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You don’t approach women.
You’re quiet.
You’re introverted.
And you think you’re ugly.
There’s your answer. That’s why you’re not successful with women.
There’s not enough actual information in your post to tell why you’re not successful with women but you’ve answered it over and over again in the comments. You deny that you have a defeatist attitude and low self esteem but all of your comments here would suggest otherwise (and that’s all any of us have to go on to attempt to answer your question).
Even if you are objectively ugly, that's still not good enough reason. I know fat ogres who got with hot women because they believed in their value. In the past month, I've dumped two women who I initially thought were super hot, only to learn that they were very depressed and had low self-esteem. My role had to switch from being fun/sexy date to therapist/dad, and it killed my boner. That's what low self-esteem does: it kills boners, even lady boners.
Im not sure everything is that simple
I think a lot is personality...
you never know it could be self-image too, men and women do fret about their hair, makeup, hair...
Lots of women and men don't approach others, being shy...
One person who did some interesting books on shyness was Zimbardo, who's infamous in all the psychology textbooks for his Stanford Prison Experiment. I've always found it interesting that they touch on his interpretation of the Milgram Experiments or ethics, yet they don't talk about his work on shyness in people.
And some people with foul personalities, succeed with money or dating, not because of any talents or goodness, it's just that they perserve and never ever give up.
It's one lesson for people, in relationships, school or work, even the rotten people or dumb ones can zoom past you because they don't give up easily.
Lots of nice pretty women give up easy too, with the harshness of dating and friendships... others have a lucky rabbit's foot
Omg. I’m in the exact same situation as the poster. I’ve even had women look at me in public(glance) but still can’t beat that feeling and your answer hit the nail so much.
From what I've gathered funny=charisma, funny=confidence. That's about it those aspects of confidence that actually matter won't come up in a first date... Or even second
It's literally being yourself, not listening to fear in those areas, while being respectful and taking consent into consideration. If doesn't mean to be over careful or to treat people like princesses though.
Don't look at the date like a job interview. Go to have fun and try to get to know the person, while not holding back about yourself. Find common areas. Stay curious. And ask yourself if you're actually enjoying the time.
If you haven’t had a date in years, it’s not looks. Either your standards are to high, or you’re just simply not trying the right things. Do you talk to women? Do you engage? Are you entertaining? Or are you plain, monotonous, or unstable? Are you truly doomed or just stuck in a cycle of pessimism because of previous lack of success? It’s a new day. Try again.
No point in comparing yourself to other dudes. It’s only going to bring down your self esteem. You cannot see into anyone else’s relationship in an unbiased way. With your assumption, you’re assuming each couple you see has zero problems. Nobody is perfect. For all you know, one of them is cheating, or their partner sucks at communicating, or they’re about to break up in a week, or a billion other things you can only guess at.
“Yea but they get girls and you don’t”
To be honest your attitude just sucks. You sound now entitled. I felt sorry and relatable to you initially but now you are just a sore loser.
Quitting being a sore loser is a good start
No, it isn't. I'm a woman. I can find a guy completely unattractive initially, but then later I'll be really into him. It's because of his actions/attitude. It's charisma, flirting, and confidence. It's how he is in a group of people or how he speaks to me. I've dated guys I initially thought weren't attractive at all...because I loved their personality/how they carried themselves.
You need to learn some social skills and how to interact with women you're interested in. Maybe ask the advice of women in your life. Friends that are girls or even a sister? They can probably give you some tips or tell you what to do.
The answer is literally confidence and charisma. A guy that gives a genuine feel to their conversations and can keep the first couple of conversations focused on the girl and what they in the moment are interested in. As well as this, a guy that gives a genuine and good smile or can crack small jokes and be goofy when with a girl or anyone really, will have a better chance. I’m one of these people. I’m happy go lucky personality and I know to keep the conversation relevant and impactful for the person I’m talking with in person. Showing thought behind your words also helps as it shows intelligence for the person you’re talking with.
They must have something you do not have sadly. You only described your physical appearance when lots of women do not even use that characteristic as the main reason why they get into a relationship or not with a man.
> To be honest many of those dudes have a total lack of charisma
I'm going to say that you're probably a pretty bad judge of charisma for two reasons.
1. You're not a woman looking to date men, and they're probably picking up on things you don't even notice at all. They probably have charisma, just in ways that you would never look for, since you're not the target audience.
2. You probably have a blindspot with seeing where your own charisma fails, and have a hard time recognizing what others are doing differently, in subtle ways.
I like how you are passing judgement when you don't know them at all. Like KNOW KNOW them.
They might lack charisma, boring as fuck, broke, but they happen to go to the same college. You don't know that.
People are complex and people having what you don't have generally because they have traits that some appreciate but you are too judgemental/ blinded to see.
I'm a woman and I can completely relate to what you're saying. It seems so effortless for some people to get in and out of relationships at a whim, despite everything.
I can't say that I understand exactly what it is, but I do notice that after I stopped watching other people and started focusing more on things I enjoy doing and less on trying to find/meet someone, things started to happen organically with less effort. The best advice I can offer is to start doing things that make you happy and learn to be happy with yourself.
I also remind myself that some people are special and it takes a long time to find another person just as special.
It's not wrong for being a nerd, not at all. Hell, I'm a nerd. I just don't understand how every other guys is able to find women give the chance after chance and even stick around when they're being lazy, yet I can never find a woman to even give me consideration.
I compare myself to other bc clearly I'm missing someone, when I'm always the one with nothing. In many case I work in myself far more than other men, yet I'm the one always alone...I don't get it.
It’s all about self
Confidence and the way you carry yourself. not to be rude man or anything but the way your talking you sound weak in those departments .women are very lean on picking up on how a man feels about himself… I’d say work on getting out
If your shell stop
Worry about why others get what they get and try things you haven’t tried yet in getting a women’s attention respectfully… have conversations that are engaging and they are interested in… ect. Good luck tho
Think about what you do for fun and for a living. What are your goals and interests. These are topics for conversation after you introduce yourself and tell her how her smile or something else got your attention and you had to come and talk to her. If you have a problem just walking up to her, send her a drink (if you are in a place that serves alcohol and she is drinking) that helps. But talk with confidence (not arrogance) like you deserve to be there. Women like a confident man. If that doesn't work, ask her if she'd seen the keys to your Rolls Royce. You must have missed place them.
Also he said about women taking interest in them. I'm sorry to be the one to tell him, but all throughout nature women/females are the prize. Males be having to chase and work hard just to get their attention, and checking some boxes won't do much if he doesn't do those things. I'm not blaming women or men, I'm just saying that's how it's always been
I get it bro. Dating is frustrating. If you just want to vent I'm glad you got it out, but honestly you're not going to find answers on Reddit. A lot of people on here thrive on telling you that you are 100% the problem their answer is you clearly suck and thats why nobody seems to want you. People aren't here to be kind and have empathy they simply want to hurt and berate you, there's truly some mean spirited bitter folks on this app.
My best advice is to simply accept where you are currently and know that life doesn't have a personal vendetta against you, there are plenty of people out here struggling romantically. It's an epidemic honestly. I KNOW it doesn't help to know that its not just you, but ultimately, thats life. All you can do is be the best version of you that you can be on any given day. Live your best life, try to be as positive and realistic as you can with yourself. If you want to pursue something pursue it, doesn't mean you'll always win, doesn't Mena you'll always lose. I hardly ever get what I want but I tend to go for things because I know if I don't try then I nothing will happen anyway. But you are where you are and the success or lack thereof that you're having is just the nature of the universe. Keep grinding and keep putting in effort and eventually, something is bound to break your way.
Best of luck to you
Pretty good response. Rather than the constant cycle of 'you hate yourself so people hate you'. A bit of stoicism and self acceptance goes a long way. Doesn't mean it won't still be painful though.
I'm so glad someone said this. I've run into so many examples of people just immediately jumping you "well looks like YOU'RE the common denominator. YOU must be the problem!" and acting like they know everything about you from the half a paragraph you typed out. It's ridiculous.
Honestly 12 months ago I'd have agreed with you, but the main problem is most guys especially the ones who post on here, simply aren't approaching or putting themselves out there. Another bunch of guys have additional problems they need to fix like their fashion or appearance but most people's problems can be solved in 12 months, the only real time I'd say someone can claim their position isn't fixable is when they're permanently mutilated or disabled.
Might be your attitude, this post has a bit of a whiney self defeating vibe to it. People can sense if thats how you genuinely are.
Try to adjust the attitude and confidence brotha.
Its all bullshit and we all gonna die anyway
Has anyone taught you how to talk to girls?
Have you read a book about it or watch a seminar or something?
Trust the people here when they say;
Its not your face, for Men its all about your attitude. Driving a car or using a computer isn't hard to learn, but if you've never driven a car, it can seem that everyone else makes it look super-easy
If it wasn't my face, I'd be able to use OLD and I would have chances to talk with women there. It's my face. I don't get to the chance of even talking with women and having that be the issue.
i used to love that question on the old okcupid, they would ask people if 3 hours a day playing video games were a waste of time.
oh i miss their old psychology tests, better than most sites, but no one asks odd questions like that anymore!
All his responses are horribly "woe is me and there is no solution". Well, if that's your attitude, then that's what will happen. Just because you're tall and dress well doesn't mean shit lmao. I'm sure he has a bad personality and girls can sense the desperation/awkwardness. Either that or he'll tell you he's ugly and that's the reason.
Idc if you believe me or not, I have no real to lie about my life to random, anons on the internet. I'm unsuccessful bc I'm ugly. I'm too quiet to even be whiny irl.
People who comment shit like this are so unserious. I feel the same way.
I'm obviously not speaking in the same way I post on Reddit. You're not allowed to be upset about your dating life as a man here though, because women don't like whiners. Also, be open about your feelings, but only if you're gonna do it in an attractive way I guess
You’re not lying necessarily! You just don’t know everything and gotta accept it!
It’s stupid that you just want to wallow in self pity and refuse to even consider that you might be at fault somehow other than your ugliness and poor self esteem lol!
Then why post on here at all? If you think it’s just your face, get plastic surgery and be more attractive. If you think that wouldn’t help, then it’s obvious that it’s not just your face.
You go around silently noticing and resenting other men and women because of their perceived “ease” of dating. Lie to us all you want, change won’t happen until you stop lying to yourself.
If you are actually interested in self improvement check out health gamer GG on YouTube.
I don't need to lie to anon randos on the internet. Also this is a stawman. No one said anything about me resenting other people being able to easily date. I'm well past that, bc if I wasn't, I would basically be resenting everyone every time I go out. I don't resent them, I envy them if anytihng.
Ok this was just a shill comment for some YT channel...got it.
You've automatically categorised this situation into you and "them". There is no nuance, just black and white.
Call it resentment, jealousy, envy - it sounds like you spend a lot of mental energy comparing and or feeling bad about yourself.
He’s just airing out his thoughts, dude. Stop acting like you know him personally and have been following him around watching his every movement 24/7. If you’re not gonna actually comment anything constructive why bother?
That's why. You will have problems meeting women if you don't talk to them. You don't have to randomly approach girls in bars or whatever, join hobby type of classes, like cooking classes, pottery, board games, whatever may even slightly interest you. Talk casually to people there, get to know them, the same way you'd do when making friends, and if there's a girl you find attractive, add in some flirting and go from there.
Quiet and introverted can absolutely come off as weird. Not always, but it can. It also can come across as unengaging and uninteresting.
You are also asking random people on the internet for input and then arguing with everyone.
You need an external perspective and to learn more about how other people see you.
You would probably benefit from therapy and a willingness and openness towards introspection without assuming you know what's going on with yourself and how you come across. If you did, you wouldn't be posting this.
Sounds like you need therapy to detach your self-worth from your relationship status. It's a win-win. Either you cure the anxiety and self-esteem issues, making you more attractive to women, and start being able to date, or you cure the anxiety and self-esteem issues and cease to have a problem with being single.
light boat murky languid domineering absurd tidy juggle afterthought live
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think it’s more about the fact that he’s on here asking why he can’t get dates but in the comments saying it’s just his face and everyone else is wrong for suggesting otherwise. The initial post is not the issue, it’s the fact that he came for advice and is arguing with everyone instead. Someone who can’t even pretend to listen to someone trying to offer advice online is not going to have any real life tact and is likely showing the same issues in person.
If this was real life, I would beat around the bush about this comment and not be so direct, but the underlying comment that I’m trying to make is still there regardless of if I’m online or not.
Yeah exactly. He came on here asking and then there are bros defending him as needing sympathy when everyone is trying to show him that it is indeed what he is putting out into the world rather than his face.
If it was a vent post, fine. But he came he asking why!
This shitty, entitled, woe is me attitude is why.
That's not the case. I'm quiet and introverted irl. I barely say anything. There is no tone to decipher or any magical cloud people can see. I'm just ugly.
I'm quiet and introverted as fuck. I know that if I wanted, I could get girls immediately. One has flirted with me knowing I'm in a relationship. The magical cloud has nothing to do with magic. Your body language and word choices *will* reveal your true thoughts. We humans are not even nearly as in-control of our bodies as we like to think. It's really fucking difficult to lie with body language, yet everyone can read it like open book.
The answer is simple: Social skills + charisma.
Can you charm an older, hetero male who hates millennials? Can you charm your teachers? The cashier at the grocery store? If you’re fun to be around, you’ll attract all kinds.
Step away from worrying about dating and think more about social charm and fun. Read some books. Practice. Accept it will take years and months. If you can do all that, one day getting a gf will be “no big deal”.
I think it’s not easy. I know a ton of struggling single guys
But I will tell u the difference between them and my boyfriend… he asked me out… no specifically he asked me to do a group activity with some other people which I accepted, and then he asked me out at that activity
There were other ppl I would have said yes to a date. But none of them asked me. And it was clear to me that they liked me. My bf was literally the only one to ask me.
The attitude you have. It bleeds through your post. Its so negative. Also, negative attitude, clingy behavior, oversharing, all that adds up fast. I also feel like people have subconcious behaviors that helps them avoid this stuff like the plague. I personally do.
Could be that, and/or this. I'm oblivious to when women are into me, and since a lot of women don't approach you first, or when they do it's casual, and without many signs they are screaming internally for you to ask them on a date, it can be frustrating sometimes. It's usually "Oh by the way standupguy, she was totally digging you. Shame you will never see her again/she is seeing someone else now/you are a big dumb goofball".
But honestly man, it's the attitude thing. It's not 'so easy' for everyone else. How do I know? I used to think like that... That mentality isn't just a repellent to women, it's a people repellent. Don't compare yourself to others, get out into society and interact with people and do stuff you like doing, and love who you strive to be, and people will naturally show up.
So question...you say oversharing. I tend to do this and I assume it's a turnoff. I just don't like the silence I guess and try to keep the conversation going. How does one get over this in your opinion?
The answer is not that the universe is out to get you, so there **has** to be something you're doing wrong to face so much rejection.
If I had to guess, it's a desperate vibe. Women can sense when a man is interested in her versus when he just wants someone to sleep or settle down with. Who wants to date a guy who calls himself "kinda ugly" and admits he has low standards? It doesn't matter how tall you are or physically fit your body is; you won't attract a genuine connection with your mindset.
You need to work on your confidence. When women say they're attracted to confidence, it doesn't mean someone who is arrogant or unemotional. We already have to do the bulk of the emotional labor in our relationships, so none of us want to take on the added burden of a grown man's insecurities. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves, but if you're coming off whiny and self-pitying, you'll scare away the well-adjusted adults who've learned to accept their flaws.
In short, you're missing confidence.
I probably fit that stereptype you just depicted of a guy who is "less" than you, and yet have no issue with finding women to date. At 55, divorced with one minor child in tow, fully bald, small pot belly, and graying (pretty much everywhere), yet have had my share of older and younger women in this modern dating envirpnment..
So, instead of telling you what you're missing, here's a few things I've learned over the years...
1. Resilience:
You need to realize, those guys that you are seeing have all the same potential as you. Dating isn't a wait around for something to find you activity. It takes you being active in your own engagement, willingness to be rejected a few times and quickly come back for more. Eventually, the rejection won't be so bad.
2. Confidence:
Stop looking elsewhere and comparing yourself. The reason is because you're likely only seeing the filtered version of what they're projecting. Looking elsewhere also mistakenly makes you feel less, and can foster a low pevep of confidence in your own actuons.
Instead of wondwring how it is so easy for to find so many dates, try asking, why aren't they able to keep one woman?
There is a saying, "Comparison is the the thief of joy..." Ignore others, work on yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Confidence will follow.
3. Attitude:
Goes hand in hand with confidence, but is more about how you project to others what you feel about yourself. This is expecially important because bssed in how you just desctibed yourself (kind of ugly), I bet you're also projecting this to women you're coming in contact with. No one wants to be around anyone who devalues themselves so willingly.
I realized in my early twenties, it really didn't matter that I had no money, was short, and out of shape...as you can tell from above, age hasn't helped too much. Once I changed how I felt about myself, and ignored what others thought (as well as my own fears), it got easier to talk to women, and once on awhile some would approach me, dispite my flaws.
Change your approach to dating. You're approaching it from a standpoint of scarcity and desperation. You need to internalize that you don't need a partner. You're just seeing where things go. Eventually, you'll get more attention
It’s probably your lack of confidence. Once you realize it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and just go about your life as the good dude you(hopefully) are people will take notice.
You keep insisting you’re ugly. Ok let’s start with that..
Have you considered a high end hair cut, beard style? Brows done? Tattoos? Tattoos make most people instantly more attractive.
Men can use skin care products that help even skin tone etc..
There are always non surgical cosmetic options to help you improve your appearance. Start with what your natural look is - then find photos of what your ideal look might be and work towards that?
Confidence. Stop depending on the validation of women to feel complete. You’re a man, presumably a working man as well. Take care of your hygiene and dress appropriately and believe that you are a catch and that anyone would be lucky to have the love you offer.
It has nothing to do with "validation". I'm a human. I seek companionship, intimacy, romance, support, affection, etc. I can no longer stop desiring a partner, than I can denying hunger or thirst.
Also read the OP before replying nxt time, please! I already dress well and I groom to the point of metro. That and being tall and fit still isn't even the bare mininum these days bc I'm still alone.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Not all other men have an easy time getting a date. You seem to have a victim outlook and your story is self defeating. A healthy, 6’3” tall victim isn’t going to be very appealing to most women.
Also, where have you tried meeting women?
The only thing in common with the majority of guys who get dates who are just average looking, average personality guys, is time and staying active in the dating world.
If someone stays indoors after their first three rejections and doesn't come out again for a year they are going to slow their pacing down from someone who might feel the pain of rejection but also knows that most people aren't compatible and it takes time and searching to find someone. They "get back on the horse" and go back out and try again.
Also luck.
But most people do end up "lucky". The luck isn't niche or rare. Love and romance are common as mud and as bountiful as the number of stars in a night sky. Almost everyone who wants a relationship of some sort gets one, just some in their 20s, most by their 30s or 40s, and the remaining percentage after.
The guys who give guys a chance who you describe as lazy, incompatible, cheating on them, are probably troubled and have low self esteem.
Or in the case of the guy seen as "lazy" he is also relaxed, calm, reassuring, and easy-going.
Plenty of "lazy bums" drift from beach bonfire party to beach bonfire party, share their weed or their cheetos and have plenty of women kissing them or dating them or going home with them.
Everyone is looking for a slightly different set of qualities. If someone dated an A-type personality guy who had every thirty minutes of his day scheduled from 6am-11pm every day and was ambitious to a fault, they might be looking for the guy who is not as driven but is much cozier, who stops to smell the roses.
On the other hand, someone who has been with these types and found they had to be responsible for keeping all the bills paid and the home clean and the laundry washed may be looking for a guy who is a corporate wage servant, who is driven, even to the point of exhaustion because maybe she lives her life at that pace too and finds both of them being workaholics a turn on (or some healthy place in between these two extremes).
In order for a girl to take interest in you, you have to socialize with girls regularly, and not only by hitting on them. Where are the women in your city. What activities do you participate in with them, how many women are your friends, who do you socialize with? If the answer is there are no women in your life who you interact with regularly, how are they going to know about you to find interest in you?
One person's "loser" is another person's perfect match, someone who is fluffy and warm on a rainy day when they come home from work and who laughs a lot and who knows her favorite chocolate bar, or when making the food that makes him overweight prepares some for her in a smaller portion because she's asked him for low-cal dinners.
As far as abusive. If you look up the research on abused women (and abused men) you'll see how difficult it is for someone to leave that kind of person and how sometimes they don't reveal their true colors until they have you financially or otherwise trapped.
But then there are also just people out there who are clueless masochists. Or people who are also abusive. Or people who are vulnerable and innocent and are preyed upon and don't know where to turn.
It takes time. Don't fall into the trap of dating the first woman who takes an interest if it's an unhealthy situation where neither of you are healthy and content. Be open-hearted but also guard your heart a little too, you know?
It takes time, attempts, and being around women regularly.
Ive noticed that the guys who complain about not getting women are always the ones who cant get women. - no shit right? but i mean that the negativity is what is keeping people from being attracted to you.
There's plenty of ugly gross fat pathetic men who get laid. theres homeless dudes with 1 eyeball and herpes that get laid.
what they all have in common is they dont go on reddit and go "why cant i get laid?"
This is assbackward logic. Of course only men who can't get women would complain about not getting women. Why would a man who gets plenty of women complain lmao
Lol well I can appreciate someone who is so self aware...
I guess it would help if we knew how ugly you are, but considering you're 6'3 in good shape, and groom yourself you can't be all that bad. Lol i like that you include that your standards are already low.
Do you actually approach women or put yourself out there?
For one thing, some of those men are selling women dreams that they have no intention (or ability) of following up on. In some cases, women have enough self esteem to recognize the game and get out--but not always.
Second, you describe women as if we are accessories to be collected. You also seem to look at women as users, and seem a bit angry. We women who pick up on this vibe from you are going to be immediately turned off.
Spend more time getting your inner self ready for a woman, and less time worrying about your looks on the outside.
I'm not one of the few men who get attention simply for existing and it took me an *embarrassingly* long time to realize that if I don't make a move, it just ain't going to happen.
Show interest and you may very well get some back. Showing sincere interest may very well make you interesting, assuming you are not some sort of creep.
Do you approach women?
First focus on friendship. Don't force the dating angle. Be a nice human. A man your sister and mother would approve. Don't focus on your flaws, everyone has got one. Fascination stems from disassociation. The more you get acquainted with women, the more clarity you will have and the better you will get with women.
It’s all about confidence. And unfortunately, that often doesn’t come until a bit later. I’m 39 and in my prime NOW. I didn’t develop the confidence until a few years ago.
i dont get how everyone assumes you must be complaining. no one here knows anyone in real life who here actually didnt get attracted to someone only because that guy felt like he didnt have any chance
People need to stop commenting shit like this. You think he just developed this attitude out of thin fucking air?
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to "be confident" when you've had no success for 30 years? You seriously believe that he started trying to date at 14/15 with this attitude or MAYBE consistent failure while his peers did well might contribute to it just a little.
People are so unempathetic here. There was a similar post by a woman yesterday and not a single comment was "you should look at your attitude"
Your advice is to believe in things that are proven false, and your assumption is that he's never dated because of his beliefs which have clearly been built up over time.
The advice itself is boilerplate "don't look and it'll come" platitudunal nonsense.
I'm not offering advice. I'm providing comfort
So your message to him is…there, there and pat him on the head? That’s going to help…
I’d rather take real advice. I might not be correct in his case but at least it hopefully gives him the idea to do some real self analysis and either adjust what’s he’s doing wrong or get therapy.
That you consider your copy/paste platitudes "real advice" says everything about how little you've struggled.
I promise you that you're far less helpful than you think you are
Women can sense that self loathing shit. No one wants to get onboard a sinking ship. If you don’t exude confidence, happiness, and capability women will pass right over you. This sounds like a self esteem issue.
Step one: stop comparing yourself to other men. You have no idea how hard they’re working from the outside looking in
I don’t think it’s magical to form conceptions about a person you’re speaking to. Perception/intuition is a skill that a lot of people have.
But honestly, I can’t answer your question because I focus on improving myself rather than wasting time thinking about the shortcomings of other men. Good luck to you
Sociopaths can be amazing at putting up a fake face, that's why. Sociopaths are great at faking charm
Women generally prefer extroverts, and of the few that don't, still want someone put together to some extent
Then clearly that "sense of smell" is worthless since sociopath and douchebags and the like can easily debunk it..
I am mostly put together, I'm just ugly, which prevents me from getting an consideration.
You're not a sociopath or douchbag, so you cannot fool women that well. Women are just people, but they are decently capable of discerning your average man
The average person gives away their personality very easily.
1) what are your interests and actual passions? What do you do that isn't profit focused or designed around gaining the approval of other men?
2) Do you have any female friends? Women that, even if you want to sleep with, you're not pursuing in that fashion?
3) Do you listen to women when they give you advice over men?
One of the biggest thing I find in common with men who are continually single is that they do not listen to women or put themselves in places where women are.
I'm polyam, I have, for the sake of ease, 5 women available for romance/sex. I'm overweight and poor, so what is my secret? According to them, I'm nice, I dont objectify them, they feel safe around me, and I genuinely engage them in conversation.
Like, the bar is really low, find a woman, be her friend, genuinely, and if she doesn't want to date you, I can guarantee she'll introduce you to a friend group with a single woman who is interested.
How are your social skills? Honestly a lot of it just comes down the numbers; social men will meet more new people (and therefore more women) and statistically-speaking a few of those women will want to give him a chance.
You've already stated some of these guys aren't attractive so it's clearly not simply looks. As much as some women care a lot about looks, a lot of women also are willing to give a guy a chance if he's funny/charismatic/warm/comfortable to be around.
I actually think it's a cocktail of luck, rizz, and lack of self awareness which actually gives off faux confidence
Guys who are hyper aware and "care" about things often tend to do worse
likely confidence, and willingness to shoot your shot, personality, etc.
you think chunkers just had some chick approach him in a bar and hit it off? he probably got shot down all the time till they found someone. how many people have you ASKED out on dates in the past years? none?
The first thing you have to do is tell yourself this process will take 10 years. Then crack on. Join all dating apps and play the long game. Learn Salsa, I hear it’s rife with opportunities. Talk to women who can help you become more interesting and charming.
Know your value , don’t get caught up in the illusion of what you see , sometimes as Men we put Women on a pedestal, no shade thrown at the ladies , Most women out on the scene have a hundred dudes nibbling at the the hook , telling them BS and they have to figure out what’s their best option, make friends with Women don’t chase after them the more Women you get to know platonically the more doors open , if you are looking for a quality female just like they wade through us you have to wade through them , if you are operating out of anger , doubt and the rest of it that will be your fate ; loneliness. If you are authentic and honest with yourself about who/ what you are it will work out, a lot of what you are saying you see is just a facade , figure out what you really want and live your life to match that .
Actually I think maybe you should try going for more attractive women. In my experience ugly women are hard to win over because they’re likely to have self esteem issues just like you. You shouldn’t assume someone is desperate just because they’re ugly. Desperation is caused by circumstances, not appearance, if that makes sense
You need to try. I can give you any number of platitudes to make you feel better but I won't. You need to keep trying and get out there. There are indeed social events you can look up, single mixers, and other ways to meet people. You need to get out there. That's the ONLY surefire way to meet someone eventually.
No excuses. No bullshit. No whining about how life is unfair. That shit doesn't fly, nor does it help. Go outside.
Study comedy specials or look up a channel called Charisma on Command so you can find better and efficient ways to break the ice and communicate with people.
You claimed to have lower standards. Raise your standards. Somehow -and don’t ask me how- people can tell when you’d say yes to anything that’s capable of walking on two legs. Start pursuing quality, and then quality will put a higher social value on you in return.
Sorry ahead of time for all the people in here projecting. It's tough as a guy to get useful help and advice and people who give a shit it's never anyone else is a guy right it's only you. Anyways It's tough out there for all of us. I know good looking women that have been single for two plus years being picky through the roof and also guys that have been single for two plus years getting ghosted left and right. It's just the state of relationships right now.
Keep putting yourself out there focus on getting a good friend group as a way to just be social and expand your circle of people you know. Best way to meet a girl is through another friend. There's just so much garbage out there even though we have dating apps it's like so many people use them now that It's actually more of a filtering problem than it is getting matches. I'm trying to make sure that who I like every day are only women that are quality. So that when I get matches I dont have to waste my time
But it'll happen man sounds like you just need to be more social.
Spotlight fallacy, my dude. Of course it seems like it's easy to date for other people, because you can only see the cases where they are successfully dating.
You're not seeing the amount of 'no's they take before getting a 'yes', or the time it takes them to build a relationship with someone they want, or the inner thoughts of the people you think are successful but they themselves might think they're shit.
Everywhere you go will have guys that can get women without a problem. Everywhere you go also has about a thousand other types of people that you didn't focus on, so you can't really know if the ones you look at are representative of the whole.
You complain too much.
Instead of worrying about other men, focus on what you're doing. For me, I was always shy and afraid to talk to girls, I'd even call myself an introvert, but sometimes I genuinely don't enjoy the company of other people. In the past 7 years I became a hybrid, to where people confuse me for being an extrovert.
But I still talk to every girl and guy I come across because I see socialising as a muscle that needs to get exercise or I get awkward and anti social. So even someone at the cash register at a gas station, I'd crack jokes with them or flirt with a girl I'm not attracted to at all just to workout that muscle. I did that for years and ended up talking to women that I'd have a heart attack if I spoke to them 10 years ago because of how pretty they are.
But stop complaining and watching other people and criticising them. And if a girl rejects you, don't take it personally, because you don't even really know this girl. She could've ruined your life if all you know but she rejected you so you don't have to worry about that anymore.
Just to add: behind every date is probably hundreds of interactions with other people that did not result in dates. Don't look at the results, look at what happened behind the scenes that results in dates.
I know a few guys who text me all the time about something that relates to either sex, nude models, porn, paying for a hooker etc, and their hot girlfriends don't have a clue! They are balding badly too and swear in almost every sentence. Yet when they find out about what they do they still give him another chance, because they know he has money, works out every day, has nice cars etc.
On the flip side I know a few colleagues who work out casually, can pay their bills no problem, drive a normal car, rent, full head of hair, don't talk or treat women that sexual objects and they can't for the life of them get a girlfriend because they are too nice, loyal and honest.
What gives? Their looks, hair, appearance, facial features? Who knows. Most women won't give men a chance because of the plethora of options they have at their disposal based on their own looks.
I don’t think anyone is listening to OP. It’s not about confidence, as he can’t even get his foot in the door. So, he’s not getting any matches so no chance of communicating.
It doesn't look like OP is listening to OP either.
OP: I don't understand why I can't get women. I am kind of ugly but many men who do get women are much uglier than me.
Reddit: Ok maybe it is your personality.
OP: No, it's my face. I'm ugly.
Reddit: Ok... So how about we work on that...
OP: But lots of guys uglier than me get women.
Reddit: ...
I think OP wants a "magic pill" or "secret" that will make the things they want easier to get and require little or no real change on their part. I've wanted the same myself plenty of times.
I think this is just a trick the mind/ego plays on us to manipulate us into staying safe and not expending too much energy/effort.
You might ask why the mind would do that when it should be getting us to procreate right? The hard truth here is often that porn is sating that need just enough to keep the impetus for change from crossing the threshold it needs to facilitate change.
It's self-soothing really.
He's stuck and technology is playing a big role in keeping him there I would bet. I have sympathy for that.
What scares me most right now about the epidemic of lonely men is how likely we are to use technology to fix the problem when it is already likely the cause of it.
Our minds are not remotely evolved enough for the technology we are using now and I think it's really starting to show socially. It's gonna get worse before it gets better too.
Victims of our own success us hoomans.
By not being an asshole for the most part. Just dont be one of those guys who tries too hard as well. Respect their boundaries. Be confident. Accept rejection and don't whine about it.
You're trying to be perfect. Tell them your flaws and what you're working on. If they see a guy working on things but is great for a relationship then it's more geniune than trying to portray yourself as "perfect". I don't think women want perfection, they want someone great for them, but can own up to problems.
To get women, if you don’t have the obvious, looks, you need charisma. You need to be socially charming. And you need to put yourself out there. The men who really get a lot of dates are the men that get rejected the most. They know to keep trying. And they know how to catch interest with words and body language.
lol it absolutely can be learned. Yes some have a natural talent. That’s true of every skill. And it can be learned by those who don’t have a natural talent. Just like every skill.
Also change your fucking attitude. Your name is successful is not an option. I follow this dude with cerebral palsy Ina fucking wheel chair who has a hot sss wife. If he can do it, so can you fuckwad.
Guys who can get women dont care much of their own accomplishments and they are ok to be rejected. And, they usually cast their net in the ocean instead of using a fishing rod.
Dating is not easier for other dudes. Sometimes they make it seem easy. All you see is the successes and catastrophic failures. You don't see the quiet failures. It can be discouraging, awkward, and painful. What you need to do is put yourself out there. I'll let you know when I figure out how to do that.
Successful dating is a catch-22. You simply can't get a date in most cases if you're an average man or below if you have absolutely no confidence at all. You also have to have a certain amount of not give a f*** as to the answer a woman gives you as to a yes or a no.
And here's the rub you're never going to get the confidence Until you've actually scored And you're never going to be able to display the aura of I don't give A fuck unless you have multiple options.
So, the only way to overcome all of these obstacles is to develop unbelievable acting skills and total control over your facial expressions.
Apart from learning these acting skills and facial expressions, you do realize that a psychopath can understand how to do these things. So you really have to examine your overall life in general. do you have a circle of friends that like you? Do you have a social life at all? Do you have any male friends that actually have some success with women, and do they allow you to hang out with them? The funny thing about trying to get a date is if even your male friends don't want to hang out with you, how do you expect any woman to want to hang out with you. This is the Catch 22. If you can't love yourself, people aren't going to like you, and women are going to ignore you, especially if you're lacking in the looks Department.
There are going to be a lot of people who discount everything I've written above because they know plenty of examples of horrible people who get dates all the time. Well don't confuse people who are successful in dating because of their narcissistic attitudes about themselves because what you will find is those individuals will be able to get dates but they can't hold on to those people. The people who are really successful in dating and can display that confidence because they know who they are and they love themselves, those are the people that are successful in life.
I see all the others blaming the guy when he's down and doesn't know why. This is classic internet bullying bullshit. Instead of helping, they're amusing themselves. People in this thread are fucked up. OP, world is just upside down now. Good is suddenly bad and having values has no worth nowadays.
I mean, he’s at fault here too! He’s dismissing every advice given to him with whataboutism! Every advice given, he’s like “but what about other men who don’t do this and are successful?” Is his answer to almost every advice given lmao!
He needs to accept that he’s not as lucky as these “other men” and needs to out 10x effort than those of other men, especially if he’s truly ugly! But he refuses to do anything other than sit at home and swipe on dating apps with his other dick in his hand and is surprised a woman isn’t magically falling on his lap and sucking his dick!
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Dating works very similarly to net wealth in the U.S. It doesn't just go up proportionally, it goes up by multiples.
Below a certain level- it gets very bleak.
Bottom line- work to get into a higher level.
I specifically asked OP if he wanted my help. He doesn’t want any help. He’s just here to complain. Everyone has given this guy plenty of help and ppl have reached out to him with no response. He doesn’t want any help, just attention and a pity party for 1.
You're too inside of your own head so you basically shoot yourself in the foot w neuroticism, that's why you can't get w gf because you're always thinking about it and a big ball of anxiety and stress whenever you try to get with a girl and scare yourself out of it.
Judging by the comment section, OP is not looking for advice. He is fishing for sympathy and validation in his defeatist attitude. Does not want to face the truth that his anxiety and lack of social interactions need to be addressed
It sounds like
> A: You are giving up before you’ve started trying.
and
> B: You need to get help with those anxiety and self-esteem issues.
Seriously, if you aren’t willing to go out, put yourself out in the social spaces and situations or utilize online dating resources, as deficient as they are, I don’t know why you’re surprised that you aren’t having luck in the romantic department.
Social skills, especially when dealing with women. Women call it "creepy". It means you don't jive with who you are. You are giving off a vibe that makes women think something is off base.
Example:
A Bradley Cooper looking guy walks in to Starbucks. His face is straight. He looks nobody in the eyes. He stares at the barista's boobs and talks in a monotone voice with no emotion.
The women will say, "That was the hottest creepy dude I've ever seen. That makes him more creepy. "
Make sense?
This is really hard to diagnose without knowing more about how you approach dating, what your personality is like, etc. My initial uninformed guess is that you probably need to take more shots (either on dating apps or with in-person approaches which let you show off your height and dress sense more effectively).
1. You lack confidence
2. You are probably giving off desperate energy
3. You care too much. Stop giving a fuck, own who you are and be confident in it.
4. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.
5. If you say you have low standards it's possible that women also think you have low standard and women are competitive with each other. Think about it which woman wants to be your low standard.
6. You also probably give off nice guy energy.
7. You don't approach. In my 20's that's all we had now I can understand why you young guys don't, growing basically with an intermediary for most of your life means that you will not be good with face to face interactions. Sorry to tell you, you are gonna have to get over it and get rejected over and over and over until you get it right. All it is is being confident in your own skin.
Sorry to say but some people just don’t have what it takes. My advice, just give up. At your age it’s already kinda too late for you. It’s not worth your time, money, or mental health anymore. Just give up and move on.
Advocate for this as well. At 24, I've done everything I can do be the best I can be. I haven't fully established a proper workout routine, but I'm also not fat or out of shape by any margin. I dress well, good social skills, good job, lots of ambition.
I lose consistently to tall, white men who treat their girlfriends like shit.
It isn't worth my mental health anymore, either. It was too late the second I hit 20 and hadn't dated anyone. Dating in highschool is a requirement for success - if you get into college without having dated anyone you need to realize it will never happen. This would have saved me so much pain.
Girls don't want guys that other girls don't want. If you don't have what it takes, you don't have what it takes. All this bs about self-love and improvement is to make us feel better about the inevitable truth - you are born destined for a relationship or you are born to be alone.
> Dating in highschool is a requirement for success - if you get into college without having dated anyone you need to realize it will never happen.
No, college is still not too late. Now if you haven't dated at all in college then you are in trouble.
Dating in highschool is a requirement for dating in college. I didn't get any dates in college, either. Mostly because my lack of experience prior made it impossible to know how.
I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Date in highschool, be attractive in highschool. If you don't, you WILL be fucked over.
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You don’t approach women. You’re quiet. You’re introverted. And you think you’re ugly. There’s your answer. That’s why you’re not successful with women. There’s not enough actual information in your post to tell why you’re not successful with women but you’ve answered it over and over again in the comments. You deny that you have a defeatist attitude and low self esteem but all of your comments here would suggest otherwise (and that’s all any of us have to go on to attempt to answer your question).
Even if you are objectively ugly, that's still not good enough reason. I know fat ogres who got with hot women because they believed in their value. In the past month, I've dumped two women who I initially thought were super hot, only to learn that they were very depressed and had low self-esteem. My role had to switch from being fun/sexy date to therapist/dad, and it killed my boner. That's what low self-esteem does: it kills boners, even lady boners.
I love your answer. And you would be CORRECT... he's prolly not ugly at ALL lol.
100%
Im not sure everything is that simple I think a lot is personality... you never know it could be self-image too, men and women do fret about their hair, makeup, hair... Lots of women and men don't approach others, being shy... One person who did some interesting books on shyness was Zimbardo, who's infamous in all the psychology textbooks for his Stanford Prison Experiment. I've always found it interesting that they touch on his interpretation of the Milgram Experiments or ethics, yet they don't talk about his work on shyness in people. And some people with foul personalities, succeed with money or dating, not because of any talents or goodness, it's just that they perserve and never ever give up. It's one lesson for people, in relationships, school or work, even the rotten people or dumb ones can zoom past you because they don't give up easily. Lots of nice pretty women give up easy too, with the harshness of dating and friendships... others have a lucky rabbit's foot
Omg. I’m in the exact same situation as the poster. I’ve even had women look at me in public(glance) but still can’t beat that feeling and your answer hit the nail so much.
Confidence and Charisma. That's what you're missing.
Hey! So, I get dates but struggle to get the second day. For you, what is charisma and how do I portay it with confidence?
From what I've gathered funny=charisma, funny=confidence. That's about it those aspects of confidence that actually matter won't come up in a first date... Or even second
It's literally being yourself, not listening to fear in those areas, while being respectful and taking consent into consideration. If doesn't mean to be over careful or to treat people like princesses though. Don't look at the date like a job interview. Go to have fun and try to get to know the person, while not holding back about yourself. Find common areas. Stay curious. And ask yourself if you're actually enjoying the time.
To be honest many of those dudes have a total lack of charisma. I think it's just looks tbh.
If you haven’t had a date in years, it’s not looks. Either your standards are to high, or you’re just simply not trying the right things. Do you talk to women? Do you engage? Are you entertaining? Or are you plain, monotonous, or unstable? Are you truly doomed or just stuck in a cycle of pessimism because of previous lack of success? It’s a new day. Try again.
>I think it's just looks tbh you think ugly people cant get laid? lol you are serious? go to walmart and look around at the couples.
No point in comparing yourself to other dudes. It’s only going to bring down your self esteem. You cannot see into anyone else’s relationship in an unbiased way. With your assumption, you’re assuming each couple you see has zero problems. Nobody is perfect. For all you know, one of them is cheating, or their partner sucks at communicating, or they’re about to break up in a week, or a billion other things you can only guess at.
“Yea but they get girls and you don’t” To be honest your attitude just sucks. You sound now entitled. I felt sorry and relatable to you initially but now you are just a sore loser. Quitting being a sore loser is a good start
No, it isn't. I'm a woman. I can find a guy completely unattractive initially, but then later I'll be really into him. It's because of his actions/attitude. It's charisma, flirting, and confidence. It's how he is in a group of people or how he speaks to me. I've dated guys I initially thought weren't attractive at all...because I loved their personality/how they carried themselves. You need to learn some social skills and how to interact with women you're interested in. Maybe ask the advice of women in your life. Friends that are girls or even a sister? They can probably give you some tips or tell you what to do.
The answer is literally confidence and charisma. A guy that gives a genuine feel to their conversations and can keep the first couple of conversations focused on the girl and what they in the moment are interested in. As well as this, a guy that gives a genuine and good smile or can crack small jokes and be goofy when with a girl or anyone really, will have a better chance. I’m one of these people. I’m happy go lucky personality and I know to keep the conversation relevant and impactful for the person I’m talking with in person. Showing thought behind your words also helps as it shows intelligence for the person you’re talking with.
They must have something you do not have sadly. You only described your physical appearance when lots of women do not even use that characteristic as the main reason why they get into a relationship or not with a man.
Could just be exposure. Try to be around women through hobbies and such. Take a night class etc.
> To be honest many of those dudes have a total lack of charisma I'm going to say that you're probably a pretty bad judge of charisma for two reasons. 1. You're not a woman looking to date men, and they're probably picking up on things you don't even notice at all. They probably have charisma, just in ways that you would never look for, since you're not the target audience. 2. You probably have a blindspot with seeing where your own charisma fails, and have a hard time recognizing what others are doing differently, in subtle ways.
I like how you are passing judgement when you don't know them at all. Like KNOW KNOW them. They might lack charisma, boring as fuck, broke, but they happen to go to the same college. You don't know that. People are complex and people having what you don't have generally because they have traits that some appreciate but you are too judgemental/ blinded to see.
I'm a woman and I can completely relate to what you're saying. It seems so effortless for some people to get in and out of relationships at a whim, despite everything. I can't say that I understand exactly what it is, but I do notice that after I stopped watching other people and started focusing more on things I enjoy doing and less on trying to find/meet someone, things started to happen organically with less effort. The best advice I can offer is to start doing things that make you happy and learn to be happy with yourself. I also remind myself that some people are special and it takes a long time to find another person just as special.
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It's not wrong for being a nerd, not at all. Hell, I'm a nerd. I just don't understand how every other guys is able to find women give the chance after chance and even stick around when they're being lazy, yet I can never find a woman to even give me consideration. I compare myself to other bc clearly I'm missing someone, when I'm always the one with nothing. In many case I work in myself far more than other men, yet I'm the one always alone...I don't get it.
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It’s all about self Confidence and the way you carry yourself. not to be rude man or anything but the way your talking you sound weak in those departments .women are very lean on picking up on how a man feels about himself… I’d say work on getting out If your shell stop Worry about why others get what they get and try things you haven’t tried yet in getting a women’s attention respectfully… have conversations that are engaging and they are interested in… ect. Good luck tho
Think about what you do for fun and for a living. What are your goals and interests. These are topics for conversation after you introduce yourself and tell her how her smile or something else got your attention and you had to come and talk to her. If you have a problem just walking up to her, send her a drink (if you are in a place that serves alcohol and she is drinking) that helps. But talk with confidence (not arrogance) like you deserve to be there. Women like a confident man. If that doesn't work, ask her if she'd seen the keys to your Rolls Royce. You must have missed place them.
Also he said about women taking interest in them. I'm sorry to be the one to tell him, but all throughout nature women/females are the prize. Males be having to chase and work hard just to get their attention, and checking some boxes won't do much if he doesn't do those things. I'm not blaming women or men, I'm just saying that's how it's always been
I get it bro. Dating is frustrating. If you just want to vent I'm glad you got it out, but honestly you're not going to find answers on Reddit. A lot of people on here thrive on telling you that you are 100% the problem their answer is you clearly suck and thats why nobody seems to want you. People aren't here to be kind and have empathy they simply want to hurt and berate you, there's truly some mean spirited bitter folks on this app. My best advice is to simply accept where you are currently and know that life doesn't have a personal vendetta against you, there are plenty of people out here struggling romantically. It's an epidemic honestly. I KNOW it doesn't help to know that its not just you, but ultimately, thats life. All you can do is be the best version of you that you can be on any given day. Live your best life, try to be as positive and realistic as you can with yourself. If you want to pursue something pursue it, doesn't mean you'll always win, doesn't Mena you'll always lose. I hardly ever get what I want but I tend to go for things because I know if I don't try then I nothing will happen anyway. But you are where you are and the success or lack thereof that you're having is just the nature of the universe. Keep grinding and keep putting in effort and eventually, something is bound to break your way. Best of luck to you
Pretty good response. Rather than the constant cycle of 'you hate yourself so people hate you'. A bit of stoicism and self acceptance goes a long way. Doesn't mean it won't still be painful though.
I'm so glad someone said this. I've run into so many examples of people just immediately jumping you "well looks like YOU'RE the common denominator. YOU must be the problem!" and acting like they know everything about you from the half a paragraph you typed out. It's ridiculous.
Honestly 12 months ago I'd have agreed with you, but the main problem is most guys especially the ones who post on here, simply aren't approaching or putting themselves out there. Another bunch of guys have additional problems they need to fix like their fashion or appearance but most people's problems can be solved in 12 months, the only real time I'd say someone can claim their position isn't fixable is when they're permanently mutilated or disabled.
Might be your attitude, this post has a bit of a whiney self defeating vibe to it. People can sense if thats how you genuinely are. Try to adjust the attitude and confidence brotha. Its all bullshit and we all gonna die anyway
I don't come off as whiny irl, it's reddit so I'm going to air out my frustrations. I have tact irl. My face is a far bigger issue than my attitude.
Has anyone taught you how to talk to girls? Have you read a book about it or watch a seminar or something? Trust the people here when they say; Its not your face, for Men its all about your attitude. Driving a car or using a computer isn't hard to learn, but if you've never driven a car, it can seem that everyone else makes it look super-easy
If it wasn't my face, I'd be able to use OLD and I would have chances to talk with women there. It's my face. I don't get to the chance of even talking with women and having that be the issue.
How much time do you play video games?
what?
How much time do you spend in front of a screen twiddling your thumbs playing games that are animated?
Virtually none anymore. The last game I bought was in August.
How much time before anymore?
I mean the older I've gotten the less I played. The last time I was REALLY into VG was during the 360/ps3 days. What's your point?
i used to love that question on the old okcupid, they would ask people if 3 hours a day playing video games were a waste of time. oh i miss their old psychology tests, better than most sites, but no one asks odd questions like that anymore!
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Why are you kicking him when he's down? Shit behavior.
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Ummm, maybe he wants a little empathy? Ever heard of that, you know the kind of shit we usually give every woman for doing the same damn thing.
Yes, acting like a know it all is a great way to get sympathy.
All his responses are horribly "woe is me and there is no solution". Well, if that's your attitude, then that's what will happen. Just because you're tall and dress well doesn't mean shit lmao. I'm sure he has a bad personality and girls can sense the desperation/awkwardness. Either that or he'll tell you he's ugly and that's the reason.
Idc if you believe me or not, I have no real to lie about my life to random, anons on the internet. I'm unsuccessful bc I'm ugly. I'm too quiet to even be whiny irl.
People who comment shit like this are so unserious. I feel the same way. I'm obviously not speaking in the same way I post on Reddit. You're not allowed to be upset about your dating life as a man here though, because women don't like whiners. Also, be open about your feelings, but only if you're gonna do it in an attractive way I guess
You're 100% right, and it's weird that literally no one else ever mentions any of this.
People aren't here to help you if you post as a man here. They're here to gloat about their success. If you want advice and empathy, post as a woman
Can you send me your pic? I am sure you just overreacting towards the looks
You’re not lying necessarily! You just don’t know everything and gotta accept it! It’s stupid that you just want to wallow in self pity and refuse to even consider that you might be at fault somehow other than your ugliness and poor self esteem lol!
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Ugly people don't exist apparently to you lol, where do you live Los Angeles 🫵🤣?
I don't go around calling myself ugly irl. I have tact. Again, my energy isn't what's repelling women, it's my face.
Then why post on here at all? If you think it’s just your face, get plastic surgery and be more attractive. If you think that wouldn’t help, then it’s obvious that it’s not just your face.
You go around silently noticing and resenting other men and women because of their perceived “ease” of dating. Lie to us all you want, change won’t happen until you stop lying to yourself. If you are actually interested in self improvement check out health gamer GG on YouTube.
I don't need to lie to anon randos on the internet. Also this is a stawman. No one said anything about me resenting other people being able to easily date. I'm well past that, bc if I wasn't, I would basically be resenting everyone every time I go out. I don't resent them, I envy them if anytihng. Ok this was just a shill comment for some YT channel...got it.
You've automatically categorised this situation into you and "them". There is no nuance, just black and white. Call it resentment, jealousy, envy - it sounds like you spend a lot of mental energy comparing and or feeling bad about yourself.
What is your point?
He’s just airing out his thoughts, dude. Stop acting like you know him personally and have been following him around watching his every movement 24/7. If you’re not gonna actually comment anything constructive why bother?
I know some ugly ass dudes that pull like crazy. And they’re short and fat. It’s not that. It’s your personality.
Try growing your hair? I havent gotten a haircut in a year-ish and barely shave. I think it helped me land my GF honestly. Im guessing here bruhhh
You’re probably not fun to be around. Have a weird vibe and say weird things and your attitude is probably off putting
I don't say weird things, I don't say much of anything tbh. I'm a quiet introvert, not weird.
That's why. You will have problems meeting women if you don't talk to them. You don't have to randomly approach girls in bars or whatever, join hobby type of classes, like cooking classes, pottery, board games, whatever may even slightly interest you. Talk casually to people there, get to know them, the same way you'd do when making friends, and if there's a girl you find attractive, add in some flirting and go from there.
women are generally into people with sociability
Quiet and introverted can absolutely come off as weird. Not always, but it can. It also can come across as unengaging and uninteresting. You are also asking random people on the internet for input and then arguing with everyone. You need an external perspective and to learn more about how other people see you. You would probably benefit from therapy and a willingness and openness towards introspection without assuming you know what's going on with yourself and how you come across. If you did, you wouldn't be posting this.
“i have anxiety and low self-esteem so i never try and ask women out or approach them at all” -you, in a previous post - that’s your problem
The anxiety and low self-esteem are a by product of having no dating prospects. I can't really work on that...if I can't get dates.
Sounds like you need therapy to detach your self-worth from your relationship status. It's a win-win. Either you cure the anxiety and self-esteem issues, making you more attractive to women, and start being able to date, or you cure the anxiety and self-esteem issues and cease to have a problem with being single.
This post is why.
10000%
No, bc I wouldn't be making this post if I could actually meet women...
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I think it’s more about the fact that he’s on here asking why he can’t get dates but in the comments saying it’s just his face and everyone else is wrong for suggesting otherwise. The initial post is not the issue, it’s the fact that he came for advice and is arguing with everyone instead. Someone who can’t even pretend to listen to someone trying to offer advice online is not going to have any real life tact and is likely showing the same issues in person. If this was real life, I would beat around the bush about this comment and not be so direct, but the underlying comment that I’m trying to make is still there regardless of if I’m online or not.
Yeah exactly. He came on here asking and then there are bros defending him as needing sympathy when everyone is trying to show him that it is indeed what he is putting out into the world rather than his face. If it was a vent post, fine. But he came he asking why! This shitty, entitled, woe is me attitude is why.
Yeah, but the tone you have here will show through. In real life it's gonna be like a stinky cloud around you, and everyone can see it.
That's not the case. I'm quiet and introverted irl. I barely say anything. There is no tone to decipher or any magical cloud people can see. I'm just ugly.
I'm quiet and introverted as fuck. I know that if I wanted, I could get girls immediately. One has flirted with me knowing I'm in a relationship. The magical cloud has nothing to do with magic. Your body language and word choices *will* reveal your true thoughts. We humans are not even nearly as in-control of our bodies as we like to think. It's really fucking difficult to lie with body language, yet everyone can read it like open book.
Quiet is a tone. Ugly people get women.
The answer is simple: Social skills + charisma. Can you charm an older, hetero male who hates millennials? Can you charm your teachers? The cashier at the grocery store? If you’re fun to be around, you’ll attract all kinds. Step away from worrying about dating and think more about social charm and fun. Read some books. Practice. Accept it will take years and months. If you can do all that, one day getting a gf will be “no big deal”.
I think it’s not easy. I know a ton of struggling single guys But I will tell u the difference between them and my boyfriend… he asked me out… no specifically he asked me to do a group activity with some other people which I accepted, and then he asked me out at that activity There were other ppl I would have said yes to a date. But none of them asked me. And it was clear to me that they liked me. My bf was literally the only one to ask me.
Are you incapable of asking anybody? You make it sound like women can't speak.
I was happy single so I wasn’t looking. Now I’m with him I am very happy.
...what am I supposed to take from this anecdote?
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I volunteer at an art gallery and I attend their events. It's like 90% at both of those places and I don't meet anyone.
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I listed hobbies.
The attitude you have. It bleeds through your post. Its so negative. Also, negative attitude, clingy behavior, oversharing, all that adds up fast. I also feel like people have subconcious behaviors that helps them avoid this stuff like the plague. I personally do. Could be that, and/or this. I'm oblivious to when women are into me, and since a lot of women don't approach you first, or when they do it's casual, and without many signs they are screaming internally for you to ask them on a date, it can be frustrating sometimes. It's usually "Oh by the way standupguy, she was totally digging you. Shame you will never see her again/she is seeing someone else now/you are a big dumb goofball". But honestly man, it's the attitude thing. It's not 'so easy' for everyone else. How do I know? I used to think like that... That mentality isn't just a repellent to women, it's a people repellent. Don't compare yourself to others, get out into society and interact with people and do stuff you like doing, and love who you strive to be, and people will naturally show up.
That’s what I need to do. Get out of my apartment and go socialize instead of virtual conversations with strangers I will never see.
So question...you say oversharing. I tend to do this and I assume it's a turnoff. I just don't like the silence I guess and try to keep the conversation going. How does one get over this in your opinion?
The answer is not that the universe is out to get you, so there **has** to be something you're doing wrong to face so much rejection. If I had to guess, it's a desperate vibe. Women can sense when a man is interested in her versus when he just wants someone to sleep or settle down with. Who wants to date a guy who calls himself "kinda ugly" and admits he has low standards? It doesn't matter how tall you are or physically fit your body is; you won't attract a genuine connection with your mindset. You need to work on your confidence. When women say they're attracted to confidence, it doesn't mean someone who is arrogant or unemotional. We already have to do the bulk of the emotional labor in our relationships, so none of us want to take on the added burden of a grown man's insecurities. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves, but if you're coming off whiny and self-pitying, you'll scare away the well-adjusted adults who've learned to accept their flaws. In short, you're missing confidence.
I probably fit that stereptype you just depicted of a guy who is "less" than you, and yet have no issue with finding women to date. At 55, divorced with one minor child in tow, fully bald, small pot belly, and graying (pretty much everywhere), yet have had my share of older and younger women in this modern dating envirpnment.. So, instead of telling you what you're missing, here's a few things I've learned over the years... 1. Resilience: You need to realize, those guys that you are seeing have all the same potential as you. Dating isn't a wait around for something to find you activity. It takes you being active in your own engagement, willingness to be rejected a few times and quickly come back for more. Eventually, the rejection won't be so bad. 2. Confidence: Stop looking elsewhere and comparing yourself. The reason is because you're likely only seeing the filtered version of what they're projecting. Looking elsewhere also mistakenly makes you feel less, and can foster a low pevep of confidence in your own actuons. Instead of wondwring how it is so easy for to find so many dates, try asking, why aren't they able to keep one woman? There is a saying, "Comparison is the the thief of joy..." Ignore others, work on yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Confidence will follow. 3. Attitude: Goes hand in hand with confidence, but is more about how you project to others what you feel about yourself. This is expecially important because bssed in how you just desctibed yourself (kind of ugly), I bet you're also projecting this to women you're coming in contact with. No one wants to be around anyone who devalues themselves so willingly. I realized in my early twenties, it really didn't matter that I had no money, was short, and out of shape...as you can tell from above, age hasn't helped too much. Once I changed how I felt about myself, and ignored what others thought (as well as my own fears), it got easier to talk to women, and once on awhile some would approach me, dispite my flaws.
Change your approach to dating. You're approaching it from a standpoint of scarcity and desperation. You need to internalize that you don't need a partner. You're just seeing where things go. Eventually, you'll get more attention
It’s probably your lack of confidence. Once you realize it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and just go about your life as the good dude you(hopefully) are people will take notice.
You keep insisting you’re ugly. Ok let’s start with that.. Have you considered a high end hair cut, beard style? Brows done? Tattoos? Tattoos make most people instantly more attractive. Men can use skin care products that help even skin tone etc.. There are always non surgical cosmetic options to help you improve your appearance. Start with what your natural look is - then find photos of what your ideal look might be and work towards that?
Confidence. Stop depending on the validation of women to feel complete. You’re a man, presumably a working man as well. Take care of your hygiene and dress appropriately and believe that you are a catch and that anyone would be lucky to have the love you offer.
It has nothing to do with "validation". I'm a human. I seek companionship, intimacy, romance, support, affection, etc. I can no longer stop desiring a partner, than I can denying hunger or thirst. Also read the OP before replying nxt time, please! I already dress well and I groom to the point of metro. That and being tall and fit still isn't even the bare mininum these days bc I'm still alone.
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Comparison is the thief of joy. Not all other men have an easy time getting a date. You seem to have a victim outlook and your story is self defeating. A healthy, 6’3” tall victim isn’t going to be very appealing to most women. Also, where have you tried meeting women?
The only thing in common with the majority of guys who get dates who are just average looking, average personality guys, is time and staying active in the dating world. If someone stays indoors after their first three rejections and doesn't come out again for a year they are going to slow their pacing down from someone who might feel the pain of rejection but also knows that most people aren't compatible and it takes time and searching to find someone. They "get back on the horse" and go back out and try again. Also luck. But most people do end up "lucky". The luck isn't niche or rare. Love and romance are common as mud and as bountiful as the number of stars in a night sky. Almost everyone who wants a relationship of some sort gets one, just some in their 20s, most by their 30s or 40s, and the remaining percentage after. The guys who give guys a chance who you describe as lazy, incompatible, cheating on them, are probably troubled and have low self esteem. Or in the case of the guy seen as "lazy" he is also relaxed, calm, reassuring, and easy-going. Plenty of "lazy bums" drift from beach bonfire party to beach bonfire party, share their weed or their cheetos and have plenty of women kissing them or dating them or going home with them. Everyone is looking for a slightly different set of qualities. If someone dated an A-type personality guy who had every thirty minutes of his day scheduled from 6am-11pm every day and was ambitious to a fault, they might be looking for the guy who is not as driven but is much cozier, who stops to smell the roses. On the other hand, someone who has been with these types and found they had to be responsible for keeping all the bills paid and the home clean and the laundry washed may be looking for a guy who is a corporate wage servant, who is driven, even to the point of exhaustion because maybe she lives her life at that pace too and finds both of them being workaholics a turn on (or some healthy place in between these two extremes). In order for a girl to take interest in you, you have to socialize with girls regularly, and not only by hitting on them. Where are the women in your city. What activities do you participate in with them, how many women are your friends, who do you socialize with? If the answer is there are no women in your life who you interact with regularly, how are they going to know about you to find interest in you? One person's "loser" is another person's perfect match, someone who is fluffy and warm on a rainy day when they come home from work and who laughs a lot and who knows her favorite chocolate bar, or when making the food that makes him overweight prepares some for her in a smaller portion because she's asked him for low-cal dinners. As far as abusive. If you look up the research on abused women (and abused men) you'll see how difficult it is for someone to leave that kind of person and how sometimes they don't reveal their true colors until they have you financially or otherwise trapped. But then there are also just people out there who are clueless masochists. Or people who are also abusive. Or people who are vulnerable and innocent and are preyed upon and don't know where to turn. It takes time. Don't fall into the trap of dating the first woman who takes an interest if it's an unhealthy situation where neither of you are healthy and content. Be open-hearted but also guard your heart a little too, you know? It takes time, attempts, and being around women regularly.
Ive noticed that the guys who complain about not getting women are always the ones who cant get women. - no shit right? but i mean that the negativity is what is keeping people from being attracted to you.
There are millions of negative men who have no issue getting women. My negativity isn't really the issue here.
There's plenty of ugly gross fat pathetic men who get laid. theres homeless dudes with 1 eyeball and herpes that get laid. what they all have in common is they dont go on reddit and go "why cant i get laid?"
This is assbackward logic. Of course only men who can't get women would complain about not getting women. Why would a man who gets plenty of women complain lmao
Its like you stopped reading after the first sentence.
Lol well I can appreciate someone who is so self aware... I guess it would help if we knew how ugly you are, but considering you're 6'3 in good shape, and groom yourself you can't be all that bad. Lol i like that you include that your standards are already low. Do you actually approach women or put yourself out there?
For one thing, some of those men are selling women dreams that they have no intention (or ability) of following up on. In some cases, women have enough self esteem to recognize the game and get out--but not always. Second, you describe women as if we are accessories to be collected. You also seem to look at women as users, and seem a bit angry. We women who pick up on this vibe from you are going to be immediately turned off. Spend more time getting your inner self ready for a woman, and less time worrying about your looks on the outside.
I'm not one of the few men who get attention simply for existing and it took me an *embarrassingly* long time to realize that if I don't make a move, it just ain't going to happen. Show interest and you may very well get some back. Showing sincere interest may very well make you interesting, assuming you are not some sort of creep. Do you approach women?
What‘s your ethnicity? Ethnicity does play a role! Almost nobody is colorblind! 😂
First focus on friendship. Don't force the dating angle. Be a nice human. A man your sister and mother would approve. Don't focus on your flaws, everyone has got one. Fascination stems from disassociation. The more you get acquainted with women, the more clarity you will have and the better you will get with women.
It’s all about confidence. And unfortunately, that often doesn’t come until a bit later. I’m 39 and in my prime NOW. I didn’t develop the confidence until a few years ago.
The key is confidence not cockiness
the thing is- *tons* of guys genuinely don't know the difference, and are deathly afraid of coming off as overly cocky. Hell, I'm one of them.
Bit of cockiness mixed with humour is never a bad thing.
i dont get how everyone assumes you must be complaining. no one here knows anyone in real life who here actually didnt get attracted to someone only because that guy felt like he didnt have any chance
Not with that attitude… Looks like you got a loser attitude. This probably affects your confidence and women can smell lack of confidence a mile away.
People need to stop commenting shit like this. You think he just developed this attitude out of thin fucking air? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to "be confident" when you've had no success for 30 years? You seriously believe that he started trying to date at 14/15 with this attitude or MAYBE consistent failure while his peers did well might contribute to it just a little. People are so unempathetic here. There was a similar post by a woman yesterday and not a single comment was "you should look at your attitude"
He’s asking for advice and that’s what he’s getting. I don’t see you offering any real advice to him.
Your advice is to believe in things that are proven false, and your assumption is that he's never dated because of his beliefs which have clearly been built up over time. The advice itself is boilerplate "don't look and it'll come" platitudunal nonsense. I'm not offering advice. I'm providing comfort
So your message to him is…there, there and pat him on the head? That’s going to help… I’d rather take real advice. I might not be correct in his case but at least it hopefully gives him the idea to do some real self analysis and either adjust what’s he’s doing wrong or get therapy.
That you consider your copy/paste platitudes "real advice" says everything about how little you've struggled. I promise you that you're far less helpful than you think you are
Your personality probably sucks ass and you’re a chore to be around. Quite indicative you’re this way thru your post as well.
Women can sense that self loathing shit. No one wants to get onboard a sinking ship. If you don’t exude confidence, happiness, and capability women will pass right over you. This sounds like a self esteem issue. Step one: stop comparing yourself to other men. You have no idea how hard they’re working from the outside looking in
Women aren't magical, mystical creatures, they cannot sense anything. Why do so many with up with deadbeat, insecure men, then?
I don’t think it’s magical to form conceptions about a person you’re speaking to. Perception/intuition is a skill that a lot of people have. But honestly, I can’t answer your question because I focus on improving myself rather than wasting time thinking about the shortcomings of other men. Good luck to you
They can easily smell social skills tho
So why do so many women end up with men with chit social skill or men that have none at all? In many cases total sociopaths..
Sociopaths can be amazing at putting up a fake face, that's why. Sociopaths are great at faking charm Women generally prefer extroverts, and of the few that don't, still want someone put together to some extent
Then clearly that "sense of smell" is worthless since sociopath and douchebags and the like can easily debunk it.. I am mostly put together, I'm just ugly, which prevents me from getting an consideration.
You're not a sociopath or douchbag, so you cannot fool women that well. Women are just people, but they are decently capable of discerning your average man The average person gives away their personality very easily.
Well than, you need to change your attitude. I did change my attitude, and as a result am much happier with my situation
Mate, you aren't the only one who feels this way.
1) what are your interests and actual passions? What do you do that isn't profit focused or designed around gaining the approval of other men? 2) Do you have any female friends? Women that, even if you want to sleep with, you're not pursuing in that fashion? 3) Do you listen to women when they give you advice over men? One of the biggest thing I find in common with men who are continually single is that they do not listen to women or put themselves in places where women are. I'm polyam, I have, for the sake of ease, 5 women available for romance/sex. I'm overweight and poor, so what is my secret? According to them, I'm nice, I dont objectify them, they feel safe around me, and I genuinely engage them in conversation. Like, the bar is really low, find a woman, be her friend, genuinely, and if she doesn't want to date you, I can guarantee she'll introduce you to a friend group with a single woman who is interested.
How are your social skills? Honestly a lot of it just comes down the numbers; social men will meet more new people (and therefore more women) and statistically-speaking a few of those women will want to give him a chance. You've already stated some of these guys aren't attractive so it's clearly not simply looks. As much as some women care a lot about looks, a lot of women also are willing to give a guy a chance if he's funny/charismatic/warm/comfortable to be around.
I actually think it's a cocktail of luck, rizz, and lack of self awareness which actually gives off faux confidence Guys who are hyper aware and "care" about things often tend to do worse
likely confidence, and willingness to shoot your shot, personality, etc. you think chunkers just had some chick approach him in a bar and hit it off? he probably got shot down all the time till they found someone. how many people have you ASKED out on dates in the past years? none?
The first thing you have to do is tell yourself this process will take 10 years. Then crack on. Join all dating apps and play the long game. Learn Salsa, I hear it’s rife with opportunities. Talk to women who can help you become more interesting and charming.
Know your value , don’t get caught up in the illusion of what you see , sometimes as Men we put Women on a pedestal, no shade thrown at the ladies , Most women out on the scene have a hundred dudes nibbling at the the hook , telling them BS and they have to figure out what’s their best option, make friends with Women don’t chase after them the more Women you get to know platonically the more doors open , if you are looking for a quality female just like they wade through us you have to wade through them , if you are operating out of anger , doubt and the rest of it that will be your fate ; loneliness. If you are authentic and honest with yourself about who/ what you are it will work out, a lot of what you are saying you see is just a facade , figure out what you really want and live your life to match that .
Actually I think maybe you should try going for more attractive women. In my experience ugly women are hard to win over because they’re likely to have self esteem issues just like you. You shouldn’t assume someone is desperate just because they’re ugly. Desperation is caused by circumstances, not appearance, if that makes sense
Are you actually approaching women tho?
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You need to try. I can give you any number of platitudes to make you feel better but I won't. You need to keep trying and get out there. There are indeed social events you can look up, single mixers, and other ways to meet people. You need to get out there. That's the ONLY surefire way to meet someone eventually. No excuses. No bullshit. No whining about how life is unfair. That shit doesn't fly, nor does it help. Go outside. Study comedy specials or look up a channel called Charisma on Command so you can find better and efficient ways to break the ice and communicate with people.
It's not easy. It takes work to be confident not to care about how other guys get women and just focus on being charming and non threatening.
Charisma and social skills
You claimed to have lower standards. Raise your standards. Somehow -and don’t ask me how- people can tell when you’d say yes to anything that’s capable of walking on two legs. Start pursuing quality, and then quality will put a higher social value on you in return.
Sorry ahead of time for all the people in here projecting. It's tough as a guy to get useful help and advice and people who give a shit it's never anyone else is a guy right it's only you. Anyways It's tough out there for all of us. I know good looking women that have been single for two plus years being picky through the roof and also guys that have been single for two plus years getting ghosted left and right. It's just the state of relationships right now. Keep putting yourself out there focus on getting a good friend group as a way to just be social and expand your circle of people you know. Best way to meet a girl is through another friend. There's just so much garbage out there even though we have dating apps it's like so many people use them now that It's actually more of a filtering problem than it is getting matches. I'm trying to make sure that who I like every day are only women that are quality. So that when I get matches I dont have to waste my time But it'll happen man sounds like you just need to be more social.
Spotlight fallacy, my dude. Of course it seems like it's easy to date for other people, because you can only see the cases where they are successfully dating. You're not seeing the amount of 'no's they take before getting a 'yes', or the time it takes them to build a relationship with someone they want, or the inner thoughts of the people you think are successful but they themselves might think they're shit. Everywhere you go will have guys that can get women without a problem. Everywhere you go also has about a thousand other types of people that you didn't focus on, so you can't really know if the ones you look at are representative of the whole.
You complain too much. Instead of worrying about other men, focus on what you're doing. For me, I was always shy and afraid to talk to girls, I'd even call myself an introvert, but sometimes I genuinely don't enjoy the company of other people. In the past 7 years I became a hybrid, to where people confuse me for being an extrovert. But I still talk to every girl and guy I come across because I see socialising as a muscle that needs to get exercise or I get awkward and anti social. So even someone at the cash register at a gas station, I'd crack jokes with them or flirt with a girl I'm not attracted to at all just to workout that muscle. I did that for years and ended up talking to women that I'd have a heart attack if I spoke to them 10 years ago because of how pretty they are. But stop complaining and watching other people and criticising them. And if a girl rejects you, don't take it personally, because you don't even really know this girl. She could've ruined your life if all you know but she rejected you so you don't have to worry about that anymore.
Just to add: behind every date is probably hundreds of interactions with other people that did not result in dates. Don't look at the results, look at what happened behind the scenes that results in dates.
I know a few guys who text me all the time about something that relates to either sex, nude models, porn, paying for a hooker etc, and their hot girlfriends don't have a clue! They are balding badly too and swear in almost every sentence. Yet when they find out about what they do they still give him another chance, because they know he has money, works out every day, has nice cars etc. On the flip side I know a few colleagues who work out casually, can pay their bills no problem, drive a normal car, rent, full head of hair, don't talk or treat women that sexual objects and they can't for the life of them get a girlfriend because they are too nice, loyal and honest. What gives? Their looks, hair, appearance, facial features? Who knows. Most women won't give men a chance because of the plethora of options they have at their disposal based on their own looks.
I don’t think anyone is listening to OP. It’s not about confidence, as he can’t even get his foot in the door. So, he’s not getting any matches so no chance of communicating.
It doesn't look like OP is listening to OP either. OP: I don't understand why I can't get women. I am kind of ugly but many men who do get women are much uglier than me. Reddit: Ok maybe it is your personality. OP: No, it's my face. I'm ugly. Reddit: Ok... So how about we work on that... OP: But lots of guys uglier than me get women. Reddit: ... I think OP wants a "magic pill" or "secret" that will make the things they want easier to get and require little or no real change on their part. I've wanted the same myself plenty of times. I think this is just a trick the mind/ego plays on us to manipulate us into staying safe and not expending too much energy/effort. You might ask why the mind would do that when it should be getting us to procreate right? The hard truth here is often that porn is sating that need just enough to keep the impetus for change from crossing the threshold it needs to facilitate change. It's self-soothing really.
I msg’d OP with no response. He doesn’t want any help even it’s delivered to him by Skip the dishes on a Golden platter!! 🤦🏼♀️
He's stuck and technology is playing a big role in keeping him there I would bet. I have sympathy for that. What scares me most right now about the epidemic of lonely men is how likely we are to use technology to fix the problem when it is already likely the cause of it. Our minds are not remotely evolved enough for the technology we are using now and I think it's really starting to show socially. It's gonna get worse before it gets better too. Victims of our own success us hoomans.
Finally SOMEONE gets it...
Did you want any specific help/ advice? I’d be open to help you.
By not being an asshole for the most part. Just dont be one of those guys who tries too hard as well. Respect their boundaries. Be confident. Accept rejection and don't whine about it.
You're trying to be perfect. Tell them your flaws and what you're working on. If they see a guy working on things but is great for a relationship then it's more geniune than trying to portray yourself as "perfect". I don't think women want perfection, they want someone great for them, but can own up to problems.
I am that guy. women simply dont see that for me. I am the grocery store guy who does things then they disappear.
To get women, if you don’t have the obvious, looks, you need charisma. You need to be socially charming. And you need to put yourself out there. The men who really get a lot of dates are the men that get rejected the most. They know to keep trying. And they know how to catch interest with words and body language.
Well I'm ugly and charismaless, so ig it's over lol.
Charisma is a skill. Can be learned
Not really, dude..most of charisma is natural and a byproduct of life experiences.
lol it absolutely can be learned. Yes some have a natural talent. That’s true of every skill. And it can be learned by those who don’t have a natural talent. Just like every skill.
No one is going to randomly develop charisma at 30.
No. Not randomly. You also won’t randomly learn piano. You don’t seem to understand how to learn things.
You seem to have your nose up too high and too egotistical Maybe work on that
Also change your fucking attitude. Your name is successful is not an option. I follow this dude with cerebral palsy Ina fucking wheel chair who has a hot sss wife. If he can do it, so can you fuckwad.
Guys who can get women dont care much of their own accomplishments and they are ok to be rejected. And, they usually cast their net in the ocean instead of using a fishing rod.
Dating is not easier for other dudes. Sometimes they make it seem easy. All you see is the successes and catastrophic failures. You don't see the quiet failures. It can be discouraging, awkward, and painful. What you need to do is put yourself out there. I'll let you know when I figure out how to do that.
First stop calling them females
Successful dating is a catch-22. You simply can't get a date in most cases if you're an average man or below if you have absolutely no confidence at all. You also have to have a certain amount of not give a f*** as to the answer a woman gives you as to a yes or a no. And here's the rub you're never going to get the confidence Until you've actually scored And you're never going to be able to display the aura of I don't give A fuck unless you have multiple options. So, the only way to overcome all of these obstacles is to develop unbelievable acting skills and total control over your facial expressions. Apart from learning these acting skills and facial expressions, you do realize that a psychopath can understand how to do these things. So you really have to examine your overall life in general. do you have a circle of friends that like you? Do you have a social life at all? Do you have any male friends that actually have some success with women, and do they allow you to hang out with them? The funny thing about trying to get a date is if even your male friends don't want to hang out with you, how do you expect any woman to want to hang out with you. This is the Catch 22. If you can't love yourself, people aren't going to like you, and women are going to ignore you, especially if you're lacking in the looks Department. There are going to be a lot of people who discount everything I've written above because they know plenty of examples of horrible people who get dates all the time. Well don't confuse people who are successful in dating because of their narcissistic attitudes about themselves because what you will find is those individuals will be able to get dates but they can't hold on to those people. The people who are really successful in dating and can display that confidence because they know who they are and they love themselves, those are the people that are successful in life.
I see all the others blaming the guy when he's down and doesn't know why. This is classic internet bullying bullshit. Instead of helping, they're amusing themselves. People in this thread are fucked up. OP, world is just upside down now. Good is suddenly bad and having values has no worth nowadays.
I mean, he’s at fault here too! He’s dismissing every advice given to him with whataboutism! Every advice given, he’s like “but what about other men who don’t do this and are successful?” Is his answer to almost every advice given lmao! He needs to accept that he’s not as lucky as these “other men” and needs to out 10x effort than those of other men, especially if he’s truly ugly! But he refuses to do anything other than sit at home and swipe on dating apps with his other dick in his hand and is surprised a woman isn’t magically falling on his lap and sucking his dick!
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Dating works very similarly to net wealth in the U.S. It doesn't just go up proportionally, it goes up by multiples. Below a certain level- it gets very bleak. Bottom line- work to get into a higher level.
I specifically asked OP if he wanted my help. He doesn’t want any help. He’s just here to complain. Everyone has given this guy plenty of help and ppl have reached out to him with no response. He doesn’t want any help, just attention and a pity party for 1.
Good question. I’m looking for a guy to use for dinner and go out with to buy me food.
You're too inside of your own head so you basically shoot yourself in the foot w neuroticism, that's why you can't get w gf because you're always thinking about it and a big ball of anxiety and stress whenever you try to get with a girl and scare yourself out of it.
Judging by the comment section, OP is not looking for advice. He is fishing for sympathy and validation in his defeatist attitude. Does not want to face the truth that his anxiety and lack of social interactions need to be addressed
It sounds like > A: You are giving up before you’ve started trying. and > B: You need to get help with those anxiety and self-esteem issues. Seriously, if you aren’t willing to go out, put yourself out in the social spaces and situations or utilize online dating resources, as deficient as they are, I don’t know why you’re surprised that you aren’t having luck in the romantic department.
Social skills, especially when dealing with women. Women call it "creepy". It means you don't jive with who you are. You are giving off a vibe that makes women think something is off base. Example: A Bradley Cooper looking guy walks in to Starbucks. His face is straight. He looks nobody in the eyes. He stares at the barista's boobs and talks in a monotone voice with no emotion. The women will say, "That was the hottest creepy dude I've ever seen. That makes him more creepy. " Make sense?
This is really hard to diagnose without knowing more about how you approach dating, what your personality is like, etc. My initial uninformed guess is that you probably need to take more shots (either on dating apps or with in-person approaches which let you show off your height and dress sense more effectively).
1. You lack confidence 2. You are probably giving off desperate energy 3. You care too much. Stop giving a fuck, own who you are and be confident in it. 4. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. 5. If you say you have low standards it's possible that women also think you have low standard and women are competitive with each other. Think about it which woman wants to be your low standard. 6. You also probably give off nice guy energy. 7. You don't approach. In my 20's that's all we had now I can understand why you young guys don't, growing basically with an intermediary for most of your life means that you will not be good with face to face interactions. Sorry to tell you, you are gonna have to get over it and get rejected over and over and over until you get it right. All it is is being confident in your own skin.
Sorry to say but some people just don’t have what it takes. My advice, just give up. At your age it’s already kinda too late for you. It’s not worth your time, money, or mental health anymore. Just give up and move on.
Advocate for this as well. At 24, I've done everything I can do be the best I can be. I haven't fully established a proper workout routine, but I'm also not fat or out of shape by any margin. I dress well, good social skills, good job, lots of ambition. I lose consistently to tall, white men who treat their girlfriends like shit. It isn't worth my mental health anymore, either. It was too late the second I hit 20 and hadn't dated anyone. Dating in highschool is a requirement for success - if you get into college without having dated anyone you need to realize it will never happen. This would have saved me so much pain. Girls don't want guys that other girls don't want. If you don't have what it takes, you don't have what it takes. All this bs about self-love and improvement is to make us feel better about the inevitable truth - you are born destined for a relationship or you are born to be alone.
> Dating in highschool is a requirement for success - if you get into college without having dated anyone you need to realize it will never happen. No, college is still not too late. Now if you haven't dated at all in college then you are in trouble.
Dating in highschool is a requirement for dating in college. I didn't get any dates in college, either. Mostly because my lack of experience prior made it impossible to know how. I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Date in highschool, be attractive in highschool. If you don't, you WILL be fucked over.