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Darforos

Nerve Damage๐Ÿ˜


TheDevilishFrenchfry

Sepsis and reoccurring infections ๐Ÿ˜


FR-1-Plan

Necrosis ๐Ÿ˜


everyythingred

yummy ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค


Top_Abroad_8962

why would anyone like to put it around his cock?


GulfofMaineLobsters

Excuse me where !?!


ApoliteTroll

#WHY WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO PUT IT AROUND HIS COCK?


rugigiref1

# EXCUSE ME WHERE !?!


shadow_229

^^^why ^^^would ^^^anyone ^^^like ^^^to ^^^put ^^^it ^^^around ^^^his ^^^cock? ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘ˆ


Technical_Leg_4733

^^^excuse ^^^me ^^^where ^^^!?!


Necrosis10110

Yes ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜


Livingstonthethird

Stop! I couldn't possibly be turned on any more!


SaboLeorioShikamaru

To this day, the only thought I have when she comes up is my friend Amy pointing out her toe-thumb.


RockingBib

Putrid infection ๐Ÿฅฐ


LickingSmegma

Festered flesh rotten to the core, fermenting innards excreted, pungent reek of putrefaction from the maggot colony feast.


reallybiglizard

Thatโ€™s amore! ๐ŸŽถ


LittleBirdsGlow

Sounds like a lyric by Extermination Dismemberment


LickingSmegma

[Close-ish.](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mpAlOGnzOQBd0UNu9KxHjcpmyUMeM1YT4)


KiberTheCute

MRI exploding your hand ๐Ÿ˜


Quantum_Croissant

Incredible pain๐Ÿ˜


CataclystCloud

Tetanus๐Ÿ˜


GTX_Incendium

https://preview.redd.it/ca4jgoq5d47d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b0e475a6db1cf87097f99850d907abd691a2427


MadOrange64

https://preview.redd.it/kgg5nijmh47d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80905e53d907e14e36ff677a7679f7b36c1a9f5d


towerfella

![gif](giphy|3og0IFEYjQPvj8C5UI|downsized)


SeveralBollocks_67

Bruh ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ


Elzordy

https://preview.redd.it/5ky45gxet47d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=debb267f248d39a7e5850a9b56db934d5b3a945a


Earthly_Delights_

![gif](giphy|wR32WiuLP6IvK)


ComplexityZX75

![gif](giphy|lIU7yoG72gyhq)


Polygonal_squid

https://preview.redd.it/dzxbff0q177d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70a1dceb480e7519573a437d122b9590ca15b1e8


CaptainJasonS

That a nuthatch?


goatwater2023

https://preview.redd.it/jtwr9b6ce57d1.png?width=1188&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9aa2339e8fc43f918663c48f0ebbbf6cdd24168


LittleBirdsGlow

This isnโ€™t how birds work


Elzordy

This is the leaked design for the next bird update


c0der25

The one true use for image generating ai is making stupid images like this


Maximum-Sky-8438

https://preview.redd.it/cw07pmcbe57d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2c03c63dcbab558fd68682b2e2ead78820f3dd1


Royakushka

Why can't I comment this back to you?


Royakushka

You don't know this but you actually just made a picture of a very good joke in Hebrew: the Oyabey is a very special bird, in that it's the only bird where its balls are bigger then it's feet, so every time it lands it calls: OYABEY... OYABEY, OY HABEYTZIM! (Oy my balls in Hebrew) ื–ื• ืชืžื•ื ื” ืฉืœ ืฆื™ืคื•ืจ ืžืื•ื“ ืžื™ื•ื—ื“ืช, ืฆื™ืคื•ืจ ื‘ืฉื ืื•ื™ืื‘ื™ื™. ื”ืื•ื™ืื‘ื™ื™ ื”ื™ื ืฆื™ืคื•ืจ ืžืื•ื“ ืžื™ื•ื—ื“ืช ื‘ื›ืš ืฉื”ื™ื ื”ืฆื™ืคื•ืจ ื”ื™ื—ื™ื“ื” ื‘ื” ืœื–ื›ืจ ื™ืฉ ื‘ื™ื™ืฆื™ื ื™ื•ืชืจ ืืจื•ื›ื•ืช ืžื”ืจื’ืœื™ื™ื. ื›ืš ืฉื›ืœ ืคืขื ืฉื”ื•ื ื ื•ื—ืช ื”ื•ื ืงื•ืจื: ืื•ื™ืื‘ื™ื™, ืื•ื™ืื‘ื™ื™, ืื•ื™ ื”ื‘ื™ืฆื™ื! Please if you can get a Hebrew speaking friend and make the rest of the joke animals from this old folk song I would be ever so grateful. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=AE0gtuF-bWg&si=TgP7wOyhFCZxDeLM


SlurpMyPoopSoup

Now this is what AI was created for


Koala5000

https://preview.redd.it/nb7vg4okx47d1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45a70af6d2be389225ecdb5de0ee943185da1200


EFTucker

No women, only femboy (including trans-male femboys of course)


sinner-mon

Trans inclusive radical misogyny ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช


Altayel1

Make sure it's also not applying to trans women as long as they don't identify with the label femboy.


Royakushka

Combine it with the K word and the C word and just all racial and misogynistic terms, not excluding anyone! Include white people and men and everyone! Just an insult against every group imaginable! The ultimate insult for every use to unite us all and stop racism and misogyny and all other excluding hate! That way, we can all hate each other together! Edit: I made this as a joke, but I think I am on to something


Koala5000

Itโ€™s genius!


RockingBib

Tardigreimer


WaveLaVague

Openoormer


piratequeenkip

thats the shit from the snowgrave route who the fuck is gonna wear that


Magnehad

Someone who wants to cast a spell they don't know (or is forced to by an extra-dimensional entity controlling their friend like a pulpet)


strawbopankek

>pulpet


JellyTheSlimeYT

Maybe someone who doesn't have enough money for a freezer.


H-A-T-C-H

Gotta fry that chicken somehow


Daisynose52

Noelle Holiday: ๐ŸฆŒ๐Ÿ‘€


HammerLM

Proceed


GoodGoodK

That mf would get infected so bad... instead of a family ya'll would become assassins


BlackedFeather

Y'all


best-of-judgement

Yal'l


BlackedFeather

May your life be miserable.


Nilosyrtis

May *ya'll* life be miserable


best-of-judgement

I wish the same to y'a'l'l


Smol_Susie

yall'


NottsNinja

โ€˜yall


Ratbu

'yall'sn't


AlkalineSublime

BAโ€™AL


Aromatic_Parking_985

You all.


AnjelicaTomaz

The plural form of yโ€™all is โ€œall yโ€™allsโ€.


[deleted]

[ัƒะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]


TeamRedundancyTeam

That wasn't a joke that's just the correct spelling.


_murmaider_

I forget thereโ€™s a world out there that doesnโ€™t say yโ€™all ๐Ÿ˜”


VinBarrKRO

โ€œNothing is true, everything is permitted.โ€


GoodGoodK

I feel so conflicted rn lmao. Like, on one side I got a lot of upvotes (thanks btw), but on the other side people are making fun of my grammar. I've been spelling 'y'all' like 'ya'll' for years omg


Cryptoss

Yโ€™all is you all but yaโ€™ll is like Ya will?


GoodGoodK

I guess idk? English is not my main language


Orbitrix

as a long time native English connoisseur I can assure you there is nothing abnormal about your dialectic prowess.


enx6

Well tbh if it is silver coated then silver is quite strongly antiseptic or gold/platinum, while the latter two are not antiseptic, they are body neutral. So the body would probably just heal around it and have a permanent hole


SeveralBollocks_67

As someone who sent a nail down the middle of my finger, you will lose that finger, trust me


mteir

Finger? Looks like nipple jewlery.


FUROZONE

even worse


RecsRelevantDocs

Nah this is obviously a cockring


FUROZONE

โ˜น๏ธ


hugefartcannon

no they are cock rings one for the groom's cock one for the bride's cock


elodie_pdf

lose a finger? better go find it!


RFRelentless

Retrace your steps!


SweetSewerRat

Nail gun accident?


QIyph

meh. could be surgically attached or something. probably.


[deleted]

[ัƒะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]


QIyph

correct. I'm bored and want to fight internet strangers.


KittyQueen_Tengu

this thing will make death do you part via sepsis


SmexyPokemon

Cock ring


Sad-Excitement-9583

https://preview.redd.it/nyc5u23w757d1.jpeg?width=679&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f08f9b07bde3b489989e0a3c74aec22adb496270


unfeelingzeal

congrats for posting the most jpeg jpeg i've ever seen.


WP5D

https://preview.redd.it/pdqxeulxw87d1.png?width=620&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7722cf2e814dd4b4268c86250aa267595dcfbfb9


Eken17

Booo


Living_Job_8127

How does one pee after the tub is blocked


-NGC-6302-

Tub blocked? Use toilet


SandyTaintSweat

Gross dude, my dog drinks from there.


-NGC-6302-

look at your username and tell me again why your opinions on what is/n't gross hold weight in the realm of here


SandyTaintSweat

One problem with reddit is that it's got so many users, many of which had/have multiple accounts, each with a unique username. One strategy is to add numbers, which you seem to have taken. The other is to come up with the most obscure vulgar thing you can, and maybe end up on r/rimjob_steve if you're lucky.


Yuujiro_Hanma

I push real hard and the piss bursts forth from the new hole Iโ€™ve created


Emergency-Total-4851

You aren't on that Yuujiro Hanma energy. You push so hard that the metal breaks inside and gets pissed out. Yuujiro doesn't care about wedding vows.


2510EA

Apple Fritter type shit


firebal_banned_again

With another one of course


827167

Ouch


-MCRN

https://preview.redd.it/zl7m57tdx77d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=78054834aeb8273ddf7201603e9225f987ae1cf5


boiyougongetcho

I was looking for this


Pants3620

Guess that fingerโ€™s gonna come โ€œoffโ€ Eh? Ha! heh heh.


Rumplestiltsskins

https://i.redd.it/7pe7wfn9e57d1.gif


KiberTheCute

GET OUT OF MY HEAD


supertaoman12

I would rather drink diarrhea doo doo than wear this fuckin ring


Gunhild

I would rather eat a big pile of fuckin' diarrhea doodoo shit from an ASS than wear this piece of shit. Oh yeah, it's *that* bad. What were they *thinking!?* https://preview.redd.it/uhn9sqx0l47d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f6f7d5f095006e9c71dac3bbd1d036407f71d5b


Ok-Teaching363

mike mattei's cock


penis_mutant

90% of oneyplays videos


Stuffies2022

#AAAYAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS


BOB58875

This ringโ€™s a bunch of poopy ass drippings covered in semen


RedMasta97

โ€œCome on game devs, get it together!โ€


namenumberdate

Is that you, Dave?


ThosPuddleOfDoom

What happens when the finger changes sizes like from a bee sting or allergic reaction or something?


TonySpaghettiO

What happens when you snag it on machinery. Regular rings can already deglove your skin right off. This thing is gonna pull right through your bone. That'd be a bit ouchy.


ThosPuddleOfDoom

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCCuhR7mCEE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCCuhR7mCEE)


TyrannosauRSX

Yea that link is gonna stay blue for me, bruh.


Jodah

It's safe. Just some cartoon noises but nothing graphic.


ThosPuddleOfDoom

yeouch


Ragtime-Rochelle

It goes bye bye.


RUSH-117

https://preview.redd.it/lef7oejh667d1.jpeg?width=360&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c377e7f79fa280c19bc25ff532528bc0e3d6c0d6


Flux_resistor

someone has to bang those things in withouth damaging the diamond holders. i think i don't want to damage my commitment ring.


-NGC-6302-

I burped at this image


Qweeq13

Wait, who is getting the screw, and who is getting the plain nail one? You can't expect an egalitarian relationship if one of the partners is getting more screwed than the other.


SPAMTON_A

โ€œWatch what happens when I cast a spell I donโ€™t knowโ€ lookin ass ring


DazeDawning

Username checks out


WeenieHuttGod2

Nail is bad enough but that screw is evil, it ok do like twice as much damage if not more. If ur gonna do a spike in a rich at lease make it like a thumbtack so it doesnโ€™t lead to nerve damage or sum shit


Character-Suspect-77

Bruh it's an engagement ring not a jigsaw trap


bybliko

what happens when you need to do an MRI


FoundMeBeautifulOnce

Golly, that sure is edgy.


MeMeWhenWhenTheWhen

Till shit doodoo ass fart


Stuffies2022

๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ๏ธ


Leottasys

When you want to show commitment but also be ready for home repairs at any moment ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ”ง โ€˜Till wrench do us part!


RobertXavierIV

Till wall do us mart


ZONixMC

this comment feels like ai


SeveralBollocks_67

Everything feels like AI


Palidin034

Dead internet theory


EllisCobalt

Looks like something from a souls game, I ain't getting my pretty fingers infected


AnjelicaTomaz

โ€œTil gangrene do us in.โ€


Ksorkrax

"I do" https://preview.redd.it/66uss3kmz67d1.png?width=619&format=png&auto=webp&s=c8c0d58a7c3e7e75b280caadd2f6225ed38af6c2


StephenHawking432

-doo fart"


Oxwithaknife

What if you wanted to lift weights tho


Random-as-fuck-name

B-babe Iโ€™m not so sure about thisโ€ฆ ^*Proceed*


FourScoreTour

So, she gets nailed, he gets screwed?


N0tThatSerious

โ€œThis mf spittinโ€ https://preview.redd.it/nfp6mexde57d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e26fcb1992f8cc2f89603852b9fdbd225d8b1ef


Fresh_Construction24

Ice spice lyric


Legal_Lettuce6233

I went through a meeting laughing at that, thanks


TheAnnoyingGirl92

How the fuck am I supposed to get it on


kmsdoomer

That's what she said


run7run

This gotta be a publicity thing, surely they take the nail and screw out at least after possibly putting it through only once if theyโ€™re serious


JuggernautyouFear

Sad people believe this shit.


somesthetic

The Mergan Fox ring thing was all BS to begin with, but it was described as a 'crown of thorns', not a nail or screw.


Barbados_slim12

Wasn't this a torture method in medieval times?


SilverSageVII

Whoever gets the nail ring is far better off. I know itโ€™s morbid, just sayin.


UniversityMoist2173

Infection and tetanus ๐Ÿ˜


tucker_sitties

Plot twist, they're cock rings


datavirussoftware

this is like if my chemical romance were a ring


k1nkyf4ck

Can't lose that ring or slip it off easily. lol seems like a perk to me. The nail and the screw part do seem to pose a minor inconvenience.


whynotll83

getting this through TSA must be fun.


GardenOfUna

i thought that was a chastity device at first and felt physical pain


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^GardenOfUna: *I thought that was a* *Chastity device at first* *And felt physical pain* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


Socialeprechaun

Finally some fucking real comedy heaven.


SebTheR3d1t0r

All fun and games until you realize you're damaging one of your main nerve vessels, and could lose control of your finger, and potentially block bloodflow to your finger


Remmy224

That shit hit way too fucking hard bro


[deleted]

[ัƒะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]


Drezhar

Because it's fun


LordOfOstwick1213

Springlock ahh ring


VexTheTielfling

https://preview.redd.it/cd4znachm57d1.jpeg?width=870&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=715c6e782d8560f79cb3242a253e2d2d75013c40 I can't imagine that being pleasant if it's going through bone. Maybe through just flesh I would consider it. Pretty sure they sell something similar but for nipples so they're constantly getting pulled. Edit:found them


FoundMeBeautifulOnce

Why not wear just a normal ring? Why do BDSM people gotta make their bedroom proclivities their entire personality?


VexTheTielfling

Everyone has preferences. Whether you're a Disney adult that wears a children's entertainment mascot on every single piece of clothing you own or some dirty hussie that refuses to stop wearing mini skirts at 45. Everything has that sprinkle of degen behavior. It's not just people who enjoy bdsm. There will always be a loud majority setting stereotypes for groups, flamboyant gays, head to toe black clothes goths, fake tits and tans gold digger bimbos.


FoundMeBeautifulOnce

And why do you people always talk like you're at a fucking press conference? How patronizing. I'm into BDSM, sucks that I really never get the chance to explore it to the extent I want to, but the are the cards I'm dealt for being fat and/or ugly. That being said, I just choose to not make my sex life my entire personality. Crazy! Forcing your kink onto unwilling or unwitting participants is a shitty thing to do. That also plays a big part of why I can't stand the community.


DefiniteIy_A_Human

Don't really have a horse in this race because I'm not a BDSM person, but how is this kind of ring forcing the kink onto other people?


Chaosxandra

Kinky


Piratedgamesarecool

The forbidden castity ring