I have been saying same thing to my parents that we should not force her ...let her heal first. Lekin rhistedaaron ka kya karen unke according her biological clock is ticking.
In this country there is no regard for a person's mental health.
Bhai you have to stand up like rock against your parents for your sister's well being. No matter what happens how much emotional drama takes place from your parents side, just be there for your sister. You have to fight your sister's battle for now.
Dude here.. Ive been through what she is experiencing rn.. and rebound is a real thing.. she needs a good support system around her (friends) and with time sheāll get better.. wish her a speedy recovery.Ā
she is already 33, world won't fall apart in another 2 years, getting married in itself is a big decision and ek se ek atrangi milenge abhi to trauma ko next level le jaane k liye, and a relationship of 8 years is going to take time to heal but it also feels the more time she would take the more reinforced idea of "all men are pigs" is going to be and she would never trust any man, well at this point she might be onto something, may be counseling would help?
Become a rebel by skipping your parents and directly telling these rishtedaars that infertility, miscarriages , postpartum depression due to bad mental health are also a biological reality but only the kind that sensible humans can grasp
I myself got married at 33 Pehle they were like Jane kyoun shadi nai kar rahi, jab shadi ka din aaya to they gossiped same age ke Dono ladka phasa ke shadi ki hogi, pregnant hogi Tabhi shadi kar rahi. Shadi ke 1 yr ke baad gossips lagta hai bacchha nai ho raha. Bacchha ho gaya to bacchhe is Wheatish uspe comments. When it came to my kid I have put my foot down ki say something against my baby I will swallow you alive. Interesting thing is the same relatives call me to check if my husband has a cousin eligible for marriage for their daughter as my in laws are well off and very well behaved all the time.
If she has the means, ask her to move out of the house for some time with some belongings with some friend or with you to a place. Being in the house isn't helping her for now, but she shouldn't be alone.
Also, as to why people cheat and how they can do it so easily? I have no clue. I'm a man here, and, seeing so much cheating around and in my own past relationship, I've started to despise sex altogether because of how cheap people have made it.
Bhai Rishtedaro ke naam aur number pm mai do. Sorry for the language, but I will personally make sure ek ek ki jeewan ki yesi maa chodunga ki saalo ko hagne ki fursat nahi hogi.
I actually have something which is helpful in this regard. I am a lawyer and the past 6 divorce cases that I have taken up have been regarding couples who were not ready for the institution of marriage, were forced into arranged marriages, and ultimately ended up divorcing, with everyone filing criminal case against everyone. The cases, for the most part, got ugly and everyone ended up regretting the marriage. Even the parents.
You have to make them understand how problematic this can be. If she isnt compatible and they end up divorcing, uske baad poore samaaj me kitni beizzati hogi. Indian parents, middle class especially, is more worried about what the rishtedaars would say. So give them a taste of their own medicine. Divorce hoga, to fir beti se koi shaadi bhi nahi karega, aur poora samaj me beizzati hogi. Let your sister heal, buy her as much time as you can. Best wishes.
Weak mental health ki vajah se agar suicide kar liya to "weak biological clock" ka kya achar dalege sab?
Mental health is joke for parents generations...(specially rishtedars)
Honestly and no offence tell your relatives to go to hell man ...
It's your sister not theirs they will tell u a billion this..everyone knows to sit and give opinion when it's not related to them
First and foremost take care of your sister ,I know it's tough for her but she has to heal mentally ,she has gone thru a lot
Secondly sit down with your parents privately and tell them to not force her to get married..worst case scenario she does marry someone and then realised she made a mistake and she will feel more depressed..tell her to love her life and not bow down to anyone
Fuck your relatives, do u want to loose her?
What happens if she makes a rash decision ?
Im sure u are worried about her and i cab understand the parents concern, but will you be responsible if something bad happens due to this pressure?
Give her some time ,let her breathe and take her somewhere.
This whole situation can be sorted out if she opens up and for that she needs support.
Support her ,be there when these questions are asked .
This is the most crucial part of her life so be a supportive person for her she can lean on.
Even if she meets a guy.. She should talk for 2-3months before deciding... Things don't get forward quickly, so she will have time... She can try to start few months after breakup
One thing I can say and everyone who are in a relationship can jot it down,
If you have been in a relationship for over 2 years and arr 26+ and your partner makes one excuse or the other to avoid marriage, then leave them, they are never gonna do it. Go for a Arranged Marriage or on Matrimonial website where people have clear intention of getting married.
People waste so many years, and invest so much emotionally like OPs sister only to see the inevitable end.
Exactly. My mom says this. Such people have no intention of marrying the person they are dating. They are mostly looking for another person (maybe arrange) to marry
My cousin was with her bf for 3 years from 28 to 31 by the end of which he legit told her his family isnt agreeing and dumped her and got married to a girl of his community 6 months later. Like why waste her time if u knew your parents weren't going to agree? Why say u will fight when u have no intentions. She was so heartbroken when this happened. And that ah started calling and msging her again while his wife was pregnant, and my cousin had to finally change her number to get rid of him. She is 35 now and doesn't want to get married anymore even though she is meeting people coz my bade papa and mummy are pressuring her, specially a lot since I am 5 years younger to her and I have been married 3 years already. Her own brother is 33 and has been married 3 years now. And my bua's kids are all married too.
To say I miss u and to want to have an affair. I have seen his one sided msgs from multiple numbers on her phone after she would block the previous. I was like kaise log hai yeh, kya ho raha hai.
I thought all this cheating and stuff is more in the early 20s or maybe at least late 20s. And then people would eventually grow up, mature and be responsible. His wife is pregnant and he wanted to have an affair with exš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø. How can people be soo unethical
Itās horrible but unfortunately so common, no one is more of a horn* dog than a man whose wife is pregnant or recently post birth. To balance I have seen men be very caring and loving at that time tooā¦but some, just ugh.
Nah lol for optimal results, dating for 2 years and then living together for atleast 1 year so that you are absolutely sure. But this 2 year thing only works when you are settled in life, if you are not then I don't think you should be with a partner who is forcing marriage.
Are you serious lol. Although yes many of these guys go for casual but there are many people who want to do masters PhD become doctors. Then they should not date till their late 20s/early 30s right. Your suggestion is downright stupid.
Career and marriage are two different parallels of life.
Our generation mixes them up and be miserable and lonely.
From this logic, one shouldn't even be in a relationship or live in setup before they get "settled".
If earnings and getting "settled" was a criterion for marriage, then 90% of people wouldn't get married at all in India. Job changes do happen after marriage as well. So does getting skilled up, promotions, learnings and everything. It is just an excuse that people with commitment issues make.
Marriages should not be solely based on the earning factor but rather on the fact that you need a partner for life. Life can show you ups and downs, that doesn't mean that when person won't be earning, their partner will leave the marriage.
Also you mentioned PhD and Masters, you will be shocked to see how many PhDs are already married before they start their doctorate, not just in India, but also abroad in countries like USA and UK. Even in Masters, there are many students who are already married.
Same thing happened with me, my ex (10 years) cheated me twice then we came back together because she knew how she can make me emotional. She was living in Australia for work till 2020 and i don't know why she blocked me from everywhere when she landed in India. Its still a mystery š.
Your sister need to play strong to make that sick person guilty for cheating her
Time is the best healer. Make your parents understand that itās not right to force her to marry someone , give her time. Time is the only thing thatās going to help move her on from this. Let her get stable and strong enough to realise that the person turned out be an asshole and is not worth crying over. Be there for her , make her busy , try to get along and go outside visit to a mall for shopping or anything, eat good food.
And as you said he was a coworker, Iāve never been in these office environment but make her understand that heās just another person now and face him in the office just like you do any other co worker. Do your work and keep it to yourself , no need to indulge otherwise and donāt change jobs unless absolutely necessary.
I hope she gets out of this soon and you with your parents have a quite an important role to play in that. If your parents force her to marry , itās very much possible that both lives - your sister and the person she marries get destroyed.
Something similar happened to one of my friends. She dated the guy for 9ish yrs and he cheated on her. And that too with her own college friend. She was heartbroken.
Cut to 2 yrs. the guy in his early 30s got a heart attack and will never be able to live his life to the fullest because of his health condition. The girl he was dating is not so sure anymore. My friend is now happily married to someone else.
Karma man karma, it settles down everything but does revenge help? All it does is settling you down for sometime. Best thing is, take your sweet time and move on, I know it is easier said than done, but look around probably everyone has had a breakup and everyone moved on, so when everyone can why can't you. Take sometime, try Vipassana if that helps but move on. Distract yourself, rewire and spring back.
Karma isn't real dude.There is plenty of shit happenimg all around the world and people have gotten away with it.We talk about karma because it gives us feeling of hope,the satisfaction that if they wronged us they will suffer too but that shit ain't real.I mean how do only few people get their karma and alot of them don't?
Karma doesn't exist. And seeking joy in someone else's misery doesn't count as moving on. Our perception makes us believe he got what he deserved with his medical condition but it doesn't really mean anything.
Kinda love. But this was a shocker for me. I never believed in Karma before this. I was always like you know i either tell the person off or forget about the person. But this was an eye opener. Its like the 3rd law of newton.
I hope your sister gets healedā¦ its a tough and a painful journey which she has to carry out herself only! I have been thru this and it is a gut wrenching journey which takes away your sanity and makes you question yourself and your decisions š¢
But you have to make her believe that it wasnt her fault or her wrong doings.. maybe things were destined to be this way! š¢š
My gf who was in relationship with me for 5 years , started when we were 19 and was going well till we were 24. I was in the thought of planning our marriage. But suddenly one evening she came and broke up with me through text.
I tried convincing her, but it was of no use. I tried many things. Then after 6 months of mental instability, I went to her and spoke my heart out. It made me cry in the streets( first time in my life).
She just didn't say a word. And i understood she is not really the person I like. She is a cold hearted ill mannered girl .
So from that day onwards, I never wished to talk to her , be part of her life. I still have a very small desire to see her life going in wrong directions. But I feel it's natural after all the hurt i have endured.
I get you, as i have gone through something similar, and mine was 3 years and i am 21 now, although we never really talked about marriage yet cause people break up after like 6 years and so on, right? But, we were in a committed relationship and i confronted him that since it's been quite long and if this goes on i will want to get married and settle down with him . And he panicked and literally was ready to break up and God knows i asked him everything like why and all . i tried my best to make him stay. I was a fool. And you know what, a few days after he started to act so nonchalant like since i am not his girlfriend anymore, he literally was being rude, inconsiderate and everything. It broke my heart. i cried in front of my parents who aren't as chill. And couldn't eat for days. It's not been long since but, i am doing better. I am not that good of a person to hope that he does all so well in his life . But one thing is clear, all this time, he didn't love me. I felt it, he probably knew it but stuck around cause he probably didn't have any better option at that time. Cause he in fact said that to me.And i stuck around cause i am probably insecure and thinking that he would get better and i actually loved him more than myself. So, yeah, it's a task to unlove someone but since he does not give a fuss if I die tomorrow, i shouldn't too.
I dont know what to sayā¦ its just too hard!
The world has become really cold and I think no one cares!
Its the trust which makes or breaks not only the relationships but the humans too. Once this is broken, the person breaks from inside.. those broken pieces cannot be mended or healed ever again in life!
Whether its male or female irrespective of their gender, do not give hope to your partner specially for those who are in longer durations coz u may not have planned out things as you may be taking it casually, but your partner must have thought about committing their entire life on this!
Yup this world has become too cold ...i dont understand one thing ...even if you have fallen out of love...why wont you inform your partner before getting into new relationship??
That guy started picking fight my sister on little things and became quiet distant ..thats when we realized that something is off. Maybe he was trying to make my sister break up first ...so he has no burden of doing that. Or maybe he didnot want to look like the guilty one.
Yes the classic technique of abusing your partner on small stuff and looking for a reason to breakup. I can feel the pain. I had a breakup last year (Oct/Nov), now got to know that she will be marrying another person soon, who she has only been dating for months. Got abused in the end, I ended up saying stupid shit and she kind of dumped me. He just wanted to put the blame on your sister so that she grieves and suffers while he justifies the break up. You know one day people like these will suffer and rot. There is no value for feelings and love nowadays.
I am also 28.5, now facing the pressure of marriage as well. Unfortunately your sister has even less time, she would have difficulty finding an arranged partner. That's how the world is. It sucks. Honestly, getting her married soon would be better. Otherwise when she feels all alone while seeing his bf enjoying his life, this would kill her. This is killing me as well. This is a very tough situation for her. Grieving would take months till a year and by that time it becomes problematic for her to carry a child and reduce the chances of getting a good match.
Well even though I agree with some of the advice you have mentioned here, I donāt think she should get married as a healing method. What if she doesnāt like her partner? Or still feels she has not moved on her from her ex? Sirf wohi trauma mein nahi raheygi, uska husband bhi trauma mein ajayega. Cycle will continue and it must stop with her. She should become strong on her own and not use other person to heal
I have felt shit too for wasting my prime over my decade long relationship but from my experience just one suggestion iāll give to not rush into marriage straight away. Many times, just the pressure to get married make us to make wrong choice and we end up regretting the marriage too.Ā
Whatever has happened with your sister is brutal for sure and must be extremely hard to deal with at the moment but on the brighter side she got to know the real monster and is not married to him, trust me itās a blessing. She dodged a bullet. Imagine being married to someone like that. Yeah best is to give her some time while constantly supporting her. Especially Interms of food, taking her out and telling her positive things. I understand you are also angry but try not to show it in front of her. Tell her how lucky she is to have escaped him and things like that. Hopefully she should get over this soon.
First understand that certain people are AH. We wear seatbelts while driving right? And soldiers use bulletproof vests. So we must also have certain rules to protect ourselves physically and emotionally from these AH. Constantly being vulnerable is not an option.
Block that cheater. Everywhere. Protect your sister from him if you're capable. Take your sister to a therapist if you can. Or go on a family vacation. Try to spend time with her.
Iāve no idea how people are able to give up on long term relationships like this. If youāre not capable of one, donāt ruin another life. Sorry she has to go through this. You can collectively communicate with your parents for time so she can move on and make a better choice.
If I were in her place, I would apply to another city - away from this person, parents, and relatives...and start therapy. Find my peace first. Therapists are costly but they offer a safe place to talk. Bengaluru is my place of choice for counseling and therapy.
I have no words for cheaters. Day in and day out, I have seen one partner investing their all in a relationship and the other one is seeing at just fun, something to abuse, or transactional.
Mera to pyaar se vishwaas hi uth gaya hai. I hope your sister heals soon. I have been through the mourning process after my marriage broke down (not divorced but living separately) - denial, anger, depression, detachment - and only then healing begins. I think she's in the first phase now.
Healing will take time...and perhaps, marriage is not healthy for her until she gets healed.
My ex cheated and I was pregnant then. It was horrible. Then he came back when I was about to deliver. I have him a second chance for the childās sake and he cheated again. Anyway, I am in a much better place now. Things do get better. I am sorry for what your sister is going through. Just be there for here and she will soon feel better
This is not an advice but here the thing.
This is the harsh reality of dating. You don't know how commited the other person is. The other person can leave you anytime.
And also your sister made the conscious decision of being with him and waiting for him for 8 years. Him leaving her was a definite possibility. He has to be blamed but she can't keep crying now for long, this is life. Hope you get it. This happens so frequently everywhere where some people spend 5+ years in serious relationships just to breakup.
The only option would be for your sister to get over him somehow. The best option would be for her to take some time and then decide whether or not she wants to marry/be in another relationship. Let her take her time. All the best to her.
Oh ya and also please tell your parents to stop bothering her personal life.
You know why it works in writing? Because it is the right thing to do and doing the right thing is almost always the hardest thing to do but you still got to do it.
I think you not your sister but you should meet that girl and let her know he already in a 8 yr long relationship before starting with you so if he can cheat on her then he can cheat on you too. (If the other girl is innocent)
Sadly a lot of ppl are like that
They won't marry the person they are dating for years and marry the second one in months.
Tell her it's not her fault.
Nothing she could have done to make this not happen.
He's an asshole and she deserves better.
Hopefully she heals soon. And I'm sure someone will love her the right way.
Girls date red flags and marry the green flags.
It's a common thing, what's the surprise in this ?
Wait for few months, she'll come to normal and by that time you and your parents choose the perfect husband for her.
Let her lose all hope and once she is broken enough she'll rebuild herself strong enough to not fall for scums like him but also keep care of your parents ik they want good for there daughter but idts she can handle marriage to a stranger right away
Hey! I went through the exact same thing a year back except I am 27 now and I am an UPSC aspirant. I can feel her pain. Please be with her, tell her to engage in new things, reconcile with her friends, tell her to express herself through talking, writing, anything. If required, consult a therapist or psychologist. It helps.
Tell her to explore her spritual side. She must be questioning everything right now, tell her to look for the'why' in religious texts like Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta and some YouTube videos I am recommending below:
1. https://youtu.be/veEQQ-N9xWU?si=Jj5GW__mW61JhHn5
2. https://youtu.be/k5RH3BdXDOY?si=vQdbDclmimmO83_7
3. https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o?si=i7X0LIQPw9SprqO-
4. https://youtu.be/8kX62n6yNXA?si=C9Ea5meH-uyJWmpG
(exurb1a videos can be a little thought provoking and challenging for the current state but that's what we have to do eventually, challenge our ongoing notion.)
Some of my favourites:
1. https://youtu.be/XuyADFBAe2Q?si=n7hklrJWVrVCV8yH
2. https://youtu.be/ReS_JQIqB_I?si=WGa4ayTHYdNSe97y
3. https://youtu.be/-0wCh5wU3yc?si=NrIC_JE1XXl7Wn7b
I recommend you to watch all of them first then send them to your sister.
She will not realise it now but she will be grateful for what happened sometime later. If you can, make your parents understand. I have been the first hand receiver of this humiliation of getting married but now as I am recovered, I am planning to move to a new city away from my parents for some time off. Parents don't understand after a certain point which I understand therefore we ourselves need to find a way.
The greatest help would be listening to her, being with her. Be it you, her friends or new people in life.
I would have recommended a rebound, but it is not healthy for personal development in such times.
Also, please don't let her get comfortable in the current state of numbness or depression, it is really dangerous in the long term.
Hope it helps.
All the best.
If a man is not interested, be will never be interested. He'll be using you as someone to sleep with and you can never climb the ladder and get married, if u force him and get married he won't love you. If a man is interested, he will immediately make arrangements.
See, your sister should have realised it earlier after multiple attempts to get him to commit. What's happening now is the new guy who she's gonna marry will also likely suffer as she's attached and being forced to move on.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but you should also try and contact the new girl and caution her. Fitrat nahi badalti kisiki. If he cheated on one long term partner, I wouldn't be surprised if he does the same to her after a few years.
Go and shatter his bones. Go talk with his parents, do not let your sister crying when that guy is being without remorse. That guy might realise the mistake
Legally, your sister can ruin the life of this guy as sex on the pretense of marriage is equivalent of rape. Obviously, I'm assuming a lot here so apologies for the same. But such guys should be taught a lesson.
He broke up mentally with her long before that 8 years. He didn't decide on moving on at the last minute. He may have had a lot of internal battles and wasn't happy with the relationship long before 8 years.
It sucks, but that's the price of love.
Try to control your parents and give her time to heal. It's not the best to jump to a new one soon after.
1) Take her to therapy. That will help. That's really the solution to this stuff. Your sister needs direction in life. She may also need to get her eggs frozen, because fertility drops beyond 35. In order tk do this she needs to have a handle on her issues. ( Those which lead her to choose this guy who may have been manipulative - though it's entirely possible that there were long term problems in the relationship not to discount that )
Also, I don't mean to be rude, but you come across as naiive.
You should start understanding that bad people exist, and start learning how to protect yourself from them.
To learn to look behind the charm. To fall in love with genuineness. It takes testing at times to figure it out.
"How can you do this...?" Is a question asked by a person who doesn't understand the psychology of evil.
Educate yourself on narcissim. Psychopathy, sociopathy. Abusiveness, toxicity.
Gaslighting, manipulation and lying etc.
Read stories on reddit. Watch therapists channels on YouTube to understand what a healthy relationship actually looks like.
The guy did not cheat -> he basically time passed, took advantage of your sister. He did not marry someone for 8 yrs and is then going to marry someone in just 2 mnths. I thinkĀ he hadĀ already made up his mind long back to leave your sis, the point he got someone he left.
File a case of 'dhoka' or something under pretext of marriage .... these idiots need to be taught a lesson.Ā
She started relationship at 25, there was absolutely no reason to wait for 8 years. In a couple years they should have been married. Sorry, wrong judgement on her part and more importantly on family. Parents should have been more āparentsā, and not behave like a friend. 8-year long relationship for a 33 year old is red flag in itself. How were parents ok with it for this long?
First ask parents & relatives to keep calm , second tell your sister everything will be fine , she will find 10 times better person than that shitty ex , rn she might not understand but life is so beautiful but time will heal everything and she will come out it stronger and better for sure , she's lucky to have her sister by her side .
Don't ask anyone anything
People are stupid to break the heart of someone who loves them dearly
Karma comes back and hits them where it hurts the most
Your sister should take some time for herself and then move on as she likes
Sometimes life has better plans for you
So just be patient and trust the process
This is coming from a person who got cheated on in his last relationship, mine was only a year long relationship, but didi ka to 8 saal, I can only imagine. I am so glad she has PPL like you who she can rely on in this time.
And tu bhai hai uska, gaand tod saale ka jaake. Meri behen (mu boli) literally went with her friends and beat my exes ass.
Fyi if he did anything in false pretence of marriage, your sis can sue him and ruin his life.
The guy will regret later. Long term relationships have deep impact on mental health. The guy who broke up will always have the doubt that what if he hadn't broke up with your lovely sister.. this doubt is enough to ruin his life..
So karma will eat him. Your sister will heal after few months of care from family.
These people are the lowest of the lowest. But on the bright side, your sister dodged a bullet. Sometimes people can be so selfish that they forget about the consequences of their actions. But hey once a cheater is always a cheater. Let karma do its magic. The only thing that helps is staying busy and giving enough time to heal, having been in such a situation myself, it feels really frustrating and disheartening when the person you trusted with everything leaves you shattered into a million little pieces and you are just left to gather them one by one every single day.
My husband left me after 10 years together out of which we were married for 3 and for my best friend none the less. Itās been 4 years since this all uncovered and its still hard I dont think il be the same person again but thatās the beauty I became the person I was meant to become. Focus on yourself and your future. I realised love for myself and my happiness are my responsibility and anything more that I get from anyone is just a bonus. This feeling will pass but you shall prevail
Hey, Iām really sorry about your sister. This is going to be a tough one. Speaking out of personal experience, this is going to take a while . Just being there for her is very important. Let her talk when sheās ready and just listen. No advice , just listen. She'll go in the zine of venting soon. And she'll need someone for that emotional release. Sometimes, thatās all someone needs.
I would strongly recommend talking to a therapist, when she's ready.
Now I know your parents mean well, but pushing her to meet new guys and think about marriage right now might be too much. She needs time to heal first. Rishtedars can fack off. As per the conventional nirma , she is already 33 , so losing an year or 2 doesn't matter .
The important thing is that you remind her that this isnāt about her worth. She deserves someone who truly appreciates her. This wasnāt her fault. That guy sucks.
As for why people cheat and move on easily, itās usually their own issues, not anything she did. Thinking about it is not going to help anyone. Cheating is his karma. And it's his responsibility to deal with the consequences.
This might sound cruel but you all are pretty gullible if you donāt see the signs that your long term partner wonāt cheat or leave you. The fact that he āneeded timeā was definitely a red flag.
There are two sides of the coin . Assuming she is 8 years in a relationship. I am thinking she might be in early 30s. Obviously this is time to settle down so people will put pressure but also delaying marriage too long has its own complications. Basically she needs to set the time when she wants to settle down
Give her sometimeā¦.let her come out of this . Time is the biggest healer . Make your parents understand that rushing her into a marriage right now will only make things harder for her . Try to be there for your sisterā¦take her out to eat , go for shopping together, plan a trip somewhere. The main thing is to distract her and then in sometime your sister will not even think about that loser bf . It will take some time but Iām sure your sister will come out of it very soon.
I was in the same boat as her, it doesn't feel good to be cheated on, she should definitely see a therapist and see how it goes on from there, it worked for me
Humans have a habit to get distracted by shiny things... It's not fair. That co-worker (that's what he should be from now on) deserves some big carma backlash š
Find a good man who'll understand your sister and take care of her. This is your responsibility now.
You're sister will probably never heal from that trauma what you can do is help her move on.
Move on krne ke liye you need another person and it's true
Ese ni hota move on Ghar m Beth ke rone se
Vo bhi 8 saal ka relationship
I can understand pr yahi sach h
Golden thumb rule for girls, no matter what your guy will cheat you anyway if given a chance. It's just about the brim and the water will surely spill out of the glass. So don't get touchy and emotional. I know it's wrong but it is what it is.
I am sorry for your sister's situation. Please take care of her by doing things that would make her happy. Take her out, take her for trekking, movies, etc, whatever distracts her mind off things.Ā
One of the most important aspects of a relationship is expectations. Especially when you hit a certain age and expect something long term and lasting.
Always set a limit to compromises you are making for the other person and make sure they know of the compromise so that they don't take you for granted.
As for your sister, I'd suggest she should take a break from everything and go for a long vacation either with someone close to her or with family to process the grief/betrayal she's going through. Therapy will also help her in moving on.
Instead of doing something vengeful that is not going to help her or do any sufficient damage to the other person. She should direct all the anger, frustration and helplessness towards the act of her getting better.
Hope this helps š
Listen, nobody cheats with a sudden change of heart. They always were cheating you just didn't knew it. They always had their mind made up that ' one day I will leave her'. They had already planned for this. Now, men are the most bastard specimen. If a man loves a girl he will never leave her..he will die but leaving her is never an option. But if he doesn't then he will try everywhere..keep backups.hit on everyone..will date someone with full enthusiasm..oh yes they are a very good liar and somewhere in the back of their mind it's this thought..that I will marry this 'nice girl'. And that nice girl is not the one he is currently dating.
First support your sister and see how she can come out this. It will take sometime for her to come out. After which try to understand what she wants in her life going ahead and decide on next course of action. All the best
Happened with a friend of mine, known him from childhood. His ex left him after 9 years as the guy was still unemployed in his late 20's and girl was earning good money. He is depressed now, putting Jaun Elia shayaris on status. Mind you this guy is a complete asshole who treated everyone like trash around him, friends,family everyone. Maybe he deserved it all.
THERAPY. Immediately! This will help in her dealing the emotional troubles of her past, her handling of the relationship with parents and create a future outlook faster. Cannot stress this enough. Shit happens but if she and everyone else wants her out of this asap, therapy is the way. Good luck man! These things are hard.
I canāt even imagine what she might be going through, you need to be there for her and keep assuring her that it is going to be okay. I was in a relationship for 8 years with my now husband before getting married. So I know what 8 years mean.. it is a lot of time, and one canāt imagine for this to happen.
Take her for a trip.. and let her take things slow.
She will be absolutely fine brother. She deserve so much better than that dog . Dont take advice from strangers on reddit , thats the only thing i can say. May be see a family counselor where you both can go and figure out a actionable way to tackle feelings in short term. She will be absolutely okay. I hope your resurgence is nothing short of a ferocious beast.
Its okay. it is what it is.
I dont know what to say, all i can say is you can take revenge, there are many ways you can do that be creative. Or just stay with your sister console her travel, eat good food ask your sisterās friends to help you out in this.
The only thing that you are not supposed to do is let your sister give up on life, so what? Itās eight years of your life. Just done to dust. They still more you might think Iām saying garbage. common stuff and all, but itās true. Thatās the only thing that you can do.
I think your parents are kinda right because your sisters age is already 33 and in India after the age of 30 (so many irrelevant noises starts to creep in especially for a girl) take some time not more than a year and get her married .
One thing I do for moving on is change of scenery - pursue a new hobby, go on a trip, keep myself occupied. If it is hampering your sister's professional life, she can look for something which gets her promoted maybe in the same company or a different one. Also, if things are getting way too overwhelming, she can opt for counseling too, or meditation, prayer retreats etc. Handling betrayal, marriage pressure and regularly seeing that person in your office can be a lot.
I had 12 years relationship with a girl and she left me when I told her that I am financially struggling. She didnāt want to do job but she wanted a partner who have everything. She didnāt even tell her parents about me and on the other hand she told me that she is discussing with her parents about me . This all gave me a trauma, I tried to take my life at that time . Time has passed now I am living good life &taking care of my family and realized that love is total blind. After she left I realized that one should be working on self continuously so that no one can think about leaving you. And one more thing every relation breaks at time so be prepare living alone. Work on yourself always, one day someone will love you effortlessly.
To answer your question, I was cheated on my by my gf 6 times. I was naive and kept forgiving until I had too much.
No, they donāt feel any guilt or remorseā¦.until karma buttfucks them. Then suddenly the guilt and remorse come (albeit too late in some cases, and youāve already moved on)
My ex ended up dating another guy; he got her pregnant (that she had to abort), used to abuse her emotionally and physically, was a loser and depended on her for money etc.
She broke up with him after realising what a douche he was, and how good I was
You have to find a way to offer her a different perspective. Instead of thinking of this situation as a situation of loss, help her understand her gain.
She was set to dedicate her whole life to a person like this.
While she might feel like she has lost out on 8 years because of this person. She has gained a lifetime of not having to deal with cheating etc. I'm sure there is a lot about their relationship that will come into perspective for her as time passes which will make moving on easier. But breakups are hard, so I hope your parents will let her take her time to heal before she's open to meeting someone more worthy of her.
If she would like to seek professional help, I am a therapist, and I'd be happy to help her navigate through this.
I have been through it. It wasnāt as long as this but my ex bf did the same to me and I am a Marwari and for them ,getting their daughter married by 25 is the only motive because they live for society, they do everything to be in good eyes of society .They wont bother to care about what their child wants or needs at the moment. I was pressurised like anything. I also have a younger sister who stood by my side but she also suffered mentally because of how hollow my parents would talk. She couldnāt believe that this was our parents . If we keep doing as they like, we are good children otherwise we are just not good enough to them. They made sure that in the eyes of the society they remain good parents and that its us who are bad and that we dont have any good values left all because we stopped agreeing or accepting things we wouldnāt like or be okay with.
It came to this point where we left our hometown, which is jaipur, with an excuse of me being called to work, which is in gurugram, and that i would need to report to office as the covid had almost settled by then and thats how i escaped it. It wasnāt easy even later but manageable being us at a distance from them , they kinda lost the power to control us.
I took my time to process what happened with my ex and grieved a lot. It takes its own time to process and heal from what you have gone through and going back home felt like a torture coz of how controlling ny parents have been and my parents wouldnāt leave a single opportunity to get back their control and dominance in our lives. They would bring up the same topic over and over again without understanding the situation . So we eventually reduced going home too and honestly even then it wouldnāt bother them much . All they were worried about or pissed at was them loosing control of our lives.
This did something very horrible last year that we made sure we wouldnāt let it slip away . Everytime they would do something wrong we would let it go or even they would say that whatever happened just happened. Dont take it to your heart. But this time , they just crossed all the heights of being a narcissist and we decided to not let it go. We told them what they did wasnāt okay and if they keep behaving like that we might stop coming home or even not talk.
They settled for a while because of course they dont want us to not come home not because they would be sad but because what would they tell the society?? But started showing back the true colors eventually. So i have understood , they wont understand and that I need to understand that I shouldnāt expect that from them instead i should just maintain some distance and live peacefully.
I have an answer but itās not going to be one you like.
They donāt care. They donāt care that they cheated. See the thing is great humans donāt cheat and are honest if they donāt want monogamy.
Like how do people in ISIS live with themselves or pedophiles or any of it and the simple answer is theyāre convinced itās okay to be this person.
You can keep asking a cow why it isnāt a horse and be disappointed it isnāt a horse or you can acknowledge that different people are at different levels of good and bad.
Thank goodness she found out before she got married to him. Divorce really sucks.
We all carry the burden of our mistakes. She needs to do the best she can do to better her life.
I have seen women deal with this in these ways
- Move abroad. New place, fresh mindset, open culture, no pressure for marriage as everyone marries late.
- Increase tension in bf's household with a threat to go to the police, let them not sleep a few weeks.
- Get married to the most normal guy she can find. Normal as per your standards only not high-figh, its hard to find normal itself.
- Therapy
Stepwise : Therapy > Move on > Marriage > Move out
Accept that a tragedy has happened, it could not have been avoided and there are bigger problems in life than heartbreak. I have seen a poor man's son die doing blue collar work in Maldives, families with only autistic kids, loss of entire family's wealth due to an untimely death/scam, loss of a limb due to a fit of rage, loss of career opportunities due to just one wrong/hasty move, rickshawallas joining hands with political classes to irritate middle class folks, loss of only child to spouse's control/in-laws. All of these can happen to anyone, even rich folks, I feel you know this just as well as I do.
33 is a dangerous age to be single for a Delhi based person. Lot of comments say MC/BC ristedar/society but they have some power over your well being as we are all social animals.
Sorry to hear about your sister and hope she recovers from the trauma soon.
But when people are in relationship, they need to think rationally from time to time rather than just listening to their heart. I guess your sister is an optimistic person who mostly see good in people and trusted her bf blindly.
Your sister should have kept a hard stance about getting married post 2 years of relation, atleast got engaged or just move on as 8 years is a long time to waste for some a\*\*hole.
I agree..its unfortunate what has happened but she is 33.. I hVe seen so many of .my good natured friends not find anyone after a long breakup..yes it takes time to heal..but the circumstances are such she will have to be a fighter for herself if she wants to live a happy life.. jitna wallow karoge pity and haiye yeh kya hua utna tum reality se door jaoge
My brother went through something similar, but in his case parents were very supportive. After giving my brother some time instead of forcing him to meet new girls they showed cooperative nature where they actively helped in matching his, obviously when he was comfortable and with is final choice of the girl. Today he is happily married. (Also that girl had the audacity to call my brother on the day of marriage and tell him that he is making the wrong choice, LMAO)
Hello. Idk if this is the right thing to ask rn. But I'm a 26 year old girl and my parents have been talking about marriage too. I've had a failed relationship 2 years ago and have been single ever since.
I am just curious to know if this man mentioned the reason why he chose the other girl. Did you guys enquire? Don't get me wrong. What he pulled is a douche move. But if it's ok with you, I'd like to know what goes on in men's heads when they do this.
It is very difficult to get into the mind of a cheater. Itās like a spectrum of psychological issues including psychopathy.
At this moment itās most important that your sister overcomes her mental and emotional issues and moves ahead in her life. Rishtedar and shareek be damned.
Itās good that the cheater in your sisterās life showed his true colors at this stage..before they got married. The fact that he decided to turn a couple months old fling into marriage shows that love between him and your sister was over long before this. Probably it was wishful thinking on your sisterās part that things would turn for the good.
Take your sister out for a siblings trip to some nice place (Mountains/ beach) to get her mind off of this crap.
Tell her that god has given her a chance to cut her losses and consider herself free from a lifetime of suffering had she married this man. she deserves a man who loves her equally and wants to go the extra mile for her. She should distract herself from this loss by focusing on her career and other pursuits.
Mostly tell her never to loose hope, her knight in shining armour might be looking for her aswell. š
I have been in the exact same space took me years to heal and i still cant trust people easily. She need time, you should ensure she gets it. Her confidence in herself is shaken and will take time to heal.
Bhai pls take care of her.. kuch time ke liye don't force her for anything. Time heals everything. She is a gem.
Rishtedaro se tum uske behalf pe boldo ki abhi uska mn nahi hai jab hoga tb karegi.
Those who cheat on others are only too selfish narcissistic people so they move on easily.
Please help your sister to heal š and thanks for being such a good brother. Wishing I had a brother like you
I have been cheated on. The thing is. Cheaters have moved on from you waaaaayyyy back then you came to know about it. It's just that they don't show it. And yes it takes a toll. Toll on your mental health and life.
There is a lesson to be learned here. If you are 25 plus and you want to get married but the person keeps delaying break up. And ass holes never feel guilty karma never strikes them. They live happily ever after. If I were your sister I would let the new girl know what an asshole he is sure she will marry him regardless but it will create a doubt in her mind. I hope his new life is hell.
I'm not sure how that happened, how could your sister not know he was cheating on her? How could she not know he had no intentions of marriage? Was it not talked before? I am assuming... He might not be serious about her for a long time and your sister might be suppressed or uncared for in this relationship but she kept going with this. This is just my assumption about how this situation might have happened. I pray she will be okay soon.
Hey OP, may God help your sister through this difficult time. Nobody deserves such treatment and what your sister is going through. You could easily ruin the man's life. That's your choice. Your parents nee to chill out about her. last thing she needs is to get in relationship. Let her heal.
Just be there for her.Listen to her patiently give her a safe space to let it all out.Hug her,it will take some time but didi will be fine.Do stop your parents from forcing this marriage thing,it will be a shit show
I think it's difficult to understand anyone's thinking. People change and with time priorities change but cheating should not be forgiven. Confront that bastard for he needs to understand that what he has done is not right, playing with someone mental and emotional health just because you can is just not acceptable and forgivable.
Secondly I will suggest her to go under Counselling because they are professionally equipped to handle someone's emotions. Don't wait for depression to kick in and then go under Counselling. Trust me I have experience first handedly and didn't regret the early call of going to Counselling.
Thirdly, Please please don't get married until she is ready and out of this situation. Make your parents understand the long term consequences of this. It's better not to spoil her and the future partner's life as clearly she is not ready to move on right now.
Handle your parents . Don't force her to marry rn other wise due to her trauma she would take bad judgment and marry wrong person.
I have been saying same thing to my parents that we should not force her ...let her heal first. Lekin rhistedaaron ka kya karen unke according her biological clock is ticking. In this country there is no regard for a person's mental health.
Bhai you have to stand up like rock against your parents for your sister's well being. No matter what happens how much emotional drama takes place from your parents side, just be there for your sister. You have to fight your sister's battle for now.
Mkc un rishtedaaron ki aur unki iss soch ki
Mkc us ladke ki bhai fielding lagao bhai uski
Sahi bola bhai uski gaand fadva do
chill lmao
Ye vahi hai pakdo isko
!tip 10 š«”
/u/decorous_gru has tipped /u/Economy_Dust_9292 š 10.00000000 AWARD
Fuck the rishtedaars. If they try something horrible cut them off. You don't need toxic people in your life anyways.
Dude here.. Ive been through what she is experiencing rn.. and rebound is a real thing.. she needs a good support system around her (friends) and with time sheāll get better.. wish her a speedy recovery.Ā
she is already 33, world won't fall apart in another 2 years, getting married in itself is a big decision and ek se ek atrangi milenge abhi to trauma ko next level le jaane k liye, and a relationship of 8 years is going to take time to heal but it also feels the more time she would take the more reinforced idea of "all men are pigs" is going to be and she would never trust any man, well at this point she might be onto something, may be counseling would help?
Wait for 8 years and you get this. 2 3 years is enough by Indian standards
Become a rebel by skipping your parents and directly telling these rishtedaars that infertility, miscarriages , postpartum depression due to bad mental health are also a biological reality but only the kind that sensible humans can grasp
I myself got married at 33 Pehle they were like Jane kyoun shadi nai kar rahi, jab shadi ka din aaya to they gossiped same age ke Dono ladka phasa ke shadi ki hogi, pregnant hogi Tabhi shadi kar rahi. Shadi ke 1 yr ke baad gossips lagta hai bacchha nai ho raha. Bacchha ho gaya to bacchhe is Wheatish uspe comments. When it came to my kid I have put my foot down ki say something against my baby I will swallow you alive. Interesting thing is the same relatives call me to check if my husband has a cousin eligible for marriage for their daughter as my in laws are well off and very well behaved all the time.
Ha ha. Husband ka Cousin Jaldi Pesh ho !!
Gaand maar rishtedaroon ki. You don't live your life based on advice from assholes.
If she has the means, ask her to move out of the house for some time with some belongings with some friend or with you to a place. Being in the house isn't helping her for now, but she shouldn't be alone. Also, as to why people cheat and how they can do it so easily? I have no clue. I'm a man here, and, seeing so much cheating around and in my own past relationship, I've started to despise sex altogether because of how cheap people have made it.
Bhai Rishtedaro ke naam aur number pm mai do. Sorry for the language, but I will personally make sure ek ek ki jeewan ki yesi maa chodunga ki saalo ko hagne ki fursat nahi hogi.
bro just focus on career and money ladko ki mkc saala shaadi krke bhi koi khushi nahi milne wali usko marriage is not the solution
Ye rishtedaar saale. Ruk tu address de ek baar
I actually have something which is helpful in this regard. I am a lawyer and the past 6 divorce cases that I have taken up have been regarding couples who were not ready for the institution of marriage, were forced into arranged marriages, and ultimately ended up divorcing, with everyone filing criminal case against everyone. The cases, for the most part, got ugly and everyone ended up regretting the marriage. Even the parents. You have to make them understand how problematic this can be. If she isnt compatible and they end up divorcing, uske baad poore samaaj me kitni beizzati hogi. Indian parents, middle class especially, is more worried about what the rishtedaars would say. So give them a taste of their own medicine. Divorce hoga, to fir beti se koi shaadi bhi nahi karega, aur poora samaj me beizzati hogi. Let your sister heal, buy her as much time as you can. Best wishes.
Weak mental health ki vajah se agar suicide kar liya to "weak biological clock" ka kya achar dalege sab? Mental health is joke for parents generations...(specially rishtedars)
Tell them there is no difference between 33 and 34, be it marriage market or biological clock. She definitely needs more time to heal.
Here your brotherly protective instinct should wake up and say NO.
Put more pressure on your parents than your stupid relatives do. Also be there for your sister
Tell them their own biological clock is ticking and they should take it easy so that it doesn't stop š
Honestly and no offence tell your relatives to go to hell man ... It's your sister not theirs they will tell u a billion this..everyone knows to sit and give opinion when it's not related to them First and foremost take care of your sister ,I know it's tough for her but she has to heal mentally ,she has gone thru a lot Secondly sit down with your parents privately and tell them to not force her to get married..worst case scenario she does marry someone and then realised she made a mistake and she will feel more depressed..tell her to love her life and not bow down to anyone
sab ko apna biological clock handle karna chahiye. dusron ke biological clock me taang nahi ladana chahiye.
Fuck your relatives, do u want to loose her? What happens if she makes a rash decision ? Im sure u are worried about her and i cab understand the parents concern, but will you be responsible if something bad happens due to this pressure? Give her some time ,let her breathe and take her somewhere. This whole situation can be sorted out if she opens up and for that she needs support. Support her ,be there when these questions are asked . This is the most crucial part of her life so be a supportive person for her she can lean on.
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People can live without marriage and reproduction.. Not a big deal. His sister can consider that
Even if she meets a guy.. She should talk for 2-3months before deciding... Things don't get forward quickly, so she will have time... She can try to start few months after breakup
THIS. healing is the most imp process and it needs time.
One thing I can say and everyone who are in a relationship can jot it down, If you have been in a relationship for over 2 years and arr 26+ and your partner makes one excuse or the other to avoid marriage, then leave them, they are never gonna do it. Go for a Arranged Marriage or on Matrimonial website where people have clear intention of getting married. People waste so many years, and invest so much emotionally like OPs sister only to see the inevitable end.
Exactly. My mom says this. Such people have no intention of marrying the person they are dating. They are mostly looking for another person (maybe arrange) to marry
My cousin was with her bf for 3 years from 28 to 31 by the end of which he legit told her his family isnt agreeing and dumped her and got married to a girl of his community 6 months later. Like why waste her time if u knew your parents weren't going to agree? Why say u will fight when u have no intentions. She was so heartbroken when this happened. And that ah started calling and msging her again while his wife was pregnant, and my cousin had to finally change her number to get rid of him. She is 35 now and doesn't want to get married anymore even though she is meeting people coz my bade papa and mummy are pressuring her, specially a lot since I am 5 years younger to her and I have been married 3 years already. Her own brother is 33 and has been married 3 years now. And my bua's kids are all married too.
Believe me, your cousin dodged a bullet. It is way better to stay alone rather than be with someone who lacks integrity and spine. I pity his wife.
Why TF does he call her š¤·āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø. I want to know what he goes on in their thought process
To say I miss u and to want to have an affair. I have seen his one sided msgs from multiple numbers on her phone after she would block the previous. I was like kaise log hai yeh, kya ho raha hai.
I thought all this cheating and stuff is more in the early 20s or maybe at least late 20s. And then people would eventually grow up, mature and be responsible. His wife is pregnant and he wanted to have an affair with exš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø. How can people be soo unethical
Itās horrible but unfortunately so common, no one is more of a horn* dog than a man whose wife is pregnant or recently post birth. To balance I have seen men be very caring and loving at that time tooā¦but some, just ugh.
She should've sent those msgs to his wife šæ
Emotional trauma is a huge downside to it. Everything started on wrong foot. We should listen to our parents for once and not be a rebel all the time.
Exactly. Dating for 2 years max. If he refuses to marry, dump him.
Nah lol for optimal results, dating for 2 years and then living together for atleast 1 year so that you are absolutely sure. But this 2 year thing only works when you are settled in life, if you are not then I don't think you should be with a partner who is forcing marriage.
if you broke you should not be dating in the first place
Are you serious lol. Although yes many of these guys go for casual but there are many people who want to do masters PhD become doctors. Then they should not date till their late 20s/early 30s right. Your suggestion is downright stupid.
Career and marriage are two different parallels of life. Our generation mixes them up and be miserable and lonely. From this logic, one shouldn't even be in a relationship or live in setup before they get "settled". If earnings and getting "settled" was a criterion for marriage, then 90% of people wouldn't get married at all in India. Job changes do happen after marriage as well. So does getting skilled up, promotions, learnings and everything. It is just an excuse that people with commitment issues make. Marriages should not be solely based on the earning factor but rather on the fact that you need a partner for life. Life can show you ups and downs, that doesn't mean that when person won't be earning, their partner will leave the marriage. Also you mentioned PhD and Masters, you will be shocked to see how many PhDs are already married before they start their doctorate, not just in India, but also abroad in countries like USA and UK. Even in Masters, there are many students who are already married.
Same thing happened with me, my ex (10 years) cheated me twice then we came back together because she knew how she can make me emotional. She was living in Australia for work till 2020 and i don't know why she blocked me from everywhere when she landed in India. Its still a mystery š. Your sister need to play strong to make that sick person guilty for cheating her
wow 10 years gone down the drain just like that, sorry for you man.
Time is the best healer. Make your parents understand that itās not right to force her to marry someone , give her time. Time is the only thing thatās going to help move her on from this. Let her get stable and strong enough to realise that the person turned out be an asshole and is not worth crying over. Be there for her , make her busy , try to get along and go outside visit to a mall for shopping or anything, eat good food. And as you said he was a coworker, Iāve never been in these office environment but make her understand that heās just another person now and face him in the office just like you do any other co worker. Do your work and keep it to yourself , no need to indulge otherwise and donāt change jobs unless absolutely necessary. I hope she gets out of this soon and you with your parents have a quite an important role to play in that. If your parents force her to marry , itās very much possible that both lives - your sister and the person she marries get destroyed.
Unconventional take. Does time really heal ? No, with time you learn to live with it until it doesnāt hurt as much.
It always hurts dear brother, you just are not left with more that could breakā¦..
It always hurts.. but the severity of hurt definitely reduces with time.. and you forget a lot of details šĀ
Time heals but the scar remains.
Something similar happened to one of my friends. She dated the guy for 9ish yrs and he cheated on her. And that too with her own college friend. She was heartbroken. Cut to 2 yrs. the guy in his early 30s got a heart attack and will never be able to live his life to the fullest because of his health condition. The girl he was dating is not so sure anymore. My friend is now happily married to someone else.
Karma man karma, it settles down everything but does revenge help? All it does is settling you down for sometime. Best thing is, take your sweet time and move on, I know it is easier said than done, but look around probably everyone has had a breakup and everyone moved on, so when everyone can why can't you. Take sometime, try Vipassana if that helps but move on. Distract yourself, rewire and spring back.
There is no such thing as karma. Its a cope. Bullies live much better lives than their victims.
Karma isn't real dude.There is plenty of shit happenimg all around the world and people have gotten away with it.We talk about karma because it gives us feeling of hope,the satisfaction that if they wronged us they will suffer too but that shit ain't real.I mean how do only few people get their karma and alot of them don't?
Karma doesn't exist. And seeking joy in someone else's misery doesn't count as moving on. Our perception makes us believe he got what he deserved with his medical condition but it doesn't really mean anything.
AM ?
Kinda love. But this was a shocker for me. I never believed in Karma before this. I was always like you know i either tell the person off or forget about the person. But this was an eye opener. Its like the 3rd law of newton.
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Thank you for these amazing words. š
I hope your sister gets healedā¦ its a tough and a painful journey which she has to carry out herself only! I have been thru this and it is a gut wrenching journey which takes away your sanity and makes you question yourself and your decisions š¢ But you have to make her believe that it wasnt her fault or her wrong doings.. maybe things were destined to be this way! š¢š
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My gf who was in relationship with me for 5 years , started when we were 19 and was going well till we were 24. I was in the thought of planning our marriage. But suddenly one evening she came and broke up with me through text. I tried convincing her, but it was of no use. I tried many things. Then after 6 months of mental instability, I went to her and spoke my heart out. It made me cry in the streets( first time in my life). She just didn't say a word. And i understood she is not really the person I like. She is a cold hearted ill mannered girl . So from that day onwards, I never wished to talk to her , be part of her life. I still have a very small desire to see her life going in wrong directions. But I feel it's natural after all the hurt i have endured.
I get you, as i have gone through something similar, and mine was 3 years and i am 21 now, although we never really talked about marriage yet cause people break up after like 6 years and so on, right? But, we were in a committed relationship and i confronted him that since it's been quite long and if this goes on i will want to get married and settle down with him . And he panicked and literally was ready to break up and God knows i asked him everything like why and all . i tried my best to make him stay. I was a fool. And you know what, a few days after he started to act so nonchalant like since i am not his girlfriend anymore, he literally was being rude, inconsiderate and everything. It broke my heart. i cried in front of my parents who aren't as chill. And couldn't eat for days. It's not been long since but, i am doing better. I am not that good of a person to hope that he does all so well in his life . But one thing is clear, all this time, he didn't love me. I felt it, he probably knew it but stuck around cause he probably didn't have any better option at that time. Cause he in fact said that to me.And i stuck around cause i am probably insecure and thinking that he would get better and i actually loved him more than myself. So, yeah, it's a task to unlove someone but since he does not give a fuss if I die tomorrow, i shouldn't too.
I dont know what to sayā¦ its just too hard! The world has become really cold and I think no one cares! Its the trust which makes or breaks not only the relationships but the humans too. Once this is broken, the person breaks from inside.. those broken pieces cannot be mended or healed ever again in life! Whether its male or female irrespective of their gender, do not give hope to your partner specially for those who are in longer durations coz u may not have planned out things as you may be taking it casually, but your partner must have thought about committing their entire life on this!
Yup this world has become too cold ...i dont understand one thing ...even if you have fallen out of love...why wont you inform your partner before getting into new relationship?? That guy started picking fight my sister on little things and became quiet distant ..thats when we realized that something is off. Maybe he was trying to make my sister break up first ...so he has no burden of doing that. Or maybe he didnot want to look like the guilty one.
Yes the classic technique of abusing your partner on small stuff and looking for a reason to breakup. I can feel the pain. I had a breakup last year (Oct/Nov), now got to know that she will be marrying another person soon, who she has only been dating for months. Got abused in the end, I ended up saying stupid shit and she kind of dumped me. He just wanted to put the blame on your sister so that she grieves and suffers while he justifies the break up. You know one day people like these will suffer and rot. There is no value for feelings and love nowadays. I am also 28.5, now facing the pressure of marriage as well. Unfortunately your sister has even less time, she would have difficulty finding an arranged partner. That's how the world is. It sucks. Honestly, getting her married soon would be better. Otherwise when she feels all alone while seeing his bf enjoying his life, this would kill her. This is killing me as well. This is a very tough situation for her. Grieving would take months till a year and by that time it becomes problematic for her to carry a child and reduce the chances of getting a good match.
Well even though I agree with some of the advice you have mentioned here, I donāt think she should get married as a healing method. What if she doesnāt like her partner? Or still feels she has not moved on her from her ex? Sirf wohi trauma mein nahi raheygi, uska husband bhi trauma mein ajayega. Cycle will continue and it must stop with her. She should become strong on her own and not use other person to heal
I have felt shit too for wasting my prime over my decade long relationship but from my experience just one suggestion iāll give to not rush into marriage straight away. Many times, just the pressure to get married make us to make wrong choice and we end up regretting the marriage too.Ā
my ex gf cheated after 9
I hope you are doing well. I hope you meet someone really amazing. š
your sister too!!! š«¶š»
Whatever has happened with your sister is brutal for sure and must be extremely hard to deal with at the moment but on the brighter side she got to know the real monster and is not married to him, trust me itās a blessing. She dodged a bullet. Imagine being married to someone like that. Yeah best is to give her some time while constantly supporting her. Especially Interms of food, taking her out and telling her positive things. I understand you are also angry but try not to show it in front of her. Tell her how lucky she is to have escaped him and things like that. Hopefully she should get over this soon.
Relationship and co-worker should never be in the same sentence its a secret for happy life.
First understand that certain people are AH. We wear seatbelts while driving right? And soldiers use bulletproof vests. So we must also have certain rules to protect ourselves physically and emotionally from these AH. Constantly being vulnerable is not an option. Block that cheater. Everywhere. Protect your sister from him if you're capable. Take your sister to a therapist if you can. Or go on a family vacation. Try to spend time with her.
Iāve no idea how people are able to give up on long term relationships like this. If youāre not capable of one, donāt ruin another life. Sorry she has to go through this. You can collectively communicate with your parents for time so she can move on and make a better choice.
People are shit and nowadays there are so many options available so it's easy to get distracted.
If I were in her place, I would apply to another city - away from this person, parents, and relatives...and start therapy. Find my peace first. Therapists are costly but they offer a safe place to talk. Bengaluru is my place of choice for counseling and therapy. I have no words for cheaters. Day in and day out, I have seen one partner investing their all in a relationship and the other one is seeing at just fun, something to abuse, or transactional. Mera to pyaar se vishwaas hi uth gaya hai. I hope your sister heals soon. I have been through the mourning process after my marriage broke down (not divorced but living separately) - denial, anger, depression, detachment - and only then healing begins. I think she's in the first phase now. Healing will take time...and perhaps, marriage is not healthy for her until she gets healed.
So lovely words š
My ex cheated and I was pregnant then. It was horrible. Then he came back when I was about to deliver. I have him a second chance for the childās sake and he cheated again. Anyway, I am in a much better place now. Things do get better. I am sorry for what your sister is going through. Just be there for here and she will soon feel better
This is not an advice but here the thing. This is the harsh reality of dating. You don't know how commited the other person is. The other person can leave you anytime. And also your sister made the conscious decision of being with him and waiting for him for 8 years. Him leaving her was a definite possibility. He has to be blamed but she can't keep crying now for long, this is life. Hope you get it. This happens so frequently everywhere where some people spend 5+ years in serious relationships just to breakup. The only option would be for your sister to get over him somehow. The best option would be for her to take some time and then decide whether or not she wants to marry/be in another relationship. Let her take her time. All the best to her. Oh ya and also please tell your parents to stop bothering her personal life.
all this only works in writing, its not that easy as it sounds logically, "this is life"
What do you mean ? My only advice to her is to get over him somehow that's it. Later she can do whatever she wants. How would this not work.
You know why it works in writing? Because it is the right thing to do and doing the right thing is almost always the hardest thing to do but you still got to do it.
I think you not your sister but you should meet that girl and let her know he already in a 8 yr long relationship before starting with you so if he can cheat on her then he can cheat on you too. (If the other girl is innocent)
Sadly a lot of ppl are like that They won't marry the person they are dating for years and marry the second one in months. Tell her it's not her fault. Nothing she could have done to make this not happen. He's an asshole and she deserves better. Hopefully she heals soon. And I'm sure someone will love her the right way.
Girls date red flags and marry the green flags. It's a common thing, what's the surprise in this ? Wait for few months, she'll come to normal and by that time you and your parents choose the perfect husband for her.
Let her lose all hope and once she is broken enough she'll rebuild herself strong enough to not fall for scums like him but also keep care of your parents ik they want good for there daughter but idts she can handle marriage to a stranger right away
Hey! I went through the exact same thing a year back except I am 27 now and I am an UPSC aspirant. I can feel her pain. Please be with her, tell her to engage in new things, reconcile with her friends, tell her to express herself through talking, writing, anything. If required, consult a therapist or psychologist. It helps. Tell her to explore her spritual side. She must be questioning everything right now, tell her to look for the'why' in religious texts like Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta and some YouTube videos I am recommending below: 1. https://youtu.be/veEQQ-N9xWU?si=Jj5GW__mW61JhHn5 2. https://youtu.be/k5RH3BdXDOY?si=vQdbDclmimmO83_7 3. https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o?si=i7X0LIQPw9SprqO- 4. https://youtu.be/8kX62n6yNXA?si=C9Ea5meH-uyJWmpG (exurb1a videos can be a little thought provoking and challenging for the current state but that's what we have to do eventually, challenge our ongoing notion.) Some of my favourites: 1. https://youtu.be/XuyADFBAe2Q?si=n7hklrJWVrVCV8yH 2. https://youtu.be/ReS_JQIqB_I?si=WGa4ayTHYdNSe97y 3. https://youtu.be/-0wCh5wU3yc?si=NrIC_JE1XXl7Wn7b I recommend you to watch all of them first then send them to your sister. She will not realise it now but she will be grateful for what happened sometime later. If you can, make your parents understand. I have been the first hand receiver of this humiliation of getting married but now as I am recovered, I am planning to move to a new city away from my parents for some time off. Parents don't understand after a certain point which I understand therefore we ourselves need to find a way. The greatest help would be listening to her, being with her. Be it you, her friends or new people in life. I would have recommended a rebound, but it is not healthy for personal development in such times. Also, please don't let her get comfortable in the current state of numbness or depression, it is really dangerous in the long term. Hope it helps. All the best.
If a man is not interested, be will never be interested. He'll be using you as someone to sleep with and you can never climb the ladder and get married, if u force him and get married he won't love you. If a man is interested, he will immediately make arrangements. See, your sister should have realised it earlier after multiple attempts to get him to commit. What's happening now is the new guy who she's gonna marry will also likely suffer as she's attached and being forced to move on.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but you should also try and contact the new girl and caution her. Fitrat nahi badalti kisiki. If he cheated on one long term partner, I wouldn't be surprised if he does the same to her after a few years.
Go and shatter his bones. Go talk with his parents, do not let your sister crying when that guy is being without remorse. That guy might realise the mistake
Legally, your sister can ruin the life of this guy as sex on the pretense of marriage is equivalent of rape. Obviously, I'm assuming a lot here so apologies for the same. But such guys should be taught a lesson.
He broke up mentally with her long before that 8 years. He didn't decide on moving on at the last minute. He may have had a lot of internal battles and wasn't happy with the relationship long before 8 years. It sucks, but that's the price of love. Try to control your parents and give her time to heal. It's not the best to jump to a new one soon after.
1) Take her to therapy. That will help. That's really the solution to this stuff. Your sister needs direction in life. She may also need to get her eggs frozen, because fertility drops beyond 35. In order tk do this she needs to have a handle on her issues. ( Those which lead her to choose this guy who may have been manipulative - though it's entirely possible that there were long term problems in the relationship not to discount that ) Also, I don't mean to be rude, but you come across as naiive. You should start understanding that bad people exist, and start learning how to protect yourself from them. To learn to look behind the charm. To fall in love with genuineness. It takes testing at times to figure it out. "How can you do this...?" Is a question asked by a person who doesn't understand the psychology of evil. Educate yourself on narcissim. Psychopathy, sociopathy. Abusiveness, toxicity. Gaslighting, manipulation and lying etc. Read stories on reddit. Watch therapists channels on YouTube to understand what a healthy relationship actually looks like.
The guy did not cheat -> he basically time passed, took advantage of your sister. He did not marry someone for 8 yrs and is then going to marry someone in just 2 mnths. I thinkĀ he hadĀ already made up his mind long back to leave your sis, the point he got someone he left. File a case of 'dhoka' or something under pretext of marriage .... these idiots need to be taught a lesson.Ā
She started relationship at 25, there was absolutely no reason to wait for 8 years. In a couple years they should have been married. Sorry, wrong judgement on her part and more importantly on family. Parents should have been more āparentsā, and not behave like a friend. 8-year long relationship for a 33 year old is red flag in itself. How were parents ok with it for this long?
I hope she recovers and finds a nice person in her life. Be with her as much as possible and give her the mental strength.
First ask parents & relatives to keep calm , second tell your sister everything will be fine , she will find 10 times better person than that shitty ex , rn she might not understand but life is so beautiful but time will heal everything and she will come out it stronger and better for sure , she's lucky to have her sister by her side .
Don't ask anyone anything People are stupid to break the heart of someone who loves them dearly Karma comes back and hits them where it hurts the most Your sister should take some time for herself and then move on as she likes Sometimes life has better plans for you So just be patient and trust the process
This is coming from a person who got cheated on in his last relationship, mine was only a year long relationship, but didi ka to 8 saal, I can only imagine. I am so glad she has PPL like you who she can rely on in this time. And tu bhai hai uska, gaand tod saale ka jaake. Meri behen (mu boli) literally went with her friends and beat my exes ass. Fyi if he did anything in false pretence of marriage, your sis can sue him and ruin his life.
The guy will regret later. Long term relationships have deep impact on mental health. The guy who broke up will always have the doubt that what if he hadn't broke up with your lovely sister.. this doubt is enough to ruin his life.. So karma will eat him. Your sister will heal after few months of care from family.
These people are the lowest of the lowest. But on the bright side, your sister dodged a bullet. Sometimes people can be so selfish that they forget about the consequences of their actions. But hey once a cheater is always a cheater. Let karma do its magic. The only thing that helps is staying busy and giving enough time to heal, having been in such a situation myself, it feels really frustrating and disheartening when the person you trusted with everything leaves you shattered into a million little pieces and you are just left to gather them one by one every single day.
My husband left me after 10 years together out of which we were married for 3 and for my best friend none the less. Itās been 4 years since this all uncovered and its still hard I dont think il be the same person again but thatās the beauty I became the person I was meant to become. Focus on yourself and your future. I realised love for myself and my happiness are my responsibility and anything more that I get from anyone is just a bonus. This feeling will pass but you shall prevail
Hey, Iām really sorry about your sister. This is going to be a tough one. Speaking out of personal experience, this is going to take a while . Just being there for her is very important. Let her talk when sheās ready and just listen. No advice , just listen. She'll go in the zine of venting soon. And she'll need someone for that emotional release. Sometimes, thatās all someone needs. I would strongly recommend talking to a therapist, when she's ready. Now I know your parents mean well, but pushing her to meet new guys and think about marriage right now might be too much. She needs time to heal first. Rishtedars can fack off. As per the conventional nirma , she is already 33 , so losing an year or 2 doesn't matter . The important thing is that you remind her that this isnāt about her worth. She deserves someone who truly appreciates her. This wasnāt her fault. That guy sucks. As for why people cheat and move on easily, itās usually their own issues, not anything she did. Thinking about it is not going to help anyone. Cheating is his karma. And it's his responsibility to deal with the consequences.
Case kardo mental torture ka bc
Khopdi phod Saale ka. Mujhe bata kaha rhaita hai wo main Jata Hu!
This might sound cruel but you all are pretty gullible if you donāt see the signs that your long term partner wonāt cheat or leave you. The fact that he āneeded timeā was definitely a red flag.
I remember when India still had values. Ā Following this American dating shit has made life hard for Indians. This is a perfect example.
Us londe ko Pita ya nhi
Classic pump and dump. just advice your sis to not marry at this stage. just wait till ahe has recovered from this emotionally.
She's 33, in AM marriage, sadly it's tougher especially for women. She also does have a past. Best case scenario, wait and date someone else..
Learn to live single
It's over buddy....wait it never began
There are two sides of the coin . Assuming she is 8 years in a relationship. I am thinking she might be in early 30s. Obviously this is time to settle down so people will put pressure but also delaying marriage too long has its own complications. Basically she needs to set the time when she wants to settle down
You can file rape case if anything happened between two if you have proof he made promise of marriage. Apne AAP line PE aa jaega
Do u want that guy to be a little injured ?
Go on vacation, possibly an international trip. Ask all her girlfriends to go with her. Healing is gonna be a process, so take it slow.
Nice.. Now don't get into AM and destroy a, guys life
+1
Speaking from experience?
Give her sometimeā¦.let her come out of this . Time is the biggest healer . Make your parents understand that rushing her into a marriage right now will only make things harder for her . Try to be there for your sisterā¦take her out to eat , go for shopping together, plan a trip somewhere. The main thing is to distract her and then in sometime your sister will not even think about that loser bf . It will take some time but Iām sure your sister will come out of it very soon.
Make your sister's parents understand the process your sister is going through and ease things up in her family
"Your sister's parents" = Parents
I was in the same boat as her, it doesn't feel good to be cheated on, she should definitely see a therapist and see how it goes on from there, it worked for me
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's very simple, don't date someone for 8 years. If they don't want to get married after 1-2 years of dating, stop wasting your time on them.
Made me tear up - please be the rock for your sister. Shield her while she heals š„¹
Of 8 years,my bad
"Restart"
Humans have a habit to get distracted by shiny things... It's not fair. That co-worker (that's what he should be from now on) deserves some big carma backlash š
Wishing your sister a lot of courage and luck for life ahead.
š„ bear hug for both of you
Find a good man who'll understand your sister and take care of her. This is your responsibility now. You're sister will probably never heal from that trauma what you can do is help her move on.
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Yes she should get arranged marriage before its too late.
Move on krne ke liye you need another person and it's true Ese ni hota move on Ghar m Beth ke rone se Vo bhi 8 saal ka relationship I can understand pr yahi sach h
Men like it
Golden thumb rule for girls, no matter what your guy will cheat you anyway if given a chance. It's just about the brim and the water will surely spill out of the glass. So don't get touchy and emotional. I know it's wrong but it is what it is.
I am sorry for your sister's situation. Please take care of her by doing things that would make her happy. Take her out, take her for trekking, movies, etc, whatever distracts her mind off things.Ā
One of the most important aspects of a relationship is expectations. Especially when you hit a certain age and expect something long term and lasting. Always set a limit to compromises you are making for the other person and make sure they know of the compromise so that they don't take you for granted. As for your sister, I'd suggest she should take a break from everything and go for a long vacation either with someone close to her or with family to process the grief/betrayal she's going through. Therapy will also help her in moving on. Instead of doing something vengeful that is not going to help her or do any sufficient damage to the other person. She should direct all the anger, frustration and helplessness towards the act of her getting better. Hope this helps š
Listen, nobody cheats with a sudden change of heart. They always were cheating you just didn't knew it. They always had their mind made up that ' one day I will leave her'. They had already planned for this. Now, men are the most bastard specimen. If a man loves a girl he will never leave her..he will die but leaving her is never an option. But if he doesn't then he will try everywhere..keep backups.hit on everyone..will date someone with full enthusiasm..oh yes they are a very good liar and somewhere in the back of their mind it's this thought..that I will marry this 'nice girl'. And that nice girl is not the one he is currently dating.
First support your sister and see how she can come out this. It will take sometime for her to come out. After which try to understand what she wants in her life going ahead and decide on next course of action. All the best
There should be jail punishment for cheaters
Happened with a friend of mine, known him from childhood. His ex left him after 9 years as the guy was still unemployed in his late 20's and girl was earning good money. He is depressed now, putting Jaun Elia shayaris on status. Mind you this guy is a complete asshole who treated everyone like trash around him, friends,family everyone. Maybe he deserved it all.
THERAPY. Immediately! This will help in her dealing the emotional troubles of her past, her handling of the relationship with parents and create a future outlook faster. Cannot stress this enough. Shit happens but if she and everyone else wants her out of this asap, therapy is the way. Good luck man! These things are hard.
I canāt even imagine what she might be going through, you need to be there for her and keep assuring her that it is going to be okay. I was in a relationship for 8 years with my now husband before getting married. So I know what 8 years mean.. it is a lot of time, and one canāt imagine for this to happen. Take her for a trip.. and let her take things slow.
She will be absolutely fine brother. She deserve so much better than that dog . Dont take advice from strangers on reddit , thats the only thing i can say. May be see a family counselor where you both can go and figure out a actionable way to tackle feelings in short term. She will be absolutely okay. I hope your resurgence is nothing short of a ferocious beast.
Its okay. it is what it is. I dont know what to say, all i can say is you can take revenge, there are many ways you can do that be creative. Or just stay with your sister console her travel, eat good food ask your sisterās friends to help you out in this. The only thing that you are not supposed to do is let your sister give up on life, so what? Itās eight years of your life. Just done to dust. They still more you might think Iām saying garbage. common stuff and all, but itās true. Thatās the only thing that you can do.
I think your parents are kinda right because your sisters age is already 33 and in India after the age of 30 (so many irrelevant noises starts to creep in especially for a girl) take some time not more than a year and get her married .
Please take care of your sister...try to talk to her... something talking it out helps a lot. I hope she recovers from this.
One thing I do for moving on is change of scenery - pursue a new hobby, go on a trip, keep myself occupied. If it is hampering your sister's professional life, she can look for something which gets her promoted maybe in the same company or a different one. Also, if things are getting way too overwhelming, she can opt for counseling too, or meditation, prayer retreats etc. Handling betrayal, marriage pressure and regularly seeing that person in your office can be a lot.
I had 12 years relationship with a girl and she left me when I told her that I am financially struggling. She didnāt want to do job but she wanted a partner who have everything. She didnāt even tell her parents about me and on the other hand she told me that she is discussing with her parents about me . This all gave me a trauma, I tried to take my life at that time . Time has passed now I am living good life &taking care of my family and realized that love is total blind. After she left I realized that one should be working on self continuously so that no one can think about leaving you. And one more thing every relation breaks at time so be prepare living alone. Work on yourself always, one day someone will love you effortlessly.
To answer your question, I was cheated on my by my gf 6 times. I was naive and kept forgiving until I had too much. No, they donāt feel any guilt or remorseā¦.until karma buttfucks them. Then suddenly the guilt and remorse come (albeit too late in some cases, and youāve already moved on) My ex ended up dating another guy; he got her pregnant (that she had to abort), used to abuse her emotionally and physically, was a loser and depended on her for money etc. She broke up with him after realising what a douche he was, and how good I was
He's a piece of š© many people are. But if we HAD to look at the brighter side, she dodged a bullet . Being married to someone that shitty and getting a divorce is much more messier. He wasted her prime years and that won't come back is the bitter truth. But better those 8 wasted years than the whole life .
You have to find a way to offer her a different perspective. Instead of thinking of this situation as a situation of loss, help her understand her gain. She was set to dedicate her whole life to a person like this. While she might feel like she has lost out on 8 years because of this person. She has gained a lifetime of not having to deal with cheating etc. I'm sure there is a lot about their relationship that will come into perspective for her as time passes which will make moving on easier. But breakups are hard, so I hope your parents will let her take her time to heal before she's open to meeting someone more worthy of her. If she would like to seek professional help, I am a therapist, and I'd be happy to help her navigate through this.
I have been through it. It wasnāt as long as this but my ex bf did the same to me and I am a Marwari and for them ,getting their daughter married by 25 is the only motive because they live for society, they do everything to be in good eyes of society .They wont bother to care about what their child wants or needs at the moment. I was pressurised like anything. I also have a younger sister who stood by my side but she also suffered mentally because of how hollow my parents would talk. She couldnāt believe that this was our parents . If we keep doing as they like, we are good children otherwise we are just not good enough to them. They made sure that in the eyes of the society they remain good parents and that its us who are bad and that we dont have any good values left all because we stopped agreeing or accepting things we wouldnāt like or be okay with. It came to this point where we left our hometown, which is jaipur, with an excuse of me being called to work, which is in gurugram, and that i would need to report to office as the covid had almost settled by then and thats how i escaped it. It wasnāt easy even later but manageable being us at a distance from them , they kinda lost the power to control us. I took my time to process what happened with my ex and grieved a lot. It takes its own time to process and heal from what you have gone through and going back home felt like a torture coz of how controlling ny parents have been and my parents wouldnāt leave a single opportunity to get back their control and dominance in our lives. They would bring up the same topic over and over again without understanding the situation . So we eventually reduced going home too and honestly even then it wouldnāt bother them much . All they were worried about or pissed at was them loosing control of our lives. This did something very horrible last year that we made sure we wouldnāt let it slip away . Everytime they would do something wrong we would let it go or even they would say that whatever happened just happened. Dont take it to your heart. But this time , they just crossed all the heights of being a narcissist and we decided to not let it go. We told them what they did wasnāt okay and if they keep behaving like that we might stop coming home or even not talk. They settled for a while because of course they dont want us to not come home not because they would be sad but because what would they tell the society?? But started showing back the true colors eventually. So i have understood , they wont understand and that I need to understand that I shouldnāt expect that from them instead i should just maintain some distance and live peacefully.
I have an answer but itās not going to be one you like. They donāt care. They donāt care that they cheated. See the thing is great humans donāt cheat and are honest if they donāt want monogamy. Like how do people in ISIS live with themselves or pedophiles or any of it and the simple answer is theyāre convinced itās okay to be this person. You can keep asking a cow why it isnāt a horse and be disappointed it isnāt a horse or you can acknowledge that different people are at different levels of good and bad. Thank goodness she found out before she got married to him. Divorce really sucks.
We all carry the burden of our mistakes. She needs to do the best she can do to better her life. I have seen women deal with this in these ways - Move abroad. New place, fresh mindset, open culture, no pressure for marriage as everyone marries late. - Increase tension in bf's household with a threat to go to the police, let them not sleep a few weeks. - Get married to the most normal guy she can find. Normal as per your standards only not high-figh, its hard to find normal itself. - Therapy Stepwise : Therapy > Move on > Marriage > Move out Accept that a tragedy has happened, it could not have been avoided and there are bigger problems in life than heartbreak. I have seen a poor man's son die doing blue collar work in Maldives, families with only autistic kids, loss of entire family's wealth due to an untimely death/scam, loss of a limb due to a fit of rage, loss of career opportunities due to just one wrong/hasty move, rickshawallas joining hands with political classes to irritate middle class folks, loss of only child to spouse's control/in-laws. All of these can happen to anyone, even rich folks, I feel you know this just as well as I do. 33 is a dangerous age to be single for a Delhi based person. Lot of comments say MC/BC ristedar/society but they have some power over your well being as we are all social animals.
Sorry to hear about your sister and hope she recovers from the trauma soon. But when people are in relationship, they need to think rationally from time to time rather than just listening to their heart. I guess your sister is an optimistic person who mostly see good in people and trusted her bf blindly. Your sister should have kept a hard stance about getting married post 2 years of relation, atleast got engaged or just move on as 8 years is a long time to waste for some a\*\*hole.
I agree..its unfortunate what has happened but she is 33.. I hVe seen so many of .my good natured friends not find anyone after a long breakup..yes it takes time to heal..but the circumstances are such she will have to be a fighter for herself if she wants to live a happy life.. jitna wallow karoge pity and haiye yeh kya hua utna tum reality se door jaoge
My brother went through something similar, but in his case parents were very supportive. After giving my brother some time instead of forcing him to meet new girls they showed cooperative nature where they actively helped in matching his, obviously when he was comfortable and with is final choice of the girl. Today he is happily married. (Also that girl had the audacity to call my brother on the day of marriage and tell him that he is making the wrong choice, LMAO)
Hello. Idk if this is the right thing to ask rn. But I'm a 26 year old girl and my parents have been talking about marriage too. I've had a failed relationship 2 years ago and have been single ever since. I am just curious to know if this man mentioned the reason why he chose the other girl. Did you guys enquire? Don't get me wrong. What he pulled is a douche move. But if it's ok with you, I'd like to know what goes on in men's heads when they do this.
More power to your sister. Hope and wish she will overcome this situation soon and finds what makes her happy.
Sertraline 50mg will help
Worst people in the world
It is very difficult to get into the mind of a cheater. Itās like a spectrum of psychological issues including psychopathy. At this moment itās most important that your sister overcomes her mental and emotional issues and moves ahead in her life. Rishtedar and shareek be damned. Itās good that the cheater in your sisterās life showed his true colors at this stage..before they got married. The fact that he decided to turn a couple months old fling into marriage shows that love between him and your sister was over long before this. Probably it was wishful thinking on your sisterās part that things would turn for the good. Take your sister out for a siblings trip to some nice place (Mountains/ beach) to get her mind off of this crap. Tell her that god has given her a chance to cut her losses and consider herself free from a lifetime of suffering had she married this man. she deserves a man who loves her equally and wants to go the extra mile for her. She should distract herself from this loss by focusing on her career and other pursuits. Mostly tell her never to loose hope, her knight in shining armour might be looking for her aswell. š
I have been in the exact same space took me years to heal and i still cant trust people easily. She need time, you should ensure she gets it. Her confidence in herself is shaken and will take time to heal.
Read up attachment theory, such people are avoidants and are soulless and emotionless, best to avoid all avoidants
Bhai pls take care of her.. kuch time ke liye don't force her for anything. Time heals everything. She is a gem. Rishtedaro se tum uske behalf pe boldo ki abhi uska mn nahi hai jab hoga tb karegi.
Those who cheat on others are only too selfish narcissistic people so they move on easily. Please help your sister to heal š and thanks for being such a good brother. Wishing I had a brother like you
I have been cheated on. The thing is. Cheaters have moved on from you waaaaayyyy back then you came to know about it. It's just that they don't show it. And yes it takes a toll. Toll on your mental health and life.
Beat the shit out of the guy dude donāt worry about the rest
Rajat dalal se contact kroā¦never watched that guy but he could help
I wish people who cheat on their partners die š it's the most disgusting thing......
There is a lesson to be learned here. If you are 25 plus and you want to get married but the person keeps delaying break up. And ass holes never feel guilty karma never strikes them. They live happily ever after. If I were your sister I would let the new girl know what an asshole he is sure she will marry him regardless but it will create a doubt in her mind. I hope his new life is hell.
I'm not sure how that happened, how could your sister not know he was cheating on her? How could she not know he had no intentions of marriage? Was it not talked before? I am assuming... He might not be serious about her for a long time and your sister might be suppressed or uncared for in this relationship but she kept going with this. This is just my assumption about how this situation might have happened. I pray she will be okay soon.
Hey OP, may God help your sister through this difficult time. Nobody deserves such treatment and what your sister is going through. You could easily ruin the man's life. That's your choice. Your parents nee to chill out about her. last thing she needs is to get in relationship. Let her heal.
Take ur sister to a therapist, therapy would definitely help her rn
Just be there for her.Listen to her patiently give her a safe space to let it all out.Hug her,it will take some time but didi will be fine.Do stop your parents from forcing this marriage thing,it will be a shit show
Just protect her from any harm be there with her take her to some vacation rest she will handle herself. Shield her from parent's impulsive decisions.
I think it's difficult to understand anyone's thinking. People change and with time priorities change but cheating should not be forgiven. Confront that bastard for he needs to understand that what he has done is not right, playing with someone mental and emotional health just because you can is just not acceptable and forgivable. Secondly I will suggest her to go under Counselling because they are professionally equipped to handle someone's emotions. Don't wait for depression to kick in and then go under Counselling. Trust me I have experience first handedly and didn't regret the early call of going to Counselling. Thirdly, Please please don't get married until she is ready and out of this situation. Make your parents understand the long term consequences of this. It's better not to spoil her and the future partner's life as clearly she is not ready to move on right now.