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You don't treat him like a wife is supposed to?? Completely idiotic. Let him know he is not treating you like a HUSBAND IS SUPPOSED TO. He's not parenting or doing household labor. But yet he is a parent and he lives in a household.
These are the choices he made. These choices require a lot of work to maintain - if he wants you to do your half plus his, then he can count on sex being off the table because living as a nurse nanny cleaner scheduler bookkeeper for every second of your life is NOT A SEXY SITUATION and none of those never-ending jobs make you horny.
It's sick how tens of millions of men are either too idiotic to comprehend this, or, more likely, comprehend but don't give a fuck. Broadly speaking, a man can receive a cancer diagnosis and get fired and have the car break down at 9am and have a boner at 9:15am. Ok. Lovely for them? We get it, but broadly speaking things don't work that way when it comes to a woman feeling turned on. And for a long time we've been expected or forced to have sex *despite* our feelings. We are now pushing back 👊🏽 saying that we don't want to.
Very understandable and valid that you are not horny in the situation you are in. Every woman on this sub, and probably planet Earth, will say the same. What to do about the man? I got nothing there. I think he doesn't care to understand. I think you are strong enough to hold your position and not have sex when you don't want to 🙌🏽 that is your RIGHT.
I agree with everything you said. Unfortunately I’ve told him that I don’t feel in the mood when I am completely overworked and overwhelmed and he says he’s tried what I asked him but gets nothing in return. I’m like so what do I get? I have no choice but to parent day in and day out and I don’t get anything in return. Like what?
Wtf is up with all these men who seem to think watching the baby for an hour (that ends up being 30 minutes because he "suddenly has to poop" conveniently), twiddling one fork under the tap and calling it "doing the dishes" and maybe once every couple months taking the trash can out means they should be entitled to sex every and any time he wants. Like, no. Do FIFTY percent of the parenting, FIFTY percent of the household jobs when you're home and maybe then their wife won't be so touched out, drained and exhausted that she *might even want it too* /shocked pikachu face
He lost respect for YOU?
HE. lost respect for YOU?????
Because you told him that with a newborn medically fragile baby that he needed to support the life he helped bring into the world????
How does he find the strength to carry those giant brass balls all day long?! Because, the audacity is overwhelming. Girl, you can do better. You deserve better. This man is insane, entitled, selfish, and irresponsible. Let him be someone else’s problem. YOU are a gem, and you are worthy of someone who cherishes you.
Thanks, I hear you. I feel like the most devastating part is that he’s trying to spin this in his favour and that it’s all my fault. When all I’ve been doing is trying to be the best mother I can be
He's a selfish piece of shit and you'd be well shot of him. There's a C word in your marriage but it ain't you sis. You deserve someone who treats you with warmth and love.
What is concerning to me about your post, aside from the glaring verbal and emotional abuse, is the brain fog you’re experiencing. This is a hallmark sign of emotional abuse. I would start making an exit plan bc these types of me don’t change. They get worse. Your husband is an ass.
His version of your relationship is disturbing and inaccurate. I have found a lot of men do this to build up a story for when he cheats or leaves. Please be cautious and make plans to support yourself independently. Your husband has shown you how he really views you. His actions show he prioritizes his wants over his family's needs. Also buying an expensive new car is what sleazy divorce attorneys tell men to do before filing. It's a way to sneaking more assets over to his side.
Yeah he's completely and utterly failing as a husband. Won't parent or work to provide? The only problem in this relationship is him. Who the heck would want to fuck a useless bum?
The D word is appropriate here. Divorce. I don’t think it will get better, unfortunately. I hope for you the abuse stops and you can use that time to make a decision that suits you, but it is just that. Abuse.
I’d dump his childish ass. Calling you a cunt? Those are fighting words. You could return the favor by calling him a cunt but I suspect he lacks the warmth and depth.
It sounds like he doesn’t respect you at all and doesn’t want to be a father. Give him his wish. Then go to the courts and ask for alimony and child support. If he wants to call you a cunt, show him how cunty you can be.
I'm so sorry internet stranger, you don't deserve that. No one does, but clearly if even some of what you wrote is accurate, you definitely don't. And your story is far too easy to believe and common.
What I'm going to say has been echoed already, I'm just going to add that in my opinion, being a parent means we don't have the luxury of being optimistic; if you want to try and eek it out a while longer to tell yourself you tried absolutely everything, then fine. But I think you already know where this leads. And as a parent, that means putting a plan in place so that you and your daughter aren't caught out. Your husband is already showing himself to be someone who makes financially unsound snap decisions, and you should not be letting him control your finances, as well as being checked out as a partner. Shore up an escape raft. Have a plan. A line drawn in the sand. And stick to it.
The fact he has you playing the part of the one begging him to stay shows he's already manipulating the situation to his favour. Sometimes, doing it alone is easier than parenting two and having to question if one is going to sabotage at every turn or leave you high and dry unexpetedly. Even in the little ways as with the car wash. His issues are not your responsibility, your daughter is.
I truly wish you all the best, mama.
He lost all respect for YOU? The playing video games all day would of led me to lose all respect for him on top of everything else. If you're married you should make financial decisions together, super unresponsible of him to quit his job and get a new car. My husband quit his job too unexpectedly (which was fine because he was working midnights anyways) but promised to look asap and that led to three months of not even attempting to look. So I KNOW that was super frustrating for you. I'm sorry he's putting you through so much at such a fragile time. The sex thing- he should get over because it seems youre stressed and going through a lot seemingly alone. If I were you, I'd give him another ultimatum, like stop being a douche and step up or get out. If you're going to be doing it on your own with him there you might as well do it happily without him dragging you down.
Nope you look for a job it's easier to care for just you and baby believe it or not. I'm not sure how old baby is now put there's daycare jobs you can bring your kids for free. Even if your not thing of leaving right now you need to build your own seperate savings since he showed he has no problem fucking you guys financially.
Mine calls me a bitch nearly daily even though my response is always begging him not to say that and he also tells me I’m not doing my part. You’re not alone even though you may feel like it. If you ever need a safe space that won’t charge an hourly fee but may also cry back with you, I’m here.
It sounds like your husband is in the middle of a long mental breakdown. He needs psychological help.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this on top of being a new mom. You're doing a great job. 🫂❤️
OP, gentle reminder that it’s not your job to lift your husband out of his “funk.” OP and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Your husband having a mental breakdown doesn’t excuse his abysmal behavior.
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You don't treat him like a wife is supposed to?? Completely idiotic. Let him know he is not treating you like a HUSBAND IS SUPPOSED TO. He's not parenting or doing household labor. But yet he is a parent and he lives in a household. These are the choices he made. These choices require a lot of work to maintain - if he wants you to do your half plus his, then he can count on sex being off the table because living as a nurse nanny cleaner scheduler bookkeeper for every second of your life is NOT A SEXY SITUATION and none of those never-ending jobs make you horny. It's sick how tens of millions of men are either too idiotic to comprehend this, or, more likely, comprehend but don't give a fuck. Broadly speaking, a man can receive a cancer diagnosis and get fired and have the car break down at 9am and have a boner at 9:15am. Ok. Lovely for them? We get it, but broadly speaking things don't work that way when it comes to a woman feeling turned on. And for a long time we've been expected or forced to have sex *despite* our feelings. We are now pushing back 👊🏽 saying that we don't want to. Very understandable and valid that you are not horny in the situation you are in. Every woman on this sub, and probably planet Earth, will say the same. What to do about the man? I got nothing there. I think he doesn't care to understand. I think you are strong enough to hold your position and not have sex when you don't want to 🙌🏽 that is your RIGHT.
I agree with everything you said. Unfortunately I’ve told him that I don’t feel in the mood when I am completely overworked and overwhelmed and he says he’s tried what I asked him but gets nothing in return. I’m like so what do I get? I have no choice but to parent day in and day out and I don’t get anything in return. Like what?
Wtf is up with all these men who seem to think watching the baby for an hour (that ends up being 30 minutes because he "suddenly has to poop" conveniently), twiddling one fork under the tap and calling it "doing the dishes" and maybe once every couple months taking the trash can out means they should be entitled to sex every and any time he wants. Like, no. Do FIFTY percent of the parenting, FIFTY percent of the household jobs when you're home and maybe then their wife won't be so touched out, drained and exhausted that she *might even want it too* /shocked pikachu face
The title tells me enough. Sheesh. I love you. You’re not a cunt. You’re great.
Never thought a stranger on the internet could make me cry lol but thank you.
Now imma cry. Please message me if you want.
He lost respect for YOU? HE. lost respect for YOU????? Because you told him that with a newborn medically fragile baby that he needed to support the life he helped bring into the world???? How does he find the strength to carry those giant brass balls all day long?! Because, the audacity is overwhelming. Girl, you can do better. You deserve better. This man is insane, entitled, selfish, and irresponsible. Let him be someone else’s problem. YOU are a gem, and you are worthy of someone who cherishes you.
Thanks, I hear you. I feel like the most devastating part is that he’s trying to spin this in his favour and that it’s all my fault. When all I’ve been doing is trying to be the best mother I can be
He's a selfish piece of shit and you'd be well shot of him. There's a C word in your marriage but it ain't you sis. You deserve someone who treats you with warmth and love.
Sounds like a gaslighting narcissist to me.
What is concerning to me about your post, aside from the glaring verbal and emotional abuse, is the brain fog you’re experiencing. This is a hallmark sign of emotional abuse. I would start making an exit plan bc these types of me don’t change. They get worse. Your husband is an ass.
His version of your relationship is disturbing and inaccurate. I have found a lot of men do this to build up a story for when he cheats or leaves. Please be cautious and make plans to support yourself independently. Your husband has shown you how he really views you. His actions show he prioritizes his wants over his family's needs. Also buying an expensive new car is what sleazy divorce attorneys tell men to do before filing. It's a way to sneaking more assets over to his side.
Yeah he's completely and utterly failing as a husband. Won't parent or work to provide? The only problem in this relationship is him. Who the heck would want to fuck a useless bum?
The D word is appropriate here. Divorce. I don’t think it will get better, unfortunately. I hope for you the abuse stops and you can use that time to make a decision that suits you, but it is just that. Abuse.
I’d dump his childish ass. Calling you a cunt? Those are fighting words. You could return the favor by calling him a cunt but I suspect he lacks the warmth and depth. It sounds like he doesn’t respect you at all and doesn’t want to be a father. Give him his wish. Then go to the courts and ask for alimony and child support. If he wants to call you a cunt, show him how cunty you can be.
What more could you POSSIBLY do?!???!!!???! 🔪
Right lmao I'd love to know what's "enough" to this jerk.
He lost all respect for you for asking him to stop dumping all the household and parenting labour on you? Kick his ass out.
https://preview.redd.it/ikqtfqx94r1d1.jpeg?width=3134&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=46a9cfdeef6f6108d1d4bb1fc11079438dd02698
He is TA, there is no excuse for his behaviors
I'm so sorry internet stranger, you don't deserve that. No one does, but clearly if even some of what you wrote is accurate, you definitely don't. And your story is far too easy to believe and common. What I'm going to say has been echoed already, I'm just going to add that in my opinion, being a parent means we don't have the luxury of being optimistic; if you want to try and eek it out a while longer to tell yourself you tried absolutely everything, then fine. But I think you already know where this leads. And as a parent, that means putting a plan in place so that you and your daughter aren't caught out. Your husband is already showing himself to be someone who makes financially unsound snap decisions, and you should not be letting him control your finances, as well as being checked out as a partner. Shore up an escape raft. Have a plan. A line drawn in the sand. And stick to it. The fact he has you playing the part of the one begging him to stay shows he's already manipulating the situation to his favour. Sometimes, doing it alone is easier than parenting two and having to question if one is going to sabotage at every turn or leave you high and dry unexpetedly. Even in the little ways as with the car wash. His issues are not your responsibility, your daughter is. I truly wish you all the best, mama.
He lost all respect for YOU? The playing video games all day would of led me to lose all respect for him on top of everything else. If you're married you should make financial decisions together, super unresponsible of him to quit his job and get a new car. My husband quit his job too unexpectedly (which was fine because he was working midnights anyways) but promised to look asap and that led to three months of not even attempting to look. So I KNOW that was super frustrating for you. I'm sorry he's putting you through so much at such a fragile time. The sex thing- he should get over because it seems youre stressed and going through a lot seemingly alone. If I were you, I'd give him another ultimatum, like stop being a douche and step up or get out. If you're going to be doing it on your own with him there you might as well do it happily without him dragging you down.
Nope you look for a job it's easier to care for just you and baby believe it or not. I'm not sure how old baby is now put there's daycare jobs you can bring your kids for free. Even if your not thing of leaving right now you need to build your own seperate savings since he showed he has no problem fucking you guys financially.
Omg just divorce this looser and make sure that car is sold or the debt is his in the divorce. Your life will be easier without him.
Mine calls me a bitch nearly daily even though my response is always begging him not to say that and he also tells me I’m not doing my part. You’re not alone even though you may feel like it. If you ever need a safe space that won’t charge an hourly fee but may also cry back with you, I’m here.
It sounds like your husband is in the middle of a long mental breakdown. He needs psychological help. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this on top of being a new mom. You're doing a great job. 🫂❤️
OP, gentle reminder that it’s not your job to lift your husband out of his “funk.” OP and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Your husband having a mental breakdown doesn’t excuse his abysmal behavior.
Yes, 100%! I hope I didn't make it sound otherwise. 😥
You didn’t. Just wanted to put it out there. 🤗
Thank you!🤗