It sounds like you don’t like him at all… then why are you dating?
Regardless, the answer is either sit him down and have a conversation about boundaries/expectations, or send him a link to this post.
He does sound very insecure. He's rushing things for fear of losing ANY connection with a prospective partner.
I agree, you two need to sit down and have an honest open discussion of how each of you feels, what each of you wants, etc. He needs to know that clinging will only drive you away.
Sounds like me, lol. Look, just tell him how you feel about this stuff, see how he responds and then decide whether you're gonna continue the relationship or not. Some of us are just a bit more intense about our relationships, and it's absolutely okay if you don't feel the same - maybe he can make it work by adjusting his behaviour, or maybe he can't because it's who he is. Both of those options are cool, just make sure that he understands how you feel, else you are both in for a disaster.
Sounds a lot like people I know who have bipolar disorder. They tend to get very attached to people very quickly and sort of obsess over them. I can’t imagine it feels good to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention. But you got to set some boundaries. Like tell you can you can’t text all day long and maybe can’t FaceTime every night and don’t want to hold hands all the time. As another commenter said, maybe he can take it and modify his behavior and maybe he can’t. Now’s the time to figure it out. Don’t let it drag on. Getting to know someone you like is supposed to be fun, not a chore.
>He sends me tons and tons of texts and voice notes per day, always wants to face time me every night, always telling me he likes me so much and how amazing I am even though I don’t do anything / haven’t done anything significant,
There is always this difficult thing I experience where if a guy treats me like this after knowing me such little time at all that I assume he is one of these types who just can't stand being alone. Often, it's kind of proven true, and it always hurts my self esteem, because even guys who want me end up not actually wanting me. That said, sometimes I perhaps have misjudged.
I will say I'd take it as a red flag depending how often it is. Especially if I weren't feeling something in return, which I think you aren't yourself.
>We’ve only been dating for 2 weeks but he’s just starting to piss me off a little bit
Yeah, I'd just tell him I didn't know how to take what he was saying. Then again, I'm chronically single, but I also can say I've never felt this way in return for a guy who acted this way.
Tell him that he’s attractive but you feel smothered. That it turns you off and would rather be truthful than waste their time when they could be with a better fit than you.
To be fair, I’m usually very loud when I’m not really meaning to be. Just my volume projects. I prefer it when people tell me “hey, you’re talking very kid. Can you talk a little quieter?” And then I do. It doesn’t hurt my feelings, I just don’t realize how loud I’m being sometimes
Where can I find someone like him? How can you have a relationship with people who text you once a day and can't Facetime, how do people handle relationships like that?
I think that you need to set boundaries with this person and define things. He deffo likes you more than the other way around but also he probably has a very idealized version of love and is seeing that rather than the person you are
What exactly has changed in the three says since you made this same post previously? Like the comments on the other were reasonably similar to those now, you did nothing apparently but are again asking for help.
I’m curious what you expect to be told that would change anything here.
Tell him how you feel, set your boundaries. If he actually cares as much as he puts up then he’ll respect them. Of course I shouldn’t have to tell you that once you put boundaries up, you have to enforce them. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, or doesn’t change then that’s a huge red flag, and you need to call it off, leave, block him, and learn from the experience.
Personally I think that if you like him you should keep getting to know him but telling him that he is going too fast. And communicate to him how you feel when you are uncomfortable. If there is a red flag, then let him go
be honest about needing personal space… just be sure to try your very best to approach it as a conversation and not an argument. if they react poorly you have to leave because that lets you know they won’t respect you in the future. also considering the fact op seems to not like them back maybe they should just both move on.
This honestly sounds like me I have my reasons 1 I'm always alone and no one wants to spend time with me . 2 I feel that I'm never going to find the one I have autism so once I tell a guy they back out of everything.
Anyway enough about me, I would just tell the guy that he's nice and it's amazing that you like me I just don't feel the same way you have to let him down easy he'll understand it hurts but it'll give him a lesson for future relationships. the other thing is setting him up on a date with a guy who is also clingy most of the time clingy guys just want someone who will cherish them and make them feel important and loved
Talk to him about it. And what you prefer in terms of communication. He seems obsessed with you. This behaviour will annoy you more and more of course. It’s borderline stalking
Well it seems like some of his habits annoy you and so like others have said, you should talk to him about it. It’s the healthy thing to do and if he responds really negatively, then you might be dodging a bullet. It’s hard to tell if it’s love bombing or not. From what you describe it just sounds like he likes you a lot. Either way, coming on too strong early on would be a flag for me personally
And what does “tons and tons of texts” mean to you? Is he trying to have a conversation and you’re trying to text him twice a day?
This is definitely love bombing and I would end it right then and there. And I sure hope OP hasn't given the guy an address or no-burner phone number. Block him everywhere and don't look back.
OP really sounds like an ass. “He’s so loud in public” THEN SPEAK TO HIM ABOUT IT and “he’s starting to piss me off” DO SOMETHING ABT IT OR BREAK IT OFF. Like this guy seems like be would be better suited with dating a rock.
Maybe but it kinda feels like jumping to conclusions. I think it would be better for OP to speak with them and make it known that its a problem and if it goes on then end it
I disagree. Love bombers are invariably unstable and potentially dangerous. Two weeks in you don't owe anyone anything.
It's one of those things that if you have to be told, it's already too late. Like not washing your hands after going to the bathroom. C'mon, does an adult NEED to be told this?
You know absolutely nothing about this person or their actual behavior or intent. I can‘t tell if you should be around actual human beings offline more, or possibly not at all.
You can try talking but doesn’t seem like a reasonable person grounded in reality if they can’t take the hint that the energies are mismatched. From the limited info, sounds like it will end, so the sooner the better
You don't sound that into him. Had you worded it differently I would have told you to talk to him about it, but as a clingy person myself, I don't think they would be able to ever reach a level of detachment that you would like. I don't think you're both made for each other ...
In two weeks he’s made it to this level , red flag total red flag. Plus what adult asks for a review of how they did after a date? I smell insecurities low self esteem. Run he’s far more into you than you him , I don’t get the push for constant PDA as if that doesn’t make the date real , I don’t do that either , and you shouldn’t have to if you’re uncomfortable with it. I think you should have an adult conversation about all the love bombing , etc , but I wouldn’t ever tell someone two weeks in how much I like them that fast , it sounds stalkerish and he’s definitely letting you know he’s way more into you , if he can’t adapt to simple demands you have , then there’s your answer
What you need is a night of one thousand compliments where you get the opportunity to thank him and reciprocate all the normal relationship attention he is giving you. Why wouldn't you want him to tell you he likes you. You sound conceited and selfish when you shouldn't be.
I also could not be in a relationship with someone like him, and it's happened to me in the past. For me, it can get scary. If you do not share his obsessive compulsiveness, then this is not a good fit.
I think being clingy is a red flag... This person seems very insecure and at any sign of rejection or even giving some attention to some else (friends or others) will make this person jealous and go from idealizing you to hating you.
He has what's called anxious attachment style. It's toxic. And it's not going to improve over time. The more you show signs of pulling away, the more he's going to obsess over you. For your own emotional and mental well-being, you should cut this guy loose so he can deal with his attachment issues.
Absolutely. Run! People shouldn’t act this way, not at the 2 week mark and not even when you’re married. Its awful. I’ve experienced it too. Drop him and move on, let him learn from experience, or not learn and annoy someone else.
Break up.
There's no reason to hit around the bushes. Do you want to make him change? Imagine he is also asking his friends: "This guy im seeing is so quiet and doesn't show me how much he loves me and he hates public shows of affection, how do I deal with him?"
You are clearly incompatible. Why keep dating?
It sounds like you don’t like him at all… then why are you dating? Regardless, the answer is either sit him down and have a conversation about boundaries/expectations, or send him a link to this post.
He does sound very insecure. He's rushing things for fear of losing ANY connection with a prospective partner. I agree, you two need to sit down and have an honest open discussion of how each of you feels, what each of you wants, etc. He needs to know that clinging will only drive you away.
This
You're at the 2 week mark where you're realizing you might not be a good fit. Sounds like you have different love styles.
Ask him some questions and figure out why he is that way. Thatll give you a more informed opinion on whether youd be good together or not.
It's not updated much, but this is definitely the grown up answer
This part!
COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE
OP probably: "What did you say?"
I swear almost every relationship problem on this app can at least be a little resolved from just basic communication
Looking at Op history... Probably OP: "What am I doing wrong? I communicated as advised by so many on this sub by writing another post on reddit"
Sounds like me, lol. Look, just tell him how you feel about this stuff, see how he responds and then decide whether you're gonna continue the relationship or not. Some of us are just a bit more intense about our relationships, and it's absolutely okay if you don't feel the same - maybe he can make it work by adjusting his behaviour, or maybe he can't because it's who he is. Both of those options are cool, just make sure that he understands how you feel, else you are both in for a disaster.
We had a FaceTime bout it but he just keeps talking about how he likes me so much
Sounds a lot like people I know who have bipolar disorder. They tend to get very attached to people very quickly and sort of obsess over them. I can’t imagine it feels good to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention. But you got to set some boundaries. Like tell you can you can’t text all day long and maybe can’t FaceTime every night and don’t want to hold hands all the time. As another commenter said, maybe he can take it and modify his behavior and maybe he can’t. Now’s the time to figure it out. Don’t let it drag on. Getting to know someone you like is supposed to be fun, not a chore.
>He sends me tons and tons of texts and voice notes per day, always wants to face time me every night, always telling me he likes me so much and how amazing I am even though I don’t do anything / haven’t done anything significant, There is always this difficult thing I experience where if a guy treats me like this after knowing me such little time at all that I assume he is one of these types who just can't stand being alone. Often, it's kind of proven true, and it always hurts my self esteem, because even guys who want me end up not actually wanting me. That said, sometimes I perhaps have misjudged. I will say I'd take it as a red flag depending how often it is. Especially if I weren't feeling something in return, which I think you aren't yourself. >We’ve only been dating for 2 weeks but he’s just starting to piss me off a little bit Yeah, I'd just tell him I didn't know how to take what he was saying. Then again, I'm chronically single, but I also can say I've never felt this way in return for a guy who acted this way.
Yeah this reads like love bombing to me
Lol send him my way
Tell him that he’s attractive but you feel smothered. That it turns you off and would rather be truthful than waste their time when they could be with a better fit than you.
To be fair, I’m usually very loud when I’m not really meaning to be. Just my volume projects. I prefer it when people tell me “hey, you’re talking very kid. Can you talk a little quieter?” And then I do. It doesn’t hurt my feelings, I just don’t realize how loud I’m being sometimes
You emphasize your own boundaries and work out a solution that works for both of you. Compromise.
Him doing that To a point would be good. You just need your space but You're not communicating. So the problem is you. Not him.
Where can I find someone like him? How can you have a relationship with people who text you once a day and can't Facetime, how do people handle relationships like that?
I think that you need to set boundaries with this person and define things. He deffo likes you more than the other way around but also he probably has a very idealized version of love and is seeing that rather than the person you are
I think so too I get it he likes me but I don’t find some of his behaviour normal
What exactly has changed in the three says since you made this same post previously? Like the comments on the other were reasonably similar to those now, you did nothing apparently but are again asking for help. I’m curious what you expect to be told that would change anything here.
Tell him how you feel, set your boundaries. If he actually cares as much as he puts up then he’ll respect them. Of course I shouldn’t have to tell you that once you put boundaries up, you have to enforce them. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, or doesn’t change then that’s a huge red flag, and you need to call it off, leave, block him, and learn from the experience.
Personally I think that if you like him you should keep getting to know him but telling him that he is going too fast. And communicate to him how you feel when you are uncomfortable. If there is a red flag, then let him go
be honest about needing personal space… just be sure to try your very best to approach it as a conversation and not an argument. if they react poorly you have to leave because that lets you know they won’t respect you in the future. also considering the fact op seems to not like them back maybe they should just both move on.
This honestly sounds like me I have my reasons 1 I'm always alone and no one wants to spend time with me . 2 I feel that I'm never going to find the one I have autism so once I tell a guy they back out of everything. Anyway enough about me, I would just tell the guy that he's nice and it's amazing that you like me I just don't feel the same way you have to let him down easy he'll understand it hurts but it'll give him a lesson for future relationships. the other thing is setting him up on a date with a guy who is also clingy most of the time clingy guys just want someone who will cherish them and make them feel important and loved
Talk to him about it. And what you prefer in terms of communication. He seems obsessed with you. This behaviour will annoy you more and more of course. It’s borderline stalking
He's love bombing you pretty hard.
Is this love bombing
Is it ?
I’m not sure. Have you just started dating?
Yup 2 weeks
Well it seems like some of his habits annoy you and so like others have said, you should talk to him about it. It’s the healthy thing to do and if he responds really negatively, then you might be dodging a bullet. It’s hard to tell if it’s love bombing or not. From what you describe it just sounds like he likes you a lot. Either way, coming on too strong early on would be a flag for me personally And what does “tons and tons of texts” mean to you? Is he trying to have a conversation and you’re trying to text him twice a day?
I text him enoguh times a day but he sends me like 20 messages at once
Literally 20? Or like 5 because I know people who text like that He might just not be for you. Seems like you don’t like his personality
No like 20 different voice notes and texts all about different subjects and I just get lost in what he’s actually trying to say
lol yeah he may not be for you then
This is definitely love bombing and I would end it right then and there. And I sure hope OP hasn't given the guy an address or no-burner phone number. Block him everywhere and don't look back.
Reddit when there is any sign of a slight problem in a relationship:
Not the dreaded "he likes me a lot" problem in a prospective romantic partner.
OP really sounds like an ass. “He’s so loud in public” THEN SPEAK TO HIM ABOUT IT and “he’s starting to piss me off” DO SOMETHING ABT IT OR BREAK IT OFF. Like this guy seems like be would be better suited with dating a rock.
They've been dating for 2 weeks. This is hardly a relationship. And with all of the 🚩🚩🚩, I would highly advise OP to not make it one.
Maybe but it kinda feels like jumping to conclusions. I think it would be better for OP to speak with them and make it known that its a problem and if it goes on then end it
I disagree. Love bombers are invariably unstable and potentially dangerous. Two weeks in you don't owe anyone anything. It's one of those things that if you have to be told, it's already too late. Like not washing your hands after going to the bathroom. C'mon, does an adult NEED to be told this?
Eh I wouldn’t know bc I’m *not* an adult and I’ve never come into contact with one of these people luckily
My guy, if you are pathologizing overt affection from a prospective romantic partner, the problem is you. Get off TikTok and touch some grass.
This isn't "overt affection", this is smothering and creepy AF. And FWIW, I'm too old for TikTok.
You know absolutely nothing about this person or their actual behavior or intent. I can‘t tell if you should be around actual human beings offline more, or possibly not at all.
Weren’t you annoyed by him 2 days ago?
You can try talking but doesn’t seem like a reasonable person grounded in reality if they can’t take the hint that the energies are mismatched. From the limited info, sounds like it will end, so the sooner the better
You don't sound that into him. Had you worded it differently I would have told you to talk to him about it, but as a clingy person myself, I don't think they would be able to ever reach a level of detachment that you would like. I don't think you're both made for each other ...
Sounds like this has fallen in Love with you...
In 2 weeks ?
There's a lot of different kind of people in the world
I hated grade school dating too.
Sounds like you don’t like him… Why start dating him? 🤔
Talk to him about it. Or find someone you actually like lol
In two weeks he’s made it to this level , red flag total red flag. Plus what adult asks for a review of how they did after a date? I smell insecurities low self esteem. Run he’s far more into you than you him , I don’t get the push for constant PDA as if that doesn’t make the date real , I don’t do that either , and you shouldn’t have to if you’re uncomfortable with it. I think you should have an adult conversation about all the love bombing , etc , but I wouldn’t ever tell someone two weeks in how much I like them that fast , it sounds stalkerish and he’s definitely letting you know he’s way more into you , if he can’t adapt to simple demands you have , then there’s your answer
What you need is a night of one thousand compliments where you get the opportunity to thank him and reciprocate all the normal relationship attention he is giving you. Why wouldn't you want him to tell you he likes you. You sound conceited and selfish when you shouldn't be.
Let him go asap so he can find what he deserves. You don't sound very dateable imo.
Run...and send him the book, "Attached" by Levine.
Oof, lost me at voice notes. Dump him asap
I also could not be in a relationship with someone like him, and it's happened to me in the past. For me, it can get scary. If you do not share his obsessive compulsiveness, then this is not a good fit.
I think being clingy is a red flag... This person seems very insecure and at any sign of rejection or even giving some attention to some else (friends or others) will make this person jealous and go from idealizing you to hating you.
He has what's called anxious attachment style. It's toxic. And it's not going to improve over time. The more you show signs of pulling away, the more he's going to obsess over you. For your own emotional and mental well-being, you should cut this guy loose so he can deal with his attachment issues.
Absolutely. Run! People shouldn’t act this way, not at the 2 week mark and not even when you’re married. Its awful. I’ve experienced it too. Drop him and move on, let him learn from experience, or not learn and annoy someone else.
Block him and run away.
Anxious attachment style perhaps. Gosh I do everything possible to avoid FaceTime 😆
He's probably really wants to ghost you but instead he's just going to haunt you until you leave
Break up. There's no reason to hit around the bushes. Do you want to make him change? Imagine he is also asking his friends: "This guy im seeing is so quiet and doesn't show me how much he loves me and he hates public shows of affection, how do I deal with him?" You are clearly incompatible. Why keep dating?
Run.
I had one like this. Run for the hills lmao (except not lmao at all, home boy tried to murder me eventually)