T O P

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witticus

I’ll vote for whoever bombs the scammers sending me constant political texts that I can’t opt out of.


FrightenedSoup

Omfg yes I am with you there. Block all of them and still get three a day.


witticus

They’re all spoofed to appear as random localized numbers for me, so blocking does nothing. On the bright side I can always tell when I get spam calls because they always show up as calls from a state I no longer live in.


SanityInAnarchy

My phone helpfully automatically marks them as spam. And then sends me a notification that it did so, just in case I didn't realize I got some spam.


fluffyapplenugget

The spam notifications make me want to throw my phone across the room


SanityInAnarchy

In its defense, mine are silent by default, and they can be disabled altogether. (On Android, you can long-press any notification, tap the gear, and you'll be taken to the OS-level setting for notifications from that app. It's up to the app to define all these categories so you can mute the ones you don't like, so this won't help you with the shittiest of apps, but you can completely turn off the spam notifications from Google Messages, for example. Also, some of the better apps split out their marketing notifications, Youtube lets you turn off the "Recommendations" notifications... you can make your phone a *lot* quieter if you want.) I just can't resist the meme potential. They're spamming me to let me know how good they are at blocking spam.


Teripid

Yep.. the real tip was getting a phone back in 201X or 200X and moving somewhere else. Also I still get local ads on Pandora for the place I signed up from apparently..


Lord_Mikal

Same. Phone number SC. Live in NY. But for some reason, I occasionally get local ads for Utah; a state I've never even flown over, much less visited.


Garuda4321

Can we hit the spam call centers too while we’re at it?


witticus

With a military budget in the trillions, absolutely!


BlonkBus

Silver linings of the end of democracy!


BlazikenBurns10000

and designed the ads that say "people in (device location) are doing (insert random shit here)" \*changes device location\* "people in (new device location) are doing (insert even more random and shitier shit here)


brevenbreven

I've been thinking about the Civil War and how Lincoln was being called a tyrant without a hint of irony by slave owners. Plus free ice cream


ilovebutts666

I read a biography of John Brown, the parallels between the 1850's and now are pretty easy to see.


B133d_4_u

Maybe this time we'll actually do some kind of reconstruction instead of just going "yeah so don't do that again, m'kay?"


LotharVonPittinsberg

Step 1: Education standards. You should not be able to legally teach lies to children in history class. That's how so many people think that the Civil War was not about slavery, along with a lot of other issues.


justinsayin

Step Zero: Truth exists as a fact, not an opinion.


GoofyGoober0064

Gangs of New York is a documentary


BoulderCreature

He did suspend habeas corpus. Not saying at all that those sacks of shit were right, but he did some stuff that alarmed some folks in the pursuit of preserving the Union


Gage_______

To be fair to Lincoln: If the civil war was a regular war, it'd be fine to do what he did. The fact that it was a civil war meant that he was going against the constitution and violating the rights of his citizens; citizens that didn't want to be American citizens anymore.


Brodellsky

I see absolutely no difference to today.


nameExpire14_04_2021

Can he use the powers to take away the powers?? Seriously. (Edit) I mean to say. Can he use it to take it away from the definition of president so it can no longer be an issue? Maybe even use it to reduced the office of the president to a much more boring position for trump?


Rabbulion

Yes.. unfortunately, the powers would still apply for the period before he took them away meaning trump would be untouchable by all charges so far.


ArtyBoomshaka

Except, hear me out : explosive charges


Rabbulion

Yeah, I’m not saying Biden can’t do the thing in the meme, I’m just saying trump would get out of all his legal trouble


Self_Reddicated

"I used the stones to destroy the stones."


Dragon_Rot79

Free Ice Cream! Hells yeah, you got my vote


Nkromancer

Yeah. I mean, even if it were just something like a DQ vanilla dollar cone, I'd still be in.


Pewkie

Soft serve is underrated


Nkromancer

Hard agree


Meowmixer21

Soft (serve) agree!


NeriTina

Make mine twisted.


joe_broke

Shall I dip it, sir?


Anarchyantz

Double dip it, I am feeling kinky


SaintNewts

Chocolate AND cherry? You're a fucking rebel!


sdrawkcabstiho

That's what I keep telling my wife...


4llY0urB4534r3Blng

It's official. The day 45 finally dies? I'm going to DQ and getting a soft serve


Earthbjorn

Not a bad trade for Spider-Peace!


metrion

Keep democracy safe.


Valuable_Anywhere_24

American Politics if it was good


xEliteMonkx

Why not? All we are now is the next reality TV show.


LordBiscuits

I'll be honest, this season of America is leaving me with blue balls so far


YouAndMeBuddy

A reality show we’d actually watch!


BlazikenBurns10000

little hard to miss if you live in the show


Justtofeel9

You’d think that, but it seems like a whole lot of people still aren’t watching.


RyogAkari

I'm really thankful the pets were prioritized.


m0ngoos3

Trump is the only President in living memory who didn't have a single pet.


Rough_Willow

Ted Cruise doesn't count as one?


Arryu

People typically don't keep parasites as pets.


Rough_Willow

The Annoying Orange isn't typically described as people.


TempestNova

I agree but my first thought was 'ofc no one in the Trump family would be empathetic enough to have pets, lol'.


AsASloth

He famously hates dogs, and his late ex-wife even wrote about it in one of her books: > “Donald was not a dog fan,” ex-wife Ivana confirmed in her memoir Raising Trump, recalling his hostility to her poodle, Chappy, who would “bark at him territorially”. > > > Ivana never understood Trump’s hostility to dogs. “How can you not love a dog that acts like he’s won the lottery for life just because he sees you walk through the door?” she wondered. Source: [GQ](https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/politics/article/donald-trump-dogs) He was the only president in 100 years not to have a pet in the White House either. The only other two were Polk and Andrew Johnson. However, Johnson fed white mice he found in his bedroom, which is somewhat endearing in my mind. The article that said McKinley was the last president to not have pets in the White House appears to go against conflicting evidence supporting that he had two kittens, a parrot, and chickens. Source: [Wiki](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_pets)


humungus_jerry

This was the moment when Biden should have made a public announcement where he just stares at the camera/press with a broad smile and says “…finally” and puts on a large fake curly mustache.


Nobodys_here07

Don't forget the comically miniature tophat


InternetUserAgain

I'm just saying. Biden has the opportunity to do the trolling of a lifetime while his presidential Invincibility Star is still active


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Impressive-Tip-903

No, a mandatory pony. You must have the pony with you at all times.


DrakonILD

*Wo ist dein Pferd?*


ReadyThor

~~Papers please.~~ Pony please.


LordBiscuits

*I'm sorry officer, my pony is in my other pants...* *NO NOT THE TAZER!... (sounds of man shitting himself and ponies grumbling)*


Amneiger

I've been wondering if Biden could hijack a Fox News broadcast or something and make everyone sit through a live hour-long speech about the Supreme Court ruling. He could start by saying "People of America, I'm here to inform you that the Supreme Court of the United States has just given me legal permission to have Donald Trump killed in the streets." Then he'd talk about how the ruling works, and the various things he could be doing with it (such as forcing a media organization that doesn't like him to broadcast his uncensored words, because it's an official presidential announcement about an important new law). He'd finish up by going over his plan to have the immunity ruling removed, and explaining that he needs people to vote Democrats into Congress so he can get rid of this terrible ruling. It seems harmless enough, but I also feel that could backfire though. Hmm.


LateMiddleAge

But.. It's just not right to kill. Guantanamo is a better choice. Maybe add a handful of Supremes.


attackplango

What did Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson ever do to you?


KingoftheKosmos

I see you, Vermin, trying to slip your ideas into the Zeitgeist. What next?! Zombie based clean energy?!


ipwnpickles

And make Nestle pay for it


CressCrowbits

He won't do *shit*.


8champi8

Well you see, presidential immunity is only meant for Trump. If Biden uses it all the MAGA cult would go absolutely apeshit calling him a criminal while not questioning their hypocrisy as usual.


Dumeck

It’s legitimately a Schrödinger's cat scenario but with the “intent” of the Supreme Court here. If Biden does something crazy and tests this precedent the Supreme Court will pull way back and be like “no that was not what we said at all how could you have taken our ruling like this?” If trump tests the power on it first it’s going to be “yeah that’s exactly how we intended this to go”


marr

This is why act #1 should be installing a neutral supreme court.


Ciennas

It's not hypocrisy. You're treating them like they're not insurrectionist secessionists.


Val_Hallen

And cultists. Don't forget by the book, prime example of cultists. Following the cult playbook to a tee. - **Absolute authoritarianism without accountability** - ***Zero tolerance for criticism or questions*** - Lack of meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget - ***Unreasonable fears about the outside world that often involve evil conspiracies and persecutions*** - **A belief that former followers are always wrong for leaving and there is never a legitimate reason for anyone else to leave** - Abuse of members - Records, books, articles, or programs documenting the abuses of the leader or group - Followers feeling they are never able to be “good enough” - ***A belief that the leader is right at all times*** - ***A belief that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation***


Garbo86

we don't care anymore whether they go apeshit. whatever the magas are going to do, they're going to do it whether we make them happy or make them mad. there's no point playing 5D chess with our own conception of what they want. we can just pursue our own strategies for our own ends.


Geojamlam

Well obviously the immunity only applies to real presidents and not those who got in through clearly rigged fake elections.


weirdo_nb

Like trump


Geojamlam

Absolutely. There's absolutely no evidence that the current real president (who's definitely not admitting to not being the real president by running for a third term) would ever even want to falsify election results or protest against an outcome that wasn't in his favor.


TheGoonKills

That's okay, Bidenn could just have them deemed enemy combatants and have them rounded up and stuck in black site prisons. Problem solved, America saved.


MkfShard

'As usual' is the key part here. The MAGA crowd already accuses their enemies of doing the worst to justify their own heinous behavior and attempts to game the system. It doesn't matter *what* Biden does, they already think he's a tyrant. He has no reason not to exercise his power to protect the US from a dictatorship. He has a moral obligation, in fact.


ElGosso

He *won't*, but he *could*


SadLilBun

He should have Trump arrested for insurrection. It’s in his official capacity as president!


Tmaneea88

But that is specifically the thing the SC said can't happen, but since Biden has immunity, he can do it even though he can't do it? Would Biden's immunity override Trump's immunity? This hurts my head.


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richardl1234

I vote that in this case, it simply disqualifies them both from being able to run for president. Too prevent the paradox of course!


Tmaneea88

But what if the next president wants to arrest both Biden and Trump? This decision is going to give immunity to all future presidents.


Elcactus

Really he couldn't; he can't be criminally charged for anything, but he doesn't have the authority to do those things. That's really the big issue with this ruling; it basically only grants protections to people with an absolutely corrupt administration that will follow any order given even if it's obviously illegal.


ElGosso

Honestly, he could; there's already legal precedent for the president assassinating US citizens by drone strike, so he could just declare the Supreme Court and Trump as terrorists and ship them all off to Gitmo or blast them from low orbit or whatever he wanted. The only thing on this comic that I *couldn't* off-the-top-of-my-head come up with a flimsy pretext for that would fall under the president's unilateral authority is subsidizing ice cream.


Denjek

He won’t. Trump will.


Ace-O-Matic

So if Biden were to hypothetically dronestrike the supreme court, would that means all 9 positions would be vacant and would have to be filled with 9 young liberal democratic judges who would dictate all judicial cases with no accountability for the next 60 years?


ElGosso

Hypothetically? As long as he declared them members of a terrorist organization first.


KorianHUN

Yeah, that is exactly what russia and china would do. Finally usa is joining the multipolar world order. /s


yourLostMitten

https://preview.redd.it/q4a98cp558ad1.jpeg?width=524&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8a9e59589b998d517ba8679a8956cb96898a16f


MynTYleef

Free ice cream to combat global warming lmao


spudtatogames

If you just slather it everywhere, surely the Earth would cool down.


Bank_Gothic

I get tired of the political cartoons on this sub, not because they’re political but because they are unfunny and pandering. This, on the other hand, is fucking hilarious. Exactly the kind of political cartoon I want to see. Original, unusual, and genuinely funny. The news ticker is icing on the cake.


Db_Grimlock

It's the "free ice cream" that got me. It's perfect


MrBlahg

Had me in the first half lol


chewbacca77

Totally agree! Relevant, absurd, not super heavy handed, and most importantly actually funny.


comics-ModTeam

Look at the "fuck your feelings" crowd being snowflakes. It's a comic, sweethearts. It breaks no rules and it is funny. Suck it up, buttercup. moderator reports: It's abusing the report button user reports: 20: It threatens violence or physical harm at someone else 2: It's promoting hate based on identity or vulnerability 1: Cite Sources 1: This is spam


abbothenderson

“Cite sources”? Um, it’s me. I’m the source, lol 😂


Jucoy

My source is that I made it the fuck up  Jack


cygnus2

Imagine a world, Jack, free of cancel culture - where no one can call me out for my outlandish claims! A world where _I can say the N word!_


MissyTheTimeLady

^("...what")


KingKong_at_PingPong

Hi the source, I’m dad


SquirrelKaiser

Poeple are really reporting this! LOL


comics-ModTeam

Of course they are reporting it. If there is one thing a fascist really hates it's an ouchie on their feefee


jakes7788

good mods


Whoops2805

Well, this is officially one of my favorite subreddits


ByrdmanRanger

Based mod


Roku-Hanmar

People report anything they disagree with


KintsugiKen

MAGA are reporting anyone anywhere online who even make a joke about this. I just got banned from Twitter for making a joke about how Americans are begging Biden to bomb Republicans.


Welp_Were_Fucked

Whaaaaat??? I thought Elon was all about free speech!!! I guess that's only when it involves a child rapist. He does have an obsession with pedos..


HelloWorld_bas

B-but I thought Twitter was the last bastion of free speech. The place where “comedy is now legal”.


SkyBlue58

Really? That's crazy! Sadly, Twitter moderation is so biased. I previously reported a Twitter account for using a homophobic slur, but the account is still up! I'm flabbergasted!


0n-the-mend

I for one am not surprised that the cult members remain steadfast and vigilant in their stupidity


unAgreeable-Owl-6800

ah yes, let me just cite my source on *checks notes* biden nuking mar-a-lago in a comic.


-Germanicus-

After years of listening to them joke (and also not joke) about shooting protestors, immigrants, and liberal politicians illegally, it's so hard to take what they say about this seriously. Especially when this joke is also objectively not illegal now. Biden could officially order the assassination of insurrectionists.


-TheArtOfTheFart-

I’ll lift my tea in a toast to that! goood modding!


TheFeshy

Execute order six-three


abortionlasagna

He better give us a free pony too.


uXN7AuRPF6fa

I Scream for Dark Brandon


deadbabymammal

The presidents of the united states already gave us peaches for free. Ice cream now too?


killertortilla

Millions of peaches?


Knightro829

They came in a can.


killertortilla

Were they put there by a man?


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DrakonILD

I'm moving to the country.


BB-018

No pets harmed


SadLilBun

Has anyone in the Trump family even touched an animal before


Takesit88

Given the way he treats women, I imagine the kind of contact with animals he has had is less than wholesome.


he77bender

Plenty of times, after they've been deep-fried


mrbananas

If Biden does this I will totally gift him stuff several months afterwards as a legal appreciation favor [not bribe] for things he did in the past.


KeyPear2864

underrated comment


GhostChainSmoker

It’s a damn shame Biden is part of the high road don’t do anything Dems. While it’s probably best that he is for the most part. Sometimes good people gotta do bad things they don’t wanna.


NobelPirate

What multiverse is this from? ...and how does one get there?


No_Bank_330

Except Joey will not do any of that. Which is the problem and why this becomes a sad meme.


FeeRemarkable886

MAGAs don't believe people are joking about this, they believe all of this is the real wishes of the left, to bomb and murder Americans, while accusing the right of it. They're too damn stupid to understand that the left doesn't want the president to have this power, not Biden or Trump.


Hagisman

Missing the panel where SCOTUS decides that Biden doesn’t have Presidential immunity for being a Democrat. 🫠 Seriously, the conservative Supreme Court is a joke when it tries to pretend it’s not playing favorites.


TidalTraveler

Yeah, this sort of thing gives us some semblance of hope. Unfortunately everyone knows that Democrats care far too much about tradition and decorum to do anything useful with the Supreme Court decision. It's exactly why the Supreme Court was willing to hand down such a decision right now. Democrats will always take the "high road" and let people suffer and die rather than take direct steps to oppose the Republican take over of our institutions.


BushMeat

I’m here for the free ice cream!


Haz3rd

I wish he was that cool


discussatron

Perfection.


BatBeast_29

Free Ice Cream would go crazy!!


LT_Corsair

That's one of the most annoying things. The moral party won't use the same tricks the immoral party will / does.


sordato

I think everyone would love the last one


Foxy02016YT

True, there’s no reason to be upset at free shit


Level_Hour6480

Is he subsidizing all flavors?


Desperate-Spray337

Only vanilla, that villain.


Mez02

A true vanillain


ExtremlyFastLinoone

*chocolate chocolate chip


GenShee

Chocolate chocolate chip


SoDplzBgood

Liberals are gonna spend the next 6 months memeing about how biden is gonna do all the stuff he promised but couldn't do before meanwhile he does nothing and loses the election anyway. Love to see America repeat the mistakes of 30's Germany


JennaFrost

Hence why I’m getting a passport. I’m already florida’s (among many other states’) political target and the supreme court is set to hear a trans-healthcare related case. To say I’m terrified is an understatement. Last time it started with book burnings at “Institut fur Sexualwissenschaft” (where the famous book burning images came from), and sadly guess we’re repeating it with all these book/healthcare bans =[


TSB_1

I think as his parting gift before getting kicked off the Democratic ticket, he needs to arrest trump and the traitorous supreme kangaroo court judges, and throw them into a hole in some prison ship in the middle of the ocean and sink it. add a few of those magnut congresspeople and representatives. His speech could be "THAT is how you drain the swamp". and then he drops the mic and walks off with an ice cream cone.


solarixstar

Worst best part is, it's probably only now hitting the justices that they could have opened the decrees for this to happen for real, course it would be comforting to not have to worry about red headgear ever again


LeadPaintPhoto

2 days ago I told my dad that bidens going to make ice cream free . Thanks for the validation


prfarb

It’s going to be really fun if Biden wins the election and Trump sues about some asinine fake election scandal, probably around mail in voting, and the scotus rules mail in voting is unconstitutional thus giving the election to Trump.


AnimeIsMyLifeAndSoul

Wait they want presidential immunity knowing how insanely corrupt this country is just for one guy?


eh_101

I mean Biden might as well use the immunity because MAGA gimps really like untouchable presidents who shouldn't be held accountable.


TheGoonKills

I'd never need porn again if that first one happened. I'd just watch it on loop forever.


Zediatech

I have a question. Would it be an “official act” to save us from a treasonous anti-American fascist? I would say it is one of the most important official acts a president could do.


GenevaPedestrian

SCOTUS ruled that anything where the President is talking to other officials is an official act, so calling the military to send out a hit is official. They obviously wouldn't rule that way, bc they're corrupt crooks, which why they would also be on the hit list.


purpleblah2

He could try, but he won’t, also another implication of the ruling is that the Supreme Court is that the court can decide what is and isn’t an official act and would likely rule whatever a Republican president who appointed half of them does is official and whatever a Democrat does is not (though panel 4 addresses this)


ThReeMix

how could an execution by the head of the executive branch not be an official act?


Kwaterk1978

Just as long he does it “officially,” right?


kay_bizzle

I fucking wish. Democrats are playing fair by rules that no longer exist


Walo00

I mean, he can do it since he’s doing it as the president. That was what the judge said right? As long as you do it in an official capacity you got immunity…


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Kirby_Inhales_Jotaro

This being his plan is the only good thing that can explain why he’s still running tbh


Bassist57

Except you forget the military can disregard an unlawful order.


Boner_Elemental

To paraphrase Nixon, if the president orders it it's not illegal


Raknirok

https://i.redd.it/iri5e6owq7ad1.gif


DrgonBloop

I fuck with free ice cream hard!


HappyOrwell

you know what I've heard crazier headlines


DaMacPaddy

The most surprising thing about this is the dairy industry and the green industry are in bed together. /s


NoDeparture7996

this made me lol


Ewag715

Man, I fucking hope so 🤣🤣🤣


Radrabbit42

best timeline


FUMFVR

I want that muthafuckin' celebratory cone.


UncleBenLives91

I'm pumped about free ice cream


VixxenFoxx

"No pets harmed" lmao!!! That was my only concern, whew!


Epistatious

didnt notice the festive fence decorations for the longest time. Live to dream I guess.


sickdanman

watch him do absolutely nothing while he could


Ok-Resident3652

In Russia, Putin also granted himself two immunities in 2020.


dumpylump69

I’ll vote for anyone who promises free ice cream


RustedMauss

I guess what I find so concerning, and call me ignorant here, it’s what exactly is the limitation of this? Taking out a political rival? Ordering that a majority vote not be accepted? I mean, did they really offer any sort of parameter to this?


Pillsburydinosaur

Damn Dark Brandon is awesome.


DemandRemote3889

I love that it says no pets harmed lol


Karma_Gardener

49-51% of Americans think this is a great start. That's close enough


abel_cormorant

I mean, i bet they think immunity is a one-way thing. If the scrotus gets it, the potus does too.


wakeupwill

Everyone talking about trolling this or owning that, while completely disregarding the incredibly frightening fact that this will be abused further by future Presidents.


Galle_

No shit. Nobody's *happy* about this ruling except for fascists. OP is just fantasizing about the fascists getting a taste of their own medicine.


Wesselton3000

I overheard some MAGAs on the train today say “well Biden’s still president, so he can do whatever he wants before Trump gets his chance”… they don’t understand that a POTUS who truly believes in democracy would not abuse this ruling and act like a tyrant. They’re so twisted by their radicalization that they don’t even understand how this anti-democratic. I’ve said this a million times in the last 2 days: We are fucked. We are 1-3 presidential terms away from living in a Gilead/Nazi Germany hybrid state. Maybe less depending on how this election goes… God help the ethnic minorities, women and LGBTQ+ of our country. This is going to be a very dark moment of US history…


zekerigg41

Ianal but i don't think the president can make judiciary changes or allocate funds beyond what congress approves. He is in charge of the military so blowing up trump would be a official act...


PrintableDaemon

1) Tell Congress you want money 2) Congress votes it doesn't pass 3) Executive order is written declaring Congressmen who don't pass Presidential budgetary requests are traitors 4) Rendition those congresspersons to Guantanamo 5) Hold a new vote, vote passes with 100% yes votes


Cobra-D

Sounds pretty legal too me.