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“Human friend Dave?”
Yes Quillzic?
“Can we leave. It is getting close to the present giving time and this leave was supposed to be a time to reflect, not shoot pirates.”
Awwww, we just got them fighting each other! I was hoping some would come fight me.
“Why?”
Well, maybe they would win, maybe they wouldn’t. Either way I wouldn’t have to deal with the danger that is Commander Harris in a Christmas party.
“Perhaps a few more days…”
________
“Ahem. Human ‘friend?’ Amanda?”
No. It’s not doing it for me.
“Why are you forcing me to do this? Would not Lee or Ramirez not be better to interact with you?”
They might get why, but they would not feel comfortable with doing it…
“As opposed to me who is neither?”
Fine. RAMIREZ! Get over here and ask me something about what is going on as if you were a cinnamon roll.
“Nope. Not doing that Commander. No one can replace Quillzic. Maybe you could not terrify the poor guy?”
I don’t terrify him. He loves me. He just is scared of me because I am a terrible person.
“Ma’am, kindly shut up. You aren’t terrible. But you are probably the worst critic you have. Go talk to the head shrinker.”
“Humans shrink their heads?!?!”
*Both: “NO!”
__________
“So why do you hate yourself so much that you have gone into suicidal enemy actions 4 times since your were brought out of suspended animation?”
Damn doc, not wasting time?!
“Your behavior is erratic and dangerous enough that taking time to establish a rapport isn’t going to serve a useful function and endangers you. In 3 of the suicidal actions, Quillzic was there and caused you to take a less dangerous route. He is on leave. I have information that will cause you to perform another one of these actions.”
Wait, what?
“We will circle back. Now why do you hate yourself, Amanda?”
I should be dead. My son is. My friends long dust. I don’t deserve to be around.
“Ah, and why do you not deserve it?”
I am a terrible person. I always hurt those I care about. Hell, I told my son it would be three months and I never came home.
“This will take some time. I also loathe what you are about to hear?”
Huh?
“ATTENTION. PRAXIS 3 HAS BEEN ATTACKED BY SEVERAL PIRATE BANDS. THE PLANET HAS BEEN EMBARGOED AND WE HAVE LOST CONTACT WITH THE CAPTAIN.”
Gotta go.
“I was afraid you would say that.”
_______5 days later_______
“Is that a Lancer doing an orbital lance strike?”
Yeop.
“Amanda’s going to kill every pirate on this planet or die trying, isn’t she?”
Yeop.
“She thinks we are dead, doesn’t she?”
Yeop. I put our transponders on 3 dead pirates before we started this to throw them off.
“I hope she doesn’t get hurt.”
Heh, her and Arrow had a lot of reprimands for taking ridiculous amounts of damage during combats because they thought taking the damage was worth the tactical advantage.
“I worry about her.”
Me too bud. I faced my demons and quit drinking. She still refuses to see hers for what they are.
“What is that?”
She doesn’t think she deserves to be alive, let alone happy. Let’s see if she gets her wish this time, and hope she doesn’t.
" What? I'd rather not lose my desk, even if it means I lose my balls. "
" I don't know how you'd lose a desk, or your balls, but if you keep this up you're losing both. "
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Kinda looks like your balls are stapled to the desk eh?" "You asked if it was an *accident.*"
This hurts to read
"What? It was my forearm this time."
Foreskin
“Foreskinned is forwarned”.
“Human friend Dave?” Yes Quillzic? “Can we leave. It is getting close to the present giving time and this leave was supposed to be a time to reflect, not shoot pirates.” Awwww, we just got them fighting each other! I was hoping some would come fight me. “Why?” Well, maybe they would win, maybe they wouldn’t. Either way I wouldn’t have to deal with the danger that is Commander Harris in a Christmas party. “Perhaps a few more days…” ________ “Ahem. Human ‘friend?’ Amanda?” No. It’s not doing it for me. “Why are you forcing me to do this? Would not Lee or Ramirez not be better to interact with you?” They might get why, but they would not feel comfortable with doing it… “As opposed to me who is neither?” Fine. RAMIREZ! Get over here and ask me something about what is going on as if you were a cinnamon roll. “Nope. Not doing that Commander. No one can replace Quillzic. Maybe you could not terrify the poor guy?” I don’t terrify him. He loves me. He just is scared of me because I am a terrible person. “Ma’am, kindly shut up. You aren’t terrible. But you are probably the worst critic you have. Go talk to the head shrinker.” “Humans shrink their heads?!?!” *Both: “NO!” __________ “So why do you hate yourself so much that you have gone into suicidal enemy actions 4 times since your were brought out of suspended animation?” Damn doc, not wasting time?! “Your behavior is erratic and dangerous enough that taking time to establish a rapport isn’t going to serve a useful function and endangers you. In 3 of the suicidal actions, Quillzic was there and caused you to take a less dangerous route. He is on leave. I have information that will cause you to perform another one of these actions.” Wait, what? “We will circle back. Now why do you hate yourself, Amanda?” I should be dead. My son is. My friends long dust. I don’t deserve to be around. “Ah, and why do you not deserve it?” I am a terrible person. I always hurt those I care about. Hell, I told my son it would be three months and I never came home. “This will take some time. I also loathe what you are about to hear?” Huh? “ATTENTION. PRAXIS 3 HAS BEEN ATTACKED BY SEVERAL PIRATE BANDS. THE PLANET HAS BEEN EMBARGOED AND WE HAVE LOST CONTACT WITH THE CAPTAIN.” Gotta go. “I was afraid you would say that.” _______5 days later_______ “Is that a Lancer doing an orbital lance strike?” Yeop. “Amanda’s going to kill every pirate on this planet or die trying, isn’t she?” Yeop. “She thinks we are dead, doesn’t she?” Yeop. I put our transponders on 3 dead pirates before we started this to throw them off. “I hope she doesn’t get hurt.” Heh, her and Arrow had a lot of reprimands for taking ridiculous amounts of damage during combats because they thought taking the damage was worth the tactical advantage. “I worry about her.” Me too bud. I faced my demons and quit drinking. She still refuses to see hers for what they are. “What is that?” She doesn’t think she deserves to be alive, let alone happy. Let’s see if she gets her wish this time, and hope she doesn’t.
I adore that the characters in-story call Quillzic a cinnamon roll too :D
" What? I'd rather not lose my desk, even if it means I lose my balls. " " I don't know how you'd lose a desk, or your balls, but if you keep this up you're losing both. "
*staple your balls to the ground then jump as high as you can*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A: 😑 H: what? You asked "accidentally".
Ouch!
[удалено]
😱
[удалено]
😱
[удалено]
🤮
🤦♂️
The 'again' really gets me
Those are some powerful balls