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This is bollocks. I have handled frozen dihydrogen monoxide and are fine.
Though I have heard cases of improper handling causing people to lose their fingers.
Lol I thought the plant's name was Mitch, too, because I hadn't heard this Mitch Hedberg joke before and Dean Ambrose used to have a plant named Mitch that met a tragic end...
I just almost spit liquid on my phone laughing at this and my husband said ‘come on, nothing is funnier than watering a fake plant’.
Then I read him your comment and proved him wrong.
Whenever my parents went on vacation, myself and my two sisters took turns watering their plants and yes each one of us watered my mom's fake cactus plant.
My wife would still manage to kill a fake plant. When we go to the garden centres in spring and she places various plants in the trolley, I always say to them "Come home with us to your death" as the missus gives me a dirty look.
My husband does the same. I tell him I’m experimenting with figuring out which of the plants can survive in hostile environments.
I have adhd, five kids, and two cats. You gotta really try if you want to stay alive around here.
Ive killed three cacti and two aloes… and three snakes. Mostly because I would forget for many months then when I remember and water they go into shock.
My current living plants are various pothos, two monsteras, and a pink princess. They get watered roughly once a week because I’ve added them to my weekly chore list. I think things that need water too often or they faint (RIP nerve plants) get forgotten and things that need spread out watering also get forgotten. Weekly waterers do ok here.
Well, except orchids. I don’t have the ability to keep them alive.
Yea. you don't drench anything you haven't watered for eons. And don't repeatly water them after a long period of no water. You have to let the soil fully dry out before watering again.
Consider something like #4 soil mix (Super light) and a plastic pot, you'll be able to tell by weight when its fully dry vs has some water.
Also consider bottom watering: You stick the plant in 1" of water for a couple minutes and let it suck up by capillary action what it needs. Great way to water a whole bunch of plants at once without even moving them (Pour a small amount of water in a large tray that the plants live in and they will suck it all up in minutes)
You can also add more peralite (the light little white stone things, about $10 for a giant bag of them) to the soil for plants that want less water, so the soil holds less when watering.
a 50/50 mix of them makes soil that is almost impossible to hold too much water for most plants.
You know, I think I did drench the snakes. The cactus (my favorite cactus) was a baby saguaro in a pot, his name was Kelvin, I tried so hard to give him like 1/4 cup of water in his rather large pot but, alas, Kelvin is no more.
I do have a bag of perlite but haven’t actually opened it. Maybe I should host a repotting day with myself. Make a night of it, wine and plants.
The bottom watering on shelves is an excellent idea. One of the things that has always overwhelmed me is carrying everyone to the sink, waiting for them to stop dripping, and taking them back home. But trays sound like a much better option. Can I bottom water them weekly or when they’re out? Will they suck up more than they need?
How much they suck up from bottom watering depends on the soil.
If you make it very airy with perlite they won't suck up as much and you can leave the trays damp (though this causes a lot of algea growth if light hits the trays). If its a traditional soil its likely to suck up too much so you'll have to limit how much water you pour in. Really light soils are easier to tell the water weight of the plant since it makes up most of the weight.
Watering weekly is fine if the plants can survive that long without drooping. Really thirsty/sensitive plants will want to be watered within a day of drying out, while others can survive much longer with no ill effects.
Consider getting a scale and writing down the weights of the plants before/after watering, and see how long it takes for the weight to stop dropping after watering.
When the weight stops dropping so fast, it means the soil is dry. You can also poke it with your finger to confirm (check about 1" down)
When the before watering weight is significantly more then last time you watered, you might want to wait longer or water less because it means excess water is accumulating and its not getting to fully dry out.
Also, the ideal soil moisture for most plants is going to generally feel much like whats ideal to your skin: Not muddy wet, not damp like socks in shoes after awhile, but just ever so slightly moist like your skin, a bit squishy, doesn't dry your skin out to touch, doesn't make it much damper, feels like something you wouldn't mind laying on for awhile.
You guys both sound awesome! I wish you both a long happy marriage with lots of laughs and inside jokes! Never lose that!
RIP to your growing dead plant collection!
Hey pussy is pussy, so she throws water in a fake plant sometimes, bygones can remain.
Edit.. you're seriously a bunch of cowards if a weird little quirk is enough to make you not have sex with your wife. The hell is wrong with you people.
This reminds me of a secretary at my office over 20 years ago. She spent her first six months carefully caring for the potted tree in the main entrance to our office by watering it every couple of days. She was walking out with our office manager one day (who was very into gardening on her own and cared for many plants around the office). The secretary proclaimed how proud she was for keeping it looking so nice. The officer manager couldn’t keep a straight face, looked her dead in the eye and said “I should hope it’s thriving, it’s fake”.
I came home to find my wife and kids on the back porch. The kids were tearing leaves off of a potted plant and eating them.
"WTF?" I said to my wife... "Why are you allowing this?"
"What?" Said the wife... "They told me it was basil"
... the plant in question had 3 bright red fist-sized flowers on it, and had a sticker on the side of it that read "Hibiscus"
I work as an ethical hacker. I don’t do many physical engagements, as I don’t tend to enjoy them. But one of my coworkers really enjoys them and was saying that he went to a thrift shop and bought a jump suit and watering can on the premise that he would be a plant waterer for the company he was breaking into.
He got into the building, and started watering all the plants, only to realize they were plastic. But he spent 2 hours walking around watering them until they closed, and everyone went home, leaving him alone to compromise their computer systems.
I always chuckle when I think of him walking around with that watering can.
Bad guys do it so we simulate (coordinating with the company to stay legal). It’s probably one of the easiest ways to get in anymore since technical controls are getting better.
I love it! My uncle did the same to a plant in the bathroom for 4 years. After her died we found out it is a plant my grandmother asked him to keep alive after her death.
Never laughed that hard before 😂
I had a friend watching my dog while we were away. I got home and found water spots around my fake trees and a few fake floral arrangements. Friend thought she was being nice watering all my “plants” 🤣🤣
Ahh I did that too for 3 months once. It was a fake succulent I got from target and kept on my desk at work. I watered it weekly and had no idea it was fake until the styrofoam the plant was shoved into began to be visible. I’ll be honest, I’m really not a genius.
I didn’t know that! They’re the only plants (real) that I’ve managed to keep alive. Our puppy ate all my succulents and cactuses so I just bought a bunch I was going to plant soon, guess I’ve gotta reevaluate my watering schedule.
My friend did that with a plastic plant, meanwhile I had a Mother In Law’s Tongue with dried moss at the base. I thought it was fake, as it was a gift. I watered about once every three months just in case and was blown away when it grew a new leaf.
Those are hard to kill. I have one. Sometimes it doesn't get watered for a long time. It will start to droop over and I give it water. It usually starts to perk back up. My poor plant. My friend who has a green thumb insisted I take it, lol.
My brother has beautiful orchids at his house. I was house sitting and informed him that I had remembered to water his beautiful orchids. He laughed and laughed…
Sounds like my old mate Steve.. he was very proud to tell me he’s been watering the plants when he’s on the night shift. Especially proud of the pot of wildflowers and random greenery. I told him to touch the flowers.. Steve was done for drinking on the job a few years later.
I don't feel so bad! I watered a small succulent that was a take-home from my cousin's baby shower for a year before my mom informed me it was a fake ;)
My brother would occasionally ask me to water his plants, but one time i must really have had a brain fart as when he came home, he called me and asked why I had watered his plastic roses by the TV...
My ex watered a germanium plant i had in the kitchen window. Watered it faithfully. One night he made the statement how great the plant looked and how it continues to bloom. When I told him it was a fake plant he didn’t believe me. I had a good laugh.
My wife did this with a cactus. Her friend was moving and gave her the cactus and told her a watering schedule. She kept doing until it got knocked over one day, and she saw the stick in the bottom. I laughed for 10 minutes.
My girlfriends mom did this with a succulent for years, she had it in a bathroom with no light and said she left the light on and sprinkled water on it when she washed her hands, so fricken wholesome
I used to work for an office building that had lounges and meeting rooms, and they'd decorate them with real orchids sometimes, fake ones at other times. The real ones would usually get thrown out at the bosses insistence once they "died" but they had really just stopped flowering.
One of the receptionists kept one of the real ones at the front desk, and got pretty attached to it, and took care of it. So when it stopped flowering we knew its execution would soon be ordered.
I decided to rescue it by taking the stem and the flower off one of the plastic ones and fitting it into the middle of the pot so that it looked like it was in full bloom all the time. The plant was safe and the receptionist took it with her when she left the company. I joked that we had saved it by giving it the plant equivalent of a boob job - since we gave it enhanced secondary sexual characteristics.
Silly little story but this made me think of that and I felt like sharing.
😂😂That’s savage! My girlfriend at the time(soon to be wife) killed one of my Bonsai’s while I away gone on a deployment. Had a Hawaiian umbrella Bonsai that was perfectly trimmed and happy….was gone for about 10 weeks only to return to a dead plant. Her justification was it was hot and dry outside and needed a greenhouse. All it needed was a watering every week or so 🥴🤜🏻
Idk, I water plants once a week, it seems like a lot of water to evaporate... I have starter plants too, stems that just sit in water, the plant is literally using the water and it still never completely evaporates. Just seems unreasonable to me...
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Looks like she did a fantastic job. You rarely see plastic with such vibrancy.
It never flowered though. Probably too much dihydrogen monoxide.
Yeah, that can be fatal in the right amount. I have heard that in studies that everyone that has died has had exposure to to Dihydrogen Monoxide.
Except those weird immortal jellyfish apparently.
Dihydrogen monoxide sunk the titanic…stuff is deadly.
That was frozen dihydrogen monoxide. It's even deadlier than the liquid variant
This is bollocks. I have handled frozen dihydrogen monoxide and are fine. Though I have heard cases of improper handling causing people to lose their fingers.
Don't forget that it is the main ingredient in pesticides like Round up
Nice 😏
No. An abundance of polyethylene and polystyrene.
Lmao
Hol up you're supposed to WATER those??? No wonder mine burned in the house fire
Right?! No matter how much I water my plastic plants, I can never achieve this luscious look.
Beat me to it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. RIP Mitch Hedberg
But then they just really be playing possum
I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. Think like a cactus!
I hope they invent a product before your shrivel up and die
Legend has it Mitch is still out there, unchanged, to this very day
My condolences. Mitch lived a good life. Just know that every molicule of his plastic fiber was dedicated to making you happy. Sorry for your loss.
Mitch Hedberg is the late comedian that this is a quote from.
Damn. This took a dark turn. I was being a *comedian* thinking your plant was named Mitch.
No worries. I will name my next fake plant Mitch.
Oh? Why did you name your plant Mitch? "It's a tribute" To Mitch? "No, to Ok_Bison_557
Lol I thought the plant's name was Mitch, too, because I hadn't heard this Mitch Hedberg joke before and Dean Ambrose used to have a plant named Mitch that met a tragic end...
He died the way he lived. On lots of really good drugs.
My Wife's mother did this with a fake cactus. Only she killed her's cause it molded.
I just almost spit liquid on my phone laughing at this and my husband said ‘come on, nothing is funnier than watering a fake plant’. Then I read him your comment and proved him wrong.
This one went over my head.
Whenever my parents went on vacation, myself and my two sisters took turns watering their plants and yes each one of us watered my mom's fake cactus plant.
It takes dedication
My wife would still manage to kill a fake plant. When we go to the garden centres in spring and she places various plants in the trolley, I always say to them "Come home with us to your death" as the missus gives me a dirty look.
My husband does the same. I tell him I’m experimenting with figuring out which of the plants can survive in hostile environments. I have adhd, five kids, and two cats. You gotta really try if you want to stay alive around here.
It used to be seven kids and five cats. Only the strong survive.
In a trenchcoat or something?
Get a cactus.. or aloevera. You only water them when you realize you forgot to water it for the past month.
Ive killed three cacti and two aloes… and three snakes. Mostly because I would forget for many months then when I remember and water they go into shock. My current living plants are various pothos, two monsteras, and a pink princess. They get watered roughly once a week because I’ve added them to my weekly chore list. I think things that need water too often or they faint (RIP nerve plants) get forgotten and things that need spread out watering also get forgotten. Weekly waterers do ok here. Well, except orchids. I don’t have the ability to keep them alive.
Yea. you don't drench anything you haven't watered for eons. And don't repeatly water them after a long period of no water. You have to let the soil fully dry out before watering again. Consider something like #4 soil mix (Super light) and a plastic pot, you'll be able to tell by weight when its fully dry vs has some water. Also consider bottom watering: You stick the plant in 1" of water for a couple minutes and let it suck up by capillary action what it needs. Great way to water a whole bunch of plants at once without even moving them (Pour a small amount of water in a large tray that the plants live in and they will suck it all up in minutes) You can also add more peralite (the light little white stone things, about $10 for a giant bag of them) to the soil for plants that want less water, so the soil holds less when watering. a 50/50 mix of them makes soil that is almost impossible to hold too much water for most plants.
You know, I think I did drench the snakes. The cactus (my favorite cactus) was a baby saguaro in a pot, his name was Kelvin, I tried so hard to give him like 1/4 cup of water in his rather large pot but, alas, Kelvin is no more. I do have a bag of perlite but haven’t actually opened it. Maybe I should host a repotting day with myself. Make a night of it, wine and plants. The bottom watering on shelves is an excellent idea. One of the things that has always overwhelmed me is carrying everyone to the sink, waiting for them to stop dripping, and taking them back home. But trays sound like a much better option. Can I bottom water them weekly or when they’re out? Will they suck up more than they need?
How much they suck up from bottom watering depends on the soil. If you make it very airy with perlite they won't suck up as much and you can leave the trays damp (though this causes a lot of algea growth if light hits the trays). If its a traditional soil its likely to suck up too much so you'll have to limit how much water you pour in. Really light soils are easier to tell the water weight of the plant since it makes up most of the weight. Watering weekly is fine if the plants can survive that long without drooping. Really thirsty/sensitive plants will want to be watered within a day of drying out, while others can survive much longer with no ill effects. Consider getting a scale and writing down the weights of the plants before/after watering, and see how long it takes for the weight to stop dropping after watering. When the weight stops dropping so fast, it means the soil is dry. You can also poke it with your finger to confirm (check about 1" down) When the before watering weight is significantly more then last time you watered, you might want to wait longer or water less because it means excess water is accumulating and its not getting to fully dry out. Also, the ideal soil moisture for most plants is going to generally feel much like whats ideal to your skin: Not muddy wet, not damp like socks in shoes after awhile, but just ever so slightly moist like your skin, a bit squishy, doesn't dry your skin out to touch, doesn't make it much damper, feels like something you wouldn't mind laying on for awhile.
Peace Lillies would be perfect!
🐈 is the bringer of destruction. Thou shall not have a plants.
ZZ Plants FTW
I would love to be married to you. Lol
I'll let the other half know I've had an offer later. Haha
You guys both sound awesome! I wish you both a long happy marriage with lots of laughs and inside jokes! Never lose that! RIP to your growing dead plant collection!
You made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself. This is 100% true.
where did all the water go? she didnt notice the leaves didnt grow, change color, fall of, or anything for 2 years?
That is the mystery, isn't it?
Im beginning to understand why the houseplants at home die
She must be really pretty.
Hey pussy is pussy, so she throws water in a fake plant sometimes, bygones can remain. Edit.. you're seriously a bunch of cowards if a weird little quirk is enough to make you not have sex with your wife. The hell is wrong with you people.
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
But my dick is crazy.
My wife would still have found a way to kill that sucker! 100%
It’s not a mystery. She never put water in it.
Probably just evaporated if she only "watered" once a week or less.
This reminds me of a secretary at my office over 20 years ago. She spent her first six months carefully caring for the potted tree in the main entrance to our office by watering it every couple of days. She was walking out with our office manager one day (who was very into gardening on her own and cared for many plants around the office). The secretary proclaimed how proud she was for keeping it looking so nice. The officer manager couldn’t keep a straight face, looked her dead in the eye and said “I should hope it’s thriving, it’s fake”.
She did a great job.
Is she ok now?
The plant? Yes. She's doing fine.
Good keep watering lol
It’s healthy if you talk to it. Talk to the plant,too.
I’m assuming she got new glasses
No is the WIFE okay? Sounds like she’s not all there…
Don’t push that button lmao
You’re playing a dangerous game lol
I had a cat who killed a silk tree by over watering it.
My cats chew on the fake plants so they eventually get so ugly they get thrown away
You throw away the cats ?
Only when necessary.
Plot twist. His wife is imaginary
that lamp did look awful weird
Practicing for when she gets real plants. I like!
Have you admitted her yet 😆
I came home to find my wife and kids on the back porch. The kids were tearing leaves off of a potted plant and eating them. "WTF?" I said to my wife... "Why are you allowing this?" "What?" Said the wife... "They told me it was basil" ... the plant in question had 3 bright red fist-sized flowers on it, and had a sticker on the side of it that read "Hibiscus"
I work as an ethical hacker. I don’t do many physical engagements, as I don’t tend to enjoy them. But one of my coworkers really enjoys them and was saying that he went to a thrift shop and bought a jump suit and watering can on the premise that he would be a plant waterer for the company he was breaking into. He got into the building, and started watering all the plants, only to realize they were plastic. But he spent 2 hours walking around watering them until they closed, and everyone went home, leaving him alone to compromise their computer systems. I always chuckle when I think of him walking around with that watering can.
This is highly relevant as I cram to take my Security+ this weekend.
Good luck! I can say the OSCP and OSCE are also fun and worthwhile.
Wow, had no idea you guys also break into places to expose security vulnerabilities.
Bad guys do it so we simulate (coordinating with the company to stay legal). It’s probably one of the easiest ways to get in anymore since technical controls are getting better.
I used to sing to my fake plants.
Where did all the water go?
Her green plastic watering can For her fake Chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth...
That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself
So the funs over or she still doesnt know?
So it died after 2 years?
Looks amazing though. She did a good job.
It's gorgeous! She did a great job keeping it alive
I love it! My uncle did the same to a plant in the bathroom for 4 years. After her died we found out it is a plant my grandmother asked him to keep alive after her death. Never laughed that hard before 😂
Tell her congrats because it clearly hasn’t withered.
I had a friend watching my dog while we were away. I got home and found water spots around my fake trees and a few fake floral arrangements. Friend thought she was being nice watering all my “plants” 🤣🤣
Ahh I did that too for 3 months once. It was a fake succulent I got from target and kept on my desk at work. I watered it weekly and had no idea it was fake until the styrofoam the plant was shoved into began to be visible. I’ll be honest, I’m really not a genius.
For what it’s worth, you shouldn’t be watering a succulent that much anyways lol.
I didn’t know that! They’re the only plants (real) that I’ve managed to keep alive. Our puppy ate all my succulents and cactuses so I just bought a bunch I was going to plant soon, guess I’ve gotta reevaluate my watering schedule.
My friend did that with a plastic plant, meanwhile I had a Mother In Law’s Tongue with dried moss at the base. I thought it was fake, as it was a gift. I watered about once every three months just in case and was blown away when it grew a new leaf.
Those are hard to kill. I have one. Sometimes it doesn't get watered for a long time. It will start to droop over and I give it water. It usually starts to perk back up. My poor plant. My friend who has a green thumb insisted I take it, lol.
I get why you married her, now give her [that baby](https://imgur.com/e4pPMtx) she's been asking for.
She has got a green resin thumb
What happened to the plant on year 3?
My green thumb is so non-existant my fake plant died...the moment I picked it up from the store...
My brother has beautiful orchids at his house. I was house sitting and informed him that I had remembered to water his beautiful orchids. He laughed and laughed…
That gave me a good laugh. Thank you!
Good job. Mission accomplished.
Pretty sure this joke was stolen. Maybe from the new tosh show podcast
the comments would have me believing otherwise
She’s THRIVING!
We have fake plants. I said fuck it. I want plants and we’ve managed to kill like 100 in a five year span. We killed a snake plant for Christ sake.
I get it, plants commit suicide around me
...with plastic water...
Yikes. Probably moldy.
Well my girlfriend watered a Lego plant today so 🙏🏻
Sounds like my old mate Steve.. he was very proud to tell me he’s been watering the plants when he’s on the night shift. Especially proud of the pot of wildflowers and random greenery. I told him to touch the flowers.. Steve was done for drinking on the job a few years later.
My six year old got me a fake plant under the guise that it’s real. Three times a week I water a fake plant to keep it up.
Impressive!
In the bar business one of the ways we welcome new hires is to have them water the fake plants.
Just dump some windex in there and see if she freaks out
Should’ve gone to specsavers.
Sounds like your wife needs some couch treatment about 2 years
Mold has entered the chat
Amazing— I’ve kept my stuffed bear alive for 10 years
I don't feel so bad! I watered a small succulent that was a take-home from my cousin's baby shower for a year before my mom informed me it was a fake ;)
LoL. Where did the water go?
My brother would occasionally ask me to water his plants, but one time i must really have had a brain fart as when he came home, he called me and asked why I had watered his plastic roses by the TV...
It's like the equivalent of a realistic baby doll.
My ex watered a germanium plant i had in the kitchen window. Watered it faithfully. One night he made the statement how great the plant looked and how it continues to bloom. When I told him it was a fake plant he didn’t believe me. I had a good laugh.
Hey! I have that exact same plant! But I don’t water it 😝
You have to feed them dead toys or else it wont grow
I have the same one!
Nice tiles!
Does she give you nutrients in YOUR food? Hmm
She is a saint
My wife did this with a cactus. Her friend was moving and gave her the cactus and told her a watering schedule. She kept doing until it got knocked over one day, and she saw the stick in the bottom. I laughed for 10 minutes.
My girlfriends mom did this with a succulent for years, she had it in a bathroom with no light and said she left the light on and sprinkled water on it when she washed her hands, so fricken wholesome
Parenting Practice! :)
I used to work for an office building that had lounges and meeting rooms, and they'd decorate them with real orchids sometimes, fake ones at other times. The real ones would usually get thrown out at the bosses insistence once they "died" but they had really just stopped flowering. One of the receptionists kept one of the real ones at the front desk, and got pretty attached to it, and took care of it. So when it stopped flowering we knew its execution would soon be ordered. I decided to rescue it by taking the stem and the flower off one of the plastic ones and fitting it into the middle of the pot so that it looked like it was in full bloom all the time. The plant was safe and the receptionist took it with her when she left the company. I joked that we had saved it by giving it the plant equivalent of a boob job - since we gave it enhanced secondary sexual characteristics. Silly little story but this made me think of that and I felt like sharing.
She probably sings and talk to it as well. Thinking it’ll give extra points for vibrancy.
With her green plastic watering can?
We have the same one on our mantel. My wife didn't water it enough though.
Would that include teeth?
😂😂That’s savage! My girlfriend at the time(soon to be wife) killed one of my Bonsai’s while I away gone on a deployment. Had a Hawaiian umbrella Bonsai that was perfectly trimmed and happy….was gone for about 10 weeks only to return to a dead plant. Her justification was it was hot and dry outside and needed a greenhouse. All it needed was a watering every week or so 🥴🤜🏻
fake plastic trees ~ radiohead
It’s still her plant and she’ll love it no matter what. Forever plastic plant❤️
OK I'm confused. Where was water going? Did it drain out somewhere? 🧐
Love the countertops. Nothing like a 100 million years of Earth history right in your kitchen.
Why didn’t water spill out everywhere
Evaporation
Lmao
Where did all the water go?
Evaporates
Idk, I water plants once a week, it seems like a lot of water to evaporate... I have starter plants too, stems that just sit in water, the plant is literally using the water and it still never completely evaporates. Just seems unreasonable to me...
Many water when the soil feels dry.
I get you, and I do understand how evaporation works, lol... It just seemed weird... not a big deal, just wondering our loud I guess, lol...
That must have felt discouraging to her. She was doing something silly AND found out because of a mean-spirited comment from her husband.