It would be fun to serve somewhere cool, but let them know they could also be called to North Dakota. Then they could knock doors in trailer parks while it’s -20 degrees outside and no one is letting you in.
I did let them know that haha
Everyone I knew from high school went to the most rural towns. The most exciting place someone went to from my high school was England which, saying this with living family members in England, is not very "exciting."
Edit: I will also note that covid messed a lot up in the missions so staying in the states was more common
England certainly beats “Provo Utah.”
I was terrified I’d get called to Utah or Idaho and have to explain to my non Mormon friends why I was going to Salt Lake to teach people about Mormonism.
It’s so odd to think about.
Out of my maybe 20 friends, I am 1 of 2 that have stayed on not gone on a mission. It’s crazy to think I’ll be finishing my junior year of college. I’ll be getting internships, finally getting into my career. My buds will just be starting their freshman/sophomore year. Even though some are a year older.
I am already and will be financially mature (as much as a 20 YO can be), emotionally mature, and none of my friends out on mission will be for the next 2 years. They are so far behind. I feel bad for them but I hope they realize that they just wasted 2 precious, important years of their lives.
Very true. It's sad that the young people are rushed past this very important and critical stage in life that many don't even think about it until years, even decades, later. It's a very unique time in life that I think requires more time, patience, and thought. You're coming out of childhood and becoming a full fledged adult. There's way more to adulthood than "marriage, kids, job". I quit at 14, and I realized in my high school senior year how much more growing I needed to do. I was hoping the girls I grew up alongside and were friends with would be there for me like I was ready to be there for them. I was wrong. Everyone was serial dating and trying to be married or at least engaged by 20. Not even joking. I feel like young adults of that age (members, PIMOs, inactive, and non-members alike in the Morridor) are not only denied that very short but important part of life: building your life foundation; you are denied your friendships and safety nets that you built throughout your teens. Those relationships are so valuable and are needed to get through the late teens into the early 20s I'm the same way as going through the preteen years. While having supportive experienced adults around to help is nice, it means a lot to have peers your own age to be able to connect with. The cult denies them of all that through missions and super quick engagements and marriages. It's heartbreaking. There's no love or understanding for the young adults, the cult makes the young adults understand and love the cult. The young adults are still kids in many ways, and the cult ups the ante and makes them dependent on new ways than they were used to. They were denied a normal childhood, and are being denied a normal adulthood. 😞💔💔
Congratulations on the new house! 👍👍👏👏🥰💓
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your story. My partner and I have decided to move in together before deciding to get married because we feel that's the right decision for us. My mormon family does not agree at all but I need to stop letting them affect me. My partner is a nevermo but has some christian (non immediate) family members who also disagree and have very much told us to our faces (only happened because they are very gracious in helping us with the house).
I think cohabitating for a couple years before getting married (aka signing a legally binding government contract that is expensive and difficult to get out of, especially the longer your married, if you marry on a whim and you find the relationship to be incompatible, and even harder to get out of smoothly if the person is controlling, which seems to happen a lot with TBM quickie marriages) is the best and wisest way to do things. You're doing right! 👍👍👏👏👏 Only you know what is right for you, and it's very okay to take your time to learn what works for you.
I have learned by watching those around me, and by learning and searching what I do/don't want. I never married, I quit church at 14 and that alone has put a huge damper on my dating life, as well as being in the heart of the Morridor; I paid a lot of attention to the women around throughout my life, even in childhood-- I think because I'm neurodivergent I pay attention to a lot of things and try to make sense of it especially when I face a potentially similar future, which is also when I learned i would prefer to not have children because that's all you really do as a Mormon wife stress and juggle everyone else's needs; and listening into my aunts' or my grandma's conversations about not being happy or being tired of this/that: usually centered around sexist "female responsibilities vs male responsibilities". 🤦♀️ Getting married just because of the twitter-pated honeymoon "love" part of a relationship is a bad idea, as well as not having prenuptial agreements. **Do prenuptial agreements if you decide to marry.** If you don't, it's a judge and the state laws that determine how your property, 401k, savings, etc are divided; not exactly a fun or easy way to start a new life after a painful situation.
I wish you two all the best! 🤗💓💕
Yeah I spent a year after highschool "preparing" to serve. & Then took a year off deconstructing & healing. I still feel like these last two years have been wasted because financially it's a joke.
The majority of my friends are on missions rn, or are married.
But I've learned so much, so many unique opportunities have presented themselves, so much growth has come from this & I'm so grateful for it! I got to live life & truly enjoy it while my friends have been gone, Knocking doors everyday & getting bit by dogs.
I also think about how I could be currently serving in Africa. I could be losing my mind. Luckily, I discovered the truth claims shortly before leaving. Makes me feel better about myself & where I'm at in life.
We left the church when our kids were 5 & 8 so they did not grow up in the church however they had lots of Mormon friends. Some of the friends went on missions and when they returned most of them left the church completely. My sons are now all grown own homes and have rental properties. They are so much further ahead than their friends who went on missions
Good on you! for not bending to Mormon social pressures re: missions, that even this first presidency & the one prior chose NOT to go on!
So proud of our kid too who decided that being self-funded door to door fairy tale book salesman was a waste of time! Instead- they went to #1 Comp Sci U in nation/ Top 10 in world, made great intnl friends there, travelled w/them, finished early in half the time, earned a Masters in CS & got a job w/FAANG company, making close to $200k before turning 20!!
A mission would easily cost them- half a Mil in lost wages & awesome opportunities & memories missed out on in their early lifetime!
Yep! Mormon book sales Missions are a joke. Hypocrite 1st presidency knows it. Again, It’s why they chose not to go.
You’re making all the right choices! Living your life w/ integrity, intention & growth! You’re Breaking high demand Mormon cult indoctrination cycle! Diss the COVENant path! So proud of you!!
I wish I did not go on a mission. The baggage and healing required afterwards has put me much farther behind in life than I ever thought I would be. My friendships I developed in high school are nonexistent now. I was gone during a time when I really needed to be able to be in their lives. I hated that I was only allowed 15 minutes each Monday to contact friends and family. I wish I would have been more rebellious and independent in my thinking and lived life how I wanted. I was exposed to things that I didn’t need to experience. I should have been in school instead, learning new things and challenging my ideas and obtaining skills. What the heck man.
I'm glas that you realized all of this! A lot better than the ones who don't. It seems like you grew a lot from it (tho in the opposite direction the church wants you to). I hope you find peace with yourself
Going somewhere cool is just their hope of a consolation prize. They may learn sooner or later that there is no consolation for the loss of two years of your youth.
One of my kids is in your exact situation. Tells us similar things. Mormon missions are such an utter waste of time, money, and talent in the prime of your life.
My Mormon mission is the 2nd biggest regret of my life right below the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars the Mormon real estate corporation conned me into donating under false pretenses.
Yep. It’s a $1 Triilion Mormon cult led by UT Q15 con men. We seek $200k tithing refund, as our generous charitably given tithes we’re not used charitably to benefit the hungry homeless sick & dying.
Instead Q15 Mormon con men hoarded it in the Ensign Peaks stock funds & used it to buy real property that’s made them 2nd largest landowners in US, 1st in FL & IL!
WTH?! GTH!! Beware the wrath of God, 99 yr old con man RMN! Your time is near!
If Mormons believe their actual doctrine, Rusty and the rest of the Whited Sepulchres at the top carry their dishonest real estate karma with them and end up on the other side with lakefront property on a lake of fire and brimstone.
I guess I’m in the position of your friends. I did a mission after a year of college, which has definitely complicated things. I didn’t initially have any plans of serving, or any idea of what serving would even be like, since I grew up in an area with virtually no Mormons. But after studying/being indoctrinated at ByU I viewed it as a way to better myself and make my parents proud. I also thought it would be a cool experience to have.
While on the mission I tried to have a positive outlook on my experiences and share only the positives with family. But it was the most miserable and stressful experience. My memory of all of it is kind of hazy, and I tend to not think about it much. But I do vividly remember the stress and emotional breakdowns.
Serving a mission feels like living in a bubble, separated from the rest of society. You are living a life so fundamentally different from everyone around you that you feel like an impostor. You desperately want to be a normal citizen as you watch people around you live their lives and work to support their families. Meanwhile you walk around in your suit or dress, desperately trying to feel like you are doing something useful. Your every thought and action is controlled by the strict rules you follow, to the point of sacrificing your entire identity to the church. Anything less than a full surrender to the church fills you with guilt. For examples of this kind of indoctrination see “The fourth missionary” and hollands “feed my sheep”
Honestly 2 years or 18 months is a pretty short time in the grand scheme of things so I wasn’t too fussed about being behind my high school peers. I just wanted to get college over with so I went back as soon as possible. I thought everything would be the same or even better after the mission.
But at college I felt unable to concentrate, read, take care of myself, or even get up in the morning some of the time. In the past I did great at college and could be very ambitious with everything. Now it feels like the mission has scrambled my brain into goo. Over a year later and I’m still stuck in the same situation, staying with parents, feeling very useless.
So a mission can have more consequences than just the opportunities missed in those 2 years, these kinds of experiences can leave permanent marks and scars. My only advice to anyone on a mission (other than leaving) is to be kind to yourself so you don’t burn out or damage your health.
Congrats on the house! Best of luck to you, your partner, and family!
It would be fun to serve somewhere cool, but let them know they could also be called to North Dakota. Then they could knock doors in trailer parks while it’s -20 degrees outside and no one is letting you in.
I did let them know that haha Everyone I knew from high school went to the most rural towns. The most exciting place someone went to from my high school was England which, saying this with living family members in England, is not very "exciting." Edit: I will also note that covid messed a lot up in the missions so staying in the states was more common
England certainly beats “Provo Utah.” I was terrified I’d get called to Utah or Idaho and have to explain to my non Mormon friends why I was going to Salt Lake to teach people about Mormonism.
It’s so odd to think about. Out of my maybe 20 friends, I am 1 of 2 that have stayed on not gone on a mission. It’s crazy to think I’ll be finishing my junior year of college. I’ll be getting internships, finally getting into my career. My buds will just be starting their freshman/sophomore year. Even though some are a year older. I am already and will be financially mature (as much as a 20 YO can be), emotionally mature, and none of my friends out on mission will be for the next 2 years. They are so far behind. I feel bad for them but I hope they realize that they just wasted 2 precious, important years of their lives.
Very true. It's sad that the young people are rushed past this very important and critical stage in life that many don't even think about it until years, even decades, later. It's a very unique time in life that I think requires more time, patience, and thought. You're coming out of childhood and becoming a full fledged adult. There's way more to adulthood than "marriage, kids, job". I quit at 14, and I realized in my high school senior year how much more growing I needed to do. I was hoping the girls I grew up alongside and were friends with would be there for me like I was ready to be there for them. I was wrong. Everyone was serial dating and trying to be married or at least engaged by 20. Not even joking. I feel like young adults of that age (members, PIMOs, inactive, and non-members alike in the Morridor) are not only denied that very short but important part of life: building your life foundation; you are denied your friendships and safety nets that you built throughout your teens. Those relationships are so valuable and are needed to get through the late teens into the early 20s I'm the same way as going through the preteen years. While having supportive experienced adults around to help is nice, it means a lot to have peers your own age to be able to connect with. The cult denies them of all that through missions and super quick engagements and marriages. It's heartbreaking. There's no love or understanding for the young adults, the cult makes the young adults understand and love the cult. The young adults are still kids in many ways, and the cult ups the ante and makes them dependent on new ways than they were used to. They were denied a normal childhood, and are being denied a normal adulthood. 😞💔💔 Congratulations on the new house! 👍👍👏👏🥰💓
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your story. My partner and I have decided to move in together before deciding to get married because we feel that's the right decision for us. My mormon family does not agree at all but I need to stop letting them affect me. My partner is a nevermo but has some christian (non immediate) family members who also disagree and have very much told us to our faces (only happened because they are very gracious in helping us with the house).
I think cohabitating for a couple years before getting married (aka signing a legally binding government contract that is expensive and difficult to get out of, especially the longer your married, if you marry on a whim and you find the relationship to be incompatible, and even harder to get out of smoothly if the person is controlling, which seems to happen a lot with TBM quickie marriages) is the best and wisest way to do things. You're doing right! 👍👍👏👏👏 Only you know what is right for you, and it's very okay to take your time to learn what works for you. I have learned by watching those around me, and by learning and searching what I do/don't want. I never married, I quit church at 14 and that alone has put a huge damper on my dating life, as well as being in the heart of the Morridor; I paid a lot of attention to the women around throughout my life, even in childhood-- I think because I'm neurodivergent I pay attention to a lot of things and try to make sense of it especially when I face a potentially similar future, which is also when I learned i would prefer to not have children because that's all you really do as a Mormon wife stress and juggle everyone else's needs; and listening into my aunts' or my grandma's conversations about not being happy or being tired of this/that: usually centered around sexist "female responsibilities vs male responsibilities". 🤦♀️ Getting married just because of the twitter-pated honeymoon "love" part of a relationship is a bad idea, as well as not having prenuptial agreements. **Do prenuptial agreements if you decide to marry.** If you don't, it's a judge and the state laws that determine how your property, 401k, savings, etc are divided; not exactly a fun or easy way to start a new life after a painful situation. I wish you two all the best! 🤗💓💕
Thanks! We will 100% be doing a prenup. We have a friend whose going through a dvicorce with a kid right now (never mo) and it's been rough to see.
In some places, you are considered to be in a common law marriage if you have been cohabiting for a year. Just something to consider.
Yeah I spent a year after highschool "preparing" to serve. & Then took a year off deconstructing & healing. I still feel like these last two years have been wasted because financially it's a joke. The majority of my friends are on missions rn, or are married. But I've learned so much, so many unique opportunities have presented themselves, so much growth has come from this & I'm so grateful for it! I got to live life & truly enjoy it while my friends have been gone, Knocking doors everyday & getting bit by dogs. I also think about how I could be currently serving in Africa. I could be losing my mind. Luckily, I discovered the truth claims shortly before leaving. Makes me feel better about myself & where I'm at in life.
I'm so glad you were able to spend those two years doing something you wanted to do! Thanks for sharing your journey.
Those two years weren’t wasted, because it was something you needed to do, and chose to do, rather than being brow-beaten into a mission
We left the church when our kids were 5 & 8 so they did not grow up in the church however they had lots of Mormon friends. Some of the friends went on missions and when they returned most of them left the church completely. My sons are now all grown own homes and have rental properties. They are so much further ahead than their friends who went on missions
Good on you! for not bending to Mormon social pressures re: missions, that even this first presidency & the one prior chose NOT to go on! So proud of our kid too who decided that being self-funded door to door fairy tale book salesman was a waste of time! Instead- they went to #1 Comp Sci U in nation/ Top 10 in world, made great intnl friends there, travelled w/them, finished early in half the time, earned a Masters in CS & got a job w/FAANG company, making close to $200k before turning 20!! A mission would easily cost them- half a Mil in lost wages & awesome opportunities & memories missed out on in their early lifetime! Yep! Mormon book sales Missions are a joke. Hypocrite 1st presidency knows it. Again, It’s why they chose not to go.
That's awesome what your kid accomplished! I'm nowhere close to that but still thriving outside the church :)
You’re making all the right choices! Living your life w/ integrity, intention & growth! You’re Breaking high demand Mormon cult indoctrination cycle! Diss the COVENant path! So proud of you!!
I wish I did not go on a mission. The baggage and healing required afterwards has put me much farther behind in life than I ever thought I would be. My friendships I developed in high school are nonexistent now. I was gone during a time when I really needed to be able to be in their lives. I hated that I was only allowed 15 minutes each Monday to contact friends and family. I wish I would have been more rebellious and independent in my thinking and lived life how I wanted. I was exposed to things that I didn’t need to experience. I should have been in school instead, learning new things and challenging my ideas and obtaining skills. What the heck man.
I'm glas that you realized all of this! A lot better than the ones who don't. It seems like you grew a lot from it (tho in the opposite direction the church wants you to). I hope you find peace with yourself
Going somewhere cool is just their hope of a consolation prize. They may learn sooner or later that there is no consolation for the loss of two years of your youth.
One of my kids is in your exact situation. Tells us similar things. Mormon missions are such an utter waste of time, money, and talent in the prime of your life. My Mormon mission is the 2nd biggest regret of my life right below the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars the Mormon real estate corporation conned me into donating under false pretenses.
Yep. It’s a $1 Triilion Mormon cult led by UT Q15 con men. We seek $200k tithing refund, as our generous charitably given tithes we’re not used charitably to benefit the hungry homeless sick & dying. Instead Q15 Mormon con men hoarded it in the Ensign Peaks stock funds & used it to buy real property that’s made them 2nd largest landowners in US, 1st in FL & IL! WTH?! GTH!! Beware the wrath of God, 99 yr old con man RMN! Your time is near!
If Mormons believe their actual doctrine, Rusty and the rest of the Whited Sepulchres at the top carry their dishonest real estate karma with them and end up on the other side with lakefront property on a lake of fire and brimstone.
I guess I’m in the position of your friends. I did a mission after a year of college, which has definitely complicated things. I didn’t initially have any plans of serving, or any idea of what serving would even be like, since I grew up in an area with virtually no Mormons. But after studying/being indoctrinated at ByU I viewed it as a way to better myself and make my parents proud. I also thought it would be a cool experience to have. While on the mission I tried to have a positive outlook on my experiences and share only the positives with family. But it was the most miserable and stressful experience. My memory of all of it is kind of hazy, and I tend to not think about it much. But I do vividly remember the stress and emotional breakdowns. Serving a mission feels like living in a bubble, separated from the rest of society. You are living a life so fundamentally different from everyone around you that you feel like an impostor. You desperately want to be a normal citizen as you watch people around you live their lives and work to support their families. Meanwhile you walk around in your suit or dress, desperately trying to feel like you are doing something useful. Your every thought and action is controlled by the strict rules you follow, to the point of sacrificing your entire identity to the church. Anything less than a full surrender to the church fills you with guilt. For examples of this kind of indoctrination see “The fourth missionary” and hollands “feed my sheep” Honestly 2 years or 18 months is a pretty short time in the grand scheme of things so I wasn’t too fussed about being behind my high school peers. I just wanted to get college over with so I went back as soon as possible. I thought everything would be the same or even better after the mission. But at college I felt unable to concentrate, read, take care of myself, or even get up in the morning some of the time. In the past I did great at college and could be very ambitious with everything. Now it feels like the mission has scrambled my brain into goo. Over a year later and I’m still stuck in the same situation, staying with parents, feeling very useless. So a mission can have more consequences than just the opportunities missed in those 2 years, these kinds of experiences can leave permanent marks and scars. My only advice to anyone on a mission (other than leaving) is to be kind to yourself so you don’t burn out or damage your health. Congrats on the house! Best of luck to you, your partner, and family!
Thank you! And I'm glad you tried to make the most out of your mission. It's better to try and not to regret things, tends to make things worse.