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CatAsstronaut

Stallone in Cobra, the OG Predator OOZES TESTOSTERONE. Conan the Barbarian is a good one too


Tomgar

Predator subverts expectations though by having the testosterone men be utterly helpless in the face of an intelligent and cunning adversary. That's kind of the lesson Arnie learns, you can't just flex your muscles at every problem.


explicitreasons

Yeah you can't just shoot the jungle.


cockmanderkeen

What if you have a minigun


doodler1977

the guy with the minigun is first to die. and he was a bonafide Sexual Tyrannasaur


ImNotSureMaybeADog

That'll work, send that guy in.


AlpacaM4n

Guy comes in with a ^(tiny gun)


Pvt_Hudson_

If it bleeds, they can kill it.


Yonbuu

I ain't got time to bleeeeeeeed *chews cigar*


saruin

You saying that Blain and Hawkins were killed by a fucking lizard?


DigbyChickenCaesar11

It wasn't just intelligent and cunning. It was stronger than all of them to the point of bullying Dutch (if it was more cunning than him, it wouldn't have played with its trophy)


Earthshoe12

Nailed it. I think a lot of people think the OG Predator is a “no thoughts, head empty” movie, but it’s got some pretty interesting stuff about American Masculinity under the hood. Plus it’ll turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus.


Craptaculus

It has something to say about technology, too; both human and alien go into the jungle with advanced weaponry, and within a couple of days are reduced to throwing rocks and punches.


oSuJeff97

Just another reason why Predator is the perfect movie and John McTiernan was just throwing like 105 in the late 80s. The dude ripped off Die Hard, Predator and The Hunt for Red October in a row, which is an insane three-movie run.


BinkyDragonlord

The only issue with Predator, and I will die on this hill, is that the first hint of anything sci-fi should've been the dead scorpion after the attack on the base. No opening shot of the ship, no thermal vision early on. Just suddenly, after the attack, everything goes infrared and there's an alien hand. Would've been such a great WTF just happened genre shift.


MJ50inMD

Just like me.


Sinnycalguy

In body mass alone…


DrButtFart

This is what I wanted to avoid. Another conversation about body mass.


oSuJeff97

Stick this in your sore-ass, Blaine.


Current_Focus2668

Predator feels almost like a satire of alpha male masculinity now. The over the top masculinity feels like a joke.


The-vipers

I saw this fan theory about how the predator killed each man based on how they carried their masculinity kind of a fun take.


7x64

The only reason the Predator beat most of the alpha males is because he was more alpha than them. The only reason Arnie beat the predator is because he was the most alpha of all.


Montecatinic

Yeah Cobra. Motherfucker cuts the crust off pizza with scissors and rips shirts off gang members. "You're the disease and I'm the cure."


valis010

Don't forget chewing on a match. All tough guys chewed on a match back then.


KidGrundle

Conan is actually not super “alpha” in the books or movie. He’s super badass no doubt, but he shows a ton of respect for woman and elders, he loves, cries and mourns the loss of his warrior female companion, who comes back as a Valkyrie to save him when he’s losing a fight. He shows mercy, dresses in drag and pretends to be gay to infiltrate a cult. Conan was oddly progressive amongst the alpha stereotypes of the era.


jquest12

An anthill I will forever die on, is that Conan the barbarian is the greatest movie of all time. There are times where there in no speaking for 10-15 mins and it’s just Conan out doing his thing and then he tells his god to fuck off he doesn’t want to help him. It’s so damn good


conanhungry

Hell yeah brother 🤝


DigbyChickenCaesar11

To his credit, once he was free, he tended to respect those that showed him respect. I doubt that he cared about pretending to be gay when he was a gladiator, who probably got propositioned to quite a bit. His master probably wasn't interested and likely had to ward off offers from other wealthy slavers.


QsAssistant

I’m not trying to be mean but did we watch the same movie and read the same books? Conan does have respect for warrior women but the guy is always saving helpless girls and quite often literally carrying them away to have sex. He pretty much rapes a woman in the first movie when he loses his virginity. And I don’t recall him crying at all in the movie. When Valeria dies, Subotai says, “He (Conan) will not cry, so I cry for him.”


KidGrundle

I’m certainly no scholar or REH historian but I have read basically everything he ever wrote at this point, along with savage sword of Conan and the newest arc of comics that are still coming out, and I stand by it. He was famously a character of “gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirths”, after spending a romantic day snuggling in the jungle he famously said “I live, I love, I slay.” In the one true Conan novel his eyes fill with tears at the sight of men being beaten and enslaved on a ship and spends the majority of the beginning of the story being sad and brooding. The movies definitely strike a harder profile of Conan, no argument, but both feature Conan happily fighting alongside women as equals. Thats all I’m saying. Conan has layers, he’s not a nihilistic brute, he’s a barbarian because all his emotions are cranked to eleven.


LongDongSamspon

The Cobra first turned me on to eating pizza with scissors like a real man does.


Mr_B74

Especially the bro shake with Carl weathers and Arnie in Predator where they show their big manly biceps to prove that they are REAL men! Fucking love that movie


Dive__Bomb

This, dude paused in the middle of a firefight to crack open a beer.


No-Client1034

Haha! This is the first thing that came to my mind. Love that it's the first comment I saw.


MarketingCoding

Stallone in Cobra...right until he eats that slice of pizza with a knife and fork like a psycho


richardathome

Solid picks


Happy-North-9969

Cobra is Stallone’s magnum opus. I will be taking no questions about this.


supercleverhandle476

Came here for Cobra, was not disappointed.


northernbasil

Commando is one of the greatest movies ever. Remember when I told you I'd kill you last? I lied.


R3luctant

The delivery of the "I had to let him go" line is probably the best line in cinema history.


northernbasil

Might be time for a rewatch soon. So many great lines.


Bubbly-Fault4847

Don’t disturb my friend, he’s dead tired!


AshgarPN

"I ~~had to~~ let him go"


saruin

Different Arnie movie but, "I had the shirt for it, but you fucked it up."


Derkastan77-2

I forget what cheesy 80’s action movie it was, because I was a kid and my parents wouldn’t let me go see it… but close to 40 years later and I STILL remember the action movie commercial, where I still remember the 1-liner. The bad guy Alien saying: “… but.. I come in peace!” And the Hero saying, all gravely-voiced: “.. You go in pieces!” Then opens up on him lol


grandmofftalkin

What I love about it as a kidnapping movie is that he doesn't spend a single moment conflicted about giving in to the kidnapper's demands. His sole immediate decision in the beginning of the movie is to kill them all and get her back.


TucsonTacos

Like a REAL man would


Sovereign-Anderson

Exactly. Straight to the point. All lean and no fat, just like Arnold.


Johnnadawearsglasses

Also has one of the great scores of all time and Rae Dawn Chong defines fire. Definitely my favorite action movie ever.


Mysterious_Key1554

Those steel drums are such an odd choice for me.


bumlove

They’re so bouncy it’s hilarious.


canadianhousecoat

Plus he was a good dad!


LongDongSamspon

I like how he just randomly picks up and carries his daughter from time to time even though she’s about 14. And it never even bothers to have a backstory about what happened to the kids mother as the movie knows that’s a waste of time and no one cares.


isaacpriestley

Plus his name is "Matrix" lol, it's just such a "movie hero" name.


Sovereign-Anderson

Right in line with those '80s action hero names like "Striker," "Hawk," "Magnum," or what have you.


jeffreyaccount

::hearty laugh::


International-Bed453

And he accepts help from a woman of colour with no hesitation. Actually, thinking about it, it's a nice touch that Matrix can't fly a 'plane and needs someone else to do it (Rambo wouldn't have).


frankduxvandamme

"I really love listening to your little piss ant soldiers trying to talk tough. They make me laugh. If Matrix were here, he'd laugh too."


Mortegro

"You're scared of him!" "Of course I'm scared. That's why I'm *smart*."


Efficient_Insect_145

Let off some steam, Bennett!!


Craptaculus

The scene of John Matrix jumping out of the wheel well of the jet and landing on his butt in a shallow swamp without so much as an “oof!” is simultaneously the pinnacle and the nadir of 80s action movies.


SoritesSummit

Not that anyone cares, but that marsh he jumps into doesn't exist anywhere near LAX.


DopeyDeathMetal

He manifested it into existence from brute willpower and a desire to save his daughter


Drastic-Rap-Tactics

“Right?!” “Wrong!” *fires a headshot from the hip*


fmlythms

Please don’t disturb my friend. He’s dead tired.


Bubbles00

I said this on another thread but that movie got the mixture of funny and action perfectly blended. Arnie's one liners are gold in the film. Goon: If you want your daughter back... Then you gotta cooperate. Right? Arnie: Wrong!


ChickenNugsBGood

NO CHANCE


saruin

The women in our family HATE when this movie is suggested for a movie night. I mean, it's only the 30th time we've seen it in the last year.


Sovereign-Anderson

My mother sent me a copy of Commando when I was in Iraq. I let a battle who's a little younger than me borrow it because he had never seen it before. All I heard from his cubby, in the bay we stayed in, was him guffawing the whole time he was watching the flick. Commando is a classic full of unintentional comedy..


Oat_Lord

“Where is my Jenny!” Back in my bartending days one of the male servers was obsessed with a server called Jenny, the staff would chorus “Where is my Jenny!” in an Austrian accent whenever he came in and she wasn’t working 😂


Captain_Pikes_Peak

My friend sold me on it by saying “in the beginning of the movie, he smells the bad guys coming”


RiggzBoson

Kurt Russell with the double whammy = Snake Plissken and Jack Burton.


mikebrown33

Captain Ron


Cowboy_BoomBap

You can’t convince me Captain Ron isn’t just Jack Burton living under an assumed name hiding from people who took his eye because of gambling debts.


ComesInAnOldBox

Captain Ron becomes Snake Plissken.


Mr_B74

And arguably Macready from the Thing


starving_carnivore

Mac is the most genre-aware horror protagonist of all time. "That creepy dog we adopted is in the kennel growing tentacles" "Ok grab me the flamethrower" Immediate recognition that it's flamethrower time. No hemming and hawing until the third act. "Alien" ["Ok get me the flamethrower."](https://youtu.be/aDnj-PV1-tc)


CartoonBeardy

And don’t forget Kurt Russell with Sly Stallone in *Tango and Cash* “You broke that jaw!?” “I broke that jaw”


DronedAgain

> Kurt Russell Also Todd 3465 in *Soldier*


GCI_Arch_Rating

'We can fight. Let us help you." "No." "Why not?" "Soldiers deserve Soldiers, sir." "You can't fight them all. What are you going to do?" "I'm going to kill them all, sir."


wahmpire

Kurt Russell roles should not have been this far down in the thread


StickerBrush

Jack Burton is a buffoon though and kind of the opposite of what the thread is asking. He's a guy who *thinks* he's a big time alpha male but is actually a dope.


NashvilleSoundMixer

You leave Jack Burton alone! He showed GREAT COURAGE!


Pvt_Hudson_

Who?


ComesInAnOldBox

It always amuses me when people accuse *Big Trouble In Little China* of being a "white savior" trope, because they obviously haven't watched the movie at all.


SirSignificant6576

It's all in the reflexes.


MJ50inMD

That’s the most accurate description of alpha males yet.


Craptaculus

The guy who assumes he’s the hero but is actually the sidekick.


TuxMcCloud

Totally came here to drop Jack Burton too, lol.


CleverFella512

I’m surprised I had to scroll this far down to see this answer.


magicweasel7

Sean Connery as ~~James Bond~~ John Mason in *The Rock*


VoightKampffdeeznutz

Sean Connery in Zardoz (1974) is what you meant to say!


RecordLonely

Carla was the prom queen.


Ok-Geologist8387

And what makes him so great about it is that if someone ever called him an alpha, he’d just tell them to fuck off with that bullshit.


Smart_Pig_86

“I’m only borrowing your Hum-V” followed by “I hope you’re insuuuuured!”


Esselon

Commando was one of the films that absolutely established the absurd macho one man army stereotypes. The one-liners delivered completely deadpan, the "suit up" scene and the complete absurdity of the one-man assault on the compound.


north-sun

Were Commando and Die Hard somehow linked initially?


Due-Studio-65

Die Hard was initially a sequal to the old Detective movie starring Frank Sinatra, about an older man having to take out a bunch of terrorist in a tower. Like Die Hard but much slower and with an older man. Commando was originally about a 30 year old israeli sniper (Gene Simmons) having to come out of isolation to kick ass. Think Shooter with Mark Wahlberg.


LongDongSamspon

I’m glad we got Arnold as Commando, but I’m kind of sad that Gene Simmons Israeli sniper movie never happened.


Mysterious_Key1554

Predator and Die Hard I believe. John McClane was initially supposed to be John Matrix returning.


TheTVC15

Yes and no – some of the ideas for Commando 2 were similar to that of Die Hard (an adaptation of a book, changed enough to be more appealing), and Arnie was considered to star before Bruce Willis was cast. https://vhsrevival.com/2019/04/04/no-chance-commando-ii-the-lost-screenplay/


jeffreyaccount

It crushes it. The steel drum soundtrack does slap surprisingly.


Pvt_Hudson_

Where a 6 foot 3 oak tree of a human being does a lazy trot across a compound while half crouched over and doesn't get shot a single time, despite the dozen armed men shooting at him.


stangerwasgood

"I aint got time to bleed"


malacoda99

Do you have time to duck?


xylog

It's Last Action Hero obviously.


isaacpriestley

I'd say the top three would be: - Chuck Norris - Arnold Schwarzenegger - Sylvester Stallone Check out Invasion USA or Rambo: First Blood Part II, or Cobra for some great macho tough guy-ness :)


VeeVeeDiaboli

As a person who owns invasion USA….its never given enough credit. It is the epitome of what cannon films was all about. If you come back here, I’m gonna hit you with so many rights…..your gonna beg for a left


isaacpriestley

It's so vicious! So many scenes of beautiful domestic bliss, then Richard Lynch rolls up with a rocket launcher...


VeeVeeDiaboli

Dude it’s better than that….he takes the rocket launcher from his protégé cause no one’s ruining Christmas but me!!! I mean, you tell me a better kill line in cinema than: “No….the pleasure is all mine…”. And bounces that chic off the coke straw, removed testicles with .45, then mercifully ends the chic by throwing her out the window….


Bubbly-Fault4847

If we’re gonna go with Norris, I’m gonna suggest Lone Wolf McQuade as THE example.


SketchupandFries

Most Arnie roles.. True Lies 6th Day Predator


NarwhalOk95

Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge


Far_Tooth_7291

My name's Gunnery Sergeant Highway and I've drunk more beer and banged more quiff and pissed more blood and stomped more ass that all of you numbnuts put together.


Bubbly-Fault4847

I’m not gonna get my ass shot off in some foreign land just because you don’t “habla”!


eyeballtourist

"I'll send you home with a just-fucked-the-neighbors-cat look on your face" One of the most obscure threats in film history.


Matttthhhhhhhhhhh

Topper Harley without a doubt.


fatmanstan123

These men swore an oath to celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them.


Captain_Pikes_Peak

I was looking for the scene at the beginning of the second one where the text keeps spelling assassinate wrong and writes “to kill a guy” Don’t google “Hot Shots to kill a guy.” It’s a very different thing.


flashmedallion

>*Colonel, who are they?* >*She's CIA. The other man's an extra*


[deleted]

Chet (Bill Paxton) in Weird Science is obviously played for comedic effect but should absolutely be on the list. 


Mr_B74

How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?


Mr_Loopers

Thunderlips. The Ultimate Male.


ComesInAnOldBox

Rocky: "How much do you figure he eats?" Mickey: "Oh, I'd say about two hundred and two pounds." Ring Announcer: *". . .weighing in at two hundred and two pounds, Rocky Balboa!"*


TheTVC15

Versus! The Ultimate Meatball!


Ombudsman_of_Funk

Robert Duvall as Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore in Apocalypse Now


ImGonnaKickTomorrow

The way the ordinance is exploding all around him and all the soldiers with him or jumping and dunking for cover and he's not even flinching! Classic.


Kaneshadow

If there was a top 10 list of local cover band names, "Charlie Don't Surf" would be on it


ChickenNugsBGood

Let off some steam, BENNET


Fluid-Use3726

How could you mess with anyone whose name is John Matrix and expect to live?


jackBattlin

Die Hard 5. It’s funny how the character devolved. In 2, he literally starts weeping when he’s unable to save everyone on the first plane. Thought that was a good touch.


ComesInAnOldBox

The first three Die Hard movies were the best, because John McClane wasn't written as an action hero, just a regular (if a bit tough) cop caught in the middle of some shit and doing his best to help. The second and third movies weren't even written as sequels to Die Hard, they were written to be other movies entirely and were acquired and altered to be Die Hard sequels (Die Hard 3 was supposed to be a Lethal Weapon script at one point before Fox bought it). After that, however, the movies were written specifically with John McClane in mind and made to be over-the-top action fests, which was completely out of character for the first three movies.


danishjuggler21

Not to mention that John McClane is what you get when you max out your luck stat at character creation.


Momoselfie

I'm surprised John Wayne isn't on here. He was the very definition or alpha male during his hay day.


Monowhale

John Matrix also keeps his firearms in a keypad locked vault like a responsible gun owner. I always thought that was a nice touch.


EnglishTony

Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China


TBMachine

Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness is pure over the top Alpha Male in the best, and funniest way possible. "Give me some sugar, baby." Classic.


Pivotalrook

"First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me, blow."


No_Version_5269

N... Necktie... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word!


StoneGoldX

He has the delivery, but he's also mostly a coward until his back is up against the wall.


LongDongSamspon

Commando is definitely the one. That character intro is just classic. Also I love how Arnold just picks up his daughter and carries her while he runs a couple of times randomly even though she’s about 13 or older and can easily walk lmao! Stallone is Cobra is another one. Is number plate is literally “Awesome” and it’s not a younger in cheek joke as far as the movie lets on. Also he eats pizza with scissors and that is somehow portrayed as tough and badass.


403banana

Reading about the behind the scenes stuff of cobra, it's not a surprise. This was at the peak of Stallone's diva phase, so it's not surprising that cobretti is the most hyper-masculine version possible.


saruin

No one talks about this but there's that split second moment you think he's about to chop his daughter in half with his axe.


ChangingMonkfish

This post made me laugh. If Matrix was here, he’d laugh too.


Wawawanow

Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder 


Mysterious_Key1554

Take a step back and literally fuck your own face!


SonOfMcGee

… find out who that was


Drastic-Rap-Tactics

“You’re a funny guy Sully, I like you. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.”


Mackinacsfuriousclaw

He threw a sawblade into a dude's head. That movie is golden!


Sovereign-Anderson

That scene has cracked me up so many times. 😂


SoritesSummit

If you play it in slow motion you can see the string pull off the guy's prop-scalp.😄


spurtz6969

Arnie was the man in the mid 80's. Commando for sure, still a great watch.


Time-Touch-6433

He was the man up to the mid 90s. True lies is my favorite of his catalogue. You can probably guess why.


spurtz6969

A fantastic movie.


violetcazador

Commando is absolute 80s gold. And crammed full of hilarious one-liners.


mikebrown33

Brad Pitt’s character in ‘Once upon a time in Hollywood’


GolfShred

I was gonna say Brad Pitt in Fight Club but this is a good one also.


RichardBreecher

Dalton from Roadhouse. A famous bouncer. "Pain don't hurt." Instinctively rips tracheas out with bare hands.


GoodNeighborGuy

“Nobody wins a fight”


jeffreyaccount

"Commando" owns the era I believe. (The good way.) "Road House" in the bad way.


empeekay

Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse is the _perfect_ response to the hulks that dominated 80s actioj movies. That's my platonic ideal of the "alpha male" - an intelligent, well spoken, thinking man who will absolutely rip your throat out if you fuck with him.


Bubbly-Fault4847

He’s also the type of guys the bad guy “used to fuck guys like you in prison”, so the appeal is on both sides! Lol!


jeffreyaccount

Fair point. Lol @ absolutely rip your throat out if you fuck with him. I'd also forgot throat rips were his deal originally, and not MacGruber.


green49285

Take that second one back!


sbgoofus

Buddy Love - from the 1966 version of Nutty Professor


katchoo1

The full post cracked me up because when I just read the headline, Commando was the first movie I thought it. Over the top macho and yet somehow not scary or threatening to the non bad guys.


Quantius

Was literally just going to pop in and say Commando. I mean, that's it, that's the movie. You watched it, it's exactly that.


ExPristina

Blain - Predator. He even has a compensating minigun when he’s not claiming sexual prowess from tobacco chewing.


sweet-billy

I don't know if the snotty crying detracts too much from the alpha maleness, but Maximus in Gladiator seems to be manly in all the right ways - the best fighter, the best leader, respected by men, loved by women.


Time-Touch-6433

Had one of the greatest fuck yous in cinema history.


aprildawndesign

The fight between John and Frank in “they live”


LongDongSamspon

Just goes on and on and on and on and on lol.


Mrs_Cupcupboard

Best movie fight ever


I-Love-Country-Life

Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface.


Sovereign-Anderson

I can't believe I had to do some scrolling before I saw that name mentioned.


danhibiki337

Jake from not another teen movie and the guy from can't hardly wait that says he will kick everyone's ass in this room. Also sea bass from dumb and dumber


DangerAlSmith

Jakey Jakey, about to make a big...mistakey!


Old_Independence_584

Robert Duvall in The Great Santini


First-Couple9921

Tyler Durden, but that was kind of the point. Denzel in Training Day. Muldoon in Jurassic Park. Captain Kirk.


resjohnny

It’s definitely Commando. Not only for the reasons mentioned, but also he was depicted as a strong provider and father. 💪


me_and_my_dd

Gunny Highway in Heartbreak Ridge! "If you ladies think you can slip and slide just because your last sergeant was a pussy, well queer bait, you're going to start acting like Marines right now!" Lol


KentuckyFriedEel

Jason Momoa’s aquamanjust seems like waaaaaay too much of a macho course correct for what seems like “someone said aquaman sucked one time so now i have to be a douchey fratboy”


Theturtlemoves86

Also I heard he fucks fish


campbellpics

Steven Segal in every single Steven Segal movie.


saruin

And he did it all just sitting down.


tecampanero

Cobra is pretty up there lol


Sattaman6

The protagonist in They Live (can’t remember his name).


Goodideaman1

It’s stupid but try ‘ The Adventures of Ford Fairlaine’ with Andrew Dice Clay


krisknudsen

Robert DeNiro as Jake Lamotta


campbellpics

"Your piss-ant soldiers make me larf with the way they talk tough. If Matrix was here, he would larf too." It still amazes me this movie wasn't nominated for even one Oscar. Love this movie as much as my older sister hates it, and we still talk/laugh about how I used to put it on just to annoy her when we were kids.


pokemike1

Not a film, but - Zapp Brannigan from Futurama is the answer.


Keitt58

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast definitely comes to mind.


UnstableBrotha

Totally different alpha vibe, but Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love Also different, but Damon in the Departed. At work and in the presence of women, he is a total alpha. In private, you see this is to make up for his inadequacies.


ufokillershark

McClintock! And it's a terrible john Wayne movie imho, ymmv


elastic301

Clint Eastwood deserves at least a mention I feel like


stoned-yoda

Idk why but I find Nic cage in Con air hilarious "well hooray for the motherfucking sound of silence"


dogbert730

Tazerface from Guardians 2, obviously.


KingseekerCasual

Arnold is king. Predator is next for you


Independent-Novel745

The adventures of Ford Fairlane, 1990 Stone cold, 1991 Just for a change, nobody is more "alpha male" than Stalone or Schwarzenegger or Willis ( at least in the nineties)


toad_mountain

I'll throw Karl urban as Judge Dredd into the ring