up bothering my poor mother with questions about what would happen to us kids if she died. 😳
I grew up with a mom who worked in healthcare. Big books of childhood diseases and rashes were common in my house! Fast forward ... I am a pediatric nurse! Edit: spelling
When I was a kid literally anything was fair game…. except for The Golden Compass (raised Catholic). My mom insists to this day that it was because I wasn’t old enough at the time (I was 7), but when I saw the trailer for the movie and asked for the book for Christmas she literally was like “I heard they kill God in the book so pick something else.” That and some “Big Book of Urban Legends and Monsters” after my then 7 year old brother started reading it while on a trip to Myrtle Beach and refused to sleep the first night because he was scared that a Book Hag was going to steal our mom’s skin.
Yup! My mom let me read whatever I wanted and although sometimes the themes were a little adult for me, I did just fine. I was reading Stephen King and Danielle Steele when I was eleven lol. I firmly believe this is what kept my love of reading alive, had I been restricted to "kids" books I probably would have just gotten bored of reading very early in life.
Same! And I was bored of Danielle Steele by the time I was 13. The formula of her books was so predictable, it bothered me even when I was a kid!
Same lol I literally learned about periods from Carrie.. ohhh the horror when I learned that this part of the book was REAL
High five 🖐️ same here
I can't even think of what kind of book my parents would want to hide. They encouraged me to read anything and everything. I wasn't interested in anything but their science fiction books, I think. But the idea of hiding a book would be like burning a book.
Yeah, I think my mom viewed it as, "I want to encourage curiosity; if anything in that book is too much, I'll address it as it comes up." It was all a potential learning experience, including learning how to deal with the emotions the book gave rise to.
Same! I can't fathom not wanting children to be exposed to any and all literature.
I agree. I'm a reading support teacher with an English teacher certification and a school librarian certification. I think if my 10 yo picked something up and was not into it for any reason, he'd put it right back down. I feel the same for TV. If I'm watching something that he doesn't enjoy for any reason, he will meander off. I leave the choices to him. I'm not in his head and cannot predict what will make him uncomfortable. That's just what I do, and by no means is my opinion a fit for all families (nor should it be). It's just a fit for us.
My dad and I used to share books all of the time! Now we both devour kindle unlimited books so we just send each other the names we think the other would like. Much easier, lol. My 9 year old and I have a monthly book brunch date. We pick a weekend, hit the library for new books, then go out to eat at a local diner and read while we eat. At home books aren't allowed the table so it's a huge treat. Oh, and to answer OPs question. I have a whole wall covered in book shelves. The ones with racier titles are way up top but you can't see the covers so I don't care about that. He knows not to touch my books and I give him the courtesy of not touching his. It's never been an issue. We've had the this is not appropriate talk about books, movies, TV shows multiple times from an early age and he's never tried to bypass that rule.
This. If they start asking I do a quick eval on relative appropriateness. Generally we lean toward letting them see things vs not see things. We are more permissive about nudity and more strict about violent content. Both need context and are good opportunities for discussion. Once you get out of early elementary school a lot of youth-oriented media is quite graphic across the board so we have more concerns about current youth oriented content than a lot of traditional adult oriented (non-pornographic/salacious) media.
This is what my parents did. As I got older, the books magically moved down. Rather than talk to me about sex, an old Masters and Johnson book suddenly appeared on the bottom shelf when I hit puberty.
I was an extremely literary kid and my dad was a librarian. My house was full of book, many of which were inappropriate. I never had any desire whatsoever to read them. Why would I want to read my dad’s boring books???
This is what I've experienced with my kids. They don't even know what's up there. They focus on their own books. I've had a few of their friends notice some of the more obvious stuff. My son's friend was a little scandalized by The Vagina Bible, but I figured it was good for him.
That was about it here too - higher shelves. I can't say I worried about it much, and the kids never mentioned anything. Of course they had internet access, so I don't think it ever occurred to them to look for porn to *read*.
(I just want to add: the similar responses here are making me tear up. Our parents gave us such an amazing gift to let us read!) I was born in '71. My dad was a HS English Teacher who had books upon books upon books, and a deep love of all literature. Shelves loaded in every room. My parents read to me every night from the day I was born until I was reading myself. He had a strict no censorship rule. His library was open to me, as was any library. He just wanted me to love reading. Kids do a very good job of censoring themselves. I'm very grateful for that. I naturally gravitated to stuff that interested me. If it was beyond my understanding, I took little interest in it. Passages of books that were too adult had little meaning and didn't affect me. Sure, there were books that scared me. There were books that made me uncomfortable. But my parents were there to go to and talk it out. Impromptu book club meetings. I grew up in rural, homogeneous areas, and books were how I learned about the world. About different cultures, different families, different struggles, different languages, different religions. Also that so many experiences can be different, but at the core we are humans with emotions and problems and joy and love and dreams. That things are complicated and confusing and wonderful and horrible. That people go through scary things fighting and problem-solving as best as they can. Books, even though they were not your typical children's fare, taught me everything that matters at a deep, foundational level. Take that with whatever worth you want, but if I'd been limited to safe, age-appropriate material, my life would have been flat, shallow, lonely and probably scarier. I'd certainly prefer my kids to read any book they want to, rather than freely roam around online.
I was born in the 90’s and also not really censored at all as far as books. My parents wanted me to love reading so they never really steered away from anything I was interested in. I think kids do a good job for the most part of self censoring? My mom had a bunch of drug store romances, Stephen King books, series like Outlander - I just wasn’t really interested in those books as a kid because they were “mom” books 😂 A lot of people don’t want teens reading books about sex and drugs and dark themes but I’ve never really understood that argument. Kids will learn about that stuff anyway, on the internet or from their peers or from media, so keeping them from reading books about those things doesn’t mean they don’t know about them? Just like you can learn lessons from watching your siblings or friends make mistakes/succeed, you can learn from books too. Letting kids read books about real life topics makes it easier for kids to deal with those same things in real life. Censorship doesn’t do anyone any favors 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah this is true. My parents didn’t really censor books too much, but my mom specifically banned Lovely Bones, because my friend recommended it to me when we were either 10-11. I couldn’t tell u how that ban made me fixate on reading that thing. When I was around 14-15, the ban had apparently ended. I got the book for free, read it, and my first thought was “I have read much worse things for school back then.” Didn’t like the book. 10/10 cover design tho. The only reason I didn’t read it back then was because the copy in the school library was always gone!
Banning it makes it so much cooler 😂
Yaaaah! I have banned my daughter from all books. I told her only losers read. She looks at me sideways and says, “you read all the time, so you must be a huge loser.” Aaargh, kid brains are too smart for my feeble psy ops game.
you make a good point— i know the books i’ve read only in my 30s that involve people making similar choices to those i made in my teens/20s included characters who are a mess! social media/online content doesn’t necessarily give the context of the choices you’re watching 2 dimensionally on social media. not sure i would have done half the shit i did in my teens and 20s had i been able to read stories about people going through similar life experiences.
Thanks for this. I had thought OPs question just last week and wasn’t sure if I should put certain books away, but this has given me the confidence to keep them out. There are some books I’d be happy with her reading early. I remember reading Lolita at 15.
This has been exactly my experience! My parents never tried to control what I read, I think I first read a Stephen King book at ten, but all of the sex stuff just flew over my head. I literally told myself "yeah, I'll probably understand this when I'm older" and left it at that.
I had zero recollection of That Chapter in IT. You know the one. Years later upon a reread I was beyond shocked. Kid me: idkwtf this is, I'll just skip. Adult me: CLUTCH **ALL** THE PEARLS.
Haha, this is exactly the scene I meant when I wrote that
> That Chapter in IT. That's exactly what I thought about when I read this post :)
When I was 8 I read Firestarter. I asked my mom what a cunt was. She might have swallowed her tongue lol. She screamed at me and said “WHERE DID YOU SEE THAT WORD?” Thanks Stephen King😂
I just remember thinking, wow, everyone is sexing! Cool! Then I moved on. I had no idea there was anything bad about it lol.
I was born in 1960. Singapore Chinese. Doctor parents. Mum’s teacher parents lived next door too. Brought up in a British colonial atmosphere. They had a no-censorship rule too. We had everything in the house. Medical books. War and military books. Fiction. True crime. Romance. Horror. Cookbooks. Poetry. Cowboy novels, thrillers. On and on. As you say, rooms and rooms of books, everyone read. I read from the age of about 3½ (?) to 4? I read even in the toilet. I remember vividly reading William Shirer’s The Third Reich in the toilet when I was in the sixth grade. I was the kid who used to frequent secondhand bookshops near my school and regularly bring home stacks of grimy paperbacks, ranging from Erle Stanley Gardner to Barbara Cartland to Stephen King’s early books. My only kid was also brought up in a no-censorship world. My house is still filled with a few thousand books. Philosophy. History. Design. Art. Fantasy. Science fiction. Romance. Fiction. Crime. News analysis. Politics. The Renaissance. Gastronomy. Medicine.( we are both doctors) Essays. All shelves are open. My kid now helps fill those shelves. He asks questions. Dinner table conversations can get quite wild. My kid is mostly sensible, though opinionated. We have a TV but mostly we read. Or use the computer. My kid doesn’t watch TV ( never forbidden to him), he’s found more interesting things to do. I remember particularly my kid at age maybe 7 or so, watching David Lynch’s THE ELEPHANT MAN ( and subsequently reading about Joseph Merrick) with tears streaming down his face, and asking me, “Why are they so mean to him?” (“I am not an animal! I am a human being!”) Which lead to discussions about disabilities and appearances and mobs. Community work was one of the major features of his teenage years ( his choice). He is a medical student now. He seems to like working with old people. I had a great literary upbringing and I feel, so has my son. My shelves will always be free of censorship.
I love this. You gave you son such a precious freedom and it's beautiful.
I love this mentality so much. This is what I aspire to do for my future kids!
I love this answer. My mom was the same and would never hide a book from me. However, as you also mentioned, I would only seek out books that I was interested in, anyway. I remember a family friend gave me Grimm’s complete work for Christmas. The illustrations were so dark that I was a bit creeped out (I was 10). But I talked with my mom about it and we read the stories together.
Also born in '71. My dad was much the same with me, which is why I grew up reading Tolkien, Louis L'Amour, Tom Clancy and Stephen King. Probably at too young an age, but I don't seem to have taken any harm from it. I was a pretty weird kid to start with, and I'm even weirder now. :)
I was weird, too, and am so grateful for that. The "normal" kids hated reading (or at least that's what they said) and preferred the comfort of their small world. Sci fi and fantasy were my life. Bradbury has been my favorite my entire life. Vonnegut at 10 years old! Hell yeah. And I loved kid lit too. Judy Blume! Judy Campbell! Give me all the Narnias and Sidewalks Endings and Giant Peaches! Andersen and the Grimms! If I had one book I wish I hadn't read, it would be Amityville Horror. I was... 8? 9? I know now it's a dumb, bad book but I was convinced Jodi was watching me every night. For *yeeeears*. A lot of popular novels with very adult themes sat on our coffee tables, so yes, I had exposure to sex before The Talk, but I don't think I noticed or cared until I was ready to notice and care. 😅
My father had Bradbury and Vonnegut books on his bookshelf. I read them as a child. That's how I got into Science Fiction. I think Bradbury helped shape me as a person, too
God bless Ray Bradbury and Ronald Dahl. Staples in my childhood.
Bradbury still makes me weep. What a beautiful talent. I have an indescribable feeling that comes over me when I read anything he wrote, and that feeling is unique to his works. IDK what it is. Comforting and slightly menacing and warm with the promise of chills
The essay Dandelion Wine is one of my all-time favorites. Beautiful and calm.
My mom was like that too. I will say that reading a horror story called “The Patchwork Monkey” far, far too young left me with a lifelong revulsion against stuffed monkey toys, but it was a small price to pay…
I feel that way about Velveteen Rabbits and that was supposed to be a kids story lol
“The Patchwork Monkey” did me in too! Great story!
That brought back a memory to me. There's this story from Horacio Quiroga, called "The Feather Pillow". A teacher gave us that story on the final year of elementary school. I must have been 10 or 11. It's quite short, less than 10 pages long i think, but i swear, for months and maybe even years after reading it, i was scared to death of feeling something moving on my pillow.
I don’t know that story, but it sounds terrifying! My mom loved history and used to tell me stories from history as bedtime stories. Rasputin was a favorite – but once she told me about the insect climbing in Speke’s ear while he was searching for the Nile – the pain was so extreme he ended up driving a spike into his own ear and was deaf on that side ever after. I slept with the sheet up over my head so nothing could crawl into my ear well into my 20s.
I have always loved reading, and my parents never restricted what I chose to read. With 18 years of experience teaching reading, a master's degree in the subject, and my current role as a school librarian, I strongly oppose limiting children's reading choices. My parents never denied me any book based on its difficulty, length, or simplicity.
Same here. We had lots of books and if I could read the words then I could read the book. I feel really fortunate because reading has widened my life so much I can't imagine what I'd be like without it My parents could have done a better job talking to me about what I read sometimes but all in all, I think censorship is more often for the censor than the reader. Small minds that need to censor are vile IMO. RIF!!!
We moved to a teeny town in Ohio when my dad changed careers and I was 9. The library was about 20 miles away, in a county seat. The librarians tried to steer me away from anything outside of children's and reference, but I was like, "Nah, I gotta wander." They'd tell my mom that I was checking out books that would just cause trouble, and my mom always had my back. Eventually, librarians stayed out of it, or were amused by some of my choices.
My brother and I used to ride our bikes up to the library, and one day we had a new librarian who had the idea that we should only be allowed to check out books from the children's section unless we had signed, direct parental permission for each non-children's title. I remember my mother walking into the library after the librarian called her to let her know that we were trying to check out Isaac Asimov and Arthur Clarke books. She said, "I will never hold you responsible if you allow my children to check out any book in this library, but I will certainly hold you responsible if you don't."
😍 Good moms are a treasure.
Love this. Go mom! ✊
I was raised by a novelist and it was exactly the same for me. The only book that ever disturbed me was an illustrated version of Rumpelstiltskin because I thought that little fucker was going to jump out of the pages and poke me with a needle. I think you’re right that kids censor themselves well, too.
I’m a little older than you and grew up in a diverse suburb of a medium-sized city but other than that: same. 📚📚 I discovered my dad’s porn stash when I was 7 (learned how to read at 3). I had several months of interesting reading until my sister ratted me out. I was never punished…but I never found his stash again. 😅 Another friend who grew up similarly asked her parents as an adult how they could allow her to access so many “inappropriate” books as a kid. Them: Did you understand them? Her: No. Them: 🤷♂️🤷♀️
All of this. I grew up in a house full of books, and we went to the library all the time. I love to read. I have read probably 80-90% of the books in this house (I live in the house I grew up in). I forget now who said it to me at somepoint (possibly my husband?), but they noted that ours is/was the first/only house they had ever been in with a bookshelf in, quite literally, every room :D We've raised 2 boys here - they're 14 & 17 now, and sadly, neither is much of a 'reader'. But, there as absolutely never been any censorship of them or books. There is a bookshelf up in our room which is full of books that we... don't show off. Most/many of hte bookshelves in the house are actually double-stacked, though you wouldn't know it from a glance - there's the 'front rack' that everyone sees... and a second rack behind them, that are semi-hidden. Some are more interesting than others. For various reasons.
Doesn’t everybody have a bookshelf ( or at least books) in every room? ( in the toilet books were stacked on the cistern)
My horrified initial emotional reaction to this was to wonder, "If people don't have bookshelves in every room, *where do they keep their books?*" 😆
Agree. Had similar experience as a child, then got a degree as a librarian in adulthood. For my personal library I am planning on not censoring (but I have a2 yr old now, so a while before I have to wonder about her reading my old VC Andrew’s novels lol)
I read Flowers in the Attic at age 11 or 12. Left a bad taste in my mouth. But my folks never stopped me reading anything. Didn’t read any more VC Andrews after that. My choice.
I think we all read Flowers in the Attic at an inappropriate age 😆
What is it with books starting with flowers 😂. Flowers for Algernon for me.
This! I'm a massive bookworm, with multiple overflowing bookshelves, kindle, and library apps. I read anything, although my favourites are sci-fi, paranormal, fantasy and biographies. My kids are now 16 and 14 and not once have I ever censored a book they want to read. I was just happy they wanted to read. My youngest in particular, due to a variety of disabilities and issues with his school, couldn't read until he was 11 - 1 year at a new school he learnt all the phonics and could read most subtitles on TV (always them on to assist with literacy). My eldest is also a massive bookworm, could read fluently by 5 and we have our book club (she picks the books).
I’m a good bit younger, but my dad had a similar ethos. When I was a really small kid, he’d tell me “this book is for when you’re older,” and keep things on the higher shelves, which was enough. Once I started expressing interest in reading stuff beyond YA, he just said okay and gave me recommendations, and if there was something that was challenging we could talk about it. You’ll do a lot more for your kid’s development by helping them process a difficult idea than by hiding it from them, I think.
this right here. There was only one time I remember my mom telling me that I couldn't read a particular book, and it wasn't even a "you can't" so much as a "I don't think you're going to understand some of the things in this at the moment, it should probably wait until you're a little bit older".
My mom reeaaalllly didn't want me to read *Go Ask Alice*, so I did. I didn't understand anything but the taboo made me read the whole thing. She told me later that yes, the subject matter was awful but also that it had an agenda behind its publication that she didn't like.
… thank you for putting this into words because it is exactly how I felt. I grew up in the most backwoods community with people who are so one dimensional. It took me years to understand that I grew up with depth and dreams because of reading and learning about the world and other people. I harken it to the quote “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” - George RR Martin
1967, and same. My parents library was 100% open to me. And as it was the era before chain bookstores and internet sites a lot of the books I read were hand me downs of whatever books other adults in the family wanted to pass on after they read them. Parents encouraged me to read voraciously, anything and everything I wanted and on occasion even defended my right to do so against other adults (including teachers) who tried to stick their nose in and tell me what I could *not* read. And I'm still grateful for that to this day. OP (and anyone else) - Especially in this day and age, if kids are into books enough to even care what's on your bookshelves don't discourage it, *encourage* it.
My parents were the same, except they loved their Sci-fi and fantasy. My grade 3 teacher told me to read something else when I was trying to struggle through an Issue of Analog that my dad let me borrow. I refused hehe.
Good on you! My parents were ready to go to battle against any adult who questioned my literary freedom. But I'd always take up the fight first, because I knew I had their support.
I wrote my my 5th grade book reports on Flowers in the Attic and Clan of the Cave Bear. I kept things more age appropriate for my daughter. The complicated sexual topics in the books were not good for me.
My mom was born the same year as you & is a teacher. She taught me to read very young & always encouraged me to read no matter what it was & to try new/harder things. She never had any sort of restrictions cause she knew I knew what books were age appropriate for me & I was always a very honest kid so they never felt the need to restrict me or question me. & I gained a deep love of reading & writing & study because of that.
I grew up in the 50s/60s and in elementary school and on the bookmobile was limited to certain shelves. My mother would check out any book I pointed at. Never said "that's too . . " She knew I took Dad's James Bond books one at a time to read, all her Hemingways. On the other hand, she never discussed books with me and I didn't know anyone else who read what I read.
Totally and completely agree with this!!! My dad & grandparent were the same way. Anything to get me to love reading, be good at reading, and foster my critical thinking skills
I work a similar job and also have a large library, a child, and a “strict no censorship rule.” It works as intended.
This is the answer.
Oh my gosh, this is almost exactly my story! I lived in a very rural ranching community in the 70's where my mother was a high school science teacher. Both of my parents were avid readers of many different genres from Western to science fiction. We had access to all of the books, magazines, and medical instructional journals one can think of. Our parents weren't concerned with what we were reading and would gladly answer questions. It was wonderful!
I’m a late 80’s baby and my parents were the same. They weren’t big readers themselves but we did have a decent collection of novels and textbooks, plus a set of old encyclopedias. They never told me I couldn’t read something and were always happy to buy me books when I asked for them. It probably helped that books were a lot cheaper than the electric guitars and skateboards my brother was asking for. With my own daughter now, I notice the same thing a lot of others are saying. I don’t hide any books from her (and I have a ton from my days as an English major), but she gravitates towards the ones that match her interests and maturity level. She asked me to read the manga Sailor V to her once, but it became clear pretty early that it wasn’t right for her, at least not yet. She much prefers Dragonball, which my husband reads to her every night.
My parents tried keeping us censored. We grew up in a very religious household, and my mom hates reading. So the only books available were old history on presidents and coins books from dad, and religious self help books for my mom. Luckily, though, my dad was also a closet nerd and got into LOTR with my sister. This turned into me getting introduced to romance novels in high school (I think age 16). The amount of hiding I tried to do until I realized I just didn’t care was crazy. Luckily my older sister is also an avid reader, so her and I would share YA books together. As I got older I just kept everything in my own room and they stayed out. They learned quickly not to ask questions about my stuff 😅. The manga helped. Now that I have a daughter (1yo) myself, I think I want to take a similar stance as you. I do have a lot of inappropriate books, but I have even more YA that I hope she would like later on. But I don’t want her to feel like she has to hide stuff from me like I had to do. It took my husband so many years between dating and being married to help me open myself up more and to stop being ashamed of what I enjoyed, and he actively encourages me to go get more books. It’s nice knowing the only judgement I’ll get from him is a slight side eye with a smirk and a “you and your weird sex books” lol.
My parents moved the sexually explicit books to the top shelf, other than that it was fair game. We were massive stephen king fans and war history fans so been reading those since i was like 10 years old. everything is *potentially traumatizing*. I was never traumatized by a book. Only traumatized by life. Books help process that trauma.
Those last three sentences hit hard. Beautifully stated, thank you.
Well. I did find Stephen King’s THE GREEN MILE traumatising. Especially the chapter titled “ The Bad Death of Edward Delacroix”. I have this morbid fascination/ fear of execution. More or less gave up Stephen King after that. The rest of the book was marvellous though, and deeply touching. Though I think the bit about the mouse was pushing the sentimentality envelope a bit. Would never recommend any sort of censorship though.
My traumatic Stephen King experience was Gerald's Game when I was maybe 11 or 12. Scared the hell out of me and I still won't let anyone use actual handcuffs on me in bed (the escape scene was the traumatizing part for me). But I'm still grateful that all my mom said was "be careful, it might be too scary for you" and let me be.
FWIW, I remember spending a lot of time going through my mom's medical textbooks and journals and looking at all the pictures as a young kid. A lot of it was graphic, with photographs of organs and all, but it never particularly bothered or traumatized me.
Same. I think kids are most likely to search that stuff out if/when they are more able to deal with it. The kids who are easily frightened/disturbed don't usually go delving into the unknown as much ime.
I found my Mom's copy of Helter Skelter and read it very young. Honestly just sparked a passion for true crime and that was it.
I bought a Human Body Atlas hoping my kids would page through it one day. I don’t think they have :/
I think most kids of doctors are pretty desensitized to that stuff. My parents are family docs and dinner time conversation was generally pretty wild. It’s hard for me to remember not to discuss interesting parasites over meals with friends.
I did that too. I'm now 2 years away from getting a bachelor's in biology.
A big fat medical book was one of the few that my parents even owned (my mom needed it for her studies) and I'm absolutely convinced that it played a role in me becoming slightly hypochrondric. I would absolutely seek out not age appropriate material, also when it comes to TV shows, youtube videos and games that terrified me but it was like a car accident, I couldn't look away even though it had a bad affect on me. I'm still okay with parents not enforcing any kind of censorship when it comes to books but I would not agree that children do a good job at self censoring like someone else in this thread suggested.
Yes, that was a bit gory. Have you ever seen the opening chapters of Bailey and Love’s seminal book on surgery ? ( Dad was a surgeon) Those pictures could curl your hair.
Same except it was my aunt's books. They were the heaviest, so they were on the bottom shelves all child-accessible and everything. It taught me not to self-diagnose, though. I sometimes thought I had one of the illnesses and my aunt patiently explained why I didn't.
I do wonder how much of things like this comes down to a child’s lack of both context and empathy. To them, they giggle over a picture of a smoker’s lung because it’s just a gross picture. Or a diseased kidney because they think the word ‘kidney’ is funny. Whereas an adult would look and go “Oh no, my neighbors smoke. Is that happening to *my* lungs?” Or “My kidneys? But I need those for living!”
My parents just let me read whatever. I went from reading kids books to adult books practically overnight when I turned 12 or so. (I bypassed YA completely as a teen.) I was reading Memoirs of a Geisha and Wuthering Heights and I don’t think my parents particularly cared, they were just happy I was curious enough to read them.
Same. I read almost all of Daphne du Maurier's books when I was 11 and 12. I had a big classics phase. I also read the Exorcist at that age, and though I was scared shitless, it was one of my favorite memories. My mom always let me pick whatever media I wished regardless of ratings - movies included. I would do the same for my kid, as long as they could handle it.
I’m planning on doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got an actual whole dedicated library room, and we have a child lock for the double doors. He has his own shelves and storage for picture books. I’m planning on that room being off limits to him (without me present) until he’s old enough to not destroy the rare books and limited editions I own. If he sees something he shouldn’t because he broke the rules… oh well. I’m a librarian and I feel like “protect the kids” is not a reason to hide books or pretend that books for adults don’t exist. (Obviously not suggesting leaving porn or erotic graphic novels sitting out intentionally for kids to find, but you know what I mean.) I plan to have a continuing and evolving conversation with my son as he gets older about what books are appropriate for him and letting him know he can always come to me with questions if he sees or reads something that upsets/confuses him.
My daughter is 11 and a huge reader, but it never occurred to me to hide anything. She has her own books and her own interests, and she also knows her own limits. At least at this age, she has no interest in reading anything sexual or disturbingly violent. We talk about books we are reading often, and I’ll be honest with her if something I’m reading is “not for kids.” That said I don’t have a lot of that on my shelves anyway. If I had anything that was erotica I might hide it in some way, but horror or brutal non-fiction, I don’t think so. And once she’s a teenager and curious about those kinds of things, I don’t think I’ll discourage it if she wants to read my “not for kids” books. Whatever I have on my bookshelves will pale to whatever she could find on the internet anyway…
I’m older but my parents had an extensive collection of books that weren’t “child friendly”. We were allowed to pick 1 book and when we were done, we put it back and got another. I read The Thorn Birds at 9 and the Art of Making Love to a Man when I wasn’t much older. I don’t think it occurred to them that some books were age appropriate. They never once censored our reading. Certainly if they saw us reading something, they would ask why we were interested in reading that particular book. (Example, Mama had Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard, she asked why I was interested and opened up the conversation) When I had kids, I did the same. Sadly, my kids weren’t readers until they moved into their own homes. Now they borrow books all the time. I think conversations are key when seeing a kid reading something maybe a little graphic, not age appropriate.
Honestly, I do not think you need to monitor reading the same way you need to monitor Internet use. My parents never monitored my reading. My sister is a few years older than me, so I think I read perks of being a wallflower around 8 or 9. I read valley of the dolls around the same age. If the kids isn't ready for the material, IMO they won't understand it anyway or will put the book down.
I just think the most important bit is making yourself available to be spoken to if they have questions—be a person they’re comfortable coming to without judgment or fear.
Exactly. I remember I was not interested in the romantic bits when I was younger, only the adventure. That often meant that as I reread my favorites as I got older, new elements opened up for me and it never got boring. I reread The Three Musketeers and The Lord of the Rings at least 10 times each :) My parents let me read Dekameron and 1001 nights when I was a tween (had nothing to say when I lent the first from the library and helped me to get the second book from a family friend). I guess I learned about sex from these books (with some additional technical details from school). When it was time that our school started recommending young adult novels for our reading, those seemed awfully immature and dull, compared to the classical naughties I had been reading :D
I was the kid that sought out those kinds of books. My 5 siblings did not. They were buried in the middle of a massive collection of books. I think for the most part, kids are far more at risk of seeing emotionally disturbing content online these days. I was happy if my kid was reading.
I don’t care. I poked around my mom’s and grandmama book cases when I was young and I don’t have any VC Andrew’s books like they did lol. There’s nothing in my collection that I think would be bad for them. Sure they could pick up something like Beloved…but it’s not gonna mean anything to them until they’re old enough to get it, and that point it would be enriching. I have a lot of true crime. But I started reading true crime in middle school too. I don’t see them as kindergartners reaching for these books or even having context for them if they did. With all the news and true crime shows they’re gonna know about murder whether the books are locked up or not. I was given a Bible when I was in 4th grade and I remember flipping to the part where Lot’s daughters get him drunk and have sex with him. I was like, wtf is this book everyone likes so much haha. And that was it. I was not damaged. Also as a kid I would spend long summer days at the library…not monitored…I could look at any book I wanted. They don’t lock up the “scary stuff”…I still only just looked at nerd stuff that aligned with my interest. I really can’t imagine what I would’ve gotten into at the library that would’ve disturbed me.
You just let them roam freely. Children will either self-censor and avoid books that make them uncomfortable, be perfectly fine, or things will just fly over their head. The translation of a thousand and one night I had at home was full of innuendos. 8 years old me just blissfully missed them and kept reading about Simbad, Alì Babà, the Roc and so on. 20 years old me noticed, however. I absolutely loved anatomy books, no matter how graphic were the pictures. I also read my first graphic sex scene when I was like 9 and my great reaction was "is that what all fuss is about?" And went back reading about Pleistocene Magafauna and how the Levallois technique of chopping stone worked, which was way more interesting to me.
I'm curious what career you ended up in with such a diverse childhood reading list? I was also an anatomy book lover
Well I got into history and languages so went to a humanities high school because it meant 5 years of Latin and Ancient Greek. Then at uni got a degree in classic (Latin and Greek) language and literatures, got a master in Archaeology then went teaching Latin and Greek in high schools. Then moved to Sweden for family reasons and became a translator because here nobody cares about antiquity, but at least knowing several languages was useful. I do still like to pick up a biology topic and study it because why not in my free time. And I do still read a stupid amount of books. But here the winter is long, need to pass it somehow.
I once talked to my local librarian about some racy books I read as a child that I just didn't understand and she said that in her experience kids self-sensor and only read things that match their maturity. These days I still don't have children but keep some books around just to upset some adults I know.
Kids self-censor, yes. I think children are used to the idea that they don't understand everything, that some things will wash over them, and they're willing to press on until the book starts making sense again. And then they'll put the story together, minus the bits they missed, and that's generally fine. Not that I'd want to give a kid a novel with actual graphic violence (or pure smut) in it. The violence is more likely to be damaging, as they're more likely to understand it. Smut, I imagine most young kids would find boring.
My parents were avid readers, had an emense library, and encouraged us to read. They didn't censor or hide books from us as they didn't want to shield us from the world. They were always available to answer any questions we had. I am thankful for them preparing me for the real world and allowing me to grow.
That's the route we took too.
The kids had their own bookshelves, and we moved books that were not appropriate to higher shelves in the living room. But we didn't have a significant collection of inappropriate stuff, just a few books that were an inappropriate genre or particularly disturbing. There was always so much reading material about that they didn't really spend time poking around our shelves.
Yep - we have a library/study but the kids have their own bookshelves in their rooms and they don't tend to touch the bigger library books. We also have books shelves in our bedroom too where I keep some of my more lascivious tomes.
Not a parent here, but a teacher, and someone who was raised by parents with a vast collection, plus an express authorisation to get any book I wanted from the library (they gave both the school and the local library written consent to let me pick from any section). Protecting kids from books is a good way to discourage reading. Let them choose, but explain things, contextualise them, and if things are truly way too disturbing for an age group (which I can't think of a good example), suggest they leave it for a few years. I loved reading classics. When I was 12/ 13, I started on the French, and decided to read some of the Libertines. Eventually, I worked my way to Sade. My mom saw the book, and calmly told me "it's pretty much a philosophical book, but written in a peculiar way". I read it like that, and it was fine. No trauma, no "growing up too fast", nothing bad. Just another book. When my students want to read something, I'm always supportive, and do my best to calm parents down when needed (I don't teach anyone below the age of 13). It's healthy to know the world is vast, and exploring it through books is just about the safest way possible.
I taught reading for 18 years and now work as a school librarian. It frustrates me when students come in and say their teacher insists they choose a book at their grade level with at least 250 pages. That's unrealistic and stifles their love for reading. They might find a great book, but if it only has 150 pages, they're discouraged from reading it. This approach kills their drive to read.
I love the thought that your kids are curious enough to hunt out smut, gore etc. I find books are increasingly ignored by a lot of young people, and I find this sad.
this is the truth, kids don't give a crap about your books, music, hobbies.
Why shield them from the reality of life and the world? Things bothering us is how we make a change, not by ignoring it.
I have always let my kids read anything at all they wanted to read. I’ve given them gentle heads up a time or two, but if they’re interested, it’s no questions asked from me. This is coming from someone whose mom came down to the public library when I was a kid and told them to let me take out anything I wanted from the adult section when I started getting interested in Stephen King when I was 11. When people would sometimes ask her if she thought it was responsible letting me read comics (which I was very into), she told them “His hobby is reading. You want me to make him stop?!?”
Don’t have kids, I’m 25. I can say that my mom (who worked in a bookstore and made all my book recs as a kid) did not shelter me from difficult elements in books. This was one of the best things she ever did for me. Sometimes life hurts, sometimes knowledge hurts. Exposure to books with dark themes taught me the necessary resilience to that kind of pain that I need to live and be ok.
Hiya - this question would have been aimed at my parents, but I can quite confidently answer for them - nothing. Not one thing. They stayed on the bookshelves as if they never had me.
You’ve just reminded me that my shelf of Berserk is literally one shelf above the kids picture books and I should probably move them at some point. 😬
Growing up in the 70s, traditionally parents his their copy of Joy of Sex either in a dresser drawer in their bedroom or behind another book that they thought wouldn’t be interesting to children. I found my parents’ copy behind The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich!
My parents loved everything from high-brow nonfiction to cheap and often smutty 70s romance. Reading *Flowers in the Attic* or *Princess Daisy* was just a rite of passage back then. 😄
The Temptation of Angelique! My great aunt was the one with the really smutty stuff, and it was often weirdly racist, which just confused me. I remember visiting her house and being bored when I was 10 and finding Mandingo 😳
Oof yeah. Racist literature was a real issue. Thank God my parents were aware of what I was reading, so if it was something where the messaging was not okay, they'd talk about it. I mean, they weren't interested in having hateful shitty racist books in the house but, like, books with minstral-inspired characters or Mark Twain or Gone with the Wind... Big stuff meant we'd chat. Words in books were not always words we should use, stuff like that.
Ha, my mom was having a cocktail party and thought I was safe upstairs reading Tom Sawyer, only to have me come toddling down, wait for a break in the conversation as I had been taught (you don’t interrupt adults!), and ask her what the N-word meant. Good ol’ Tom Sawyer! It became legend in my family, but I don’t really remember it. I do remember all the Black adults having call him “Mars Tom,” and me getting really excited because I thought maybe they were going to Mars and the book would finally get interesting. Nope. 😒
I was a very easily scared child, so my mom would warn me "don't read that book. You'll have nightmares." There was only one time that I read it anyway and yep, came crying into my parents' room that night and she said "I told you so" while comforting me. That's all it took and trusted her opinion after that.
I've got a kid just beginning to read chapter books independently and I don't plan to have anything off limits. While there is definite content I'd prefer she didn't read for a while (IT, Blood Meridian, game of thrones, etc) I think A) My kid will still be self selecting age appropriate stuff for quite a while B) putting books off limits will just make her curious to read those specific books when I'm not around, and C) I'm pretty opposed to all the right wing attempts to ban books from libraries and most of the arguments I would make against that apply equally well to a home library.
I didn’t hide anything. We have books all over the house and they always had their own shelves in their bedrooms and they never wanted to read anything I was unhappy about. I read to them both every night until they were in senior school. When they got to about eleven, I said they could read anything they wanted but let me know, as some things might need context My mother told me that she read some very inappropriate books when she was younger but never said anything in case it meant people would monitor her more closely and I did the same. I thought at least this way, they can feel safe to talk things through if they’re worried about anything
Absolutely zero restrictions. It's not, like, they were putting East of Eden into my hands when I was 8, but I was free to explore whatever literature I felt like. I tried reading James Joyce when I was 11 (I didn't really get it). You're not helping your children by preventing them from experiencing the world around them.
I learned about sex from my mom’s Jackie Collins novels when I was like 8. I have never been concerned about what my son might learn through reading.
I read entirely inappropriate things for my age when I was a kid. My parents never knew and probably wouldn't have cared. They were just happy that I was reading and getting good grades. I'm a huge reader to this day. If my kids are old enough to be interested in reading it and can read it on their own, they're old enough to decide if it's too much for them or not. We don't have anything TOO crazy lying around, but we don't censor or hide things, either. One of my kids is hilariously good about knowing his limits. He won't read or watch anything that makes him uncomfortable. The other one will dip her toe in, and if that leads to nightmares or questions, then we'll do our job as parents and soothe her/answer them. I feel like my first is actually a little immature but I'd never push him to read something he wasn't ready for. My second has asked me so many questions on taboo topics at this point that she probably knows more than most kids twice her age. I don't have to worry about her getting misinformation from idiot peers at least. I do have to worry about her being the kid who's teaching all her classmates about things that might be a little inappropriate for class/school. So we remind her to know her audience for certain topics. So far, so good. If things crash and burn spectacularly we'll re-evaluate.
My dad did not censor his library. I read some things some would argue I should not have read at such a tender age. It made for some awkward conversations with my dad, but it didn’t do me any lasting harm, other than looking at my dad with new eyes.
I never put a limit on what my kids could read, and now they literally test off the charts in reading comprehension. That's my argument against censorship.
I dreamed of raising a bookworm. She never enjoyed reading, nor did she ever investigate my large and exotic library. I grew up in a home without censorship. My parents collected every type of book. I was taught critical thinking. It still serves me well. Don't censor children; teach them appropriate discernment. After all, life won't censor itself for them.
Parents today should be so lucky… oh no my 2nd graders reading lady chaterleys lover
My mom's book collection was not kid friendly at all. She had books on history, including the crusades, the inquisition, and the holocaust. She also had books about war. She read sci-fi, techno thrillers, romance, mysteries, philosophy, religion, and horror. Some of her 'romance' books were basically porn with a lot of flowery prose. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. She explained the holocaust to me. I learned about why the crusades and the inquisition happened. She kept me away from the 'romances' until I was in my late teens, but I'd already acquired a stash of Penthouse Forum, Playboy, and Hustler magazines by the time I was 12 anyway, so that was a moot point. My wife's mother was a True Crime fan, and had all kinds of books and magazines about murderers, kidnappers, rapists and serial killers. My wife had read all of them by the time she was in middle school. You will not do your kids any favors by sheltering them from anything and everything that *might* shock them. Kids need to learn that the world is not a 'friendly' place and that people do all kinds of fucked up things to each other. Give them context so they can understand. Talk to them and explain that yes these events really happened, yes people do things like that, and no it's not okay but it happens anyway. Also, which albums or movies do you have that are so outrageous that the *cover* could 'traumatize' a kid anyway?
My folks have an entire small room as a dedicated library, floor to ceiling shelves all around, and plenty of books you don't want a kid reading in there. My parents just sat me down and explained that some things aren't for kids, just like some things on the internet or TV aren't for kids, and what to do if we accidentally read/watched/saw something we didn't feel like we should have / didn't understand (stop reading, tell a grown up, talk about it. No one was ever in trouble for this). Funny enough, kids are often smart enough to self police if they're given good guidelines in a safe space. They also intentionally set up one shelf that was geared towards my interest, and nine times out of ten, I just read things off that shelf. Why bother looking at romance novels when there's a book on dinosaurs?
I imagine some kids might need more shepherding. Generalizing doesn't work with this kind of question because first, each kid is different, and second, there's no kind way to keep a kid from whatever they're intent on reading or watching. Mom was aware I read everything. She just told me to stop if something bothered me, and ask her if I had questions. So that's what I did for my kid.
I read all that stuff when was growing up, lol. My mom liked romance novels and left a lot of them lying around. I started reading John Grisham in middle school. I turned out fine! Love reading, actually.
My mother was a librarian. She did not believe in censorship. The only thing she would not let us have was Donald Duck comics. She hated Disney. But I read anything on my parents’ shelves and I had access to a public library. No prohibition against a child borrowing from the adult section. Only my school library was segregated and even they relented when I could prove I had read Al the books in the elementary school section. Censorship doesn’t work. Anything in your shelves they can find in the internet
I never plan to have kids but one thing I appreciated about my dad & his side of the family is they made absolutely no effort to shield me from things I WANTED to read learn or ask about. My dad respected me as a human being and would always explain, preface, and answer my questions truthfully without hiding. They just explained it simply matter of fact and moved on. I was allowed to read or watch pretty much anything I wanted. As a child in elementary school my favorite movie was Forrest Gump (still is) and my dad always played western movies with me in the room and did not shield me from sex or war scenes. My mom made me watch Hotel Rwanda in 4th grade because she thought I should learn the gory truthful history in all its nastiness. They turned it into a lesson rather than letting me be scared and unsure. They figured either I’d learn from it or not understand it anyway so why prevent a child from experiencing something they absolutely will come into contact with later, under your guidance & supervision.
I put all my smutty stuff on a high shelf in my bedroom.
Let them read them if they’re interested and try to provide some context and assistance if needed. Kids are worried about school shootings; they can handle reading *It* or *From Hell* etc *Blood Meridian* and its lack of punctuation is its own barrier for entry.
Can I speak for my parents? They did nothing, and it was amazing. My brother and I had full access to whatever we wanted to read. I talked to my mom about it recently, and her perspective was that if content was not suitable for us, then there is a good chance a) we wouldn’t understand it or b) we would ask questions about it, which she encouraged. I remember my brother reading A Time to Kill when he was quite young. And then I remember talking about rape and murder with my mom, and her explaining that these bad things happen in the world, and explaining the motivation of the characters. In my opinion, parents shelter their kids from content for two reasons a) they are afraid of being judged by others for letting their kids access certain types of content and b) they are afraid of having hard/weird/real conversations with their kids. My mom didn’t care about either of those. We grew up in the middle of nowhere in a time before internet and no cable. We had to experience the world somehow.
I follow the Mitch Hedberg policy. "All books are children's books if the kid can read." My 11 & 13 year old have been reading King, Gaiman, Card, and a bunch of other stuff for several years now.
They are still there. The "rule" is they should come and ask me about any book they want to read. I never say you can't read that but I do say things like "that's a frightening book" or "there are lots of very adult things in it and I don't think you should read it till you are a bit older" and they mostly do what I say. I worry much less about books than TV because as a reader you can only process the text at the level you can imagine/conceptualise. And you can always stop at any moment.
As someone who grew up with access to a few big libraries, from my own house and from my family; it doesn't matter what you do, if the kid wants to read the book, the kid is gonna read the book. No harm was done, and I grew up with a MUCH better vocabulary, syntax, and reading comprehension (for my native language) than the absolute majority of other kids. Reading is not gonna hurt your kids, as long as the books available are good; the kids are gonna make up their own minds, and they don't need to be nearly as sheltered from simple truths as people would want you to believe. Chances are they are gonna turn up better than alright if you let them nurture their minds and imagination.
Put them on the top shelves of your bookshelf. When they are older enough to grab them, they are older enough to see/read them.
Neither disturbing nor inappropriate, but my mom kept her copy of Gray's Anatomy from her days in PT school and when I started bugging her about the birds and the bees at a pretty young age she had the great idea that if she made it all very boring and scientific she could discourage my too early interest without actually resorting to euphemisms. Bad idea, the next time we had show and tell in school, I stuffed that giant tome in my book bag and tried to give the entire class the same lesson because I thought it was so cool. This did not go over well with faculty and other staff.
My wife & I aren’t parents but we have 9 nieces and nephews between us and are big on family time (Aunt Day is a normal occurrence for us. Sometimes it’s one nibling at a time, sometimes it’s all the littles spending the night or all the teenagers spending the weekend at our place, etc). Most of them are very inquisitive and want to get into EVERYTHING. Anything of an intimate nature went into our bedroom. While they know our bedroom is off limits to them, kids will be kids and sometimes they still snoop so we put the intimate books on the highest shelves. As far as books with strong language/photography/storyline/graphic novels etc, those are still in our main library. However, it helps that our siblings are very open when it comes to the kids learning through reading, so it’s not really an issue. Still, we keep the extra graphic stuff on higher shelves. If the older kids see it, they’re fine. They ask questions, we answer them truthfully. The littles can’t reach them so it’s a non-issue. And we keep a foldable step stool by the book shelves so my stature-deficient wife can still reach them.
By the age they got curious to read them I just let them; and told them that the adult stuff in there might sound strange and to ask me if there are any questions. I am that typical Generation X who got into my moms Stephen King and Anne rice and bodice rippers at 12 and all it did was make me a lifelong reader.
What *not* to do, especially if your kids are exceptionally curious & prone to bookshelf climbing (as I was), is to simply place “adult subject” books on a high shelf with the spines turned inward to hide the titles. Trust me. The 70s aesthetic super hairy illustrations in my parents’ copy of “The Joy of Sex” traumatized the hell out of +/-4yo me, and still haunt me to this day.
Gross/horrify fun facts are a favorite of a lot of kids. I learned most of my world history knowledge from a "100 worst genocides book" in middle school.
If my kid wants to read disturbing stuff then I’m just happy he’s reading.
My kids never really 'inspected' my books like i did w my mom's (primarily for the sex scenes lol). They have always had their own tastes and access to books so have never really even looled at mine. Slightly disappointed tbh .
My parents had no restrictions. If you could read it it was available. Same with the library. And thats how I read two chapters of mein kamph as a child. It was very boring so I found a piers Anthony book in the bathroom. My favorite book was Howard carters king tuts tomb. I was like 7.
Nothing. People who read Books aren’t afraid of books. That’s people who don’t read.
Nothing. No censorship in this house!
If they can read it, they can have it.
Leave them on the shelves. Anything else is censorship. My parents kept books on the Holocaust next to books on yoga next to religious texts next to The Hobbit and everything in between. I read Stephen King rape scenes way before I should have. But I don't regret it. All of those books opened my eyes to the world we inhabit. I recommend people just leave them. A library is a library. Good and bad.
I have a two year old daughtet and does not pretend to hide anything. My mother didn't censure anything, so I pretend to do the same. I red books with violence, rape and other dark themes when I was 9, 10 years old. Obviously I didn't know the impact of it at the time, but it didn't traumatize me.
I have a three-year-old daughter and *I think* what I'll do is I'll quietly move the more potentially "traumatizing" books to a top shelf so they won't tempt her until she's at least a pre/early teen. I read mostly horror, sci-fi, and fantasy so they might have heavy subject matter or be scary - but nothing too over the top. I'm not really into the SplatterPunk or Extreme horror. Then, if she wants to read something from that shelf - have at it. But she'll have to remember she's reading off mom's shelf and I've read them all, most multiple times. If she's mature enough to read those books, she's mature enough to talk about them with Mom after. And if she has no problem talking about violent, scary, sexual, or heavy subject matter with me then she can read whatever she wants. Censoring certain subjects will only make them more enticing, for all the wrong reasons. And, as many others have commented, books are how we learn and make sense of the world. She'll gravitate towards what she's ready for, when she's ready for it. That being said I have a few graphic novel collections that I'll probably completely tuck away until she's older. I don't need her stumbling across Berserk or Junji Ito any time soon. And mostly all of my shameless smutty romances are on a Kindle so no issue there lol.
My books are just sitting on my shelf. If my kid wants to read Dexter or Flowers in the Attic, he can. I reserve the right to discuss any book he reads, but I'm not going to place limits on paper books when the internet exists.
I don't know that any of the books were very disturbing or inappropriate, but they were mostly adult fiction (classics, commercial, mystery fiction) and non fiction (biography, history, essays). They let me read anything I wanted, figured that if it was too hard for me to understand, I'd give up and pick up something else.
I grew up in a house that had like 2 religious books + the Bible, Readers Digest and the newspaper. I loved reading and later, as a teacher, I pushed literacy in my schools, adding thousands of books to our library year after year. I also collected thousands as well and read to our boys since they were little. They are all big readers, buy books and audio books. I didn't hide "questionable" or adult literature. I didn't own anything I was ashamed of and the adult novels with adult themes didn't interest them until they were in their teens. Nowadays, with the Internet freely available, there is little use in hiding your adult literature unless you personally are ashamed of it for some reason. Your children will be harmed more by what they see everyday on the internet and their cellphones unless you severely restrict their access somehow.
My children are old enough to read independently and I haven't reorganised my collection: there are some history books that have upsetting content but I don't think they're much gorier than the Redwall books my oldest loves. I'll admit I own some erotic novels and those are safely stowed away, but not really to keep my kids off them, just because they're not the sort of thing I'd proudly put on display *anyway*. Edit: One book I did remove from my shelves. My Complete Works of Joseph Conrad is now slightly less complete.
No books were off limits growing up. My mom was always happy to discuss the contents and it caused me to develop a passion for reading
I've never denied my kids whatever reading material they were interested in. Before moving almost exclusively to digital, I had quite a lot of horror novels, art books, and graphic novels around the house. If I saw one of them, for instance, pick up a Stephen King book at an early age, I might have said something like "Wow! That one might have given me nightmares at your age. Have fun!" and left it at that.
I’ll answer this as a former child who happened to stumble upon one of my dad’s less appropriate books. It was stranger in the mirror by Sydney Sheldon. It was so tastefully sexual. That was what piqued my interest in novels and I’ve been an avid reader since then. I was 12 then, touching 30 now. Even my career is largely based off of writing and reading.
Shit, I was reading Stephen King and Flowers in the Attic in the 70s as barely a preteen. I turned out ok.
When my kids were old enough to get interested in my reading materials, I would give it a quick look through to see if there was anything I had forgotten about that would make it inappropriate for their age/maturity level. I also made a point to have discussions about what they were reading, to see what they were getting out of it. Sometimes they understood perfectly, sometimes there was a LOT of misunderstanding. And there are some things that are classics, but still not appropriate for kids. Ex: A Moveable Feast Yeah, it's Hemingway, he's a classic author. But there's a lot of stuff in there that's a little disturbing. Leaving your infant at move with the cat for a babysitter while they go out drinking. An Irish poet high on laudanum that gets on someone's rooftop and sets himself on fire. Had a whole discussion about why Hemingway thought oysters tasted like semen. A Separate Peace is pretty disturbing. Written from the perspective of a boy jealous of his friend. Eventually "accidentally" kills him. So I wasn't terribly disturbed when they were interested in my ancient Stephen King.
I can’t think of anything I had that I wouldn’t let my kids read. Maybe the Joy of Sex but that was in our bedroom in a drawer. 😂 We did clear off a bottom shelf and put kid books there. Our eldest liked to pull books off the shelf at an early age. A family member gave us a box of books their kids had outgrown so that was perfect. We were like, Yeah! Play with the books!
I don't have kids but my parents house was full of books and they never censored anything from us. We were allowed to read any book we got our hands on and we did. Everything turned out ok! The idea that you have to protect children from ideas and words in a book but they can roam free on the internet or in talking to their peers or when adults have conversations around them is kind of crazy when you think about it. I'd argue that the nightly news is more traumatizing than reading books.
As someone whose books and movies are mostly horror and true crime I discuss with my kid what's appropriate or not. I basically reorganized my collection and showed him the piles. If he could get through one without being scared he could move up to the next, and then there was a 4th pile of "Your dad said not till your 15. But he's not big into horror and we can talk about it if you really want to try these." He does have his own 2 bookcases and he usually just asks, "are you reading a scary book again?" "Yup. Wanna read it?" "No thanks." Kiddo likes comedy and action, Husband reads fantasy, and I have so much horror.
Born in 1971 and I read my first adult novel in third grade (Watership Down). Nothing was off-limits from the library my parents had. I read Jaws shortly after Watership Down and then started on Stephen King books. As an adult who still loves to read I'm grateful my parents never told me "no, you can't read that."
i don't. please realize that your kids don't give a crap about your books and if they do it will be when they are old enough to handle inappropriate content. your kids don't care about the books you read especially war books. kids don't give a crap
Let them read, read it all. My 10 year old two years ago started reading my Stephan king books, she's now 12 and reads 2 adult novels a week.
By and large kids won’t be interested enough to look at things that aren’t suitable until they’re at least pre-teen and more able to handle it. Things with graphic images/photos might go on a high shelf for a while just in case, but I won’t be policing what my kid can read. The best policy is usually to make sure that your kids have free access to a wide range of interesting (to them) age-appropriate reading material to fill their time. Your 7-year-old is going to be much less interested in a graphic description of how so-and-so lost three limbs and an eye in a minor skirmish of some big war than in a book of knock-knock jokes or an adventure where a few plucky kids managed to ditch their parents for a day or two and solve some mysteries. Just for context, this was my parents’ policy too, and the only books that have seriously disturbed me in any lasting way were ones that I read while they were age-appropriate (or very close to age-appropriate) anyway. I had the vocabulary and skill to read whatever I chose from the age of five but Roald Dahl’s The Witches gave me nightmares at 6, and The Birds by Daphne Du Maurier did the same when I was 14. Beyond that, I had zero interest in any of the murder mysteries my mother was obsessed with until I was well old enough to handle the descriptions, and my dad’s military history books the same applied. Occasionally I’d pick something up that might have disturbed me, but I’d get a page or two into it and get bored because without the context of years of learning history and knowing how this story fitted into that, most of them are very dry and not worth reading to a young kid. The other key thing is to read *with* your child up until they are around 11 or 12, increasing the reading level of the books as your kid develops, and be available to discuss what they have read so that if they do come across something that bothers them (and it will almost certainly not be the things you expect that cause them concern), you can talk them through how to think of those things and rationalise their fear or horror so that they can live with the ideas they’ve been exposed to. If you have a strong and trusting relationship with your children you will be able to say to them “maybe read that one when you’re older, I think you might be upset by [theme or overview of scene] because it’s not very nice” and have them trust your judgement and hold off until they are ready.
My wife is a college English Lit prof. She grew up with well-read hippie parents (like actual 60s/70s hippies). I had a more disciplined Catholic upbringing but also had smart, well-educated parents. Our kids are in high school and college now. Growing up, we didn't care what our kids read. We had zero restrictions. The more inappropriate a book was, the better the dinner convos.
I am a Boomer and was the oldest child to very young parents. That meant I spent a lot of time at my grandparents in the 50's and early 60's. I was also a precocious reader. That means I honed my reading skills on Peyton Place, Marjorie Morningstar and early Harold Robbins at an age when I had only a glimmer of what was going on and no one I could ask. Best was my grandmother's True Romance magazines. Picture , if you will, the silence at the Sunday family dinner table when 9 year old me asks how you can avoid being an unwed mother?
Same thing you do with the booze, weapons, and sex toys. High shelf.
Also near 50, ex-librarian, have enormous folklore and ghostlore collection, plus plenty of dodgy late 18th-early 20th century stuff; nothing has ever been off-limits, kids (now 19 and 9) are usually more interested in buying new books or the local library. Elder one went through a Stephen King phase at about 9, but again, no biggie. They are always welcome to read anything that interests them.
My parents had the following policy: if you are not old enough you would be not interested in such books and if you are interested you are old enough.
They’re called top shelf books for a reason.