When my wife and I did estate planning it was highly recommended that if something were to happen to us and our daughter was 18 that she not receive a large sum of money or assets. It's just bad news to give a young, inexperienced adult that much money. Lawyer recommendation was at least 25, potentially older depending on circumstances. Best is for it to go into a trust, with trustee having power to disburse amounts for acceptable purposes (school, car, house, etc).
Having said that, unless your uncle put all this kind of stuff in an estate plan your mom is going rogue on this one and doesn't sound legal. I would be asking her "Did uncles estate documents place any restrictions on the distribution of assets, or make you a trustee in his trust?" If she doesn't have anything to back up what she's doing then you will need to get a lawyer involved.
Yep! This happened to my friend's son. He inherited $50k from a grandparent when he was 22. It was gone in three months. So was the girl he was blowing it on when he wasn't using it to party day and night.
My cousins are receiving a significant sum of money from their grandmother on the other side. They are much younger than me, but that money is in trust for them until they are 25, smart not to give a 18 year old $750k
My lawyer reco 25, 28 and 30 for the distribution. Obviously trustee can take out to pay for college and things but this way he doesn't get it all at once and gets it as he's setting up his life.
Yep. People don’t fully mature til 25. Giving you loads of money is probably not wise. You’ll probably thank your mum later, she’s actually looking after your future interests.
I have known several “kids” that inherited and immediately snorted it all away. (80’s) No good can come of big money before stability.
That said in this case a lawyer is needed if the will stated that they would receive it at 18.
as beneficiaries of the will you have a right to see the will and if there are any stipulations.
Who is the executor of the will?
I would talk to them and if it is your mother, then you are going to need a lawyer.
I don't know what the laws are where you live but it sounds very unusual for a beneficiary of an estate to have someone else decide when/if they get the money.
do you even know how much money you got?
It depends on how the will is written, potentially.
In my will, for example, it is stipulated that the kids get nothing directly until they are at least 18 years old, it’s held in trust by the executor.
Then between the ages of 18-21, there is a provision for a monthly allowance to be paid provided they stay in full time education. This allowance is capped at 50% of their total share. The remaining 50% gets released when they hit 25.
Not sure about the legal side, I am not a lawyer.
I am very curious though - for that amount of money, is just not using recreational drugs such a hardship??
No no, course not, I don’t use them regularly, weed was a bit of a regular every couple months but the drugs I did at the festival I’ve only done once, at the fesrival
Being a little reckless at 18 isn’t an issue tbh. Though it is the reason OP should inherit the whole amount right away.
I think they need to enjoy their teens then come back for it in a few years
That’s a very smart answer, being 18 many would think I’ll squander it in the first couple months, but I can assure I will not spend all of it and probably save most of it for my middle twenties.
You’re certainly the more mature one of the siblings, but I do stand by it. And I honestly think you’ll say the same in ten years!
We’ve all been there, it’s easy to get carried away. By the time you need it, hopefully your mum will relax a bit by then.
While they can legally (I assume) do as they please as adults. And if the will had the money directed to them, then legally it is theirs. However, be prepared to find a new place to live. Bring drug free is a reasonable expectation that parents have set for living there.
I’ve understood that, the expectation is to be drug free for the next 6 months, because I ain’t an addict that will be fine. It’s my mum house n it’s her rules, which I will respect, because yk, 6k a month to not so drugs is pretty reasonable tbf
True, but it seems like mom is worried a sudden financial windfall for these young adults is going to lead to them blowing it or dying of an overdose. And considering the details of what they've both been up to, that sounds like a legitimate concern.
OP, if you can't stop doing drugs for this, your mom may have a point. Honestly, I hope this is legal for her to do, because it might save your life.
Unless there are stipulations in the will stating how/when you get the inheritance she cannot do that, especially since you are not a minor. You are an adult. You should get a lawyer
1000% chance she is spending the money and you won’t see anything, so get a lawyer fast.
Here is what is going on. She is going to spend all of that money and when it's time that you need that money? It will be long gone.
Get a lawyer to get the money now if you have to.
Occurs frequently? Sure. But that does not make it normal. That’s like saying 18 year olds getting drunk and driving is normal. There’s nothing normal about doing something that is against the law and hazardous to one’s health and future.
I know someone who got an inheritance and OD (died) after spending hundreds of thousands on drugs for her and friends. So mom wants you alive and not throwing money away on drugs.
Get an estate lawyer. You’re a legal adult. Unless the will states otherwise, your mom has no right to withhold your inheritance.
A word to the wise: Be very careful with that money. A chunk of money and drugs is a very, very bad mix. You’ll also have “friends” coming out of the woodwork with every sob story under the sun. Invest your money and keep your mouth shut about it.
Lawyer consults are often free, but even if not it is probably well worth the consult. Safeguard that money before your mom spends it or uses it for things she should be taking care of with her finances not your inheritance. If you can get a copy of the will to bring, do that.
Oh boy. Based on your drug use and inability to abstain even with a huge monetary incentive, I’m sorta getting the sense of why your mom is trying to avoid handing you a life changing amount of money.
Have you considered the reason for her doing this might be that she's afraid you'll all kill yourselves with drugs as soon as you have the money to do so?
What a naive take.
And have Mommy change the goalposts to something else when she feels like it? Not doing drugs doesn't seem like much of a problem given OP just trying out some new stuff recently so prob not a huge user. The issue seems more likely to be a controlling and infantilizing mother that is likely abusing her position as executor of that will, supposing she even is the executor. She doesn't see her adult children as adults. I suspect Mommy Dearest of using the money herself and lying about the amounts her kids were supposed to be given, mainly because leaving OP on an info diet is VERY sus. As a supposed legatee, she should be able to see the will so withholding is an extremely bad look.
If this were me, I could easily give up drugs for any length of time, but I would be pissed about the lack of trust and "you're not an adult" that I instinctually would say HELL no I'm not doing that, I'm finding out whether this is legal or not now!
Hey OP
If you can’t stop doing drugs for huge amounts of money, your mom is right
Your defense is shit, drugs are way more fun when you’re old and know what you’re doing
How old is your brother? Is your mother the executor or trustee of the estate?
If your mother is not the executor or trustee of the estate, she has no say in anything.
THIS.
You need to find out if she does legally have any control, and even if she does you need to speak with a lawyer because she could still be overstepping her legal responsibilities.
She can't do that unless she is in control of a trust your uncle set up. Speak to the solicitor(as an adult they should be communicating in writing with you directly anyway) find out your specific inheritance.
Get a copy of the will. It has to be filed in the local court system. Most of the time, you can find it online. Unless it was very recent...
You're 18, a legal adult. Start there and then call an attorney, if needed. Good luck!
You need to see the will. Since your mother is distributing it on a monthly basis, it’s probable it was put in a trust with her as the trustee until you reach a certain age or milestone (eg 25or older/graduate college) and until then you receive an allowance. Either way, you have the right to see an exact accounting of funds & dispersed amounts along with receipts on a regular basis & I would recommend doing so once a month at the minimum.
Can she withhold the allowance is a separate issue & depends entirely on the wording of the trust & powers given to the trustee.
If it’s not a trust or set up to be distributed at a future date, then she is withholding money that is legally yours & that’s where you need to make some decisions on how you wish to proceed.
Edited to add, many wills have a provision that allows the executor or trustee to pay themselves reasonable fees or withdraw money that is used on behalf of the beneficiaries- this is why you need to & have the right to see receipts for any amount withdrawn that doesn’t go directly to you.
My grandpa used to do estates, and i can tell you based on what I’m reading and my experience with family/friends who get their inheritance at your age…
You might deserve it but my god is it absolutely not the best idea to hand an 18 year old a shit ton of money they didn’t need to work for.
My advice to you, regardless of the lawyer which i think is still absolutely necessary, is to talk to your mom and at least put your portion in a trust for a later date, and to give you a small percentage now so you can blow it and have fun and get it out of your system. Get that shit into a passive income. Let it grow and ignore it until you want to buy a house. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Maybe get a tiny dividend every year for something fun (like 1%)
It is your money and you can do what you want, likely depending on what’s there, but i think coming at it with a plan can help your mom and avoid giving money to any lawyer.
I had a friend whose father was killed when she was a child. A dump truck rear ended him. There was a lawsuit and the money was saved for her. When she turned 18 she got a check for $100,000. She blew a lot on partying and buying hot cars. When she was down to $40,000 she realized she had to stop before it was gone and she had nothing to show for it. She put a down payment on a house. In retrospect, she said that giving an 18 year old a large sum of money is very dumb. It really depends on the kid though. Some people are very mature at 18.
You’re both plonkers. Receiving that amount of money at your age can be life changing. Wasting it on "fun" and wrecked cars is stupid.
Keep that money separate from your regular income. Live like you don’t have it until you’re ready. Invest it so it can grow, so you have home security down the line. A well invested sum should double every ten years, so by the time you’re ready to buy, you'll have twice what you started with.
Talk to a banker, and a lawyer, and get then arrange to get that money into an investment fund before you wreck your 20s, and have nothing to show for it but a chip from NA/AA.
Contact the probate/estate lawyer. You should be able to have control over your own inherentence if you're 18 but it depends on the will and any stipulations that might be written into it. LAWYER, NOW.
You need to contact the lawyer who handled the will. I see why mom may have some hesitation about giving wild young folks a big chunk of money but it really isnt HER decision to make. YOUR inheritance is YOURS. And if you are 18, she cant make you do JACK. She cant put conditions on a legal transaction that she didnt make.
I would also look into HER spending. Many folks have been jerked around by parents witholding inheritance for any number of reasons and had payout dragged out only to find the parent spent it all and no longer had it to pay.
Definitely stop with the drugs because under her roof and rules she can drug test you whenever & if you were underage when the will came to effect. Even if she is not the executor it would not be unheard of for a parent to have control over your portion of the inheritance.
If the trust gives her the authority to use her own judgment when giving you the money from the trust, then possibly. It depends on how it was written and what your uncle's testimentary instructions were in the trust document.
You may have to sue her for the money. You need a copy of the will and an estate lawyer. Good luck. Be smart with your money; don’t blow it. It might set you up for life if managed well.
Legally you may have more rights. But am gona be real with you & tbh many ppl are gona hate it but you have to hear i the truth,,, you guys will run through this money like water as both of you don’t seem ready or matured enough to handle it.
I would suggest to go for a financial / money handling course and then fight for the money. Drugs + free money = disaster. And you will truly regret it years later. Plus it doesn’t look like your mother is doing something evil but just being a mother.
My will is set up so that my kids only get instalments at different ages so they don’t blow it all at once. There could be a trust set up that mom does get to decide if the recipient gets the money until a specific age.
Yes without seeing the estate planning documents it's impossible to say if what's going on here is right or wrong, legal or illegal. We were advised the same as you when we did estate planning. Giving an 18yr old a big lump sum is likely to turn out poorly.
Try to look at the will yourself to see what provisions were made for you and your brother. If the money was supposed to go straight to you, then your mother is in the wrong. However, if it is stipulated that she controls the money, then she may be able to do it. She may also be guilty of financial abuse. Best to consult a solicitor, some do the first hour free.
Gey a lawyer before your mother spends all the money. You will not see a cent of it otherwise and she will tell you it's all your fault for taking drugs that one time.
So I don’t know what country this is, but in California USA it would be dependent on the provisions of the will. If the will makes her the executor then she is charged with carrying out the wills provisions. Thats not what this sounds. It sounds like she keeping the inheritance. I would surreptitiously ask the lawyer handling the will for a copy. If it’s left TO YOU then you would be able to access it at the age of majority. Again excepting for provisions in the will.
As other posters have stated get a lawyer and have them look into the inheritance to see how it is controlled and that the funds are still present as in they haven’t already been spent or significantly decreased.
I will say you would help yourself immensely by leaving the drugs alone while this is getting reviewed and settled.
First every time you test positive you give your mother more reason to push back in not turning over the funds.
Assuming all the money is still available to you including the interest it has been earning whenever you fail the test your mother I presume has visions of you acting the fool and instead of getting a car and a house you blow through it partying.
Have you on your own looked into saving and investing the money as in with a fiduciary? If not again more ammo for your mother especially if the will does give her control on how and when the money is dispersed.
Crazy to see so many people freaked out that an 18 year old would do drugs at a music festival. You can be a disaster of a person because of drugs at 18 or a recreational user, but a monthly payment is a good way to provide some regulation for a large sum. Either way, if you are legally an adult at 18, you should make sure you know the terms as part of being a responsible adult.
Only OP can really know if he's being punished for his brother being an idiot or if he's also irresponsible and focused on partying instead of spending wisely.
As everyone else says, you need a lawyer and to have them look over the copy of the will. I'll also reiterate what others have said in that you're 18, and depending where you are, you are an adult, and she shouldn't be able to do that depending on what the will says.
However, what I haven't seen mentioned is more about the wisdom in you getting that money now. While it may seem sensible how you plan on using this money, you haven't said if you're aware how much it is, and I'm not sure if you've lived on your own yet with enough responsibility to know how far a dollar can go. You're at the age where people learn a lot of hard lessons, especially financial. The smarter move would be to invest that money, and learn to live without it. You've got a safety net to fall back on, you can take your time figuring out where and what is right for you renting before you buy, and you'll probably end up with a cheaper, more insurable car that you can drive to death.
Idk, maybe this is terrible advice based on my own experiences, but I can tell you buying a house made me grow up real quick. So many unanticipated costs and problems. I remember being a renter and dreaming of the freedom of home ownership, and now that I have one I feel trapped here and like I don't have the freedom and flexibility to pick up and go like I did as a renter. My advice: get the money, have a CPA invest it, and forget all about it. One day something will come up and you'll be happy it's there.
Good luck
Definitely get a copy of the will and see how it’s worded. The money may be in trust and your mom trustee until a certain age. I was trustee for my niece and nephew until they were 21. Personally I wouldn’t require drug tests but my dad’s wishes (his estate) were it was only to be used for education or at my discretion until they were 21. I stuck to that. Honestly the way you are talking giving you a crap ton of money would be a really bad idea. Don’t end up squandering your future on drugs and fun now. Or be that person who tries to gain friends by having money to blow
But you need to see the will to find out. As a named beneficiary you are entitled to a copy. You are also entitled to an accounting of the account on a regular basis. Then consult a lawyer if things look hinky. Most will give a free short consultation
Alright so I don’t think it’s a bad thing that your mum won’t give you both inheritance straight away due to your age. Most people I knew who inherited amounts didn’t get it in full until they were 25. And I certainly don’t think your brother has proven he’s remotely responsible but it’s controlling as hell that she’s drug testing you regularly. That’s so weird.
Honestly, refuse the drug tests and then just get her to support you buying a house when you’re ready?
Enjoy your teenage years as it’s not long until you’ve got boring adult responsibilities
Your mom is an idiot for trying to steal your money, and you are an idiot for doing drugs. Both of you are in the wrong. All drug addicts are notoriously bad with money, so I'm leaning towards your mom being in the right.
OP did drugs one time here, as far as you and I know, so there is zero cause to assume that OP is any kind of addict. Your judgmental bullshit doesn’t help, and considering that 18 is the age of majority (meaning OP is a full legal adult), there really shouldn’t be any standing for mom to hold out on the inheritance, unless specified otherwise in the will.
OK. That's fair. I am obviously no lawyer, and I know fuck-all about wills and inheritances as far as the law is concerned. The comment about OP being an addict was still unnecessary and unfounded.
If you do hard drugs more than once, you're an addict. It's how it is. His entire post is about how hard it is to not do drugs so he doesn't pop on a drug test each week. Only addicts think like that.
I’m pretty sure that’s not how it is, actually. Addiction is awful. Terrible. It’s more than just physical symptoms, though those are shitty enough. It’s a mental disorder, as well. Also, his post was in no way “How hard it is to not do drugs”. OPs post was trying to find out the legality of what his mother is doing with his inheritance. In fact, he only mentions his own drug use once. He does say that he is being subjected to monthly drug tests, so he has to be clean in order to revive that month’s payment. There’s no mention, whatsoever, about that being difficult. You need to go back and actually read the post, I think, without whatever preconceived bullshit you’ve got going on.
Never said I was an addict, I said the I did those drugs at the festival, in that sense I mean ONCE, the drugs were ketamine and mdma, ket I’ve done a couple times before and the mdma was a first and only time at the festival. Weed has been something I’ve done not continuously but every other month for 2 years or so. Never said I was an addict mate
You need to talk to a lawyer. In my opinion, as you’re 18 (not sure about brother), and assuming you are directly named in the will/inheritance to get a certain amount, then there should be no reason that she could hold it from you. Again, though, I am not a lawyer, and getting true legal advice from an actual lawyer should be your first step.
My mom put in her will that her grandkids won’t get any inheritance until they are 25. The youngest is now 25 and she’s still going strong, but if any of them are handed a big chunk of money, I am 100% sure that they will be extremely responsible.
So many people in here saying "well maybe dont do drugs then".
The fact the OP did drugs is entirely irrelevant.
They are 18.
If they wanna snort coke out of a 90 year old hookers buttcrack they can and the mother cant do fuck all about it.
Their are legally old enough to do whatever the hell they want to without their snooping, controlling mother interfering.
Yes, perhaps there are restrictions on access to the money based on the uncles will stipulations, but the mother should have no part in how that is decided or how the money is distributed now they are 18.
And certainly she should not be gaslighting them and using the money as leverage to control them
They are adults and are now legally beyond her control.
I agree with a few others here tho. OP needs to lawyer up asap. She is draining that account as we speak.
You have obviously never dealt with money in trust. If mom is the trustee and the trust goes until x age then yes mom has full discretion on money distribution until that age. Shouting they’re 18 doesn’t change that. They can’t make OP take a drug test. But they absolutely can withhold money if they don’t if they are trustee. This is why OP needs to see the will
She can only do this if the will or trust fund allow it. Call a lawyer.
But be ready to move out if you file against your mom.
Also, you have tenant rights. She cannot kick you out without notice. And you don't have to leave without being for.ally evicted.
You really do need to talk to a lawyer!
I’m 30 now, received access to money my grandmother saved for me when I was 21. Blew it all in a matter of months. 100% total regret now. Could have a down payment for a home.
I understand your frustration because you might be imagining all these cool things you could do right now with the money, but life is getting harder and harder to afford. You live at home now and things are much cheaper than you imagine, but you won’t always live with your parents.
There is a sub Reddit called estate planning; they would have better answers about how to handle this.
In the meantime, while it may be technically legal for her to drug test you (it may not, too) it’s certainly not OK for her to boot you out of the house without warning based on a drug test. As you have, I assume, loved with her all your lives, you are considered to be tenants at will, and she would need to either kick you out with an eviction notice according the your local laws, or let you stay.
Me? I’d check the estate planning forum while I’m looking for a job and a place to live.
Honestly, I wouldn’t let you have the money yet either. You and your brother sound wildly irresponsible and it would be an absolutely horrible idea to give you money to be even more irresponsible with. Do some growing up and mature a little and then maybe you’ll be ready for that money.
Am I the only one who thinks that the mom just wants her kids to turn out good? Just from this context alone I dont think she did something ill minded. What would you do if your kids did drugs, crashed cars and etc. I assume she is just using this as leveredge for them to behave.
Who are you to say not to do drugs? What if they’re legal where OP is? Marijuana has been legal where I live since 2016. It’s not morally wrong to do drugs. Stop projecting
Sounds like the mother is freaked out because the brother already almost died because he was on drugs. Legitimate worry. OP and their brother sound super irresponsible, and mom is looking out. Not entitled at all.
If I'm 18 years old my mom is not going to be drug testing me. Anytime you can vote and join the army there will be no drug testing. I find that to be intrusive and controlling. Get a lawyer it really seems like you're going to need one updateme
>Anytime you can vote and join the army there will be no drug testing. I find that to be intrusive and controlling.
Live in your own house then rather than with parents
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You should get a lawyer and ask to see the will to see if you are specifically named in the will.
When my wife and I did estate planning it was highly recommended that if something were to happen to us and our daughter was 18 that she not receive a large sum of money or assets. It's just bad news to give a young, inexperienced adult that much money. Lawyer recommendation was at least 25, potentially older depending on circumstances. Best is for it to go into a trust, with trustee having power to disburse amounts for acceptable purposes (school, car, house, etc). Having said that, unless your uncle put all this kind of stuff in an estate plan your mom is going rogue on this one and doesn't sound legal. I would be asking her "Did uncles estate documents place any restrictions on the distribution of assets, or make you a trustee in his trust?" If she doesn't have anything to back up what she's doing then you will need to get a lawyer involved.
Yep! This happened to my friend's son. He inherited $50k from a grandparent when he was 22. It was gone in three months. So was the girl he was blowing it on when he wasn't using it to party day and night.
Agreed with everything except asking mom first. OP shouldn't alert her mother, or the money may disappear. Just get a lawyer
My cousins are receiving a significant sum of money from their grandmother on the other side. They are much younger than me, but that money is in trust for them until they are 25, smart not to give a 18 year old $750k
That's how my dad's will was. Anyone under 25 had their share held in trust.
My lawyer reco 25, 28 and 30 for the distribution. Obviously trustee can take out to pay for college and things but this way he doesn't get it all at once and gets it as he's setting up his life.
Yep. People don’t fully mature til 25. Giving you loads of money is probably not wise. You’ll probably thank your mum later, she’s actually looking after your future interests.
I have known several “kids” that inherited and immediately snorted it all away. (80’s) No good can come of big money before stability. That said in this case a lawyer is needed if the will stated that they would receive it at 18.
Get a lawyer. Or don't do the drugs.
Both, preferably.
as beneficiaries of the will you have a right to see the will and if there are any stipulations. Who is the executor of the will? I would talk to them and if it is your mother, then you are going to need a lawyer. I don't know what the laws are where you live but it sounds very unusual for a beneficiary of an estate to have someone else decide when/if they get the money. do you even know how much money you got?
It depends on how the will is written, potentially. In my will, for example, it is stipulated that the kids get nothing directly until they are at least 18 years old, it’s held in trust by the executor. Then between the ages of 18-21, there is a provision for a monthly allowance to be paid provided they stay in full time education. This allowance is capped at 50% of their total share. The remaining 50% gets released when they hit 25.
Around 40k, once the bungalow sells, somehwrre close to 50
Not sure about the legal side, I am not a lawyer. I am very curious though - for that amount of money, is just not using recreational drugs such a hardship??
No no, course not, I don’t use them regularly, weed was a bit of a regular every couple months but the drugs I did at the festival I’ve only done once, at the fesrival
Being a little reckless at 18 isn’t an issue tbh. Though it is the reason OP should inherit the whole amount right away. I think they need to enjoy their teens then come back for it in a few years
That’s a very smart answer, being 18 many would think I’ll squander it in the first couple months, but I can assure I will not spend all of it and probably save most of it for my middle twenties.
You’re certainly the more mature one of the siblings, but I do stand by it. And I honestly think you’ll say the same in ten years! We’ve all been there, it’s easy to get carried away. By the time you need it, hopefully your mum will relax a bit by then.
While they can legally (I assume) do as they please as adults. And if the will had the money directed to them, then legally it is theirs. However, be prepared to find a new place to live. Bring drug free is a reasonable expectation that parents have set for living there.
I’ve understood that, the expectation is to be drug free for the next 6 months, because I ain’t an addict that will be fine. It’s my mum house n it’s her rules, which I will respect, because yk, 6k a month to not so drugs is pretty reasonable tbf
You are 18, mom shouldn't be able to control your money. Check the way the trust is written, and consult with the lawyer.
True, but it seems like mom is worried a sudden financial windfall for these young adults is going to lead to them blowing it or dying of an overdose. And considering the details of what they've both been up to, that sounds like a legitimate concern. OP, if you can't stop doing drugs for this, your mom may have a point. Honestly, I hope this is legal for her to do, because it might save your life.
What she is worried about is not relevant if the money was left to OP directly.
Extremely relevant if it wasn’t.
Unless there are stipulations in the will stating how/when you get the inheritance she cannot do that, especially since you are not a minor. You are an adult. You should get a lawyer 1000% chance she is spending the money and you won’t see anything, so get a lawyer fast.
She’s not spending it. She just doesn’t want her idiot sons to blow it on drugs and partying
Doesn’t matter. They are adults. It isn’t her choice what they spend it on.
It might be, depending on how the will is written.
Which is what I said in my comment.
If the will gives the money to her, she can do it. If it gives the money to you, she can’t. Lawyer here, but not your lawyer
Here is what is going on. She is going to spend all of that money and when it's time that you need that money? It will be long gone. Get a lawyer to get the money now if you have to.
>She is going to spend all of that money This is exactly what's happening.
Is not doing drugs such a hard ask?
Why should they have to?? They’re 18–they want to do normal 18-year-old stuff
Drugs isnt normal 18-year-old stuff.
Sensible? No. But unfortunately, it is very normal.
Occurs frequently? Sure. But that does not make it normal. That’s like saying 18 year olds getting drunk and driving is normal. There’s nothing normal about doing something that is against the law and hazardous to one’s health and future.
No, it’s like saying 18 year olds getting drunk is normal, which it is. Adding driving on to make your point doesn’t work.
I know someone who got an inheritance and OD (died) after spending hundreds of thousands on drugs for her and friends. So mom wants you alive and not throwing money away on drugs.
Get an estate lawyer. You’re a legal adult. Unless the will states otherwise, your mom has no right to withhold your inheritance. A word to the wise: Be very careful with that money. A chunk of money and drugs is a very, very bad mix. You’ll also have “friends” coming out of the woodwork with every sob story under the sun. Invest your money and keep your mouth shut about it.
If you are just 18, your great uncle probably put it into a trust, with her as your trustee.
Or maybe not. Lawyer up, now!
Lawyer consults are often free, but even if not it is probably well worth the consult. Safeguard that money before your mom spends it or uses it for things she should be taking care of with her finances not your inheritance. If you can get a copy of the will to bring, do that.
Talk to a lawyer but I doubt seriously that she could basically add on stipulations to someone else’s will.
Oh boy. Based on your drug use and inability to abstain even with a huge monetary incentive, I’m sorta getting the sense of why your mom is trying to avoid handing you a life changing amount of money.
Have you considered the reason for her doing this might be that she's afraid you'll all kill yourselves with drugs as soon as you have the money to do so?
Have you considered just…not doing drugs? Novel idea, I know…
What a naive take. And have Mommy change the goalposts to something else when she feels like it? Not doing drugs doesn't seem like much of a problem given OP just trying out some new stuff recently so prob not a huge user. The issue seems more likely to be a controlling and infantilizing mother that is likely abusing her position as executor of that will, supposing she even is the executor. She doesn't see her adult children as adults. I suspect Mommy Dearest of using the money herself and lying about the amounts her kids were supposed to be given, mainly because leaving OP on an info diet is VERY sus. As a supposed legatee, she should be able to see the will so withholding is an extremely bad look. If this were me, I could easily give up drugs for any length of time, but I would be pissed about the lack of trust and "you're not an adult" that I instinctually would say HELL no I'm not doing that, I'm finding out whether this is legal or not now!
Hey OP If you can’t stop doing drugs for huge amounts of money, your mom is right Your defense is shit, drugs are way more fun when you’re old and know what you’re doing
How old is your brother? Is your mother the executor or trustee of the estate? If your mother is not the executor or trustee of the estate, she has no say in anything.
THIS. You need to find out if she does legally have any control, and even if she does you need to speak with a lawyer because she could still be overstepping her legal responsibilities.
She can't do that unless she is in control of a trust your uncle set up. Speak to the solicitor(as an adult they should be communicating in writing with you directly anyway) find out your specific inheritance.
Get a copy of the will. It has to be filed in the local court system. Most of the time, you can find it online. Unless it was very recent... You're 18, a legal adult. Start there and then call an attorney, if needed. Good luck!
You need to see the will. Since your mother is distributing it on a monthly basis, it’s probable it was put in a trust with her as the trustee until you reach a certain age or milestone (eg 25or older/graduate college) and until then you receive an allowance. Either way, you have the right to see an exact accounting of funds & dispersed amounts along with receipts on a regular basis & I would recommend doing so once a month at the minimum. Can she withhold the allowance is a separate issue & depends entirely on the wording of the trust & powers given to the trustee. If it’s not a trust or set up to be distributed at a future date, then she is withholding money that is legally yours & that’s where you need to make some decisions on how you wish to proceed. Edited to add, many wills have a provision that allows the executor or trustee to pay themselves reasonable fees or withdraw money that is used on behalf of the beneficiaries- this is why you need to & have the right to see receipts for any amount withdrawn that doesn’t go directly to you.
My grandpa used to do estates, and i can tell you based on what I’m reading and my experience with family/friends who get their inheritance at your age… You might deserve it but my god is it absolutely not the best idea to hand an 18 year old a shit ton of money they didn’t need to work for. My advice to you, regardless of the lawyer which i think is still absolutely necessary, is to talk to your mom and at least put your portion in a trust for a later date, and to give you a small percentage now so you can blow it and have fun and get it out of your system. Get that shit into a passive income. Let it grow and ignore it until you want to buy a house. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Maybe get a tiny dividend every year for something fun (like 1%) It is your money and you can do what you want, likely depending on what’s there, but i think coming at it with a plan can help your mom and avoid giving money to any lawyer.
I had a friend whose father was killed when she was a child. A dump truck rear ended him. There was a lawsuit and the money was saved for her. When she turned 18 she got a check for $100,000. She blew a lot on partying and buying hot cars. When she was down to $40,000 she realized she had to stop before it was gone and she had nothing to show for it. She put a down payment on a house. In retrospect, she said that giving an 18 year old a large sum of money is very dumb. It really depends on the kid though. Some people are very mature at 18.
Your mum is right, she could just withhold it until you’re 25 and she trusts your decision making.
You’re both plonkers. Receiving that amount of money at your age can be life changing. Wasting it on "fun" and wrecked cars is stupid. Keep that money separate from your regular income. Live like you don’t have it until you’re ready. Invest it so it can grow, so you have home security down the line. A well invested sum should double every ten years, so by the time you’re ready to buy, you'll have twice what you started with. Talk to a banker, and a lawyer, and get then arrange to get that money into an investment fund before you wreck your 20s, and have nothing to show for it but a chip from NA/AA.
Contact the probate/estate lawyer. You should be able to have control over your own inherentence if you're 18 but it depends on the will and any stipulations that might be written into it. LAWYER, NOW.
Which is more important to you? Drugs or money? It seems the easiest way to get your money is to not do drugs. Otherwise, talk to an estate attorney.
You need to contact the lawyer who handled the will. I see why mom may have some hesitation about giving wild young folks a big chunk of money but it really isnt HER decision to make. YOUR inheritance is YOURS. And if you are 18, she cant make you do JACK. She cant put conditions on a legal transaction that she didnt make. I would also look into HER spending. Many folks have been jerked around by parents witholding inheritance for any number of reasons and had payout dragged out only to find the parent spent it all and no longer had it to pay.
It can be her decision if she is trustee. But yes there is a fiduciary duty of how the money is handled.
Get a lawyer, see the will. In a trust, I have a phased inheritance scheme for my kid. Starting at 25 they get a portion every 5 years until 40.
Definitely stop with the drugs because under her roof and rules she can drug test you whenever & if you were underage when the will came to effect. Even if she is not the executor it would not be unheard of for a parent to have control over your portion of the inheritance.
Contact your uncles lawyer.
You need to get a copy of the will and consult a lawyer. Go to a legal aid association so you won't have to pay.
If the trust gives her the authority to use her own judgment when giving you the money from the trust, then possibly. It depends on how it was written and what your uncle's testimentary instructions were in the trust document.
You may have to sue her for the money. You need a copy of the will and an estate lawyer. Good luck. Be smart with your money; don’t blow it. It might set you up for life if managed well.
Legally you may have more rights. But am gona be real with you & tbh many ppl are gona hate it but you have to hear i the truth,,, you guys will run through this money like water as both of you don’t seem ready or matured enough to handle it. I would suggest to go for a financial / money handling course and then fight for the money. Drugs + free money = disaster. And you will truly regret it years later. Plus it doesn’t look like your mother is doing something evil but just being a mother.
Pretty sure she can't force rules onto an inheritance she is merely the custodian off. Also, why is she even in charge of it? You are an adult.
My will is set up so that my kids only get instalments at different ages so they don’t blow it all at once. There could be a trust set up that mom does get to decide if the recipient gets the money until a specific age.
Yes without seeing the estate planning documents it's impossible to say if what's going on here is right or wrong, legal or illegal. We were advised the same as you when we did estate planning. Giving an 18yr old a big lump sum is likely to turn out poorly.
You need to get a lawyer to prevent your mom from spending your money, and you need to listen to your lawyer when he tells you to stop taking drugs.
Try to look at the will yourself to see what provisions were made for you and your brother. If the money was supposed to go straight to you, then your mother is in the wrong. However, if it is stipulated that she controls the money, then she may be able to do it. She may also be guilty of financial abuse. Best to consult a solicitor, some do the first hour free.
Gey a lawyer before your mother spends all the money. You will not see a cent of it otherwise and she will tell you it's all your fault for taking drugs that one time.
FFS
You should really ask this over in r/LegalAdviceUK (assuming you're in the UK)
So I don’t know what country this is, but in California USA it would be dependent on the provisions of the will. If the will makes her the executor then she is charged with carrying out the wills provisions. Thats not what this sounds. It sounds like she keeping the inheritance. I would surreptitiously ask the lawyer handling the will for a copy. If it’s left TO YOU then you would be able to access it at the age of majority. Again excepting for provisions in the will.
You would think at least that legally the money would be ringfenced to deny the mother direct access. Its not hers. How is she able to get to it?
It depends on the provisions of the will.
Of course it does and without details well never know, but im betting they dont give the mother the right to do what she wants with it.
Exactly what I was thinking that’s why they need a copy of the will
As other posters have stated get a lawyer and have them look into the inheritance to see how it is controlled and that the funds are still present as in they haven’t already been spent or significantly decreased. I will say you would help yourself immensely by leaving the drugs alone while this is getting reviewed and settled. First every time you test positive you give your mother more reason to push back in not turning over the funds. Assuming all the money is still available to you including the interest it has been earning whenever you fail the test your mother I presume has visions of you acting the fool and instead of getting a car and a house you blow through it partying. Have you on your own looked into saving and investing the money as in with a fiduciary? If not again more ammo for your mother especially if the will does give her control on how and when the money is dispersed.
[удалено]
And do it fast before the moneys all gone...
You should check the will first before fighting with your mom. If you and your brother are not in the will, then there is nothing you can do.
Get a lawyer.
Crazy to see so many people freaked out that an 18 year old would do drugs at a music festival. You can be a disaster of a person because of drugs at 18 or a recreational user, but a monthly payment is a good way to provide some regulation for a large sum. Either way, if you are legally an adult at 18, you should make sure you know the terms as part of being a responsible adult. Only OP can really know if he's being punished for his brother being an idiot or if he's also irresponsible and focused on partying instead of spending wisely.
As everyone else says, you need a lawyer and to have them look over the copy of the will. I'll also reiterate what others have said in that you're 18, and depending where you are, you are an adult, and she shouldn't be able to do that depending on what the will says. However, what I haven't seen mentioned is more about the wisdom in you getting that money now. While it may seem sensible how you plan on using this money, you haven't said if you're aware how much it is, and I'm not sure if you've lived on your own yet with enough responsibility to know how far a dollar can go. You're at the age where people learn a lot of hard lessons, especially financial. The smarter move would be to invest that money, and learn to live without it. You've got a safety net to fall back on, you can take your time figuring out where and what is right for you renting before you buy, and you'll probably end up with a cheaper, more insurable car that you can drive to death. Idk, maybe this is terrible advice based on my own experiences, but I can tell you buying a house made me grow up real quick. So many unanticipated costs and problems. I remember being a renter and dreaming of the freedom of home ownership, and now that I have one I feel trapped here and like I don't have the freedom and flexibility to pick up and go like I did as a renter. My advice: get the money, have a CPA invest it, and forget all about it. One day something will come up and you'll be happy it's there. Good luck
UpdateMe!
Definitely get a copy of the will and see how it’s worded. The money may be in trust and your mom trustee until a certain age. I was trustee for my niece and nephew until they were 21. Personally I wouldn’t require drug tests but my dad’s wishes (his estate) were it was only to be used for education or at my discretion until they were 21. I stuck to that. Honestly the way you are talking giving you a crap ton of money would be a really bad idea. Don’t end up squandering your future on drugs and fun now. Or be that person who tries to gain friends by having money to blow But you need to see the will to find out. As a named beneficiary you are entitled to a copy. You are also entitled to an accounting of the account on a regular basis. Then consult a lawyer if things look hinky. Most will give a free short consultation
Consult a Lawyer and see if you have a case against your Mother.
Alright so I don’t think it’s a bad thing that your mum won’t give you both inheritance straight away due to your age. Most people I knew who inherited amounts didn’t get it in full until they were 25. And I certainly don’t think your brother has proven he’s remotely responsible but it’s controlling as hell that she’s drug testing you regularly. That’s so weird. Honestly, refuse the drug tests and then just get her to support you buying a house when you’re ready? Enjoy your teenage years as it’s not long until you’ve got boring adult responsibilities
This is psycho, very helicopter parent behaviour
Ummm right maybe not, but probably a good thing in the long run
Your mom is an idiot for trying to steal your money, and you are an idiot for doing drugs. Both of you are in the wrong. All drug addicts are notoriously bad with money, so I'm leaning towards your mom being in the right.
OP did drugs one time here, as far as you and I know, so there is zero cause to assume that OP is any kind of addict. Your judgmental bullshit doesn’t help, and considering that 18 is the age of majority (meaning OP is a full legal adult), there really shouldn’t be any standing for mom to hold out on the inheritance, unless specified otherwise in the will.
Where I live. You have to be 21 to be eligible for the full payment in a will.
OK. That's fair. I am obviously no lawyer, and I know fuck-all about wills and inheritances as far as the law is concerned. The comment about OP being an addict was still unnecessary and unfounded.
If you do hard drugs more than once, you're an addict. It's how it is. His entire post is about how hard it is to not do drugs so he doesn't pop on a drug test each week. Only addicts think like that.
I’m pretty sure that’s not how it is, actually. Addiction is awful. Terrible. It’s more than just physical symptoms, though those are shitty enough. It’s a mental disorder, as well. Also, his post was in no way “How hard it is to not do drugs”. OPs post was trying to find out the legality of what his mother is doing with his inheritance. In fact, he only mentions his own drug use once. He does say that he is being subjected to monthly drug tests, so he has to be clean in order to revive that month’s payment. There’s no mention, whatsoever, about that being difficult. You need to go back and actually read the post, I think, without whatever preconceived bullshit you’ve got going on.
Never said I was an addict, I said the I did those drugs at the festival, in that sense I mean ONCE, the drugs were ketamine and mdma, ket I’ve done a couple times before and the mdma was a first and only time at the festival. Weed has been something I’ve done not continuously but every other month for 2 years or so. Never said I was an addict mate
You need to talk to a lawyer. In my opinion, as you’re 18 (not sure about brother), and assuming you are directly named in the will/inheritance to get a certain amount, then there should be no reason that she could hold it from you. Again, though, I am not a lawyer, and getting true legal advice from an actual lawyer should be your first step.
You need your own lawyer.
For everyone wondering about the laws and whatnot, I am from the uk
And I was in the will
My mom put in her will that her grandkids won’t get any inheritance until they are 25. The youngest is now 25 and she’s still going strong, but if any of them are handed a big chunk of money, I am 100% sure that they will be extremely responsible.
press charges bro
So many people in here saying "well maybe dont do drugs then". The fact the OP did drugs is entirely irrelevant. They are 18. If they wanna snort coke out of a 90 year old hookers buttcrack they can and the mother cant do fuck all about it. Their are legally old enough to do whatever the hell they want to without their snooping, controlling mother interfering. Yes, perhaps there are restrictions on access to the money based on the uncles will stipulations, but the mother should have no part in how that is decided or how the money is distributed now they are 18. And certainly she should not be gaslighting them and using the money as leverage to control them They are adults and are now legally beyond her control. I agree with a few others here tho. OP needs to lawyer up asap. She is draining that account as we speak.
Not gaslighting
You have obviously never dealt with money in trust. If mom is the trustee and the trust goes until x age then yes mom has full discretion on money distribution until that age. Shouting they’re 18 doesn’t change that. They can’t make OP take a drug test. But they absolutely can withhold money if they don’t if they are trustee. This is why OP needs to see the will
"snooping controlling mother" has every right to kick them out of her house though.
Yep. Totally. But she shouldnt have access to the money. Its theirs, not hers.
Took me way too long scrolling to find a comment of reason lol - thank you.
She can only do this if the will or trust fund allow it. Call a lawyer. But be ready to move out if you file against your mom. Also, you have tenant rights. She cannot kick you out without notice. And you don't have to leave without being for.ally evicted. You really do need to talk to a lawyer!
Surely you have to have a contract / tenancy agreement for tenants right to be relevant
Nope! If you have lived in the house the past 30 days you are a tenant. If you receive mail there, there is no doubt you are a tenant.
Tell the judge that's straight up theft your mother is doing that
I’m 30 now, received access to money my grandmother saved for me when I was 21. Blew it all in a matter of months. 100% total regret now. Could have a down payment for a home. I understand your frustration because you might be imagining all these cool things you could do right now with the money, but life is getting harder and harder to afford. You live at home now and things are much cheaper than you imagine, but you won’t always live with your parents.
Yeah nah mate , ya Mum might think she’s looking out for you but at the end of the day it’s your cash to do whatever you want with.
You are an adult, your mom doesn’t have a say and is probably spending your inheritance. Talk to a lawyer NOW
There is a sub Reddit called estate planning; they would have better answers about how to handle this. In the meantime, while it may be technically legal for her to drug test you (it may not, too) it’s certainly not OK for her to boot you out of the house without warning based on a drug test. As you have, I assume, loved with her all your lives, you are considered to be tenants at will, and she would need to either kick you out with an eviction notice according the your local laws, or let you stay. Me? I’d check the estate planning forum while I’m looking for a job and a place to live.
Honestly, I wouldn’t let you have the money yet either. You and your brother sound wildly irresponsible and it would be an absolutely horrible idea to give you money to be even more irresponsible with. Do some growing up and mature a little and then maybe you’ll be ready for that money.
Am I the only one who thinks that the mom just wants her kids to turn out good? Just from this context alone I dont think she did something ill minded. What would you do if your kids did drugs, crashed cars and etc. I assume she is just using this as leveredge for them to behave.
Awww boo hoo you made bad decision and it came back on you. Dont do drugs then. Doesnt matter if youre 18. Youre never entitled to inheritance.
Wrong. Once the person has died and left it to you, you are indeed 'entitled' to the inheritance!
Who are you to say not to do drugs? What if they’re legal where OP is? Marijuana has been legal where I live since 2016. It’s not morally wrong to do drugs. Stop projecting
Sounds like the mother is freaked out because the brother already almost died because he was on drugs. Legitimate worry. OP and their brother sound super irresponsible, and mom is looking out. Not entitled at all.
If I'm 18 years old my mom is not going to be drug testing me. Anytime you can vote and join the army there will be no drug testing. I find that to be intrusive and controlling. Get a lawyer it really seems like you're going to need one updateme
>Anytime you can vote and join the army there will be no drug testing. I find that to be intrusive and controlling. Live in your own house then rather than with parents
Give me my damn money so I can move out
Just because I live in your house doesn't mean you're going to drug test me
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She can punish you for stupid shit while you live under her roof, but fucking with your legally owed inheritance doesn’t fall under that scope