My husband is obsessed with my boobs. I also hate them being touched, so he just doesn’t touch them. He didn’t complain or make me feel bad. He moved on to my ass 😂
Hilariously mine did too. Which is great because I went from pregnant > breastfeeding > pregnant > breastfeeding again so the boobs have been off limits for a long while. “Luckily” (his words) my postpartum ass is quite bigger than it used to be so there’s that for him.
Lucky my butt used to be my BEST asset and now it’s completely gone after baby. I’ve always had boobs too but now they’re huge and sweaty and I hate them I just want my butt and my c cups back 🤣
Nah, my butt looks sad not perky but there’s plenty of it. (Along with thighs and belly). Someday I’ll have a shapely butt and a waist again but that day ain’t today
Totally normal to feel this way, and your BF is an asshole for still asking. You're literally keeping his small human ALIVE RN for fuck's sake. 🙃 You and your boobs both have a full time job and need rest. They're off limits and if he can't respect that he can lose access to your whole self.
EDIT: I have big feelings about this. My husband has always been super respectful and didn't make me feel guilty for being touched out when breastfeeding. And that was a green flag and accurately predicted how he would respond when I developed an incredibly painful pelvic condition years later, and couldn't do P in V for ages. He couldn't enjoy sex if it was causing me discomfort. And that's a green flag. I know women whose husbands get mad at them for being in pain during sex. Some guys are just awful.
OP, your BF knows manhandling your nipples right now causes you discomfort. And he wants to do it anyway because penis feels good. Penis feel good is more important than your comfort.
If he doesn’t get the message with you expressing your wishes, then maybe he’d get the message if you start slowly plucking hairs from his balls out pinching them and twisting and when he jumps and says it hurts tell him you like it though and keep doing it and complain about how he’s vanilla until he gets the comparison.
Once after a particularly aggressive nursing session I asked for a comforting hug from my husband and when he got close enough, I pinched one of his nipples. 😜
I literally love all of you 😭😭 all your comments make me feel so much better! I started feeling crazy and second guessing myself & thinking I was just being a baby about it.
You’re not a baby, the sensation of someone even walking by and grazing my boob makes me want to flail my arms. And the thought of anyone touching my child’s food source in a sexual way makes me feel so grossed out. When they are no longer used to feed my baby, sure. But they aren’t used for ANYTHING else until then
You are not a baby. Your partner is an asshole.
I don’t mind my breasts being touched by my husband and I still get it. Take breastfeeding out of the scenario all together, because that’s not even the issue;
You don’t want your boobs touched. It doesn’t matter why.
He continues to pressure you anyways. He’s not caring if he has your *enthusiastic consent* or not or he would stop. Consent can be withdrawn at *any* time. And it must be given freely. If it’s not-that’s an assault and not a consenting interaction.
I’m so sorry, I hope you are able to make decisions to make sure you and baby are safe and happier.
You are NOT crazy. This feeling is incredibly common among breastfeeding moms. You deserve a partner who understands and respects your boundaries, even as they change throughout your life.
My own story is the same: Breasts are for baby when I’m breastfeeding. My husband completely understood my feelings. He stayed away from my nipples during intimacy and always asked my permission to give my breasts a caress or something. Didn’t get upset at all when I said no.
You get over the feeling by getting rid of the dude who doesn’t respect your boundaries and makes you feel guilty and less than for not caving in to his desires.
Same! I explained to my husband that our daughter nurses from My boobs and I just can’t make the switch and give him that sexual
Satisfaction. My husband understands this quite well and to be honest, we both rarely have sex! We are beyond tired 🤦♀️ daycare illness and full time Jobs etc! It’s so hard omg!!! 😱
You really need to have your man respect you otherwise it’s very hard to carry on!!and if he calls you vanilla again, SEND HIM BACK TO HIS MUM!
Seriously! I told my husband my boobs are working right now and it feels wrong to have them touched so he doesn't touch them? Occasionally if we are having sex he will ask if it's okay to touch and he will respect whatever answer I give (sometimes it's okay if I have a bra on and he knows nips are off limits). A partner that stomps boundaries and doesn't respect your consent isn't someone I would want to be around.
People do not get to do things to your body that you don’t enjoy. He needs consent to touch your chest and he isn’t getting it. He is assaulting you. I’d understand maybe an oh shit I’m sorry I forgot got carried away kind of response but this isn’t that. This is bullshit.
I absolutely hate when my husband touches them. He knows not to lol. I think your man should be more understanding and respect that it’s not comfortable for you right now. No advice, just solidarity.
When I was breastfeeding I also couldn’t stand anyone or anything else on my boobs that didn’t revolve around actually breastfeeding. I feel like he should respect that at this time. It does not stay that way forever and I felt like things went back to ‘normal’ when I had stopped. But once again he should understand where you are coming from
It sucks because I want him to understand so bad & he will say “I don’t know any other couple on this planet that has this problem, it’s literally just you 😡” and it makes me feel so shitty
No other couple on this planet has this problem because the partner respects the woman’s wish to not have her breasts touched. I told my husband it bothered me, and he stopped. I’m 9 months into bf, and he accidentally has grabbed them a few times and when I remind him he’s apologetic.
Btw, totally with you. It makes my skin crawl and instantly gets me out of the mood.
Right?! I'm sorry OP, this man does not deserve you (or anyone else for that matter) if he doesn't completely change who is immediately. I couldn't imagine a loving partner ever behaving this way. It's abusive and disgusting. Big hug
It's meant to make you feel shitty. Think about that. Would you ever *intentionally* make someone feel shitty? A stranger, a friend, a relative, or a partner? Anyone?
Where is he getting this “information” from exactly?? Has he polled couples about their post-baby sex life? Because all the ones I know in real life who I’ve talked to have had some major challenges as well.
Oh dear, I want to give you a hug so badly and I’m not even a person who enjoys hugging.❤️
It breaks my heart that he’s treating you like this. You deserve much better and he’s intentionally overstepping your boundaries because he’s listening to his dick and not you. I am sure he then blames you, because he knows deep down that it is wrong of him to overstep your boundaries.
Remember that you should never be ashamed or feel guilty about your right to your body; no one ever should.
Even if literally no other couple has this issue, it doesn’t make it any less of an issue for you as a person. Such a dumb argument. It invalidates your feelings. I’d reassure him that this is a phase and ask him to get his head out of his backside.
Show him this thread.
Hi boyfriend! I also hate things and people touching my boobs while breastfeeding. Sometimes I can’t even stand my own bra touching them.
Also go eat a dick.
Hi boyfriend! I have a similar problem— I don’t mind if my husband touches my breasts, but I don’t want his mouth anywhere near them. It’s too weird for me right now.
“I don’t know any other couple on this planet that had this problem” how many breastfeeding couples does he know? Does he go asking couples who are actively breastfeeding or have breastfed in the past whether the mother likes her breasts handled in a sexual way when she’s lactating to feed a baby? What a weird thing to say, I’m sorry but your man gives me the heebie jeebies
That’s not true at all. My boobs are a no-go since I’ve started breastfeeding. They’re just totally not sexual to me anymore. I feel my baby with them!
Maybe because that's not something other couples even think to discuss? Honestly, it's not that big a deal for anyone else, my husband gets to enjoy my boobs with his eyes and that's good enough for now. He's not crying about it.
Maybe next time turn that argument around and tell him he is right, other couples don't have that problem because other men can get by without handling a boob for a while, it's literally just him.
Just bc "no one else in the world has this problem" (🙄), doesn't mean he gets to overrule your uniqueness, your needs, and what you ask for. That expression is just to make you feel like a weirdo, and it's totally unfair. 1st. You can see in all the comments here that you're absolutely not alone in how you feel. It's him that's being an a@#$&. 2nd. If he can obliterate your needs about this just like that, he might also be doing it in other aspects of your life. If that's the case, I hope you find the courage to set and defend your boundaries. I know from experience that it's very hard to do, but also, that it's worth it. Either to build a fulfilling and respectful relationship with him, or to find it somewhere else. Your perfect you, and your baby deserve it.
Tell him nope, not true. I wanted to wean my baby at 4m so I could "have my body back"--i.e. have sex with my husband, whom I miss sexually. Weaning did not work, lol. So I'll try again at 5m. OP, my husband hasn't voiced one little utterance of complaint. **I'm** the one complaining to *him*. It's totally natural that some breastfeeding parents are in mom mode and can't stand their breasts/nipples being touched otherwise. Bf needs therapy about consent and bodily autonomy, and, if he won't go, I hope you recognize that he might be a better coparent than intimate partner.
It's not "literally just you". There is literally hundreds of thousands of us.
Also, he probably doesn't know any other couples like this because most men don't run around flaunting that they played with their wife's nipples. That's not exactly normal conversation.
He is trash who only cares about his pleasure. Throw the trash to the curb. You will feel much better. And your boobs will thank you.
Maybe he doesn't know any other couple with a small baby?
My breasts got so sensitive while breastfeeding, it was actually seriously painful when my husband wanted to do some nipple things, and touching breasts in general felt grating. I told him, he stopped. He did try every now and then, because .. old fashioned man-world culture and other urk stuff, but he stopped every time I told him to stop. Also, he did NOT shame or blame me, even if he whined a little about the unfairness of the world..
I'd say that even if it might be true your husband not knowing any other couple having that problem, it's because he has not asked or checked, and its ultimately HIM who has the problem, not you.
Many women feel this way. It's only a problem because he doesn't respect you or boundaries. My husband was just saying he wants the boob's back because as long as my daughter nurses, that's what they are for. Start man handling his balls and then tell him he is lame if he doesn't like it.
honestly I’m 6m pp, and still my husband does not touch it. he sometimes kisses around it or in upper chest area, but generally stay away from the boobs. His exact words are “I’ll get them back when you wean” ow okay
I’m at 2.5 years breastfeeding. My husband doesn’t complain at all. He sometimes wanted to squeeze mine I’d just slapped his hands and said don’t squeeze baby food 😂
I'm at 17 months, and same - waiting until we're naturally done. I get touched out all the time, but my husband and I both appreciate that is this not permanent. It's a stage, a brief one in the grand scheme of things.
sort of both I guess, he gets wary around them and I dont want to be fondled & squeezed which may lead to leaking so yea we both kinda avoid it I guess
Babe, I weaned a year ago and still don’t like my boobs being touched. My husband leaves it well alone, he didn’t even question it. He does not have any authority over your body, you alone decide how and where he gets to touch you.
Lots of women have boundaries about how they like their bodies touched. Hey I’m fine being vanilla! I would rather be vanilla but comfortable and happy than a rainbow swirl but uncomfortable and only thinking of what others want from my body, not how I want my body to be treated.
If your boyfriend gets what he wants by insulting you, that’s not great. I’m sorry
He can fuck allllllllll the way off. So many issues here particularly how much you are taking on yourself when you're literally doing something crucial for baby.
First of all men pressuring us into for unwanted touching make me dry up like the Sahara. Ew
Also... vanilla. Sigh.
Vanilla is the most complex unique flavor in the world, having over 250 recorded flavor components. It comes from the stamen of a flower that only opens for pollination once per year. I think it's also the most expensive of the spices. Growing and processing it is extremely difficult.
So your boyfriend is not only disrespectful also *stupid!* Vanilla sex would be earth-shattering and he only wishes he could experience something so special!!!
And most importantly he doesn't respect your boundaries, so parenting with him will be hell, and watching him treat your children with this same level of disrespect is going to be very hard for you. Pressuring you to be ok with being groped is not "nearly" abusive, it is just plain abusive.
You asked for advice but you won't like it, so just read the facts I laid out and decide for yourself.
I can switch my brain over but Im firmly in the minority on that.
Your boyfriend is garbage. Im sorry, I know that sucks. Break ups are hard. But staying with this garbage is going to be so much worse. Hes selfish, misogynistic, entitled, petulant, spiteful, and coercive.
Doesnt matter what sexual boundary I came up with, my husband wouldn't pick fights or namecall me over it. No half-decent man would. And if he ever did, I dont see how Id want to be intimate with him again.
OP. Sorry for piling on but just want you to consider one more thing, what happens when your child does not want to be touched or treated a certain way but your spouse feels equally entitled to their bodies? Doesn't need to be sexual to be abusive. He is showing you your future, thank him for his honesty and use the information he is freely giving you.
I’m 3 years postpartum and my breastfeeding journey is nearly over. My aversion for having my breasts touched ebbs and flows. Sometimes I really enjoy it - more than I ever did pre baby, other times it’s still that immediate revulsion. If I say stop or my body language indicates stop, my husband stops.
I’m so sorry you’re being pressured and guilted for listening to your own body. A body that grew and birthed an entire being and then fed them with her body. Your body is saying no because it needs rest and reprieve from the literal job of feeding another human. You deserve to have that boundary respected.
I had the same feeling and it didn't go away until 6 months after I weaned. Also, when I started breastfeeding, I had extremely sore nipples which were so painful that he couldn't touch me at all for 2 months.
Your partner has to respect your decision. You shouldn't have to explain yourself. No, it's no. Hopefully, he will understand.
Sending love. You're doing great. Breastfeeding is HARD
What a garbage man. You don’t have to do anything sexual you don’t want to do. I hate that we make women feel like we have to do things we don’t want for men’s sexual gratification.
Try to stick your finger in his butt..not literally but act if you are..and every time he says stop say no.. say see this is what it feels like to not to want to be touched..it took me almost a year before I wanted any kind of sexual activity..and please don't touch my boobs..I was so touched out from just the baby..my skin would crawl if I even thought he wanted to get active. I'm sorry he's not respecting your boundaries some guys are just so self absorbed.
“Your constant desire to touch the body part I use to feed our baby is making me view you as an infant, which is the least sexy thing I can think of. Control yourself or I will find someone who cares about consent.”
I feel this way too and I actually wear a bra while getting intimate so he doesn't touch them (with milk pads of course). One time while we were intimate I decided not to wear a bra and they squirted everywhere and he has pretty high OCD and didn't like it. So now he actually wants me to wear the bra and someone mentioned it here but he has moved on to my ass as well. Maybe you need to do that so he will leave them alone! 😅
Tell this man-child you have the misfortune of sleeping with that with all the surface area of your body, he needs to fixate on something else for awhile because this 2’x1’ or so area is off limits for a bit longer. Also, don’t make another baby with him. I bet he doesn’t change diapers or wash pump parts and bottles either. Does he even take care of you when you’re sick? What is he good for? Is he really THAT good in the sack? I doubt he’s worth the trouble. I’m so sorry to tell you that. There are decent men out there though. Don’t settle for this trash.
Just wanted to piggy back on this comment, i’m 7 weeks PP and my hubby had taken on all of the house chores besides cooking because i’m great at it and he well… isn’t lol, and he gets me things I need if baby is asleep on me, and generally just takes care of me so I can take care of our boy. All that to say, there are way better men in the world that will actually help you, and take care of you, AND respect your bodily autonomy. You deserve so much better than your bf is giving you, please don’t forget that❤️
Touching someone against their will is sexual assault. Your bf is continually sexually assaulting you. What a POS. This would be dealbreaker level for me. Hugs, I’m sorry!
I feel the exact same way about my boobs being touched now that I’m breastfeeding! It’s absolutely nails on a chalkboard. I keep my bra on for sex and my husband respects it. I think I could get past the mental side of things, but when he’s touched my boobs briefly it feels bad physically. He wants me to enjoy sex so he doesn’t do shit I don’t like, and you should hold your boyfriend to that standard. I would refuse to have sex with him at all if he’s not respecting your body and your boundaries.
It’s not lame or “vanilla” to not want your boobs touched. There’s also nothing wrong with preferring “vanilla” sex, whatever that might mean for you. But you can certainly still do kinky stuff without involving your boobs. He’s just saying that because he wants to shame you and make you feel bad.
I am in the same boat. My husband has always been obsessed with my boobs and used to love doing anything and everything to them. Now even him just looking at them makes my skin crawl because my son is constantly latched to me.
When I first told him, he was sad but understood and just moved to my ass. He still looks at them - especially when I am changing or out of the shower, but doesn't say anything about it or make me as uncomfortable anymore.
I’m sorry you have to keep telling your partner to respect your boundaries. The fact that he then gets mad is extremely disrespectful.
OP, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. After having our first kiddo and breastfeeding, my boobs never felt sexual even after I was done breastfeeding. I'm now breastfeeding our second kiddo. A caring and loving partner will understand and respect you and your body. Your boobs don't exist solely for the pleasure of others. Hopefully you can have an honest conversation with him and he will respond well. If not, sadly, this may be the time to consider what's best for you and your kiddo. Best of luck to you and way to stand up for yourself!
My boobs are off limits as long as I’m breastfeeding. I know my husband misses that part of our intimacy, but he respects it. I can’t switch back and forth with the idea either. You are not alone feeling this way. But he should respect that this makes you uncomfortable. As an aside, I have been very adamant about setting boundaries with my baby too. I let her touch my boobs, but draw the line at fiddling with nipples because it makes me uncomfortable. If you don’t like it, you could try giving baby a small toy to occupy their hands.
I can't stand it and I'm not sure if I will ever be ok with it again tbh. I feel the exact same way as you... It makes my whole body cringe. Everyone else is right though, unfortunately. The man is the problem. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.
My husband knows they are sensitive, so he follows my lead when it comes to boob touching. I don't mind the boob itself when he's gentle, but hate the nipple. Too sensitive.
He never touched the nips on purpose after I asked him the first time not to touch them.
Bf is TA
6 months post partum and my partner isn't remotely attracted to me at the moment. I was upset about it until I read this thread, now I feel.lucky. I'd be mad if he were trying to constantly touch me when I have said no a million times. I still haven't had sex again so there's that. Maybe just cut him off all together because he sure doesn't deserve you. He's a POS.
Well, he claims he's attracted to me but I've gained so much weight breastfeeding it's ridiculous. We are both paranoid about another pregnancy. Our baby is a birth control baby 🤣
My fiancé loves my boobs. When we first got together I had itty bitties and he liked them but once I got pregnant with our first born he became obsessed( they aren’t crazy big I basically went from a b cup to a c/d depending on the day/ time of day) and I was totally cool with it. Then I got pregnant with our second and suddenly I was super not cool with it. He 100% understood and respected that. Sometimes he still goes for em and when I’m about it, he’s happy and excited. When I’m not, he’s still happy and excited. Consent is 100000000% a necessary thing for a relationship and being guilted into something does not equal giving consent. Drop an ultimatum that if he cannot respect your boundaries then he is out the door. Either you feel safe and happy in the relationship or he can pay child support as a consequence to him not having the smallest shred of respect for your autonomy. Simple as that.
You should get way more respect from your partner. I told my husband, that it's a no go place for now and he respects it. We even joke occasionally that for now it's a baby property and we leave it at that. It's all about mutual respect you have in relationship. Yours doesn't sound particularly good, if I'm being honest. I'm not sure that there's some magic advice that can fix it 🤔 Except dumping his sorry ass, of course.
My bf pushes the boundary a little but he knows that if I say 'I mean it, not today' then he backs off.
He's not entitled to your body and its so hard to switch between breastfeeding boobs and sexual boobs especially in the early months of breast feeding.
I find now my baby is on solids and feeding less I'm less touched out and happier for them to be touched but still can feel too much at times
Oh, I just want to say I SO feel you on not being able to stand the baby playing with the other nipple. My son is almost 15 months but I’m already to the point of setting boundaries, letting him simply just get upset when I say no (to playing with that nipple) and teaching him about body autonomy and consent. Lol.
Yeah, so if I can set boundaries with my 15 month old then it’s perfectly OK to do with a grown adult. Sorry he is a jerk to you about it.
Of course you're not wrong for this - your boyfriend should NOT be arguing with you or starting a fight if you say that you don't want them touched. If he's pushing for something sexual that you are saying "no" about, that is simply sexual harassment. You don't need to get over the feeling if you don't want to.
You’re not wrong for this. Your BF not respecting your boundaries is *very* wrong for this. No means no. The fact is he trying to manipulate you and calling you names to coerce you into doing something sexually that you have multiple times said no to is absolutely appalling to me.
This is coercion and sexual manipulation and is a form of sexual abuse. Just fyi.
ETA- also just FYI, my husband does not touch my boobs either because I also don’t like it right now. This is very common for couples that are breast-feeding…
He's not respecting your boundaries which is fucked up.
But I understand both your point of view and the opposite point of view from the boob owners perspective.
When I was breastfeeding my firstborn I did not want anybody to touch my boobs at all. I barely wanted the baby to touch my boobs lol, and he was a twiddler which drove me up a wall.
My second born I did not care at all. It honestly felt kind of good because then pressure would be relieved lmfao she barely nursed. It was very transactional lol she would nurse just enough and then unlatch and I'd still have pressured titties lol.
I just had my third last Friday and I don't know how I'm feeling about that yet. He's been very wishy-washy on nursing too. However, they are so sensitive and sore right now, i'd probably punch him in the dick.
He's calling you vanilla to coerce you into changing your mind. A coerced yes is not a yes. You can only provide a real yes when no is a safe option. He doesn't respect your consent. He has a whole kid and still doesn't understand human decency? Sex, like anything else, requires kindness. If he doesn't get it, I doubt this is the first time he's manipulated you sexually tbh.
The more often he breaks your boundary, the more emotional stress your body is associating with the act, and the less likely you are to be able to enjoy it in the future. He's nuking even your future enjoymet with his impatience. He needs serious trauma education about how the body remembers acts of violation.
If he can't handle this simple change, is he ready for the other relationship changes and sacrifices that come with parenthood?
I breastfed my son for THREE YEARS and when I was done I had about three months of kind of getting back to normal. After that I wanted to feel like they were mine again to do and feel however I wanted so I threw out all of my nursing bras, bought pretty lacy ones and got my nipples pierced. All of that made me feel better and sexier and my husband has been very appreciative of me wanting to feel this way and be more sexual with them again. BUT that was all my choice and my husband was patient with me every step of the way and didn’t go past the boundaries I set for the different seasons of my life.
Let him suck your nipples until he gets a big letdown in his mouth… then be like “I told you so… you’re never touching my boobs again”
Edit because mom brain chooses wrong words 🤦🏻♀️
Having my boobs touched has always grossed me out and made me feel uncomfortable even before breastfeeding, and it’s even worse now. I couldn’t even pump that much in the beginning because it made me feel angry! My husband tried touching them once recently and even he even was like that’s weird isn’t it? And stopped. They’re for food now.
Your bf is wrong, I think a lot of women feel the same as you when breastfeeding but our partners respect our boundaries. Maybe get him a boob pillow to touch if he wants to touch them so bad.
Sorry you have two babies, OP. Sounds exhausting. Thankfully one will grow up to be a sweet kiddo and a sweet adult. The other is a forever baby, no one would blame you for throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
I don't mind him touching my boobs in general. It's the nipple sucking that can irk me. Idk how old you LO is but I have noticed that the older my babies got and nursed less that I was more open to my boobs being touched.
Maybe talk with your bf and see if there's a compromise you can come to. For me it's touching but little to no sucking. Maybe for you it's no boobs but more attention to your butt. Idk. Regardless, it's your body and your boundary. Maybe you can have him verbalize something that's a no-go for him and then ask how he'd feel if you kept pushing him to do the thing that's off limits and see how he'd feel about it.
I also hated it so much. I finally weened my daughter because I’m pregnant with my second and I don’t feel bothered by him touching my boobs right now but I know as soon as I start breastfeeding again I’m going to shut that 💩 down.
You are entitled to say boobs is a no-no and he should respect it. And he is entitled to consider that a no-no boobs relationship is a no-no.
You should both sit and decide what to do. It's one of those complex situations for sure.
Off limits while I’m breastfeeding a child (for the entirety of that time). It’s been years at this point and my partner has respected my boundary. Your BF is being disrespectful and is coercing you by saying those things. It’s gross. He’s being a baby.
Nah, not okay that he’s gaslighting you and pressuring you to let him do something that makes you so uncomfortable during this unique experience that HE CAN NEVER HAVE.
You are not “vanilla” for setting this boundary. Honestly, he’s lucking to be even “getting any” if he’s behaving like that. I’m trying to think of a comparison for him to try and comprehend what you’re going through but I can’t. But whilst he may never empathise, it’s no excuse not to respect you and your boundaries.
Omg this made my skin crawl too. I feel exactly the same and sometimes my husband touches a little side boob by accident and apologizes because he knows how much I don’t like to be touched there (even though he misses it). Sucking on it? I don’t know if I could ever look at him the same way if he ever says that to me. My boobs are her food right now.
The way you get over It is with time! And your bf needs to respect your boundary in the meantime. I’m 8 months into EBF and my boobs are completely off limits sexually for the time being. Not only are my boobs touched out, but I have zero desire for them to be used sexually, then washed off in the sink for them to be clean for my baby’s next feeding. My husband has access to all other parts of my body, but for now, the boobs belong to the baby lol.
Since I was around 20 weeks pregnant my boobs have been off limits to my other half, and he hasn't touched them once (other than like accidental elbows when trying to squeeze past each other in our tiny kitchen!) there was no debate, or guilt tripping, he immediately understood and took it seriously. I'm so sorry you're not in a relationship where your consent matters
He sounds like an immature ass. It is 100% normal to feel this way and it’s likely not permanent. It’s understandable that it might be disappointing for him but he should keep it to himself and absolutely not make you feel bad about it.
Once you're done breastfeeding it'll be easier to feel sexual about it again, but while you still are, it can be so annoying and even gross feeling. Like you said it's hard enough that the baby is constantly using them, having an adult play with them just adds to the discomfort rather than give you pleasure like he's probably thinking.
No is a complete sentence. It’s not just boundary violation. It’s sexual assault if he’s coercing you. Guilting you into a sexual act is assault. You say here more than once this isn’t what you want. He cares about his desires more than your discomfort. Consent is a two YES situation, not YES and I guess. Not OKAY FINE. Enthusiastic yes for both partners. The end.
I know I sound harsh, but this guy is NOT a healthy partner.
I weaned a couple weeks ago so my boobs are much more on the table now than they were and my husband talked about how he missed them. I didn’t even realize he was missing them because he never made me feel bad or tried to pressure me into making them accessible to him. He was happy with the access to my body that I did allow
Same! My daughter is 16 months and it's drives me up the wall when she plays with my other nipple while she's feeding. It's taken me at least a year to be able to switch from mom mode to sexy time mode, and I had to sit with my fiancé and explain it in a way that he would understand. Before our daughter, we would just go at it. But after my daughter, a lot of stressful things happened and my mental declined dramatically. My sex drive was basically non-existent and I felt bad because I heard women all the time on how they couldn't even wait for the 6 weeks to start having sex again. But he was very patient with me AFTER I told him what I was going through. I didn't mind having my breasts touched but when I started to breastfeed? Nope. Don't even look at 'em 😂 I know it can be hard for some men to completely understand but try to explain it in a way that he would get it.
He is sexually harassing you. I told my husband I wasn't interested in sex right now and probably won't for a while, and he said "Okay!" and hasn't brought it up since. You deserve someone who will respect your physical boundaries.
No clue because I feel the exact same way! The fiddling on the other side when my LO nurses on one side drives me up the wall… I constantly have to pull her hand away and just hold it !
I'm really sorry because this is a pretty serious violation of your trust and your body, and you need to see it as such. You have not given him consent, you've been clear with your words, and he has taken advantage of you time and time again. You might need to consider having a talk and telling him that you do not want your boobs touched (at all, only over clothes, whatever YOU are comfortable with), and if he chooses to ignore your wishes you will have to stay elsewhere/breakup/etc. It is not okay for this to continue.
Also adding that I used to LOVE my boobs being played with, sucked on, etc! And pretty much as soon as I got pregnant with my first kid my boobs were so sensitive and I just couldn't handle it. Then I breastfed for 18 mos and for me it wasn't so much about "these are for my daughter" I just didn't want them touched at all. I can't describe it other than like you, having them touched made my skin crawl. My husband respected that and I felt bad cuz it used to be a big part of our sex life but I didn't give in and more importantly, he didn't try. It took another like year after stopping breastfeeding but I finally started to enjoy it again and it was such a relief. But if my husband had violated my boundary about that, I don't know that I could ever enjoy it again.
I can’t stand my boobs being touched currently. My daughter is 14.5 months old. My husband is sad but he respects me saying no. It’s been over a year of patience from this man. Your bf sucks. He’s prioritizing himself over you. His comfort over yours. He’s doing it on purpose. That’s why he gets mad when you stop him instead of apologizing. Please prioritize yourself since he refuses.
This is totally normal...our boobs are no longer sexualized to us now after having and nursing our babies. Im the same way with my husband and he was very understanding.
I just posted something about this last week and got no responses. I totally get this and feel the exact same way. I told my husband that it’s weird for the same touch that feeds my son to be a sexual touch at other times. It’s weird and gross. But he has never sucked on them or asked to since I had the baby. That would be a hard no for me. He is putting his sexual pleasure before your comfort and that’s weird!!
Youre not "vanilla" for not wanting your boobs touched. This may be tmi but before I was breastfeeding I enjoyed when my husband would play with my boobs. Now I don't want him anywhere near them and by the end of the day most days I'm so touched out I don't want him touching me (6 weeks pp this week and a 20 month old). Our kids come first and he gets that. He also understand that it has nothing to do with him it's just the season we're in right now. This too shall pass.
What is not ok is your partner making you feel bad. You are literally feeding his baby and keeping her alive and helping her grow and thrive. You should be able to set boundaries in your relationship. I like what another commenter said about pinching his balls until he says to stop and then you calling him vanilla for not wanting that. "Other couples don't have this issue" well not everyone talks about the hardships that come along with breastfeeding. And noone is going to openly discuss "problems" in their sex life. He needs to get his dick in check. Period end of story.
I went through this with my husband, but once I told him I didn't want to be touched there because I now associate my boobs with baby, he got it and just stopped.
Your boyfriend doesn't respect you and that sucks.
I can’t express how many times I’ve said this to him and he says “all you have is fucking excuses, I’m so tired of your excuses. “ and it sucks because it’s not an excuse it’s a legit thing for me 😭
I asked my husband not to touch because they are so sensitive. I always leave a bra and sometimes a tank top on too while we’re intimate because I am self conscious about them possibly leaking, and getting used to my new body. It’s not an excuse, it’s your body & he doesn’t own your boobs. I’d tell him that you hear him and what he wants, but that this isn’t a decision he is included on. Also, remind him it doesn’t mean that he’ll never get to touch your boobs again necessarily, just that right now they’re off-limits.
Im 7 months postpartum and EBF. Right now the thought of -anything- sexual makes my skin crawl. My fiancé doesn’t know this but he does know that I haven’t been in the mood at all and also had a 2nd degree tear and am scared of pain and he has been so loving and respectful because he knows i’m tired and a human milk machine and am completely touched out. You deserve to be treated with respect and have your boundaries respected too. If my guy can go 7 months without any sexual contact at all, yours can go without touching the ONE thing you don’t want touched
No advice just solidarity!!! I haaaaaaate having my nipples touched by my husband right now. When not nursing it never bothered me but right now it does not feel the same as it used to! Like my body is saying “for baby only!”
smh…my husband sometimes goes for the boobs during sex and I’m like “no!” and he stops. I don’t even have to explain anything. no means no. a complete sentence. your man is foul for what he’s saying to you.
I have felt the same way since breastfeeding. My boobs are so sensitive even my own shirt grazing against my nipples irks the hell out of me. My toddler is not allowed to fiddle and neither is my husband. My boobs are for milk purposes only. Your bf needs to respect that your body has changed and so have your boundaries.
First thoughts are that my partner and I engage in booby play because we BOTH like it. Like he’s trying to enhance my pleasure or arousal by doing something he also thinks is pretty nice. Like if touching my boobs caused the opposite of the desired effect and was unpleasant for me it would probably give him the yuck and he wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. Breastfeeding might be the reason you have had a shift in what kind of touch you find pleasure from but the real thing here is that your body parts are not for the service of anyone’s pleasure except yours (it’s cool to share but they really are for you). It’s weird that he has done the mental gymnastics to say that it’s okay for me to pressure my partner and actually get pleasure from something she actively dislikes. The scenario for him is: she’s grossed out and I’m getting off, as if sex is for him and not you both.
To borrow and correct a frase “most couples don’t have that problem dude, it’s just you”
He needs to respect your boundaries, end of story. I hope my husband is into my boobs because I think breastfeeding is super hot. I feel incredibly sexy in my pregnant body. I feel like my body is doing something amazing and it's just very attractive. My husband is super attracted to my pregnant body but thinks he might have mixed feelings about my breastfeeding boobs. If he does I will respect that, and your husband needs to do the same!
Same with me. My husband is much more respectful of my boundaries. At this point, you need to ask him if his sexual preferences are more important to him than you as a person. If that’s the case… do you want to raise a daughter in a home that teaches than men’s sexual needs are more important than the comfort of their partner?
I think this is pretty common. I will say that my baby is 6 months old and I am breastfeeding less and just pumping/ going formula bottles and this is less of a problem for me since I am using mg boobs less…. So “the switch” from mom to sexual does get easier!!
As many others have said, you are not weird or being a baby. I am still BF my 2 year old and I hate when my partner touches my nipples during sex. I didn’t want him touching my breasts at all for a long time. I have noticed it’s ok for him to touch and caress my breast ls now. Maybe because I am only BF at night now so not nearly as frequent as before?…but I cannot stand for him to touch my nipples. My son is a twiddler so it instantly takes me out of the mood. I told him this and he apologized and moved on. Your partner is being a huge jerk. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope you are able to resolve this but he definitely needs to respect your body and your boundaries.
I hate my boobs being touched too. Before ever breastfeeding, during breastfeeding, and after I was done with breastfeeding. So my husband doesn't, and I think I have only told him once.
Your bf needs to stop sexually assaulting you. You already told.him "no" so if he continued on, that's exactly what he is doing.
I have also wanted for my boobs to be off limits. I find that they will be dirty and would need to wash them repeatedly. My husband didn't really respect my wishes and made me want less intimate moments with him. I've tried the analogy with ginger in the but, he says it's not the same. Obviously would make him think less of him and that's something that his mind protects him from finding out. I showed him this thread, only read a bit and he said that everyone that says your BF is an a** are just a bunch of feminists. You're not the only one, but at least you're not married to him. If I would have known before saying "yes" that he doesn't know how to respect boundaries I would have called it off. Not respecting boundaries is a form of abuse.
You are not wrong.
You are not wrong.
You get to pick how people touch you, and it’s super super icky that he isn’t being respectful.
It is not okay for someone to touch you in a way you do not want, even if you are in a consensual relationship. You can even change your mind if you do give the okay!
❤️ so much love.
Squirt a little breast milk in his face next time... I'm sure that will turn him off... No no I'm just kidding... Even though that would be hilarious..
I feel your pain... My nipples are definitely not for sexual needs right now... For feeding only... And it's weird. When touched... It's not even cute anymore or sexy. It kind of hurts.. It even kind hurts just washing them in the shower by myself... If you tell him that maybe he will understand.. The level of pain.
You really need to let him know that it's not him not being sexual. It's just that your boobs feel like a tool now.. I know that sounds funny but it's kind of true..
Try to do something else that's "sexy. " Move him somewhere else. Lol...
For me it's kind of even hard to just feel cute and romantic now.. but try if you want to keep the Sparks lit... He probably just feels a little left out and I get it ...
However, he needs to respect your wishes of not being touched..
Tell your boyfriend to stop being a jerk and respect your boundaries and body? 'No' is a complete sentence and him making you feel bad for not wanting your body to be touched is a douche thing to do. I also don't like my breasts touched since I've started breastfeeding, I told my husband not to touch them, and guess what? He doesn't. He didn't make me feel bad, he didn't give me a hard time, he just respected my wishes and we moved on. I'm sorry your partner isn't respecting you the same way.
You need to set boundaries of respect; if you don't do it now, later on, He will want to do whatever he want with you. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and honestly, that is a window for bad things to happen, so if he doesn’t listen to you, end that relationship.
16 months atm. Husband has mild boob access during intimate times but is very responsive if I ever say Nope when he makes a move that way, and only even started attempting when I gave the green light after the first many months of an embargo.
I am able to squeeze in every bit of desire and access I can during our intimate times because I know he wont abuse that privilege.
You're not in the wrong at all! He sounds like he doesn't respect you or your boundaries in the slightest, and I have a feeling this isn't the first time he's done something like this. This is a form of assault, love. After reading this post and some of your comments, I know you deserve better
Would you touch your man’s dick if he didn’t want you to and didn’t feel comfortable at that time? If you would, that’s sexual assault.
He is sexually assaulting her. It is not the same as your horniness.
I can’t say I haven’t. But he knows who he married. My libido is high and my love language is touch. Every person is different on how they speak out for love. I know it sounds wild to you but to call this disgusting or rude is a stretch to me. Just talked to a cousin (male) that said men spend 9 months getting out just to spend their whole life trying to get back in. That’s mad funny and true and part of nature. He didn’t force himself on her or making her. Just like me grabbing my man is just me messing around. It’s a great thing to be desired.
He can be affectionate and touch me, but if I don’t want him fondling my boobs, because it gives me the ICK, any person with common decency would respect that. I could care less If I’m desired or not, it literally makes my skin crawl and makes me SUPER uncomfortable. And me voicing it & It STILL not being respected is a problem. Someone making someone with a Boundary in place feel like they have to just give in to it because it’s what THEY like, regardless of how it makes the other person feel is a problem. This response is just so frustrating to me
Remember OP you asked for advice on how to get over it or if you’re over reacting and I stated my opinion. It is what it is and you should either edit your original comment or stick by what you asked. I’m sorry you feel uncomfortable but it’s also been 2 years.
I hope you never have a daughter, and tell her she deserves to be groped forever even in situations where she’s made it very clear she’s uncomfortable.
Shame on you for telling women to shut up and like it just because they’re “desired”. Ew.
I’m looking for the part I said shut up caz I’m not finding it? I said calling it harassment was a stretch and at the end I said being desired is a good thing. It’s ok to have grace of the person you decided to have children with. Also keep in mind OP asked how to get over it and wanted advice, not how to put her man in jail and leave so I’m more in the right than most of yal here.
Saying “Good luck, that’s like me not grabbing my man.” Is a very dismissive comment designed to “shut down” OP’s side of the argument. So you don’t exactly quote-on-quote say shut up, but that’s pretty much what dismissing someone is.
And then you rebutted yourself by saying you would grab your man even if he didn’t want it and was uncomfortable. And you implied that it’s just “nature” for a man to try to “get in”. Then you say it’s great to be desired, at the end of a chain of comments talking about specifically not wanting to be desired. 🤷♀️
That’s all extremely dismissive of OP, and an equivalent of trying to shut up the conversation. I didn’t know you would be so pedantic about it.
ETA: Reading OPs comments, he’s obviously abusive. Telling someone to just deal with it isn’t very helpful.
My husband is obsessed with my boobs. I also hate them being touched, so he just doesn’t touch them. He didn’t complain or make me feel bad. He moved on to my ass 😂
Hilariously mine did too. Which is great because I went from pregnant > breastfeeding > pregnant > breastfeeding again so the boobs have been off limits for a long while. “Luckily” (his words) my postpartum ass is quite bigger than it used to be so there’s that for him.
Lucky my butt used to be my BEST asset and now it’s completely gone after baby. I’ve always had boobs too but now they’re huge and sweaty and I hate them I just want my butt and my c cups back 🤣
Nah, my butt looks sad not perky but there’s plenty of it. (Along with thighs and belly). Someday I’ll have a shapely butt and a waist again but that day ain’t today
My hubby is obsessed with my post partum body but I am not :/ I hope I get back to normal one day
Yep! He respects my boundaries but has simply found something else 😂
😂
And how do you feel about that? OK or problematic too?
I’m fine with it!! He doesn’t do anything I’m uncomfortable with. he respects me and never makes me feel bad to say no or not now!
Totally normal to feel this way, and your BF is an asshole for still asking. You're literally keeping his small human ALIVE RN for fuck's sake. 🙃 You and your boobs both have a full time job and need rest. They're off limits and if he can't respect that he can lose access to your whole self. EDIT: I have big feelings about this. My husband has always been super respectful and didn't make me feel guilty for being touched out when breastfeeding. And that was a green flag and accurately predicted how he would respond when I developed an incredibly painful pelvic condition years later, and couldn't do P in V for ages. He couldn't enjoy sex if it was causing me discomfort. And that's a green flag. I know women whose husbands get mad at them for being in pain during sex. Some guys are just awful. OP, your BF knows manhandling your nipples right now causes you discomfort. And he wants to do it anyway because penis feels good. Penis feel good is more important than your comfort.
The reality of this hit me like a ton of bricks. 🥺
If he doesn’t get the message with you expressing your wishes, then maybe he’d get the message if you start slowly plucking hairs from his balls out pinching them and twisting and when he jumps and says it hurts tell him you like it though and keep doing it and complain about how he’s vanilla until he gets the comparison.
Once after a particularly aggressive nursing session I asked for a comforting hug from my husband and when he got close enough, I pinched one of his nipples. 😜
They can’t take it!!! 😂
I literally love all of you 😭😭 all your comments make me feel so much better! I started feeling crazy and second guessing myself & thinking I was just being a baby about it.
You’re not a baby, the sensation of someone even walking by and grazing my boob makes me want to flail my arms. And the thought of anyone touching my child’s food source in a sexual way makes me feel so grossed out. When they are no longer used to feed my baby, sure. But they aren’t used for ANYTHING else until then
You are not a baby. Your partner is an asshole. I don’t mind my breasts being touched by my husband and I still get it. Take breastfeeding out of the scenario all together, because that’s not even the issue; You don’t want your boobs touched. It doesn’t matter why. He continues to pressure you anyways. He’s not caring if he has your *enthusiastic consent* or not or he would stop. Consent can be withdrawn at *any* time. And it must be given freely. If it’s not-that’s an assault and not a consenting interaction. I’m so sorry, I hope you are able to make decisions to make sure you and baby are safe and happier.
You are NOT crazy. This feeling is incredibly common among breastfeeding moms. You deserve a partner who understands and respects your boundaries, even as they change throughout your life. My own story is the same: Breasts are for baby when I’m breastfeeding. My husband completely understood my feelings. He stayed away from my nipples during intimacy and always asked my permission to give my breasts a caress or something. Didn’t get upset at all when I said no.
You get over the feeling by getting rid of the dude who doesn’t respect your boundaries and makes you feel guilty and less than for not caving in to his desires.
You are absolutely right and this 🥺
I tell my husband NO and he understands every time. Consent and respect is everything
Same! I explained to my husband that our daughter nurses from My boobs and I just can’t make the switch and give him that sexual Satisfaction. My husband understands this quite well and to be honest, we both rarely have sex! We are beyond tired 🤦♀️ daycare illness and full time Jobs etc! It’s so hard omg!!! 😱 You really need to have your man respect you otherwise it’s very hard to carry on!!and if he calls you vanilla again, SEND HIM BACK TO HIS MUM!
I mean sometimes I'll let him touch them but not the nipples 😂
THIS⬆️⬆️⬆️
Seriously! I told my husband my boobs are working right now and it feels wrong to have them touched so he doesn't touch them? Occasionally if we are having sex he will ask if it's okay to touch and he will respect whatever answer I give (sometimes it's okay if I have a bra on and he knows nips are off limits). A partner that stomps boundaries and doesn't respect your consent isn't someone I would want to be around.
Periodt
People do not get to do things to your body that you don’t enjoy. He needs consent to touch your chest and he isn’t getting it. He is assaulting you. I’d understand maybe an oh shit I’m sorry I forgot got carried away kind of response but this isn’t that. This is bullshit.
I absolutely hate when my husband touches them. He knows not to lol. I think your man should be more understanding and respect that it’s not comfortable for you right now. No advice, just solidarity.
When I was breastfeeding I also couldn’t stand anyone or anything else on my boobs that didn’t revolve around actually breastfeeding. I feel like he should respect that at this time. It does not stay that way forever and I felt like things went back to ‘normal’ when I had stopped. But once again he should understand where you are coming from
It sucks because I want him to understand so bad & he will say “I don’t know any other couple on this planet that has this problem, it’s literally just you 😡” and it makes me feel so shitty
No other couple on this planet has this problem because the partner respects the woman’s wish to not have her breasts touched. I told my husband it bothered me, and he stopped. I’m 9 months into bf, and he accidentally has grabbed them a few times and when I remind him he’s apologetic. Btw, totally with you. It makes my skin crawl and instantly gets me out of the mood.
Right?! I'm sorry OP, this man does not deserve you (or anyone else for that matter) if he doesn't completely change who is immediately. I couldn't imagine a loving partner ever behaving this way. It's abusive and disgusting. Big hug
It's meant to make you feel shitty. Think about that. Would you ever *intentionally* make someone feel shitty? A stranger, a friend, a relative, or a partner? Anyone?
Can’t say that I would. You’re totally right about this
Where is he getting this “information” from exactly?? Has he polled couples about their post-baby sex life? Because all the ones I know in real life who I’ve talked to have had some major challenges as well.
I think he just says it as a dig at me to make me so awful about having this boundary
Oh dear, I want to give you a hug so badly and I’m not even a person who enjoys hugging.❤️ It breaks my heart that he’s treating you like this. You deserve much better and he’s intentionally overstepping your boundaries because he’s listening to his dick and not you. I am sure he then blames you, because he knows deep down that it is wrong of him to overstep your boundaries. Remember that you should never be ashamed or feel guilty about your right to your body; no one ever should.
Even if literally no other couple has this issue, it doesn’t make it any less of an issue for you as a person. Such a dumb argument. It invalidates your feelings. I’d reassure him that this is a phase and ask him to get his head out of his backside.
Show him this thread. Hi boyfriend! I also hate things and people touching my boobs while breastfeeding. Sometimes I can’t even stand my own bra touching them. Also go eat a dick.
Hi boyfriend! I have a similar problem— I don’t mind if my husband touches my breasts, but I don’t want his mouth anywhere near them. It’s too weird for me right now.
“I don’t know any other couple on this planet that had this problem” how many breastfeeding couples does he know? Does he go asking couples who are actively breastfeeding or have breastfed in the past whether the mother likes her breasts handled in a sexual way when she’s lactating to feed a baby? What a weird thing to say, I’m sorry but your man gives me the heebie jeebies
What an ass. You’re not the only one, it is totally normal to feel this way.
That’s not true at all. My boobs are a no-go since I’ve started breastfeeding. They’re just totally not sexual to me anymore. I feel my baby with them!
Maybe because that's not something other couples even think to discuss? Honestly, it's not that big a deal for anyone else, my husband gets to enjoy my boobs with his eyes and that's good enough for now. He's not crying about it. Maybe next time turn that argument around and tell him he is right, other couples don't have that problem because other men can get by without handling a boob for a while, it's literally just him.
Right, how many breastfeeding couples has he talked to? Like what’s his sample size here?
Just bc "no one else in the world has this problem" (🙄), doesn't mean he gets to overrule your uniqueness, your needs, and what you ask for. That expression is just to make you feel like a weirdo, and it's totally unfair. 1st. You can see in all the comments here that you're absolutely not alone in how you feel. It's him that's being an a@#$&. 2nd. If he can obliterate your needs about this just like that, he might also be doing it in other aspects of your life. If that's the case, I hope you find the courage to set and defend your boundaries. I know from experience that it's very hard to do, but also, that it's worth it. Either to build a fulfilling and respectful relationship with him, or to find it somewhere else. Your perfect you, and your baby deserve it.
Tell him nope, not true. I wanted to wean my baby at 4m so I could "have my body back"--i.e. have sex with my husband, whom I miss sexually. Weaning did not work, lol. So I'll try again at 5m. OP, my husband hasn't voiced one little utterance of complaint. **I'm** the one complaining to *him*. It's totally natural that some breastfeeding parents are in mom mode and can't stand their breasts/nipples being touched otherwise. Bf needs therapy about consent and bodily autonomy, and, if he won't go, I hope you recognize that he might be a better coparent than intimate partner.
Tell him it is absolutely not just you. I feel like probably more women than not feel this way. Show him these comments.
It's not "literally just you". There is literally hundreds of thousands of us. Also, he probably doesn't know any other couples like this because most men don't run around flaunting that they played with their wife's nipples. That's not exactly normal conversation. He is trash who only cares about his pleasure. Throw the trash to the curb. You will feel much better. And your boobs will thank you.
Is he with every other couple? No. He is pulling that line out of his butt. That is why it feels shitty.
Maybe he doesn't know any other couple with a small baby? My breasts got so sensitive while breastfeeding, it was actually seriously painful when my husband wanted to do some nipple things, and touching breasts in general felt grating. I told him, he stopped. He did try every now and then, because .. old fashioned man-world culture and other urk stuff, but he stopped every time I told him to stop. Also, he did NOT shame or blame me, even if he whined a little about the unfairness of the world.. I'd say that even if it might be true your husband not knowing any other couple having that problem, it's because he has not asked or checked, and its ultimately HIM who has the problem, not you.
Many women feel this way. It's only a problem because he doesn't respect you or boundaries. My husband was just saying he wants the boob's back because as long as my daughter nurses, that's what they are for. Start man handling his balls and then tell him he is lame if he doesn't like it.
honestly I’m 6m pp, and still my husband does not touch it. he sometimes kisses around it or in upper chest area, but generally stay away from the boobs. His exact words are “I’ll get them back when you wean” ow okay
He doesn’t want too, or you don’t want him too? I’m going on 2 years of breast feeding & still can’t stand mine being touched 😭
Props to you for lasting 2 years, that’s crazy! I am 5mpp and I want to throw in the towel already lol
It’s been an adventure, that’s for sure. I’m trying to wait until she’s ready to be done. Which feels like never lol
I’m at 2.5 years breastfeeding. My husband doesn’t complain at all. He sometimes wanted to squeeze mine I’d just slapped his hands and said don’t squeeze baby food 😂
I'm at 17 months, and same - waiting until we're naturally done. I get touched out all the time, but my husband and I both appreciate that is this not permanent. It's a stage, a brief one in the grand scheme of things.
sort of both I guess, he gets wary around them and I dont want to be fondled & squeezed which may lead to leaking so yea we both kinda avoid it I guess
Babe, I weaned a year ago and still don’t like my boobs being touched. My husband leaves it well alone, he didn’t even question it. He does not have any authority over your body, you alone decide how and where he gets to touch you.
Lots of women have boundaries about how they like their bodies touched. Hey I’m fine being vanilla! I would rather be vanilla but comfortable and happy than a rainbow swirl but uncomfortable and only thinking of what others want from my body, not how I want my body to be treated. If your boyfriend gets what he wants by insulting you, that’s not great. I’m sorry
Vanilla is a form of sexuality like any other, and probably the most common. It's not an insult.
Correct. It’s not an insult! But OP’s boyfriend isn’t using it as an insult in this situation. That’s not ok.
That's it
He can fuck allllllllll the way off. So many issues here particularly how much you are taking on yourself when you're literally doing something crucial for baby. First of all men pressuring us into for unwanted touching make me dry up like the Sahara. Ew Also... vanilla. Sigh. Vanilla is the most complex unique flavor in the world, having over 250 recorded flavor components. It comes from the stamen of a flower that only opens for pollination once per year. I think it's also the most expensive of the spices. Growing and processing it is extremely difficult. So your boyfriend is not only disrespectful also *stupid!* Vanilla sex would be earth-shattering and he only wishes he could experience something so special!!! And most importantly he doesn't respect your boundaries, so parenting with him will be hell, and watching him treat your children with this same level of disrespect is going to be very hard for you. Pressuring you to be ok with being groped is not "nearly" abusive, it is just plain abusive. You asked for advice but you won't like it, so just read the facts I laid out and decide for yourself.
This is actually beautiful they way you explained "vanilla" well done! ❤
I can switch my brain over but Im firmly in the minority on that. Your boyfriend is garbage. Im sorry, I know that sucks. Break ups are hard. But staying with this garbage is going to be so much worse. Hes selfish, misogynistic, entitled, petulant, spiteful, and coercive. Doesnt matter what sexual boundary I came up with, my husband wouldn't pick fights or namecall me over it. No half-decent man would. And if he ever did, I dont see how Id want to be intimate with him again.
Yes, thank you. Leave this garbage. I know you have a child with him, but this is HUGE.
OP. Sorry for piling on but just want you to consider one more thing, what happens when your child does not want to be touched or treated a certain way but your spouse feels equally entitled to their bodies? Doesn't need to be sexual to be abusive. He is showing you your future, thank him for his honesty and use the information he is freely giving you.
You are absolutely right.
I’m 3 years postpartum and my breastfeeding journey is nearly over. My aversion for having my breasts touched ebbs and flows. Sometimes I really enjoy it - more than I ever did pre baby, other times it’s still that immediate revulsion. If I say stop or my body language indicates stop, my husband stops. I’m so sorry you’re being pressured and guilted for listening to your own body. A body that grew and birthed an entire being and then fed them with her body. Your body is saying no because it needs rest and reprieve from the literal job of feeding another human. You deserve to have that boundary respected.
I had the same feeling and it didn't go away until 6 months after I weaned. Also, when I started breastfeeding, I had extremely sore nipples which were so painful that he couldn't touch me at all for 2 months. Your partner has to respect your decision. You shouldn't have to explain yourself. No, it's no. Hopefully, he will understand. Sending love. You're doing great. Breastfeeding is HARD
What a garbage man. You don’t have to do anything sexual you don’t want to do. I hate that we make women feel like we have to do things we don’t want for men’s sexual gratification.
Try to stick your finger in his butt..not literally but act if you are..and every time he says stop say no.. say see this is what it feels like to not to want to be touched..it took me almost a year before I wanted any kind of sexual activity..and please don't touch my boobs..I was so touched out from just the baby..my skin would crawl if I even thought he wanted to get active. I'm sorry he's not respecting your boundaries some guys are just so self absorbed.
My husband hasn't touched my boobs since I gave birth. I told him I'm touched out, and he's respecting my wishes.
“Your constant desire to touch the body part I use to feed our baby is making me view you as an infant, which is the least sexy thing I can think of. Control yourself or I will find someone who cares about consent.”
he does not sound like a "grown man"
I feel this way too and I actually wear a bra while getting intimate so he doesn't touch them (with milk pads of course). One time while we were intimate I decided not to wear a bra and they squirted everywhere and he has pretty high OCD and didn't like it. So now he actually wants me to wear the bra and someone mentioned it here but he has moved on to my ass as well. Maybe you need to do that so he will leave them alone! 😅
If I wear my bra during sex, he will ALWAYS take it off. It’s so annoying
Tell this man-child you have the misfortune of sleeping with that with all the surface area of your body, he needs to fixate on something else for awhile because this 2’x1’ or so area is off limits for a bit longer. Also, don’t make another baby with him. I bet he doesn’t change diapers or wash pump parts and bottles either. Does he even take care of you when you’re sick? What is he good for? Is he really THAT good in the sack? I doubt he’s worth the trouble. I’m so sorry to tell you that. There are decent men out there though. Don’t settle for this trash.
You’re right. He doesn’t help me at all.
Just wanted to piggy back on this comment, i’m 7 weeks PP and my hubby had taken on all of the house chores besides cooking because i’m great at it and he well… isn’t lol, and he gets me things I need if baby is asleep on me, and generally just takes care of me so I can take care of our boy. All that to say, there are way better men in the world that will actually help you, and take care of you, AND respect your bodily autonomy. You deserve so much better than your bf is giving you, please don’t forget that❤️
Touching someone against their will is sexual assault. Your bf is continually sexually assaulting you. What a POS. This would be dealbreaker level for me. Hugs, I’m sorry!
I feel the exact same way about my boobs being touched now that I’m breastfeeding! It’s absolutely nails on a chalkboard. I keep my bra on for sex and my husband respects it. I think I could get past the mental side of things, but when he’s touched my boobs briefly it feels bad physically. He wants me to enjoy sex so he doesn’t do shit I don’t like, and you should hold your boyfriend to that standard. I would refuse to have sex with him at all if he’s not respecting your body and your boundaries. It’s not lame or “vanilla” to not want your boobs touched. There’s also nothing wrong with preferring “vanilla” sex, whatever that might mean for you. But you can certainly still do kinky stuff without involving your boobs. He’s just saying that because he wants to shame you and make you feel bad.
I am in the same boat. My husband has always been obsessed with my boobs and used to love doing anything and everything to them. Now even him just looking at them makes my skin crawl because my son is constantly latched to me. When I first told him, he was sad but understood and just moved to my ass. He still looks at them - especially when I am changing or out of the shower, but doesn't say anything about it or make me as uncomfortable anymore. I’m sorry you have to keep telling your partner to respect your boundaries. The fact that he then gets mad is extremely disrespectful.
OP, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. After having our first kiddo and breastfeeding, my boobs never felt sexual even after I was done breastfeeding. I'm now breastfeeding our second kiddo. A caring and loving partner will understand and respect you and your body. Your boobs don't exist solely for the pleasure of others. Hopefully you can have an honest conversation with him and he will respond well. If not, sadly, this may be the time to consider what's best for you and your kiddo. Best of luck to you and way to stand up for yourself!
My boobs are off limits as long as I’m breastfeeding. I know my husband misses that part of our intimacy, but he respects it. I can’t switch back and forth with the idea either. You are not alone feeling this way. But he should respect that this makes you uncomfortable. As an aside, I have been very adamant about setting boundaries with my baby too. I let her touch my boobs, but draw the line at fiddling with nipples because it makes me uncomfortable. If you don’t like it, you could try giving baby a small toy to occupy their hands.
I can't stand it and I'm not sure if I will ever be ok with it again tbh. I feel the exact same way as you... It makes my whole body cringe. Everyone else is right though, unfortunately. The man is the problem. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.
I’m the same way! When I’m breastfeeding, my boobs are for my baby!😭 I’m just lucky to have a partner who understands and respects me♥️
My husband knows they are sensitive, so he follows my lead when it comes to boob touching. I don't mind the boob itself when he's gentle, but hate the nipple. Too sensitive. He never touched the nips on purpose after I asked him the first time not to touch them. Bf is TA
6 months post partum and my partner isn't remotely attracted to me at the moment. I was upset about it until I read this thread, now I feel.lucky. I'd be mad if he were trying to constantly touch me when I have said no a million times. I still haven't had sex again so there's that. Maybe just cut him off all together because he sure doesn't deserve you. He's a POS.
Oh honey, has your husband told you why he’s not wanted to have sex? That would hurt me as well!
Well, he claims he's attracted to me but I've gained so much weight breastfeeding it's ridiculous. We are both paranoid about another pregnancy. Our baby is a birth control baby 🤣
My fiancé loves my boobs. When we first got together I had itty bitties and he liked them but once I got pregnant with our first born he became obsessed( they aren’t crazy big I basically went from a b cup to a c/d depending on the day/ time of day) and I was totally cool with it. Then I got pregnant with our second and suddenly I was super not cool with it. He 100% understood and respected that. Sometimes he still goes for em and when I’m about it, he’s happy and excited. When I’m not, he’s still happy and excited. Consent is 100000000% a necessary thing for a relationship and being guilted into something does not equal giving consent. Drop an ultimatum that if he cannot respect your boundaries then he is out the door. Either you feel safe and happy in the relationship or he can pay child support as a consequence to him not having the smallest shred of respect for your autonomy. Simple as that.
You should get way more respect from your partner. I told my husband, that it's a no go place for now and he respects it. We even joke occasionally that for now it's a baby property and we leave it at that. It's all about mutual respect you have in relationship. Yours doesn't sound particularly good, if I'm being honest. I'm not sure that there's some magic advice that can fix it 🤔 Except dumping his sorry ass, of course.
My bf pushes the boundary a little but he knows that if I say 'I mean it, not today' then he backs off. He's not entitled to your body and its so hard to switch between breastfeeding boobs and sexual boobs especially in the early months of breast feeding. I find now my baby is on solids and feeding less I'm less touched out and happier for them to be touched but still can feel too much at times
Oh, I just want to say I SO feel you on not being able to stand the baby playing with the other nipple. My son is almost 15 months but I’m already to the point of setting boundaries, letting him simply just get upset when I say no (to playing with that nipple) and teaching him about body autonomy and consent. Lol. Yeah, so if I can set boundaries with my 15 month old then it’s perfectly OK to do with a grown adult. Sorry he is a jerk to you about it.
I have a simple solution to make sure he never touches your boobs again - dump his ass! Problem solved!
Of course you're not wrong for this - your boyfriend should NOT be arguing with you or starting a fight if you say that you don't want them touched. If he's pushing for something sexual that you are saying "no" about, that is simply sexual harassment. You don't need to get over the feeling if you don't want to.
What a prick
You’re not wrong for this. Your BF not respecting your boundaries is *very* wrong for this. No means no. The fact is he trying to manipulate you and calling you names to coerce you into doing something sexually that you have multiple times said no to is absolutely appalling to me. This is coercion and sexual manipulation and is a form of sexual abuse. Just fyi. ETA- also just FYI, my husband does not touch my boobs either because I also don’t like it right now. This is very common for couples that are breast-feeding…
He's not respecting your boundaries which is fucked up. But I understand both your point of view and the opposite point of view from the boob owners perspective. When I was breastfeeding my firstborn I did not want anybody to touch my boobs at all. I barely wanted the baby to touch my boobs lol, and he was a twiddler which drove me up a wall. My second born I did not care at all. It honestly felt kind of good because then pressure would be relieved lmfao she barely nursed. It was very transactional lol she would nurse just enough and then unlatch and I'd still have pressured titties lol. I just had my third last Friday and I don't know how I'm feeling about that yet. He's been very wishy-washy on nursing too. However, they are so sensitive and sore right now, i'd probably punch him in the dick.
He's calling you vanilla to coerce you into changing your mind. A coerced yes is not a yes. You can only provide a real yes when no is a safe option. He doesn't respect your consent. He has a whole kid and still doesn't understand human decency? Sex, like anything else, requires kindness. If he doesn't get it, I doubt this is the first time he's manipulated you sexually tbh. The more often he breaks your boundary, the more emotional stress your body is associating with the act, and the less likely you are to be able to enjoy it in the future. He's nuking even your future enjoymet with his impatience. He needs serious trauma education about how the body remembers acts of violation. If he can't handle this simple change, is he ready for the other relationship changes and sacrifices that come with parenthood?
I breastfed my son for THREE YEARS and when I was done I had about three months of kind of getting back to normal. After that I wanted to feel like they were mine again to do and feel however I wanted so I threw out all of my nursing bras, bought pretty lacy ones and got my nipples pierced. All of that made me feel better and sexier and my husband has been very appreciative of me wanting to feel this way and be more sexual with them again. BUT that was all my choice and my husband was patient with me every step of the way and didn’t go past the boundaries I set for the different seasons of my life.
He is being a horrible partner. Like if my husband told me that me kissing his neck made his skin crawl in a bad way I can't imagine doing it to him!!
Let him suck your nipples until he gets a big letdown in his mouth… then be like “I told you so… you’re never touching my boobs again” Edit because mom brain chooses wrong words 🤦🏻♀️
Having my boobs touched has always grossed me out and made me feel uncomfortable even before breastfeeding, and it’s even worse now. I couldn’t even pump that much in the beginning because it made me feel angry! My husband tried touching them once recently and even he even was like that’s weird isn’t it? And stopped. They’re for food now. Your bf is wrong, I think a lot of women feel the same as you when breastfeeding but our partners respect our boundaries. Maybe get him a boob pillow to touch if he wants to touch them so bad.
Sorry you have two babies, OP. Sounds exhausting. Thankfully one will grow up to be a sweet kiddo and a sweet adult. The other is a forever baby, no one would blame you for throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
I don't mind him touching my boobs in general. It's the nipple sucking that can irk me. Idk how old you LO is but I have noticed that the older my babies got and nursed less that I was more open to my boobs being touched. Maybe talk with your bf and see if there's a compromise you can come to. For me it's touching but little to no sucking. Maybe for you it's no boobs but more attention to your butt. Idk. Regardless, it's your body and your boundary. Maybe you can have him verbalize something that's a no-go for him and then ask how he'd feel if you kept pushing him to do the thing that's off limits and see how he'd feel about it.
I also hated it so much. I finally weened my daughter because I’m pregnant with my second and I don’t feel bothered by him touching my boobs right now but I know as soon as I start breastfeeding again I’m going to shut that 💩 down.
I also hate the feeling, you aren’t alone.
There needs to be consent at all times. He needs to respect that 100% of the times.
You are entitled to say boobs is a no-no and he should respect it. And he is entitled to consider that a no-no boobs relationship is a no-no. You should both sit and decide what to do. It's one of those complex situations for sure.
A lot people are going to tell you some off the wall stuff but I go through the same thing and I am inbox you what helps me k.
Off limits while I’m breastfeeding a child (for the entirety of that time). It’s been years at this point and my partner has respected my boundary. Your BF is being disrespectful and is coercing you by saying those things. It’s gross. He’s being a baby.
Nah, not okay that he’s gaslighting you and pressuring you to let him do something that makes you so uncomfortable during this unique experience that HE CAN NEVER HAVE. You are not “vanilla” for setting this boundary. Honestly, he’s lucking to be even “getting any” if he’s behaving like that. I’m trying to think of a comparison for him to try and comprehend what you’re going through but I can’t. But whilst he may never empathise, it’s no excuse not to respect you and your boundaries.
Omg this made my skin crawl too. I feel exactly the same and sometimes my husband touches a little side boob by accident and apologizes because he knows how much I don’t like to be touched there (even though he misses it). Sucking on it? I don’t know if I could ever look at him the same way if he ever says that to me. My boobs are her food right now.
The way you get over It is with time! And your bf needs to respect your boundary in the meantime. I’m 8 months into EBF and my boobs are completely off limits sexually for the time being. Not only are my boobs touched out, but I have zero desire for them to be used sexually, then washed off in the sink for them to be clean for my baby’s next feeding. My husband has access to all other parts of my body, but for now, the boobs belong to the baby lol.
Since I was around 20 weeks pregnant my boobs have been off limits to my other half, and he hasn't touched them once (other than like accidental elbows when trying to squeeze past each other in our tiny kitchen!) there was no debate, or guilt tripping, he immediately understood and took it seriously. I'm so sorry you're not in a relationship where your consent matters
YOUR body, YOUR choice. The end. If he can't respect that, he doesn't respect you as a whole person and he does not deserve you.
He sounds like an immature ass. It is 100% normal to feel this way and it’s likely not permanent. It’s understandable that it might be disappointing for him but he should keep it to himself and absolutely not make you feel bad about it.
Once you're done breastfeeding it'll be easier to feel sexual about it again, but while you still are, it can be so annoying and even gross feeling. Like you said it's hard enough that the baby is constantly using them, having an adult play with them just adds to the discomfort rather than give you pleasure like he's probably thinking.
No is a complete sentence. It’s not just boundary violation. It’s sexual assault if he’s coercing you. Guilting you into a sexual act is assault. You say here more than once this isn’t what you want. He cares about his desires more than your discomfort. Consent is a two YES situation, not YES and I guess. Not OKAY FINE. Enthusiastic yes for both partners. The end. I know I sound harsh, but this guy is NOT a healthy partner.
I weaned a couple weeks ago so my boobs are much more on the table now than they were and my husband talked about how he missed them. I didn’t even realize he was missing them because he never made me feel bad or tried to pressure me into making them accessible to him. He was happy with the access to my body that I did allow
Ask him how he'd feel if you wanted to pick his nose, you weren't gentle, and you wouldn't drop the subject.
Same! My daughter is 16 months and it's drives me up the wall when she plays with my other nipple while she's feeding. It's taken me at least a year to be able to switch from mom mode to sexy time mode, and I had to sit with my fiancé and explain it in a way that he would understand. Before our daughter, we would just go at it. But after my daughter, a lot of stressful things happened and my mental declined dramatically. My sex drive was basically non-existent and I felt bad because I heard women all the time on how they couldn't even wait for the 6 weeks to start having sex again. But he was very patient with me AFTER I told him what I was going through. I didn't mind having my breasts touched but when I started to breastfeed? Nope. Don't even look at 'em 😂 I know it can be hard for some men to completely understand but try to explain it in a way that he would get it.
He is sexually harassing you. I told my husband I wasn't interested in sex right now and probably won't for a while, and he said "Okay!" and hasn't brought it up since. You deserve someone who will respect your physical boundaries.
No advice just solidarity. Makes me want to puke
Ask him point blank if he would be ok with daughters husband having an issue ignoring her consent.
No clue because I feel the exact same way! The fiddling on the other side when my LO nurses on one side drives me up the wall… I constantly have to pull her hand away and just hold it !
I'm really sorry because this is a pretty serious violation of your trust and your body, and you need to see it as such. You have not given him consent, you've been clear with your words, and he has taken advantage of you time and time again. You might need to consider having a talk and telling him that you do not want your boobs touched (at all, only over clothes, whatever YOU are comfortable with), and if he chooses to ignore your wishes you will have to stay elsewhere/breakup/etc. It is not okay for this to continue. Also adding that I used to LOVE my boobs being played with, sucked on, etc! And pretty much as soon as I got pregnant with my first kid my boobs were so sensitive and I just couldn't handle it. Then I breastfed for 18 mos and for me it wasn't so much about "these are for my daughter" I just didn't want them touched at all. I can't describe it other than like you, having them touched made my skin crawl. My husband respected that and I felt bad cuz it used to be a big part of our sex life but I didn't give in and more importantly, he didn't try. It took another like year after stopping breastfeeding but I finally started to enjoy it again and it was such a relief. But if my husband had violated my boundary about that, I don't know that I could ever enjoy it again.
I feel the same way now that I'm breastfeeding but my husband seemed to get it. Your boyfriend shouldn't be pressuring you into anything.
I can’t stand my boobs being touched currently. My daughter is 14.5 months old. My husband is sad but he respects me saying no. It’s been over a year of patience from this man. Your bf sucks. He’s prioritizing himself over you. His comfort over yours. He’s doing it on purpose. That’s why he gets mad when you stop him instead of apologizing. Please prioritize yourself since he refuses.
This is totally normal...our boobs are no longer sexualized to us now after having and nursing our babies. Im the same way with my husband and he was very understanding.
I just posted something about this last week and got no responses. I totally get this and feel the exact same way. I told my husband that it’s weird for the same touch that feeds my son to be a sexual touch at other times. It’s weird and gross. But he has never sucked on them or asked to since I had the baby. That would be a hard no for me. He is putting his sexual pleasure before your comfort and that’s weird!!
Youre not "vanilla" for not wanting your boobs touched. This may be tmi but before I was breastfeeding I enjoyed when my husband would play with my boobs. Now I don't want him anywhere near them and by the end of the day most days I'm so touched out I don't want him touching me (6 weeks pp this week and a 20 month old). Our kids come first and he gets that. He also understand that it has nothing to do with him it's just the season we're in right now. This too shall pass. What is not ok is your partner making you feel bad. You are literally feeding his baby and keeping her alive and helping her grow and thrive. You should be able to set boundaries in your relationship. I like what another commenter said about pinching his balls until he says to stop and then you calling him vanilla for not wanting that. "Other couples don't have this issue" well not everyone talks about the hardships that come along with breastfeeding. And noone is going to openly discuss "problems" in their sex life. He needs to get his dick in check. Period end of story.
I went through this with my husband, but once I told him I didn't want to be touched there because I now associate my boobs with baby, he got it and just stopped. Your boyfriend doesn't respect you and that sucks.
I can’t express how many times I’ve said this to him and he says “all you have is fucking excuses, I’m so tired of your excuses. “ and it sucks because it’s not an excuse it’s a legit thing for me 😭
I asked my husband not to touch because they are so sensitive. I always leave a bra and sometimes a tank top on too while we’re intimate because I am self conscious about them possibly leaking, and getting used to my new body. It’s not an excuse, it’s your body & he doesn’t own your boobs. I’d tell him that you hear him and what he wants, but that this isn’t a decision he is included on. Also, remind him it doesn’t mean that he’ll never get to touch your boobs again necessarily, just that right now they’re off-limits.
Im 7 months postpartum and EBF. Right now the thought of -anything- sexual makes my skin crawl. My fiancé doesn’t know this but he does know that I haven’t been in the mood at all and also had a 2nd degree tear and am scared of pain and he has been so loving and respectful because he knows i’m tired and a human milk machine and am completely touched out. You deserve to be treated with respect and have your boundaries respected too. If my guy can go 7 months without any sexual contact at all, yours can go without touching the ONE thing you don’t want touched
No advice just solidarity!!! I haaaaaaate having my nipples touched by my husband right now. When not nursing it never bothered me but right now it does not feel the same as it used to! Like my body is saying “for baby only!”
Yeah my husband knows they’re off limits as long as I’m nursing 😂 idk if it’s just me but I don’t want him near them lmao they’re the babies right now
My hubs is obsessed with my boobs too, i ebf, and i HATE it, i tell him no, and sometimes leave my bra on lol
You aren’t wrong for feeling this way. He should respect your boundaries and should not make you feel bad.
smh…my husband sometimes goes for the boobs during sex and I’m like “no!” and he stops. I don’t even have to explain anything. no means no. a complete sentence. your man is foul for what he’s saying to you.
I have felt the same way since breastfeeding. My boobs are so sensitive even my own shirt grazing against my nipples irks the hell out of me. My toddler is not allowed to fiddle and neither is my husband. My boobs are for milk purposes only. Your bf needs to respect that your body has changed and so have your boundaries.
First thoughts are that my partner and I engage in booby play because we BOTH like it. Like he’s trying to enhance my pleasure or arousal by doing something he also thinks is pretty nice. Like if touching my boobs caused the opposite of the desired effect and was unpleasant for me it would probably give him the yuck and he wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. Breastfeeding might be the reason you have had a shift in what kind of touch you find pleasure from but the real thing here is that your body parts are not for the service of anyone’s pleasure except yours (it’s cool to share but they really are for you). It’s weird that he has done the mental gymnastics to say that it’s okay for me to pressure my partner and actually get pleasure from something she actively dislikes. The scenario for him is: she’s grossed out and I’m getting off, as if sex is for him and not you both. To borrow and correct a frase “most couples don’t have that problem dude, it’s just you”
He needs to respect your boundaries, end of story. I hope my husband is into my boobs because I think breastfeeding is super hot. I feel incredibly sexy in my pregnant body. I feel like my body is doing something amazing and it's just very attractive. My husband is super attracted to my pregnant body but thinks he might have mixed feelings about my breastfeeding boobs. If he does I will respect that, and your husband needs to do the same!
Same with me. My husband is much more respectful of my boundaries. At this point, you need to ask him if his sexual preferences are more important to him than you as a person. If that’s the case… do you want to raise a daughter in a home that teaches than men’s sexual needs are more important than the comfort of their partner?
I think this is pretty common. I will say that my baby is 6 months old and I am breastfeeding less and just pumping/ going formula bottles and this is less of a problem for me since I am using mg boobs less…. So “the switch” from mom to sexual does get easier!!
As many others have said, you are not weird or being a baby. I am still BF my 2 year old and I hate when my partner touches my nipples during sex. I didn’t want him touching my breasts at all for a long time. I have noticed it’s ok for him to touch and caress my breast ls now. Maybe because I am only BF at night now so not nearly as frequent as before?…but I cannot stand for him to touch my nipples. My son is a twiddler so it instantly takes me out of the mood. I told him this and he apologized and moved on. Your partner is being a huge jerk. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope you are able to resolve this but he definitely needs to respect your body and your boundaries.
Dump him if he's just a boyfriend lol sounds like a creep
I hate my boobs being touched too. Before ever breastfeeding, during breastfeeding, and after I was done with breastfeeding. So my husband doesn't, and I think I have only told him once. Your bf needs to stop sexually assaulting you. You already told.him "no" so if he continued on, that's exactly what he is doing.
I have also wanted for my boobs to be off limits. I find that they will be dirty and would need to wash them repeatedly. My husband didn't really respect my wishes and made me want less intimate moments with him. I've tried the analogy with ginger in the but, he says it's not the same. Obviously would make him think less of him and that's something that his mind protects him from finding out. I showed him this thread, only read a bit and he said that everyone that says your BF is an a** are just a bunch of feminists. You're not the only one, but at least you're not married to him. If I would have known before saying "yes" that he doesn't know how to respect boundaries I would have called it off. Not respecting boundaries is a form of abuse.
You are not wrong. You are not wrong. You get to pick how people touch you, and it’s super super icky that he isn’t being respectful. It is not okay for someone to touch you in a way you do not want, even if you are in a consensual relationship. You can even change your mind if you do give the okay! ❤️ so much love.
Babe, he is way out of line. Not wanting your boobs touched is supposed to be respected no matter the reason or circumstance.
Squirt a little breast milk in his face next time... I'm sure that will turn him off... No no I'm just kidding... Even though that would be hilarious.. I feel your pain... My nipples are definitely not for sexual needs right now... For feeding only... And it's weird. When touched... It's not even cute anymore or sexy. It kind of hurts.. It even kind hurts just washing them in the shower by myself... If you tell him that maybe he will understand.. The level of pain. You really need to let him know that it's not him not being sexual. It's just that your boobs feel like a tool now.. I know that sounds funny but it's kind of true.. Try to do something else that's "sexy. " Move him somewhere else. Lol... For me it's kind of even hard to just feel cute and romantic now.. but try if you want to keep the Sparks lit... He probably just feels a little left out and I get it ... However, he needs to respect your wishes of not being touched..
Tell your boyfriend to stop being a jerk and respect your boundaries and body? 'No' is a complete sentence and him making you feel bad for not wanting your body to be touched is a douche thing to do. I also don't like my breasts touched since I've started breastfeeding, I told my husband not to touch them, and guess what? He doesn't. He didn't make me feel bad, he didn't give me a hard time, he just respected my wishes and we moved on. I'm sorry your partner isn't respecting you the same way.
You need to set boundaries of respect; if you don't do it now, later on, He will want to do whatever he want with you. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and honestly, that is a window for bad things to happen, so if he doesn’t listen to you, end that relationship.
O I skip the baby part, it’s normal by baby feeding that something like this happens, tell him you don’t want and that’s it. He must understand
16 months atm. Husband has mild boob access during intimate times but is very responsive if I ever say Nope when he makes a move that way, and only even started attempting when I gave the green light after the first many months of an embargo. I am able to squeeze in every bit of desire and access I can during our intimate times because I know he wont abuse that privilege.
You're not in the wrong at all! He sounds like he doesn't respect you or your boundaries in the slightest, and I have a feeling this isn't the first time he's done something like this. This is a form of assault, love. After reading this post and some of your comments, I know you deserve better
Good luck with that one. Almost like asking me to stop trying to touch my man’s d$;:&
Would you touch your man’s dick if he didn’t want you to and didn’t feel comfortable at that time? If you would, that’s sexual assault. He is sexually assaulting her. It is not the same as your horniness.
I can’t say I haven’t. But he knows who he married. My libido is high and my love language is touch. Every person is different on how they speak out for love. I know it sounds wild to you but to call this disgusting or rude is a stretch to me. Just talked to a cousin (male) that said men spend 9 months getting out just to spend their whole life trying to get back in. That’s mad funny and true and part of nature. He didn’t force himself on her or making her. Just like me grabbing my man is just me messing around. It’s a great thing to be desired.
He can be affectionate and touch me, but if I don’t want him fondling my boobs, because it gives me the ICK, any person with common decency would respect that. I could care less If I’m desired or not, it literally makes my skin crawl and makes me SUPER uncomfortable. And me voicing it & It STILL not being respected is a problem. Someone making someone with a Boundary in place feel like they have to just give in to it because it’s what THEY like, regardless of how it makes the other person feel is a problem. This response is just so frustrating to me
Remember OP you asked for advice on how to get over it or if you’re over reacting and I stated my opinion. It is what it is and you should either edit your original comment or stick by what you asked. I’m sorry you feel uncomfortable but it’s also been 2 years.
I hope you never have a daughter, and tell her she deserves to be groped forever even in situations where she’s made it very clear she’s uncomfortable. Shame on you for telling women to shut up and like it just because they’re “desired”. Ew.
I’m looking for the part I said shut up caz I’m not finding it? I said calling it harassment was a stretch and at the end I said being desired is a good thing. It’s ok to have grace of the person you decided to have children with. Also keep in mind OP asked how to get over it and wanted advice, not how to put her man in jail and leave so I’m more in the right than most of yal here.
Saying “Good luck, that’s like me not grabbing my man.” Is a very dismissive comment designed to “shut down” OP’s side of the argument. So you don’t exactly quote-on-quote say shut up, but that’s pretty much what dismissing someone is. And then you rebutted yourself by saying you would grab your man even if he didn’t want it and was uncomfortable. And you implied that it’s just “nature” for a man to try to “get in”. Then you say it’s great to be desired, at the end of a chain of comments talking about specifically not wanting to be desired. 🤷♀️ That’s all extremely dismissive of OP, and an equivalent of trying to shut up the conversation. I didn’t know you would be so pedantic about it. ETA: Reading OPs comments, he’s obviously abusive. Telling someone to just deal with it isn’t very helpful.