This is a subreddit that intends to be positive about dating and relationships. Posts that are primarily negative towards dating or the target gender are better suited for other subreddits.
lol, thatās normally not attractive to girls/ladies/women/female. If they knew the monetary value it might be interesting. But thatās kinda lame to be like, āI got 50 bitcoin, you know what itās worth?ā
Oh gosh, us girls would just love a smart man such as yourself to explain the monetary value of bitcoin - weāre all just so dumb when it comes to numbers.
Dude based on your post from 11 days ago you are still enmeshed with your ex and confused about it.
You are in no way ready to date until you handle that situation.
You also had a post 3 days ago that said you have no friends and no life, so again, you need to handle that situation as well before you wrangle some woman who then has to become your entire world.
Based on those two posts and the fact that this particular woman works with you, my advice is to leave the new āgirlā (does your place of employment hire teenagers and if so why are you interested) alone and let her come to work without your probably unwanted advances.
Yeah but I have a LTR and didnāt have to ask Reddit how to do it š¤·š»āāļø so you may want to take some notes.
Also considering thatās the one thing out of my post you picked up on, that tells me you kinda suck, my guy.
She hangs out here too. We like to help people find what we did since we both were in the OLD scene for awhile before we found love.
This isnāt a singles forum itās an advice forum.
When it needs to be said we talk about our own relationship.
You seem angry, so I would work on that before dating as well.
Iāve also been sober for a long time so if you have any questions about that I can help as well.
Well, I agree, you have no game. That approach sounds terrible and off-putting. It's too much.
Start with actual conversation, like she's a human, and you're not a clumsy boner.
Find out something about her, establish SOME sort of commonality. Do you even know her name? Anything about her? Start there. Introduce yourself.
Be friendly, smile back. If there's an opening, ask her out for a drink.Ā
Ok. Just based on seeing your interactions in this thread, I might guess that you weren't putting much into the therapy, which may be why you didn't get much out of it. You come off as very abrasive, unwilling to listen (in a thread where you're asking for advice), and unwilling to work on yourself...even though you're going through a tough time.
No one can save you unless you're willing to save yourself, man. You can choose to continue flailing around and being miserable, or you can choose to try and do something about it.
āI think youāre pretty, we should go out.ā
If a guy said that to me it would be an instant no. Looks arenāt everything. Beautiful women want to be appreciated for more than just their arm candy factor.
And D-pics? I really think you arenāt ready to date.
Try therapy. Try viewing women as whole humans. Then, MAYBE, youāll be able to date.
This entire post is a giant red flag.
"Girl" at work? Woman. I assume she's a grown woman.
"At work". I have no end of words for how inappropriate it is to date a colleague.
"Smiled". OMG. She smiled. I smile at literally everyone at work. I don't want to date a single one of the people I work with. Ever. Under any circumstance. I work with them, and leave them at the end of the day.
You don't need game. At the minimum, you need some therapy to sort through this new life you have.
And OP ended it asking when the right time to send a dick pic is š the answer is NEVER. Never send dick pics. Unless you want her to report you to HR, since she is your coworker.
I won't even give that the dignity of a response. (OPs question about dick picks, that is)
And reading further, he just cannot bring himself to refer to grown women as, ya know, women. Full fledged, wholly realized human beings with thought ans feelings if their own.
u/CountryLower3165, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s):
We're not going to host discussions about why people in their 20s and 30s are so much more attractive than people in their 40s and 50s. It's not a universal truth and it's just not appropriate here.
I'm 47 and that doesn't bother me. What's a turnoff for me is people being so sensitive about this stuff. It's a Reddit message board - use ladies, women, girls.. whatever.
Do people call you boy though? Because that's the analogous term to girl. Rather diminutive, no? "There's this boy on Reddit who is asking when to send dick pics".
If you don't want women referring to you as boy, maybe leave "girl" out of your lexicon.
What age is it inappropriate to refer to males as boys? That one.
Modern dating is speaking to women as if they are interesting and equal human beings, and getting to know each other first before asking someone out leading with their physical appearance.
I hope you were joking, but calling women girls and thinking they want to be told what they look like is Neanderthal.
Is she just looking at you and smiling? Or is she actually flirting with you?
I would say don't shit where you eat. Just because a new employee - who I assume is trying to befriend people and learn how to do a job and be liked - smiles at you isn't enough of a sign that she's interested.
Do you know if she's seeing someone? Do you have any idea of how old she is? Do you know what part of town she lives in? What does she like to do for fun? If you don't know any of these things and she just happened to smile at you, I think you might be overreaching.
Well thanks for knocking me back to earth, feeling better about myself sucked anyways. I guess Iāll just hold out few years for AI robot girlfriends.
This shitty reaction is why women lie to men when rejecting them.
Hereās a thought: itās ok to be just coworkers with her.
Hereās another: rejection of you is not necessarily a reflection of the personās feelings towards you or thoughts about you. Take it like a woman: brush yourself off, and live a good life, with or without romantic companionship. At the very least, find someone not at work. DO NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Or you could act like a normal human. Like, be friendly. Without trying to get a date. Because isnāt it better to be friendly with the people you work with, rather than just stare at them?
*"Thoughts? Tips? How long before dick pics? I am kind of terrified of modern dating."*
Bro if dick picks are something you're seriously considering part of modern dating, no advice you get here will matter. I had to look to see if I was in DO40 or not. You've got a lot of catching up to do. Plus work situations have a high failure rate. Is your livelihood worth this? At 20, maybe. At 40, which I'm hoping you have an established career, its certainly not. Focus on setting boundaries for yourself that will protect you.
Please get yourself into therapy before entertaining any dating/banging your coworker situations...right now you're just screaming out wounded red flag and it would be best to build your sense of self and life back to a decent place before involving any women in your mess
Get off the apps.
Don't ever send dick pics. If someone wants to see it, they can see it in person.
Just be direct, confident, respectful, and light. If she rejects you, don't get all hurt -- just be like "no problem, happy to keep things platonic."
Don't compliment her appearance. Compliment her choices / values.
Aside from whether asking this woman out is appropriate or not.
My first tip is donāt send any unsolicited sexual images unless theyāve been requested. Iād avoid sexual talk unless the flirting has naturally, through innuendo, lead to it.
Learn to be yourself and confident. Be curious. Rather than tell her you think sheās good looking, lead with how you always liked her and how interesting you find her. Ask lots of questions, show desire and if sheās interested take the lead. You organise the date, you keep the conversation flowing, you act the gentleman.
In regard to escalation and sex, while you should initiate the first kiss. You need to learn the signs, you donāt want to be trying to kiss someone who doesnāt want to kiss you. Itās generally pretty obvious if a woman wants to kiss you. Let her initiate sex. If she likes you sheāll take you to bed when sheās ready without you having to do much to initiate.
This. The last guy who kissed me said āIād like to kiss you if thatās alrightā and while it took a little of the heat/tension away it was really appreciated.
Donāt shit where you eat. Trying to date coworkers is not a good idea.
Never send a dick pic unless you are explicitly asked for one. Do some reading up on consent.
Women generally like to be referred to as women and not girls. We are not children.
Probably best to wait a while before jumping into dating especially if youāve never dated sober.
Update: asked female for phone number and got it. We went out with coworkers and then she had another guy meet up with her. I then blew my sobriety and got drunk. Ended up saying dumb shit and now I have that post drunk embarrassment regret feeling.
I apologize for saying girl and not woman. I just use the terms guys and girls and didnāt know it was so offensive. I was joking about the d pic, I would never do that, I have not much to brag about. Everyone was correct in the dating coworkers as well, I just was blinded by the idea of someone being interested.
Wait for healing after the papers are dry
Whatās the rush? Sounds creepy
Iād be highly out of anyone āin the processā. You either are or are not married and you have to have self control to wait like the rest of us if you want to date again
If itās just sex then be upfront that you are still married and thatās all you want
Totally inappropriate for work, dude, especially if you're referring to her as a "girl". If you want to ask women out, don't do it with coworkers or service people doing their jobs.
Dick pics what the fuck? That's a good way to get fired at work, accused of sexual assault outside of work, banned for life from dating apps, and to make women absolutely vomit. No one wants to see pictures of your dick. Ever.
Original copy of post by u/CountryLower3165:
Iām 1.5 years separated and divorce papers will be finished by end of month. There is a new girl where I work and I swear she might be flirting with me; she is always looking at me and smiling. Iāve spent past 15 years w ex and have no idea how to even play this. Not to mention I am sober now and can honestly say Iāve never picked up a girl without drugs or alcohol.
I was just going to ask her out for coffee. No dumb bull sht pretending to be this or that, trying to be funny and clever around her. Iām thinking of just being forward, āI think you are good looking, we should go out.ā
Thoughts? Tips? How long before dick pics? I am kind of terrified of modern dating.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is a subreddit that intends to be positive about dating and relationships. Posts that are primarily negative towards dating or the target gender are better suited for other subreddits.
Um. NEVER is the time for a dick pic. Nope. šš»
Got a match on bumble and the womanās first message was a full nude. I just kinda assumed it was the norm
Ask her about crypto
Hahahahaha
lol, thatās normally not attractive to girls/ladies/women/female. If they knew the monetary value it might be interesting. But thatās kinda lame to be like, āI got 50 bitcoin, you know what itās worth?ā
Sheās a scammer, thatās why she led with a nude
"she'll" definently have some hot crypto tips for you.
Oh gosh, us girls would just love a smart man such as yourself to explain the monetary value of bitcoin - weāre all just so dumb when it comes to numbers.
Seriously? I can't think of a time when a dick pick is in any way necessary. š
I'm hoping that part was a joke.Ā Hoping.
It was a joke. What's up with everyone's sense of humor today?
OP has doubled down. It was not a joke.
OP clarified in another comment that it was on fact, not, a joke.
Dude based on your post from 11 days ago you are still enmeshed with your ex and confused about it. You are in no way ready to date until you handle that situation. You also had a post 3 days ago that said you have no friends and no life, so again, you need to handle that situation as well before you wrangle some woman who then has to become your entire world. Based on those two posts and the fact that this particular woman works with you, my advice is to leave the new āgirlā (does your place of employment hire teenagers and if so why are you interested) alone and let her come to work without your probably unwanted advances.
Omg, sorry. Female.
THAT is what you decided to take away from his comment? Stay away from her, please š¤¦š¼āāļø
Omg WOMAN. Dude youāre not ready to date. Leave the teenager at work alone.
Thatās not any better. Why is it so hard for you to say woman?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah but I have a LTR and didnāt have to ask Reddit how to do it š¤·š»āāļø so you may want to take some notes. Also considering thatās the one thing out of my post you picked up on, that tells me you kinda suck, my guy.
Must be a great ltr if you hanging out in Reddit dating forums
She hangs out here too. We like to help people find what we did since we both were in the OLD scene for awhile before we found love. This isnāt a singles forum itās an advice forum. When it needs to be said we talk about our own relationship. You seem angry, so I would work on that before dating as well. Iāve also been sober for a long time so if you have any questions about that I can help as well.
Must me getting flloded by bumble noods if you're thirsty for a coworker who smiles.
Female what? I hate you.
Whoa whoa whoa ladies, take it easy! I'm getting trampled here my way to OP's DM's.
ššš
Well, I agree, you have no game. That approach sounds terrible and off-putting. It's too much. Start with actual conversation, like she's a human, and you're not a clumsy boner. Find out something about her, establish SOME sort of commonality. Do you even know her name? Anything about her? Start there. Introduce yourself. Be friendly, smile back. If there's an opening, ask her out for a drink.Ā
Clumsy boner is hilarious.
Seeing your post history, you need counseling, man. You seem lost, and you need to get your head straight before you start dating again.
Iāve done counseling for years and I found it a giant waste of money. Itās a good career choice, paid that guy $250 an hour.
Ok. Just based on seeing your interactions in this thread, I might guess that you weren't putting much into the therapy, which may be why you didn't get much out of it. You come off as very abrasive, unwilling to listen (in a thread where you're asking for advice), and unwilling to work on yourself...even though you're going through a tough time. No one can save you unless you're willing to save yourself, man. You can choose to continue flailing around and being miserable, or you can choose to try and do something about it.
I got 40 WOMAN itching at me cuz I said girl. So I am on the defensive obviously
Or you could, you know, apologize and try to do better, like a grown up who doesnāt have a huge chip on his shoulder would do.
More deflection and excuses. Even if you disagree with why they're mad, the adult thing to do would be to apologize and move on.
"women" FTFY
Herpes will definitely make you itch.
Sorry -paid that man
āI think youāre pretty, we should go out.ā If a guy said that to me it would be an instant no. Looks arenāt everything. Beautiful women want to be appreciated for more than just their arm candy factor. And D-pics? I really think you arenāt ready to date. Try therapy. Try viewing women as whole humans. Then, MAYBE, youāll be able to date.
This entire post is a giant red flag. "Girl" at work? Woman. I assume she's a grown woman. "At work". I have no end of words for how inappropriate it is to date a colleague. "Smiled". OMG. She smiled. I smile at literally everyone at work. I don't want to date a single one of the people I work with. Ever. Under any circumstance. I work with them, and leave them at the end of the day. You don't need game. At the minimum, you need some therapy to sort through this new life you have.
And OP ended it asking when the right time to send a dick pic is š the answer is NEVER. Never send dick pics. Unless you want her to report you to HR, since she is your coworker.
I won't even give that the dignity of a response. (OPs question about dick picks, that is) And reading further, he just cannot bring himself to refer to grown women as, ya know, women. Full fledged, wholly realized human beings with thought ans feelings if their own.
I was not aware people of a certain age are no longer girls. What age can you use to refer to a female as a woman? 21? 40?
Girls are minorsāunder age 18. No woman in her 40s wants to be referred to as a girl, it makes us cringe and is a turnoff
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
u/CountryLower3165, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s): We're not going to host discussions about why people in their 20s and 30s are so much more attractive than people in their 40s and 50s. It's not a universal truth and it's just not appropriate here.
I'm 47 and that doesn't bother me. What's a turnoff for me is people being so sensitive about this stuff. It's a Reddit message board - use ladies, women, girls.. whatever.
\*most\* women don't want to be referred to as a girl--in my experience, men who do this typically fall into a certain undesirable category
Thank you!!! People call me bro all the time, I should start correcting them, itās MAN!
Do people call you boy though? Because that's the analogous term to girl. Rather diminutive, no? "There's this boy on Reddit who is asking when to send dick pics".
Don't you start getting all sensitive on me too!! lol!!
If you don't want women referring to you as boy, maybe leave "girl" out of your lexicon. What age is it inappropriate to refer to males as boys? That one.
> āI think you are good looking, we should go out.ā Oh, don't do that.
Modern dating is speaking to women as if they are interesting and equal human beings, and getting to know each other first before asking someone out leading with their physical appearance. I hope you were joking, but calling women girls and thinking they want to be told what they look like is Neanderthal.
Is she just looking at you and smiling? Or is she actually flirting with you? I would say don't shit where you eat. Just because a new employee - who I assume is trying to befriend people and learn how to do a job and be liked - smiles at you isn't enough of a sign that she's interested. Do you know if she's seeing someone? Do you have any idea of how old she is? Do you know what part of town she lives in? What does she like to do for fun? If you don't know any of these things and she just happened to smile at you, I think you might be overreaching.
Well thanks for knocking me back to earth, feeling better about myself sucked anyways. I guess Iāll just hold out few years for AI robot girlfriends.
This shitty reaction is why women lie to men when rejecting them. Hereās a thought: itās ok to be just coworkers with her. Hereās another: rejection of you is not necessarily a reflection of the personās feelings towards you or thoughts about you. Take it like a woman: brush yourself off, and live a good life, with or without romantic companionship. At the very least, find someone not at work. DO NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Or you could act like a normal human. Like, be friendly. Without trying to get a date. Because isnāt it better to be friendly with the people you work with, rather than just stare at them?
Do not shit where you eat. Dating folks you work with, in general, is a bad idea, esp. when things go bad.
Dick pics are usually a never a good idea. Also, don't try to date people at work
*"Thoughts? Tips? How long before dick pics? I am kind of terrified of modern dating."* Bro if dick picks are something you're seriously considering part of modern dating, no advice you get here will matter. I had to look to see if I was in DO40 or not. You've got a lot of catching up to do. Plus work situations have a high failure rate. Is your livelihood worth this? At 20, maybe. At 40, which I'm hoping you have an established career, its certainly not. Focus on setting boundaries for yourself that will protect you.
I should have said that my job is meaningless, I make my money other ways. The job just gets me outside of my house.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I hate my job. Getting fired for banging the new girl would be a dream.
Don't shit where you eat. You're also not remotely ready for this.
Please get yourself into therapy before entertaining any dating/banging your coworker situations...right now you're just screaming out wounded red flag and it would be best to build your sense of self and life back to a decent place before involving any women in your mess
Get off the apps. Don't ever send dick pics. If someone wants to see it, they can see it in person. Just be direct, confident, respectful, and light. If she rejects you, don't get all hurt -- just be like "no problem, happy to keep things platonic." Don't compliment her appearance. Compliment her choices / values.
Aside from whether asking this woman out is appropriate or not. My first tip is donāt send any unsolicited sexual images unless theyāve been requested. Iād avoid sexual talk unless the flirting has naturally, through innuendo, lead to it. Learn to be yourself and confident. Be curious. Rather than tell her you think sheās good looking, lead with how you always liked her and how interesting you find her. Ask lots of questions, show desire and if sheās interested take the lead. You organise the date, you keep the conversation flowing, you act the gentleman. In regard to escalation and sex, while you should initiate the first kiss. You need to learn the signs, you donāt want to be trying to kiss someone who doesnāt want to kiss you. Itās generally pretty obvious if a woman wants to kiss you. Let her initiate sex. If she likes you sheāll take you to bed when sheās ready without you having to do much to initiate.
This. The last guy who kissed me said āIād like to kiss you if thatās alrightā and while it took a little of the heat/tension away it was really appreciated.
Donāt shit where you eat. Trying to date coworkers is not a good idea. Never send a dick pic unless you are explicitly asked for one. Do some reading up on consent. Women generally like to be referred to as women and not girls. We are not children. Probably best to wait a while before jumping into dating especially if youāve never dated sober.
Yeah donāt use that line
You should only date adults and you shouldnāt hit on coworkers.
Update: asked female for phone number and got it. We went out with coworkers and then she had another guy meet up with her. I then blew my sobriety and got drunk. Ended up saying dumb shit and now I have that post drunk embarrassment regret feeling. I apologize for saying girl and not woman. I just use the terms guys and girls and didnāt know it was so offensive. I was joking about the d pic, I would never do that, I have not much to brag about. Everyone was correct in the dating coworkers as well, I just was blinded by the idea of someone being interested.
Never date a coworker. Based upon your post history, you aren't ready to date.
Wait for healing after the papers are dry Whatās the rush? Sounds creepy Iād be highly out of anyone āin the processā. You either are or are not married and you have to have self control to wait like the rest of us if you want to date again If itās just sex then be upfront that you are still married and thatās all you want
Totally inappropriate for work, dude, especially if you're referring to her as a "girl". If you want to ask women out, don't do it with coworkers or service people doing their jobs. Dick pics what the fuck? That's a good way to get fired at work, accused of sexual assault outside of work, banned for life from dating apps, and to make women absolutely vomit. No one wants to see pictures of your dick. Ever.
Original copy of post by u/CountryLower3165: Iām 1.5 years separated and divorce papers will be finished by end of month. There is a new girl where I work and I swear she might be flirting with me; she is always looking at me and smiling. Iāve spent past 15 years w ex and have no idea how to even play this. Not to mention I am sober now and can honestly say Iāve never picked up a girl without drugs or alcohol. I was just going to ask her out for coffee. No dumb bull sht pretending to be this or that, trying to be funny and clever around her. Iām thinking of just being forward, āI think you are good looking, we should go out.ā Thoughts? Tips? How long before dick pics? I am kind of terrified of modern dating. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Here to say I am sober 6 yrs and have no game still š Good luck!! Take a chance!! Follow yr Instincts!!
Eh I suspect this particular individual (OP) should absolutely not follow *his* instincts š¬
Being sober has not upped my game but my partner definitely thinks itās attractive.