You have ADHD friend. Don’t be like me and think you’re a high functioning, very smart but stupidly self sabotaging failure who must hate yourself to behave this way, and have misdiagnosed anxiety and depression until your 40th birthday when finally the right diagnosis makes it all make sense. And please please please go to the gym and do 45 minutes of weights and 45 minutes of cardio every day. Its (for me) even better than ADHD meds for focus. You need this for your brain to work. You also really need a routine that is imposed on you and not up to you to decide freely. If you mapped out the workflow that you have to follow at work and you had no choice but to do each thing in its order and then & only then, could that methodology be followed? Please hear me and please try this.
This is untreated ADHD. I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult and what you describe here was the struggle of my life. I flunked out of undergrad, twice. I was (am?) smart so I was able to get through school without really ever doing homework, but my grades could have been so much better. I've been fired from more than a handful of jobs as well. I've also had many failed relationships because of the untreated ADHD.
I can't stress enough how much being on proper medications changed my life. I'm sad that I didn't get them until I was in my 30s, but life is just so much easier now that it's unreal this is how everyone else always lived their life. I totally understand now how everyone just thought I was lazy and not trying, because for them it's just natural where's for me it felt like climbing up a 100ft rockface.
You need to deal with your medical issues before you can move forward. PS, also you should start looking for a new job right now, that way you can quit rather than get fired.
When you do look for a new job, try to find one that has more urgent work. Us ADHDers tend to do very well at running around putting out fires, but give us a task that we need to work on over a period of time and it'll fail almost every go. That's why we do so well on tests but so shit at homework. Find a job that's more like tests. For me that meant starting my career in help desk support. It was white collar pay, but every issue was a "deal with this right now" kind of task. So I'd do it while the client was on the phone.
Also I tend to do A LOT better in an office setting rather than WFH. When I feel like no one is looking I'll slack but if I feel like there's eyes on me I'm much better off. Also, if I have work where a co-worker is relying on me I'm much better at getting things done, as opposed to something where the end product is an ambiguous deliverable.
Lastly, and don't take this personally because I did the exact same thing. The stress that the lying brings to your life is much greater than the stress that the truth would bring. I'm VERY serious here, 15 years ago when I was in the thick of my lies (like you are now) I had serious thoughts of killing myself. The stress of the lies and the feeling when it all comes tumbling down is just so terrible that I can't even describe. I know it's trite to just say "be honest" but truthfully that's actually the easier road than lying. The lying road only seems easier, but that's also a lie, it's actually much harder.
I feel like i could have written this about myself. Also i never thought about jobs like that before but i am an excellent bartender because its constant quick tasks but i was horrendous at any type of office work. I dont even need my meds behind the bar because its pretty much the only time i feel like i have a handle on it.
Also good point about being good at tests but bad at homework, i never put that together.
> office work.
Honestly, when I discovered this about myself I was able to find an office work job that has the elements that work for me. There are office jobs where you are basically just emergency response for other office workers. Where tasks are given to you and must be done immediately, where you walk into the building in the morning with nothing on your plate, and are somehow swamped all day only to leave with your last task done.
Only thing I can say is to get this behavior under control fast, give yourself grace. If you need this job try to come up with some on the fly. If they are suppose to be extensive it could look like you just BS it and it won’t make the situation better and they might still let you go. Good luck
I suggest you head over to r/adhdwomen for tips how to try and fix your situation. It's so hard when people can't see your struggles but it's ok to have them. You are not a bad person, and you deserve good things. Sometimes we have to work on ourselves before we can see that. 🫶🏻
Hi, I just want to chime in and say I'm sorry you're feeling worthless, and I can understand why you feel that way when we put so much pressure on what we achieve in life.
I also want to say that your achievements do not equal your worthiness. You are a worthwhile and loveable human being just for being you. You are not your achievements
It's truly eye-opening to see just how many of us have experienced this struggle and how similar our stories are. The feeling of underachievement and the perpetual cycle of procrastination and disappointment can be crushing. I've been in the same boat, and I only really started to break the pattern when I focused on creating a structured environment for myself.
One tactic that helped me was using tangible, physical tools to organize my day—things like whiteboards and sticky notes. Digital tools are great, but there's something about the physical act of writing down a task and physically removing it once it’s completed that helped my brain register my accomplishments. This analog method acts like a visual progress bar, and for someone with ADHD, that can be incredibly motivating.
Another thing that made a significant difference was purposely creating accountability by partnering with coworkers on projects or having regular check-ins with my supervisor. It’s tough to admit we need that level of oversight, but it's less about capability and more about finding strategies that align with how our brains are wired. And remember, it’s okay to need a different set of tools than others might.
Lastly, while it's critical to establish a system that works for you, it’s equally essential to find a compassionate understanding of self. ADHD isn't a moral failing or a lack of intelligence; it's a neurodevelopmental disorder that we manage, not an identity that defines us. It’s okay to be a work in progress—embrace your journey, quirks and all. And in times when it all feels like too much, professionals can offer a guiding light to help navigate the chaos. Hang in there!
Have you considered therapy? Having difficulty finding motivation to do work can be a sign of depression
I’m so scared, so ashamed, and so disgusted with myself. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m okay, and just lying. My parents will be so disappointed.
You have ADHD friend. Don’t be like me and think you’re a high functioning, very smart but stupidly self sabotaging failure who must hate yourself to behave this way, and have misdiagnosed anxiety and depression until your 40th birthday when finally the right diagnosis makes it all make sense. And please please please go to the gym and do 45 minutes of weights and 45 minutes of cardio every day. Its (for me) even better than ADHD meds for focus. You need this for your brain to work. You also really need a routine that is imposed on you and not up to you to decide freely. If you mapped out the workflow that you have to follow at work and you had no choice but to do each thing in its order and then & only then, could that methodology be followed? Please hear me and please try this.
This is untreated ADHD. I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult and what you describe here was the struggle of my life. I flunked out of undergrad, twice. I was (am?) smart so I was able to get through school without really ever doing homework, but my grades could have been so much better. I've been fired from more than a handful of jobs as well. I've also had many failed relationships because of the untreated ADHD. I can't stress enough how much being on proper medications changed my life. I'm sad that I didn't get them until I was in my 30s, but life is just so much easier now that it's unreal this is how everyone else always lived their life. I totally understand now how everyone just thought I was lazy and not trying, because for them it's just natural where's for me it felt like climbing up a 100ft rockface. You need to deal with your medical issues before you can move forward. PS, also you should start looking for a new job right now, that way you can quit rather than get fired. When you do look for a new job, try to find one that has more urgent work. Us ADHDers tend to do very well at running around putting out fires, but give us a task that we need to work on over a period of time and it'll fail almost every go. That's why we do so well on tests but so shit at homework. Find a job that's more like tests. For me that meant starting my career in help desk support. It was white collar pay, but every issue was a "deal with this right now" kind of task. So I'd do it while the client was on the phone. Also I tend to do A LOT better in an office setting rather than WFH. When I feel like no one is looking I'll slack but if I feel like there's eyes on me I'm much better off. Also, if I have work where a co-worker is relying on me I'm much better at getting things done, as opposed to something where the end product is an ambiguous deliverable. Lastly, and don't take this personally because I did the exact same thing. The stress that the lying brings to your life is much greater than the stress that the truth would bring. I'm VERY serious here, 15 years ago when I was in the thick of my lies (like you are now) I had serious thoughts of killing myself. The stress of the lies and the feeling when it all comes tumbling down is just so terrible that I can't even describe. I know it's trite to just say "be honest" but truthfully that's actually the easier road than lying. The lying road only seems easier, but that's also a lie, it's actually much harder.
I feel like i could have written this about myself. Also i never thought about jobs like that before but i am an excellent bartender because its constant quick tasks but i was horrendous at any type of office work. I dont even need my meds behind the bar because its pretty much the only time i feel like i have a handle on it. Also good point about being good at tests but bad at homework, i never put that together.
> office work. Honestly, when I discovered this about myself I was able to find an office work job that has the elements that work for me. There are office jobs where you are basically just emergency response for other office workers. Where tasks are given to you and must be done immediately, where you walk into the building in the morning with nothing on your plate, and are somehow swamped all day only to leave with your last task done.
Sounds like you're focussing on a particular view you've got of yourself, and like you haven't quite found your career yet. Be kind to yourself.
Only thing I can say is to get this behavior under control fast, give yourself grace. If you need this job try to come up with some on the fly. If they are suppose to be extensive it could look like you just BS it and it won’t make the situation better and they might still let you go. Good luck
I suggest you head over to r/adhdwomen for tips how to try and fix your situation. It's so hard when people can't see your struggles but it's ok to have them. You are not a bad person, and you deserve good things. Sometimes we have to work on ourselves before we can see that. 🫶🏻
Hi, I just want to chime in and say I'm sorry you're feeling worthless, and I can understand why you feel that way when we put so much pressure on what we achieve in life. I also want to say that your achievements do not equal your worthiness. You are a worthwhile and loveable human being just for being you. You are not your achievements
It's truly eye-opening to see just how many of us have experienced this struggle and how similar our stories are. The feeling of underachievement and the perpetual cycle of procrastination and disappointment can be crushing. I've been in the same boat, and I only really started to break the pattern when I focused on creating a structured environment for myself. One tactic that helped me was using tangible, physical tools to organize my day—things like whiteboards and sticky notes. Digital tools are great, but there's something about the physical act of writing down a task and physically removing it once it’s completed that helped my brain register my accomplishments. This analog method acts like a visual progress bar, and for someone with ADHD, that can be incredibly motivating. Another thing that made a significant difference was purposely creating accountability by partnering with coworkers on projects or having regular check-ins with my supervisor. It’s tough to admit we need that level of oversight, but it's less about capability and more about finding strategies that align with how our brains are wired. And remember, it’s okay to need a different set of tools than others might. Lastly, while it's critical to establish a system that works for you, it’s equally essential to find a compassionate understanding of self. ADHD isn't a moral failing or a lack of intelligence; it's a neurodevelopmental disorder that we manage, not an identity that defines us. It’s okay to be a work in progress—embrace your journey, quirks and all. And in times when it all feels like too much, professionals can offer a guiding light to help navigate the chaos. Hang in there!