My grandmother used to say "You can't make a baby with dust.".
Men brag about being able to father children their whole life. Don't they realize that their old balls are making crappy sperm.
I had to leave that sub because suddenly I saw people talking about how ugly the kids are. Judge the shit put of the parents, by all means. They're beyond disgusting. But when you start calling kids ugly and defending yourselves by saying that you're just "being honest"? That's where we part ways.
This is the problem with most snark subs. When someone gives you so many legitimate things to be critical of, why shit all over something like their appearance? I just can’t get behind that.
The rumor is that he has a separate apartment on the same floor. Kind of like a mancave...but a whole damn apartment. So he can escape the madness. His wife seems to spend a large amount of time taking semi-nude photos of herself in suggestive yoga poses. They have an army of nannies who actually take care of the kids.
I don’t understand having a child so old. Isn’t part of the fun of being a dad playing with your kid and stuff? Dude could hurt himself just by throwing a damn ball
I see it far more often with men than women. My own father had two more kids with his second wife when he was in his 50s and he passed when they were 16 and 13. It’s awful.
Probably due to the misconception that men can have kids at old age and nothing be wrong with them. But sperm deteriorates with age and can cause a plethora of problems. It's just so selfish
I hate how nobody realizes this. And people just generally seem to think 100% of health depends on the mother, completely forgetting who gave the other half of genetic material
Like whenever a couple has issues with conceiving, it's almost always the woman who has to go do a bunch of invasive testing to figure out what's wrong, and then undergo an entire plethora of treatment. Meanwhile the man would be sitting on the sides refusing to get tested because there's no way his magical sperm could be defective.
And if the baby does have medical issues everyone would be quick to blame the mother. "Oh she did this during pregnancy. She didn't go that when she should have. She's defective, her womb's defective. Yadda yadda." But no one would stop to question the father's sperm quality or look into his medical history.
Oh and last but not least, if the baby turns out to be a gender that they don't desire, once again they would blame the woman as though she manually picked which gender she wanted her baby. Like basic biology should have told everyone that it's the father's sperm that determines the baby's gender... like that's the only way you would get the Y chromosome in the first place.
When men do this and decide to have new kids when they’re already old, I think it’s just to show how potent their seed is. And for them to feel like they’re not aging
This makes me feel oddly grateful about how different my dads mid-life crisis were...he cheated on my mom, but he always seemed to favor older women, and didnt try to pursue younger women...thats a thing. And he had no desire to have multiple children...he was a one and done type of "father"...lol.😅
Ya'll I have a 47 year old colleague who has a 6 year old half sister. Daddy still got it apparently, he was in his early 20s when my colleague was born. Imagine having 41 years between your eldest and your youngest. The man has about 10 kids to several women.
Nope, my youngest brother is 19 years younger than I am and he used to love to correct people when they tried to say I was his mom when we were out in public together. He was so proud of the fact that I was his sister not his mom. It was super cute. He had a really good childhood because he had two adult siblings that would take him to all kinds of cool stuff. I took him to his first concert. 😁
The thing I have in mind when seeing people that age is the higher % that their child has a higher statistical chance of having a Gene related health condition.
Sperm and Eggs age, the DNA gets old/corrupted.
Dude, I had a chick in my cab the other day, said she was pregnant with her fifth. Started having kids at 42. She said God had entrusted her with a special mission, because four out of her five kids had autism.
I didn't have the heart to tell her about science.
I have a friend who has six kids, her last one was accidental and she had him when she was 40. He’s 41 and she is 81 and I’m pretty sure she’s going to die soon. He has serious mental illness and he cannot live independently and she has been taking care of him his whole life. His siblings don’t like him because they think he’s spoiled and that’s why he has mental illness but that’s not actually how mental illness works.
Her life was consumed by taking care of him and his wants and needs and keeping him happy so he doesn’t disrupt his siblings and all of that. She’s in a coma right now and I’m worried about him for her. And I’m so sad that the end of her life with spent running around trying to help this grown man who is beyond help, and worrying about what’s going to happen to him when she’s gone.
LMAO that’s honestly my mom. She got pregnant at 38 with my little brother and said “the birth control didn’t work..” and again at 42, “the birth control failed” with my baby brother 😳
If she’s your friend do you have any leverage to assist him into a group home setting for adults who need attention? I worked at one briefly so I know they exist. And there are some non-profit ones that work really well with state insurance and may be able to provide a safe life for him.
As someone who has autism and had many other health issues as a kid (which are only now being linked to a genetic component because it’s now more prevalent), this. I’d never want to have a kid in general, let alone past 35. Everything that happened to me because two old people were selfish and wanted to guarantee they had a caretaker, should never happen to someone else.
Exactly! And a lot of those geriatric pregnancies are conceived via IVF, which also increases risks for birth defects and doubles the risk of childhood cancers (not to mention upping reproductive cancer rates in the carrier). It seems horribly selfish to me to roll the dice on your child suffering or dying horribly just so you can have a baby.
Especially considering that even if they use donor eggs and sperm from 20-somethings (which to me just sounds like vampires seeking out the young and attractive), there are a host of problems with placenta, etc., that can lead to emergency premature c-sections and permanent health issues.
Not to mention that being pregnant and taking care of a newborn while pushing 50 is not the same as pushing 30 by a long shot. If you can't go out to the club anymore because you get tired and cranky after two hours, imagine what childbirth and feedings every 2 hours will feel like.
In my mid 30s I found I wanted to go home on Friday after work for a nap more than I wanted to go out after work on Friday. So yeah I can’t even imagine having to push out a kid or get up with it in the night
I was just down sick for the better part of a week. At that point, I couldn't imagine getting up to let a hypothetical dog out, even if it was the cutest pup in the world, let alone dealing with a small human.
Yep! And it’s not just genetics that are the problem; it’s IVF altogether. Scientists have found epigenetic issues with these embryos that turn into expressing bad genes / developing birth defects anyway. Turns out that filling your body with hormones, scooping out eggs, and blasting them with defrosted sperm in a petri dish isn’t how babies are supposed to be made.
Hello, I agree with you. I know of someone doing this right now, soon to be 47, the kicker is this couple has a 8 and ten year old, healthy Boy and Girl.The wife Always complaining of not being able to do anything as a couple😳
Oh god that’s terrible.
She wants to try for a third kid at 47… with two kids already?? Nothing is enough for some people.
She has no right to complain about not being able to do things as a couple when she wants to add another kid to the equation. You can’t have your cake and eat it too! These people love making themselves suffer and wonder why we feel little sympathy for them
It's because all of these breeder doctors keep pushing the baby dream agenda onto people who really don't need to be having kids. One round of IVF is like $20k minimum - it's not like the fertility specialist has to deal with the birth defects.
I went to a new Dr last year bc my old Dr retired. Just for a yearly exam. She didn't t read any of my paperwork and I was really just going in for birth control. She asked me if I had kids I said no. Then she asked, oh, do you want to? I was about to turn 43! I like to think I look younger than my age , but it's like these Drs just wanna get all women pregnant now.
It’s possible she was going to offer you sterilization instead of birth control because by that age they stop denying it to us. I wasn’t able to get my tubes tied until I was 37 and even then I think the only way I got it done is my boyfriend was friends with the surgeon
I worked for an amazing organization for folx with developmental delays. This is not my background or specialty, so I often asked "dumb" questions of our medical staff. This was one of my first questions...."Why am I noticing so many grandparents attending without the students parent?"
Clinical staff educated me on this....wow.
There actually isn't a "very, very high chance" the baby will have issues, that is a myth that has been perpetuated for a long time, about women's reproductive lifecycle specifically. Yes, after 35 the chances go up, but not by significant amounts. Both of my grandma's had their last child in their early forties, one was my mom, and she is the smartest and best looking of her 11 siblings. My sister had a baby at age 40, naturally, and her baby is perfect and healthy. 39 isn't that old to have a baby.
You're actually correct! Yes, the chances of a variety of things such as autism, Trisomy 21, miscarriage, and pre-term labor do in fact increase with age (specifically in geriatric pregnancies), but the chances aren't *very, very high* like you stated 😁
I agree that as a whole people in their 40's and 50's shouldn't just be popping out children left and right, but there are many legitimate reasons to do so. It's more prevalent to have children at a more advanced age because we are starting to prioritize education and having our lives actually together before just starting a family. If it were me, however, I don't think I'd have a child after about age 35. I have a degree in Biomedical Science and went to PA school...we learned about plenty of complications and that's not something I'm willing to increase the risk of unnecessarily. But of course, I'm not having kids anyways 😂
Yep that’s just more biological clock bullshit they try to push on all of us. Meanwhile they should be looking at the men spreading their old ass sperm all over the place
There needs to be some nuance here instead of people going to extremes on this either way. I've been in perimenopause since 38, eff me for my sexist biological clock I guess.
My mom turned 40 less than a month after my birth.
I've had supervisors make jokes about it. But honestly, I know I have mental issues. Also, the occasional pregnant gin may not have helped my GPA
Thank you for saying this, becuase you're right although it does 'double' the risks involved are still small in the grand scheme of things and I think it makes women feel more defective than necessary <3
Having a kid in your 40s, being in your early or mid 60s when your child is 20... I don't think that that is so bad. An average 60 year old won't have to be taken care of.
However, all those celebrity men who are breeding in their late 60s or even in their 70s, impregnating their younger trophy wives... That is something which I have huge ethical issues with. After all, they are most likely going to be dead before their child is 18.
For example, Ritchie Blackmore had two children with his younger wife when he was 65 and 67. I feel bad for those children. They will probably lose their father before they are 18.
Mick Jagger, who turns 80 this year, had children when he was well in his 70s. Unless he ends up being way older than 90, those kids will have barely known their dad when he passes away.
The saddest example? A Dutch singer, Rob de Nijs, had a child with his younger wife when he was 69. He was still in decent-ish health back then, so he probably thought: "It's fine! I will be alive and healthy until I'm 90 or 100! Other old people around me are getting ill and are dying, but I'm fine!"
When he was 75 or 76 and his son was 6 or 7, he got diagnosed with Parkinson. At first, he could still perform like he used to, but during the past three years, his health declined rapidly. Now, he is 80. He is in a wheelchair and is pretty much incapable of doing anything. He is most likely going to die in the upcoming months or years (I assume months, given recent health updates about him in the media). His son is 11. I feel so bad for that kid...
Sure, someone who had kids in their 20s, 30s or early 40s can get cancer, a heart attack or a car accident when their children are still minors. But statistically, these parents are very likely to at least see their child reach adulthood. Someone who had kids at the age of 69 knows that he will most likely die before or during his child's puberty.
This man openly said that his younger wife would have left him if he didn't impregnate her. Sure, I get it. He had a young hot wife and he didn't want to lose her. He knew that at his age back then, 69, it would be hard for him to find another trophy wife who would take care of an old man. And so, he surrendered to her baby fever.
He openly said: "When a woman wants kids, you can't say 'no' to that." Eh... Yes, you can? You can say: "I don't want to put a child on the planet who will almost certainly lose me before he is 18. You can either have a child with someone else or remain childless with me."
Anyways, he genuinely enjoys fatherhood. He got enthusiastic about it once his wife was pregnant. In the media, he keeps talking about how sad he feels about the fact that he most likely won't see his son go through puberty. Well, maybe he should have thought of that before breeding. Maybe he should've had his son a few years earlier, or not at all.
I feel so so so sorry for that son... But hey, at least his old dad got to feel like a 'real man' again when he impregnated his young hot trophy wife. At least he got to pass on his genes again at the age of 69.
Those are all so sad and selfish of the parents - especially the men!
When you said the guy was diagnosed at 75 and his son was six. It really drove it home how old he was. My Mum is 70 and my niece and nephew are 5 & 6. Mum has fun with them and has zero health issues but she is glad when they go home and you know she’s not throwing them up in the air in the pool, more like “yes let’s race to the other side”.
So I’m sure he was doing very little physical parenting but then what’s the point? If you’re not going to do the job properly? Ego, I guess.
>So I’m sure he was doing very little physical parenting but then what’s the point? If you’re not going to do the job properly? Ego, I guess.
What was the point? Well, his wife said that she would leave if he didn't breed. So the point was, well, making sure that he could keep his younger wife.
I mean, he was 69. He knew that he would be very unlikely to find another almost 30 years younger trophy wife who would take care of him when he got older. So yeah, he had to make sure that he could keep her, so he had to surrender to his baby fever.
Nice story to tell your kid. "Hey, I chose to have you, purely because I didn't want to lose my young hot trophy wife. I made the decision to breed with her while knowing that I would die before you reach adulthood."
He was reluctant at first, because of his age. However, when his wife got pregnant, he was thrilled about becoming a father again, after already having two adult children with his ex. He was probably proud because he felt like a 'real man'. He probably felt like: "Yes, this old guy can still do it!"
Oh hey, something I can actually comment on.
My parents had me in their early/mid-40s. I don't think it would've been a huge deal had they taken better care of themselves physically. My dad smoked and drank; my mom also smoked and has had issues with her weight. Due to this, I definitely *felt* like my parents were old while I was growing up. Just my two cents!
Yeah, my parents were also late 30s early 40s when they had me, but they have always had healthy and active lifestyles, so they never felt all that old.
There's so many other things that can age you outside of your chronological age...
I feel like after early 40s there's a big spike in severe birth defect possibility though, so thats also a concern
I'm 49F and childfree, but going through peri menopause has been kinda terrifying living in a red state. While I'm careful *49childfree* shit may happen, so I went ahead and got some abortion pills from AidAccess.org just to be sure. I don't want my rights denied. I have felt so much better since I put them in my medicine cabinet, even though I will probably never need them! I didn't realize how easy they were to get. The peace of mind was worth the $115.
Good on you. I'm the 'surprise' kid of parents in their 50's. They'd already had kids when they were younger when I came along. My sibs got energetic, involved parents happy to raise kids whereas I got 2 tired AF people who were my friends' grandparents age. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I think it’s more responsible to be a 40 year old parent when you are emotionally and financially secure and able to take care of a child, rather than the oops teen parents or people who feel rushed to have kids bc of this imposed timeframe. Ideal? No. For all the reasons mentioned. But I can appreciate people wanting to be thoughtful about parenthood and waiting to try and find the right partner and best circumstance to bring a child into.
My mom had me at 38. Now, I’m forty (and childfree) and she’s 78 and not geriatric at all. Growing up, she did everything all the younger parents did. I may be one of the lucky ones, though!
I do realize I may lose her sooner than people with younger parents (her mom died at 89). I’m also extremely lucky that she and my father have their finances covered so that, whatever happens, they can afford assisted living or a nurse, so they won’t be dependent on me for care.
Same here! She was 38 or 39, and my dad was 38. I'm 32 now (also childfree) and have such an appreciation for the fact that they were truly financially stable when they had me — I don't have the debt my friends have, I don't have to worry about paying for them for anything (retirement, medical bills, anything). Obviously it's not a given with age, but having like 10 more years to save and plan for your kids financially really gives them a headstart, at least in my experience.
My mum had me at 34, and I’m so glad. They were in a good place in their lives and gave me an incredible, stable upbringing that most of my friends didn’t have because their parents were young and struggled.
My sister and her husband just had their first baby at 40, and they are in a great place in their lives to be parents. They've done and accomplished a lot for themselves and were ready for a new stage of life, and are financially stable. I know my sister will be a much better mother than she would have when she was younger.
Yeah I agree, 40 is a perfectly fine age, given modern medicine, stable financials, and (usually) increased emotional maturity. In today's world, I think 30 is the youngest responsible age for reproduction, with around 35 being optimal (give or take a few for individual factors).
Yep, mom was in early 40s when she had me, I was way more well off than my siblings born when my parents were in their 20s. My parents were also just happier, less stressed people by then too with raising me.
My mother was a much better mother to my youngest brother who she had at 42 then she was to my brother and I who she had in her 20s. She was more relaxed she could participate in his life more, she enjoyed taking him to the park. Maybe it was better because there was just one instead of the two she had together, But she was a much better mother in her 40s than she was in her 20s and 30s
I'm genuinely so glad that older first-time parents are seen as more responsible and efficient nowadays. My parents had me, their oldest child, when my mom was 32 and my dad was 35, and *that* was considered old compared to my peers' parents when I was growing up! Everyone else's parents had them in their 20s it seemed like, and I was always teased for having older parents. Now we're looking at mid 30s to early 40s as the ideal age range to start having kids, and it really does make my parents happy that they're no longer considered the outliers.
I'm turning 35 in a few months and won't be having my own kids, but it's good to know that if I *did* decide to have them at my age, they wouldn't go through the same teasing I did.
I think 40 is the perfect age to have kids, for the reasons you mentioned. I have many friends who have older parents and they’re fine, they have way less trauma than us young parent kids
my sister is 14 years younger than me and, honestly, same. she's having a completely different experience than the one I had, and I'm honestly glad for her, but I do resent my parents.
Well, before birth control and the ability to control the reproductive window, it was not unusual to just keeping *having* children still into one’s 40s. Basically babies could keep happening until full menopause (perimenopause which can last like ten years does not stop ovulation entirely!). They may have started having them in their teens or twenties but the last was not until sometime shortly before menopause. You will see more of this again with increased restrictions on abortion and birth control.
Most 60-70 somethings are still working and self-reliant people. Especially those who usually delayed starting children into their late 30s or 40s as they did so in part to make sure their careers were established, they had financial means. They aren’t usually the kind to just “check out” of work and life at 60 and be happy with social security payments, in my experience. I’d MUCH rather if people are going to have children they do so when they are older and have a good career, financial situation, a stable environment and healthy partnership than rush to have kids early without those things.
I am nearing my mid-40s. I have friends and family who had kids in their teens, and some who only had them starting in late 30s or early 40s. Looking at my own family, that of my husbands, those of friends, the parents who “aged most” in their 60s+ tended to be those with lower economic conditions (often poorer diets, less free time due to working multiple jobs for working out or self care), more laborious jobs that are harder on the body, etc. I believe economic conditions as well as some other factors that affect stress and access to healthcare and so on - have a far greater impact on health than aging alone. I know 30 year olds who will get winded walking up a flight of stairs and 75 year olds who still run marathons and scuba dive regularly.
My own mother had me at 21 and died of cancer at 59 (she was diagnosed originally in her 40s). Her last kid was at 28. so it’s not like having younger guarantees much.
My ex husband was a late in life oops baby before geriatric pregnancy became popular and normalized. (I don't even like tying those words out. Ick)
Anyways, we were in our early 20s and his parents were in their late 60s, and mid 70s. It caused so many problems! There was always an undertone of fear that they would die, we were pressured to have kids so they could be grands (major reason for the ex part), my family was always the last priority for everyone cause 'we will have more time in the future to spend holidays with them' . It was overall just really not great. The dad was a lovely person, but otherwise..... It showed me first hand so many nuances I never would have otherwise considered.
Northern Europe checking in here. From what I'm observing, it's the new version of a mid-life crisis for women in their 40s and early 50s (this is not a typo) whose life is stagnating either on the personal (couldn't find a partner, so finally decided to "breed" alone) or professional front (career hits dead end, woman takes stock of life and boxes ticked, and decides to tick the baby box, or at least take a load of hormones trying). Nobody can openly tell them "no", because that's "nOt SuPpOrTiNg WoMeeeeeeeeeN!"
I'm in my early 40s, and if I have to pick a mid-life crisis, it will involve moving to somewhere with a view of the sea.
It's not just women. Now we have the gay men (Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper) who decided to have kids in their 50s. Cooper's father died early of a heart problem. Let's hope he doesn't do the same. At least he has a younger partner who can help with the kids if he kicks the bucket. Cohen has no partner at all. If he kicks it, the kids are on their own.
I’m required to ask my female patients age 10-56 whether they could be pregnant. The 10-13 year olds mostly get wide eyed and embarrassed. The 48-56 year olds mostly say either “I would kill myself!” “Someone would be getting sued” or “it would be a medical miracle!”
I'm in my early 40s, which is around when some of these breeders start to lose the plot, and it's a no for me. I like sleep and hobbies, and have no intention to change that part of my personality.
I’m 38 and feel the same. I just don’t want to spend that much time at a playground or a park.
I’ve got a niece and nephew and I’m active in their lives but that’s enough. Going to *some* Saturday morning rugby games not having to go to every single one. (He’s 6, they don’t even know which way they’re playing half the time.)
Yup. I know of a woman who is pushing 50 and pregnant. When she was speaking with the obstetrician, she remarked that she must be the oldest patient, and he laughed. Turns out there was a whole contingent of patients going to Russia for IVF during covid. Because what better thing to do during a plague than travel to a country whose health care infrastructure is being brought to its knees and milk the chaos for cheap donor embryos?
Hilary Swank, just had twins at 48. I get it’s something she always wanted but some times we want things and life doesn’t work out for us. Or adopt. She has the money and I’m sure being a celebrity would get her at the top of any waiting list.
I’m in this exact situation, so let me give my perspective on this.
My mom was 45 and my dad was 58 when I was born. I’m 24 now and my parents are now approaching senility, and after I just finally moved out on my own they’re now demanding I move back in to care for them. I was raised with the expectation and belief that *I* am here to take care of *them*, and that they’re only taking care of me so I live long enough to return the favor. They taught me zero life skills outside of how to take care of them, and it was expected that I would not have a life of my own and devote myself to their care. I only left the house this past summer because I realized that they were never going to let me have my own life, that I was effectively born to be their nurse, and that they never really wanted *me*. If I didn’t have the amazing support circle of friends and my (much) older brothers that I have; I’d probably still be there, I would have quit my well-paying job, and devoted myself to being their full-time caretaker because no one would have ever told me I’m worth more than that.
I’m currently LC with them. It really hurts to have to live the way I did and I cannot live that way again. I am so far behind on so many things because of how they raised me, and I genuinely wish I had been aborted.
I worked with a woman once who had twins naturally at 48! She and her husband had had multiple miscarriages over the years and thought they couldn’t have kids. The twins had severe speech and hearing issues. She had the better job, so he quit his to be a stay at home dad. Last I heard, it wasn’t going well.
My mom was 40 when she had my twin brother and I. My dad was 51. They were both silent generation.
My mom didn’t want anymore kids. She’d already had three from her first marriage starting at age 18.
I’m 40 now and in some ways my life is just starting again. I don’t have kids like my mom did, but she probably thought she would get to have HER life now that her kids were grown and she’d divorced her previous husband. She was going to discover who she was sans kids/husband.
My mom did her best to be happy when all of that was taken away when she had us. She was very caring and tolerant. Too kind sometimes. But I’ll never forget that when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer how relieved and happy she looked that her life would end. I was 17 at the time and it stuck with me how much she had been secretly suffering that death was better than living to her.
Yep. My sister and her husband are highly educated and just had their first child at age 40, naturally. Their baby is happy and healthy, and they're in a great place to be parents and I know she'll be a much better mother now than she would have been when she was younger.
This. My mom was the geriatric mother at 31 in our small town. I'm a first generation college student, and ALL my friends with college educated parents have a wider age gap than I do.
If you cannot take care of yourself and you are only in your 60s then you did not take care of your health at all (with a few exceptions of unpreventable health conditions). However, I do agree with you that it is concerning. But I mostly think it is irresponsible to have a kid at that age because of the huge increased risk in gene mutations. Its not right to risk a poor quality of life for a child.
Just read an article yesterday about this 57 year old woman who was bragging about having a baby. She's now turning 60 this month and her son is a toddler. Her husband is even older and will be in his 80's when their son graduates from high school. I already feel so bad for her child and he's literally just over 2. It's a very real possibility that his parents don't even survive until his adulthood. And she already has other adult children too, so its not like she has NEVER had a child. She and her husband just decided they wanted another one after she kept having recurrent dreams about babies. She believes its much easier now that she doesn't have the societal pressures on her and doesn't care what other people think. Uhmmm, okay? Please help this poor family..
Seriously! I'm sure they'd still call it geriatric lol, but there really should be a term for people that take it *that* far! Historical sounds about right though..I'm sure it will be recorded somewhere in history books 😂
If you take care of yourself, you shouldn't need to be taken care of at 64. All of my grandparents lived independently and didn't need to be taken care of. Two of them died naturally at home in their 80s/90s, without needing any care, and the third only needed care in the last weeks of her life, and she was in her 90s. Oh, and both of my grandmas had their last child in their early forties.
Yea wtf my grandpa is turning 90 soon and he my grandma don't need any help yet. They get around just fine. My friend met him and she was shocked he was in his late 80s
There are a multitude of factors as to why people have kids later. Financial stability, changing their minds(being coerced) or even fertility issues for example.
However 40+ is definitely a gamble with many risks, both to the mother and the spawn. The technology today is also a lot better at picking up defects in utero, so older people likely feel more comfortable. Is it a good idea? No, not overly. Will that stop people? Absolutely not.
My parents were 40 and 41 when I was born because they'd given up on the idea of children after 20 years and IVF was too new a technology. Did it suck having older parents as a kid? Yes, but also no. That was my normal, I never knew any different.
It does suck having an aging family though. I'm the youngest in my cousin group by 24ish years, and didn't really have that family connection with anyone because of it.
It’s a huge trend 😣. In the U.S., there’s a record high number of women in their 40’s that are having children. Of women I personally know, 8 are my age (46) and have children who are younger than 5. One is 45 and just announced her second pregnancy (her first one is younger than 2).
Many Parents who are having children in their 40’s and older think it’s a great idea because they’re at a point in their lives when they’re more financially stable, etc., but it backfires in many ways. Even though they made the choice to have children at an older age, it doesn’t guarantee relationship longevity. There’s still a high rate of divorce and other relationship failures, now they’re in their 40’s and 50’s with tiny tots, struggling with the stress of co-parenting in separate households and dealing with all the other crap of parenting for many years ahead. It’s a terrible hit financially too because just when they’ve gotten to a point of more financial stability, they’re spending massive amounts of money for the numerous needs of children - more expensive than ever before and constantly increasing.
There’s definitely lots of selfishness involved, like you said, and many people feel they won’t be satisfied until they’ve checked the “have children” box on the life script 😣.
Maybe they just want to be more secure emotionally and financially for their child. Why is waiting suddenly this nasty thing? Aren’t us childfree people supposed to cheer parents who put in that type of effort and thought? They’re 40 not like 55 60.
Lmao my dad is having a daughter with his new girlfriend. He's 52 this year. (She's 28, tho that's a different story) So I'll be sitting pretty with a half-sister that is 26 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. He will be 70 WHEN SHE IS 18.
My personal philosophy on having children is that you should not be mistaken for your child's grandparent when you go to a school meeting for them.
You should not be mistaken for your child's grandparent when they bring a friend over for the first time.
That's the way I look at it.
One thing that bothers me is that a lot of the people doing this are celebrities, so people with a lot of money. Most celebrities having babies after 40 use donor eggs and nobody talks about it. Others use surrogates and nobody mentions they pay six figures for that. This gives ordinary people the idea that there's hope for them and they're like "If she can do it, so can i" and they then go through painful failed procedure after painful failed procedure, OR they lose their savings and go way into debt, often ending up with no kid. OR if theyre lucky enough to make it work, you have the factor of aged parents as you mentioned. I just wish society in general would be honest about the reality of this.
I'd personally rather see someone have a baby at 40 than 20, at least generally speaking. Older parents tend to be more mature, financially stable and have at least been able to enjoy their youth, unlike very young parents. My parents didn't have their kids until their 30s and had my last sibling when my father was 40, and I have a couple close friends whose mothers were 40-41 when they were born, and I don't see any major negatives. If you take care of yourself, 60 doesn't have to = decrepit crone. My mother is 65 and still lifts weights, hikes, travels, etc. and so do many of her friends. None of them need age-old care yet from their kids; quite the opposite, in fact - most of her friends are doing Motherhood 2.80: Nana Edition by providing free childcare for their entitled adult children.
But much beyond 42-43ish definitely seems selfish for the reasons you listed, and becoming a parent at 50 or older is unforgivably stupid, regardless of how rich you are.
Having said all that, if I did want kids, I absolutely wouldn't plan on having them in my 40s due to the increased possibility of problems and birth defects that infants of older mothers tend to have. I think the best age for parenthood is probably about the 28-38 decade - for other people, of course. For me, the best age for parenthood is never.
This is frightening over all. I got lucky my dad was forty and my mom not much younger, nor were we wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and while we had their health issues, cancer for my mom twice which I help with the first few years of while in high school, and again in my twenties, they were at least old enough to be prepared, thought it out, and I’m happy to say they’re still here
Uh… my dad was 45 and my mom 40. Currently active, going traveling this summer with good friends, doing lots of gardening, etc. They’re both over 70 and 75
Age is a mental state.
This is just low key pressuring women to get kids at a younger age and shaming them for wanting a career/full life before that (as men always has had the possibility to).
Thats not the point though. My parents are in their late 60s/early 70s and i’m 23. They’re falling apart and I’m taking care of them throughout it all.
I would love to do more with my life, even move states, but I can’t bc they can’t afford a home, and I would die from worrying about them constantly. Some people age worse than others, but either way, watching their health decline and knowing they won’t be around when i’m in my 40s is enough to think older people are selfish for having kids.
As someone who had old parents it honestly just wasn’t cool. It’s hard watching them age even though they’re In Good health. All of my friends parents are a good decade younger. It’s selfish to have children that late when statistically you won’t even be around for much of their adult life.
Moral conundrum - I likewise find it selfish to want to force parents (just like with any other family member, friends, etc.) to be around for whatever proportion of the child's adult life, if the child can live independently.
From my own experience - having "older" parents has been pretty great for me (mom 37, dad 40). I believe sickness and death can strike at any time in life - from my friend and family group I can't recall any "older" parent having a health concern or massive health decline - it's been mainly the "young" parents in their 20s and 30s, either cancer or unfortunate accidents.
Likewise, regarding health concerns of the child when having older parents - given the economic class of where I grew up, I saw healthy children born to both younger and older parents. The severely disabled children who were in my school grade were born to moms in their late 20s, from what I remember my own mom gossiping about. Later on, interning temporarily in a GYN/OB ward in a different, but also first world country with free healthcare, I was actually shocked that the majority of women who were admitted to the ward due to problems in their pregnancy were in their 20s, while the substantial population of >30 year old pregnant women only came outpatient for the typical pregnancy check-ups.\* It was like the complete opposite of what I learned in med school. I definitely think that now that there are even more women having children later in life, there need to be new or updated population studies on the health risks of pregnancy that occurs later than the previous norms.
Given what I've lived, if I rhetorically had a choice before being reborn, I'd once again choose older parents with the financial security and intellectual/emotional maturity that I've observed usually comes with age. 10 or 15 years less with them doesn't make much of a difference, as all life long is just borrowed time, imho. I could die any day too.
I can't speak about the experience of children with parents much older than mine.
\*EDIT: I want to dispel potential confusion and make this more statistically clear. In my time there, by my estimates, for every 100 women aged 20-30 years who came outpatient for the typical pregnancy check-ups, about 1 to 2 were referred for further testing and/or treatment in the ward. For every 100 women aged >30 years who came outpatient for the same reasons - only about 1 to 2 were also referred to the ward. Based on current studies on age and pregnancy, the rates of referral for those women aged >30 years should have been higher than the 20-30 year old population.
Yes its selfish but I also think it is especially sad because they have been really indoctrinated with 'in order to be a woman you must become a mother but also you need to be a top notch career woman to help the neocapitalistic system out. You need to do both, miss'. It's really fucked up on many levels
I’m only 22, soon to be 23 and my parents are 60. Granted I was adopted at 6 days old but it’s a constant fear of mine that realistically they only have 20 years left. I’m no where close to getting married so that may just be something I miss out on sharing with them. They won’t be able to see me advance my career to the point where I can send them gifts ( I’m a welder so it takes a long time to advance). Growing up my dad always tried to prepare me for the realistic chance that they die sooner rather than later 🥲
My mom had me at 44 years old. It’s hard having parents that are so much older than your friends’ parents. I just see them deteriorating daily with my dad using a scooter to get around the house and my mom having a permanent limp. I take care of my parents at 25 and it is difficult because they’re so stubborn. I always side eye people having kids so late in their ages. They don’t know how stressful it is to think that your parents will pass away before you reach 30.
Older men have been having kids with younger women since the dawn of time. But I’m surprised that older women are having kids. I’m turning 45 this year. You’d think we’d be hitting menopause by now.
I am 44 and CF, my partner is 46. The idea of putting my body through a pregnancy at this age is like, absolutely unthinkable. I already have random aches and pains from like, sleeping in a nice bed for 8 hours surrounded in blissful silence and piles of cash. A kid would kill me.
My mom had me at 35, which back then was considered the cutoff age where women shouldn’t have kids. I’ve always felt like there was such a huge generation gap between me and my parents (boomer mom and silent generation dad). I’ve never been able to relate to them and this has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I can’t imagine having a 40 something mom and 40+ dad.
I don’t appreciate people calling my choice to not have kids selfish, so I’m not going to call people who have kids at an older age selfish. It’s their choice. I’m doing what I want - they can do what they want.
My 60 y/o dad and 40 y/o step-mom just had a baby last year. The age difference between this half sibling and myself (and older sister) is 30+ YEARS.🤨📸
An ex-step mom of mines told me he was doing this to baby-trap his current wife and ensnare them to take care of him when he’s old. Gross and selfish.
The saddest part is the dad is 100% not in any way capable to have a child (he is an outright misogynist) and the step mom is in those “I can fix him” relationship 🤮
I’m currently going through this discussion with a coworker. He’s a couple years older than me (he’s 37) and his 42 year old girlfriend is newly pregnant with their first kid. She has 3 daughters from her first marriage and they’re all adults. He’s excited, but as the (adopted) youngest daughter whose parents were 36 and 37 when they brought her home…that kid’s in for a rough childhood. My dad was hardly around due to always working long hours (same as we’re currently doing) and my oldest sister is 13 years older than me, so I didn’t really know her until I was an adult. Growing up with my parents was like growing up with grandparents. It wasn’t an abusive childhood, but it was definitely tough.
Your comment doesnt include male's involvement. Id assume you would feel inclucively critical of parenting after 40 male or female?
I do understand the bio aging risks of getting preg after 40.
I had a friend throughout grade school whose dad was so old I thought it was her grandpa first time we met. He died before she even graduated college. She's still messed up about it. I don't know why you'd do this to a kid. Thankfully her mom was a normal age so she still has her
Yeesh. My family is still messed up from this sort of crap.
My biological grandma was by biological grandpa's fourth wife; he was in his 70s and she was in her mid-20s when my uncle and mother were born (my aunt, my mother's older maternal sister was born in the 1950s to a single mother, so I guess grandma was desperate for stability; even then my aunt's deadbeat bio-father was a chunk older than my grandma, who grew up poor and in abusive conditions). He managed to outlive every single one of his wives, including her (she died of the same extremely rare hereditary heart condition that killed all but one of her siblings when my mom was three days old). He also was a drunkard who didn't really raise a single one of his ten, possibly eleven, children (my mom was raised by a half-brother and his family, my uncle went to a half-sister, and my poor aunt was passed around before being dumped with my adoptive grandma's crazy sister).
Both my aunt and uncle died of different cancers (leukemia and liver cancer, respectively), and my mother has severe psoriasis and associated conditions. Old genetics, folks.
At least if I ever wanted to write a tear-jerky book (or a soap opera), my family's actual story would fit right in. I'm not even counting my dad's side and his an-entire-season-of-Jerry-Springer-by-herself sister.
Imagine being born just so you could graduate college just in time to throw the rest of your life away into taking care of your ageing parents. I hope none of these people expect to live to see any potential grandkids…
I agree. My parents had me late, Im 20 and they’re 65 and 63. Growing up I always felt different because my friends parents were young and everyone would always ask if my parents were my grandparents. The funny thing is that my dad didn’t want kids. But my mom talked him into it and they “prepared themselves” before having kids. That’s why they claim to have had me late. You would think this means that they were great parents, but they were actually the opposite. They were, and still are, emotionally abusive narcissists.
I have a 2 year old half brother. I’m 33. My stepmom had him when she was 51. This is in addition to 8 year old twins. My parents are struggling to raise him and had to hire 2 nannies…
Gotta disagree with you on this. These folks will overall be better, more prepared parents. It's certainly better than having kids too young when you can't afford to care for them or make responsible decisions.
My parents had me at 31 and 33, after 5 years of marriage, which I think is an ideal age because they were old enough to be mature and settled but not old enough to have age-related health issues during their child's young adult years. But cancer can get you at any age. I lost my mom when I was 22 and she was 55. There are no guarantees in life.
Nowadays, being financially stable and settled in your late 20s to early 30s is not feasible for most people. I have many childfree younger friends, but most of them cite money and/or climate change fears as the reason why they don't want kids. I bet that at least a few of them will end up having kids later in life if they can achieve stability.
In the US right now, only the rich and the poor are having kids. People in the middle, who can access birth control and have some education but can't afford a house or to send a child to college are stuck waiting or never having children. Old parents are a symptom of a greater problem with society and people are just making the best choices they can under unfair circumstances.
My (young Gen X) mother (Boomer) started having kids when she was 18. I came along when she was in her mid-thirties and there were more after me. I deeply, deeply resented her age. She was the oldest mom everywhere - she was out of touch, dressed differently, was frequently more tired/busy/out of shape compared to other mother’s. Things have changed - mid-thirties is no longer “old” but it IS older in ways that will and do impact the women and their kids. Having children when you’re peri menopausal and older (men and women included here) is just as selfish and irresponsible as having them too young or when you’re not financially and emotionally prepared.
Ridiculous, really. I know one couple who got married rather late and had one kid and he's severely autistic. There goes your golden years!
Another woman had a kid at 44 with an abusive creep and left him. I think he didn't want a baby or something, who knows. She looks 200 years old, that's what having a kid at 45 does to you.
My parents had me at 24 and 27. They had my brother at 40 and 43. It's like we had two different sets of parents. My mother developed physical and mental health problems in her late 40s. By then, I was grown, but my brother was still a child in their home. On top of that, they had zero energy to take him places like the public pool, the arcade, amusement parks.
As great as it is they can even have babies at those ages, I would be concerned about the possible risks for the kids. My husband's mom had him at 46… not to sound mean at all because I love my husband but he either didn’t get enough oxygen in the womb or has undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. He shows a lot of the signs but he says he never was tested for anything like that nor hardly went to doc unless for emergencies.
I guess as long as people are happy that what matters. We can only make sure we don’t put ourselves in that same position.
My mom had me at 40. Now in my twenties I’m dealing with my dad dying and all my mom’s health issues. It feels like I’m experiencing so much heavy stuff that my friends don’t have to worry about for another decade or two.
You do realize that before birth control, it wasn’t necessarily uncommon for women to continue having kids through menopause and men up until their deaths, right? It sounds terrible and undesirable, but it definitely wasn’t unheard of or even unnatural well into the 20th century. Pretty shocking going through some family records on ancestry and doing the math on some of these birth records. I’m just glad people have the choice and control over their reproduction now, even when they make weird choices.
I was actually just looking this up last night due to a genealogy conundrum I was having that took me a while to accept. The census showed two young adults, an older woman who could have been their mother, and an even older woman who could have been their grandma. I eventually decided based on land records that it was most likely a household with a mother, her first-born daughter (c. 1800), and her two last-born children (c. 1830).
Yeah, even in the 20th century my grandma had some aunts and uncles younger than she was produced from her grandfathers marriage to his third wife, who he continued to have kids with until the year he died. But I have records like that too, from like the 1800s and before, and it’s so sad for like the oldest siblings. Especially daughters, many of whom were sort of expected to stay at home and take care of the younger ones and by the time the youngest ones were out, they were taking care of the elderly parents.
My mom got pregnant at 41, she was 42 when he was born. She was 60 when he graduated high school.
She had her first two in her early 20s and then she divorced my dad when she was 28, my youngest brother’s father was her boyfriend of 10 years but they never lived together
So I tell people that my mom was a single mom to minor children for 32 years because she was. From age 28 to age 60 she had at least one minor child in her house. Imagine? The poor thing died in poverty because she raised kids for loser men who didn’t want to pay child support her whole life. She couldn’t use their work credits for Social Security because she wasn’t married to anyone for 10 years. My poor mom. And we didn’t even appreciate her hard work because we didn’t like living in poverty. My poor Mom. She died from suicide at age 69
\*robert deniro left the chat\*
And alec baldwin phew. And sylvester stallone!!! WHAT ARE THESE MEN DOING
Old ass sperm practically just dust at their ages!
Dust babies…
Dust babies are a direct result of procreating with Dust bunnies
My grandmother used to say "You can't make a baby with dust.". Men brag about being able to father children their whole life. Don't they realize that their old balls are making crappy sperm.
Lmao 🤣
I guess you could say they…*come from whence they came*. Ehh? EHH?!
Baldwin is 65, and he has 7 kids under age 10. His wife seems to be...unbalanced. And he's a narcissistic ball of rage. Good luck to those kids.
There’s a whole sub about his wife and her weird fake pregnancies and her pretend Spanish heritage and all of it.
I am so curious! Whats the name of the sub?
r/HilariaBaldwin
That’s hilariaus
I had to leave that sub because suddenly I saw people talking about how ugly the kids are. Judge the shit put of the parents, by all means. They're beyond disgusting. But when you start calling kids ugly and defending yourselves by saying that you're just "being honest"? That's where we part ways.
This is the problem with most snark subs. When someone gives you so many legitimate things to be critical of, why shit all over something like their appearance? I just can’t get behind that.
Yeah, that's a low blow. The kids didn't ask to be put in that situation, they should be off limits when it comes to nasty comments.
Yeah no🤣
> he has 7 kids under age 10 This sounds like my idea of hell.
The rumor is that he has a separate apartment on the same floor. Kind of like a mancave...but a whole damn apartment. So he can escape the madness. His wife seems to spend a large amount of time taking semi-nude photos of herself in suggestive yoga poses. They have an army of nannies who actually take care of the kids.
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Money
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How is babby formed, how girl get pregnat.
I know it’s nuts right? Any guesses how old Elon will be when he has his last kid? Guessing 92 personally. He’s a fucking weirdo. And getting worse.
David Letterman
I guess they think that when they are in a wheelchair and drooling super old that their money will take care of these offspring? Narcissistic
I don’t understand having a child so old. Isn’t part of the fun of being a dad playing with your kid and stuff? Dude could hurt himself just by throwing a damn ball
probably just gonna dump the kid off on a young nanny lbr
I see it far more often with men than women. My own father had two more kids with his second wife when he was in his 50s and he passed when they were 16 and 13. It’s awful.
Probably due to the misconception that men can have kids at old age and nothing be wrong with them. But sperm deteriorates with age and can cause a plethora of problems. It's just so selfish
I hate how nobody realizes this. And people just generally seem to think 100% of health depends on the mother, completely forgetting who gave the other half of genetic material
Like whenever a couple has issues with conceiving, it's almost always the woman who has to go do a bunch of invasive testing to figure out what's wrong, and then undergo an entire plethora of treatment. Meanwhile the man would be sitting on the sides refusing to get tested because there's no way his magical sperm could be defective. And if the baby does have medical issues everyone would be quick to blame the mother. "Oh she did this during pregnancy. She didn't go that when she should have. She's defective, her womb's defective. Yadda yadda." But no one would stop to question the father's sperm quality or look into his medical history. Oh and last but not least, if the baby turns out to be a gender that they don't desire, once again they would blame the woman as though she manually picked which gender she wanted her baby. Like basic biology should have told everyone that it's the father's sperm that determines the baby's gender... like that's the only way you would get the Y chromosome in the first place.
When men do this and decide to have new kids when they’re already old, I think it’s just to show how potent their seed is. And for them to feel like they’re not aging
Mid-life crisis, new younger wife, tale as old as time 😒
This makes me feel oddly grateful about how different my dads mid-life crisis were...he cheated on my mom, but he always seemed to favor older women, and didnt try to pursue younger women...thats a thing. And he had no desire to have multiple children...he was a one and done type of "father"...lol.😅
Ya'll I have a 47 year old colleague who has a 6 year old half sister. Daddy still got it apparently, he was in his early 20s when my colleague was born. Imagine having 41 years between your eldest and your youngest. The man has about 10 kids to several women.
*Robert DeNiro entered the chat.*
Nope, my youngest brother is 19 years younger than I am and he used to love to correct people when they tried to say I was his mom when we were out in public together. He was so proud of the fact that I was his sister not his mom. It was super cute. He had a really good childhood because he had two adult siblings that would take him to all kinds of cool stuff. I took him to his first concert. 😁
The thing I have in mind when seeing people that age is the higher % that their child has a higher statistical chance of having a Gene related health condition. Sperm and Eggs age, the DNA gets old/corrupted.
Dude, I had a chick in my cab the other day, said she was pregnant with her fifth. Started having kids at 42. She said God had entrusted her with a special mission, because four out of her five kids had autism. I didn't have the heart to tell her about science.
I have a friend who has six kids, her last one was accidental and she had him when she was 40. He’s 41 and she is 81 and I’m pretty sure she’s going to die soon. He has serious mental illness and he cannot live independently and she has been taking care of him his whole life. His siblings don’t like him because they think he’s spoiled and that’s why he has mental illness but that’s not actually how mental illness works. Her life was consumed by taking care of him and his wants and needs and keeping him happy so he doesn’t disrupt his siblings and all of that. She’s in a coma right now and I’m worried about him for her. And I’m so sad that the end of her life with spent running around trying to help this grown man who is beyond help, and worrying about what’s going to happen to him when she’s gone.
That is a sad life to have :(
How do you have a fucking accident at 40. Just get fucking neutered.
LMAO that’s honestly my mom. She got pregnant at 38 with my little brother and said “the birth control didn’t work..” and again at 42, “the birth control failed” with my baby brother 😳
Jesus fuck. Your mom using thoughts and prayers as birth control?
What mental illness? I’m sorry if that’s rude or too much to ask, I am in the same boat as that kid so that’s why I’m curious
If she’s your friend do you have any leverage to assist him into a group home setting for adults who need attention? I worked at one briefly so I know they exist. And there are some non-profit ones that work really well with state insurance and may be able to provide a safe life for him.
And I feel bad for the one kid that isn’t ASD who will end up parentalized.
This is why genetic counseling needs to be free or at least affordable.
Happy cake day !
These people are sick.
Totally.
Where are my fellow Fundie Snarkers?
Over at the Duggar snarkers sub.
Oh my goodness. I wouldn't know what to say.
As someone who has autism and had many other health issues as a kid (which are only now being linked to a genetic component because it’s now more prevalent), this. I’d never want to have a kid in general, let alone past 35. Everything that happened to me because two old people were selfish and wanted to guarantee they had a caretaker, should never happen to someone else.
Exactly! And a lot of those geriatric pregnancies are conceived via IVF, which also increases risks for birth defects and doubles the risk of childhood cancers (not to mention upping reproductive cancer rates in the carrier). It seems horribly selfish to me to roll the dice on your child suffering or dying horribly just so you can have a baby.
Yep, passing on the genetic risk in geriatric pregnancies is already selfish to me but IVF is the fat layer of icing on the selfish cake.
Especially considering that even if they use donor eggs and sperm from 20-somethings (which to me just sounds like vampires seeking out the young and attractive), there are a host of problems with placenta, etc., that can lead to emergency premature c-sections and permanent health issues. Not to mention that being pregnant and taking care of a newborn while pushing 50 is not the same as pushing 30 by a long shot. If you can't go out to the club anymore because you get tired and cranky after two hours, imagine what childbirth and feedings every 2 hours will feel like.
In my mid 30s I found I wanted to go home on Friday after work for a nap more than I wanted to go out after work on Friday. So yeah I can’t even imagine having to push out a kid or get up with it in the night
I'm 28 and I'm so tired after work I have to force myself to do anything that's not just sitting around watching TV!
That was me basically out of HS... Ain't no way I'm going anywhere after work but bed or beer and PC.
I was just down sick for the better part of a week. At that point, I couldn't imagine getting up to let a hypothetical dog out, even if it was the cutest pup in the world, let alone dealing with a small human.
Yep! And it’s not just genetics that are the problem; it’s IVF altogether. Scientists have found epigenetic issues with these embryos that turn into expressing bad genes / developing birth defects anyway. Turns out that filling your body with hormones, scooping out eggs, and blasting them with defrosted sperm in a petri dish isn’t how babies are supposed to be made.
Hello, I agree with you. I know of someone doing this right now, soon to be 47, the kicker is this couple has a 8 and ten year old, healthy Boy and Girl.The wife Always complaining of not being able to do anything as a couple😳
Oh god that’s terrible. She wants to try for a third kid at 47… with two kids already?? Nothing is enough for some people. She has no right to complain about not being able to do things as a couple when she wants to add another kid to the equation. You can’t have your cake and eat it too! These people love making themselves suffer and wonder why we feel little sympathy for them
It's because all of these breeder doctors keep pushing the baby dream agenda onto people who really don't need to be having kids. One round of IVF is like $20k minimum - it's not like the fertility specialist has to deal with the birth defects.
I went to a new Dr last year bc my old Dr retired. Just for a yearly exam. She didn't t read any of my paperwork and I was really just going in for birth control. She asked me if I had kids I said no. Then she asked, oh, do you want to? I was about to turn 43! I like to think I look younger than my age , but it's like these Drs just wanna get all women pregnant now.
It’s possible she was going to offer you sterilization instead of birth control because by that age they stop denying it to us. I wasn’t able to get my tubes tied until I was 37 and even then I think the only way I got it done is my boyfriend was friends with the surgeon
Anything but adopting, right?
Nailed it in one!
Thank you for adding this detail! Yes I agree.
I worked for an amazing organization for folx with developmental delays. This is not my background or specialty, so I often asked "dumb" questions of our medical staff. This was one of my first questions...."Why am I noticing so many grandparents attending without the students parent?" Clinical staff educated me on this....wow.
Goodness - can you please share some of the things you heard that really stuck out to you?
I don't recall the exact wording, just that statistically the older the parents, the likelihood of developmental delays increased.
I know a woman whose daughter had a son at 21 that ended up having Down syndrome! She was shocked to say the least. It can happen to anyone of any age
Yes, bad things can happen at any age, the most someone can do is stack odds in their favor.
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There actually isn't a "very, very high chance" the baby will have issues, that is a myth that has been perpetuated for a long time, about women's reproductive lifecycle specifically. Yes, after 35 the chances go up, but not by significant amounts. Both of my grandma's had their last child in their early forties, one was my mom, and she is the smartest and best looking of her 11 siblings. My sister had a baby at age 40, naturally, and her baby is perfect and healthy. 39 isn't that old to have a baby.
You're actually correct! Yes, the chances of a variety of things such as autism, Trisomy 21, miscarriage, and pre-term labor do in fact increase with age (specifically in geriatric pregnancies), but the chances aren't *very, very high* like you stated 😁 I agree that as a whole people in their 40's and 50's shouldn't just be popping out children left and right, but there are many legitimate reasons to do so. It's more prevalent to have children at a more advanced age because we are starting to prioritize education and having our lives actually together before just starting a family. If it were me, however, I don't think I'd have a child after about age 35. I have a degree in Biomedical Science and went to PA school...we learned about plenty of complications and that's not something I'm willing to increase the risk of unnecessarily. But of course, I'm not having kids anyways 😂
Yep that’s just more biological clock bullshit they try to push on all of us. Meanwhile they should be looking at the men spreading their old ass sperm all over the place
There needs to be some nuance here instead of people going to extremes on this either way. I've been in perimenopause since 38, eff me for my sexist biological clock I guess.
Can you link a study for this, rather than anecdotal evidence?
My mom turned 40 less than a month after my birth. I've had supervisors make jokes about it. But honestly, I know I have mental issues. Also, the occasional pregnant gin may not have helped my GPA
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The data I have seen suggest that it doubles from .5% to 1%, then 2%. It's tricky wording to make it sound scarier than it actually is.
Thank you for saying this, becuase you're right although it does 'double' the risks involved are still small in the grand scheme of things and I think it makes women feel more defective than necessary <3
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Perfect examples of when rationalism goes out of the window!
Having a kid in your 40s, being in your early or mid 60s when your child is 20... I don't think that that is so bad. An average 60 year old won't have to be taken care of. However, all those celebrity men who are breeding in their late 60s or even in their 70s, impregnating their younger trophy wives... That is something which I have huge ethical issues with. After all, they are most likely going to be dead before their child is 18. For example, Ritchie Blackmore had two children with his younger wife when he was 65 and 67. I feel bad for those children. They will probably lose their father before they are 18. Mick Jagger, who turns 80 this year, had children when he was well in his 70s. Unless he ends up being way older than 90, those kids will have barely known their dad when he passes away. The saddest example? A Dutch singer, Rob de Nijs, had a child with his younger wife when he was 69. He was still in decent-ish health back then, so he probably thought: "It's fine! I will be alive and healthy until I'm 90 or 100! Other old people around me are getting ill and are dying, but I'm fine!" When he was 75 or 76 and his son was 6 or 7, he got diagnosed with Parkinson. At first, he could still perform like he used to, but during the past three years, his health declined rapidly. Now, he is 80. He is in a wheelchair and is pretty much incapable of doing anything. He is most likely going to die in the upcoming months or years (I assume months, given recent health updates about him in the media). His son is 11. I feel so bad for that kid... Sure, someone who had kids in their 20s, 30s or early 40s can get cancer, a heart attack or a car accident when their children are still minors. But statistically, these parents are very likely to at least see their child reach adulthood. Someone who had kids at the age of 69 knows that he will most likely die before or during his child's puberty. This man openly said that his younger wife would have left him if he didn't impregnate her. Sure, I get it. He had a young hot wife and he didn't want to lose her. He knew that at his age back then, 69, it would be hard for him to find another trophy wife who would take care of an old man. And so, he surrendered to her baby fever. He openly said: "When a woman wants kids, you can't say 'no' to that." Eh... Yes, you can? You can say: "I don't want to put a child on the planet who will almost certainly lose me before he is 18. You can either have a child with someone else or remain childless with me." Anyways, he genuinely enjoys fatherhood. He got enthusiastic about it once his wife was pregnant. In the media, he keeps talking about how sad he feels about the fact that he most likely won't see his son go through puberty. Well, maybe he should have thought of that before breeding. Maybe he should've had his son a few years earlier, or not at all. I feel so so so sorry for that son... But hey, at least his old dad got to feel like a 'real man' again when he impregnated his young hot trophy wife. At least he got to pass on his genes again at the age of 69.
Those are all so sad and selfish of the parents - especially the men! When you said the guy was diagnosed at 75 and his son was six. It really drove it home how old he was. My Mum is 70 and my niece and nephew are 5 & 6. Mum has fun with them and has zero health issues but she is glad when they go home and you know she’s not throwing them up in the air in the pool, more like “yes let’s race to the other side”. So I’m sure he was doing very little physical parenting but then what’s the point? If you’re not going to do the job properly? Ego, I guess.
>So I’m sure he was doing very little physical parenting but then what’s the point? If you’re not going to do the job properly? Ego, I guess. What was the point? Well, his wife said that she would leave if he didn't breed. So the point was, well, making sure that he could keep his younger wife. I mean, he was 69. He knew that he would be very unlikely to find another almost 30 years younger trophy wife who would take care of him when he got older. So yeah, he had to make sure that he could keep her, so he had to surrender to his baby fever. Nice story to tell your kid. "Hey, I chose to have you, purely because I didn't want to lose my young hot trophy wife. I made the decision to breed with her while knowing that I would die before you reach adulthood." He was reluctant at first, because of his age. However, when his wife got pregnant, he was thrilled about becoming a father again, after already having two adult children with his ex. He was probably proud because he felt like a 'real man'. He probably felt like: "Yes, this old guy can still do it!"
Oh hey, something I can actually comment on. My parents had me in their early/mid-40s. I don't think it would've been a huge deal had they taken better care of themselves physically. My dad smoked and drank; my mom also smoked and has had issues with her weight. Due to this, I definitely *felt* like my parents were old while I was growing up. Just my two cents!
Yeah, my parents were also late 30s early 40s when they had me, but they have always had healthy and active lifestyles, so they never felt all that old. There's so many other things that can age you outside of your chronological age... I feel like after early 40s there's a big spike in severe birth defect possibility though, so thats also a concern
I'm 49F and childfree, but going through peri menopause has been kinda terrifying living in a red state. While I'm careful *49childfree* shit may happen, so I went ahead and got some abortion pills from AidAccess.org just to be sure. I don't want my rights denied. I have felt so much better since I put them in my medicine cabinet, even though I will probably never need them! I didn't realize how easy they were to get. The peace of mind was worth the $115.
Good on you. I'm the 'surprise' kid of parents in their 50's. They'd already had kids when they were younger when I came along. My sibs got energetic, involved parents happy to raise kids whereas I got 2 tired AF people who were my friends' grandparents age. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I think it’s more responsible to be a 40 year old parent when you are emotionally and financially secure and able to take care of a child, rather than the oops teen parents or people who feel rushed to have kids bc of this imposed timeframe. Ideal? No. For all the reasons mentioned. But I can appreciate people wanting to be thoughtful about parenthood and waiting to try and find the right partner and best circumstance to bring a child into.
My mom had me at 38. Now, I’m forty (and childfree) and she’s 78 and not geriatric at all. Growing up, she did everything all the younger parents did. I may be one of the lucky ones, though! I do realize I may lose her sooner than people with younger parents (her mom died at 89). I’m also extremely lucky that she and my father have their finances covered so that, whatever happens, they can afford assisted living or a nurse, so they won’t be dependent on me for care.
Same here! She was 38 or 39, and my dad was 38. I'm 32 now (also childfree) and have such an appreciation for the fact that they were truly financially stable when they had me — I don't have the debt my friends have, I don't have to worry about paying for them for anything (retirement, medical bills, anything). Obviously it's not a given with age, but having like 10 more years to save and plan for your kids financially really gives them a headstart, at least in my experience.
My mum had me at 34, and I’m so glad. They were in a good place in their lives and gave me an incredible, stable upbringing that most of my friends didn’t have because their parents were young and struggled.
Same here, she had me at 43, now she’s 75 and we still travel together regularly, she’s far from geriatric.
My sister and her husband just had their first baby at 40, and they are in a great place in their lives to be parents. They've done and accomplished a lot for themselves and were ready for a new stage of life, and are financially stable. I know my sister will be a much better mother than she would have when she was younger.
Yeah I agree, 40 is a perfectly fine age, given modern medicine, stable financials, and (usually) increased emotional maturity. In today's world, I think 30 is the youngest responsible age for reproduction, with around 35 being optimal (give or take a few for individual factors).
OP also implied that 29 was *old* to have a baby. Sounds a bit ridiculous to me.
OP sounds like a bit of a sheltered idiot to me tbh
Yep, mom was in early 40s when she had me, I was way more well off than my siblings born when my parents were in their 20s. My parents were also just happier, less stressed people by then too with raising me.
My mother was a much better mother to my youngest brother who she had at 42 then she was to my brother and I who she had in her 20s. She was more relaxed she could participate in his life more, she enjoyed taking him to the park. Maybe it was better because there was just one instead of the two she had together, But she was a much better mother in her 40s than she was in her 20s and 30s
My mom was 38 and my dad was 40 when they had me. Here I am. Living and shit normally
I'm genuinely so glad that older first-time parents are seen as more responsible and efficient nowadays. My parents had me, their oldest child, when my mom was 32 and my dad was 35, and *that* was considered old compared to my peers' parents when I was growing up! Everyone else's parents had them in their 20s it seemed like, and I was always teased for having older parents. Now we're looking at mid 30s to early 40s as the ideal age range to start having kids, and it really does make my parents happy that they're no longer considered the outliers. I'm turning 35 in a few months and won't be having my own kids, but it's good to know that if I *did* decide to have them at my age, they wouldn't go through the same teasing I did.
I think 40 is the perfect age to have kids, for the reasons you mentioned. I have many friends who have older parents and they’re fine, they have way less trauma than us young parent kids
Young parent kid and yes! Even my siblings who are 5-10 years younger than me had a significantly different experience and version of our parents
Yep. I have a sister who is 16 years younger than me and her and I might as well have entirely different parents at this point lol
my sister is 14 years younger than me and, honestly, same. she's having a completely different experience than the one I had, and I'm honestly glad for her, but I do resent my parents.
Also the extra risks during pregnancy and birth.
Well, before birth control and the ability to control the reproductive window, it was not unusual to just keeping *having* children still into one’s 40s. Basically babies could keep happening until full menopause (perimenopause which can last like ten years does not stop ovulation entirely!). They may have started having them in their teens or twenties but the last was not until sometime shortly before menopause. You will see more of this again with increased restrictions on abortion and birth control. Most 60-70 somethings are still working and self-reliant people. Especially those who usually delayed starting children into their late 30s or 40s as they did so in part to make sure their careers were established, they had financial means. They aren’t usually the kind to just “check out” of work and life at 60 and be happy with social security payments, in my experience. I’d MUCH rather if people are going to have children they do so when they are older and have a good career, financial situation, a stable environment and healthy partnership than rush to have kids early without those things. I am nearing my mid-40s. I have friends and family who had kids in their teens, and some who only had them starting in late 30s or early 40s. Looking at my own family, that of my husbands, those of friends, the parents who “aged most” in their 60s+ tended to be those with lower economic conditions (often poorer diets, less free time due to working multiple jobs for working out or self care), more laborious jobs that are harder on the body, etc. I believe economic conditions as well as some other factors that affect stress and access to healthcare and so on - have a far greater impact on health than aging alone. I know 30 year olds who will get winded walking up a flight of stairs and 75 year olds who still run marathons and scuba dive regularly. My own mother had me at 21 and died of cancer at 59 (she was diagnosed originally in her 40s). Her last kid was at 28. so it’s not like having younger guarantees much.
My Dad is 73 has 3 kids, 48,46 & 16. It’s insane. He’s been retired for years
My ex husband was a late in life oops baby before geriatric pregnancy became popular and normalized. (I don't even like tying those words out. Ick) Anyways, we were in our early 20s and his parents were in their late 60s, and mid 70s. It caused so many problems! There was always an undertone of fear that they would die, we were pressured to have kids so they could be grands (major reason for the ex part), my family was always the last priority for everyone cause 'we will have more time in the future to spend holidays with them' . It was overall just really not great. The dad was a lovely person, but otherwise..... It showed me first hand so many nuances I never would have otherwise considered.
Northern Europe checking in here. From what I'm observing, it's the new version of a mid-life crisis for women in their 40s and early 50s (this is not a typo) whose life is stagnating either on the personal (couldn't find a partner, so finally decided to "breed" alone) or professional front (career hits dead end, woman takes stock of life and boxes ticked, and decides to tick the baby box, or at least take a load of hormones trying). Nobody can openly tell them "no", because that's "nOt SuPpOrTiNg WoMeeeeeeeeeN!" I'm in my early 40s, and if I have to pick a mid-life crisis, it will involve moving to somewhere with a view of the sea.
It's not just women. Now we have the gay men (Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper) who decided to have kids in their 50s. Cooper's father died early of a heart problem. Let's hope he doesn't do the same. At least he has a younger partner who can help with the kids if he kicks the bucket. Cohen has no partner at all. If he kicks it, the kids are on their own.
Early 50s!!???!?? Why would they ever do that to themselves and their families?
I’m required to ask my female patients age 10-56 whether they could be pregnant. The 10-13 year olds mostly get wide eyed and embarrassed. The 48-56 year olds mostly say either “I would kill myself!” “Someone would be getting sued” or “it would be a medical miracle!”
Those are the sane ones! It's too bad adult patients don't get "treats" at appointments for answers like these.
I (53F) used to ask if there was a hell no box
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Yeah here in the US women’s health altogether is a real crapshoot
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I just can't conceive of that (pardon the pun). I'm 51 and have just taken early retirement. The thought of a sproglet at my age, just... \*shudder\*
I'm in my early 40s, which is around when some of these breeders start to lose the plot, and it's a no for me. I like sleep and hobbies, and have no intention to change that part of my personality.
I’m 38 and feel the same. I just don’t want to spend that much time at a playground or a park. I’ve got a niece and nephew and I’m active in their lives but that’s enough. Going to *some* Saturday morning rugby games not having to go to every single one. (He’s 6, they don’t even know which way they’re playing half the time.)
Yup. I know of a woman who is pushing 50 and pregnant. When she was speaking with the obstetrician, she remarked that she must be the oldest patient, and he laughed. Turns out there was a whole contingent of patients going to Russia for IVF during covid. Because what better thing to do during a plague than travel to a country whose health care infrastructure is being brought to its knees and milk the chaos for cheap donor embryos?
> it's the new version of a mid-life crisis for women I'm just going to buy a sports car..
See? Men have done this for years, why can't we? I'd like a car, and a dog to ride shotgun.
Hilary Swank, just had twins at 48. I get it’s something she always wanted but some times we want things and life doesn’t work out for us. Or adopt. She has the money and I’m sure being a celebrity would get her at the top of any waiting list.
I’m in this exact situation, so let me give my perspective on this. My mom was 45 and my dad was 58 when I was born. I’m 24 now and my parents are now approaching senility, and after I just finally moved out on my own they’re now demanding I move back in to care for them. I was raised with the expectation and belief that *I* am here to take care of *them*, and that they’re only taking care of me so I live long enough to return the favor. They taught me zero life skills outside of how to take care of them, and it was expected that I would not have a life of my own and devote myself to their care. I only left the house this past summer because I realized that they were never going to let me have my own life, that I was effectively born to be their nurse, and that they never really wanted *me*. If I didn’t have the amazing support circle of friends and my (much) older brothers that I have; I’d probably still be there, I would have quit my well-paying job, and devoted myself to being their full-time caretaker because no one would have ever told me I’m worth more than that. I’m currently LC with them. It really hurts to have to live the way I did and I cannot live that way again. I am so far behind on so many things because of how they raised me, and I genuinely wish I had been aborted.
I worked with a woman once who had twins naturally at 48! She and her husband had had multiple miscarriages over the years and thought they couldn’t have kids. The twins had severe speech and hearing issues. She had the better job, so he quit his to be a stay at home dad. Last I heard, it wasn’t going well.
My mom was 40 when she had my twin brother and I. My dad was 51. They were both silent generation. My mom didn’t want anymore kids. She’d already had three from her first marriage starting at age 18. I’m 40 now and in some ways my life is just starting again. I don’t have kids like my mom did, but she probably thought she would get to have HER life now that her kids were grown and she’d divorced her previous husband. She was going to discover who she was sans kids/husband. My mom did her best to be happy when all of that was taken away when she had us. She was very caring and tolerant. Too kind sometimes. But I’ll never forget that when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer how relieved and happy she looked that her life would end. I was 17 at the time and it stuck with me how much she had been secretly suffering that death was better than living to her.
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Yep. My sister and her husband are highly educated and just had their first child at age 40, naturally. Their baby is happy and healthy, and they're in a great place to be parents and I know she'll be a much better mother now than she would have been when she was younger.
This. My mom was the geriatric mother at 31 in our small town. I'm a first generation college student, and ALL my friends with college educated parents have a wider age gap than I do.
If you cannot take care of yourself and you are only in your 60s then you did not take care of your health at all (with a few exceptions of unpreventable health conditions). However, I do agree with you that it is concerning. But I mostly think it is irresponsible to have a kid at that age because of the huge increased risk in gene mutations. Its not right to risk a poor quality of life for a child.
Just read an article yesterday about this 57 year old woman who was bragging about having a baby. She's now turning 60 this month and her son is a toddler. Her husband is even older and will be in his 80's when their son graduates from high school. I already feel so bad for her child and he's literally just over 2. It's a very real possibility that his parents don't even survive until his adulthood. And she already has other adult children too, so its not like she has NEVER had a child. She and her husband just decided they wanted another one after she kept having recurrent dreams about babies. She believes its much easier now that she doesn't have the societal pressures on her and doesn't care what other people think. Uhmmm, okay? Please help this poor family..
Oh wow, I learned the other day that if you are over 35 they call it a geriatric pregnancy, at 57 it would be more like a historical pregnancy :O
Seriously! I'm sure they'd still call it geriatric lol, but there really should be a term for people that take it *that* far! Historical sounds about right though..I'm sure it will be recorded somewhere in history books 😂
If you take care of yourself, you shouldn't need to be taken care of at 64. All of my grandparents lived independently and didn't need to be taken care of. Two of them died naturally at home in their 80s/90s, without needing any care, and the third only needed care in the last weeks of her life, and she was in her 90s. Oh, and both of my grandmas had their last child in their early forties.
Yea wtf my grandpa is turning 90 soon and he my grandma don't need any help yet. They get around just fine. My friend met him and she was shocked he was in his late 80s
Yeah, I think it's pretty unusual for some one to need to be taken care of in their 60s, unless they have a serious illness.
My grandma died at 65 of breast cancer. My mother in law died at 61 of colon cancer. From my point of view, living past your 60s is lucky.
Idk, still better than having them at 25 and not having their shit or money together..
My mom had meat 41, my parents are actually on the older side, but still fit and healthy.
There are a multitude of factors as to why people have kids later. Financial stability, changing their minds(being coerced) or even fertility issues for example. However 40+ is definitely a gamble with many risks, both to the mother and the spawn. The technology today is also a lot better at picking up defects in utero, so older people likely feel more comfortable. Is it a good idea? No, not overly. Will that stop people? Absolutely not. My parents were 40 and 41 when I was born because they'd given up on the idea of children after 20 years and IVF was too new a technology. Did it suck having older parents as a kid? Yes, but also no. That was my normal, I never knew any different. It does suck having an aging family though. I'm the youngest in my cousin group by 24ish years, and didn't really have that family connection with anyone because of it.
It’s a huge trend 😣. In the U.S., there’s a record high number of women in their 40’s that are having children. Of women I personally know, 8 are my age (46) and have children who are younger than 5. One is 45 and just announced her second pregnancy (her first one is younger than 2). Many Parents who are having children in their 40’s and older think it’s a great idea because they’re at a point in their lives when they’re more financially stable, etc., but it backfires in many ways. Even though they made the choice to have children at an older age, it doesn’t guarantee relationship longevity. There’s still a high rate of divorce and other relationship failures, now they’re in their 40’s and 50’s with tiny tots, struggling with the stress of co-parenting in separate households and dealing with all the other crap of parenting for many years ahead. It’s a terrible hit financially too because just when they’ve gotten to a point of more financial stability, they’re spending massive amounts of money for the numerous needs of children - more expensive than ever before and constantly increasing. There’s definitely lots of selfishness involved, like you said, and many people feel they won’t be satisfied until they’ve checked the “have children” box on the life script 😣.
Maybe they just want to be more secure emotionally and financially for their child. Why is waiting suddenly this nasty thing? Aren’t us childfree people supposed to cheer parents who put in that type of effort and thought? They’re 40 not like 55 60.
Lmao my dad is having a daughter with his new girlfriend. He's 52 this year. (She's 28, tho that's a different story) So I'll be sitting pretty with a half-sister that is 26 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. He will be 70 WHEN SHE IS 18.
My personal philosophy on having children is that you should not be mistaken for your child's grandparent when you go to a school meeting for them. You should not be mistaken for your child's grandparent when they bring a friend over for the first time. That's the way I look at it.
One thing that bothers me is that a lot of the people doing this are celebrities, so people with a lot of money. Most celebrities having babies after 40 use donor eggs and nobody talks about it. Others use surrogates and nobody mentions they pay six figures for that. This gives ordinary people the idea that there's hope for them and they're like "If she can do it, so can i" and they then go through painful failed procedure after painful failed procedure, OR they lose their savings and go way into debt, often ending up with no kid. OR if theyre lucky enough to make it work, you have the factor of aged parents as you mentioned. I just wish society in general would be honest about the reality of this.
I'd personally rather see someone have a baby at 40 than 20, at least generally speaking. Older parents tend to be more mature, financially stable and have at least been able to enjoy their youth, unlike very young parents. My parents didn't have their kids until their 30s and had my last sibling when my father was 40, and I have a couple close friends whose mothers were 40-41 when they were born, and I don't see any major negatives. If you take care of yourself, 60 doesn't have to = decrepit crone. My mother is 65 and still lifts weights, hikes, travels, etc. and so do many of her friends. None of them need age-old care yet from their kids; quite the opposite, in fact - most of her friends are doing Motherhood 2.80: Nana Edition by providing free childcare for their entitled adult children. But much beyond 42-43ish definitely seems selfish for the reasons you listed, and becoming a parent at 50 or older is unforgivably stupid, regardless of how rich you are. Having said all that, if I did want kids, I absolutely wouldn't plan on having them in my 40s due to the increased possibility of problems and birth defects that infants of older mothers tend to have. I think the best age for parenthood is probably about the 28-38 decade - for other people, of course. For me, the best age for parenthood is never.
This is frightening over all. I got lucky my dad was forty and my mom not much younger, nor were we wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and while we had their health issues, cancer for my mom twice which I help with the first few years of while in high school, and again in my twenties, they were at least old enough to be prepared, thought it out, and I’m happy to say they’re still here
Uh… my dad was 45 and my mom 40. Currently active, going traveling this summer with good friends, doing lots of gardening, etc. They’re both over 70 and 75 Age is a mental state. This is just low key pressuring women to get kids at a younger age and shaming them for wanting a career/full life before that (as men always has had the possibility to).
Thats not the point though. My parents are in their late 60s/early 70s and i’m 23. They’re falling apart and I’m taking care of them throughout it all. I would love to do more with my life, even move states, but I can’t bc they can’t afford a home, and I would die from worrying about them constantly. Some people age worse than others, but either way, watching their health decline and knowing they won’t be around when i’m in my 40s is enough to think older people are selfish for having kids.
As someone who had old parents it honestly just wasn’t cool. It’s hard watching them age even though they’re In Good health. All of my friends parents are a good decade younger. It’s selfish to have children that late when statistically you won’t even be around for much of their adult life.
Moral conundrum - I likewise find it selfish to want to force parents (just like with any other family member, friends, etc.) to be around for whatever proportion of the child's adult life, if the child can live independently. From my own experience - having "older" parents has been pretty great for me (mom 37, dad 40). I believe sickness and death can strike at any time in life - from my friend and family group I can't recall any "older" parent having a health concern or massive health decline - it's been mainly the "young" parents in their 20s and 30s, either cancer or unfortunate accidents. Likewise, regarding health concerns of the child when having older parents - given the economic class of where I grew up, I saw healthy children born to both younger and older parents. The severely disabled children who were in my school grade were born to moms in their late 20s, from what I remember my own mom gossiping about. Later on, interning temporarily in a GYN/OB ward in a different, but also first world country with free healthcare, I was actually shocked that the majority of women who were admitted to the ward due to problems in their pregnancy were in their 20s, while the substantial population of >30 year old pregnant women only came outpatient for the typical pregnancy check-ups.\* It was like the complete opposite of what I learned in med school. I definitely think that now that there are even more women having children later in life, there need to be new or updated population studies on the health risks of pregnancy that occurs later than the previous norms. Given what I've lived, if I rhetorically had a choice before being reborn, I'd once again choose older parents with the financial security and intellectual/emotional maturity that I've observed usually comes with age. 10 or 15 years less with them doesn't make much of a difference, as all life long is just borrowed time, imho. I could die any day too. I can't speak about the experience of children with parents much older than mine. \*EDIT: I want to dispel potential confusion and make this more statistically clear. In my time there, by my estimates, for every 100 women aged 20-30 years who came outpatient for the typical pregnancy check-ups, about 1 to 2 were referred for further testing and/or treatment in the ward. For every 100 women aged >30 years who came outpatient for the same reasons - only about 1 to 2 were also referred to the ward. Based on current studies on age and pregnancy, the rates of referral for those women aged >30 years should have been higher than the 20-30 year old population.
*Does best Robert Deniro impression*
Yes its selfish but I also think it is especially sad because they have been really indoctrinated with 'in order to be a woman you must become a mother but also you need to be a top notch career woman to help the neocapitalistic system out. You need to do both, miss'. It's really fucked up on many levels
I’m only 22, soon to be 23 and my parents are 60. Granted I was adopted at 6 days old but it’s a constant fear of mine that realistically they only have 20 years left. I’m no where close to getting married so that may just be something I miss out on sharing with them. They won’t be able to see me advance my career to the point where I can send them gifts ( I’m a welder so it takes a long time to advance). Growing up my dad always tried to prepare me for the realistic chance that they die sooner rather than later 🥲
My mom had me at 44 years old. It’s hard having parents that are so much older than your friends’ parents. I just see them deteriorating daily with my dad using a scooter to get around the house and my mom having a permanent limp. I take care of my parents at 25 and it is difficult because they’re so stubborn. I always side eye people having kids so late in their ages. They don’t know how stressful it is to think that your parents will pass away before you reach 30.
Older men have been having kids with younger women since the dawn of time. But I’m surprised that older women are having kids. I’m turning 45 this year. You’d think we’d be hitting menopause by now.
I am 44 and CF, my partner is 46. The idea of putting my body through a pregnancy at this age is like, absolutely unthinkable. I already have random aches and pains from like, sleeping in a nice bed for 8 hours surrounded in blissful silence and piles of cash. A kid would kill me.
My mom had me at 35, which back then was considered the cutoff age where women shouldn’t have kids. I’ve always felt like there was such a huge generation gap between me and my parents (boomer mom and silent generation dad). I’ve never been able to relate to them and this has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I can’t imagine having a 40 something mom and 40+ dad.
I don’t appreciate people calling my choice to not have kids selfish, so I’m not going to call people who have kids at an older age selfish. It’s their choice. I’m doing what I want - they can do what they want.
My 60 y/o dad and 40 y/o step-mom just had a baby last year. The age difference between this half sibling and myself (and older sister) is 30+ YEARS.🤨📸 An ex-step mom of mines told me he was doing this to baby-trap his current wife and ensnare them to take care of him when he’s old. Gross and selfish.
The saddest part is the dad is 100% not in any way capable to have a child (he is an outright misogynist) and the step mom is in those “I can fix him” relationship 🤮
I’m currently going through this discussion with a coworker. He’s a couple years older than me (he’s 37) and his 42 year old girlfriend is newly pregnant with their first kid. She has 3 daughters from her first marriage and they’re all adults. He’s excited, but as the (adopted) youngest daughter whose parents were 36 and 37 when they brought her home…that kid’s in for a rough childhood. My dad was hardly around due to always working long hours (same as we’re currently doing) and my oldest sister is 13 years older than me, so I didn’t really know her until I was an adult. Growing up with my parents was like growing up with grandparents. It wasn’t an abusive childhood, but it was definitely tough.
My uncle had a 3rd kid in his kid to late 40’s. Now he also has grandkids the same age as his actual kid from the oldest..
Your comment doesnt include male's involvement. Id assume you would feel inclucively critical of parenting after 40 male or female? I do understand the bio aging risks of getting preg after 40.
I had a friend throughout grade school whose dad was so old I thought it was her grandpa first time we met. He died before she even graduated college. She's still messed up about it. I don't know why you'd do this to a kid. Thankfully her mom was a normal age so she still has her
Yeesh. My family is still messed up from this sort of crap. My biological grandma was by biological grandpa's fourth wife; he was in his 70s and she was in her mid-20s when my uncle and mother were born (my aunt, my mother's older maternal sister was born in the 1950s to a single mother, so I guess grandma was desperate for stability; even then my aunt's deadbeat bio-father was a chunk older than my grandma, who grew up poor and in abusive conditions). He managed to outlive every single one of his wives, including her (she died of the same extremely rare hereditary heart condition that killed all but one of her siblings when my mom was three days old). He also was a drunkard who didn't really raise a single one of his ten, possibly eleven, children (my mom was raised by a half-brother and his family, my uncle went to a half-sister, and my poor aunt was passed around before being dumped with my adoptive grandma's crazy sister). Both my aunt and uncle died of different cancers (leukemia and liver cancer, respectively), and my mother has severe psoriasis and associated conditions. Old genetics, folks. At least if I ever wanted to write a tear-jerky book (or a soap opera), my family's actual story would fit right in. I'm not even counting my dad's side and his an-entire-season-of-Jerry-Springer-by-herself sister.
Imagine being born just so you could graduate college just in time to throw the rest of your life away into taking care of your ageing parents. I hope none of these people expect to live to see any potential grandkids…
I agree. My parents had me late, Im 20 and they’re 65 and 63. Growing up I always felt different because my friends parents were young and everyone would always ask if my parents were my grandparents. The funny thing is that my dad didn’t want kids. But my mom talked him into it and they “prepared themselves” before having kids. That’s why they claim to have had me late. You would think this means that they were great parents, but they were actually the opposite. They were, and still are, emotionally abusive narcissists.
I have a 2 year old half brother. I’m 33. My stepmom had him when she was 51. This is in addition to 8 year old twins. My parents are struggling to raise him and had to hire 2 nannies…
Gotta disagree with you on this. These folks will overall be better, more prepared parents. It's certainly better than having kids too young when you can't afford to care for them or make responsible decisions. My parents had me at 31 and 33, after 5 years of marriage, which I think is an ideal age because they were old enough to be mature and settled but not old enough to have age-related health issues during their child's young adult years. But cancer can get you at any age. I lost my mom when I was 22 and she was 55. There are no guarantees in life. Nowadays, being financially stable and settled in your late 20s to early 30s is not feasible for most people. I have many childfree younger friends, but most of them cite money and/or climate change fears as the reason why they don't want kids. I bet that at least a few of them will end up having kids later in life if they can achieve stability. In the US right now, only the rich and the poor are having kids. People in the middle, who can access birth control and have some education but can't afford a house or to send a child to college are stuck waiting or never having children. Old parents are a symptom of a greater problem with society and people are just making the best choices they can under unfair circumstances.
My (young Gen X) mother (Boomer) started having kids when she was 18. I came along when she was in her mid-thirties and there were more after me. I deeply, deeply resented her age. She was the oldest mom everywhere - she was out of touch, dressed differently, was frequently more tired/busy/out of shape compared to other mother’s. Things have changed - mid-thirties is no longer “old” but it IS older in ways that will and do impact the women and their kids. Having children when you’re peri menopausal and older (men and women included here) is just as selfish and irresponsible as having them too young or when you’re not financially and emotionally prepared.
Ridiculous, really. I know one couple who got married rather late and had one kid and he's severely autistic. There goes your golden years! Another woman had a kid at 44 with an abusive creep and left him. I think he didn't want a baby or something, who knows. She looks 200 years old, that's what having a kid at 45 does to you.
My parents had me at 40. It's a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
My parents had me at 24 and 27. They had my brother at 40 and 43. It's like we had two different sets of parents. My mother developed physical and mental health problems in her late 40s. By then, I was grown, but my brother was still a child in their home. On top of that, they had zero energy to take him places like the public pool, the arcade, amusement parks.
My aunt had a kid at 40.. it was fine. There’s a big difference between 40 and 50
Even with risk of down syndrome, there's only a 0.6% difference between 30 and 40. Between 40 and 50, there's already a 3% difference.
My dad was 50 when I was 11 and he couldn’t play with me because his knees always hurt him.
My ex is in his 20s and his parents are in their 70s. He has to look after his parents the way I look after my grandad.
My mom was 42 when she had me. My parents were acted more like grandparents growing up. Now I’m 32 and have no grandparents and only one parent life.
As great as it is they can even have babies at those ages, I would be concerned about the possible risks for the kids. My husband's mom had him at 46… not to sound mean at all because I love my husband but he either didn’t get enough oxygen in the womb or has undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. He shows a lot of the signs but he says he never was tested for anything like that nor hardly went to doc unless for emergencies. I guess as long as people are happy that what matters. We can only make sure we don’t put ourselves in that same position.
My mom had me at 40. Now in my twenties I’m dealing with my dad dying and all my mom’s health issues. It feels like I’m experiencing so much heavy stuff that my friends don’t have to worry about for another decade or two.
My mum had me at 37, she still alive.. , I'm 39...your life doesn't end at 60, we can live longer now so I don't really see a problem
You do realize that before birth control, it wasn’t necessarily uncommon for women to continue having kids through menopause and men up until their deaths, right? It sounds terrible and undesirable, but it definitely wasn’t unheard of or even unnatural well into the 20th century. Pretty shocking going through some family records on ancestry and doing the math on some of these birth records. I’m just glad people have the choice and control over their reproduction now, even when they make weird choices.
I was actually just looking this up last night due to a genealogy conundrum I was having that took me a while to accept. The census showed two young adults, an older woman who could have been their mother, and an even older woman who could have been their grandma. I eventually decided based on land records that it was most likely a household with a mother, her first-born daughter (c. 1800), and her two last-born children (c. 1830).
Yeah, even in the 20th century my grandma had some aunts and uncles younger than she was produced from her grandfathers marriage to his third wife, who he continued to have kids with until the year he died. But I have records like that too, from like the 1800s and before, and it’s so sad for like the oldest siblings. Especially daughters, many of whom were sort of expected to stay at home and take care of the younger ones and by the time the youngest ones were out, they were taking care of the elderly parents.
My mom got pregnant at 41, she was 42 when he was born. She was 60 when he graduated high school. She had her first two in her early 20s and then she divorced my dad when she was 28, my youngest brother’s father was her boyfriend of 10 years but they never lived together So I tell people that my mom was a single mom to minor children for 32 years because she was. From age 28 to age 60 she had at least one minor child in her house. Imagine? The poor thing died in poverty because she raised kids for loser men who didn’t want to pay child support her whole life. She couldn’t use their work credits for Social Security because she wasn’t married to anyone for 10 years. My poor mom. And we didn’t even appreciate her hard work because we didn’t like living in poverty. My poor Mom. She died from suicide at age 69