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have you considered... talking to him? giving "come approach me" hints is a complete waste of time. do the both of you a favor and just approach him if youre interested.
Yes, he will appreciate this! So much of the leg work gets put on men these days and they generally take it well when a woman puts forth real effort. Heard this from many of my single guy friends and my own boyfriend said it was something that stood out about me when we first started talking, since most women would get him stuck in this area of guessing games. I was much more forward. No matter how obvious you think you’re making it by dropping “hints,” I promise that to him it’s not that obvious.
hes probably thinking youre just being nice, too, and probably doesnt want to come off like a creep hitting on younger women. that's why these head games are silly. good luck though hope it works out
This, 1 billion percent this. Last girl i had a crush on, thought she was just friendly, asked years later and turned out she thought I just wasn't into her. I would've changed the trajectory of my life for that woman
I haven't, shes married and has kids now. I left town and got in an abusive relationship that stole a third of my 20s. But hey, she wanted to stay in a rural town, I gotta live in the city
Yeah, he's probably on Reddit somewhere asking what's the best way to approach a woman who was sitting with another guy for a short time lol. Just talk to him, OP!
As an older guy, I would be more hesitant to gamble on hints from younger women. There is a good chance of me being labeled a creep just for the age difference. She may also be inadvertently hinting out of naivete. More experienced women can be more guarded by default such that hints of interest are more obvious by contrast.
Here's the thing, I know this is different for women, but for a man if you approach it's generally welcomed. Even if he's actually not interested and is happily married and you misread politeness or something.
If you just walk up and ask to sit with him, you'll see results.
Source: I'm a man who's been approached by many nice ladies and it's often worked out nicely for both of us.
He thinks maybe you're just being nice too.
Unfortunately if he's wrong he could end up shamed on social media as a creep or talking to the police about sexual harassment.
So you both have the same problem, but the risks for him are far bigger.
Be careful here. How old are you and how old do you think he might be? Guys who are a lot older will try to prey on young women in order to control them. While he is not preying in the sense of actually coming on to you, he has tried talking to you.
Are you a woman who has dated much older men? Oh you're not? Then your opinion isn't valid here. I have experienced this as have many, many women. It's not great. They are usually attracted to you for a reason. Not a good reason either. It is usually a red flag if a guy is going for someone who is much younger than him.
For herself, yes, not for him (depending upon what he is looking for). There is usually something father-figure related that is unresolved there. We don't know the ages so it really depends but in my experience, age-gap relationships aren't viable under 30.
It's not naive at all, it's unexamined and many people of all ages have childhood issues they are not aware of which affect relationships. Yes, you can be attracted to older men (I am too) but at a young age, there is usually an underlying issue. At that age I would also have said I had no underlying issue.
No it's not a red flag to be interested in someone much younger than you...
Someone ONLY being into much younger people could be but it's insane how much bad is assumed of men just because they are open to being with a much younger woman.
A category having more than the average level of bad apples does not mean that being in the category is automatically bad. It's common for men to also be attracted to women way below their age and it's kinda sexist to shame them for it.
Your experiences are not the whole world, it's not reasonable to generalize from anecdotes like that.
>Your experiences are not the whole world
Nope but most women's experiences of this sort of relationship at a young age are exactly this and therefore, this is very relevant.
>it's insane how much bad is assumed of men just because they are open to being with a much younger woman.
It's not assumed, it's based on older women's experiences when they were young girls, dating older men. It's very rare for this sort of relationship to work out under 30. There's a reason why there is a stigma for men - because it's usually terrible, controlling men who want this relationship. That's the appeal - to influence and control or lead the relationship. There is a power dynamic and the man is in charge.
The men usually also struggle with intimacy - they do not want to be with someone who can actually *know* them.
Their understanding of women is typically very, very superficial.
I don't need to say anything further. We will see this play out, as it always does.
I think women encounter a lot of situations where they’re just being nice and it’s seen as a come on, so they tend to be cautious to not make the same mistake.
Don’t put your earphones in for one. If you see him again, smile and wave. Motion for him to join you or ask him something. You’ve had closed off signals for the times you’ve seen him. You should probably be the one to make the moves this time as he’s tried already.
Instead of sorry which was a closed statement you should have said sorry I had my AirPods in could you repeat what you said with a smile on your face that way he’ll be more comfortable
Not really, I’m not an awkward person but for some reason I get a bit awkward when talking to men I don’t know. So I just asked him how he was too and after telling him that I’m busy (which I feel so stupid for cuz I genuinely thought he was just asking if I’m studying) he said something about letting me work and laughed and it ended there :/
Not a big deal. He thinks he was the one being awkward. You guys need to chat for a bit to break the ice. You might need to take the initiative, as he has twice and might be doubting your interest.
Well, this is coming from a guy, so take this info as you will.
But, generally, smiling, looking at someone and saying "hi" is generally a good indicator that you want to talk to the other person. That, or just ask a question to get the ball rolling.
What you have been doing so far though, is not the way to go about it I think.
To men, saying you're busy means you're not interested. Decent guys will back off and respect your boundaries after hearing that. If you are still interested in him, it's now your turn to approach him.
Since he's older, he probably feels embarrassed and creeped out that he is even interested in someone your age, but still took the chance and you shut him down. I doubt he will ever make a 2nd attempt.
There's no hints you can give. Men have learned that all women are different so it's impossible to distinguish interest from "just being friendly" unless they know her personality already.
Ball is in your court now.
>Men have learned that all women are different so it's impossible to distinguish interest from "just being friendly" unless they know her personality already.
This is so true lol
Its ok. You just gotta understand that we guys are very cautious in times of girls feeling disturbed by guys approaching them unasked. Me personally … If I see one signal of no interest in her I wont ever look at her again.
>Or is he not even interested at all and is just being nice lol.
Well you low-key sent him on his way twice... (from his standpoint that's how it looks).
Next time, make the move, tell him "third time we meet here, must be fate" and smile... that should make it clear it's his cue to say something
lol I don’t think you could have blown that any worse. I would have definitely assumed you were not interested and had a boy friend.
In the future. Just ask if you can sit with him, Guys like it when girls are direct.
If that is the case then he will say that and maybe be flattered and no harm is done. Way more to gain than lose if you go and talk to him and tell you are interested.
As an available “older” guy, I’ll just say that ciphering whether a woman thinks you’re a great guy with potential, or thinks you’re a loser creep, is a very fine line. Most guys my age would assume - mainly out of self preservation - that you’re simply being polite, unless explicitly told otherwise. So, and I speak for many, TELL US please.
What a shitty generalization. Why not come right out and say that according to you men think women have no value other than being a potential fuck? Because that's what your comment translates to. It's not true or accurate, but that's what you're saying.
It's true. I am not an attractive woman, so I know. I have men insulting my appearance on the daily and looking at me with disgust. It is much harder to get taken seriously and it is very hard to deal with them in a work environment because they do not want to speak to you. Men mistreat women when they are not attracted to them. They are not available for conversation, they will not look us in the eye. You are likely an attractive woman and therefore you will not realise this. Speak to your unattractive female friends. The world is much colder towards us.
Whilst women can also be like this (I have had one or two negative experiences), generally I can deal with them in the workplace and outside of work.
What does "older" man mean?
I’d say, if you see him again try and use open body language. If he’s there before you arrive, you could ask him if you could sit with him. If he arrives after you, smile at him and greet like you did already.
Good luck and keep us posted! x
I'll give you some advice from the other side, a 50ish-year-old, divorced man. There is unfortunately a lot of social stigma about older men and younger women in the US, and younger women are often taught to fear older men. A lot of men don't give AF and would approach you anyhow. But it keeps me (and I think a lot of cautious and conscientious guys) from being as forward with approaching younger women as I am with women 35+. I need a pretty clear signal to engage, so my advice would be to really lay it on thick and make sure he knows you're open. Good luck!
If you see him again say hi to him. You don’t have to go all out there if you’re still not used to approaching people but show that you like talking to him.
„so we meet again! How are you ?“
I think the way you interacted with him before gave him the impression you’re not interested. So if you see him again just do the opposite. Don’t hide, don’t say „I’m busy“. Make some smalltalk and if you really gotta study you can say „hey look I have an assignment I really need to finish but I’d love keeping in touch with you if that’s ok by you. Would you mind exchanging phone numbers?“ and bam boom you’re in. I don’t think he’d say no
Women need to start showing direct interest. These “signs” of playing with your hair and shit doesn’t fly in 2024. Guys don’t want to be #MeToo’d
Be direct with your intentions. Men love that. We don’t want to misinterpret being nice as being interested.
Thanks for posting this OP! You can see it’s a very provocative question… actually several questions.
How do you know if someone is just being nice or if they’re interested in you?
If an older man gets friendly with you, do you automatically think he’s a perv ?
What is it about women not feeling OK with making the first move ?
I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s learning a lot from this. so many great insights and thoughts!
You could say the next time you see him that it was weird running into your friend like that. Maybe try to engage in conversation to feel out how he feels about you. Good luck.
There is no way a girl can give a come approach me hint to any gentleman. And the men that can read your signal believe me you don't want them to approach you.
So next time no hinting, just say it! Clearly!!
I don’t get your point. If you’re saying that I wouldn’t want men who approach me based on hints, then that means I should just always be the one approaching first? Doesn’t make sense.
We are that bad at reading hints. Many a times it takes a knowlegible third party to tell us that girl is not just being nice, she is into you. Yeah so if you like them you will have to take your shot. Mostly, I sincerely hope they like you first and approach you.
Yeah when I'm interested I purposefully wear my hair up so people can see I don't have earbuds in. And I would definitely not tell someone I wanted to talk to that I was busy.
Just be totally honest. If you see him again, ask to sit with him. Explain the situation and apologize for the confusion. Apologize and ask him out. He’s older and doesn’t want to come off as creepy, so it’s completely on you. He’s obviously interested.
Meet people slowly and get to know each other and over time. Don’t get into a situation where you get your heart broken over and over. Slow down no need to rush yourself
Unfortunately as a man, I can tell from experience that we in fact can't tell when you're hinting vs just being friendly. Your best bet is to talk to him and with subtle touching like around his arm or shoulder should do it.
How old do you assume this guy is and why are you interested? Reading your other comments you're an awkward girl that doesn't get male attention... so some old guy gives you attention and you're willing to do what with him exactly??
Alls I'm saying is to be careful, think 10 steps ahead, and ask yourself: "will i regret this in the future" before u do anything with this individual.
I do get male attention that’s not what makes me awkward,I’m pretty attractive and I get hit on all the time. However, usually the oldest would be men in their 30s. I just got a little awkward cuz he’s older than that and I find him cute. Also by awkward I mean nervous so my fault for using the wrong word English isn’t my first language.
Do whatever you want but don't come back years later saying you regretted it or were groomed. I've read too many posts on here from women who say that. If your attracted to older men and it's consensual then by all means do whatever you want. If he's married leave him alone.
So this man is atleast in his 40s. And how old are you exactly? Regardless you should take precautions and just try to stay safe and be smart. Who knows maybe the guy is a normal person who thought you were cute. Or maybe he's a creep who likes young girls. Anyways be careful. And btw your English is great.
>"Signals" are dumb. 90% of guys don't pick up on them. If you're interested in a guy, approach/talk to him.
I totally agree 💯
Esp. because I didn't pickup on many signals til 10 years after.
I would never take a hair toss as a signal unless a woman was already standing next to me talking to me and laughing and adding a hair toss to signal she's enjoying my company.
The first day you didn't give off "not interested" vibes. Eye contact and smiling are signs you may be interested. Him not repeating what he said and speaking clearly after you took your earphones out, is on him.
Also, asking someone that's obviously in the middle of doing something, "are you busy?" more often than not will get a "yes". Again, I put this more on him.
Thank you!! Finally someone who gets where I’m coming from. Also the “are you busy” question was while I was literally typing so I assumed he was just asking if I was actually working or something.
Obviously, this is a guess based on very little information, but I think he's giving himself psychological outs to avoid actual rejection. You had your headphones in, "nevermind", you're busy, "I won't bother you, then", followed by a nervous laugh.
I would bet he's already assumed rejection because he didn't see the level of interest he would expect if she was interested and thus he didn't need to go deeper and embarrass himself. Women don't have to say "no" to reject a guy and I imagine men are used to interpreting lack of attention and any initiative as disinterest.
Ugh just put your hair behind you ear and look in his direction, let your mind control your body language and as soon as you think he is going to engage with you, make sure you answer him
It might be cool if you did something like, “hey since chatted a bit the last two times I saw you, think I could just sit with you so its easier to talk (with a little giggle at the end)?”
I find it unlikely that an older man would be trying to interact with you just to be nice. Chances are he was definitely flirting.
Some ways to show yourself open for conversation is to ask "what time is it?" and after he answers hang in there a few seconds more to see if he picks up the cue.
Or idk, something about the weather. It doesn't really matter what topic you choose, it's just abt signaling in a lowkey natural way that you're open for small talk and take it from there
“Hey! Good to see you again. What brings you here every day ?” Strike up convo with small talk.
Then say hey here’s my number in case you want to get me drinks or dinner sometime
tbh a smiley “hey, how’s it goin?” never fails me lol. it’s low hanging fruit but if someone wants to talk to me and i want to talk with them it’s the easiest point of entry to build off of.
if someone’s not too interested, they’ll usually answer with something short and polite and that’s it.
Approach him. If not walk past as an excuse to wave or say hello. Ask to sit with him. During conversation the best hint is to say he is attractive in some way. Good luck
Would you like to describe what you found cute about him?
By the way you don't need to do anything, just smile and say hi with the hand at him that's a giant massive green flag of "yo dude make a move!". And please never ever say to a guy you are interested in "I'm busy". It's already hard approaching girls, imagine them being dense too 💀
Asking because I'm almost 30 and little to no XP in dating 🙄 so yeah would come to handy knowing what younger girls find attractive. I did shoot my shots sometimes but didn't work out lol
He approached you twice, you somehow ruined it both times. I highly doubt he's going to try again. How about you do it once, asking him if he wants to get a coffee or something.
You're supposed to make it easy for him to continue talking. With the whole headphones thing- you should have tried to extend the conversations. Flirt and laugh at his jokes.
You were sitting at the same table! Ask a question or make a comment about his clothing, the weather, how you're tired or something.
Man, kids these days need to up their basic socialization skills.
Haha I had to giggle.
"Are you busy?"
"Yes" 😐
*Respects you and let's you have your space*
OP : 🥺 come back.
Surrounds self with male company.
I'm all for men taking the bull by the horns and approaching first, but you got to give something. Not one word answers.
So yeah you're busy, but smile and joke about something you are doing. Like a vampire, invite them in.
You may have missed this mark, but try again. Get cute, don't wear headphones and see if you may run into him again. Give him a wave and a smile and see if you may still spark his interest. Ask him if he wants to have coffee with you.
He thinks you’re both not interested and that you have a boyfriend/guy that you are interested in. If you see him again you’ll probably have to initiate contact with him now because in his head there’s no shot anymore.
For me it would definitely be looking at me and smiling. Especially if I catch her looking at me repetitively. That won't guarantee anything though, a guy could feel like that was just happenstance. The bulletproof method would be to move over closer to him and make a comment about something (his clothes, computer, what he's drinking, etc).
Almost every guy enjoys being approached no matter who the girl is or how attractive they are. It's an ego stroke for them, so certainly there's no worry about screwing up. Also...I wouldn't worry about being too young either.
If you’re interested then just give him a slip of paper with your number on it. There’s no awkward phone swapping. He doesn’t have to reject you right then and there. He can just take it and you can see if he reaches out or not.
Don't be surprised at all if that guy assumed your friend is your boyfriend or a potential interest of yours. The whole thing basically reads like it could be interpreted like you were waiting for that guy, so be transparent about who he is without getting defensive or overselling that he is just a friend. It would kinda suck meeting someone and learning about the guy you don't have to worry about at practically the same time. 😅
>I would also like to know in general what hints do men take as “come approach me”.
For GOD'S sake... stop giving "hints" that no man can understand and approach and talk to him if you're interested. You're making such an obvious thing so difficult tbh. You caused a misunderstanding, and all it takes to solve it is 1 literal minute of your time. Just approach him the next time you meet him
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have you considered... talking to him? giving "come approach me" hints is a complete waste of time. do the both of you a favor and just approach him if youre interested.
Yes, he will appreciate this! So much of the leg work gets put on men these days and they generally take it well when a woman puts forth real effort. Heard this from many of my single guy friends and my own boyfriend said it was something that stood out about me when we first started talking, since most women would get him stuck in this area of guessing games. I was much more forward. No matter how obvious you think you’re making it by dropping “hints,” I promise that to him it’s not that obvious.
I said earlier I was worried he’s just being nice since he’s a lot older but I’ll definitely make a move if I see him again :)
hes probably thinking youre just being nice, too, and probably doesnt want to come off like a creep hitting on younger women. that's why these head games are silly. good luck though hope it works out
This, 1 billion percent this. Last girl i had a crush on, thought she was just friendly, asked years later and turned out she thought I just wasn't into her. I would've changed the trajectory of my life for that woman
Damn dude. The type of shit that keeps a person up at night once in a blue moon lol
Dude I felt so fucking oblivious in the moment. But hey, dont have to worry about that since the last new friend I made was almost a year ago
I hope you’ve made peace with that missed opportunity because that would kill me inside 💀
I haven't, shes married and has kids now. I left town and got in an abusive relationship that stole a third of my 20s. But hey, she wanted to stay in a rural town, I gotta live in the city
Yeah, he's probably on Reddit somewhere asking what's the best way to approach a woman who was sitting with another guy for a short time lol. Just talk to him, OP!
That’s exactly what he was thinking partly because he’s an older man.
You’re right I didn’t think about that
Especially in your case. If he is relatively older, he might never approach.
As an older guy, I would be more hesitant to gamble on hints from younger women. There is a good chance of me being labeled a creep just for the age difference. She may also be inadvertently hinting out of naivete. More experienced women can be more guarded by default such that hints of interest are more obvious by contrast.
Yeah do women hardly ever make the move and we’re literally so easy so it would definitely make him feel comfortable
Here's the thing, I know this is different for women, but for a man if you approach it's generally welcomed. Even if he's actually not interested and is happily married and you misread politeness or something. If you just walk up and ask to sit with him, you'll see results. Source: I'm a man who's been approached by many nice ladies and it's often worked out nicely for both of us.
He thinks maybe you're just being nice too. Unfortunately if he's wrong he could end up shamed on social media as a creep or talking to the police about sexual harassment. So you both have the same problem, but the risks for him are far bigger.
you say do like it’s a school lunch room and ask “is this seat taken?” sit down, and ask his name and what is he working on.
Good luck! I hope you see him again.
stay passive then, since that is working out sooooooo well.
Are you usually attracted to older guys?
Be careful here. How old are you and how old do you think he might be? Guys who are a lot older will try to prey on young women in order to control them. While he is not preying in the sense of actually coming on to you, he has tried talking to you.
What in the- did you even read how this went? “Be careful of the predator because…he tried talking to you.” Get outta here.
Are you a woman who has dated much older men? Oh you're not? Then your opinion isn't valid here. I have experienced this as have many, many women. It's not great. They are usually attracted to you for a reason. Not a good reason either. It is usually a red flag if a guy is going for someone who is much younger than him.
Sounds like OP is going for him not vice versa, is that a red flag too?
For herself, yes, not for him (depending upon what he is looking for). There is usually something father-figure related that is unresolved there. We don't know the ages so it really depends but in my experience, age-gap relationships aren't viable under 30.
you sound insufferable.
You sound like a prick.
I can be attracted to older men without having “something father-figure related that is unresolved”. I appreciate your concern but I’m not that naive.
If only you knew yourself as well as strangers on Reddit do lol
It's not naive at all, it's unexamined and many people of all ages have childhood issues they are not aware of which affect relationships. Yes, you can be attracted to older men (I am too) but at a young age, there is usually an underlying issue. At that age I would also have said I had no underlying issue.
No it's not a red flag to be interested in someone much younger than you... Someone ONLY being into much younger people could be but it's insane how much bad is assumed of men just because they are open to being with a much younger woman. A category having more than the average level of bad apples does not mean that being in the category is automatically bad. It's common for men to also be attracted to women way below their age and it's kinda sexist to shame them for it. Your experiences are not the whole world, it's not reasonable to generalize from anecdotes like that.
>Your experiences are not the whole world Nope but most women's experiences of this sort of relationship at a young age are exactly this and therefore, this is very relevant. >it's insane how much bad is assumed of men just because they are open to being with a much younger woman. It's not assumed, it's based on older women's experiences when they were young girls, dating older men. It's very rare for this sort of relationship to work out under 30. There's a reason why there is a stigma for men - because it's usually terrible, controlling men who want this relationship. That's the appeal - to influence and control or lead the relationship. There is a power dynamic and the man is in charge. The men usually also struggle with intimacy - they do not want to be with someone who can actually *know* them. Their understanding of women is typically very, very superficial. I don't need to say anything further. We will see this play out, as it always does.
"Since he's older then me". Sounds like you have an advantage
Literally just ask him if he's busy, then hope he doesn't fumble it
I think women encounter a lot of situations where they’re just being nice and it’s seen as a come on, so they tend to be cautious to not make the same mistake.
Either way, she'll make his day.
Couple days in a row you gave the guy non interested signals so
Well I’m trying to change that hence my post
Don’t put your earphones in for one. If you see him again, smile and wave. Motion for him to join you or ask him something. You’ve had closed off signals for the times you’ve seen him. You should probably be the one to make the moves this time as he’s tried already.
Alright thank you :)
True! Good advice.
He only tried once. Saying something she cannot hear isn't trying.
Instead of sorry which was a closed statement you should have said sorry I had my AirPods in could you repeat what you said with a smile on your face that way he’ll be more comfortable
Did you ask him any questions or reciprocate the conversation?
Not really, I’m not an awkward person but for some reason I get a bit awkward when talking to men I don’t know. So I just asked him how he was too and after telling him that I’m busy (which I feel so stupid for cuz I genuinely thought he was just asking if I’m studying) he said something about letting me work and laughed and it ended there :/
Not a big deal. He thinks he was the one being awkward. You guys need to chat for a bit to break the ice. You might need to take the initiative, as he has twice and might be doubting your interest.
You are literally thinking too much... just go talk to him.
Well, this is coming from a guy, so take this info as you will. But, generally, smiling, looking at someone and saying "hi" is generally a good indicator that you want to talk to the other person. That, or just ask a question to get the ball rolling. What you have been doing so far though, is not the way to go about it I think.
I know :( really hope that he doesn’t think I’m not interested and still show up again lol
Yeah, I don't know what else to tell you than to "show a little guts" as it were.
Ask to the barista about the guy
You tell him. There’s nothing stopping you from approaching him.
To men, saying you're busy means you're not interested. Decent guys will back off and respect your boundaries after hearing that. If you are still interested in him, it's now your turn to approach him. Since he's older, he probably feels embarrassed and creeped out that he is even interested in someone your age, but still took the chance and you shut him down. I doubt he will ever make a 2nd attempt. There's no hints you can give. Men have learned that all women are different so it's impossible to distinguish interest from "just being friendly" unless they know her personality already. Ball is in your court now.
>Men have learned that all women are different so it's impossible to distinguish interest from "just being friendly" unless they know her personality already. This is so true lol
Maybe stop giving all the best to put out signals of no interest lol
I really didn’t mean to, just a bit awkward with people I don’t know but I’ll definitely work on that
Its ok. You just gotta understand that we guys are very cautious in times of girls feeling disturbed by guys approaching them unasked. Me personally … If I see one signal of no interest in her I wont ever look at her again.
>Or is he not even interested at all and is just being nice lol. Well you low-key sent him on his way twice... (from his standpoint that's how it looks). Next time, make the move, tell him "third time we meet here, must be fate" and smile... that should make it clear it's his cue to say something
lol I don’t think you could have blown that any worse. I would have definitely assumed you were not interested and had a boy friend. In the future. Just ask if you can sit with him, Guys like it when girls are direct.
- Write your phone number on a napkin and give it to him - take your headphones off when he comes in and ask him to join you
Next time you see him just approach him and ask if you can join his table then spark up a conversation about whatever. Ez pz.
I was thinking of doing that but I am worried he’s just being a nice older man and I’m taking it the wrong way
Only one way to find out
Yeah you’re right, well really hoping I see him again then so I can make a move.
If that is the case then he will say that and maybe be flattered and no harm is done. Way more to gain than lose if you go and talk to him and tell you are interested.
As an available “older” guy, I’ll just say that ciphering whether a woman thinks you’re a great guy with potential, or thinks you’re a loser creep, is a very fine line. Most guys my age would assume - mainly out of self preservation - that you’re simply being polite, unless explicitly told otherwise. So, and I speak for many, TELL US please.
Nah he smiled at you and said hi.
No. Men don't talk to women unless they're attracted to them. They are never 'just being nice' in that type of scenario.
What a shitty generalization. Why not come right out and say that according to you men think women have no value other than being a potential fuck? Because that's what your comment translates to. It's not true or accurate, but that's what you're saying.
It's true. I am not an attractive woman, so I know. I have men insulting my appearance on the daily and looking at me with disgust. It is much harder to get taken seriously and it is very hard to deal with them in a work environment because they do not want to speak to you. Men mistreat women when they are not attracted to them. They are not available for conversation, they will not look us in the eye. You are likely an attractive woman and therefore you will not realise this. Speak to your unattractive female friends. The world is much colder towards us. Whilst women can also be like this (I have had one or two negative experiences), generally I can deal with them in the workplace and outside of work.
What does "older" man mean? I’d say, if you see him again try and use open body language. If he’s there before you arrive, you could ask him if you could sit with him. If he arrives after you, smile at him and greet like you did already. Good luck and keep us posted! x
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He could be your daddy
In all possible cases💀
💀
Both dad and daddy would apply here Nothing wrong with either
Nothing wrong with being her dad and Daddy at the Same time? 🤡
I'll give you some advice from the other side, a 50ish-year-old, divorced man. There is unfortunately a lot of social stigma about older men and younger women in the US, and younger women are often taught to fear older men. A lot of men don't give AF and would approach you anyhow. But it keeps me (and I think a lot of cautious and conscientious guys) from being as forward with approaching younger women as I am with women 35+. I need a pretty clear signal to engage, so my advice would be to really lay it on thick and make sure he knows you're open. Good luck!
Ask to have a drink together. Jesus what a fail, I guess you were nervous but could have took a chance later to ask.
Just start a conversation. Try 'Escaping work or the wife and kids? ' easy married check and if its work ask follow questions
I would interpret this as her saying leave me alone you’re too old
>easy married check because of course, married cheats will tell you, right?
That’s a pretty good opener, stealing that for later.
Pretty good ice breaker, ngl.
Headphones signal the want to be alone.
If you see him again say hi to him. You don’t have to go all out there if you’re still not used to approaching people but show that you like talking to him. „so we meet again! How are you ?“ I think the way you interacted with him before gave him the impression you’re not interested. So if you see him again just do the opposite. Don’t hide, don’t say „I’m busy“. Make some smalltalk and if you really gotta study you can say „hey look I have an assignment I really need to finish but I’d love keeping in touch with you if that’s ok by you. Would you mind exchanging phone numbers?“ and bam boom you’re in. I don’t think he’d say no
"hey I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe" or something
You blew him off twice, and you weren't even subtle about it. He's probably changing coffee shops now.
Women need to start showing direct interest. These “signs” of playing with your hair and shit doesn’t fly in 2024. Guys don’t want to be #MeToo’d Be direct with your intentions. Men love that. We don’t want to misinterpret being nice as being interested.
This sounds so cool. Keep us posted
Thanks for posting this OP! You can see it’s a very provocative question… actually several questions. How do you know if someone is just being nice or if they’re interested in you? If an older man gets friendly with you, do you automatically think he’s a perv ? What is it about women not feeling OK with making the first move ? I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s learning a lot from this. so many great insights and thoughts!
You could say the next time you see him that it was weird running into your friend like that. Maybe try to engage in conversation to feel out how he feels about you. Good luck.
“Hi! I come here to study and often see you doing the same- My name is u/WranglerGlum16, what’s yours?…” and build from there. Best wishes.
Jfc people. He's interested. Say hi, ask a question.
Be interested in him as a human, not as a potential partner. Sure it will be in the back of your mind, but just approach him as a person.
There is no way a girl can give a come approach me hint to any gentleman. And the men that can read your signal believe me you don't want them to approach you. So next time no hinting, just say it! Clearly!!
I don’t get your point. If you’re saying that I wouldn’t want men who approach me based on hints, then that means I should just always be the one approaching first? Doesn’t make sense.
We are that bad at reading hints. Many a times it takes a knowlegible third party to tell us that girl is not just being nice, she is into you. Yeah so if you like them you will have to take your shot. Mostly, I sincerely hope they like you first and approach you.
Just go up to him this isn’t kindergarten
You go up to him and seductively ask him, “So what kind of cartoons do you watch?” If they’re interested they will reciprocate guaranteed.
Is he like 65 years old?
This concerns me too. Seems risky.
Come and talk to me Gawd damn it
Yeah when I'm interested I purposefully wear my hair up so people can see I don't have earbuds in. And I would definitely not tell someone I wanted to talk to that I was busy.
Just be totally honest. If you see him again, ask to sit with him. Explain the situation and apologize for the confusion. Apologize and ask him out. He’s older and doesn’t want to come off as creepy, so it’s completely on you. He’s obviously interested.
just say hi, not rocket science
Meet people slowly and get to know each other and over time. Don’t get into a situation where you get your heart broken over and over. Slow down no need to rush yourself
Unfortunately as a man, I can tell from experience that we in fact can't tell when you're hinting vs just being friendly. Your best bet is to talk to him and with subtle touching like around his arm or shoulder should do it.
Keep smiling and keep making eye contact. And be patient I guess
How old do you assume this guy is and why are you interested? Reading your other comments you're an awkward girl that doesn't get male attention... so some old guy gives you attention and you're willing to do what with him exactly?? Alls I'm saying is to be careful, think 10 steps ahead, and ask yourself: "will i regret this in the future" before u do anything with this individual.
I do get male attention that’s not what makes me awkward,I’m pretty attractive and I get hit on all the time. However, usually the oldest would be men in their 30s. I just got a little awkward cuz he’s older than that and I find him cute. Also by awkward I mean nervous so my fault for using the wrong word English isn’t my first language.
Do whatever you want but don't come back years later saying you regretted it or were groomed. I've read too many posts on here from women who say that. If your attracted to older men and it's consensual then by all means do whatever you want. If he's married leave him alone.
So this man is atleast in his 40s. And how old are you exactly? Regardless you should take precautions and just try to stay safe and be smart. Who knows maybe the guy is a normal person who thought you were cute. Or maybe he's a creep who likes young girls. Anyways be careful. And btw your English is great.
A hair toss is supposed to be the universal "come talk to me signal" or slip him your # on a piece of paper.
"Signals" are dumb. 90% of guys don't pick up on them. If you're interested in a guy, approach/talk to him.
>"Signals" are dumb. 90% of guys don't pick up on them. If you're interested in a guy, approach/talk to him. I totally agree 💯 Esp. because I didn't pickup on many signals til 10 years after.
Hair toss is laughably ineffective. Phone # on slip of paper is closer. "Is this seat taken?" and parking yourself at his table works better.
I would never take a hair toss as a signal unless a woman was already standing next to me talking to me and laughing and adding a hair toss to signal she's enjoying my company.
next time you see him just wave and he will engage
After that he probably won’t.
The first day you didn't give off "not interested" vibes. Eye contact and smiling are signs you may be interested. Him not repeating what he said and speaking clearly after you took your earphones out, is on him. Also, asking someone that's obviously in the middle of doing something, "are you busy?" more often than not will get a "yes". Again, I put this more on him.
Thank you!! Finally someone who gets where I’m coming from. Also the “are you busy” question was while I was literally typing so I assumed he was just asking if I was actually working or something.
Obviously, this is a guess based on very little information, but I think he's giving himself psychological outs to avoid actual rejection. You had your headphones in, "nevermind", you're busy, "I won't bother you, then", followed by a nervous laugh.
I would bet he's already assumed rejection because he didn't see the level of interest he would expect if she was interested and thus he didn't need to go deeper and embarrass himself. Women don't have to say "no" to reject a guy and I imagine men are used to interpreting lack of attention and any initiative as disinterest.
Ugh just put your hair behind you ear and look in his direction, let your mind control your body language and as soon as you think he is going to engage with you, make sure you answer him
It might be cool if you did something like, “hey since chatted a bit the last two times I saw you, think I could just sit with you so its easier to talk (with a little giggle at the end)?”
I find it unlikely that an older man would be trying to interact with you just to be nice. Chances are he was definitely flirting. Some ways to show yourself open for conversation is to ask "what time is it?" and after he answers hang in there a few seconds more to see if he picks up the cue. Or idk, something about the weather. It doesn't really matter what topic you choose, it's just abt signaling in a lowkey natural way that you're open for small talk and take it from there
“Hey! Good to see you again. What brings you here every day ?” Strike up convo with small talk. Then say hey here’s my number in case you want to get me drinks or dinner sometime
tbh a smiley “hey, how’s it goin?” never fails me lol. it’s low hanging fruit but if someone wants to talk to me and i want to talk with them it’s the easiest point of entry to build off of. if someone’s not too interested, they’ll usually answer with something short and polite and that’s it.
Approach him. If not walk past as an excuse to wave or say hello. Ask to sit with him. During conversation the best hint is to say he is attractive in some way. Good luck
You could tap the seat next to you offering him a place to sit.
Would you like to describe what you found cute about him? By the way you don't need to do anything, just smile and say hi with the hand at him that's a giant massive green flag of "yo dude make a move!". And please never ever say to a guy you are interested in "I'm busy". It's already hard approaching girls, imagine them being dense too 💀 Asking because I'm almost 30 and little to no XP in dating 🙄 so yeah would come to handy knowing what younger girls find attractive. I did shoot my shots sometimes but didn't work out lol
An obvious eye contact with a cute smile. Then if you do a second one, its very obvious. If he doesn't approach then you either do your move or not.
Go telll him you think he’s cute and wanted to say hi. Ask for his name. If he doesn’t reciprocate then nothing lost :)
I hope you meet him again OP rooting for u
He approached you twice, you somehow ruined it both times. I highly doubt he's going to try again. How about you do it once, asking him if he wants to get a coffee or something.
You're supposed to make it easy for him to continue talking. With the whole headphones thing- you should have tried to extend the conversations. Flirt and laugh at his jokes. You were sitting at the same table! Ask a question or make a comment about his clothing, the weather, how you're tired or something. Man, kids these days need to up their basic socialization skills.
Haha I had to giggle. "Are you busy?" "Yes" 😐 *Respects you and let's you have your space* OP : 🥺 come back. Surrounds self with male company. I'm all for men taking the bull by the horns and approaching first, but you got to give something. Not one word answers. So yeah you're busy, but smile and joke about something you are doing. Like a vampire, invite them in. You may have missed this mark, but try again. Get cute, don't wear headphones and see if you may run into him again. Give him a wave and a smile and see if you may still spark his interest. Ask him if he wants to have coffee with you.
women really do have 0 game lol stop giving worthless "hints" and just fucking talk to the person if you are interested.
WAVE
Maybe you should start the convo next time!!! Or when he says are you busy say “doing work but nothing crazy” Good luck!
“Come approach me”? He’s not a dog! Go talk to him like an adult.
He thinks you’re both not interested and that you have a boyfriend/guy that you are interested in. If you see him again you’ll probably have to initiate contact with him now because in his head there’s no shot anymore.
For me it would definitely be looking at me and smiling. Especially if I catch her looking at me repetitively. That won't guarantee anything though, a guy could feel like that was just happenstance. The bulletproof method would be to move over closer to him and make a comment about something (his clothes, computer, what he's drinking, etc). Almost every guy enjoys being approached no matter who the girl is or how attractive they are. It's an ego stroke for them, so certainly there's no worry about screwing up. Also...I wouldn't worry about being too young either.
Body language is everything
“Come over here, I like ya and I want ya. So we can do this easy way or the hard way, the choice is yours”
To answer the title; tell him
Look at him until he notices it and say hi👋🏻
If you’re interested then just give him a slip of paper with your number on it. There’s no awkward phone swapping. He doesn’t have to reject you right then and there. He can just take it and you can see if he reaches out or not.
Guys can’t see “come approach me” signs. Literally tell him you’re interested lol, men be simple
Hand him a written note with your number, say text me, smile and leave
Don't be surprised at all if that guy assumed your friend is your boyfriend or a potential interest of yours. The whole thing basically reads like it could be interpreted like you were waiting for that guy, so be transparent about who he is without getting defensive or overselling that he is just a friend. It would kinda suck meeting someone and learning about the guy you don't have to worry about at practically the same time. 😅
Meet me
>I would also like to know in general what hints do men take as “come approach me”. For GOD'S sake... stop giving "hints" that no man can understand and approach and talk to him if you're interested. You're making such an obvious thing so difficult tbh. You caused a misunderstanding, and all it takes to solve it is 1 literal minute of your time. Just approach him the next time you meet him