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This is grief. It really is hard.
There are three things you can do:
1. Talk about it. You don't have to have questions, or ask for help. You just need to say what you're feeling and thinking out loud to someone who can just listen. It's crazy but it works.
2. Self care. Imagine your best friend has just gone through this. What would you do for them? Keep their space clean and tidy, cook them healthy, tasty food, make them get fresh air, watch a nice movie. Do those things for yourself.
3. Time. Grief just does take time to go away. It goes faster if you do step 1 and 2.
This is a great answer. OP, there's no easy solution here, going through a break-up is painful, and you just have to get through the grief as best you can. But self-care is really important.
>Imagine your best friend has just gone through this. What would you do for them? Keep their space clean and tidy, cook them healthy, tasty food, make them get fresh air, watch a nice movie. Do those things for yourself.
This is the perfect answer.
really great answer!!! I'd add these things to your 2. Exercise -- things that YOU enjoy! If you do not have something that you enjoy then experiment by joining groups or intramural sports. Biking and Swiming regularly lifted my moods and help me fall asleep easier. Second, work hard to get regular and long sleep. You will wake more energized and positive. Next, listen to music that makes you happy. Not break up songs or your favorite music with him! Being parent with grown kids, pretend that you are your own kid and take CARE ofthat child
Oh OP. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Honestly, nothing is going to completely stop the hurt beyond just going through it and processing it. That said, I've found it useful to throw myself into other things. Hobbies, work, studying - any or all of those can help take your mind off it. This might actually be a good time to pick up a new hobby, or join a club and start making friends where you are. It might also help to start journaling so you have somewhere you can express what you're feeling.
I do want to say that it might be a good idea to not see him for a while. Friend or not, I've found that it can really make it harder to get over them/the relationship if you don't have time away from them after it ends. Not forever! But take the time you need to be \*actually\* be over it before you start hanging out with him again regularly.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
Thank you! And yeah, I think space might be a good idea. We run in the same social circles so it might be hard to completely avoid him, but I think I’ll tell him the next time I see him that I need space for a few weeks and we shouldn’t go out of your way to contact each other
Okay so I have remained friends/not remained friends with exes and here is my advice based on that:
FIRST: drink lots of water and eat regular meals. Dehydration and fluctuating bloodsugar will only amplify your heavy feelings. Listen to meditation, rainfalls, dryer sounds while trying to sleep if you find you're spiralling after lights out. Get sunlight! Your meatsuit still needs maintenance while your brain works through suffering.
You can totally be friends BUT you definitely need time apart to heal. Seriously, do not try to Everything's Fine this one, it will just breed resentment and give false hope you might get back together. This is a great time to reach our to those early friends and initiate some hang outs.
Treat yoself. You deserve a little treat! You've been through something really hard on the heart and having nice things will help. And if you wonder "am I sad enough to have this?" Remember your ol pal Sauce said "you don't need to be sad to be allowed nice things, you get nice things because life is about beauty and small loves." So get that Slurpee, go to the farmer's market, pat the dog, compliment a person on their jacket, kick a fascist, plan a trip, try a new hobby!
If you feel like texting him "I love you, please can we try again" or "how could you do this to me" add in the caveat "but first I must do 1000 burpees in a row". This sounds insane but if you repeat the caveat enough, it will stick.
If things get really rough, imagine pushing him off a cliff. You can still be friends after this because it is imaginary and also no one will know. But after nursing a bruised heart day in and day out, sometimes I've gone "fuck it, take that" and imagined pushing them off a cliff and out of my life. It's cathartic aaaand falls under a little treat!
Most colleges have mental health services, see if you can get an appointment just to take to someone. Airing your thoughts can help a lot and often psychs can have some great ideas to help you. It also helps to be around other people - go to sports activities, concerts, poetry readings, dances............ Most important is to give yourself time. Healing takes time. Remember the good times and learn from the not so good.
Start with healing love yourself and as long as it’s truly amicable and you can find a way to put the fact yall were together for period of time then be friends.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is grief. It really is hard. There are three things you can do: 1. Talk about it. You don't have to have questions, or ask for help. You just need to say what you're feeling and thinking out loud to someone who can just listen. It's crazy but it works. 2. Self care. Imagine your best friend has just gone through this. What would you do for them? Keep their space clean and tidy, cook them healthy, tasty food, make them get fresh air, watch a nice movie. Do those things for yourself. 3. Time. Grief just does take time to go away. It goes faster if you do step 1 and 2.
This is a great answer. OP, there's no easy solution here, going through a break-up is painful, and you just have to get through the grief as best you can. But self-care is really important.
>Imagine your best friend has just gone through this. What would you do for them? Keep their space clean and tidy, cook them healthy, tasty food, make them get fresh air, watch a nice movie. Do those things for yourself. This is the perfect answer.
really great answer!!! I'd add these things to your 2. Exercise -- things that YOU enjoy! If you do not have something that you enjoy then experiment by joining groups or intramural sports. Biking and Swiming regularly lifted my moods and help me fall asleep easier. Second, work hard to get regular and long sleep. You will wake more energized and positive. Next, listen to music that makes you happy. Not break up songs or your favorite music with him! Being parent with grown kids, pretend that you are your own kid and take CARE ofthat child
Oh OP. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Honestly, nothing is going to completely stop the hurt beyond just going through it and processing it. That said, I've found it useful to throw myself into other things. Hobbies, work, studying - any or all of those can help take your mind off it. This might actually be a good time to pick up a new hobby, or join a club and start making friends where you are. It might also help to start journaling so you have somewhere you can express what you're feeling. I do want to say that it might be a good idea to not see him for a while. Friend or not, I've found that it can really make it harder to get over them/the relationship if you don't have time away from them after it ends. Not forever! But take the time you need to be \*actually\* be over it before you start hanging out with him again regularly. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Thank you! And yeah, I think space might be a good idea. We run in the same social circles so it might be hard to completely avoid him, but I think I’ll tell him the next time I see him that I need space for a few weeks and we shouldn’t go out of your way to contact each other
Being friends is risky and as a rule I did not do it. You are better to try to move on if rejected.
Time.
Music can soothe a soul. Try new artists that can belt out the blues. Slowly transition back into more hopeful stuff. I am sorry for your sadness.
Time
Okay so I have remained friends/not remained friends with exes and here is my advice based on that: FIRST: drink lots of water and eat regular meals. Dehydration and fluctuating bloodsugar will only amplify your heavy feelings. Listen to meditation, rainfalls, dryer sounds while trying to sleep if you find you're spiralling after lights out. Get sunlight! Your meatsuit still needs maintenance while your brain works through suffering. You can totally be friends BUT you definitely need time apart to heal. Seriously, do not try to Everything's Fine this one, it will just breed resentment and give false hope you might get back together. This is a great time to reach our to those early friends and initiate some hang outs. Treat yoself. You deserve a little treat! You've been through something really hard on the heart and having nice things will help. And if you wonder "am I sad enough to have this?" Remember your ol pal Sauce said "you don't need to be sad to be allowed nice things, you get nice things because life is about beauty and small loves." So get that Slurpee, go to the farmer's market, pat the dog, compliment a person on their jacket, kick a fascist, plan a trip, try a new hobby! If you feel like texting him "I love you, please can we try again" or "how could you do this to me" add in the caveat "but first I must do 1000 burpees in a row". This sounds insane but if you repeat the caveat enough, it will stick. If things get really rough, imagine pushing him off a cliff. You can still be friends after this because it is imaginary and also no one will know. But after nursing a bruised heart day in and day out, sometimes I've gone "fuck it, take that" and imagined pushing them off a cliff and out of my life. It's cathartic aaaand falls under a little treat!
Most colleges have mental health services, see if you can get an appointment just to take to someone. Airing your thoughts can help a lot and often psychs can have some great ideas to help you. It also helps to be around other people - go to sports activities, concerts, poetry readings, dances............ Most important is to give yourself time. Healing takes time. Remember the good times and learn from the not so good.
Start with healing love yourself and as long as it’s truly amicable and you can find a way to put the fact yall were together for period of time then be friends.
Humans suck.
Get a second one, and practice. 🥹