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I feel like my answer to your question hinges on the part where you said:
>Her past is pretty gnarly and I hold myself to a high standard
Can you explain that?
lol yeah it does, Iām trying to see if he has a valid reason for passing on the girl he already hit or if heās just a dink. That affects how I answer
Valid reason: he doesnāt see a future vs instant sparks with roommate
Sounds like basic lust vs love. Dude found girl 1 hot but is actually interested in girl 2.
Valid enough?
So 6ā4ā Mr handsome with abs that could shred cheese hits on you. But turns out Mr handsome is a player. And goes to bars and clubs very often. Something that you only occasionally part take in. Realize you arenāt very interested in this person but they are hot and interested in you plus they are nice and fun to talk to. Meanwhile guy b is much more compatible to you itās just guy A introduced you
Heās only a dick if he doesnāt cut it off now he knows feelings are involved.
His reasoning: no spark, thinks sheās hot vs spark and thinks sheās hot
So youāre asking why there is no spark?
Edit: Youāre like walking on a line right now. Where you want to judge him for having consensual casual sex with someone he found very attractive but not want to date them because they party all the time.
Is someone who goes to the bar for a few drink the same a someone who goes the bar every day from happy hour to close? No. Are those people fun to talk sometimes? Sure. But Iām not introducing them to friends.
For someone with "high standards", you certainly don't mind possibly causing a rift between 2 friends/roommates. You know this is messy if you do anything with her. Normally I would say break off things with the first girl and then just stay in touch with the girl you actually like, but don't date or sleep together until they move out, but you sound like you would do it, so break it off with both girls and find someone else.
Itās one of those things where me and the roommate are going to sleep together regardless of what happens. Thatās why Iām kinda freaking out. I foresee a shitstorm
Then theres not really a point to post on here if youre just gonna do it and ignore any people's advice. All I'll say is prepare to have one or both women hate you.
I only came to terms with this fact after everyone unloaded on me in the comments. It has been enlightening. I am just going to ride out the storm, and might make an updated post in a few days to share the tea
What I donāt get is this: you say you hold yourself to a high standard, but - knowing about the supposed āgnarlyā past, you did fuck her. So your standards arenāt so high as to pass on a random shag (knowing what you know about her), but too high to date her. Genuinely donāt get that, but thatās by-the-by I guess.
If you get with her roommate, youāll fuck up their relationship. Thatās a given. And so, on balance, itās better not to go there. Particularly if you are the kinda fella where sparks often fly. However, if you really must, at least put the effort in to make it less shitty. Let the girl with the supposed gnarly past know that it was a one time only thing and wonāt be going anywhere. And if you do get with the roommate, just donāt rub the other girlās face in it.
But thereās no way it wonāt be fucked up.
>Genuinely donāt get that,
Really not that odd or confusing, people can have standards that they don't themselves match because you aren't trying to date yourself...you need to match the standards of the kind of partner you want not your own. A short girl doesn't need to match her standard of being tall to want a tall partner because dating preferences are asymmetric.
Thatās not what I said.
What I actually said is that the OPās judgement, values, and - ultimately - his character are in question because of the way in which he views women (based on the above post).
That doesn't matter though unless the women he wants to date take exception to it, and that's on them to enforce as a boundary/dealbreaker if they so choose to...it's only a problem for OP if it cost him women and it doesn't appear to be the case...if thar changes then yes he would need to adapt to get better results.
Donāt do it! Really bad idea. Itās her friend and roommate. You see already going to hurt the feelings of the girl you slept with immediately, why make it worse. Move on and find someone else.
You need to first end things with the girl you donāt see anything happening with. Donāt lead her on and make it clear that it was a one time thing and you donāt see it going past that. Sheās caught feeling for you, so the sooner you let her down, the better.
Once youāve done that, then have a chat to the roommate and let her know how you feel. Your chances with her - assuming sheās interested to begin with - will rest on how close they are and if she is willing to jeopardize their friendship, and potentially her living arrangements. Personally, I wouldnāt feel right putting someone in that position.
Donāt do it. Move on. Find someone else. This will not only mess with their friendship but also mess with their living situation. It would be extremely selfish of you to get in between that.
Your actions def donāt align with someone who āholds themself to a high standardā. Do both of these women a favor and spare them of the mess youāre attempting to start
High moral standards but youāre easily sleeping around? High moral standards but potentially ruining a friendship? Not the just a friendship but this could potentially create a toxic home environment. These things donāt align with āhigh moral standardsā. lol
You are correct in that you don't need to match your own standards, I'm really not sure why people keep bringing that up. You aren't trying to date yourself you need to match the standards of the type of partner you want not your own standard as you are trying to date them not yourself.
Not really. Double standards exist. Iām not the one who created them. The girl I originally slept with is not in the same tier as her roommate. Why would I settle for less
Iām 26! Of course Iāve had my heart broken before. Thatās just part of life. It taught me what I deserved, so it only made my standards higher.
I think at this age, we develop a birds-eye view of everything. This makes it all hurt less, and we simply see it as a series of learning experiences
I honestly would say you should avoid both of them because it isnāt worth the stress, you can get someone else but then what do you mean by the other girls past is āgnarlyā would you say wilder than yours?ā¦ also I think you should try and hint to the girl you donāt want that it is just a friends with benefit and tell her you are interested in her friend but then her friend will probably reject you for her friendā¦ probably but then she shouldnāt block her happiness but then how do you know she feels it as strongly, it is too multilayered, just leave it alone lol
The only important thing director Kevin Smith ever taught us was that someone is more than just their sexual past, so you shouldn't get hung up over that, especislly if the roomie may have a comparable past that you just don't know about.
Ask yourself, which one would you be with if you didn't know either's past?
If it's still the roomie, kindly let the OG know
If you don't know, spend time with both, maybe even be respectful and upfront.
You might lose both or you migbt find the right person and a good friend. Either way, if you act with integrity, they can't hate you too much, right?
Wow, this is the best answer by far. I do believe the Roomie would be more āmy typeā even if they had comparable body counts. So the fact that she IS more modest and morally sound makes it a pretty easy pick for me.
Iām gonna let the roomie know that I actually want to pursue her, and hopefully we can work together to let the OG down easily.
The fact that you can meet a woman and sleep with her, and then imply that she isnāt āmorally soundā because she sleeps with men, is indicative of a hilarious level of hypocrisy in the way you see women and sex. You should show this post to both OG and the roommate, and see if either of them is still interested in you afterwards.
If the roommate is as modest and morally sound as you imply, why would she want to be with someone as morally unsound as you? Or is having casual sex only a moral failing when women do it?
Shouldnāt ruin their friendship if you end it immediately and wait an appropriate amount of time before seeing said roommate
Iād say a month before you sleep together
Youāre a fucking complete tool bag and a loser. If the roommate ACTUALLY goes on a date with you, you guys deserve one another. But she wonāt because you probably made this entire story up.
How do you hold yourself to a high standard when you are okay sleeping with someone you consider attractive or gnarly. If you are ready to fuck someone who apparently isn't good enough to be your girlfriend, doesn't that make your sexual standards 'loose'.
I don't expect you to have any integrity about this, but you can do the girl you slept with a favour and actually tell her that you don't want to date her. She will be very hurt but hopefully this will lead her down the path of reclaiming her self-worth and establishing higher standards for herself. But yeah, just leave it at that.
Nobody can stop you from pursuing whoever you want, I guess.
I think what you should first is letting the girl that you banged her that you are not interestedā¦ so she doesnāt keep hoping. The rest is upon the roommate is she decide to date you. Just keep in mind that she might have to get another living situation if she wants to date you.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like my answer to your question hinges on the part where you said: >Her past is pretty gnarly and I hold myself to a high standard Can you explain that?
She probably had sex with like 2 other people before meeting OP š
Yes. I am intrigued by this also.
Past aināt got anything to do with your advice, you just nosy šš
lol yeah it does, Iām trying to see if he has a valid reason for passing on the girl he already hit or if heās just a dink. That affects how I answer
Valid reason: he doesnāt see a future vs instant sparks with roommate Sounds like basic lust vs love. Dude found girl 1 hot but is actually interested in girl 2. Valid enough? So 6ā4ā Mr handsome with abs that could shred cheese hits on you. But turns out Mr handsome is a player. And goes to bars and clubs very often. Something that you only occasionally part take in. Realize you arenāt very interested in this person but they are hot and interested in you plus they are nice and fun to talk to. Meanwhile guy b is much more compatible to you itās just guy A introduced you Heās only a dick if he doesnāt cut it off now he knows feelings are involved.
lol you donāt need to try to defend him bro. you donāt know the situation.
Yet you were very quick to judge also not knowing the situationā¦. Edit: Tho what I just described to you was the situation
I have yet to pass any judgmentā¦? I was only asking OP to explain what they meant.
Already calling him dink
Your reading comprehension isnāt too good is it? lol I didnāt call him a dink either. I said either his reasoning is valid or heās a dink.
His reasoning: no spark, thinks sheās hot vs spark and thinks sheās hot So youāre asking why there is no spark? Edit: Youāre like walking on a line right now. Where you want to judge him for having consensual casual sex with someone he found very attractive but not want to date them because they party all the time. Is someone who goes to the bar for a few drink the same a someone who goes the bar every day from happy hour to close? No. Are those people fun to talk sometimes? Sure. But Iām not introducing them to friends.
For someone with high standards you are pretty easy meat.
Hahaha I was taught to always bat out of my league. Iāve found myself in the majors and Iām just happy to be here
 For someone with "high standards", you certainly don't mind possibly causing a rift between 2 friends/roommates. You know this is messy if you do anything with her. Normally I would say break off things with the first girl and then just stay in touch with the girl you actually like, but don't date or sleep together until they move out, but you sound like you would do it, so break it off with both girls and find someone else.
Itās one of those things where me and the roommate are going to sleep together regardless of what happens. Thatās why Iām kinda freaking out. I foresee a shitstorm
Then theres not really a point to post on here if youre just gonna do it and ignore any people's advice. All I'll say is prepare to have one or both women hate you.
If you've already made up your mind, then do whatever you want and deal with any fallout like an adult.
I only came to terms with this fact after everyone unloaded on me in the comments. It has been enlightening. I am just going to ride out the storm, and might make an updated post in a few days to share the tea
What I donāt get is this: you say you hold yourself to a high standard, but - knowing about the supposed āgnarlyā past, you did fuck her. So your standards arenāt so high as to pass on a random shag (knowing what you know about her), but too high to date her. Genuinely donāt get that, but thatās by-the-by I guess. If you get with her roommate, youāll fuck up their relationship. Thatās a given. And so, on balance, itās better not to go there. Particularly if you are the kinda fella where sparks often fly. However, if you really must, at least put the effort in to make it less shitty. Let the girl with the supposed gnarly past know that it was a one time only thing and wonāt be going anywhere. And if you do get with the roommate, just donāt rub the other girlās face in it. But thereās no way it wonāt be fucked up.
>Genuinely donāt get that, Really not that odd or confusing, people can have standards that they don't themselves match because you aren't trying to date yourself...you need to match the standards of the kind of partner you want not your own. A short girl doesn't need to match her standard of being tall to want a tall partner because dating preferences are asymmetric.
Thatās not what I said. What I actually said is that the OPās judgement, values, and - ultimately - his character are in question because of the way in which he views women (based on the above post).
That doesn't matter though unless the women he wants to date take exception to it, and that's on them to enforce as a boundary/dealbreaker if they so choose to...it's only a problem for OP if it cost him women and it doesn't appear to be the case...if thar changes then yes he would need to adapt to get better results.
Donāt do it! Really bad idea. Itās her friend and roommate. You see already going to hurt the feelings of the girl you slept with immediately, why make it worse. Move on and find someone else.
You need to first end things with the girl you donāt see anything happening with. Donāt lead her on and make it clear that it was a one time thing and you donāt see it going past that. Sheās caught feeling for you, so the sooner you let her down, the better. Once youāve done that, then have a chat to the roommate and let her know how you feel. Your chances with her - assuming sheās interested to begin with - will rest on how close they are and if she is willing to jeopardize their friendship, and potentially her living arrangements. Personally, I wouldnāt feel right putting someone in that position.
Donāt do it. Move on. Find someone else. This will not only mess with their friendship but also mess with their living situation. It would be extremely selfish of you to get in between that.
Your actions def donāt align with someone who āholds themself to a high standardā. Do both of these women a favor and spare them of the mess youāre attempting to start
How so? I have high physical standards, and high moral standards. Iām allowed to have that, even if Iām a solid 6 with a heavy past myself
High moral standards but youāre easily sleeping around? High moral standards but potentially ruining a friendship? Not the just a friendship but this could potentially create a toxic home environment. These things donāt align with āhigh moral standardsā. lol
You are correct in that you don't need to match your own standards, I'm really not sure why people keep bringing that up. You aren't trying to date yourself you need to match the standards of the type of partner you want not your own standard as you are trying to date them not yourself.
Seinfeld Season 6 Episode 11 watch it! You are referring to "The Switch" and it can't be done! LOL Better move on and find new girl.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not really. Double standards exist. Iām not the one who created them. The girl I originally slept with is not in the same tier as her roommate. Why would I settle for less
Thatās ok. The girl you eventually lose your š©· heart to isnāt going to settle for you either. Go have fun, but know itās coming, hun
Iām 26! Of course Iāve had my heart broken before. Thatās just part of life. It taught me what I deserved, so it only made my standards higher. I think at this age, we develop a birds-eye view of everything. This makes it all hurt less, and we simply see it as a series of learning experiences
Donāt worry about it. āSheā is also learning to set her standards higher, and will know she deserves more āthan your sketchy pastā as well.
It doesnāt get any better than this, baby
š š
I honestly would say you should avoid both of them because it isnāt worth the stress, you can get someone else but then what do you mean by the other girls past is āgnarlyā would you say wilder than yours?ā¦ also I think you should try and hint to the girl you donāt want that it is just a friends with benefit and tell her you are interested in her friend but then her friend will probably reject you for her friendā¦ probably but then she shouldnāt block her happiness but then how do you know she feels it as strongly, it is too multilayered, just leave it alone lol
The only important thing director Kevin Smith ever taught us was that someone is more than just their sexual past, so you shouldn't get hung up over that, especislly if the roomie may have a comparable past that you just don't know about. Ask yourself, which one would you be with if you didn't know either's past? If it's still the roomie, kindly let the OG know If you don't know, spend time with both, maybe even be respectful and upfront. You might lose both or you migbt find the right person and a good friend. Either way, if you act with integrity, they can't hate you too much, right?
Wow, this is the best answer by far. I do believe the Roomie would be more āmy typeā even if they had comparable body counts. So the fact that she IS more modest and morally sound makes it a pretty easy pick for me. Iām gonna let the roomie know that I actually want to pursue her, and hopefully we can work together to let the OG down easily.
The fact that you can meet a woman and sleep with her, and then imply that she isnāt āmorally soundā because she sleeps with men, is indicative of a hilarious level of hypocrisy in the way you see women and sex. You should show this post to both OG and the roommate, and see if either of them is still interested in you afterwards. If the roommate is as modest and morally sound as you imply, why would she want to be with someone as morally unsound as you? Or is having casual sex only a moral failing when women do it?
Shouldnāt ruin their friendship if you end it immediately and wait an appropriate amount of time before seeing said roommate Iād say a month before you sleep together
...
Full disclosure bro. Full disclosure. That's all you can honestly do.
Maybe the flat mate also has high standards and doesnāt want her friendās sloppy seconds.
Time for a three way
It never works out like this, when one friend is upset
Def not a situation where something like that could happen hahahaha. But then again, Iāve been surprised before
Youāre disgusting.
Itās a cold world
Nah just you mate
Fuck them both at the same time !!! In the ass !!! Lol š¤£ lmao š
It's obvious... 3some!!
That is a easy answer
Iād follow the roommate who you actually like - you literally got nothing to lose.
It was just a hookup in the end. If she's mature enough, she'll move on quickly and be glad that her friend found love because of her.
I hope these two 19/20 year olds have this much maturity lol. I will make an updated post in a few days when I settle this thing
Yoooo Flip a coin!
Youāre a fucking complete tool bag and a loser. If the roommate ACTUALLY goes on a date with you, you guys deserve one another. But she wonāt because you probably made this entire story up.
How do you hold yourself to a high standard when you are okay sleeping with someone you consider attractive or gnarly. If you are ready to fuck someone who apparently isn't good enough to be your girlfriend, doesn't that make your sexual standards 'loose'. I don't expect you to have any integrity about this, but you can do the girl you slept with a favour and actually tell her that you don't want to date her. She will be very hurt but hopefully this will lead her down the path of reclaiming her self-worth and establishing higher standards for herself. But yeah, just leave it at that. Nobody can stop you from pursuing whoever you want, I guess.
I think what you should first is letting the girl that you banged her that you are not interestedā¦ so she doesnāt keep hoping. The rest is upon the roommate is she decide to date you. Just keep in mind that she might have to get another living situation if she wants to date you.