Funny. I do this to others, usually just to get through the day. Some people like to chit chat, others like to get straight to the point, some like to talk to you, others like you to talk to them… I got good at giving people what they want. Especially in a professional setting. But these are normally times conversations to me with an end in sight.
I haven’t had anyone do it to me though. I feel like if it was outside in the wild it’d be two walls trying to talk 😅
I’m curious as to your context, could you elaborate?
In a professional setting I can understand the strategic importance. I mean you gotta pay your bills right? I mean obviously the underlying intention is to keep your job or get a promotion.
No bad gut feeling in that context.
It’s more the every day interactions (off the clock) that I have a problem with. Like why are you doing this? What do you want?
There are contexts in which this happens automatically, for example when someone becomes attracted to you/has romantic feelings for you. People have a tendency to mirror those they like to that degree, usually without even being aware of doing that. It just means that they subconsciously want you to like them, but also that they pay close attention to everything you do and since they like what they see, they inadvertently try that behavior on.
I just laugh a bit, the way I see it is social skills are a process, you get to be yourself when you've ''mastered'' them and know how to present well while staying natural.
So, they're just in a phase where they're still working it out, it's not like I don't do stuff like that sometimes.
At work, I do this to others all the time. I work from home, so when I do talk to others/ customers, it is always on the phone. I mimic talking speed/ tone/ language. It helps customers feel more at ease and helps prevent communication blockages. It also helps the assholes hear themselves and how they are treating those who are working to assist them.
If I were to be interacting in person, I would still do this via talking, but i wouldn't be mimicking their actions, body language, or anything like that. They would be weird.
Mirroring is a subconscious process that emotionally healthy people learn from their parents at an extremely young age.
I say this with all of the compassion in the world, because it makes me uncomfortable too - this possibly reflects an unmet need for you in your development.
I agree, as I understand it’s a type of non verbal communication where someone is subconsciously trying to build rapport or trust. So if you see it, you could consider it an act of goodness. I think it would feel weird to be aware it’s happening to me. I’m going to keep an eye out for it, but I’m sure it will be off putting. I’ve recently learned to completely change my perception of aggressive dog on leash behavior and how to respond to it. I hope I can do the same here instead of getting freaked out lol.
I had a random follower request to chat on IG. When I tell you that talking to him mirrored everything I’d say to someone about my likes and dislikes, I got scared then blocked them. Lol. It was weird and eerie. Feared for my life.
This behavior is inherent to some personality types. INFJ for example. Have you ever considered that what makes you uncomfortable about a person mirroring you is that they are displaying traits that you don't like about your self? You don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
Nah. I like myself. I just don’t like the inauthenticity behind it. Feels shady.
I mean I understand why people do it. It’s just not something that appeals to me.
Trust me not all INFJs do it…but some do…one of the reason why I go back and forth between subs because sometimes it’s not relatable, even if it’s typically an Fe thing to do.
This is interesting, an INFJ mirrored one of my actions recently and I noticed it right away, then wondered if it was done on purpose or nah. Is this something they tend to do subconsciously?
Hmm I get what you mean and I hate it. Weirdly though I do get things that rub off on me? Even watching films or tv shows it happens, when I’m alone. So it’s definitely not to impress.
But full on actively copying…I would be weirded out. So much for Fe.
I immediately become suspicious. Like you said, it's a technique that's used to establish trust and if a person is intentionally doing this that means they have an agenda.
It is creepy when it's intentional, overt and exact, that's why kids do it to wind up one another.
In the wild it's subtle and subconscious, a natural way we convey, "I'm like you," without even knowing it. It's got very little to do with authenticity.
omgggggggg I share an office with someone who literally tries to do everything I do lol - It's so f\*cking annoying. I buy a new cup... she gets the same cup... I get a new bag.. she gets an identical bag.. I'll be searching FOR NEW JOBS.. she'll start job hunting - theres even days that our hair is the same lol ugh
The thing is if you notice someone doing it, they're doing it poorly.
So if you notice someone doing it intentionally, it probably should make you feel uneasy because they have some sort of undisclosed motive involving you. Typically to persuade or lead you in some direction.
In NLP that's called pacing and leading. Mirroring someone to pace them, and once rapport is well established, you switch from pacing to leading (do something different and see if they start mirroring you back) the idea is they're more likely to follow your lead since you've been subconsciously aligned with one another.
But it happens naturally, too--- that's why doing it intentionally can elicit similar responses when done well. People don't always intend to do it, they're just subconsciously following your lead because they're in rapport with you.
But yeah, if you notice someone doing this intentionally with you--- feeling uneasy is the correct feeling.
I mirror the person I'm talking to. If they're really animated & excitable, that's how I'll be. If they're composed and serious, that's how I'll be too. I feel like a chameleon.
I do that because I've always been a follower & will wait to see how others behave, so I follow the vibe of the people in the room.
I'm autistic so I can't tell when people are mirroring me (perfect victim for narcs and bpd) and I immediately click and vibe with other INTJs who are similar to me.
Possibly the concept they're trying to put across is that they trust you know what you're doing enough to be comfortable putting their own personal resources into doing things your way.
In theory, you'd respond by feeling more comfortable/secure in your own actions because another person has assessed them as not only acceptable but good enough to be the option they choose out of all their other possibilities.
In practice, I wonder if you feel that they haven't really thought it through as to whether your actions are something that would be best for them in their situation, and thus they're taking an easy path rather than putting proper consideration into it.
In practice, it might be halfway between - they want to do something better, they've assessed your approach as better than theirs (or any others they know), and while they haven't yet refined it into the absolute optimal action for themselves, they're willing to undertake a *nearly*-optimal solution (i.e. mirroring you) in the interim.
I don’t like it either especially when it comes to people that I’ve known for quite a while thinking they have to adjust to my body language to feel comfortable.
I get it, maybe I give off a particular display that they want to respect but it’s like, cmon, you know me for X amount of years. Relax..
Although when they do mirror me, I change each time they do it. It’s funny because you can see in their face that they keep trying to match you. I do this for fun.
Yes, right away you know someone thinks they’re pulling a Jedi mind trick on you, and when people make uninterrupted eye contact, that’s my move cut the shit
only if they're a salesman doing it consciously to close me
i find myself mirroring others consciously to sell them on the fact that i'm actually a human and not a robot and want to continue the conversation in a relaxed informal manner
It's a tehnique that emotionally manipulative people use to create fake sense of connection with another person. If it makes you uneasy, you should listen to your gut.
It’s more normal than you realize. It’s just a way to bond and a way to make people feel comfortable and more at home in a “we’re no so different lets get along” sort of a way. I find myself doing it too and got weirded out by it upon realizing it, but only because I’m now in a multicultural country meeting different people so I have to speak in different languages to different people including street slangs and that amount of diverse switching freaks me out, but I don’t mirror what they like and dislike at all tho only language and accents so I also get what you’re saying cus I see through it when a preppy girl starts pretending to be into dark gothic stuff around me to flirt. Girls that like me and want to be closer do this shit all the time, some that have a crush on you follow your posture when sitting lol and guys of different cultural background do it in a way to have something to talk about and get along
It's usually subconscious and not a constant mirroring. When it's deliberate, they'll copy literally everything which makes it fun to continually get into more and more ridiculous positions until they give up.
Ummmm I’d laugh in my head,We underspent we think the way we do but others don’t. To try to copy that is like trying to copy aliens when you can’t understand alien logic😂.
I don't recall anyone trying that around me to be honest. I do mirror people if there is no other way to communicate. I have this psychopath boss who tried to.bully me for 3 months and only mirroring his manners, expressions and his logic made him stop. Loved that moment where he finally gave up and I could see it in his face. Ha!
Funny. I do this to others, usually just to get through the day. Some people like to chit chat, others like to get straight to the point, some like to talk to you, others like you to talk to them… I got good at giving people what they want. Especially in a professional setting. But these are normally times conversations to me with an end in sight. I haven’t had anyone do it to me though. I feel like if it was outside in the wild it’d be two walls trying to talk 😅 I’m curious as to your context, could you elaborate?
In a professional setting I can understand the strategic importance. I mean you gotta pay your bills right? I mean obviously the underlying intention is to keep your job or get a promotion. No bad gut feeling in that context. It’s more the every day interactions (off the clock) that I have a problem with. Like why are you doing this? What do you want?
Ya off the clock would be weird
There are contexts in which this happens automatically, for example when someone becomes attracted to you/has romantic feelings for you. People have a tendency to mirror those they like to that degree, usually without even being aware of doing that. It just means that they subconsciously want you to like them, but also that they pay close attention to everything you do and since they like what they see, they inadvertently try that behavior on.
I just laugh a bit, the way I see it is social skills are a process, you get to be yourself when you've ''mastered'' them and know how to present well while staying natural. So, they're just in a phase where they're still working it out, it's not like I don't do stuff like that sometimes.
At work, I do this to others all the time. I work from home, so when I do talk to others/ customers, it is always on the phone. I mimic talking speed/ tone/ language. It helps customers feel more at ease and helps prevent communication blockages. It also helps the assholes hear themselves and how they are treating those who are working to assist them. If I were to be interacting in person, I would still do this via talking, but i wouldn't be mimicking their actions, body language, or anything like that. They would be weird.
Mirroring is a subconscious process that emotionally healthy people learn from their parents at an extremely young age. I say this with all of the compassion in the world, because it makes me uncomfortable too - this possibly reflects an unmet need for you in your development.
I agree, as I understand it’s a type of non verbal communication where someone is subconsciously trying to build rapport or trust. So if you see it, you could consider it an act of goodness. I think it would feel weird to be aware it’s happening to me. I’m going to keep an eye out for it, but I’m sure it will be off putting. I’ve recently learned to completely change my perception of aggressive dog on leash behavior and how to respond to it. I hope I can do the same here instead of getting freaked out lol.
I am basically oblivious to that. I don't notice and not really care if somebody else is mirroring me.
I had a random follower request to chat on IG. When I tell you that talking to him mirrored everything I’d say to someone about my likes and dislikes, I got scared then blocked them. Lol. It was weird and eerie. Feared for my life.
Glad you did that. Hell no.
This behavior is inherent to some personality types. INFJ for example. Have you ever considered that what makes you uncomfortable about a person mirroring you is that they are displaying traits that you don't like about your self? You don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
Nah. I like myself. I just don’t like the inauthenticity behind it. Feels shady. I mean I understand why people do it. It’s just not something that appeals to me.
Trust me not all INFJs do it…but some do…one of the reason why I go back and forth between subs because sometimes it’s not relatable, even if it’s typically an Fe thing to do.
This is interesting, an INFJ mirrored one of my actions recently and I noticed it right away, then wondered if it was done on purpose or nah. Is this something they tend to do subconsciously?
Hmm I get what you mean and I hate it. Weirdly though I do get things that rub off on me? Even watching films or tv shows it happens, when I’m alone. So it’s definitely not to impress. But full on actively copying…I would be weirded out. So much for Fe.
Nah, we see through that shit.
When I notice it, I change whatever they are copying! Makes me question what they want from me even more!
I immediately become suspicious. Like you said, it's a technique that's used to establish trust and if a person is intentionally doing this that means they have an agenda.
It is creepy when it's intentional, overt and exact, that's why kids do it to wind up one another. In the wild it's subtle and subconscious, a natural way we convey, "I'm like you," without even knowing it. It's got very little to do with authenticity.
omgggggggg I share an office with someone who literally tries to do everything I do lol - It's so f\*cking annoying. I buy a new cup... she gets the same cup... I get a new bag.. she gets an identical bag.. I'll be searching FOR NEW JOBS.. she'll start job hunting - theres even days that our hair is the same lol ugh
The thing is if you notice someone doing it, they're doing it poorly. So if you notice someone doing it intentionally, it probably should make you feel uneasy because they have some sort of undisclosed motive involving you. Typically to persuade or lead you in some direction. In NLP that's called pacing and leading. Mirroring someone to pace them, and once rapport is well established, you switch from pacing to leading (do something different and see if they start mirroring you back) the idea is they're more likely to follow your lead since you've been subconsciously aligned with one another. But it happens naturally, too--- that's why doing it intentionally can elicit similar responses when done well. People don't always intend to do it, they're just subconsciously following your lead because they're in rapport with you. But yeah, if you notice someone doing this intentionally with you--- feeling uneasy is the correct feeling.
When I am being mirrored, it means I control them like an extension of myself.
I mirror the person I'm talking to. If they're really animated & excitable, that's how I'll be. If they're composed and serious, that's how I'll be too. I feel like a chameleon. I do that because I've always been a follower & will wait to see how others behave, so I follow the vibe of the people in the room.
I'm autistic so I can't tell when people are mirroring me (perfect victim for narcs and bpd) and I immediately click and vibe with other INTJs who are similar to me.
I think about this every day. Well said...
i do this subconsciously, i pick up some of my friend’s traits. I feel like without them i would be 90% less social.
Possibly the concept they're trying to put across is that they trust you know what you're doing enough to be comfortable putting their own personal resources into doing things your way. In theory, you'd respond by feeling more comfortable/secure in your own actions because another person has assessed them as not only acceptable but good enough to be the option they choose out of all their other possibilities. In practice, I wonder if you feel that they haven't really thought it through as to whether your actions are something that would be best for them in their situation, and thus they're taking an easy path rather than putting proper consideration into it. In practice, it might be halfway between - they want to do something better, they've assessed your approach as better than theirs (or any others they know), and while they haven't yet refined it into the absolute optimal action for themselves, they're willing to undertake a *nearly*-optimal solution (i.e. mirroring you) in the interim.
That’s not really the case. I just don’t like the people pleasing deception behind it.
I don’t like it either especially when it comes to people that I’ve known for quite a while thinking they have to adjust to my body language to feel comfortable. I get it, maybe I give off a particular display that they want to respect but it’s like, cmon, you know me for X amount of years. Relax.. Although when they do mirror me, I change each time they do it. It’s funny because you can see in their face that they keep trying to match you. I do this for fun.
Yes, right away you know someone thinks they’re pulling a Jedi mind trick on you, and when people make uninterrupted eye contact, that’s my move cut the shit
only if they're a salesman doing it consciously to close me i find myself mirroring others consciously to sell them on the fact that i'm actually a human and not a robot and want to continue the conversation in a relaxed informal manner
It's a tehnique that emotionally manipulative people use to create fake sense of connection with another person. If it makes you uneasy, you should listen to your gut.
It’s more normal than you realize. It’s just a way to bond and a way to make people feel comfortable and more at home in a “we’re no so different lets get along” sort of a way. I find myself doing it too and got weirded out by it upon realizing it, but only because I’m now in a multicultural country meeting different people so I have to speak in different languages to different people including street slangs and that amount of diverse switching freaks me out, but I don’t mirror what they like and dislike at all tho only language and accents so I also get what you’re saying cus I see through it when a preppy girl starts pretending to be into dark gothic stuff around me to flirt. Girls that like me and want to be closer do this shit all the time, some that have a crush on you follow your posture when sitting lol and guys of different cultural background do it in a way to have something to talk about and get along
It's usually subconscious and not a constant mirroring. When it's deliberate, they'll copy literally everything which makes it fun to continually get into more and more ridiculous positions until they give up.
Ummmm I’d laugh in my head,We underspent we think the way we do but others don’t. To try to copy that is like trying to copy aliens when you can’t understand alien logic😂.
Understand*
I don't recall anyone trying that around me to be honest. I do mirror people if there is no other way to communicate. I have this psychopath boss who tried to.bully me for 3 months and only mirroring his manners, expressions and his logic made him stop. Loved that moment where he finally gave up and I could see it in his face. Ha!