I love being the "gay best friend" as well XD
I feel like cis men usually take the "brotherhood" for granted. You know, boy-talk and the nod (of approval?) you get when you pass another man. I feel like it's so normal for them that they don't even think about it but whenever it happens to me I am overjoyed! I love when I feel like one of the boys, it's a little rare because I'm pre-everything :')
Aw dude :)
Thumbs up are a common one here with older guys as a way of saying thanks and it catches me off guard sometimes so I have to quickly do it back lol
OMG THE NOD, usually my friends friends do that to me sometimes and its so affirming!! im also pre everything, i totally had forgot about this now thinking about it makes me really happy :)
tbh its the little things. like not having to smile all the time without being seen as rude, or being able to burp out loud and it being funny instead of gross (among friends), just stuff thats very distinctly fem socialisation not affecting me anymore
I have chronic resting bitch face and people have always called me rude or cold for not smiling around people. I always envied guys for being able to not have to smile all the time
SAME. I'm gonna be so happy when I start passing and people stop commenting on my "resting bitch face" or telling me to "just sMiLe sWeEtiE, life isn't tHAt bAD and you look so much pREtTiER wHeN yOu dO" like ugh fuck OFF fr
The smiling thing is so real… I’ve noticed since I started passing at work I’ve gotten wayyy less rude/confrontational customers. People expect “women” to be smiling and polite ALL the time
It's crazy I think about this all the time because I've had to actively teach myself to stop trying to be overly polite if that makes sense?? Because when I try to sound "polite" my voice automatically goes up like four octaves even though my voice has dropped. And it's the only thing that might out me so when I just let myself relax I pass fine. It's so weird how when I was a girl I never even realized how much energy I spent trying not to seem rude but now I have to unlearn all that to pass.
Oh my god, yes. I've had a handful of people at work already tell me to smile more or something and I genuinely hate it. I don't like to smile because it feels fake, plus I hate my job so why would I smile?? If that's something that gets better when you're really starting to pass (I do sometimes, but it's kinda like a 50/50 chance, plus my voice is kinda fem) I'm absolutely looking forward to it!
Being able to stand to pee (even though it’s with a prosthetic), wearing a tie, wearing boxers, masculine scents, being shirtless (even though I am pre-op) while swimming, etc.
For me it’s being able to sleep without a shirt on or simply just be able to throw a shirt on in the morning without having the thought of messing with a binder
As a gay trans man my main demographic is cis bi men 😅 Straight men who fetishize me are a no no (I dated one for a YEAR) and the queer cis men in my area usually A. don’t have preferences with body parts B. actually see me as a guy and C. think my bottom growth is cool LOL
Same, but I always saw myself as feminine. It was just in an uncanny valley way. Like I LOVED “feminine” interests — I’d devour Cosmo and Vogue and my favorite Olympic sport is ice skating, and I was a theater and choir kid and loved vintage fashion and doing my hair in rollers as a big performance production, loved playing with makeup—but I never did things in the way girls were “supposed” to. Never had feminine enough hair or style despite it all. When I got into the Sapphic community I leaned into high femme, but once my egg cracked I was like “ohhhhhhh.” In some ways I was sort of sad to suddenly be a stereotype but it’s also affirming like… turns out I totally fit into a mold this whole time and I’m not a complete weirdo?? I’m just a total queen and being AFAB probably got me spared from bullying as a kid 😬😬😬
The little displays of camaraderie between male strangers (nods, being called “mate”—yes I’m British—the subtle and hard to define, yet still noticeable air of men speaking to one of their own).
Being an assuring male presence to quietly back-up female friends and colleagues (even if I’m only 5’3” and hardly have an authoritative air about me).
The feeling of walking around in just underwear in the mornings, hairy legs on display lmao
OMG being able to walk around in just my underwear is the most affirming thing ever!!! Even tho I don't pass yet I feel like such a MAN walking around in my boxers and tshirt lol
I love getting called "bud" by older men!
Where I am, men use "bud" as a nickname for guys they perceive as younger in a parental or brotherly sort of way, so it always makes me feel like I'm being welcomed into their club
Same! Where I'm from, men only call other guys mate. I never heard it pre-T, but now I hear it all of the time. I never call guys mate because it's all new, but I love it :D
Fuck... The only people who have called me bud are dudes 10 years younger than me.. I'm short and look much younger than I am (not because of transition, that was a thing before T, too) and only pass maybe 10-20% of the time right now
All the preparation for marriage. My girlfriend and I are t4t in opposite directions and her brother is getting married soon so the topic has become more prevalent between us. We kind of want to get marries in November (anniversary of us dating) but I also feel sad that we cant have any big ceremony because neither of us are done physically transitioning. And it will be years before either of us will be able to get our collective surgeries done. If we both were physically where we wanted to be now I think I'd be happy with a small ceremony with family this year but instead we might do something personal them have a public even later in life. I just feel like then no one will really see it as a proper wedding :(
I’m also t4t with my girlfriend. We’ve both been transitioning for about two years now and we went to the gender specialist on the same day and got the prescriptions. Knowing I would be starting hrt at the same time as her made me feel like I had someone to support me in my journey and vise versa. We’re actually also planning to get married in the next year. I’ve picked out the ring and I’m waiting for a special train ride to propose to her and she has no idea. It’s a gorgeous opal with rose gold and a few small diamonds in the shape of the triple moon goddess (my girlfriend is Wiccan). But we’re waiting for our own place and a legal name change before we officially tie the knot. Anyways that so exciting, congratulations on your engagement!
Also just to clarify I’m gay but I have a girlfriend because I met her before she transitioned and I just couldn’t imagine my life without her. She also kinda met me before I transitioned and she a lesbian lol.
Congratulations on your engagement and future marriage! If I may, I think your idea of doing something personal and having a public thing later on is a solid one!
You shouldn't have to wait to marry because of dysphoria, but it makes total sense that you wouldn't want a big day with so many pictures and memories attached to be tied to so much discomfort, so having a town hall marriage sooner and a celebration with others later seems like a good compromise
Alternatively, you could hold off on marriage until you both feel ready in terms of transition. Instead, you could have a sort of commitment ritual with your partner to reafirm your dedication to one another.
Whether or not that includes things like commitment knots, vows, exchanging rings/bracelets/necklaces, etc, is all up to you!
Aww thank you. I think I'm just jealous of how transition goals aren't a part usual planning for marriage and watching someone we're in such close proximity to start the process on everything just gets the yearning going. We haven't even technically publicly proposed or anything, but it's been talked about enough and we're in the looking at rings stage so lol.
Ideally we could do at least something small and then maybe a renewing vows like ceremony later in life, with all the pizzazz we want. It just sucks having to wait to have surgeries.
Oof this hit me. I’m not 100% ready to get married but I know it’s gonna be me and my partner. We’re both transitioning (I’m a binary man and they’re nb) but I always felt selfish for wanting to be “fully transitioned*” to have a wedding. I’m glad my partner understood and also felt the same but it was something that I felt for so long.
*also “fully transitioned” to me just means looking the way I desire with HRT which is nowhere near where I am now unfortunately.
Just the small things like being called the right name and pronouns, so pretty much just being acknowledged and treated like a boy. On top of that, I would like to just have a normal friendship with a guy without him flirting (which is why I'm excited to start transitioning).
Honestly? Doing yardwork. It's a very silly and small thing, but I actually connected with my father through it and I just like the image of a son helping out his father with work in the yard. Plus, my dad only made my brother help him out for a long time and never my sisters, so when I transitioned and he started asking me to help out, I felt a lot of happiness and euphoria.
Not task related but my dad gave me a bunch of his old khakis and polo shirts once I came out to him. Idk if he realized how ecstatic it made me, but I wear them ALL THE TIME and I'm so happy cuz that's like hundreds of dollars I now don't have to spend on new clothes lol
I want this.. so bad. I can’t bear to cut my hair and it wouldn’t really make a difference in whether I pass or not if I did so like why bother. But my petite build and extreme baby face keep me stuck on people immediately assuming “girl” though I dress pretty gender neutral/masc leaning
The ability to dress out of gender norms and still be perceived as their gender. I’ve dressed super femme as a pre T trans man and still people still sometimes see me as a man. It’s great. They just look at me as a very effeminate gay man in drag at the bar
I can't wait til I can wear/do more effeminate things and still be seen as a man. I have a really cool shirt my grandma got me that I wore for NYE last year and has such flashy bisexual energy and I desperately want to be able to wear it again while not being clocked as a woman
...All the clanking and jangling when I put my pants back on. Belt buckle, keys, that mini Maglite I keep on my carabiner because I hate using my fucking phone as a flashlight and "Ya never know!" (You do know. Constantly.)
It's all just... *tuned* differently, because my jeans or shorts or what the fuck ever aren't ~*designed*~ to cling mercilessly to very swoop and swerve of my corporeal form, even if they *say* that's not what they're designed to do. Like, goddamn, the difference in the way jeans alone are designed is fucking criminal.
One good jangle of all the clankware makes me feel extremely dadcore. 😂
Omg THIS. Or having to fish thru my pockets that are the depth of the literal Mariana Trench to find something I need; it's oddly affirming despite the inconvenience lol
I haven’t legally changed my name but my new work place changed my email address to my preferred name. I was worried they wouldn’t want to but my boss has a trans kid and she’s been advocating for me.
I'm glad you've had an advocate in your boss! My name also hasn't been legally changed but I have a blanket with my name on it and when my family orders food mine has my name on it and it just feels nice.
Same!! I haven't changed my name legally but just having it on like my starbucks app or my email is so affirming and makes me smile every time I see it
to me the opposite. begin surrounded by boys just because we're boys and we hang around
most of my best friends are women, and I love them, but begin with guys and laughing at stupid jokes about monkeys and talking about cars and motorbikes even though I'm not in the slightest interested in them, it's so gender affirming
I've always wanted to hang around boys, be part of the "pack" as in wolves (that's how I like to call it). AND NOW I CAN!!! WITHOUT BEGIN CONSTANTLY ASKED IF I'M IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THEM!!! like, no I don't like them they're just fun to be around?? and gender affirming???
the feeling of your shirt against your skin. i got top surgery a few weeks ago, and i'm at the point in recovery where there's no longer any bandages or gauze. i'd been binding for four years beforehand. the feeling of my shirt against my bare skin for the first time was INCREDIBLY euphoria-inducing, when it's something that's just a mundane everyday thing for cis people lol
Before coming out, I didn't even think about wearing boxers but they're so comfy and give me a sporty sort of vibe. Ngl, I want those useless presents guys get for christmas like socks and boxers lol
hahaha I was texting my cis guy best friend like "what's the difference between all these, which ones should i get, what kind of undies do hot guys wear?!"
LOL I feel this. I made my husband come with me when shopping for boxers for the first time cuz I was super nervous and felt weird just inspecting men's undies by myself. He was very helpful cuz I def did not know there was so much variety in boxers
Walking around in public without a shirt. Not just because of the lack of boobs but also because i run really hot like, all the time 😂. The amount of times ive been literally swimming in sweat and not been able to take off my shirt is unbearable
Iirc it's when you slap hands together, slide your hands a bit apart, then curl your fingers and interlock them. Not fingers between fingers locked but hooked kinda like a J
A lot of family and closer friends will also pull eachother into a chest bump, usually give a back pat or something too.
Most ppl do it a lil different, but the hand slap & slide is pretty universal I think.
O.P. I 100% agree with you. When I came out as a transgender gay man, I felt the same way about big muscles and shopping. As I progressed in my transition, I. E. 1Y AND 3M , and now I don't know what I like anymore. I have been celibate for a year and 3 months because my tendency in relationships, is to jump in a relationship every time another one breaks, I've never actually had any point in time or I wasn't with someone. I had a lot to do with my trauma. That said, I have not been in any kind of relationship romantic wise in almost a year and a half. I love it!! I might never be in another romantic relationship again!! It definitely boosted my ego, and made me more confident about myself, me living alone, and taking care of myself. Up until about a year and 3 months ago I was destroying my life, this is the first time in my lifetime that I ever got sober. My sober date is January 9th 2023. A little long winded, but thank you again O.P.
This post is so lovely, i feel the same way about being a gay trans guy. my best friend since I was 12 is a cis gay dude and when I came out to him he (lovingly) called me a faggot HAHA it genuinely felt great and affirming.
as a gay guy I do fit the stereotype of preferring to hang out with women and one of my worries for transitioning was that women wouldn't want to be my friends like they used to. So I'm glad to hear you're finding women flocking to you for friendship :D
Same!! I'm technically bi but still lol love being the gay best friend! And I love telling my best friends how beautiful they are and lifting them up and they know I not only mean it but not in a creepy way! 😁
Not being constantly called "ma'am" or "young lady"
I don't think I'll ever pass.
Not that passing is the end all be all ofc but like it would be nice to be able to buy ANYTHING without getting shot with the "have a good day ma'am".
I've never yelled at a retail worker but boy did I get close when I got "ma'am"-d while wearing my pin that says "please use he/him pronouns" on my chest
Feeling a breeze blow through your facial hair. I feel a bit goofy saying it but, everytime a breeze rustles through my beard, bringing my attention to it I can’t resist grinning especially since I don’t have great eyesight
For me it was on easter, where I'm from there is a tradition of men going around and beating women for eggs and alcohol, I think it's barbaric, but my family does it anyway, we all get into car( women included, so me included because my family refuses to see me as a guy) and we go around our extended family "celebrating" we were at my granny's when someone knocked on the door. It was her neighbor and she looked surprised to see me, my brother and my dad and said to my granny i quote "Oh I didn't know you had the boys over". That's it just some random comet from an old lady I barely know, but it has made my day
Being a gay guy pre transition mtf I think it’s that girl code you just get to be in , the voice naturally sounding cute and feminine (mines is gay guy ish) and cis women getting to wear so many cute jewelry
I’ve been told time and time again that people are suprised I’m gay because I don’t have the gay guy voice. When I literally have 13 piercings and dyed hair. I’m pretty gay lol.
Nowadays gay guys don’t do it as much, but I could still do it loll but my voice gives me a lot of dysphoria (I have a vid of me talking if you want to hear it ) and i take so much joy in wearing the cute earrings, rings necklaces and clothes ☺️
I also really like cute earrings and clothes lol. I love being feminine but in the way a guy can be feminine but definitely still identify as male. It gives me great joy when I’m dressed very feminine and I get sir’ed.
But being the gay best friend was pretty cool lolll I mean we could be so dramatic and women just love us and always spill the tea to us loll also being a femboy fem guy women appreciate your femininity in a unique way versus just being the average cis fem girl
i work in a tattoo studio, a few months ago another artist's client was done with his tattoo and came back to the front where i was. he was talking to our manager about his children and as our manager went to check something, he turned to me and started giving me advice, being like "be careful what woman you have children with, only when you've been with her for atleast a few years and are sure she's the one, you marry her and then you can see about children.". that was extremely funny to me because i am not only ftm, i also look extremely homosexual if that makes sense (because i am). it's weird traditional advice but hearing that made me so euphoric, he didn't question my bio gender, he just assumed i needed to be reminded not to impregnate a woman i don't wanna be with. idk, that was silly but really nice lmao
a little after I first came out, my dad started buying me masculine orientated/marketed shampoos/deodorants without me having to ask at all. he probably dosent even remember that moment at all, but I'll never forget it. i don't even really like the man shampoos/body washes (although i perfer the masc deodorant) but just him putting in the thought at all made me feel so accepted.
1) Being referred to as "man" or "bro" in casual conversation
2) Not feeling out of place in a barbershop
3) And like OP, I feel like I have more genuine friendships with women than I did pre-coming out.
I've never really experienced this but I feel like cis guys take it for granted soo much but having a childhood and your teenagers years being seen as a boy. My whole childhood I was seen as a girl and they're so lucky to be born as the correct gender
one of my classmates, every school day without fail, calls me "big guy" just like he does with our cis classmates when we say hello and goodbye, sometimes even during the day, and he and I both exchange "bro-hugs" and normal hugs. I absolutely love it, and it makes my day every time :)
noticing the people around me referring to me as "mate"or "son" rather than "pal" or "hen". i live in scotland, and whilst "mate" and "pal" are both technically gender neutral, i always found people leaned towards "pal" for fem people, and "mate" for masc people. as ive been on T, ive noticed the subtle change to "mate" and it delights me every time
Being invited to boys night with beer and video games!
My guy coworkers to refer to our group of trainees as "the girls and Noah"
My partner calling me his boyfriend
It's the little things :)
One time I was at a gas station and the dude at the counter complimented the hat I was wearing with a solid "cool hat, man!" Had me kicking my feet and giggling the entire way home!
My receding hairline reminds me of how far I've come and though it's not exactly euphoric, I find it oddly comforting to see the male pattern baldness my dad has showing up in my mirror.
Being able to go outside without a shirt during summer
(For me) being able to sleep on my stomach without feeling yk
Getting up in the morning and put on a shirt without struggling with the binder
Shaving my face. I have PCOS so even before I started taking t I grew facial hair, and something about the participating in the ritual of shaving my face some mornings (depending on how I felt, given that I’m also genderfluid) makes me feel more masculine and I love it.
Not wearing a shirt,, Albeit I still have to be in private because duh, but still. Seeing guys just walk around w out shirts at the beach or just hot weather in general makes me excited because that gets to be me someday 😭
men's deodorant
men's cologne spray (like old spice "swagger" body spray)
being able to walk into a store and know everyone knows you're a boy, without having to hide it, free and available for the world to see, as you truly are
using shave bump serum, post-shave
shopping in the mens section without having people look at you weirdly
being able to wear mens earrings / necklaces without being misgendered and without the dysphoric feeling of the necklace pendant dangling inbetween those,, *lumps* (i personally call them tumors.)
family members gifting you mens items, like casual work tees, small lock boxes with camo prints, camo sandals / slides, camo print boyish journals (instead of girly journals and makeup. i mean wtf am i supposed to do with a girly holographic pink and purple journal with butterflies???), just camo everything
looking in the mirror, no chest jiggles while teeth brushing, flat chest, wearing mens shirts without those tumors making it impossible to pass or feel euphoric, stubble or peach fuzz, even men's body soap (like squatch bar soap) and men's soap scrubber and men's loofahs, or mens shampoo/conditioner/body wash
men affirming my gender, men who i am jealous of for their masculine expression (it was so nice to be affirmed by my very masc trans friend who i have known since 6th grade. and being affirmed by other queer men, and at first being confused of who they referred to due to being used to being misgendered, then realizing its you, your true self, and that they *see you.* not the facade you put on, but your authentic self. it is so *so* euphoric being affirmed my other men who you respect and a bit of gender envy and the masculinity they exude.
I love being the "gay best friend" as well XD I feel like cis men usually take the "brotherhood" for granted. You know, boy-talk and the nod (of approval?) you get when you pass another man. I feel like it's so normal for them that they don't even think about it but whenever it happens to me I am overjoyed! I love when I feel like one of the boys, it's a little rare because I'm pre-everything :')
Aw dude :) Thumbs up are a common one here with older guys as a way of saying thanks and it catches me off guard sometimes so I have to quickly do it back lol
I never caught that! Will definitely try to notice that from now on and give them a thumbs up back
OMG THE NOD, usually my friends friends do that to me sometimes and its so affirming!! im also pre everything, i totally had forgot about this now thinking about it makes me really happy :)
Ahh thats amazing! You have really cool friends then. Glad to have made your day!
Getting called dude, bro, man, etc. by strangers. I have to hold back a 'teehee' whenever it happens.
This!!! Especially after a day full of very pointed “thank you ma’am!”s a solid “have a good day bro!” gets me all giddy
Got called homie today on a carnival ride of all places while talking about the dude that threw up on it before us
For me it’s being called “boss” by older guys
tbh its the little things. like not having to smile all the time without being seen as rude, or being able to burp out loud and it being funny instead of gross (among friends), just stuff thats very distinctly fem socialisation not affecting me anymore
I have chronic resting bitch face and people have always called me rude or cold for not smiling around people. I always envied guys for being able to not have to smile all the time
SAME. I'm gonna be so happy when I start passing and people stop commenting on my "resting bitch face" or telling me to "just sMiLe sWeEtiE, life isn't tHAt bAD and you look so much pREtTiER wHeN yOu dO" like ugh fuck OFF fr
The smiling thing is so real… I’ve noticed since I started passing at work I’ve gotten wayyy less rude/confrontational customers. People expect “women” to be smiling and polite ALL the time
It's crazy I think about this all the time because I've had to actively teach myself to stop trying to be overly polite if that makes sense?? Because when I try to sound "polite" my voice automatically goes up like four octaves even though my voice has dropped. And it's the only thing that might out me so when I just let myself relax I pass fine. It's so weird how when I was a girl I never even realized how much energy I spent trying not to seem rude but now I have to unlearn all that to pass.
Really? That sounds exhausting, where are you from?
Alabama, USA
Holy shit Alabama gang
Ayoooo! (War eagle BTW 😂)
lol thems fightin words in an Applebees
Oh my god, yes. I've had a handful of people at work already tell me to smile more or something and I genuinely hate it. I don't like to smile because it feels fake, plus I hate my job so why would I smile?? If that's something that gets better when you're really starting to pass (I do sometimes, but it's kinda like a 50/50 chance, plus my voice is kinda fem) I'm absolutely looking forward to it!
Having a cock, probably
Real
REAL
Real af lol
Being able to stand to pee (even though it’s with a prosthetic), wearing a tie, wearing boxers, masculine scents, being shirtless (even though I am pre-op) while swimming, etc.
For me it’s being able to sleep without a shirt on or simply just be able to throw a shirt on in the morning without having the thought of messing with a binder
I can’t wait till that’s me, I had to put off my top surgery for another year because of a job change.
this is why i can’t wait for top surgery
same 😭😭 i just want to be flat
the struggle is so real💀
Oh man, and that made me visualize the shirt just sliding down, with…nothing in the way. Hadn’t thought about the euphoria of that.
Being capable of being a part of hook up culture without having to navigate the landmines that are dysphoria lol.
Do you have any tips? I don’t really know how to be safe with it even in liberal areas while also not only having sex w chasers or smth
As a gay trans man my main demographic is cis bi men 😅 Straight men who fetishize me are a no no (I dated one for a YEAR) and the queer cis men in my area usually A. don’t have preferences with body parts B. actually see me as a guy and C. think my bottom growth is cool LOL
ayee you started your hrt on my birthday!! that’s pretty cool :)
you started yours on my bday!!
moments like these make me smile 😊 i love the internet
Oh no it's something I'm jealous of. I don't actually do it.
Same, but I always saw myself as feminine. It was just in an uncanny valley way. Like I LOVED “feminine” interests — I’d devour Cosmo and Vogue and my favorite Olympic sport is ice skating, and I was a theater and choir kid and loved vintage fashion and doing my hair in rollers as a big performance production, loved playing with makeup—but I never did things in the way girls were “supposed” to. Never had feminine enough hair or style despite it all. When I got into the Sapphic community I leaned into high femme, but once my egg cracked I was like “ohhhhhhh.” In some ways I was sort of sad to suddenly be a stereotype but it’s also affirming like… turns out I totally fit into a mold this whole time and I’m not a complete weirdo?? I’m just a total queen and being AFAB probably got me spared from bullying as a kid 😬😬😬
The little displays of camaraderie between male strangers (nods, being called “mate”—yes I’m British—the subtle and hard to define, yet still noticeable air of men speaking to one of their own). Being an assuring male presence to quietly back-up female friends and colleagues (even if I’m only 5’3” and hardly have an authoritative air about me). The feeling of walking around in just underwear in the mornings, hairy legs on display lmao
REAL being called mate or boss is like, the most affirming thing
I’m still in the “buddy” phase. 🥲
OMG being able to walk around in just my underwear is the most affirming thing ever!!! Even tho I don't pass yet I feel like such a MAN walking around in my boxers and tshirt lol
I love getting called "bud" by older men! Where I am, men use "bud" as a nickname for guys they perceive as younger in a parental or brotherly sort of way, so it always makes me feel like I'm being welcomed into their club
Seriously, when a random bro calls me bro or dude i immediately feel that brotherhood connection and its just pure euphoria 🥰🏳️⚧️
Same! Where I'm from, men only call other guys mate. I never heard it pre-T, but now I hear it all of the time. I never call guys mate because it's all new, but I love it :D
Fuck... The only people who have called me bud are dudes 10 years younger than me.. I'm short and look much younger than I am (not because of transition, that was a thing before T, too) and only pass maybe 10-20% of the time right now
All the preparation for marriage. My girlfriend and I are t4t in opposite directions and her brother is getting married soon so the topic has become more prevalent between us. We kind of want to get marries in November (anniversary of us dating) but I also feel sad that we cant have any big ceremony because neither of us are done physically transitioning. And it will be years before either of us will be able to get our collective surgeries done. If we both were physically where we wanted to be now I think I'd be happy with a small ceremony with family this year but instead we might do something personal them have a public even later in life. I just feel like then no one will really see it as a proper wedding :(
I’m also t4t with my girlfriend. We’ve both been transitioning for about two years now and we went to the gender specialist on the same day and got the prescriptions. Knowing I would be starting hrt at the same time as her made me feel like I had someone to support me in my journey and vise versa. We’re actually also planning to get married in the next year. I’ve picked out the ring and I’m waiting for a special train ride to propose to her and she has no idea. It’s a gorgeous opal with rose gold and a few small diamonds in the shape of the triple moon goddess (my girlfriend is Wiccan). But we’re waiting for our own place and a legal name change before we officially tie the knot. Anyways that so exciting, congratulations on your engagement!
Congratulations:) I'm also into wiccan/pagan sort of stuff and that ring sounds awesome!
Also just to clarify I’m gay but I have a girlfriend because I met her before she transitioned and I just couldn’t imagine my life without her. She also kinda met me before I transitioned and she a lesbian lol.
Congratulations on your engagement and future marriage! If I may, I think your idea of doing something personal and having a public thing later on is a solid one! You shouldn't have to wait to marry because of dysphoria, but it makes total sense that you wouldn't want a big day with so many pictures and memories attached to be tied to so much discomfort, so having a town hall marriage sooner and a celebration with others later seems like a good compromise Alternatively, you could hold off on marriage until you both feel ready in terms of transition. Instead, you could have a sort of commitment ritual with your partner to reafirm your dedication to one another. Whether or not that includes things like commitment knots, vows, exchanging rings/bracelets/necklaces, etc, is all up to you!
Aww thank you. I think I'm just jealous of how transition goals aren't a part usual planning for marriage and watching someone we're in such close proximity to start the process on everything just gets the yearning going. We haven't even technically publicly proposed or anything, but it's been talked about enough and we're in the looking at rings stage so lol. Ideally we could do at least something small and then maybe a renewing vows like ceremony later in life, with all the pizzazz we want. It just sucks having to wait to have surgeries.
Oof this hit me. I’m not 100% ready to get married but I know it’s gonna be me and my partner. We’re both transitioning (I’m a binary man and they’re nb) but I always felt selfish for wanting to be “fully transitioned*” to have a wedding. I’m glad my partner understood and also felt the same but it was something that I felt for so long. *also “fully transitioned” to me just means looking the way I desire with HRT which is nowhere near where I am now unfortunately.
Probably having a penis and testicles
me and my bf were on a trip and the girls were gagging for us, it was great
Just the small things like being called the right name and pronouns, so pretty much just being acknowledged and treated like a boy. On top of that, I would like to just have a normal friendship with a guy without him flirting (which is why I'm excited to start transitioning).
Honestly? Doing yardwork. It's a very silly and small thing, but I actually connected with my father through it and I just like the image of a son helping out his father with work in the yard. Plus, my dad only made my brother help him out for a long time and never my sisters, so when I transitioned and he started asking me to help out, I felt a lot of happiness and euphoria.
I know the feeling, my dad started to teach me how football is played when I started transitioning.
Not task related but my dad gave me a bunch of his old khakis and polo shirts once I came out to him. Idk if he realized how ecstatic it made me, but I wear them ALL THE TIME and I'm so happy cuz that's like hundreds of dollars I now don't have to spend on new clothes lol
I felt euphoric because I was excited about my new lawnmower. It was stupid, and made me laugh, but hey, we take every win we can get.
I'm ftmnb and for me its passing with long hair. I like it proves something lol
Not enby here but same. I have long Erik Von Detten locks and I still get properly gendered.
I want this.. so bad. I can’t bear to cut my hair and it wouldn’t really make a difference in whether I pass or not if I did so like why bother. But my petite build and extreme baby face keep me stuck on people immediately assuming “girl” though I dress pretty gender neutral/masc leaning
The ability to dress out of gender norms and still be perceived as their gender. I’ve dressed super femme as a pre T trans man and still people still sometimes see me as a man. It’s great. They just look at me as a very effeminate gay man in drag at the bar
I can't wait til I can wear/do more effeminate things and still be seen as a man. I have a really cool shirt my grandma got me that I wore for NYE last year and has such flashy bisexual energy and I desperately want to be able to wear it again while not being clocked as a woman
...All the clanking and jangling when I put my pants back on. Belt buckle, keys, that mini Maglite I keep on my carabiner because I hate using my fucking phone as a flashlight and "Ya never know!" (You do know. Constantly.) It's all just... *tuned* differently, because my jeans or shorts or what the fuck ever aren't ~*designed*~ to cling mercilessly to very swoop and swerve of my corporeal form, even if they *say* that's not what they're designed to do. Like, goddamn, the difference in the way jeans alone are designed is fucking criminal. One good jangle of all the clankware makes me feel extremely dadcore. 😂
Omg THIS. Or having to fish thru my pockets that are the depth of the literal Mariana Trench to find something I need; it's oddly affirming despite the inconvenience lol
I think that's part of why the Mandatory Cargo Shorts are part of early transition. 😂 Going mad with pockets is SO LIBERATING!!!
I have unironically put entire water bottles in my pockets when I don't have the hands to carry them. It's such an amazing feeling
For me it's just seeing my name on stuff, I love it every time.
I haven’t legally changed my name but my new work place changed my email address to my preferred name. I was worried they wouldn’t want to but my boss has a trans kid and she’s been advocating for me.
I'm glad you've had an advocate in your boss! My name also hasn't been legally changed but I have a blanket with my name on it and when my family orders food mine has my name on it and it just feels nice.
Aww, that reminds me I had a pillow for high-school with my deadname on it and my partner had it changed for me as a surprise gift.
Same!! I haven't changed my name legally but just having it on like my starbucks app or my email is so affirming and makes me smile every time I see it
Scruffy facial hair
SAME i want stubble :(
being shirtless 😫😫😫
Hairy everything <333
to me the opposite. begin surrounded by boys just because we're boys and we hang around most of my best friends are women, and I love them, but begin with guys and laughing at stupid jokes about monkeys and talking about cars and motorbikes even though I'm not in the slightest interested in them, it's so gender affirming I've always wanted to hang around boys, be part of the "pack" as in wolves (that's how I like to call it). AND NOW I CAN!!! WITHOUT BEGIN CONSTANTLY ASKED IF I'M IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THEM!!! like, no I don't like them they're just fun to be around?? and gender affirming???
I guess I’ve gotten lucky there. Despite always being perceived as a girl, I’ve always had a lot of guy friends who didn’t really care if I was.
ohh lucky yes
getting called their correct pronouns without the "she- sorry, its just so hard" and then you have to comfort
I love masculine nicknames !
Stand to pee!
the feeling of your shirt against your skin. i got top surgery a few weeks ago, and i'm at the point in recovery where there's no longer any bandages or gauze. i'd been binding for four years beforehand. the feeling of my shirt against my bare skin for the first time was INCREDIBLY euphoria-inducing, when it's something that's just a mundane everyday thing for cis people lol
Shopping for underwear!
Omg I remember my first time shopping for boxers, honestly I was so excited but also had no clue what I was doing lmao.
Before coming out, I didn't even think about wearing boxers but they're so comfy and give me a sporty sort of vibe. Ngl, I want those useless presents guys get for christmas like socks and boxers lol
I never have enough socks or boxers
hahaha I was texting my cis guy best friend like "what's the difference between all these, which ones should i get, what kind of undies do hot guys wear?!"
LOL I feel this. I made my husband come with me when shopping for boxers for the first time cuz I was super nervous and felt weird just inspecting men's undies by myself. He was very helpful cuz I def did not know there was so much variety in boxers
Leg hair
Being “one of the guys” in an actual guy way not a “oh she’s a tomboy” way.
Now that I've had my first stage of phalloplasty, the way my penis moves in my pants.
the nod. i think the guys here know what i'm meaning. the little head motion. gahhh it helps me feel better
Walking around in public without a shirt. Not just because of the lack of boobs but also because i run really hot like, all the time 😂. The amount of times ive been literally swimming in sweat and not been able to take off my shirt is unbearable
Dabbing other dudes up. Men don't dab women up typically, but if they think I'm chill, they'll dab me up and I'll be elated.
I'm not familiar with this phrase?
Iirc it's when you slap hands together, slide your hands a bit apart, then curl your fingers and interlock them. Not fingers between fingers locked but hooked kinda like a J A lot of family and closer friends will also pull eachother into a chest bump, usually give a back pat or something too. Most ppl do it a lil different, but the hand slap & slide is pretty universal I think.
Dabbing someone up is like how dudes greet, a type of handshake.
Yesterday I was washing up at the sink and spied chip crumbs in my beard. I have a *beard* to get crumbs in!!
O.P. I 100% agree with you. When I came out as a transgender gay man, I felt the same way about big muscles and shopping. As I progressed in my transition, I. E. 1Y AND 3M , and now I don't know what I like anymore. I have been celibate for a year and 3 months because my tendency in relationships, is to jump in a relationship every time another one breaks, I've never actually had any point in time or I wasn't with someone. I had a lot to do with my trauma. That said, I have not been in any kind of relationship romantic wise in almost a year and a half. I love it!! I might never be in another romantic relationship again!! It definitely boosted my ego, and made me more confident about myself, me living alone, and taking care of myself. Up until about a year and 3 months ago I was destroying my life, this is the first time in my lifetime that I ever got sober. My sober date is January 9th 2023. A little long winded, but thank you again O.P.
My sober date is January 8! So close to each other.
Congratulations and haza!! That is awesome!!
This post is so lovely, i feel the same way about being a gay trans guy. my best friend since I was 12 is a cis gay dude and when I came out to him he (lovingly) called me a faggot HAHA it genuinely felt great and affirming. as a gay guy I do fit the stereotype of preferring to hang out with women and one of my worries for transitioning was that women wouldn't want to be my friends like they used to. So I'm glad to hear you're finding women flocking to you for friendship :D
Same!! I'm technically bi but still lol love being the gay best friend! And I love telling my best friends how beautiful they are and lifting them up and they know I not only mean it but not in a creepy way! 😁
Not being constantly called "ma'am" or "young lady" I don't think I'll ever pass. Not that passing is the end all be all ofc but like it would be nice to be able to buy ANYTHING without getting shot with the "have a good day ma'am". I've never yelled at a retail worker but boy did I get close when I got "ma'am"-d while wearing my pin that says "please use he/him pronouns" on my chest
Feeling a breeze blow through your facial hair. I feel a bit goofy saying it but, everytime a breeze rustles through my beard, bringing my attention to it I can’t resist grinning especially since I don’t have great eyesight
Customers call me "sir," at work when they hear my voice over the intercom . Mostly guys actually, few women ever call me sir . They don't know >:]
Yard work. Fist fights. Literally anything that is like stereotypically "manly man"
Respecting pronouns
I love to discuss men with my straight/bi female friends. I wish I found a gay/bi male friend to discuss men with them 😭
Being one of the boys
For me it was on easter, where I'm from there is a tradition of men going around and beating women for eggs and alcohol, I think it's barbaric, but my family does it anyway, we all get into car( women included, so me included because my family refuses to see me as a guy) and we go around our extended family "celebrating" we were at my granny's when someone knocked on the door. It was her neighbor and she looked surprised to see me, my brother and my dad and said to my granny i quote "Oh I didn't know you had the boys over". That's it just some random comet from an old lady I barely know, but it has made my day
Not having a random extra hole that causes disgust in cis gay men.
Ain’t that the truth
Or worse, when a chaser wants to pretend it’s normal and have sex with it. 🙃
When old women say “Thank you young man” it makes me so happy in a way I can’t describe.
I like it when old guys call me bud. I named my stardew valley character Bud bc of that.
The whole bro vibe of a good group of guy friends. Once they see me as a guy I'm a bro to them and That's It
Being a gay guy pre transition mtf I think it’s that girl code you just get to be in , the voice naturally sounding cute and feminine (mines is gay guy ish) and cis women getting to wear so many cute jewelry
I’ve been told time and time again that people are suprised I’m gay because I don’t have the gay guy voice. When I literally have 13 piercings and dyed hair. I’m pretty gay lol.
Nowadays gay guys don’t do it as much, but I could still do it loll but my voice gives me a lot of dysphoria (I have a vid of me talking if you want to hear it ) and i take so much joy in wearing the cute earrings, rings necklaces and clothes ☺️
I also really like cute earrings and clothes lol. I love being feminine but in the way a guy can be feminine but definitely still identify as male. It gives me great joy when I’m dressed very feminine and I get sir’ed.
But being the gay best friend was pretty cool lolll I mean we could be so dramatic and women just love us and always spill the tea to us loll also being a femboy fem guy women appreciate your femininity in a unique way versus just being the average cis fem girl
i work in a tattoo studio, a few months ago another artist's client was done with his tattoo and came back to the front where i was. he was talking to our manager about his children and as our manager went to check something, he turned to me and started giving me advice, being like "be careful what woman you have children with, only when you've been with her for atleast a few years and are sure she's the one, you marry her and then you can see about children.". that was extremely funny to me because i am not only ftm, i also look extremely homosexual if that makes sense (because i am). it's weird traditional advice but hearing that made me so euphoric, he didn't question my bio gender, he just assumed i needed to be reminded not to impregnate a woman i don't wanna be with. idk, that was silly but really nice lmao
a little after I first came out, my dad started buying me masculine orientated/marketed shampoos/deodorants without me having to ask at all. he probably dosent even remember that moment at all, but I'll never forget it. i don't even really like the man shampoos/body washes (although i perfer the masc deodorant) but just him putting in the thought at all made me feel so accepted.
1) Being referred to as "man" or "bro" in casual conversation 2) Not feeling out of place in a barbershop 3) And like OP, I feel like I have more genuine friendships with women than I did pre-coming out.
Doing sports/being included in sports talk, going to the barber, dapping people up
Being called buddy, getting to go to the boys side when things are split by gender at school, this one's for me but using axe body spray
That is what I hope for in my transition ngl. I hope to be feminine in the way men are feminine.
So i'm not out at work but I have this one coworker who calls me brother quite often and it gives me a rush every time.
I've never really experienced this but I feel like cis guys take it for granted soo much but having a childhood and your teenagers years being seen as a boy. My whole childhood I was seen as a girl and they're so lucky to be born as the correct gender
one of my classmates, every school day without fail, calls me "big guy" just like he does with our cis classmates when we say hello and goodbye, sometimes even during the day, and he and I both exchange "bro-hugs" and normal hugs. I absolutely love it, and it makes my day every time :)
noticing the people around me referring to me as "mate"or "son" rather than "pal" or "hen". i live in scotland, and whilst "mate" and "pal" are both technically gender neutral, i always found people leaned towards "pal" for fem people, and "mate" for masc people. as ive been on T, ive noticed the subtle change to "mate" and it delights me every time
Being invited to boys night with beer and video games! My guy coworkers to refer to our group of trainees as "the girls and Noah" My partner calling me his boyfriend It's the little things :)
One time I was at a gas station and the dude at the counter complimented the hat I was wearing with a solid "cool hat, man!" Had me kicking my feet and giggling the entire way home!
My receding hairline reminds me of how far I've come and though it's not exactly euphoric, I find it oddly comforting to see the male pattern baldness my dad has showing up in my mirror.
Being able to go outside without a shirt during summer (For me) being able to sleep on my stomach without feeling yk Getting up in the morning and put on a shirt without struggling with the binder
Shaving my face. I have PCOS so even before I started taking t I grew facial hair, and something about the participating in the ritual of shaving my face some mornings (depending on how I felt, given that I’m also genderfluid) makes me feel more masculine and I love it.
Being referred to as bud or buddy by older/other men when I’m in public (especially in my pre transition days)always makes me happy
Not wearing a shirt,, Albeit I still have to be in private because duh, but still. Seeing guys just walk around w out shirts at the beach or just hot weather in general makes me excited because that gets to be me someday 😭
Very well put!
men's deodorant men's cologne spray (like old spice "swagger" body spray) being able to walk into a store and know everyone knows you're a boy, without having to hide it, free and available for the world to see, as you truly are using shave bump serum, post-shave shopping in the mens section without having people look at you weirdly being able to wear mens earrings / necklaces without being misgendered and without the dysphoric feeling of the necklace pendant dangling inbetween those,, *lumps* (i personally call them tumors.) family members gifting you mens items, like casual work tees, small lock boxes with camo prints, camo sandals / slides, camo print boyish journals (instead of girly journals and makeup. i mean wtf am i supposed to do with a girly holographic pink and purple journal with butterflies???), just camo everything looking in the mirror, no chest jiggles while teeth brushing, flat chest, wearing mens shirts without those tumors making it impossible to pass or feel euphoric, stubble or peach fuzz, even men's body soap (like squatch bar soap) and men's soap scrubber and men's loofahs, or mens shampoo/conditioner/body wash men affirming my gender, men who i am jealous of for their masculine expression (it was so nice to be affirmed by my very masc trans friend who i have known since 6th grade. and being affirmed by other queer men, and at first being confused of who they referred to due to being used to being misgendered, then realizing its you, your true self, and that they *see you.* not the facade you put on, but your authentic self. it is so *so* euphoric being affirmed my other men who you respect and a bit of gender envy and the masculinity they exude.