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don't tell him that, he won't stop pre-stalking the date but he will get better at hiding it if you point it out. Better to let the next girl see the red flags earlier than later.
I get wanting to research your date before meeting them - depending on how much they put out on social media, you can see red flags pretty easily that way... but you know, don't say that on or before the first date. Also don't get someone's number without consent, thought that was a nobrainer.
No no no! Please don’t say this because that will let him know that the rant was what finally did him in and he’ll hide his views from the next woman he decides to pursue, probably waiting until they’re trapped to open his mouth and reveal his red flags. I would just let him wonder because he doesn’t deserve the kindness of a direct response.
On the flip side, it could force him to do some self reflection, possibly helping him to grow as a person.
Though I agree, it could also go the way you suggest.
More likely OP doesn't have the bandwidth (nor should she) to spend the time to educate him on the matter. Honestly, this type of self reflection is possible but it needs to come from OP's Mom/sister/friends not someone he went on a date with who is rejecting him.
I once when on a first date with a guy I met through OLD and he went on a rant about how I looked thin but all these other women he’d been out with had been “fatter” than their pictures. Which was funny because he wasn’t really in shape or looked like his pic? Anyway, it ended up being the shortest date ever. I chugged my drink and left.
We had a veterinarian once who went on a rant about his wife gaining 10 lb because she was pregnant. The fat shaming was unbelievable.
Can you imagine getting pregnant and having your man do that to you? We were appalled and told him so.
This is not a man you want in your life. Take it from me and the other thousand people on here--- don't even respond to this narcissistic selfish man and just move on.
Look, I once found myself on a date with a guy who went on a weird rant about how he believes that all gay men have secret high-pitched, feminine voices and they hide it so that they can get close to straight men, but once they get turned on they can't control their voices. Did I want to say something about how disturbed I was by his views? Yes. Did I? Nope. I got the fuck out of there safely, sent him a message saying I didn't think we were a good match based on having incompatible views, and never interacted with him again. If he can't connect the dots himself, it isn't your job to do it for him.
If there are gay men out there that actually do that I give them major props for being able to conceal that for so long because I know most queens would fumble the ball!🤣💅🏼
Thank you very much for your interest. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not have a position for you in our organization. We wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Please do not contact us further. Thank you in advance.
Don't call us, we'll call you
I honestly just wouldn’t. Tell him you’re not compatible, not feeling a connection, and you’re not interested in another date. Firm. Stern. Neutral leaning kinda cold. You won’t change his mind. Just reject him coldly.
It’s baffling to me how many people care so much about other peoples‘ weight. I couldn’t care less if my neighbour weighed 150lbs or 300lbs. I once went on a date with a well-educated lawyer who was very slim. He wasn’t the tallest, so he had to watch his weight in order to not look disproportionate. Anyway, when he started gossiping about his overweight friend I was turned off. Again - I don’t get why someone else’s weight is so important to some people?!
Also, the last sentence he sent you… He would leave you as soon as you gained weight if you became pregnant. Hard pass.
Or just gained weight for no reason other that she treats herself, doesn’t really matter. Even not gaining weight, imagine him reminding her to “please not get fat” 🙄
Even if she didn’t get pregnant, women naturally gain and lose weight. It’s just a part of life when hormones or lifestyle changes here and there.
I’ve never known any women to be slim all their life. The majority of us at one point or another gain a substantial amount of weight and lost it back.
The talking shit about sugar is poison while you’re enjoying a piece of cake is a vibe killer.
He’s so unaware of self. I bet he’s ridged in bed. Lol.
Hypercritical ppl are just cringe.
If he hates sugar, it is very weird you both went on a dessert date!
He doesn't sound very good.
Just tell him you like your men sweet. He might get bitter, but not your problem. Find someone else :)
I dated a guy who used to be overweight himself. Then after he lost all his weight, he demeaned other people who he would consider “overweight”….it was awful. Anything he could do to make himself feel better about himself, he did. He didn’t demean me though; I was pretty small when we were together, but he talked trash about overweight people so much, that I was afraid to gain weight, eat sweets, etc. I dated him a year before I broke up with him, and since then I’ve gained 15 pounds of much needed weight and I look great. Your guy is probably insecure about himself and wants to project. I will never date anyone who fatshames anyone else. I learned my lesson!
I used to have a very close friend who did the same things. She was overweight and worked hard to lose it. We went on holiday together. A slim woman was lying on a sunlounger eating an apple and she called her "anorexic Annie". She would point out overweight women in their swimwear and make fun of them. It made me angry. I think it stems from their own self disgust and low self esteem. If anyone should have empathy for overweight people, it should be her and people like her.
So many red flags…
The internet stalking and knowing things you haven’t said to him. Him trying to get mutual friends to give him your number. And then the fat shaming. That’s not okay at all. Even one of these things separate wouldn’t be okay. And this situation is all of them together.
I had something sort of like this happen with a guy I was talking to but it was about "odors." Like everything seemed fine but he started going on a crazy rant about how he can't deal with women who "smell." We hadn't met in person yet so I wasn't really sure where this was coming from and I tried to say something like "well smells are all sort of subjective, pheromones are funny things," and he just would NOT QUIT about the "I can't deal with a woman who smells" thing. I don't know what he was trying to do but even though I know I don't smell, I'd be constantly worried about it. That's my reaction to your story. I'd be constantly worried about my weight when I really don't even need to be. I'd just tell him "I'm not really feeling a spark" and delete/block. I wouldn't even bother trying to justify myself to him.
Everyone has a right to their own preferences. What they don't have a right to do is be an ass to people about it. It sounds like he saw that cake and pictured you 100lbs heavier and wanted to "put a stop to that mentality of yours before you get too fat for him". Fuck that guy. There's an old guy at work that keeps commenting on how much weight I've lost. He keeps saying shit like "so when are you gonna stop losing? Don't you think you're skinny enough?, I wouldn't lose anymore if I were you., Don't go getting too skinny,". It's the same thing but in reverse. Because he likes his women bigger it apparently offends him that I'm getting fit. Like, do you share your fucking bed with me? Why do you think i give a damn about how you view my body? Im married FFS. I'm down 45 lbs and have another 20 to go and he can then kiss my skinny ass. Some people are just assholes like that. We steer clear of them as potential partners in life. Lol
Jesus - what a weird dude. Imagine thinking that's an ok opinion to dump on someone on a second date. Or ever, honestly.
I'm guessing that's just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine what other kinds of weird opinions he has about the other "types" of people that he doesn't like.
Frankly, I'd give him the ol' "sorry man, I don't this is going to work out, that was a little much for me", or something along those lines. Since he's already exposed that he has a peculiar hatred for fat people (more likely, he has a hatred for fat *women* if I had to guess), he's likely going to lash out, might be worthwhile to brace yourself.
He probably thought "oh yeah, she's fit! She will definitely like that I am a tyrant when it comes to anything that can make a woman fat!"
I'd give him the "hey, you're messed in the head and probably need some counselling. Please do not contact me in the future nor ask about me through mutual friends."
My dating advice is to look into narcissism as many people are narcissists and hide their true crappy personality until they get comfortable. Learning about narcissism also helps you learn many red flags to be aware of. They especially think that their opinions are fact and that people similar to them hold the same opinion.
“Please don’t ever lose your hairline or the ability to get hard….sexual attractiveness pleasure is very important to me 😬”
But in all seriousness I would say
“ although I also share your enthusiasm for fitness and staying healthy physically your views on other people outside yourself and the importance of their outwards appearance especially mine is not healthy and I need a partner who is healthy not only physically,but emotionally and I don’t think fat people hate themselves I think you hate yourself and project on others who are not like you for being happy as they are even if that doesn’t fit your perceived idea of attractiveness….this isn’t going to work for me”
Don't respond and move on with your life. Or send a short response about how you don't want to meet him again. He is immensely creepy and it's only the tip of the iceberg.
So... he's a narcissistic, entitled asshole who also shows signs of abusive, controlling behavior. Him letting you know that he went out of his way to dig things up on you with covert information channels is a red flag. Him trying to control your weight before you even gain weight is a red flag.
You don't owe him *anything*. Just block and move on. You've only been out twice, there's no need to waste your energy telling him off. BUT do report him on Bumble first since he'll just do this to someone else.
Insecure scum of a man. The same kind of guy that would divorce his wife after she gains some weight after the wedding or first baby. Give him a reality check and make sure it sticks!
You have bigger problems than a fat shame rant. This guy knows about your private and work life. Be very careful with how you end things. Have a plan in place if things go south. Better safe than sorry
😂😂😂😂 His reply is hilarious. This man is living in his own world. He really thought that you were concerned about getting fat and not the fact that he was fat shaming?
“Honestly, your personality was a huge turnoff to me and I’m not interested in pursuing anything further. Please do not text me again. I will no longer be responding.”
Just say that you're sorry but you didn't feel a connection and wish him well. This isn't court- you aren't required to tell him the full truth. Dude is so much of an asshole that he advertises it. Don't give him feedback so he can conceal his awful self to the next date.
The concept of trying to be nice to someone who’s as big a piece of shit as this guy is, is just completely foreign to me. When I was younger, definitely. But now? After all these years of putting up with bullshit? There’s no way that man would have sat there and went on such a rant without me losing my shit and putting him in his place. I don’t know what my point is, other than realizing the stark contrast between myself and a lot of other women.
The people who are telling you not to tell him the reason why you are no longer interested because he’ll just know to hide it the next time are wrong, IMO. Even if he learns to hide that particular thing, sounds like he’s way too messy to not drop plenty of other clues. I say tell him exactly what it is that is such a turn off. And the grossest thing is that last thing he texted you. He’s telling you that women are objects to be looked at first and foremost, and so you better make sure to keep being pretty to look at no matter what. That attitude is so much darker than so many people realize because they’ve never had the ‘pleasure’ of being married to a man with that view. It manifests itself in every single aspect of your relationship.
Ultimately though, I say do/say what *you* are the most comfortable with. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences (and he sounds like a creepy unhinged stalker). Either way, good luck.
> I think you’re doing well but if you gain weight, that’s a problem. Please don’t get fat 😬
Who raised this guy? Some people dont know how to have a normal respectful conversation
you found creepy stalker evidence strange but overlooked it? Do not overlook signs that someone is creepily stalking you on the internet and chose to share that with you. He's a creep. Why are you talking yourself out of how you feel about this?
Gotta be honest, imo the most mature thing is to just say it isn’t gonna work out and directly ask him to stop contacting you. People like that don’t change their minds, they just neg and pester and get in your head. He’ll keep at it till you feel like you’re in the wrong somehow. Snip snip ✂️ allow yourself some peace.
If you HAVE to say something, just say one thing that makes clear why you’re shutting it down, but don’t continue to communicate or try to convince him of anything afterward.
For example, you could say that you found his perspective and conversation to be revolting and you cannot see yourself socializing with him further.
Dudes a dick & body shaming!
On a side note, sugar is terrible but not because of weight gain or stuff, but it’s addictive nature & dramatically increases one’s risk of longterm health complications related to vital organs such as your heart.
Also, whether he was making a joke or sarcastic point about sugar as you were eating cake isn’t just dumb, but just disrespectful.
Yeah no. I'd block him on spot cause the only thing he's into is very healthy women which you know. Your preference is fine. But then you decide to fat shame women who aren't necessarily the "healthiest" and be shaming women who eat sugar 🤨 also it's gonna be a problem of he asks you not to get fat cause frankly bodies will sometimes put on extra weight for one reason or another.
My God. He's a terrible person. He himself sounds unhappy. How much you wanna bet he at some point was hurt by an overweight person? I'd just block him and move on. And tell your family and friends to never give your number again. For fucks sake.
Getting old and fat is one of my life goals so I don’t think it’ll work.
His loss I love some meat on the bones and if nobody finds out the real big ones are like giant pillows. Lol
Don’t need advice.. you know how it made you feel. If this dude is saying shit like this on your SECOND date what will he be saying a year from now? Imagine anytime you want something sweet to eat. Dudes going to shame you and make you feel like shit for having one Swedish fish.
God I feel bad for whoever ends up with that man. He’s terrified of the woman he’s with gaining weight- obsessively so. He was basically warning you and making it clear he’s watching what you consume and you better never gain weight. Dude has some issues and whoever does end up with him is going to be in hell.
While obesity shouldn’t be glorified, it’s not the best topic to bring up on the first date. Also, him criticizing OP for eating cake foretells that he would be controlling her diet if they got together. Also, men like him freak out if their partners gained 5 or 10 pounds. OP would literally develop an eating disorder with a man like this because he fears weight gain in himself and prospective partners. Look up orthorexia and anorexia athletica. He seems to have an ED.
Also, women can gain weight from pregnancy. He seems to be the type for wanting a woman to snap back to her previous weight after just giving birth. Preferences are okay, but it becomes a problem when there’s an unhealthy fixation, the need to control and unrealistic expectations set.
He doesn’t want you to get fat not because it’s unhealthy, but rather because you would no longer be his version of attractiveness. People like him don’t like fat people because they don’t fit their ideal versions of beauty, not because they actually care about their health. It’s a fear thing.
If he gained weight, would he expect his partner not to hold him to the standards he holds his partners to?
There are lot of people who would be considered “overweight” because of muscle mass and different fat distribution (pear shaped or hourglass body types e.g) on the body + height. But they won’t look like it, but medically they would be. Just like how not every thin person isn’t healthy, but assumed to be, because they are thin.
If he gained weight, would he not expect his partners to hold him to the same standards he holds to them?
You can say "fat shaming is a deal breaker for me. Wish you good luck in finding the right person, it's no me though". That's enough. You don't need to justify this or explain to anyone.
Go with your intuition, ifsomething feels wrong the it's probably wrong for you. After this comment you will forever and ever think every time you have a piece of cake, whether he still finds you attractive. You will mold your behavior, eating habits and your attitude to his liking. He will not change, he has no reason to.
It's like this with everything. Imagine he makes a racist comment. Or your clothing. Or something else. You will be watching yourself and moulding yourself all the time you are together. Not the point.
He seems very shallow for someone damn near 40 y/o. I think you should be straightforward. Something like: “I really don’t like your comments you made it comes off very shallow and superficial, this is not gonna work and best of luck to you.”
Tell his creepy stalker ass to go fuck himself and block him on everything. And find that “friend” that gave him your number and rip them a new one. And lock down all your social media
Most people just ghost. You could just say you’re busy next time he asks or just say you didn’t really feel a connection. It’s hard to guess how someone will take it sometimes. He sounds like he might take it poorly and be rude but hopefully not.
Don’t mention anything about the fat shaming in a smart ass way, he’ll just fire back. just be mature and say you don’t think you’re right for him. Cause that’s the truth? No need to stoop to his level
Let me write down the cons of this guy
1. He is stalker
2.He is controlling
3.He is fatphobic
I would say run as far as possible ,such kind of men are the type that murder the women.
Having a preference for skinny/fit people. Completely fine. Going out of his way to shame people who don't fit that preference, messed up. People like him don't actually care for the health of the people he's shaming, and is just doing it to feel better/superior about himself because he's insecure. His kind is just toxic and not worth your time or text.
well,, I mean he's not wrong about the poisonous nature of refined sugars, it's what causes a lot of health issues these days but the whole "Fat people aren't happy" thing is a pretty big red flag to me.
But he could have brought up the sugar issue in a more mature manner really and led that into the discussion about obesity and low active lifestyles instead of going off a fat rant.
Move on...
The harshest response is no response , ghost /block and don’t give him another thought. Months from now text him on another number and tell him he is a worthless pos and it’s no wonder he is still single ( which he will be ) and his mother must really be a piece of work to have such an ahole for a son. Then block him on that number lol Then you are done ✅
Edit: Don’t say who you are !
Reply with red flags cause that’s not okay lol seems like he is putting you on a pedestal and I’m wondering if it could lead to controlling or other odd behaviors. Ask your friends about him too since he did all that?
And don’t feel bad about hurting his feelings because he doesn’t mind hurting others as he loves to fat shame people.
RUN!! RED FLAG. you don't need a man who dictates you for what you are because you already know yourself better than any one else. Don't settle for less. A strong women can stand on his own anw #HappyWomensMonth you deserved to be heard!!
I'm sorry, but the massive red flag isn't the fat shaming, it's the fact he knew stuff about you that you didn't tell him and he contacted mutual friends to get your number. Fat shaming is also a red flag but not the main red flag in my opinion.
Please try and steer clear from this person. If he won't care for you if you become overweight (more of a when really, since as we get older we have more trouble losing weight), then he truly doesn't care for you now.
Just tell him that you're not going to date somebody so judgmental, you don't need that toxicity in your life. Plus the fact that he scoped you out and got your number off friends? That's definitely a bit weird, especially since you met him off a dating site.
Everything about this screams horrible. What an asshole. It’s a red flag already that he went to your mutual friends and got your number. He should’ve asked you directly. And I would tell your friends NOT to hand out your number to people who are strangers to you, even if they know them. At least, not without your permission! I would be very upset with my friends if they did that… The fact he is fat shaming while on a date with a fit person like yourself, is totally weird and just rude to the general public. I wonder if there was someone a little heavier around that it triggered such a reaction, but regardless, he’s got issues. Is he fit? Does he think he’s going to stay like that forever? Ha! Plus, why have a dessert date if he thinks it’s poison?
I think the “you’re not like other girls” is very dependent on context. In this case, you’re so right, as it comes off negatively. And the audacity he has to say “if you gain weight, that’s a problem. Please don’t gain weight” like what the actual fuck?! What about pregnant women? What if he’d gotten his future wife pregnant? Is she automatically ugly now? I sense this guy would cheat on his S/O the second they even gain a pound. This guy is just an arrogant ass and clearly lacks self-awareness, and doesn’t even deserve a response from you. I’d honestly ghost him, and then block him on all platforms if he becomes annoying.
If you really feel the need to respond to him, I would say, “Look, I don’t this is going to work out. I really didn’t appreciate the fat-shaming you did around me. It doesn’t matter if I’m not personally ‘fat’ in your eyes or not, it’s superficial and comes off as arrogant. It’s not like you have a perfect body either. Are you sayingthis to make yourself feel better? Our weight fluctuates. Do you know how many people have body insecurities, worried exactly about what people like you will think? You don’t need to contribute to society in tearing people down more. Are you also aware of how untimely it was for you to even say that to me as I was eating a high-calorie, high-sugar cake? By the way, no regrets eating it either. Do you know there are people who are ‘skinny’ and struggle to GAIN weight? Whether someone is fat or skinny does not determine their beauty. You can be attractive on the outside with an ugly soul, and that becomes an inmediate turnoff to me.” I don’t know, that’s probably how I would’ve reacted if I felt the need to reply…
Trust your gut. It’s a serious red flag. Don’t see this guy anymore. At least he was honest but if that’s all he talks about then he is most likely very self absorbed person & would not make a good partner.
If I’m going to say anything it’s that I’ve met people who are shredded and healthy but STILL are unhappy with themselves. This man is literally the opposite of judging a book by its cover. You don’t need someone who can’t embrace imperfections in your life.
My ex was like this and he wasnt even super fit, like he was just avergse weight. But he would always tell me “if you get fat im gonna break up with you” which was usually unprompted or unwarranted. If a dude says this to me again like its over. Dont need that shit in my life.
You’ve only been on two dates. You don’t owe this guy anything. The red flags are screaming that this guy is controlling and hates himself. I wouldn’t respond at all, he’ll get the hint.
I met a woman once and the conversation went well, so I asked her out for coffee the next day. She agreed and I thought it was cool. She was really pretty, a little younger than me, kinda thin but I was OK with that too.
We sit down for coffee and I asked one of the standard first date questions, "What piqued your interest enough to go out on a date with someone you just met?"
She said, "I am really fascinated by how fat you are! I mean, how in the world do you eat enough to gain all that weight?"
She later went on to say that she doesn't get a lot of second dates "for some reason."
I left it a mystery with her.
Some people are just assholes. You gotta just let it go.
Some people are wierd. I can’t imagine someone being 35 and acting like that. maybe early 20s still learning how to behave like a normal human being. I’d ghost them or just let them know you aren’t interested and be happy you aren’t mentally ill like them
Am I the only one who paid attention to the fact homeboy said this is the fattest/unhealthiest he has ever been but hates fat chicks. Bonus for him not going to the gym in 2 years LOL
Wow 😯 this is absolutely bizarre! I’m glad you had the good sense to run away from this guy. I wish stuff like this did not happen but I guess if you date enough. You’re going to occasionally run across whack jobs like this dude. You did not overreact by ghosting!
He was telling you that because he was hoping you liked him enough that you’d accept his conditions. That is the first step in controlling someone. He said it with the intent that you would start watching your weight and be obsessed over it because he wants you to make decisions about your life based on his desires. For women that don’t have the confidence or awareness you did, it would likely lead to even more controlling behavior and even abuse. This completely explains why he was stalking you as well.
> I need help drafting a reply that isn’t rude but stern.
But why
> About the stalking- I asked him why he went to the lengths to do all this digging to which he said he’s just “curious”. I think he wanted me to feel impressed by how much he’s pursuing me
I can go either way on this. When I was still on social media, sometimes I'd just crawl social connections of complete random people.
If I were you I’d just block. Old me would have checked him but people like that are too ignorant to grasp that their words are hurtful. I wouldn’t be surprised that a heavier set girl must have dumped him and he’s now venting. Just block and move on. Silence speaks louder.
I think you missed an opportunity to bring up your struggles with health/fitness/healthy eating habits, etc which would have added context as to why you were pushing back on his judgmental comments. If you were walking away from this person anyway, why not be confrontational in a constructive way and hopefully something you say to them, if just even 5% of it resonates with them, would change their perspective so they aren't so crude/harsh about the realities others face.
No one needs his level of negativity in their life.
Normally people act nice or try to get to know you.
This guy went ranting about things he disliked to.. impress you?
I don't feel ghosting is correct but I would completely understand if you disappeared from his contact list and blocked him on social media
Tell him that his theory that “fat people are unhappy” is just something skinny people tell themselves because the idea of fat people living full, rich lives is horrendous to fatphobic skinny people who make their bodies their whole identity
I am going to play devils advocate here.
"He went off on a nutritional rant about how sugar is basically poison"
He technically isn't wrong here. Kind of like how alcohol is basically poison, but we all kind of still enjoy it. Our brains like lots of things that are bad for us. Sugar causes diabetes which does kill people.
Was it really a rant, or was he just speaking on the topic? I mean, we have gone way too far on the body positivity movement. People should learn to love themselves. But that doesn't mean that being obese should be celebrated, or that we shouldn't encourage people to be a healthy weight.
A big problem is we teach bad nutrition. Just look at the food pyramid. The bread, cereal, rice, pasta group is what is taught you should eat the most of. That is terrible advice and basically where all the worst foods for you would be located.
Holy crap! You are thin and he has the gall to suggest you stay that way or else? What kind of shape is he in? Does he even deserve a response? I’d simply block him. Less said the better.
Block and move on. He’s the one with issues and he’s going to be a real piece of work if you guys in the future had a family like men who behave that way aren’t worth time or energy because people gain/lose weight it happens
Ask the server for a second serving of desert, eat it with a straight face. If he tries to end his rant or change the subject say “no, please continue! I’m enjoying watching you make an ass out of yourself” then take another bite of cake.
This is NOT the most effective interpersonal communication but it’s undeniably entertaining.
Wanting a fit partner is far from objectification. His rant and unnecessary comment about, you to not get fat is bullshit. No point in responding to someone on a lower level as he.
I think you are seriously lacking emotional intelligence and empathy. Also the fact that you’re so concerned about judging other people for something superficial is indicative of the fact that there is something rotten inside of you, please don’t contact me again.
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Sorry, I don’t think this will work as I have plans to get fat soon.
Ever since I met you, I’ve had this urge to get astronomically fat.
After my horrible experience meeting you, I feel the need to comfort eat.
I'm going to start losing weight, starting with the weight of your useless body
You were one in a million… and not in a good way.
"I shall now enjoy delicious foods, while also enjoy the protective barrier they provide to your personality."
Win-win *Stuffs pancakes into her face while maintaining eye contact*
No no no, I don’t think you understand me. I mean astronomical in the LITERAL sense. I want a fork to ORBIT me. Like a tiny, metallic moon.
That’s some next-level ritual! I’m in.
That explains why your underpants are so stupendously huge.
gastronomically fat.
How dare you? But yes.
A heavenly body, one might say
Dude! This is the one lmaooo.
Even better: “My psychic said i was gonna get fat this year. So this wont work”
No no, not psychic. My astrology sign predictions on the internet said so.
"damn that's crazy. Good luck though." *Mashes chocolate cake into face*
OP please update us after you say this to him because it is the only valid response.
Love this!
This with a photo attached of cake, chocolate etc. Go all out!
I would prefer she send a photo of herself cramming cake into her face with the tag "Felt cute, might get fat later idk."
Or a gif of the scene from Matilda of when Miss Trunchbull Made Bruce eat a whole chocolate cake .
This is the funniest response for sure.
This
Just bail out by saying: "Sorry, I think I just got fat. Bye."
Love this one!
I’d say ‘You’re telling me not to gain weight, and yet your ego is ballooning? Sorry, I can’t deal with the hypocrisy! Bye!’
Just bail. "Hey I don't think this is gonna work. The fat shaming freaks me out. Bye"
*Fat shaming and *stalking me* before we meet up freaks me out. FTFY
don't tell him that, he won't stop pre-stalking the date but he will get better at hiding it if you point it out. Better to let the next girl see the red flags earlier than later.
Somehow I missed that part.... Ugh I hate creeps
I get wanting to research your date before meeting them - depending on how much they put out on social media, you can see red flags pretty easily that way... but you know, don't say that on or before the first date. Also don't get someone's number without consent, thought that was a nobrainer.
No no no! Please don’t say this because that will let him know that the rant was what finally did him in and he’ll hide his views from the next woman he decides to pursue, probably waiting until they’re trapped to open his mouth and reveal his red flags. I would just let him wonder because he doesn’t deserve the kindness of a direct response.
On the flip side, it could force him to do some self reflection, possibly helping him to grow as a person. Though I agree, it could also go the way you suggest.
Guys like that are usually incapable of self reflection.
More likely OP doesn't have the bandwidth (nor should she) to spend the time to educate him on the matter. Honestly, this type of self reflection is possible but it needs to come from OP's Mom/sister/friends not someone he went on a date with who is rejecting him.
They're not his "views" about women, they're his feelings about himself. He's got serious problems.
please say exactly this
I once when on a first date with a guy I met through OLD and he went on a rant about how I looked thin but all these other women he’d been out with had been “fatter” than their pictures. Which was funny because he wasn’t really in shape or looked like his pic? Anyway, it ended up being the shortest date ever. I chugged my drink and left.
I bet OP's date doesn't exactly look fantastic either. She should tell him right back "If you gain weight, that's going to be a problem".
"you've already gained weight. Deuces
We had a veterinarian once who went on a rant about his wife gaining 10 lb because she was pregnant. The fat shaming was unbelievable. Can you imagine getting pregnant and having your man do that to you? We were appalled and told him so. This is not a man you want in your life. Take it from me and the other thousand people on here--- don't even respond to this narcissistic selfish man and just move on.
Look, I once found myself on a date with a guy who went on a weird rant about how he believes that all gay men have secret high-pitched, feminine voices and they hide it so that they can get close to straight men, but once they get turned on they can't control their voices. Did I want to say something about how disturbed I was by his views? Yes. Did I? Nope. I got the fuck out of there safely, sent him a message saying I didn't think we were a good match based on having incompatible views, and never interacted with him again. If he can't connect the dots himself, it isn't your job to do it for him.
If there are gay men out there that actually do that I give them major props for being able to conceal that for so long because I know most queens would fumble the ball!🤣💅🏼
"Please don't contact me again; I'm not interested in pursuing things with you."
what is this a business call.
I find, when rejecting someone, it's best to be clear and direct.
This is how I like to be rejected. Usually I’m just ghosted lol
“We wish you the best in your future endeavors” That is how you do a business call! But also, I think you can use this in dating as well.
Thank you very much for your interest. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not have a position for you in our organization. We wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Please do not contact us further. Thank you in advance. Don't call us, we'll call you
> Unfortunately, at this time, our organization is interested in rapid growth.
Put me on your do not call list.
it’s called clear communication
Due to an unforeseen emotional shortfall recently, it looks like I won’t have the energy to take on another individual at this time. Best of luck.
You’re right. OP set these words to the beautiful music of a string quartet.
I honestly just wouldn’t. Tell him you’re not compatible, not feeling a connection, and you’re not interested in another date. Firm. Stern. Neutral leaning kinda cold. You won’t change his mind. Just reject him coldly.
Or just don't say anything at all. This is what ghosting was invented for.
Lol tell him you were wearing 5 sets of Spanx and actually weigh 200lbs, he sounds dumb enough to believe it. Then the trash will take itself out
It’s baffling to me how many people care so much about other peoples‘ weight. I couldn’t care less if my neighbour weighed 150lbs or 300lbs. I once went on a date with a well-educated lawyer who was very slim. He wasn’t the tallest, so he had to watch his weight in order to not look disproportionate. Anyway, when he started gossiping about his overweight friend I was turned off. Again - I don’t get why someone else’s weight is so important to some people?! Also, the last sentence he sent you… He would leave you as soon as you gained weight if you became pregnant. Hard pass.
Thats exactly what I was thinking, can u imagine if she got pregnant and gained weight?! No doubt he would be an arsehole about it.
Or had an illness or had to take meds which cause weight gain.
Or just gained weight for no reason other that she treats herself, doesn’t really matter. Even not gaining weight, imagine him reminding her to “please not get fat” 🙄
Even if she didn’t get pregnant, women naturally gain and lose weight. It’s just a part of life when hormones or lifestyle changes here and there. I’ve never known any women to be slim all their life. The majority of us at one point or another gain a substantial amount of weight and lost it back. The talking shit about sugar is poison while you’re enjoying a piece of cake is a vibe killer. He’s so unaware of self. I bet he’s ridged in bed. Lol. Hypercritical ppl are just cringe.
Yeah fuck that guy but I’m fat soooo
Uno it. "Sorry, you are too fat for me"
He knew things about you that you didn't share before you met? He's a fucking stalker. Ghost him ASAP
If he hates sugar, it is very weird you both went on a dessert date! He doesn't sound very good. Just tell him you like your men sweet. He might get bitter, but not your problem. Find someone else :)
🚩🚩
I dated a guy who used to be overweight himself. Then after he lost all his weight, he demeaned other people who he would consider “overweight”….it was awful. Anything he could do to make himself feel better about himself, he did. He didn’t demean me though; I was pretty small when we were together, but he talked trash about overweight people so much, that I was afraid to gain weight, eat sweets, etc. I dated him a year before I broke up with him, and since then I’ve gained 15 pounds of much needed weight and I look great. Your guy is probably insecure about himself and wants to project. I will never date anyone who fatshames anyone else. I learned my lesson!
I used to have a very close friend who did the same things. She was overweight and worked hard to lose it. We went on holiday together. A slim woman was lying on a sunlounger eating an apple and she called her "anorexic Annie". She would point out overweight women in their swimwear and make fun of them. It made me angry. I think it stems from their own self disgust and low self esteem. If anyone should have empathy for overweight people, it should be her and people like her.
So many red flags… The internet stalking and knowing things you haven’t said to him. Him trying to get mutual friends to give him your number. And then the fat shaming. That’s not okay at all. Even one of these things separate wouldn’t be okay. And this situation is all of them together.
I had something sort of like this happen with a guy I was talking to but it was about "odors." Like everything seemed fine but he started going on a crazy rant about how he can't deal with women who "smell." We hadn't met in person yet so I wasn't really sure where this was coming from and I tried to say something like "well smells are all sort of subjective, pheromones are funny things," and he just would NOT QUIT about the "I can't deal with a woman who smells" thing. I don't know what he was trying to do but even though I know I don't smell, I'd be constantly worried about it. That's my reaction to your story. I'd be constantly worried about my weight when I really don't even need to be. I'd just tell him "I'm not really feeling a spark" and delete/block. I wouldn't even bother trying to justify myself to him.
Everyone has a right to their own preferences. What they don't have a right to do is be an ass to people about it. It sounds like he saw that cake and pictured you 100lbs heavier and wanted to "put a stop to that mentality of yours before you get too fat for him". Fuck that guy. There's an old guy at work that keeps commenting on how much weight I've lost. He keeps saying shit like "so when are you gonna stop losing? Don't you think you're skinny enough?, I wouldn't lose anymore if I were you., Don't go getting too skinny,". It's the same thing but in reverse. Because he likes his women bigger it apparently offends him that I'm getting fit. Like, do you share your fucking bed with me? Why do you think i give a damn about how you view my body? Im married FFS. I'm down 45 lbs and have another 20 to go and he can then kiss my skinny ass. Some people are just assholes like that. We steer clear of them as potential partners in life. Lol
Jesus - what a weird dude. Imagine thinking that's an ok opinion to dump on someone on a second date. Or ever, honestly. I'm guessing that's just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine what other kinds of weird opinions he has about the other "types" of people that he doesn't like. Frankly, I'd give him the ol' "sorry man, I don't this is going to work out, that was a little much for me", or something along those lines. Since he's already exposed that he has a peculiar hatred for fat people (more likely, he has a hatred for fat *women* if I had to guess), he's likely going to lash out, might be worthwhile to brace yourself.
He probably thought "oh yeah, she's fit! She will definitely like that I am a tyrant when it comes to anything that can make a woman fat!" I'd give him the "hey, you're messed in the head and probably need some counselling. Please do not contact me in the future nor ask about me through mutual friends."
lmfao, guys will literally talk about their odd, misplaced hatred for fat women on a second date before going to therapy
My dating advice is to look into narcissism as many people are narcissists and hide their true crappy personality until they get comfortable. Learning about narcissism also helps you learn many red flags to be aware of. They especially think that their opinions are fact and that people similar to them hold the same opinion.
They can’t even fathom that other people do things differently or think so differently lol. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.
“Please don’t ever lose your hairline or the ability to get hard….sexual attractiveness pleasure is very important to me 😬” But in all seriousness I would say “ although I also share your enthusiasm for fitness and staying healthy physically your views on other people outside yourself and the importance of their outwards appearance especially mine is not healthy and I need a partner who is healthy not only physically,but emotionally and I don’t think fat people hate themselves I think you hate yourself and project on others who are not like you for being happy as they are even if that doesn’t fit your perceived idea of attractiveness….this isn’t going to work for me”
This one right here. Get to the root of his bad behavior with something he can't deny.
Don't respond and move on with your life. Or send a short response about how you don't want to meet him again. He is immensely creepy and it's only the tip of the iceberg.
Met tons of guys like this. Of course, looks and fitness can be important, be these guys are over obsessed. Move on.
I think you should shame him and dump him for his trash opinion, but only do so if you feel safe.
I like to dive into the personality of the people I date, and unfortunately your depth is that of a kiddie pool. Best of luck.
So... he's a narcissistic, entitled asshole who also shows signs of abusive, controlling behavior. Him letting you know that he went out of his way to dig things up on you with covert information channels is a red flag. Him trying to control your weight before you even gain weight is a red flag. You don't owe him *anything*. Just block and move on. You've only been out twice, there's no need to waste your energy telling him off. BUT do report him on Bumble first since he'll just do this to someone else.
You went on 2 dates. Tell him to fuck off.
Insecure scum of a man. The same kind of guy that would divorce his wife after she gains some weight after the wedding or first baby. Give him a reality check and make sure it sticks!
hes a piece of shit thats uhh thats really all there is to this i wont uhh sugar coat it for ya wouldnt wanna send him on another rant now XD
You have bigger problems than a fat shame rant. This guy knows about your private and work life. Be very careful with how you end things. Have a plan in place if things go south. Better safe than sorry
Yeah, I don't dig hatred and shaming a person's appearance and this is going to go nowhere. Thanks, bye
It’s baffling to me that you didn’t immediately block him after finding out that he did all that creeping on you.
😂😂😂😂 His reply is hilarious. This man is living in his own world. He really thought that you were concerned about getting fat and not the fact that he was fat shaming? “Honestly, your personality was a huge turnoff to me and I’m not interested in pursuing anything further. Please do not text me again. I will no longer be responding.”
Tell him he wasn’t fit enough for you then block him so he doesnt have a chance to reply
Just say that you're sorry but you didn't feel a connection and wish him well. This isn't court- you aren't required to tell him the full truth. Dude is so much of an asshole that he advertises it. Don't give him feedback so he can conceal his awful self to the next date.
I agree with this. So many people are good at hiding themselves until their spouses or significant others are and way too deep.
Just tell him that you don't think you're compatible. Period. And don't respond if he replies back.
The concept of trying to be nice to someone who’s as big a piece of shit as this guy is, is just completely foreign to me. When I was younger, definitely. But now? After all these years of putting up with bullshit? There’s no way that man would have sat there and went on such a rant without me losing my shit and putting him in his place. I don’t know what my point is, other than realizing the stark contrast between myself and a lot of other women. The people who are telling you not to tell him the reason why you are no longer interested because he’ll just know to hide it the next time are wrong, IMO. Even if he learns to hide that particular thing, sounds like he’s way too messy to not drop plenty of other clues. I say tell him exactly what it is that is such a turn off. And the grossest thing is that last thing he texted you. He’s telling you that women are objects to be looked at first and foremost, and so you better make sure to keep being pretty to look at no matter what. That attitude is so much darker than so many people realize because they’ve never had the ‘pleasure’ of being married to a man with that view. It manifests itself in every single aspect of your relationship. Ultimately though, I say do/say what *you* are the most comfortable with. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences (and he sounds like a creepy unhinged stalker). Either way, good luck.
> I think you’re doing well but if you gain weight, that’s a problem. Please don’t get fat 😬 Who raised this guy? Some people dont know how to have a normal respectful conversation
you found creepy stalker evidence strange but overlooked it? Do not overlook signs that someone is creepily stalking you on the internet and chose to share that with you. He's a creep. Why are you talking yourself out of how you feel about this?
No, just cut him off. That's even more precision damage. Leave him wondering.
Gotta be honest, imo the most mature thing is to just say it isn’t gonna work out and directly ask him to stop contacting you. People like that don’t change their minds, they just neg and pester and get in your head. He’ll keep at it till you feel like you’re in the wrong somehow. Snip snip ✂️ allow yourself some peace. If you HAVE to say something, just say one thing that makes clear why you’re shutting it down, but don’t continue to communicate or try to convince him of anything afterward. For example, you could say that you found his perspective and conversation to be revolting and you cannot see yourself socializing with him further.
Dudes a dick & body shaming! On a side note, sugar is terrible but not because of weight gain or stuff, but it’s addictive nature & dramatically increases one’s risk of longterm health complications related to vital organs such as your heart. Also, whether he was making a joke or sarcastic point about sugar as you were eating cake isn’t just dumb, but just disrespectful.
Go on a small dick rant ant tell him you hope he's not packing a pencil lol
And that you don't find him attractive or a good potential partner. Don't tell him why, let him wonder.
I wouldn’t give a second more of my time to someone like that.
Wish dates cared a lot more about my IQ points and bubbly personality than the numbers on my scale
I would say, my weight can fluctuate and that's ok but your shitty attitude is here to stay and that's not ok - goodbye!
Yeah no. I'd block him on spot cause the only thing he's into is very healthy women which you know. Your preference is fine. But then you decide to fat shame women who aren't necessarily the "healthiest" and be shaming women who eat sugar 🤨 also it's gonna be a problem of he asks you not to get fat cause frankly bodies will sometimes put on extra weight for one reason or another.
My God. He's a terrible person. He himself sounds unhappy. How much you wanna bet he at some point was hurt by an overweight person? I'd just block him and move on. And tell your family and friends to never give your number again. For fucks sake.
Getting old and fat is one of my life goals so I don’t think it’ll work. His loss I love some meat on the bones and if nobody finds out the real big ones are like giant pillows. Lol
did you go on a date with shake from love is blind?
Don’t need advice.. you know how it made you feel. If this dude is saying shit like this on your SECOND date what will he be saying a year from now? Imagine anytime you want something sweet to eat. Dudes going to shame you and make you feel like shit for having one Swedish fish.
please ghost him omfg
God I feel bad for whoever ends up with that man. He’s terrified of the woman he’s with gaining weight- obsessively so. He was basically warning you and making it clear he’s watching what you consume and you better never gain weight. Dude has some issues and whoever does end up with him is going to be in hell.
Well he's ugly inside & out. You date a whole person not just a body. Urgh!
While obesity shouldn’t be glorified, it’s not the best topic to bring up on the first date. Also, him criticizing OP for eating cake foretells that he would be controlling her diet if they got together. Also, men like him freak out if their partners gained 5 or 10 pounds. OP would literally develop an eating disorder with a man like this because he fears weight gain in himself and prospective partners. Look up orthorexia and anorexia athletica. He seems to have an ED. Also, women can gain weight from pregnancy. He seems to be the type for wanting a woman to snap back to her previous weight after just giving birth. Preferences are okay, but it becomes a problem when there’s an unhealthy fixation, the need to control and unrealistic expectations set. He doesn’t want you to get fat not because it’s unhealthy, but rather because you would no longer be his version of attractiveness. People like him don’t like fat people because they don’t fit their ideal versions of beauty, not because they actually care about their health. It’s a fear thing. If he gained weight, would he expect his partner not to hold him to the standards he holds his partners to? There are lot of people who would be considered “overweight” because of muscle mass and different fat distribution (pear shaped or hourglass body types e.g) on the body + height. But they won’t look like it, but medically they would be. Just like how not every thin person isn’t healthy, but assumed to be, because they are thin. If he gained weight, would he not expect his partners to hold him to the same standards he holds to them?
You can say "fat shaming is a deal breaker for me. Wish you good luck in finding the right person, it's no me though". That's enough. You don't need to justify this or explain to anyone. Go with your intuition, ifsomething feels wrong the it's probably wrong for you. After this comment you will forever and ever think every time you have a piece of cake, whether he still finds you attractive. You will mold your behavior, eating habits and your attitude to his liking. He will not change, he has no reason to. It's like this with everything. Imagine he makes a racist comment. Or your clothing. Or something else. You will be watching yourself and moulding yourself all the time you are together. Not the point.
Red flag alert
He seems very shallow for someone damn near 40 y/o. I think you should be straightforward. Something like: “I really don’t like your comments you made it comes off very shallow and superficial, this is not gonna work and best of luck to you.”
I say you can be rude. He deserves it.
Tell his creepy stalker ass to go fuck himself and block him on everything. And find that “friend” that gave him your number and rip them a new one. And lock down all your social media
Just block him and say nothing
Just ghost him. Don't waste any more time.
You're way too nice for this person. Don't lower your standards, I wish you luck (and believe you will) finding a person who will meet them. 🤍
I’m fat, but that’s not the reason I’m unhappy. I’m just depressed, lol
Sorry, I’d rather eat cake than continue talking to you
Ghost. That comment is not worth replying to.
Most people just ghost. You could just say you’re busy next time he asks or just say you didn’t really feel a connection. It’s hard to guess how someone will take it sometimes. He sounds like he might take it poorly and be rude but hopefully not.
Listen...If you don't respond with the gif of the chunky kid eating choclatebcake from Matilda...shame on you!
Don’t mention anything about the fat shaming in a smart ass way, he’ll just fire back. just be mature and say you don’t think you’re right for him. Cause that’s the truth? No need to stoop to his level
Let me write down the cons of this guy 1. He is stalker 2.He is controlling 3.He is fatphobic I would say run as far as possible ,such kind of men are the type that murder the women.
Having a preference for skinny/fit people. Completely fine. Going out of his way to shame people who don't fit that preference, messed up. People like him don't actually care for the health of the people he's shaming, and is just doing it to feel better/superior about himself because he's insecure. His kind is just toxic and not worth your time or text.
well,, I mean he's not wrong about the poisonous nature of refined sugars, it's what causes a lot of health issues these days but the whole "Fat people aren't happy" thing is a pretty big red flag to me. But he could have brought up the sugar issue in a more mature manner really and led that into the discussion about obesity and low active lifestyles instead of going off a fat rant. Move on...
A lot of basement dwellers on this post lol. Also Im curious to know how fit he was?
Tell him you don’t like his personality, it’s too big and v unattractive to you
2 word reply. "Fuck Off". saved you the rest of your evening. Now go find some self respect.
Quite frankly, he deserves a rude reply.
oh shit you met the Walking Red Flag, one of the worst super heroes don't know what Marvel was thinking tbh
Hey I'm not interested.
" Decided to overlooked it" I stoped here 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The harshest response is no response , ghost /block and don’t give him another thought. Months from now text him on another number and tell him he is a worthless pos and it’s no wonder he is still single ( which he will be ) and his mother must really be a piece of work to have such an ahole for a son. Then block him on that number lol Then you are done ✅ Edit: Don’t say who you are !
Just block him or tell him you’re not interested
Reply with red flags cause that’s not okay lol seems like he is putting you on a pedestal and I’m wondering if it could lead to controlling or other odd behaviors. Ask your friends about him too since he did all that? And don’t feel bad about hurting his feelings because he doesn’t mind hurting others as he loves to fat shame people.
RUN!! RED FLAG. you don't need a man who dictates you for what you are because you already know yourself better than any one else. Don't settle for less. A strong women can stand on his own anw #HappyWomensMonth you deserved to be heard!!
"I don't think this is going to work. I'm starting to prep for the Big Chungus contest and I plan to win!"
Kind of curious why you feel the need to respond? What has this guy done to earn anything less than to be left on read forever?
I'm sorry, but the massive red flag isn't the fat shaming, it's the fact he knew stuff about you that you didn't tell him and he contacted mutual friends to get your number. Fat shaming is also a red flag but not the main red flag in my opinion.
I see that he’s just too comfortable being himself with you but Fat shaming is not cool ! So up to you on how to go from there
Please try and steer clear from this person. If he won't care for you if you become overweight (more of a when really, since as we get older we have more trouble losing weight), then he truly doesn't care for you now.
You don’t owe him anything! Just dip. “This isn’t going to work out!”
Just tell him that you're not going to date somebody so judgmental, you don't need that toxicity in your life. Plus the fact that he scoped you out and got your number off friends? That's definitely a bit weird, especially since you met him off a dating site.
Everything about this screams horrible. What an asshole. It’s a red flag already that he went to your mutual friends and got your number. He should’ve asked you directly. And I would tell your friends NOT to hand out your number to people who are strangers to you, even if they know them. At least, not without your permission! I would be very upset with my friends if they did that… The fact he is fat shaming while on a date with a fit person like yourself, is totally weird and just rude to the general public. I wonder if there was someone a little heavier around that it triggered such a reaction, but regardless, he’s got issues. Is he fit? Does he think he’s going to stay like that forever? Ha! Plus, why have a dessert date if he thinks it’s poison? I think the “you’re not like other girls” is very dependent on context. In this case, you’re so right, as it comes off negatively. And the audacity he has to say “if you gain weight, that’s a problem. Please don’t gain weight” like what the actual fuck?! What about pregnant women? What if he’d gotten his future wife pregnant? Is she automatically ugly now? I sense this guy would cheat on his S/O the second they even gain a pound. This guy is just an arrogant ass and clearly lacks self-awareness, and doesn’t even deserve a response from you. I’d honestly ghost him, and then block him on all platforms if he becomes annoying. If you really feel the need to respond to him, I would say, “Look, I don’t this is going to work out. I really didn’t appreciate the fat-shaming you did around me. It doesn’t matter if I’m not personally ‘fat’ in your eyes or not, it’s superficial and comes off as arrogant. It’s not like you have a perfect body either. Are you sayingthis to make yourself feel better? Our weight fluctuates. Do you know how many people have body insecurities, worried exactly about what people like you will think? You don’t need to contribute to society in tearing people down more. Are you also aware of how untimely it was for you to even say that to me as I was eating a high-calorie, high-sugar cake? By the way, no regrets eating it either. Do you know there are people who are ‘skinny’ and struggle to GAIN weight? Whether someone is fat or skinny does not determine their beauty. You can be attractive on the outside with an ugly soul, and that becomes an inmediate turnoff to me.” I don’t know, that’s probably how I would’ve reacted if I felt the need to reply…
✂️ him
And that’s why this fat chick does not like dating apps.
Trust your gut. It’s a serious red flag. Don’t see this guy anymore. At least he was honest but if that’s all he talks about then he is most likely very self absorbed person & would not make a good partner.
All I'm seeing is red flags babe, he's not worth your time
If I’m going to say anything it’s that I’ve met people who are shredded and healthy but STILL are unhappy with themselves. This man is literally the opposite of judging a book by its cover. You don’t need someone who can’t embrace imperfections in your life.
My ex was like this and he wasnt even super fit, like he was just avergse weight. But he would always tell me “if you get fat im gonna break up with you” which was usually unprompted or unwarranted. If a dude says this to me again like its over. Dont need that shit in my life.
This is exactly what ghosting is for. There is nothing to say he is capable of hearing.
I didn’t even read your whole post because all I needed were the first few paragraphs to think, “Wow this guy sucks. Thank you, NEXT!”
You’ve only been on two dates. You don’t owe this guy anything. The red flags are screaming that this guy is controlling and hates himself. I wouldn’t respond at all, he’ll get the hint.
I met a woman once and the conversation went well, so I asked her out for coffee the next day. She agreed and I thought it was cool. She was really pretty, a little younger than me, kinda thin but I was OK with that too. We sit down for coffee and I asked one of the standard first date questions, "What piqued your interest enough to go out on a date with someone you just met?" She said, "I am really fascinated by how fat you are! I mean, how in the world do you eat enough to gain all that weight?" She later went on to say that she doesn't get a lot of second dates "for some reason." I left it a mystery with her. Some people are just assholes. You gotta just let it go.
Some people are wierd. I can’t imagine someone being 35 and acting like that. maybe early 20s still learning how to behave like a normal human being. I’d ghost them or just let them know you aren’t interested and be happy you aren’t mentally ill like them
Sounds like you need to trust your gut more to me
I’m 5’2 and 130. Recovering from an eating disorder. My grandmother taught me to never criticize someone for something they can’t change in 5 mins.
Ghost.
Am I the only one who paid attention to the fact homeboy said this is the fattest/unhealthiest he has ever been but hates fat chicks. Bonus for him not going to the gym in 2 years LOL
Wow 😯 this is absolutely bizarre! I’m glad you had the good sense to run away from this guy. I wish stuff like this did not happen but I guess if you date enough. You’re going to occasionally run across whack jobs like this dude. You did not overreact by ghosting!
He was telling you that because he was hoping you liked him enough that you’d accept his conditions. That is the first step in controlling someone. He said it with the intent that you would start watching your weight and be obsessed over it because he wants you to make decisions about your life based on his desires. For women that don’t have the confidence or awareness you did, it would likely lead to even more controlling behavior and even abuse. This completely explains why he was stalking you as well.
> I need help drafting a reply that isn’t rude but stern. But why > About the stalking- I asked him why he went to the lengths to do all this digging to which he said he’s just “curious”. I think he wanted me to feel impressed by how much he’s pursuing me I can go either way on this. When I was still on social media, sometimes I'd just crawl social connections of complete random people.
If I were you I’d just block. Old me would have checked him but people like that are too ignorant to grasp that their words are hurtful. I wouldn’t be surprised that a heavier set girl must have dumped him and he’s now venting. Just block and move on. Silence speaks louder.
I think you missed an opportunity to bring up your struggles with health/fitness/healthy eating habits, etc which would have added context as to why you were pushing back on his judgmental comments. If you were walking away from this person anyway, why not be confrontational in a constructive way and hopefully something you say to them, if just even 5% of it resonates with them, would change their perspective so they aren't so crude/harsh about the realities others face.
Did we date the same person?
No one needs his level of negativity in their life. Normally people act nice or try to get to know you. This guy went ranting about things he disliked to.. impress you? I don't feel ghosting is correct but I would completely understand if you disappeared from his contact list and blocked him on social media
Tell him that his theory that “fat people are unhappy” is just something skinny people tell themselves because the idea of fat people living full, rich lives is horrendous to fatphobic skinny people who make their bodies their whole identity
Sugar isn't poison, you actually need it to live. For someone so health conscious, he needs to get his facts straight. Lose him.
He is no different then women who refuse to date men shorter than 6 foot. Shallow pieces of shit.
I am going to play devils advocate here. "He went off on a nutritional rant about how sugar is basically poison" He technically isn't wrong here. Kind of like how alcohol is basically poison, but we all kind of still enjoy it. Our brains like lots of things that are bad for us. Sugar causes diabetes which does kill people. Was it really a rant, or was he just speaking on the topic? I mean, we have gone way too far on the body positivity movement. People should learn to love themselves. But that doesn't mean that being obese should be celebrated, or that we shouldn't encourage people to be a healthy weight. A big problem is we teach bad nutrition. Just look at the food pyramid. The bread, cereal, rice, pasta group is what is taught you should eat the most of. That is terrible advice and basically where all the worst foods for you would be located.
[удалено]
Just ghost
Holy crap! You are thin and he has the gall to suggest you stay that way or else? What kind of shape is he in? Does he even deserve a response? I’d simply block him. Less said the better.
Tell him you still need to lose (enter rough est of his weight) of shir personality and will not be needing him
>need help drafting a reply that isn’t rude but stern. I salute you for not just ghosting. Maybe he'll learn something. Someday.
Block and move on. He’s the one with issues and he’s going to be a real piece of work if you guys in the future had a family like men who behave that way aren’t worth time or energy because people gain/lose weight it happens
App's automated response: _sorry, this user has disappeared into fat air_
Ask the server for a second serving of desert, eat it with a straight face. If he tries to end his rant or change the subject say “no, please continue! I’m enjoying watching you make an ass out of yourself” then take another bite of cake. This is NOT the most effective interpersonal communication but it’s undeniably entertaining.
Yes, let him go!
"you're tacky and I hate you "
I do not think we are compatible. Best Wishes for the future. Goodbye.
I think being rude is just fine here.
Wanting a fit partner is far from objectification. His rant and unnecessary comment about, you to not get fat is bullshit. No point in responding to someone on a lower level as he.
I think you are seriously lacking emotional intelligence and empathy. Also the fact that you’re so concerned about judging other people for something superficial is indicative of the fact that there is something rotten inside of you, please don’t contact me again.
nah forget about this chad and move on
“Well, I’ve recently decided to go on the see food diet. If I see food, I’m gonna eat it. Not my problem if it’s your problem”