T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


wish_i_was_a_bear

Looks like she did a fantastic job. You rarely see plastic with such vibrancy.


scottygras

It never flowered though. Probably too much dihydrogen monoxide.


wish_i_was_a_bear

Yeah, that can be fatal in the right amount. I have heard that in studies that everyone that has died has had exposure to to Dihydrogen Monoxide.


scottygras

Except those weird immortal jellyfish apparently.


Bgrubz83

Dihydrogen monoxide sunk the titanic…stuff is deadly.


Firm_Independent_889

That was frozen dihydrogen monoxide. It's even deadlier than the liquid variant


cloud3321

This is bollocks. I have handled frozen dihydrogen monoxide and are fine. Though I have heard cases of improper handling causing people to lose their fingers.


Paradox1989

Don't forget that it is the main ingredient in pesticides like Round up


JohnnyFnG

Nice 😏


GANDORF57

No. An abundance of polyethylene and polystyrene.


Own_Bluejay_9833

Lmao


Void_ChaosXD

Hol up you're supposed to WATER those??? No wonder mine burned in the house fire


ImOnlyHereForTheSims

Right?! No matter how much I water my plastic plants, I can never achieve this luscious look.


Total_Roll

Beat me to it.


wingman1965

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. RIP Mitch Hedberg


Max_Thunder

But then they just really be playing possum


Smalz22

I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. Think like a cactus!


reallycool_opotomus

I hope they invent a product before your shrivel up and die


Sir_Earl_Jeffries

Legend has it Mitch is still out there, unchanged, to this very day


Ok_Bison_8577

My condolences.  Mitch lived a good life. Just know that every molicule of his plastic fiber was dedicated to making you happy. Sorry for your loss.


GDviber

Mitch Hedberg is the late comedian that this is a quote from.


Ok_Bison_8577

Damn.  This took a dark turn.  I was being a *comedian* thinking your plant was named Mitch. 


wingman1965

No worries. I will name my next fake plant Mitch.


Yonro0910

Oh? Why did you name your plant Mitch? "It's a tribute" To Mitch? "No, to Ok_Bison_557


EatAtGrizzlebees

Lol I thought the plant's name was Mitch, too, because I hadn't heard this Mitch Hedberg joke before and Dean Ambrose used to have a plant named Mitch that met a tragic end...


Shadpool

He died the way he lived. On lots of really good drugs.


SpecialistAd6403

My Wife's mother did this with a fake cactus. Only she killed her's cause it molded.


TeslasAndKids

I just almost spit liquid on my phone laughing at this and my husband said ‘come on, nothing is funnier than watering a fake plant’. Then I read him your comment and proved him wrong.


No_Independence8747

This one went over my head.


EJBjr

Whenever my parents went on vacation, myself and my two sisters took turns watering their plants and yes each one of us watered my mom's fake cactus plant.


Marshmallowbutbetter

It takes dedication


Taylorig

My wife would still manage to kill a fake plant. When we go to the garden centres in spring and she places various plants in the trolley, I always say to them "Come home with us to your death" as the missus gives me a dirty look.


TeslasAndKids

My husband does the same. I tell him I’m experimenting with figuring out which of the plants can survive in hostile environments. I have adhd, five kids, and two cats. You gotta really try if you want to stay alive around here.


mazzratazz

It used to be seven kids and five cats. Only the strong survive.


Wind-and-Waystones

In a trenchcoat or something?


Black_Moons

Get a cactus.. or aloevera. You only water them when you realize you forgot to water it for the past month.


TeslasAndKids

Ive killed three cacti and two aloes… and three snakes. Mostly because I would forget for many months then when I remember and water they go into shock. My current living plants are various pothos, two monsteras, and a pink princess. They get watered roughly once a week because I’ve added them to my weekly chore list. I think things that need water too often or they faint (RIP nerve plants) get forgotten and things that need spread out watering also get forgotten. Weekly waterers do ok here. Well, except orchids. I don’t have the ability to keep them alive.


Black_Moons

Yea. you don't drench anything you haven't watered for eons. And don't repeatly water them after a long period of no water. You have to let the soil fully dry out before watering again. Consider something like #4 soil mix (Super light) and a plastic pot, you'll be able to tell by weight when its fully dry vs has some water. Also consider bottom watering: You stick the plant in 1" of water for a couple minutes and let it suck up by capillary action what it needs. Great way to water a whole bunch of plants at once without even moving them (Pour a small amount of water in a large tray that the plants live in and they will suck it all up in minutes) You can also add more peralite (the light little white stone things, about $10 for a giant bag of them) to the soil for plants that want less water, so the soil holds less when watering. a 50/50 mix of them makes soil that is almost impossible to hold too much water for most plants.


TeslasAndKids

You know, I think I did drench the snakes. The cactus (my favorite cactus) was a baby saguaro in a pot, his name was Kelvin, I tried so hard to give him like 1/4 cup of water in his rather large pot but, alas, Kelvin is no more. I do have a bag of perlite but haven’t actually opened it. Maybe I should host a repotting day with myself. Make a night of it, wine and plants. The bottom watering on shelves is an excellent idea. One of the things that has always overwhelmed me is carrying everyone to the sink, waiting for them to stop dripping, and taking them back home. But trays sound like a much better option. Can I bottom water them weekly or when they’re out? Will they suck up more than they need?


Black_Moons

How much they suck up from bottom watering depends on the soil. If you make it very airy with perlite they won't suck up as much and you can leave the trays damp (though this causes a lot of algea growth if light hits the trays). If its a traditional soil its likely to suck up too much so you'll have to limit how much water you pour in. Really light soils are easier to tell the water weight of the plant since it makes up most of the weight. Watering weekly is fine if the plants can survive that long without drooping. Really thirsty/sensitive plants will want to be watered within a day of drying out, while others can survive much longer with no ill effects. Consider getting a scale and writing down the weights of the plants before/after watering, and see how long it takes for the weight to stop dropping after watering. When the weight stops dropping so fast, it means the soil is dry. You can also poke it with your finger to confirm (check about 1" down) When the before watering weight is significantly more then last time you watered, you might want to wait longer or water less because it means excess water is accumulating and its not getting to fully dry out. Also, the ideal soil moisture for most plants is going to generally feel much like whats ideal to your skin: Not muddy wet, not damp like socks in shoes after awhile, but just ever so slightly moist like your skin, a bit squishy, doesn't dry your skin out to touch, doesn't make it much damper, feels like something you wouldn't mind laying on for awhile.


Druidette

Peace Lillies would be perfect!


BatangTundo3112

🐈 is the bringer of destruction. Thou shall not have a plants.


Thecardinal74

ZZ Plants FTW


DeathCouch41

I would love to be married to you. Lol


Taylorig

I'll let the other half know I've had an offer later. Haha


DeathCouch41

You guys both sound awesome! I wish you both a long happy marriage with lots of laughs and inside jokes! Never lose that! RIP to your growing dead plant collection!


badgerj

You made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself. This is 100% true.


f_ranz1224

where did all the water go? she didnt notice the leaves didnt grow, change color, fall of, or anything for 2 years?


lago_b

That is the mystery, isn't it?


f_ranz1224

Im beginning to understand why the houseplants at home die


PinkDalek

She must be really pretty.


Terrorz

Hey pussy is pussy, so she throws water in a fake plant sometimes, bygones can remain. Edit.. you're seriously a bunch of cowards if a weird little quirk is enough to make you not have sex with your wife. The hell is wrong with you people.


happy-cig

Don't stick your dick in crazy.


Terrorz

But my dick is crazy.


badgerj

My wife would still have found a way to kill that sucker! 100%


imbacckkk

It’s not a mystery. She never put water in it.


azlan194

Probably just evaporated if she only "watered" once a week or less.


Advanced_Office616

This reminds me of a secretary at my office over 20 years ago. She spent her first six months carefully caring for the potted tree in the main entrance to our office by watering it every couple of days. She was walking out with our office manager one day (who was very into gardening on her own and cared for many plants around the office). The secretary proclaimed how proud she was for keeping it looking so nice. The officer manager couldn’t keep a straight face, looked her dead in the eye and said “I should hope it’s thriving, it’s fake”.


mirthfun

She did a great job.


sky0175

Is she ok now?


lago_b

The plant? Yes. She's doing fine.


sky0175

Good keep watering lol


darkhorse4774

It’s healthy if you talk to it. Talk to the plant,too.


Sir_Earl_Jeffries

I’m assuming she got new glasses


HellyOHaint

No is the WIFE okay? Sounds like she’s not all there…


sky0175

Don’t push that button lmao


BigfootaintnotReal

You’re playing a dangerous game lol


ivebeencloned

I had a cat who killed a silk tree by over watering it.


Rosewoodtrainwreck

My cats chew on the fake plants so they eventually get so ugly they get thrown away


Worldly-Telephone386

You throw away the cats ?


Rosewoodtrainwreck

Only when necessary.


WoodenWeather5931

Plot twist. His wife is imaginary


Skyhawk_Illusions

that lamp did look awful weird


crimsonhues

Practicing for when she gets real plants. I like!


Similar_Economist949

Have you admitted her yet 😆


secondphase

I came home to find my wife and kids on the back porch. The kids were tearing leaves off of a potted plant and eating them. "WTF?" I said to my wife... "Why are you allowing this?" "What?" Said the wife... "They told me it was basil" ... the plant in question had 3 bright red fist-sized flowers on it, and had a sticker on the side of it that read "Hibiscus"


mandreko

I work as an ethical hacker. I don’t do many physical engagements, as I don’t tend to enjoy them. But one of my coworkers really enjoys them and was saying that he went to a thrift shop and bought a jump suit and watering can on the premise that he would be a plant waterer for the company he was breaking into. He got into the building, and started watering all the plants, only to realize they were plastic. But he spent 2 hours walking around watering them until they closed, and everyone went home, leaving him alone to compromise their computer systems. I always chuckle when I think of him walking around with that watering can.


lago_b

This is highly relevant as I cram to take my Security+ this weekend.


mandreko

Good luck! I can say the OSCP and OSCE are also fun and worthwhile.


jmegaru

Wow, had no idea you guys also break into places to expose security vulnerabilities.


mandreko

Bad guys do it so we simulate (coordinating with the company to stay legal). It’s probably one of the easiest ways to get in anymore since technical controls are getting better.


donmreddit

I used to sing to my fake plants.


GetOffMyUnicorn70

Where did all the water go?


mensreyah

Her green plastic watering can For her fake Chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth...


RazedByTV

That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself


CalendarLongjumping6

So the funs over or she still doesnt know?


Awkward_Chef_3881

So it died after 2 years?


Spectratos

Looks amazing though. She did a good job.


I_Am_Not__a__Troll

It's gorgeous! She did a great job keeping it alive


MuscleTough8153

I love it! My uncle did the same to a plant in the bathroom for 4 years. After her died we found out it is a plant my grandmother asked him to keep alive after her death. Never laughed that hard before 😂


mi_nombre_es_ricardo

Tell her congrats because it clearly hasn’t withered.


Best-Cat-1866

I had a friend watching my dog while we were away. I got home and found water spots around my fake trees and a few fake floral arrangements. Friend thought she was being nice watering all my “plants” 🤣🤣


trolldoll420

Ahh I did that too for 3 months once. It was a fake succulent I got from target and kept on my desk at work. I watered it weekly and had no idea it was fake until the styrofoam the plant was shoved into began to be visible. I’ll be honest, I’m really not a genius.


bitterlytired

For what it’s worth, you shouldn’t be watering a succulent that much anyways lol.


trolldoll420

I didn’t know that! They’re the only plants (real) that I’ve managed to keep alive. Our puppy ate all my succulents and cactuses so I just bought a bunch I was going to plant soon, guess I’ve gotta reevaluate my watering schedule.


LimpingOne

My friend did that with a plastic plant, meanwhile I had a Mother In Law’s Tongue with dried moss at the base. I thought it was fake, as it was a gift. I watered about once every three months just in case and was blown away when it grew a new leaf.


UnicornFarts1111

Those are hard to kill. I have one. Sometimes it doesn't get watered for a long time. It will start to droop over and I give it water. It usually starts to perk back up. My poor plant. My friend who has a green thumb insisted I take it, lol.


bassboat1

I get why you married her, now give her [that baby](https://imgur.com/e4pPMtx) she's been asking for.


BlitchSlapper

She has got a green resin thumb


Phillimac16

What happened to the plant on year 3?


Smote20XX

My green thumb is so non-existant my fake plant died...the moment I picked it up from the store...


lylasnanadoyle

My brother has beautiful orchids at his house. I was house sitting and informed him that I had remembered to water his beautiful orchids. He laughed and laughed…


CanehdnMJ

That gave me a good laugh. Thank you!


Marshmallowbutbetter

Good job. Mission accomplished.


Disastrous_Light_878

Pretty sure this joke was stolen. Maybe from the new tosh show podcast


Skyhawk_Illusions

the comments would have me believing otherwise


Netflxnschill

She’s THRIVING!


tedfundy

We have fake plants. I said fuck it. I want plants and we’ve managed to kill like 100 in a five year span. We killed a snake plant for Christ sake.


Beneficial-Year-one

I get it, plants commit suicide around me


virgilreality

...with plastic water...


KeshaCow23

Yikes. Probably moldy.


TroyFerris13

Well my girlfriend watered a Lego plant today so 🙏🏻


Sir_Earl_Jeffries

Sounds like my old mate Steve.. he was very proud to tell me he’s been watering the plants when he’s on the night shift. Especially proud of the pot of wildflowers and random greenery. I told him to touch the flowers.. Steve was done for drinking on the job a few years later.


And_The_Full_Effect

My six year old got me a fake plant under the guise that it’s real. Three times a week I water a fake plant to keep it up.


Fantastic_Permit_525

Impressive!


Bacchus_71

In the bar business one of the ways we welcome new hires is to have them water the fake plants.


BreakDecent2808

Just dump some windex in there and see if she freaks out


_FreddieLovesDelilah

Should’ve gone to specsavers.


SmallSwordfish8289

Sounds like your wife needs some couch treatment about 2 years


BenNHairy420

Mold has entered the chat


Alarming_Breath_3110

Amazing— I’ve kept my stuffed bear alive for 10 years


Aria1031

I don't feel so bad! I watered a small succulent that was a take-home from my cousin's baby shower for a year before my mom informed me it was a fake ;)


pitbullbeagle

LoL. Where did the water go?


MrSteamwave

My brother would occasionally ask me to water his plants, but one time i must really have had a brain fart as when he came home, he called me and asked why I had watered his plastic roses by the TV...


Hushwater

It's like the equivalent of a realistic baby doll.


caligirl2287

My ex watered a germanium plant i had in the kitchen window. Watered it faithfully. One night he made the statement how great the plant looked and how it continues to bloom. When I told him it was a fake plant he didn’t believe me. I had a good laugh.


[deleted]

Hey! I have that exact same plant! But I don’t water it 😝


dapperslappers

You have to feed them dead toys or else it wont grow


lovelyreesescup

I have the same one!


Fly_Pelican

Nice tiles!


PetersIsland

Does she give you nutrients in YOUR food? Hmm


TijayesPJs442

She is a saint


hunertproof

My wife did this with a cactus. Her friend was moving and gave her the cactus and told her a watering schedule. She kept doing until it got knocked over one day, and she saw the stick in the bottom. I laughed for 10 minutes.


Vyezene

My girlfriends mom did this with a succulent for years, she had it in a bathroom with no light and said she left the light on and sprinkled water on it when she washed her hands, so fricken wholesome


NeonsStyle

Parenting Practice! :)


Amosral

I used to work for an office building that had lounges and meeting rooms, and they'd decorate them with real orchids sometimes, fake ones at other times. The real ones would usually get thrown out at the bosses insistence once they "died" but they had really just stopped flowering.  One of the receptionists kept one of the real ones at the front desk, and got pretty attached to it, and took care of it. So when it stopped flowering we knew its execution would soon be ordered.  I decided to rescue it by taking the stem and the flower off one of the plastic ones and fitting it into the middle of the pot so that it looked like it was in full bloom all the time. The plant was safe and the receptionist took it with her when she left the company. I joked that we had saved it by giving it the plant equivalent of a boob job - since we gave it enhanced secondary sexual characteristics.  Silly little story but this made me think of that and I felt like sharing.


Strong-You-67

She probably sings and talk to it as well. Thinking it’ll give extra points for vibrancy.


maktthew

With her green plastic watering can?


Devilscrush

We have the same one on our mantel. My wife didn't water it enough though.


TTJAYDAWG_867

Would that include teeth?


CW907

😂😂That’s savage! My girlfriend at the time(soon to be wife) killed one of my Bonsai’s while I away gone on a deployment. Had a Hawaiian umbrella Bonsai that was perfectly trimmed and happy….was gone for about 10 weeks only to return to a dead plant. Her justification was it was hot and dry outside and needed a greenhouse. All it needed was a watering every week or so 🥴🤜🏻


East-Heart-2770

fake plastic trees ~ radiohead


Gdayx

It’s still her plant and she’ll love it no matter what. Forever plastic plant❤️


Grammy_Swag

OK I'm confused. Where was water going? Did it drain out somewhere? 🧐


nattyd

Love the countertops. Nothing like a 100 million years of Earth history right in your kitchen.


imbacckkk

Why didn’t water spill out everywhere


Psychotic_EGG

Evaporation


imbacckkk

Lmao


GypsyRiverNotions

Where did all the water go?


Psychotic_EGG

Evaporates


GypsyRiverNotions

Idk, I water plants once a week, it seems like a lot of water to evaporate... I have starter plants too, stems that just sit in water, the plant is literally using the water and it still never completely evaporates. Just seems unreasonable to me...


Psychotic_EGG

Many water when the soil feels dry.


GypsyRiverNotions

I get you, and I do understand how evaporation works, lol... It just seemed weird... not a big deal, just wondering our loud I guess, lol...


ColonelKasteen

That must have felt discouraging to her. She was doing something silly AND found out because of a mean-spirited comment from her husband.