Women in the church are in constant competition with each other.
We are not trained to be champions for other women, we're taught other women are our competition. We police each others hair, makeup, clothing and attitudes.
So victim blaming becomes natural, I mean after all did you see her, her makeup was too heavy, her skirt was too short, and her hair was too wild.
The patriarchy at the top feed this because then they don't have to police themselves.
More men need to stand up to other men when they exhibit inappropriate behaviours or thoughts about women.
As women we can advocate for each other.
However, I've seen people leave the church and still have all the misogyny intact. It appears that it's easier to deconstruct religion than misogyny and patriarchy.
I’d just add that victim blaming provides a sense of false safety. If you can pin-point the clothes a woman wore and blame her for it, then that means you can wear the opposite and be safe.
Obviously that’s not true (and it’s still really awful), but it helps protect our brains from dealing with the systemic and surrounding abuse from patriarchy.
There was a social display of clothing that women were wearing when they were r*ped.
Most of it was normal clothing, the clothes that broke my heart and made me cry, were the little clothes that the children were wearing.
As a society we really need to unpack the patriarchy.
Bone conduction headphones. She can ramble, you can look like you’re listening, but in reality you’ve got music or a nice audiobook in your ear instead. Nod and “mm-hmm” every so often. Works like a charm.
Source: I may or may not use this strategy on my kids.
Also want to validate your feelings. It’s why I have a 3-day max limit on visits with my parents. My dad especially. He’s up there in age and he’s just getting worse. I’m appalled by some of the things he says and honestly believes.
I literally can’t talk to my mom about anything that isn’t superficial, because we just end up arguing. She’s always got some ridiculous (ie microracism/aggressions, sexism, homophobic) opinion. I’ve stormed out of there a few times because I couldn’t be near her.
I don't understand why women will victimize other women. The indoctrination is strong in this one.
Women in the church are in constant competition with each other. We are not trained to be champions for other women, we're taught other women are our competition. We police each others hair, makeup, clothing and attitudes. So victim blaming becomes natural, I mean after all did you see her, her makeup was too heavy, her skirt was too short, and her hair was too wild. The patriarchy at the top feed this because then they don't have to police themselves. More men need to stand up to other men when they exhibit inappropriate behaviours or thoughts about women. As women we can advocate for each other. However, I've seen people leave the church and still have all the misogyny intact. It appears that it's easier to deconstruct religion than misogyny and patriarchy.
I’d just add that victim blaming provides a sense of false safety. If you can pin-point the clothes a woman wore and blame her for it, then that means you can wear the opposite and be safe. Obviously that’s not true (and it’s still really awful), but it helps protect our brains from dealing with the systemic and surrounding abuse from patriarchy.
There was a social display of clothing that women were wearing when they were r*ped. Most of it was normal clothing, the clothes that broke my heart and made me cry, were the little clothes that the children were wearing. As a society we really need to unpack the patriarchy.
Bone conduction headphones. She can ramble, you can look like you’re listening, but in reality you’ve got music or a nice audiobook in your ear instead. Nod and “mm-hmm” every so often. Works like a charm. Source: I may or may not use this strategy on my kids.
Also want to validate your feelings. It’s why I have a 3-day max limit on visits with my parents. My dad especially. He’s up there in age and he’s just getting worse. I’m appalled by some of the things he says and honestly believes.
One of my grandmother's favorite statements was: "it's a man's place to ask, it's a woman's place to refuse." Ugggggghhhh. So sickening.
OP, floodlit.org here - please tell us the name of the great uncle if you can - you can message us or submit the name via our website. Thank you
I literally can’t talk to my mom about anything that isn’t superficial, because we just end up arguing. She’s always got some ridiculous (ie microracism/aggressions, sexism, homophobic) opinion. I’ve stormed out of there a few times because I couldn’t be near her.