Yea, that’s why I think OP is trolling. Make a post complaining about sex but then say the sex is great. Huh??
That plus, no significant post history, new account, barely responding after making the post.
People need to recognize a troll instead of taking the bait and just hopping on the bandwagon to shit on a dude whenever they get a chance. This “dude” probably doesn’t even exist.
Never getting you off is bad enough. Guilt tripping you about doing it yourself is why he's a 28 yr old dating a 21 yr old. I'm sorry, I know that's cliche, but some things are cliche for a reason.
I came to the comments to see if anyone else had said this yet. You’re totally right, he just wants someone young and naive who will put up with his shitty self centred attitude.
Can’t stand by that. I’m 28 and I’d date a 21 year old so long as maturity is demonstrated and compatibility was apparent, but I’d never do anything as ridiculous and selfish as this. What an irresponsible generalization.
It’s not great. Great would be him thinking you deserve to cum too.
He’s using you as a masturbatory tool.
You could randomly pick a guy off the street and find better.
My GF is also on antidepressants, and it's really difficult to make her cum. I still make sure she cums, more often than not, multiple times. This is either before I cum, or I will make sure to spend the time to make sure she gets off too. I'm not 'too tired' after.
The difference between me and your BF? I care about my partners pleasure and orgasms. Yours only cares about blowing his load. Your partner treats you as a human fleshlight to him.
Then, to top off his shittiness, he guilts you when you masturbate because he hasn't gotten you off.
Fuck that chump. Well actually, don't fuck that chump. Yeet him all the way out the door and NEVER look back.
Find a partner that actually WANTS to make you cum so many times, YOU have to tell him to stop. Don't settle for anything less.
DONT SETTLE FOR A SHITTY PARTNER.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes you if your pleasure was his priority. It simply isn’t. I don’t know how much experience do you have but girl, this isn’t what a great sex looks like. Especially the part where he gaslights you and makes you feel bad cause you too want to get off cause you’re *obviously* not satisfied and he very well knows it but pretends like whatever he did should have been enough for you. That’s a selfish partner, a tiny ego, and a manipulator to boot.
It’s not great because you need to finish yourself off consistently. My bf gets me off every time, mostly before he does and if not before, then he’ll go down on me or finger me after - always.
He's being an enormous baby and a complete jerk.
He's not "too tired" he's too fucking lazy and your pleasure is not a priority for him
That's the plain and simple fact.
Any guy who gave a fuck about your pleasure would do what it takes to get the job done AND wouldn't mind one bit if you took matters into your own hands. He'd watch or help or both.
You're worried about offending him? Because he's not at all concerned with offending you by being a shitty lover, not caring if you're happy, turning it around as if it's your flaw that you're not satisfied, and generally being an asshole.
Why are you having sex with someone who treats you like this?
Any advice for a relationship where both people get tired after they finish? I’m a guy with a woman who gets tired and has a sizable refractory period. :’(
How athletic are the two of you? One idea would be to finish her on her back with her legs tightly together pressed against your chest then pull out just far enough that you get your last few thrusts in through her thighs instead. I did that with one partner who really enjoyed the feeling of having it all over her stomach and chest instead of in her when I was done, but it should accomplish the same goal in your case.
I had a guy finish before me… he went to get water and when he came back my vibrator was on . He said “ I did not satisfy you?” He was offended, but so was I when he finished and walked away. I said I just wasn’t finished yet. You can help me if you want”. He did kiss me until I finished.
.. And most importantly- he NEVER let that happen again.
So let him be offended.
It will always bewilder me how some guys honestly think that them simply blowing their own load isn’t enough to satisfy their partner. They might as well be beating off next to you and then say they hope you enjoyed it as much as they did lol
Haha this made me chuckle, it's so true! And it shocks me to the point where I actually think that them asking "did you finish?" - or even worse, straight up assuming you did - is fake, like it's impossible for me to think that they actually believe that to be true.
Sounds selfish. He’s 28 what’s he so tired for. If he can’t go rounds he’s gotta get you off first, and if he’s just not interested in your orgasms then you can do better.
Wow. So you don’t cum, and you aren’t allowed to get yourself there either?
He’s way too old for that. He’s not too tired. He’s just lazy and selfish.
No real man would neg you for getting yourself there once he dropped the ball.
Do yourself a favor And just walk away now. It’s NEVER worth it with the lazy ones.
NEVER.
That’s incredibly selfish. Sex is between two people. It’s incredibly important both me and my wife get what we need. Not every sex session between us ends up with both finishing, sometimes I finish, sometimes she finishes and other times we both finish. It’s important in a relationship that both parties are getting what they want. My wife’s orgasm is just as important to me as his my own orgasm
One of my problems is that depending on the day I either get off very quickly or barely am able to. The other is that I almost always crash out hard after I finish, sometimes I go almost completely nonverbal and collapse exhausted onto the bed within about fifteen seconds of orgasm. Usually I can't even get up for a good couple minutes.
One recent ex-partner really helped me work on that and we found a really good approach that worked for us. For quite a while I was banging my ex multiple times a day because about every other time I would just aim purely to get her off repeatedly until I tapped out from getting overheated or tired. If it worked out that I got off that time around then that was icing on the cake, but if I didn't then the next time it'd be even more intense for me so it was a win/win. I have taken that approach with other people since then and it has been great.
"No, I'm not satisfied. Why do you get to cum but I don't?" Dude's dating someone a lot younger because he thinks that he can mould you into the perfect bang-wife who won't complain because you're too young to stand up for yourself.
This is the honeymoon phase so if this is how he behaves now it means it will never get better. This is not a communication issue. This is a selfish lover issue. There’s no way in hell a 28 year old doesn’t realise a woman he just had sex with who did not cum could possibly be satisfied. He knows, he simply doesn’t give a flying fuck. And then he has the balls to get angry and insulted when you try to finish yourself off like you should be grateful he chose to put his dick inside you and yet you ask for more? Girl, there’s no helping him here. In the first couple of months he should be making you cum 17 times before he ever thinks of cumming himself. Go find a partner who treats you as one. And not a flashlight for his precious dick to cum inside.
He's currently offended or at least unhappy about the fact that you're finishing yourself, I'm not exactly optimistic about how much help phrasing will be when you describe the problem.
That said, you could do worse than telling him something like "I'm on antidepressants, I probably just can't have an orgasm as quickly as you have been. If orgasm makes you too tired to keep going, that's understandable, but could you finish me with your hands or mouth before you get off?"
When he tries to guilt trip you when you finger yourself because he's too lazy, you should straight up tell him that Yes - You are unsatisfied. Don't baby his fragile little ego. His behavior is unacceptable and you shouldn't coddle him.
First of all Ew. I would never. Make that boy make you finish.I hate that he doesn’t like when you try and finish yourself?? He should be honored and turned on that he gets to watch first of all and secondly, if it makes him feel some type of way then he should be like wait, babe, I got you. I do not like this for you.
Assuming he’s using a condom (which he should be) there should be no reason why he doesn’t go down on you orally (other than the slightly weird taste that condoms impart on a girls pussy) if he comes first. Plus her has fingers to get you off with.
This is sex 101 as a guy. Any guy who doesn’t see it as a basic point of pride in getting his girl to come isn’t worth being with. “I’m too tired”!? WTF!! He’s 28 FFS!
ALLL OF THIS. Like JFC. When my GF and I got together, she told me she has a hard time getting off. It took me months and a bullet later to get it right. Now I can finish her off multiple times pretty damn reliably.
I usually don't have a problem making a woman cum. It's not overly hard, especially if you know where the clit is, and have even a modestly skilled tongue, fingers and have some patience be lfore you jump to PIV sex.
The OP's BF sounds like a complete douche bag in all honesty
Don't bother. If he's getting butthurt about you finishing on your own because he knowingly isn't making the effort, then there's nothing you can say that won't offend him or inspire him to care.
There’s a reason he’s 28 and with a 21 year old. Women his age won’t put up with his laziness, but someone young and impressionable like you will. You’re even trying to figure out how to fix it when it should be obvious he is the only problem and its not up to you to fix.
My GF and I spent an afternoon together. It had been a while, and I came pretty quickly. I still made sure she finished, multiple times, and only stopped when she said she was good.
Time to yeet the entire 'man' out the door and find a new man who cares about your pleasure and your orgasms. He doesn't care about your pleasure, or your orgasms. It's not going to change.
Solution: tell him since he is too pooped to get you to finish, he has to get you off FIRST. Problem solved. Women deserve enough foreplay to shorten the time it takes to get to peak anyway. You are dealing with a selfish lover. What if you climax before he does, and you just rollllll over and say "I'm done....WOOOOOO!!!!(insert Rick Flair the wrestler meme LOL)" Bet he would think differently when he doesn't get off.
I'm just your average middle aged dad bod guy with a younger wife(by seven years) and I make sure she gets her climaxes in 100 percent. It isn't a question of "if" she is going to climax, it is going to be "how many". I enjoy getting her so riled up that she literally starts tapping out because she has hit so hard. 18 years together does have a lot to do with it because I know her body. I am also not intimidated by toys. I've taken the approach all my life that if you fail to make your woman climax, you failed as a man to get the job done(communication with your partner finds out really quickly what it takes to get to the peak!) Your boyfriend is not making a great impression if he's too lazy just a couple months in to your intimate relationship!
There are limitations for what a tongue, penis, and fingers can do. Things like the vibrating ring slipped on a guy can be beneficial for both. Most of the time men get intimidated if a toy is bigger than them...penis envy.
Tell him straight out that if he doesn’t make your finish, you will do the job yourself. You should have told him that you’re not satisfied. Be vocal with your needs otherwise they’ll never be met. And if he refuses to make you happy, find someone else. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about wanting to be satisfied sexually.
You might get better help in r/sex
Ask him to finish last. If he takes any feedback regarding sex with an attitude this tells you right here this boy will not change. There is a reason a 28 year old dude is dating a girl 7 years younger than him....
This is absolute bullshit. Each person should be putting in the effort to prioritise the other person's pleasure. There's nothing wrong with you taking longer to achieve orgasm than him. He should focus on you first to help you reach that point. Life is too damn short to be with selfish people. Even if he does finish first, he should still be helping you to get there, or even watch you enjoy yourself and encourage you to orgasm. He needs to lift his game.
How about he makes you finish before he does?
That's what I did with my ex and what I'm doing with my current partner, because I know once I finish, interest in sex is gone lol
Prioritize your orgasm.
You have to offend him. Don’t assume he’s a little diaper baby who can’t handle reality. You have to actually tell him you’re not satisfied and that he’s not good at sex and he’s not getting you off, and it effects whether or not you want to have sex with him. Otherwise he’s gonna just keep using your body to get off with no sense of obligation to reciprocate.
If you don’t have the spine for that, then you can try the horny way, and say stuff like “yeah put it in me, make me cum this time, get me there this time” and then stuff like “oh yeah keep going don’t stop yet” and shit until he does it.
Shame is an important tool and he should be ashamed he’s not getting his woman off. Don’t be MEAN but be DIRECT, and CLEAR.
And don’t be afraid to say “I’m not finished yet, you still haven’t gotten me off, go down on me” if he’s in the refractory period. He has to at very least get you off some other way if he nutted and can’t keep fucking.
But if you don’t make him feel insecure about it, then he feels secure to keep doing it. Don’t be afraid of confrontation and speaking your mind
You’re the only person I’ve seen saying this and I’m so glad. There’s no reason someone pushing thirty should be this bad at sex AND dating a 21 year old. OMG
Your response shows your maturity level. Everyone is telling you the same thing. This guy is dating a young girl, because he knows anyone his age would tell him he needs to step it up in bed, and if he didn't, they'd dump his ass. He sounds like he feels like he just has to show up, and that's all. That should be enough for you. He's wrong. You deserve better.
I was with a guy in my early 20's, he was quite large. He really thought that just because he had a huge dick, that all he needed to do was show up, and do nothing for me. I talked to him about it, not much changed, so I walked away.
If you think that being with a guy that won't make the effort to make you orgasm, and shamed you if you try to finish yourself is "great sex". You haven't had great sex yet.
Demand what you deserve, or walk away. Don't settle.
They are right. There’s a reason this guy doesn’t date his own age. Women with more experience see this for the flaming red flag it is. And they would never sleep with him more than once.
You don’t realize you should be demanding better. You don’t realize what an abysmal partner he is.
awww keep dating a man who clearly doesn’t care about your pleasure and is taking advantage of the fact that you are young and naive pookie <3
better options are out there and you owe it to yourself to break away from this disappointment of a man.
I love going down on my GF if I finish first, give me all that haha. Sometimes she does prefer to finger herself to finish while I’m still inside, or sometimes I hold her while she does it. I think it’s super hot
Yeah honestly... If he doesn't want to make you finish first then just leave him... He sounds pretty gaslighty anyways and some red flags there.. actually just leave him and find somebody that will reciprocate. He's probably stuck in his ways and won't change. Plus it's been a very short time and you wouldn't lose too much.
Sounds selfish! Honestly men that want to pleasure you will figure out what works for you
He should be asking what he can do to help
You get there
And if you’re not “ allowed “ to self satisfy when he isn’t up to the challenge that’s even more selfish!
Girl either he needs to make changes or you do.
Girl no. It’s okay to be tired, but it’s not okay to get offended by you trying to finish yourself. I’ll tell you that there are considerate partners out there.
you should be honest with him. "How would you feel if I got you really close to cumming, then just got up and walked away? That's what you're doing to me. You get me close, but don't get me off. You just leave me hanging. So no, I'm not satisfied. And since you're too tired to help me out after, why don't you get me off before you cum so we both have a happy ending. Otherwise, I'm going to take care of myself after you finish, because I'm not going to lay here in bed, trying to fall asleep while frustrated as hell."
Men who are really great in bed usually get their woman off first before they let themselves finish. Any man who finishes and doesn't take care of his woman is just selfish and freaking lousy at sex.
I know you are of age but you’re too young to be having sex with a 28M. The fact that you’re afraid of offending him says a lot about the power dynamic of the relationship. Sexually pleasing a 21F is the last of his priorities. I know you like him and all but he’s using you. He knows what he’s doing is selfish so he’ll compliment you to mask it acting like he doesn’t know that you are not pleased.
Bring it up, even if it does offend him. That appears to be selfish behavior. Not a good trait in a partner. But a good conversation could clear the air, maybe something else is going on and it’s not selfish. But sure sounds like it.
This thread man it's so cringe on so many levels. Just tell him what you want he will either do it or try to blame you it's pretty ridiculous that he's offended by you finishing yourself like honestly if you as a dude don't finish someone with your parts I think he owes it to you to finish you anyway he can. I would feel like that honestly like it would bother me lol. Now if you have a hard time finishing otherwise ok that's different but it doesn't sound like that is the case. But maybe it is with the anti anxiety meds maybe you should talk to your doctor in addition to telling him what you need. The AA meds make it really hard for me to finish as a dude I can say that and I haven't had sex yet but I can tell you the stories I've heard from guys that can go and go and go but they don't finish and the woman is like wtf why haven't I finished you yet came like x million times lol and it's super awkward but those guys they finish their woman so it's an entirely different issue. It's hard to tell someone they are hot and they are turned on but can't finish they think you are lying about it because you can't finish.
It's an uncontrollable biological fact that once a man orgasms, his energy and horniness vanish. It's a hormonal thing (prolactin) and has nothing to do with how attracted he is to you or how much he cares about your sexual satisfaction.
Can he get go down on you before fucking? That's always what I like to do, it's a kind of foreplay for both of us, and once the girl cums in my mouth I really wanna fuck her.
If your pussy doesn't work that way, can he stop in the middle of fucking to go down on you and then go back to fucking?
Can one of you rub or vibrate your clit while you're fucking?
If not, then be honest about your body's sexual response and tell him that you like even more after the fucking is done. See if maybe he'd be willing to use a vibrator on you, because that would be less work on his part. Or just sit on his face so all he needs to do is wiggle his tongue a little?
If you're not satisfied enough then the two of you definitely need more communication to make sure that you are. Before fucking might be a good time to have the conversation, since conversation about fucking is great foreplay for fucking.
Next time he says something about how you must not be satisfied tell him he’s correct and if he’s not up for finishing the job he’s got no right to complain if you do.
This is so weird to me. Sometimes I’m plenty satisfied but still want to keep playing when he’s done (especially if it’s a cream pie situation) and he doesn’t get offended he thinks it hot. Any time I’m enjoying myself he thinks it’s hot. Period.
Hell, the guy I’m banging now will hide a hitachi wand under the pillow just to make me cum even more when I think I’m already completely exhausted. It’s diabolical! I love it 😈
He is not too tired, just lazy & disrespectful of you & your needs.
Get yourself a new man because he is not as into you as you think & he won't change because he is getting what he wants without putting in the effort.
I’m just wondering why him asking you if you aren’t satisfied makes you stop instead of roasting the fuck out of him. OF COURSE I’m not satisfied you pile of shit
I would just be careful with some of the advice you are receiving here. Many jaded/petty sounding comments here. First off have you tried talking to him about it outside of the bedroom? What do those conversations go like ? What are some of the things you say to him during that conversation ? How does he respond? What kind of job does this guy do ? What are his working hours like? Is he normally an active type of person and only in this one instance he seems to lose his vitality or is he always generally tired and out of energy ? There are a million different bits of information that would be good to know before advising someone on this topic and i haven’t seen a single person ask. Redditor’s want nothing more than to see your relationship fail and for you to just tell this peron to f*off. Try to remember it’s easy for these people in the comments to talk shit without knowing anything about the situation, but they aren’t the ones who will deal with the aftermath once you’ve acted on their advice. Wish you and your boyfriend all the luck , hopefully things start getting better in the climax department for yall and that the relationship lasts.
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He might not have much education, experience or awareness sexually. I list the 3 because having atleast 1 might point out the obvious that you haven't finished and he should be paying much more attention to that. You for sure need to talk to him about it and honestly If he can't change you'll want to reassess the relationship if you ever plan on cumming in a ltr. Not to be mean but that would be a redflag for me personally.
Few men are good at sex, according to the women I've had relations with. (Several dozen partners...in between significant others)...
I was married for 30 years and the sex was good but mundane.
Having been divorced for over 20 years, my value as a sex partner has greatly increased.
Many fine women have taught me what they like and now I know how to find out what someone likes and then ensure they receive it.
You say the sex is good but if you're not finishing then what good is it?
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST, is the expression, find a nice guy.
("Finishing"? As in once? You don't know what you like yet ... I've NEVER been with a woman who wasn't capable of multiple orgasms.)
he's too tired to go down on you “after” he's finished? bahaha. who would want a plate of that mess? he should go down on you before he even starts. anyway... end the relationship if "getting off" is so important to you.
The first time a guy acts like this is the last time he sees the inside of my bedroom, jfc no wonder you’re on ADs — get angry maybe?! He sounds like a jerk
Try different condoms. I finish fast and am useless after too. A condom blocks the chemical reaction between the bodily fluids. Also reduces friction for the guys which helps reduce how stimulated a guy is gonna be. He needs to put a bit of lube on before putting on the condom as well, or try it without.
Keep trying and experimenting. I hope he’s stays open as well. Good luck 💪
You're not useless after, you have fingers and a mouth that most women are going to enjoy more than a penis. If you really care about someone, even once you have cum, you should still be interested in getting them off.
yeah he might be selfish and all that other stuff, but are you certain there is no weird smell or anything going on down there? if not then there needs to be a way for this to be worked into the beginning of sex so it becomes a habit of him going down first, and then proceeding with the normal routine.
after a man cums we dont feel like doing anything, and the idea of anything sex related is a turn off while we are recovering. its much more fun to go down a woman when my dick is hard versus when i’ve already cum
The only time after sex when I would refuse to go down on somebody was if they didn’t smell good down there and/or I didn’t know them very well yet. If he doesn’t want to do it I don’t think there’s really a way you’re going to make him want to actually do it instead of just feeling obligated to, I personally always like making sure my significant other is satisfied, multiple times if possible
It takes me a rly long time to finish. In some instances I have my bf use a toy, or when I want to do it myself we’ll make out and be intimate while I’m doing my thing. I feel every man should be ok with this. If a man you’re dating doesn’t make you finish first, doesn’t try to make you finish after he has already, or if he gets offended if you do it yourself/use a toy then he’s simply insecure and probably gonna cause a lot more issues in the long run than what he’s worth. He’s 28. He can grow up and actually try for once. Dump him, tbh.
But…if you’re not gonna dump him you could try offering to have him use a vibrator on you. He literally can’t be too tired to kiss on you a little, lay there, and hold a vibrator in one spot. If he is, dump him for sure. There are plenty of other men who would gladly get you off to completion and even think it’s hot if you did it yourself in front of them.
It’s amazing how finishing can change a guy’s mentality. There’s a rush of endorphins and a superb sense of relaxation sets in. It makes sense that he would be less energetic after climaxing.
But that is no excuse to deprioritize your satisfaction!! This dude sounds like he’s terrible in bed and is being a bad partner. If he really cared, he’d work to get you off and would enjoy it. He’d keep going after he climaxes, or would refrain until he was sure that you had an orgasm first. And the worst part is that not only is he refusing to take care of you, but he’s shaming you from doing the job yourself!!!
I’m sure there’d be a line of guys around the block that would be happy to treat you with some respect in the sack and a whole lot more. Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t prioritize you, you deserve someone who intrinsically values your happiness.
Respond with “yes I’m not satisfied, make me cum.” If there’s still resistance afterwards tell him you don’t want to be with a guy who can’t make you cum. You deserve better girl.
When I was very new to it I used to have that problem, I learned that the easiest answer was to get my partner halfway there before I started on myself at all, if I timed it right I'd get her off either right about when I did or just before I did. The trick is that everyone is different and each session with a given person can be different, you have to learn to pay attention to your partner's body language.
If he hasn't learned that then he needs to either grow a pair and let you get yourself off, learn to get you off, or get the fuck out so someone who knows what they're doing can.
Without offending him? Fuck that so much.
If you're faking orgasms, stop! Otherwise, next time he wants sex, he still owes you from last time, so you finish first. If you still feel like helping him out when you're done, cool, but then you finish first next time as well; alternatively, wait until YOU feel horny again and offer him sex on the condition that he gets you off first.
Alternatively (and this is my preferred option), just dump him. He sounds selfish AF.
Years ago I would've replied differently, but if he's that confrontational it's best to let him go...if he doesn't make you come (why not do that FIRST? A COUPLE TIMES? So when he finishes that's it, you're both happy) or doesn't let you do it yourself, the sex is not great I'm sorry...I used to be with a guy who only went down on me once in the 8 months we were a couple (Im not even bothered about that, at the time I didn't know it's standard to go down on the woman...but he also barely played with me), I also felt like the sex was good (sometimes I would finish, most times not...and most times it lasted 2 minutes anyways) but really it wasn't. Then when I moved onto sleeping with other guys and I was gobsmacked by how attentive and caring they were about the sexual experience I had with them xD
When I bust I'm drained like hell and want to sleep as well. That's why I show my girl a good time first with oral and other foreplay so even when I get in and last my 30 seconds she's still purring like a kitty afterwards. This man is just selfish and a fool
He’s 28 yrs old he knows he’s lazy and selfish ,, and gets offended when you try to finish yourself off ? Give me a break ! If it’s a problem that he’s to tired then he needs to get you off before he even starts to get close to being done himself ,,, saying he loves how you taste ok well then get to working and while you’re down there put your fingers to work with your tongue dude ,,, if not bye
my boyfriend gets completely out of the sex mindset as soon as he cums too, so i get that. but doing that to you is just rude. my boyfriend usually makes me cum first or if he cums first he will hold me and whisper things in my ear and play with my nipples while i finish myself.
He just kinda sounds like a lazy jerk, IMO. Especially if he's gonna be rude about you wanting to finish yourself. Seems like a red flag to me.
Sounds like he is lazy. I thought maybe you were dating someone way older than I saw his age. Tell him no you are not satisfied because you like to cum too. Don't put up with a selfish love no matter how much you love him. He won't change unless you make it clear to him.
Not cool. He should finish you first! Then get his OR at least continue on you until you have. That’s just selfish.
“I can tell your not satisfied”
No way…..what gave it away?? My having to pleasure myself after you’ve finished and rolled over having gotten yours. 😂😂😂
How can the sex be so “great” if you’re left finishing yourself off while he lays there???
Do y’all not use foreplay enough maybe? Lady I am seeing and I love it. I get her off with my mouth and finger before we even did the really good stuff, and yes most of the time I’d let her finish but if I didn’t I certainly didn’t just say “well that was great, Tks” and roll over. 😂
Makes no sense. He either holds back on cumming until you are satisfied or he makes sure he helps you get off after.
He doesn’t do any of those and gets weird about you getting yourself off? Get out girl.
If you don’t want to. Then communicate to him that you are happy to make him cum but that it really frustrates you if you want to keep going and he bails. That you would apriceate either him holding off a bit or making an extra effort to get you off.
And that if he is too tired for that that you decintetly expect him to be ok with you getting off yourself. That he can talk to you, touch you, play with you however his exhausted body allows him to but if he can’t that you will get yourself off anyway.
I’m the same way. Once I cum, I’m done. That being said, it’s my responsibility to make my partner cum first and preferably a couple of times before I do. You said it takes you longer, how much longer? More Foreplay should be used as well
Communicate how your feeling and your needs, if he doesn’t act on it, falls back into his old habit fast, or tries to flip it on you in any way, DUMP HIM. If your sexual relationship with him matters enough for you to turn to social media for help, you can leave this man and find exactly what you want and then some from another.
Guys like this date 21 year olds because your #1 concern is:
>How do I bring this up to him w/o offending him?
You have to offend him. He's been disregarding your humanity for multiple months and treating you like a sex doll instead of a partner. It's not your fault and I'm sure he's especially into you for these qualities because it makes his life much easier to pretend this is what women get off on.
He should be making you cum first then. That way when he gets too tired after he cuts you’ve already cum.
If he’s unwilling to do that but can’t make you cum and gets insecure when you try and finish yourself, he’s a loser.
Seems like no matter what, he's gonna get offended.
It's a loss/lose here, OP.
You ask for reciprocation, you get excuses.
You finish yourself, more excuses with defense.
Find someone else who's not so lazy & ego isn't so fragile during intimacy.
He only cares about his own satisfaction. Start giving him blue balls and see if he changes his tune. Or better yet, find someone else who will meet your needs. You've already tried talking to him about it and he wasn't receptive.
I dated someone similar over the summer. Great sex, but as soon as he shot his load it was OVER. A couple of times I also asked if he would just hold me ffs while I finished because I also wanted to finish and he wouldn’t. Similar to this guy got offended, said stuff like I should have said something before he finished, insert other bullshit here. This person did not care about anything but getting off and it honestly sucked all the emotional joy and ease from the situation.
If you want to finish there is nothing wrong with that. If he is not putting in the effort but still gets his ego hurt when you offer alternatives, run, what do you have to lose at this point? This doofus isn’t attuned enough to you to give you an orgasm and doesn’t want the gift of watching you show him how you do it? He is 100 percent not worthy of you maturity.
The lesson I learned was I am not messing with lovers that don’t have a basic level of kindness and accountability where they want to see both of us leave fat, happy, and blessed.
Girl. I’m on antidepressants too and my partner makes me get off before he gets off. He doesn’t care how long it takes if anything he keeps asking me if it feels good and has asked me if I wanted him to use toys to make it feel even better for me.
He doesn’t care about your pleasure; just what he can do to get off.
Wham, bam, thank you mam. GF find a lover. You are not a sperm depository. A lot of men can get their self off so easy that they focus on getting the women off first. They thrive on it. This guy can’t get you off and doesn’t want you to get yourself off either? You are young. You need more experience.
Sounds like he’s insecure and you need clit stimulation. My partner sn I like using toys because she also has a tough time getting off without clit stimulation. And I enjoy watching her squirm and obey my commands to hold it till I say she can cum. Win win
can't he make you cum before you make him cum? He can make sure you finish before you start trying to make him finish
ETA so he can go down on you etc then once you've finished, you can focus on pleasuring him afterwards. This way you both get sorted
He's doing things backwards. There was an old blues song that said "you've got to lick it, before you stick it." I always followed that and it's worked great for me
Your post was removed because it violates the sex topic rule. Review this rule. Your post should be posted to r/sex
lmao what the fuck "I'm to tired to satisfy you." "Ok I'll do it myself." "wtf you're not satisfied??" guy's a clown
But the sex is ‘great’
For him anyway.
Then why did OP say > I really do like him and the sex is great ?
Cope
Bet
Yea, that’s why I think OP is trolling. Make a post complaining about sex but then say the sex is great. Huh?? That plus, no significant post history, new account, barely responding after making the post. People need to recognize a troll instead of taking the bait and just hopping on the bandwagon to shit on a dude whenever they get a chance. This “dude” probably doesn’t even exist.
Would love to hear what he’d say if she finished before him and pulled away and said, “Cant help you. You should be satisfied.”
This has happened to me before quite often when I was on certain medications, shit sucks 😂
Sounds like his ego can’t take it
My first thought as well. He sounds ridiculous, selfish and kinda arrogant. Lots of talk and little play for the most part.
This man knows.
Doesnt sound "great".
It is great. Just takes me a little longer to finish since I’m on anti depressants.
Never getting you off is bad enough. Guilt tripping you about doing it yourself is why he's a 28 yr old dating a 21 yr old. I'm sorry, I know that's cliche, but some things are cliche for a reason.
I came to the comments to see if anyone else had said this yet. You’re totally right, he just wants someone young and naive who will put up with his shitty self centred attitude.
Can’t stand by that. I’m 28 and I’d date a 21 year old so long as maturity is demonstrated and compatibility was apparent, but I’d never do anything as ridiculous and selfish as this. What an irresponsible generalization.
It’s not great. Great would be him thinking you deserve to cum too. He’s using you as a masturbatory tool. You could randomly pick a guy off the street and find better.
My GF is also on antidepressants, and it's really difficult to make her cum. I still make sure she cums, more often than not, multiple times. This is either before I cum, or I will make sure to spend the time to make sure she gets off too. I'm not 'too tired' after. The difference between me and your BF? I care about my partners pleasure and orgasms. Yours only cares about blowing his load. Your partner treats you as a human fleshlight to him. Then, to top off his shittiness, he guilts you when you masturbate because he hasn't gotten you off. Fuck that chump. Well actually, don't fuck that chump. Yeet him all the way out the door and NEVER look back. Find a partner that actually WANTS to make you cum so many times, YOU have to tell him to stop. Don't settle for anything less. DONT SETTLE FOR A SHITTY PARTNER.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes you if your pleasure was his priority. It simply isn’t. I don’t know how much experience do you have but girl, this isn’t what a great sex looks like. Especially the part where he gaslights you and makes you feel bad cause you too want to get off cause you’re *obviously* not satisfied and he very well knows it but pretends like whatever he did should have been enough for you. That’s a selfish partner, a tiny ego, and a manipulator to boot.
It’s not great because you need to finish yourself off consistently. My bf gets me off every time, mostly before he does and if not before, then he’ll go down on me or finger me after - always.
Maybe it's weird for him to go down after he's fucked you ? Finished in you ? Could that be it?
He's being an enormous baby and a complete jerk. He's not "too tired" he's too fucking lazy and your pleasure is not a priority for him That's the plain and simple fact. Any guy who gave a fuck about your pleasure would do what it takes to get the job done AND wouldn't mind one bit if you took matters into your own hands. He'd watch or help or both. You're worried about offending him? Because he's not at all concerned with offending you by being a shitty lover, not caring if you're happy, turning it around as if it's your flaw that you're not satisfied, and generally being an asshole. Why are you having sex with someone who treats you like this?
Alllllll of this ^
>He'd watch or help or both. Yeah, this is true. There very little effort on helping you finish off with a finger or two. OP can easily find better.
Can’t agree more.
21
I totally agree
I agree also
He needs to make you finish first. Then once he finishes he can pass out if that’s what he needs to do.
Will try that thank you!!
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He doesn’t care about her finishing, that’s pretty obvious
I’m willing to bet he watches porn so much he thinks she came 20 times.
That’s what I’m saying! Ffs’s
I came here to say this lol \^
From where do you know how long is sexual history is?
You are already trying lol, he knows what you want he just doesnt care, stop being naive and leave his ass
This! Real men finish second
This is the way
Any advice for a relationship where both people get tired after they finish? I’m a guy with a woman who gets tired and has a sizable refractory period. :’(
How athletic are the two of you? One idea would be to finish her on her back with her legs tightly together pressed against your chest then pull out just far enough that you get your last few thrusts in through her thighs instead. I did that with one partner who really enjoyed the feeling of having it all over her stomach and chest instead of in her when I was done, but it should accomplish the same goal in your case.
If he won’t, buy a toy that will!
This is the way.
This is the way.
I had a guy finish before me… he went to get water and when he came back my vibrator was on . He said “ I did not satisfy you?” He was offended, but so was I when he finished and walked away. I said I just wasn’t finished yet. You can help me if you want”. He did kiss me until I finished. .. And most importantly- he NEVER let that happen again. So let him be offended.
It will always bewilder me how some guys honestly think that them simply blowing their own load isn’t enough to satisfy their partner. They might as well be beating off next to you and then say they hope you enjoyed it as much as they did lol
Haha this made me chuckle, it's so true! And it shocks me to the point where I actually think that them asking "did you finish?" - or even worse, straight up assuming you did - is fake, like it's impossible for me to think that they actually believe that to be true.
Sounds selfish. He’s 28 what’s he so tired for. If he can’t go rounds he’s gotta get you off first, and if he’s just not interested in your orgasms then you can do better.
Sad thing is, he’s not simply disinterested in her pleasure. He’s actively offended by it. And OP is too naive to understand how gross that is.
Wow. So you don’t cum, and you aren’t allowed to get yourself there either? He’s way too old for that. He’s not too tired. He’s just lazy and selfish. No real man would neg you for getting yourself there once he dropped the ball. Do yourself a favor And just walk away now. It’s NEVER worth it with the lazy ones. NEVER.
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Exactly, she is the one that chose wrong and is with someone who doesnt give a shit about her sexually
That’s incredibly selfish. Sex is between two people. It’s incredibly important both me and my wife get what we need. Not every sex session between us ends up with both finishing, sometimes I finish, sometimes she finishes and other times we both finish. It’s important in a relationship that both parties are getting what they want. My wife’s orgasm is just as important to me as his my own orgasm
One of my problems is that depending on the day I either get off very quickly or barely am able to. The other is that I almost always crash out hard after I finish, sometimes I go almost completely nonverbal and collapse exhausted onto the bed within about fifteen seconds of orgasm. Usually I can't even get up for a good couple minutes. One recent ex-partner really helped me work on that and we found a really good approach that worked for us. For quite a while I was banging my ex multiple times a day because about every other time I would just aim purely to get her off repeatedly until I tapped out from getting overheated or tired. If it worked out that I got off that time around then that was icing on the cake, but if I didn't then the next time it'd be even more intense for me so it was a win/win. I have taken that approach with other people since then and it has been great.
"No, I'm not satisfied. Why do you get to cum but I don't?" Dude's dating someone a lot younger because he thinks that he can mould you into the perfect bang-wife who won't complain because you're too young to stand up for yourself.
This is the honeymoon phase so if this is how he behaves now it means it will never get better. This is not a communication issue. This is a selfish lover issue. There’s no way in hell a 28 year old doesn’t realise a woman he just had sex with who did not cum could possibly be satisfied. He knows, he simply doesn’t give a flying fuck. And then he has the balls to get angry and insulted when you try to finish yourself off like you should be grateful he chose to put his dick inside you and yet you ask for more? Girl, there’s no helping him here. In the first couple of months he should be making you cum 17 times before he ever thinks of cumming himself. Go find a partner who treats you as one. And not a flashlight for his precious dick to cum inside.
He clearly doesnt care about your needs
He's currently offended or at least unhappy about the fact that you're finishing yourself, I'm not exactly optimistic about how much help phrasing will be when you describe the problem. That said, you could do worse than telling him something like "I'm on antidepressants, I probably just can't have an orgasm as quickly as you have been. If orgasm makes you too tired to keep going, that's understandable, but could you finish me with your hands or mouth before you get off?"
Damn ladies first, everyone knows that
When he tries to guilt trip you when you finger yourself because he's too lazy, you should straight up tell him that Yes - You are unsatisfied. Don't baby his fragile little ego. His behavior is unacceptable and you shouldn't coddle him.
First of all Ew. I would never. Make that boy make you finish.I hate that he doesn’t like when you try and finish yourself?? He should be honored and turned on that he gets to watch first of all and secondly, if it makes him feel some type of way then he should be like wait, babe, I got you. I do not like this for you.
‼️‼️‼️
A considerate guy would say "I want to make sure you finish so, I want focus on you" or something like that.
Assuming he’s using a condom (which he should be) there should be no reason why he doesn’t go down on you orally (other than the slightly weird taste that condoms impart on a girls pussy) if he comes first. Plus her has fingers to get you off with. This is sex 101 as a guy. Any guy who doesn’t see it as a basic point of pride in getting his girl to come isn’t worth being with. “I’m too tired”!? WTF!! He’s 28 FFS!
ALLL OF THIS. Like JFC. When my GF and I got together, she told me she has a hard time getting off. It took me months and a bullet later to get it right. Now I can finish her off multiple times pretty damn reliably. I usually don't have a problem making a woman cum. It's not overly hard, especially if you know where the clit is, and have even a modestly skilled tongue, fingers and have some patience be lfore you jump to PIV sex. The OP's BF sounds like a complete douche bag in all honesty
Don't bother. If he's getting butthurt about you finishing on your own because he knowingly isn't making the effort, then there's nothing you can say that won't offend him or inspire him to care.
There’s a reason he’s 28 and with a 21 year old. Women his age won’t put up with his laziness, but someone young and impressionable like you will. You’re even trying to figure out how to fix it when it should be obvious he is the only problem and its not up to you to fix.
I'm 29 and sure as hell wouldn't put up with that shit from a guy. Who the fuck at that age asks "Are you not satisfied?"
He don't like you that much. Or he's selfish. He should be getting you off FIRST by any means necessary. Then allowing himself to blow.
Offend him. You should be offended.
So make him go down before you get to banging. if he’s weird about it, dump him.
My GF and I spent an afternoon together. It had been a while, and I came pretty quickly. I still made sure she finished, multiple times, and only stopped when she said she was good. Time to yeet the entire 'man' out the door and find a new man who cares about your pleasure and your orgasms. He doesn't care about your pleasure, or your orgasms. It's not going to change.
Solution: tell him since he is too pooped to get you to finish, he has to get you off FIRST. Problem solved. Women deserve enough foreplay to shorten the time it takes to get to peak anyway. You are dealing with a selfish lover. What if you climax before he does, and you just rollllll over and say "I'm done....WOOOOOO!!!!(insert Rick Flair the wrestler meme LOL)" Bet he would think differently when he doesn't get off. I'm just your average middle aged dad bod guy with a younger wife(by seven years) and I make sure she gets her climaxes in 100 percent. It isn't a question of "if" she is going to climax, it is going to be "how many". I enjoy getting her so riled up that she literally starts tapping out because she has hit so hard. 18 years together does have a lot to do with it because I know her body. I am also not intimidated by toys. I've taken the approach all my life that if you fail to make your woman climax, you failed as a man to get the job done(communication with your partner finds out really quickly what it takes to get to the peak!) Your boyfriend is not making a great impression if he's too lazy just a couple months in to your intimate relationship!
I wish guys weren't so intimidated by toys. They feel like they have to do it all themselves and their egos can get in the way.
There are limitations for what a tongue, penis, and fingers can do. Things like the vibrating ring slipped on a guy can be beneficial for both. Most of the time men get intimidated if a toy is bigger than them...penis envy.
Stop seeing him. He's selfish, lazy, and controlling.
He’s lazy and whiny. Tell him you didn’t finish and do the job because he won’t.
Tell him straight out that if he doesn’t make your finish, you will do the job yourself. You should have told him that you’re not satisfied. Be vocal with your needs otherwise they’ll never be met. And if he refuses to make you happy, find someone else. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about wanting to be satisfied sexually.
He’s not too tired, he’s too lazy. And he won’t even be happy for you to do it yourself? That’s selfish as fuck
Give him a taste of his own medicine. You finish and then don't let him!
You might get better help in r/sex Ask him to finish last. If he takes any feedback regarding sex with an attitude this tells you right here this boy will not change. There is a reason a 28 year old dude is dating a girl 7 years younger than him....
This is absolute bullshit. Each person should be putting in the effort to prioritise the other person's pleasure. There's nothing wrong with you taking longer to achieve orgasm than him. He should focus on you first to help you reach that point. Life is too damn short to be with selfish people. Even if he does finish first, he should still be helping you to get there, or even watch you enjoy yourself and encourage you to orgasm. He needs to lift his game.
Worry less about offending a man who enjoys leaving you unsatisfied
Yeah it’s a pretty simple fix - ladies first
How about he makes you finish before he does? That's what I did with my ex and what I'm doing with my current partner, because I know once I finish, interest in sex is gone lol Prioritize your orgasm.
No one his age is putting with his crap, you are easy to manipulate girl
She already swallowed it all cause she thinks this is great sex..smh
You have to offend him. Don’t assume he’s a little diaper baby who can’t handle reality. You have to actually tell him you’re not satisfied and that he’s not good at sex and he’s not getting you off, and it effects whether or not you want to have sex with him. Otherwise he’s gonna just keep using your body to get off with no sense of obligation to reciprocate. If you don’t have the spine for that, then you can try the horny way, and say stuff like “yeah put it in me, make me cum this time, get me there this time” and then stuff like “oh yeah keep going don’t stop yet” and shit until he does it. Shame is an important tool and he should be ashamed he’s not getting his woman off. Don’t be MEAN but be DIRECT, and CLEAR. And don’t be afraid to say “I’m not finished yet, you still haven’t gotten me off, go down on me” if he’s in the refractory period. He has to at very least get you off some other way if he nutted and can’t keep fucking. But if you don’t make him feel insecure about it, then he feels secure to keep doing it. Don’t be afraid of confrontation and speaking your mind
I had a bf who was like this, dumped him 6 months ago. Couldn’t stand not being satisfied, I told him many times and he made no changes
date men your own age
You’re the only person I’ve seen saying this and I’m so glad. There’s no reason someone pushing thirty should be this bad at sex AND dating a 21 year old. OMG
didn’t answer the question but awww thank you for your input pookie <3
Your response shows your maturity level. Everyone is telling you the same thing. This guy is dating a young girl, because he knows anyone his age would tell him he needs to step it up in bed, and if he didn't, they'd dump his ass. He sounds like he feels like he just has to show up, and that's all. That should be enough for you. He's wrong. You deserve better. I was with a guy in my early 20's, he was quite large. He really thought that just because he had a huge dick, that all he needed to do was show up, and do nothing for me. I talked to him about it, not much changed, so I walked away. If you think that being with a guy that won't make the effort to make you orgasm, and shamed you if you try to finish yourself is "great sex". You haven't had great sex yet. Demand what you deserve, or walk away. Don't settle.
They are right. There’s a reason this guy doesn’t date his own age. Women with more experience see this for the flaming red flag it is. And they would never sleep with him more than once. You don’t realize you should be demanding better. You don’t realize what an abysmal partner he is.
Agreed. She even called it great sex. It’s embarrassing
awww keep dating a man who clearly doesn’t care about your pleasure and is taking advantage of the fact that you are young and naive pookie <3 better options are out there and you owe it to yourself to break away from this disappointment of a man.
I love going down on my GF if I finish first, give me all that haha. Sometimes she does prefer to finger herself to finish while I’m still inside, or sometimes I hold her while she does it. I think it’s super hot
Yeah honestly... If he doesn't want to make you finish first then just leave him... He sounds pretty gaslighty anyways and some red flags there.. actually just leave him and find somebody that will reciprocate. He's probably stuck in his ways and won't change. Plus it's been a very short time and you wouldn't lose too much.
Sounds selfish! Honestly men that want to pleasure you will figure out what works for you He should be asking what he can do to help You get there And if you’re not “ allowed “ to self satisfy when he isn’t up to the challenge that’s even more selfish! Girl either he needs to make changes or you do.
Girl no. It’s okay to be tired, but it’s not okay to get offended by you trying to finish yourself. I’ll tell you that there are considerate partners out there.
Man’s 28 and guilt tripping you on finishing yourself because he isn’t? This ain’t it.
you should be honest with him. "How would you feel if I got you really close to cumming, then just got up and walked away? That's what you're doing to me. You get me close, but don't get me off. You just leave me hanging. So no, I'm not satisfied. And since you're too tired to help me out after, why don't you get me off before you cum so we both have a happy ending. Otherwise, I'm going to take care of myself after you finish, because I'm not going to lay here in bed, trying to fall asleep while frustrated as hell." Men who are really great in bed usually get their woman off first before they let themselves finish. Any man who finishes and doesn't take care of his woman is just selfish and freaking lousy at sex.
I know you are of age but you’re too young to be having sex with a 28M. The fact that you’re afraid of offending him says a lot about the power dynamic of the relationship. Sexually pleasing a 21F is the last of his priorities. I know you like him and all but he’s using you. He knows what he’s doing is selfish so he’ll compliment you to mask it acting like he doesn’t know that you are not pleased.
Worst thing is he’s not complimenting her, he is getting offended and probably not being quiet about it either. This is bordering controlling to me.
Bring it up, even if it does offend him. That appears to be selfish behavior. Not a good trait in a partner. But a good conversation could clear the air, maybe something else is going on and it’s not selfish. But sure sounds like it.
that is some lazy ass bullshit excuse, we all know he can make you turn into a puddle before he blasts. slap some sense into home boi, let's go.
This thread man it's so cringe on so many levels. Just tell him what you want he will either do it or try to blame you it's pretty ridiculous that he's offended by you finishing yourself like honestly if you as a dude don't finish someone with your parts I think he owes it to you to finish you anyway he can. I would feel like that honestly like it would bother me lol. Now if you have a hard time finishing otherwise ok that's different but it doesn't sound like that is the case. But maybe it is with the anti anxiety meds maybe you should talk to your doctor in addition to telling him what you need. The AA meds make it really hard for me to finish as a dude I can say that and I haven't had sex yet but I can tell you the stories I've heard from guys that can go and go and go but they don't finish and the woman is like wtf why haven't I finished you yet came like x million times lol and it's super awkward but those guys they finish their woman so it's an entirely different issue. It's hard to tell someone they are hot and they are turned on but can't finish they think you are lying about it because you can't finish.
Have you at all communicated with him ways to make you cum during sex? Also try doing foreplay/mutual masterbation before sex
It's an uncontrollable biological fact that once a man orgasms, his energy and horniness vanish. It's a hormonal thing (prolactin) and has nothing to do with how attracted he is to you or how much he cares about your sexual satisfaction. Can he get go down on you before fucking? That's always what I like to do, it's a kind of foreplay for both of us, and once the girl cums in my mouth I really wanna fuck her. If your pussy doesn't work that way, can he stop in the middle of fucking to go down on you and then go back to fucking? Can one of you rub or vibrate your clit while you're fucking? If not, then be honest about your body's sexual response and tell him that you like even more after the fucking is done. See if maybe he'd be willing to use a vibrator on you, because that would be less work on his part. Or just sit on his face so all he needs to do is wiggle his tongue a little? If you're not satisfied enough then the two of you definitely need more communication to make sure that you are. Before fucking might be a good time to have the conversation, since conversation about fucking is great foreplay for fucking.
Next time he says something about how you must not be satisfied tell him he’s correct and if he’s not up for finishing the job he’s got no right to complain if you do. This is so weird to me. Sometimes I’m plenty satisfied but still want to keep playing when he’s done (especially if it’s a cream pie situation) and he doesn’t get offended he thinks it hot. Any time I’m enjoying myself he thinks it’s hot. Period. Hell, the guy I’m banging now will hide a hitachi wand under the pillow just to make me cum even more when I think I’m already completely exhausted. It’s diabolical! I love it 😈
Congratulations. You’re dating an asshole. Dump him.
A mumu at 28 is all i can say
He is not too tired, just lazy & disrespectful of you & your needs. Get yourself a new man because he is not as into you as you think & he won't change because he is getting what he wants without putting in the effort.
Smelling salts are great and available online.
How is the sex great if he's doing nothing to help you
Just have him get you off first?
Imagine if a woman did this to a man...
So, the sex is great other than him being an immature, selfish twat? Cool, well, good luck with that.
Lol girl dump this loser
I’m just wondering why him asking you if you aren’t satisfied makes you stop instead of roasting the fuck out of him. OF COURSE I’m not satisfied you pile of shit
Sounds like you might be too young to realise that's a shitty partner. And if he gets mad when you bring it up, that's an abuser tactic.
If he can’t finish you off and gets mad if you do, girl go find a good lover! There is better out there!
He doesn't finish until you do. Problem solved
WTF… easy fix. You come first. I call it foreplay.
I would just be careful with some of the advice you are receiving here. Many jaded/petty sounding comments here. First off have you tried talking to him about it outside of the bedroom? What do those conversations go like ? What are some of the things you say to him during that conversation ? How does he respond? What kind of job does this guy do ? What are his working hours like? Is he normally an active type of person and only in this one instance he seems to lose his vitality or is he always generally tired and out of energy ? There are a million different bits of information that would be good to know before advising someone on this topic and i haven’t seen a single person ask. Redditor’s want nothing more than to see your relationship fail and for you to just tell this peron to f*off. Try to remember it’s easy for these people in the comments to talk shit without knowing anything about the situation, but they aren’t the ones who will deal with the aftermath once you’ve acted on their advice. Wish you and your boyfriend all the luck , hopefully things start getting better in the climax department for yall and that the relationship lasts.
My friend, finish first, then his turn. He’ll hang in there, i promise
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He might not have much education, experience or awareness sexually. I list the 3 because having atleast 1 might point out the obvious that you haven't finished and he should be paying much more attention to that. You for sure need to talk to him about it and honestly If he can't change you'll want to reassess the relationship if you ever plan on cumming in a ltr. Not to be mean but that would be a redflag for me personally.
There’s a fine line between tired and lazy. He sounds lazy.
Welcome to most men.
Not really. With the exception of my ex husband every other man after him have been extremely generous lovers
Few men are good at sex, according to the women I've had relations with. (Several dozen partners...in between significant others)... I was married for 30 years and the sex was good but mundane. Having been divorced for over 20 years, my value as a sex partner has greatly increased. Many fine women have taught me what they like and now I know how to find out what someone likes and then ensure they receive it. You say the sex is good but if you're not finishing then what good is it? NICE GUYS FINISH LAST, is the expression, find a nice guy. ("Finishing"? As in once? You don't know what you like yet ... I've NEVER been with a woman who wasn't capable of multiple orgasms.)
Do you finish only once??? Licking is the appetizer. Fucking is the meal. Don't go hungry girl. Find a better lover.
Come to my place before hand 😂
The real problem here is that they’re addicted to p*rn
Leave him
he's too tired to go down on you “after” he's finished? bahaha. who would want a plate of that mess? he should go down on you before he even starts. anyway... end the relationship if "getting off" is so important to you.
The first time a guy acts like this is the last time he sees the inside of my bedroom, jfc no wonder you’re on ADs — get angry maybe?! He sounds like a jerk
Oh no 🥴
Try different condoms. I finish fast and am useless after too. A condom blocks the chemical reaction between the bodily fluids. Also reduces friction for the guys which helps reduce how stimulated a guy is gonna be. He needs to put a bit of lube on before putting on the condom as well, or try it without. Keep trying and experimenting. I hope he’s stays open as well. Good luck 💪
You're not useless after, you have fingers and a mouth that most women are going to enjoy more than a penis. If you really care about someone, even once you have cum, you should still be interested in getting them off.
yeah he might be selfish and all that other stuff, but are you certain there is no weird smell or anything going on down there? if not then there needs to be a way for this to be worked into the beginning of sex so it becomes a habit of him going down first, and then proceeding with the normal routine. after a man cums we dont feel like doing anything, and the idea of anything sex related is a turn off while we are recovering. its much more fun to go down a woman when my dick is hard versus when i’ve already cum
Have him get you off first
I would run. 100% sure He's not going down because he finds it gross after having sex.
Didn’t have the talk from Dad that ladies are first. Sorry about that.
The only time after sex when I would refuse to go down on somebody was if they didn’t smell good down there and/or I didn’t know them very well yet. If he doesn’t want to do it I don’t think there’s really a way you’re going to make him want to actually do it instead of just feeling obligated to, I personally always like making sure my significant other is satisfied, multiple times if possible
Make him finish you off first. Simple. If he still whines then dump his ass.
It takes me a rly long time to finish. In some instances I have my bf use a toy, or when I want to do it myself we’ll make out and be intimate while I’m doing my thing. I feel every man should be ok with this. If a man you’re dating doesn’t make you finish first, doesn’t try to make you finish after he has already, or if he gets offended if you do it yourself/use a toy then he’s simply insecure and probably gonna cause a lot more issues in the long run than what he’s worth. He’s 28. He can grow up and actually try for once. Dump him, tbh. But…if you’re not gonna dump him you could try offering to have him use a vibrator on you. He literally can’t be too tired to kiss on you a little, lay there, and hold a vibrator in one spot. If he is, dump him for sure. There are plenty of other men who would gladly get you off to completion and even think it’s hot if you did it yourself in front of them.
It’s amazing how finishing can change a guy’s mentality. There’s a rush of endorphins and a superb sense of relaxation sets in. It makes sense that he would be less energetic after climaxing. But that is no excuse to deprioritize your satisfaction!! This dude sounds like he’s terrible in bed and is being a bad partner. If he really cared, he’d work to get you off and would enjoy it. He’d keep going after he climaxes, or would refrain until he was sure that you had an orgasm first. And the worst part is that not only is he refusing to take care of you, but he’s shaming you from doing the job yourself!!! I’m sure there’d be a line of guys around the block that would be happy to treat you with some respect in the sack and a whole lot more. Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t prioritize you, you deserve someone who intrinsically values your happiness.
Respond with “yes I’m not satisfied, make me cum.” If there’s still resistance afterwards tell him you don’t want to be with a guy who can’t make you cum. You deserve better girl.
Easy solution, you finish first. If he’s not okay with that he’s a waste of your time.
When I was very new to it I used to have that problem, I learned that the easiest answer was to get my partner halfway there before I started on myself at all, if I timed it right I'd get her off either right about when I did or just before I did. The trick is that everyone is different and each session with a given person can be different, you have to learn to pay attention to your partner's body language. If he hasn't learned that then he needs to either grow a pair and let you get yourself off, learn to get you off, or get the fuck out so someone who knows what they're doing can.
Use a vibrator on your clit while he’s inside. Will prob push you over the edge faster. I recommend the Form 2 by Jimmy Jane :)
Get a new one, it frankly sounds like it’ll get worse and that this won’t be the only red flag. Good luck though
Without offending him? Fuck that so much. If you're faking orgasms, stop! Otherwise, next time he wants sex, he still owes you from last time, so you finish first. If you still feel like helping him out when you're done, cool, but then you finish first next time as well; alternatively, wait until YOU feel horny again and offer him sex on the condition that he gets you off first. Alternatively (and this is my preferred option), just dump him. He sounds selfish AF.
Years ago I would've replied differently, but if he's that confrontational it's best to let him go...if he doesn't make you come (why not do that FIRST? A COUPLE TIMES? So when he finishes that's it, you're both happy) or doesn't let you do it yourself, the sex is not great I'm sorry...I used to be with a guy who only went down on me once in the 8 months we were a couple (Im not even bothered about that, at the time I didn't know it's standard to go down on the woman...but he also barely played with me), I also felt like the sex was good (sometimes I would finish, most times not...and most times it lasted 2 minutes anyways) but really it wasn't. Then when I moved onto sleeping with other guys and I was gobsmacked by how attentive and caring they were about the sexual experience I had with them xD
Change the finishing order. You get to be first.
When I bust I'm drained like hell and want to sleep as well. That's why I show my girl a good time first with oral and other foreplay so even when I get in and last my 30 seconds she's still purring like a kitty afterwards. This man is just selfish and a fool
Lmao my guy, same here.
He’s 28 yrs old he knows he’s lazy and selfish ,, and gets offended when you try to finish yourself off ? Give me a break ! If it’s a problem that he’s to tired then he needs to get you off before he even starts to get close to being done himself ,,, saying he loves how you taste ok well then get to working and while you’re down there put your fingers to work with your tongue dude ,,, if not bye
my boyfriend gets completely out of the sex mindset as soon as he cums too, so i get that. but doing that to you is just rude. my boyfriend usually makes me cum first or if he cums first he will hold me and whisper things in my ear and play with my nipples while i finish myself. He just kinda sounds like a lazy jerk, IMO. Especially if he's gonna be rude about you wanting to finish yourself. Seems like a red flag to me.
He didn’t help you finish? In my book the lady’s orgasm is no finish It’s the start
Sounds like he is lazy. I thought maybe you were dating someone way older than I saw his age. Tell him no you are not satisfied because you like to cum too. Don't put up with a selfish love no matter how much you love him. He won't change unless you make it clear to him.
Not cool. He should finish you first! Then get his OR at least continue on you until you have. That’s just selfish. “I can tell your not satisfied” No way…..what gave it away?? My having to pleasure myself after you’ve finished and rolled over having gotten yours. 😂😂😂 How can the sex be so “great” if you’re left finishing yourself off while he lays there??? Do y’all not use foreplay enough maybe? Lady I am seeing and I love it. I get her off with my mouth and finger before we even did the really good stuff, and yes most of the time I’d let her finish but if I didn’t I certainly didn’t just say “well that was great, Tks” and roll over. 😂
Makes no sense. He either holds back on cumming until you are satisfied or he makes sure he helps you get off after. He doesn’t do any of those and gets weird about you getting yourself off? Get out girl. If you don’t want to. Then communicate to him that you are happy to make him cum but that it really frustrates you if you want to keep going and he bails. That you would apriceate either him holding off a bit or making an extra effort to get you off. And that if he is too tired for that that you decintetly expect him to be ok with you getting off yourself. That he can talk to you, touch you, play with you however his exhausted body allows him to but if he can’t that you will get yourself off anyway.
I’m the same way. Once I cum, I’m done. That being said, it’s my responsibility to make my partner cum first and preferably a couple of times before I do. You said it takes you longer, how much longer? More Foreplay should be used as well
He’s way too old to be clueless about this. Im sure you won’t take my advice but if you did , your life will be so much better. Pls replace him.
Communicate how your feeling and your needs, if he doesn’t act on it, falls back into his old habit fast, or tries to flip it on you in any way, DUMP HIM. If your sexual relationship with him matters enough for you to turn to social media for help, you can leave this man and find exactly what you want and then some from another.
Guys like this date 21 year olds because your #1 concern is: >How do I bring this up to him w/o offending him? You have to offend him. He's been disregarding your humanity for multiple months and treating you like a sex doll instead of a partner. It's not your fault and I'm sure he's especially into you for these qualities because it makes his life much easier to pretend this is what women get off on.
He should be making you cum first then. That way when he gets too tired after he cuts you’ve already cum. If he’s unwilling to do that but can’t make you cum and gets insecure when you try and finish yourself, he’s a loser.
Can just use his fingers if you’re comfortable..
So have him go down on you 1st. Problem solved.
Seems like no matter what, he's gonna get offended. It's a loss/lose here, OP. You ask for reciprocation, you get excuses. You finish yourself, more excuses with defense. Find someone else who's not so lazy & ego isn't so fragile during intimacy.
He only cares about his own satisfaction. Start giving him blue balls and see if he changes his tune. Or better yet, find someone else who will meet your needs. You've already tried talking to him about it and he wasn't receptive.
He doesn’t care. Any man who wants you will put in the work.
I dated someone similar over the summer. Great sex, but as soon as he shot his load it was OVER. A couple of times I also asked if he would just hold me ffs while I finished because I also wanted to finish and he wouldn’t. Similar to this guy got offended, said stuff like I should have said something before he finished, insert other bullshit here. This person did not care about anything but getting off and it honestly sucked all the emotional joy and ease from the situation. If you want to finish there is nothing wrong with that. If he is not putting in the effort but still gets his ego hurt when you offer alternatives, run, what do you have to lose at this point? This doofus isn’t attuned enough to you to give you an orgasm and doesn’t want the gift of watching you show him how you do it? He is 100 percent not worthy of you maturity. The lesson I learned was I am not messing with lovers that don’t have a basic level of kindness and accountability where they want to see both of us leave fat, happy, and blessed.
Girl. I’m on antidepressants too and my partner makes me get off before he gets off. He doesn’t care how long it takes if anything he keeps asking me if it feels good and has asked me if I wanted him to use toys to make it feel even better for me. He doesn’t care about your pleasure; just what he can do to get off.
My guess is that he probably don’t like to give oral
“Are you not satisfied” No, no I’m not. You finished I didn’t. Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna grab my 8 in dildo and finish myself off.
I satisfy my gf a few sometimes more before I finish. Just saying.
Wham, bam, thank you mam. GF find a lover. You are not a sperm depository. A lot of men can get their self off so easy that they focus on getting the women off first. They thrive on it. This guy can’t get you off and doesn’t want you to get yourself off either? You are young. You need more experience.
Sounds like he’s insecure and you need clit stimulation. My partner sn I like using toys because she also has a tough time getting off without clit stimulation. And I enjoy watching her squirm and obey my commands to hold it till I say she can cum. Win win
Ew, the age gap
can't he make you cum before you make him cum? He can make sure you finish before you start trying to make him finish ETA so he can go down on you etc then once you've finished, you can focus on pleasuring him afterwards. This way you both get sorted
That’s why the woman always cums first. He gets you off first then he gets off.
The man you are dating is a selfish lover … wouldn’t put out simples until he puts you first just wouldn’t bother … and carry on pleasuring yourself
He's doing things backwards. There was an old blues song that said "you've got to lick it, before you stick it." I always followed that and it's worked great for me