Go through all the emotions you need to cycle through until you feel better. It is ok to cry, it is ok to be angry, it is ok to feel loss, it is ok to feel happy as you reflect on good times, etc. This is the time to feel all the feelings in their pure raw form. It is also ok if you feel nothing.
Eventually, when you are ready and a sufficient amount of time has passed you will have found your way to acceptance and closure. Time is definitely a key factor. The amount of time needed will vary from person to person.
Once your wounds have healed it is to your benefit to reflect back and do a post-mortem of your experience. Take note of what you felt went well as well as what you felt could have gone better. What could you improve upon personally that would make the next relationship healthier and allow you to be a better you. If you turn your life experiences into teachable moments then you can live with no regrets.
But for now, just let the emotions run their course. Conversely, this is a time when you should pamper yourself if the mood strikes you. Go do something fun for yourself to boost your spirits in between feeling down. Whatever you can do to fill the time so it feels like it's passing quickly.
You got this, OP!
That does not change any factual information that I stated.
Perhaps the Reddit terms and conditions need to be updated to include a section on humour as in having a sense of one as a recommended prerequisite before engaging with the content.
But thank you for your sarcastic response to a literal interpretation of my comment! The lunacy of the situation has been amusing to say the least. ;)
Just to let you know, anything written on Reddit is not your intellectual property—it’s Reddit’s. You agreed to their content policy when you signed up. By submitting user content to Reddit, you granted them royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, unrestricted, worldwide license to reproduce, prepare derivative works, distribute copies, perform, or publicly display your user content in any form and for any purpose. That also means that other users can copy your text and create a bot with it.
THIS. And don't forget the little things along the way - you know, eating, sleeping, setting yourself up for a good day tomorrow, even if today is bad. You'll get through this!
Let me know when you broke up and I can tell you exactly. The more specificity you can provide the more precise I can be. :P
Oh no...I shouldn not have opted to respond to you in a tongue-in-cheek fashion because karma has already come around with my punishment: that Maroon 5 song is going to be stuck in my head for the next several hours at least. The one that features "where were you..." something something. This is going to be brutal because although it's a pleasant song, I certainly do _not_ know all or most of the words.
I wish I could have been there for you during your last break-up (for moral support not to revel in your misfortune).
He turned into a bottom? 😭
Also I’m sorry, I’m a sensitive ass guy, my entire life opening up to someone so intimately and pouring out affection then losing that is still rly rly unbearable for me.
I completely know how you feel and I’m sorry, especially on the music part, and not being able to eat.
Some days all I want is to have sex and fall asleep with my ex boyfriend, it’s hard, and It is painful.
I edited the comment bc I totally relate to this feeling like right now.
My ex (that I still love 🤦🏻♂️) and I are talking, and I am “no longer his type”
The cuddling part, ppl don’t talk abt.
This is why gents, “preferences” are important and you SHOULD ask a guy if he’s a top or bottom.
He wants to be with a top, you’re not one, easy as that. Next time have the discussion in the talking phase before you even get together
Absolutely Not. Vers ≠ bottom. Vers = vers. Now vers bottom can = bottom because primary that’s their role but wouldn’t mind topping on some occasions and vice versa for Vers Top. But vers guys love giving just as much as they receive.
I get that as far as relationships go but empirically every Vers top I’ve encountered on apps wants to just top and every Vers bottom wants to bottom. I don’t get why the Vers is added.
And that’s because some guys only prefer a certain role during hookup. For example I consider myself Vers Top but On a hookup I don’t bottom. I only bottom when I’m in a relationship for my partner. That’s because bottoming is stressful for me but I’d want to please and satisfy my partner so yes he can have my ass. So saying I’m a top is kinda of a lie bcoz yes I do bottom but only when I’m in a relationship. But I know people have different opinions and reasons as to why they call themselves that but to say vers = bottom is where I draw the line lol. Love to my vers guys. And yes Vers guys exist. They are not top neither are they bottom. They are Vers. The best hybrid of us all. Lol
No I fully agree. I think most “Vers tops” are like you: won’t bottom on hookups but maybe in relationships. It just seems a bit of a waste of time for apps like Grindr (mainly built for encounters, so the relationship element normally won’t come into play).
but it sounds like he wouldn't even give OP the chance to try it out, but just decided for him that he wasn't gonna like topping.. sounds to me like he wasn't interested in the relationship anymore regardless of the top/bottom issue, otherwise he would've wanted to at least try to resolve the issue, like OP. instead, he not only made zero efforts by himself, but he also kinda sabotaged OP's options/scope of action to address the issue, by simply ignoring him when he suggested possible ways that could solve the 'problem' (from my understanding of OP's post).
so, to me, it sounds like the 'problem' really was not (only) that. and the ex's (non-)communication was a shitty way to avoid confrontation, let OP do all the work, and leaving him in the situation he is in now, where he feels lost, stunned, and hurt. the way he treated OP was simply unfair.
OP, you will get over it, trust me, even if it feels like the end of the world to you right now. distract yourself, be with other guys if that's for you, cry when you have to, sleep a lot, watch pointless movies, play games, whatever works for you. and after some time, you'll notice how the weight from your heart has been lifted and it doesn't ache as much anymore, and it'll feel like such a relief, like freedom, like finally not caring (as much) anymore. when you feel desperate, just look forward to that freedom.
hugs from a friendly stranger
as a vers guy, i would not like if someone who says they’re a bottom to top me. like i don’t want to be their first one of the the only topping experience.
It’s usually embedded in the comments. I’ve seen it at least 5 times in the past week or so. Usually along the lines of well it’s just a preference, real gay men are verse etc.
Same honestly,
Pay attention how they are always telling bottoms that they have a dick and need to top but never have a problem with a top that doesn’t wanna bottom.
It’s forreal bottom shaming.Y’all really don’t like men that own being a bottom and don’t wanna be anything else but that
They honestly shame the tops too because, you know, they should want to be fucked because they are GAY MEN. This seems like a new thing to me—I never experienced this kind of thought process years ago. And then people have no problems with sides who don’t want penetration at all 🤷♂️. But like I totally respect their choice, just not for me.
I feel like it could have been something eles like I did ask if I could walk with him but he said he'd have to drive to a park bc he can't be seen with me in his neighborhood
Right there man, you've identified the issue. Relationships are all about open and honest communication. He was unable to communicate and allow you the opportunity to engage with different parts of himself. That's not something you did wrong, it's something he did wrong. Keep the good memories. Move on from it when you're able to. First relationships are more emotionally charged and that can be difficult to handle when they end because it's your first time dealing with that kind of grief. You'll get through it, and find somebody better in the future.
well many gay men are extremely sexual so makes sense to break up over anal sex position preference.
why do you think gay men have much more sex than straight men?
You're getting downvotes but this has been my experience too. Every single "total top" I've been with has wanted to bottom occasionally once we got to a certain level of intimacy. Not frequently, but once in a while.
He’s getting downvoted because his point isn’t really relevant. The other guy in the post felt like they weren’t compatible because of sexual positions. That’s his prerogative. He gets to make that choice regardless of what “most men” can do, want to do, whatever.
If you read some of OP's other comments it becomes clear that there was way more going on in that relationship than preferred position for anal, like his ex being embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Also, he's 18 and they were only together for two months. I'm not saying the ex was wrong to break up (OP deserves someone who isn't ashamed of him, for one), but I do think it's worth telling young guys without a lot of sexual or relationship experience that sexual positions aren't as set in stone as internet memes make it look.
> I do think it's worth telling young guys without a lot of sexual or relationship experience that sexual positions aren't as set in stone as internet memes make it look.
Definitely agree!
lol it's not straight men who're picky, it's straight women who're picky and will reject many men before choosing a tall physically attractive man to be her sexual partner.
if it were up to straight men alone, they would be having as much sex as gay men.
Becsuse topping and bottoming are polar opposites and completely different sex acts, not different positions like doggy / missionary.
Some gay men have absolutely zero interest in doing one (or either) position.
Spare me. Who even needs penetration at all? Can't people just have fun? There are so many sexual acts out there and you are telling me these two is really all you have and you are willing to break up because of it, if you are otherwise compatible in the silly small dating pool we gays have?
I’m not the one dictating to other people how important or insignificant they should treat various sex acts in their own sex lives. Maybe anal sex isn’t very important for you, but for other people it can be very important.
Some people are satisfied with very vanilla sex lives, other people are only satisfied with varying degrees of kink. It’s so ironic and frankly depressing that a queer person is dictating other queer people how they should be having sex.
Huh, could you point me to where you read the "dictating" part? Live your life however you like, this was just an attempt to point out life is complex and colorful and having a working relationship is a precious thing worth considering alternatives to just topping and bottoming.
You’re talking about your own feelings as if they are universal, but they’re not. You obviously don’t care about topping and bottoming, but sex is very important for a great deal of people, especially specifically anal sex for gay men.
It’s not unreasonable to want a working relationship where you are also sexually satisfied. For a lot of people you *can’t* have a working relationship where your sexual needs are not being met.
Some people aren’t like you and need topping / bottoming to be sexually satisfied, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Are people so inflexible in their positions that this is a relationship breaker? Seems heteronormative to me… two bottoms can’t be together just like two women can’t be together (“HoW on eArTh CoULd tHeY pLeAsUrE eAcH oTHeR?!”)
I think it’s something else.
I agree, mostly. I think it's valid to have whatever preferences you want including these and express them up front. But as an aside, I wish more people were open to being flexible/vers/sides and not making this the focus. I think a lot of emotionally compatible people could discover they're actually pretty compatible physically too if they don't box themselves in. But everyone's different... I do agree that this specific situation suggests more going on than sexual position preferences changing.
It could be something else, but I do think sexual compatibility is important. Especially since the relationship wasn’t that long all things considered. If I had a partner who was strictly a side, I do think I’d be frustrated.
I reread it and the relationship was only a couple months old, so yeah I agree the relationship ending wouldn't the end of the world (for me).
But OP did offer to top, but the other guy somehow decided that it... didn't feel right? I think that's the weird part, that bottoms have to stay bottoms or whatever. As if vers people don't exist, or people changing their position preference over time isn't a thing.
I was speaking in generalities, I don't really know or care about how your body works
But also people's bodies can change over time. Some people are tops for decades, then turn into bottoms, and vice versa. The "heteronormative" part is thinking you're somehow stuck in one role forever.
Sex is important in a relationship for some people. Different people put different emphasis on it, and that's okay. Think of it this way; would you want to date someone who doesn't enjoy topping you if you're a bottom? Maybe now you can find someone who fits your preferences better, because it sounds like he couldn't satisfy you in that way.
I think this is a negotiable topic. Sexual activities are experimental so I hardly see the problem unless he exclusively prefer to bottom. Also I have hooked up with vers guys who mostly prefer to bottom and they have zero issues about me being an another vers to top them. We used toys as well to enhance our experience. Breaking up is over just bottoming is just ridiculous.
It sounds terrible that you're going through a breakup, but compatibility is important.
Unfortunately, he wasn't a match. The best you can do is go through the emotions and move on. There's someone out there who will be a better match who you can love and love you back and enjoy a great sex life too.
I don't want to jump to conclusions.. it's not that the problem isn't the position itself, but that he sees a bottom partner as unmasculine or something? Unfortunately, these people exist
First 3 months is trying a relationship on for size. One should expect the possibility of it ending. You weren’t compatible. Give it a good cry. Eat a pint of ice cream and move on. You’ll find the “perfect for you” guy.
If someone thinks that a preference for sexual position is more important than personality, shared memories, values in common, etc, i probably wouldn't want a relationship with them anyway. Sex isn't everyone's priority. And no, i am not shaming people for whom sex is very important
Thanks dude I can't even eat still I feel like vomiting now like literally all I had these past 3 days were 1 burger 1 egg 1 toast and some frys and it all tasted like cardboard but I'm just feeling a little better now
Hang in there and try to stay hydrated and try to nourish yourself, take rest, the first week was absolutely terrible for me, I couldn’t sleep, i felt like idk what to do with myself, the second night a friend talked me through most of the night on the phone, slowly your rose coloured glasses will come off and you’ll see that its not the end of the world and probably for the best, you will learn alot and grow from this, heartbreak is necessary and good for us and our growth.
In the kindest possible way, it’s worth reflecting on why you’ve taken it quite so hard. If you can figure that out then it’ll make your life a lot easier in the long term. Journalling always works for me.
Why is communication so hard in relationships in this community? People will hang out for months and think just ghosting and disappearing from someone's life with no explanation is ok after one minor inconvenience hits them. There's a serious lack of respect there IMO
So was it me who did something wrong? Bc every time I said how was ur day they would just say good and when I said well what made it good they would just say nothing really like if he didn't wanna really talk then he would make up excuses for not talking to me like I lost my phone for like 30 hours
No I meant coming from him. People just falling silent and ignoring texts all of a sudden annoy me, I've gone through it too. I'd rather someone just tell me outright I'm not interested anymore because X. In your case I still think it isn't a valid reason to leave like others said here
> So was it me who did something wrong?
This is the exact opposite of what the parent comment said. Sounds like the guy you were dating didn’t have a the spine to tell you how he really felt. It’s a dick move and while it feels bad now,with time you’ll see you dodged a bullet.
Awe, you changed the boys life. You helped him learn and grow and you're very lucky to have been able to participate in his life in that way, but now he is ready to take what he has learned and move on. A couple of months is nothing, try and be thankful for the time you had and the way you were able to impact his life forever.
There was more to it than the sex that he is not telling you about, or, if it was only about the sex, he is a shallow Prick. Sorry. Smile. Find a great guy.
I know dating is hard, and I am no expert, but come on, know your worth babe. He aint that special, and you will find other that treat you better that he could ever do. Be sad, for him. For what he gonna miss without you. Sex is important, but relationship are more than that. I see people in similar situation work things out, and he dont even care to try. Two try can make it through the sea , but with only one try, both will drown in the sink. Take your time, to remember that you are loved and cherished, you are none lesser than before without him. Have a great day, dont crying to much, cuz you may miss your sould mate passing by.
Ugh. That makes my stomach hurt. Especially after you were trying to make it work by going outta your norm. I’m so sorry but keep your head up! I broke up with my longtime gf (I’m bi) like 2/3 years ago I don’t even remember anymore tbh.
Though I’ve been in the best mental and physical shape I’ve ever been and it’s been consecutive.
I haven’t found a bf but I’ve been around and it’ll happen when it happens but you just gotta move on and enjoy yourself again!
Sorry your going through this I totally relate! I was once on a third date and he finally brought sex and asked what position I am. I started to answer and said that I mostly top… well he ended the date right there. LMAO. He said, “Oh no. NOPE. I can never date another top again! Just can’t do it.” I have always been of the frame of mind that two gay guys will always find a way to get each other off, so to me it doesn’t matter. The funny part is that I was going to say … but lately I find myself more of aspiring verse working on bottoming… but at that point I was so disappointed that something like that was a dealbreaker.
This is so selfish on his part I can speak from experience me and my BF are both bottoms and we still maintain a healthy relationship both emotionally and physically.
Two bottoms can have just as much fun as a top and bottom my BF has topped a couple times but we both came to an agreement that he's not the best top but he tried so Most of the time when we do have sex it's either oral or hands or sometimes use toys and every blue moon I'll get major top energy and I'll top
Long story short you might be mad,sad or confused just remember this he wasn't worth your time or effort..
Hope you learned something from this, as well as everyone reading this.
The top-bottom thing matters. The bf didn't want to get into a relationship with a bottom, just like he wouldn't want a woman or trans-man.
If you think it doesn't matter, you're young and naive.
In my opinion there are no vers. You always like one over the other more. So be honest upfront. Says vers bottom or vers top but not vers. In my opinion you always like one more than the other.
Go through all the emotions you need to cycle through until you feel better. It is ok to cry, it is ok to be angry, it is ok to feel loss, it is ok to feel happy as you reflect on good times, etc. This is the time to feel all the feelings in their pure raw form. It is also ok if you feel nothing. Eventually, when you are ready and a sufficient amount of time has passed you will have found your way to acceptance and closure. Time is definitely a key factor. The amount of time needed will vary from person to person. Once your wounds have healed it is to your benefit to reflect back and do a post-mortem of your experience. Take note of what you felt went well as well as what you felt could have gone better. What could you improve upon personally that would make the next relationship healthier and allow you to be a better you. If you turn your life experiences into teachable moments then you can live with no regrets. But for now, just let the emotions run their course. Conversely, this is a time when you should pamper yourself if the mood strikes you. Go do something fun for yourself to boost your spirits in between feeling down. Whatever you can do to fill the time so it feels like it's passing quickly. You got this, OP!
Someone please copy and paste this so a bot can reply with this advice in every thread.
That's plagiarism and theft of intellectual property. However, I do appreciate the supportive sentiment underlying your statement!
Lol
At least you found my comment humorous (even though it is also true)!
Don't downvote him- that was hilarious!
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What do you mean? I got what from ChatGPT?
Best go read the terms and conditions you signed up to in regard to the use of Reddit and its private platform. 😘
That does not change any factual information that I stated. Perhaps the Reddit terms and conditions need to be updated to include a section on humour as in having a sense of one as a recommended prerequisite before engaging with the content. But thank you for your sarcastic response to a literal interpretation of my comment! The lunacy of the situation has been amusing to say the least. ;)
Just to let you know, anything written on Reddit is not your intellectual property—it’s Reddit’s. You agreed to their content policy when you signed up. By submitting user content to Reddit, you granted them royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, unrestricted, worldwide license to reproduce, prepare derivative works, distribute copies, perform, or publicly display your user content in any form and for any purpose. That also means that other users can copy your text and create a bot with it.
Thanks dude
THIS. And don't forget the little things along the way - you know, eating, sleeping, setting yourself up for a good day tomorrow, even if today is bad. You'll get through this!
Sheesh.. where were you when I went through my breakup
Let me know when you broke up and I can tell you exactly. The more specificity you can provide the more precise I can be. :P Oh no...I shouldn not have opted to respond to you in a tongue-in-cheek fashion because karma has already come around with my punishment: that Maroon 5 song is going to be stuck in my head for the next several hours at least. The one that features "where were you..." something something. This is going to be brutal because although it's a pleasant song, I certainly do _not_ know all or most of the words. I wish I could have been there for you during your last break-up (for moral support not to revel in your misfortune).
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I don't understand the bracketed comment at the end. What does it mean?
When I was 18 this most likely happened.
He turned into a bottom? 😭 Also I’m sorry, I’m a sensitive ass guy, my entire life opening up to someone so intimately and pouring out affection then losing that is still rly rly unbearable for me. I completely know how you feel and I’m sorry, especially on the music part, and not being able to eat. Some days all I want is to have sex and fall asleep with my ex boyfriend, it’s hard, and It is painful.
Yea
I edited the comment bc I totally relate to this feeling like right now. My ex (that I still love 🤦🏻♂️) and I are talking, and I am “no longer his type” The cuddling part, ppl don’t talk abt.
Yea I saw u edit it a second ago I'm sorry that happened
And I’m sorry you’re missing him, it gets better. There’s a lot of cute guys out here.
r/shippingredditors
This is why gents, “preferences” are important and you SHOULD ask a guy if he’s a top or bottom. He wants to be with a top, you’re not one, easy as that. Next time have the discussion in the talking phase before you even get together
He said he was a switch when we met but now he said I'm a bottom
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Absolutely Not. Vers ≠ bottom. Vers = vers. Now vers bottom can = bottom because primary that’s their role but wouldn’t mind topping on some occasions and vice versa for Vers Top. But vers guys love giving just as much as they receive.
I get that as far as relationships go but empirically every Vers top I’ve encountered on apps wants to just top and every Vers bottom wants to bottom. I don’t get why the Vers is added.
And that’s because some guys only prefer a certain role during hookup. For example I consider myself Vers Top but On a hookup I don’t bottom. I only bottom when I’m in a relationship for my partner. That’s because bottoming is stressful for me but I’d want to please and satisfy my partner so yes he can have my ass. So saying I’m a top is kinda of a lie bcoz yes I do bottom but only when I’m in a relationship. But I know people have different opinions and reasons as to why they call themselves that but to say vers = bottom is where I draw the line lol. Love to my vers guys. And yes Vers guys exist. They are not top neither are they bottom. They are Vers. The best hybrid of us all. Lol
No I fully agree. I think most “Vers tops” are like you: won’t bottom on hookups but maybe in relationships. It just seems a bit of a waste of time for apps like Grindr (mainly built for encounters, so the relationship element normally won’t come into play).
Ok I'll keep that in mind, thanks
but it sounds like he wouldn't even give OP the chance to try it out, but just decided for him that he wasn't gonna like topping.. sounds to me like he wasn't interested in the relationship anymore regardless of the top/bottom issue, otherwise he would've wanted to at least try to resolve the issue, like OP. instead, he not only made zero efforts by himself, but he also kinda sabotaged OP's options/scope of action to address the issue, by simply ignoring him when he suggested possible ways that could solve the 'problem' (from my understanding of OP's post). so, to me, it sounds like the 'problem' really was not (only) that. and the ex's (non-)communication was a shitty way to avoid confrontation, let OP do all the work, and leaving him in the situation he is in now, where he feels lost, stunned, and hurt. the way he treated OP was simply unfair. OP, you will get over it, trust me, even if it feels like the end of the world to you right now. distract yourself, be with other guys if that's for you, cry when you have to, sleep a lot, watch pointless movies, play games, whatever works for you. and after some time, you'll notice how the weight from your heart has been lifted and it doesn't ache as much anymore, and it'll feel like such a relief, like freedom, like finally not caring (as much) anymore. when you feel desperate, just look forward to that freedom. hugs from a friendly stranger
as a vers guy, i would not like if someone who says they’re a bottom to top me. like i don’t want to be their first one of the the only topping experience.
Don’t you know all the verse guys on here think our preferences don’t matter and we should all be verse?? Lol
You being downvoted but you're right lol. And I firmly believe the guys who say that are not truly vers.
Wtf… Whoever that says your preferences doesnt matter is an asshole... This isnt related to being vers.
It’s just commonly discussed by verse guys on here, not all verse guys of course.
Well I do follow this subreddit and didnt encounter such a thing even once. So I highly doubt it is common.
It’s usually embedded in the comments. I’ve seen it at least 5 times in the past week or so. Usually along the lines of well it’s just a preference, real gay men are verse etc.
I see. Well that sucks… And well, anyone talking about someone else’s preferences as if they absolutely know it is a moron…
You’re 100% right. You see it on this sub all the time, vers guys forcing tops/bottoms to be like them. It’s soo annoying and I’m so over it.
Honestly I’d rather be celibate than be a top, as crazy as that may sound for some. I’m over it too.
Same honestly, Pay attention how they are always telling bottoms that they have a dick and need to top but never have a problem with a top that doesn’t wanna bottom. It’s forreal bottom shaming.Y’all really don’t like men that own being a bottom and don’t wanna be anything else but that
They honestly shame the tops too because, you know, they should want to be fucked because they are GAY MEN. This seems like a new thing to me—I never experienced this kind of thought process years ago. And then people have no problems with sides who don’t want penetration at all 🤷♂️. But like I totally respect their choice, just not for me.
Weird. Breaking up over something as mundane as anal sex position preference.
I feel like it could have been something eles like I did ask if I could walk with him but he said he'd have to drive to a park bc he can't be seen with me in his neighborhood
sounds like something a lot deeper than him being a bottom is going on there m8
Yea I said why's that and he just said I'm shy and that's it he wouldn't talk mire about it
Right there man, you've identified the issue. Relationships are all about open and honest communication. He was unable to communicate and allow you the opportunity to engage with different parts of himself. That's not something you did wrong, it's something he did wrong. Keep the good memories. Move on from it when you're able to. First relationships are more emotionally charged and that can be difficult to handle when they end because it's your first time dealing with that kind of grief. You'll get through it, and find somebody better in the future.
> sounds like something a lot deeper than him being a bottom is going on there m8 Perhaps lack of punctuation?
It's precisely a good reason to break up after 2 months when you're 18.
It's the right thing to do maybe , better than being cheated on like what happened with me 🙃
That's hardly mundane. A fulfilling sex life is a very important part of a relationship to most people.
Right… feels weird to not care to be compatible with people? The fact that this is the top comment is weird to me
well many gay men are extremely sexual so makes sense to break up over anal sex position preference. why do you think gay men have much more sex than straight men?
Sex on the first date. That way you know if you're sexually compatible.
Most men are verse, especially in a relationship. So it is even a dumber reason to break up. Guys can do both, there is more variety.
You're getting downvotes but this has been my experience too. Every single "total top" I've been with has wanted to bottom occasionally once we got to a certain level of intimacy. Not frequently, but once in a while.
Yup. Reddit just doesn't have sex so they don't get it.
He’s getting downvoted because his point isn’t really relevant. The other guy in the post felt like they weren’t compatible because of sexual positions. That’s his prerogative. He gets to make that choice regardless of what “most men” can do, want to do, whatever.
If you read some of OP's other comments it becomes clear that there was way more going on in that relationship than preferred position for anal, like his ex being embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Also, he's 18 and they were only together for two months. I'm not saying the ex was wrong to break up (OP deserves someone who isn't ashamed of him, for one), but I do think it's worth telling young guys without a lot of sexual or relationship experience that sexual positions aren't as set in stone as internet memes make it look.
> I do think it's worth telling young guys without a lot of sexual or relationship experience that sexual positions aren't as set in stone as internet memes make it look. Definitely agree!
The fact they are... picky?
Straight men are absolutely not picky.
lol it's not straight men who're picky, it's straight women who're picky and will reject many men before choosing a tall physically attractive man to be her sexual partner. if it were up to straight men alone, they would be having as much sex as gay men.
Try talking to a woman instead of uncritically repeating the crap your straight friends tell you.
As a gay man, I have many female friends. Every single of them are picky.
I mean, to rephrase: if men just fuck anything that lets them, how come an anal sex position preference can stop them so easily?
Because there’s no one to do the fucking.
Becsuse topping and bottoming are polar opposites and completely different sex acts, not different positions like doggy / missionary. Some gay men have absolutely zero interest in doing one (or either) position.
Spare me. Who even needs penetration at all? Can't people just have fun? There are so many sexual acts out there and you are telling me these two is really all you have and you are willing to break up because of it, if you are otherwise compatible in the silly small dating pool we gays have?
I’m not the one dictating to other people how important or insignificant they should treat various sex acts in their own sex lives. Maybe anal sex isn’t very important for you, but for other people it can be very important. Some people are satisfied with very vanilla sex lives, other people are only satisfied with varying degrees of kink. It’s so ironic and frankly depressing that a queer person is dictating other queer people how they should be having sex.
Huh, could you point me to where you read the "dictating" part? Live your life however you like, this was just an attempt to point out life is complex and colorful and having a working relationship is a precious thing worth considering alternatives to just topping and bottoming.
You’re talking about your own feelings as if they are universal, but they’re not. You obviously don’t care about topping and bottoming, but sex is very important for a great deal of people, especially specifically anal sex for gay men. It’s not unreasonable to want a working relationship where you are also sexually satisfied. For a lot of people you *can’t* have a working relationship where your sexual needs are not being met. Some people aren’t like you and need topping / bottoming to be sexually satisfied, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Knowing what you like in the bedroom is weird? Lmao
Reddit doesn't fuck and if they do its in a hazmat suit.
Sexual compatability is one of the most important factors in a relationship.
Not weird at all. Sexual comparability is important for a lot of, if not most couples.
Your judging other people for having different values on their relationships. Just pointing out, that's kind of a jerkish thing to do.
It's not mundane. Two bottoms don't make a top. I'd have dumped OP sooner.
Oh to be young again
This is so pure I can’t 😭 You’ll be ok it’s just a canon event all of us will have to go through at some point
Are people so inflexible in their positions that this is a relationship breaker? Seems heteronormative to me… two bottoms can’t be together just like two women can’t be together (“HoW on eArTh CoULd tHeY pLeAsUrE eAcH oTHeR?!”) I think it’s something else.
I agree, mostly. I think it's valid to have whatever preferences you want including these and express them up front. But as an aside, I wish more people were open to being flexible/vers/sides and not making this the focus. I think a lot of emotionally compatible people could discover they're actually pretty compatible physically too if they don't box themselves in. But everyone's different... I do agree that this specific situation suggests more going on than sexual position preferences changing.
It could be something else, but I do think sexual compatibility is important. Especially since the relationship wasn’t that long all things considered. If I had a partner who was strictly a side, I do think I’d be frustrated.
I reread it and the relationship was only a couple months old, so yeah I agree the relationship ending wouldn't the end of the world (for me). But OP did offer to top, but the other guy somehow decided that it... didn't feel right? I think that's the weird part, that bottoms have to stay bottoms or whatever. As if vers people don't exist, or people changing their position preference over time isn't a thing.
Yeah I do agree with that assessment. Especially since the guy wasn't out of the closet. At some point people just want an excuse
Someone being a side would be a total dealbreaker for me
Can it "heteronormative" all you want, you're not gonna change how my body works and what I find pleasurable
I was speaking in generalities, I don't really know or care about how your body works But also people's bodies can change over time. Some people are tops for decades, then turn into bottoms, and vice versa. The "heteronormative" part is thinking you're somehow stuck in one role forever.
Sex is important in a relationship for some people. Different people put different emphasis on it, and that's okay. Think of it this way; would you want to date someone who doesn't enjoy topping you if you're a bottom? Maybe now you can find someone who fits your preferences better, because it sounds like he couldn't satisfy you in that way.
no man is worth it.
May u elaborate, sorry if I seem dumb I can't think at all
First breakups are rough. Trust me, though. Once time passes, you'll look back and be proud of the growth you've made.
I think this is a negotiable topic. Sexual activities are experimental so I hardly see the problem unless he exclusively prefer to bottom. Also I have hooked up with vers guys who mostly prefer to bottom and they have zero issues about me being an another vers to top them. We used toys as well to enhance our experience. Breaking up is over just bottoming is just ridiculous.
It sounds terrible that you're going through a breakup, but compatibility is important. Unfortunately, he wasn't a match. The best you can do is go through the emotions and move on. There's someone out there who will be a better match who you can love and love you back and enjoy a great sex life too.
I don't want to jump to conclusions.. it's not that the problem isn't the position itself, but that he sees a bottom partner as unmasculine or something? Unfortunately, these people exist
First 3 months is trying a relationship on for size. One should expect the possibility of it ending. You weren’t compatible. Give it a good cry. Eat a pint of ice cream and move on. You’ll find the “perfect for you” guy.
Punctuation is apparently not your friend.
I read a couple of months. He’s a wanker.
If someone thinks that a preference for sexual position is more important than personality, shared memories, values in common, etc, i probably wouldn't want a relationship with them anyway. Sex isn't everyone's priority. And no, i am not shaming people for whom sex is very important
True I even said I would try to top (im a virgin so I've never tried either) but he just ignored me so I was just like bye in a respectful way
All you need is time, been there and trust me you will feel alot better eventually, just give it time.
Thanks dude I can't even eat still I feel like vomiting now like literally all I had these past 3 days were 1 burger 1 egg 1 toast and some frys and it all tasted like cardboard but I'm just feeling a little better now
Hang in there and try to stay hydrated and try to nourish yourself, take rest, the first week was absolutely terrible for me, I couldn’t sleep, i felt like idk what to do with myself, the second night a friend talked me through most of the night on the phone, slowly your rose coloured glasses will come off and you’ll see that its not the end of the world and probably for the best, you will learn alot and grow from this, heartbreak is necessary and good for us and our growth.
In the kindest possible way, it’s worth reflecting on why you’ve taken it quite so hard. If you can figure that out then it’ll make your life a lot easier in the long term. Journalling always works for me.
Why is communication so hard in relationships in this community? People will hang out for months and think just ghosting and disappearing from someone's life with no explanation is ok after one minor inconvenience hits them. There's a serious lack of respect there IMO
So was it me who did something wrong? Bc every time I said how was ur day they would just say good and when I said well what made it good they would just say nothing really like if he didn't wanna really talk then he would make up excuses for not talking to me like I lost my phone for like 30 hours
No I meant coming from him. People just falling silent and ignoring texts all of a sudden annoy me, I've gone through it too. I'd rather someone just tell me outright I'm not interested anymore because X. In your case I still think it isn't a valid reason to leave like others said here
> So was it me who did something wrong? This is the exact opposite of what the parent comment said. Sounds like the guy you were dating didn’t have a the spine to tell you how he really felt. It’s a dick move and while it feels bad now,with time you’ll see you dodged a bullet.
What a sad life some gays have, it s all about dicks and assholes
Awe, you changed the boys life. You helped him learn and grow and you're very lucky to have been able to participate in his life in that way, but now he is ready to take what he has learned and move on. A couple of months is nothing, try and be thankful for the time you had and the way you were able to impact his life forever.
Giving you lots of hugs
Thanks😌
There was more to it than the sex that he is not telling you about, or, if it was only about the sex, he is a shallow Prick. Sorry. Smile. Find a great guy.
I know dating is hard, and I am no expert, but come on, know your worth babe. He aint that special, and you will find other that treat you better that he could ever do. Be sad, for him. For what he gonna miss without you. Sex is important, but relationship are more than that. I see people in similar situation work things out, and he dont even care to try. Two try can make it through the sea , but with only one try, both will drown in the sink. Take your time, to remember that you are loved and cherished, you are none lesser than before without him. Have a great day, dont crying to much, cuz you may miss your sould mate passing by.
Just here to say I’m sorry you feel this way :(
The best thing about Life is that nobody dies from love so you’ll be OK just one day at a time buddy
Ugh. That makes my stomach hurt. Especially after you were trying to make it work by going outta your norm. I’m so sorry but keep your head up! I broke up with my longtime gf (I’m bi) like 2/3 years ago I don’t even remember anymore tbh. Though I’ve been in the best mental and physical shape I’ve ever been and it’s been consecutive. I haven’t found a bf but I’ve been around and it’ll happen when it happens but you just gotta move on and enjoy yourself again!
If your not physically compatible, best to break it off now rather than be unhappy later in life.
This is hilarious 😂
Yeah, other people's misfortune is SO funny. /s
You must be miserable, too
Why's that?
It really is and I hate that it is but hope OP doing ok
Sorry your going through this I totally relate! I was once on a third date and he finally brought sex and asked what position I am. I started to answer and said that I mostly top… well he ended the date right there. LMAO. He said, “Oh no. NOPE. I can never date another top again! Just can’t do it.” I have always been of the frame of mind that two gay guys will always find a way to get each other off, so to me it doesn’t matter. The funny part is that I was going to say … but lately I find myself more of aspiring verse working on bottoming… but at that point I was so disappointed that something like that was a dealbreaker.
This is so selfish on his part I can speak from experience me and my BF are both bottoms and we still maintain a healthy relationship both emotionally and physically. Two bottoms can have just as much fun as a top and bottom my BF has topped a couple times but we both came to an agreement that he's not the best top but he tried so Most of the time when we do have sex it's either oral or hands or sometimes use toys and every blue moon I'll get major top energy and I'll top Long story short you might be mad,sad or confused just remember this he wasn't worth your time or effort..
Hope you learned something from this, as well as everyone reading this. The top-bottom thing matters. The bf didn't want to get into a relationship with a bottom, just like he wouldn't want a woman or trans-man. If you think it doesn't matter, you're young and naive.
That's a gross over simplification and kind of condescending tbh.
I turned into a bottom so my man turned into a top lol
You have freedom to be a top again
In my opinion there are no vers. You always like one over the other more. So be honest upfront. Says vers bottom or vers top but not vers. In my opinion you always like one more than the other.
Juveniles. Every gay man over 40 is verse. Don't spend your life being a sexual position.
Men are so exhausting