Honey, lose the weight for yourself if that’s something YOU want to do. Love and give yourself some grace. Having and raising kids is hard on your body. Find a therapist for your mental health and a doctor/dietitian that can help with the physical health. Read about intermittent fasting or eating a calorie deficit type diet. But YOU need to motivate yourself. Don’t do this for anyone but you. Get healthy because it will give you a longer life with less health issues. Or just love who you are currently.
Seconding the find the love for who you are. And PLEASE demonstrate healthy self-love and healthy food habits with your kiddo. Their poor excuse of a father instilled fat = bad, and that sucks.
I dealt with my ex, and my daughter is coming up on 12. Honestly, it was my ex's girlfriend who managed to get him to stfu about weight and eating, etc. I absolutely adore her. I also put in Sunday spa day on the Sundays my daughter is with me - we relax with charcuterie, sparkling cider in the champagne glasses, face masks, do our nails, and finish it up with bubble baths, and hair masks.
Screw him, he's going to be disappointed wherever he goes because he's a disappointment. You be you, and you *own* you. I started working out recently because I want to be stronger... and the aches and pains mean I'm getting stronger! If I was doing it to attract a man, I would have bailed. Screw the man, and find your inner warrior!
The one thing that should come out of this - DO NOT TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THAT THIS IS OK. Lose the weight, fine, but not for him. For yourself. Don’t take him back.
yes! why does she even know the reason they divorced? she sounds far too young to know enough to say what she said. that’s not a good thing for a young person to internalise. kids don’t need to know adult business like that. i knew far too much as a kid and it didn’t do wonders for my development
ah yeah you’re right that’s a very real possibility. i just hope OP finds the strength to heal from this. not only does she deserve better but by working on herself and developing self-acceptance she will also be leading by example for her kids.
I used to be that kid that learned that I was unlovable because I was fat. Fucked with my self esteem so much and I’m still unlearning it. Really feel for OP and this kid
Same. I was called Piggy my entire childhood. I used to come up with excuses to tell people about why I was chubby, including that I wore pillows under my clothes (one of my more silly ideas).And I’ve dealt with serious eating disorders throughout my entire adult life because of it.
I’m so sorry, I’m giving you all the hugs. Yeah, when I was a kid I’d suck my tummy in so I would look like I have a flatter stomach. I’ve also dealt with eating disorders. I do work out and eat healthy, but it’s because I’m doing it for myself and not because I want someone else to love me. I hope you know now that you’re lovable regardless of your weight.
I can second that. It's an awful feeling to be measured by weight. I'm a dude but my dad always loved insulting me about weight even though I played every sport available in my area(soccer, football, baseball, etc).
I'm sorry you were made to feel that way.
In all fairness, it may not be the mom talking to the kids about it. It absolutely may be, but also it may not. It's completely possible that the kid asked a normal child question of "why aren't you and mommy together" and the dad said "because I hate fat people" or something along the lines.... I wasn't there, but I'm sure you catch my drift. Let's not be quick to blame one party or the other when we don't know. It's also absolutely possible that neither parent actually said something to the kid and that the kiddos have just heard arguments and comments. Kids absorb far more information than we typically think!
I’m 44 and have anorexic since age 12-13. Probably earlier. That’s what happens when you teach your kids your value as a human being depends on your appearance.
Right? I'm considered fat, but my husband treats me like I'm the prettiest princess in the kingdom. There are many reasons people gain weight. Mine is medical/hormonal, and it sucks (but I'm down 15 lbs finally, and I'm doing it for me! But I'm not gonna say the "you look skinny!" compliments from people don't feel good), but age, stress, and even things like being short on money so you have to subside on more processed food - there are many reasons people gain weight.
What's not OK is to make people feel like less because of it. It's one thing if you're suddenly eating yourself to death for no reason other than to eat, and your partner expresses *legitimate* concern because of their worry for you living a long, healthy life. It's another to just make them feel awful about it. It's very common for the weight gain to be out of their control for many of the reasons I listed above. OPs ex is trash, and he's teaching their kids that it's OK to base someone's worth exclusively on their weight and appearance. The only thing I see wrong is that the Ex gets 50/50, so he has half the time to poison his young child's mind. If OP wants to (and can, safely!) lose the weight for her, or for her kids, or for just better health, then she should. But please, OP, don't let that horrid man be the main deciding factor in your weight loss.
I don't think the fact that he "told you beforehand" factors as much as the cruelty he displayed in degrading you. Ok, so he divorced you. That doesn't mean he had to be nasty about it. Oh, and this comment section? You all act like a bunch of children lacking social skills.
Probably because they are, little teenagers that came over from Tiktok and have no actual thought process or critical thinking about the real world and how things are actually handled.
Idk what your husband's physical body looks like, but shedding the weight of his horrific abuse is a step in the right direction. You need to empower yourself to look inward and love who you are as a woman first and foremost, and a mother. Being a single mom is hard, but it isn't nearly as hard as living with someone who hates you and is supposed to be your partner.
It takes awhile to find it, but your happiness will come when you give yourself grace. Your body created and held life. Hormones cause changes that you can't control. But find and hold space for yourself, and become whole again. You're worth the investment
people miss their abusive partners all the time. my father literally tried to strangle my mother to death, but 30 years later she'll still talk about how attractive she found him.
To me this immediately read like fatphobic incel rage bait…..but i do totally believe people like the shitbag husband described here exist in not thaaaat small of numbers. This website is full of dudes complaining that their recently postpartum wife (who gets no help around the house) hasn’t lost the baby weight yet.
Yeah... I know - I've seen... Ugh, if I became single again I would just stay that way. There's a great article here that I ran into: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-single/202404/romantic-relationships-turn-off-women-more-than-men
Thank goodness. Yes this thread is full of incels and fatpeoplehate! I wish I hadn't seen this. I haven't seen so many in a while. I usually avoid them.
Wow people are fucking rude on here! He sounds like a shitty person tbh. He is verbally abusive to you and degrading, no one deserves that.
My bf and I both gained weight and did the healthy thing ... Discussed how we both want to get healthier and feel better about ourselves and made a game plan to eat better and get more active *together*. Because we, ya know, love each other for who we are as people?
Ditch the husband, find someone who loves you for who you are, and if you feel so inclined.. get that revenge bod and a better partner.
Hate to be an ass. But you clearly knew going in to the marriage he HATED fat people. Then you let yourself become what he hates. He’s clearly an asshole and shallow person. But you can’t argue with the fact he had pretty clear boundaries of physical appearance prior to entering in to a marriage.
Not true. She should weigh between 107 to 140 lbs to be within a healthy weight range. For underweight women they say to gain up to 40 lbs in pregnancy weight. Normal women it is 35 that is recommended. It is pretty normal for women to gain 50 pounds and she had not 1 but 2 kids. The majority gain over the normal ranges. I have links on my other comments with this info. She is obese at her height and weight and is not morbidly obese. For the information you entered:
Height: 5 feet, 3 inches
Weight: 200 pounds
Your BMI is 35.4, indicating your weight is in the Obesity category for adults of your height.
So she could weigh in the healthy range and gain weight from one or two pregnancies that would put her in the obese range easily. Morbidly obese starts at 40 BMI.
https://www.forbes.com/health/womens-health/average-weight-for-women/.
True but OP is morbidly obese. It's not baby weight. It's obesity. Big difference.
There are women who have 5 kids and don't become obese. Let's not use being pregnant as an excuse to be obese. A few extra pounds, some cellulite, and thicker thighs is fine and understandable but you can't blame a guy for not being attracted to his obese wife. He is an asshole for being verbally abusive.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted for this. Yes, getting pregnant makes women gain weight, but not by an obscene amount. That’s not normal and should be looked into with a doctor.
This part.
And you can also work it off and. It over gain while pregnant by keeping up a healthy exercise regimen.
Oh wait that’s right. That actually takes giving a shit about the knowledge that he doesn’t like fat people and actually making an effort to
But women always gain weight during pregnancy? And they always have a little tummy pouch after the baby is born. So would OP’s ex husband be justified in being “grossed out” by a normal part of having a baby, especially one he wanted and put there? It just seems really silly to expect a recently pregnant woman to just “not be fat” as if she didn’t carry an entire human being in her body. As a society we need to be more empathetic towards postpartum women instead of shaming them for how their body looks.
So why didn't he leave? Youre excusing his cheating and verbal abuse because she gained weight? She birthed his children! There could be a multitude of factors that led to her weight gain beyond choosing to get fat.
He shouldn’t have cheated or been an ass, 100%. He had every right to leave, but there’s a way to do it right, and he kind of just went guns blazing. Even if not for her, for the kids, I mean jeez.
The fact she ends her statement with "life happens sometimes" when referring to gaining weight leads me to believe she let it happen. She never states anything she was doing to lower her weight.
This right here is EXACTLY what I read too. She said “fuck it” and found out. So I don’t feel any sympathy since he made his PIV clear BEFORE they ever were married.
It sounds to me like she’s had multiple kids. The weight gained during pregnancy can be hard to shed. I gained 55lbs with my 2020 baby. I tried everything to lose it and not a pound came off. Then I got pregnant with my 2022 baby. I only gained 15lbs with him because I was constantly throwing up and could hardly eat at all during the pregnancy. After he was born I dropped 185lbs in a year and a half. I’m still 20lbs overweight but I made it my goal to get the weight off because I didn’t want to be the fat mom. My husband loved me no matter what I weighed but is proud and brags about how much weight I’ve lost and have not gained anything back at this point.
Good on you for losing the weight and working at it.
But just being honest and medically correct here. 55 pounds is WAY too much to gain for a pregnancy for anyone. That’s a high risk for gestational diabetes.
>There could be a multitude of factors that led to her weight gain beyond choosing to get fat.
So, yes, no one chooses to get fat...I think. However, fat doesn't just happen.
We stop being as active, we stop paying attention to what we eat or how often. We snack more and move less and eventually the weight grows.
I was 6ft and 265 pounds, at a BMI of 36 and a body fat percentage of around 36%, I was very obese nearing morbidly obese. It was an unhealthy weight. It didn't just happen. It did creep up on me and I was complacent about it. However, a milkshake from Cookout a couple times a week, eating fast food as a dietary staple, my movement being standing during my job (teacher) and then sitting at home...all of those were adding up to a lack of taking care of my physical self.
Yes, I agree about there being a multitude of factors contributing to weight gain; depression, pregnancy, thyroid issues, etc. All of those things and more can make weight loss challenging.
OP's husband left due to her weight. It is sad. I don't think OP's ex was a good man. The cheating sets that out. I do think he was fairly clear about how he felt about fatness. OP is 200 lbs at 5'3". That's a weight range similar to where I was. It is unhealthy and impacts your body in negative ways.
Losing weight is simple math, but it is not easy at all. Opportunity to snack and not move exist everywhere in our modern world. Many of our favorite pasttimes require nothing more of us than sitting: movies, books, games, scrolling on our phones, etc. We have to consciously choose to engage in active movement. Active movement and exercise can be a good way to make you feel better but "you can't outrun your fork." Changing our diets is a HUGE challenge. Small incremental changes can work, bur it takes time.
In my own struggle with weight, I got down to 170 and lost 85 pounds. It was over a 2 year span of time with losing about 1-2 pounds a week. I maintained that weight for 3 years. In 2019, I stopped paying as close attention and just ate like I had before due to a new job with more intense responsibilities. I was eating as a coping mechanism. Then COVID hit and while some folks used the time at home to get in shape, I used it to be a couch potato. I'm back up to 235 from 2019-2024. I know what works though and this past month dropped down to 233. Just got to watch my intake again.
OP's ex should remain an ex, undoubtedly. I also don't like what OP's children are hearing/learning about "skinny people get loved," because that is just wrong. Being *healthy* should be the goal. Wellness is about so much more than weight. Weight is just one aspect of a healthy wellness lifestyle.
There's NO excuse for the guy's behavior, it's abominable. But it's important for OP to understand her own place in the story so that she can take that knowledge with her into her next relationship.
There is a VAST difference between “changes her body” and then a good partner who wants to feel good about herself and her attractiveness working to get herself back to her capable best, and just letting herself go and making zero effort while KNOWING that he specifically hates that.
My guess would be a MINIMUM of an 80-90 pound weight gain on a short small frame. That does not have to happen if even a modest amount of effort is made to stay in shape.
You would be much better off focusing on your health than your weight. If he does not appreciate you I am sure somebody else will. But if this weight gain is sudden it may not hurt to see a doctor to make sure there is no underlying cause
OP has a bmi of 35.4. While bmi is usually not a great indicator due to variations in body composition, it is clear that OP is morbidly obese. She needs to lose weight because that will be the main factor in becoming healthy.
True, but we're getting a portion of the story here. If she started gaining weight like that... well, she does need a decent doctor to see what could be causing it. Like, thyroid? Tumor? Bad reaction to meds? You know, the kinda thing that can be handled with decent care before it gets real bad. On the other hand, if she here in the US good luck getting insurance to cover it!
(Like, I gotta regularly fight with mine to get them to cover my inhalers - of all the things to be stupid at my body chose breathing, \*asthma\*, ugh,I can't pay for them out of pocket! Stupid lungs.)
This is kind of a dumb comment and I can't for the life of me figure out why there are so many updates. OP is MORBIDLY OBESE and you're out here implying that focusing on health and weight are two different things in this scenario. One of the worst top comments I've seen on this site as a whole.
What I got from the comment was focus on being healthy i.e. healthy living etc and how that affects you rather than on the idea of being fat. Obsessing over being fat is terrible for encouraging weight gain as it makes people anxious and the challenge feels insurmountable. That leads to binge cycles etc Focusing on healthy habits and being healthy will mean the weight will naturally fall off. I don't think it's constructive to keep emphasising that she has a weight problem in a cruel way- she already knows this and is obviously already anxious about it. Framing the issue as a health one rarher than a weight one is more constructive to improving lifestyle.
I really don’t wanna be that guy but like, he told from the start that he doesn’t like fat people… why do you suddenly expect him to like you even though you became fat?
He’s OBVIOUSLY a terrible person but you KNEW he was a terrible person and still decided to say yes when he proposed to you?
Women, yall really need to stop having this fantasy of making men change just for you because 99% of the times it just doesn’t work. 😭 I’m sorry to tell you but it doesn’t work.
He told you that and you decided it was a good idea to stay with someone like that, marry him, and have kids with him. Imagine your kids become fat in the future… he would either abuse them, leave them, or starve them. What made you think someone like that would be a good parental figure?
Well, to me your mistake was marrying someone who told you upfront that their love is purely conditional. It doesn’t matter if you thought you’d be able to meet the condition forever or not, he was letting you know right then and there that he was not in love with you and was incapable of ever being in love with anyone.
The good news is now you’re free from that abusive POS and can start a new life where love is a possibility again.
Love is always conditional. Stop being delusional.
If he brought home hookers, she'd fall out of love with him.
If he played video games all day and refused his husbandly duties of supporting the family, she'd fall out of love with him.
If he refused to shower and stank all day, she'd fall out of love with him.
I can go on and on. The very nature of romantic love is conditional, because it was CREATED in certain conditions. There must be conditions for a flower to grow and be nourished and maintained. But not love? This is delusion. Stop it. Get some help.
Honestly I'm trying to be sympathetic but that man told her up front he didn't like fat people. So she got fat then acts like she's surprised he was no longer attracted. Why marry him in the first place? Why have children with him? You knew this up front so just take care of your body, stay slim, stay happy. You chose to get fat & make your whole family miserable and "don't know what to do". Lose weight if you want him or move on. If you're sharing custody you have plenty of time to work on getting your body back in shape. If you refuse to do that then move on.
Saying "I don't like fat people" is different than falling completely out of love and losing all respect for your partner when they become fat. Obviously she didn't take it that serious because she wasn't fat and didn't plan to be, just like most skinny adults ever.
"She chose to get fat and make your family miserable" are you fucking kidding me? She gained weight while having his children which is incredibly common. He's making the whole family miserable by making their whole family dynamic revolve around her weight and teaching their kids that you're not lovable if you're not thin, and setting an example that it's ok to cheat on and disrespect your partner.
You shouldn't change your body solely to please someone else. That just enables their entitlement. Marriage is meant to be through sickness and in health, if he knew he wouldn't commit to that HE shouldn't have gotten married and had children.
Utter delusion.
Marriage is about being the person you spouse fell in love with. Somethings are deal breakers, other things are not. It depends on the people involved. If he stated from jump that he is not attracted to obese women, and she doesn't put forth effort to remain slim, that is simple cause and effect if the marriage suffers.
If my gf tells me that she is not attracted to jobless men, and I lose my job and I dont get another one, I run the risk of losing my gf. THAT is life. If I dont like, I shouldnt marry that girl. THat means our values dont align. And thats okay. But dont get involved knowingly, then get mad when the enivtable happens. THat's being a child.
Idk why women like to define themselves by men or society’s standards. Be healthy for you first and then your kids and no one else.
You should’ve been the one to leave/divorce for treating you like that! Your daughter shouldn’t be able to tell you that shit!
>I’m 5’3 and 200LB. My husband started growing resentment when I started gaining weight. When I was first dating him he made it clear he doesn’t like fat people and I never thought I would be in this position since I was always a thin or normal weight woman but you know, life happens sometimes
It's hard to be sympathetic with any of what follows after reading this. It's like you married someone who said they hated Mexicans, then were shocked that they divorced you when you found Mexican ancestry in your family tree; or they hated LGBTQIA people, and you're shocked they divorced you when you realized you're bi. You lie down with a bigot, sooner or later, bigotry comes for you.
There's nothing bigoted about it. He sounds like an ass in how he handled, but the only reason prior are mad is because she's female. Nobody bats an eye when woman don't want to be with fat men, or leave their husband's for being overweight.
Keep in mind this is her version of the story - she’s obviously going to make her husband look like a POS. If you constantly eat food and not exercise, you will gain weight. It’s not groundbreaking science, everyone knows that. You can’t blame him for not being attracted to her anymore.
Also - BMI of 36 means that she hasn’t tried whatsoever to lose weight after having kids, keeping a few pounds on after a pregnancy is normal. But being morbidly obese if she was skinny before the pregnancy is not normal.
I think a lot of skinny people don’t take fatphobia seriously until they’re fat themselves. I’m not blaming her for his behavior, it’s abhorrent, but she probably never thought she would gain the weight like this (and be a victim of his fatphobia).
I sympathize with her, I do find it hard because I’m fat and I think fatphobia is awful, but a lot of people don’t care about it until they’re in that position. I can sympathize with that. Even if I was skinny, “hating fat people” would be a dealbreaker for me but it’s the standard stance for most. Hopefully she understands how harmful those beliefs are now that it affects her directly.
I know a few people who gained significant weight and it was often because of depression or anxiety. Perhaps there’s some other underlying issue?
Anyhow your ex husband sounds like a piece of shit.
You have a 2 year old. That means you gained the weight while pregnant? I'm sorry you are going through this. I lost all the weight after my first pregnancy but it was hard losing it all my second pregnancy. And I ended up gaining it all back. Losing weight for women is hard. I hope you get your happy back. Sending hugs your way
Have you made any attempts to fix the situation prior to him leaving?
I think the kids change the equation here - it's tough being a mom and staying in shape.
You also mentioned that you had your youngest 2 years ago - so either you were already gaining weight prior to having the kid (in which case why did he have more kids if this was already a problem for him?) or you put on a bit of baby weight (in which case he should've been patient with you).
He should appreciate and respect you for the gift of giving him children, and marriage with kids is supposed to be unconditional love, and he should've been supporting and helping you make progress.
I partially understand both sides in this situation, but at the same time I think he's an asshole.
We all have preferences, but that doesn’t mean we get to mistreat those we supposedly love when our preferences aren’t satisfied. Your ex-husband sounds like a complete asshole as he verbally and emotionally abused you! I am sorry you had to endure that, NONE of those things he said are true.
Loving someone means loving them, period. You choose them daily. Gaining weight may turn him off but it does not mean you became ugly or a worse person. All your weight gain did was reveal the horribly ugly person he was the entire time.
/HUG I sincerely hope you learn to block out his venom and re-learn how to love yourself, you are worth it!
Your husband is a child himself. Good riddance to him. You are right, life happens. We grow. We adapt. If you love someone then you stick with it and make it work. Take care of yourself, love yourself and love your kids.
For everyone saying she knew he was terrible, and asking WHY she married him anyway, I will say this:
Abusive (and emotionally abusive) relationships never start that way. It starts slowly, and subtly. Bad behavior and shitty remarks and insults start to come up after trust is gained by the abuser, but most days are good, so many victims will rationalize these instances as a one off. And then after some time comes the chipping away at the victims self esteem, making leaving and trusting your own self perception difficult. If he talks about “fat people” this way, he is likely very abusive. Abuse causes trauma bonding (look it up), which is extremely hard to break free from, and usually happens slowly over time until the victim finally realizes they are in a terrible situation. All I’m saying is that abuse is often slowly developing and progressive. If abuse started off the bat, abusers would never be in relationships. They gain trust and then ramp up the abusive behavior little by little until you’re in a corner and it’s very hard to leave.
So stop blaming her. It really can happen in many situations.
Does he feel the same way about your kids too? Just throw them away if heaven forbid they put on some weight? You had children, your body changes. If you loose the weight I hope you get the satisfaction of him humbly apologizing and you rejecting him because you found true happiness within yourself. I wish your all the best OP. Glad he made room for you to actually find love cause he sounds like a moron.
It's the fact your oldest daughter is now internalizing that women gaining weight makes it ok for men to treat them like shit and cheat on them, that's the saddest part of this entire story honestly. This is how lifelong eating disorders start.
He doesn’t deserve you. If he divorced you just becouse you geined weight that means he had relationship with you becouse of your looks. Honey I feel so sorry for you. You will find someone who cares about you and loves you becouse of your personality and not looks. You deserve more.
Most men dont find fat chicks attractive. Lose weight. If not to be attractive for men, then for your own wellbeing. There's absolutely no benefits of being overweight, unless you want to finish life faster.
This. Most woman don't either, I'm down around 80#, got 40-50# to go, and I get no swipes on any dating apps. There are those who fetishise fat people, but they don't have your best interest in heart.
Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from losing weight, no sympathies.
You made the choice to date someone fatphobic.
You made the choice to become exclusive with someone fatphobic.
You made the choice to marry someone fatphobic.
You made the choice to have children with someone fatphobic, twice.
Throughout all these choices, it appears none were made under anything but full disclosure of your husband's feelings on fatness.
These are important choices that you have made, these are important red flags you missed.
You are now finding out the consequences of the choices you made.
What the hell is this comment section? Regardless of what he told her about him not liking overweight chicks, regardless of if she tried to lose the weight or not, NO ONE deserves to be treated the way she was treated. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to be cheated on. OP deserves better. Gaining weight is not a reason to treat someone like trash simply because you don’t find them attractive anymore.
OP your ex did you a favor by leaving. He took the trash out for you. You don’t need that garbage. Lose the weight for your self and your health. No one else.
Ma’am, if you want to change, do so for yourself first and foremost. Do it for your health and so that you can be around for your children. But I can’t stress it enough that you CANNOT do this for him. Matter of fact fuck him. He’s not perfect and I am willing to bet he doesn’t look the way he did years ago unless he is a complete gym rat health nut. What some men refuse to get is that having children wreaks havoc on a woman in every way. If he wanted to see a healthy change, he should have shown compassion and empathy to you. He should have offered to HELP you with that goal. Instead, he did nothing but killed you inside. Sure, you may be broken now, but you aren’t Humpty Dumpty. You can put yourself back together again with time. It’s okay to grieve the loss of your relationship, but you can’t stay down for too long BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS. Remember that a lot of guys think that once a woman is single with children and maybe gained a little weight, that she is undesirable or somehow worth less. None of that is true. You are worth all the love and happiness you desire. So it’s time for you glow up. Some may call it your villain arc or story. If you want to look good and feel good, do so for yourself. Turn that 5’3” frame into dangerous curves, get that little black dress, and get after it. When he tries to spin the block because he sees other men wanting you, let him just marinate in thoughts of you with someone else, if you want. But first and foremost, the change is for you.
Yo this sucks all around, divorce is hard enough on kids but the fact your kids know it’s related to weight is sad. Sounds like husband was a dick tho if he couldn’t find a better way to communicate his feelings.
Good news is there’s tons of guys that like big girls. If you’re happy with your weight outside of this issues it caused your marriage then roll with it. Don’t lose it for him. Do you.
Use this as motivation to lose weight get fucking hot as fuck and make him regret losing a good woman. Size shouldn’t matter if you love a person but be petty and become the woman of his dreams that he will never be able to get
How somebody can treat the mother of their kids like this is astounding to me. Sounds like hes done a real number on your psyche and self image. Sounds like he’s doing the same to the kids or at least teaching them that it’s ok to do to others or to accept from others… I hope one day soon you look back on this with gladness and relief that he is gone from your life kmowing his jaded perspective has no bearing on your intrinsic worth.
When my fiance told me I'm becoming too fat and she felt uncomfortable about it, we talked about what can I do to improve it.
I'm working out since May 2023, and my quality of life improved much more. She supported me all the way. She was never mean to me.
If your partner was mean to you while you were fat, he does not deserve you at all.
Being fat isn't often attractive, but partners should support each other all the way and not be a mean MFers to each other.
Find someone who likes you as you are. Your ex has the right to leave and find what he’s into. But now you also have the right to find what you’re into. Just be sure your future partner is also into you. Best of luck on your new adventures
Why does your kid even know the context of why he left? They definitely should’ve been sheltered from that. Your husband is doing you a favor, you don’t want to stay with someone that verbally abuses you, cheats on you, and only loves you if you look a certain way. He can’t help what he’s attracted to but he can absolutely help the way he treats you and speaks to you. You deserve better.
You need to change your relationship with food and ignore enablers saying if it's something you want to do. You want to do it clearly but the question is do you want it more than you want the poor comforts i.e. whatever has put you in this state of poor health? I don't know what it is , is it just cake and pie or is it a bowel or other condition or not moving enough.
If it's just lack of resolve to prioritize your health then for your own sanity you need to make your peace with the fact that you picked the things that made you fat over love from your husband. It sounds like you want it all but are not making the connection deep down between your choices and their outcomes. When you understand emotionally what your choices mean you will live with less tension I think because you will either embrace them and realize your life with a level of health your husband could support was never important to you, or you will make the permanent shift and be done with the internal dissonance.
Good luck. I wish you happiness.
To be fair, he did tell you up front that he doesn't like fat people. I'd recommend losing the weight simply because that's healthier than being obese and not necessarily so you can get him back.
He's extremely shallow, but you married a shallow person that hates fat people. You shouldn't go back to him and your kid is going to regret saying that when shes older, but I can't really blame people for divorcing if they aren't attracted to their partner. a
Looking for this comment. All these women bashing the husband for effectively communicating what he did NOT like and she still gained the weight. Make it make sense.
Happens when you don't take care of yourself or get stagnant because you believe a piece of paper locks you down....it doesn't you can still lose weight its not the end of the world (or at least make the attempt to) do it for health reasons and the fact that you want to live long
It's a hard trial it's not gonna be easy its not supposed to. Put in the work you get results like everything else in life you'll feel better about yourself and people around will notice
I do not want to sound like a jerk, but he has made his standards and boundaries pretty neat from the start.
As the ebbs and flows of life has you slowly getting obese, what have you done from your side to get back in shape?? Whom to your husband, has he consulted any psychotherapeutic advice to figure out why does your excess weight triggers such knee-jerk reactions from him??
Some men wound up to cheat, to break up or to divorce their partner after they fail to fulfill some, if not all of the basic prerequisites to a stable relationship. Men don't want to feel cheated by, nor tricked by their lifetime consort or spouse. But the verbal agression component is just the extra little salt in the sass that tells me that he's been pushing it too far, as well. But hey, that's my opinion.
My advice??? The divorce was stupid. Your couple issues could've been easily fixed, yet none of you opted to overcome this together. Instead, you both opted for self-defeatism, easiness and lack of communication. The two of you are to blame for the failure of your marriage: each of you for your shortsightedness, lack of emotional maturity and slothfulness taking form in two individual different forms. My two cents.
The rules has been set since the beginning of your relationship and you still gain weight. I'm sorry but it looks like he was the sole provider for your household, so at the very least you have responsibility to be person he like.
Losing weight is healthy, ignore all those body "positivity" BS tossed around on social media, what so positive about that if in the end they got a heart problem in early 40s?
Yes. We know. If your partner tells you at the beginning of your relationship that they only like people who aren't republican. And after a few years you gain a bunch of political views that are extremely right-wing. They try to drop hints calling you "Donnie's little trooper", and when that doesnt work they start calling you a "Fucking fascist, racist, piece of shit", that still doesnt work, eventually they leave you, are you also a victim? I'm not saying it isn't asshole behavior, but she married him knowing that was his behavior. I'm not saying it's a very good mentality to have, but he was very clear about his boundaries before the marriage, and she went through with it.
I'm gonna post the unpopular reddit opinion here: It's ok to divorce someone because they get fat. ESPECIALLY if you tell them beforehand that you are really not ok with that.
Now the verbal abuse and cheating etc, that is dogshit weak man behavior, but nothing wrong with divorcing your wife for being fat if you did everything else you could and she refused to change.
Being fat is unhealthy, unattractive, and typically reflects a very undisciplined lifestyle. If that's not the person you married then time to cut ties.
Plenty of sympathy on here from all the Reddit fatties. Its funny but non of them ask why she didnt just diet like a normal person does. It is like being overweight is fate, like going bald or becoming ill. It is not, it is a slow selfish lazy choice.
You should be glad he is gone and sorry for your babies honey. Child birth changes the body I married my bride she was heavy still love her to this day 50 years coming up. Start trying to loose weight exercise even just walking help yourself please no one should have too think they have to be skinny to be loved have to talk to your baby. Good Luck GORGEOUS xoxo 😘 🤗
For starters I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids every day especially as young as 2yrs old!
Secondly your ex husband is a dick.
You don’t deserve that kind of disrespect. You gained weight, so what! It doesn’t change who you are on the inside and it seems as though your ex only cares about the outside.
If you want to lose weight you do it for yourself and no one else.
Gain your independence back, lose the weight (if you want to) and show that SOB what he’s missed out on!
Also fight for full custody of your children. If he can body shame you and would tell you he doesn’t like fat people I couldn’t bare to imagine what he would say to your kids if they put on weight.
I would also be telling your children that you don’t have to be skinny to be loved and to ignore such nonsense. Tell them everyone deserves to be loved regardless of size, gender, sexuality etc.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be loved, respected and happy.
POV from a personal trainer stand point… this right here is what keeps us busy 🤑 majority of the women I work with all trying to lose weight to look good for the “hubby” & as for the dead bedroom we can take care of that too haha my recommendation walk-in to the nearest gym speak to a trainer he will have you glowing in no time
Seems like the weight gain happened gradually, and so did your husband's loss of interest. Nowhere do you say you made an effort to lose the weight, while knowing your husband's position before you even got married. What were you really expecting to happen?
>My eldest is taking the divorce hard. She said “mommy just lose weight and daddy will love you again” and I’m just like baby it’s not that simple
That's honestly the saddest part of this whole post. Look at wtf your husband is teaching your children! Your **female** child at that. Ugh what a trash person, and an even worse parent!
Your ex husband sounds like the biggest loser ever. In my opinion, this will probably be one the best things that has ever happened to you, it’s just disguised right now as one of the worst moments in your life. Focus on yourself and your kids. Do the hard work (therapy, positive mindfulness, etc.- whatever you feel is a healthy route for you. Whether you lose weight or not, only do it for yourself). As for your ex husband, tell him to “kick rocks with open toed shoes.” That guy sounds awful and I hope you realize sooner than later that someone who loves you would not treat you in that way EVER.
I mean he told you, sounds like he was trying to warn you by calling you chunks. I would love to have empathy but people don't just wake up fat all the sudden, if you feel bad about yourself and wish you were different then do it. If you're that fat I'm sure even a little bit of exercise would make a difference. So many things you can do but instead you came here to complain. Sounds like your daughter is pretty smart.
Girl, 200 pounds??? Okay you’re hot and I’m so sorry that he is such a dickhead. I weigh much more than you and my partner is still very much in love with me AND loves my body.
You also had a child and your body changes with that and with age. Your husband sounds like a fucking idiot. And you deserve so much better. And it’s so so sad that your kid said that to you. I’m not trying to stir the pot or anything but that makes me feel like he was telling your kid that.
Curious when he told you this, why didn't you leave him? Also, when and since you didn't leave him, what made you not work out? Eating healthy is like 60% of the work, and working out is 40% of the work. As long as people eat healthy, aka no pop or processed food, and they work out moderately, they will absolutely have no problem losing weight. You just have to be serious about it. Don't just lose weight for your husband either. You need to want to lose elweight for yourself. So that you have a positive self-image and the main reason so that you're healthy. It is not good to he at that weight and height. Unfortunately, as we get older, there are a ton of health risks being overweight. Start eating healthy and working out. You have this. What was the setbacks or the reasons you didn't want to work out and be healthy before? Especially some you don't feel the best about your weight? That should have been motivation to get healthy. Also, use your kids as motivation. Tell yourself you want to see them as their older and to he able to he in your grandkids lives. You have a better chance of this happening if youre healthy. Please find any motivation and use it. At the end of the day, this is your life you're talking about.
It sucks he was “verbally aggressive” but he told you from the get go that he does not like fat women. It is shitty i am shocked you would date such a superficial person but you chose a man who thinks like this.
Losing weight will benefit your health, but so will not being stuck with a spouse who doesn't like you. Life is way too short to spend it with someone who isn't right for you, let alone someone who finds you physically repulsive and has told you as much. Regardless, I hope the rest of your life brings you more peace and happiness than the current phase of your life you're going through now.
You need to tell your daughter that, as much as you wish you could see her everyday, you won’t automatically take daddy back even when you lose the weight because love isn’t supposed to be conditional on weight or health, and while dad will always love her unconditionally, sadly, he clearly never loved mum the same way. And then work on your health so you can play with your great grandchildren.
Girl run plz. Love should not be solely based in physical beauty. If he felt that strongly about it he could have been encouraging and loving (granted i don’t know the full story). No one should talk like that to someone they love, regardless of the circumstances. It’s so much harder to lose weight when you don’t have good self esteem and it sounds like he was just driving it into the tpilet. Isn’t the whole thing with marriage through the good and bad times.
What an absolute dick. I’m so sorry.
10-15 years ago, a girl I was dating called me fat. It stung. That was my motivation to lose weight and I lost a ton of weight. I recently put some of the weight back on because of age. I know it's not the same as I was merely dating someone and you were married with. Best wishes, good luck!
Please listen to me closely! You need to move on from him. No partner would say any of those things to someone who they truly loved. There’s someone out there who will love you for you. Whether you lose weight, stay the same or even gain more! You want a partner that supports you no matter what! That tells you that they want you to lose weight for you and you’re perfect the way that you are! He’s out there, trust me! My world was shattered when my ex left me for another skinner and prettier woman and tbh I thought I’d never find someone that would love me again. I lost a ton of weight and met someone 3 years later. Got pregnant and gained all the weight I lost back. He said he still loves every inch of me, that I don’t need to lose weight again but if I want to that he will support me no matter what. That’s the kind of love you deserve. Please don’t settle for less.
caloric deficit is the way to go. Easiest way for me is keto and intermittent fasting. You don't need to join a gym. But make a commitment to do walking daily. It doesn't need to be high impact. But at least 20-30mins.
Honey, lose the weight for yourself if that’s something YOU want to do. Love and give yourself some grace. Having and raising kids is hard on your body. Find a therapist for your mental health and a doctor/dietitian that can help with the physical health. Read about intermittent fasting or eating a calorie deficit type diet. But YOU need to motivate yourself. Don’t do this for anyone but you. Get healthy because it will give you a longer life with less health issues. Or just love who you are currently.
Op, the trash took itself out. You just lost 200lbs of a shallow ass POS man you don't need. Give it time, you got this. ♥️
Seconding the find the love for who you are. And PLEASE demonstrate healthy self-love and healthy food habits with your kiddo. Their poor excuse of a father instilled fat = bad, and that sucks. I dealt with my ex, and my daughter is coming up on 12. Honestly, it was my ex's girlfriend who managed to get him to stfu about weight and eating, etc. I absolutely adore her. I also put in Sunday spa day on the Sundays my daughter is with me - we relax with charcuterie, sparkling cider in the champagne glasses, face masks, do our nails, and finish it up with bubble baths, and hair masks. Screw him, he's going to be disappointed wherever he goes because he's a disappointment. You be you, and you *own* you. I started working out recently because I want to be stronger... and the aches and pains mean I'm getting stronger! If I was doing it to attract a man, I would have bailed. Screw the man, and find your inner warrior!
Hands down one of the best comments ever given on Reddit. OP please listen.
The one thing that should come out of this - DO NOT TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THAT THIS IS OK. Lose the weight, fine, but not for him. For yourself. Don’t take him back.
This....all day long!!!
Yes! When you lose the weight, don’t get back with that AH. Show your kids happiness comes from within and they shouldn’t listen to that nonsense
I hate that your kid is learning that being skinny means people will love you.
yes! why does she even know the reason they divorced? she sounds far too young to know enough to say what she said. that’s not a good thing for a young person to internalise. kids don’t need to know adult business like that. i knew far too much as a kid and it didn’t do wonders for my development
It sounds like he’s yelled at her during arguments that she’s fat. Kids hear more than we parents realize.
ah yeah you’re right that’s a very real possibility. i just hope OP finds the strength to heal from this. not only does she deserve better but by working on herself and developing self-acceptance she will also be leading by example for her kids.
I used to be that kid that learned that I was unlovable because I was fat. Fucked with my self esteem so much and I’m still unlearning it. Really feel for OP and this kid
Same. I was called Piggy my entire childhood. I used to come up with excuses to tell people about why I was chubby, including that I wore pillows under my clothes (one of my more silly ideas).And I’ve dealt with serious eating disorders throughout my entire adult life because of it.
I’m so sorry, I’m giving you all the hugs. Yeah, when I was a kid I’d suck my tummy in so I would look like I have a flatter stomach. I’ve also dealt with eating disorders. I do work out and eat healthy, but it’s because I’m doing it for myself and not because I want someone else to love me. I hope you know now that you’re lovable regardless of your weight.
I don’t think anyone has ever actually said that to me and it honestly made me emotional. Thank you ❤️
No need to thank me, I’m just being honest❤️
Same… once you tie your self worth to your weight…. It’s my worst struggle…
I’m sorry. I said this to the other user, but you are lovable regardless of your weight❤️
I appreciate that, but when you learn it as a kid.. it just sticks.
I can second that. It's an awful feeling to be measured by weight. I'm a dude but my dad always loved insulting me about weight even though I played every sport available in my area(soccer, football, baseball, etc). I'm sorry you were made to feel that way.
This is big! This needs to be understood by the mother. How sad.
In all fairness, it may not be the mom talking to the kids about it. It absolutely may be, but also it may not. It's completely possible that the kid asked a normal child question of "why aren't you and mommy together" and the dad said "because I hate fat people" or something along the lines.... I wasn't there, but I'm sure you catch my drift. Let's not be quick to blame one party or the other when we don't know. It's also absolutely possible that neither parent actually said something to the kid and that the kiddos have just heard arguments and comments. Kids absorb far more information than we typically think!
I’m 44 and have anorexic since age 12-13. Probably earlier. That’s what happens when you teach your kids your value as a human being depends on your appearance.
Right? I'm considered fat, but my husband treats me like I'm the prettiest princess in the kingdom. There are many reasons people gain weight. Mine is medical/hormonal, and it sucks (but I'm down 15 lbs finally, and I'm doing it for me! But I'm not gonna say the "you look skinny!" compliments from people don't feel good), but age, stress, and even things like being short on money so you have to subside on more processed food - there are many reasons people gain weight. What's not OK is to make people feel like less because of it. It's one thing if you're suddenly eating yourself to death for no reason other than to eat, and your partner expresses *legitimate* concern because of their worry for you living a long, healthy life. It's another to just make them feel awful about it. It's very common for the weight gain to be out of their control for many of the reasons I listed above. OPs ex is trash, and he's teaching their kids that it's OK to base someone's worth exclusively on their weight and appearance. The only thing I see wrong is that the Ex gets 50/50, so he has half the time to poison his young child's mind. If OP wants to (and can, safely!) lose the weight for her, or for her kids, or for just better health, then she should. But please, OP, don't let that horrid man be the main deciding factor in your weight loss.
I don't think the fact that he "told you beforehand" factors as much as the cruelty he displayed in degrading you. Ok, so he divorced you. That doesn't mean he had to be nasty about it. Oh, and this comment section? You all act like a bunch of children lacking social skills.
Probably because they are, little teenagers that came over from Tiktok and have no actual thought process or critical thinking about the real world and how things are actually handled.
Idk what your husband's physical body looks like, but shedding the weight of his horrific abuse is a step in the right direction. You need to empower yourself to look inward and love who you are as a woman first and foremost, and a mother. Being a single mom is hard, but it isn't nearly as hard as living with someone who hates you and is supposed to be your partner. It takes awhile to find it, but your happiness will come when you give yourself grace. Your body created and held life. Hormones cause changes that you can't control. But find and hold space for yourself, and become whole again. You're worth the investment
Losing him was the most important weight loss.
Exactly 💯.
I wonder if this is rage bait? It's truly cruel but worse is hearing that you miss him after all that.
people miss their abusive partners all the time. my father literally tried to strangle my mother to death, but 30 years later she'll still talk about how attractive she found him.
To me this immediately read like fatphobic incel rage bait…..but i do totally believe people like the shitbag husband described here exist in not thaaaat small of numbers. This website is full of dudes complaining that their recently postpartum wife (who gets no help around the house) hasn’t lost the baby weight yet.
Yeah... I know - I've seen... Ugh, if I became single again I would just stay that way. There's a great article here that I ran into: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-single/202404/romantic-relationships-turn-off-women-more-than-men
Thank goodness. Yes this thread is full of incels and fatpeoplehate! I wish I hadn't seen this. I haven't seen so many in a while. I usually avoid them.
Wow people are fucking rude on here! He sounds like a shitty person tbh. He is verbally abusive to you and degrading, no one deserves that. My bf and I both gained weight and did the healthy thing ... Discussed how we both want to get healthier and feel better about ourselves and made a game plan to eat better and get more active *together*. Because we, ya know, love each other for who we are as people? Ditch the husband, find someone who loves you for who you are, and if you feel so inclined.. get that revenge bod and a better partner.
Hate to be an ass. But you clearly knew going in to the marriage he HATED fat people. Then you let yourself become what he hates. He’s clearly an asshole and shallow person. But you can’t argue with the fact he had pretty clear boundaries of physical appearance prior to entering in to a marriage.
The mistake wasn’t getting fat. The mistake was marrying a shallow ass hole.
Yikes. She had two kids - one of them she had two years ago. He shouldn't have gotten her pregnant if he hates fat people.
At 5’3 she would need to lose way more weight what was gained by the baby to not be considered morbidly obese
Not true. She should weigh between 107 to 140 lbs to be within a healthy weight range. For underweight women they say to gain up to 40 lbs in pregnancy weight. Normal women it is 35 that is recommended. It is pretty normal for women to gain 50 pounds and she had not 1 but 2 kids. The majority gain over the normal ranges. I have links on my other comments with this info. She is obese at her height and weight and is not morbidly obese. For the information you entered: Height: 5 feet, 3 inches Weight: 200 pounds Your BMI is 35.4, indicating your weight is in the Obesity category for adults of your height. So she could weigh in the healthy range and gain weight from one or two pregnancies that would put her in the obese range easily. Morbidly obese starts at 40 BMI. https://www.forbes.com/health/womens-health/average-weight-for-women/.
True but OP is morbidly obese. It's not baby weight. It's obesity. Big difference. There are women who have 5 kids and don't become obese. Let's not use being pregnant as an excuse to be obese. A few extra pounds, some cellulite, and thicker thighs is fine and understandable but you can't blame a guy for not being attracted to his obese wife. He is an asshole for being verbally abusive.
Getting pregnant doesn’t automatically mean that you’ll get fat. Sorry to say.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted for this. Yes, getting pregnant makes women gain weight, but not by an obscene amount. That’s not normal and should be looked into with a doctor.
This part. And you can also work it off and. It over gain while pregnant by keeping up a healthy exercise regimen. Oh wait that’s right. That actually takes giving a shit about the knowledge that he doesn’t like fat people and actually making an effort to
No but it significantly increases your chances of it. And with the hormone fluctuations afterwards, it can be hard to lose weight.
But women always gain weight during pregnancy? And they always have a little tummy pouch after the baby is born. So would OP’s ex husband be justified in being “grossed out” by a normal part of having a baby, especially one he wanted and put there? It just seems really silly to expect a recently pregnant woman to just “not be fat” as if she didn’t carry an entire human being in her body. As a society we need to be more empathetic towards postpartum women instead of shaming them for how their body looks.
So why didn't he leave? Youre excusing his cheating and verbal abuse because she gained weight? She birthed his children! There could be a multitude of factors that led to her weight gain beyond choosing to get fat.
What do you mean why didn't he leave? He left. That's what the entire post is about.
*shocked Kermit gif
After cheating on her and degrading her.
He shouldn’t have cheated or been an ass, 100%. He had every right to leave, but there’s a way to do it right, and he kind of just went guns blazing. Even if not for her, for the kids, I mean jeez.
I dont think he was blaming it for the divorce, he simply states the facts that OP wrote in this topic.
They never said it was an excuse. You can understand why someone did something and not agree with it.
He eventually did. Yes he should've before he started fucking around but he was the one to leave the relationship as per OP's post.
The fact she ends her statement with "life happens sometimes" when referring to gaining weight leads me to believe she let it happen. She never states anything she was doing to lower her weight.
This right here is EXACTLY what I read too. She said “fuck it” and found out. So I don’t feel any sympathy since he made his PIV clear BEFORE they ever were married.
It sounds to me like she’s had multiple kids. The weight gained during pregnancy can be hard to shed. I gained 55lbs with my 2020 baby. I tried everything to lose it and not a pound came off. Then I got pregnant with my 2022 baby. I only gained 15lbs with him because I was constantly throwing up and could hardly eat at all during the pregnancy. After he was born I dropped 185lbs in a year and a half. I’m still 20lbs overweight but I made it my goal to get the weight off because I didn’t want to be the fat mom. My husband loved me no matter what I weighed but is proud and brags about how much weight I’ve lost and have not gained anything back at this point.
Good on you for losing the weight and working at it. But just being honest and medically correct here. 55 pounds is WAY too much to gain for a pregnancy for anyone. That’s a high risk for gestational diabetes.
>There could be a multitude of factors that led to her weight gain beyond choosing to get fat. So, yes, no one chooses to get fat...I think. However, fat doesn't just happen. We stop being as active, we stop paying attention to what we eat or how often. We snack more and move less and eventually the weight grows. I was 6ft and 265 pounds, at a BMI of 36 and a body fat percentage of around 36%, I was very obese nearing morbidly obese. It was an unhealthy weight. It didn't just happen. It did creep up on me and I was complacent about it. However, a milkshake from Cookout a couple times a week, eating fast food as a dietary staple, my movement being standing during my job (teacher) and then sitting at home...all of those were adding up to a lack of taking care of my physical self. Yes, I agree about there being a multitude of factors contributing to weight gain; depression, pregnancy, thyroid issues, etc. All of those things and more can make weight loss challenging. OP's husband left due to her weight. It is sad. I don't think OP's ex was a good man. The cheating sets that out. I do think he was fairly clear about how he felt about fatness. OP is 200 lbs at 5'3". That's a weight range similar to where I was. It is unhealthy and impacts your body in negative ways. Losing weight is simple math, but it is not easy at all. Opportunity to snack and not move exist everywhere in our modern world. Many of our favorite pasttimes require nothing more of us than sitting: movies, books, games, scrolling on our phones, etc. We have to consciously choose to engage in active movement. Active movement and exercise can be a good way to make you feel better but "you can't outrun your fork." Changing our diets is a HUGE challenge. Small incremental changes can work, bur it takes time. In my own struggle with weight, I got down to 170 and lost 85 pounds. It was over a 2 year span of time with losing about 1-2 pounds a week. I maintained that weight for 3 years. In 2019, I stopped paying as close attention and just ate like I had before due to a new job with more intense responsibilities. I was eating as a coping mechanism. Then COVID hit and while some folks used the time at home to get in shape, I used it to be a couch potato. I'm back up to 235 from 2019-2024. I know what works though and this past month dropped down to 233. Just got to watch my intake again. OP's ex should remain an ex, undoubtedly. I also don't like what OP's children are hearing/learning about "skinny people get loved," because that is just wrong. Being *healthy* should be the goal. Wellness is about so much more than weight. Weight is just one aspect of a healthy wellness lifestyle.
There's NO excuse for the guy's behavior, it's abominable. But it's important for OP to understand her own place in the story so that she can take that knowledge with her into her next relationship.
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There is a VAST difference between “changes her body” and then a good partner who wants to feel good about herself and her attractiveness working to get herself back to her capable best, and just letting herself go and making zero effort while KNOWING that he specifically hates that. My guess would be a MINIMUM of an 80-90 pound weight gain on a short small frame. That does not have to happen if even a modest amount of effort is made to stay in shape.
He did leave.
Sorry you hate being an ass you do it so well
This is the comment of a child that has very little experience with the world. Do not listen to this person OP.
You just shrugged off him openly saying he "doesn't like fat people"? And you married this type of person anyway? Di better and find someone new.
You would be much better off focusing on your health than your weight. If he does not appreciate you I am sure somebody else will. But if this weight gain is sudden it may not hurt to see a doctor to make sure there is no underlying cause
OP has a bmi of 35.4. While bmi is usually not a great indicator due to variations in body composition, it is clear that OP is morbidly obese. She needs to lose weight because that will be the main factor in becoming healthy.
Being obese is unhealthy. There is no medical exception to this fact. You harm others by perpetuating otherwise.
True, but we're getting a portion of the story here. If she started gaining weight like that... well, she does need a decent doctor to see what could be causing it. Like, thyroid? Tumor? Bad reaction to meds? You know, the kinda thing that can be handled with decent care before it gets real bad. On the other hand, if she here in the US good luck getting insurance to cover it! (Like, I gotta regularly fight with mine to get them to cover my inhalers - of all the things to be stupid at my body chose breathing, \*asthma\*, ugh,I can't pay for them out of pocket! Stupid lungs.)
Focusing on one will cause the other. This nonsense of healthy fatness is just that - total bullshit. It is not possible to be fat and healthy.
This is kind of a dumb comment and I can't for the life of me figure out why there are so many updates. OP is MORBIDLY OBESE and you're out here implying that focusing on health and weight are two different things in this scenario. One of the worst top comments I've seen on this site as a whole.
What I got from the comment was focus on being healthy i.e. healthy living etc and how that affects you rather than on the idea of being fat. Obsessing over being fat is terrible for encouraging weight gain as it makes people anxious and the challenge feels insurmountable. That leads to binge cycles etc Focusing on healthy habits and being healthy will mean the weight will naturally fall off. I don't think it's constructive to keep emphasising that she has a weight problem in a cruel way- she already knows this and is obviously already anxious about it. Framing the issue as a health one rarher than a weight one is more constructive to improving lifestyle.
I really don’t wanna be that guy but like, he told from the start that he doesn’t like fat people… why do you suddenly expect him to like you even though you became fat? He’s OBVIOUSLY a terrible person but you KNEW he was a terrible person and still decided to say yes when he proposed to you? Women, yall really need to stop having this fantasy of making men change just for you because 99% of the times it just doesn’t work. 😭 I’m sorry to tell you but it doesn’t work. He told you that and you decided it was a good idea to stay with someone like that, marry him, and have kids with him. Imagine your kids become fat in the future… he would either abuse them, leave them, or starve them. What made you think someone like that would be a good parental figure?
Well, to me your mistake was marrying someone who told you upfront that their love is purely conditional. It doesn’t matter if you thought you’d be able to meet the condition forever or not, he was letting you know right then and there that he was not in love with you and was incapable of ever being in love with anyone. The good news is now you’re free from that abusive POS and can start a new life where love is a possibility again.
Love is always conditional. Stop being delusional. If he brought home hookers, she'd fall out of love with him. If he played video games all day and refused his husbandly duties of supporting the family, she'd fall out of love with him. If he refused to shower and stank all day, she'd fall out of love with him. I can go on and on. The very nature of romantic love is conditional, because it was CREATED in certain conditions. There must be conditions for a flower to grow and be nourished and maintained. But not love? This is delusion. Stop it. Get some help.
Honestly I'm trying to be sympathetic but that man told her up front he didn't like fat people. So she got fat then acts like she's surprised he was no longer attracted. Why marry him in the first place? Why have children with him? You knew this up front so just take care of your body, stay slim, stay happy. You chose to get fat & make your whole family miserable and "don't know what to do". Lose weight if you want him or move on. If you're sharing custody you have plenty of time to work on getting your body back in shape. If you refuse to do that then move on.
Saying "I don't like fat people" is different than falling completely out of love and losing all respect for your partner when they become fat. Obviously she didn't take it that serious because she wasn't fat and didn't plan to be, just like most skinny adults ever. "She chose to get fat and make your family miserable" are you fucking kidding me? She gained weight while having his children which is incredibly common. He's making the whole family miserable by making their whole family dynamic revolve around her weight and teaching their kids that you're not lovable if you're not thin, and setting an example that it's ok to cheat on and disrespect your partner. You shouldn't change your body solely to please someone else. That just enables their entitlement. Marriage is meant to be through sickness and in health, if he knew he wouldn't commit to that HE shouldn't have gotten married and had children.
Utter delusion. Marriage is about being the person you spouse fell in love with. Somethings are deal breakers, other things are not. It depends on the people involved. If he stated from jump that he is not attracted to obese women, and she doesn't put forth effort to remain slim, that is simple cause and effect if the marriage suffers. If my gf tells me that she is not attracted to jobless men, and I lose my job and I dont get another one, I run the risk of losing my gf. THAT is life. If I dont like, I shouldnt marry that girl. THat means our values dont align. And thats okay. But dont get involved knowingly, then get mad when the enivtable happens. THat's being a child.
Truth
Idk why women like to define themselves by men or society’s standards. Be healthy for you first and then your kids and no one else. You should’ve been the one to leave/divorce for treating you like that! Your daughter shouldn’t be able to tell you that shit!
I mean he did give you a heads up before y’all married
And repeated ones throughout as she started gaining.
>I’m 5’3 and 200LB. My husband started growing resentment when I started gaining weight. When I was first dating him he made it clear he doesn’t like fat people and I never thought I would be in this position since I was always a thin or normal weight woman but you know, life happens sometimes It's hard to be sympathetic with any of what follows after reading this. It's like you married someone who said they hated Mexicans, then were shocked that they divorced you when you found Mexican ancestry in your family tree; or they hated LGBTQIA people, and you're shocked they divorced you when you realized you're bi. You lie down with a bigot, sooner or later, bigotry comes for you.
There's nothing bigoted about it. He sounds like an ass in how he handled, but the only reason prior are mad is because she's female. Nobody bats an eye when woman don't want to be with fat men, or leave their husband's for being overweight.
Keep in mind this is her version of the story - she’s obviously going to make her husband look like a POS. If you constantly eat food and not exercise, you will gain weight. It’s not groundbreaking science, everyone knows that. You can’t blame him for not being attracted to her anymore. Also - BMI of 36 means that she hasn’t tried whatsoever to lose weight after having kids, keeping a few pounds on after a pregnancy is normal. But being morbidly obese if she was skinny before the pregnancy is not normal.
I think a lot of skinny people don’t take fatphobia seriously until they’re fat themselves. I’m not blaming her for his behavior, it’s abhorrent, but she probably never thought she would gain the weight like this (and be a victim of his fatphobia). I sympathize with her, I do find it hard because I’m fat and I think fatphobia is awful, but a lot of people don’t care about it until they’re in that position. I can sympathize with that. Even if I was skinny, “hating fat people” would be a dealbreaker for me but it’s the standard stance for most. Hopefully she understands how harmful those beliefs are now that it affects her directly.
It isn't fat phobic to find fat people unattractive.
I say this story is made up for some sympathy fetish
I know a few people who gained significant weight and it was often because of depression or anxiety. Perhaps there’s some other underlying issue? Anyhow your ex husband sounds like a piece of shit.
You have a 2 year old. That means you gained the weight while pregnant? I'm sorry you are going through this. I lost all the weight after my first pregnancy but it was hard losing it all my second pregnancy. And I ended up gaining it all back. Losing weight for women is hard. I hope you get your happy back. Sending hugs your way
It is simple to lose weight, just HARD. Discipline is the key. Calories in and calories out.
Have you made any attempts to fix the situation prior to him leaving? I think the kids change the equation here - it's tough being a mom and staying in shape. You also mentioned that you had your youngest 2 years ago - so either you were already gaining weight prior to having the kid (in which case why did he have more kids if this was already a problem for him?) or you put on a bit of baby weight (in which case he should've been patient with you). He should appreciate and respect you for the gift of giving him children, and marriage with kids is supposed to be unconditional love, and he should've been supporting and helping you make progress. I partially understand both sides in this situation, but at the same time I think he's an asshole.
Sounds like the trash took itself out
We all have preferences, but that doesn’t mean we get to mistreat those we supposedly love when our preferences aren’t satisfied. Your ex-husband sounds like a complete asshole as he verbally and emotionally abused you! I am sorry you had to endure that, NONE of those things he said are true. Loving someone means loving them, period. You choose them daily. Gaining weight may turn him off but it does not mean you became ugly or a worse person. All your weight gain did was reveal the horribly ugly person he was the entire time. /HUG I sincerely hope you learn to block out his venom and re-learn how to love yourself, you are worth it!
Your guy was a jerk, and good riddance. Sorry you had to deal with that.
It absolutely is that simple. IF this is real, if for nobody else, put the work in and get in shape.
Your husband is a child himself. Good riddance to him. You are right, life happens. We grow. We adapt. If you love someone then you stick with it and make it work. Take care of yourself, love yourself and love your kids.
For everyone saying she knew he was terrible, and asking WHY she married him anyway, I will say this: Abusive (and emotionally abusive) relationships never start that way. It starts slowly, and subtly. Bad behavior and shitty remarks and insults start to come up after trust is gained by the abuser, but most days are good, so many victims will rationalize these instances as a one off. And then after some time comes the chipping away at the victims self esteem, making leaving and trusting your own self perception difficult. If he talks about “fat people” this way, he is likely very abusive. Abuse causes trauma bonding (look it up), which is extremely hard to break free from, and usually happens slowly over time until the victim finally realizes they are in a terrible situation. All I’m saying is that abuse is often slowly developing and progressive. If abuse started off the bat, abusers would never be in relationships. They gain trust and then ramp up the abusive behavior little by little until you’re in a corner and it’s very hard to leave. So stop blaming her. It really can happen in many situations.
Whatever you do, if you eventually lose weight (because women’s bodies fluctuate, which is natural), don’t let him try to get you back.
That is awful that he’s instilling that into your kids.
Does he feel the same way about your kids too? Just throw them away if heaven forbid they put on some weight? You had children, your body changes. If you loose the weight I hope you get the satisfaction of him humbly apologizing and you rejecting him because you found true happiness within yourself. I wish your all the best OP. Glad he made room for you to actually find love cause he sounds like a moron.
It's the fact your oldest daughter is now internalizing that women gaining weight makes it ok for men to treat them like shit and cheat on them, that's the saddest part of this entire story honestly. This is how lifelong eating disorders start.
He doesn’t deserve you. If he divorced you just becouse you geined weight that means he had relationship with you becouse of your looks. Honey I feel so sorry for you. You will find someone who cares about you and loves you becouse of your personality and not looks. You deserve more.
Bad bait
He said what he didn’t like from the get go, you still decided to keep the weight on. He left. Good for him.
Most men dont find fat chicks attractive. Lose weight. If not to be attractive for men, then for your own wellbeing. There's absolutely no benefits of being overweight, unless you want to finish life faster.
This. Most woman don't either, I'm down around 80#, got 40-50# to go, and I get no swipes on any dating apps. There are those who fetishise fat people, but they don't have your best interest in heart.
Why the fuck do any of your kids know the true reason why your husband divorced you? Do you realize how damaging that will probably be for them?
It was probably the toxic husband saying shit in front of them.
That's *so* fucking crazy! Those poor kids!
Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from losing weight, no sympathies. You made the choice to date someone fatphobic. You made the choice to become exclusive with someone fatphobic. You made the choice to marry someone fatphobic. You made the choice to have children with someone fatphobic, twice. Throughout all these choices, it appears none were made under anything but full disclosure of your husband's feelings on fatness. These are important choices that you have made, these are important red flags you missed. You are now finding out the consequences of the choices you made.
"Life happens sometimes". Sunshine, no one gains weight with no food. Stop blaming external factors for your obesity.
5’3 and 200lbs is knocking on the door of morbid obesity I can’t excuse what he said but nobody gets that big on accident
Was their a medical reason you gained weight ? If not then lose it. No one's stopping you but you.
What the hell is this comment section? Regardless of what he told her about him not liking overweight chicks, regardless of if she tried to lose the weight or not, NO ONE deserves to be treated the way she was treated. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to be cheated on. OP deserves better. Gaining weight is not a reason to treat someone like trash simply because you don’t find them attractive anymore. OP your ex did you a favor by leaving. He took the trash out for you. You don’t need that garbage. Lose the weight for your self and your health. No one else.
It´s not your fault your husband treats you like trash. I hope he doesn´t treat your kids like that. They will for sure be traumatized.
Lose weight
There's only one thing left to do.... change your lifestyle ,go to the gym get healthy get skinny and make him pay😉
Why dont you just lose weight though?
Complacent
What is "Berkeley abusive"?
I'm assuming a typo for verbally.
Ma’am, if you want to change, do so for yourself first and foremost. Do it for your health and so that you can be around for your children. But I can’t stress it enough that you CANNOT do this for him. Matter of fact fuck him. He’s not perfect and I am willing to bet he doesn’t look the way he did years ago unless he is a complete gym rat health nut. What some men refuse to get is that having children wreaks havoc on a woman in every way. If he wanted to see a healthy change, he should have shown compassion and empathy to you. He should have offered to HELP you with that goal. Instead, he did nothing but killed you inside. Sure, you may be broken now, but you aren’t Humpty Dumpty. You can put yourself back together again with time. It’s okay to grieve the loss of your relationship, but you can’t stay down for too long BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS. Remember that a lot of guys think that once a woman is single with children and maybe gained a little weight, that she is undesirable or somehow worth less. None of that is true. You are worth all the love and happiness you desire. So it’s time for you glow up. Some may call it your villain arc or story. If you want to look good and feel good, do so for yourself. Turn that 5’3” frame into dangerous curves, get that little black dress, and get after it. When he tries to spin the block because he sees other men wanting you, let him just marinate in thoughts of you with someone else, if you want. But first and foremost, the change is for you.
Fuck him and get yourself to the gym. Attract higher quality men once you become the best version of yourself
Yo this sucks all around, divorce is hard enough on kids but the fact your kids know it’s related to weight is sad. Sounds like husband was a dick tho if he couldn’t find a better way to communicate his feelings. Good news is there’s tons of guys that like big girls. If you’re happy with your weight outside of this issues it caused your marriage then roll with it. Don’t lose it for him. Do you.
If you do lose weight, do not take that awful man back.
Use this as motivation to lose weight get fucking hot as fuck and make him regret losing a good woman. Size shouldn’t matter if you love a person but be petty and become the woman of his dreams that he will never be able to get
How somebody can treat the mother of their kids like this is astounding to me. Sounds like hes done a real number on your psyche and self image. Sounds like he’s doing the same to the kids or at least teaching them that it’s ok to do to others or to accept from others… I hope one day soon you look back on this with gladness and relief that he is gone from your life kmowing his jaded perspective has no bearing on your intrinsic worth.
He’s a dick. Who has kids with someone who they know hates a certain group of people?
When my fiance told me I'm becoming too fat and she felt uncomfortable about it, we talked about what can I do to improve it. I'm working out since May 2023, and my quality of life improved much more. She supported me all the way. She was never mean to me. If your partner was mean to you while you were fat, he does not deserve you at all. Being fat isn't often attractive, but partners should support each other all the way and not be a mean MFers to each other.
>She said “mommy just lose weight and daddy will love you again” and I’m just like baby it’s not that simple Did you try at least?
Find someone who likes you as you are. Your ex has the right to leave and find what he’s into. But now you also have the right to find what you’re into. Just be sure your future partner is also into you. Best of luck on your new adventures
Just stop eating problem solved
i cant imagine being that shallow especially to your own partner. im sorry you had to go thru that :( i hope u find someone that truly loves you
Why does your kid even know the context of why he left? They definitely should’ve been sheltered from that. Your husband is doing you a favor, you don’t want to stay with someone that verbally abuses you, cheats on you, and only loves you if you look a certain way. He can’t help what he’s attracted to but he can absolutely help the way he treats you and speaks to you. You deserve better.
He divorced you because he's an abusive asshole. Don't blame yourself. You're better off.
He told you beforehand. Sucks he was mean about it but he's not wrong for having standards.
You need to change your relationship with food and ignore enablers saying if it's something you want to do. You want to do it clearly but the question is do you want it more than you want the poor comforts i.e. whatever has put you in this state of poor health? I don't know what it is , is it just cake and pie or is it a bowel or other condition or not moving enough. If it's just lack of resolve to prioritize your health then for your own sanity you need to make your peace with the fact that you picked the things that made you fat over love from your husband. It sounds like you want it all but are not making the connection deep down between your choices and their outcomes. When you understand emotionally what your choices mean you will live with less tension I think because you will either embrace them and realize your life with a level of health your husband could support was never important to you, or you will make the permanent shift and be done with the internal dissonance. Good luck. I wish you happiness.
To be fair, he did tell you up front that he doesn't like fat people. I'd recommend losing the weight simply because that's healthier than being obese and not necessarily so you can get him back.
Its really simple to lose weight. But you need to be committed.
I mean he shouldn’t have been a dick/verbally abusive, but did you make an effort to lose weight?
Serious question, if you hate your post marriage life so much, why didn't you just make an attempt to lose the weight?
That would have required effort. 🤐
He's extremely shallow, but you married a shallow person that hates fat people. You shouldn't go back to him and your kid is going to regret saying that when shes older, but I can't really blame people for divorcing if they aren't attracted to their partner. a
You knew he didn’t like fat women before you got married and you put on the weight and shocked he left you? He was straight up from the jump.
Looking for this comment. All these women bashing the husband for effectively communicating what he did NOT like and she still gained the weight. Make it make sense.
Happens when you don't take care of yourself or get stagnant because you believe a piece of paper locks you down....it doesn't you can still lose weight its not the end of the world (or at least make the attempt to) do it for health reasons and the fact that you want to live long It's a hard trial it's not gonna be easy its not supposed to. Put in the work you get results like everything else in life you'll feel better about yourself and people around will notice
I do not want to sound like a jerk, but he has made his standards and boundaries pretty neat from the start. As the ebbs and flows of life has you slowly getting obese, what have you done from your side to get back in shape?? Whom to your husband, has he consulted any psychotherapeutic advice to figure out why does your excess weight triggers such knee-jerk reactions from him?? Some men wound up to cheat, to break up or to divorce their partner after they fail to fulfill some, if not all of the basic prerequisites to a stable relationship. Men don't want to feel cheated by, nor tricked by their lifetime consort or spouse. But the verbal agression component is just the extra little salt in the sass that tells me that he's been pushing it too far, as well. But hey, that's my opinion. My advice??? The divorce was stupid. Your couple issues could've been easily fixed, yet none of you opted to overcome this together. Instead, you both opted for self-defeatism, easiness and lack of communication. The two of you are to blame for the failure of your marriage: each of you for your shortsightedness, lack of emotional maturity and slothfulness taking form in two individual different forms. My two cents.
The rules has been set since the beginning of your relationship and you still gain weight. I'm sorry but it looks like he was the sole provider for your household, so at the very least you have responsibility to be person he like. Losing weight is healthy, ignore all those body "positivity" BS tossed around on social media, what so positive about that if in the end they got a heart problem in early 40s?
Good for him !
Does anyone give her any consideration that she probably gained weight giving birth to his children?
Yes. We know. If your partner tells you at the beginning of your relationship that they only like people who aren't republican. And after a few years you gain a bunch of political views that are extremely right-wing. They try to drop hints calling you "Donnie's little trooper", and when that doesnt work they start calling you a "Fucking fascist, racist, piece of shit", that still doesnt work, eventually they leave you, are you also a victim? I'm not saying it isn't asshole behavior, but she married him knowing that was his behavior. I'm not saying it's a very good mentality to have, but he was very clear about his boundaries before the marriage, and she went through with it.
*their children.
Right? Don’t act like the weight gain was some sort of side effect as part of a sacrifice for only him.
Having children isn’t a green light to gain that much weight. Let’s call a spade a spade here.
Thank you. It's not just something that happens and can't be corrected.
I'm gonna post the unpopular reddit opinion here: It's ok to divorce someone because they get fat. ESPECIALLY if you tell them beforehand that you are really not ok with that. Now the verbal abuse and cheating etc, that is dogshit weak man behavior, but nothing wrong with divorcing your wife for being fat if you did everything else you could and she refused to change. Being fat is unhealthy, unattractive, and typically reflects a very undisciplined lifestyle. If that's not the person you married then time to cut ties.
Weight loss is pretty simple. Track your food, get ozempic if necessary. If you can’t get a script then many peptide sites have cheap semaglutide.
Plenty of sympathy on here from all the Reddit fatties. Its funny but non of them ask why she didnt just diet like a normal person does. It is like being overweight is fate, like going bald or becoming ill. It is not, it is a slow selfish lazy choice.
I have no doubt this dude is probably a douche and a dickhead at best, BUT you married his ass knowing this would be an issue at some point, so 🤷
You have a clean slate , today, to improve yourself. Start now
You should be glad he is gone and sorry for your babies honey. Child birth changes the body I married my bride she was heavy still love her to this day 50 years coming up. Start trying to loose weight exercise even just walking help yourself please no one should have too think they have to be skinny to be loved have to talk to your baby. Good Luck GORGEOUS xoxo 😘 🤗
For starters I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids every day especially as young as 2yrs old! Secondly your ex husband is a dick. You don’t deserve that kind of disrespect. You gained weight, so what! It doesn’t change who you are on the inside and it seems as though your ex only cares about the outside. If you want to lose weight you do it for yourself and no one else. Gain your independence back, lose the weight (if you want to) and show that SOB what he’s missed out on! Also fight for full custody of your children. If he can body shame you and would tell you he doesn’t like fat people I couldn’t bare to imagine what he would say to your kids if they put on weight. I would also be telling your children that you don’t have to be skinny to be loved and to ignore such nonsense. Tell them everyone deserves to be loved regardless of size, gender, sexuality etc. Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be loved, respected and happy.
POV from a personal trainer stand point… this right here is what keeps us busy 🤑 majority of the women I work with all trying to lose weight to look good for the “hubby” & as for the dead bedroom we can take care of that too haha my recommendation walk-in to the nearest gym speak to a trainer he will have you glowing in no time
Seems like the weight gain happened gradually, and so did your husband's loss of interest. Nowhere do you say you made an effort to lose the weight, while knowing your husband's position before you even got married. What were you really expecting to happen?
>My eldest is taking the divorce hard. She said “mommy just lose weight and daddy will love you again” and I’m just like baby it’s not that simple That's honestly the saddest part of this whole post. Look at wtf your husband is teaching your children! Your **female** child at that. Ugh what a trash person, and an even worse parent!
This was 100% written by a man
Do you have a medical condition that prevents you from losing weight? or are you too busy to make some time to lose weight?
You don't need time out of your day to lose weight. I lost 70lbs in a year by just tracking my calories and not overeating.
She literally just needs to eat less..
Lmao
Your ex husband sounds like the biggest loser ever. In my opinion, this will probably be one the best things that has ever happened to you, it’s just disguised right now as one of the worst moments in your life. Focus on yourself and your kids. Do the hard work (therapy, positive mindfulness, etc.- whatever you feel is a healthy route for you. Whether you lose weight or not, only do it for yourself). As for your ex husband, tell him to “kick rocks with open toed shoes.” That guy sounds awful and I hope you realize sooner than later that someone who loves you would not treat you in that way EVER.
I find your ex-husband to be repulsive and shallow and inconsiderate and a pretty long damn list but you get the point
I mean he told you, sounds like he was trying to warn you by calling you chunks. I would love to have empathy but people don't just wake up fat all the sudden, if you feel bad about yourself and wish you were different then do it. If you're that fat I'm sure even a little bit of exercise would make a difference. So many things you can do but instead you came here to complain. Sounds like your daughter is pretty smart.
Girl, 200 pounds??? Okay you’re hot and I’m so sorry that he is such a dickhead. I weigh much more than you and my partner is still very much in love with me AND loves my body. You also had a child and your body changes with that and with age. Your husband sounds like a fucking idiot. And you deserve so much better. And it’s so so sad that your kid said that to you. I’m not trying to stir the pot or anything but that makes me feel like he was telling your kid that.
I’ve seen people divorced for less.
This is a repost
Curious when he told you this, why didn't you leave him? Also, when and since you didn't leave him, what made you not work out? Eating healthy is like 60% of the work, and working out is 40% of the work. As long as people eat healthy, aka no pop or processed food, and they work out moderately, they will absolutely have no problem losing weight. You just have to be serious about it. Don't just lose weight for your husband either. You need to want to lose elweight for yourself. So that you have a positive self-image and the main reason so that you're healthy. It is not good to he at that weight and height. Unfortunately, as we get older, there are a ton of health risks being overweight. Start eating healthy and working out. You have this. What was the setbacks or the reasons you didn't want to work out and be healthy before? Especially some you don't feel the best about your weight? That should have been motivation to get healthy. Also, use your kids as motivation. Tell yourself you want to see them as their older and to he able to he in your grandkids lives. You have a better chance of this happening if youre healthy. Please find any motivation and use it. At the end of the day, this is your life you're talking about.
It sucks he was “verbally aggressive” but he told you from the get go that he does not like fat women. It is shitty i am shocked you would date such a superficial person but you chose a man who thinks like this.
Losing weight will benefit your health, but so will not being stuck with a spouse who doesn't like you. Life is way too short to spend it with someone who isn't right for you, let alone someone who finds you physically repulsive and has told you as much. Regardless, I hope the rest of your life brings you more peace and happiness than the current phase of your life you're going through now.
You need to tell your daughter that, as much as you wish you could see her everyday, you won’t automatically take daddy back even when you lose the weight because love isn’t supposed to be conditional on weight or health, and while dad will always love her unconditionally, sadly, he clearly never loved mum the same way. And then work on your health so you can play with your great grandchildren.
Work hard and lose weight and live healthier. It will be a long journey but worth it.
Girl run plz. Love should not be solely based in physical beauty. If he felt that strongly about it he could have been encouraging and loving (granted i don’t know the full story). No one should talk like that to someone they love, regardless of the circumstances. It’s so much harder to lose weight when you don’t have good self esteem and it sounds like he was just driving it into the tpilet. Isn’t the whole thing with marriage through the good and bad times. What an absolute dick. I’m so sorry.
10-15 years ago, a girl I was dating called me fat. It stung. That was my motivation to lose weight and I lost a ton of weight. I recently put some of the weight back on because of age. I know it's not the same as I was merely dating someone and you were married with. Best wishes, good luck!
As soon as you mentioned the kids I wasn't on his side. Kids change your lifestyle and it's the minority who can keep in shape afterwards.
Please listen to me closely! You need to move on from him. No partner would say any of those things to someone who they truly loved. There’s someone out there who will love you for you. Whether you lose weight, stay the same or even gain more! You want a partner that supports you no matter what! That tells you that they want you to lose weight for you and you’re perfect the way that you are! He’s out there, trust me! My world was shattered when my ex left me for another skinner and prettier woman and tbh I thought I’d never find someone that would love me again. I lost a ton of weight and met someone 3 years later. Got pregnant and gained all the weight I lost back. He said he still loves every inch of me, that I don’t need to lose weight again but if I want to that he will support me no matter what. That’s the kind of love you deserve. Please don’t settle for less.
caloric deficit is the way to go. Easiest way for me is keto and intermittent fasting. You don't need to join a gym. But make a commitment to do walking daily. It doesn't need to be high impact. But at least 20-30mins.
That sucks... Hope you find someone who can appreciate you for who you are