That happened to me once, then I rubbed one out to some fantasy with the crush, then the postnut clarity happened and I imagined the aftermath, I imagined my wife finding out, the woman I love in tears feeling awful about herself and hating me forever, our marriage falling to pieces, the kids hating me for life, my aging mom glaring at me disgusted until she died, me depressed and living alone in some shitty apartment....................... yeah that ended that and all subsequent crushes lol
Your post nut clarity is intense. I rub one out and then I completely forget what was tempting me and go back to being a family man. Or I get distracted with Wikipedia about my favorite shows. Right now I'm reading about The Expanse.
Did you know the show is a metaphor for western colonialism and how our excessive influence on the political affairs of other countries is what causes extreme fanatics to develop factions against us? It's why US based viewers always side with UN and why international viewers sympathize with the Belters. 🤯
Yeah, this is the best advice.
Cheating is never worthy, if youre getting a divorce, just wait, try to have a system that works for both of you and the kids first, and then look for a new partner. Remember the kids are always the top 1 priority.
For real. I have no desire to stray, but the thought of her leaving for some reason and some other dude simply being around my kid is enough to never open that box (even though the box is already encased in concrete, chains, and sunk to the bottom of the ocean).
Post nut clarity is one of the greatest things ever. The person who invents a PNC pill will become rich.
"Take this pill and you will never have to wank again"
What.
Because you cannot always beat your meat specially if you are in a public space. Not everyone is a born Diogenes.
And the mental clarity and the sudden state of focus is awesome.
u/BDuke414 this is the answer - you meditate on the consequences of your actions. It’s likely you would tell the same thing to your kids. Your world would come crashing down, and you would be miserable… if you can’t get past it, hop into therapy and chat with a professional.
Haha I was actually JUST thinking how if my wife ever divorced me, or I her, she would probably move back to the state she's from.
This would wreck my life's trajectory, as I'm on pace to retire by 50 due to a sweet pension, but I have to stay in my current state.
No way I could live in another state from my kids, so I would have to kiss my retirement dream goodbye. On top of everything else you just said. Nothing is worth that.
Yeah... my friend is actually living this right now
He had been with his wife for about 10 years and had two kids. Turns out he was cheating, a lot. Now they're divorced and she's with someone else very happily and he's been struggling for 2 years to get his footing. He's super depressed constantly and feels he 100% ruined his life.
Living in the moment is great but still gotta think your actions through.
Quite literally. My cousins ex is very open about his post affair regret. Talk about it a lot, and posts about it all the time on his socials. Hard to explain and justify his mistakes when he’s dating, when they ask about his divorce. It’s hard to date being broke paying child support in this economy. He never figured out his career or anything so he just seems very very lost. He says all the time “this is all my fault too”. I don’t even know the answer because I know how society feels about fidelity and commitment failures, but, it really feels like beating a dead horse and he’s not the only man out there in the same situation, just feeling lost indefinitely for their mistakes. Meanwhile, my cousin, his ex, moved on and was able to shed the weight of it all quite quickly. Remarried already. Shits dark when you stare too long
This post and all of its comments are required reading for any dad that's thinking about cheating/leaving. However bad it is now it will only get worse.
You’re leaving out the part where you could suffer all these same consequences after your crush recoils in disgust when you make that pass.
Dudes mistake friendliness for attraction constantly. Women who see you consistently maintain a committed relationship and look after your family may understandably think you’re a safe person to befriend.
Your PNC scenario is relevant either way, but the pre-nut lack of clarity is only even relevant when someone is making a pass at you.
I like to say I can run to the end of my leash and bark but that’s all I’m doing. I hate that I have feelings of lust but I’m only human. I love what I have and don’t want to end up in your PNC situation.
My dad used to say, it takes a lifetime to build a legacy and a day to tear it down.
Your neighbours lawn always looks better if you haven't been tending your own.
What a coincidence. I’d also like to introduce you to McGregor, the bar builder, who has a heavy Scottish accent and also happened to fuck one little sheep.
My neighbour just moved in and tore up the front yard and laid down fresh sod. Watered it daily. The sod does in fact look better than my lawn. But let's give it a full hot summer and cold winter before we start handing out prizes.
>Your neighbours lawn always looks better if you haven't been tending your own.
I like that. My dad always used to say:
"Get your appetite wherever you want, as long as you eat your meals at home."
Which is a funny bit of knowledge to be coming from a guy who cheated on my mom and left us both when I was 6.
That's because saying things like "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite" is a great way to start slowly normalising and excusing increasingly infidelitous behaviour.
Have you considered hiring a lawn care professional? Sometimes it’s easier to have someone else mow and fertilize your lawn. Wait, what are we talking about here…
Sometimes your lawn's needs change too. You go about your usually routine, but it just fucking withers and dies.
It's not going to get better without changing something. Do some research or hire a professional to find out what's really going on. It may not be a simple fix, but you'll have to address the root cause before you can cultivate a healthy lawn again.
Have you tried looking for other ways to tend to it? If the grass is brown and dead you shouldn't be mowing it--it needs to be watered first and have time to grow.
Then you must also work consistently on weeding and edge trimming and other landscaping to make the lawn feel beautiful and taken care of.
First, your feelings are your feelings. You can’t help how you feel. You can only control how you act on- and react to them. So feel everything, and feel it deeply; pushing anything down or suppressing it now is only going to result in it coming back later.
Then analyze your feelings.
Is it a crush based on an unmet need? Physical, social, etc.? Try and identify what that might be -if any- and use that as a springboard to communicate your needs, or work on yourself to get them met.
Is she an idealized version of what you want in a partner, wife, mother, etc.? Try identifying what specific things make you attracted to her and ask yourself, “are those objective observable qualities, or is my perception of her skewed based on what I *want to believe*?”
Do you compare your wife against this woman? Is it possible you’re projecting feelings from elsewhere in your life onto her? Is having feelings for her providing a means or an escape in order to cope with challenges within your own relationship?
Practically speaking, it’s “illogical” to pursue a relationship with someone outside of your marriage. So grieve the loss of the fantasy, and celebrate the life you *do* have.
Ultimately, a therapist is going to be wholly more qualified than any Reddit user to give you a quality answer. Exploring those feelings with a clinician is probably going to be more productive.
>So grieve the loss of the fantasy
Another way to look at it: There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
The way I've come to peace with these "crushes" is to keep remembering that these "perfect" women they all have their quirks and things which end up annoying you after 2 weeks. So as you said, feel your crush, but realize that realistically it's more probable that once you actually "reach" your fantasy, she will disappoint than not
My wife and I talked about which of the school parents would make a one night stand and both realised that the ones we'd shag based on looks would be awful (in our individual opinions) for a relationship.
Hot dad with an athletic body... but he smokes when he goes out drinking and thinks housework is for the women. Sexy mom with curves in the right places... but overly neurotic and having a hair appointment be delayed constitutes a stressful day.
Good wank material but that's about it.
The rational isn't even that they're gonna be *bad*, it's more that they won't be as perfect as our head (dick?) wants us to think and ultimately not worth risking anything for.
This is great advice if you are still in love with and satisfied by your partner. This analysis could also lead to a different crisis on its own, realizing you’re wasting away with zero fulfillment in life and you have a crush because you found some semblance of compatibility in the world.
Hopefully it’s the former for most everyone here!
The good news is you are coming here for advice. That means you really don‘t want anything to happen if you know what i mean. Unfaithful guys would never ask this question, they‘d try to get one in… What usually helps me is the thought of how my life is gonna be when i cheat and my wife finds out. I‘m gonna be dirt poor and will turn my best friend and the love of my life into my worst enemy. I will most likely barely see my kids and they will (rightfully) blame me for fucking up their life because of a couple of nuts… The price you will unavoidably have to pay is just not worth it…
I'm a mom that loves this sub. And that is exactly what happened to my family.
My ex was unbeknownst to me, getting it in with everyone. Our friends, his coworkers, my best friend.
I divorced him. One of our daughters lives with me, and they barely speak. One is with him 50% of the time, but doesn't think highly of him. It's not because of me. It's his continued behavior after the fact.
We had a great sex life. I was a great wife. He had two beautiful kids that missed him when he went on "work trips"
Somehow, he needed more. The life people strive and wish for, wasn't enough.
When he cried to me that he missed his family and what we had, I kinda laughed. I'm not a mean person. But you don't get to destroy your entire family and blow up your kids world, and then try to get sympathy from the person that loved you the most and would have done anything for you.
I feel nothing but relief now that I am no longer the carrier of burdens of someone that doesn't know what love is.
Penis, vagina, sex, desire, hotness, fun stuff.
You know what real love is? The ugly parts.
The diabetes, the cancer, wrinkles, kids needing special support, driving in the middle of the night to rescue one. Holding hands and singing songs with the windows down at 2 am.
Wiping butts.
That's not sexy. But that's love. I knew way before I got divorced when I broke my leg and my ex wouldn't even put a bed pan under my butt so I could pee in the hospital.... I knew he was not a partner. I still stuck it out for years because he was my first love at 16. I kept hoping he would grow.
I would have wiped his ass and changed his diapers.
He wouldn't even help me pee with my leg split in half.
I found a better man. He's 10x the dad and 100x a better husband that makes me feel desired and loved.
And I have had the best sex of my life, and I never want anyone else.
You’re married. Not dead. Of course you should not act on these feelings unless you become not married first.
But I’ll tell you a lot of new parents end up with people cheating or leaving - and I truly believe you need to be intentional about romancing your partner (in whatever their love language happens to be). If you aren’t making your partner feel special, someone else will. And same goes for you. If your partner is not making you feel special, your eye will wander. And not everyone stays faithful. So make sure you get those nights out and you aren’t seeing each other as just parents.
You should also consider that if you are having thoughts about another woman - are you taking care of your business with your wife so she isn’t pining over another man?
Take care of your business and these thoughts come up a lot less.
Look is the key word here. Is the crush based on looks alone or is OP actively spending time around this person and falling for the personality. If it’s the latter then just back off and stick to looking from afar. Easy.
What's your best case scenario? - you and Hot Mom fall madly for one another and you both divorce and marry each other? So then your wife moves on (and she will) and another man raises your kids while you're raising Hot Mom's kids? Nothing against step-parenting but that's a long and steep slope.
Or maybe you just bang her. Nice! - sneak around until you get tired of each other, which you will, or worse, you get caught by someone and now you're the neighborhood asshole. Either way you live with it for a long time. A long, long time.
You got married, had kids, that's your responsibility. If your marriage is not good Hot Mom won't be your first crush and she won't be your last, so you have to think through that whole is-my-marriage-a-bad-marriage? thing, which is a separate animal from a simple boner for some other woman. But if you love your wife, and you like your wife, and if you want to grow your family together through your kid's progression into adulthood, which is a wonderful experience, *don't fuck it up!*
I've not seen this in the comments.
But how do you think your wife handles this situation?
I'm sure there are some sexy daddies during the school run. She may even fantasise about them.
But you're what she really wants, you're stability, you're the daddy of her kids. Nothing beats that.
A long time ago, my wife and I started to talk about these kinds of things and check people out together.
It can make for some really good conversations. Sometime we even act out some attractive traits that aren't typically 'us traits'.
But not everyone is like that, and I'm not suggesting you should be. But this is a two-way street.
Let it go bruh.. it’s just lust.. u see her in a controlled setting.. behind closed doors she might be bat shit or something worse.. never worth it trust me
A crush is just a lack of information. Maybe she sucks at wiping and all her underwear have skidmarks. Keep the lust in your fantasy my dude. Don’t ruin a good marriage and loving family (assuming it’s good).
Hey man you’re not going to get through life without the occasional crush. Consider it for what it is, and dive into the life you have built with your family.
Your wife will have them as well, this is why you both need to keep your relationship strong.
I know I'm lucky to have an open minded wife... Not open relationship. But, she's straight told me that she doesn't really care how my engine revs, just so long as I only park my car in her garage.
Instead of fantasising about this crush, imagine and clearly walk through the steps of what would happen when others, like your wife, your kids, your parents and hers, and so on, find out. Walk yourself through how you’ll feel in that situation and the significant downstream impact of it all.
Most of the time that’ll set you straight, and if it doesn’t seem so bad - you likely have a deeper issue.
One more thing to add on your good post. If he has a conscience then imagine the guilt. Even if no one were ever to find out - you will know what you did. And you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life. Think about it. We’ve all done e things we regret but in this case imagine your wife smiling at you with love and knowing she shouldn’t trust you. Imagine your kids telling you how they respect you and you’re their hero but you know they shouldn’t. That’s a lot of weight to carry around forever.
This is an important point. My first wife was emotionally abusive and I was miserable for many years. Four or five years before the marriage ended one of my coworkers and I really connected and were on a path that was probably going to lead to an affair. It didn’t happen for a couple of reasons but one was I didn’t want to carry that guilt around. Even if it went as perfect as it could have (wife never found out, a short un-messy end with the coworker) I would have the guilt that would eat at me for the rest of my life. Not acting on it meant that I could focus on the fact that this stunningly attractive woman saw in me something that made her enjoy spending time with me. That gave me more confidence in myself and reason not buy into my wife’s claims that I was a horrible person.
Everyone has crushes. No guilt about it. Let it take over you like a wave in the ocean. Don't chase it. Don't fight against it either. Just stand still. It moves you for a while and then it's gone.
I say this as someone in a non-monogamous marriage: anything that breaks a special commitment to your marriage (like a commitment to be monogamous) isn’t worth it unless you don’t want to be in that particular marriage anymore.
My wife & I are open but we made a commitment to each other that during the infancy of our kiddo (she’s almost 8 months), we wouldn’t have any flings. It’s just too much work even split between two fully present parents to even consider removing any attention or availability to spend it on someone else rn. But does that choice take work? Of course! I get crushes all the time, but in the absence of unhappiness in your relationship it is something that usually has to do with fantasy & excitement for the unknown/the novelty. Aka something that ultimately pales in comparison to the feelings that prompted the commitment in the marriage in the first place.
Ppl are rarely exactly who we think they are. Novelty wears off and the unknown becomes the known. Most relationships are fun the first 3 months and then incompatibilities start to rear up & take over without dedicated work. Your commitment to a monogamous marriage is for sure more important than something that would most likely not last longer than 3 months. Exploring a crush, either unethically by cheating or ethically by asking your wife to be non-monogamous & getting her permission, will radically change your marriage. Bc either you commit a betrayal & that dynamic forever lives in the history of your marriage (or divorce), or you alter the foundation of said marriage to the point where she is *also* dating someone else/exploring crushes. ENM is a whole other world of work, dude. You gotta be so okay with the flip side if you push for it.
Just remember that we only see the "best" of others. We don't see their struggles, challenges, ugly sides, etc. That's all reserved for our family at home. It's like comparing your chaos to someone's Facebook page.
Crushes are normal. The whole media industry is about us crushing on women. Why do you think sports Illustrated has a swimsuit issue? For fashion?
Don't beat yourself up for being normal. Just remember that it's just a mental thing and you have a great life at home. (And if you don't, focus on changing that)
I have a crush on a bunch of different women - people I work with, mums I see at playgroup, cashiers at the mall. Women are fucking CUTE dude. Not about to let any of that ruin my life though.
Could be, or they have kids a similar age and are family friends. Would be good information to know to help us all understand the situation better, because people typically don't develop feelings for attractive people they just see attending shared activities.
I have seen people say to mentally go over what would happen if you did act on your feelings, but I have a bit of another mental game I like to do. I will try to focus on a real positive between me and my wife and then make up some flaw with person two. So like for example “I love how excited my wife gets over her fantasy books but I bet this other person doesn’t even know how to read” or I will imagine them being a flat earther or that they would force me to be gluten free anything weird like that.
As somebody on the other side of this, I have to ask, is it worth blowing up your life for?
My wife came to me a few days before my birthday and told me that she felt really guilty about something.
She had a crush on one of her male colleagues. She told him about it - she says that nothing happened, and that she told him about it, not because she wanted anything to happen, but so that she could just get it out and not carry around that secret any more.
A few weeks after my birthday, she said that things hadn't been right between us since she told me about her crush.
I said that we could do couples therapy.
She decided that she wanted a divorce.
All I can say is, acting on it will end badly. If you love and respect your wife, you'll realise that it isn't worth giving this crush any time or energy. Focus on what you need to, and let this fade away.
Not sure what special “internalizing” or processing needs to happen. Every day we make grown up decisions. We analyze situations and use our adult self-control to make the correct decision. We ignore all kinds of impulses. We run into hundreds of attractive women every year, we see opportunities to take stuff that isn’t ours, we run into annoying punchable individuals and we ignore those opportunities because we know it isn’t the right thing to do. Simple as that.
I always like to imagine that people who look good on the outside and and seemingly have it all together have one terrible secret- sure she may be gorgeous and her kids may seem perfect, but I bet she uses the same knife for both the peanut butter AND the jelly, and she probably cuts the bread with it too. That's a deal breaker.
It's all good fun but it helps to humanize people that we put on a pedestal, even crushes at the park. For me that usually removes the "I can't help these feelings"
Good job asking for advice. It's common to feel this around the ten-year mark or any time mid marriage.
1. Your body can make you think you want to chase a fling. But what you really want in life is respect. The admiration of your parents, your siblings, and your children is priceless.
2. You ever have an orgasm that was worth ruining your life over? Yeah, me neither
3. You're just seeing her when she's all made up and in public. When the facade comes off, there's a lot more to the picture. The thrill wears off, and there's all this drama and trauma to deal with, and an affair mistress just becomes another woman in your life.
4. The people I know who have had affairs: it did not bring them happiness.
5. Your own marriage is a garden. You've got to water the flowers and pull the weeds. You can't set it on autopilot and be sad when things aren't good.
You don't have feelings for her, you are lusting after another woman. Focus on your marriage, put the potential homewrecker out of your mind and stop fantacising about a non-existant relationship you do not have. You are headed for debilitating heartache and regrets you cannot even begin to imagine. Even the best case scenario where you hook up with milf, you're still going to have to look the woman in the eye and say you are leaving her for another woman. You lose your kids, your house, and the milf will always have in the back of her mind that you had no problem leaving the woman you swore before God and kin you would love for the rest of your life.
It's normal for married, committed people to very occasionally have small crushes. The important thing is that you recognize this is a crush, not something real, and act accordingly.
The first thing to do is to distance yourself from this woman. This is going to be WAY more possible than you think it is. There's no real reason you should HAVE to interact with this woman on a regular basis.
The next, and most important, thing is to focus your energy on your relationship with your wife. Plan a date night. Do something special. Plan a weekend getaway. Really put some energy and effort into it, remind yourself of all the things you love about her. Don't put undue pressure on her for anything, just make it clear you want to spend some extra time with her and make it happen.
The crush WILL fade. It will fade very quickly if you do the above two things. Remember that you barely know this woman, and she's certainly not worth blowing up your entire life, destroying the happiness of your family, for a bit of a thrill.
I don't care how hot she is. Someone. Somewhere. Is sick of her shit.
You go home and bang your wife with the motivation you got from hot mom. If you still have these thoughts, immediately post nut. You divorce and go let hot mom know how you feel. See if she's willing to date you. If you don't have the same feeling, it was just like looking at porn. All great till you're done and immediately close that browser window. Being married is a choice you make willingly and wanting every day. The minute you don't want it anymore, get rid of it, don't waste her time and yours.
Be spontaneous with your lawn. Grab your lawns ass, hug it from behind and whisper in its ear how much you want the lawn. Do the little things for your lawn and it will flourish. Volunteer to do the dishes, the laundry without being asked. Take the lawn to a spa for a day. And if all else fails give the lawn mdma in a smoothie
You’ve never had a crush on another woman since getting together with your wife? Dawg. I’m not sure I believe that. But in any event, it’s a crush. The most common thing in the world. Just wank it and move on with your day. It’s not a big deal.
I’ve been with my wife for 18 years. I’ve had crushes on lots of people over that time. Co-workers, folks in our broad social network. Other parents. This is just part of life. It’s nothing to be worked up about. My wife has also had many crushes. Hahaha we can sometimes even call each other out on who we have crushes on (her: bears with a beard).
What separates us from animals is our ability to fight against our instincts. As long as you’re not acting on them, there’s no reason to feel bad about thoughts/feelings/instincts that aren’t necessarily good. You want advice, though? That really depends on if you’re asking for advice to help you stop thinking like this or to try and build a rationalization. At the end of the day cheating is one of the lowest lows, it doesn’t matter what the other person did or said - cheating makes you worse than them.
Let’s say you do it. Marriage ruined, kids hate you, child support and alimony because the courts definitely aren’t taking your side. Maybe manages taking the kids altogether and you’re not only completely alone but you end up just being a literal paycheck since you won’t have time to do anything other than work to pay for all that + your stuff. Any woman in your life that isn’t delusional will also hate you - coworkers, family, friends, all disgusted with you. Any men that aren’t losers won’t respect you if they even speak to you at all considering they won’t want you near their families. That’s all assuming this person is even interested in you to begin with and she doesn’t ruin your life just for being a scumbag and approaching her. That possibility might be even worse because not only do you not get to fulfill whatever fantasy you had but also get to enjoy all of the consequences as if you had. Oh and don’t forget, they’re a parent too which means they also have/had someone else involved. I’ve seen plenty of dudes go after a hot mom only to find out the ex was still in love with them and willing to prove it or just straight up insane and looking for a problem.
If you’re still hot and ready like little Caesar’s after all that then idk dude, go get a lobotomy or something because my stomachs started turning like halfway through typing it.
I don't think there's anything wrong with finding her attractive. You're human, not a robot. It's only a problem when you start fantasizing about the idea of this woman. Building her up in your head to be something she most likely is not. Bottom line: her shit stinks just as much as your wife's.
You let it go and don't ever act on it.
Also remember this: for every beautiful woman out there, there is someone absolutely done with their shit. You're probably seeing her at her social state where she's pleasant and easy going.
I guarantee you she gets into arguments with her husband/partner and has all the same stuff going on.
If it's a matter of her being prettier, well, there's always someone.
It's best to swallow this and let it go dude.
I recommend a book called The Way of the Superior Man. Be warned, it’s a bit weird. There are some strange patriarchal concepts, & the author uses way too many horny sounding analogies. (penetrate the world with your gifts… etc)
BUT, the chapters on how to accept the energy of the divine feminine, without guilt, and redirect that energy boost for good in the world are simply brilliant.
The thing that separates man from boy or beast is NOT that the man suddenly doesn’t find attraction in other women. It’s that he’s learned to shut the fuck up about it, while still using the energy it gives him to become a stronger, better man for himself & his whole world.
It’s really allowed me to stop feeling guilty when feelings like this pop up, while also not feeling any temptation to act on them in any immoral way. 💪🏼
See less of her.
If your frequent proximity is giving you unwelcome thoughts, see less of her and the thoughts will subside.
Also, try to work out what's missing from your marriage that your subconscious thinks you might get from her, and try to see if you can get it in your marriage.
That happened to me once, then I rubbed one out to some fantasy with the crush, then the postnut clarity happened and I imagined the aftermath, I imagined my wife finding out, the woman I love in tears feeling awful about herself and hating me forever, our marriage falling to pieces, the kids hating me for life, my aging mom glaring at me disgusted until she died, me depressed and living alone in some shitty apartment....................... yeah that ended that and all subsequent crushes lol
Man, you went for quite the ride.
Post-nut existential crisis.
Post-nut Calamity
I want to upvote this but it's at 69 so here's my comment
It's well past 69 now. You can come back now
I'm so sad it moved up lol. Updoot given!
Wankguish
Lmao!!!
Yeah, seems pretty handy.
He really mastered his feelings
Talk about coming to his senses
He could have been a jerk
It rubbed him the wrong way
Ballsy move. Could have gone the other way and he might have lusted after her more
He wasn’t baited. In fact he quite mastered it.
Tugged that string all the way until the end
Grabbed on tight and took control of them
He needed a cigarette after that wank.
He beat cancer and went back to the carpet store.
Roy’s our boy!
I thought he said he DIDN’T go for a ride
Still nut though
My dad cheated and this is what happened. I’m the kid who can’t look past it.
Same.
Perfect counterbalance to the other comments here. And just as valid.
This guy having post nut clarity for the masses.
Your post nut clarity is intense. I rub one out and then I completely forget what was tempting me and go back to being a family man. Or I get distracted with Wikipedia about my favorite shows. Right now I'm reading about The Expanse.
Quick, ask this guy questions about how things really are! He’s got The Clarity for just a few more minutes!
Did you know the show is a metaphor for western colonialism and how our excessive influence on the political affairs of other countries is what causes extreme fanatics to develop factions against us? It's why US based viewers always side with UN and why international viewers sympathize with the Belters. 🤯
Yo this sounds like a show I need to watch
I'm just now reading the books The Expanse is based on! There's 3 more the show didn't adapt that are excellent reads.
*Oye Beltalowda!*
You should definitely watch the Expanse
Hell yeah are we talking about The Expanse now! Miller would give OP the best advice. "I was working this case..."
Doors and corners
Man drank the worm’s poison and saw the future 💀
Bless the maker and his waters
I just realized this phrase has been an innuendo all along. I’m going to have to go back and read it again with this new enlightenment.
Be on the lookout for phallic imagery. It’s pretty subtle.
I'm picturing Milhouse's Dad.
I sleep in a racing car. Do you?
I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
I don't recall saying "good luck."
Can I borrow a feeling?
Crackers are for families, *happy* families.
Yeah, this is the best advice. Cheating is never worthy, if youre getting a divorce, just wait, try to have a system that works for both of you and the kids first, and then look for a new partner. Remember the kids are always the top 1 priority.
Neglected to mention the sequence of dudes who will enter your home and bone your wife while your kids sleep in another room
Fear is as good as a motivator as any.
I was that kid...sadly awake. Most terrifying moment in my life.
Why’s it gotta be a sequence
Would you prefer conga line?
Oooooooo that’s the worst right here
Jesus Christ. This one hit hard.
For real. I have no desire to stray, but the thought of her leaving for some reason and some other dude simply being around my kid is enough to never open that box (even though the box is already encased in concrete, chains, and sunk to the bottom of the ocean).
Post nut clarity is one of the greatest things ever. The person who invents a PNC pill will become rich.
Post nut clarity is one of the greatest things ever. The person who invents a PNC pill will become rich. "Take this pill and you will never have to wank again" What.
You will never have to overly reflect after wanking again. All the wank none of the guilt
>"Take this pill and you will never have to wank again" I, too, am on an SSRI.
There’s already a homeopathic remedy for this, it’s free and fun, no side effects except PNC
But why?
Because you cannot always beat your meat specially if you are in a public space. Not everyone is a born Diogenes. And the mental clarity and the sudden state of focus is awesome.
Have a wank to prevent yourself from being a wanker.
u/BDuke414 this is the answer - you meditate on the consequences of your actions. It’s likely you would tell the same thing to your kids. Your world would come crashing down, and you would be miserable… if you can’t get past it, hop into therapy and chat with a professional.
Haha I was actually JUST thinking how if my wife ever divorced me, or I her, she would probably move back to the state she's from. This would wreck my life's trajectory, as I'm on pace to retire by 50 due to a sweet pension, but I have to stay in my current state. No way I could live in another state from my kids, so I would have to kiss my retirement dream goodbye. On top of everything else you just said. Nothing is worth that.
This is not even exaggerated one bit lol
Yeah... my friend is actually living this right now He had been with his wife for about 10 years and had two kids. Turns out he was cheating, a lot. Now they're divorced and she's with someone else very happily and he's been struggling for 2 years to get his footing. He's super depressed constantly and feels he 100% ruined his life. Living in the moment is great but still gotta think your actions through.
Quite literally. My cousins ex is very open about his post affair regret. Talk about it a lot, and posts about it all the time on his socials. Hard to explain and justify his mistakes when he’s dating, when they ask about his divorce. It’s hard to date being broke paying child support in this economy. He never figured out his career or anything so he just seems very very lost. He says all the time “this is all my fault too”. I don’t even know the answer because I know how society feels about fidelity and commitment failures, but, it really feels like beating a dead horse and he’s not the only man out there in the same situation, just feeling lost indefinitely for their mistakes. Meanwhile, my cousin, his ex, moved on and was able to shed the weight of it all quite quickly. Remarried already. Shits dark when you stare too long
This is dead on
My brother in christ it sounds like you nutted open a vortex to another dimension
Post-Nut Clarity is undefeated.
This post and all of its comments are required reading for any dad that's thinking about cheating/leaving. However bad it is now it will only get worse.
You’re leaving out the part where you could suffer all these same consequences after your crush recoils in disgust when you make that pass. Dudes mistake friendliness for attraction constantly. Women who see you consistently maintain a committed relationship and look after your family may understandably think you’re a safe person to befriend. Your PNC scenario is relevant either way, but the pre-nut lack of clarity is only even relevant when someone is making a pass at you.
Dude out here dropping buddha level knowledge about..... Post nut. You are the dad that daddit needs.
I like to say I can run to the end of my leash and bark but that’s all I’m doing. I hate that I have feelings of lust but I’m only human. I love what I have and don’t want to end up in your PNC situation.
I havent seen that category on pornhub
Yep…that’ll do it
Atta boy! I though I was the only one lol. I was just gunna take it to the grave.
Definitely mastered that debate I'd say.
If you’re not in a state of Post Nut Clarity, you in a state of pre-nut delusion
My dad used to say, it takes a lifetime to build a legacy and a day to tear it down. Your neighbours lawn always looks better if you haven't been tending your own.
Ask old farmer John if anyone calls him a fence builder. He's been building fences since he was a lad. Get caught fucking one goat...
Sounds like he was best known for farming.
Animal husbandry.
Norm Macdonald is laughing in his grave at this one.
What a coincidence. I’d also like to introduce you to McGregor, the bar builder, who has a heavy Scottish accent and also happened to fuck one little sheep.
I heard it as an Irish joke! Glad I’m not the only one tracing it to the isles and not the South.
In case anyone is unfortunate enough to have never encountered [the joke being referenced here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/vU1b3owaue).
“It’s harder to make the glass than it is to break the glass.” —RZA Edit: added quotation
The grass is greener where you keep it.
And sometimes the grass is greener because it’s over the septic tank
Sometimes they fertilize the lawn with bullsh*t
My neighbour just moved in and tore up the front yard and laid down fresh sod. Watered it daily. The sod does in fact look better than my lawn. But let's give it a full hot summer and cold winter before we start handing out prizes.
>Your neighbours lawn always looks better if you haven't been tending your own. I like that. My dad always used to say: "Get your appetite wherever you want, as long as you eat your meals at home." Which is a funny bit of knowledge to be coming from a guy who cheated on my mom and left us both when I was 6.
That's because saying things like "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite" is a great way to start slowly normalising and excusing increasingly infidelitous behaviour.
What if my lawn hasn’t let me tend to it in over a year, despite my communicating my needs to my lawn repeatedly?
Have you considered hiring a lawn care professional? Sometimes it’s easier to have someone else mow and fertilize your lawn. Wait, what are we talking about here…
I'm very confused, instructions unclear. My wife is now fucking livid and I have a crew of half naked landscapers in my living room waiting for me....
And my dick is stuck in a lawnmower
Sounds like a good time
Just start it up, it'll get unstuck quickly
And if you're looking for somewhere new to sow your seeds, they can probably help with that too
Sometimes your lawn's needs change too. You go about your usually routine, but it just fucking withers and dies. It's not going to get better without changing something. Do some research or hire a professional to find out what's really going on. It may not be a simple fix, but you'll have to address the root cause before you can cultivate a healthy lawn again.
Time to lawncare up, delete facebook and farmville, and hit the gym
Heyy I thought I was the only one still playing FarmVille! Edit: just kidding, does it even exist anymore?
Consider planting ficuses in the backyard
I’ve seen your yard, ficuses would definitely work better in the backyard
Have you tried looking for other ways to tend to it? If the grass is brown and dead you shouldn't be mowing it--it needs to be watered first and have time to grow. Then you must also work consistently on weeding and edge trimming and other landscaping to make the lawn feel beautiful and taken care of.
You say ‘my needs’ - have you asked the lawn about its needs?
Yes, and then the neighbour called the cops for a wellness check on me...
First, your feelings are your feelings. You can’t help how you feel. You can only control how you act on- and react to them. So feel everything, and feel it deeply; pushing anything down or suppressing it now is only going to result in it coming back later. Then analyze your feelings. Is it a crush based on an unmet need? Physical, social, etc.? Try and identify what that might be -if any- and use that as a springboard to communicate your needs, or work on yourself to get them met. Is she an idealized version of what you want in a partner, wife, mother, etc.? Try identifying what specific things make you attracted to her and ask yourself, “are those objective observable qualities, or is my perception of her skewed based on what I *want to believe*?” Do you compare your wife against this woman? Is it possible you’re projecting feelings from elsewhere in your life onto her? Is having feelings for her providing a means or an escape in order to cope with challenges within your own relationship? Practically speaking, it’s “illogical” to pursue a relationship with someone outside of your marriage. So grieve the loss of the fantasy, and celebrate the life you *do* have. Ultimately, a therapist is going to be wholly more qualified than any Reddit user to give you a quality answer. Exploring those feelings with a clinician is probably going to be more productive.
Some really good advice here, OP. But have you tried just punching yourself in the nuts?
Like just in general or specifically only when thinking of the other mum?
No, infront of the other mum.
Remember to maintain eye contact to establish dominance
Maybe pee a little on her feet. I heard the girls love that.
He already said he’s a dad of two… those toddler elbows and knees are like heat-seeking missiles for my tiggles and bits.
Wait…which parts are tiggles and which are bits? Why are both plural?
Yes
There’s been trauma before.
It's all fun and games till a three year old drops you.
Incredible advice.
WAY cheaper than therapy.
>So grieve the loss of the fantasy Another way to look at it: There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. The way I've come to peace with these "crushes" is to keep remembering that these "perfect" women they all have their quirks and things which end up annoying you after 2 weeks. So as you said, feel your crush, but realize that realistically it's more probable that once you actually "reach" your fantasy, she will disappoint than not
"No matter how hot she is someone somewhere is tired of her shit."
🎯
My wife and I talked about which of the school parents would make a one night stand and both realised that the ones we'd shag based on looks would be awful (in our individual opinions) for a relationship. Hot dad with an athletic body... but he smokes when he goes out drinking and thinks housework is for the women. Sexy mom with curves in the right places... but overly neurotic and having a hair appointment be delayed constitutes a stressful day. Good wank material but that's about it.
The rational isn't even that they're gonna be *bad*, it's more that they won't be as perfect as our head (dick?) wants us to think and ultimately not worth risking anything for.
What a profoundly helpful, thoughtful, insightful, thorough answer. Wow.
Would you be my therapist?
This is great advice if you are still in love with and satisfied by your partner. This analysis could also lead to a different crisis on its own, realizing you’re wasting away with zero fulfillment in life and you have a crush because you found some semblance of compatibility in the world. Hopefully it’s the former for most everyone here!
The good news is you are coming here for advice. That means you really don‘t want anything to happen if you know what i mean. Unfaithful guys would never ask this question, they‘d try to get one in… What usually helps me is the thought of how my life is gonna be when i cheat and my wife finds out. I‘m gonna be dirt poor and will turn my best friend and the love of my life into my worst enemy. I will most likely barely see my kids and they will (rightfully) blame me for fucking up their life because of a couple of nuts… The price you will unavoidably have to pay is just not worth it…
I'm a mom that loves this sub. And that is exactly what happened to my family. My ex was unbeknownst to me, getting it in with everyone. Our friends, his coworkers, my best friend. I divorced him. One of our daughters lives with me, and they barely speak. One is with him 50% of the time, but doesn't think highly of him. It's not because of me. It's his continued behavior after the fact. We had a great sex life. I was a great wife. He had two beautiful kids that missed him when he went on "work trips" Somehow, he needed more. The life people strive and wish for, wasn't enough. When he cried to me that he missed his family and what we had, I kinda laughed. I'm not a mean person. But you don't get to destroy your entire family and blow up your kids world, and then try to get sympathy from the person that loved you the most and would have done anything for you. I feel nothing but relief now that I am no longer the carrier of burdens of someone that doesn't know what love is. Penis, vagina, sex, desire, hotness, fun stuff. You know what real love is? The ugly parts. The diabetes, the cancer, wrinkles, kids needing special support, driving in the middle of the night to rescue one. Holding hands and singing songs with the windows down at 2 am. Wiping butts. That's not sexy. But that's love. I knew way before I got divorced when I broke my leg and my ex wouldn't even put a bed pan under my butt so I could pee in the hospital.... I knew he was not a partner. I still stuck it out for years because he was my first love at 16. I kept hoping he would grow. I would have wiped his ass and changed his diapers. He wouldn't even help me pee with my leg split in half. I found a better man. He's 10x the dad and 100x a better husband that makes me feel desired and loved. And I have had the best sex of my life, and I never want anyone else.
I too choose this mum’s new husband
Glad to see that in the end everything worked out for you!
You’re married. Not dead. Of course you should not act on these feelings unless you become not married first. But I’ll tell you a lot of new parents end up with people cheating or leaving - and I truly believe you need to be intentional about romancing your partner (in whatever their love language happens to be). If you aren’t making your partner feel special, someone else will. And same goes for you. If your partner is not making you feel special, your eye will wander. And not everyone stays faithful. So make sure you get those nights out and you aren’t seeing each other as just parents. You should also consider that if you are having thoughts about another woman - are you taking care of your business with your wife so she isn’t pining over another man? Take care of your business and these thoughts come up a lot less.
Never stop dating your wife!
My wife, is also my girlfriend and my lover. (And the kid’s mom.). But, I always try to treat her as my girlfriend and my lover.
My wife is my ex girlfriend and my lover!
You’re human, lots of people are gorgeous, you look at them, and then look away, get on with your life
Look is the key word here. Is the crush based on looks alone or is OP actively spending time around this person and falling for the personality. If it’s the latter then just back off and stick to looking from afar. Easy.
It’s ok to feel things; just don’t act on them.
What's your best case scenario? - you and Hot Mom fall madly for one another and you both divorce and marry each other? So then your wife moves on (and she will) and another man raises your kids while you're raising Hot Mom's kids? Nothing against step-parenting but that's a long and steep slope. Or maybe you just bang her. Nice! - sneak around until you get tired of each other, which you will, or worse, you get caught by someone and now you're the neighborhood asshole. Either way you live with it for a long time. A long, long time. You got married, had kids, that's your responsibility. If your marriage is not good Hot Mom won't be your first crush and she won't be your last, so you have to think through that whole is-my-marriage-a-bad-marriage? thing, which is a separate animal from a simple boner for some other woman. But if you love your wife, and you like your wife, and if you want to grow your family together through your kid's progression into adulthood, which is a wonderful experience, *don't fuck it up!*
Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance.
This is the first time I've ever heard that expression. I love it.
Go jerk off and think about it again
Post nut clarity hits hard
I've not seen this in the comments. But how do you think your wife handles this situation? I'm sure there are some sexy daddies during the school run. She may even fantasise about them. But you're what she really wants, you're stability, you're the daddy of her kids. Nothing beats that. A long time ago, my wife and I started to talk about these kinds of things and check people out together. It can make for some really good conversations. Sometime we even act out some attractive traits that aren't typically 'us traits'. But not everyone is like that, and I'm not suggesting you should be. But this is a two-way street.
Let it go bruh.. it’s just lust.. u see her in a controlled setting.. behind closed doors she might be bat shit or something worse.. never worth it trust me
A crush is just a lack of information. Maybe she sucks at wiping and all her underwear have skidmarks. Keep the lust in your fantasy my dude. Don’t ruin a good marriage and loving family (assuming it’s good).
Hey man you’re not going to get through life without the occasional crush. Consider it for what it is, and dive into the life you have built with your family. Your wife will have them as well, this is why you both need to keep your relationship strong.
I know I'm lucky to have an open minded wife... Not open relationship. But, she's straight told me that she doesn't really care how my engine revs, just so long as I only park my car in her garage.
Mine says “you can look at the menu, but come home for dinner”
It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.
My wife and I have always said it’s fine to window shop, so long as you don’t try anybody on.
I would like to nominate you for "creative use of words"...
Oh so you married Boner Garage.
Instead of fantasising about this crush, imagine and clearly walk through the steps of what would happen when others, like your wife, your kids, your parents and hers, and so on, find out. Walk yourself through how you’ll feel in that situation and the significant downstream impact of it all. Most of the time that’ll set you straight, and if it doesn’t seem so bad - you likely have a deeper issue.
One more thing to add on your good post. If he has a conscience then imagine the guilt. Even if no one were ever to find out - you will know what you did. And you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life. Think about it. We’ve all done e things we regret but in this case imagine your wife smiling at you with love and knowing she shouldn’t trust you. Imagine your kids telling you how they respect you and you’re their hero but you know they shouldn’t. That’s a lot of weight to carry around forever.
This is an important point. My first wife was emotionally abusive and I was miserable for many years. Four or five years before the marriage ended one of my coworkers and I really connected and were on a path that was probably going to lead to an affair. It didn’t happen for a couple of reasons but one was I didn’t want to carry that guilt around. Even if it went as perfect as it could have (wife never found out, a short un-messy end with the coworker) I would have the guilt that would eat at me for the rest of my life. Not acting on it meant that I could focus on the fact that this stunningly attractive woman saw in me something that made her enjoy spending time with me. That gave me more confidence in myself and reason not buy into my wife’s claims that I was a horrible person.
Everyone has crushes. No guilt about it. Let it take over you like a wave in the ocean. Don't chase it. Don't fight against it either. Just stand still. It moves you for a while and then it's gone.
Sound advice :)
I say this as someone in a non-monogamous marriage: anything that breaks a special commitment to your marriage (like a commitment to be monogamous) isn’t worth it unless you don’t want to be in that particular marriage anymore. My wife & I are open but we made a commitment to each other that during the infancy of our kiddo (she’s almost 8 months), we wouldn’t have any flings. It’s just too much work even split between two fully present parents to even consider removing any attention or availability to spend it on someone else rn. But does that choice take work? Of course! I get crushes all the time, but in the absence of unhappiness in your relationship it is something that usually has to do with fantasy & excitement for the unknown/the novelty. Aka something that ultimately pales in comparison to the feelings that prompted the commitment in the marriage in the first place. Ppl are rarely exactly who we think they are. Novelty wears off and the unknown becomes the known. Most relationships are fun the first 3 months and then incompatibilities start to rear up & take over without dedicated work. Your commitment to a monogamous marriage is for sure more important than something that would most likely not last longer than 3 months. Exploring a crush, either unethically by cheating or ethically by asking your wife to be non-monogamous & getting her permission, will radically change your marriage. Bc either you commit a betrayal & that dynamic forever lives in the history of your marriage (or divorce), or you alter the foundation of said marriage to the point where she is *also* dating someone else/exploring crushes. ENM is a whole other world of work, dude. You gotta be so okay with the flip side if you push for it.
Was waiting for this comment as someone also in an ENM marriage
Just remember that we only see the "best" of others. We don't see their struggles, challenges, ugly sides, etc. That's all reserved for our family at home. It's like comparing your chaos to someone's Facebook page. Crushes are normal. The whole media industry is about us crushing on women. Why do you think sports Illustrated has a swimsuit issue? For fashion? Don't beat yourself up for being normal. Just remember that it's just a mental thing and you have a great life at home. (And if you don't, focus on changing that)
Meh, they're just another hot chick that's all. Your wife still runs the flag up the pole who gives a fuck, really.
I have a crush on a bunch of different women - people I work with, mums I see at playgroup, cashiers at the mall. Women are fucking CUTE dude. Not about to let any of that ruin my life though.
What do you mean you’ve “seen”. Like visually at school drop off or going out on “catch ups”? Because if it’s the second, stop.
It’s likely shared kid activities, like sports
Could be, or they have kids a similar age and are family friends. Would be good information to know to help us all understand the situation better, because people typically don't develop feelings for attractive people they just see attending shared activities.
I have seen people say to mentally go over what would happen if you did act on your feelings, but I have a bit of another mental game I like to do. I will try to focus on a real positive between me and my wife and then make up some flaw with person two. So like for example “I love how excited my wife gets over her fantasy books but I bet this other person doesn’t even know how to read” or I will imagine them being a flat earther or that they would force me to be gluten free anything weird like that.
As somebody on the other side of this, I have to ask, is it worth blowing up your life for? My wife came to me a few days before my birthday and told me that she felt really guilty about something. She had a crush on one of her male colleagues. She told him about it - she says that nothing happened, and that she told him about it, not because she wanted anything to happen, but so that she could just get it out and not carry around that secret any more. A few weeks after my birthday, she said that things hadn't been right between us since she told me about her crush. I said that we could do couples therapy. She decided that she wanted a divorce. All I can say is, acting on it will end badly. If you love and respect your wife, you'll realise that it isn't worth giving this crush any time or energy. Focus on what you need to, and let this fade away.
Not sure what special “internalizing” or processing needs to happen. Every day we make grown up decisions. We analyze situations and use our adult self-control to make the correct decision. We ignore all kinds of impulses. We run into hundreds of attractive women every year, we see opportunities to take stuff that isn’t ours, we run into annoying punchable individuals and we ignore those opportunities because we know it isn’t the right thing to do. Simple as that.
Just don’t do it bro
You don't want to ruin your life for an orgasm
I always like to imagine that people who look good on the outside and and seemingly have it all together have one terrible secret- sure she may be gorgeous and her kids may seem perfect, but I bet she uses the same knife for both the peanut butter AND the jelly, and she probably cuts the bread with it too. That's a deal breaker. It's all good fun but it helps to humanize people that we put on a pedestal, even crushes at the park. For me that usually removes the "I can't help these feelings"
OP, curious, what's she got that your wife doesn't have? or if it's anything at all besides just being a different woman.
The same way you handle any other crush you've ever had in your life that you can't act on?
Good job asking for advice. It's common to feel this around the ten-year mark or any time mid marriage. 1. Your body can make you think you want to chase a fling. But what you really want in life is respect. The admiration of your parents, your siblings, and your children is priceless. 2. You ever have an orgasm that was worth ruining your life over? Yeah, me neither 3. You're just seeing her when she's all made up and in public. When the facade comes off, there's a lot more to the picture. The thrill wears off, and there's all this drama and trauma to deal with, and an affair mistress just becomes another woman in your life. 4. The people I know who have had affairs: it did not bring them happiness. 5. Your own marriage is a garden. You've got to water the flowers and pull the weeds. You can't set it on autopilot and be sad when things aren't good.
I think I can boil all the comments here down to an excellent piece of advice I got one time from a very wise man: "When in doubt, fap it out"
Remove yourself from the situation if you can.
You put those feelings in a box, lock the box, and throw away the key. Nothing good can come from them.
You don't have feelings for her, you are lusting after another woman. Focus on your marriage, put the potential homewrecker out of your mind and stop fantacising about a non-existant relationship you do not have. You are headed for debilitating heartache and regrets you cannot even begin to imagine. Even the best case scenario where you hook up with milf, you're still going to have to look the woman in the eye and say you are leaving her for another woman. You lose your kids, your house, and the milf will always have in the back of her mind that you had no problem leaving the woman you swore before God and kin you would love for the rest of your life.
It's normal for married, committed people to very occasionally have small crushes. The important thing is that you recognize this is a crush, not something real, and act accordingly. The first thing to do is to distance yourself from this woman. This is going to be WAY more possible than you think it is. There's no real reason you should HAVE to interact with this woman on a regular basis. The next, and most important, thing is to focus your energy on your relationship with your wife. Plan a date night. Do something special. Plan a weekend getaway. Really put some energy and effort into it, remind yourself of all the things you love about her. Don't put undue pressure on her for anything, just make it clear you want to spend some extra time with her and make it happen. The crush WILL fade. It will fade very quickly if you do the above two things. Remember that you barely know this woman, and she's certainly not worth blowing up your entire life, destroying the happiness of your family, for a bit of a thrill.
POST NUT CLARITY, FTW!
I don't care how hot she is. Someone. Somewhere. Is sick of her shit. You go home and bang your wife with the motivation you got from hot mom. If you still have these thoughts, immediately post nut. You divorce and go let hot mom know how you feel. See if she's willing to date you. If you don't have the same feeling, it was just like looking at porn. All great till you're done and immediately close that browser window. Being married is a choice you make willingly and wanting every day. The minute you don't want it anymore, get rid of it, don't waste her time and yours.
Be spontaneous with your lawn. Grab your lawns ass, hug it from behind and whisper in its ear how much you want the lawn. Do the little things for your lawn and it will flourish. Volunteer to do the dishes, the laundry without being asked. Take the lawn to a spa for a day. And if all else fails give the lawn mdma in a smoothie
Ain't no way I'd be saying HOWEVA like that as though someone in your life wouldn't read that and instantly recognise it as you.
You’ve never had a crush on another woman since getting together with your wife? Dawg. I’m not sure I believe that. But in any event, it’s a crush. The most common thing in the world. Just wank it and move on with your day. It’s not a big deal. I’ve been with my wife for 18 years. I’ve had crushes on lots of people over that time. Co-workers, folks in our broad social network. Other parents. This is just part of life. It’s nothing to be worked up about. My wife has also had many crushes. Hahaha we can sometimes even call each other out on who we have crushes on (her: bears with a beard).
What separates us from animals is our ability to fight against our instincts. As long as you’re not acting on them, there’s no reason to feel bad about thoughts/feelings/instincts that aren’t necessarily good. You want advice, though? That really depends on if you’re asking for advice to help you stop thinking like this or to try and build a rationalization. At the end of the day cheating is one of the lowest lows, it doesn’t matter what the other person did or said - cheating makes you worse than them. Let’s say you do it. Marriage ruined, kids hate you, child support and alimony because the courts definitely aren’t taking your side. Maybe manages taking the kids altogether and you’re not only completely alone but you end up just being a literal paycheck since you won’t have time to do anything other than work to pay for all that + your stuff. Any woman in your life that isn’t delusional will also hate you - coworkers, family, friends, all disgusted with you. Any men that aren’t losers won’t respect you if they even speak to you at all considering they won’t want you near their families. That’s all assuming this person is even interested in you to begin with and she doesn’t ruin your life just for being a scumbag and approaching her. That possibility might be even worse because not only do you not get to fulfill whatever fantasy you had but also get to enjoy all of the consequences as if you had. Oh and don’t forget, they’re a parent too which means they also have/had someone else involved. I’ve seen plenty of dudes go after a hot mom only to find out the ex was still in love with them and willing to prove it or just straight up insane and looking for a problem. If you’re still hot and ready like little Caesar’s after all that then idk dude, go get a lobotomy or something because my stomachs started turning like halfway through typing it.
Savour the feeling and remember what you got, know that you don't actually need to act on your feelings.
Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home?
I don't think there's anything wrong with finding her attractive. You're human, not a robot. It's only a problem when you start fantasizing about the idea of this woman. Building her up in your head to be something she most likely is not. Bottom line: her shit stinks just as much as your wife's.
You let it go and don't ever act on it. Also remember this: for every beautiful woman out there, there is someone absolutely done with their shit. You're probably seeing her at her social state where she's pleasant and easy going. I guarantee you she gets into arguments with her husband/partner and has all the same stuff going on. If it's a matter of her being prettier, well, there's always someone. It's best to swallow this and let it go dude.
Dude. Fap it out and BEGONE to those thoughts. Get your head in the game.
Just rub one out and hawk twah that fantasy away
You don’t mow another man’s lawn
I recommend a book called The Way of the Superior Man. Be warned, it’s a bit weird. There are some strange patriarchal concepts, & the author uses way too many horny sounding analogies. (penetrate the world with your gifts… etc) BUT, the chapters on how to accept the energy of the divine feminine, without guilt, and redirect that energy boost for good in the world are simply brilliant. The thing that separates man from boy or beast is NOT that the man suddenly doesn’t find attraction in other women. It’s that he’s learned to shut the fuck up about it, while still using the energy it gives him to become a stronger, better man for himself & his whole world. It’s really allowed me to stop feeling guilty when feelings like this pop up, while also not feeling any temptation to act on them in any immoral way. 💪🏼
See less of her. If your frequent proximity is giving you unwelcome thoughts, see less of her and the thoughts will subside. Also, try to work out what's missing from your marriage that your subconscious thinks you might get from her, and try to see if you can get it in your marriage.
Keep it in your pants, brother, unless you want lose half your shit and only see your kids two weekends a month.