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Same. But if it helps there were reasons we broke up with them. I think about her but I am not sure if I could be again with her I mean it didn’t end nice. So I guess it’s normal for some people but it will pass once you love a new girl. So chin up boys you probably made the right choice it’s love you are missing and not the person
I know you’re right, it’s just getting the will to get up, I guess. Trying to make some healthier changes in my life, and these last few days have really put that into a little more focus
Ugh, yes. Sometimes food, brushing my teeth or really just getting out of bed can be... daunting... But don't give up. It's a downward spiral into deeper layers of depression and they're not very comfy down there. The only advice I can offer is to be proud of the little things. If you got up and dressed that's a reason to be proud of yourself when you're weighed down so hard.
Here I was thinking I was the only one in the dumps. It’s only been three days since I broke up with my girl of 2 years and it’s hard to describe the feeling.
Thank you OP
Going to reinforce that it’s totally okay to cry here brother! I’m so glad that you had a good ending. You both wished each other well and that’s beautiful! I hope you start feeling better sooner rather than later.
(I'm 26f) Let it all out. I hate the stigma that men shouldn't be emotional or that they're weak if they are. When I get overwhelmed, I like to cry in the shower. It's almost therapeutic.
Also, guided meditation is really helpful for helping you get into a peaceful state of mind when you're trying to sleep. There are specific ones on YouTube for anxiety, depression, breakups, etc. Hope this helps. 🐼
Yup, I’m there with y’all. Broke up with my gf of 5 years back in September and we still on same lease until end of month...So many mix feelings I wanna scream. I know I made the right decision, it just sucks cause she did help me in things like my fashion taste, got me into festivals and of course new friends.
I almost wish we would stay friends since we do get along for the most part, just can’t help but feel like I’m letting a part of me go...
i also just recently broke up with someone and upset about it too. i know it was the absolute best decision, but im still a bit bummed. im glad u could take what u needed from this :)
I’m exactly the same. Broke things off with her because she wasn’t able to give me the attention I needed. But I wanted the attention so badly, still do. It’s okay to be sad after breaking up with someone.
This was me 6 months ago. I made the right decision but there are still up and down days. Especially if any dates pop up that had any significant memories (good and bad). This month in particular - this time last year we were on a 2-week vacation together before covid, and this time 2 years ago was the period between our first date and getting together. There’ll be bumps in the road and some days will be tougher than others but you can get through this
I needed to hear it as well. I broke up with my friend? Bf? It wasn’t healthy for either of it but I do mss my best friend and that won’t ever be back.
I needed to hear this last year. I was dating someone for two-ish months and I REALLY liked him but because of "reasons" I broke up with him and I was really sad...REALLY sad. On one end I was mourning what could have been and on the other I felt like there was something immensely wrong with me because while he was perfect on paper he was not what I thought I wanted.
I am grateful for everyone who passes in my life and look at each interaction as "what did I learn" and looking back, just over a year later, I learned a lot and I'm grateful. But, I do wish my friends understood that even though I broke up with him I needed time to grieve. I've grown a lot since then and have done a lot mental and spiritual work.
I'm happy you posted this, OP.
THANK YOU for this. I was just being like ugh why am I still thinking about them when I only dated them for around two ish months. Glad I’m not the only one. Also YES my friends be like yes thank god y’all broke up they were an asshole. Okay yes but still I NEED TO GRIEVE. And sometimes I feel weird bringing it up so I just try to process it on my own or with my therapist
It's as though people think you're not allowed to grieve if the relationship wasn't long which I think is unfair and just invalidates how someone feels.
After I ended things with that guy I have started keeping my dating life to myself because they made it very clear that I should just settle even if I'm not completely happy and that's not the life I intend to live. I'd rather be alone than have someone I'm not completely happy with.
I had a fwb thing with a guy almost two years ago and things got intense and I endured some abuse. Things cooled off, we stopped seeing each other and I met someone else. He apologised to me and still tried to talk and maintain a friendship, but I really didn’t trust him and was terrified he would try to suck me back in.
I was feeling anxious as all hell for a few weeks and one day I saw a message come in from him and I just decided to block him then and there. I regret not giving myself real closure and saying a proper goodbye to him at the time because it still plays on my mind even now. Even though I legitimately never want to see this guy again, I wish I could have had some finality to the ‘relationship’.
As others mention - I am glad too to see others with the same feelings, that even if a relationship was a temporary one, it still meant something. I also met and got to know someone while travelling. Time when I was joyful and happy. We chatted every day and had video calls too. We hit it off so well. When the time came to meet, it was really great. It did feel surreal with her. Then the shit hit the fan, and certain things (work, family etc) started to pile on top of me, and then I became quite stressed - she saw it. I didn't share what was on my heart at that moment and the relationship slowly dissolved. She became cold towards me. I still have unresolved romantic desires about her, been grieving for 5 months. But I told her my feelings what I felt afterwards. I want to remain friends with her, but I doubt it will be easy.
I learned quite a lot about myself, that's what I am grateful to her. And even now, I have done a lot of meditation too. However these thoughts do pop up - wondering, if I should have done something different or was there something wrong with me too.
Thank you for sharing.
aw im so happy u got better. currently in this situation, i thought he was my dream guy, we would talk constantly and when we seen eachother it was always a cool time, the things we would talk about, our connection, but i ended up not fully trusting him. i was only dating the guy for about 2-3 months. im so so hurt an check his social media an i need to stop bc i dont wna hurt even more. i told him to leave me alone then he replied an i never did. im so hurt, i want him to reach out.
Not every relationship ends in betrayal. Sometimes we just aren’t compatible. I love you immensely but it’s time to move on.
That’s what I told my now ex gf a few weeks ago. We had a meteoric 1 year relationship. I was too soon post divorce marred by infidelity and she was too soon post abusive relationships. And she was too young and insecure and I was too easy to lose myself to the relationship and say yes to everything she said to my own detriment while avoiding my friends and family because I didn’t want to answer questions about who I talked to and what we talked about. And I couldn’t set boundaries.
Neither of us betrayed each other. But our strengths and weakness didn’t compliment each other, they complicated each other.
And it hurts. Every day it hurts. I miss the good times. I miss coming home from bowling and goofing off and watching tv. I miss her being my best friend. Even if we still talk we know we can’t see each other for a while.
And even though I made the decision to break up (now for the 4th time) I’m still sad. Of course im sad. The good times were so good. But I know logically it can’t work. Not right now.
So thank you. I know it’s ok to grieve the end of the relationship. Of course it is. But it’s still sad. Knowing it’s ok to be sad is one thing. But knowing what to do with the sadness and how to get past it in a healthy way is another. And I’m still working on that.
God this sounds just like the relationship I had to walk away from a few weeks ago. 10 year age gap, no boundaries, broke up every month, completely chaotic. It’s so hard when the good times were so good. Thank you for this. Grieving any relationship is a must. I’m also still figuring out what to do with my sadness. I fucked someone else and it almost made me even sadder because i just wanted them again, so i don’t recommend that.
Sigh.
Right? Chaos. Total chaos. But the good times were so good. But the fights. The age gap was too much. Insecurities too many. As long as the only people in the world were us it was great. But as soon as We used our phones to talk to other people, or other people talked to us, or we had actual responsibilities, stress and conflict set it. It sucked because of how good things could be.
Hey man I’m going through this exact thing right now 3 year relationship I ended things. And I’m heartbroken. It’s my first real relationship but I know it’s for my own good. Not a day goes by when I don’t cry or think of her. It’s been a year since your post tell me how did you get over it and move on? Please
If more people realized that you can love someone and know you’re not at a point of compatibility, break ups would be less traumatizing. Everything isn’t just black or white.
I just don’t recommend telling the person you’re breaking up with that you still love them. It just makes it more confusing and heartbreaking for the recipient imo.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years a couple years ago, and this is the one thing of grief I never was really prepared for. I knew it would suck, and I knew I had to do it, but it still hurt. And boy did it ever.
More than anything I missed my (then) idea of my best friend. I had to grieve not only the loss of the relationship and him, but the loss of what I thought my life would be with him. At the time it truly was horrible, but now reflecting on him as a person, I see we truly just wouldn't have worked out or been compatible. And that's okay too.
If you're going through it, I hope you know it does get better. Time heals all.
I’m going through exactly this now, except the breakup hasn’t happened yet. I’m accepting that my boyfriend isn’t the person for me. I have to end it and maaaaaan does it suck. You have to grieve the person you fell in love with, the life you planned together and all the wonderful memories that came with it. It’s for the best in the end but I’m going to miss my guy. I already do.
I'm in the same position as you with my girlfriend, I don't know how to do it, but I just don't see us being compatible. Please let me know if and how you find the courage to do it.. Even though things are all right between us
Agreed. I broke up with my XBF of nearly 8 years. The relationship was over about 3 years in, but I stayed thinking that things would get better.
I finally had enough and left. I moved back to my home state. There are nights I do feel a bit of sadness over ending it, but I think of the toxic BS I went through with him, and it gets me through.
I've started taking inventory of my life, and rediscovering what I love...and even loving myself.
(*It also helps that I've blocked him on my phone too but...*)
Take your time. The pain won't subside overnight. But it will go away eventually.
this is exactly it! if it was an early break or someone you were seeing for not too long, you can still become sad at the thought of what could have been snd the dates you already had. if it's longer, you have to relearn how to be without them and even though you may not want to be in it anymore, it's still tough to try forget all that. tough either which way.
i've had a lot of male friends that that's happened to. if a relationship is something you actually want, you deserve it to yourself to work through so you can experience it again. i wish you luck ❤️
I can’t express how much I relate to this especially now.
I had to leave my first serious relationship. We were together for 5 years and I had to initiate it.
I was drowning. Unable to express my feelings or see the outside world. I drowned and sunk to the pit of my own tears. I felt nothing. But I will always respect and have love for him regardless.
I had to let go and it was the toughest moments of my life. I felt like shit and I felt guilty for feeling like shit. I now understand that it’s okay not to be okay.
I needed this so badly. I just broke things off a few days ago and I felt upset and I thought my emotions shouldn’t have been valid because I was the one who decided that this was the best for me. Thank you.
this is exactly what happened to me. i just broke things off with someone yesterday because of being in different parts in life and not due to lack or chemistry/compatibility. it hurt and it made me upset that i was so sad over something i initially wanted to do, but then i realized i still liked them and felt a connection even if it was small or short lived. im allowed to be sad because we had great times when together and im just mourning over the loss of the potential. i onow i'll be perfectly a-okay, but it's okay for me to be a little upsetti. i sincerely hope you feel better soon. sometimes doing the best thing for ourself is really hard.
YES! It still hurt. We decided that we still wanted to be friends but also chose to have distance before we were friends. Then like three days later he texted me and that’s when I felt some emotions. It also doesn’t help that the same exact day he decided to be petty and ask me what I was doing just for the sole fact that he could show that he was hanging out with his girl best friend. And I got upset kind of because he was hanging out with her but mainly because he decided to go that far and be that way towards me. I talked to my friend (who is also friends with my ex) and he told me that he totally did it on purpose. Then I decided it would be best that I block my ex for a bit so I can mentally be where I need to be without him messing with my emotions. Sorry for the little rant.
Feeling this, me & my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 6 weeks ago. Hurts like hell, even though I can see in the long run we prolly wouldn’t have worked out, but god damn am I lonely. Just been working and working out lmao.
I’m grateful for a thread where the “dumpers” can express sadness and remorse without being shit on. I just left a really serious relationship with a man I thought I’d marry and it is excruciating. I lost my best friend and I have to carry the burden of causing us both suffering. I knew in the end it was better for both of us, even though it seems like he really hates me for it now.
This quote from Cheryl Strayed has been helping me lately.
“You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.”
i used to feel differently until i was put in that spot and realized how much it can hurt. im currently hurting from breaking it off with someone and honestly posted this not even knowing how many others were or are going through the exact same.
Broke up with my ex in December. Messy, messy break up.
My friends still ask me why I’m not really dating and still sad about the break up. Healing takes time and no one but you can define how long that’ll take.
this is basically the reason i decided to end things with the lovely man i was seeing. we were extremely compatible lifestyle was and the dates, conversations and times we had were effortless, engaging and beautiful. they still need to process a break up they had from a few months ago and told them we could still be friends instead if they were okay with no benefits being added. we're gonna try that but of course give each other a bit of time since we're both bummed. i wish you all the healing ❤️
Sounds like you two are handling it in a mature manner. Props to you both!
It’s not fair to the next woman in my life. She deserves the all the energy that’s currently being used to heal appropriately.
I honestly thought this last one was going to be my forever person. Genuinely loved her but there were too many red flags. I love hard, and in breaks ups, I don’t compartment my feelings. It’s not respectful to them.
When it’s time, I’ll know.
I broke up with him a while ago and still miss him for what I thought he was. Had horrible depression for a while but know I did the right thing in the long run.
completely agree with this. A lot of people tend to oversee the feelings of the ones who initiated the breakup because they're the ones that chose to leave. So they must not feel any sense of sadness, but in actual reality we feel just as sad or even guilt.
A lot of people here struggling with not getting over an ex. My advice to you all is don’t focus on the good times you miss. Remember the things that made the relationship fall apart, and make sure your next relationship addresses those issues. Always keep improving.
a lovers decency is the absence of strategy!
we can delude ourselves in thinking we are loving somebody by staying with them, despite knowing inherently that we can’t give them the gift of our full trying. the most loving thing we can do is to be in truth. you have to be able to recognise and vocalise when something isn’t in alignment with you. it can be painful, but otherwise you’ll just sit in dishonesty and resentment.
we owe the person we are with the full expression of what we can be. and if we aren’t capable of giving that we’re doing our partner a disservice.
the irony is that people in our position are often looked at as selfish. but staying with someone simply because it would break their heart to end things isn’t entirely about protecting their heart. it’s about protecting yourself from the guilt of having to have that tough conversation. and that’s self-serving in a much deeper, corrosive way. it’s justified logically by the pain that they will feel, but it’s really a sort of nearsighted empathy that comes from fear of subjecting yourself into chaos.
taking the plunge into the discomfort isn’t easy but when you know it’s time it’s the most loving thing you can do for everyone involved.
Broke up with a girl last year and felt awful despite knowing it was for the best. Just got broken up with the other day and I know she is feeling the same thing. I feel like shit but I honestly hope she is feeling okay
it is hard to understand if you havent personally been on both sides of the coin. it's rough letting someone down not only because you dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but you had hopes in the beginning that didn't quite pan out. she'll be okay, and you will too. wishing you the best :)
I just “broke up” with a girl I wasn’t even really dating and that was really hard because I loved her but it just wasn’t going to workout. Definitely normal to feel sad. It would be abnormal if you didn’t. Even when someone isn’t right for you, that doesn’t mean your relationship with them wasn’t meaningful. You probably learned a lot from them.
A break-up is still a loss, no matter who initiated it. You need to grieve. I am sorry. It will hurt before it gets better. Sending you positive vibes.
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a month ago. Even today I just talked to my therapist about how good/bad I am doing. Overall, I want what is best for him and I will always be there for him. I had a depressive episode after I broke up with him, it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do because I love him very much, but I know that it was for the best for now. I hope in the future we can be friends, but that’s currently not an option, understandably :/
Thanks for the post. I know it’s okay to be sad even as the initiator but sometimes just a simple reminder takes a lot of the weight off, even if temporarily.
i’m still dealing with problems from my most recent ex. the emotions are complicated and make me feel like a cruel human - which is exactly why i had to end things - they made me feel mean/rude all the time and successfully manipulated me to the point of me believing it about myself.
i pride myself on being kind, compassionate, and patient... so this eventually dug deep day after day. today, they successfully made me feel negatively again and i am just trying to tell myself, this too shall pass.
thank you for this post. knowing others are feeling the same, helps it feel less like am currently on a lonely island.
Currently going through a break up. Been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but we had major irreconcilable differences and alcoholism. I’m dumping him. I’ve been switching from crying to completely disassociating. It doesn’t matter what side of the sword you’re on — break ups fucking suck.
I’m right there with ya. The irreconcilable differences and alcoholism to the crying and dissociating. The dissociating feels the worse to me, I hate it. I wish you all the best in your healing!
Needed this so much!! Ended things with one of my best friends this past week just as we were starting to date. Sad how it came undone so quickly, but in the end we were just unfit for each other.
Broke up with my ex around four years ago. The love just wasn’t there and I remember crying for weeks after that. We’ve moved on and it was for the best. We’re still good friends though and I see him as a brother now. He’s with his SO and I’ve found the love of my life. It was hard to heal. The loss was immense but staying in an incompatible relationship would have been worse in the long run. I still think about the old times. I’m just happy we both grew up.
Yes! I realized this after I broke up with my ex. The relationship had become toxic for both of us and it had to be done. I was sad, but accepting that sadness was necessary in order for me to move on. Now I’m in a happy and more importantly, HEALTHY relationship.
I have initiated the break up several times and been glad I did it but still felt sad about ending it. I think it’s the fact that once again it did not work out. Thoughts like “If she had only done...” or “if she had only been like...” creep into my head, I feel sad for the loss of companionship. I was just so hopeful that things might work out...and once again for some reason or another, it didn’t. I also get depressed because I know I’m going to have to start dating again. I may take a break for a few months or more to collect myself or I might just jump back in right away.
I am at a point now that I never imagined I would be at again in my life. I’m going to get engaged in the next few months, she knows it’s coming and will say yes. We are going to be married within a year.
Don’t give up, you’ll find the right person.
Yeah thats very true. It can definitely be tough even if there's a very good reason you broke things off. This definitely goes right along with my break up from last year. We had lots if good times together and enjoyed spending time together. I'd still say if we didn't have to live in the real world she would have been nearly perfect. Lots of common interests, very kind hearted, attractive, and more. But we could hardly have had more opposite views and habits about money, work, and responsibilities and she was showing no signs of actually improving. So nothing more serious than casually dating could have ever worked (and even that got difficult when some of her counterproductive decisions made spending time together difficult) . But it was still quite sad to end it.
This. When I broke up with my boyfriend I cried for three days straight. It’s better now but I still get times when I miss him. Luckily there was no bad blood between us and were still friends.
I separated from my wife of 22 years on New Year's Eve. 2020 (she initiated the separation). She moved in with her parents along with my daughter.
I allowed her access to my money for the next 2 months (she's a SAHM) but at the start of March I told her that was over as she needed to do thing to get herself financially secure. This made me the biggest asshole in the world in her eyes. She said I'd left her and our daughter 'high and dry'. I told her that our daughter would still get everything that she needs or wants, it was just her that I was cutting off.
I was at peace with this decision straight away. Today is the first day that the ex has spoken to me in a calm manner since. I think she must have finally accepted it as well.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been dumped 3 times and whilst all of them sucked, the hardest breakup I’ve been through was the other one; the one that I initiated. And it’s not something I really understood until I went through it myself
When you are trauma bonded to your abuser, you make the decision to leave with your head, but your heart is attached to someone who doesn't feel authentic love for you. You are their supply. They do not love you. When you end things with the abuser, they are the dumpee but angry that you exercised your right to leave after they've controlled you for years. Then you as the dumper get to deal with your genuine love for someone who doesn't love you and deal with trying to disconnect from the trauma.
Yes I can relate to this so much omg. I love him too but he's not right for my mental health and I know it. I lost all my self respect and self love while being with him and now I'm just this always insecure and vulnerable person, I hate it..
Anyway everything will be fine for us❤️
it’s absolutely normal, in a way it’s as if you’re grieving. you let go of someone who once was something important to you, and maybe still is.. but sometimes, it’s better to let go and not keep either of you from growing individually and exploring the world without being nailed down by an unneeded relationship.
Sometimes, it is impossible to really move on. You may have loved someone. I did. But she was not someone I could rely upon. She wanted to rely on me, but a relationship that I wanted was based on two people investing into each other. It is so hard, because I loved her so much. I know I am right to no longer be with her.
Roughly 2 years ago I broke things off with my 7 year-long girlfriend. I got treated as if I was in the wrong despite me trying to get myself out of a toxic relationship. Needless to say, it's still a very heartbreaking feeling, but still I don't regret the decision, just miss having someone to recline onto.
Broke up with my live-in bf of almost three years a few weeks ago and then I got covid from work 🙃 I've been going through it and then was forced to deal with my emotions and truly know what it meant to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically 100% alone. There were moments where I was so lonely and had breakdowns but I know that I needed to start loving myself because he essentially cheated on me.
I could've stayed but I did so many times when he did shady things and I had to put my foot down for my own mental well being. At this point, I had completely lost myself and my sense of worth.
It's still sad and shitty feeling alone but I can honestly say I'm so proud of myself and the person I am becoming. I'm falling in love with myself again and sometimes I am lonely but that is perfectly okay ❤
When I got out of a toxic relationship (3 years) I cried for 2 weeks even though I knew I was doing the right thing. Not even for a second I thought of getting back together but I was still huring. Normalise crying
Thankyou for this post, had to break up with a girl I loved and tbh still do because I’m just not emotionally invested enough to be with anyone right now, it’s a shame and I wish I could still be there for her but at the same time I know it was the right thing to do for her by not leading her on. I still appreciate the time we had together and I’m sure she does too.
thanks again OP❤️
I ended it with my long term gf and I went Through regret, loss, depression, everything. And then I went through a breakup (they ended it with me) and i had the same emotions.
I am glad that someone stands by this. Three beautiful years seemed to pass by in an instant. Even 5 years later the pain is there, and I still feel as lost as when it happened.
This!
I recently got divorced and have been through a whirlwind of emotions. But just because I asked for the diviroce because I was unhappy doesn't mean I was suddenly very happy. I loved my ex dearly. I will always care for her. But for me, I had to leave. Its ok that I was sad, that I have times I get sad, and that its hard.
Don't beat yourself up for your emotions. Embrace them, acknowledge them, and then let them go. Its the only way to move on in a healthy way.
Beautiful sentiment, getting out a recent relationship/friendship I felt extreme sorrow to let someone that loved me that much down. We muddy up so much of our original friendship to the point where there’s no return. Although I don’t grieve our lover aspect of the relationship I can’t help but grieve all of our shared memories and traditions. Most people don’t understand why I was so sad because I left him. They just don’t know I left everything..
from my experience, the best way to deal with a breakup is to essentially remove them from your life. block them on everything and delete all pics of them. then you have to focus on your own happiness. make yourself the best you can possibly be. work out more. eat healthier. do fun shit that you love. I know breakup sucks, as i just recently went through one, but always remember theres plenty of fish in the sea and that you can always find someone even better. just make sure to not let your ex ruin your future relationships. I know it might be like "well we were soulmates and she was perfect for me" but no, theres so many other people out there. If they were really your soulmate and if they were really perfect for you, you two would have still been together! either way, it is a tough time, but don't worry. you cant have happiness without suffering at first. keep fighting everyone, you'll get through it and find someone even better! I love you all!!!!
I am deeply grateful to everyone who contributed to this post, especially u/sunnyybaby. After years of struggling with my own emotions I managed to end things with my girlfriend of over 7 years. I couldn't find the courage to and I kept telling myself I'm protecting her from the truth by compromising but it was selfish in a way because I was protecting myself from having that conversation with her. I feel I've grown as a person through this and I owe it all to everyone who shared their stories on this thread. Thank you so much to everyone :)
Currently trying to end things with my boyfriend of 1.4 years due to several reasons (feeling incompatibility issues and being in a severe depressive state since we moved in together) but he is so beyond devastated and refuses to accept it, nor does he understand why I need this to happen no matter how many times I explain it. This is honestly the hardest thing ever.... To put my own feelings and mental health first for once but breaking the heart of the man who is in love with me and thinks I’m the one in the process. 💔
It truly is. And the sudden emotional manipulation that has happened once he realized I wanted to end things is so beyond overwhelming I can hardly manage my anxiety lately.
I went through the same thing. He called me evil and came after all of my insecurities. It was so bad that he guilted me into giving him half of my savings because I broke up before we were going to move in together (that was stupid on my part). Then he threatened suicide over text and on fb and I had to call the cops. You need to get away from him so you can finally experience some peace and have control over your life again. I have severe anxiety too and it’s terrifying but we’re gonna be a lot stronger because of it!
Wow that’s absolutely terrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. During the initial conversation he called me evil too! Along with b*tch, that I’m ruining his life, he has nothing to live for anymore, and that he might as well kill himself. I’m trying to stay neutral right now as I get him to move out into his own place and it’s so difficult. I’ve told him countless times I feel differently, I don’t want or have the mental capacity to be in a relationship, you name it. But it doesn’t matter because he starts in with the guilt tripping and we run circles around the topic because he refuses to accept it and refuses to try to understand my point of view. Every conversation goes back to him, how he feels, how I’m ruining his life, and he focuses in on our “true love and connection that is so hard to find” even though I don’t feel that way anymore. It’s frustrating because had he respected my feelings from the beginning, our relationship could have possibly been salvageable. But after everything he has said/done and all the manipulation/guilt tripping he has done since I’ve brought up how I feel, he ruined that chance.
you're definitely not being silly. i, and many others feel this worse. doing what's best for ourselves doesn't always feel too great in the beginning. we know it'll pay off later, but right now it stings a bit and that's okay.
Hahaha broke up with my ex a few months ago, felt so shit at the time even tho I knew it was right for me. Less than three months later? I’m dating around having the time of my life, and just today I saw on insta that she’s back with her dirtbag ex who called the cops on her when she originally broke up with him. Moral of the story is that you may feel shit at first but that can change really fast haha
i broke up with my gf for like a month but we both just wanted each other back so i went back yesterday. we think we made the right decision and we are both very happy. do you think we did the right thing? btw the reason i left her was bc i just felt like i was wasting time with her like i loved her so much but i felt like i wasnt getting anything done in life but she was always there for me when i needed her and she was a very great girlfriend
It can be the right thing. But do not lose yourself in the relationship. It’s hard not to. I’ve been there. Like. Recently. And I lost myself again after we got back together and I had to end it permanently. And that sucked. Just don’t lose yourself again.
Yes! I needed this as well. I decided to divorce my husband. After 6 months of courts abs whatnots I was able to go in a sign papers. I took my boyfriend with me to celebrate! Well the celebration turned into me crying abs my boyfriend being super jealous. He ended up leaving me to walk home. I think he expected champagne and a happy dance but I was sad.
I’m actually still with him... we drove by the place where I signed the papers and he said sorry, I was jealous about what happened that day. I said it was okay but deep down inside it still hurts he acted that way.
It’s good to know that other people were sad when they were the ones ending the relationship. It was confusing for me because I wanted the divorce and I was surprised when tears came down my eyes.
Thanks for caring stranger friend! 😊
friendship breakups hurt just as much in my opinion. when i had to end things with friends i felt heartbroken just as if it was romantic. it's still valid. your feelings are still valid ❤️
Dated a girl for a year and a half. We both broke it off in December and I haven’t talked to her since. How can I get her to leave my mind
Very toxic relationship I don’t want her back but I want to move on.
the more you attempt to push it away, the more it's going to settle in and continue to bother you anyways. there is no special way to get someone to leave your mind. you and your brain are learning how to function without that relationship being present and it needs time and that's okay. in a personal growth and human relationships class my freshmen year of college i remmeber my professor saying something that always stuck with me. "the less prone you are to feeling something, the more of that you're just going to one day inevitably feel" i think the same goes for someone being stuck on your mind. you have to ride it out, feel what you need to and don't try to force any of your healing :)
I just ended things about 2 months ago with my girlfriend of 4 years and damn is this brutal. She blocked me on everything and it feels like a piece of you just disappearing into thin air. I will always love her and I still think she’s the most beautiful girl in the world but our relationship unfortunately grew into this toxic back and forth and we were bringing out the worst in each other. We started dating freshman year of college and unfortunately immaturity and being young stupid college kids led us to hurting each other in ways that just made things irreparable. We tried for so long to try and hold on but the damage was done. We were never on the same page and there was always someone who was burying hard feelings and taking it out on the other person. I would give anything to do it all over again with the life perspective I have now. But I guess all we can do now is learn from our mistakes and move on
I know how that feels. I have experienced it myself... But sometimes we are forced to choose our selves and our mental peace over everything and everyone else... And that's not selfish at all... You'll be fine... ❤️
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. I love him but I just couldn't imagine a future with him. We had too many differences. He still texts me from time to time and it's hard not to respond. I want him in my life and to know he's doing okay but I don't want to make it harder for him to move on. I miss him!
Yeah. It is the closing of a chapter of your life. So sadness is sometimes an off shoot of disappointment. You are probably sad because you were probably expecting something better than you got. Also if you lost something, like a home, friends, or access to things you only did with your ex. Then sadness could be the result.
Took me half a month to get myself together to break up with my 3 years gf. I felt like ass for about 3 months after. We still talk from time to time and agree, this was the best choice.
To the men in this thread... My therapist asks me, all the time, what am I getting out of it...
Save a lot of therapy money 💵 and always ask yourself that question....
I completely agree with this statement. I for one just broke up with my ex last week after finding him on tinder. I’m upset but know I made the right choice.
I needed this message
Thank you
My relationship with my girlfriend is ending. I understand why and I'm the one ending it. But i'm so sad non the less.
Thank you for validating my feelings and making me feel a little less alone in the world.
I was broken up with four months ago. I understand why. But I can't help but wish things were different. I still am hopeful. But I hope one day this pain will go away.
I literally needed this. I’m so confused by my emotions. It’s been 2 weeks since I moved out. I still love her and care for her and miss her. But I don’t miss the other stuff. I also realize that I may not be the best person for her as well. To make it worse she’s being really cordial and making the transition really easy for me. Know that someone really loves you makes it really hard. Knowing that I’m not happy with them makes it confusing. Like shouldn’t this be enough? Today was a bad day where I just cried. Trying to be logical and rational isn’t working for me since I’m overcome by my emotions. I also know she’s in pain as well which makes it even worse. I hate that she has to be feeling this much worse. I know it takes time. But man I feel gutted.
I broke up with her 3 years ago, but I still think about her every single day. She was such a good girl, but she wasn't able to give me what I wanted, neither could I give her what she yearned for.
It drives me nuts knowing how much I hurt her, and it's a thought that won't die. However, i know it'll eventually get better once I find the next one. I always look back on these memories, both good and bad, but still smile, knowing how much joy she brought into my life.
HANG IN THERE EVERYONE WERE ALL GONNA MAKE IT!
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I broke up with my ex girl like 2 years ago and I still think about her literally every day.
Same. But if it helps there were reasons we broke up with them. I think about her but I am not sure if I could be again with her I mean it didn’t end nice. So I guess it’s normal for some people but it will pass once you love a new girl. So chin up boys you probably made the right choice it’s love you are missing and not the person
Yea that’s exactly it.
amen to "it's love you're missing "
Coming up on a year for me, same
I broke up with my ex bf 4 years ago and still think about it sometimes...
Ugh me too man
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That's a specific question, in the midwest
Same here
Loved mine but like op said was not living up to my standards of a relationship. Classic is not you it's me moment.
Over a year for me and same
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I needed this, I just broke things off with my girlfriend of just over a year. Thank you.
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Y'all out here breaking up and dating and shiet and I'm out here eating chips by myself in bed
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Me too! Got to get me some chips though
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I just keep scrolling on my phone. Haven’t eaten in a couple days and I feel kinda weak, so I haven’t been getting up
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I know you’re right, it’s just getting the will to get up, I guess. Trying to make some healthier changes in my life, and these last few days have really put that into a little more focus
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Ugh, yes. Sometimes food, brushing my teeth or really just getting out of bed can be... daunting... But don't give up. It's a downward spiral into deeper layers of depression and they're not very comfy down there. The only advice I can offer is to be proud of the little things. If you got up and dressed that's a reason to be proud of yourself when you're weighed down so hard.
Here I was thinking I was the only one in the dumps. It’s only been three days since I broke up with my girl of 2 years and it’s hard to describe the feeling. Thank you OP
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it's okay to cry though. in order to move on we need to process it and usually crying can come with that. i hope u feel better soon. ❤️
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Going to reinforce that it’s totally okay to cry here brother! I’m so glad that you had a good ending. You both wished each other well and that’s beautiful! I hope you start feeling better sooner rather than later.
(I'm 26f) Let it all out. I hate the stigma that men shouldn't be emotional or that they're weak if they are. When I get overwhelmed, I like to cry in the shower. It's almost therapeutic. Also, guided meditation is really helpful for helping you get into a peaceful state of mind when you're trying to sleep. There are specific ones on YouTube for anxiety, depression, breakups, etc. Hope this helps. 🐼
Cry it out, acknowledge the grieving thoughts and let them pass
Yup, I’m there with y’all. Broke up with my gf of 5 years back in September and we still on same lease until end of month...So many mix feelings I wanna scream. I know I made the right decision, it just sucks cause she did help me in things like my fashion taste, got me into festivals and of course new friends. I almost wish we would stay friends since we do get along for the most part, just can’t help but feel like I’m letting a part of me go...
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i also just recently broke up with someone and upset about it too. i know it was the absolute best decision, but im still a bit bummed. im glad u could take what u needed from this :)
I’m exactly the same. Broke things off with her because she wasn’t able to give me the attention I needed. But I wanted the attention so badly, still do. It’s okay to be sad after breaking up with someone.
Ohhh I know the feeling. I would have given anything for this guy if he could have met me even 10% of the way.
This was me 6 months ago. I made the right decision but there are still up and down days. Especially if any dates pop up that had any significant memories (good and bad). This month in particular - this time last year we were on a 2-week vacation together before covid, and this time 2 years ago was the period between our first date and getting together. There’ll be bumps in the road and some days will be tougher than others but you can get through this
I needed to hear it as well. I broke up with my friend? Bf? It wasn’t healthy for either of it but I do mss my best friend and that won’t ever be back.
I did the same thing a couple weeks ago. This is exactly what I’ve been trying to remind myself of
I needed to hear this last year. I was dating someone for two-ish months and I REALLY liked him but because of "reasons" I broke up with him and I was really sad...REALLY sad. On one end I was mourning what could have been and on the other I felt like there was something immensely wrong with me because while he was perfect on paper he was not what I thought I wanted. I am grateful for everyone who passes in my life and look at each interaction as "what did I learn" and looking back, just over a year later, I learned a lot and I'm grateful. But, I do wish my friends understood that even though I broke up with him I needed time to grieve. I've grown a lot since then and have done a lot mental and spiritual work. I'm happy you posted this, OP.
THANK YOU for this. I was just being like ugh why am I still thinking about them when I only dated them for around two ish months. Glad I’m not the only one. Also YES my friends be like yes thank god y’all broke up they were an asshole. Okay yes but still I NEED TO GRIEVE. And sometimes I feel weird bringing it up so I just try to process it on my own or with my therapist
It's as though people think you're not allowed to grieve if the relationship wasn't long which I think is unfair and just invalidates how someone feels. After I ended things with that guy I have started keeping my dating life to myself because they made it very clear that I should just settle even if I'm not completely happy and that's not the life I intend to live. I'd rather be alone than have someone I'm not completely happy with.
For sure! It sounds like u were grieving not just him, but your idea of what you thought you wanted
YES! You hit the nail on the head and that took me a while to understand.
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Agreed! Sending virtual hugs
I had a fwb thing with a guy almost two years ago and things got intense and I endured some abuse. Things cooled off, we stopped seeing each other and I met someone else. He apologised to me and still tried to talk and maintain a friendship, but I really didn’t trust him and was terrified he would try to suck me back in. I was feeling anxious as all hell for a few weeks and one day I saw a message come in from him and I just decided to block him then and there. I regret not giving myself real closure and saying a proper goodbye to him at the time because it still plays on my mind even now. Even though I legitimately never want to see this guy again, I wish I could have had some finality to the ‘relationship’.
As others mention - I am glad too to see others with the same feelings, that even if a relationship was a temporary one, it still meant something. I also met and got to know someone while travelling. Time when I was joyful and happy. We chatted every day and had video calls too. We hit it off so well. When the time came to meet, it was really great. It did feel surreal with her. Then the shit hit the fan, and certain things (work, family etc) started to pile on top of me, and then I became quite stressed - she saw it. I didn't share what was on my heart at that moment and the relationship slowly dissolved. She became cold towards me. I still have unresolved romantic desires about her, been grieving for 5 months. But I told her my feelings what I felt afterwards. I want to remain friends with her, but I doubt it will be easy. I learned quite a lot about myself, that's what I am grateful to her. And even now, I have done a lot of meditation too. However these thoughts do pop up - wondering, if I should have done something different or was there something wrong with me too. Thank you for sharing.
aw im so happy u got better. currently in this situation, i thought he was my dream guy, we would talk constantly and when we seen eachother it was always a cool time, the things we would talk about, our connection, but i ended up not fully trusting him. i was only dating the guy for about 2-3 months. im so so hurt an check his social media an i need to stop bc i dont wna hurt even more. i told him to leave me alone then he replied an i never did. im so hurt, i want him to reach out.
always it just means the person meant something too you
Your comment makes me cry
Not every relationship ends in betrayal. Sometimes we just aren’t compatible. I love you immensely but it’s time to move on. That’s what I told my now ex gf a few weeks ago. We had a meteoric 1 year relationship. I was too soon post divorce marred by infidelity and she was too soon post abusive relationships. And she was too young and insecure and I was too easy to lose myself to the relationship and say yes to everything she said to my own detriment while avoiding my friends and family because I didn’t want to answer questions about who I talked to and what we talked about. And I couldn’t set boundaries. Neither of us betrayed each other. But our strengths and weakness didn’t compliment each other, they complicated each other. And it hurts. Every day it hurts. I miss the good times. I miss coming home from bowling and goofing off and watching tv. I miss her being my best friend. Even if we still talk we know we can’t see each other for a while. And even though I made the decision to break up (now for the 4th time) I’m still sad. Of course im sad. The good times were so good. But I know logically it can’t work. Not right now. So thank you. I know it’s ok to grieve the end of the relationship. Of course it is. But it’s still sad. Knowing it’s ok to be sad is one thing. But knowing what to do with the sadness and how to get past it in a healthy way is another. And I’m still working on that.
God this sounds just like the relationship I had to walk away from a few weeks ago. 10 year age gap, no boundaries, broke up every month, completely chaotic. It’s so hard when the good times were so good. Thank you for this. Grieving any relationship is a must. I’m also still figuring out what to do with my sadness. I fucked someone else and it almost made me even sadder because i just wanted them again, so i don’t recommend that. Sigh.
Right? Chaos. Total chaos. But the good times were so good. But the fights. The age gap was too much. Insecurities too many. As long as the only people in the world were us it was great. But as soon as We used our phones to talk to other people, or other people talked to us, or we had actual responsibilities, stress and conflict set it. It sucked because of how good things could be.
Hey man I’m going through this exact thing right now 3 year relationship I ended things. And I’m heartbroken. It’s my first real relationship but I know it’s for my own good. Not a day goes by when I don’t cry or think of her. It’s been a year since your post tell me how did you get over it and move on? Please
If more people realized that you can love someone and know you’re not at a point of compatibility, break ups would be less traumatizing. Everything isn’t just black or white.
I just don’t recommend telling the person you’re breaking up with that you still love them. It just makes it more confusing and heartbreaking for the recipient imo.
I’m currently dealing with being on the receiving end of this. It hurts a lot.. I’m doing what I can, but I still miss her almost every day.
Yeah. That level of transparency definitely doesn’t help no better how much you think it will. Learned the hard way.
exactly. rarely anything is ever black and white.
I know this post was made 3 years ago but thank you for this.
This is a super good point!
I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years a couple years ago, and this is the one thing of grief I never was really prepared for. I knew it would suck, and I knew I had to do it, but it still hurt. And boy did it ever. More than anything I missed my (then) idea of my best friend. I had to grieve not only the loss of the relationship and him, but the loss of what I thought my life would be with him. At the time it truly was horrible, but now reflecting on him as a person, I see we truly just wouldn't have worked out or been compatible. And that's okay too. If you're going through it, I hope you know it does get better. Time heals all.
I’m going through exactly this now, except the breakup hasn’t happened yet. I’m accepting that my boyfriend isn’t the person for me. I have to end it and maaaaaan does it suck. You have to grieve the person you fell in love with, the life you planned together and all the wonderful memories that came with it. It’s for the best in the end but I’m going to miss my guy. I already do.
I'm in the same position as you with my girlfriend, I don't know how to do it, but I just don't see us being compatible. Please let me know if and how you find the courage to do it.. Even though things are all right between us
Agreed. I broke up with my XBF of nearly 8 years. The relationship was over about 3 years in, but I stayed thinking that things would get better. I finally had enough and left. I moved back to my home state. There are nights I do feel a bit of sadness over ending it, but I think of the toxic BS I went through with him, and it gets me through. I've started taking inventory of my life, and rediscovering what I love...and even loving myself. (*It also helps that I've blocked him on my phone too but...*) Take your time. The pain won't subside overnight. But it will go away eventually.
Thankyou for sharing this
This was written well and helping me now.
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this is exactly it! if it was an early break or someone you were seeing for not too long, you can still become sad at the thought of what could have been snd the dates you already had. if it's longer, you have to relearn how to be without them and even though you may not want to be in it anymore, it's still tough to try forget all that. tough either which way.
I've been feeling bad every day for a breakup that happened almost 2 years ago. I couldn't allow myself to get into relationships since then.
i've had a lot of male friends that that's happened to. if a relationship is something you actually want, you deserve it to yourself to work through so you can experience it again. i wish you luck ❤️
I can’t express how much I relate to this especially now. I had to leave my first serious relationship. We were together for 5 years and I had to initiate it. I was drowning. Unable to express my feelings or see the outside world. I drowned and sunk to the pit of my own tears. I felt nothing. But I will always respect and have love for him regardless. I had to let go and it was the toughest moments of my life. I felt like shit and I felt guilty for feeling like shit. I now understand that it’s okay not to be okay.
Feeling this. Broke up the day after our anniversary - in combination with quarantine/ life stress, it is getting the best of me.
Same, it's destroying me. Never would've thought I would be that hard.
I needed this so badly. I just broke things off a few days ago and I felt upset and I thought my emotions shouldn’t have been valid because I was the one who decided that this was the best for me. Thank you.
this is exactly what happened to me. i just broke things off with someone yesterday because of being in different parts in life and not due to lack or chemistry/compatibility. it hurt and it made me upset that i was so sad over something i initially wanted to do, but then i realized i still liked them and felt a connection even if it was small or short lived. im allowed to be sad because we had great times when together and im just mourning over the loss of the potential. i onow i'll be perfectly a-okay, but it's okay for me to be a little upsetti. i sincerely hope you feel better soon. sometimes doing the best thing for ourself is really hard.
YES! It still hurt. We decided that we still wanted to be friends but also chose to have distance before we were friends. Then like three days later he texted me and that’s when I felt some emotions. It also doesn’t help that the same exact day he decided to be petty and ask me what I was doing just for the sole fact that he could show that he was hanging out with his girl best friend. And I got upset kind of because he was hanging out with her but mainly because he decided to go that far and be that way towards me. I talked to my friend (who is also friends with my ex) and he told me that he totally did it on purpose. Then I decided it would be best that I block my ex for a bit so I can mentally be where I need to be without him messing with my emotions. Sorry for the little rant.
Feeling this, me & my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up 6 weeks ago. Hurts like hell, even though I can see in the long run we prolly wouldn’t have worked out, but god damn am I lonely. Just been working and working out lmao.
I’m grateful for a thread where the “dumpers” can express sadness and remorse without being shit on. I just left a really serious relationship with a man I thought I’d marry and it is excruciating. I lost my best friend and I have to carry the burden of causing us both suffering. I knew in the end it was better for both of us, even though it seems like he really hates me for it now. This quote from Cheryl Strayed has been helping me lately. “You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.”
i used to feel differently until i was put in that spot and realized how much it can hurt. im currently hurting from breaking it off with someone and honestly posted this not even knowing how many others were or are going through the exact same.
I needed this quote today.
Broke up with my ex in December. Messy, messy break up. My friends still ask me why I’m not really dating and still sad about the break up. Healing takes time and no one but you can define how long that’ll take.
this is basically the reason i decided to end things with the lovely man i was seeing. we were extremely compatible lifestyle was and the dates, conversations and times we had were effortless, engaging and beautiful. they still need to process a break up they had from a few months ago and told them we could still be friends instead if they were okay with no benefits being added. we're gonna try that but of course give each other a bit of time since we're both bummed. i wish you all the healing ❤️
Sounds like you two are handling it in a mature manner. Props to you both! It’s not fair to the next woman in my life. She deserves the all the energy that’s currently being used to heal appropriately. I honestly thought this last one was going to be my forever person. Genuinely loved her but there were too many red flags. I love hard, and in breaks ups, I don’t compartment my feelings. It’s not respectful to them. When it’s time, I’ll know.
I broke up with him a while ago and still miss him for what I thought he was. Had horrible depression for a while but know I did the right thing in the long run.
completely agree with this. A lot of people tend to oversee the feelings of the ones who initiated the breakup because they're the ones that chose to leave. So they must not feel any sense of sadness, but in actual reality we feel just as sad or even guilt.
yep. people often forget two things can be true at once. you can miss someone in your life but still realize they don't or shouldn't be there anymore.
A lot of people here struggling with not getting over an ex. My advice to you all is don’t focus on the good times you miss. Remember the things that made the relationship fall apart, and make sure your next relationship addresses those issues. Always keep improving.
a lovers decency is the absence of strategy! we can delude ourselves in thinking we are loving somebody by staying with them, despite knowing inherently that we can’t give them the gift of our full trying. the most loving thing we can do is to be in truth. you have to be able to recognise and vocalise when something isn’t in alignment with you. it can be painful, but otherwise you’ll just sit in dishonesty and resentment. we owe the person we are with the full expression of what we can be. and if we aren’t capable of giving that we’re doing our partner a disservice. the irony is that people in our position are often looked at as selfish. but staying with someone simply because it would break their heart to end things isn’t entirely about protecting their heart. it’s about protecting yourself from the guilt of having to have that tough conversation. and that’s self-serving in a much deeper, corrosive way. it’s justified logically by the pain that they will feel, but it’s really a sort of nearsighted empathy that comes from fear of subjecting yourself into chaos. taking the plunge into the discomfort isn’t easy but when you know it’s time it’s the most loving thing you can do for everyone involved.
I think what you say makes sense. Thank you
A M E N
Broke up with a girl last year and felt awful despite knowing it was for the best. Just got broken up with the other day and I know she is feeling the same thing. I feel like shit but I honestly hope she is feeling okay
it is hard to understand if you havent personally been on both sides of the coin. it's rough letting someone down not only because you dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but you had hopes in the beginning that didn't quite pan out. she'll be okay, and you will too. wishing you the best :)
Thanks, friend.
I just “broke up” with a girl I wasn’t even really dating and that was really hard because I loved her but it just wasn’t going to workout. Definitely normal to feel sad. It would be abnormal if you didn’t. Even when someone isn’t right for you, that doesn’t mean your relationship with them wasn’t meaningful. You probably learned a lot from them.
A break-up is still a loss, no matter who initiated it. You need to grieve. I am sorry. It will hurt before it gets better. Sending you positive vibes.
I know them feels. It tells a lot about your character if you were the one that broke it off for the betterment of both of you and you feel bad.
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a month ago. Even today I just talked to my therapist about how good/bad I am doing. Overall, I want what is best for him and I will always be there for him. I had a depressive episode after I broke up with him, it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do because I love him very much, but I know that it was for the best for now. I hope in the future we can be friends, but that’s currently not an option, understandably :/ Thanks for the post. I know it’s okay to be sad even as the initiator but sometimes just a simple reminder takes a lot of the weight off, even if temporarily.
i’m still dealing with problems from my most recent ex. the emotions are complicated and make me feel like a cruel human - which is exactly why i had to end things - they made me feel mean/rude all the time and successfully manipulated me to the point of me believing it about myself. i pride myself on being kind, compassionate, and patient... so this eventually dug deep day after day. today, they successfully made me feel negatively again and i am just trying to tell myself, this too shall pass. thank you for this post. knowing others are feeling the same, helps it feel less like am currently on a lonely island.
Currently going through a break up. Been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but we had major irreconcilable differences and alcoholism. I’m dumping him. I’ve been switching from crying to completely disassociating. It doesn’t matter what side of the sword you’re on — break ups fucking suck.
I’m right there with ya. The irreconcilable differences and alcoholism to the crying and dissociating. The dissociating feels the worse to me, I hate it. I wish you all the best in your healing!
Needed this so much!! Ended things with one of my best friends this past week just as we were starting to date. Sad how it came undone so quickly, but in the end we were just unfit for each other.
I really needed to hear this. I broke up with my bf of 6 years in 6/2020 and still have been intermittently sad. Thanks!
I needed this I just broke up with my boyfriend for his abusive tendencies :/ I’m so sad I love him so much he gave me my little boy :(
Broke up with my ex around four years ago. The love just wasn’t there and I remember crying for weeks after that. We’ve moved on and it was for the best. We’re still good friends though and I see him as a brother now. He’s with his SO and I’ve found the love of my life. It was hard to heal. The loss was immense but staying in an incompatible relationship would have been worse in the long run. I still think about the old times. I’m just happy we both grew up.
I broke up with a gf of three years and I am still grieving over it. But I know I did the right decision. For sure. I did the right decision.
Don’t mind me, just here to cry.
Yes! I realized this after I broke up with my ex. The relationship had become toxic for both of us and it had to be done. I was sad, but accepting that sadness was necessary in order for me to move on. Now I’m in a happy and more importantly, HEALTHY relationship.
I have initiated the break up several times and been glad I did it but still felt sad about ending it. I think it’s the fact that once again it did not work out. Thoughts like “If she had only done...” or “if she had only been like...” creep into my head, I feel sad for the loss of companionship. I was just so hopeful that things might work out...and once again for some reason or another, it didn’t. I also get depressed because I know I’m going to have to start dating again. I may take a break for a few months or more to collect myself or I might just jump back in right away. I am at a point now that I never imagined I would be at again in my life. I’m going to get engaged in the next few months, she knows it’s coming and will say yes. We are going to be married within a year. Don’t give up, you’ll find the right person.
I have done that multiple times. lol. Reason I felt depressed despite being the one to do it is because I had high hopes in the beginning.
Yeah thats very true. It can definitely be tough even if there's a very good reason you broke things off. This definitely goes right along with my break up from last year. We had lots if good times together and enjoyed spending time together. I'd still say if we didn't have to live in the real world she would have been nearly perfect. Lots of common interests, very kind hearted, attractive, and more. But we could hardly have had more opposite views and habits about money, work, and responsibilities and she was showing no signs of actually improving. So nothing more serious than casually dating could have ever worked (and even that got difficult when some of her counterproductive decisions made spending time together difficult) . But it was still quite sad to end it.
I needed this 8 or so months ago. But I’m glad the message can be spread to others that need it now!!!!!
Wow, this is incredible. Been one month to the day, but doing alright
This. When I broke up with my boyfriend I cried for three days straight. It’s better now but I still get times when I miss him. Luckily there was no bad blood between us and were still friends.
Who doesn’t feel sad after a breakup?
Thank you. Needed this. The reality for me is breaking up with her means losing my best friend too.
I separated from my wife of 22 years on New Year's Eve. 2020 (she initiated the separation). She moved in with her parents along with my daughter. I allowed her access to my money for the next 2 months (she's a SAHM) but at the start of March I told her that was over as she needed to do thing to get herself financially secure. This made me the biggest asshole in the world in her eyes. She said I'd left her and our daughter 'high and dry'. I told her that our daughter would still get everything that she needs or wants, it was just her that I was cutting off. I was at peace with this decision straight away. Today is the first day that the ex has spoken to me in a calm manner since. I think she must have finally accepted it as well.
Broke with with an ex that I didn’t love after 2 years and it still hurt. Shows you are human I guess
Loved him but he was emotionally abusive so I ended it and it hurts more than being the dumpee.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been dumped 3 times and whilst all of them sucked, the hardest breakup I’ve been through was the other one; the one that I initiated. And it’s not something I really understood until I went through it myself
Can you explain why you say that? Why/how does it hurt more?
When you are trauma bonded to your abuser, you make the decision to leave with your head, but your heart is attached to someone who doesn't feel authentic love for you. You are their supply. They do not love you. When you end things with the abuser, they are the dumpee but angry that you exercised your right to leave after they've controlled you for years. Then you as the dumper get to deal with your genuine love for someone who doesn't love you and deal with trying to disconnect from the trauma.
Yes I can relate to this so much omg. I love him too but he's not right for my mental health and I know it. I lost all my self respect and self love while being with him and now I'm just this always insecure and vulnerable person, I hate it.. Anyway everything will be fine for us❤️
Are you crying because I'm crying too 😢 😭 🤧
it’s absolutely normal, in a way it’s as if you’re grieving. you let go of someone who once was something important to you, and maybe still is.. but sometimes, it’s better to let go and not keep either of you from growing individually and exploring the world without being nailed down by an unneeded relationship.
YES. I broke up with both my exes and couldn’t sleep or eat for weeks. I was severely depressed even though I initiated the breakups.
Too close to home here
Sometimes, it is impossible to really move on. You may have loved someone. I did. But she was not someone I could rely upon. She wanted to rely on me, but a relationship that I wanted was based on two people investing into each other. It is so hard, because I loved her so much. I know I am right to no longer be with her.
Roughly 2 years ago I broke things off with my 7 year-long girlfriend. I got treated as if I was in the wrong despite me trying to get myself out of a toxic relationship. Needless to say, it's still a very heartbreaking feeling, but still I don't regret the decision, just miss having someone to recline onto.
It's also okay to feel guilty, even if you know that what you did was best for yourself.
Broke up with my live-in bf of almost three years a few weeks ago and then I got covid from work 🙃 I've been going through it and then was forced to deal with my emotions and truly know what it meant to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically 100% alone. There were moments where I was so lonely and had breakdowns but I know that I needed to start loving myself because he essentially cheated on me. I could've stayed but I did so many times when he did shady things and I had to put my foot down for my own mental well being. At this point, I had completely lost myself and my sense of worth. It's still sad and shitty feeling alone but I can honestly say I'm so proud of myself and the person I am becoming. I'm falling in love with myself again and sometimes I am lonely but that is perfectly okay ❤
When I got out of a toxic relationship (3 years) I cried for 2 weeks even though I knew I was doing the right thing. Not even for a second I thought of getting back together but I was still huring. Normalise crying
Thankyou for this post, had to break up with a girl I loved and tbh still do because I’m just not emotionally invested enough to be with anyone right now, it’s a shame and I wish I could still be there for her but at the same time I know it was the right thing to do for her by not leading her on. I still appreciate the time we had together and I’m sure she does too. thanks again OP❤️
I ended it with my long term gf and I went Through regret, loss, depression, everything. And then I went through a breakup (they ended it with me) and i had the same emotions.
I am glad that someone stands by this. Three beautiful years seemed to pass by in an instant. Even 5 years later the pain is there, and I still feel as lost as when it happened.
This! I recently got divorced and have been through a whirlwind of emotions. But just because I asked for the diviroce because I was unhappy doesn't mean I was suddenly very happy. I loved my ex dearly. I will always care for her. But for me, I had to leave. Its ok that I was sad, that I have times I get sad, and that its hard. Don't beat yourself up for your emotions. Embrace them, acknowledge them, and then let them go. Its the only way to move on in a healthy way.
Beautiful sentiment, getting out a recent relationship/friendship I felt extreme sorrow to let someone that loved me that much down. We muddy up so much of our original friendship to the point where there’s no return. Although I don’t grieve our lover aspect of the relationship I can’t help but grieve all of our shared memories and traditions. Most people don’t understand why I was so sad because I left him. They just don’t know I left everything..
from my experience, the best way to deal with a breakup is to essentially remove them from your life. block them on everything and delete all pics of them. then you have to focus on your own happiness. make yourself the best you can possibly be. work out more. eat healthier. do fun shit that you love. I know breakup sucks, as i just recently went through one, but always remember theres plenty of fish in the sea and that you can always find someone even better. just make sure to not let your ex ruin your future relationships. I know it might be like "well we were soulmates and she was perfect for me" but no, theres so many other people out there. If they were really your soulmate and if they were really perfect for you, you two would have still been together! either way, it is a tough time, but don't worry. you cant have happiness without suffering at first. keep fighting everyone, you'll get through it and find someone even better! I love you all!!!!
I am deeply grateful to everyone who contributed to this post, especially u/sunnyybaby. After years of struggling with my own emotions I managed to end things with my girlfriend of over 7 years. I couldn't find the courage to and I kept telling myself I'm protecting her from the truth by compromising but it was selfish in a way because I was protecting myself from having that conversation with her. I feel I've grown as a person through this and I owe it all to everyone who shared their stories on this thread. Thank you so much to everyone :)
I know this post is 2 years old, but so on point and much needed in my life rn. Thank you❤
Currently trying to end things with my boyfriend of 1.4 years due to several reasons (feeling incompatibility issues and being in a severe depressive state since we moved in together) but he is so beyond devastated and refuses to accept it, nor does he understand why I need this to happen no matter how many times I explain it. This is honestly the hardest thing ever.... To put my own feelings and mental health first for once but breaking the heart of the man who is in love with me and thinks I’m the one in the process. 💔
It makes it so much worse when he refuses to give you the agency to make that difficult decision. He needs to respect your needs.
It truly is. And the sudden emotional manipulation that has happened once he realized I wanted to end things is so beyond overwhelming I can hardly manage my anxiety lately.
I went through the same thing. He called me evil and came after all of my insecurities. It was so bad that he guilted me into giving him half of my savings because I broke up before we were going to move in together (that was stupid on my part). Then he threatened suicide over text and on fb and I had to call the cops. You need to get away from him so you can finally experience some peace and have control over your life again. I have severe anxiety too and it’s terrifying but we’re gonna be a lot stronger because of it!
Wow that’s absolutely terrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. During the initial conversation he called me evil too! Along with b*tch, that I’m ruining his life, he has nothing to live for anymore, and that he might as well kill himself. I’m trying to stay neutral right now as I get him to move out into his own place and it’s so difficult. I’ve told him countless times I feel differently, I don’t want or have the mental capacity to be in a relationship, you name it. But it doesn’t matter because he starts in with the guilt tripping and we run circles around the topic because he refuses to accept it and refuses to try to understand my point of view. Every conversation goes back to him, how he feels, how I’m ruining his life, and he focuses in on our “true love and connection that is so hard to find” even though I don’t feel that way anymore. It’s frustrating because had he respected my feelings from the beginning, our relationship could have possibly been salvageable. But after everything he has said/done and all the manipulation/guilt tripping he has done since I’ve brought up how I feel, he ruined that chance.
This was needed. Thought I was being silly
you're definitely not being silly. i, and many others feel this worse. doing what's best for ourselves doesn't always feel too great in the beginning. we know it'll pay off later, but right now it stings a bit and that's okay.
Hahaha broke up with my ex a few months ago, felt so shit at the time even tho I knew it was right for me. Less than three months later? I’m dating around having the time of my life, and just today I saw on insta that she’s back with her dirtbag ex who called the cops on her when she originally broke up with him. Moral of the story is that you may feel shit at first but that can change really fast haha
i broke up with my gf for like a month but we both just wanted each other back so i went back yesterday. we think we made the right decision and we are both very happy. do you think we did the right thing? btw the reason i left her was bc i just felt like i was wasting time with her like i loved her so much but i felt like i wasnt getting anything done in life but she was always there for me when i needed her and she was a very great girlfriend
It can be the right thing. But do not lose yourself in the relationship. It’s hard not to. I’ve been there. Like. Recently. And I lost myself again after we got back together and I had to end it permanently. And that sucked. Just don’t lose yourself again.
Yes! I needed this as well. I decided to divorce my husband. After 6 months of courts abs whatnots I was able to go in a sign papers. I took my boyfriend with me to celebrate! Well the celebration turned into me crying abs my boyfriend being super jealous. He ended up leaving me to walk home. I think he expected champagne and a happy dance but I was sad.
Hope you’re not with that lousy boyfriend!
I’m actually still with him... we drove by the place where I signed the papers and he said sorry, I was jealous about what happened that day. I said it was okay but deep down inside it still hurts he acted that way. It’s good to know that other people were sad when they were the ones ending the relationship. It was confusing for me because I wanted the divorce and I was surprised when tears came down my eyes. Thanks for caring stranger friend! 😊
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friendship breakups hurt just as much in my opinion. when i had to end things with friends i felt heartbroken just as if it was romantic. it's still valid. your feelings are still valid ❤️
Dated a girl for a year and a half. We both broke it off in December and I haven’t talked to her since. How can I get her to leave my mind Very toxic relationship I don’t want her back but I want to move on.
the more you attempt to push it away, the more it's going to settle in and continue to bother you anyways. there is no special way to get someone to leave your mind. you and your brain are learning how to function without that relationship being present and it needs time and that's okay. in a personal growth and human relationships class my freshmen year of college i remmeber my professor saying something that always stuck with me. "the less prone you are to feeling something, the more of that you're just going to one day inevitably feel" i think the same goes for someone being stuck on your mind. you have to ride it out, feel what you need to and don't try to force any of your healing :)
Thank you. Lots of us need this. 💜
If the person wasn't good for you then yeaa allow yourself to feel
😪
im sad as fuck guys.
Thank you.
Needed to hear this
I just ended things about 2 months ago with my girlfriend of 4 years and damn is this brutal. She blocked me on everything and it feels like a piece of you just disappearing into thin air. I will always love her and I still think she’s the most beautiful girl in the world but our relationship unfortunately grew into this toxic back and forth and we were bringing out the worst in each other. We started dating freshman year of college and unfortunately immaturity and being young stupid college kids led us to hurting each other in ways that just made things irreparable. We tried for so long to try and hold on but the damage was done. We were never on the same page and there was always someone who was burying hard feelings and taking it out on the other person. I would give anything to do it all over again with the life perspective I have now. But I guess all we can do now is learn from our mistakes and move on
Thank you, I needed to hear this
So I’m need of this. I left my bf after 5 years together but full of emotional a abused by him. Thanks
thanks, i needed this. been almost a year since i broke up with my 1-year boyfriend and kinda still beats me up sometimes
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I know how that feels. I have experienced it myself... But sometimes we are forced to choose our selves and our mental peace over everything and everyone else... And that's not selfish at all... You'll be fine... ❤️
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🥺🥺
It means you have a heart. That’s a good thing
Being sad about may lead to you thinking that it shouldn’t have happened. So the relationship gets forced back into existence.
Is that a question?
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. I love him but I just couldn't imagine a future with him. We had too many differences. He still texts me from time to time and it's hard not to respond. I want him in my life and to know he's doing okay but I don't want to make it harder for him to move on. I miss him!
Yeah. It is the closing of a chapter of your life. So sadness is sometimes an off shoot of disappointment. You are probably sad because you were probably expecting something better than you got. Also if you lost something, like a home, friends, or access to things you only did with your ex. Then sadness could be the result.
Took me half a month to get myself together to break up with my 3 years gf. I felt like ass for about 3 months after. We still talk from time to time and agree, this was the best choice.
I needed this
To the men in this thread... My therapist asks me, all the time, what am I getting out of it... Save a lot of therapy money 💵 and always ask yourself that question....
I completely agree with this statement. I for one just broke up with my ex last week after finding him on tinder. I’m upset but know I made the right choice.
I needed this message Thank you My relationship with my girlfriend is ending. I understand why and I'm the one ending it. But i'm so sad non the less. Thank you for validating my feelings and making me feel a little less alone in the world.
I was broken up with four months ago. I understand why. But I can't help but wish things were different. I still am hopeful. But I hope one day this pain will go away.
My heart hurts.
I literally needed this. I’m so confused by my emotions. It’s been 2 weeks since I moved out. I still love her and care for her and miss her. But I don’t miss the other stuff. I also realize that I may not be the best person for her as well. To make it worse she’s being really cordial and making the transition really easy for me. Know that someone really loves you makes it really hard. Knowing that I’m not happy with them makes it confusing. Like shouldn’t this be enough? Today was a bad day where I just cried. Trying to be logical and rational isn’t working for me since I’m overcome by my emotions. I also know she’s in pain as well which makes it even worse. I hate that she has to be feeling this much worse. I know it takes time. But man I feel gutted.
I think about ending myself everyday.
I miss him so much.
I broke up with her 3 years ago, but I still think about her every single day. She was such a good girl, but she wasn't able to give me what I wanted, neither could I give her what she yearned for. It drives me nuts knowing how much I hurt her, and it's a thought that won't die. However, i know it'll eventually get better once I find the next one. I always look back on these memories, both good and bad, but still smile, knowing how much joy she brought into my life. HANG IN THERE EVERYONE WERE ALL GONNA MAKE IT!