I was in university. It wasn't frowned on where I was from (it was free etc)
I was researching a paper for a history module when I saw scriptures being used as a justification for some actions, then I realized. The GB were doing the exact same thing with the exact same scriptures.
Unfortunately, it did take me longer to leave than I am proud to admit BUT it was at that exact moment I realized it was all bullshit. All of it.
That's one reason of many that they frown upon education.
I never believed in the first place, but to read about my upbringing in a book while in sociology class was mind-blowing.
Being raised JW is like being put in an 'idiot box' that they try so hard to keep you in. And if you learn anything that contradicts their beliefs somehow you're the one there's something wrong with.
It's one big mindfuck.
it's so long ago.
But it was mostly to do with Savonarola in renaissance Florence (Bonfire of the vanities). He basically created a religious dictatorship in Florence and used scripture to justify why he alone spoke for god.
It did not end well for him
Relentless abuse from my now ex-husband and a complete absence of love, replaced by judgment and slander, from our Christian brothers and sisters.
Gave myself permission to research the bOrg and fell down a rabbit hole of Cognitive Dissonance.
I wasn’t pioneering, but was doing the bare minimum with three small kids in tow. Every meeting I would be soothing my crying baby at 9pm asking this very question. “Why do I feel like I am drowning? Why is this SO hard?” I knew something was wrong. I constantly felt drained, like I was being punished emotionally and mentally, despite doing what was “right”
Suicidal thoughts appeared and got increasingly worse every time I attended a meeting.
After 3 months of enduring it, I stopped attending meetings and they went away.
I prayed and prayed and thought, if this is Gods Will that I attend a meeting, why are these thoughts persisting? Where is the help when I am praying?
That was when I eventually allowed myself to begin to answer and address the question, “is this really the truth?”
That’s how strong indoctrination is. It can lead you to death if you let it and refuse to question it.
THIS. I stopped going to meetings as im trying to fade out currently. the most recent convention i went to had me crying in the bathroom the whole time from anxiety, to the point where i began to disassociate during the talks. i thought i just had social anxiety because of the crowd. and then i had realized my anxiety persisted during the meetings when i had attended, and i wasnt anxious when i attended concerts. people think that your friends and family are the big sacrifice when you stop attending meetings. but youre sacrificing your mental health when you do go.
This was a big thing for me too…even before I was fully mentally out, I was really struggling to attend assemblies and conventions just because of the crowds. Then at some point I realized while I DO get anxious in large crowds at concerts or other events, I can handle it a lot better with some mental prep beforehand, and especially if it’s something I really want to do. Then I started thinking, “why is it so much harder at theocratic events?” And then one more piece of the puzzle fell into place lol.
Wow! Some similarities for me. There were several moments that brought me to that point, but one was that I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship (and DFd) and wanted know what to look out for in the future to avoid that happening again. I looked up the signs of emotional abuse in a relationship and how it works and realized this also matched the traits of the organization. That along with coming across Steve Hassan’s BITE model from a documentary about another cult. Fell down the rabbit hole about who the organization really is, and never looked back!
This is great. Very intelligent of you, I’ve always said people who leave are different somehow, one way or another they will smell the BS, do t matter if it’s one year or 2 decades, they will out. No cognitive dissonance for you!
Husband was a young elder and used on the circuit & regional level pretty extensively. I was a pioneer & “elder’s wife”…we both saw “behind the curtain” (the politics & double standards) pretty immediately. We had a young daughter who was the model child, but then our two boys came along. They’re both on the autism spectrum, and one of them has adhd, and a mood & anxiety disorder on top of that. They were never going to fit the JW mold & we both knew it deep down. Then covid hit. After initially thinking “this is it”, we saw the shitshow that transpired from there…ridiculous rules & regulations that were different on a congregational, circuit, state, country, etc level. My husband (who had stepped down as an elder a few years prior) saw it first. It was scary as hell opening up to each other about the doubts we’d had our entire lives. Life is still bumpy and lonely at times, but our boys are getting the help & support they need. Our daughter (who had gotten baptized four months before Covid) woke up with us. They’re all doing beautifully transitioning into a more normal life & making friends. And my husband & I are working to build a new community for ourselves too.
Wow. Thank you for sharing! How wonderful to all be out, together as a family. I felt very similarly with my kids. They just did not fit the jw mold, and the more we tried to force it, the unhappier we all felt. I now just embrace who they are, they lead the way in their own lives and mom and dad are just here to love and support them. No pressure to be little jw robots. I feel so sad for all the kids who go along with it all just to please their parents. Ugh, the pressure and culture is just so toxic. So glad to be out!!
I’ve been going to a trauma therapist for over two years now trying to unlearn & undo everything from being raised as a true believing JW. I feel so utterly broken most days. But I know I’m slowly making progress and watching my kids grow & flourish is my motivation. I’m so glad you & your fam are out too!
My wife (a never Jw) i was born in and drifted in and out of Jw my whole life *I was never baptized. (If your wondering how i had a non JW wife) anyway she wanted to have a “religion” for our kids so i showed her what i knew… she studied for maybe 3-4 months made some meetings and it didn’t take long for her to see right thru all their BS. At first I was a little offended as i was essential pomi my whole life and because of her interest of religion i had began to study again this was maybe a year before covid hit. she asked me to prove to her without the use of JW propoganda/literature that what they say is what the bible preaches… so i started my google search and I discovered so many wonderful articles that made me go WOW! With in 3 months of researching i was completely out
For me it was many things that gradually grew to the final moment…but kissing a man at a gay bar kind of forced me to accept that I had to leave. lol 😂
I was in an abusive marriage in the organisation. He was a ministerial servant. As soon as I left him one sister said what did I do wrong. Never asked if I was ok. Because he was a ministerial servant he did nothing wrong even though he cheated and was abusive physically and mentally. He wouldn’t let me leave so I told him I was going to stay at my parent’s house for a few days and never went back to him. Then he proceeded to harass me and kept knocking at 5am. I never went back to meetings because his family was looked upon as very spiritual and that he could never have the done the things he did to me and that’s when I started looking online and digging deeper
It only takes something that causes someone to think; ***"Who the hell do these guys think they are anyway?".*** Independent research takes care of the rest.
Once the mind stops quelling that little voice that tells them something's not right, it's over. The truth of this cult is literally at every JW's fingertips. It's just a matter of when the person has had enough of the bullshittery.
Never stepped foot in a hall after ex wanted a separation. Been working 3 jobs to keep her and her pioneer buddies in free gas and coffee. Got nothing but shit from douchebag childless elders for not doing more spiritually. Fuck that nonsense
Around 1996 I was a servant and things were moving in a decent direction; I had always had my doubts (the Flood!) but managed to suspend disbelief enough to get appointed. I was a pretty good speaker (well, compared to the awful talks I used to hear) and was assigned a public talk, something I had always wanted to do.
The talk went well, but I improvised on the outline quite a bit (for which I was counselled.) Some of the friends liked it though and the messages from these folks were always the same: "That was great, you could tell the Holy Spirit is using you!" And I was always like "Actually, I worked my ass off on that. Holy Spirit had nothing to do with it."
And I remember thinking, "Really? I do all that work, and at the end of the day, everyone thinks it was Jehovah doing all the heavy lifting?" That's probably not the best beginning-of-the-end story, but I was never the same after that. About a year later, I was disfellowshipped for things I'll regret eternally; I came back and made it another ten years until I couldn't fake it anymore.
Having a personal computer and internet access. I have no idea why people are still buying into all of this when you can physically show that so many of their ideas are blatantly false.
It took me nearly 40 years to build up the courage to get on Google and research my own religion (damn indoctrination) and it all unraveled in about 20-30 online minutes…I think I read one article on csa and Wikipedia and I started to wake up.
You just described my life. 🤍 Feels relief to know I wasn’t the only one that had these issues. We are not taught to put ourselves first but the put what the Borg teaches us first. If your husband does not stick his dinker in another woman, no matter what he does to you at home, you are to stay in that marriage. No if ands or butts about it. Even physical abuse is not a good reason to divorce. And if you do divorce with no “scriptural grounds” you are disfellowshipped and worse yet you will die at Armageddon
hoping that some men will awaken with the beard allowance. is it not odd to them that they only let themselves grow facial hair cuz some old idiots said it was okay for them to??
exactly! and its also the very fact that they pretended they were okay with them all along. that they felt the need to clarify THEIR stance on beards publicly, and then all the sudden started wearing beards in videos.
All started during the COVID lockdown. Lots of individual things lead to it.
For one, I met a girl online and she ended up having feelings for me. For a while before she told me, we sort of jokingly were a couple among our friends. But when she told me, I said no. I really did like her at the time. But I knew that my family wouldn’t allow it. I felt so terrible that I’d led her on like that, but luckily she turned out to be kind of crazy anyway. Nobody but a few of my schoolmates and the online friend group know about it to this day.
Then one of the main things was my best friend. He was part of that online friend group, and he really helped me during that time. Since then (3-4 years ago) he’s become my best friend, better than any I’ve had before. He changed my view of online friendships completely. But he’s “worldly”. My parents never told me not to talk to him, but I don’t think they like how much time I spend talking to him. I’m not going to drift away from him or cut him off just because this religion tells me to. That’s cruel, to me and to him. I’ve made it very clear that that’s not something I’m willing to budge on. I’m not leaving him.
Then there was one of my schoolmates. A girl that I started getting close to around the end of 12th grade, which unfortunately meant I only got a few weeks to spend getting to know her. About a year after I graduated, she contacted me. I tried to help her get over her boyfriend that she had just broken up with. We started talking again, through text, and intended to hang out at the mall. We planned the day. Since at the time I didn’t have a license, a parent would have to drop me off, so I just said I was seeing a friend. But then they found out it was a girl.
Dad told me to “think about it”, asking me what if I ran into a brother or sister from the hall and they saw me with her, what if she wants to take me Christmas shopping (this was around Christmas time), etc. I thought about it, but decided I still wanted to go. But that day, I was told no. I still hate myself for not going to this day. I regret not taking a taxi or something, anything to get there. I just cried. I spent at least the next hour crying harder than I can remember crying before. I’m not very socially active, so this was one of the first times I’d actually planned to hang out with someone. But my reaction didn’t change their minds whatsoever. I messaged her that I couldn’t make it, and haven’t messaged her much in the years since. I want so badly to apologize, to explain myself, but it’s been so long now. It wouldn’t make sense to apologize now, and I don’t really know what I’d say. She’s probably over it, anyway… idk, tell me if I’m wrong.
After those events, I started looking into things. Watching YouTube videos by popular atheists (Genetically Modified Skeptic, Forrest Valkai, The Atheist Experience, etc), and what they said just made so much sense. I started to see how unbelievable the Bible really is. I looked into the theory of evolution, and it too makes sense. I saw how the JW publications misquoted and misinterpreted scientists to back up their creationist views. I realized just how awful their views on the LGBT community are (I already disagreed with it for a while), the way that disfellowshipped people are treated is horrible, the way they indoctrinate little children, how they manipulate people. It’s all insane.
And how they basically say anything that isn’t positive about the organization is lies and should be torn up or deleted. The organization is far from perfect, so why would you assume there’s nothing anyone could have a legitimate problem with? If an atheist were to believe that all JWs are evil liars, would they want that person to rip up any literature they’re given, never considering any of the teachings? No! They’d want that person to listen. Why can they hold themselves to a different standard?
Anyway, sorry for the long comment. Just a lot I needed to vent about, only ever talked about any of this to a therapist (and other JWs but that’s different. Can’t be as open with them.)
I'm right there with you. I still feel extremely guilty for putting myself first. My counsellor tells me every week that it's ok. I still don't believe it but I'm getting there.
Step by step, inch by inch. Remember, the Watchtower has taken years to repeat, repeat, repeat. It will take a while to get those things out of your head.
Plus, they train us to feel guilty about anything that we do. Do the opposite, and be proud. Be proud that you are taking care of yourself and that you are actually taking a realistic look at what has happened.
i'm just now beginning to wake up at 26. as i look back over the years i realized i was fighting so hard to stay ignorant bc the wool had started being pulled from my eyes as a teenager. one of the biggest moments for me was watching the brothers slowly but surely strip my brother of his privileges bc he attended a 4 year university after high school. another one was seeing a former uber PIMI sister become POMO after her (unbelieving but supportive) husband died and almost none of the friends supported her or even let her have his memorial service at the hall. but the congregation pulled out ALL the stops when an elder died. that same sister pointed out the unnecessary emphasis on being a pioneer and how you're treated like a celebrity if you're a pioneer and you're all but villainized if you're not (she was a former regular pioneer putting in close to 80hr/mo). covid really helped me stop feeling the guilt of not being at a physical meeting so it helped make that transition so much easier. now i spend my weekends how i want and dont feel guilty about it one bit ☺️
A co-worker who was getting divorced asked me out and I said yes. I knew it was against JW beliefs but I liked him and I came from a religiously divided home anyway. I'd never dated anyone either so the whole thing was new to me. The first night we went out it was just platonic but I felt guilty just being out with him. I started thinking 'why am I feeling guilty over this?' It stayed platonic at first but he kept messaging me and eventually we got more romantically involved. I never needed to be reproved but the elders wanted to talk to me about something we did (porneia) and I just went completely off the grid after that. I wasn't prepared to grovel and beg for forgiveness for something I wasn't sorry about. I did try going back a few months later but I was so embarrassed and humiliated after talking to the elders about such private things. I was sat in a sunday watchtower and I had to get up and leave. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. That was the last in-person meeting I ever went to. It's just weird how my whole belief system came down like a house of cards. Like he's Muslim and he can still practice Islam without any hassle from his Iman. I just got fed up of navigating the minefield of dos and don'ts you have to abide by as a JW. No one in my former congregation knows what happened (apart from the elders). I think they're confused because I was really in the thick of it, like super PIMI (apart from dating a non believer). I miss dressing up to go to meetings, the routine and some of the people (although not many), but I think the blood doctrine alone would deter me from returning (along with the litany of rules that aren't rules but might as well be)
Sometimes I think of how much I lost over it but then what did I ever really have in the first place?
My catalyst happened last year when a former elder called me and asked if I knew Tony Morris was no longer a Governing Body member. I had no idea. Neither did my PIMi mom, friends and countless other active witnesses.
I went online, which led me to a link, which led me to this reddit sub. From there, I learned how widespread CSA is, the cover-up by the Society, the 607 BCE controversy and countless other things that shook me to the core. I had become inactive long before this --except for Memorials and conventions-- but this pushed me over the edge.
Same! But my catalyst came in different composite categories, one was via my personal interest in the Bible from an academic standpoint, the other was my knowledge and exposure to cult documentaries and films, and the other was regarding relational sciences and my own personal struggles in my closest JW family relationships. Those added together came to a head and caused me to question everything I believed.
I was in a tumultuous relationship where I demonstrated abusive tendencies ( can’t let the ex off the hook entirely because we both did but in different ways), and yet I knew very clearly that ‘an abuser’ wasn’t who I was and I wanted to not be an abuser anymore. I went to a lot of different therapists and psychiatrists who all seemed to dance around the fact I was a JW, but would at most emphasize how often they would hear similar issues from their JW clients. The more I started researching generational trauma & abuse, and toxic personality traits, BPD, NPD, etc. the more I started to realize that I had these deeply engrained issues (especially idealization and perfectionism). When I started to examine where these came from my JW background was obviously the biggest trigger.
When I was in middle school I met two "worldly" best friends and they always wondered why we could never hang out outside of school and I ended up telling them why and I kept trying to get them to join the borg and then they kept telling me that this was a cult and later that night something came in my head to research the borg so I did and found out everything
For me it was learning that the Governing Body were fully aware of the huge problem with CSA in the organization, yet doing *nothing* to help victims. All of the actions taken by WT erred on the side of *helping & protecting the abuser*.
I had heard the rumors that persisted since Barbara Anderson came out in the 90s, but I didn’t believe it was widespread, and I also couldn’t believe the GB were aware of the extent. But learning the real truth was the beginning of the end for me. I went from thinking “there’s no way Jehovah would bless them,” to “there’s no Jehovah,” and how could I keep attending meetings knowing that?
A million minor injuries, then discovered that a recently appointed creep, former friend, wrote a scfy pedo fantasy.
As bad as that was, the reticence of anyone in the b0rg, short of one new elduh, pushing for an investigation, in fact, attempting to subvert one...
And all the rumors from the 90s about how victims were treated, flashed back as now we were being treated that way.
No actual victims, to our knowledge. Guy has been in a dozen congregations over the twenty years since he wrote the pedo-manifesto. Sick, disgusting, yes. Also, it is a protected work, unless there is a victim... Law Enforcement can't move on it.
A significant factor in my pursuit of a forensics degree. Gotta catch them all!
100%! I stayed much longer than I should have (and would have) if it hadn't been for the relentless conditioning about the 'sanctity' of marriage. Well, if your spouse has deteriorated and is emotionally damaging you (and your children,) it's time to take action.
To answer your question: I encountered two catalysts: 1.) the mishandling of CSA and 2.) the primitive responses to all sorts of domestic abuse situations. Once out, there were lots of other eye-opening realizations.
Just starting to live for myself was the original spark in my waking up process.
There were a lot of moments after that which made it harder and harder to stay indoctrinated, but initially just putting myself first allowed me the space for all the rest to happen.
Researching the dead sea scrolls. Which funnily enough the org says is a good idea to do and encourages it. I don't think they expect anyone to do it or to go outside the cults website to find stuff.
I watched the first season of Scientology & the Aftermath on A&E. Saw similarities but was like “there’s no way I’m in a cult we are the **true** religion.” One week after it ended a total stranger asked if I had heard about the ARC investigation in JW. **Obviously** I hadn’t. I googled it and it brought up the Australian gov website. It was true. I went on YouTube and entered “History of Jehovah’s Witness’s. At the time this was one of the first options given
https://youtu.be/VE3zp9FiyiQ?si=c7cYYH5AUn6-3j-5
End of my life as i knew it. I disassociated 7mths later
I was a true believer. My father an elder. Mother a pioneer. We even moved from Canada to the Dominican Republic in 1988 for a year to be need greaters. I ended up being disfellowshipped at 18 and married outside the religion but still believed. Got reinstated. Raised our two kids as jws even tho my husband never converted.
When I was 15 years old and all of a sudden no one would talk to me after my parents separated. I would later be slandered by lots of people who knew nothing about me.
It was a slow burn, but being unfairly publicly reproved over something petty and pedantic was a big one for me. I had already dealt with CSA and domestic violence, intense bullying, being silenced about reporting said CSA,
But something about the reproval.. they knew I was a barely adult single sister with no family in da troof, no car and walked to every service meeting and walked to peoples houses to get rides to the meetings, they knew I wasn’t really involved in the situation at hand, they knew that I was burning out working and pioneering 6 days a week, they knew that I was holding on by a thread, and when I was reproved I couldn’t even find a ride to meetings.
They said that I couldn’t get privileges back unless I was regular at meetings, and then they had the audacity to ask why I hadn’t commented recently and counsel me because they fucking forgot. I couldn’t comment but I couldn’t show progress without commenting??
I also was told during my judicial meeting to write down a date and that was when they would meet with me again. I waited, then that week went by and I asked when it would be, they said “we don’t have anything scheduled why would you think you’re entitled to that just because you made up a das in your mind?”
Ministry was impossible because due to my congregation assuming I must’ve done something awful to be reproved, I would walk to service meetings, and no one would be in a group with me. It became humiliating so I stopped showing up and just did my territory on food and alone.
But of course… I wasn’t visible therefore I was left with restrictions. Nearly a year went by and I still had restrictions and over that time I realized that Jehovah didn’t really make things work out, that the branch didn’t really care, and that the issues as a whole were not local.
For anyone curious, my big evil sin was being in a groupchat and someone else sent some slightly suggestive memes, but very tame even for witnesses. I didn’t send them but they wanted to make an example out of me
It wasn’t the worst case, but after watching my dad walk free for molesting me for years it was just too much and I realized too late that all of it was fake
Yeah. It was really hard because the children of those elders were up to their problems that were “worse” by witness standards, and all their chats had much worse things said, and their parents covered for them.
It really destroyed me at the time 😅😅
Becoming an elder... And seeing all the injust and abuse.. the cover up from child abuse.. the politics and the weird elder book rules.. It made me open my eyes.
Im glad i became elder.
Learning that alcohol and ultra-processed foods are basically poison, yet both are perfectly acceptable for an exemplary JW.
But smoke weed once and you’re a disgusting sinner.
Great answer!
If the vaccine was from god (as they strongly implied) it would’ve resulted in complete success. God always save completely (think copper serpent). Of course we know that the vaccine resulted in injury for some, and, according to data released JWs died at a rate a little higher than general population.
Secondly, if god- the creator of all things wanted to save JWs from Covid, wouldn’t it have been easier to wiggle his pinkie and cause the virus to degrade more quickly? Rather than have gov build a vaccine and pimp it out on JW Broadcast
I was in university. It wasn't frowned on where I was from (it was free etc) I was researching a paper for a history module when I saw scriptures being used as a justification for some actions, then I realized. The GB were doing the exact same thing with the exact same scriptures. Unfortunately, it did take me longer to leave than I am proud to admit BUT it was at that exact moment I realized it was all bullshit. All of it.
That's one reason of many that they frown upon education. I never believed in the first place, but to read about my upbringing in a book while in sociology class was mind-blowing. Being raised JW is like being put in an 'idiot box' that they try so hard to keep you in. And if you learn anything that contradicts their beliefs somehow you're the one there's something wrong with. It's one big mindfuck.
Anything in particular?
Can you share some of your findings from your paper? I’d love to read more.
it's so long ago. But it was mostly to do with Savonarola in renaissance Florence (Bonfire of the vanities). He basically created a religious dictatorship in Florence and used scripture to justify why he alone spoke for god. It did not end well for him
Don't feel ashamed, it takes time to peel back the layers of childhood indoctrination. It took me years also
Relentless abuse from my now ex-husband and a complete absence of love, replaced by judgment and slander, from our Christian brothers and sisters. Gave myself permission to research the bOrg and fell down a rabbit hole of Cognitive Dissonance.
After years of pioneering I was burnt out and miserable, I asked myself ‘if this is “the best life ever” why do I feel like I’m drowning?’
I wasn’t pioneering, but was doing the bare minimum with three small kids in tow. Every meeting I would be soothing my crying baby at 9pm asking this very question. “Why do I feel like I am drowning? Why is this SO hard?” I knew something was wrong. I constantly felt drained, like I was being punished emotionally and mentally, despite doing what was “right”
I felt that feeling for a long time, but it still didn’t wake me up. 🤦🏻♀️
Suicidal thoughts appeared and got increasingly worse every time I attended a meeting. After 3 months of enduring it, I stopped attending meetings and they went away. I prayed and prayed and thought, if this is Gods Will that I attend a meeting, why are these thoughts persisting? Where is the help when I am praying? That was when I eventually allowed myself to begin to answer and address the question, “is this really the truth?” That’s how strong indoctrination is. It can lead you to death if you let it and refuse to question it.
THIS. I stopped going to meetings as im trying to fade out currently. the most recent convention i went to had me crying in the bathroom the whole time from anxiety, to the point where i began to disassociate during the talks. i thought i just had social anxiety because of the crowd. and then i had realized my anxiety persisted during the meetings when i had attended, and i wasnt anxious when i attended concerts. people think that your friends and family are the big sacrifice when you stop attending meetings. but youre sacrificing your mental health when you do go.
This was a big thing for me too…even before I was fully mentally out, I was really struggling to attend assemblies and conventions just because of the crowds. Then at some point I realized while I DO get anxious in large crowds at concerts or other events, I can handle it a lot better with some mental prep beforehand, and especially if it’s something I really want to do. Then I started thinking, “why is it so much harder at theocratic events?” And then one more piece of the puzzle fell into place lol.
Wow! Some similarities for me. There were several moments that brought me to that point, but one was that I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship (and DFd) and wanted know what to look out for in the future to avoid that happening again. I looked up the signs of emotional abuse in a relationship and how it works and realized this also matched the traits of the organization. That along with coming across Steve Hassan’s BITE model from a documentary about another cult. Fell down the rabbit hole about who the organization really is, and never looked back!
This is great. Very intelligent of you, I’ve always said people who leave are different somehow, one way or another they will smell the BS, do t matter if it’s one year or 2 decades, they will out. No cognitive dissonance for you!
Husband was a young elder and used on the circuit & regional level pretty extensively. I was a pioneer & “elder’s wife”…we both saw “behind the curtain” (the politics & double standards) pretty immediately. We had a young daughter who was the model child, but then our two boys came along. They’re both on the autism spectrum, and one of them has adhd, and a mood & anxiety disorder on top of that. They were never going to fit the JW mold & we both knew it deep down. Then covid hit. After initially thinking “this is it”, we saw the shitshow that transpired from there…ridiculous rules & regulations that were different on a congregational, circuit, state, country, etc level. My husband (who had stepped down as an elder a few years prior) saw it first. It was scary as hell opening up to each other about the doubts we’d had our entire lives. Life is still bumpy and lonely at times, but our boys are getting the help & support they need. Our daughter (who had gotten baptized four months before Covid) woke up with us. They’re all doing beautifully transitioning into a more normal life & making friends. And my husband & I are working to build a new community for ourselves too.
Congratulations, I'm so happy that your whole family made it out together!
Thank you so much!
Wow. Thank you for sharing! How wonderful to all be out, together as a family. I felt very similarly with my kids. They just did not fit the jw mold, and the more we tried to force it, the unhappier we all felt. I now just embrace who they are, they lead the way in their own lives and mom and dad are just here to love and support them. No pressure to be little jw robots. I feel so sad for all the kids who go along with it all just to please their parents. Ugh, the pressure and culture is just so toxic. So glad to be out!!
I’ve been going to a trauma therapist for over two years now trying to unlearn & undo everything from being raised as a true believing JW. I feel so utterly broken most days. But I know I’m slowly making progress and watching my kids grow & flourish is my motivation. I’m so glad you & your fam are out too!
My wife (a never Jw) i was born in and drifted in and out of Jw my whole life *I was never baptized. (If your wondering how i had a non JW wife) anyway she wanted to have a “religion” for our kids so i showed her what i knew… she studied for maybe 3-4 months made some meetings and it didn’t take long for her to see right thru all their BS. At first I was a little offended as i was essential pomi my whole life and because of her interest of religion i had began to study again this was maybe a year before covid hit. she asked me to prove to her without the use of JW propoganda/literature that what they say is what the bible preaches… so i started my google search and I discovered so many wonderful articles that made me go WOW! With in 3 months of researching i was completely out
For me it was many things that gradually grew to the final moment…but kissing a man at a gay bar kind of forced me to accept that I had to leave. lol 😂
this one is so real lmaoo
I was in an abusive marriage in the organisation. He was a ministerial servant. As soon as I left him one sister said what did I do wrong. Never asked if I was ok. Because he was a ministerial servant he did nothing wrong even though he cheated and was abusive physically and mentally. He wouldn’t let me leave so I told him I was going to stay at my parent’s house for a few days and never went back to him. Then he proceeded to harass me and kept knocking at 5am. I never went back to meetings because his family was looked upon as very spiritual and that he could never have the done the things he did to me and that’s when I started looking online and digging deeper
Good for you, I'm glad you had the strength and the love of yourself to do it.
It only takes something that causes someone to think; ***"Who the hell do these guys think they are anyway?".*** Independent research takes care of the rest. Once the mind stops quelling that little voice that tells them something's not right, it's over. The truth of this cult is literally at every JW's fingertips. It's just a matter of when the person has had enough of the bullshittery.
One day, I typed Jehovah's Witnesses on Google for fun, and after some digging online I realized I was in a cult
That was my first step too. I had been pomi for 20 years but faded.
Never stepped foot in a hall after ex wanted a separation. Been working 3 jobs to keep her and her pioneer buddies in free gas and coffee. Got nothing but shit from douchebag childless elders for not doing more spiritually. Fuck that nonsense
Around 1996 I was a servant and things were moving in a decent direction; I had always had my doubts (the Flood!) but managed to suspend disbelief enough to get appointed. I was a pretty good speaker (well, compared to the awful talks I used to hear) and was assigned a public talk, something I had always wanted to do. The talk went well, but I improvised on the outline quite a bit (for which I was counselled.) Some of the friends liked it though and the messages from these folks were always the same: "That was great, you could tell the Holy Spirit is using you!" And I was always like "Actually, I worked my ass off on that. Holy Spirit had nothing to do with it." And I remember thinking, "Really? I do all that work, and at the end of the day, everyone thinks it was Jehovah doing all the heavy lifting?" That's probably not the best beginning-of-the-end story, but I was never the same after that. About a year later, I was disfellowshipped for things I'll regret eternally; I came back and made it another ten years until I couldn't fake it anymore.
What were you disfellowshipped for?
Why many people are, I suppose.
Mine was fornication and bisexuality.
The same, except I'm not bisexual. :)
My cross to bear. :)
Having a personal computer and internet access. I have no idea why people are still buying into all of this when you can physically show that so many of their ideas are blatantly false.
It took me nearly 40 years to build up the courage to get on Google and research my own religion (damn indoctrination) and it all unraveled in about 20-30 online minutes…I think I read one article on csa and Wikipedia and I started to wake up.
You just described my life. 🤍 Feels relief to know I wasn’t the only one that had these issues. We are not taught to put ourselves first but the put what the Borg teaches us first. If your husband does not stick his dinker in another woman, no matter what he does to you at home, you are to stay in that marriage. No if ands or butts about it. Even physical abuse is not a good reason to divorce. And if you do divorce with no “scriptural grounds” you are disfellowshipped and worse yet you will die at Armageddon
hoping that some men will awaken with the beard allowance. is it not odd to them that they only let themselves grow facial hair cuz some old idiots said it was okay for them to??
My husband loves his beard so much. It's crazy that he doesn't think about how the GB kept that from him for 25 years
exactly! and its also the very fact that they pretended they were okay with them all along. that they felt the need to clarify THEIR stance on beards publicly, and then all the sudden started wearing beards in videos.
All started during the COVID lockdown. Lots of individual things lead to it. For one, I met a girl online and she ended up having feelings for me. For a while before she told me, we sort of jokingly were a couple among our friends. But when she told me, I said no. I really did like her at the time. But I knew that my family wouldn’t allow it. I felt so terrible that I’d led her on like that, but luckily she turned out to be kind of crazy anyway. Nobody but a few of my schoolmates and the online friend group know about it to this day. Then one of the main things was my best friend. He was part of that online friend group, and he really helped me during that time. Since then (3-4 years ago) he’s become my best friend, better than any I’ve had before. He changed my view of online friendships completely. But he’s “worldly”. My parents never told me not to talk to him, but I don’t think they like how much time I spend talking to him. I’m not going to drift away from him or cut him off just because this religion tells me to. That’s cruel, to me and to him. I’ve made it very clear that that’s not something I’m willing to budge on. I’m not leaving him. Then there was one of my schoolmates. A girl that I started getting close to around the end of 12th grade, which unfortunately meant I only got a few weeks to spend getting to know her. About a year after I graduated, she contacted me. I tried to help her get over her boyfriend that she had just broken up with. We started talking again, through text, and intended to hang out at the mall. We planned the day. Since at the time I didn’t have a license, a parent would have to drop me off, so I just said I was seeing a friend. But then they found out it was a girl. Dad told me to “think about it”, asking me what if I ran into a brother or sister from the hall and they saw me with her, what if she wants to take me Christmas shopping (this was around Christmas time), etc. I thought about it, but decided I still wanted to go. But that day, I was told no. I still hate myself for not going to this day. I regret not taking a taxi or something, anything to get there. I just cried. I spent at least the next hour crying harder than I can remember crying before. I’m not very socially active, so this was one of the first times I’d actually planned to hang out with someone. But my reaction didn’t change their minds whatsoever. I messaged her that I couldn’t make it, and haven’t messaged her much in the years since. I want so badly to apologize, to explain myself, but it’s been so long now. It wouldn’t make sense to apologize now, and I don’t really know what I’d say. She’s probably over it, anyway… idk, tell me if I’m wrong. After those events, I started looking into things. Watching YouTube videos by popular atheists (Genetically Modified Skeptic, Forrest Valkai, The Atheist Experience, etc), and what they said just made so much sense. I started to see how unbelievable the Bible really is. I looked into the theory of evolution, and it too makes sense. I saw how the JW publications misquoted and misinterpreted scientists to back up their creationist views. I realized just how awful their views on the LGBT community are (I already disagreed with it for a while), the way that disfellowshipped people are treated is horrible, the way they indoctrinate little children, how they manipulate people. It’s all insane. And how they basically say anything that isn’t positive about the organization is lies and should be torn up or deleted. The organization is far from perfect, so why would you assume there’s nothing anyone could have a legitimate problem with? If an atheist were to believe that all JWs are evil liars, would they want that person to rip up any literature they’re given, never considering any of the teachings? No! They’d want that person to listen. Why can they hold themselves to a different standard? Anyway, sorry for the long comment. Just a lot I needed to vent about, only ever talked about any of this to a therapist (and other JWs but that’s different. Can’t be as open with them.)
I'm right there with you. I still feel extremely guilty for putting myself first. My counsellor tells me every week that it's ok. I still don't believe it but I'm getting there.
Step by step, inch by inch. Remember, the Watchtower has taken years to repeat, repeat, repeat. It will take a while to get those things out of your head. Plus, they train us to feel guilty about anything that we do. Do the opposite, and be proud. Be proud that you are taking care of yourself and that you are actually taking a realistic look at what has happened.
**ARC**
i'm just now beginning to wake up at 26. as i look back over the years i realized i was fighting so hard to stay ignorant bc the wool had started being pulled from my eyes as a teenager. one of the biggest moments for me was watching the brothers slowly but surely strip my brother of his privileges bc he attended a 4 year university after high school. another one was seeing a former uber PIMI sister become POMO after her (unbelieving but supportive) husband died and almost none of the friends supported her or even let her have his memorial service at the hall. but the congregation pulled out ALL the stops when an elder died. that same sister pointed out the unnecessary emphasis on being a pioneer and how you're treated like a celebrity if you're a pioneer and you're all but villainized if you're not (she was a former regular pioneer putting in close to 80hr/mo). covid really helped me stop feeling the guilt of not being at a physical meeting so it helped make that transition so much easier. now i spend my weekends how i want and dont feel guilty about it one bit ☺️
A co-worker who was getting divorced asked me out and I said yes. I knew it was against JW beliefs but I liked him and I came from a religiously divided home anyway. I'd never dated anyone either so the whole thing was new to me. The first night we went out it was just platonic but I felt guilty just being out with him. I started thinking 'why am I feeling guilty over this?' It stayed platonic at first but he kept messaging me and eventually we got more romantically involved. I never needed to be reproved but the elders wanted to talk to me about something we did (porneia) and I just went completely off the grid after that. I wasn't prepared to grovel and beg for forgiveness for something I wasn't sorry about. I did try going back a few months later but I was so embarrassed and humiliated after talking to the elders about such private things. I was sat in a sunday watchtower and I had to get up and leave. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. That was the last in-person meeting I ever went to. It's just weird how my whole belief system came down like a house of cards. Like he's Muslim and he can still practice Islam without any hassle from his Iman. I just got fed up of navigating the minefield of dos and don'ts you have to abide by as a JW. No one in my former congregation knows what happened (apart from the elders). I think they're confused because I was really in the thick of it, like super PIMI (apart from dating a non believer). I miss dressing up to go to meetings, the routine and some of the people (although not many), but I think the blood doctrine alone would deter me from returning (along with the litany of rules that aren't rules but might as well be) Sometimes I think of how much I lost over it but then what did I ever really have in the first place?
My catalyst happened last year when a former elder called me and asked if I knew Tony Morris was no longer a Governing Body member. I had no idea. Neither did my PIMi mom, friends and countless other active witnesses. I went online, which led me to a link, which led me to this reddit sub. From there, I learned how widespread CSA is, the cover-up by the Society, the 607 BCE controversy and countless other things that shook me to the core. I had become inactive long before this --except for Memorials and conventions-- but this pushed me over the edge.
Same! But my catalyst came in different composite categories, one was via my personal interest in the Bible from an academic standpoint, the other was my knowledge and exposure to cult documentaries and films, and the other was regarding relational sciences and my own personal struggles in my closest JW family relationships. Those added together came to a head and caused me to question everything I believed. I was in a tumultuous relationship where I demonstrated abusive tendencies ( can’t let the ex off the hook entirely because we both did but in different ways), and yet I knew very clearly that ‘an abuser’ wasn’t who I was and I wanted to not be an abuser anymore. I went to a lot of different therapists and psychiatrists who all seemed to dance around the fact I was a JW, but would at most emphasize how often they would hear similar issues from their JW clients. The more I started researching generational trauma & abuse, and toxic personality traits, BPD, NPD, etc. the more I started to realize that I had these deeply engrained issues (especially idealization and perfectionism). When I started to examine where these came from my JW background was obviously the biggest trigger.
When I was in middle school I met two "worldly" best friends and they always wondered why we could never hang out outside of school and I ended up telling them why and I kept trying to get them to join the borg and then they kept telling me that this was a cult and later that night something came in my head to research the borg so I did and found out everything
Did you stay friends with them? Please say yes. I did some school and work friends dirty. 1 won’t even friend me on fb.
Yesss! Been friends with them abt 5-6 years now
YES!
For me it was learning that the Governing Body were fully aware of the huge problem with CSA in the organization, yet doing *nothing* to help victims. All of the actions taken by WT erred on the side of *helping & protecting the abuser*. I had heard the rumors that persisted since Barbara Anderson came out in the 90s, but I didn’t believe it was widespread, and I also couldn’t believe the GB were aware of the extent. But learning the real truth was the beginning of the end for me. I went from thinking “there’s no way Jehovah would bless them,” to “there’s no Jehovah,” and how could I keep attending meetings knowing that?
A million minor injuries, then discovered that a recently appointed creep, former friend, wrote a scfy pedo fantasy. As bad as that was, the reticence of anyone in the b0rg, short of one new elduh, pushing for an investigation, in fact, attempting to subvert one... And all the rumors from the 90s about how victims were treated, flashed back as now we were being treated that way. No actual victims, to our knowledge. Guy has been in a dozen congregations over the twenty years since he wrote the pedo-manifesto. Sick, disgusting, yes. Also, it is a protected work, unless there is a victim... Law Enforcement can't move on it.
A significant factor in my pursuit of a forensics degree. Gotta catch them all!
100%! I stayed much longer than I should have (and would have) if it hadn't been for the relentless conditioning about the 'sanctity' of marriage. Well, if your spouse has deteriorated and is emotionally damaging you (and your children,) it's time to take action. To answer your question: I encountered two catalysts: 1.) the mishandling of CSA and 2.) the primitive responses to all sorts of domestic abuse situations. Once out, there were lots of other eye-opening realizations.
Just starting to live for myself was the original spark in my waking up process. There were a lot of moments after that which made it harder and harder to stay indoctrinated, but initially just putting myself first allowed me the space for all the rest to happen.
Researching the dead sea scrolls. Which funnily enough the org says is a good idea to do and encourages it. I don't think they expect anyone to do it or to go outside the cults website to find stuff.
Didn't approve of 21 kinds of child abuse. Wife and I had a lovely new baby girl. We escaped JWs and never looked back.
21 kinds?
I watched the first season of Scientology & the Aftermath on A&E. Saw similarities but was like “there’s no way I’m in a cult we are the **true** religion.” One week after it ended a total stranger asked if I had heard about the ARC investigation in JW. **Obviously** I hadn’t. I googled it and it brought up the Australian gov website. It was true. I went on YouTube and entered “History of Jehovah’s Witness’s. At the time this was one of the first options given https://youtu.be/VE3zp9FiyiQ?si=c7cYYH5AUn6-3j-5 End of my life as i knew it. I disassociated 7mths later I was a true believer. My father an elder. Mother a pioneer. We even moved from Canada to the Dominican Republic in 1988 for a year to be need greaters. I ended up being disfellowshipped at 18 and married outside the religion but still believed. Got reinstated. Raised our two kids as jws even tho my husband never converted.
When I was 15 years old and all of a sudden no one would talk to me after my parents separated. I would later be slandered by lots of people who knew nothing about me.
It was a slow burn, but being unfairly publicly reproved over something petty and pedantic was a big one for me. I had already dealt with CSA and domestic violence, intense bullying, being silenced about reporting said CSA, But something about the reproval.. they knew I was a barely adult single sister with no family in da troof, no car and walked to every service meeting and walked to peoples houses to get rides to the meetings, they knew I wasn’t really involved in the situation at hand, they knew that I was burning out working and pioneering 6 days a week, they knew that I was holding on by a thread, and when I was reproved I couldn’t even find a ride to meetings. They said that I couldn’t get privileges back unless I was regular at meetings, and then they had the audacity to ask why I hadn’t commented recently and counsel me because they fucking forgot. I couldn’t comment but I couldn’t show progress without commenting?? I also was told during my judicial meeting to write down a date and that was when they would meet with me again. I waited, then that week went by and I asked when it would be, they said “we don’t have anything scheduled why would you think you’re entitled to that just because you made up a das in your mind?” Ministry was impossible because due to my congregation assuming I must’ve done something awful to be reproved, I would walk to service meetings, and no one would be in a group with me. It became humiliating so I stopped showing up and just did my territory on food and alone. But of course… I wasn’t visible therefore I was left with restrictions. Nearly a year went by and I still had restrictions and over that time I realized that Jehovah didn’t really make things work out, that the branch didn’t really care, and that the issues as a whole were not local. For anyone curious, my big evil sin was being in a groupchat and someone else sent some slightly suggestive memes, but very tame even for witnesses. I didn’t send them but they wanted to make an example out of me It wasn’t the worst case, but after watching my dad walk free for molesting me for years it was just too much and I realized too late that all of it was fake
Oh my goodness, you were put through the wringer, gaslit, shamed, and over a nothing meme group chat. F that! So ridiculous.
Yeah. It was really hard because the children of those elders were up to their problems that were “worse” by witness standards, and all their chats had much worse things said, and their parents covered for them. It really destroyed me at the time 😅😅
Becoming an elder... And seeing all the injust and abuse.. the cover up from child abuse.. the politics and the weird elder book rules.. It made me open my eyes. Im glad i became elder.
Already answered at: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/2Xi573IhzC
Learning that alcohol and ultra-processed foods are basically poison, yet both are perfectly acceptable for an exemplary JW. But smoke weed once and you’re a disgusting sinner.
Vaccine
Great answer! If the vaccine was from god (as they strongly implied) it would’ve resulted in complete success. God always save completely (think copper serpent). Of course we know that the vaccine resulted in injury for some, and, according to data released JWs died at a rate a little higher than general population. Secondly, if god- the creator of all things wanted to save JWs from Covid, wouldn’t it have been easier to wiggle his pinkie and cause the virus to degrade more quickly? Rather than have gov build a vaccine and pimp it out on JW Broadcast
Good point!