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I tried it once when I was a teenager. Sure it was nice to tell someone you "love" them but at the end of the day they're too far away. I almost don't consider it a relationship
Very true. I took the person to mean that they understand that the relationship would probably fail, and take the lessons from it after it does. I was just pointing out that it's a strategy.
Could you be more vague? Were you dating before? Have you ever met? Did you meet online and are discussing long distance dating or are you high school sweet hearts going to different colleges? Do either of you have the resources necessary to visit one another often?
I think long-distance dating can work temporary. For example, if one partner is going to university, they’ll graduate in four years then you’ll be able to get back together physically. It can work if there is enough communication during that long distance period. Though, if the relationship is only long distance, and if you’re confident, that’s all it’s going to be- then honestly, it’s not a real relationship. It’s not gonna go anywhere. Futures are built with a person in real life. You’re going to eventually want touch of that partner, the hormones they give off, and the little things that being in person has to offer.
Alright, for me personally, an 2 hour train ride would be an annoyance but doable. Like I can come over without having to plan ahead and without ruining my night by doing so. It wouldn’t be ideal, but not a dealbreaker perse. If I have to make plans, book tickets and can’t see you without being able to get to work the next morning, it would be a dealbreaker.
In my opinion the only way it works is with 2 major stipulations.
1. They have know each other long enough to fully trust each other or its the beginning of a new relationship and they're both really into each other.
2. There is a set date or an understanding that the long distance will end and you will be together. Indeterminate time frame is too big of an issue.
I don't really think it work's, at least not for a lot of men, it doesn't. It can, but for the most part, a portion about dating is being around each other... which tends to be the exact opposite of what happens in long-distance dating/relationships. I don't honestly think it would work for me, but I also have never tried it so I can't say with certainty it would or wouldn't be for me, just that I don't think it would be.
Long distance dating is very hard to do. Not getting to see each other often enough wears you out. Tried it and ended up calling it quits after a few years. Plus it's hard to really trust the other person or yourself for that matter to be faithful
It can, if both parties are really invested in each other and trust each other, but not for everyone. Also, it depends on your love language. Some people need physical touch and quality time to build that bond.
It also depends on the situation. Does one person live with parents and the other person can't visit/stay the night? And the other person lives independently? Then maybe.
But I think it takes a lot more effort and trust to date some long distance.
You say "physical intimacy" but I assume you just mean sex. It's not that basic. I need someone I can kiss and nuzzle and hold to feel loved. It's just not the same long distance, and it tends to feel empty. I could wait a looong time to have sex with the right woman, but not if it's all words on a screen.
Probably depends on the guy and the context. From my past experience (M24), that wasn't an issue when I had developed a strong bond prior to being long distance. Just knowing that the long distance was temporary (few years) had me content. And the couple times we got to see each other in that time span were much more cherished because of it.
Personally I couldn't do long distance dating if there was no set plan to at some point live together.
I am a guy, my ex a few years ago and I agreed on long distance. But as things got close, she started getting nervous.
We still went through with it, I said I'll be back in 3 months to spend Christmas with her family. Not even a month in, things got toxic as she started cutting me out and making distance between us.
Ended up breaking it off with me. I went downhill for a year and a bit.
Nah, we were both young, dumb, and inexperienced. We were eachother's first proper partner.
Might have gone for a little longer, but it would have eventually collapsed. We were actually very different.
Possible, but extremely difficult, if you already have an established relationship and then it becomes long distance because someone moved or something. As long as that doesn't last too long.
If you're starting a relationship long distance, you're actually just insane and you need to be admitted to a psych ward. It's beyond stupid and well into the crazy category. Nope. Nope. Nope. You cannot get to know someone without spending time with them. You can't call it a relationship if you don't know them. LDR, if that's how it begins, is a contradiction of terms.
I went a year with it. Once I had an inkling that the think too much needed to happen that it didn’t seem feasible, I just broke it off. It was driving distance, but one didn’t have a car, and I couldn’t just show whenever, a bunch of other things. I think if both had money and transportation, it’d feel more possible.
Tried for 9 months last year. Not doing that again. I need more intimacy and prefer to see my partners atleast once a week, preferably more often.
Some might be able to deal with it, but physical is one of my top love languages, and digital contact doesn't cut it.
She was in Ireland, I’m in the US. We met through a new dating site. Connected more on discord. Started to fit the pieces together, then she and I realized that something’s were being overlooked, things that would have reared back up eventually. So we decided that it wasn’t going to work out. Tried to be friends, but it just didn’t work out. Nobody’s fault, just the way it goes sometimes.
I think I'm still masturbating but now have to entertain someone daily via phone . Yaaaaawwwnnn. I also think I'm better off getting a pet that I at least can confirm isn't a 52 year old man in his mom's spare room catfishing me on their macintosh and dial up . A/s/L? If I wanted a imaginary friend I'd catfish myself while playing castle Wolfenstein.
When I was 16 I had a 23 year old girlfriend who lived 4 hours away, she would come and see me every weekend or every other weekend. She came back once pregnant and said it was my child till I found it she been banging a dude in her home town.
Long distance dating is something I don’t agree with personally it doesn’t feel real. You can really know somebody’s habits or true nature through only texting or ft
Its fine as long as you can meet few times a year.but keeping it up for many years before meeting is too hard for most people. Like you cant be there when physically need each other.
It only works if you get to meet every once in a while. Otherwise it gets boring, the excitement fades and it starts becoming a burden. If you decide to do it, make sure to meet in person as much as possible.
i’ve tried, didn’t work out. one of you 2 will probably get insecure and the other one will get tired of it. and sometimes expressing too much of “i miss you” will be a burden to the other person as well cause there’s nothing they can do about it. it’s difficult. my heart was broken after the break up so i really don’t recommend you to do that..
Did it 9 months into an already 1 year relationship. Ex got a job promotion & I was planning to move with her when braces treatment ended for me and the lease on her apartment ended so we can move to a new place or buy a house together. Communication faded and it was so difficult when disagreements happened while with each other because we didn’t want to spend time together arguing. A couple can make it work, but it’s very difficult & definitely takes two very strong mental & emotional people
Did it for 3 years with my ex. I was attending college about 1000 miles away, she attended a local college close to home. You can totally make it work, though if you're someone who craves lots of physical touch and intimacy, it's very difficult.
The way it worked for us was I think majorly a part of us being pretty independent and not clingy to each other. A simple 10 minute phone call/Facetime at the end of the day was plenty for us to stay in touch and keep up to date with our lives. If one of us had a long weekend or a break and flights were cheap, I'd either visit her or vice versa. Worked for 3 years. Eventually we ended our relationship due to us taking different paths in life. I wanted to live nearby the area where I went to college, she wanted to stay where she grew up.
Now fast forward to today. My best friend and his girlfriend are now in an LDR scenario. He's still studying at home while she is studying abroad at Disney. My friend is so deprived of intimacy and touch from her that he's been spending $250 each on flights to go see her for just a couple hours nearly every weekend
Depends on the person. It can be extremely challenging and rewarding. I am in one till she's done with school and it's work for sure . I think it makes us stronger. Plus, more deep meaningfully discussions on the phone.
Currently (29f) in a long distance relationship with a guy (4 hours between us). He pushed for us to do it and we both said communication was key. It has been and is very much key. We both know there will come a time where we need to move nearer. We’ve not discussed specifics and I’m cool with that because both our jobs are quite flexible (hybrid/WFH). It really depends on the connection and knowledge that it isn’t forever. We see each other every weekend (give or take one missed every now and again due to social commitments) and we speak all day between work and other stuff. It’s really about balancing out the effort between the two of you and making sure your communication is as clear as possible.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tried it once when I was a teenager. Sure it was nice to tell someone you "love" them but at the end of the day they're too far away. I almost don't consider it a relationship
Don’t do it. No need for a reason. Just don’t do it. Long distance hardly works out and is a waste of time respectfully
I do it for practice and I learn about new stuff in conversations.
that’s kinda shitty like youre just getting in relationships to practice for other relationships?
People do that with dates
yeah but a date and being in an actual relationship are different. long distance is still an actual relationship
Very true. I took the person to mean that they understand that the relationship would probably fail, and take the lessons from it after it does. I was just pointing out that it's a strategy.
Would avoid if possible. Would take a very strong and special connection to do otherwise.
I think so too
Could you be more vague? Were you dating before? Have you ever met? Did you meet online and are discussing long distance dating or are you high school sweet hearts going to different colleges? Do either of you have the resources necessary to visit one another often?
Works for me. Needs both of y’all to be very committed and have a solid plan to cut the distance reasonably soon.
I think long-distance dating can work temporary. For example, if one partner is going to university, they’ll graduate in four years then you’ll be able to get back together physically. It can work if there is enough communication during that long distance period. Though, if the relationship is only long distance, and if you’re confident, that’s all it’s going to be- then honestly, it’s not a real relationship. It’s not gonna go anywhere. Futures are built with a person in real life. You’re going to eventually want touch of that partner, the hormones they give off, and the little things that being in person has to offer.
Define long distance? Like are we talking an hour drive, an 2 hour train ride or are we talking plane distance here?
Both.
Alright, for me personally, an 2 hour train ride would be an annoyance but doable. Like I can come over without having to plan ahead and without ruining my night by doing so. It wouldn’t be ideal, but not a dealbreaker perse. If I have to make plans, book tickets and can’t see you without being able to get to work the next morning, it would be a dealbreaker.
In my opinion the only way it works is with 2 major stipulations. 1. They have know each other long enough to fully trust each other or its the beginning of a new relationship and they're both really into each other. 2. There is a set date or an understanding that the long distance will end and you will be together. Indeterminate time frame is too big of an issue.
I don't really think it work's, at least not for a lot of men, it doesn't. It can, but for the most part, a portion about dating is being around each other... which tends to be the exact opposite of what happens in long-distance dating/relationships. I don't honestly think it would work for me, but I also have never tried it so I can't say with certainty it would or wouldn't be for me, just that I don't think it would be.
Long distance dating is very hard to do. Not getting to see each other often enough wears you out. Tried it and ended up calling it quits after a few years. Plus it's hard to really trust the other person or yourself for that matter to be faithful
Long distance can work if there’s intent for one or both to relocate to live together sooner rather than later.
It can, if both parties are really invested in each other and trust each other, but not for everyone. Also, it depends on your love language. Some people need physical touch and quality time to build that bond. It also depends on the situation. Does one person live with parents and the other person can't visit/stay the night? And the other person lives independently? Then maybe. But I think it takes a lot more effort and trust to date some long distance.
I dont think it works
It just sounds desperate to me.
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Happy for you!!💜
Do guys give up long distance bcs they crave physical intimacy?
You say "physical intimacy" but I assume you just mean sex. It's not that basic. I need someone I can kiss and nuzzle and hold to feel loved. It's just not the same long distance, and it tends to feel empty. I could wait a looong time to have sex with the right woman, but not if it's all words on a screen.
Probably depends on the guy and the context. From my past experience (M24), that wasn't an issue when I had developed a strong bond prior to being long distance. Just knowing that the long distance was temporary (few years) had me content. And the couple times we got to see each other in that time span were much more cherished because of it. Personally I couldn't do long distance dating if there was no set plan to at some point live together.
I have the same question.
That's the reason I broke up my ldr
I am a guy, my ex a few years ago and I agreed on long distance. But as things got close, she started getting nervous. We still went through with it, I said I'll be back in 3 months to spend Christmas with her family. Not even a month in, things got toxic as she started cutting me out and making distance between us. Ended up breaking it off with me. I went downhill for a year and a bit.
Do you think it would have been different if not the long distance?
Nah, we were both young, dumb, and inexperienced. We were eachother's first proper partner. Might have gone for a little longer, but it would have eventually collapsed. We were actually very different.
Not for me.
Possible, but extremely difficult, if you already have an established relationship and then it becomes long distance because someone moved or something. As long as that doesn't last too long. If you're starting a relationship long distance, you're actually just insane and you need to be admitted to a psych ward. It's beyond stupid and well into the crazy category. Nope. Nope. Nope. You cannot get to know someone without spending time with them. You can't call it a relationship if you don't know them. LDR, if that's how it begins, is a contradiction of terms.
I went a year with it. Once I had an inkling that the think too much needed to happen that it didn’t seem feasible, I just broke it off. It was driving distance, but one didn’t have a car, and I couldn’t just show whenever, a bunch of other things. I think if both had money and transportation, it’d feel more possible.
Tried for 9 months last year. Not doing that again. I need more intimacy and prefer to see my partners atleast once a week, preferably more often. Some might be able to deal with it, but physical is one of my top love languages, and digital contact doesn't cut it.
I've tried. Didn't think it could ever work, but then it was kind of exciting... until it didn't work.
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She was in Ireland, I’m in the US. We met through a new dating site. Connected more on discord. Started to fit the pieces together, then she and I realized that something’s were being overlooked, things that would have reared back up eventually. So we decided that it wasn’t going to work out. Tried to be friends, but it just didn’t work out. Nobody’s fault, just the way it goes sometimes.
It's not something I would recommend. I'm currently in one and I don't like it. But, my reasons may not be the same as everyone else.
No, trust that i know it doesnt work, i tried it and all it did was hurt us both
I think I'm still masturbating but now have to entertain someone daily via phone . Yaaaaawwwnnn. I also think I'm better off getting a pet that I at least can confirm isn't a 52 year old man in his mom's spare room catfishing me on their macintosh and dial up . A/s/L? If I wanted a imaginary friend I'd catfish myself while playing castle Wolfenstein.
I could see it working
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Hi
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Fine
Pointless and unfulfilling
Tried it a few times in my youth, but physical touch is really important to me, so unless it's definitely temporary, it's a no from me.
Nope, never again. Nothing but a bad experience. Wouldn't do it again ever.
I mean .. maybe to start but I wouldn’t wanna get cat fished or make a king trip for nothing
It would never work for me. I like doing things everyday even if it's just cooking together.
When I was 16 I had a 23 year old girlfriend who lived 4 hours away, she would come and see me every weekend or every other weekend. She came back once pregnant and said it was my child till I found it she been banging a dude in her home town.
Damn atleast you found out soon
Lucky for me.
Yepp!
Long distance dating is something I don’t agree with personally it doesn’t feel real. You can really know somebody’s habits or true nature through only texting or ft
Its fine as long as you can meet few times a year.but keeping it up for many years before meeting is too hard for most people. Like you cant be there when physically need each other.
It only works if you get to meet every once in a while. Otherwise it gets boring, the excitement fades and it starts becoming a burden. If you decide to do it, make sure to meet in person as much as possible.
i’ve tried, didn’t work out. one of you 2 will probably get insecure and the other one will get tired of it. and sometimes expressing too much of “i miss you” will be a burden to the other person as well cause there’s nothing they can do about it. it’s difficult. my heart was broken after the break up so i really don’t recommend you to do that..
Distance can be resolved with time. Incompatibility is what it is- just my 2 cents
I could do (and have done) it short term if I or my partner was planning on moving, but I don’t think I could do it long term
Did it 9 months into an already 1 year relationship. Ex got a job promotion & I was planning to move with her when braces treatment ended for me and the lease on her apartment ended so we can move to a new place or buy a house together. Communication faded and it was so difficult when disagreements happened while with each other because we didn’t want to spend time together arguing. A couple can make it work, but it’s very difficult & definitely takes two very strong mental & emotional people
I did it once and I’ll never do it again. Go to the long distance sub and read the posts there.
Did it for 3 years with my ex. I was attending college about 1000 miles away, she attended a local college close to home. You can totally make it work, though if you're someone who craves lots of physical touch and intimacy, it's very difficult. The way it worked for us was I think majorly a part of us being pretty independent and not clingy to each other. A simple 10 minute phone call/Facetime at the end of the day was plenty for us to stay in touch and keep up to date with our lives. If one of us had a long weekend or a break and flights were cheap, I'd either visit her or vice versa. Worked for 3 years. Eventually we ended our relationship due to us taking different paths in life. I wanted to live nearby the area where I went to college, she wanted to stay where she grew up. Now fast forward to today. My best friend and his girlfriend are now in an LDR scenario. He's still studying at home while she is studying abroad at Disney. My friend is so deprived of intimacy and touch from her that he's been spending $250 each on flights to go see her for just a couple hours nearly every weekend
It isn’t real dating. Nothing substitutes for actual physical contact and being able to read an entire body language from my
Bad use of time, distance will wear away at whatever love there was
No Stress
I wouldn't be opposed to it but I would have a hard time with no physical touch
Depends on the person. It can be extremely challenging and rewarding. I am in one till she's done with school and it's work for sure . I think it makes us stronger. Plus, more deep meaningfully discussions on the phone.
Currently (29f) in a long distance relationship with a guy (4 hours between us). He pushed for us to do it and we both said communication was key. It has been and is very much key. We both know there will come a time where we need to move nearer. We’ve not discussed specifics and I’m cool with that because both our jobs are quite flexible (hybrid/WFH). It really depends on the connection and knowledge that it isn’t forever. We see each other every weekend (give or take one missed every now and again due to social commitments) and we speak all day between work and other stuff. It’s really about balancing out the effort between the two of you and making sure your communication is as clear as possible.