Not me, but I know someone whose parents arranged a marriage for him while he was on a mission. They met a young woman in Mexico and had a “spiritual revelation” that she was meant to be their son’s wife. They converted her and presented her to their son when he got back. They got married and quickly had a kid. I’m pretty sure the marriage fell apart not long after and she’s no longer an active member. The parents also damaged a lot of relationships within their own family because they cut off people that were telling them what a horrible idea it was. Crazy stuff!

My aunt told me that my parents marriage is about as close to an arranged marriage as she has ever seen. Basically, my paternal grandparents met my mom and fell in love with her and essentially put pressure on my dad, and to and extent, my mom, to get married. They met a couple months before he went on his missions. They were constantly encouraging them to write each other. I guess making calls wasn't as frowned on back then because grandparents sent my dad a long distance card for him to call my mom every now and then. He got home July of 72. They were married at the end of August 72, right before he started his 2nd year of BYU. Yeah, I'm a product of this marriage. They really did not know each other. Something I know but my mom still does not know today; dad was ready to call it quits after one year. They were just too different. But mom hit him first with being pregnant with my older sister, so he was done and locked in. Misery loves company so they had 4 more kids after that. Seems like the majority of my adolescence and adult years is hearing about this or that strain between mom and dad. But they will not divorce. Too much sunk cost fallacy for that. Almost 52 years of misery for both. But pretty much all of my dad's life was planned and executed for him without much input on what he wanted. It's taken me years to forgive him for some things but I now see him as a tragic figure.

This is so sad. And you know that there are people seeing their 50+ years together and swooning and saying "how romantic"! 🙄

Ooof, my dad is the one who will get on Facebook and post ridiculous non-truths that are just for likes. Like when they hit their 50s year anniversary and he posted old pics of them and talking about what an amazing 50 year journey it as been. Took everything I had not to comment, "wait, didn't you tell me when I was 16 that mom would've made a great nun based on how much she cares about sex?"

It's not necessarily an untruth. It might be amazing in the sense that no one was murdered in the relationship. Or amazing that they had so little sex. Or amazing that neither one of them figured out how to say "enough"

Lmao!

Man, as an ex jw who was having sex in secret and orgasming when I turned 18, I met soooo many jw women with one or multiple kids who’ve never had an orgasm or sex life is just trash. I’m no expert but in addition to lack of chemistry, I’d be willing to bet he’s not great in the sack either and hence your mom’s lack of interest. Also he doesn’t sound like a great husband necessarily.

That was people at my dad's funeral, a month after my parents' 50th anniversary. 'Ohhh, he loved your mom so much, she was his queen!' Um, cousin, my dad hated when I visited b/c then he had to share a bed w/ my mom to pretend I wasn't taking HIS bedroom. I can't recall a time in my life he wasn't insulting something about her nearly every day & not in a joking way.

Sadly and painfully, this is more or less what happened to my parents as well, minus the pressure for the two of them to get married. They met and got married and had kids and refused to divorce even though it was very clear that they were both extremely unhappy in the marriage. It also took years for me to see and realize this kind of thing and to forgive them for a lot of the things that happened when we were kids.

About every 10 years or so they have a big blow up that's headed for divorce. There I was, an 18 year old, encouraging them both that divorce was a good option for both of them. All of us kids encouraged it. Hell, at that point in their careers mom was making more money than dad, so it wasn't a fear of lack of income for her. It was all about appearances and covenants. I still look back on that particular blow up and think about how much better their's and all of our lives would be. I see my folks as two lives that never really got lived. And you want to talk sterile relationships between us and them......my folks feel more like past youth leaders than my actual parents. It's very sad.

Again, sounds very familiar. I don't ever remember my parents sleeping in the same room or same bed, but I remember lots of shouting matches. As a curious kid I once read through my mom's Journal (now kind of wish I hadn't) and she straight up said that she would divorce my father if she could, but felt like that wasn't an option due to us the kids, and her inability to provide for herself, or us. My dad never had a journal and I'm purely speculating, but I strongly suspect he probably felt exactly the same way. It's strange that we have to get some of our "family therapy" venting sessions on a subreddit like this, but I see it all the time here. It just seems all too common that the happy Eternal marriages that get promised to people end up this way, and nobody ever really gets a chance to talk about it except when the do it with total strangers on the internet. Maybe this isn't something exclusive to mormonism, but I have no way of knowing. All I do know is that I had a really crappy and toxic relationship as my one and only example of how a relationship or marriage works. Which sucks for both of them and me and my siblings. Chalk up another shitty unintended outcome of well intended, but obviously flawed cultural expectations that come with mormonism. It's almost like the church is being led by a bunch of guys who are just making it up as they go along, rather than by an all-knowing and all loving creator. Weird.

Keep in mind too: the chances of a mormom husband and a wife coming from a toxic and sterile home themselves, is extremely high. Just further compounding the legacy of toxic/sterile homes. I've only ever seen my parents kiss,.twice. And it was awkward as hell. They started sleeping in separate rooms about 15 years ago when there were no more kids in the house. I still don't know what makes them think they'll like each other after death when they don't like each other now. But back on topic - Mormon homes have to be some of the more toxic and maladjusted homes ever. I've been working hard to break the cycle. But it's hard. It takes conscious and pointed effort, for my part.

Talking about it is half the battle I think. Generational trauma is definitely a thing. It just sucks how totally unnecessary it has to be. Sending you love and support in your journey, sounds like you're already doing better than thoses before you and breaking the chain, for which I applaud you.

Thank you

My parents did the same, when the last kid left my mother moved into the other wing of the house, about as far away from my father as possible. When I was a teenager my mother told me that the reason why she married my father was because she saw him as a good priesthood holder and able to provide for a family. They weren't really in love then. And my father told me as much when I was in my early twenties, that she would be a good wife and the mother of many children, they had six within 12 years (and likely had sex only 6 times if you get my drift). They were actually never in love and argued frequently. No pressure from their parents tho... My mother is a convert and her mother disliked my dad. My dad's mother was a faithful member (she became PIMO in later life but that's another story) but because her husband was not and didn't have a temple recommend, she wasn't allowed to have one either (archaic rule now discarded). And so none of the parents were able to go and witness the actual marriage, they had to do a ring ceremony later at the chapel for them!

This needs to be more normalized that if people are not working out then it's ok to have a divorce and be effective co-parents. This is a better example then raising kids that only see a dysfunctional relationship as normal. I am very lucky that I am married to my best friend and we are still just as in love and all over each other as we were 15 years ago when we met, but that is not the case for a lot of people and honestly it's the exception not the rule in a lot of LDS marriages I see. Don't stay together for the kids, show them that it's ok for a bad relationship to end.

This is similar to my situation. I dated a TBM girl who eventually left on a mission. We broke up and my parents constantly talk about me needing to date her when she gets back and keeping in touch with her. They want me to get married to this chick I haven’t talked to in months.

sounds vaguely like my grandparents marriage. I was adopted by them when I was a baby (mom was a bad girl, got knocked up at 18 outside of marriage while at Ricks college). By the time I was old enough to comprehend things, they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years, and grandma died of breast cancer when I was 12. Grandpa told me years later that the ONLY reason he stuck around was because of the church, and that they pretty much hated each other toward the end.

I don't know if it's good or bad, but Boomers seem to stick it out better than younger generations. My parents didn't have a bad marriage, but it was obvious it was more tolerance than love. They stayed together until my Dad passed away. My ex (second marriage) isn't a bad person, but I didn't have enough tolerance to live with such a different person. I believe it's good to not stay with someone your not happy with, but I question whether I have realistic expectations about compatibility in a partner.

To a degree, most Mormon marriages are arranged. Let me explain... They are given a strict set of rules to abide by for what kind of person to date, how to date them, how to (not) hav sex with them, how "worthy" they should be, priesthood holder, temple recommend holder, return missionary, etc. Yes, not exactly an arranged marriage, but damn near. There's zero consideration for what either person wants, sexual compatibility/chemistry, common interests, etc.

I knew at a very young age that a “worthy priesthood holder” sounded like a nightmare of boredom to me. What I understood a “worthy priesthood holder” to be was a bookish corporate bore with free time only for extra scripture reading. I wanted some form of adventure in marriage, but the Sunday school description of what I * should * want were not in line with someone who liked the outdoors, music, travel, etc.

This is so true. You just marry the first “worthy” person that presents themselves, when you are too young to know what you want and before you can slip up and have premarital sex. And the only criteria we are taught to worry about in a partner is how faithful they are in the church.

This! It's a formula you're expected to follow.

My mother in law doesn’t believe a man and a woman who aren’t married and in the same age range can’t be alone together. Even though my husband is an adult when she heard he was at a mutual friends house to pick something up she encouraged me to get over there as soon as possible. As if men and women alone just get overcome by the devil to do the deed lol.

Mormons are so fucking weird about sex. I have a cousin who isn't mormon, and does the forbidden premarital sex. One time he was planning on coming into town to visit my grandma (I'm her caregiver), and my parents were uncomfortable with him staying in the house, because they were worried he'd try to sleep with me. They don't seem to understand the concept that having sex does not mean a person has no morals or boundaries. Spoiler alert, he did not try to have sex with me. He is my cousin. Weirdos. Although ironically, another cousin who was a member of the church and went on a mission DID try to have sex with me after his divorce. How bout dem apples?

They were worried your COUSIN would try to sleep with you? 😬 WTF. I’d be wondering why my parents would think my cousin would want to bang a cousin Edit: I commented before I got to the part that another cousin tried to bang you. That is icky

It's simple really, he's not mormon and has sex, so clearly he will have sex with anything. And with the other cousin it doesn't count, because he was going through a divorce and probably didn't even know what he was doing. It's my fault for showing my porn shoulders, he couldn't control himself.

oh trust me, I've heard MUCH worse stories about my niece being abused by her cousins as a kid. like BAD abused. She and her family got out of the church about a decade ago, and she's spent a LOT of time in therapy trying to undo the massive amount of damage that happened there.

It's because we're taught that premarital sex is second to murder. So basically, in their eyes, your cousin was, in a literal sense, one step away from being a murderer.

I think dem apples demonstrate how the church messes people up sexually. When my daughter went to college and started dating, the stories she told me about how the Mormon guys treated her vrs. the non-mormon were so eye opening that I was relieved when she married a non-mo. And that's how I felt when I was still a TBM!

I went to byui and I agree. Members, particularly returned missionaries are fucking insane! I had quite a few roommates who made me deeply uncomfortable with their views and dating habits, I even had to go so far as to lecture a few. Mormon dating and relationship culture is so unbelievably toxic, it's not even funny. This was also while I was TBM

Good for you for setting people straight! I hope you found someone good.

Dude I dated a Mormon girl in High-school and was taking her to Prom, she has a super glittery dress, and her mom says to me "We'll know if you guys go in the backseat because of the Glitter!! 😁😁" all happy. Like bro what. Why would you say that to me?? Needless to say we did it anyway and she didn't know. But still wtf.

Kissing cousins is ONLY okay if you're Mormon.

 "Dear Penthouse Forum,    I always thought these stories were made up, until my Mormon cousin came back from his mission..."  Sorry, that just popped into my head.

That’s the slippery slope logical fallacy.  First, he does the sex with his girlfriend, and then finally with plants and animals.  

That's the view of the Sexualy oppressed.

That’s some weird-ass sexist bullshit. I hate that shit. Reminds me of my parents saying what Mike Pence’s policy was that he doesn’t have business meetings alone with women

I’d have thought Mike Pence would avoid having business meetings alone with men

Not Mormon, but DH was familiar with the principle of how Pence ran meetings with women. He said it started with Billy Graham (hubs family was close to the Grahams). It seems Billy made the rule when they were doing the big rallies because he didn’t want any taint on the crusades. From there it filtered down to other denominations. Hubs family was Free Methodist (VERY conservative) and they followed that principle at church and in business.

Well of course men cannot control themselves so they should not be alone with women! And women should not wear any revealing clothing and don't be showing those porn shoulders and sexy collarbones because that's too much to resist and any skin above mid-calf is way too much temptation so women keep yourselves covered up entirely, and with several layers, even if there's a heat warning. OMG! What is wrong with this church!! 🙄

Sadly, it's this very attitude that often *encourages* people to give in to their baser instincts. They've been told their whole lives they won't be able to control themselves, so they don't even bother to try

I had a budding friendship with a married, TBM member of the opposite sex, but she always avoided hanging out with me. When I finally asked why, she gave this rule that she doesn’t hang out alone with guys. Tried to ask why she has that rule and she got defensive and claimed that a marriage without that rule has no love and safety between partners. I countered that it actually has no trust. She claimed I had no respect for her marriage. So I abandoned the friendship. It’s such a normal rule among TBM couples though, and they never really think about what it does to each other.

My parents have rules for themselves about not being alone with the opposite sex ever if they can help it. Do they not trust each other or themselves??? It’s like if a woman rides in a car with a man they will just be too tempted not to have sex. 

Not parent-related, but when my boyfriend was at BYU law, he got an email from faculty instructing the male students on how to approach professional relationships with women. Apparently the men were making a scene on their internships because they were AVOIDING female colleagues and fellow students! Enough to where the school had to get involved. EW 😂

Mom rode in the back seat of our next-door neighbor’s (male’s) car to the ward when they both attended the ward council meetings. I asked her why when I was a kid, and she gave me some answer about being proper or some such shit. It was ridiculous. This guy was *not* attractive in any way and I can't imagine her wanting to touch him!

"My mother in law doesn’t believe a man and a woman who aren’t married and in the same age range can’t be alone together" The church basically teaches this. I heard it my entire life as a member. No man and woman (or teen boy and girl) can ever be alone together is the predominant message there. It was heresy when I as a young man in his early 20s went on a road trip to Vegas for a couple nights (\*\*GASP\*\* IN THE SAME ROOM) and tent camping with his best gal pal. My description of this dear friend of mine (we grew up together and have known each other since we could barely walk) is, "She is like a brother to me." There is exactly zero chance of anything physical ever happening between us. We are buds. That. Is. It. But you just can't escape the "you can't help but have sex with each other" message the church purveys. It's fucking ridiculous and causes so much unreasonable fear among members. I'm so glad I got the hell out.

yeah as someone with a lot of close friends that are women this is just silly. My best friends in college were a bunch of women and I am still friends with them after we all had kids and got married. I would still and do still sometimes hang out with them without their husbands and my wife (and often with them too because we are all friends).

I should also mention that on a family vacation my BiL (who is on this sub, hi!) was not allowed to have his gf sleep in the same room as him.

Going to preface this as my parents are Jack Mormons. Sorry this is kinda long. When I was 16 I started talking about wanting to join the Navy after high school and travel on the government’s dime cause I didn’t really care where I traveled to. I settled on the Navy cause port visits means getting to go to more places. Parents pretty much ignored it. So I graduate high school, have to wait a couple more months to turn 18, because now all of a sudden my parents realize I’m serious about wanting to join the Navy but wouldn’t sign the form for me to enlist at 17 even though I graduated high school. No problem I have a July birthday I just waited it out. My 18 birthday rolls around and in typical teenage fashion I put it off to go to the recruiter for whatever reason. Parents forget about it again. August rolls around and I go over to the recruiting office and go home and tell mom I went and the info I got. Mom flipped the fuck out. At first she used the tactic of trying to convince me that the Navy was a terrible choice because I would be going to a ton of different places, spending a couple of days before moving on to the next place. I responded with that was the point. She then switched tactics, there was an Air Force base in town so she tried to convince me to not only join the Air Force but then get stationed at the base in town (not how that works). I told her nope I was joining the Navy. Up next she found out when my next meeting with the recruiter was and showed up 🤦🏻‍♀️ She spent the entire time trying to convince the recruiter to convince me that this was a bad idea and if I really wanted to join the military I could go into the Air Force. She also at one point says if I want to travel I could always go on a mission and then I would be able to not only travel but really get to know the people (I’m female, at the time girls had to be 21 and weren’t really encouraged to go on missions to begin with) It was mortifying. I sat in the parking lot for a minute, the recruiter called my cell phone and told me to come back inside. He then tells me he can get me into MEPS to sign the official contract the next week and there was nothing he could do about it being a year before I left he would keep an eye out for openings leaving sooner (for reference 9/11 happened my senior year of high school, everyone was delayed getting to boot camp cause of over enlistment) and suggested when I was in boot camp putting down my dream list I write Japan in each spot to get as far away as crazy as I can. So I went to MEPS, signed the contract and when I got home mom cried cause I was ruining my life and she was so sure she could convince me not to go because how was I supposed to find a husband in the military?! She settled down when I told her it would be a year before I left, because she thought she had a year to get me to change my mind. In May I get a phone call from the recruiter. He tells me “Great news! A girl ended up pregnant and can’t go to boot camp so her spot opened up. If you’re willing to leave on Monday you get to leave crazy before September.” I told him I’m ready 🤣 I told mom I was leaving Monday and she started hysterically sobbing, she thought she had until September to convince me not to go, she will never be a grandmother now (5 kids apparently all providing grandkids duties fell on me) because I won’t find a husband in the military, who would want to marry a girl that was in the military that just screams independence, what kind of example was a setting for my sisters, if I was unmarried still at 21 I could just go on a mission instead of this military nonsense, etc. It also comes out that she had gone back to the recruiting office a couple of times to try to convince them to convince me to not go but they told her she needed to leave and not come back. I left, put down Japan in all the slots like instructed and got stationed to Japan. Mom meanwhile figured out while I was in boot camp all she had to do to get lots of attention from people was say her daughter was at boot camp. She then became my “biggest supporter” and to this day insists she was 100% behind me joining the military the entire time. Granted she also likes to make posts on Veterans Day about myself and my brother in law who was in the Army, she always remembers to point out that brother in law is an Afghan Vet but manages to forget I’m an Iraqi Vet and down plays my service 🙄 I guess though she was right, I didn’t meet my husband while I was in the military I met him afterwards 🤷🏻‍♀️ People assume he was the one that was in the military and he likes to make a big production of telling people “Oh I’m not the badass, my wife is the badass that was in the military. I wouldn’t mess with her she probably knows 50 ways to kill someone and has people across the country that would albi her, so I sleep with one eye open when we get in arguments.”

Your mom is a psycho but your husband sounds amazing! I hope you find all the happiness away from the cult.

Thank you! It definitely has taken time, for a while husband and I were in a MFM cause he is a nevermo and I went back and forth for years on being active and inactive before leaving last year (having Jack Mormon parents really screws with you on that).

Your mom sounds like a textbook narcissist.

She is. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned how to set and enforce boundaries. But leaving really helped me learn that also.

Lmao “I’ll never be a grandmother now!” The only things I know about the Navy is that Sailors FUCK. Also it’s apparently insanely gay, but that’s a separate issue 😅

🤣🤣True on the Sailors FUCk part, especially when you consider just how much alcohol Sailors consume 🤣 I ended up having the first grandchild….she was born towards the end of my enlistment. The fact I was single and not married was overlooked cause grand baby and that she was Jack Mormon 🙄

What else is there to do on a boat? You can only play so much Uno before the Seamen semen starts calling to ya.

You also never share your soda cans with anyone….not because of germs though, it’s the narcs you have to be mindful of cause they realize you’ve used a little soda to flavor your rum to help you with the boredom of being out at sea.

 'Insanely Gay' is the name of the next aircraft carrier once they run out of presidential names. 

The ships at our base all had nicknames….I’m not going to to reveal them just because it wouldn’t take long to figure out the ships and narrow down where in Japan I was at and even dox me. But all the nicknames had some sort of sex reference, and several where gay themed. After all it’s not gay underway!

Don't say sorry, that story is wild and worth the length. I was raised secular and joined the Air Force. When the jack Mormon who worked with me found out I am atheist he freaked out. I told him at least I'm consistent: I don't talk about sex at all. He sexualized every woman he saw that was the least bit attractive to him. I would tell him to stop and he would make some comment like, "Yeah but look at what she's wearing." As if that gives him the right to talk about sex in the work place. Newsflash my dude, it's a warm climate, women and men tend to wear less clothes than in Idaho. You don't see me commenting about every guy I see wearing board shorts. It helps that I'm asexual so it's not a struggle for me . I spent 12 hours overnights on a watch floor with this guy. We can't have our cell phones in the building. And he probably thinks I'm the bad person for being an atheist. He also doesn't talk about sex when we work with the woman who is a temple recommend holding member. All of us are thoroughly vetted by the government for ethical issues. The icing on the cake? I volunteer more, and was promoted before him. And because I had to report my atheist tattoo to my command somehow the whole Squadron found out I'm atheist. I'm also in the top 25% of people with volunteer hours in our squadron. And I'm the heathen. Such fun.

Oh I feel for you! I’m from a near by state to Morridor but not from Morridor so my favorite “party trick” when I was enlisted was to let slip that I was Mormon. I also could point out those who were Mormon or grew up Mormon pretty easily. But not going to lie Jack Mormons are a whole other ball game. Being raised by Jack Mormons was wild. But being raised by Jack Mormons also lead to me taking a lot longer to deconstruct and get out.

This story made me laugh 🤣🤣 mom sounds crazy. “I’ll never be a grandmother now!” Meanwhile, you’re leaving because another girl in the Navy got pregnant, lol

I also did get pregnant towards the end of my enlistment and ended up having the first grandchild anyways…..Jack Mormon parents overlooked the fact I was single and not married because you know baby🤦🏻‍♀️

> It also comes out that she had gone back to the recruiting office a couple of times to try to convince them to convince me to not go but they told her she needed to leave and not come back. Recruiters don't mess around.

When she crashed that one meeting and the recruiter called me cause he saw I hadn’t left the parking lot yet, I seriously thought he was calling to tell me my crazy mom had ruined my chances of joining. Instead he not only carries on recruiting me, but tells me look your mom is crazy these are the steps to take once your in boot camp to get stationed on the other side of the world from her. Once I was on the ship and people would start talking about things their recruiter promised them and talking shit about recruiters I never joined in, cause really mine followed through I was half way across the world from my crazy mom 🤣

I love everything about this story.

You could be my cousin, change a few details and that is very much similar to her life.

Bro like wtf, Mormon military stories like this piss me off with regard to overreaching parents. Good for you!

Yay I served with various degrees of Mormons and some of them had wild enlistment stories as well. Actually if what I can remember only 2 had normal experiences, one had served his mission got home then enlisted so that was ok in his parents eyes. The other he became inactive as a teenager and his mom was actually pretty cool about it and thought the military would be good for him.

I enlisted and left a little under a year ago right after I graduated high school, but am in the process of a discharge after having a mental health crisis while still in training. But my parents tried to convince me to stay in for the financial benefits, despite the fact I fucking tried to end my own life cuz y'know I guess that doesn't matter.

Mine gave me an empty visa gift card for Christmas and told me they’d put $10 on it for every time I attended a church meeting (after I’d already told them I was leaving)

This one is my favorite. What a manipulative thing to do to an adult. And for CHRISTMAS! What a joke 🤣

Ten whole dollars? Gee, mom and dad. I'm surprised you weren't offered star stickers.

seriously. no matter if this was during three or two hour church, your time is worth way more than that rate.

It was two hour and the craziest thing was that I wasn’t even living in their part of our state at the time. I live two hours away from them 😂

Question from a non-Mormon: Would you have to tithe on that $10?

😂😂😂

That’s awesome 😂

I am absolutely petty enough to frame that card and put it on the wall

FIL called us EVERY Sunday afternoon to ask us if we went to church and what the speakers spoke about - at the time we were the only active family of his sibs. This Continued until our oldest daughter answered the phone -knowing it was FIL, didn’t say hello and just said, “Yes Grandpa, we went to church. People you don’t know spoke about the usual church things, we sang and had the sacrament. It’s the same every week” This is the daughter that started our exodus from the corrupt corporation.

Hahaha your daughter is awesome. When I left home to go (escape) to university I moved 4 hours away. I had already stopped attending church a year before but that was because I had to work weekends to save some money for uni (or that’s what my mom thought, I also didn’t want to attend anymore). So when I went away my mom kept calling on sundays to ask if I had gone to church, at first I told her I didn’t know any close chapel until I started being more honest and telling her I wasn’t planning on ever going back into attending church, she of course kept pushing for years so I started saying I didn’t even believed in god anymore. But now that I think about it, she didn’t stop pushing me into attending until I finally snapped on a (not related to church) conversation and told her my step father (the asshole who introduced us to Mormonism) had abused me as a child. She did not leave him so it’s something I’ve used as an argument of proof that religion is bullshit and religious people tend to be the worst kind of people. She has her own ludicrous arguments but at least has stopped pushing me to go to church, although the pushing has also stopped because almost 3 years ago I went no contact and one year later low (very low) contact with her. But my college years were a constant of “go to church”, “don’t do bad things (like have sex with my long term bf)”, “take good care of yourself (don’t go out to clubs and don’t drink alcohol)”. Fun fun fun

My mom expected me to subsist on granola bars on a Sunday roadtrip instead of stopping for real food. (I was driving and I’m 50.)

Our family used to be really strict about stopping for anything except fuel when driving back from St. George on a Sunday. I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and almost instantly they gave in. Originally they would use the excuse that I needed to eat at normal intervals to maintain blood sugars but eventually it didn’t matter and they buy food or snacks even if I didn’t need/want anything.

Isn't it weird that fuel is usually an exception?

I hope you stopped for real food any way. I really hate the way mormon parents think they can control their grown adult offspring.

Didn't want to go to church and dad pulled the lets go and worship god card. I argued that I want interested and I want to leave the church. He somehow changed it into me disrespecting him or whatever

Same and then added that I must not love my family because I didn’t want to be with them for eternity. Oh and how I was breaking my deceased mother’s heart (she came to him every night sobbing) because mine would be the only empty chair.

Mine is a bit of a different angle. My parents were always terrible with money and career choices. That never stopped them from dispensing awful career advice. My own adulthood got off to a rocky start when I dropped out of college to work full time because my wife and I had a child within a year of getting married (@19 & 22). My parents would constantly find job postings in papers and online and tell me they felt prompted I should apply. Initially, I just took it as them being helpful. In my late 20's I was now more established and was working at a startup that had a ton of potential. They still sent me those job postings, telling me to quick the job I had to make slightly more salary doing something I had never done before. I still thought of this as sort of helpful as they thought the equity I had was "fake money" and they could have been right. Now in my early 40's I've been apart of 2 "exits" where I made substantial money from my equity and I'm in the C-Suite of another company about to do it again. My parents STILL give me ideas for other careers they think would be good for me based on "promptings". At this point it's funny to everyone but them and if I tease them about it, they get extremely offended that I'm ignoring the spiritual prompting of the "head of our earthly family".

My mom had never thought I would amount to anything. After I had accepted a great job offer, my mom suggested that I take a lower paying job at Walmart. I was so shocked. The great job really spring boarded my career. She tries to ignore the facts that I make a good amount of money after leaving the church.

I have a dairy intolerance. This is fine, I just don't drink milk. One day a few years ago my dad brought over some milk he picked up from a health food store that was called A2 milk - something about the milk proteins being easier to digest. I told him I didn't want it. He insisted I take it, so it just sat in my fridge for a week before I gave it to a friend so it wouldn't go to waste. A few weeks later my dad asked how the milk worked for me. I told him I gave it away, and he became LIVID. He was so angry with me, because apparently he had had a spiritual prompting that this milk was going to cure me and I had the audacity to not even give it a try. There is so much worse my parents have done, but this is the stupidest. I'm a full grown adult. I don't need my dad to buy me spiritually magic milk to cure my dairy intolerance. Pretty sure I can cure it by just not drinking the thing that causes the intolerance.

As a young Mormon I was always feeling very guilty I never got these sorts of spiritual promptings to do random things like in all faith promoting stories. I thought there must be something wrong with me because I have just never felt anything like that. Turns out I was just being honest and didn't confuse every random stray thought for a "Spiritual prompting" which is basically what a lot of LDS people do.

I applaud your honesty, even though you felt shamed for it. Unfortunately I was taught that my anxiety was the spirit warning me not to go do things, or do them a different way, etc. It was proper therapy (with a non Mormon therapist) that helped me start to sort all that B.S. out once I left the church.

My first clue of this is I had a mission companion that came from a really rich family in Utah and it was his first area in Fresno and EVERY time we got to a poor or minority dominated part of town he would suddenly get a "spiritual prompting" that we were in danger and had to leave. After a couple instances of this (and it messing up teaching appointments) I lost it and I was like my brother in Christ that's not the spirit you are just a bitch.

> my brother in Christ that's not the spirit you are just a bitch This needs to be embroidered on a pillow.

i can’t stop laughing at this sentence 😭😭😭

life pro-tip: Once I realized that the 'spiritual prompting' is either a form of mental illness, or just their own inner monologue THINKING they heard someone say something, my guilt was immediately gone for me not having these same things happen.

yep that is my story too.

My mother said that because I left the church that I would be the potential cause of her never seeing her grandkids again. She said that because I wasn’t a member that I would never be appointed guardian if something happened to my sibling and their spouse, and that the kids would be given to the spouse’s family to raise. Nice one, Mom.

That's awful. The fact that her mind went immediately to the death of your sibling is upsetting 🥺

When my friend left the Church, his mother continued to give him the same birthday gift every year for almost a decade … garments.  It was the holy undergarments. 

I wish he would have worn them, on the outside of his regular clothing, the next time he visited her home.

When my SIL came home from from her mission she gave everyone annotated copies of the BOM 😂😂😂 A few years later she asked for them back and I returned it, untoiched

Why did she want them back?

Because she annotated them as a missionary, I assume she wanted them back as a memento from her mission. I think she did a challenge to read the BOM through with a focus on Christ or something, so I feel like she was low-key just showing off how many times she'd read it on her mission

> A few years later she asked for them back Did everyone she gave them to leave the church or something? Asking for a gift back at all is weird. Even moreso when it's something so niche.

Even knowing what they are, Holy Undergarments sounds like something from a Monty Python skit.

They called me on my birthday and told me they were writing me out of their will. Oh! blessed relief. A weight lifted off of me. I no longer felt any need to do or be anything other than myself.

my husband and i both had kinda hoped that we’d be disowned when we ‘came out’. it would have made life so much simpler. it would hurt like hell but that freedom… i am both glad for you but also sad that you went through that. what a shitty way for them to treat you.

They were shit heads all my life. One just died and the other is close behind. I only know their situation through the FB pages of my kids. My kids don't know them. Yay. My grandkids have never seen them, and don't care. I haven't seen them in over 30 years. Lots of therapy and moved on. I was born to be their black sheep. Not sure who they replaced me with. I moved thousand of miles away and built my own family. My calling in life has been to break the chain. Mission accomplished.

Was told if I drank even one drop of alcohol ever in my life I’d be dropped off at rehab.

Hope you never had soy sauce lol

Or ate anything with uncooked vanilla extract.

I made real vanilla extract at home one day. My parents blew a gasket when they saw the vodka.

Some how both of those were okay 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ the logic is not there lol

😂😂😂 well shit

My mom loses sleep over red wine vinegar.

My parents freaked out about wine sauerkraut.

Bread made with yeast contains residual alcohol (it never fully cooks out), so they are having a drop every time they take the sacrament. It's natures bread and wine combo meal.

Me and two other friends (at the time all 3 of us were over 21) went up a canyon late at night and spent a few hours up there just hanging out around a fire. We didn’t have service so when we came back down all 3 of our phones blew up to text messages and missed calls from all of my one buddies family (mom, dad, brother, sister, and sister in law) my buddy called his dad on the way back home and was on the phone the entire 30 minute drive getting scolded for not telling them we went up there and that we were out so late.

I was in my late 20's and after getting divorced a few years prior was back on the dating scene. I was on a date at a bar that was semi-underground, and as such I didn't get great reception. Once we left the bar my phone was blowing up with texts and missed calls from my parents. Since they couldn't get a hold of me, they sent my brother-in-law up to where I lived an hour away to check on me and make sure I wasn't dead.

 Not me, but several years ago, my exmo friend told his parents he was moving in with his girlfriend. They (TMBs) tried to stop him. He and his girlfriend were 30 at the time XD

Not me but my mom had access to her company’s timeshare in NorthStar Tahoe. They ( converts) invited my step dad’s ( never mo) brother and his live in girlfriend to join us. And then insisted that they have separate room. Like, he would have a queen sized bed and she would sleep in a twin sized bed with me. That did not go over well with my uncle, lol. Especially after driving hours in the snow with traffic. I was 9 and super pumped to see my uncle and meet his girlfriend. I remember them getting there after that long drive and then suddenly they were gone and I never got an answer on why. Years later, as a teenager, I was bitching to my uncle’s wife ( not the girlfriend mentioned earlier) about how my parents were dragging me to church and how lame Mormons were. We were all on vacation together and I absolutely did not want to go to church. She had had a few too many wine spritzers and while sympathizing, she let it slip what happened on Tahoe trip. My uncle must have been Big Mad if he was bitching about his weirdo brother in a cult to his wife about a situation she wasn’t even around for years before.

I was 21. My mom offered to sign on a house loan with me since I was making okay money for the time. I was dating my now husband. We were having sex and she knew it. After the house had been picked and we had started the process, she told me I wasn't allowed to have boys sleep over unless I was married to them. Needless to say we got married. I have some resentment over not letting things progress as they normally would have, but I am happy with him, so it all worked out.

Tried to control who I married. They didn't like her and were putting their foot down. So I ran off and eloped with her. Still together 20 years later.

My mom received revelation in the temple that if I married my husband I would have an affair. She kept trying to set me up with other guys in California while I lived in Utah. We almost eloped, but decided to trudge through a real wedding which was an awful day. 

When I came home once for a visit (I was 21 and living in another state at the time), I also wanted to go to a local club with a friend of mine as one of our favorite bands was playing that night. As I was leaving, my dad informed me I was to be home by 11:00. (The band didn't begin playing until 10, and the club was about a 40-minute drive.) I thought he was joking and said something along the lines of "oh yeah, like that's gonna happen" when he informed me that, "as long as I was under his roof, I was gonna follow his rules." So I went back to my room, packed all my shit back up, and headed out to my car with my suitcase. At that point he wanted to know where I was going. I replied I was going to my friend's house because "I like her rules better." That was the last time I remember them doing anything like that. After that, it was mostly sending me Ensign articles in the mail.

I wasn’t allowed to have those been popular little tinkling bracelets or anklets in the 90s because in the BOM it says that the Laminites wore jewelry like that. I’ll try and find the verse that mentions it. Also, my mom had swimming suits custom made for me so they were less “revealing “. They had a lower leg cut.

Maybe they didn’t know, but with Spencer’s help, he could see that Native Americans were beginning to develop lighter skin. Of course he was long dead by the 90s, so I’m sure the skin lightening had probably stopped about this time. I am also sure that they didn’t know that Lamanites never existed.

This last Christmas, my parents and several other family members were sick with covid and so we had canceled plans to get together. But in an effort to have some sort of celebration, I was gaming and drinking with some friends online for most of the day as a kind of "we gays who aren't too close with our families need our own get together" event, really good times. But because I was occupied and had my headset on the whole time, I missed a call from my dad as well as a few weirdly panicked text messages soon after, all within the span of a half hour. Apparently my dad thought I needed to be checking in with him, even though we rescheduled festivities as a family until new years eve. He had texted my entire family immediately after the missed call, telling them I was avoiding his calls and that I maybe died or some shit, so I got panicked messages from my whole family trying to figure out what's going on. Again, I didn't see these immediately and didnt have a chance to respond. He then shows up about 40 minutes after the call, hobbling to my door with a mask on and with my sick mom and sister in tow, giving me the angriest expression he can muster telling me how disappointed he was in me for not answering him and that they were on the verge of calling the police for a wellness check up. I told him I was obviously fine, hadn't even had a chance to respond to their panic before they showed up, and was just not cool with them assuming I had to be in constant contact with them, especially as a 30+yo adult living on my own. I sent them away, washed my doorbell cuz covid, and sent the whole family a message that I was fine, that I was not happy with the coddling and policing of my time, and was no longer planning on attending our New years plans with them. I have had very little contact with them since, and it's honestly been rather nice. Didn't realize until then just how much control Mormon parents are essentially trained to maintain over their kids even into adulthood, it's wild.

My (m25) gf (f20) and I both still live with our parents in Utah county. I’m in school and she’s saving to get a car and then for school still. If I could afford to move out I would but I am in school full time and working full time and nothing is even remotely affordable. While my parents are extremely tbm they are much more relaxed about my own freedoms at my age, but her dad still treats her like she’s a teenager (despite her being the oldest and having been the one to really raise the other 4 kids) and sometimes it feels like we are having a high school relationship because of the fact that spending nights together, or going in trips is entirely out of the question. It’s strange to be lumped in with the adults at family gatherings and be treated as such until it comes to any situation where we could potentially.. you know. At a certain point her and I plan on moving in together before getting married since we both believe that’s an important step, but I feel like we have to seriously walk on eggshells before our families accept that it’s a serious relationship (especially because we’re both not active) and would more easily get over the fact that we are adults who get to make our own decisions. Edit: added a detail

I was not allowed to get my drivers license until 18. I had no freedom until I moved out 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. I had to have friends help me learn how to drive.

The first time my now wife came to visit my family, we stayed with my parents and of course we had to stay in separate rooms. During our stay my wife received some hard news and she was in her room crying. I went in to give her company and shut the door so we could talk about what she was going through. Big mistake. About 30 seconds later my dad starts pounding on the door yelling that we can't be alone in the same room together and that he didn't care if she was crying. Keep in mind, we were 24 years old at the time and had been dating for several months at this point and had even taken a couple of trips together where we... pause for dramatic effect... Slept in the same bed!!!! But under HIS roof, two unwed adults of opposite sex can't share a room for even a minute because surely we would start ripping each other's clothes off and fucking like rabbits if the door is shut. 🙄

They always seem to ignore how much time you've spent alone in a car going places...

My sister wanted to do a similar trip, basically Utah to California to visit her at the time bf. Mom was concerned she was gonna get kidnapped and sex trafficked, dad didn't want her to come home pregnant, so he hijacked her trip and came along with her🫠

As a 24-year-old adult I still lived at home while finishing university. On my birthday my dad made me weed his yard (took 2-3 hours on my knees) before I could go out for birthday dinner with my fiance. We brought this up 24 years later and he is still just as adamant about it. Fucked up on sooooo many levels. Oh how I wish I had grown a pair earlier in my life.

At my 15th HS reunion my HS (Mormon) GF said she came because my mom told her I still wanted to marry her. Complete surprise to me; I’m at the reunion with MY wife. Old GF is there with HER husband. GF asks me if she should divorce her husband who is sitting next to her. Ummm no. AWKWARD. For some reason my wife would never visit my parents after that.

> For some reason my wife would never visit my parents after that. Huh, go figure. :D

The summer before my two sisters moved out, ages 18 and 20, my dad found a Snapple in the fridge and LOST his mind. He called us all into the kitchen and demanded to know who brought tea into his Christian home. My sister owned up immediately, but my dad was no less upset. He said if he ever saw another beverage against the word of wisdom in his house the owner would be out of the home. Little did he know I had a pack of beers in my room like twenty feet from this conversation. Now we all laugh about it, but at the time it was such a weird and scary hill to die on.

Back when I was TBM, my mom did garment check on the shoulder by rubbing around to find the seams whenever she hugged me. I had no clue, I just assumed she suddenly became huggy after my mission as an old age thing. Later a friend from the home ward told me she humble bragged about her righteous kids in a testimony and cited my constant garment lines as proof of what an awesome family she has. I got the last laugh on that one now that I am exmo and had my name removed

I’m 37f. Recently, my younger siblings and I (all exmo) went on a road trip. We took my van since I had the most space. My mother begged to let my younger brother drive, kept saying he was a better driver and could handle the drive. Mother, 1) it’s MY van and I know how to fucking drive it, 2) I have a completely clean driving record, 3) I’ve been carting around my kids for 12 years you seriously think I can do this?? She would NOT let it go.

Not me, but my wife. She had been a young widow, her first husband killed in a work-related accident just a year after they were sealed in the temple. No kids. After grieving a year, she enrolled at BYU Provo, moving down there from Washington State. She was 22 years old. She was (is) very pretty and had no shortage of interest from the fellas... Until they found out (or, to the point of this post, their parents found out) she was a young widow, already sealed in the temple. As she puts it, she had a thousand first dates, very few second dates. She got Dear Jane'd in letters and cards - she kept them for decades after - "I'm sorry but my parents forbid me to keep seeing you" was a common refrain. She graduated, became a flight attendant, flew the world, had a career, and met me a full 17 years after her first husband had died. We married six months later. She never had children of her own due to this. Thing is, she's still very much TBM, while I am now completely out.

Oh, I have SO many stories. Here’s the one that stands out the most: My wife had an appointment with her OB/GYN. I had some meetings at work and wasn’t able to stay home with the kids so my MIL offered to help out. My wife drove the kids to MIL’s house and was chatting with her while the kids started playing. MIL walks over to my wife and lifts my wife’s shirt up past her bra and says, “I see you’re not wearing your garments…” My wife was flustered and left the house. She got in the office with her OB/GYN and broke down crying. OB/GYN listened to my wife and told her that she needs to set firm boundaries with her mom and that NO ONE should ever be allowed to touch her like that. And my MIL wonders why we don’t spend more time with her.

Wow. The complete lack of boundaries or even common sense is insane. I'm sorry your wife had to go through that.

Her own mom reinforcing to her the Mormon belief that women's bodies never truly belong to them.

Narcissist and Mormon does not make a great combination. The stories that I could tell about that woman would make your blood boil.

I wanted to become a National Park Ranger out of high school but my mom was against it and talked me out of it because I prob wouldn’t meet any Mormon men to marry. I wish I wouldn’t have been so scared of that threat.

My 24 year old female TBM friend was going to Europe on a 3 week cruise. She had not gone through the temple yet. Her parents really wanted to receive her endowment first because they felt it would help her be safer when traveling.

And probably so she’d feel ugly in the garments which would decrease the chance of fucking a stranger on the cruise lol

When I was 28, married, and had been on my own for a decade, my stepdad decided it was "dangerous" for me to go to Kohl's by myself and that I needed to take my younger brother (who was 18 at the time) to "protect" me. Everyone - me, my mom, my (at the time) husband, and my brother - all told him he was being ridiculous, but he wouldn't budge. Thankfully, my brother and I get along well, and he didn't mind going, so we had a good laugh, then got Taco Bell afterward. My mom tried to tell me I was "evil, wicked, and destroying my children's lives" by leaving my abusive TBM ex because "he's such a nice guy and really loves you, you just need to give him a second chance!" (Nevermind it had been 16 years of his bullshit, and I'd been abused by him in every way a person can be)

Well, now that Kohl’s has a Sephora inside, it does get a little dangerous for me… 💄

Came back from my first year of college. Got kicked out after just a couple days It took me years to figure out that my parents expected me to come crawling back to live under their thumb until they could ship me off on a mission I never went back until they were getting ready to move to Utah. I didn’t talk to my dad for ten years My dad is permanently cut off now. I will not mourn him, attend any funeral or memorial, even virtually. He is already dead to me It amazes me how he just doesn’t remember the abuse, and there are no “good times” to remember because he never did anything. He never attended any of my games or activities

My MIL just looks at my tank top and touches my bare shoulder saying “I’m worried about you getting hurt. What if you get in a crash? This shirt isn’t going to protect you.” Her passive aggressive comment bc I do not wear Polygamy Panties anymore…I said “I’m driving a car, not a motorcycle. A piece of fabric isn’t going to protect me more than my seatbelt.” I’m in my 30s btw haha

My mom asking me if I was wearing garments all the time.

My mom was concerned when i told her i drink wine. She expressed concern for my job and getting CPS called on me and losing the kids. Hahah.

For my 30th birthday my parents gave me one movie pass gift certificate and a photocopy of another one. The second one was marked as "redeemable upon presentation of an approved date partner." 🤦 I told them to just keep it.

I'm fucking 65 years old. We buried my dad today. And even a week ago, he was trying to guilt me into returning to the MFMC - he "wasn't allowed to die, until he confirmed that his son has returned to church." Master-manipulater. Guess he was wrong.

Buying garments for me, and giving me clothes that didn’t fit me.

Pretty recently. My mom's planning an extended family picture, and she saw my hair and told me to have it cut before the picture date. I (35M) have always wanted longer hair for myself, and don't see a reason to cut it other than to make her happy. I remember trying to make her happy my entire life, and now I say fuck it. If she wasn't happy with me as a TBM, I don't have to make her happy now that I'm an ExMo.

I was a student at BYU a few dacades ago and went on a road trip with my friends. Friends of both sexes. Mixed group, but we camped along the way and there were separate tents for men & women. We were gone about 10 days. It was awesome. I had told my parents about it before I left, in the context of "we won't have our usual Sunday night phone call because I'll be on this trip" (this was long before cell phones!) and they **forbid me to go**. I told them I was going anyway, because I was an adult who could make my own decisions. I was 23, financially independent, and there was absolutely nothing they could do to stop me or punish me, and they were being ridiculous so I went. They called my apartment morning and night every day I was gone, asking my roommates if I was home yet. On Sunday night when they called, they told my roommate that she needed to call the police and file a missing person's report because I had missed that phone call and I "would never do that, so something was obviously wrong!" My roommates knew darn well where I was, and they knew my parents had tried to forbid me from going so they knew that my parents also knew darn well where I was. Roommate refused to call the police. So my parents did call the Provo police from the state where they lived at the time. And when the police showed up at our apartment, my roommate told them what the deal was. The officer then called my parents, who admitted to knowing about the trip but also said that they believed I had canceled because they told me too. I was due home the next day. Came home to a note and a police officer's business card asking me to stop by the police station ASAP. I did. I had to show ID and explain the situation. Officer said that if my family didn't live in another state, they would have filed charges against them for filing a false police report. I don't know if the officer told my parents that, but he DID call my parents to let them know I was fine and they had wasted his time. I think it was a few months before I talked with my parents after that. We haven't done regular Sunday night phone calls since. And I've not talked with them at all in a decade, they're no longer in my life.

I guess this comes from parents thinking of their children as property 

My MIL has a lake house. She gives my wife shit about wearing a bikini if MIL friends come visit.

Wife and I had been married for about 6 months (1991) Wife was 23 at the time and I was 21. We were both returned missionaries so we both had experience away from home. We both had decent jobs and depended on them for nothing. We were renting a house on Harrison Blvd near the college in Ogden. My mom mostly left us alone but would call to check in once and a while. One night the phone rang late in the evening, we ignored it because we were "busy" it rang again, so I took it off the hook, ( yea, it was before cell phones) About 30 min later there was a loud knocking on the door. by the time I got my clothes on and went to the door, my mom was peering through a window. This was about 11:00 at night. My Mom was prompted that something bad had happened to us and was mad that we did not pick up the phone.

I got yelled at by my father when I was 20 years old for using a coffee ground body scrub because I wasn’t avoiding the “appearance of evil”.

My parents told me they would only pay for my college education if I went to BYU. Then they told me that if I went on a mission, they would pay off the debt I'd accrued going to school. Then they said they would pay for as extravagant a wedding as I wanted if I got married in the temple, but if I didn't "I'd be lucky if they attended".

A few years after deciding I was done going to and believing in the church, I pierced my nose. I had a few extra piercing in my ears, but I think my parents pretended they weren't there whenever my hair was down. Can't do that with a nose ring. I texted my mom and my sister a picture a few days before Thanksgiving in the hopes they'd get the negative feelings out of their system before the holiday. My mom called me--something that to this day, makes me nervous. She was extremely condescending and told me that she and my dad got the message about where I stood, so I could take it out before dinner on Thursday. Her exact words were, "You and your husband are welcome at our table--your jewelry is not. It drives out the Spirit." We didn't speak for six months. Only thing that broke the ice was the fact there was a divorce on the horizon between her and my father--once again. Apparently the spirit changed its mind, because I'm allowed again

When I was house sitting for a family member while engaged to my husband, my dad "forbid" us from being in the house alone together. There was a lot of other stuff with that relationship and I felt so guilty because my now husband did sleep over and we cuddled. Now I'm just really baffled by the whole thing.

We’re a family with iPhones and we share our locations with each other indefinitely. All the kids are grown and moved away, three of us moved abroad. My sister has to turn her location off when she goes to the liquor store so my mom won’t give her a hard time about it. I don’t care if my mom sees me buying liquor.

I went through a pretty rough divorce a few years back. My mom kept telling me the only way it’d turn out okay was if I went back to church, otherwise God wasn’t going to help me. She even tried to get me to switch attorneys to someone who was LDS (because I guess God only lets Mormons win court cases?) and offered to help pay my attorney fees if I did that and went back to church. She literally said “I promise you, if you become temple worthy, you’ll get everything you’re asking for in the divorce.” She claimed the spirit told her that. Absolutely bonkers.

I delivered the Standard Examiner from the time I was 7 years old until 18 years old. Saturday and Sunday the papers had to be delivered before 6AM, the rest of the week they arrived for delivery after school. I always wanted to go back to bed, it is tough to get up weekends around 4:30 AM to fold and deliver. When I expressed on Sundays that I didn't want to go to church, my mom and dad would come downstairs and physically remove my street clothes and force me to dress in church clothes. After attending for a few years, I started leaving and coming home to jump back into bed. When my parents found out about this, they started taking turns wandering the church halls and peeking into the little window of the classroom door to see if I was still there (yes, that little window had a purpose). Eventually, I would deliver my papers and then take off on my bike before going home. I made sure I had money to get something to eat and then would spend hours riding around the Ogden valley. This is why I say I left the mormon church at around the age of 14. I lost driving privileges and couldn't go hang with friends (really couldn't anyhow as delivering papers and school work stole my weekday evenings).

My wife’s tbm mother and tbm sibling told my wife her apostasy was killing her father. He was in his 80s, had dementia and was dying of sepsis but her leaving the church is what murdered him I guess

Passive aggressive guilt trips

Here's a little bit of back story, I'm a convert, I converted when I was 18 and am the only member/ex member of my own family. That being said, I was friended by a stake president when i was 25 and we hung out for a couple of years. I got to know him and his family pretty well. Here is how he tried to control me, One day, I guess he (the stake president) had extended family at the same church building as the one I attended (the YSA Ward) as I was walking back to the Sunday school classroom after using the bathroom. I saw that the stake president was having a conversation with a person who I've never seen before. Most likely a member of his extended family. So, I walked by and he turned to me and said my name. I looked at him and said "Hi" as i took another step towards the class. The stake president grabbed my arm and said, "I'M YOUR DAD!". Not only is this not true because, I know who my birth parents are, both of them. But I’m Mexican and the stake president is white. I saw that a friend of mine was walking towards us. I told my friend to come over and see what was going on. The stake president tried telling his extended family that I call him "dad" and that I'm just being shy about it. My friend and I told him and his family that what he's doing is creepy and weird, that at no point was any of this true. Finally, one of his relatives asked the question "Then how do you know each other?" I told the person that the guy who grabbed me is the stake president and who doesn't know their stake president? But that doesn't make grabbing me ok. (With that i walked away) My time in TSCC came with so many "What the Fuck?" moments.

My TBM in-laws and parents keep asking when we will let our 18 month old go to nursery, my tbm mil keeps asking every Sunday if she can take her to nursery, my tbm used to be bishop father keeps asking when we will come back to church, if we’re reading the scriptures and saying our prayers.

I was dating a black guy and my mom totally flipped out. Asked me why I didn't date someone I could marry. I was shocked. There was never any racism in my house growing up and I had no idea mom felt that way. I ended up marrying an Asian instead . . .

Okay this is pretty mild comparatively, but let's write it down anyway. I decided to get my ears pierced at 24. My sister had been teasing me about it, I took her up on the dare, my mom goes along for the ride, offers to pay (as she paid for my sister's piercing back when she was sixteen), I think its all pretty cute, let's go. So we go to a parlor, tattoo/piercing combo, my mom gets quiet but I don't notice because my sister and I are having a time (also I'm scared of needles and still getting teased). I get in the chair, the muscley tattoo man is very nice, I get my ears pierced. What a heartwarming family moment. My mom has been silent the whole time. When it comes time to pay, she refuses, because she didn't realize "we were going to a place that did tattoos". Girl SAY SOMETHING if you mad come on. So I paid with my own money, because again, I am 24, she sulks for a whole weekend. My parents also came to my cousin's wedding party to pick me up because they heard there was alcohol there (why not my brother or sister??? why just me???). My uncle had to tell them to leave, I found out the next day.

I had a curfew until I was 20, and they tried grounding me. After my divorce at 38, I had to move back home. They tried to keep me from having overnights with my boyfriend, even if we weren't in their home.

Mine was 1030 unless it was Friday, then it was 1200am. This was also when I was engaged and up to the day before my wedding.... I was 20 as well. My parents have expressed distaste about once our kids are outta high school they don't have curfews.

Weirdest way... So not passive-aggressive shaming, because that's 100% standard operating procedures for a mormon parent.

the worst I got was the missionaries sent to my place a couple different times, and after my wife ended up flashing them with her... ahem... VERY impressively sized rack, they never came back. had family members send me copies of 'the work and the glory'. they once strong-armed me into going to a church potluck when I was in my early 20's and I left after 30 minutes. so compared to some, I probably got off pretty light

I was mid-thirties, living overseas with my husband and two toddlers and had just begun deep diving into church history. My family back home caught wind that I was becoming disaffected with the church and my parents thought it imperative to save me by flying to the other side of the world in order to bring me "home". Nevermind my family, my life, my wants. I'm still icked that they would presume to exercise such control over me. Thankfully, my sister talked them out of it.  When I turned 40, my parents gifted me a keyboard, despite me telling them for years I had no interest in playing anymore. I was ward organist as a teen and in my mother's eyes, I seem to be stuck at that age forever. I passed the gift on to a friend's child so I wouldn't be reminded.

Tw: SA (I think? Just putting just in case!) I was doing long distance with my boyfriend last year so when I came home I was out with him until like 3 am. My mom didn’t like that, not mad that she didn’t, because I guess I can respect the rules at home. But she said “what if you got SA by your boyfriend or something from staying out so late?” I was shocked. Besides this weird statement, family loves him. He was invited to Hawaii with us, my brothers are obsessed, my entire extended family and my mom’s friends constantly are talking about how much they love him and how respectful and genuine he is. Everyone talks about us getting married which is so lucky for me bc he’s not Mormon. He’s never given off those vibes either. I guess staying out late will get too tempting though and even risk my own boyfriend who we all love and know to do horrible things to me out of temptation

My husband lived in a property owned by his TBM mom and she told him we'd have to sleep in separate bedrooms if I moved in before we were married (we're in our 40s, both divorced). When he told her he'd move out instead she relented and settled for calling daily as we drove cross-country to suggest courthouses that might be "fun" to get married in.

I was on my parents insurance still (under 26 y/o and they didn’t pay a penny extra to have me on) and they refused to let me use it when i went to an obgyn because they thought it was related to birth control.

My dad cut me off soon after my mission. He tried to tell me what to do after that, but he had no leverage at that point. He soon learned that I didn’t want his advice.

'What if God needs to be told to care about you?!"

My mom sends missionaries to my house monthly. She thinks it’s her duty to push. Pisses me off. I’m nice them though because I’m from Utah and live out of state and they are all from Utah too and I don’t talk to others from Utah often at all. But i know I’m not converting back. I also hope sometimes that karma gets her back and I influence a missionary to leave haha. But hasn’t happened yet.

It's Decemberween last year. My parents, oldest son, my GF, and I are gathered for a nice meal. Father was excommunicated twice, son, GF and I are exmo atheists. My mom INSISTED on a prayer before we ate. Usually I can get by with "itadakimasu", which means something like "I humbly receive", or "May we be truly grateful for what we are about to receive". Nope, she had to have Jesus involved, and say the prayer herself, to tell us who was in charge.

It's been 7 years since I married my LDS husband and my TBM FIL still keeps suggesting we watch GC etc. The last time he tried, I cut him off complete NC for over a month to try to get the point across. Like, "I tried your cult. I sang in General Conference even. The whole thing was sick and degrading."

Took my phone

My dad cut me off soon after my mission. He tried to tell me what to do after that, but he had no leverage at that point. He soon learned that I didn’t want his advice.

My father supports my sister’s abusive behavior toward me, which she drags out at all family events, and he always tells me to ignore it and forgive. Forgiveness is the most ridiculous concept now that I’m an atheist. It’s a form of control to get the forgiven to suppress feelings in order to allow the abuse to continue. If one WANTS that, fine, but in this situation it means I had to be abused in order to have a relationship with them. By not having a relationship I was ruining our chances for is being a forever family. I hope they aren’t my forever family. I cut them off almost 3 years ago.

Everything in my divorce. I am no contact now. The abuse was WILD. I cannot even beging to describe it. AND it was while they were serving not their first but their SECOND mission and I was in my mid-30s while it was dragged out. Between then and my ex, they created the abuse and gave my ex more reasons to abuse me. I love my father, but I will never forgive him or his monster second wife.

“Just in case something bad happened and we needed a man with magical powers” 😂

Not my parents but a TBM relative lectured me on my long (5 month) engagement and said we should be married no later than 6 weeks post engagement.

I was mid 20s living in another state and had been engaged to my fiancé for six months. We planned to drive to my parents’ state (a one day drive with no overnight stops) for the temple wedding but my dad got upset that we would be alone in the car together for 9 hours. Dad, if we were gonna premarital fuck we had plenty of better opportunities.

So glad my parents have allowed us to be adults. It didn’t come easy for them, when I was 20 and moved back home they tried to out some rules down, I didn’t stay long… but now I have an adult brother who moved back home and they are chill and always have been when he has lived there as an adult previously… he’s even have girls stay the night 😳. Granted when I lived there I had younger siblings I’m sure they were worried about, when he has lived there he has been the only one. But seeing stories like this and stories of parents telling their adult children not to listen to Taylor swift and I’m shocked! Thank God my parents and in laws stay in their lanes.

My gramps killed himself before i was born. My dad killed himself shortly after i was born. I know nothing about ither of them because my family WILL NOT talk about them its like they never existed. I just poofed out of thin air apperently.

My sibling is being forced to go to church because “I’m not letting any of my kids deconvert under my roof” I left at 18. That didn’t stop my sibling from leaving. I’m proud of them. They’re still not 18 yet. Already out. *I didn’t read the adult part of this question My answer that fits the question: I moved overseas. Before I left, my grandma gave me cash and told me to hide it as emergency cash. To sew it into my garments or hide it in my hymn book. I had to explain that the money wouldn’t be of use overseas, that I’ve never worn garments, and that I don’t have a hymn book anymore. I’m proud of myself for not sugarcoating it. I converted the money and spent it. I did express that I appreciated the money, but not the concern.