So, what you're saying is that your 16 year old son absolutely hates you, is being horrendously mocked by the friend group he sneaks out to see at night and has become an expert in bypassing parental controls?
Can confirm I had those parents. They hated that I always found ways around it. Eg they put parental controls on my phone but I found out I could reset the phone by getting the password wrong ten times in a row. They never figured that one out.
100% that kid does everything he wants behind his parents back.
The more restrictive you are with a child/teenager, the more discreet theyāll be at hiding their true intentions.
It's true. I'm impeccable at lying because of my helicopter parents. I try to not do so habitually, but unnecessary lies just come out sometimes because it became a knee jerk reaction to getting out of uncomfortable situations and placating emotionally unpredictable parents.
Therapy is slowly helping.
I love my parents but there are things I still knee jerk lie about too cause of some of the restrictions they had that I tried to work around. I wouldnāt say they were horrible and now theyāre a bit more lax, but always tried to be supportive.
I am the exact same way. Iām a great liar because itās a defense mechanism that helped me stay out of trouble with my parents growing up. Itās so hard to stop yourself from being a habitual liar. I will sometimes lie to my partner and after I think āwhy did I just say that?ā Like itās not like he would even be mad if I had told the truth, why did I say thatā¦
I apologize and tell him I lied early and should have said x instead. Or sometimes he will catch me and say āI donāt think thatās trueā and Iāll fess up. My partner is very understanding and knows my struggles. Iāve been in worse relationships where the habit was held against me (which, I kinda get it). But heās great at holding me accountable while meeting me where Iām at.Ā
My parents were pretty chill with me, though still abusive cuz of anger issues and other stuff. However, if I wanted to go out, they let me go out. And I was a good kid. In my teens, I was going to the arcade or the movies with my friends or just hanging out at their houses. And I never felt the need to go nuts with alcohol because I was allowed to have in the house, and I only ever saw my parents drink responsibly. I didn't try weed until I was 23 because I didn't want to before then, but my parents didn't demonize weed.
Now granted, being a socially awkward and unpopular nerd made it easy to avoid temptations cuz I was never invited anywhere 'cool', but I still managed to stay out of trouble into my college years, because I never felt the need to rebel.
Areā¦. Are you me? You just described my exact life and personality. If thatās the caseā¦ Iām really sorry about the life you had with your parents. Wasnāt easy.
Also I could totally send this to anyone who knows me and they would think I wrote it
Iām on the same boat. Treating alcohol and weed as substances that need to be taken responsibly and not trying to make them the boogie man helped. I never really felt the need to drink or smoke in high school. It wasnāt until college that I tried either of them.
Probably! When I was a kid I want a psp super badly just because I knew it had internet access and I could look at whatever I wanted away from prying eyes. With todayās tech it is really easy to get online and for cheap.
When I was a teenager our main rule was "don't do anything that you cannot tell me later", which I believe is brilliant. You know what's bad, if you cannot say it to your parents is because you shouldn't do it, and at the same time you make the kid to start deciding what is a good idea and what is not
In School, I had a teacher who told us to think about 3 things before we do something.
How would we feel if our friends knew what we did?
How would we feel if our parents knew what we did?
How would we feel if what we did was on the front page of the newspaper?
Those three things I kept with me. Did I do bad things? Sure. Who doesnt? Did I stop and think about those things before making some really dumb decisions? Yes. And it mostly kept me out of trouble.
Yup.
I learned how to read people extremely well, lie amazingly well, and cover my tracks and think several steps ahead, all thanks to my ultra restrictive parents.
I don't have kids, but I manage a business that employs a lot of teens/young adults and this is the same line of reasoning I use with them.
Being super strict doesn't work. It just drives the good people away and the ones you actually have problems with just find ways around the rules.
In the past peoples parents were successful so you believed they were right in their decisions, but nowadays everyone is struggling the same ways so kids see their parents on more equal terms when they grown up.
In the past it was also believed that severe physical abuse was a correct way of correcting behavior. Kids didn't also have ways to understand that they were taking in some bullshit.
The sad reality is that you need to see other house environments to understand what's right or wrong with yours, because you won't question anything if you don't know any better. Everyone having internet access makes it way easier for kids to realize that something fucked up may be passing under their radar, thus a fearless generation is born
You essentially described my father.
Andā¦ Iām convinced elderly care is solely designed to separate a person from whatever wealth they may have left. Same with reverse mortgages.
Itās such a shame. Want to live in an independent/assisted living place? Thatāll be $5500/month and if you push one of the Help buttons in the condo/house, thatāll be $350/day until care team decides they no longer need to be āon callā.
> Iām convinced elderly care is solely designed to separate a person from whatever wealth they may have left.
Got to keep The Poors poor but also convince them to do away with inheritance taxes so The Rich can stay rich.
>Yea also in the past people kept in touch with bad parents because there was likely a fat inheritance coming. Parents had pensions and benefits from their old jobs so basically they likely had fat stack of savings on top of their property, which might have been the primary house and a vacation cabin or something.
Lol, my parents promised me they will drink, smoke and eat their fortune away until all I inherit is debt.
And this was in late october 2023 I think, just barely after I turned 18(still in highschool cause eastern european education systems always take longer to complete).
> Yea also in the past people kept in touch with bad parents because there was likely a fat inheritance coming.
But also in the old days, keeping in touch meant only holiday cards and occasional letters and the rare phone call since 'long distance' was usually expensive. People would just move out and then to a whole other state to separate from their families.
Nowadays with cell phones you're either on call 24/7 or going no-contact. We need better boundaries.
Being able to talk outside you local social circles is part of it too. Now they communicate and are told a lot of that shit isn't normal. It's a long way from families trying to rug sweep abuse because you didn't have anyone you could tell.
In my years of not talking to her, my mom has managed to gaslight herself into believing this insane revised version of my childhood where she never did or said any of the horrible things she did (or, in cases where the occurrence canāt be denied, attributed them to my dad instead). Even with receipts for half of it, I donāt bother arguing. I honestly donāt care anymore. If she needs to make believe to tamper the guilt of being a shitty parent, thatās not my business.
So many kids these days don't have enough money to move out. Their jobs might not pay enough to make it happen without several room mates. If you don't have access to a couple of other kids and can't make plans, you're stuck for awhile.
Mine donāt even love meā¦ they said theyre going to throw a party the second I move outā¦ Iām going to enjoy seeing my mom on her fucking deathbedā¦
Gen Z are taking no shit from no one, they have my full respect, there are so many things that are wrong in our society but are normalized and nobody ever fight because it's normal, and they just collectively decided to stop accepting it. "It has always be this way" it's just not acceptable anymore, hats off to them
Not questioning I think this is an iteresting way to put it and I sort of get what you mean, but is there any good examples that come to mind where this thing played out in a good way. Can be smaller things too
Work-life balance, underpaid jobs, of course homophobia, racism, patriarchism, unnecessary hierarchy, speaking about mental health, normalising diversity, "be as you are" instead of groupism, pluralism in general. There is actually a lot
Yeah these are good. Homophobia and antiracism anti-authoritarism, feminism and just generaly toughts against discrimination were pretty big themes for the previous gens too. But I still think in the previous ones it was a smaller margin of people. Iām 40 and Iāve been a feminist, vegetarian, pro divercity since highschool. Back when I stopped eating meat I was only person in my school who was a vegetarian. Closer to the end there was 2 and then 3. I didnāt convert them, they were new students.
Saying queer are people too got you punched or marked as gay too and the punched later. Things are better now and I truly hope they stay that way
> Saying queer are people too got you punched or marked as gay too and the punched later.
I remember when Queer Eye got popular back in the early 00s and suddenly all the frothy homophobes at church got a lot quieter because it wasn't cool to hate gay people anymore.
It was like flipping a light switch. So much for their strongly held principles.
A lot of them went back to hating gay people when gay marriage went national in 2014 and Trump appeared on the scene, which is exactly the danger of idiots who flip-flop like that.
I get what youāre saying, but when Boomers were younger, a lot of them were out there trying to do the same. We may have done it on a larger scale, but they definitely got the ball rolling.
ā¦Which is why I donāt get how so many of them are so hateful now, especially the ones who arenāt paid to be that way.
iām not sure if this is a good example, but I think the way the younger generations seem to be more open minded and empathetic towards people when they mention they have an āinvisibleā disability (adhd, autism, autoimmune issues, etc); I believe thereās an attitude shift in approaching these topicsā¦where young people are now tending to lead with empathy towards understanding their friends/coworkers, trying to understand how these issues/disabilities may impact their lifeā¦ instead of the way it used to be viewed when these disabilities were brought up, when people automatically assumed that these āinvisibleā disabilities were an excuse for laziness or for a lack or effort.
the idea that people are no longer automatically jumping to the conclusion that itās an excuse, and actually listening to the person explain how this disability affects their day to day lifeā¦ itās giving me hope.
more empathy is *almost* always the answer (IMO)
and I hope this trend continues :)
Me too. It's through that empathy that I realized I'm probably autistic. Understanding myself allowed me to understand others a lot more. I had internalized all the shit I ever got in trouble for, every time I didn't meet expectations, and as a result I was unbelievably hard on myself. I saw my own subconscious cries for help as excuses, and applied that same logic to everyone around me. If I'm putting this much effort into policing myself, so can everybody else.
When I finally started listening to the inner child and started loving myself, all those systems of self-abuse I'd unknowingly built up began to crumble. Accepting who I am has made it blatantly obvious to me that we're all incredibly unique. There's nothing wrong with someone who doesn't fit into societal norms, that's just who they are. What's wrong is forcing them to live a life that doesn't fulfill them.
I'm genuinely super pumped for this new generation. I think they are gonna do a lot of good because they all seem to not accept "because I said so" as an answer.Ā
i am gen Y and i have me asked the same questions on my young years.
I can't unterstand why should i work for 10hours inclusive the way to the work and after this back home for only 500ā¬ net amount, if i need to pay all my bills??
Yes Iāve realized this. There has always been an unequal relationship with parents and their children. I mean you canāt really help that. After all, the parents are in control of resources and influence, I.e: money, a job, transport, housing and a cadre of adults to back them up when their child displays behavior that they deem inappropriate. Thereās no way a child can compete with this. They own nothing, unless they get a job and purchase something, because their parents are in control of all the resources and even then they might try to confiscate it. So even when parents try to act like they treat their children as equals or try to be nice, what actually happens is that it usually degenerates into an exercise of power. The children see the small things that would not create outrage become the source of conflict. Like when you do something but you donāt do it the way they want you to, even though you didnāt do it incorrectly. These petty displays are a reminder of the power that they hold because in their minds they canāt comprehend the idea of equal because there is absolutely nothing that is equal! The children see this and understand, through action, that itās all about power. The one who controls all the resources can do whatever they want, especially to impose rules and make promises but never follow up on them themselves. Even in the language that they use, ā as long as you live in my house,ā (and the like) reinforce this unequal power dynamic.
So how does the child respond to this? They cope in the ways that they can. Leaving of your own volition is the best way to level the playing field because if you can it means that you are able to access resources. You match them in their fields of power such as money and independence. This breaks the monopoly of power that they have over you and youāre free to not be under their rule. The ones who canāt just leave try to live with it, seeking whatever leverage they can to live their lives without disturbance. So this new generation picking up themselves and leaving is a good thing. It means that on some level they are aware of the reality the situation, despite the excuses that reinforce the status quo; they say ,ā your parent really cares about you,ā or ,āyou should be grateful because there are people worse off than you!ā
This generation (Z) is a lot more aware and not shackled to dogma.
This turned into a rant but Iāve been thinking about this for quite some time and this post gave me the opportunity to speak on it as it was topical. Iāll acknowledge that there are parents out there that do try to impress upon their children that things like equality and fairness matter but those are far and few between. What makes it worse is that if we take the parentsā reasoning for their actions in good faith we can see that not all of them are that way by choice but by frustration and undesirable circumstances. It really makes you think twice about being a parent. Still it doesnāt justify their ways. I think the biggest cause of the children leaving is the hypocrisy of the powerful (parents) exercising it in the powerless(children).
There has to be a power imbalance though becauseā¦ Parent and child.
If everything were āequalā as it seems you want it to be, parents would essentially need to abandon their young at birthā¦
There is nothing wrong with a parent setting boundaries and expectations for their child as they grow up. What need would an 8 year old child have of being out past 9pm?
Limiting their exposure to certain things online/TV and preventing them from getting addicted to their phone or stemming out on Electronics isnāt bad. Itās good for their brain development to have these boundaries.
Now, as they grow up, you listen the reigns a bit and rely on the lessons youāve taught them throughout life to hopefully get them by and make good choices.
However, just because a person is a certain age does not make them an adult mentally/maturity wise. Legally it may, but there is more to life than legalities.
>ā your parent really cares about you,ā or ,āyou should be grateful because there are people worse off than you!ā
God I'm so tired of hearing this from boomers.
My parents don't get it, tried to make it work but around 30 I was tired of walking on eggshells, the backhanded comments, and just general BS. All they say is "how can someone, whos family gave them everything, just walk away like that." With out giving them the pleasure of a response I just think, it is easy when you realize how unhappy they make you and how much of a relief it is to be done with all the BS. I appreciate the situation I am in where I can make that break, I know for many its a lot harder financially and other reasons.
Post pics with your nephew to fuck with him. Donāt be one of those assholes who steps out of their nephews and nieces life to appease a psychotic sibling.
People used to dip out and board a ship for the new world too, History is full of people cutting their parents off, it's just more obvious in a world where it's easy to stay in contact.
The idea that 'children are my property who have to do what I say or else' is rightfully losing its hold, and each progressive generation is taking less and less of it.
I 100% agree. The problem is parents are supposed to help you navigate YOUR life, not direct it. I believe there is a thin line differentiating this distinction.Ā
>Seems to be popular in this generation.
Because there's no incentive to stay. A lot of the kids this generation are kicked out of their house as soon as they turn 18, told to bootstrap themselves, told they eat too much avocado toast, etc. So there's nothing tying them down, they're free to be free.
And you know what, even in the loving families there's still a bit of shrinkflation and bootstraps going on. My grandparents paid for both my parent's university. My parents very much did not pay for mine.
I used to be a strict parent (not the level of strict here though, to be clear). I spent a year warring with my son because I thought it was what you had to do, because thatās how I was raised.
Turns out heās actually autistic (fully diagnosed) and that with half of the rules removed, neither of us is now suicidal, both enjoy life a lot more, and heās absolutely smashing school, except for two subjects that were non academic and that caused 95 % of his problems.
On the flip side, āwhy does he have to live with us until heās 40? When I turned 18 I was independent and living on my own!ā
Parents like this will never understand how little parenting theyāve actually done and how little theyāve prepared their child for adulthood.
you probably don't "have autism", then. (BESIDES, EVEN IF I DID, I CAN STILL GET A JOB, BUT YOU WONT EVEN LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR AN HOUR BY MYSELF!!!!!)
My farther your grandfather went to France during ww2 and was killing nazis at the age of 16 because he lied about his age. He's a hero who got married to your grandma before he left for the war.
Also your not allowed a cell phone son because it might be to much responsibility for you.
Nah, people who live in basements (due to a lack of trying, circumstances do happen) are usually ones whose parents probably over indulged them and they did not try hard on their end.
People who live in such a micro controlled and helicopter parent environment usually try to do everything to just get out. Even if getting out means being roommates with 5 smelly dudes and sleeping on the couch.
They turn 18 and they are gone.
Helicopter parenting is almost equally lazy as hands-off parenting imho, just in a different way.
Both groups are avoiding the hard parts of parenting, which is the teaching and conversations.
Helicopters just cover up their neglect by being a helicopter when the kid needs a parent, so it's harder to spot the neglect.
First time I remember really just telling my folks āNo.ā was when my mom wanted my Facebook password back in 2009. Iād just entered college and realized hey, if I donāt want to give it to them I donāt have to. I didnāt live there anymore.
It was a hell of a realization, let me tell ya. And itās made my life a lot more healthy.
I was always "studying" all day because I wasn't allowed to do anything other than short breaks until homework was done, and it was only done when my mom checked it and she was so bad at my subjects that convincing her I did it right took longer than actually making it. Also, if I was making "homework" on my laptop, I could be doing anything the internet provided without telling anyone. Took me until 18 to be brave enough to game in full sight of people. Still prefer a wall behind me even now
This is how you get a kid that blows all limits the first time he is living on his own.
I live on a farm in a very secluded area and had very strict parents, when I got to college I went absolutely wild.
It's a cliche but it's absolutely true, everyone I know who had strict parents and was sent to a Christian school made up for all the time lost and then some after high school.
My parents are still trying to figure out why I cut them out. I wasn't allowed to listen to anything besides Christian music until I was 16, they monitored everything I watched, games I played, music I listened to, and were always involved somehow in the things I did.
Oh this sounds familiar. I had to ask permission to play with my toys and listen to the radio. Bedroom was never allowed to be locked and they could walk in and search anytime they wanted to. Also smacked the crap outta me. Havenāt spoken to them in over 12 years.
Yeah one of the things you mentioned is **significantly** worse than the others.
Edit: Ok I get it some of you would rather be literally physically abused than have an overbearing parent.
Not minimizing how bad physical abuse is, but I think people also underestimate the kind of stress those other controlling behaviours put on a child and the damage it does. Like having to ask permission every single time you want to play with your own toys? Being treated like a criminal with constant room checks? That stuff messes you up.
This was my experience. Open door policy. No locks allowed. Everything in the room must be controlled by the parents and oriented in such a way that they can walk by and see what I'm doing at will.
At times I would've preferred a fist or a boot instead of both parents--quite literally--staring into my room for 4-6 hours every evening while yelling at me from across the hallway to stop doing this or that.
Anyone else here have parents who followed them to the bathroom and stood outside to listen? I still haven't fully recovered.
Oh it gets so much more fun.
How about...parents contacting my bank without my knowledge and using my identification for access to my bank statements. They would then string together my purchases in NYC and set out on Google Street View trips to retrace my every step.
Vicarious? More like vampiric.
Idk man the beatings i got included broken bones and I wouldve still taken them over over the crazy restrictions/control. I had a tracker/listening device on me if I left the house, and the control included things like when, what, and how much food I could eat, if I was allowed to close or lock doors, what I wore, my hairstyle, my body hair, my makeup, literally every tiny detail of my life was controlled. I could not even breath differently without being interrogated as to why. Nothing but my thoughts were mine. And even bone breaky beatings feel better after like 3 or 4 weeks.Ā
I guarantee this person is abusive even beyond this, but this isnāt too far off from some healthy practices that I think are good for society, mostly the phone limiting at a young age. The restricting tv access thing though isnāt really defensible at all
Having bedtime, while having no phone and no internet access at 16 is crazy. I'm all for *limiting* the unsupervised access of *kids* to the internet, but 16 is not that kind of age.
Old enough to drive a 2 ton killing machine, old enough to decide when to go to bed.
The solution is teaching your kid responsibility at a young age. Not controlling them into being a young adult
Reminds me of an old buddy of mine in high school. Poor guy was this quiet kid whose mother was in a cult and told him that she regretted giving birth to him. His parents were divorced because his father left the cult.
He went with his father and found out his father was a complete doormat to his stepmother. She was a complete control freak who treated him like a delinquent when he was a quiet guy that had good grades. She controlled everything she could much like the unhinged woman in this post and even forced him to give her control of his money.
It was so bad that he ended up joining his mother's cult to rebel against his stepmother. During that time, I had lunch with him once and he told me he couldn't stand being in a college because it smelled too much like estrogen.
When I last heard of him, he fell into drugs, became a paranoid conspiracy theorist/neonazi and his ex-wife had gotten a restraining order against him after he started sending threatening messages on her social media.
>and told him that she regretted giving birth to him
>He went with his father and found out his father was a complete doormat to his stepmother.
>She was a complete control freak who treated him like a delinquent when he was a quiet guy that had good grades.
>She controlled everything she could much like the unhinged woman in this post and even (attempted to) forced him to give her control of his money.
Wow, so many similarities!
And I still have 4 years to live with them.
Build a better mousetrap and you'll build a better mouse.
This kid is either so adept at bypassing the rules and security that it's now just muscle memory or he's actually trapped and will go completely off the rails at the first hint of freedom
Or he'll remain trapped there until his life is effectively too far gone to make anything if himself
>Or he'll remain trapped there until his life is effectively too far gone to make anything if himself
I was fearful of this happening to me when I was little as my country's economy is utter dogshit and as such was mathematically possible.
Are there real life examples of this though?
So on the one hand, people are always saying it's up to you as the parent to limit what sort of music/movies/games your kid is exposed to, not the people making the things and this parent is clearly taking that to heart, which is good. But on the other hand, this seems wildly extreme for a 16 year old.
Yeah, no personal device at 16 is a bit on the tight side and 9pm bedtime is Lowkey draconian, but I'm not gonna let my kids have phones until they're at least in high school.
Kids in early grades with phones is basically abuse
See? You can parent your kids and not treat them like theyāre your property. How so many people fail to fall somewhere in the middle ground is so astonishing to me. Nowadays people either put an ipad in front of their kids and let it sort itself out, or control every single detail of their lives and strips them of agency.
Part of the problem is we're designed to identify with "camps" intellectually, and our social media leads to very binary discourse.
Authoritative parenting isn't binary. You aren't always the despot, and you aren't always in a buddy buddy stance.
You're the adult. You adult. They kids.
It's a dialogue not a "stance" to operate in. And you have to understand you'll apologize when you fuck up by being too permissive or too despotic and you'll adapt towards what works best.
Saddest part is that the son is probably groomed and manipulated so much that he'll majorly choose to stay with his parents in his adulthood and let them control him like a puppet. Seen it too many times around my family and in neighbourhood, happened to both daughters and sons. Fuvked life and fuvked marriage life (ending in divorce cuz of parent's intervention.)
So when the kid leaves home, and that clock is ticking loudly, they will probably go wild and do all the things that they were not allowed to do. If they survive that, Mom & Dad are definitely on the blocked callers list.
Parents, you had children, not zoo animals. Treat your children with respect. Teach them, don't try to train them.
Like I totally get wanting to shield your child from every horrible thing on the internet but you are kidding yourself if you honestly believe he isnāt seeing stuff his friends show him etc. And even if you *are* successful, at some point he is gonna find out
Lol my parents have really stupid and strict rules but I just do everything behind their back. The worst part is, aināt even a bad kid like the things I do are things any normal kids do.
Healthy parenting is about balance. Too strict, and youāll risk them cutting you out of their lives as adults. Too permissive, and they become spoiled brats with no discipline. Itās good to be somewhere in between.
The internet had only just become a thing here when I was a teenager so that wasnāt a factor in my dadās ridiculous rules . But the rest is the same . Just one of the many reasons Iāve been NC for years
This woman is gonna find out real quick that sheās fucked up
It's good to place restrictions and guardrails for your kids and teenagers but treating a 16 yr old like he's 12, which will probably last until 18, that parent should be prepared to be resentedand cut off.
Someone I know has a strict mother like that, she treated that household like an army bootcamp.
One day out of the blue she decided to limit his computer time and told him if he wanted to spend more time on it he should buy his own - so my friend did just that and built his own computer.
His mother didn't like that so she moved the goal posts and told him if he wants to use his computer the way he wants he should move out and get his own place - so my friend moved in with some friends.
Fast forward a few years and now his mother is always complaining to anyone with an ear that her son never calls or visits and she feels he's abandoned her.
Moral of the story, if you treat your kid like shit, don't expect them to treat you any better when they grow up.
---
Edit: Spelling.
My high school years were so sheltered, when I reached college, I was a crazy person for two years. Parents like these do not realize how much they are hindering their children, rather than helping them.
These are the kids we saw in college flunking out within the first semester because they had no idea how to be an adult and moderate their own lives. They go crazy with their new found freedom.
I actually have that mind set for my parents in the future. Idc what anyone says. Theyāve decided that Iām their retirement plan because I donāt want to start a family.
Pretty good bet the kid is getting access to online someplace else. A friendās house, library etc. Kids are resourceful and the oppressed ones like this are very cleverā¦.
The smartest kids I know had everything available to them but guided, adviced, and explained towards the good and smart decisions. No raised voices, no anger, no bullshitting throughout the process. When you don't know the answer, tell them you don't know and figure out the answer either together or on their own or both. They're now intelligent, street smart, social kids who can properly reason out.
My Aunts friend was talking to me and my cousin once and was wondering why I was my cousins favorite. "I've treated her like an adult her whole like. Like I treat everyone." Luckily, that sid of my family is more on the ball and understood what I was getting at. But it's really that simple. Respect is all people want.
I had a friend whose parents were like this she turned 18 and realised her parent had no legal control anymore and LOST HER MIND, she spent the next three years doing all the things her parents spent years preventing her from doing including but limited to Partying, drugs, tattoos etc. She is now a hairdresser/Nail technician and Mother and her husband is let's say not what her parents would look for in a son in law.
Whenever I needed to use the computer to research or type up a school assignment, my mom would stand right behind me with her arms folded the entire time. Didnāt matter if I was on there for five minutes or an hour - she would just stand there looking over my shoulder the whole time. One day I finally asked if she could give me some breathing room. She immediately shouted āA-HA! You want to look up something inappropriate! You wouldnāt have a problem with me watching you if you didnāt have something to hide!ā like sheād been waiting for an opportunity to say it for ages.
Iām in my late 30ās now and I *still* catch myself getting annoyed when people hover around me or peek over my shoulder when Iām working on the computer, regardless of the circumstances.
Nursing homes are expensive, the kid will cut her out as soon as heās got the finances. Sheāll be lucky if she hears a merry Christmas once a decade.
that's wild. i dont think i can survive an hour max with parental passcodes.
though im 21 and still go to bed at 8:30 so I don't particularly mind that.
Meanwhile- I donāt limit my 16 yo and trust her to ask questions. We already openly talk about drugs, sex, behaviors, relationships, etc. still refuses to drive a car but at least she talks to me. Sheās also a good kid and doesnāt do/wear things that make her uncomfortable.
Rules are fine. But they need a purpose. If you find a rule that fulfills the same purpose and is less onerous, choosing the troublesome rule has a hidden purpose.
We become independent fully actualized adults by making mistakes while young, doing regrettable things and hopefully learning about the consequences and adjusting our actions. This mom will just raise a child that had every decision made for him and knows his parents hold a deep mistrust in his every action. It will not end well.
Ngl my dad had kinda the sameish rules. It seemed like everytime I did certain things I would get banned from something else. Couldn't play minecraft, couldn't play fnaf, couldn't watch videos. (Still did them all, fuck it.) It was weird. Ended up in the teenage years couldn't use my phone in the house and had to leave it on the kitchen table turned off. Kinda had a bedtime (8pm then in hs about 9pm and maybe 10pm). Not to mention still in hs and getting a 2 hour time limit combined total on all devices. Also at 18 in hs getting grounded for a D in a class or 2 when I'm gonna pass the class (my school took a combined grade of the 2 half of the semesters and the finale and even then D is still passing in my county). Then finally told him I'm 18 and he got off my ass and all those rules disappeared and left me alone.
If you teach your children and build a real relationship with them, then you can trust them to use the internet and watch other media and still adhere to your values.
If you start out as the Gestapo, and just ramp up from there your children will never build a relationship with you and will resent you for the things their peers learned through experiences that they never did they will probably disappear when they are able to support themselves and cut you out of their lives for a very long time if not forever.
There is an argument to be had that you should definitely restrict what your kid does with his phone and other devices and how much. But at 16? Holy shit no, not not thst much. Not unless want the kid to be masterful liar and hate you most of his/her adult life.
The (about the only one) exception to this of course is that if the kid is wildely ill-behaving, constantly doing shit what he/she certainly shouldn't and respects no boundaries... But even in that case the kid needs outside help and the restrictions comes from the proficionals whom know how to best help the kid and not from the parent, unless agreed to with the said experts.
Itās one thing to be aware of what your kid is doing online and to be sure theyāre actually LIVING life and not hiding behind a screen, but this is taking it to abusive levels.
Now that's not true...her son will snap and kill her long before she gets that old. That environment only produces two kinds of people: extremely repressed weirdos who snap later in life over a mild annoyance and serial killers.
If bro already doesn't know how to sneakily use internet, his first free encounter after leaving home will be wild. And probably will result in some sort of addiction or sum
Maāam, all youāre doing is training him to be exceptionally clever at the art of deception, which he is 100% using on you. Imagine how deeply unpleasant it must be to be a child of a helicopter mother such as this
Yeah my parents were very strict around technology like this and now that I have freedom Iām addicted to social media and video games so it backfired.
So, what you're saying is that your 16 year old son absolutely hates you, is being horrendously mocked by the friend group he sneaks out to see at night and has become an expert in bypassing parental controls?
Bro got better training than an fbi agent šš
Can confirm I had those parents. They hated that I always found ways around it. Eg they put parental controls on my phone but I found out I could reset the phone by getting the password wrong ten times in a row. They never figured that one out.
100% that kid does everything he wants behind his parents back. The more restrictive you are with a child/teenager, the more discreet theyāll be at hiding their true intentions.
It's true. I'm impeccable at lying because of my helicopter parents. I try to not do so habitually, but unnecessary lies just come out sometimes because it became a knee jerk reaction to getting out of uncomfortable situations and placating emotionally unpredictable parents. Therapy is slowly helping.
I love my parents but there are things I still knee jerk lie about too cause of some of the restrictions they had that I tried to work around. I wouldnāt say they were horrible and now theyāre a bit more lax, but always tried to be supportive.
Wow, this is exactly me. Theyāre better now than they used to be, but I still end up lying out of habit
I am the exact same way. Iām a great liar because itās a defense mechanism that helped me stay out of trouble with my parents growing up. Itās so hard to stop yourself from being a habitual liar. I will sometimes lie to my partner and after I think āwhy did I just say that?ā Like itās not like he would even be mad if I had told the truth, why did I say thatā¦
Outta curiosity, what do you do in a situation like this with your partner?
I apologize and tell him I lied early and should have said x instead. Or sometimes he will catch me and say āI donāt think thatās trueā and Iāll fess up. My partner is very understanding and knows my struggles. Iāve been in worse relationships where the habit was held against me (which, I kinda get it). But heās great at holding me accountable while meeting me where Iām at.Ā
My parents were pretty chill with me, though still abusive cuz of anger issues and other stuff. However, if I wanted to go out, they let me go out. And I was a good kid. In my teens, I was going to the arcade or the movies with my friends or just hanging out at their houses. And I never felt the need to go nuts with alcohol because I was allowed to have in the house, and I only ever saw my parents drink responsibly. I didn't try weed until I was 23 because I didn't want to before then, but my parents didn't demonize weed. Now granted, being a socially awkward and unpopular nerd made it easy to avoid temptations cuz I was never invited anywhere 'cool', but I still managed to stay out of trouble into my college years, because I never felt the need to rebel.
Areā¦. Are you me? You just described my exact life and personality. If thatās the caseā¦ Iām really sorry about the life you had with your parents. Wasnāt easy. Also I could totally send this to anyone who knows me and they would think I wrote it
Iām on the same boat. Treating alcohol and weed as substances that need to be taken responsibly and not trying to make them the boogie man helped. I never really felt the need to drink or smoke in high school. It wasnāt until college that I tried either of them.
100% that fucker has a phone they donāt know about and acess to all the parental codes hell odds are heās got a lap top stashed
Probably! When I was a kid I want a psp super badly just because I knew it had internet access and I could look at whatever I wanted away from prying eyes. With todayās tech it is really easy to get online and for cheap.
Ha, this was me on the Wii looking up Harry Potter smut as a child.
When I was a teenager our main rule was "don't do anything that you cannot tell me later", which I believe is brilliant. You know what's bad, if you cannot say it to your parents is because you shouldn't do it, and at the same time you make the kid to start deciding what is a good idea and what is not
It is brilliant. I have two young ones, and I will absolutely be using this when they get older.Ā
In School, I had a teacher who told us to think about 3 things before we do something. How would we feel if our friends knew what we did? How would we feel if our parents knew what we did? How would we feel if what we did was on the front page of the newspaper? Those three things I kept with me. Did I do bad things? Sure. Who doesnt? Did I stop and think about those things before making some really dumb decisions? Yes. And it mostly kept me out of trouble.
Yup. I learned how to read people extremely well, lie amazingly well, and cover my tracks and think several steps ahead, all thanks to my ultra restrictive parents.
I don't have kids, but I manage a business that employs a lot of teens/young adults and this is the same line of reasoning I use with them. Being super strict doesn't work. It just drives the good people away and the ones you actually have problems with just find ways around the rules.
"Why did my baby cut me out of their life as soon as they turned 18 and moved out?!"
Seems to be popular in this generation. One of my nephews did this and his dad, my brother didn't know why. I had to explain it to him.
Yeah, kids are starting to take less shit from their parents, which isn't really a bad thing.
Bit sad that they have to put up with it for 18 years, and the parents usually dont learn anything
In the past peoples parents were successful so you believed they were right in their decisions, but nowadays everyone is struggling the same ways so kids see their parents on more equal terms when they grown up.
In the past it was also believed that severe physical abuse was a correct way of correcting behavior. Kids didn't also have ways to understand that they were taking in some bullshit. The sad reality is that you need to see other house environments to understand what's right or wrong with yours, because you won't question anything if you don't know any better. Everyone having internet access makes it way easier for kids to realize that something fucked up may be passing under their radar, thus a fearless generation is born
This is a great analogy and also the exact reason I think everyone should travel
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You essentially described my father. Andā¦ Iām convinced elderly care is solely designed to separate a person from whatever wealth they may have left. Same with reverse mortgages. Itās such a shame. Want to live in an independent/assisted living place? Thatāll be $5500/month and if you push one of the Help buttons in the condo/house, thatāll be $350/day until care team decides they no longer need to be āon callā.
> Iām convinced elderly care is solely designed to separate a person from whatever wealth they may have left. Got to keep The Poors poor but also convince them to do away with inheritance taxes so The Rich can stay rich.
>Yea also in the past people kept in touch with bad parents because there was likely a fat inheritance coming. Parents had pensions and benefits from their old jobs so basically they likely had fat stack of savings on top of their property, which might have been the primary house and a vacation cabin or something. Lol, my parents promised me they will drink, smoke and eat their fortune away until all I inherit is debt. And this was in late october 2023 I think, just barely after I turned 18(still in highschool cause eastern european education systems always take longer to complete).
> Yea also in the past people kept in touch with bad parents because there was likely a fat inheritance coming. But also in the old days, keeping in touch meant only holiday cards and occasional letters and the rare phone call since 'long distance' was usually expensive. People would just move out and then to a whole other state to separate from their families. Nowadays with cell phones you're either on call 24/7 or going no-contact. We need better boundaries.
Being able to talk outside you local social circles is part of it too. Now they communicate and are told a lot of that shit isn't normal. It's a long way from families trying to rug sweep abuse because you didn't have anyone you could tell.
In my years of not talking to her, my mom has managed to gaslight herself into believing this insane revised version of my childhood where she never did or said any of the horrible things she did (or, in cases where the occurrence canāt be denied, attributed them to my dad instead). Even with receipts for half of it, I donāt bother arguing. I honestly donāt care anymore. If she needs to make believe to tamper the guilt of being a shitty parent, thatās not my business.
So many kids these days don't have enough money to move out. Their jobs might not pay enough to make it happen without several room mates. If you don't have access to a couple of other kids and can't make plans, you're stuck for awhile.
Mine donāt even love meā¦ they said theyre going to throw a party the second I move outā¦ Iām going to enjoy seeing my mom on her fucking deathbedā¦
Gen Z are taking no shit from no one, they have my full respect, there are so many things that are wrong in our society but are normalized and nobody ever fight because it's normal, and they just collectively decided to stop accepting it. "It has always be this way" it's just not acceptable anymore, hats off to them
Not questioning I think this is an iteresting way to put it and I sort of get what you mean, but is there any good examples that come to mind where this thing played out in a good way. Can be smaller things too
Work-life balance, underpaid jobs, of course homophobia, racism, patriarchism, unnecessary hierarchy, speaking about mental health, normalising diversity, "be as you are" instead of groupism, pluralism in general. There is actually a lot
Yeah these are good. Homophobia and antiracism anti-authoritarism, feminism and just generaly toughts against discrimination were pretty big themes for the previous gens too. But I still think in the previous ones it was a smaller margin of people. Iām 40 and Iāve been a feminist, vegetarian, pro divercity since highschool. Back when I stopped eating meat I was only person in my school who was a vegetarian. Closer to the end there was 2 and then 3. I didnāt convert them, they were new students. Saying queer are people too got you punched or marked as gay too and the punched later. Things are better now and I truly hope they stay that way
> Saying queer are people too got you punched or marked as gay too and the punched later. I remember when Queer Eye got popular back in the early 00s and suddenly all the frothy homophobes at church got a lot quieter because it wasn't cool to hate gay people anymore. It was like flipping a light switch. So much for their strongly held principles. A lot of them went back to hating gay people when gay marriage went national in 2014 and Trump appeared on the scene, which is exactly the danger of idiots who flip-flop like that.
We millennials are the ones that started the accepting people for who they are trend:) I feel like we are the greatest generation ššš
I get what youāre saying, but when Boomers were younger, a lot of them were out there trying to do the same. We may have done it on a larger scale, but they definitely got the ball rolling. ā¦Which is why I donāt get how so many of them are so hateful now, especially the ones who arenāt paid to be that way.
Because the ones that did the protesting are not the same ones that are hateful now. Each generation isn't a monolith.
iām not sure if this is a good example, but I think the way the younger generations seem to be more open minded and empathetic towards people when they mention they have an āinvisibleā disability (adhd, autism, autoimmune issues, etc); I believe thereās an attitude shift in approaching these topicsā¦where young people are now tending to lead with empathy towards understanding their friends/coworkers, trying to understand how these issues/disabilities may impact their lifeā¦ instead of the way it used to be viewed when these disabilities were brought up, when people automatically assumed that these āinvisibleā disabilities were an excuse for laziness or for a lack or effort. the idea that people are no longer automatically jumping to the conclusion that itās an excuse, and actually listening to the person explain how this disability affects their day to day lifeā¦ itās giving me hope. more empathy is *almost* always the answer (IMO) and I hope this trend continues :)
Me too. It's through that empathy that I realized I'm probably autistic. Understanding myself allowed me to understand others a lot more. I had internalized all the shit I ever got in trouble for, every time I didn't meet expectations, and as a result I was unbelievably hard on myself. I saw my own subconscious cries for help as excuses, and applied that same logic to everyone around me. If I'm putting this much effort into policing myself, so can everybody else. When I finally started listening to the inner child and started loving myself, all those systems of self-abuse I'd unknowingly built up began to crumble. Accepting who I am has made it blatantly obvious to me that we're all incredibly unique. There's nothing wrong with someone who doesn't fit into societal norms, that's just who they are. What's wrong is forcing them to live a life that doesn't fulfill them.
Uhh idk casual homophobia, racism, sexual harassment, etc.
I'm genuinely super pumped for this new generation. I think they are gonna do a lot of good because they all seem to not accept "because I said so" as an answer.Ā
Now if they would just vote
i am gen Y and i have me asked the same questions on my young years. I can't unterstand why should i work for 10hours inclusive the way to the work and after this back home for only 500ā¬ net amount, if i need to pay all my bills??
Yes Iāve realized this. There has always been an unequal relationship with parents and their children. I mean you canāt really help that. After all, the parents are in control of resources and influence, I.e: money, a job, transport, housing and a cadre of adults to back them up when their child displays behavior that they deem inappropriate. Thereās no way a child can compete with this. They own nothing, unless they get a job and purchase something, because their parents are in control of all the resources and even then they might try to confiscate it. So even when parents try to act like they treat their children as equals or try to be nice, what actually happens is that it usually degenerates into an exercise of power. The children see the small things that would not create outrage become the source of conflict. Like when you do something but you donāt do it the way they want you to, even though you didnāt do it incorrectly. These petty displays are a reminder of the power that they hold because in their minds they canāt comprehend the idea of equal because there is absolutely nothing that is equal! The children see this and understand, through action, that itās all about power. The one who controls all the resources can do whatever they want, especially to impose rules and make promises but never follow up on them themselves. Even in the language that they use, ā as long as you live in my house,ā (and the like) reinforce this unequal power dynamic. So how does the child respond to this? They cope in the ways that they can. Leaving of your own volition is the best way to level the playing field because if you can it means that you are able to access resources. You match them in their fields of power such as money and independence. This breaks the monopoly of power that they have over you and youāre free to not be under their rule. The ones who canāt just leave try to live with it, seeking whatever leverage they can to live their lives without disturbance. So this new generation picking up themselves and leaving is a good thing. It means that on some level they are aware of the reality the situation, despite the excuses that reinforce the status quo; they say ,ā your parent really cares about you,ā or ,āyou should be grateful because there are people worse off than you!ā This generation (Z) is a lot more aware and not shackled to dogma. This turned into a rant but Iāve been thinking about this for quite some time and this post gave me the opportunity to speak on it as it was topical. Iāll acknowledge that there are parents out there that do try to impress upon their children that things like equality and fairness matter but those are far and few between. What makes it worse is that if we take the parentsā reasoning for their actions in good faith we can see that not all of them are that way by choice but by frustration and undesirable circumstances. It really makes you think twice about being a parent. Still it doesnāt justify their ways. I think the biggest cause of the children leaving is the hypocrisy of the powerful (parents) exercising it in the powerless(children).
There has to be a power imbalance though becauseā¦ Parent and child. If everything were āequalā as it seems you want it to be, parents would essentially need to abandon their young at birthā¦ There is nothing wrong with a parent setting boundaries and expectations for their child as they grow up. What need would an 8 year old child have of being out past 9pm? Limiting their exposure to certain things online/TV and preventing them from getting addicted to their phone or stemming out on Electronics isnāt bad. Itās good for their brain development to have these boundaries. Now, as they grow up, you listen the reigns a bit and rely on the lessons youāve taught them throughout life to hopefully get them by and make good choices. However, just because a person is a certain age does not make them an adult mentally/maturity wise. Legally it may, but there is more to life than legalities.
>ā your parent really cares about you,ā or ,āyou should be grateful because there are people worse off than you!ā God I'm so tired of hearing this from boomers.
My parents don't get it, tried to make it work but around 30 I was tired of walking on eggshells, the backhanded comments, and just general BS. All they say is "how can someone, whos family gave them everything, just walk away like that." With out giving them the pleasure of a response I just think, it is easy when you realize how unhappy they make you and how much of a relief it is to be done with all the BS. I appreciate the situation I am in where I can make that break, I know for many its a lot harder financially and other reasons.
How did he take it?
Denial, victim blaming and more shitty behavior. Exactly what you would expect.
Well if they were capable of anything else, they'd probably not be in that situation in the first place.
Iād say itāll hit him eventually butā¦ people like that donāt change that easily
Post pics with your nephew to fuck with him. Donāt be one of those assholes who steps out of their nephews and nieces life to appease a psychotic sibling.
People used to dip out and board a ship for the new world too, History is full of people cutting their parents off, it's just more obvious in a world where it's easy to stay in contact.
The idea that 'children are my property who have to do what I say or else' is rightfully losing its hold, and each progressive generation is taking less and less of it.
I 100% agree. The problem is parents are supposed to help you navigate YOUR life, not direct it. I believe there is a thin line differentiating this distinction.Ā
>Seems to be popular in this generation. Because there's no incentive to stay. A lot of the kids this generation are kicked out of their house as soon as they turn 18, told to bootstrap themselves, told they eat too much avocado toast, etc. So there's nothing tying them down, they're free to be free. And you know what, even in the loving families there's still a bit of shrinkflation and bootstraps going on. My grandparents paid for both my parent's university. My parents very much did not pay for mine.
I used to be a strict parent (not the level of strict here though, to be clear). I spent a year warring with my son because I thought it was what you had to do, because thatās how I was raised. Turns out heās actually autistic (fully diagnosed) and that with half of the rules removed, neither of us is now suicidal, both enjoy life a lot more, and heās absolutely smashing school, except for two subjects that were non academic and that caused 95 % of his problems.
On the flip side, āwhy does he have to live with us until heās 40? When I turned 18 I was independent and living on my own!ā Parents like this will never understand how little parenting theyāve actually done and how little theyāve prepared their child for adulthood.
you probably don't "have autism", then. (BESIDES, EVEN IF I DID, I CAN STILL GET A JOB, BUT YOU WONT EVEN LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR AN HOUR BY MYSELF!!!!!)
My farther your grandfather went to France during ww2 and was killing nazis at the age of 16 because he lied about his age. He's a hero who got married to your grandma before he left for the war. Also your not allowed a cell phone son because it might be to much responsibility for you.
Because they kept treating their child like a baby.
he either hates you or will never get laid and live in your basement forever.
Probably both
Until that fateful eveningā¦
With a gun cocked in his hand
He takes to the streets to fight crime
And ends up in deathrow
Death Row is the label that pays me
And that label drops you after the killing spree
but murder is just the case that they gave him
I love a happy ending.
Nah, people who live in basements (due to a lack of trying, circumstances do happen) are usually ones whose parents probably over indulged them and they did not try hard on their end. People who live in such a micro controlled and helicopter parent environment usually try to do everything to just get out. Even if getting out means being roommates with 5 smelly dudes and sleeping on the couch. They turn 18 and they are gone.
Helicopter parenting is almost equally lazy as hands-off parenting imho, just in a different way. Both groups are avoiding the hard parts of parenting, which is the teaching and conversations. Helicopters just cover up their neglect by being a helicopter when the kid needs a parent, so it's harder to spot the neglect.
And bedtime will always be at 9
First time I remember really just telling my folks āNo.ā was when my mom wanted my Facebook password back in 2009. Iād just entered college and realized hey, if I donāt want to give it to them I donāt have to. I didnāt live there anymore. It was a hell of a realization, let me tell ya. And itās made my life a lot more healthy.
I was always "studying" all day because I wasn't allowed to do anything other than short breaks until homework was done, and it was only done when my mom checked it and she was so bad at my subjects that convincing her I did it right took longer than actually making it. Also, if I was making "homework" on my laptop, I could be doing anything the internet provided without telling anyone. Took me until 18 to be brave enough to game in full sight of people. Still prefer a wall behind me even now
GO AWAY IM BAITIN!
Sounds like someone's mastered the art of baiting. A master baiter, if you will.
Welcome to Costco, I love you.
I like money.
What was their reaction?
My mom was pissed but my dad was supportive. It was quite helpful, honestly, and Iām glad he stuck up for me. I think he was waiting for that.
This is reasonable
This is how you get a kid that blows all limits the first time he is living on his own. I live on a farm in a very secluded area and had very strict parents, when I got to college I went absolutely wild.
It's a cliche but it's absolutely true, everyone I know who had strict parents and was sent to a Christian school made up for all the time lost and then some after high school.
My parents are still trying to figure out why I cut them out. I wasn't allowed to listen to anything besides Christian music until I was 16, they monitored everything I watched, games I played, music I listened to, and were always involved somehow in the things I did.
Oh this sounds familiar. I had to ask permission to play with my toys and listen to the radio. Bedroom was never allowed to be locked and they could walk in and search anytime they wanted to. Also smacked the crap outta me. Havenāt spoken to them in over 12 years.
Yeah one of the things you mentioned is **significantly** worse than the others. Edit: Ok I get it some of you would rather be literally physically abused than have an overbearing parent.
Not minimizing how bad physical abuse is, but I think people also underestimate the kind of stress those other controlling behaviours put on a child and the damage it does. Like having to ask permission every single time you want to play with your own toys? Being treated like a criminal with constant room checks? That stuff messes you up.
agreed, I use to beg for the beatings because the āgroundingsā were much worse because of my anxiety.
This was my experience. Open door policy. No locks allowed. Everything in the room must be controlled by the parents and oriented in such a way that they can walk by and see what I'm doing at will. At times I would've preferred a fist or a boot instead of both parents--quite literally--staring into my room for 4-6 hours every evening while yelling at me from across the hallway to stop doing this or that. Anyone else here have parents who followed them to the bathroom and stood outside to listen? I still haven't fully recovered.
Wtf!
Oh it gets so much more fun. How about...parents contacting my bank without my knowledge and using my identification for access to my bank statements. They would then string together my purchases in NYC and set out on Google Street View trips to retrace my every step. Vicarious? More like vampiric.
Idk man the beatings i got included broken bones and I wouldve still taken them over over the crazy restrictions/control. I had a tracker/listening device on me if I left the house, and the control included things like when, what, and how much food I could eat, if I was allowed to close or lock doors, what I wore, my hairstyle, my body hair, my makeup, literally every tiny detail of my life was controlled. I could not even breath differently without being interrogated as to why. Nothing but my thoughts were mine. And even bone breaky beatings feel better after like 3 or 4 weeks.Ā
Jesus fuckin Christ dude.
Did you report your parent to the police or CPS?
*shivers* Listening to the radio.
Some people shouldn't be parents. And then they'll wonder why they have no relationship with their kids later on.
I guarantee this person is abusive even beyond this, but this isnāt too far off from some healthy practices that I think are good for society, mostly the phone limiting at a young age. The restricting tv access thing though isnāt really defensible at all
> I guarantee this person is abusive even beyond this This is what they brag about in public.
Having bedtime, while having no phone and no internet access at 16 is crazy. I'm all for *limiting* the unsupervised access of *kids* to the internet, but 16 is not that kind of age.
Old enough to drive a 2 ton killing machine, old enough to decide when to go to bed. The solution is teaching your kid responsibility at a young age. Not controlling them into being a young adult
Do they have bars in the windows?
Do they have windows in their dungeon?
Do they have chains on the walls?
Reminds me of an old buddy of mine in high school. Poor guy was this quiet kid whose mother was in a cult and told him that she regretted giving birth to him. His parents were divorced because his father left the cult. He went with his father and found out his father was a complete doormat to his stepmother. She was a complete control freak who treated him like a delinquent when he was a quiet guy that had good grades. She controlled everything she could much like the unhinged woman in this post and even forced him to give her control of his money. It was so bad that he ended up joining his mother's cult to rebel against his stepmother. During that time, I had lunch with him once and he told me he couldn't stand being in a college because it smelled too much like estrogen. When I last heard of him, he fell into drugs, became a paranoid conspiracy theorist/neonazi and his ex-wife had gotten a restraining order against him after he started sending threatening messages on her social media.
Some people are fucked just straight outta the gate, eh.. feel bad for the guy. Takes a lot to break out of something like that.
That kid had no chance with parents like that.
>and told him that she regretted giving birth to him >He went with his father and found out his father was a complete doormat to his stepmother. >She was a complete control freak who treated him like a delinquent when he was a quiet guy that had good grades. >She controlled everything she could much like the unhinged woman in this post and even (attempted to) forced him to give her control of his money. Wow, so many similarities! And I still have 4 years to live with them.
Build a better mousetrap and you'll build a better mouse. This kid is either so adept at bypassing the rules and security that it's now just muscle memory or he's actually trapped and will go completely off the rails at the first hint of freedom Or he'll remain trapped there until his life is effectively too far gone to make anything if himself
>Or he'll remain trapped there until his life is effectively too far gone to make anything if himself I was fearful of this happening to me when I was little as my country's economy is utter dogshit and as such was mathematically possible. Are there real life examples of this though?
I think about that every time I hear a boomer talk about how they kicked their kids out of the house as soon as they turned 18.
If you can't practice a certain level of trust with your child by the time they're 16, then you've failed as a parent.
Heās not coming back after 18 he probably will have ptsd also
So on the one hand, people are always saying it's up to you as the parent to limit what sort of music/movies/games your kid is exposed to, not the people making the things and this parent is clearly taking that to heart, which is good. But on the other hand, this seems wildly extreme for a 16 year old.
Yeah, no personal device at 16 is a bit on the tight side and 9pm bedtime is Lowkey draconian, but I'm not gonna let my kids have phones until they're at least in high school. Kids in early grades with phones is basically abuse
See? You can parent your kids and not treat them like theyāre your property. How so many people fail to fall somewhere in the middle ground is so astonishing to me. Nowadays people either put an ipad in front of their kids and let it sort itself out, or control every single detail of their lives and strips them of agency.
Part of the problem is we're designed to identify with "camps" intellectually, and our social media leads to very binary discourse. Authoritative parenting isn't binary. You aren't always the despot, and you aren't always in a buddy buddy stance. You're the adult. You adult. They kids. It's a dialogue not a "stance" to operate in. And you have to understand you'll apologize when you fuck up by being too permissive or too despotic and you'll adapt towards what works best.
The kid is pretending to go to bed, sneaking downstairs at 11-12 and on 4chan until 4 AM.
Saddest part is that the son is probably groomed and manipulated so much that he'll majorly choose to stay with his parents in his adulthood and let them control him like a puppet. Seen it too many times around my family and in neighbourhood, happened to both daughters and sons. Fuvked life and fuvked marriage life (ending in divorce cuz of parent's intervention.)
This is reddit, mate, no need to censor yourself
Thereās your next shooter
Nine PM in a nursing home. Thatās night owl shit, theyāre all in bed by 730!
So when the kid leaves home, and that clock is ticking loudly, they will probably go wild and do all the things that they were not allowed to do. If they survive that, Mom & Dad are definitely on the blocked callers list. Parents, you had children, not zoo animals. Treat your children with respect. Teach them, don't try to train them.
Congratulations, you've raised a serial killer.
Like I totally get wanting to shield your child from every horrible thing on the internet but you are kidding yourself if you honestly believe he isnāt seeing stuff his friends show him etc. And even if you *are* successful, at some point he is gonna find out
How to teach your kids to lie
Lol my parents have really stupid and strict rules but I just do everything behind their back. The worst part is, aināt even a bad kid like the things I do are things any normal kids do.
Please, in 2 years he's never gonna see her again
Strict parents raise excellent liars.
Healthy parenting is about balance. Too strict, and youāll risk them cutting you out of their lives as adults. Too permissive, and they become spoiled brats with no discipline. Itās good to be somewhere in between.
The internet had only just become a thing here when I was a teenager so that wasnāt a factor in my dadās ridiculous rules . But the rest is the same . Just one of the many reasons Iāve been NC for years This woman is gonna find out real quick that sheās fucked up
Is he still breast fed?
Perfectly reasonable rules at 8. Batshit at 16.
It's good to place restrictions and guardrails for your kids and teenagers but treating a 16 yr old like he's 12, which will probably last until 18, that parent should be prepared to be resentedand cut off.
Someone I know has a strict mother like that, she treated that household like an army bootcamp. One day out of the blue she decided to limit his computer time and told him if he wanted to spend more time on it he should buy his own - so my friend did just that and built his own computer. His mother didn't like that so she moved the goal posts and told him if he wants to use his computer the way he wants he should move out and get his own place - so my friend moved in with some friends. Fast forward a few years and now his mother is always complaining to anyone with an ear that her son never calls or visits and she feels he's abandoned her. Moral of the story, if you treat your kid like shit, don't expect them to treat you any better when they grow up. --- Edit: Spelling.
This is how serial killers are made.
worse than prison
My high school years were so sheltered, when I reached college, I was a crazy person for two years. Parents like these do not realize how much they are hindering their children, rather than helping them.
These are the kids we saw in college flunking out within the first semester because they had no idea how to be an adult and moderate their own lives. They go crazy with their new found freedom.
I actually have that mind set for my parents in the future. Idc what anyone says. Theyāve decided that Iām their retirement plan because I donāt want to start a family.
Pretty good bet the kid is getting access to online someplace else. A friendās house, library etc. Kids are resourceful and the oppressed ones like this are very cleverā¦.
If he has money, he has a burner she knows nothing about.
The smartest kids I know had everything available to them but guided, adviced, and explained towards the good and smart decisions. No raised voices, no anger, no bullshitting throughout the process. When you don't know the answer, tell them you don't know and figure out the answer either together or on their own or both. They're now intelligent, street smart, social kids who can properly reason out.
lol. Thatās not gonna stop a teenager from ANYTHING.
Unless that kid is imprisoned at home and his bedroom is a kennel, I'm guessing she doesn't have the control she thinks she does.
My Aunts friend was talking to me and my cousin once and was wondering why I was my cousins favorite. "I've treated her like an adult her whole like. Like I treat everyone." Luckily, that sid of my family is more on the ball and understood what I was getting at. But it's really that simple. Respect is all people want.
I had a friend whose parents were like this she turned 18 and realised her parent had no legal control anymore and LOST HER MIND, she spent the next three years doing all the things her parents spent years preventing her from doing including but limited to Partying, drugs, tattoos etc. She is now a hairdresser/Nail technician and Mother and her husband is let's say not what her parents would look for in a son in law.
Whenever I needed to use the computer to research or type up a school assignment, my mom would stand right behind me with her arms folded the entire time. Didnāt matter if I was on there for five minutes or an hour - she would just stand there looking over my shoulder the whole time. One day I finally asked if she could give me some breathing room. She immediately shouted āA-HA! You want to look up something inappropriate! You wouldnāt have a problem with me watching you if you didnāt have something to hide!ā like sheād been waiting for an opportunity to say it for ages. Iām in my late 30ās now and I *still* catch myself getting annoyed when people hover around me or peek over my shoulder when Iām working on the computer, regardless of the circumstances.
Nursing homes are expensive, the kid will cut her out as soon as heās got the finances. Sheāll be lucky if she hears a merry Christmas once a decade.
that's wild. i dont think i can survive an hour max with parental passcodes. though im 21 and still go to bed at 8:30 so I don't particularly mind that.
My little criminal š
Soon on her Facebook profile: WHY wonāt my son speak to me? It has been three years sinceā¦
Meanwhile- I donāt limit my 16 yo and trust her to ask questions. We already openly talk about drugs, sex, behaviors, relationships, etc. still refuses to drive a car but at least she talks to me. Sheās also a good kid and doesnāt do/wear things that make her uncomfortable.
People seem to have forgotten than part of raising kids is preparing them for life outside your house.
Sounds like imprisonment
Rules are fine. But they need a purpose. If you find a rule that fulfills the same purpose and is less onerous, choosing the troublesome rule has a hidden purpose.
If the whole world took an eye for an eye, everyone would be blind.
Nursing homes are hella expensive, this dude aināt dropping that kinda cash for her. Sheās on her own.
My aunt was like this with my cousins, they donāt talk to her anymore.
We become independent fully actualized adults by making mistakes while young, doing regrettable things and hopefully learning about the consequences and adjusting our actions. This mom will just raise a child that had every decision made for him and knows his parents hold a deep mistrust in his every action. It will not end well.
At 16? He's definitely sneaking around and doing things covertly, thats what happens when strict parents create sneaky kids
My mom says it's my turn to use this copypasta.
That's how you create a total Internet addict as soon as he has unlimited access.
Donāt threaten me with a good time. Iāve seen tech addiction completely ruin my parents.
Ngl my dad had kinda the sameish rules. It seemed like everytime I did certain things I would get banned from something else. Couldn't play minecraft, couldn't play fnaf, couldn't watch videos. (Still did them all, fuck it.) It was weird. Ended up in the teenage years couldn't use my phone in the house and had to leave it on the kitchen table turned off. Kinda had a bedtime (8pm then in hs about 9pm and maybe 10pm). Not to mention still in hs and getting a 2 hour time limit combined total on all devices. Also at 18 in hs getting grounded for a D in a class or 2 when I'm gonna pass the class (my school took a combined grade of the 2 half of the semesters and the finale and even then D is still passing in my county). Then finally told him I'm 18 and he got off my ass and all those rules disappeared and left me alone.
nah i have a feeling this kid is raised well we know what the internet did to us lol
So my boomer parents had a passcode when I was 16 too 2447 was my number was my number yeah
This is a prime example of how rebels are born
I can certainly think of a few people in my parents generation who could benefit from having certain TV programs blocked.
If he was 8 years old okay maybe, but 16??? Insane.
Stricter parents make better liars.
How to make your son hate you
If you teach your children and build a real relationship with them, then you can trust them to use the internet and watch other media and still adhere to your values. If you start out as the Gestapo, and just ramp up from there your children will never build a relationship with you and will resent you for the things their peers learned through experiences that they never did they will probably disappear when they are able to support themselves and cut you out of their lives for a very long time if not forever.
You better home he does not choose your nursing home.....
That kid gonna be a weirdo adult
There is an argument to be had that you should definitely restrict what your kid does with his phone and other devices and how much. But at 16? Holy shit no, not not thst much. Not unless want the kid to be masterful liar and hate you most of his/her adult life. The (about the only one) exception to this of course is that if the kid is wildely ill-behaving, constantly doing shit what he/she certainly shouldn't and respects no boundaries... But even in that case the kid needs outside help and the restrictions comes from the proficionals whom know how to best help the kid and not from the parent, unless agreed to with the said experts.
Itās one thing to be aware of what your kid is doing online and to be sure theyāre actually LIVING life and not hiding behind a screen, but this is taking it to abusive levels.
Living in solitude
Now that's not true...her son will snap and kill her long before she gets that old. That environment only produces two kinds of people: extremely repressed weirdos who snap later in life over a mild annoyance and serial killers.
This is how you get the kid who goes crazy drinking and partying at college.
Someone call child protective services on this woman.
If bro already doesn't know how to sneakily use internet, his first free encounter after leaving home will be wild. And probably will result in some sort of addiction or sum
Maāam, all youāre doing is training him to be exceptionally clever at the art of deception, which he is 100% using on you. Imagine how deeply unpleasant it must be to be a child of a helicopter mother such as this
The cut rate nursing home at that...
Thatās extreme, but there needs to be some degree of limitation, especially at younger ages.
The tighter the hold, the bigger the rebellion
A 5 year old? Sure. A 16 year old? You have no right to be a parent
Fun fact: he likely circumvents these restrictions
Yeah my parents were very strict around technology like this and now that I have freedom Iām addicted to social media and video games so it backfired.
If you think parental codes were blocking me from anything at 16 I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.