I'm 24 now so it's been a long time and my mother is still learning about things. I don't hold anything against her, she didn't know any better (she's illiterate).
Yes, i don't know if i would ever be able to let something like this forgiven so maturely like she talks about it
But then again I'm a guy, I don't have periods.
Same, started my periods when I was 11. I was made to feel like I did something wrong. I had no idea what was happening and was still blamed for it. My mum used to get so passive aggressive with me and I just couldn't understand why, I had not even heard of periods before this.
6th standard k baad hi pdhate h periods k baare me. I got my period when i was small too..like..5th grade I think? I had no idea what periods were back then..but by the time they taught us about it in school, i was already going through it ..for months now.
Bruh same, it wasn’t a slap but the look of disappointment and disgust on her face, and she was obviously blaming me for it. While neither of my elder sisters who got their first period around the same age got this treatment. She was very warm and caring towards them.
I don’t hold it against her, she is a sweet woman and a sweeter mom, they just do be like that sometimes
Something I was always insecure about? Cue "main gareeb hoon.gif"
But over the time I realized that my parents sent me to the best school they could afford, gave me the best life they could and that led to hanging out with people who were way aboove than my social economic status so that feeling of being out of place was natural.
Now I'm living my life! Definitely not "main gareeb hoon" anymore :D
It's so moving when the shift happens from the teenage years to adulthood. So many perceptions are shattered, I honestly respect my parents so much more than how much I did when I was 17-19.
That happened with me as well, growing up around richer kids made things more difficult, because I was the only one who couldn't afford anything. As I grew up and my horizons broadened, I came to know that there are people way poorer than me, and being poor is almost normal in our country, then things became slightly easier/understandable for me.
Damn, a lot of u had pretty shitty parents, i didn't really know this type of stuff happens coz my parents are super awesome. I'm sorry for what y'all had to go through
My parents are quite disharmonous. DA was something I was brought up with, along with hella negative things one could think of.
Idk if could ever get to receive parents love in this life. But I am happy to know you have awsm parents ❤❤❤❤, atleast someone is safe
Oh man I was made to feel so conscious about my body hair. Men would say stuff like tere baal Aadmi se bhi zyada hai. I used to cry a lot. Obv after years of waxing my hair is down to nothing now but I was really really insecure of it
I was around 12-13, when I hit puberty and my voice broke. My mom always said that I sounded really surly. She used to say - " Tum jyada mat bolo, tumahari awaj bahut Karkash hai". It made me hate my voice, and made me very quiet.
Only after I got into college and left the home, people always complimented me for my voice, my confidence returned slowly. Though initially I thought they were being sarcastic!
It took years for me to be comfortable with myself and accept that I don't sound bad.Now my mom pretends as if it wasn't a big deal and I'm just being a snowflake crybaby!
Bhai mereko toh kismish khilayi thi maa ne. But aisa koi torture nhi Kiya. Bs Toka bht tha.
But yeah same thing, ladkiyan tareef bht karti thi voice ki.
My inability to mingle with people easily, talking very less and being expressive when I knew about something that was asked. Also not being able to find humour in lame jokes that my friends cracked and reciprocate with more jokes. Being bad at sports.
I was a 138 kg in 7th grade. I remember when my dad used to take me to buffet restaurants for fun along with a friend of his and his son.
To compete eat. Jiska ghoda zyaada khayega, Doosre ka baap paise dega.
It came to a point where the only way I got to play anything in games period was, “Dude, stand in front of the goal post, you are wider than you are taller, ball paar nai jaayegi.”
😂
Being Logical, like everyone around me ashamed me for being too practical as they always say “arrey ho jaega” sab but when I demand a reason how they say “itna practical nai accha lagta hai”
Being positive is ok but toxic positivity is bad, I remember this around covid times and I am talking about lucknow where is my home. I was called cynical, matlabi and “aise nai chalta” just because I asked people not to fuck around my house. Ek uncle the mere bagal me and I said k mask lga lo and unhone nai lgaya cut to holi hamare yaha colony k kai log aae un sab ko maine bhaga dia and everyone said to my mom and dad aapka ladka badtameez hai.
In 7 days and its that april 2021 when people started dying, literally 100+ people died from my colony and many because sab madarchodo ko holi celebrate karni thi and my family survived, even wo uncle jinko mask lagane ko bola he too died.
Sabki positivity gaand me ghus gai and har kisi k puja paath, ishwar allah sab barabar ho gya. Indians are sentimental fools and that’s the reason why desh k lode lag gae the.
So can’t do anything about positive people but shame toxic positivity all the time so they stay away from you, like aarey sab bhala hoga, arrey bhagwaan sath hai, arrey ho jaega don’t worry yeh jugad bs ab k time me nai chal sakti as its not a full fledged solution.
This is gonna be such a long list, only read it if youve got.nerves of steel. Ive been bullied for as long as I remember and I don't really have anywhere i can rant so fuck it
1. Being skinny for the first 15 years of my life. I was skinny you could see my ribs and shit. Nobody could figure out why. But I got shamed by literally everyone - my parents, my relatives, everyone in my school. I was also really weak so there was a fair bit of physical bullying
2. When I was 15 i developed an eating disorder due to boards stress and some other traumatic shit. Grew fat quickly, yet to loose it. Not a week goes by when someone doesn't remind me of the fact that I'm fat. Parents aside, my weight is ofcourse a constant target of jokes. The hardest one in the last few months was when a friend told me to "shut the fuck up fatty". He laughed like it was nothing.
3. Skin colour. Im pretty dark. In school I was called kaala jaadu, n*gga, bihari, majdoor, shit like that. My mom refuses to give up making my skin brighter.
4. My taste in music, movies and other media. Apparently i consume weird stuff and I've felt like a really pretentious person because of it for my whole life. Same with being smart
5. Memes. I love posting memes on my Instagram. Most of memes are really stupid and hyper internet culture specific, and most people don't really get them. Ive been told by a lot of people that I post weird shit, i shouldn't post weird shit, i won't ever be able to get girls if I keep posting
6. Not being able to get with girls. I got buillied about it.so.much it was one of the reasons I tried (extremely pathetically) committing suicide
7. My face. I don't remember a time when I haven't been told im ugly, or felt handsome. Ive only recently started getting compliments.
There's so much more, but I don't wanna have a breakdown. To everyone, stay strong man. We will get through this. We will be loved.
my caste and being north indian bhaiya. i like meeting new people but the first thing people ask his whats your caste. i am sc. my parents faced plenty of casteism throughout their life and don't want me as well. So we hid and avoid such questions.
I don't go to friends home because their parents always ask what caste do you belong to. etc such questions. I have so many examples where north Indians were bashed. My teachers used to insult north Indians. etc.
I had gone for some work to a Tehsildar's office and the UDC asked ki main apna naam kaise likhta hoon. I didn't know what that means so I said English mein, Hindi mein, etc. He looked very uncomfortable. Later my friends told me that he was actually asking me my caste.
I had man boobs when i was in school
Ladke bully krte tey ,ladkian bolti thi breast cancer awareness camp pe jaa and bra pehnne ko which was the worst as no teenager would want humiliation from the opposite gender but even though now I've lost all that bodyfat and my man boobs , I still have ptsd from that and chest se baar baar tshirt pull karke adjust krta rehta (those who have gone through this would understand)
Ladkiyo ko bol deta tum kitne lucky ho tumhe to zaroorat hi nahi padegi kabhi
Mera bhi dost bohot mota tha aur uske bhi man boobs the but ham bohot lightly mazak karte the iss baare mei nothing serious like pehle mei mazak banaunga phir wo mera banayega phir Hamara pura group hasne lag jayega
Everything about me was an issue for my school mates growing up. My parents were separated and I was bullied for that. No parents would allow their children to be friends with someone who came from a family like mine.
I was a good looking girl so I quickly got the ‘slut’ label attached to me when boys started getting interested in me. I was a virgin but a slut for everyone else.
I was bullied into silence by everyone around me. I thought I’ll die. An easy end.
But luckily I went to Bombay for college. And wow! That place changed me tremendously. It never mattered you I was, where I came from, and what clothes I wear, if I was rich or not. Nothing fucking mattered.
So I understand that you must feel stuck right now but sometimes people in North India due to lack of exposure and education can be really fucked up. And they fuck us up in return.
I would really suggest moving out of North. Go to Bombay, if not go to some place where people are known to be more relaxed in life. You can try Uttarakhand but not Dehradun, it’s equally worse because of all immigrants from Delhi, Punjab, Haryana.
Yes but please do understand that there are better places to live. Please move out. Someone with your body might be considered super duper sexy in a city/country that appreciates curves. You’d be a hot babe in the USA.
I know it’s not easy but work hard and move out of this mess of a city.
Also I think a lot of these insecurities come from you looking hot. People sometimes get intimidated and comment shit like this.
You probably have a killer figure and people are trying to put you down for it.
i was underweight, everyone made fun of me.. for decent amount of years.. then my height stablised and i gained alot of weight as i wanted to look decent.. few years back someone tried to make fun of my weight.. i literally used Zakir Khan kaa dialogue
Tere baap kaa khaya h bc
ps i do have one puberty story too, but i dont feel comfortable sharing here; i hate the fact that our society skips sex education
No worries man, happens with best of the people, I was a bright student, my health took a toll in class 12th I was on complete bed rest for more than a month I came back joined the race to score the best ended up failing in one of the subjects, every person in my family is highly educated, my sisters have been state toppers in few subjects, I somehow made it through the compartment, my cousin was a district topper in her town from same batch as mine I remember the amount of phone calls my parents were getting and how ashamed they could had been since both of them have a reputable rank in government departments, my sisters used to taunt me even my parents did it once or twice, bottom line to now, I was a above average student in engineering, cracked the highest package from my branch from the time my college had established, life give you two chances either sink or swim, I think this is the time for you to swim don't sink comrade I got your back!
I just wanted to make sure you feel ok, failures will always be present, it is just that how you act to that, I have trust in you, you can do it, and if your parents taunt you just take it on a lighter note, not easy as it sounds, but they will stop, I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this, take care, and if you ever feel sad or anything bothers you, you can text me or anyone in this thread brother, everyone of us would be happy to hear you even if you want to vent, it is all about ups and downs, have a good day :)
i was in school in class 7th or 8th so two of my teeths are in front like those of vampire. so people used to say me ki “kaise teeths hai tere, khargosh jaise" i haven't take them seriously and i told them “vampire teeths hai mere pass khoon chus jaunga Tera😂".
Also same time my butts cheeks and thighs are heavy as my body fat was stored there only. So my friends used to body shame me ki “kaise ladkiyon jaise butts hai tere" this and that. suru me aacha nahi lagta tha but then I stop giving attention to that meaningless bakwas of them.
Bhay mera college ka dosth tha jiske "vampire teeths" hai and girls go Gaga over him . Also girls like guys with a good butt,
Hum pe toh hai ji badia butts , hum toh aise hi h
Jeez, reminds me of how I was nicknamed "Chetak" by a few people in my upper class school when they saw me being dropped by my father's Bajaj Chetak in school. Everyone else's parents had cars and I was made so conscious of it - to the point that I asked my dad to not drop me if I missed the school bus and that I would rather take the crowded DTC in the mornings.
Crazy how my dad just understood where I was coming from and never confronted me about it - in hindsight I am now doing much much better financially than all those pricks who bullied me.
Also pretty shitty that the other friends in school knew me for my quizzing exploits, the fact that I was a guitarist in the school band, being one of the academically gifted kids, a basketball player, but all these few rich assholes could focus on was me being called Chetak due to my dad's scooter. Lol.
My sexuality, being a gay guy is difficult, I've lived my entire life as a ghost. No traceable friends nothing, nobody at my college knows anything about it and stuff. It hurts but it is what it is.
I got 96% in 9th grade . My mother slapped me repeatedly for not scoring 99% like my twin sister. I still think about that day sometimes. Can't forgive her for that particular thing . I was made to think I had done some horrible crime at that time.
when i was a teenager and hit puberty i started to gain alot of weight, it later turned out to be undiagnosed hypothyroidism but the fluctuating hormones also made me develop gynocomastia
i dont think i can count on fingers the amount of times ive been assaulted or sexually harassed by random boys in class some of whom were even my friends who would press my chest and make lewd comments about me having boobs and stuff
ive now gotten fit and went to the gym and realised that it was just gyno, it wasnt the fat that made it look like that, i still have so much insecurity because of it and can never take my shirt off near pools or beaches despite having a flat stomach now(which i thought would help my confidence)
i wanna get surgery to get my gyno removed one day but till that day ill slowly learn to live in my body but maybe the body dysmorphia it gave me will never go away
The fact that I had curly hair from the start, everyone made me feel like I was carrying a head full of Maggi in school. It was in college that I started appreciating my hair and started growing them out. I absolutely respect them now.
Bro same:( everyone is like your hair makes you look exotic lmao and even teachers and relatives can’t stop pointing my hair. And it ain’t even that curly
I was highly introverted and easily fooled into things that could make me look bad. This lead to me being bullied a lot and people made fake rumours about me and my good nature. That in turn lead me to become depressed for 1.5 months.
As my both my parents were working, they cared very little about my mental health and decided to blame me for my problems, which continues to this day.
Not to mention, my birth giver stepping on my toes to disbalance me, put my down on the floor, sit on my back or chest to beat the absolute shit out of me while I begged and cried for mercy. The next day I would have to go to school, with tremendous body ache and less sleep.
Cut to present day, I am a high strung adult who has developed stress related issues including anxiety and a propensity to push everyone away at the first sign of problems because I want to be alone and not bother anyone else.
My father blames me very much i got fat in lockdown somewhat,nonone other than him even hinted neither noticed just 5kg , he wears glasses and i got them too.he always says ki abhi se chsma lag gya ab kya hi karega ye jindagi me
Damn bro too many including being bullied many times for different reasons. I have realised now how shit is my whole life . Not even a even a single year I was happy . Every time just sad visiting doctors .
Why do Indians keep romanticising motherhood and a child’s assumed duty towards their parents? Some parents clearly don’t deserve it. Trauma for life, hurt and abuse, you name it. Sorry OP, this may be misdirected, but some people don’t deserve to be parents, or mothers at that.
I am now 22(M). Used to be fair at birth. My regular playing of sports , being active and enjoying life ourdoors made my skin darker. I never realised this nor did I care. After hitting puberty, the friends that I used to play with started humiliating me for having a darker skin as if it was a sin. Got called various names like the K word, N word and every racial slur. Surprisingly, using words like these is so normal in India and no one wants to consider this as harassment. I started being upset almost everyday, thinking of the harassment and realising I have a flaw that I cannot control. Took me years to get out of this and now I have better friends that don't look down on me for an apparent flaw. Fortunately, I've always had very supportive and caring parents tho. It's easy to make fun of someone else over their looks or uncontrollable attributes but you never know what they're feeling inside or how they are behind closed doors. Stay strong.
Not liking sports. Especially the ones with teams like cricket. I am ok with badminton because it's 1 vs 1 or at best 2 vs 2. Being a guy and not watching or playing most sports gives an excuse for a lot of people to make fun of you. Still makes me feel insecure when someone suggests sports as an activity to do. I think it will stay with me. Not very traumatic, but gives me that stage fright kind of a feeling.
That my education costed money. I was made aware of that by my mum over and over again. I was made to feel guilty about making my parents spend money. I was told ke itna Paisa kharcha ho raha hai mere oopar and I am still sucking (i was topping the class). This stayed with me till I was 30.
When I was in 11th I got addicted to weed and then some d__g.
I quit D after 2 months of my 12th and currently smoke around 1 joint in 10-15 days. I was So Fucking Depressed And Suicidal I tried to attempt 3 times but failed miserably.
At the end my friends thought I'm so fucking cool.
Now I don't have a will to live.
I'm just like a day that will pass and no one will remember me.
Well growing up I was a sickly child who always lacked confidence to the point I would rarely talk to people, I would avoid being in touch with others. My family loved me so much that I never wanted to leave them, on top of that I was a soft-ish child, Fair skin, slender, brown hair stuff like that. Which made me an easy target for bullies I guess.
I was bullied for years day in and day out for like 3 years. I was told I was no good, I was told my mother was a whore, Told me I was impotent and I had a pussy and was a pussy. For everything weird or bad happened to them, They used to blame it on me, They dubbed me as GAALI PROOF or PUKE BAG. Then came a point where I was unsure of my own personality, They Used to hate on me for it. Almost succeeded in making me feel ashamed of my identity. Like they were hating on me and I was hating on me for the same. I would choke on it, not being able to escape. Uhhhh hard times those were... Toxicity at its peak at the time for me, it was a never-ending nightmare.
Thanks to them I completely lost my ability to socialise. I'm more likely afraid of it, like this thought of "what things go on repeat" kinda stuff gets me everytime to this day. Thus I chose the path of solitude which was kinda easy enough for me as I never really had no friends. All in the past yet to this day i carry those scars, Time never heals wounds u just learn to live with them.
I am too nice. Like way too nice. Before speaking I think what others would feel. Never make fun of others to gain attention. Even never said wrong to the "bully". I want to change from this state coz I feel tired at the end of the day.
I can't say it applies everywhere, but such typical comments from schoolmates etc are usually work of hormones, I used to get along with the flow of making fun of other girls. Gradually I get the understanding that things like that are just meaningless and not correct.
Though the remarks of your mother reeks of toxicity. Must be tough. Once my brother shaved in highschool and the drama my family did was something I still remember.
I'm not confident either but it's not something worth fretting over, just think 'oh well, that's what it is.' I'm not that good with socialising, but if anything I learned from my introvert life, then that's it's not worth worrying about other.
Sorry for what you had to go through OP.
I have always been ridiculed and bullied for being skinny. And this happens even now.
Idk why do people have problems with how other's bodies are.
When I was in 11th I got addicted to weed and then some d__g.
I quit D after 2 months of my 12th and currently smoke around 1 joint in 10-15 days. I was So Fucking Depressed And Suicidal I tried to attempt 3 times but failed miserably.
At the end my friends thought I'm so fucking cool.
Now I don't have a will to live.
I'm just like a day that will pass and no one will remember me.
I used to go to my Nani’s place very frequently and everyone seemed so loving and dotting however one day my nani was asking my mama to visit our house for few days along with Mami and kids , they were arguing and I was listening from the other room and then I heard my Mami denying to go and her reason was “unke yahan to itne takiye (pillow) bhi nhi h ki sab ko ek ek mil jae and humare baccho ko to do do pillow leke sone ki Adat h , hum to nahi ja sakte” and mind you I was just a kid but that has stayed with me till date , it’s been 20 years but I draw motivation to work and earn through that incident. Mama Mami apologised for it years later when I reminded them about it, but being from a relatively less income home was something that I always felt insecure about and still do.
I too had similar incidents, my mami used to pick on us for not having enough money. She often used to say ki didimani ka financial condition saare bhai beheno me sabse bura h on my mother's face. Still my mother let's her in and share every joy and sorrow with her. Mama mami bohot dogle h..... They don't even try to maintain a bond with us, meri mummy ko hi alag chul h....
Good to know yours apologized atleast 🫂
thought i looked ugly , aisa nhi tha tho pimples ko leke bas heavily conscious tha isliye i think ugly complex develop ho gya , kitne saare facewash , sunscreen, multani mitti , rosewater try kiye but farak hi nhi aaya , then i just said fuck it jo hoga khud hoga , ab with age kam to kaafi ho gye hai like pimples to nhi hai scars hai but vo chote hai to notice unless bohot dhyan se dekho nhi dikhte hai , abhi bas idk kuch black coloured spots hai hai jo nikalte hi nhi
The acne on face ...started at 17 now 22 still breakouts hote hain ... Upar se freckles bhi hain bohot
..
Some aunties will go like ....beta aap chehra nahi saaf karte ..paani nahi pite ... bohot ganda hogaya face aapka...
I have tried retinoid treatment but no results ..
Mind your own business aunties 😔
Thankfully my parents don't tease my on my insecurities and are quite supportive...
Aur muje yha roj ye sunne ko milta itni badi hogyi hai abhi bhi bachi hi lgti h 😑 jo bhi milta yhi bolta areey school ki bachi lg rahi , kuch khati piti nhi h kya
Logo ko har chez se problem h koi mota ho to b koi patla ho to b , bilkul perfect chahte wo log , aur perfect ki definition kya h? Har state me badal jati h aur sal hi badal jati , jinhe yha fit bola jata unhe south side ya tollywood industry me skinny aur Chinese industry me mota bola jata lol
Wahi jise South me fit bola jata use Bollywood me mota bola jata lol aise hi h log perfect ki koi definition hi nhi h ,
Har finger same nhi hoti to insan kese ho sakta h . Social media ne alg dimag kharab kr diya h ,ki aisi hoti fit ladkiya ni aaisi skin hoti bla bla bla aise hip hone chaiye wese ye hona chahiye lol sabke dimag ko hi Hijack kr liya h log b fir ussi tarah sochne lgte sochte aisi girls hi honi chahiye ,
Ajib duniya h
Na kbhi kisi se khush hoti h na hone deti h
Muje kbhi problem nhi Hui apne skinny hone se na muje bura lgta mai bachi jaisi lgti pr log bar bar bolker muje bura aur insecure feel karwa dete h ,
So sochna hi chor do jaise ho perfect ho body pr apka control nhi h , control h to bs Apke behaviour or aur apki soch pr usse sahi rakho baki be happy
So i have a dark complexion so u the usual kaalu & all that still have to look at the faces of those people society same age group dont talk to them but just wish to break all their teeth & burn their house down
Well I am a skinny boy and you know what kind of taane those gali waali aunties have in bag for me. So I showed them that their kids are worth r*tards compared to me in sports and studies. Lol. It was worth it. Whenever I got a medal or higher grades(everytime actually) they were left in awe and would scold their kids in front of me. And even sometimes compare them to me. Those were the days
Oh easy,
Height, hit puberty a little late and they stopped after growth spurt
Glasses, never bothered me because i love wearing them
Weight, which looking back wasn’t that much!
Used to get a low amount of pocket money than others
Being happy alone, having less friends wasn’t an issue when i was a kid. I didn’t care about fomo, whether they’ll like me or not, i just didn’t care. Now i do and it’s sucks even more.
I’m sensitive and was made fun of when i got angry or upset. If i stormed off, they used to say “kok bhavan mai chala gaya”.
Well if it makes you feel any better, people love “auraton wala sharer”. Those who complain are probably jealous. I bet you would have no difficulty in finding a boyfriend (although this could be negative).
Well where are those toxics now seeing that 'extra weight on curves' !? I had a few girls who almost got women-like curves when we were in 6th-5th. That started my growing up journey ngl 🙂.
I put something on the same lines on r/india. Most blamed me for not moving on and trying to hold parents accountable !
Delhi walas sure passed the traumatized by parents vibes check ! Cheers.
My story doesn't include shitty parents (blessed by awesome parents🙏🏻) but few incidents at school. I'm a guy, hit puberty earlier than my classmates, so suddenly my voice broke and I had facial hair and body hair which was somehow an alien concept for a lot of my classmates.😂 For about a year or so I was endlessly teased and made fun of, so much that I completely shifted to full sleeves at all times. But soon as everyone reached puberty suddenly they all came to me for advice ki daadhi kaise badhani hao, shave kaise karte hain etc.😂
It may sound like a happy ending but all the incident gave me was body issues and I just stopped wearing half sleeves from that time onwards. I don't even know why I continue to do it. Force of habit I guess.
I was born with a genetic disorder(the root cause is my parent's gene) due to which I need to visit the hospital very often
As a kid, I was told it was my fault that everyone is suffering
As I grew up my father became more toxic he told me I should kms for everyone's good
My family always looked after my physical health but they really fkd my mental health
My mother forced me to take science then engineering ..now she says do whatever you want to do ..I wish she said that earlier ..now I am frustrated with life so much i am involved in smoking and drinking and I know it’s killing my body.
Being a skinny guy. I will never in the time of my life on this earth understand why people feel the need to comment on something that's not in someone's control. My family never made me feel conscious about it but some of the friends, neighbours and relatives are the absolute worst. Like Why do you care? Is it really that hard to mind your own fucking business?
I could never comment on someone's physical attribute. Even the thought of me making someone feel ashamed of their body makes me throw up and makes me feel like a horrible person.
I recently realised that I have never made that kind of shitty thing for as long as I can remember and it makes me feel good that I am not, even subconsciously, anything like the body-shamers.
Kick the toxicity off. And real men like thick curves, I don't wanna put a 10 Rs coin in her pocket every time a storm comes around.
Have pure confidence in yourself. You're beautiful and you matter, Alot 🌷
My caste being a North Indian when you talk to anybody, initially they ask what is your caste and further conversation will take place according to your caste. If you’re SC and they’re general or BC then they will limit the conversation and behave bit different or weird. And this happens everywhere in North India either it’s a posh society or a slum area. I’ve been abused or get reminded of the caste I belong to. Casteist slur is normal thing and no one thinks what impact it could lead on somebody’s mental health.
People would hang out with you but still they’ll let you know that you’re not among them and you can’t be like them.
I was mocked for being an effeminate boy. I didn't realise for too long that you had to act a certain way as a guy and you would be brutally made fun of if you ventured outside that narrow box of gender norms.
People used to call me chakka and meetha all the time and I just felt so awful. I have gotten used to it tho so it doesn't hurt as much.
Wow. That's almost the same thing that happened to me. I had bigger tiddies than the rest of my class (still do, now I'm proud of it). But tab toh mumma litera bolti thi ki mei mard ko attract karne ke liye unpe zyada focus lagane wale kapde pehenti thi. And who refused to take me shopping for proper lingerie? Her. Jab bura fit kanre wale kapde khareedoge, cheeze dikhenge hi. Par uska galti kiska hai? Meri? Jab puchti thi kyu nahi leke jayegi bahar, bolti thi ki merko leke jaane sei unka naainsafi ho jayegi because I look characterless due to my tiddy size.
I suffered from cystic acne which stayed from 7th grade to 12th grade.
Let alone students sometimes even teachers used to point it out. It ruined my self-esteem and stripped me off entirely of my self-confidence.
I am also on the hairier side. Wearing T-shirts has never been an easy task for me. I still get judged alot for the density of hair on my arms due to which I keep them trimmed now but it's an additional chore to my life which i HATE to do.
so yeah, society has given me some deep scars for my body factors which I absolutely do not have any control over
hairloss ...i m 29 M ....was always good in studies..ended up getting a good job at a very reputed organisation... however i am insecure about my balding issue..so insecure that i wear a cap 🧢 with formals to office...feel like I won't find a girl even in arrange marriage set up
this issue has affected me so much that i rarely meet my relatives or my college friends...no social life now ..just office and home
plus point is my family is my blessing.... always support me in whatever way they can
Hello OP, i am really sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you've healed or you are taking measures to heal yourself.
I have a friend like you. She's just a big ball of sunshine, an innocent kid at heart but she was shamed for having a mature body at a young age. So much that every bad thing that ever happened to her, she now blames it on her body. It takes a lot of reassurance to get her to calm down whenever she's drunk or high as she starts thinking getting a bt about her body or her past experiences concerning her face.
If i may ask, how did you manage yourself with all these thoughts?
It's not something I am ashamed of now, but there was a time when this used thought used to be a source of constant anxiety and disgust for my own self.
I could see my persona to be two separate entities, with entirely different thought processes and modus operandi. The dichotomy of character between the two was so stark it made me uncomfortable.
I even tried to express it into words years ago. I was 18 at that time, so it is a lot edgier and depressing. The below is one page from my sort of journal that I used to write, expressing this issue-
> I don’t feel, I know that I have two sides to my personality.
>
> How do I know this because time after time I have tapped into this side of personality.
>
>People know me as the go with the flow clownish guy who’s lazy and lethargic, but that’s just symptoms of having these two clearly distinct sides.
>
> One side is of an evil and vile child growing up, while the other is of an old man on the cusp of succumbing to senility.
>
> The evil and vile childish side is from where I derive my logical and rational abilities, my nihilism stems from it, my non conformity stems from it. If I have to describe this side of mine, I would say this side is ruthlessly logical, rational, utilitarian, pragmatic, nihilistic and Machiavellian beast. This side doesn’t view the world through emotions, as a result of which this side holds views that can be considered too vile and destructive. This side believes in end justifies the mean philosophy. My ambition, my pride, my sexual desire all arise from this side. If I have to describe the percentage this side holds 60% of my brain. This side is not as strong because this side manifested in the form of a child and is currently in early teenage phase. This side arose as result of certain stressful happenings in my life, which forced my mind to leave the domain of emotions and take shelter in the domain of logic. This side of mine is growing as a result of which, there’s more traces of its thinking pattern than that of other side. My suicidal tendencies and desire to kill myself is also a result of this side. This side is extremely critical of people living without achieving their full potential and as such is extremely critical of me as a whole.
>
> This is the side that tells me again and again to kill my self, because If I can’t achieve my full potential and just live the mediocre existence I currently have, it’s better to be dead then living unfulfilled existence like that.
>
> It’s evil. Not in hurting others kind of evil, but soulless moral less evil, because the moral and ethics are just a human construct according to it. And if they can be made, they could be broken as well.
>
> This is the side due to which I don’t ever try improve myself, because even a slight feeling of being proud will let this side seep into my thought process. This side feeds on any achievement I could grasp.
>
> An example of this side’s thought process-
>
>
>
> Yesterday as I was cleaning utensils, I was thinking about how papa, even after being infected, doesn’t seem to follow any rules, like wearing mask or wearing it correctly, touching house hold items after touching his mask cluelessly. A sudden thought blitz through my mind-It would have been much better if instead of mummy papa had been the one to be hospitalised. Because he touches and all the things which I have to sanitize again and again, doesn’t understand hygiene. Prepares shitty and bland food for himself, dirties so many utensils and thousand other reasons.
>
> Could you see the coldness and emotionlessness of the above statements? I thought my father getting hospitalised would have been much better than my mother getting hospitalised. As soon as this thought came to my mind, I slapped myself, because of how utterly disgusting it was to think like that.
>
> This is just a mild example of how this side of my personality operates. The level of inhuman and vile thoughts this side could conjure is limitless, because nothing is sacrosanct to it. This side once even thought to kill my parents and since then I live in fear of this side because of how deplorable and disgusting he could get
>
> What’s I find even more unsettling is the fact that even though this side has been with me since I was born, it doesn’t recognise itself as a part of me and instead got a name of its own for itself- YOMA
>
> The other side of my personality is that of an old man. He didn’t exist at first at all and only arose in response to the darkness of the first side. This is the side from which my empathy and understanding arose. This is where all my emotions took refuge and materialised. This side tries to counter the emotional detached outlook of the first by balancing it with emotional perspective and toning down the directness of the first side’s thoughts. This side is not ambitious at all. This site only wants a small room with a toilet, a mattress and a computer and that’s it. it doesn’t want any luxury. Another want of this side is of a companion with whom he could spend his life and have a small family. But he knows he can’t do that, because doing so runs the risk of people getting to know about the first side. This side acts as prison guard keeping the first side in shackles, so he couldn’t escape and wreak havoc in its wake, which the first side is perfectly capable of doing. But this side is weak and frail and won’t be able to hold the other much longer, which fuels my desire to kill myself, so that the first side is never be able to lay its hand on the real world. And the first side find it funny that instead of accepting it and letting it free, I am trying to bury it by living this mediocre life and planning to kill myself. The first side knows that If I failed to kill myself successfully, he will be able to free himself and taking over me. That’s why I am waiting for that perfect opportunity to kill myself, where no chance of coming out alive will be possible.
>
> What’s funny is that the even though first side is non-conformist murderous nihilist in the frame of a teenager, the only time he agrees with the empathetic old man is on the topic of women and consent. Since the first side was the original one, it has seen how my mother is tortured by this world and hence doesn’t want to be like her exploiters. He wants to kill all of them, because of the all the stress they generated leading to him being manifested in the first place. And the empathetic frail old man understands this sentiment. Because he was also born as a result of what a man shouldn’t be while interacting with women. Both have high regards for women, the only difference being the first wants to kill every exploiter of women by torturing and maiming them, the latter wants to be able to understand the plight of women and be a source of understanding and compassion.
>
> The first side is my nature. I was born with it. It became this corrupted self because of my toxic and dysfunctional circumstances since birth.
>
> The second side is a result of nurture, that I forced myself through by reading a lot.
>
> I don’t know whether I will even be able reconcile them together to have a complete me. They are both so different with completely opposite thought processes. The first side is too anti-social to let loose in the real world and the second side is fading fast. I never wanted to associate myself with the first side. I just wish that this pandemic gets over so I could finally send myself and the first side to oblivion.
If I could meet the me that I was at 18, I would tell him that he's worrying for no reason and differences will be reconciled, just need to let go of self-hate and try to heal.
Your comment has given me courage to think of myself like this. Honestly, I've known that I also exist in a dichotomy as well, but I think in my case, the child is the postive part of me, and instead of the old senile man, i have this old man in his 40s that is fed up of life.
I was born as the child. But as time goes on, the distance between him and me grows at an ever accelerating state. All he ever wanted was to be loved, to be held, to be comforted. But things happen. The child was too young to understand what was happening, so he did his best to forget. A sort of PTSD I suppose. As things kept getting worse, a new entity needed to take over. Someone who could face the outside world. The child started wearing the mask of this man. But the more he worn this mask, the more the mask took over. Until the mask was me, and the child was no longer in control. This mask is made.of pure hatred, for the self, and for everyone else. He hates his parents, doesn't mind them dying at all. Doesn't mind his own death either. Has terrible social skills, zero self esteem. He hates himself so much, but refuses to do anything about it.
Im proud of you for letting go of the hate. Ive forgotten how to. Maybe because I'm only 21. I wish I had what it takes it to just be okay.
Hey, pal. I understand the headspace you are currently in. Two years ago, I was in the same situation, sitting upright in the pitch-black room at the peak of midnight, with a knife in my hand, a phone set to record and the darker than black demonic thoughts to slash the fiber of my wrist, initiating the crimson tide that would flush my consciousness into the sea of oblivion.
That moment was a result of years of abuse, trauma, violence culminating into a morbid climax for my family, leaving me with survivors' guilt. The whole world felt like enclosing on my being, wrapping me in an invisible yet tangible shackle, that's weighing down my conscience. I just want to close my eyes to let the reality evaporate like a nightmare.
It was tough, extremely tough, more so when two people who were most affected by the loss were looking at me. The compliments of being brave to not let my lashes get dampen with tears, unlike other mourners felt like insults echoing the thoughts of the person long gone.
It was a very confusing situation for me. I felt fear not of dying but of living in a world where reality played such a cruel joke on our family. The one that longed for a long life had to be snatched by the terrible tragedy we share with many, while the one who never longed to live beyond the present had to fill in the boots because somewhere instinct wasn't ready to leave those two, impose another scar on their minds.
I threw away the knife and cried the whole night in the pitch-black room at the peak of the midnight, away from those pall bearers and mourners, among the legions of my own intrusive thoughts. Years of rage, sadness, loss, hopelessness, gushed out like a flash flood, reorienting the geography of my mentalscape.
The next day onwards that cathartic expulsion helped a little bit to work on automatic mode to placate the superficial mourners and ritual doers, for whom everything was just an escapist ploy to not take ownership of the actions, direct or indirect which influenced the trajectory our life towards the tragedy.
I don't have a way to save anyone. I don't think I saved myself (I realized this many months after that my instinct is hella selfish and self-preserving, but not in the conventional sense of the meaning). I just got stuck with expectation and from that day to the present all I did is to make the stay comfortable for me. I no longer care for people's prescriptive and normative opinions. Fear evaporated and so did any expectations with the outside world.
https://preview.redd.it/t0w6jl7hz6ua1.png?width=4100&format=png&auto=webp&s=ba6ed7285aa1f84fefb5e28b6e9442445773ce4c
This quote became an axiom for living life and till now, that's what I am doing, trying to understand.
I don't have any tips, just a reccomendation, keep a water bottle when you feel comfortable and safe enough to let the deluge of emotions come to surface and let the tears flow. Worked like a charm for me.
I wish you are able to heal from whatever is hurting you.
I was in 7th grade when I started my period. My mother slapped me for *growing up too soon*.
God this is harsh to read. And makes me question how is your relationship with your mom now. Also sorry that you had to go something like that.
I'm 24 now so it's been a long time and my mother is still learning about things. I don't hold anything against her, she didn't know any better (she's illiterate).
You are a wonderful person for not being surly about it or holding this against her. Sending warm wishes ✨
Yes, i don't know if i would ever be able to let something like this forgiven so maturely like she talks about it But then again I'm a guy, I don't have periods.
but when you now talk to her in retrospect , she accepts her mistake or is she like I did the right thing. ??
We never talked about it. I think she's forgotten about it and I never brought it up. It doesn't bother me now.
Same, started my periods when I was 11. I was made to feel like I did something wrong. I had no idea what was happening and was still blamed for it. My mum used to get so passive aggressive with me and I just couldn't understand why, I had not even heard of periods before this.
Bruh tf? Biology ke naam pe bas plants ke baare mei padhate the kya inhe?
6th standard k baad hi pdhate h periods k baare me. I got my period when i was small too..like..5th grade I think? I had no idea what periods were back then..but by the time they taught us about it in school, i was already going through it ..for months now.
Haa I meant her parents tho. Seems they never got to learn about it throught their life...
🤷🏻♂️ wow isme bhi tumhari galti lagi unko
Thats the normal age for your period to start seems like your mom doesnt know much biology.
Even I got my period in 7th and so did most of my classmates and cousins. How is 13 years too soon?
now that’s sad damn
My mother started when she was 9. JUST IMAGINE!
Bruh same, it wasn’t a slap but the look of disappointment and disgust on her face, and she was obviously blaming me for it. While neither of my elder sisters who got their first period around the same age got this treatment. She was very warm and caring towards them. I don’t hold it against her, she is a sweet woman and a sweeter mom, they just do be like that sometimes
Something I was always insecure about? Cue "main gareeb hoon.gif" But over the time I realized that my parents sent me to the best school they could afford, gave me the best life they could and that led to hanging out with people who were way aboove than my social economic status so that feeling of being out of place was natural. Now I'm living my life! Definitely not "main gareeb hoon" anymore :D
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It's so moving when the shift happens from the teenage years to adulthood. So many perceptions are shattered, I honestly respect my parents so much more than how much I did when I was 17-19.
W son
That happened with me as well, growing up around richer kids made things more difficult, because I was the only one who couldn't afford anything. As I grew up and my horizons broadened, I came to know that there are people way poorer than me, and being poor is almost normal in our country, then things became slightly easier/understandable for me.
Damn, a lot of u had pretty shitty parents, i didn't really know this type of stuff happens coz my parents are super awesome. I'm sorry for what y'all had to go through
My parents are quite disharmonous. DA was something I was brought up with, along with hella negative things one could think of. Idk if could ever get to receive parents love in this life. But I am happy to know you have awsm parents ❤❤❤❤, atleast someone is safe
Well all i can say is, i hope it gets better On a side note? Is it handle 'red mikasa'?
Aka - mikasa (I resemble her looks wise)
Aah i see, i thought "aka" as in "red" as it translates to that Tho it must be pretty awesome if u resemble Mikasa
Oh i wonder what you look like now lol
Same my parents were really there for me through the thick and thin. God really blessed me with amazing parents.
You are lucky bro you have the best facility in the world by God ( good parents)
Bro I'm getting bullied for being "bhola" on an almost daily basis. So bhola would be it.
Madarchod hoja
Madarchod ho gya me bhai college me ate hi👍 Yha koi ni bolta me bhola hu. Inhe idea bhi ni hai
Easier said that done. Nahi to kab hua hota.
us
Oh man I was made to feel so conscious about my body hair. Men would say stuff like tere baal Aadmi se bhi zyada hai. I used to cry a lot. Obv after years of waxing my hair is down to nothing now but I was really really insecure of it
Some people should never become parents
I can feel your words
I was around 12-13, when I hit puberty and my voice broke. My mom always said that I sounded really surly. She used to say - " Tum jyada mat bolo, tumahari awaj bahut Karkash hai". It made me hate my voice, and made me very quiet. Only after I got into college and left the home, people always complimented me for my voice, my confidence returned slowly. Though initially I thought they were being sarcastic! It took years for me to be comfortable with myself and accept that I don't sound bad.Now my mom pretends as if it wasn't a big deal and I'm just being a snowflake crybaby!
Parents don't realise unki baaton ka kitna asar padta hai
Bhai mereko toh kismish khilayi thi maa ne. But aisa koi torture nhi Kiya. Bs Toka bht tha. But yeah same thing, ladkiyan tareef bht karti thi voice ki.
Kismish se kya hota hai?
You sound like Amitabh Bachchan.
Voice soft krne ke liye..may be.
Ghanta kuch nahi hota.
My inability to mingle with people easily, talking very less and being expressive when I knew about something that was asked. Also not being able to find humour in lame jokes that my friends cracked and reciprocate with more jokes. Being bad at sports.
r/usernamechecksout
Samee T_T
That’s an introvert trait.
Ditto
Jyada hi relatable ho gaya🥲
I was a 138 kg in 7th grade. I remember when my dad used to take me to buffet restaurants for fun along with a friend of his and his son. To compete eat. Jiska ghoda zyaada khayega, Doosre ka baap paise dega. It came to a point where the only way I got to play anything in games period was, “Dude, stand in front of the goal post, you are wider than you are taller, ball paar nai jaayegi.” 😂
Man this is hilarious jiska ghoda jyda khayega doosre ka baap paise dega
damn
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Color wolor kuch nee hota
Roz subah jaldi utha karo
Aur gungana paani piya karo.
Being Logical, like everyone around me ashamed me for being too practical as they always say “arrey ho jaega” sab but when I demand a reason how they say “itna practical nai accha lagta hai”
I agree here, sometimes positivity is not enough. People might have a habit of being extremely positive who are around u. But iska kuch kar skte h?
Being positive is ok but toxic positivity is bad, I remember this around covid times and I am talking about lucknow where is my home. I was called cynical, matlabi and “aise nai chalta” just because I asked people not to fuck around my house. Ek uncle the mere bagal me and I said k mask lga lo and unhone nai lgaya cut to holi hamare yaha colony k kai log aae un sab ko maine bhaga dia and everyone said to my mom and dad aapka ladka badtameez hai. In 7 days and its that april 2021 when people started dying, literally 100+ people died from my colony and many because sab madarchodo ko holi celebrate karni thi and my family survived, even wo uncle jinko mask lagane ko bola he too died. Sabki positivity gaand me ghus gai and har kisi k puja paath, ishwar allah sab barabar ho gya. Indians are sentimental fools and that’s the reason why desh k lode lag gae the. So can’t do anything about positive people but shame toxic positivity all the time so they stay away from you, like aarey sab bhala hoga, arrey bhagwaan sath hai, arrey ho jaega don’t worry yeh jugad bs ab k time me nai chal sakti as its not a full fledged solution.
This is gonna be such a long list, only read it if youve got.nerves of steel. Ive been bullied for as long as I remember and I don't really have anywhere i can rant so fuck it 1. Being skinny for the first 15 years of my life. I was skinny you could see my ribs and shit. Nobody could figure out why. But I got shamed by literally everyone - my parents, my relatives, everyone in my school. I was also really weak so there was a fair bit of physical bullying 2. When I was 15 i developed an eating disorder due to boards stress and some other traumatic shit. Grew fat quickly, yet to loose it. Not a week goes by when someone doesn't remind me of the fact that I'm fat. Parents aside, my weight is ofcourse a constant target of jokes. The hardest one in the last few months was when a friend told me to "shut the fuck up fatty". He laughed like it was nothing. 3. Skin colour. Im pretty dark. In school I was called kaala jaadu, n*gga, bihari, majdoor, shit like that. My mom refuses to give up making my skin brighter. 4. My taste in music, movies and other media. Apparently i consume weird stuff and I've felt like a really pretentious person because of it for my whole life. Same with being smart 5. Memes. I love posting memes on my Instagram. Most of memes are really stupid and hyper internet culture specific, and most people don't really get them. Ive been told by a lot of people that I post weird shit, i shouldn't post weird shit, i won't ever be able to get girls if I keep posting 6. Not being able to get with girls. I got buillied about it.so.much it was one of the reasons I tried (extremely pathetically) committing suicide 7. My face. I don't remember a time when I haven't been told im ugly, or felt handsome. Ive only recently started getting compliments. There's so much more, but I don't wanna have a breakdown. To everyone, stay strong man. We will get through this. We will be loved.
>> I've recently started getting compliments What changed?
my caste and being north indian bhaiya. i like meeting new people but the first thing people ask his whats your caste. i am sc. my parents faced plenty of casteism throughout their life and don't want me as well. So we hid and avoid such questions. I don't go to friends home because their parents always ask what caste do you belong to. etc such questions. I have so many examples where north Indians were bashed. My teachers used to insult north Indians. etc.
Idk why ppl have an urge to ask this
lol you wont believe me when i say an 11 year old asked me about my caste and started bragging about his own while I was cycling in a *good* society.
i believe you man.
Glad nobody is denying your experiences
I had gone for some work to a Tehsildar's office and the UDC asked ki main apna naam kaise likhta hoon. I didn't know what that means so I said English mein, Hindi mein, etc. He looked very uncomfortable. Later my friends told me that he was actually asking me my caste.
One thing I can say on this: People who try to pull you down already believed you are ahead of them. So you are not losing anywhere.
This is just a great line.
Same sis.. too curvy too soon… was so naive and a heartless mother who never told me how to deal with that sudden change…
It's weird coz like later on in life, it's like the "hot thing people go gaga over"
Daal makhni dedo
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
I had man boobs when i was in school Ladke bully krte tey ,ladkian bolti thi breast cancer awareness camp pe jaa and bra pehnne ko which was the worst as no teenager would want humiliation from the opposite gender but even though now I've lost all that bodyfat and my man boobs , I still have ptsd from that and chest se baar baar tshirt pull karke adjust krta rehta (those who have gone through this would understand)
Ladkiyo ko bol deta tum kitne lucky ho tumhe to zaroorat hi nahi padegi kabhi Mera bhi dost bohot mota tha aur uske bhi man boobs the but ham bohot lightly mazak karte the iss baare mei nothing serious like pehle mei mazak banaunga phir wo mera banayega phir Hamara pura group hasne lag jayega
Bhai dost tak mei b sehleta , waha dimaag kharab hota jab random log , uncle log , ghar wale ladkian bolti h
Man. Damn bro, don't remind me that shit. It's too much painful.
🥲
Bhai Height abhi bhi banaate hai kuch bkl but i don't mind.. I've become kinda immune cause ik i can't change the fact I'm short.
SHORT KINGS 👑 idk why ppl pick on literally anything....
Thicc Queeen ❤️❤️
Ask the tall guys, can u suck boobies while standing? Czz i can
Everything about me was an issue for my school mates growing up. My parents were separated and I was bullied for that. No parents would allow their children to be friends with someone who came from a family like mine. I was a good looking girl so I quickly got the ‘slut’ label attached to me when boys started getting interested in me. I was a virgin but a slut for everyone else. I was bullied into silence by everyone around me. I thought I’ll die. An easy end. But luckily I went to Bombay for college. And wow! That place changed me tremendously. It never mattered you I was, where I came from, and what clothes I wear, if I was rich or not. Nothing fucking mattered. So I understand that you must feel stuck right now but sometimes people in North India due to lack of exposure and education can be really fucked up. And they fuck us up in return. I would really suggest moving out of North. Go to Bombay, if not go to some place where people are known to be more relaxed in life. You can try Uttarakhand but not Dehradun, it’s equally worse because of all immigrants from Delhi, Punjab, Haryana.
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂😭 people in delhi are weird.
Yes but please do understand that there are better places to live. Please move out. Someone with your body might be considered super duper sexy in a city/country that appreciates curves. You’d be a hot babe in the USA. I know it’s not easy but work hard and move out of this mess of a city. Also I think a lot of these insecurities come from you looking hot. People sometimes get intimidated and comment shit like this. You probably have a killer figure and people are trying to put you down for it.
Say what you want but bombay is so much inclusive and non judgemental than delhi!
i was underweight, everyone made fun of me.. for decent amount of years.. then my height stablised and i gained alot of weight as i wanted to look decent.. few years back someone tried to make fun of my weight.. i literally used Zakir Khan kaa dialogue Tere baap kaa khaya h bc ps i do have one puberty story too, but i dont feel comfortable sharing here; i hate the fact that our society skips sex education
bhai mai bhi 1 saal chota tha apni class mei, mai to dusro ko down feel karata tha, ki jab tum budhe hoge, mai tumse ek saal kam budha hounga😎
sorry i meant underweight, wrote underage by mistake
Hey, you can share it personally, if you are comfortable
sure, send me a chat message
I failed in 11th . My parents still taunt me about that despite the fact that I'm doing better than most of my classmates
No worries man, happens with best of the people, I was a bright student, my health took a toll in class 12th I was on complete bed rest for more than a month I came back joined the race to score the best ended up failing in one of the subjects, every person in my family is highly educated, my sisters have been state toppers in few subjects, I somehow made it through the compartment, my cousin was a district topper in her town from same batch as mine I remember the amount of phone calls my parents were getting and how ashamed they could had been since both of them have a reputable rank in government departments, my sisters used to taunt me even my parents did it once or twice, bottom line to now, I was a above average student in engineering, cracked the highest package from my branch from the time my college had established, life give you two chances either sink or swim, I think this is the time for you to swim don't sink comrade I got your back!
I was not ready for this yr, took a break from study cauz i ended up crying. Thanks 🫂
I just wanted to make sure you feel ok, failures will always be present, it is just that how you act to that, I have trust in you, you can do it, and if your parents taunt you just take it on a lighter note, not easy as it sounds, but they will stop, I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this, take care, and if you ever feel sad or anything bothers you, you can text me or anyone in this thread brother, everyone of us would be happy to hear you even if you want to vent, it is all about ups and downs, have a good day :)
You too , take care of yourself please
Yes, thank you!!
Keep at it fam! Parents never let you forget, need to just look out for yourself and keep doing things that will make you proud. ❤️
i was in school in class 7th or 8th so two of my teeths are in front like those of vampire. so people used to say me ki “kaise teeths hai tere, khargosh jaise" i haven't take them seriously and i told them “vampire teeths hai mere pass khoon chus jaunga Tera😂". Also same time my butts cheeks and thighs are heavy as my body fat was stored there only. So my friends used to body shame me ki “kaise ladkiyon jaise butts hai tere" this and that. suru me aacha nahi lagta tha but then I stop giving attention to that meaningless bakwas of them.
Men with flat asses just can't compete.
Bhai... Aage ke 2 incisors to mere bhe wesse hain. Ngl gajar khane me assani hoti XD Rabbit teeth gang 🗿
Bhay mera college ka dosth tha jiske "vampire teeths" hai and girls go Gaga over him . Also girls like guys with a good butt, Hum pe toh hai ji badia butts , hum toh aise hi h
Jeez, reminds me of how I was nicknamed "Chetak" by a few people in my upper class school when they saw me being dropped by my father's Bajaj Chetak in school. Everyone else's parents had cars and I was made so conscious of it - to the point that I asked my dad to not drop me if I missed the school bus and that I would rather take the crowded DTC in the mornings. Crazy how my dad just understood where I was coming from and never confronted me about it - in hindsight I am now doing much much better financially than all those pricks who bullied me. Also pretty shitty that the other friends in school knew me for my quizzing exploits, the fact that I was a guitarist in the school band, being one of the academically gifted kids, a basketball player, but all these few rich assholes could focus on was me being called Chetak due to my dad's scooter. Lol.
My sexuality, being a gay guy is difficult, I've lived my entire life as a ghost. No traceable friends nothing, nobody at my college knows anything about it and stuff. It hurts but it is what it is.
I was skinny so skinny shaming was very hurtful like kha lo kuch ud jaogi blah blah
🥲🥲🥲🥲
I got 96% in 9th grade . My mother slapped me repeatedly for not scoring 99% like my twin sister. I still think about that day sometimes. Can't forgive her for that particular thing . I was made to think I had done some horrible crime at that time.
lmaoo what ...although i have seen many disappointed parents with their kids scoring > 95 lol
when i was a teenager and hit puberty i started to gain alot of weight, it later turned out to be undiagnosed hypothyroidism but the fluctuating hormones also made me develop gynocomastia i dont think i can count on fingers the amount of times ive been assaulted or sexually harassed by random boys in class some of whom were even my friends who would press my chest and make lewd comments about me having boobs and stuff ive now gotten fit and went to the gym and realised that it was just gyno, it wasnt the fat that made it look like that, i still have so much insecurity because of it and can never take my shirt off near pools or beaches despite having a flat stomach now(which i thought would help my confidence) i wanna get surgery to get my gyno removed one day but till that day ill slowly learn to live in my body but maybe the body dysmorphia it gave me will never go away
Curves over skinny >>>
The fact that I had curly hair from the start, everyone made me feel like I was carrying a head full of Maggi in school. It was in college that I started appreciating my hair and started growing them out. I absolutely respect them now.
Bro Curly hair is a gift by god
Now I’ve made my peace with it
Yeah I'd kill a bit for it
Bro same:( everyone is like your hair makes you look exotic lmao and even teachers and relatives can’t stop pointing my hair. And it ain’t even that curly
bro curly hair is literally da besht.... it just feels so good running fingers through soft curly hair
at this moment, my mom and my maternal grandma make fun of my man boobs :( fkcing bullies
jealous of the size
Lmao
Ding dong
Bom bom
sucks having a mother like that
Lmao everything
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Purush ho?
I was highly introverted and easily fooled into things that could make me look bad. This lead to me being bullied a lot and people made fake rumours about me and my good nature. That in turn lead me to become depressed for 1.5 months. As my both my parents were working, they cared very little about my mental health and decided to blame me for my problems, which continues to this day. Not to mention, my birth giver stepping on my toes to disbalance me, put my down on the floor, sit on my back or chest to beat the absolute shit out of me while I begged and cried for mercy. The next day I would have to go to school, with tremendous body ache and less sleep. Cut to present day, I am a high strung adult who has developed stress related issues including anxiety and a propensity to push everyone away at the first sign of problems because I want to be alone and not bother anyone else.
So sorry for what happened.
Well, it's done and I hope those people realise what they have done when their kids suffer the same.
My father blames me very much i got fat in lockdown somewhat,nonone other than him even hinted neither noticed just 5kg , he wears glasses and i got them too.he always says ki abhi se chsma lag gya ab kya hi karega ye jindagi me
A lot of ppl have faced problems due to their parents Remember to be the parent u wanted to have.
Damn bro too many including being bullied many times for different reasons. I have realised now how shit is my whole life . Not even a even a single year I was happy . Every time just sad visiting doctors .
Why do Indians keep romanticising motherhood and a child’s assumed duty towards their parents? Some parents clearly don’t deserve it. Trauma for life, hurt and abuse, you name it. Sorry OP, this may be misdirected, but some people don’t deserve to be parents, or mothers at that.
I am now 22(M). Used to be fair at birth. My regular playing of sports , being active and enjoying life ourdoors made my skin darker. I never realised this nor did I care. After hitting puberty, the friends that I used to play with started humiliating me for having a darker skin as if it was a sin. Got called various names like the K word, N word and every racial slur. Surprisingly, using words like these is so normal in India and no one wants to consider this as harassment. I started being upset almost everyday, thinking of the harassment and realising I have a flaw that I cannot control. Took me years to get out of this and now I have better friends that don't look down on me for an apparent flaw. Fortunately, I've always had very supportive and caring parents tho. It's easy to make fun of someone else over their looks or uncontrollable attributes but you never know what they're feeling inside or how they are behind closed doors. Stay strong.
Not liking sports. Especially the ones with teams like cricket. I am ok with badminton because it's 1 vs 1 or at best 2 vs 2. Being a guy and not watching or playing most sports gives an excuse for a lot of people to make fun of you. Still makes me feel insecure when someone suggests sports as an activity to do. I think it will stay with me. Not very traumatic, but gives me that stage fright kind of a feeling.
It's okay to not be in sports! It doesn't make anyone less
I'm not ashamed of my identity. I'm ashamed that Jawaharlal Nehru will always be a part of my community. A Black spot on the otherwise spotless one.
That my education costed money. I was made aware of that by my mum over and over again. I was made to feel guilty about making my parents spend money. I was told ke itna Paisa kharcha ho raha hai mere oopar and I am still sucking (i was topping the class). This stayed with me till I was 30.
When I was in 11th I got addicted to weed and then some d__g. I quit D after 2 months of my 12th and currently smoke around 1 joint in 10-15 days. I was So Fucking Depressed And Suicidal I tried to attempt 3 times but failed miserably. At the end my friends thought I'm so fucking cool. Now I don't have a will to live. I'm just like a day that will pass and no one will remember me.
Hey friend, idk what is spiraling you down.... Would you mind opening up in DM?
Well growing up I was a sickly child who always lacked confidence to the point I would rarely talk to people, I would avoid being in touch with others. My family loved me so much that I never wanted to leave them, on top of that I was a soft-ish child, Fair skin, slender, brown hair stuff like that. Which made me an easy target for bullies I guess. I was bullied for years day in and day out for like 3 years. I was told I was no good, I was told my mother was a whore, Told me I was impotent and I had a pussy and was a pussy. For everything weird or bad happened to them, They used to blame it on me, They dubbed me as GAALI PROOF or PUKE BAG. Then came a point where I was unsure of my own personality, They Used to hate on me for it. Almost succeeded in making me feel ashamed of my identity. Like they were hating on me and I was hating on me for the same. I would choke on it, not being able to escape. Uhhhh hard times those were... Toxicity at its peak at the time for me, it was a never-ending nightmare. Thanks to them I completely lost my ability to socialise. I'm more likely afraid of it, like this thought of "what things go on repeat" kinda stuff gets me everytime to this day. Thus I chose the path of solitude which was kinda easy enough for me as I never really had no friends. All in the past yet to this day i carry those scars, Time never heals wounds u just learn to live with them.
Sorry for what happened. That's quite extreme.
I'm glad I'm not going through the same thing, thanks for showing genuinely empathy...✌🏻
I am too nice. Like way too nice. Before speaking I think what others would feel. Never make fun of others to gain attention. Even never said wrong to the "bully". I want to change from this state coz I feel tired at the end of the day.
Hey, I understand how it feels. You should start establishing boundaries, jisko bura lgta h lge. I have your back 🫂
I have tried this many time...but i exactly don't know what to start with...how to do it...
Bhai us moment apart from that one time I beat a bully to a pulp lol. Want to be friends?
I can't say it applies everywhere, but such typical comments from schoolmates etc are usually work of hormones, I used to get along with the flow of making fun of other girls. Gradually I get the understanding that things like that are just meaningless and not correct. Though the remarks of your mother reeks of toxicity. Must be tough. Once my brother shaved in highschool and the drama my family did was something I still remember. I'm not confident either but it's not something worth fretting over, just think 'oh well, that's what it is.' I'm not that good with socialising, but if anything I learned from my introvert life, then that's it's not worth worrying about other.
Sorry for what you had to go through OP. I have always been ridiculed and bullied for being skinny. And this happens even now. Idk why do people have problems with how other's bodies are.
I have been comfortable in my own skin due to bullies in school. Fortunately, o achieved some self esteem in college because people were kind.
People were kinder in clg for me too... 🫂 Imma happy for u 😭🐧
When I was in 11th I got addicted to weed and then some d__g. I quit D after 2 months of my 12th and currently smoke around 1 joint in 10-15 days. I was So Fucking Depressed And Suicidal I tried to attempt 3 times but failed miserably. At the end my friends thought I'm so fucking cool. Now I don't have a will to live. I'm just like a day that will pass and no one will remember me.
It’s heartbreaking to read that most of these instances are because of close family and parents. Childhood trauma is real
Unibrow thi. Log mazaak udate the.
I was insecure about my skin colour and my looks in 2020 but ab to apna ek hi dialogue h "hum to aese hi hai".
There was a lot of smaller stuff that I was made ashamed off... It all lead to me being child and heartless person now.
I used to go to my Nani’s place very frequently and everyone seemed so loving and dotting however one day my nani was asking my mama to visit our house for few days along with Mami and kids , they were arguing and I was listening from the other room and then I heard my Mami denying to go and her reason was “unke yahan to itne takiye (pillow) bhi nhi h ki sab ko ek ek mil jae and humare baccho ko to do do pillow leke sone ki Adat h , hum to nahi ja sakte” and mind you I was just a kid but that has stayed with me till date , it’s been 20 years but I draw motivation to work and earn through that incident. Mama Mami apologised for it years later when I reminded them about it, but being from a relatively less income home was something that I always felt insecure about and still do.
I too had similar incidents, my mami used to pick on us for not having enough money. She often used to say ki didimani ka financial condition saare bhai beheno me sabse bura h on my mother's face. Still my mother let's her in and share every joy and sorrow with her. Mama mami bohot dogle h..... They don't even try to maintain a bond with us, meri mummy ko hi alag chul h.... Good to know yours apologized atleast 🫂
I had curly hair and oh boy the amount of bullying I faced by my own friends lol
thought i looked ugly , aisa nhi tha tho pimples ko leke bas heavily conscious tha isliye i think ugly complex develop ho gya , kitne saare facewash , sunscreen, multani mitti , rosewater try kiye but farak hi nhi aaya , then i just said fuck it jo hoga khud hoga , ab with age kam to kaafi ho gye hai like pimples to nhi hai scars hai but vo chote hai to notice unless bohot dhyan se dekho nhi dikhte hai , abhi bas idk kuch black coloured spots hai hai jo nikalte hi nhi
The acne on face ...started at 17 now 22 still breakouts hote hain ... Upar se freckles bhi hain bohot .. Some aunties will go like ....beta aap chehra nahi saaf karte ..paani nahi pite ... bohot ganda hogaya face aapka... I have tried retinoid treatment but no results .. Mind your own business aunties 😔 Thankfully my parents don't tease my on my insecurities and are quite supportive...
🫂🫂🫂🫂
Aur muje yha roj ye sunne ko milta itni badi hogyi hai abhi bhi bachi hi lgti h 😑 jo bhi milta yhi bolta areey school ki bachi lg rahi , kuch khati piti nhi h kya Logo ko har chez se problem h koi mota ho to b koi patla ho to b , bilkul perfect chahte wo log , aur perfect ki definition kya h? Har state me badal jati h aur sal hi badal jati , jinhe yha fit bola jata unhe south side ya tollywood industry me skinny aur Chinese industry me mota bola jata lol Wahi jise South me fit bola jata use Bollywood me mota bola jata lol aise hi h log perfect ki koi definition hi nhi h , Har finger same nhi hoti to insan kese ho sakta h . Social media ne alg dimag kharab kr diya h ,ki aisi hoti fit ladkiya ni aaisi skin hoti bla bla bla aise hip hone chaiye wese ye hona chahiye lol sabke dimag ko hi Hijack kr liya h log b fir ussi tarah sochne lgte sochte aisi girls hi honi chahiye , Ajib duniya h Na kbhi kisi se khush hoti h na hone deti h Muje kbhi problem nhi Hui apne skinny hone se na muje bura lgta mai bachi jaisi lgti pr log bar bar bolker muje bura aur insecure feel karwa dete h , So sochna hi chor do jaise ho perfect ho body pr apka control nhi h , control h to bs Apke behaviour or aur apki soch pr usse sahi rakho baki be happy
So i have a dark complexion so u the usual kaalu & all that still have to look at the faces of those people society same age group dont talk to them but just wish to break all their teeth & burn their house down
Well I am a skinny boy and you know what kind of taane those gali waali aunties have in bag for me. So I showed them that their kids are worth r*tards compared to me in sports and studies. Lol. It was worth it. Whenever I got a medal or higher grades(everytime actually) they were left in awe and would scold their kids in front of me. And even sometimes compare them to me. Those were the days
Oh easy, Height, hit puberty a little late and they stopped after growth spurt Glasses, never bothered me because i love wearing them Weight, which looking back wasn’t that much! Used to get a low amount of pocket money than others Being happy alone, having less friends wasn’t an issue when i was a kid. I didn’t care about fomo, whether they’ll like me or not, i just didn’t care. Now i do and it’s sucks even more. I’m sensitive and was made fun of when i got angry or upset. If i stormed off, they used to say “kok bhavan mai chala gaya”.
Well if it makes you feel any better, people love “auraton wala sharer”. Those who complain are probably jealous. I bet you would have no difficulty in finding a boyfriend (although this could be negative).
I did find bfs due to this exact reason who wanted to exploit my well being. Now all of them are out.
Poverty. My family could afford the bare min. I was insecure about it.
🙌🙌🙌🙌 that is a deep hurt tbh.
Well where are those toxics now seeing that 'extra weight on curves' !? I had a few girls who almost got women-like curves when we were in 6th-5th. That started my growing up journey ngl 🙂.
Now they are acting holy and saint, posting their curves on Instagram.
Being kind and human , glad to say that the issue has been resolved !
I put something on the same lines on r/india. Most blamed me for not moving on and trying to hold parents accountable ! Delhi walas sure passed the traumatized by parents vibes check ! Cheers.
Hey, it wasn't your fault 🫂
My story doesn't include shitty parents (blessed by awesome parents🙏🏻) but few incidents at school. I'm a guy, hit puberty earlier than my classmates, so suddenly my voice broke and I had facial hair and body hair which was somehow an alien concept for a lot of my classmates.😂 For about a year or so I was endlessly teased and made fun of, so much that I completely shifted to full sleeves at all times. But soon as everyone reached puberty suddenly they all came to me for advice ki daadhi kaise badhani hao, shave kaise karte hain etc.😂 It may sound like a happy ending but all the incident gave me was body issues and I just stopped wearing half sleeves from that time onwards. I don't even know why I continue to do it. Force of habit I guess.
I was born with a genetic disorder(the root cause is my parent's gene) due to which I need to visit the hospital very often As a kid, I was told it was my fault that everyone is suffering As I grew up my father became more toxic he told me I should kms for everyone's good My family always looked after my physical health but they really fkd my mental health
My mother forced me to take science then engineering ..now she says do whatever you want to do ..I wish she said that earlier ..now I am frustrated with life so much i am involved in smoking and drinking and I know it’s killing my body.
Being a skinny guy. I will never in the time of my life on this earth understand why people feel the need to comment on something that's not in someone's control. My family never made me feel conscious about it but some of the friends, neighbours and relatives are the absolute worst. Like Why do you care? Is it really that hard to mind your own fucking business? I could never comment on someone's physical attribute. Even the thought of me making someone feel ashamed of their body makes me throw up and makes me feel like a horrible person. I recently realised that I have never made that kind of shitty thing for as long as I can remember and it makes me feel good that I am not, even subconsciously, anything like the body-shamers.
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Kick the toxicity off. And real men like thick curves, I don't wanna put a 10 Rs coin in her pocket every time a storm comes around. Have pure confidence in yourself. You're beautiful and you matter, Alot 🌷
My caste being a North Indian when you talk to anybody, initially they ask what is your caste and further conversation will take place according to your caste. If you’re SC and they’re general or BC then they will limit the conversation and behave bit different or weird. And this happens everywhere in North India either it’s a posh society or a slum area. I’ve been abused or get reminded of the caste I belong to. Casteist slur is normal thing and no one thinks what impact it could lead on somebody’s mental health. People would hang out with you but still they’ll let you know that you’re not among them and you can’t be like them.
I was mocked for being an effeminate boy. I didn't realise for too long that you had to act a certain way as a guy and you would be brutally made fun of if you ventured outside that narrow box of gender norms. People used to call me chakka and meetha all the time and I just felt so awful. I have gotten used to it tho so it doesn't hurt as much.
My skin color.. I still still have much fear regarding it
Wow. That's almost the same thing that happened to me. I had bigger tiddies than the rest of my class (still do, now I'm proud of it). But tab toh mumma litera bolti thi ki mei mard ko attract karne ke liye unpe zyada focus lagane wale kapde pehenti thi. And who refused to take me shopping for proper lingerie? Her. Jab bura fit kanre wale kapde khareedoge, cheeze dikhenge hi. Par uska galti kiska hai? Meri? Jab puchti thi kyu nahi leke jayegi bahar, bolti thi ki merko leke jaane sei unka naainsafi ho jayegi because I look characterless due to my tiddy size.
I suffered from cystic acne which stayed from 7th grade to 12th grade. Let alone students sometimes even teachers used to point it out. It ruined my self-esteem and stripped me off entirely of my self-confidence. I am also on the hairier side. Wearing T-shirts has never been an easy task for me. I still get judged alot for the density of hair on my arms due to which I keep them trimmed now but it's an additional chore to my life which i HATE to do. so yeah, society has given me some deep scars for my body factors which I absolutely do not have any control over
I am healthy and I know this is not something I ashamed of but I am , I don't know why but becoz of that I am lacking confident many times
hairloss ...i m 29 M ....was always good in studies..ended up getting a good job at a very reputed organisation... however i am insecure about my balding issue..so insecure that i wear a cap 🧢 with formals to office...feel like I won't find a girl even in arrange marriage set up this issue has affected me so much that i rarely meet my relatives or my college friends...no social life now ..just office and home plus point is my family is my blessing.... always support me in whatever way they can
I failed in my 11 standard. So it was quite embarassing for me
Hello OP, i am really sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you've healed or you are taking measures to heal yourself. I have a friend like you. She's just a big ball of sunshine, an innocent kid at heart but she was shamed for having a mature body at a young age. So much that every bad thing that ever happened to her, she now blames it on her body. It takes a lot of reassurance to get her to calm down whenever she's drunk or high as she starts thinking getting a bt about her body or her past experiences concerning her face. If i may ask, how did you manage yourself with all these thoughts?
I am trying! 🥰
I pray the world gets kinder for you in the future...
exercise karo wazan kam ho jayega
Haddi kaha km hoti h genius?
It's not something I am ashamed of now, but there was a time when this used thought used to be a source of constant anxiety and disgust for my own self. I could see my persona to be two separate entities, with entirely different thought processes and modus operandi. The dichotomy of character between the two was so stark it made me uncomfortable. I even tried to express it into words years ago. I was 18 at that time, so it is a lot edgier and depressing. The below is one page from my sort of journal that I used to write, expressing this issue- > I don’t feel, I know that I have two sides to my personality. > > How do I know this because time after time I have tapped into this side of personality. > >People know me as the go with the flow clownish guy who’s lazy and lethargic, but that’s just symptoms of having these two clearly distinct sides. > > One side is of an evil and vile child growing up, while the other is of an old man on the cusp of succumbing to senility. > > The evil and vile childish side is from where I derive my logical and rational abilities, my nihilism stems from it, my non conformity stems from it. If I have to describe this side of mine, I would say this side is ruthlessly logical, rational, utilitarian, pragmatic, nihilistic and Machiavellian beast. This side doesn’t view the world through emotions, as a result of which this side holds views that can be considered too vile and destructive. This side believes in end justifies the mean philosophy. My ambition, my pride, my sexual desire all arise from this side. If I have to describe the percentage this side holds 60% of my brain. This side is not as strong because this side manifested in the form of a child and is currently in early teenage phase. This side arose as result of certain stressful happenings in my life, which forced my mind to leave the domain of emotions and take shelter in the domain of logic. This side of mine is growing as a result of which, there’s more traces of its thinking pattern than that of other side. My suicidal tendencies and desire to kill myself is also a result of this side. This side is extremely critical of people living without achieving their full potential and as such is extremely critical of me as a whole. > > This is the side that tells me again and again to kill my self, because If I can’t achieve my full potential and just live the mediocre existence I currently have, it’s better to be dead then living unfulfilled existence like that. > > It’s evil. Not in hurting others kind of evil, but soulless moral less evil, because the moral and ethics are just a human construct according to it. And if they can be made, they could be broken as well. > > This is the side due to which I don’t ever try improve myself, because even a slight feeling of being proud will let this side seep into my thought process. This side feeds on any achievement I could grasp. > > An example of this side’s thought process- > > > > Yesterday as I was cleaning utensils, I was thinking about how papa, even after being infected, doesn’t seem to follow any rules, like wearing mask or wearing it correctly, touching house hold items after touching his mask cluelessly. A sudden thought blitz through my mind-It would have been much better if instead of mummy papa had been the one to be hospitalised. Because he touches and all the things which I have to sanitize again and again, doesn’t understand hygiene. Prepares shitty and bland food for himself, dirties so many utensils and thousand other reasons. > > Could you see the coldness and emotionlessness of the above statements? I thought my father getting hospitalised would have been much better than my mother getting hospitalised. As soon as this thought came to my mind, I slapped myself, because of how utterly disgusting it was to think like that. > > This is just a mild example of how this side of my personality operates. The level of inhuman and vile thoughts this side could conjure is limitless, because nothing is sacrosanct to it. This side once even thought to kill my parents and since then I live in fear of this side because of how deplorable and disgusting he could get > > What’s I find even more unsettling is the fact that even though this side has been with me since I was born, it doesn’t recognise itself as a part of me and instead got a name of its own for itself- YOMA > > The other side of my personality is that of an old man. He didn’t exist at first at all and only arose in response to the darkness of the first side. This is the side from which my empathy and understanding arose. This is where all my emotions took refuge and materialised. This side tries to counter the emotional detached outlook of the first by balancing it with emotional perspective and toning down the directness of the first side’s thoughts. This side is not ambitious at all. This site only wants a small room with a toilet, a mattress and a computer and that’s it. it doesn’t want any luxury. Another want of this side is of a companion with whom he could spend his life and have a small family. But he knows he can’t do that, because doing so runs the risk of people getting to know about the first side. This side acts as prison guard keeping the first side in shackles, so he couldn’t escape and wreak havoc in its wake, which the first side is perfectly capable of doing. But this side is weak and frail and won’t be able to hold the other much longer, which fuels my desire to kill myself, so that the first side is never be able to lay its hand on the real world. And the first side find it funny that instead of accepting it and letting it free, I am trying to bury it by living this mediocre life and planning to kill myself. The first side knows that If I failed to kill myself successfully, he will be able to free himself and taking over me. That’s why I am waiting for that perfect opportunity to kill myself, where no chance of coming out alive will be possible. > > What’s funny is that the even though first side is non-conformist murderous nihilist in the frame of a teenager, the only time he agrees with the empathetic old man is on the topic of women and consent. Since the first side was the original one, it has seen how my mother is tortured by this world and hence doesn’t want to be like her exploiters. He wants to kill all of them, because of the all the stress they generated leading to him being manifested in the first place. And the empathetic frail old man understands this sentiment. Because he was also born as a result of what a man shouldn’t be while interacting with women. Both have high regards for women, the only difference being the first wants to kill every exploiter of women by torturing and maiming them, the latter wants to be able to understand the plight of women and be a source of understanding and compassion. > > The first side is my nature. I was born with it. It became this corrupted self because of my toxic and dysfunctional circumstances since birth. > > The second side is a result of nurture, that I forced myself through by reading a lot. > > I don’t know whether I will even be able reconcile them together to have a complete me. They are both so different with completely opposite thought processes. The first side is too anti-social to let loose in the real world and the second side is fading fast. I never wanted to associate myself with the first side. I just wish that this pandemic gets over so I could finally send myself and the first side to oblivion. If I could meet the me that I was at 18, I would tell him that he's worrying for no reason and differences will be reconciled, just need to let go of self-hate and try to heal.
Your comment has given me courage to think of myself like this. Honestly, I've known that I also exist in a dichotomy as well, but I think in my case, the child is the postive part of me, and instead of the old senile man, i have this old man in his 40s that is fed up of life. I was born as the child. But as time goes on, the distance between him and me grows at an ever accelerating state. All he ever wanted was to be loved, to be held, to be comforted. But things happen. The child was too young to understand what was happening, so he did his best to forget. A sort of PTSD I suppose. As things kept getting worse, a new entity needed to take over. Someone who could face the outside world. The child started wearing the mask of this man. But the more he worn this mask, the more the mask took over. Until the mask was me, and the child was no longer in control. This mask is made.of pure hatred, for the self, and for everyone else. He hates his parents, doesn't mind them dying at all. Doesn't mind his own death either. Has terrible social skills, zero self esteem. He hates himself so much, but refuses to do anything about it. Im proud of you for letting go of the hate. Ive forgotten how to. Maybe because I'm only 21. I wish I had what it takes it to just be okay.
Hey, pal. I understand the headspace you are currently in. Two years ago, I was in the same situation, sitting upright in the pitch-black room at the peak of midnight, with a knife in my hand, a phone set to record and the darker than black demonic thoughts to slash the fiber of my wrist, initiating the crimson tide that would flush my consciousness into the sea of oblivion. That moment was a result of years of abuse, trauma, violence culminating into a morbid climax for my family, leaving me with survivors' guilt. The whole world felt like enclosing on my being, wrapping me in an invisible yet tangible shackle, that's weighing down my conscience. I just want to close my eyes to let the reality evaporate like a nightmare. It was tough, extremely tough, more so when two people who were most affected by the loss were looking at me. The compliments of being brave to not let my lashes get dampen with tears, unlike other mourners felt like insults echoing the thoughts of the person long gone. It was a very confusing situation for me. I felt fear not of dying but of living in a world where reality played such a cruel joke on our family. The one that longed for a long life had to be snatched by the terrible tragedy we share with many, while the one who never longed to live beyond the present had to fill in the boots because somewhere instinct wasn't ready to leave those two, impose another scar on their minds. I threw away the knife and cried the whole night in the pitch-black room at the peak of the midnight, away from those pall bearers and mourners, among the legions of my own intrusive thoughts. Years of rage, sadness, loss, hopelessness, gushed out like a flash flood, reorienting the geography of my mentalscape. The next day onwards that cathartic expulsion helped a little bit to work on automatic mode to placate the superficial mourners and ritual doers, for whom everything was just an escapist ploy to not take ownership of the actions, direct or indirect which influenced the trajectory our life towards the tragedy. I don't have a way to save anyone. I don't think I saved myself (I realized this many months after that my instinct is hella selfish and self-preserving, but not in the conventional sense of the meaning). I just got stuck with expectation and from that day to the present all I did is to make the stay comfortable for me. I no longer care for people's prescriptive and normative opinions. Fear evaporated and so did any expectations with the outside world. https://preview.redd.it/t0w6jl7hz6ua1.png?width=4100&format=png&auto=webp&s=ba6ed7285aa1f84fefb5e28b6e9442445773ce4c This quote became an axiom for living life and till now, that's what I am doing, trying to understand. I don't have any tips, just a reccomendation, keep a water bottle when you feel comfortable and safe enough to let the deluge of emotions come to surface and let the tears flow. Worked like a charm for me. I wish you are able to heal from whatever is hurting you.