>Well just make it clear that’s it’s not him
Don't start off with this.
>just you’re aromatic
Just say this. Cut straight to the point, as otherwise it may feel like a simple personal disinterest in him.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you because I really like you, but I'm aromantic I don't have any romantic capacity so I'm incompatible with any kind of romantic relationship. I do like you a lot though and would like to keep our friendship."
Try to see if you could build a relationship that isn't based on romance, but emotional commitment. If he wants to be with you he could be willing to accommodate for you.
I hope my advice is if any help to you. I honestly don't know if my advice will work, but I wish you good luck.
If you get a chance be sure to communicate that to him.
And don't be afraid to give them a little space. It may sound cruel but to me having to hang out with someone who just rejected me is going to suck. Give them a bit of time. But don't run away, if they are really your best friend they will likely get over it after a while.
I mean, we can’t really hang out, we are a train ride away, but I want it to not be a bump in our relationship. I need a place to stay for when I get kicked out of my room
He would rather you turn him down now than have you not be able to properly love him in a romantic way. That kind of thing ruins relationships and can cause toxic behavior in two people that are not at all toxic normally. Caring rejection is far better than an emotionally distant partner, I hope your friend can understand that you are just trying to look out for his well being as well as your own
Ahg but I don’t know how serious it is, he could be deeply hit by it. They’re feelings I couldn’t comprehend and I don’t want to force him to talk about it
>I don’t know how serious it is, he could be deeply hit by it
He's likely to be hurt regardless and resolving it now will hurt less than prolonging it or trying to beat around the bush.
>They’re feelings I couldn’t comprehend and I don’t want to force him to talk about it
You don't have to force him to talk about anything. This is about you and your feelings that he needs to know about. He honestly doesn't have to say a word if he doesn't want to because what's important is that he knows how you feel.
>I’d like to know his feelings so I can assess the damage
As bad as it may sound, it's not your concern to know what the damage is because whatever damage will be incurred is inevitable. All you can do is minimize the damage and you do that by expressing yourself ASAP and be direct yet not abrasive.
>I bet an analytical approach would be ehhhh pretty meh
While you're aromantic and don't really "get" romance, would you wish to be so analytical if there was something that you needed to tell your friend that you knew would hurt their feelings? If not, then the same logic applies here.
I can’t imagine how serious it is which freaks me out
I don’t know how hard it hit him
But it’s cool to create hot spots for certain groups that don’t show themselves normally
>This same thing happened to me I just told him it's not personal and to not feel bad
Probably one of the worst things to say honestly. It may not feel personal to you, but it is personal to them and they will feel what they're going to feel, which likely will be bad, whether or not you want them to.
I really don't get the romantic and aromantic thing meaning. I think that love someone is to care for the good of other (in all the sense of good: morality, health, excellency in whatever they do if it's not inmoral, etc). Personally yo know if I love someone I not care about attraction, desire or what ever. But instead I pay attention to my feelings of strong care for that other one (for example feeling worried because of the other one may happen something bad) and feeling strong happiness from that other one good morality, excellency or joy.
As far as I know, romanticism is having the feeling of romantic actions, most notably kissing, to a certain person. The thing you described is more of a platonic thing for me, I care for my friends of course, but I wouldn’t put it on the same level of romanticism because I don’t want to be in a relationship with them, just close. It is clear to me that it isn’t for me as it is for you because I thought those were romantic feelings, and in the end I could satisfy my partners desires. So I learned from that mistake and will never do it again.
I mean love have many forms, love to the family, love of friendship, love of unequals (for example the love of a dog to his owner and the love of the owner to the dog, the dog is subordinate to the owner but that dosen't mean that there is not. Diferents types of loves required diferents responsabilities but all have in common the desire of good for the other. I think that the difference between the love of couples and the love of friends is commitment to the other person good, that is why selfishness is a problem in relationships because encouraged to not care about the other, in a good relationship both take care of each other (I said both because is logically impossible to not care more about one person rather than other).
>I think that the difference between the love of couples and the love of friends is commitment to the other person good, that is why selfishness is a problem in relationships because encouraged to not care about the other, in a good relationship both take care of each other
Yeah, that's not it. The difference between the two is like the difference between a fried egg and egg white scrambled eggs. They're quite similar, but one has something specific the other doesn't yet they're both egg-based foods. As an example, romantic love is like Aragorn and Arwen and platonic love is like Frodo and Samwise. They're both very close relationships, but they're not quite the same.
That doesn’t make sense
Not all femboys are gay
It’s more that the minority (aro) of the minority (LGBTQA) is being applied on a different minority (femboys)
Still minority cubed I guess
Just tell him the truth. It might hurt, but it's better to be safe than sorry... Tell him you're aromantic...
It's nothing personal against him, you just prefer to not have a couple, and that's perfectly understandable...
Well, tell him how you feel. That you feel you'd be an awful boyfriend, and why. However, it might be fun to have someone to cuddle with, go on an occasional date, etc. Perhaps that would be enough for him. Maybe your feelings will change after a time. Perhaps they won't. I'd at least have an honest open discussion with him.
I suppose today it's called hanging out. Dating is roughly the same, I suppose. Go to dinner and a movie? Ice/roller skating? An amusement park, picnic etc. To me, hanging out is sitting at home playing video games, board games, card games, doing homework together, fishing, etc. Hanging out, in my opinion, is less formal and costs little or nothing financially. Dates usually involve financial expenses. Buying dinner, parking, transit, etc
Just be nice and decline gently, say your reasons and make sure to be completely honest, I know.its hard because you're friends but I said this before and I keep saying it, saying your feelings should not be reason to stop being friends, if you are good friends then both understand and keep chilling as always, because yeah you can say yes and try it but that will only hurt both in the future, so yeah, tell him that you decline but be nice, patient and honest
I understand this predicament 😭 except I'm a romantic. My best friend is straight, however when we get drunk he SHOWS how he wants me. In my head I want us but ik it would never be cuz he's a HUGE redneck and has a rep to maintain with his people so I'm kinda just stuck :(
You know… "💞" doesn’t exist for me. Even if it did it would be an asshole move to give someone hope just to notice it doesn’t work out for you and then having to disappoint them after a few weeks. Another thing is that they may expect kisses when I, personally, wouldn’t be into that idea which would be problematic.
Love isn't a crazy thing. People adopt ideals from their upbringing and environment or make them up like me and whoever fits those low or high standards you'll "fall in love" with them...at least I've gone through falling in love and star struck and heartbroken from a rejection so it's not like got a crush and got an ick and lost my crush or some superficial shit like that's...but I don't think love is soul mate thing especially with the internet and being able to travel more than in a village ( in a village of 100 people you lower your standards or be single your whole life, if you don't have lower much of your standards and they are 10/10 and they like you then sure that's a soul mate but it's strictly based on being passive for the "search" and only meeting a few people in your daily routine and being rejected means no one else's you know is lovable but if they really cared and was proactive instead of expecting people to reciprocate especially when they don't even know how compatible the two are is just dumb and they should learn a lesson and just look elsewhere for someone better compatibility wise.
It hurts to be betrayed by your own standards but that's a learning experience... IF someone isn't mentally unwell or sociopath and other maladaptive coping mechanisms you'll be replaced in some shape or form and that's just how it is...
First love never dies just like any other first addictive experience, you never lose that attachment to the memory.. you are never forgotten but replaced...
Nostalgia from good experiences is cool but you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to have the majority of these...
Falling in love is like a porn addiction or social media addiction you can forget and distract yourself but it's always lingering and you give into it then you'll reactivate it from its dormant state.
Love is like an addiction and if you really want the best for them you should cut them out for at least 2 years if you have no online presence or are able to be "stalked" online... Cold turkey is generally better than weaning out of addictions...
If your friend has a fulfilling life and hobbies they are really invested in they can distract themselves from heartbreak with those outlets and you don't have to do any heavy lifting just leave them alone...
It's fine to be friends but prefacing that they should only come back when they aren't obsessive or jealous of you interacting with other people like a boyfriend would... If he can keep his love issues from affecting himself and especially you then you guys can keep the bridge strong but if you find hints and confront him and he has no reasonable excuse you can assume he isn't getting over you from just a rejection and that he needs time away from you...
Oh my gosh, THIS LAYS MY THOUGHTS OUT PERFECTLY!
That’s what I want, but I am not sure if he is if he has romantic feelings.
I mean, that’s what we planned until… well, that happened
Just tell him that he would need to treat you lile a cat... If you have cat energy, tell him to treat you like a cat owner... I thinks is simpler that way (Maing space for problems to grow wider but its better than notjing)
Hello - You are interacting with a removed post, comment, or banned user. In order to focus on visible post and/or prevent further interaction with a banned user your comment has been removed.
Congratulations! That’s so adorable ☺️ I’m so jelly! That dude had the courage to ask you. And people love cats even when they don’t show affection. You’d better run to that boy and kiss him with every ounce of happy in your soul. Please. Do it those of us who would sacrifice every human in a twelve block radius for someone to ask us that. And hey, your partner is supposed to be your best friend right? So you’re already halfway there! What’s gonna change?
1. It would be weird to be around him if I said yes because he’d expect me to say "I love you" and to kiss him and I’d just say no.
2. A straight up "no." is way better than to get your hopes up because they said yes, just to figure out that they were being lead on when I can’t take it anymore.
This would be way worse. Maybe you don’t know what aromantic means or you think, "maybe you’ll fall for him." But this isn’t how it works. It would still be cruel to give it a try as an romantic person, just going off of a "maybe I’ll fall in love."
Do you see my point?
Well just make it clear that’s it’s not him just you’re aromatic and i would think he would understand or at least try too.
>Well just make it clear that’s it’s not him Don't start off with this. >just you’re aromatic Just say this. Cut straight to the point, as otherwise it may feel like a simple personal disinterest in him. "I'm sorry to have to tell you because I really like you, but I'm aromantic I don't have any romantic capacity so I'm incompatible with any kind of romantic relationship. I do like you a lot though and would like to keep our friendship."
"I, too, have a ring of carbon atoms bound by delocalized pi bonds"
Try to see if you could build a relationship that isn't based on romance, but emotional commitment. If he wants to be with you he could be willing to accommodate for you. I hope my advice is if any help to you. I honestly don't know if my advice will work, but I wish you good luck.
That’s a horrible idea imagine dating someone you know doesn’t and will never love you
If you get a chance be sure to communicate that to him. And don't be afraid to give them a little space. It may sound cruel but to me having to hang out with someone who just rejected me is going to suck. Give them a bit of time. But don't run away, if they are really your best friend they will likely get over it after a while.
I mean, we can’t really hang out, we are a train ride away, but I want it to not be a bump in our relationship. I need a place to stay for when I get kicked out of my room
At first I was like.. you smell? Then I was like.. ohhhh
Found the chem guy
He would rather you turn him down now than have you not be able to properly love him in a romantic way. That kind of thing ruins relationships and can cause toxic behavior in two people that are not at all toxic normally. Caring rejection is far better than an emotionally distant partner, I hope your friend can understand that you are just trying to look out for his well being as well as your own
That’s exactly my thought. Some people said I should give it a shot, but I tried to tell them this
Yeah I would NOT advise you to give it a shot
My boyfriend discovered he was aromantic and we were able to still be friends after so just explain that to him and ill think youd be okay
Ahg but I don’t know how serious it is, he could be deeply hit by it. They’re feelings I couldn’t comprehend and I don’t want to force him to talk about it
>I don’t know how serious it is, he could be deeply hit by it He's likely to be hurt regardless and resolving it now will hurt less than prolonging it or trying to beat around the bush. >They’re feelings I couldn’t comprehend and I don’t want to force him to talk about it You don't have to force him to talk about anything. This is about you and your feelings that he needs to know about. He honestly doesn't have to say a word if he doesn't want to because what's important is that he knows how you feel.
I’d like to know his feelings so I can assess the damage, but I bet an analytical approach would be ehhhh pretty meh
>I’d like to know his feelings so I can assess the damage As bad as it may sound, it's not your concern to know what the damage is because whatever damage will be incurred is inevitable. All you can do is minimize the damage and you do that by expressing yourself ASAP and be direct yet not abrasive. >I bet an analytical approach would be ehhhh pretty meh While you're aromantic and don't really "get" romance, would you wish to be so analytical if there was something that you needed to tell your friend that you knew would hurt their feelings? If not, then the same logic applies here.
😬
Dont do it, its better to be friends
This same thing happened to me I just told him it's not personal and to not feel bad😭
I can’t imagine how serious it is which freaks me out I don’t know how hard it hit him But it’s cool to create hot spots for certain groups that don’t show themselves normally
>This same thing happened to me I just told him it's not personal and to not feel bad Probably one of the worst things to say honestly. It may not feel personal to you, but it is personal to them and they will feel what they're going to feel, which likely will be bad, whether or not you want them to.
I really don't get the romantic and aromantic thing meaning. I think that love someone is to care for the good of other (in all the sense of good: morality, health, excellency in whatever they do if it's not inmoral, etc). Personally yo know if I love someone I not care about attraction, desire or what ever. But instead I pay attention to my feelings of strong care for that other one (for example feeling worried because of the other one may happen something bad) and feeling strong happiness from that other one good morality, excellency or joy.
As far as I know, romanticism is having the feeling of romantic actions, most notably kissing, to a certain person. The thing you described is more of a platonic thing for me, I care for my friends of course, but I wouldn’t put it on the same level of romanticism because I don’t want to be in a relationship with them, just close. It is clear to me that it isn’t for me as it is for you because I thought those were romantic feelings, and in the end I could satisfy my partners desires. So I learned from that mistake and will never do it again.
I mean love have many forms, love to the family, love of friendship, love of unequals (for example the love of a dog to his owner and the love of the owner to the dog, the dog is subordinate to the owner but that dosen't mean that there is not. Diferents types of loves required diferents responsabilities but all have in common the desire of good for the other. I think that the difference between the love of couples and the love of friends is commitment to the other person good, that is why selfishness is a problem in relationships because encouraged to not care about the other, in a good relationship both take care of each other (I said both because is logically impossible to not care more about one person rather than other).
>I think that the difference between the love of couples and the love of friends is commitment to the other person good, that is why selfishness is a problem in relationships because encouraged to not care about the other, in a good relationship both take care of each other Yeah, that's not it. The difference between the two is like the difference between a fried egg and egg white scrambled eggs. They're quite similar, but one has something specific the other doesn't yet they're both egg-based foods. As an example, romantic love is like Aragorn and Arwen and platonic love is like Frodo and Samwise. They're both very close relationships, but they're not quite the same.
Aromatic? My candles are such as well
Rare kind. Aromantic/Asexual femboys are a true rarity aren’t they
Minority^3 Gay->Femboy->Aromantic
That doesn’t make sense Not all femboys are gay It’s more that the minority (aro) of the minority (LGBTQA) is being applied on a different minority (femboys) Still minority cubed I guess
😬 You must be fun at parties.
I… don’t go to parties. I am the quiet kid who no one notices
Just tell him the truth. It might hurt, but it's better to be safe than sorry... Tell him you're aromantic... It's nothing personal against him, you just prefer to not have a couple, and that's perfectly understandable...
Well, tell him how you feel. That you feel you'd be an awful boyfriend, and why. However, it might be fun to have someone to cuddle with, go on an occasional date, etc. Perhaps that would be enough for him. Maybe your feelings will change after a time. Perhaps they won't. I'd at least have an honest open discussion with him.
What is a date even supposed to be? Isn’t it just hanging out? I am not a fan of that idea either way
I suppose today it's called hanging out. Dating is roughly the same, I suppose. Go to dinner and a movie? Ice/roller skating? An amusement park, picnic etc. To me, hanging out is sitting at home playing video games, board games, card games, doing homework together, fishing, etc. Hanging out, in my opinion, is less formal and costs little or nothing financially. Dates usually involve financial expenses. Buying dinner, parking, transit, etc
He's your best friend, i'm sure he'll understand. Just be honest with him
Just be nice and decline gently, say your reasons and make sure to be completely honest, I know.its hard because you're friends but I said this before and I keep saying it, saying your feelings should not be reason to stop being friends, if you are good friends then both understand and keep chilling as always, because yeah you can say yes and try it but that will only hurt both in the future, so yeah, tell him that you decline but be nice, patient and honest
I understand this predicament 😭 except I'm a romantic. My best friend is straight, however when we get drunk he SHOWS how he wants me. In my head I want us but ik it would never be cuz he's a HUGE redneck and has a rep to maintain with his people so I'm kinda just stuck :(
You can ty it 💞
You know… "💞" doesn’t exist for me. Even if it did it would be an asshole move to give someone hope just to notice it doesn’t work out for you and then having to disappoint them after a few weeks. Another thing is that they may expect kisses when I, personally, wouldn’t be into that idea which would be problematic.
Love isn't a crazy thing. People adopt ideals from their upbringing and environment or make them up like me and whoever fits those low or high standards you'll "fall in love" with them...at least I've gone through falling in love and star struck and heartbroken from a rejection so it's not like got a crush and got an ick and lost my crush or some superficial shit like that's...but I don't think love is soul mate thing especially with the internet and being able to travel more than in a village ( in a village of 100 people you lower your standards or be single your whole life, if you don't have lower much of your standards and they are 10/10 and they like you then sure that's a soul mate but it's strictly based on being passive for the "search" and only meeting a few people in your daily routine and being rejected means no one else's you know is lovable but if they really cared and was proactive instead of expecting people to reciprocate especially when they don't even know how compatible the two are is just dumb and they should learn a lesson and just look elsewhere for someone better compatibility wise. It hurts to be betrayed by your own standards but that's a learning experience... IF someone isn't mentally unwell or sociopath and other maladaptive coping mechanisms you'll be replaced in some shape or form and that's just how it is... First love never dies just like any other first addictive experience, you never lose that attachment to the memory.. you are never forgotten but replaced... Nostalgia from good experiences is cool but you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to have the majority of these... Falling in love is like a porn addiction or social media addiction you can forget and distract yourself but it's always lingering and you give into it then you'll reactivate it from its dormant state. Love is like an addiction and if you really want the best for them you should cut them out for at least 2 years if you have no online presence or are able to be "stalked" online... Cold turkey is generally better than weaning out of addictions... If your friend has a fulfilling life and hobbies they are really invested in they can distract themselves from heartbreak with those outlets and you don't have to do any heavy lifting just leave them alone... It's fine to be friends but prefacing that they should only come back when they aren't obsessive or jealous of you interacting with other people like a boyfriend would... If he can keep his love issues from affecting himself and especially you then you guys can keep the bridge strong but if you find hints and confront him and he has no reasonable excuse you can assume he isn't getting over you from just a rejection and that he needs time away from you...
what about platonic dating?
Hm… Never heard of it. What is it?
I'm not great at explaining things, but heres a post i found about it. [Post Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/o532pfU6OJ)
Oh my gosh, THIS LAYS MY THOUGHTS OUT PERFECTLY! That’s what I want, but I am not sure if he is if he has romantic feelings. I mean, that’s what we planned until… well, that happened
Cats show alot of affection!!!! Also im jealous you got the chance!
I’d be a neko if I had the chance, I even meowed out of pain
Same! I love cats :3
Just tell him that he would need to treat you lile a cat... If you have cat energy, tell him to treat you like a cat owner... I thinks is simpler that way (Maing space for problems to grow wider but its better than notjing)
Been on the other end of this shit stick and you should explain this in detail asap man. Best shot of preserving the friendship imo
If he is your friend he would understand. Just don’t be too harsh on him.
How could I be too harsh?
“I don’t think of you as a romantic partner, but i want to keep our friendship” Just like that 😊
Hmm I said, "I am aromantic, I’d be a terrible boyfriend." But I also said, "sure" if it wasn’t THAT serious
Oh! Then i think it’s ok! I misinderstood you. Sorry!
Sorry for what?
[удалено]
Hello - You are interacting with a removed post, comment, or banned user. In order to focus on visible post and/or prevent further interaction with a banned user your comment has been removed.
If you're anything like my cat that means you must be super affectionate she's always all over me I'd love dating someone like that myself
Just let him Hit💀
"Equal to the level of a cat showing a human affection" What a great description. I'm gonna steal it 😊
Know ur MBTI and ask him his MBTI , if it’s compatible then u don’t have to worry, it’ll work out.
Be honest and try FWB
Congratulations! That’s so adorable ☺️ I’m so jelly! That dude had the courage to ask you. And people love cats even when they don’t show affection. You’d better run to that boy and kiss him with every ounce of happy in your soul. Please. Do it those of us who would sacrifice every human in a twelve block radius for someone to ask us that. And hey, your partner is supposed to be your best friend right? So you’re already halfway there! What’s gonna change?
I think you should try it, I mean if it doesn't work out then thats that. I mean its gonna be really wierd to be around him after that
1. It would be weird to be around him if I said yes because he’d expect me to say "I love you" and to kiss him and I’d just say no. 2. A straight up "no." is way better than to get your hopes up because they said yes, just to figure out that they were being lead on when I can’t take it anymore. This would be way worse. Maybe you don’t know what aromantic means or you think, "maybe you’ll fall for him." But this isn’t how it works. It would still be cruel to give it a try as an romantic person, just going off of a "maybe I’ll fall in love." Do you see my point?
damn, yeah sorry. yeah kinda thought like this "maybe"
Isn’t aromantic just a mental Illness as humans are designed to form such attachments and other disorders that prevent that are known as such
Dont think about it too much, give it a try
I… don’t think you understand. I DO NOT have romantic feelings, I’d be feeding him a lie and I will do that never again
Just tell him the truth, that you’re aro and unable to feel romantic feelings for him
I did, he did not respond
Eh… Yeah, I would be pretty shocked and sad too.. I’m sorry
I Hope that he is fine, he said so, but I doubt it a bit
You probably know, but you should check well and pay him attention for a week or so, just to be careful (I don't ssy you should give him attention)
Yeah sorry, i did not understood it that way at first :/
I get that. Most people are romantic, might be hard to understand that some people aren’t
Absolutely not. OP is not romantically attracted to ppl. That’s not something that changes by “giving it a try.”