The first one does have a very homo-erotic vibe to it.
“I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world.”
“I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.”
“His struggle is man’s struggle. He lifts my spirit.”
“He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”
“He transcends time and space.”
“He sickens me.”
“I love it.”
“Me too.”
Seinfeld Season 3, Episode 21 "The Letter"
lol yes it's so confusing to me when ppl talk like the kind of brown you find in say Egypt or Jordan is for sure, black people. Like yeah, not everyone there would pass for white....but I think a lot would
They're ignoring that part because Jesus had to be brown. But Jesus #1 is obviously Mormon Jesus, being white. The other two - I'm not sure what the middle one is supposed to be - and they have to have one that at least kinda, maybe, if you squint, resonates with Africans . . . 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I have no clue, they have no clue. I have better things to do with my brain than figure them out.
Thank you Jesus for showing me the ways of wine and weed. PPP
Right. Growing up, I remember hearing that he had to be white, because his father was God, not a local person from the area. Yeah, so I’m guessing somebody would’ve mentioned how much Jesus stuck out being that apparently he was a tall, swole, blue eyed Scandinavian.
#1 "Damn, girl..."
#2 Employee of the month
#3 "well, you did say you wanted your hair like in that Whitesnake video. Don't complain because you can't pull the look off."
Context?
Are these official commissions by the church, paintings by LDS artists licensed by the church, or just some pictures in a gallery somewhere in Utah?
All of these are in Deseret Book, I'm not sure if they were commissioned or not but being there is probably as close to "official" as you can get apart from being in a ward building.
Fun fact: some of the stuff they like to sell at Deseret book was explicitly not allowed to be displayed at the conference center because only white Jesus is allowed there, even in the member-created artistic displays from the international membership.
For a while, the official rules stipulated that only “historical Jesus” could be portrayed, and _also_ that he could only have light skin. Smh.
It’s been a few years, but I used to work in the Correlation Dept. at HQ. Heard a lot of things from very reliable sources. I distinctly remember some folks in leadership were not pleased with [this exhibit](https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/exhibit/jorge-cocco?lang=eng) because of the “non-realistic” depiction of Jesus. The officially [approved meetinghouse artwork](https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/art-foyers-entryways-reverence-jesus-christ) is exclusively, and intentionally, “white.”
Well, look, I like the Christmas Jesus best when I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus, or Teenage Jesus, or Bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Why are all the attempts at a dark Jesus still making him light skinned?! If we want to be literal, the man lived outside and traveled under an African/middle eastern sun.
exactly. The leaders strongly imply, or in some cases blatantly say that they have talked to Jesus and met him. So they should know what he looks like. Nobody should be choosing their own adventure. We should have accurate consistent images.
And as we all know, for at least a decade or two, [this](https://i.imgur.com/oJWql3F.jpeg) was the official painting commissioned "by revelation" and definitively the most accurate depiction.
He probably existed. He did not do most of the things that are told about him. He was a man. He was probably about 1.6 meters tall (5'-5""), scrawny, Mediterranean complexion, had worms, acne, bad teeth, smelled bad, and was frequently ill. Given his peripatetic lifestyle, had he not been executed, he had a life expectancy of about ten more years. In hindsight, the Romans really did humanity a disservice by executing the man. Had they ignored him he would have remained unknown.
>the Romans really did humanity a disservice by executing the man. Had they ignored him he would have remained unknown.
I think the same is true of Joseph Smith. Had he lived, he would have taken mormonism off the rails and eventually would have driven Brigham out and BY wouldn't have had a huge following to go west with. Mormonism would probably still be around, but it would be much smaller and probably still based out of Missouri or Illinois.
Joseph Smith becoming a martyr probably greatly strengthened the Mormon movement. It's interesting to learn about the Rajneeshee movement. Many parallels can be drawn to Mormonism. Differences are it's a new age religion that expanded in central Oregon in the 1980s. There was an internal power struggle, the leader was deported back to India and then the religion dwindled, but is still exists.
Probably from forensic anthropological records based on the human remains found in the area and DNA linked to modern day Semitic people? 5'5" would be the average height of an adult male, I assume.
The height is just a guess, but that height would have been the height of a slightly taller than average man at that time. He could have varied as much as a couple of inches either way, but it's unlikely to be too far off. Note the "probably" qualifier instead of a definitive, the description is typical of humans at that time in that place.
I wasn't trying g to be a dick, I was generally interested in how you figured that out. Thank you for explaining. I find stuff like this horribly interesting. No idea why.
>He probably existed. He did not do most of the things that are told about him.
Sounds like two different dudes to me if they did totally different things.
I'm all for historically-accurate Jesus, but didn't some apostle or prophet commission a painter to paint Jesus with blue eyes and lighter skin because that's how he actually looked according to them? Interesting that they're comfortable with different renditions now.
I’m a lurker, also a nevermo… I was being taught by elders and had a baptism date, but ghosted em when things got too strange.
I have a question for yall who grew up Mormon: how did the church justify the clear standards of being clean cut, clean shaven, suits, no barefoot, when the images of Jesus they use are always the opposite? This really bugs me sometimes.
It's never addressed! If you think about it for more than two seconds it's obviously hypocritical, but being born in the church means that you're discouraged to think critically about any of this stuff
Does anyone else remember the story of the artist who painted Jesus with the red sash? He was sent back several times to make changes after meeting with the brethren. He then had a realization that they had all seen him. I was told that it is the most accurate rendering🤷♂️
Yes. But the story told about this where I lived is that the artist’s young daughter was the one who said she had seen Jesus and that’s what he looked like. I don’t recall if she’d had a near death experience or something along those lines. Mormon folklore at its finest.
Are the second and third images of a mormon rendition of the way jesus actually would have looked (middle eastern or something) if typical white marxist Christians actually thought about the association between geographical location and race/skin color?
I hung a picture of a black Jesus on our church bulletin board and was told to remove it. So yeah while some of church is trying to show more inclusivity, the members as a majority aren’t interested. Until they come out publicly and apologize for the false doctrine taught regarding Black peoples it doesn’t matter what is said or done to try to be inclusive. RMN may try to come across as not racist, but he has never addressed the horrible things he himself has said in the past. Until the church can own up to mistakes it will never change.
This marketing decision is a total fail - the ineptitude of the leadership is clearly on display, very humorous . . . and the girl is showing her naked shoulders - doesn't that go against . . . oh, it's all so fucking stupid . . .
Those first two pics don't even appear to be of the same dude. The left hand on the third one would look like an AI monstrosity if it didn't have the correct number of fingers. Is his arm made of chicken jerky?
Cultural appropriation? CHECK
Jesus gotta correct the evil ways of the non-white man. /s
Sickening how they don't even bat an eye at how wrong this is.
1. Sassy Jesus, that is critiquing my outfit
2. Baby face pretending to be an adult with a stick on beard Jesus
3. Just reminds me of Chris D'Elia
So yeah, there's that.
The 2nd picture is more believable, but why is Christ always smiling? If he’s got the weight of everyone’s sin on him, shouldn’t he at least look tired?
WHY DOES HE LITERALLY LOOK LIKE HANDSOME SQUIDWARD
Chad Jesus
Cheesus
Cheesus Crust dried on a cloth for my sins ;)
A Jeezit?
Cheebus
Came to say the same thing lmao
Cheedus?
Holy fuck I came to say Squidward Jesus!
Squeejus
I thought he looked more like Habsburg Jaw Jesus?
Mormon Church showing off the painting - “how about this one? I call it: “Bold and Brash”
More like BELONGS IN TRASH!
The first one does have a very homo-erotic vibe to it. “I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world.” “I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.” “His struggle is man’s struggle. He lifts my spirit.” “He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.” “He transcends time and space.” “He sickens me.” “I love it.” “Me too.” Seinfeld Season 3, Episode 21 "The Letter"
I’m dying LOL
Mainstream Mormonism is embracing the “choose your flavor of Jesus” doctrine nowadays.
Hmm.. swole Korean Jesus?
Leave Korean Jesus alone He busy with Korean shit
Leave Jheri curl Jesus alone. He busy with Jheri curl shit.
[Dumbfoundead - Korean Jesus](https://youtu.be/W9tV6WHgNgI?si=gjWsgXbrQRIsAuEV)
That's the hottest thing I've seen done in Jesus' name.
Dudes one of my fav hip-hop artists. His stuff is smart and funny.
Fuck a Korean Jesus!
That's a weird way to spell Joseph Smith
I was continuing the reference to 21 Jump Street, assuming that’s what you were doing haha
Not enough people know about [Korean Jesus](https://www.reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/comments/jtsz2x/this_unit_of_a_jacked_jesus_statue_in_south_korea/)
[удалено]
lol. Black is a little strong. Maybe spicy white, multi-culti, or vaguely brownish. - a black guy
lol yes it's so confusing to me when ppl talk like the kind of brown you find in say Egypt or Jordan is for sure, black people. Like yeah, not everyone there would pass for white....but I think a lot would
"And Jesus derped."
But was he sexy?
Do you think anyone fantasizes about having relations Jesus while masturbating?
Isn't that why they have so many pics of him?
#3 would lead members to believe that Jesus wasn’t valiant in the preexistence. 🤣
And why is that kid refusing to look at Jesus?
He's got that 100-yard PTSD stare
Jesus couldn’t have had darker skin because that would have meant he had Cain ancestry, which would have made him ineligible for the priesthood.
They're ignoring that part because Jesus had to be brown. But Jesus #1 is obviously Mormon Jesus, being white. The other two - I'm not sure what the middle one is supposed to be - and they have to have one that at least kinda, maybe, if you squint, resonates with Africans . . . 🤷♀️🤷♀️ I have no clue, they have no clue. I have better things to do with my brain than figure them out. Thank you Jesus for showing me the ways of wine and weed. PPP
Right. Growing up, I remember hearing that he had to be white, because his father was God, not a local person from the area. Yeah, so I’m guessing somebody would’ve mentioned how much Jesus stuck out being that apparently he was a tall, swole, blue eyed Scandinavian.
Seriously. What about becoming “light and delightsome”?
1st one looks like he's throwing shade at my outfit lol
You have been judged and found...totally not cool.
Sassy Jesus
He liked god before everyone else did (hipster Jesus(
Judge Jesus
That 3rd one has been working on his curl routine. But he needs to break the cast of the dried gel.
SOTC! Curly girl is a cult lol.
GenZ Jesus
Gen Zesus
What is up with #3's hand though 💀 his wrist is so botched it looks like ai
Spit and dirt doesn’t just cure blindness, it’s the lord’s hair product.
Jesus if he got his portrait done at Glamour Shots.
By Deb
“Now slide your fist under your chin and pretend you’re surrounded by tiny seahorses. Great, Jesus. That’s looking really good.”
Bust Must+
“I want that!”
omg.... THANK YOU for this. I just DIED laughing at his comment, and i truly NEEDED that laugh. best comment ever.
**The CHURCH of CHANGING CHRIST of Latter-day Saints**
Mormon Jesus is whatever you want him to be. Just stay in the boat and pay your tithing.
#1 "Damn, girl..." #2 Employee of the month #3 "well, you did say you wanted your hair like in that Whitesnake video. Don't complain because you can't pull the look off."
Context? Are these official commissions by the church, paintings by LDS artists licensed by the church, or just some pictures in a gallery somewhere in Utah?
All of these are in Deseret Book, I'm not sure if they were commissioned or not but being there is probably as close to "official" as you can get apart from being in a ward building.
Fun fact: some of the stuff they like to sell at Deseret book was explicitly not allowed to be displayed at the conference center because only white Jesus is allowed there, even in the member-created artistic displays from the international membership. For a while, the official rules stipulated that only “historical Jesus” could be portrayed, and _also_ that he could only have light skin. Smh.
Woah seriously?? Not to be annoying, but do you have sources?
It’s been a few years, but I used to work in the Correlation Dept. at HQ. Heard a lot of things from very reliable sources. I distinctly remember some folks in leadership were not pleased with [this exhibit](https://history.churchofjesuschrist.org/exhibit/jorge-cocco?lang=eng) because of the “non-realistic” depiction of Jesus. The officially [approved meetinghouse artwork](https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/art-foyers-entryways-reverence-jesus-christ) is exclusively, and intentionally, “white.”
We need a swole Jesus in the style of Arnold Friberg's Nephi.
I want to hear this story
The Historical Jesus would have been swarthy, olive dark skinned, short by today’s standards and was a Jew. Mormons apparently can’t stand the truth.
Thanks!
You know better than to ask questions You can't be free thinking
Someone needs to photoshop this on a romance novel cover.
I'm SO on it
Nice! 👀
i an patiently waiting for this lmaoo
That first one is really just exceptionally weird. Perfectly manicured beard though, so props to this Jesus.
Is it just me, or do 1 and 3 have some sort of weird skull deformity?
okay but is anyone going to talk about how weird his arm/hand look in the third pic?? is it just me that sees it?
ET wrist aside… what’s up with the overdressed Poly kid and his warthog tusk necklace?
He's a lord of the rings side character
That first one is hilariously white Utah Jesus
That first one needs to go above the urinal.
I only worship 5-pound 10-ounce teeny tiny baby Jesus. These pics don’t do it for me
This reminds me of Talladega Nights where Will Ferrell prays to baby jesus.😭🤣🤣
Well, look, I like the Christmas Jesus best when I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus, or Teenage Jesus, or Bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Obviously admiring someone’s naked feet…
To be fair, I was looking at his feet that way as well. They're literally fuckable, after all
He sure did like washing feet.
Why are all the attempts at a dark Jesus still making him light skinned?! If we want to be literal, the man lived outside and traveled under an African/middle eastern sun.
I like 2, he looks like the stoners I knew in high school.
Ohh it's like choose your own adventure 😁
exactly. The leaders strongly imply, or in some cases blatantly say that they have talked to Jesus and met him. So they should know what he looks like. Nobody should be choosing their own adventure. We should have accurate consistent images.
That's why I'm choosing my own adventure. The adventure they led me on was a lie.
And as we all know, for at least a decade or two, [this](https://i.imgur.com/oJWql3F.jpeg) was the official painting commissioned "by revelation" and definitively the most accurate depiction.
He's got that giga chad jaw in the first one. I like it.
Yeah why is Jesus 1 mewing
And the male gaze…
Still a white dude.
Huh, I think I used to by weed from him in college. Small world
Yep, just another white characterization of a historic figure from the middle-east, from a religion with a long history of racism and bigotry.
That first one really looks like ai. His butt chin makes his beard curve because it's so intense.
Everything is good here. Except Jesus would have been brown. If he existed at all.
He probably existed. He did not do most of the things that are told about him. He was a man. He was probably about 1.6 meters tall (5'-5""), scrawny, Mediterranean complexion, had worms, acne, bad teeth, smelled bad, and was frequently ill. Given his peripatetic lifestyle, had he not been executed, he had a life expectancy of about ten more years. In hindsight, the Romans really did humanity a disservice by executing the man. Had they ignored him he would have remained unknown.
>the Romans really did humanity a disservice by executing the man. Had they ignored him he would have remained unknown. I think the same is true of Joseph Smith. Had he lived, he would have taken mormonism off the rails and eventually would have driven Brigham out and BY wouldn't have had a huge following to go west with. Mormonism would probably still be around, but it would be much smaller and probably still based out of Missouri or Illinois.
Joseph Smith becoming a martyr probably greatly strengthened the Mormon movement. It's interesting to learn about the Rajneeshee movement. Many parallels can be drawn to Mormonism. Differences are it's a new age religion that expanded in central Oregon in the 1980s. There was an internal power struggle, the leader was deported back to India and then the religion dwindled, but is still exists.
That is a lot of detail about jesus, how did you figure out his height?
Probably saw him through his peep stone, don'cha know?
Probably from forensic anthropological records based on the human remains found in the area and DNA linked to modern day Semitic people? 5'5" would be the average height of an adult male, I assume.
The height is just a guess, but that height would have been the height of a slightly taller than average man at that time. He could have varied as much as a couple of inches either way, but it's unlikely to be too far off. Note the "probably" qualifier instead of a definitive, the description is typical of humans at that time in that place.
I wasn't trying g to be a dick, I was generally interested in how you figured that out. Thank you for explaining. I find stuff like this horribly interesting. No idea why.
I didn't think you were. I though it was a legit question. 👍
>He probably existed. He did not do most of the things that are told about him. Sounds like two different dudes to me if they did totally different things.
Holy shit an actual brown Jesus what the hap is fuckening
Blud took a looksmaxxing course. Sorry… someone had to say it
White Jesus be mewing all day!
🤣🤣🤣
WTF!
New Jesus is a panty-dropper.
Jesus got a nose job.
The curly haired one looks like Joaquin Phoenix with a perm
Jesus got a perm 😂
Side eye
"Hey, Lord and Savior, my eyes are up here--I saw you checkin' out my shoulders."
I'm all for historically-accurate Jesus, but didn't some apostle or prophet commission a painter to paint Jesus with blue eyes and lighter skin because that's how he actually looked according to them? Interesting that they're comfortable with different renditions now.
Corporate 80's Jesus by Del Parsons. If compare photos of Parsons with his Corporate 80's Jesus they could be brothers. /s
Mormon Jesus is horny AF. I like my Jesus Catholic. Emaciated, suffering, but somehow still rocking rock hard abs.
Mormon Jesus has payots (Orthodox Jewish mens side curls). I'm surprised and confused. I am Jewish. Ummmm
That first one looks like the dude I buy weed from...
I used to curl my hair like that in the 70s!
Biff the super cool Mormon kid looking down upon the sinners, followed by starting to get a slight tan JC’s and “what a great guy Jesus”
I think I saw this Jesus at a Pride event. Never recall seeing him in a Mormon chapel tho
I’m a lurker, also a nevermo… I was being taught by elders and had a baptism date, but ghosted em when things got too strange. I have a question for yall who grew up Mormon: how did the church justify the clear standards of being clean cut, clean shaven, suits, no barefoot, when the images of Jesus they use are always the opposite? This really bugs me sometimes.
It's never addressed! If you think about it for more than two seconds it's obviously hypocritical, but being born in the church means that you're discouraged to think critically about any of this stuff
Ummm....Jesus #3, you should get your wrist checked out by a doctor....
3rd Jesus 
Wake up babe, new Jesus just dropped!
He's getting whiter and more delightsome. Looks like he's working out too.
All white all the time. Missed BYU standards from the 1950's. Could he carry nephite shield or something?
Does anyone else remember the story of the artist who painted Jesus with the red sash? He was sent back several times to make changes after meeting with the brethren. He then had a realization that they had all seen him. I was told that it is the most accurate rendering🤷♂️
Yes. But the story told about this where I lived is that the artist’s young daughter was the one who said she had seen Jesus and that’s what he looked like. I don’t recall if she’d had a near death experience or something along those lines. Mormon folklore at its finest.
How did Jesus get highlights and layers?
Jesus 1 took too much edibles Jesus 2 took a hit from a joint and is trying to act sober Jesus 3 is on DMT
Heyyyyy they are giving him a tan.....maybe one day he will actually be middle eastern lol
Is that Ryan Gosling?
He sure has purdy lips fer a boy.
#3. Why is jesus head double in size? Alien for sure.
Bruh… not the ✨yassified ✨ Jesus 😭
Was... was he mewing in the first pic?
White and delightsome baby.
He's not maintaining eye contact - must be glancing down at "porn ankles".
Rockin the broccoli top in that second picture
Glad to see Jesus is still an honor code breaker
Huge chin.
1st one looks pretty judgey
If Joshua the Anointed looked like this then I'm the Queen of England.
I like to pray to the little baby Jesus like Ricky Bobby!
He is certainly not fit for leadership with all that hair.
Gigachad? Jesus is Galaxychad!
Where is his man bun? I feel he would have rocked a man bun.
Are the second and third images of a mormon rendition of the way jesus actually would have looked (middle eastern or something) if typical white marxist Christians actually thought about the association between geographical location and race/skin color?
stupid sexy jesus!
I almost lost my breath over the creepiness of this, my stomach clenched, never mo here.
Half Christoph Waltz, half Pikachu
He's just awful. Also, he's missing his $800 Mr. Mac suit in all depictions of His Lordness.
Didn't know the sand wizard also had a lazy eye
Which ones the new one? The first pic?
Wait Jesus changes?! How do they explain this? Or is it not supposed to be an actual portrait of the guy?
Why do they look like guys Mormon dads tell their daughters not to get involved with?
Almost racially ambiguous 😂
What the actual living flying fuck 😂💀😂💀😂💀
Are these all official? Middle one is jw Jehovah for sure.
Why does his wrist look like that??
Even he can't look anyone in the eye
I hung a picture of a black Jesus on our church bulletin board and was told to remove it. So yeah while some of church is trying to show more inclusivity, the members as a majority aren’t interested. Until they come out publicly and apologize for the false doctrine taught regarding Black peoples it doesn’t matter what is said or done to try to be inclusive. RMN may try to come across as not racist, but he has never addressed the horrible things he himself has said in the past. Until the church can own up to mistakes it will never change.
How did it get more racist? How?
He looks like he's disgusted with whatever he's looking down at.
This marketing decision is a total fail - the ineptitude of the leadership is clearly on display, very humorous . . . and the girl is showing her naked shoulders - doesn't that go against . . . oh, it's all so fucking stupid . . .
Those first two pics don't even appear to be of the same dude. The left hand on the third one would look like an AI monstrosity if it didn't have the correct number of fingers. Is his arm made of chicken jerky?
They turned Jesus into a hipster.
Just the right amount of pure and delightsome 👌🏿 keeps the real Mormons happy.
he finaly got a tan
Cultural appropriation? CHECK Jesus gotta correct the evil ways of the non-white man. /s Sickening how they don't even bat an eye at how wrong this is.
Why won’t he look me in the eyes?
Looks like he has been under the knife.
That third picture. Reaching out to the largest nation on earth? (Pacific). Please stobbitt........
You should have seen my mom's face when she saw the picture 😂
I saw MORmON Jesus # 2 at a George Strait concert! (He *really* likes Bud Light!)
Were these done by McNaughton?
So are they going to lean in harder on the “laminates are Aztecs” theory? The painting says yes.
1. Sassy Jesus, that is critiquing my outfit 2. Baby face pretending to be an adult with a stick on beard Jesus 3. Just reminds me of Chris D'Elia So yeah, there's that.
Creepy 🤢🤮!!! They just keep getting worse over the years!!!
So, in that first image, he's high and hitting on someone creepily, right?
wait second jesus is kinda cute tho lol
What a sexy hunk
This guy fucks, I am right?!
The 2nd picture is more believable, but why is Christ always smiling? If he’s got the weight of everyone’s sin on him, shouldn’t he at least look tired?
HES BEEN MEWING LOL
The third one kinda makes me want to puke :')
Bahahahaaaaaa! WTF is this?! 😂🤣😂🤣