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White girl vaccination rates are at 75%? That's pretty good. But white girls will inject just about anything--Botox, insulin, heroin, the splooge of white guys who skateboard and play guitar.
White girl is a state of mind and being, honey.
If you aren't drinking a pumpkin latte and getting your cheeks puffed up by Jennifer while Kimberly is injecting that H inbetween your toes and Brandon is shooting his cummies into your Kitty. Then gurl, you best think again
I like pumpkin spice stuff here and there. The poptarts are good, the Trader Joe's cookies, some ice cream, coffee creamer, etc. But holy shit it's just ridiculous. I can't look in one 5'x5' (~1.3m²) section of the grocery store without multiple pumpkin spice options. It's comical how many brands are trying to get in on that shit.
I’m suddenly very thankful for the stores in my area that have grouped all the pumpkin flavored things on one end cap. You know where to go if you need it and where not to go if you’re sick of it lol. I personally love pumpkin flavored things. If you haven’t you should try the Whole Foods pumpkin cheesecake sandwich cookies. So dang good!
I drove by a german farmers lot the other day. He had stacked his Pyramid of Pumpins 6 Tractors high. At least that is what it looked like at 70 MPH and 100 Feet away.
Meanwhile this American is in the U.K. desperately wishing I could find some Libby’s pumpkin. That’s all. I don’t care about the rest of it. I’d just like to make some freaking pumpkin pie, and not have it cost me an arm and a leg and STILL not be the right kind.
Big pumpkin has gained full control fall and made itself an integral part of everything we consume for the season. I heard pumpkin enemas will be coming in 2022... delayed this year due to Covid of course.
Pumpkin extracts are used often in gentle facial peels to exfoliate and renew skin
Edited to add: there are masks by Peter Thomas Roth and Naturopathica
To add: There are also products that use ground-up pumpkin seeds as a substitute to microplastics for scrubbing and exfoliating skin
Source: I work for a company that makes such a product
Nobody asked but I liked the ending to HIMYM. Everyone talks about undoing the character development of Barney and Robin but no one ever talks about how them getting married undid the old character development of them dating and breaking up. Those kind of late series desperate story lines are why sit com finales are usually garbage but the higher effort twists through the years episode after the wedding was something I appreciated.
The problem I had with it was that the mother was supposed to be the perfect woman for Ted, and when he found her, there was no doubt she had what all the other women he dated didn't have. But having him end up with Robin after the mother died made it seem like he only settled for the mother because he couldn't have Robin.
Could have felt very different if they spent maybe one more episode length between Ted finally meeting the Mother and the dead mother new but old Robin.
I do appreciate what they tried to do, and I think it really was good (and could be better with some edits). It's not they shit the bed, smeared it around, licked it up, then repeated that a few times like Game of Thrones did. Now, THAT was a fucked up final season.
It's not fairy tale but it is a lesson on love, soul mates and timing. To me the show is at its best when the episode gives a fairly straightforward lesson but then in the closing narration it gives a wider lesson that could only come with the perspective of time. That's what the ending was for me.
I too am a fellow “non-hater” of the HIMYM finale for exactly this reason. The point is that people change as they age and what they want from life and from a partner also changes. Sometimes it works out and people grow together, but often they grow apart (see Barney and Robin). In the case of Ted, the mother, and Robin. Ted and the Mother were perfect for each other when Ted was in his 30s, when he wanted to settle down and start a family. He didn’t “settle” for the mother. Robin and Ted just wanted different things from life and from a partner in their 30s. Ted wanted a family; Robin wanted a career and adventure. “Now”, Ted has a family and Robin is the one finally wanting to settle down.
people just wanted to get to know the mother better, not a montage. Ted spent the whole show being a hopeless romantic about the idea of this woman and then gave us the cliff-notes. It doesn't help that they spent most of a season on Barney and Robin's wedding as a fake out.
I get that from an audience perspective. I do admire it as a cohesive whole. The entire series was about a widower seeking permission from his children to start dating and doing so in Ted’s usual roundabout, and very long-winded way. The show may have been called “How I Met Your Mother” and that’s what he told his kids, but that’s not what the story was about.
That’s not to say that the producers didn’t make lots of mistakes. Most of them seem attributable to making a show with an end goal in mind but no end date. That’s how you get plots and even whole seasons that don’t really go anywhere. It ran for way too long.
The divorce wasn’t the only thing people had a problem with. Having an entire season take place in a weekend sucked. The inability to make us laugh without call-back jokes sucked. The shameless information dump sucked. The fact that they recorded the ending years in advance and didn’t bother to update it sucked. Pretty much everything about that last season sucked.
Am parent. I would 100% do that, and pretend to have no clue while be laughing inside. All while my husband gives me disapproving side eye. My kid is only 5 though so I get away with a lot still.
That’s why these post bug me lol it’s not an accident or ironic. It’s what it was meant to be. Unless the mom is a toddler who doesn’t know how to use glue lol
A message to all users: Please be aware that spreading misinformation regarding COVID-19, vaccines, or other treatments can result in content being removed and/or a ban. Content advocating for or celebrating the death of anyone, or hoping someone gets COVID-19 (or any disease) can result in a ban as well. Please follow [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439). If you see content violating these policies, please use the report button and do not feed the trolls. [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) [Reddit's stance on misinformation](https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/pbmy5y/debate_dissent_and_protest_on_reddit) [/r/Funny's rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) We also encourage you to read these helpful resources on COVID-19, vaccines, and treatments: [COVID Dashboard](https://covid19.who.int/) [Reddit's Vaccine FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/wiki/faq#wiki_where_can_i_find_information_about_the_mechanism_and_progress_of_vaccines.3F) [Ivermectin FAQ](https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/detail/who-advises-that-ivermectin-only-be-used-to-treat-covid-19-within-clinical-trials) ------ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bookake
Love me a s-cream pie Edit: thank you for the awards and for not spoo-kink shaming me!
Ejac-O-Lantern Edit: Oh shit! Thank you so much for the awards! I’m truly humbled!
Pump-kin
Alabama.
Skull Tide!
Dad?
Depends. You waiting for me to get them cigs still?
*looks down sadly* *sniff* .....no.....
Dick-or-Treat
Jac-Off-Lantern
Cumpkin
Pump Kin
Cocktober
Happy swalloween!
Spunkin
incestuously hilarious
Yet, magically delicious.
[удалено]
Hey step-brother, let's pretend to be silly rabbits.
Dicks are for kids!
I don’t like where this went
Neither did the kids.
Yes officer, this post right here.
Everyone turn back, we fucked up.
I need an adult!
Closer the kin, easier it goes in.
Pump skin...
Pumpndumpkin
Jack-Off-Lantern
Aww, Cumpkin!
Eileen
Spookake
[Oh, uh, there was a ghost! This is ectoplasm! Did you see the ghost? It ran through here...it slimed me!](https://imgur.com/r/reactiongifs/NwFWS7F)
Jack-on-lantern
Jack-off-lantern
Jack-in-lantern
Jack-out-lantern
David S. Pumpkins The 'S' is for sperm
Any questions?
Yes, I have lots of questions.
God damn it this is too good
Ahegourd
Spooge-ky
Splooge-key
this is genius
I didn't think I was gonna nearly die today because of laughter, but we are.
Just doing my job to make life a little more tolerable :)
This is the thread winner.
Trick-or-skeet
You’re my favorite comment here
Much obliged
r/dontstickyourdickinthat
Ok now I'm a little nervous as to what my friend actually meant when she suggested we go get pumpkin facials next week.
I mean...even if it's the other, non-sex thing...why? Is that a thing?
It is officially autumn, and the US has once again fallen into pumpkin madness.
So you're telling me you don't want pumpkin spice added to every single food and drink item you consume? Huh. Halloween grinch over here.
[удалено]
White girl vaccination rate jumps from ~75 to 100% overnight.
White girl vaccination rates are at 75%? That's pretty good. But white girls will inject just about anything--Botox, insulin, heroin, the splooge of white guys who skateboard and play guitar.
He was a skater boy, he was a vaccinated boy, he wasn't good enough for her.
Am... am I white girl?
White girl is a state of mind and being, honey. If you aren't drinking a pumpkin latte and getting your cheeks puffed up by Jennifer while Kimberly is injecting that H inbetween your toes and Brandon is shooting his cummies into your Kitty. Then gurl, you best think again
Cummins into your kitty Wtf did I just read?
If you have to ask, the answer is yes.
We're all white girls on this blessed day.
I like pumpkin spice stuff here and there. The poptarts are good, the Trader Joe's cookies, some ice cream, coffee creamer, etc. But holy shit it's just ridiculous. I can't look in one 5'x5' (~1.3m²) section of the grocery store without multiple pumpkin spice options. It's comical how many brands are trying to get in on that shit.
Trader Joe's Pumpkin Empanadas are utterly disgusting! And I'll die on that hill...
I’m suddenly very thankful for the stores in my area that have grouped all the pumpkin flavored things on one end cap. You know where to go if you need it and where not to go if you’re sick of it lol. I personally love pumpkin flavored things. If you haven’t you should try the Whole Foods pumpkin cheesecake sandwich cookies. So dang good!
I drove by a german farmers lot the other day. He had stacked his Pyramid of Pumpins 6 Tractors high. At least that is what it looked like at 70 MPH and 100 Feet away.
Meanwhile this American is in the U.K. desperately wishing I could find some Libby’s pumpkin. That’s all. I don’t care about the rest of it. I’d just like to make some freaking pumpkin pie, and not have it cost me an arm and a leg and STILL not be the right kind.
Big pumpkin has gained full control fall and made itself an integral part of everything we consume for the season. I heard pumpkin enemas will be coming in 2022... delayed this year due to Covid of course.
Pumpkin extracts are used often in gentle facial peels to exfoliate and renew skin Edited to add: there are masks by Peter Thomas Roth and Naturopathica
To add: There are also products that use ground-up pumpkin seeds as a substitute to microplastics for scrubbing and exfoliating skin Source: I work for a company that makes such a product
Hell yea! Keep it up. Fuck microplastics.
They’re surprisingly good and feels nice on your skin. I work for a company that distributes such products, so I get samples.
Cumkin
Jack-off-O-lantern
Pumpkin Cream Pie
***"It tastes as good as it sounds... DEEEEELICIOUS!"***
Jacked-off-lantern
Jack O-Face Lantern
Humpkin
Just gave a blumpkin
Put it in my rumpkin
You're giving me a lumpkin
Sumpkin Sumpkin sex joke.
I don't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
You know my mom?
Now with double the seed!
Spunkin.
Tell that to Rumpelstiltskin. ❤️🧡~
Rumple foreskin
Grindr profile photo right there
Someone did this to a coconut
They didn't have a cumbox
Mom! I broke both my wrist!
Ahh the tales of yore
coco nut
Why, why does it always end with the coconut??
Spunk-o-lantern
I came here solely to make sure this comment existed
Pump-kin
*What do rednecks do on Halloween?* Pumpkin.
Gory hole..
One man’s gory hole is another man’s phallus palace
Maybe cumpkin
r/PutYourDickInThat
r/DontPutYourDickInThat
The put your dick in thats have it.
[удалено]
The pumpkin of GLORY
Oh come on. Gourdy was right there.
I saved that one for you to use
Ah, a semen demon.
It's the elusive slutty pumpkin!
Dammit, Mosbey!
Nobody asked but I liked the ending to HIMYM. Everyone talks about undoing the character development of Barney and Robin but no one ever talks about how them getting married undid the old character development of them dating and breaking up. Those kind of late series desperate story lines are why sit com finales are usually garbage but the higher effort twists through the years episode after the wedding was something I appreciated.
The problem I had with it was that the mother was supposed to be the perfect woman for Ted, and when he found her, there was no doubt she had what all the other women he dated didn't have. But having him end up with Robin after the mother died made it seem like he only settled for the mother because he couldn't have Robin.
Could have felt very different if they spent maybe one more episode length between Ted finally meeting the Mother and the dead mother new but old Robin. I do appreciate what they tried to do, and I think it really was good (and could be better with some edits). It's not they shit the bed, smeared it around, licked it up, then repeated that a few times like Game of Thrones did. Now, THAT was a fucked up final season.
It's not fairy tale but it is a lesson on love, soul mates and timing. To me the show is at its best when the episode gives a fairly straightforward lesson but then in the closing narration it gives a wider lesson that could only come with the perspective of time. That's what the ending was for me.
I too am a fellow “non-hater” of the HIMYM finale for exactly this reason. The point is that people change as they age and what they want from life and from a partner also changes. Sometimes it works out and people grow together, but often they grow apart (see Barney and Robin). In the case of Ted, the mother, and Robin. Ted and the Mother were perfect for each other when Ted was in his 30s, when he wanted to settle down and start a family. He didn’t “settle” for the mother. Robin and Ted just wanted different things from life and from a partner in their 30s. Ted wanted a family; Robin wanted a career and adventure. “Now”, Ted has a family and Robin is the one finally wanting to settle down.
people just wanted to get to know the mother better, not a montage. Ted spent the whole show being a hopeless romantic about the idea of this woman and then gave us the cliff-notes. It doesn't help that they spent most of a season on Barney and Robin's wedding as a fake out.
I get that from an audience perspective. I do admire it as a cohesive whole. The entire series was about a widower seeking permission from his children to start dating and doing so in Ted’s usual roundabout, and very long-winded way. The show may have been called “How I Met Your Mother” and that’s what he told his kids, but that’s not what the story was about. That’s not to say that the producers didn’t make lots of mistakes. Most of them seem attributable to making a show with an end goal in mind but no end date. That’s how you get plots and even whole seasons that don’t really go anywhere. It ran for way too long.
The divorce wasn’t the only thing people had a problem with. Having an entire season take place in a weekend sucked. The inability to make us laugh without call-back jokes sucked. The shameless information dump sucked. The fact that they recorded the ending years in advance and didn’t bother to update it sucked. Pretty much everything about that last season sucked.
The only thing that didnt was the episode How your Mother Met me.
Honestly I just love everything Neil Patrick Harris brings to movies and shows, and the irony of his role was great.
Why are you looking at me like that, step pumpkin?
if you ain’t first you’re last
It's time for a boo job!
☠
I find it hard to believe that that amount of glue was an accident
I find it very easy to believe that that amount of glue was on purpose.
"You used up all the glue...on purpose!"
Notafinga!
Hot glue guns are hard to use. Sometimes it just starts coming and it don’t stop coming…
[удалено]
Yeah, and the eyes are looking up, as if rolled up in ecstasy. I think it was deliberate.
I see angry cat like eyes, not necesarily ahegao anime orgasm eyes. But to each their own.
Am parent. I would 100% do that, and pretend to have no clue while be laughing inside. All while my husband gives me disapproving side eye. My kid is only 5 though so I get away with a lot still.
She can just paint the glue red.
Your friends mom knew what she was doing
Ejacolantern
Welp, that looks inappropriate
Better or worse if there were some seeds glued all over the "chin"?
\*unzips pants\* Nah.
The eyes cannot have been a mistake IMO. She knew what she was doing.
Well he sucked something
Looks like you blew a seal
Nah it’s just a little ice cream!
Does it really look like Heidi Klum to you?
[удалено]
/r/Doputyourdickinthat
There it is
r/maybeputyourdickithat
Looks like you warned him too late
At least the pumpkin looks satisfied.
You think the pumpkin looks satisfied? You should see the face of the neighboring kumquat.
Subtle.
[удалено]
Blumpkin the pumpkin
She knew what she was doing.
That’s why these post bug me lol it’s not an accident or ironic. It’s what it was meant to be. Unless the mom is a toddler who doesn’t know how to use glue lol
Sigh.. *unzips*
This will go down as the greatest Halloween photo of 2021. Nothing will beat this.
Someone definitely beat it.
Just beat it! Beat it! No one wants to beat it! Beat it! Just beat it!
Time to replace the coconut.
Waiting for the "TIFU by sticking my dick in a rotten vampire pumpkin"
Coconut flash backs
“It was a spooky ghost!”
Red nail polish would fix this and make it considerably less funny
I'm not sure what i expected when i saw the NSFW, but it wasn't this...
Thank god its not a coconut.
Looks like someone has been Smashing Pumpkins tonight tonight. Is that mayonaise?
Nailed it.
Don't let anyone show this to Shadman.
I wouldn’t stick your penis in that wiener trap.
Good ol' PUMP-kin job.
Failed successfully
r/SluttyHalloween
I love pumpkin cream pie 🥧
*Peter North has exited the chat*
Pukkake
[Zzzip] moneys on the table. See you next year.
I'll name it Dracumla
Really? I'd go with Blosferatu.
Looks like Frank’s casaba melon
Well it is horrifying so I’d call it a win.
Talk about your jack'olantern.
Now that’s what I call a slutty pumpkin!
Talk about a fall-themed glory hole.
Such a naughty pumpkin.
Found the gloryhole for Halloween night. Someone got to it early though.
Oh... thats fucking hilarious
It can blow your fears away