As an adult child of parents that resented each other, that spent the later part of her teens begging for her parents to get divorced, I completely agree.
OP did you come here just to seek our approval for divorce? Just do what you want without casting judgement on others and calling them "stupid" for making a decision different than yours. Go do what oyu want to do.
Thing is that dead bedrooms are mostly one sided and even if you communicate only the bearer of a dead bedroom (even so mostly women seem to post here it's 90% men who suffer) truly understands the suffering. for the one that doesn't need/want/like sex it's not that big of a problem.
So you will have one happy parent and one miserable that hides this from the kids. Especially when they are young they don't get it. It's better to break up after they get developed some more that they understand they are not the cause of this. Also if you are not rich enough to fulfill your duty to the kids and live a second life you end up more miserable than before.
I rather live sexless in a house than have maybe sex in a 1 room apartment.
You don't need to wait until they are 18 but they should be at least old enough to grasp the problem.
The current thinking is that kids are much better off with happily divorced parents than with unhappily married parents who model miserable relationship behavior every day.
Being happily divorced can be quite challenging, especially for men who usually bear the brunt of the financial costs of divorce and also lose access to their kids other than weekend visitation and Wednesday night for dinner.
Divorce is war, man. If that something to be taken lightly.
No one is suggesting that divorce is wonderful or desirable.
But the alternative, to grow up 24 * 7 around two parents who hate each other (i.e. war *at home*), is worse. Also, in this second case you have no hope that one parent, or perhaps both, will find a better-matched partner and begin to model what a healthy relationship *should* look like.
YUP!!!! And it's selfish IMO.
My husband's parents stayed together till the youngest graduated. They did them NO favors by raising them in a home where the adults strictly tolerated each other.
“petty insult” You’re the one that called people “stupid”.
There is a wide range of different situations for peoples deadbedrooms, and the the consequences of divorce can be devastating for many.
Blanket advice for everyone in a sexless marriage is just ignorant.
Well yes but that's not the gist of this group. No one is here because their partner is under chemotherapy and can't get it up or menopausal hormonal changes have destroyed desire. We're here because of emotional and physical neglect over months or years in the vast majority of cases.
You’re the one who went out of your way to intentionally trying to insult me. If you don’t like the advice or don’t take it and keep scrolling along.
You really shouldn’t be surprised about getting called out for your passive aggressive comments. Should probably show this all to your therapist if you have one.
Some can get up and leave and some can’t . When you’ve been with someone 20+ years, there’s a lot of $hit that’s intertwined there. Kids, Money, mortgages , debts , vehicles lots of things . It’s hard to just “get up and leave” and start over . Especially if you’re 40+ . Your’re talking about decades of things together.
My brother has been divorced for 10 years , he’s miserable.
My best friend divorced for 2 years …miserable.
Sure I think about leaving all the time , but the anecdotal evidence I have surrounding me tells me to hold off .
I could be the exception, but I also could end up like them.
It’s like telling a drug addict “ just stop doing drugs and you’ll be fine!”
Sounds simple enough. However, most can’t just stop.
Well maybe. It's all individual. For me I have the luck of owning our accommodation. I'm trapped for other reasons. I've told my so called partner (after trying to fix things for many years) that once that barrier ends - which will be some years yet - she's out within a fortnight and that's 13 days more than she deserves. Does it bother her? Not as far as I can tell. She reasons she'll either deal with it at the time (which is weird, she'll have wasted many years by then) or I'm bluffing which I'm certainly not. I would rather live the rest of my life miserable and alone than a minute longer than necessary under the cruel jackboot of someone who lied and manipulated to starve me of the affection that I could have sought elsewhere years ago. To keep her here would be a pathetic exercise is self emasculation and abandonment of self respect.
I agree. Plus you tend to mimic your parent's relationship dynamic when you enter into an adult relationship yourself. You should be saving your kids from that dysfunction, it's like a curse. I want my children to know what a healthy relationship looks like, and to strive for that themselves.
Especially as someone with parents that should've got divorced themselves, my dad took it a whole step further and also cheated!
I understand the difficulty with regards to finances etc, but like... If you hate each other and the lack of sex is killing you, just freaking leave! Stop dragging your kids into your misery, they deserve better.
A lot of people just don’t understand how there is a laundry list of why people stay. Here are a few:
1) financial reasons - people have debt, people have limited income, children cost a lot of money, people may not be able to afford to move out of their shares home. Is your wife a stay at home mother? Then you can count on her getting majority custody, a child support order and alimony… so now you’ll be adding the cost of a second household (the shit dump you’ll
be living) to your current debt ridden budget. That may mean having to work a second job, so now you can afford to be divorced and never have a single opportunity to see your own kids ever again, much less have time to “be happy”.
2) access to the kids - divorce and custody courts treat men unfairly obviously. And if you suspect you won’t be on good terms with the ex after the divorce then good luck having access to your own children even if the divorce court “graciously provided you with weekend visitation rights”.
A lot of people just seem to think “yeah, I’ll grab a divorce, see my kids whenever I want, be flush with cash, have time for all my hobbies, and start dating super models”. Wtf world yall living in?
It’s easy to say the best thing is to leave. Not happy, just take off and start over, right? But what if there’s love in the house despite a disconnect in the bedroom? That’s my case. It was my fault with low T and low libido. That’s fixed but now my wife has the same problem. It’s being addressed but I was left begging for over a year. My appetite is much more than when we married and, being a guy and left alone, I’ve had some experiences which leave me wanting. I’m not vanilla anymore and makes me question if we will be sexually compatible after her issues get fixed. So, I’m sexually frustrated in a loving household where we still hold hands, cuddle, date, etc. I also have a 9 y/o who I love more than anything. I do not want to be away from him and he’s the sweetest boy. A divorce would destroy him emotionally. I’m an empath and unfortunately he has inherited this from me. He will need guidance as he matures and I need to be there for him. So, here I am and that’s my situation. It’s not always so easy and better for everyone by breaking up.
in an ideal world they could leave earlier and sometimes they should.
but most people who don’t are usually the ones making more.
they’re staring down the reality of paying more to live in a smaller place to see their kids less if they see them at all and don’t get parental alienated.
that’s not even factoring in friends and family who will more times than not choose sides and then they’re left with possibly no support system.
does that mean I agree with every single person in a bad marriage that stays? no, but depending on the circumstances I understand.
This. If leaving was an easy or practical decision then sure, it would be the better option. Instead many face strained finances for the foreseeable future. Loss of home, loss of contact with your kids, and even family pets. If divorce was without the possibility of crushing loss, family, and finances people would obviously chose that route over staying together. I can totally understand staying together to be stable enough for kids until they are older. Now if you are screaming at each other, abusive, or unable to cooperate maturely, then that is definitely more damaging. I knew a couple in this situation. They basically put their romantic lives on hold for eight years until kids were able to go to college. They of course disagreed but kept thing cordial and worked like roommates to provide for their kids during that time. They separated afterwards and both went on with less burden than the alternative.
If I was married and brown?!?!? Lmao. Only if I was brown would I understand. It’s alight kiddo you will understand one day when you grow up and stop being racist.
Grown *
You’re definitely reaching. And definitely young and stupid.
You’re not going to find an ally in your argument. Especially when you fail to consider exceptions to the rule.
Good luck in life kid
You’re the one that originally made the statement* saying if I was brown which made it racist. You then went back and changed it. Wasn’t reaching.
Also if I’m “young and dumb” you’re old and senile. Fear of change makes you stay in a dead relationship. You’re the last person I would take advice from. Probably why I’m not in a dead bedroom like yourself.
This is true. I personally don’t care or feel attacked at all since it’s not my situation, but I’ve seen people in that exact situation not leave because, simply, there’s not enough money to get 2 residences close to the kids and uprooting would be harmful to their development 🤷♂️
Yep. Or in my situation everything else is amazing. I married my best friend and we only get closer every year. Why would I throw all that away for sex. If I was single I wouldn't be getting any anyway. I can buy toys and stay happily married. Would I love to have more intimacy? Hell ya but I also don't get beat or talked down to, or ignored, or treated like garbage. No one is perfect.
In a similar-ish situation; we have a kid with additional needs, my wife suffers with horrible depression, I just want her to be happy and sacrifice my own needs in that regard. She has no drive or intimacy - yet when we got together we explored our kinks together, she wanted to be dominated and I was curious to learn (so I did), got suite cases full of toys and kinky stuff - even bought a chair with a thrusting dildo attached to it. They’re all either thrown away or just gathering dust.
I mentioned about maybe re-visiting a dungeon for our anniversary, I just got a ‘what’s the point? Waste of money’. I barely cope, sort myself out, write some erotica now and then, but thankfully I made a virtual connection that actually puts a spring in step and smile on face.
Omgosh I wish I had a sex dungeon . A chair that does the work!? Sign me up. Lol virtual connection? Once my kids move out I want to turn one of the extra rooms into my own bedroom. So I can play in peace without feeling disgusting that I have a husband laying next to me who isnt interested in me.
Ok don't get offended. I'll put my contrary view. You of course are entitled to your views and I to mine. There is no final truth on this. There can't be where emotions are involved.
I'm my view things are not amazing when our needs are not only being ignored but ground into dust with smiles on their faces. They know what they are doing and the crushing effect it has on our egos but they have the incredible arrogance to otherwise expect all other aspects of a cohabiting partnership to flourish while they stamp out sexual intimacy, including, incredibly, a close emotional romantic bond. This isn't passive. They are actors in these events..
A best friend doesn't do that. A best friend would make an effort to comply with the societal norms which we expected when we entered our emotional if not legal contracts for total partnership. There's no doubt in my mind. It is they who are lacking yet it is who we're expected to be emotionally starved because there is no full emotional commitment without physical intimacy. They are defective but they place their boot in our neck and say, "No, I have the power and you know it so step into line and be a good partner with a smile on your face". Which brings us to why they do it. Because they can. They have us trapped and they know it and that if we were free as the day we met them under these emotional circumstances they wouldn't even hear the door closing behind us as we left them to stew in their sterile juices. We wouldn't answer their calls because who in their right mind would enter a sexless relationship voluntarily? No, we were tricked and make no mistake about it they knew what was coming way way before we knew the game was over.
About that, they didn't just honestly face us down and give us an honest choice early on about what course to take. No, they played a game called pretending to take part. A game of deception designed to grind us down by successive absurd assertions that things could be made whole as was reasonably could have been inferred to be a permanent position right from the beginning. In my view anyone who knows that and still asserts their relationship to be good or even satisfactory is coping hard. Decent people don't treat people as we have been treated. Would we have treated anyone in that way? Never in a million years and yet they tell us they love us and they'll try. What kind of love is that when they observe our suffering and yet don't seek to change themselves to meet their societal and emotional commitment but force us into a bastardised permanent perversion of what they silently promised?
I can never forgive that coersion. I have my shit together enough that a status quo has been reached after long periods of conflict. I can't live in a war zone for years in succession so I must largely comply for my sanity even though the carrot of "making some progress this weekend" is occasionally disingenuously dangled. I smile sweetly because one day I'll be free. I can't have my life stolen for one day longer than necessity demands and look in the mirror and say "That's you, I respect you. You treat people well and demand the same for yourself". I can't feel like someone spits in my face and gaslights me into believing this is even approaching a normal every day attachment. Am I resentful? You'd better believe it and that's perfectly normal. Nothing can fix this except them until we can exit and that is often a very good amount of time and they aren't playing ball.
Each to their own. As I say there is genuinely no right or wrong on this particular situation because it's about perceptions. It's about feelings of each of us about our respective positions which, after all, may vary to degrees from case to case.
Easier said than done. Some of us are happily married apart from the DB . If I left now I'd have no way to support my kids. If I waited until they were adults I wouldn't have to worry about them or worry about custody issues.
I agree. But in my case my wife and in laws have made it very clear I will never see my kids again if I try for custody. And they have a huge family that will happily lie for them vs me who just has my mom. Also, my in laws like to badmouth me to the kids. So if I leave, it’ll be tough to have any kind of relationship with them let alone a good one. So I’m staying.
Start being sneaky and record shit. Also step up the parenting around any neutral ppl like teachers etc. That's what I'd do (take with a massive pinch of salt, I don't have kids, or even a partner)
I already do more for my kids than my wife. Which is another reason I am staying. I take them to dr appts, playdates, get them, put them to bed, make their lunches, take them to school and pick them up. I do a lot more than my wife. If I wasn't here, they would never make to anything.
Ah yes “much more life experience”. Because you actually know what experience I have or have not. Lmao glad we know each other so fondly to insult each others life experiences. Would you like an excavator for the holes your digging?
Kids always know when shit is bad. Parents who stay to get her for the kids must think there kids are really stupid. Maybe they are.
As an adult child of parents that resented each other, that spent the later part of her teens begging for her parents to get divorced, I completely agree.
You do you and I’ll worry about me
OP did you come here just to seek our approval for divorce? Just do what you want without casting judgement on others and calling them "stupid" for making a decision different than yours. Go do what oyu want to do.
Thing is that dead bedrooms are mostly one sided and even if you communicate only the bearer of a dead bedroom (even so mostly women seem to post here it's 90% men who suffer) truly understands the suffering. for the one that doesn't need/want/like sex it's not that big of a problem. So you will have one happy parent and one miserable that hides this from the kids. Especially when they are young they don't get it. It's better to break up after they get developed some more that they understand they are not the cause of this. Also if you are not rich enough to fulfill your duty to the kids and live a second life you end up more miserable than before. I rather live sexless in a house than have maybe sex in a 1 room apartment. You don't need to wait until they are 18 but they should be at least old enough to grasp the problem.
The current thinking is that kids are much better off with happily divorced parents than with unhappily married parents who model miserable relationship behavior every day.
Being happily divorced can be quite challenging, especially for men who usually bear the brunt of the financial costs of divorce and also lose access to their kids other than weekend visitation and Wednesday night for dinner. Divorce is war, man. If that something to be taken lightly.
No one is suggesting that divorce is wonderful or desirable. But the alternative, to grow up 24 * 7 around two parents who hate each other (i.e. war *at home*), is worse. Also, in this second case you have no hope that one parent, or perhaps both, will find a better-matched partner and begin to model what a healthy relationship *should* look like.
YUP!!!! And it's selfish IMO. My husband's parents stayed together till the youngest graduated. They did them NO favors by raising them in a home where the adults strictly tolerated each other.
Getting married to the wrong person is stupid. But staying? Lots of reasons.
Sure, and maybe their “new dad” will even do a better job than you!
So? Thats better for you everyone. What’s your objective with this petty insult?
“petty insult” You’re the one that called people “stupid”. There is a wide range of different situations for peoples deadbedrooms, and the the consequences of divorce can be devastating for many. Blanket advice for everyone in a sexless marriage is just ignorant.
Well yes but that's not the gist of this group. No one is here because their partner is under chemotherapy and can't get it up or menopausal hormonal changes have destroyed desire. We're here because of emotional and physical neglect over months or years in the vast majority of cases.
You’re the one who went out of your way to intentionally trying to insult me. If you don’t like the advice or don’t take it and keep scrolling along. You really shouldn’t be surprised about getting called out for your passive aggressive comments. Should probably show this all to your therapist if you have one.
Some can get up and leave and some can’t . When you’ve been with someone 20+ years, there’s a lot of $hit that’s intertwined there. Kids, Money, mortgages , debts , vehicles lots of things . It’s hard to just “get up and leave” and start over . Especially if you’re 40+ . Your’re talking about decades of things together. My brother has been divorced for 10 years , he’s miserable. My best friend divorced for 2 years …miserable. Sure I think about leaving all the time , but the anecdotal evidence I have surrounding me tells me to hold off . I could be the exception, but I also could end up like them. It’s like telling a drug addict “ just stop doing drugs and you’ll be fine!” Sounds simple enough. However, most can’t just stop.
Well maybe. It's all individual. For me I have the luck of owning our accommodation. I'm trapped for other reasons. I've told my so called partner (after trying to fix things for many years) that once that barrier ends - which will be some years yet - she's out within a fortnight and that's 13 days more than she deserves. Does it bother her? Not as far as I can tell. She reasons she'll either deal with it at the time (which is weird, she'll have wasted many years by then) or I'm bluffing which I'm certainly not. I would rather live the rest of my life miserable and alone than a minute longer than necessary under the cruel jackboot of someone who lied and manipulated to starve me of the affection that I could have sought elsewhere years ago. To keep her here would be a pathetic exercise is self emasculation and abandonment of self respect.
Kids are an unpredictable wild card. You do so much for them and yet they could still turn their back on you. Do what you have to do.
I agree. Plus you tend to mimic your parent's relationship dynamic when you enter into an adult relationship yourself. You should be saving your kids from that dysfunction, it's like a curse. I want my children to know what a healthy relationship looks like, and to strive for that themselves. Especially as someone with parents that should've got divorced themselves, my dad took it a whole step further and also cheated! I understand the difficulty with regards to finances etc, but like... If you hate each other and the lack of sex is killing you, just freaking leave! Stop dragging your kids into your misery, they deserve better.
Yep this sub is full of people making the wrong decisions for both themselves and their kids. Sorry to read your dad was a royal idiot.
I think too many stay because they probably don't know what true happiness really is or can be.
A lot of people just don’t understand how there is a laundry list of why people stay. Here are a few: 1) financial reasons - people have debt, people have limited income, children cost a lot of money, people may not be able to afford to move out of their shares home. Is your wife a stay at home mother? Then you can count on her getting majority custody, a child support order and alimony… so now you’ll be adding the cost of a second household (the shit dump you’ll be living) to your current debt ridden budget. That may mean having to work a second job, so now you can afford to be divorced and never have a single opportunity to see your own kids ever again, much less have time to “be happy”. 2) access to the kids - divorce and custody courts treat men unfairly obviously. And if you suspect you won’t be on good terms with the ex after the divorce then good luck having access to your own children even if the divorce court “graciously provided you with weekend visitation rights”. A lot of people just seem to think “yeah, I’ll grab a divorce, see my kids whenever I want, be flush with cash, have time for all my hobbies, and start dating super models”. Wtf world yall living in?
It’s easy to say the best thing is to leave. Not happy, just take off and start over, right? But what if there’s love in the house despite a disconnect in the bedroom? That’s my case. It was my fault with low T and low libido. That’s fixed but now my wife has the same problem. It’s being addressed but I was left begging for over a year. My appetite is much more than when we married and, being a guy and left alone, I’ve had some experiences which leave me wanting. I’m not vanilla anymore and makes me question if we will be sexually compatible after her issues get fixed. So, I’m sexually frustrated in a loving household where we still hold hands, cuddle, date, etc. I also have a 9 y/o who I love more than anything. I do not want to be away from him and he’s the sweetest boy. A divorce would destroy him emotionally. I’m an empath and unfortunately he has inherited this from me. He will need guidance as he matures and I need to be there for him. So, here I am and that’s my situation. It’s not always so easy and better for everyone by breaking up.
in an ideal world they could leave earlier and sometimes they should. but most people who don’t are usually the ones making more. they’re staring down the reality of paying more to live in a smaller place to see their kids less if they see them at all and don’t get parental alienated. that’s not even factoring in friends and family who will more times than not choose sides and then they’re left with possibly no support system. does that mean I agree with every single person in a bad marriage that stays? no, but depending on the circumstances I understand.
This. If leaving was an easy or practical decision then sure, it would be the better option. Instead many face strained finances for the foreseeable future. Loss of home, loss of contact with your kids, and even family pets. If divorce was without the possibility of crushing loss, family, and finances people would obviously chose that route over staying together. I can totally understand staying together to be stable enough for kids until they are older. Now if you are screaming at each other, abusive, or unable to cooperate maturely, then that is definitely more damaging. I knew a couple in this situation. They basically put their romantic lives on hold for eight years until kids were able to go to college. They of course disagreed but kept thing cordial and worked like roommates to provide for their kids during that time. They separated afterwards and both went on with less burden than the alternative.
You’re completely glossing over things like finances, school districts, friends, livelihoods, etc. That stuff keeps people married
Your trapped by fear
First - you’re Second - logistics trap people. Not fear
Right that’s why everything you mention was based around fear of loosing.
Not fear. If you were married and grown you’d understand how intertwined everything gets. It’s ok kiddo. You’ll be alright one day
If I was married and brown?!?!? Lmao. Only if I was brown would I understand. It’s alight kiddo you will understand one day when you grow up and stop being racist.
Grown * You’re definitely reaching. And definitely young and stupid. You’re not going to find an ally in your argument. Especially when you fail to consider exceptions to the rule. Good luck in life kid
You'll persuade more people - if that's your goal - by not insulting and patronizing them.
It’s not. For him I’d rather insult and patronize
Probably why you’re in sexless marriage.
If you were brown you would understand. Good luck on not being a racist
Lots of sense made there. Unfortunately I’m not brown. Guess I’ll never understand
You’re the one that originally made the statement* saying if I was brown which made it racist. You then went back and changed it. Wasn’t reaching. Also if I’m “young and dumb” you’re old and senile. Fear of change makes you stay in a dead relationship. You’re the last person I would take advice from. Probably why I’m not in a dead bedroom like yourself.
Right. OP sounds like a disgruntled angry little man who is mad his friends are married and won't leave their spouses lol
Why would I want my friends to leave their relationships that’s stupid?
This is true. I personally don’t care or feel attacked at all since it’s not my situation, but I’ve seen people in that exact situation not leave because, simply, there’s not enough money to get 2 residences close to the kids and uprooting would be harmful to their development 🤷♂️
Yep. Or in my situation everything else is amazing. I married my best friend and we only get closer every year. Why would I throw all that away for sex. If I was single I wouldn't be getting any anyway. I can buy toys and stay happily married. Would I love to have more intimacy? Hell ya but I also don't get beat or talked down to, or ignored, or treated like garbage. No one is perfect.
In a similar-ish situation; we have a kid with additional needs, my wife suffers with horrible depression, I just want her to be happy and sacrifice my own needs in that regard. She has no drive or intimacy - yet when we got together we explored our kinks together, she wanted to be dominated and I was curious to learn (so I did), got suite cases full of toys and kinky stuff - even bought a chair with a thrusting dildo attached to it. They’re all either thrown away or just gathering dust. I mentioned about maybe re-visiting a dungeon for our anniversary, I just got a ‘what’s the point? Waste of money’. I barely cope, sort myself out, write some erotica now and then, but thankfully I made a virtual connection that actually puts a spring in step and smile on face.
Omgosh I wish I had a sex dungeon . A chair that does the work!? Sign me up. Lol virtual connection? Once my kids move out I want to turn one of the extra rooms into my own bedroom. So I can play in peace without feeling disgusting that I have a husband laying next to me who isnt interested in me.
Ok don't get offended. I'll put my contrary view. You of course are entitled to your views and I to mine. There is no final truth on this. There can't be where emotions are involved. I'm my view things are not amazing when our needs are not only being ignored but ground into dust with smiles on their faces. They know what they are doing and the crushing effect it has on our egos but they have the incredible arrogance to otherwise expect all other aspects of a cohabiting partnership to flourish while they stamp out sexual intimacy, including, incredibly, a close emotional romantic bond. This isn't passive. They are actors in these events.. A best friend doesn't do that. A best friend would make an effort to comply with the societal norms which we expected when we entered our emotional if not legal contracts for total partnership. There's no doubt in my mind. It is they who are lacking yet it is who we're expected to be emotionally starved because there is no full emotional commitment without physical intimacy. They are defective but they place their boot in our neck and say, "No, I have the power and you know it so step into line and be a good partner with a smile on your face". Which brings us to why they do it. Because they can. They have us trapped and they know it and that if we were free as the day we met them under these emotional circumstances they wouldn't even hear the door closing behind us as we left them to stew in their sterile juices. We wouldn't answer their calls because who in their right mind would enter a sexless relationship voluntarily? No, we were tricked and make no mistake about it they knew what was coming way way before we knew the game was over. About that, they didn't just honestly face us down and give us an honest choice early on about what course to take. No, they played a game called pretending to take part. A game of deception designed to grind us down by successive absurd assertions that things could be made whole as was reasonably could have been inferred to be a permanent position right from the beginning. In my view anyone who knows that and still asserts their relationship to be good or even satisfactory is coping hard. Decent people don't treat people as we have been treated. Would we have treated anyone in that way? Never in a million years and yet they tell us they love us and they'll try. What kind of love is that when they observe our suffering and yet don't seek to change themselves to meet their societal and emotional commitment but force us into a bastardised permanent perversion of what they silently promised? I can never forgive that coersion. I have my shit together enough that a status quo has been reached after long periods of conflict. I can't live in a war zone for years in succession so I must largely comply for my sanity even though the carrot of "making some progress this weekend" is occasionally disingenuously dangled. I smile sweetly because one day I'll be free. I can't have my life stolen for one day longer than necessity demands and look in the mirror and say "That's you, I respect you. You treat people well and demand the same for yourself". I can't feel like someone spits in my face and gaslights me into believing this is even approaching a normal every day attachment. Am I resentful? You'd better believe it and that's perfectly normal. Nothing can fix this except them until we can exit and that is often a very good amount of time and they aren't playing ball. Each to their own. As I say there is genuinely no right or wrong on this particular situation because it's about perceptions. It's about feelings of each of us about our respective positions which, after all, may vary to degrees from case to case.
Fair point
Easier said than done. Some of us are happily married apart from the DB . If I left now I'd have no way to support my kids. If I waited until they were adults I wouldn't have to worry about them or worry about custody issues.
Their will always be “issues” your only fooling yourself
I agree. But in my case my wife and in laws have made it very clear I will never see my kids again if I try for custody. And they have a huge family that will happily lie for them vs me who just has my mom. Also, my in laws like to badmouth me to the kids. So if I leave, it’ll be tough to have any kind of relationship with them let alone a good one. So I’m staying.
Start being sneaky and record shit. Also step up the parenting around any neutral ppl like teachers etc. That's what I'd do (take with a massive pinch of salt, I don't have kids, or even a partner)
I already do more for my kids than my wife. Which is another reason I am staying. I take them to dr appts, playdates, get them, put them to bed, make their lunches, take them to school and pick them up. I do a lot more than my wife. If I wasn't here, they would never make to anything.
Make sure ppl vital to a successful custody battle know that too. Teachers, their friends parents etc. Also keep a diary.
I’ve been thru a divorce. No need to tell me things I already know.
Soz bro didn't mean to come across preachy. I think I was just browsing and looking to stick my ore in redditors buisness. Wishing you the best mate
No worries. Sadly been thru this before and had a kid with my ex. So I know how the game is played.
Get evidence of Al of that and have it ready for court. Stack the deck to win.
Are you married, with kids?
That’s an interesting point why do you ask?
You never mentioned if you do or don’t. If you don’t, you’re really just talking out of your ass tbh
Opinions are like assholes every one has one.
You might just be one 😂😂
Without a doubt you’re an asshole.
Yes. But one that has much more life experience than you
Ah yes “much more life experience”. Because you actually know what experience I have or have not. Lmao glad we know each other so fondly to insult each others life experiences. Would you like an excavator for the holes your digging?