Just remember , you have an idea of what this person will be like as a partner in your head . JUST an idea. Even people who are good to their friends can make bad partners.
He is a human with flaws , and those could range from mildly irritating to full - on gross . Take him off the pedestal in your mind. Maybe he doesn’t wipe his bum properly, or he burns food and leaves the pans with crust. Maybe he loves binge watching those skibbiy toilet videos on full volume . Maybe he has extremest views or is a conspiracy theorist. Maybe he’s arrogant or a covert narcissist.
Think of him being gross and annoying, because every person is gross and annoying on some level.
This because the guy I was an afraid of not advancing with…omg! I finally got the chance and found out. He’s got some gross habits that make it impossible to kiss him. And he’s not going to get rid of them. On top of other things, I waited almost 3 years and that was the prize at the end.
I am in the same situation, but with a woman. I know how you feel. I don't have tips but I hope for us that time will heal us. I still see her, because I am too afraid to cut her loose. I still want to see her, even when I know this is not good for me. But what else can I do. Just hang in there. I try to do also.
I told her that I have feelings for her. She told me she doesn't have feelings for me. But then she told me she has feelings for someone else. I am still broken. It hurts like hell.
You definitely need to tell him. If he declines, say you need to put space between the two of you. In my personal experience, falling in love with a close friend, I had to cut her off. After getting my closure where she told me “I’ve tried, but I’m just not attracted to you” I realized that these feelings don’t just go away. It hurt seeing her find someone, telling everyone that that someone was her dream man and everything she ever wanted in a person, and describing all the things she does for him. I cut her off and after seven months I still have feelings for her. The time away from her has helped, now I don’t have emotions boiling over for someone that would never love me. I still love her, but not in a infatuated way. Not seeing/talking to her has allowed me to move on and now I truly feel like I could love someone else with all my heart. This is me though, this is what helped me, maybe you’ll be able to move on with only just closure.
If it helps at all, I know exactly how you're feeling. We weren't even friends. I was head over heels for somebody I worked with at a past job. I convinced myself for several reasons that it would never work, so I never tried to shoot my shot or even just try to get to know him better. Shortly before I left that job, I had to hear him talk to my other coworkers about how he was talking to this girl and how amazing she was. That broke my heart.
I sometimes wonder if it'd be a different story if I ever ended up saying anything, or even if we met differently.
Maybe in your case it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell him how you feel, even if he rejects you, at least you have closure and you know the answer is no. I feel like the only thing that feels worse than rejection is just simply never knowing. If I ever cross paths with my person again, I'd like to have the courage to tell him, even if I know it won't end in my favor. I wish you strength and healing, because like I said I know how this feels and it sucks.
I really relate with this. We crushed on each other for years and then finally met up only for her to completely disappear after the first date which I thought went so well, but turns out it was just a hookup to her. I wanted to move on so bad, but it seems impossible now and it’s been months. I want to try and reach out to get closure but I don’t even have the fucking courage to get properly rejected…and instead am just wallowing in the pain of being without her.
Just remember , you have an idea of what this person will be like as a partner in your head . JUST an idea. Even people who are good to their friends can make bad partners. He is a human with flaws , and those could range from mildly irritating to full - on gross . Take him off the pedestal in your mind. Maybe he doesn’t wipe his bum properly, or he burns food and leaves the pans with crust. Maybe he loves binge watching those skibbiy toilet videos on full volume . Maybe he has extremest views or is a conspiracy theorist. Maybe he’s arrogant or a covert narcissist. Think of him being gross and annoying, because every person is gross and annoying on some level.
This because the guy I was an afraid of not advancing with…omg! I finally got the chance and found out. He’s got some gross habits that make it impossible to kiss him. And he’s not going to get rid of them. On top of other things, I waited almost 3 years and that was the prize at the end.
this truly gives me hope, I pray I find out how secretly disgusting he is soon
I am in the same situation, but with a woman. I know how you feel. I don't have tips but I hope for us that time will heal us. I still see her, because I am too afraid to cut her loose. I still want to see her, even when I know this is not good for me. But what else can I do. Just hang in there. I try to do also. I told her that I have feelings for her. She told me she doesn't have feelings for me. But then she told me she has feelings for someone else. I am still broken. It hurts like hell.
You definitely need to tell him. If he declines, say you need to put space between the two of you. In my personal experience, falling in love with a close friend, I had to cut her off. After getting my closure where she told me “I’ve tried, but I’m just not attracted to you” I realized that these feelings don’t just go away. It hurt seeing her find someone, telling everyone that that someone was her dream man and everything she ever wanted in a person, and describing all the things she does for him. I cut her off and after seven months I still have feelings for her. The time away from her has helped, now I don’t have emotions boiling over for someone that would never love me. I still love her, but not in a infatuated way. Not seeing/talking to her has allowed me to move on and now I truly feel like I could love someone else with all my heart. This is me though, this is what helped me, maybe you’ll be able to move on with only just closure.
If it helps at all, I know exactly how you're feeling. We weren't even friends. I was head over heels for somebody I worked with at a past job. I convinced myself for several reasons that it would never work, so I never tried to shoot my shot or even just try to get to know him better. Shortly before I left that job, I had to hear him talk to my other coworkers about how he was talking to this girl and how amazing she was. That broke my heart. I sometimes wonder if it'd be a different story if I ever ended up saying anything, or even if we met differently. Maybe in your case it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell him how you feel, even if he rejects you, at least you have closure and you know the answer is no. I feel like the only thing that feels worse than rejection is just simply never knowing. If I ever cross paths with my person again, I'd like to have the courage to tell him, even if I know it won't end in my favor. I wish you strength and healing, because like I said I know how this feels and it sucks.
I really relate with this. We crushed on each other for years and then finally met up only for her to completely disappear after the first date which I thought went so well, but turns out it was just a hookup to her. I wanted to move on so bad, but it seems impossible now and it’s been months. I want to try and reach out to get closure but I don’t even have the fucking courage to get properly rejected…and instead am just wallowing in the pain of being without her.