I have experienced both bc of weight gain, and while I have to admit that yes, a bigger chest made me definitely way more dysphoric and envious than I was when I had a smaller chest, the dysphoria and struggle still was a real pain in the ass when I was smaller and made my life significant worse than it would've been with simply no tits at all.
You're valid, don't take his words too seriously. It's a dumb and shitty thing to say
I have a shoulder issue. It is normal to have one a bit rounded up. Doing this unconsciously only made it worse.
It is a bit bittersweet. The chest looks smaller but doesn't allow a deeper voice (speaking from the diaphragm/lungs).
I’ve been slouching for years to hide my chest unconsciously and yeah my back is fucked up, and I’m always in pain. Now I have to consciously work towards fixing my posture but even wearing a binder it gives me dysphoria to stand/sit completely straight
Also I do want to shout out that on the flip side, weight loss doesn’t always lead to a smaller chest. I gave myself an ED trying to lose my chest. when I was eating 300 cals a day and lethargic 27/7 I still had a large chest. Just think it’s important to note for anyone reading, bc I’ve definitely also seen it on this sub that people can lose weight to get a smaller chest.
Across the board, I think if someone hears "I have dysphoria and want gender affirming surgery" and their first immediate response is "but your body is fine the way it is" --- fuck that. If I wanted to hear that line that I'd talk to my grandmother or the Bible thumper on the street corner. As a friend the least they could do is empathize first.
Personally I had a quite large chest before surgery. I could simultaneously envy small chests and keep that shit to myself to empathize with someone. Dysphoria is about when your body is incongruous with who you are, and yours is.
Just because it's small doesn't mean its not there. There is still tissue there that we believe shouldn't be, its natural to be dysphoric about it and want it gone. You having surgery isn't taking that surgery away from anyone else. There are plenty of cisgender with gyno who have it removed so why shouldn't we?
As someone with small chest too, he is a jerk a dumbass. Even though you have a small chest you can’t take your shirt of, it still doesn’t fit in the cis male body and therefor you have all the reasons to be dysphoric. I have to admit though having a small chest is way more better than having a big one but it’s still not fun
as a transmasc with huge ol’ knockers, even if i had a double A cup i still would feel dysphoric. comparing people’s suffering is not the move; your friend is being a jerk. you deserve top surgery and anything else that helps you in your transition! 💕
Um… my chest is small but I still can’t go shirtless anywhere and I still get hit on if people notice it and I still get told I’m female because of it.
Your friend is just being a jerk. I also have a very small chest. Do I NEED to bind? No, but that doesn't stop me from hating my chest. I so badly need top surgery one day and that's not any less valid due to the size of my chest, and its the same for you
Absolutely not that’s BS? I had a G and they had no right to say that. Yes, having a large chest could possibly be “worse” but comparing isn’t helpful at all. You can have the same dysphoria level at a smaller size. Just because a larger chest can make it harder to bind or pass doesn’t mean you automatically can’t have dysphoria or don’t deserve surgery. I would have had just as much dysphoria had I been with a small chest tbh.
It's not the pain Olympics. Once you truly come to terms with that you will be set free from interactions like this. People who talk like that don't know what they're talking about.
That's total bullshit, on your friend's part. if you have dysphoria, you have dysphoria. Like, you're not out there saying that "it's not that bad to just bind" or anything like that. Your friend is being an ass.
Ngl I’m super jealous of guys that have “keyhole” sized chests, it’s objectively easier to bind and be completely flat and pretty much indistinguishable from a cis chest BUT dysphoria is dysphoria is dysphoria - yours is just as serious as anyone else’s regardless and shouldn’t be treated as less important just because your chest is smaller.
exactly. i've also got a bigger chest, im definitely jealous of guys with smaller chests, but im also not going to say they have no right to be dysphoric about anything. we're all in this shitty boat together
Sadly i said something like that too once to another trans friend... i still feel bad about it, but at that moment i was so frustrated he was complaining because i have a way bigger chest. It was a stupid thing to say and i am really sorry because it doesn't matter, its not invalid to feel dysphoric about the chest.
I feel a twinge of jealousy especially if it's someone who can most likely get peri but I'd never say that and your friend is a jerk for saying that. Cis men with small buds will even get those taken care of because dysphoria is dysphoria.
In any scenario saying others have it worse to someone whose venting their distress is an asshole move in my book. One that I've had to unlearn myself & update my edition of Assholes Moves™.
This^ your friend can think/feel however she wants toward your chest size, everyone gets jealous of something, but they don't have the right to blurt out their rude thoughts carelessly and invalidate your feelings and just get away with it.
Oh please, your friend is being a dick.
>just to make you feel better because people with a large chest are the ones who actually suffer”
Fucking barf. As someone who had DDs that quite literally went down almost to my belly button on my frame, that is literally the dumbest thing ever. I even remember specifically thinking to myself how I did wish I had a smaller chest but realizing that even if they were very small, I would ultimately still want them off. At one point I was going to get a radical reduction, but realized that even if I could get them reduced to "struggling A cups" then *I would still be unhappy.* Drowning is drowning. If I'm in the middle of the ocean or having my head held down in my bathtub it literally does not matter. Both are terrifying and horrible in their own ways in end the same way. Your "friend" needs to get over himself and learn the concept of empathy. Disgusting sentiment
as someone with a small chest, i think it's probably fair to be a little bitter if you have a bigger chest and lots of dysphoria. but that absolutely does not give anyone the right to be an asshole and invalidate a small chested person's feelings. dysphoria sucks for everyone. why would we make it a competition instead of just supporting each other?
Are they trans themselves and on the larger side? Could be that they're jealous (envious? idk the difference) and projecting. Smaller chests are generally easier to bind - both at the amount of pressure needed and how flat they can get. They have more options and if they're small enough for keyhole/peri, the results are more likely to pass cis which is the goal of many trans people.
I get it, I feel that envy myself when I research top surgery and most people i see are those who barely had a lot of tissue to begin with. But I always remind myself that this is unfair judgement. You people are not invalid for feeling dysphoria, no one gets to choose how much of it they experience about certain things. Maybe it's not a lot and easier to manage compared to more tissue but thats doesn't equate to less spiritual pain. And easier doesn't mean easy. I focus on being happy for those who do manage to get surgery.
It is not fair of your friend to speak like that about your feelings - they don't even know what they truly feel like, no one does except you. You deserve to feel comfortable in your body as well. Oppression olympics and "who has it worse" contests are bs.
You can feel whatever way you feel about your body and it is fine. Your friend can also feel however he does about his body. Maybe it’s best the two of you set a boundary not to talk about it with each other.
I work with a client who doesn’t even wear a bra because his chest is so small and here’s me, 10 years on T and no one will operate on me and I prioritized buying a house at the only time I could afford to take the time off, and I have to bind every day because they keep getting bigger. It’s hard to hear and I wish he wouldn’t talk about it. Being a professional relationship, I have to listen. In a friendship, I would ask the other person not to talk to me about it.
Your feelings are valid and so are his. Just talk about it and respect each other’s feelings and you should be able to have a happy friendship while avoiding talking about this subject.
Yeah, seconding this. If it's a major/recurring issue then setting a boundary is a very, very good idea. at least if you want to maintain said friendship. Because it sure is *not* fair to have someone dismissing your dysphoria; dysphoria is dysphoria.
And rationally, I *know* this. However, as a larger person who has no chance for top surgery right now due to both weight limits and health insurance issues, it's very hard to not have an emotional kneejerk response, especially when a lot of the passing tips for trans guys assume a B chest *at most*. Fatphobia is constant and tiring in it's own way, and it compounds on top of how miserable dysphoria makes you.
Your friend is being unkind and taking their pain out on you because there's no one else they can do so on, which is not okay, but it is also coming from a place of deep hurt, the same as your dysphoria does.
its 100 valid. Mine cant be seen either but i fucking hate it so much it disgusts me. Getting top surgery this year and i couldnt be happier. Imagine just not having to worry bro. Your "friend" is weird as shit
You are valid. I had a very large chest. Had top surgery. Now I have a small chest. I was told I would be flat, but I’m not. I still have to wear something for compression. If anything, at times my dysphoria is worse now. I paid cash to FIX this. My surgeon wronged me in many ways and I regret choosing him. Now I need top surgery again, that I can’t afford. So it’s easier to compress. Looks more like man boobs. I don’t care. I told him what I wanted and he said it was realistic expectations and that his technique would give me that. I followed his instructions to a T and now I need to get such an extensive revision it is literally full top surgery again. What bothers me more than that is I will probably lose my nipple grafts due to his placement and what needs to be removed to give me the chest I paid for. I have had people say I should be grateful because many people can’t even access top surgery and it could be worse and, and, and. If I was a cis woman who got a boob job and had the issues I have people would feel sorry for her. If I was a cis man and got gyno surgery and ended up here people would feel bad. However, because I am trans and I worked my ass off and saved every penny on my own…and then got CLOSER to a masc chest…I should be grateful. F*** other people. It’s your body. You are allowed to feel however you want.
Omg im so sorry to hear that happened to you, thats just awful, people telling you to be grateful is crazy cuz the surgeon had one job which is to remove the tissue to make u flat, i really hope you are able to afford it again soon
I have a small chest and often get really dysphoric about it. My mom often says it doesnt make sense cause its too small to be seen and a surgery "wouldnt make any difference". I hate being told that cause i can still feel and see it. Idk if i notice it more than others but to me its often still visible even if its not much. I also do wanna get top surgery, but im often not fully take serious and i hate it. It shouldn't matter what size ur chest is, dysphoria is dysphoria and if u want top surgery then get it. I dont fully understand how anyone would " need it more", sure maybe they have a bigger chest but that doesnt mean they necessarily have more dysphoria or need the surgery more. It depends on the person, and i think anyone that wants to get the surgery should get it, ur chest size shouldn't matter in that case, just how u feel and if ur dysphoric about it and it would help then get it
You're completely valid no matter what
Im a dude with a relatively small chest, a voice lower than usual for a teenager who's pre-t, a build that doesn't make me look feminine most of the time yet I suffer with terrible and soul crushing dysphoria almost every single day even if I have my "feminine traits" minimized (sorry idk how to word that lmao) simply because they're there, still products of my developing afab body. As other comments said, your friend is being a jerk, it doesn't matter if it's deemed as not a big deal, it remains a source of dysphoria because it's there
Growing up everyone i complained my chest dysphoria to said the same shit. I think there’s a misconception now that dysphoria only comes from how you’re perceived by other people, and not that it’s from within and that you yourself have to look at your own naked body (where you’ll be able to see your chest regardless of size)
Like the other comments say, your friend is being an asshole.
That said, as someone who had a very large chest that was impossible to hide before top surgery, I was very jealous of people who had small chests and could actually bind effectively, while even if I attempted to combine tape and a binder I wasn't flat. It **doesn't** excuse what they said. You don't deserve to have their pain taken out on you. But back before top surgery, if I was having a bad dysphoria day, and someone with a chest they could actually hide talked to me how uncomfortable they were, it would have stung. Jealousy's a bitch.
Again, that doesn't mean they were right. Just that I can see where they were coming from.
Everyone deserves to feel good in their own bodies.
I have a very large chest (sadly), but I can understand how even a small chest can feel bad. Your body doesn’t look how you need it to be to feel good about it.
I have a huge massive awful ridiculous chest. 26N, not a typo. Your friend is stupid and no reasonable person cares how big your chest is or thinks the more big tit points you have the more dysphoria points you're allowed to have. That's stupid.
Get top surgery one day. Get a binder. Whatever makes you most comfortable in your body
I’ve had toxic trans friends before. I couldn’t express any form of dysphoria bc I was taller than him, my chest was smaller than his, etc. It’s okay to feel dysphoric about whatever makes you feel dysphoric. It makes you feel that way for a reason.
I’ve heard similar things many times. I’ve always had a small chest and it’s only gotten smaller on T. But that doesn’t mean my chest is shaped right, or I don’t have to wear a binder/compression top every day, or that my nipples are the right size, or I’m comfortable being shirtless during sex, or even just being naked alone. It’s fucking insulting when none of that is treated like a valid issue (or even OCCURS to people) and it’s ridiculous to have to justify your dysphoria to anyone. Absolutely wild when it comes from within the community too
Hi! I'm a trans man with J cups. Your suffering is valid because pain is relative. There is more mass on my chest than yours, but that doesn't mean I get more suffering points and thus the right to be upset.
Yes, I am a little jealous of people with smaller chests. I'm also a little jealous of people with perfect skin, people who are taller than me (I'm 5'2" lol), and people who aren't mentally ill. Those people still get to be upset about shit. I had a really easy time getting my T prescription and my new beard is fucking awesome - other people are allowed to be a little jealous of those things, and I'm still allowed to be upset about shit. It's not a competition.
I hope you get the top surgery you deserve and your results are incredible. I hope the same for me and everyone else who wants surgery. We're all in this together.
I also have small chest, the smallest 'cup' size there is. I'm binding right now because without binding my chest pokes out in a notably "feminine" way under clothes no matter how loose they are. My chest makes me incredibly dysphoric at times.
It's valid for anyone at any size to feel dysphoria over parts of their body that don't align. I don't think we should really be trying to decide what is and isn't bad enough to be dysphoric over.
Plus size doesn't matter when I'm taking a shower and have to face what *is* there.
Suffering isnt a competition, like thats such a stupid mindset from your friend. If youre dysphoric and unhappy its not any lesser or not as serious as someone elses situation/circumstance. Your feelings are valid.
No?? Lol. It's your body. If it doesn't fit your self perception, it's going to be distressing. How large the deviance is from your ideal does matter to some but not to others. Also some people struggle with dysphoria about certain aspects of their body whereas someone else of the same gender might not be affected that badly by it. Dysphoria is a very individual thing and you can never be wrong for having feelings. How you react to your feelings is important and can be right or wrong, but dysphoria is a feeling. A severely traumatizing feeling, but still just a feeling. And you cannot be wrong for having feelings. Nobody's feelings are ever wrong. Your feelings might not make sense to another person, but they don't have to. Each person experiences the world differently and all feelings are okay to have. It's not okay to weaponize your feelings to hurt other people but as long as you're not hurting anyone, you're allowed to have your feelings.
After this experience, I would personally stop sharing my feelings with this person (at least temporarily until I feel I can trust them again) and put some emotional distance between us. They're way out of line telling you what you are and are not allowed to feel
I say this as someone who had a 40E chest. T has worked some fantastic magic on my body and now they're "only" 36F so now I can at least find binders that fit me. It's not offensive to me for you to have certain feelings about your own body.
Yeah no you can still get top surgery if you want, ultimately it's your body and you know your own dysphoria. That's honestly pretty rude of your friend to say, it's very invalidating. I'm also blessed with a small chest which I'm thankful for since it's easier to bind or get away with baggy shirts to hide it. But I still wish I didn't have anything there besides pecs.
i dealt with comments like that from alot of other trans people for that over the years pre op and continues after getting peri. end of the day, we're all in this situation and we shpuld be respectful to each other. majority of other trans people are never like this though and ive found amazing like minded people since.
I just wanted to say man, I get it. I don’t always bind because it’s really uncomfortable sometimes and some of my transmasc friends with a larger chest look down on me for it. It sucks so bad.
Not to be that guy but technically gender dysphoria itself isn’t a mental disorder. But it can cause mental disorders (depression and anxiety). Sorry if this comes across as rude btw
your own dysphoria is your own and is no business of anyone else’s tbh i feel like this is a rly weird thing to say to someone else your friend needs to touch grass lowkey
Dysphoria is never and should never be a competition. As someone with a large chest, I do envy those of us with smaller chests but it doesn’t mean I go around invalidating those of us with smaller chests. Your feelings are valid and your friend was being disrespectful.
It's always an asshole move to dictate somebody else's experience with gender. Nothing you feel is invalid, no matter what. Your feelings are feelings, and they're always there for a reason.
No. You're totally valid for having dysphoria about your chest. I have a bigger chest and yea, I feel envious of people for whom it's easier to hide, but that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel the way you do or that you feel less dysphoria than I do. The envy I feel stems from dysphoria and is irrational. People are born with different bodies, and that's just the way it is. You're not ungrateful for wanting a body you feel good in.
I have small tits as well, they’re still tits at the end of the day. They look like tits, are shaped like tits, are still noticeable if not binded, so it doesn’t cancel out the dysphoria. Sure, people with smaller chests are luckier in some departments, namely that in rare cases some could flatten it through exercises and testosterone, it’s likely easier to bind, but that’s kind of it.
But there isn’t an Olympics for who has more dysphoria than the other, or whose dysphoria is more valid. That’s dumb. If you have a chest that gives you dysphoria, regardless of size, it’s valid.
It’s still valid even if small. I have small boobs that aren’t noticed, but you take off my shirt you know. Also form fitting outfits are always off the table for me because of that.
I have a very small chest, like can’t fill an a cup type chest, and I get dysphoric from perception. I’m incredibly grateful it’s not worse, and it barely bothers me when I’m alone, but what really gets me is knowing my chest, comparable as it is to a cis man’s size-wise, is still unacceptable/“inappropriate” in public. I just wanna go shirtless and almost always do at home, but I feel trapped in my house because of how people view an unaltered AFAB body 😣 I’ll probably end up getting top surgery for that reason, but I sure wish I didn’t feel that pressure.
But yeah, seconding that your friend is uhh wrong and do not listen to that shit. Your feelings/dysphoria/discomfort are valid; you are feeling it and it is real.
He'll no, it's completely valid. Other people don't get to tell you how you are supposed to feel and I've seen someone dysforic over small feet, small hands, having a long waist, big hips, long hair ect. And you wanna know the thing in common all of them were uncomfortable to the point of wanting to harm themselves. (Even if you don't relize it yet people don't wish for freak accidents like cancer or breaking of bones ect ect)
You are hella valid!! Your feelings are extra hella valid!!!
I'm a ftm with a large chest, and I personally think that shouldn't matter. Just because some of us have larger chests than others DOES NOT make your dysphoria any less valid than someone elses. We're all in this shit together lol. There's still a chest with lumps of flesh there and if you dislike that, then that's just how you feel about them. That's always valid, especially with it being YOUR body. Your friend should be more considerate of that fact; it being your body and you wanting to be comfortable in it.
Everyone is different and will feel differently about specific parts of their body, so if you dislike your chest then you dislike it. It doesn't need to matter how big or small yours is, your friend should instead try to understand that you feel that way because there's a chest at all.
If it helps, for me: I'm sort of a fluffy guy, so if I'm ever feeling down about it, my partner reassures me by telling me to look at pictures other fluffy men. Then they'll say, "look, he has a chest and he's still seen as a man." And they consistently tell me how proportional my chest is to my tummy. It always seems to cheer me up and feel a bit better about it while I still have a chest. I do plan to get top surgery, but the mindset helps it be manageable. So try to keep a positive outlook even when it can be hard. Even if you're not where you wanna be now, you'll get there some day! No worries, just keep doing your best :D
That being said, if it's a bigger problem, then you should try things like sports tape/trans tape or a skin tone binder if you haven't already and are looking for options to feel more comfortable. For me, these can be a temporary but effective solution to chest dysphoria! Tape specifically works the best imo, but it's really up to you and what you're the most comfortable with. Keep up the great work bro, and I hope this can help a bit (*´ω｀*) just stay true to yourself and be what you want!
Honestly it doesn't matter what ur chest looks like bc dysphoria is dysphoria and it comes in all shapes and sizes, don't listen to them man bc these ppl clearly aren't trans themselves and don't understand the dysphoria
Your friend is out of line with that. You are absolutely allowed to feel dysphoric over your chest, no matter the size.
As someone with a medium sized chest that appears larger due to my frame, we do not inherrently "suffer more" than those with a small chest. Dysphoria is merciless to all of us, no matter what.
I do understand feeling jealous of people with smaller chests, especially since my preffered method of binding is with transtape, but to act like they somehow have an easier time with dysphoria is just stupid and rude. Sorry that person said that, OP.
Hey, I have a small-medium chest and I feel dysphoric even though I can hide it in hoodies. Also it isn’t a competition on who suffers the most. Like someone with a small chest could have a lot of dysphoria while someone with a large chest might have little to none.
Your friend is an idiot basically.
to be completely honest, i am the kind of person to get annoyed when people with smaller chests complain, but that's a me problem. it's mostly the internal thought of "ugh why are you complaining. at least you can bind and don't have DDs." mine probably won't ever bind in a way that i feel comfortable with (as they never go completely flat) and it's painful to bind, so i just have noticable breasts and it makes it pretty hard to pass. there's no saving it by layering like people with a smaller chest could do.
people with small chests have an easier time than people with larger chests like myself, but that doesn't make you immune to dysphoria. having any level of breasts if you don't want them is hurtful.
That’s not at all supportive of them. It may come from a misguided place to try to make you feel better about it somehow. But that’s the absolute most charitable explanation I can come with up.
I saw a comment of yours like 9 years ago and I’m wondering if you ever got top surgery, sorry I couldn’t figure out how to message just curious cause it was such an old post lmao
You're allowed to feel however you want about your body. Plus, people with smaller chest size can even have surgery with less scarring, so it's not at all an odd idea to want to have one
Nah you are totally valid and your friend is speaking bullshit. But i did feel some sort of jealousy towards other trans guys but especially towards girls that have smaller chests than me, I have a smaller chest than most people i know but still had like a b cup (i guess)pre-t, i mean a year on t made it an a cup now but i still hate my chest and can’t wait for topsurgery and actually i am very proud of my chest muscles that i built so after topsurgery i can finally show them off and be able look at my chest without feeling dysphoric. I am getting topsurgery in September
it’s never made me upset that someone with a small chest is dysphoric. i’ll be honest that i was envious before surgery bc i was large chested but your dysphoria is just as valid
Some days I can have my boobs full out and not be dysphoric. Some days I'm dysphoric even with my binder on. I have DDs. I can confirm your friend is objectively wrong. I've been just as obscenely dysphoric looking at a small chest that just wasn't small enough as I was before I transitioned. Speaking as a member of the group of "true sufferers," you're valid.
As someone who had a huge chest pre top surgery, your dysphoria is just as real and valid as anyone else's. It's not a competition, we all suffer and deserve whatever treatment will help. If you want top surgery, you have just as much right to get that as anyone.
I would've loved to have a smaller chest, but I still would've been dysphoric, and I still would have gotten top surgery. If someone is pissed off that someone else is struggling, that's something they need to work on and not your responsibility.
I'm sorry your friend said that to you, they were out of line, and you deserve more respect than that.
As someone with a big chest, honestly I do envy guys who are smaller and if you said that to me I might think it was annoying, but I wouldn’t say that to you and your friend doing it was shitty. We can’t control how our bodies grow and ultimately we can only play the cards we’re dealt as best we can.
I have a small enough chest that I can "get away with" not wearing a binder in public, so long as my shirt's loose enough without clingy fabric.
Guess what? I have to see myself topless every day and the fact that I have breasts is damn obvious without a shirt!
Those of us with small chests still have valid dysphoria. It's good to appreciate they're small and in cases like mine there's a degree of passing privilege that comes with it that's worth acknowledging too, but none of that invalidates the dysphoria.
Also, different people have different levels of dysphoria that doesn't always correlate to their actual physical appearance. There are feminine-bodied trans guys with very little dysphoria and super masculine-bodied trans guys who are crippled by it. Transition procedures, if wanted, will help both of these examples.
Oh man. It pisses me off to hear that your "friend" is dismissing your dysphoria! Dysphoria is hell no matter your chest size, and I hope you can get top surgery soon. I had a large size before top surgery but I'd be devastated if I magically grew some smaller ones again. I can admit I felt like at least it would be easier to bind a small chest, but it's just shitty to assume someone is suffering any less... it's not a competition.
That ain’t a friend that’s a asshole. Your gender dysphoria is valid no matter how your body looks and absolutely no one can relate to that discomfort better than yourself. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like your experience is invalid bc it’s not the most excruciatingly painful experience. You deserve a better friend.
first and foremost, don’t let this person get to you. they clearly do not understand. i want to make it clear that your feelings are always valid. one thing i’d like to add to this is that i’m a trans man who got surgery 6 years ago and i had a huge chest (6lbs in total). i definitely felt envious of some people before who had a smaller chest than me, but i never compared myself like that. it’s a little extreme. no matter who you are or what your situation is, your feelings are completely valid. please don’t let whoever told you this get in the way of how you truly feel. even though i had a huge chest, i can still very much relate to you as much as if i had a small chest. i hope this helps and i hope you can understand that what you are feeling is completely normal and valid.
Speaking up as someone who *cannot* hide my chest and always visibly have boobs:
You being upset does nothing to hurt me.
Your friend was doing a terrible job of being compassionate. Dysphoria is about how you experience your gender. They have no way of knowing what that is or isn’t for you or for someone with a large chest, and I’d be equally offended if I were you in that conversation or if I were me (large chested, I guess) and that was said to/in front of/about me. First of all, it’s calling you and your feelings invalid, which is shitty and I don’t agree with. But something they may not have even thought about: it implies I need pity because I’ll never be taken seriously. No thank you. Don’t want *your* pity. That line of thinking isn’t compassionate to anyone.
That's rude as hell of them to say. Yeah having a small chest makes binding easier but that doesn't change fat distribution of the chest or how it presents when you look in the mirror...so it's perfectly reasonable to want top surgery no matter chest size
Absolutely not invalid. Your friend is just being dismissive of others' experiences. Having chest dysphoria tends to revolve around us being able to see our own chest: whenever we shower, get dressed, etc. Even if "no one can see them", those who have them on their body HAVE to see them, and that's where the dysphoria lies.
Yes, it can be true those with a bigger chest suffer more dysphoria and general issues than someone with a smaller chest. It's harder to bind, tape, and hide, and can come with back problems, among other issues. That doesn't mean those with bigger chest are the only ones "actually" suffering. I didn't exactly have the biggest chest (tho I didn't have a super small one either), but I still suffered and still put all my effort and money into top surgery to stop the pain I had to face everyday. Anyone else with bad enough dysphoria, big or small, has likely experienced that pain, too. Your friend is downplaying your dysphoria and pain, and I'm really sorry they're doing that :/
Doesn’t matter how big or small it is, having breasts is an uncomfortable feeling. One of my breasts was a d, the other was a dd, it fucking sucked and I was constantly hyper aware of the difference. I hated how sexual my chest felt and I hated how sexualized breasts were in general, a lot of it because I don’t find such a body part attractive or sexual. I’ve had family members grope my chest as if it was normal. Doesn’t matter how big your chest is, if it makes you uncomfortable that alone is valid. I’m thankful I no longer have to deal with having breasts, I hope you can achieve that sense of peace in your body someday
im a C, and my friend is F. We’re both transgender and i have more chest dysphoria than he does. size of chest doesnt matter when it comes to dysphoria
If you broke your arm, and mine was chopped off entirely, we're both still going to the hospital. It's ridiculous to claim you shouldn't have a problem just because someone else has a worse problem.
Dysphoria isn't about what other people see. It's about what you see. You see something feminine, so you want it gone. Maybe you're in a better position, but it's unreasonable to say you need to be fine with it.
Hello i have a VERY abnormally huge chest and let me tell you, your friend is being a jerk. Dysphoria is still dysphoria no matter what size and your friend should be much kinder fo you. It never pisses me off when someone of a smaller chest size is dysphoric. Somerimws.. yeah i get jealous, i cant bind and it sucks. But that's a ME issue, nor an issue with the person themself. Its okay to have a small chest and be dysphoric. I wish you lotss n lots of gender euphoria n an successful top surgery in the future 🥳
Omg she said what! Of course your valid! I have a small chest and it doesn’t mean you have to have a big chest to have dysphoria. Never let anybody tell you you can’t have dysphoria about something, because you feel it and that’s what matters
As someone with a chest *medically* big (so much that it was enough for my insurance to essentially say: "Oh shit! Yeah you need top surgery, regardless of gender"), I think your friend was being an ass. Your chest dysphoria is valid regardless of it being small. And I hope you manage to get top surgery as soon as possible!!!
Bigger or smaller, suffering is suffering. Plus, suffering is completely personal, you can't compare how big the different persons' sufferings are. Downplaying your suffering was totally a shitty thing to do.
As someone who had a larger chest before top surgery, it's completely valid to be dysphoric. I was jealous for sure and of course a larger chest is harder to bind, but this doesn't invalidate someone else's struggle.
When I was starting to think about top surgery my mum insisted on me getting a reduction instead of top surgery and then I could get another one if I wanted. I said no, of course, but this led me to think about having a smaller chest and how it would make me feel. I would have still had to hide it and I would have still struggled with it, so I really wanted top surgery.
You are completely valid and you can't control what you are dysphoric about. Your friend was not being nice at all
I’m a DD, I get jealous and envious of guys with smaller chests. You can use trans tape, I can’t, your binders actually work, mine hardly do. Here’s my opinion and yes I’m gonna get downvoted to hell; are you allowed to have those feelings? Absolutely. Dysphoria is dysphoria, and what they said DIDNT help whatsoever. It’s gross do them to say
Do you have it a wee bit easier than some others? Yes. I think that’s what they meant. More of a “hey, it’s great though that you can bind so easily!” Or “dude your chest is totally passing” may have been better. That doesn’t mean by saying that they’re implying you can’t or shouldn’t get top surgery, but rather affirming you how you currently are in an attempt to help
i have pretty severe dysphoria and i have a small chest.. i think the thing is that it's lying to us and because we've never experienced a different chest size we can't say what is better or worse, you know?
Okay so I have a large chest and I would never tell you you're not valid. You are valid and because I know how uncomfortable and dysphoric it can feel I know that you suffer as well. It doesn't matter how big your chest is, it's not comfortable for you and it makes you feel dysphoric. That's valid and I'm sorry your friend doesn't see it that way. You matter love and I'm sure you're a very handsome person.
you’re completely valid for feeling dysphoric with a small chest. even if you have a small chest, it’s still there!!! i have a small chest as well and am planning on getting top surgery, and i know a lot of other trans ppl with small chests who are getting it too. you’re valid 🫶
As a trans guy with a bigger chest, I obviously understand you still feel dysphoric. Your friend was being a jerk. The only thing that bothers me, somethings that has happened to me before, is when someone who passes better or has a smaller chest says it’s WORSE than my dysphoria. That pisses me off. But no absolutely not your feelings are valid
That's a really mean thing for them to say. It's not like you're able to control dysphoria. You're not "taking resources" by wanting top surgery. They're just taking stuff out on you
My friend has an EXTREMELY small chest as in their chest is basically flat. However, their dysphoric feelings are still very valid. Smaller chest doesn't equal less struggle.
It might make binding or taping easier, but the dysphoria is still there at the end of the day. Your feelings are valid. Just because your struggle is different doesn't mean that it doesn't exist at all.
I had a small chest and was SEVERELY dysphoric about it. Size doesn’t matter, your friend is being super insensitive by dismissing your dysphoria. You can be thankful it’s not worse while still being super dysphoric about it.
I'm a trans guy with pretty small boobs. now I admit I'm a bit fat and my boyfriend reassures me I look like a cis guy with moobs, but they're still there. and they're still a problem to me. I don't feel right having them, you know? and that's okay. normal. dysphoria is normal any form of a way you have it. and it is not an issue for you to have surgery on something that you feel is wrong. you're not taking away from those with bigger chests if you need that resource to. you deserve it just as much as they do. 🫂 your friend was being a dick. maybe time to get new ones or atleast talk it through.
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 6: No trolling. No reposting of trolling/transphobic content.
This includes posts or comments that perpetuate harmful stereotypes, chaser or trans fetishization behavior, reducing trans people down to their genitals, stereotyping or prejudice based on AGAB, and spread of transphobic misinformation.
Nah your friend was wrong for that. Pain is always relative to the person and the level of dysphoria they may feel with a larger chest does not equal their dysphoria being larger than yours with a smaller chest. Besides that, dysphoria is not a competition. Everyone's dysphoria is valid regardless of body shape or size and regardless of how severe the dysphoria. At the end of the day if it's causing problems for you in your day to day life and you would have a better quality of life with that relieved after having top surgery.
as someone who had a large chest i was always envious of people with a smaller chest and would think that they’re so lucky, but even then dysohoria sucks. now, having had top surgery, i get it from a whole new perspective because i literally do not have them anymore and still get dysphoric about my chest. dont get me wrong, i love my results and love my chest post op but i still experience the dysphoria time to time and so i can understand this from a different perspective now. you’re completely valid. i think the friend is jealous and i think its important that small chested people recognize their pre surgery privilege of potentially being able to pass, but the dysohoria is 100% valid
as someone who has had a small chest, now has a large one, and is about to get top surgery, fuck that. you’re allowed to be uncomfy with wtv u want and since since they aren’t in YOUR body they have no right to police that. i wish you a very good and minimally dysphoric day boss!!
Ik its bad having a big chest. As one who had it myself. But I dont really care if people with smaller feel bad about it. Cus they have the same right as me to feel bad and wanting change. Yeah it may be a bit easier. But it doesnt invalidate your experience
I also have a small chest, and my mum is always saying about how i "have no chest". I do, but im usually wearing a compressing bra/sports bra type thing to hide it. I hate my chest and will be getting top surgery, but im so tired of "oh, you have no chest". Okay, but i still have enough that i can't go shirtless in public. It sucks, but your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter what other people think. The fact of dysphoria is that it doesn't matter how you look. If you have it, you have it. Don't let anyone invalidate your dysphoria.
you can feel dysphoric no matter how small or big your chest is man. your friend has no idea what they’re talking about and they’re just a huge jerk. i’d use much harsher words but i don’t want reddit to flag me
So I’ve experienced intense dysphoria about my chest both when I was very tiny and had next to nothing AND as a lil bit thicker person with definitely noticeable breasts. Neither is invalid. Your friend needs to take a step back and think on why they feel your experience is invalid because you have a small chest. To say that you have no room to be dysphoric over this because other people are suffering more is not okay. Yes, other people may be suffering from worse dysphoria. And yes, that’s shitty. However, people can experience varying degrees of dysphoria despite their chest size, etc., and there may be people with more noticeable breasts that feel less dysphoria about theirs than you do about yours! You’re valid. Your feelings are valid. Your dysphoria is valid. Your friend is being inconsiderate and I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to fall into believing what they’re projecting onto you because that’s not fair to you or to anyone else with your experience.
I literally had double A cups (at 21) and just got top surgery yesterday. My chest was so small (barely visible in tshirts with bra, the bra line was actually more visible than the breast's themselves lol) and with the compression vest on, I literally cannot even see a difference. Don't worry about it bro, do what makes you happy!
It's just dumb sh*t, I had a smaller chest and was feeling very disphoric, it was the "reason" my mom felt I didn't need a chest binder. I am now a DDD (late bloomer ig) and it is still terrible. It is a bit worse but any is terible. Now though my mom doesn't want me to have a binder, because she doesn't think I am trans (I did wear dresses as a kid but it felt like dress up). I bought one myself, and it is amazing. Do what makes you comforable. Also remeber guys chest aren't 100% flat. I searched normal male ratios and with my binder it fits thoses.
Your friend was being a jerk. I'm sorry they said that. You don't have to "earn" being dysphoric.
I have experienced both bc of weight gain, and while I have to admit that yes, a bigger chest made me definitely way more dysphoric and envious than I was when I had a smaller chest, the dysphoria and struggle still was a real pain in the ass when I was smaller and made my life significant worse than it would've been with simply no tits at all. You're valid, don't take his words too seriously. It's a dumb and shitty thing to say
I'd just add that some may be rounding their shoulders which makes the chest look smaller but has other consequences pain and energy wise.
Yea, that's true. Did that for a while myself, but stopped when I started to permanently look like a shrimp, lol Also: the back pain. Ugh
I have a shoulder issue. It is normal to have one a bit rounded up. Doing this unconsciously only made it worse. It is a bit bittersweet. The chest looks smaller but doesn't allow a deeper voice (speaking from the diaphragm/lungs).
I’ve been slouching for years to hide my chest unconsciously and yeah my back is fucked up, and I’m always in pain. Now I have to consciously work towards fixing my posture but even wearing a binder it gives me dysphoria to stand/sit completely straight
yeah this. i’m almost 7 months post top surgery & still working with a physio to fix the shoulder/neck issues going stealth with an A cup caused
Also I do want to shout out that on the flip side, weight loss doesn’t always lead to a smaller chest. I gave myself an ED trying to lose my chest. when I was eating 300 cals a day and lethargic 27/7 I still had a large chest. Just think it’s important to note for anyone reading, bc I’ve definitely also seen it on this sub that people can lose weight to get a smaller chest.
THIS!!!
Across the board, I think if someone hears "I have dysphoria and want gender affirming surgery" and their first immediate response is "but your body is fine the way it is" --- fuck that. If I wanted to hear that line that I'd talk to my grandmother or the Bible thumper on the street corner. As a friend the least they could do is empathize first. Personally I had a quite large chest before surgery. I could simultaneously envy small chests and keep that shit to myself to empathize with someone. Dysphoria is about when your body is incongruous with who you are, and yours is.
If I had awards, you would be getting them all.
Just because it's small doesn't mean its not there. There is still tissue there that we believe shouldn't be, its natural to be dysphoric about it and want it gone. You having surgery isn't taking that surgery away from anyone else. There are plenty of cisgender with gyno who have it removed so why shouldn't we?
As someone with small chest too, he is a jerk a dumbass. Even though you have a small chest you can’t take your shirt of, it still doesn’t fit in the cis male body and therefor you have all the reasons to be dysphoric. I have to admit though having a small chest is way more better than having a big one but it’s still not fun
Ultimately there is no way to measure what is better or worse when it comes to dysphoria though because individual experiences are different
Exactly
as a transmasc with huge ol’ knockers, even if i had a double A cup i still would feel dysphoric. comparing people’s suffering is not the move; your friend is being a jerk. you deserve top surgery and anything else that helps you in your transition! 💕
Um… my chest is small but I still can’t go shirtless anywhere and I still get hit on if people notice it and I still get told I’m female because of it.
Your friend is just being a jerk. I also have a very small chest. Do I NEED to bind? No, but that doesn't stop me from hating my chest. I so badly need top surgery one day and that's not any less valid due to the size of my chest, and its the same for you
Absolutely not that’s BS? I had a G and they had no right to say that. Yes, having a large chest could possibly be “worse” but comparing isn’t helpful at all. You can have the same dysphoria level at a smaller size. Just because a larger chest can make it harder to bind or pass doesn’t mean you automatically can’t have dysphoria or don’t deserve surgery. I would have had just as much dysphoria had I been with a small chest tbh.
Congrats on top surgery!
Thank you :) Hope everyone here can get it soon if they want it!
cis guys with gyno and a cups are allowed to feel dysphoric and get top surgery to fix it, and so are us trans guys. your friend is being a jerk
Was just thinking this
It's not the pain Olympics. Once you truly come to terms with that you will be set free from interactions like this. People who talk like that don't know what they're talking about.
That's total bullshit, on your friend's part. if you have dysphoria, you have dysphoria. Like, you're not out there saying that "it's not that bad to just bind" or anything like that. Your friend is being an ass.
Ngl I’m super jealous of guys that have “keyhole” sized chests, it’s objectively easier to bind and be completely flat and pretty much indistinguishable from a cis chest BUT dysphoria is dysphoria is dysphoria - yours is just as serious as anyone else’s regardless and shouldn’t be treated as less important just because your chest is smaller.
exactly. i've also got a bigger chest, im definitely jealous of guys with smaller chests, but im also not going to say they have no right to be dysphoric about anything. we're all in this shitty boat together
Sadly i said something like that too once to another trans friend... i still feel bad about it, but at that moment i was so frustrated he was complaining because i have a way bigger chest. It was a stupid thing to say and i am really sorry because it doesn't matter, its not invalid to feel dysphoric about the chest.
I feel a twinge of jealousy especially if it's someone who can most likely get peri but I'd never say that and your friend is a jerk for saying that. Cis men with small buds will even get those taken care of because dysphoria is dysphoria. In any scenario saying others have it worse to someone whose venting their distress is an asshole move in my book. One that I've had to unlearn myself & update my edition of Assholes Moves™.
This^ your friend can think/feel however she wants toward your chest size, everyone gets jealous of something, but they don't have the right to blurt out their rude thoughts carelessly and invalidate your feelings and just get away with it.
Oh please, your friend is being a dick. >just to make you feel better because people with a large chest are the ones who actually suffer” Fucking barf. As someone who had DDs that quite literally went down almost to my belly button on my frame, that is literally the dumbest thing ever. I even remember specifically thinking to myself how I did wish I had a smaller chest but realizing that even if they were very small, I would ultimately still want them off. At one point I was going to get a radical reduction, but realized that even if I could get them reduced to "struggling A cups" then *I would still be unhappy.* Drowning is drowning. If I'm in the middle of the ocean or having my head held down in my bathtub it literally does not matter. Both are terrifying and horrible in their own ways in end the same way. Your "friend" needs to get over himself and learn the concept of empathy. Disgusting sentiment
as someone with a small chest, i think it's probably fair to be a little bitter if you have a bigger chest and lots of dysphoria. but that absolutely does not give anyone the right to be an asshole and invalidate a small chested person's feelings. dysphoria sucks for everyone. why would we make it a competition instead of just supporting each other?
Are they trans themselves and on the larger side? Could be that they're jealous (envious? idk the difference) and projecting. Smaller chests are generally easier to bind - both at the amount of pressure needed and how flat they can get. They have more options and if they're small enough for keyhole/peri, the results are more likely to pass cis which is the goal of many trans people. I get it, I feel that envy myself when I research top surgery and most people i see are those who barely had a lot of tissue to begin with. But I always remind myself that this is unfair judgement. You people are not invalid for feeling dysphoria, no one gets to choose how much of it they experience about certain things. Maybe it's not a lot and easier to manage compared to more tissue but thats doesn't equate to less spiritual pain. And easier doesn't mean easy. I focus on being happy for those who do manage to get surgery. It is not fair of your friend to speak like that about your feelings - they don't even know what they truly feel like, no one does except you. You deserve to feel comfortable in your body as well. Oppression olympics and "who has it worse" contests are bs.
You can feel whatever way you feel about your body and it is fine. Your friend can also feel however he does about his body. Maybe it’s best the two of you set a boundary not to talk about it with each other. I work with a client who doesn’t even wear a bra because his chest is so small and here’s me, 10 years on T and no one will operate on me and I prioritized buying a house at the only time I could afford to take the time off, and I have to bind every day because they keep getting bigger. It’s hard to hear and I wish he wouldn’t talk about it. Being a professional relationship, I have to listen. In a friendship, I would ask the other person not to talk to me about it. Your feelings are valid and so are his. Just talk about it and respect each other’s feelings and you should be able to have a happy friendship while avoiding talking about this subject.
Yeah, seconding this. If it's a major/recurring issue then setting a boundary is a very, very good idea. at least if you want to maintain said friendship. Because it sure is *not* fair to have someone dismissing your dysphoria; dysphoria is dysphoria. And rationally, I *know* this. However, as a larger person who has no chance for top surgery right now due to both weight limits and health insurance issues, it's very hard to not have an emotional kneejerk response, especially when a lot of the passing tips for trans guys assume a B chest *at most*. Fatphobia is constant and tiring in it's own way, and it compounds on top of how miserable dysphoria makes you. Your friend is being unkind and taking their pain out on you because there's no one else they can do so on, which is not okay, but it is also coming from a place of deep hurt, the same as your dysphoria does.
its 100 valid. Mine cant be seen either but i fucking hate it so much it disgusts me. Getting top surgery this year and i couldnt be happier. Imagine just not having to worry bro. Your "friend" is weird as shit
Jerk response from your friend. I have a small chest, too, but my dysphoria doesn't GAF, and I still uncomfortable with it.
You are valid. I had a very large chest. Had top surgery. Now I have a small chest. I was told I would be flat, but I’m not. I still have to wear something for compression. If anything, at times my dysphoria is worse now. I paid cash to FIX this. My surgeon wronged me in many ways and I regret choosing him. Now I need top surgery again, that I can’t afford. So it’s easier to compress. Looks more like man boobs. I don’t care. I told him what I wanted and he said it was realistic expectations and that his technique would give me that. I followed his instructions to a T and now I need to get such an extensive revision it is literally full top surgery again. What bothers me more than that is I will probably lose my nipple grafts due to his placement and what needs to be removed to give me the chest I paid for. I have had people say I should be grateful because many people can’t even access top surgery and it could be worse and, and, and. If I was a cis woman who got a boob job and had the issues I have people would feel sorry for her. If I was a cis man and got gyno surgery and ended up here people would feel bad. However, because I am trans and I worked my ass off and saved every penny on my own…and then got CLOSER to a masc chest…I should be grateful. F*** other people. It’s your body. You are allowed to feel however you want.
Omg im so sorry to hear that happened to you, thats just awful, people telling you to be grateful is crazy cuz the surgeon had one job which is to remove the tissue to make u flat, i really hope you are able to afford it again soon
Thank you. I hope so too. I hope you get the relief you need from your dysphoria. It sucks.
Whether it's small or big tits are tits as simple as that.
I have a small chest and often get really dysphoric about it. My mom often says it doesnt make sense cause its too small to be seen and a surgery "wouldnt make any difference". I hate being told that cause i can still feel and see it. Idk if i notice it more than others but to me its often still visible even if its not much. I also do wanna get top surgery, but im often not fully take serious and i hate it. It shouldn't matter what size ur chest is, dysphoria is dysphoria and if u want top surgery then get it. I dont fully understand how anyone would " need it more", sure maybe they have a bigger chest but that doesnt mean they necessarily have more dysphoria or need the surgery more. It depends on the person, and i think anyone that wants to get the surgery should get it, ur chest size shouldn't matter in that case, just how u feel and if ur dysphoric about it and it would help then get it
You're completely valid no matter what Im a dude with a relatively small chest, a voice lower than usual for a teenager who's pre-t, a build that doesn't make me look feminine most of the time yet I suffer with terrible and soul crushing dysphoria almost every single day even if I have my "feminine traits" minimized (sorry idk how to word that lmao) simply because they're there, still products of my developing afab body. As other comments said, your friend is being a jerk, it doesn't matter if it's deemed as not a big deal, it remains a source of dysphoria because it's there
It doesn’t matter how small it is because it’s still there, it makes sense to be dysphoric about it
Growing up everyone i complained my chest dysphoria to said the same shit. I think there’s a misconception now that dysphoria only comes from how you’re perceived by other people, and not that it’s from within and that you yourself have to look at your own naked body (where you’ll be able to see your chest regardless of size)
In other words it’s 100% valid to feel dysphoric of your chest no matter the size
As a larger chested dude, you're 1000% right. Don't let anyone invalidate what you're going through. You're fucking valid.
Like the other comments say, your friend is being an asshole. That said, as someone who had a very large chest that was impossible to hide before top surgery, I was very jealous of people who had small chests and could actually bind effectively, while even if I attempted to combine tape and a binder I wasn't flat. It **doesn't** excuse what they said. You don't deserve to have their pain taken out on you. But back before top surgery, if I was having a bad dysphoria day, and someone with a chest they could actually hide talked to me how uncomfortable they were, it would have stung. Jealousy's a bitch. Again, that doesn't mean they were right. Just that I can see where they were coming from.
Everyone deserves to feel good in their own bodies. I have a very large chest (sadly), but I can understand how even a small chest can feel bad. Your body doesn’t look how you need it to be to feel good about it.
Small tits are still tits and *you* can see them.
I have a huge massive awful ridiculous chest. 26N, not a typo. Your friend is stupid and no reasonable person cares how big your chest is or thinks the more big tit points you have the more dysphoria points you're allowed to have. That's stupid. Get top surgery one day. Get a binder. Whatever makes you most comfortable in your body
I’ve had toxic trans friends before. I couldn’t express any form of dysphoria bc I was taller than him, my chest was smaller than his, etc. It’s okay to feel dysphoric about whatever makes you feel dysphoric. It makes you feel that way for a reason.
I’ve heard similar things many times. I’ve always had a small chest and it’s only gotten smaller on T. But that doesn’t mean my chest is shaped right, or I don’t have to wear a binder/compression top every day, or that my nipples are the right size, or I’m comfortable being shirtless during sex, or even just being naked alone. It’s fucking insulting when none of that is treated like a valid issue (or even OCCURS to people) and it’s ridiculous to have to justify your dysphoria to anyone. Absolutely wild when it comes from within the community too
Hi! I'm a trans man with J cups. Your suffering is valid because pain is relative. There is more mass on my chest than yours, but that doesn't mean I get more suffering points and thus the right to be upset. Yes, I am a little jealous of people with smaller chests. I'm also a little jealous of people with perfect skin, people who are taller than me (I'm 5'2" lol), and people who aren't mentally ill. Those people still get to be upset about shit. I had a really easy time getting my T prescription and my new beard is fucking awesome - other people are allowed to be a little jealous of those things, and I'm still allowed to be upset about shit. It's not a competition. I hope you get the top surgery you deserve and your results are incredible. I hope the same for me and everyone else who wants surgery. We're all in this together.
As a trans man with E cups, your friend was being an ass
I also have small chest, the smallest 'cup' size there is. I'm binding right now because without binding my chest pokes out in a notably "feminine" way under clothes no matter how loose they are. My chest makes me incredibly dysphoric at times. It's valid for anyone at any size to feel dysphoria over parts of their body that don't align. I don't think we should really be trying to decide what is and isn't bad enough to be dysphoric over. Plus size doesn't matter when I'm taking a shower and have to face what *is* there.
Suffering isnt a competition, like thats such a stupid mindset from your friend. If youre dysphoric and unhappy its not any lesser or not as serious as someone elses situation/circumstance. Your feelings are valid.
No?? Lol. It's your body. If it doesn't fit your self perception, it's going to be distressing. How large the deviance is from your ideal does matter to some but not to others. Also some people struggle with dysphoria about certain aspects of their body whereas someone else of the same gender might not be affected that badly by it. Dysphoria is a very individual thing and you can never be wrong for having feelings. How you react to your feelings is important and can be right or wrong, but dysphoria is a feeling. A severely traumatizing feeling, but still just a feeling. And you cannot be wrong for having feelings. Nobody's feelings are ever wrong. Your feelings might not make sense to another person, but they don't have to. Each person experiences the world differently and all feelings are okay to have. It's not okay to weaponize your feelings to hurt other people but as long as you're not hurting anyone, you're allowed to have your feelings. After this experience, I would personally stop sharing my feelings with this person (at least temporarily until I feel I can trust them again) and put some emotional distance between us. They're way out of line telling you what you are and are not allowed to feel I say this as someone who had a 40E chest. T has worked some fantastic magic on my body and now they're "only" 36F so now I can at least find binders that fit me. It's not offensive to me for you to have certain feelings about your own body.
Yeah no you can still get top surgery if you want, ultimately it's your body and you know your own dysphoria. That's honestly pretty rude of your friend to say, it's very invalidating. I'm also blessed with a small chest which I'm thankful for since it's easier to bind or get away with baggy shirts to hide it. But I still wish I didn't have anything there besides pecs.
Dysphoria can’t be “invalid”, god that word has been beaten into the core of the earth (that and “valid”)
I have a pretty small chest and still am extremely dysphoric about it.
i dealt with comments like that from alot of other trans people for that over the years pre op and continues after getting peri. end of the day, we're all in this situation and we shpuld be respectful to each other. majority of other trans people are never like this though and ive found amazing like minded people since.
I just wanted to say man, I get it. I don’t always bind because it’s really uncomfortable sometimes and some of my transmasc friends with a larger chest look down on me for it. It sucks so bad.
Tell them gender dysphoria is a mental disorder that you can’t control
Not to be that guy but technically gender dysphoria itself isn’t a mental disorder. But it can cause mental disorders (depression and anxiety). Sorry if this comes across as rude btw
But I’ve been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and it’s in the DSM-V
your own dysphoria is your own and is no business of anyone else’s tbh i feel like this is a rly weird thing to say to someone else your friend needs to touch grass lowkey
Even if you do have a small chest it can still definitely be seen depending on what you wear, sounds like your friend is projecting a little bit
as someone with fat tits, your friend can go fuck themself.
Dysphoria is dysphoria. Big or small. It doesn’t matter. What matters is how you feel
Dysphoria is never and should never be a competition. As someone with a large chest, I do envy those of us with smaller chests but it doesn’t mean I go around invalidating those of us with smaller chests. Your feelings are valid and your friend was being disrespectful.
It's always an asshole move to dictate somebody else's experience with gender. Nothing you feel is invalid, no matter what. Your feelings are feelings, and they're always there for a reason.
Any dysphoria is valid, it’s your body and you’re entitled to feel anything you like about it.
No. You're totally valid for having dysphoria about your chest. I have a bigger chest and yea, I feel envious of people for whom it's easier to hide, but that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel the way you do or that you feel less dysphoria than I do. The envy I feel stems from dysphoria and is irrational. People are born with different bodies, and that's just the way it is. You're not ungrateful for wanting a body you feel good in.
I have small tits as well, they’re still tits at the end of the day. They look like tits, are shaped like tits, are still noticeable if not binded, so it doesn’t cancel out the dysphoria. Sure, people with smaller chests are luckier in some departments, namely that in rare cases some could flatten it through exercises and testosterone, it’s likely easier to bind, but that’s kind of it. But there isn’t an Olympics for who has more dysphoria than the other, or whose dysphoria is more valid. That’s dumb. If you have a chest that gives you dysphoria, regardless of size, it’s valid.
It’s still valid even if small. I have small boobs that aren’t noticed, but you take off my shirt you know. Also form fitting outfits are always off the table for me because of that.
I have a very small chest, like can’t fill an a cup type chest, and I get dysphoric from perception. I’m incredibly grateful it’s not worse, and it barely bothers me when I’m alone, but what really gets me is knowing my chest, comparable as it is to a cis man’s size-wise, is still unacceptable/“inappropriate” in public. I just wanna go shirtless and almost always do at home, but I feel trapped in my house because of how people view an unaltered AFAB body 😣 I’ll probably end up getting top surgery for that reason, but I sure wish I didn’t feel that pressure.
But yeah, seconding that your friend is uhh wrong and do not listen to that shit. Your feelings/dysphoria/discomfort are valid; you are feeling it and it is real.
Your friend is really rude. This isn't a contest to see who suffers more. We all feel how we feel
He'll no, it's completely valid. Other people don't get to tell you how you are supposed to feel and I've seen someone dysforic over small feet, small hands, having a long waist, big hips, long hair ect. And you wanna know the thing in common all of them were uncomfortable to the point of wanting to harm themselves. (Even if you don't relize it yet people don't wish for freak accidents like cancer or breaking of bones ect ect)
You are hella valid!! Your feelings are extra hella valid!!! I'm a ftm with a large chest, and I personally think that shouldn't matter. Just because some of us have larger chests than others DOES NOT make your dysphoria any less valid than someone elses. We're all in this shit together lol. There's still a chest with lumps of flesh there and if you dislike that, then that's just how you feel about them. That's always valid, especially with it being YOUR body. Your friend should be more considerate of that fact; it being your body and you wanting to be comfortable in it. Everyone is different and will feel differently about specific parts of their body, so if you dislike your chest then you dislike it. It doesn't need to matter how big or small yours is, your friend should instead try to understand that you feel that way because there's a chest at all. If it helps, for me: I'm sort of a fluffy guy, so if I'm ever feeling down about it, my partner reassures me by telling me to look at pictures other fluffy men. Then they'll say, "look, he has a chest and he's still seen as a man." And they consistently tell me how proportional my chest is to my tummy. It always seems to cheer me up and feel a bit better about it while I still have a chest. I do plan to get top surgery, but the mindset helps it be manageable. So try to keep a positive outlook even when it can be hard. Even if you're not where you wanna be now, you'll get there some day! No worries, just keep doing your best :D That being said, if it's a bigger problem, then you should try things like sports tape/trans tape or a skin tone binder if you haven't already and are looking for options to feel more comfortable. For me, these can be a temporary but effective solution to chest dysphoria! Tape specifically works the best imo, but it's really up to you and what you're the most comfortable with. Keep up the great work bro, and I hope this can help a bit (*´ω｀*) just stay true to yourself and be what you want!
Honestly it doesn't matter what ur chest looks like bc dysphoria is dysphoria and it comes in all shapes and sizes, don't listen to them man bc these ppl clearly aren't trans themselves and don't understand the dysphoria
Your friend is out of line with that. You are absolutely allowed to feel dysphoric over your chest, no matter the size. As someone with a medium sized chest that appears larger due to my frame, we do not inherrently "suffer more" than those with a small chest. Dysphoria is merciless to all of us, no matter what. I do understand feeling jealous of people with smaller chests, especially since my preffered method of binding is with transtape, but to act like they somehow have an easier time with dysphoria is just stupid and rude. Sorry that person said that, OP.
Hey, I have a small-medium chest and I feel dysphoric even though I can hide it in hoodies. Also it isn’t a competition on who suffers the most. Like someone with a small chest could have a lot of dysphoria while someone with a large chest might have little to none. Your friend is an idiot basically.
to be completely honest, i am the kind of person to get annoyed when people with smaller chests complain, but that's a me problem. it's mostly the internal thought of "ugh why are you complaining. at least you can bind and don't have DDs." mine probably won't ever bind in a way that i feel comfortable with (as they never go completely flat) and it's painful to bind, so i just have noticable breasts and it makes it pretty hard to pass. there's no saving it by layering like people with a smaller chest could do. people with small chests have an easier time than people with larger chests like myself, but that doesn't make you immune to dysphoria. having any level of breasts if you don't want them is hurtful.
That’s not at all supportive of them. It may come from a misguided place to try to make you feel better about it somehow. But that’s the absolute most charitable explanation I can come with up.
I saw a comment of yours like 9 years ago and I’m wondering if you ever got top surgery, sorry I couldn’t figure out how to message just curious cause it was such an old post lmao
Yes I had surgery in 2018 with Dr Katy Gast in Wisconsin!
Yeah no.. skinny and have a small chest too. its not about the size its about the fact theyre even there.
You're allowed to feel however you want about your body. Plus, people with smaller chest size can even have surgery with less scarring, so it's not at all an odd idea to want to have one
Nah you are totally valid and your friend is speaking bullshit. But i did feel some sort of jealousy towards other trans guys but especially towards girls that have smaller chests than me, I have a smaller chest than most people i know but still had like a b cup (i guess)pre-t, i mean a year on t made it an a cup now but i still hate my chest and can’t wait for topsurgery and actually i am very proud of my chest muscles that i built so after topsurgery i can finally show them off and be able look at my chest without feeling dysphoric. I am getting topsurgery in September
it’s never made me upset that someone with a small chest is dysphoric. i’ll be honest that i was envious before surgery bc i was large chested but your dysphoria is just as valid
thats uncalled for. Dysphoria may not always be the most rational thing, but you dont have to compete. Its okay to be dysphoric
Some days I can have my boobs full out and not be dysphoric. Some days I'm dysphoric even with my binder on. I have DDs. I can confirm your friend is objectively wrong. I've been just as obscenely dysphoric looking at a small chest that just wasn't small enough as I was before I transitioned. Speaking as a member of the group of "true sufferers," you're valid.
As someone who had a huge chest pre top surgery, your dysphoria is just as real and valid as anyone else's. It's not a competition, we all suffer and deserve whatever treatment will help. If you want top surgery, you have just as much right to get that as anyone. I would've loved to have a smaller chest, but I still would've been dysphoric, and I still would have gotten top surgery. If someone is pissed off that someone else is struggling, that's something they need to work on and not your responsibility. I'm sorry your friend said that to you, they were out of line, and you deserve more respect than that.
As someone with a big chest, honestly I do envy guys who are smaller and if you said that to me I might think it was annoying, but I wouldn’t say that to you and your friend doing it was shitty. We can’t control how our bodies grow and ultimately we can only play the cards we’re dealt as best we can.
I have a small enough chest that I can "get away with" not wearing a binder in public, so long as my shirt's loose enough without clingy fabric. Guess what? I have to see myself topless every day and the fact that I have breasts is damn obvious without a shirt! Those of us with small chests still have valid dysphoria. It's good to appreciate they're small and in cases like mine there's a degree of passing privilege that comes with it that's worth acknowledging too, but none of that invalidates the dysphoria. Also, different people have different levels of dysphoria that doesn't always correlate to their actual physical appearance. There are feminine-bodied trans guys with very little dysphoria and super masculine-bodied trans guys who are crippled by it. Transition procedures, if wanted, will help both of these examples.
Oh man. It pisses me off to hear that your "friend" is dismissing your dysphoria! Dysphoria is hell no matter your chest size, and I hope you can get top surgery soon. I had a large size before top surgery but I'd be devastated if I magically grew some smaller ones again. I can admit I felt like at least it would be easier to bind a small chest, but it's just shitty to assume someone is suffering any less... it's not a competition.
That ain’t a friend that’s a asshole. Your gender dysphoria is valid no matter how your body looks and absolutely no one can relate to that discomfort better than yourself. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like your experience is invalid bc it’s not the most excruciatingly painful experience. You deserve a better friend.
Yeah no just because other people have it worse than you doesn't mean your pain isn't valid. This applies to everything.
L friend, tell them what you told us :)
first and foremost, don’t let this person get to you. they clearly do not understand. i want to make it clear that your feelings are always valid. one thing i’d like to add to this is that i’m a trans man who got surgery 6 years ago and i had a huge chest (6lbs in total). i definitely felt envious of some people before who had a smaller chest than me, but i never compared myself like that. it’s a little extreme. no matter who you are or what your situation is, your feelings are completely valid. please don’t let whoever told you this get in the way of how you truly feel. even though i had a huge chest, i can still very much relate to you as much as if i had a small chest. i hope this helps and i hope you can understand that what you are feeling is completely normal and valid.
any amount of chest tissue can cause dysphoria. i would tell that person to fawk off🫶🏼
Speaking up as someone who *cannot* hide my chest and always visibly have boobs: You being upset does nothing to hurt me. Your friend was doing a terrible job of being compassionate. Dysphoria is about how you experience your gender. They have no way of knowing what that is or isn’t for you or for someone with a large chest, and I’d be equally offended if I were you in that conversation or if I were me (large chested, I guess) and that was said to/in front of/about me. First of all, it’s calling you and your feelings invalid, which is shitty and I don’t agree with. But something they may not have even thought about: it implies I need pity because I’ll never be taken seriously. No thank you. Don’t want *your* pity. That line of thinking isn’t compassionate to anyone.
That's rude as hell of them to say. Yeah having a small chest makes binding easier but that doesn't change fat distribution of the chest or how it presents when you look in the mirror...so it's perfectly reasonable to want top surgery no matter chest size
Absolutely not invalid. Your friend is just being dismissive of others' experiences. Having chest dysphoria tends to revolve around us being able to see our own chest: whenever we shower, get dressed, etc. Even if "no one can see them", those who have them on their body HAVE to see them, and that's where the dysphoria lies. Yes, it can be true those with a bigger chest suffer more dysphoria and general issues than someone with a smaller chest. It's harder to bind, tape, and hide, and can come with back problems, among other issues. That doesn't mean those with bigger chest are the only ones "actually" suffering. I didn't exactly have the biggest chest (tho I didn't have a super small one either), but I still suffered and still put all my effort and money into top surgery to stop the pain I had to face everyday. Anyone else with bad enough dysphoria, big or small, has likely experienced that pain, too. Your friend is downplaying your dysphoria and pain, and I'm really sorry they're doing that :/
Doesn’t matter how big or small it is, having breasts is an uncomfortable feeling. One of my breasts was a d, the other was a dd, it fucking sucked and I was constantly hyper aware of the difference. I hated how sexual my chest felt and I hated how sexualized breasts were in general, a lot of it because I don’t find such a body part attractive or sexual. I’ve had family members grope my chest as if it was normal. Doesn’t matter how big your chest is, if it makes you uncomfortable that alone is valid. I’m thankful I no longer have to deal with having breasts, I hope you can achieve that sense of peace in your body someday
im a C, and my friend is F. We’re both transgender and i have more chest dysphoria than he does. size of chest doesnt matter when it comes to dysphoria
If you broke your arm, and mine was chopped off entirely, we're both still going to the hospital. It's ridiculous to claim you shouldn't have a problem just because someone else has a worse problem. Dysphoria isn't about what other people see. It's about what you see. You see something feminine, so you want it gone. Maybe you're in a better position, but it's unreasonable to say you need to be fine with it.
Hello i have a VERY abnormally huge chest and let me tell you, your friend is being a jerk. Dysphoria is still dysphoria no matter what size and your friend should be much kinder fo you. It never pisses me off when someone of a smaller chest size is dysphoric. Somerimws.. yeah i get jealous, i cant bind and it sucks. But that's a ME issue, nor an issue with the person themself. Its okay to have a small chest and be dysphoric. I wish you lotss n lots of gender euphoria n an successful top surgery in the future 🥳
Omg she said what! Of course your valid! I have a small chest and it doesn’t mean you have to have a big chest to have dysphoria. Never let anybody tell you you can’t have dysphoria about something, because you feel it and that’s what matters
As someone with a chest *medically* big (so much that it was enough for my insurance to essentially say: "Oh shit! Yeah you need top surgery, regardless of gender"), I think your friend was being an ass. Your chest dysphoria is valid regardless of it being small. And I hope you manage to get top surgery as soon as possible!!!
Bigger or smaller, suffering is suffering. Plus, suffering is completely personal, you can't compare how big the different persons' sufferings are. Downplaying your suffering was totally a shitty thing to do.
As someone who had a larger chest before top surgery, it's completely valid to be dysphoric. I was jealous for sure and of course a larger chest is harder to bind, but this doesn't invalidate someone else's struggle. When I was starting to think about top surgery my mum insisted on me getting a reduction instead of top surgery and then I could get another one if I wanted. I said no, of course, but this led me to think about having a smaller chest and how it would make me feel. I would have still had to hide it and I would have still struggled with it, so I really wanted top surgery. You are completely valid and you can't control what you are dysphoric about. Your friend was not being nice at all
I have a very small chest too and still very insecure about it because it represents a females chest its definitely not invalid.
If your chest makes you feel dysphoric thats enough. Your friend is a dick. Hope the dysphoria doesnt last.
I’m a DD, I get jealous and envious of guys with smaller chests. You can use trans tape, I can’t, your binders actually work, mine hardly do. Here’s my opinion and yes I’m gonna get downvoted to hell; are you allowed to have those feelings? Absolutely. Dysphoria is dysphoria, and what they said DIDNT help whatsoever. It’s gross do them to say Do you have it a wee bit easier than some others? Yes. I think that’s what they meant. More of a “hey, it’s great though that you can bind so easily!” Or “dude your chest is totally passing” may have been better. That doesn’t mean by saying that they’re implying you can’t or shouldn’t get top surgery, but rather affirming you how you currently are in an attempt to help
You cant even take off your shirt without feeling uncomfortable tell your friend that you always have to cover up even in the hot summer days
i have pretty severe dysphoria and i have a small chest.. i think the thing is that it's lying to us and because we've never experienced a different chest size we can't say what is better or worse, you know?
Okay so I have a large chest and I would never tell you you're not valid. You are valid and because I know how uncomfortable and dysphoric it can feel I know that you suffer as well. It doesn't matter how big your chest is, it's not comfortable for you and it makes you feel dysphoric. That's valid and I'm sorry your friend doesn't see it that way. You matter love and I'm sure you're a very handsome person.
you’re completely valid for feeling dysphoric with a small chest. even if you have a small chest, it’s still there!!! i have a small chest as well and am planning on getting top surgery, and i know a lot of other trans ppl with small chests who are getting it too. you’re valid 🫶
As a trans guy with a bigger chest, I obviously understand you still feel dysphoric. Your friend was being a jerk. The only thing that bothers me, somethings that has happened to me before, is when someone who passes better or has a smaller chest says it’s WORSE than my dysphoria. That pisses me off. But no absolutely not your feelings are valid
Definitely not ungrateful and totally valid. Dysphoria is dysphoria, and suffering is suffering, regardless of the type.
That's a really mean thing for them to say. It's not like you're able to control dysphoria. You're not "taking resources" by wanting top surgery. They're just taking stuff out on you
My friend has an EXTREMELY small chest as in their chest is basically flat. However, their dysphoric feelings are still very valid. Smaller chest doesn't equal less struggle. It might make binding or taping easier, but the dysphoria is still there at the end of the day. Your feelings are valid. Just because your struggle is different doesn't mean that it doesn't exist at all.
I had a small chest and was SEVERELY dysphoric about it. Size doesn’t matter, your friend is being super insensitive by dismissing your dysphoria. You can be thankful it’s not worse while still being super dysphoric about it.
I'm a trans guy with pretty small boobs. now I admit I'm a bit fat and my boyfriend reassures me I look like a cis guy with moobs, but they're still there. and they're still a problem to me. I don't feel right having them, you know? and that's okay. normal. dysphoria is normal any form of a way you have it. and it is not an issue for you to have surgery on something that you feel is wrong. you're not taking away from those with bigger chests if you need that resource to. you deserve it just as much as they do. 🫂 your friend was being a dick. maybe time to get new ones or atleast talk it through.
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You cant be sad about being hungry, people in other countries only eat every other day. It's completely broken logic
Nah your friend was wrong for that. Pain is always relative to the person and the level of dysphoria they may feel with a larger chest does not equal their dysphoria being larger than yours with a smaller chest. Besides that, dysphoria is not a competition. Everyone's dysphoria is valid regardless of body shape or size and regardless of how severe the dysphoria. At the end of the day if it's causing problems for you in your day to day life and you would have a better quality of life with that relieved after having top surgery.
as someone who had a large chest i was always envious of people with a smaller chest and would think that they’re so lucky, but even then dysohoria sucks. now, having had top surgery, i get it from a whole new perspective because i literally do not have them anymore and still get dysphoric about my chest. dont get me wrong, i love my results and love my chest post op but i still experience the dysphoria time to time and so i can understand this from a different perspective now. you’re completely valid. i think the friend is jealous and i think its important that small chested people recognize their pre surgery privilege of potentially being able to pass, but the dysohoria is 100% valid
as someone who has had a small chest, now has a large one, and is about to get top surgery, fuck that. you’re allowed to be uncomfy with wtv u want and since since they aren’t in YOUR body they have no right to police that. i wish you a very good and minimally dysphoric day boss!!
I have massive tits and im telling you it's valid to be dysphoric about your chest no matter the size.
Ik its bad having a big chest. As one who had it myself. But I dont really care if people with smaller feel bad about it. Cus they have the same right as me to feel bad and wanting change. Yeah it may be a bit easier. But it doesnt invalidate your experience
I also have a small chest, and my mum is always saying about how i "have no chest". I do, but im usually wearing a compressing bra/sports bra type thing to hide it. I hate my chest and will be getting top surgery, but im so tired of "oh, you have no chest". Okay, but i still have enough that i can't go shirtless in public. It sucks, but your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter what other people think. The fact of dysphoria is that it doesn't matter how you look. If you have it, you have it. Don't let anyone invalidate your dysphoria.
you can feel dysphoric no matter how small or big your chest is man. your friend has no idea what they’re talking about and they’re just a huge jerk. i’d use much harsher words but i don’t want reddit to flag me
So I’ve experienced intense dysphoria about my chest both when I was very tiny and had next to nothing AND as a lil bit thicker person with definitely noticeable breasts. Neither is invalid. Your friend needs to take a step back and think on why they feel your experience is invalid because you have a small chest. To say that you have no room to be dysphoric over this because other people are suffering more is not okay. Yes, other people may be suffering from worse dysphoria. And yes, that’s shitty. However, people can experience varying degrees of dysphoria despite their chest size, etc., and there may be people with more noticeable breasts that feel less dysphoria about theirs than you do about yours! You’re valid. Your feelings are valid. Your dysphoria is valid. Your friend is being inconsiderate and I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to fall into believing what they’re projecting onto you because that’s not fair to you or to anyone else with your experience.
I literally had double A cups (at 21) and just got top surgery yesterday. My chest was so small (barely visible in tshirts with bra, the bra line was actually more visible than the breast's themselves lol) and with the compression vest on, I literally cannot even see a difference. Don't worry about it bro, do what makes you happy!
It's just dumb sh*t, I had a smaller chest and was feeling very disphoric, it was the "reason" my mom felt I didn't need a chest binder. I am now a DDD (late bloomer ig) and it is still terrible. It is a bit worse but any is terible. Now though my mom doesn't want me to have a binder, because she doesn't think I am trans (I did wear dresses as a kid but it felt like dress up). I bought one myself, and it is amazing. Do what makes you comforable. Also remeber guys chest aren't 100% flat. I searched normal male ratios and with my binder it fits thoses.