I think being left alone so much as a child contributed to my anxiety disorders and then verbal abuse & neglect made me have low self esteem. Those things caused me to have fewer friends, and discomfort with socializing.
But being an introvert is a personality trait so even if those things didn’t happen I’d still be an introvert. It’s just that those environmental factors exacerbated the tendency to avoid others.
Yeah, it's amazing how our early experiences can shape us. I feel you on the introversion being part of your personality, I think it's a mix of nature and nurture for many of us. And hey, there's nothing wrong with enjoying some alone time, right?
"anti social" per definition has nothing to do with being introverted, so idk why you would pair those two together like that. sure, an introvert can also be anti social, but they are not synonyms. we're just introverts.
did you mean asocial?
This sub doesn’t understand what being an introvert means. I am an introvert because I recharge alone. I am anti social for totally different reasons LOL
"Introvert" is a personality trait....not something that can be (or should ever be changed). I do wonder if there are societies that see introversion as a positive...I know American culture does not.
Yup. I love people, even work in a people field. They just exhaust me. Can only handle a few at a time and only for so long needle I need away. Perhaps some introverts are forced into interaction beyond their threshold and become anti social? Kinda like how if you force fed a lactose intolerant person ice cream long enough they come to resent ice cream.
Posts like this are the reason why I'm so rarely active here. It's simply a false understanding of introversion.
Nothing has made me introverted. I've always been introverted, it's just my nature.
This needs more upvotes. Introverted isn’t a choice. Just like I didn’t choose to be left handed, I didn’t choose to feel more comfortable reading a book than going to a loud party. This is who I am. This is how my brain is wired. I am not broken, I am not the result of some circumstance. I am who I was born to be.
Yes!!! You are you..who you were meant to be ..💯My friend once said..." As long as you know who you are....that's all that matters.."....and it's true...
Yeah, people here confuse introversion with social anxiety and antisocial behaviour and lump it all together. Introverted is something I always was, socialisation just drains me quickly. Social anxiety is something I developed from years of school bullying and childhood abuse by family.
Agree. I'm almost convinced that this sub has been labelled wrongly must be **"wrongintrovertstereotypes"**. I'm about to leave this because I'm getting tired of the "introvert accusations" lol
Another one of these? Introverts are not anti-social. We're not mentally ill. We're one of two ways a normal person can be. An introvert is not a damaged extrovert. An introvert just is. Now please stop asking.
I have an introverted personality since birth. But I developed social anxiety after being bullied for several years almost daily. People were very mean to me. I'm not antisocial though. I did have friends but it didn't help the matter. It got much worse in high school because my friend group broke up and I became lonely with nobody but my family. At home I had a decent family, but I was kind of on my own. They didn't really understand my interests and weren't creative people.
I had very few friends in high school. High school was full of mean jerks and high achieving snooty people. After that, I met my husband, but I had absolutely no friends in college. I tried, but nobody seemed interested. Not even my roommates. One girl did but she passed away.
Once I started working, I made work acquaintances. But I wouldn't consider us friends. We never see each other outside of work and honestly I don't have enough in common to see them. But we get along well enough at work and text. That's kind of enough.
I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't care about meeting people that much. I sort of wish I had a friend or two to go on walks with or something. But I've had some bad experiences with people as an adult. I don't find people trustworthy.
I HATE catering to people socially. It's very exhausting. I am a people pleaser by nature and that can be very self destructive and has shown to be so.
It can warp your sense of self which in turn warps how you feel about others as well. I had to block them, everyone deserves a safe space who are you to tell anyone what caused their introversion?
Simply a NO in bold print. Bullying is not a trigger for introversion! Introversion has no trigger. Introversion is a person's nature. And not a consequence of negative life experiences.
(I'm really tired of having to repeat what introversion actually is in this forum.)
YESSSSS!!!!! Asking what drives a person to be an introvert makes it sound like extrovert is the default setting and introversion is a flaw. And anti-social is a whole different thing.
Thank you. You can look at toddlers and already tell who's more introverted and who's more extroverted. Some kids can sit quietly playing with something on their own perfectly content and others need to be running around with others.
Being bullied relentlessly for naivety.
“*How DARE you not be born with full and complete knowledge and understanding of every single unwritten social rule ever to exist?! And how dare you* - GASP - *not know what you did to offend me/us?!! Naivety is unforgivable! The only thing worse than naivety are your* attempts to remedy *that naivety! How DARE you need help understanding ANYTHING?!!!!*”
They rarely, if ever, come right out and say it that plainly, but that is the impression I have been left with.
It's funny that you say you're not very interesting unless it comes to deep talks.
Seems that means you are one with deeper thoughts and lousy with small talk fluff.
That's an admirable trait and the opposite of uninteresting.
Though it's true it also leads to being outcast from the herd. I know that firsthand.
It's not that I'm bad at small talk, I can do it just fine if I have to, I just find it pointless and uninteresting.
Deep talks on the other hand and having to think and analyze what others say before talking is what I like more.
I am horrible with small talk oh man just awful. It's so boring! It gives me anxiety and I would much rather talk about deep stuff and just learn, see things from other perspectives, understand things better etc. Whats the point of socializing if you can't talk about interesting stuff and learn something new? I love people who can just talk about anything cause they just know a lot about stuff. My boss is like that, he's brilliant. Every time I talk to him I learn something. And people that have no filter at all are the best, but Ive only met a few and they dont stick around too long.
Some of the most socially gracious people i know are introverts. Being an introvert simply means regenerating one’s energy in quiet non social ways. Like curling up with a good book after a stressful day on customer service. Introverts tend to enjoy their own company too.
Extroverts after a tough day at work look forward to going out around people after work to get their energy back. They find socializing restorative.
I feel like I’ve been kind of an introvert from birth. At first, every kid starts out roughly the same, but my personality matured into what it is now.
I’ll move my introversion out of the way for now, and explain my anti social attitude. I became straight up anti social because of the things other children would do when I was a young child. If I can be honest, children are assholes, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And so, I became a little more distant from other children, not forming friendships or relations, only having really teachers and my parents. The outside world is chaotic, and I quickly learned that after having gone back to B&M later on in life.
The dangerous psyche of humans that disregards other humans can spread in different ways, like me becoming anti-social because one student thought it was funny to be an idiot and get us both in trouble, despite my calls out to him not to do so.
There’s also of course, abuse, the online world, being around people overall that causes us to have anxiety and just an all out ‘anti-social’ output to life.
Old age, I have less patience and energy to deal with other people’s bs. I used to never be like this though. I had energy, liked being out and about & around others…well, been there & done that 😂
I feel safer and more in control of what can happen around me at anytime, I think this is mainly because I have anxiety disorders too but being in my own space with minimal people definitely sparks joy.
I think I had higher standards for people when I was younger. The constant disappointment of seeing people close to me not live up to those standards seemed to really push me towards isolation. Obviously I’ve learned how low to set the bar now, but does it make me want to make new connections, let people in, and be more social with people? No… it doesn’t. Now I just feel like everyone in my life is temporarily there until they just aren’t.
Putting people on a higher level than ourselves is the first mistake to make when you are on the path of self worth. A side of you may like people because they are the ones that keep us company, give advice, news, entertain us or prepare our meals but behind closed doors you never know what someone is really like so it's best to always have a 3rd eye open.
My parents showed me cruelty and for the same reason, I isolate. Ive tried to make friends but I just cant trust anyone, sometimes, not even myself.
I prefer to be alone as much as I can. I am a mom of 2, so thats 150% harder to do but I do it and it makes a huge difference in how I treat my kids and husband vs how my parents treated each other and their kids.
I recharge to the max for kid parties and interacting with parents which is soooooo exhausting for me. Then I recharge again cause I just can't. And the Holidays oh boy don't get me started on the procedure for Holidays with the fam...mine is super dysfunctional so I went full no contact with them and its been the best thing ever. But I still have to interact with my husbands side of the fam and they are nice people, but I just cant handle the small talk. Its like my brain just cant get rid of all the crap my toxic fam would pull on the Holidays and I am just paralized... I need at least a week alone to mentally prepare and not be THEM.
For me personally, I've been consistently let down. After being bullied at school, it takes a lot for me to let someone in. Over the years, people I've seen as potential friends have not shown up for me and it makes me not want to invest time in anyone anymore. I have my husband and my cats, I'm good.
I found it was a combination of not really feeling listened to coupled with eventually finding solace in being alone. I wound up craving time by myself more than time with others (probably) because that was when I felt the most in control if my environments and safest to be myself.
You arrive in a place alone and sometimes that's just how you leave. There is always some sort of regret that you will have after being around others whether it's work, the bar, a party, riding the bus or any type of social gathering.
You probably meant no harm but please educate yourself on the differences between antisocial and asocial. Antisocial people completely disregard the rights of others and have a very different perception of reality. They have a hard time feeling empathy towards others. An antisocial person might be an introvert but not all introverts are antisocial. Introversion simply means that people have an inward driven energy in contrast to an external driven energy as in the case of extroverts. Introverts recharge their social battery by spending time alone and engaging in solitary activities. Introverts are not asocial also by default. They are selectively social.
I’m an introvert but not necessarily antisocial. I’m not fond of “general” people. There are some that I can enjoy one-on-one.
Introversion is an innate quality. It’s the personality tendency we’re born with.
In my case, I had enough trauma in my life to reinforce my fear that I don’t fit in or people don’t like me. I harbor a lot of negative thoughts about other people. I isolate. I avoid. It’s where my brain goes. That’s a separate thing from my introversion. It makes living on the planet hard.
I actually like being an introvert. My emotional baggage is what screws me up.
I'm pretty sure that I had undiagnosed Aspergers while growing up. . I know that I'm somewhere on the spectrum.
As a very young child, I was ridiculed for just being myself. I'm told that I loved to dance whenever I heard music, but I was made fun of tobthe point of embarrassment and became too self-conscious to ever feel comfortable dancing.
That's just one example. Because of my Aspergers, I never had any childhood friends. I was left alone, although supervised. I never developed positive social skills. But I did manage to mask my true feelings, for the most part.
I think I've always been too sensitive for my own good. Feelings are too easily hurt. This has only gotten worse with age.
Still, LIFE is very good.
They were probably jealous because they wish that they could dance. Some people feel inadequate when they see others that are usually quiet finally being themselves naturally & having fun.
If that is your relief to substitute the lack of conversation from others than keep dancing like nobody is watching!
Somehow, this post resonates so much with me. Being in my 30s and for the past 10 years away from almost anything social has given me so much peace and happiness. Sometimes, I realize, even though part of me wants to socialize from time to time, I still prefer to be all alone.
Cool! It's great that you found your own Happiness. Being Alone is a life changing mood for our own inner peace. Wear it like a badge of Honor with Dignity and self respect always.
Two faced people. The feeling that I am the only person who is honest to your face and authentically myself.
And then the people who are two faced and narcissists are the ones who thrive socially
If you haven't already, I recommend reading Existentialist philosophy, specifically the works of Albert Camus. I have found his writing to be especially applicable to how we feel in relation to the narcissism and hypocrisy of others.
*The Stranger*, by Albert Camus, in particular, the main character sees hypocrisy and fakery everywhere. He feels alone because he is authentically himself and speaks his mind to the shallow world he sees around him. Society is obviously threatened by that.
It isn't a very positive philosophy but it is one that makes me feel more at ease. Here is a short video if you're interested: [https://youtu.be/jQOfbObFOCw?si=6QgT00kMTNnjz6nC](https://youtu.be/jQOfbObFOCw?si=6QgT00kMTNnjz6nC)
I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I need to work on boundaries for sure, but saying no is so difficult and the more people know I won’t say no, the more they take. So I just don’t get close enough to allow people to take from me. This isn’t just things and money but mainly my time and energy.
Social batteries
and listening
there is so much listening I can actually do without smashing my head against the wall (most people seem very unaware where i live)
I have a son with autism who doesn't like being around a lot of people. It's too much going on at one time for him. So we hang out at home mostly. Also, people suck.
I used to be quite an extrovert when I was younger. Like elementary-middle school. When I was in middle school I switched to a new school in a different district. I had a lot of trouble making friends there. One day I decided to ask a few people what the issue was.
The answers were, "You talk really loud....You always answer the questions in class like every time....you're always trying to break into conversations with us....Your voice is really nasally and annoying"
After that I just kind of ... changed. I'm now 33 and still am introverted. I now talk at a level people often say they have trouble hearing me. I stopped raising my hand and answering questions in class unless called on. I stopped trying to be a part of conversations with people because I didn't want to annoy them or be rude. Now I'm someone who will sit at the edges and people watch or just not go.
Being somewhat extroverted, smart with academics, and having personality to stand out from the crowd in school while being your own individual can be a beautiful thing but unfortunately that is where the drama and cause of being introverted starts from youth because of others mistreatment challenging your trust & faith in humanity even into adulthood.
I was considered weird by my classmates and somewhat ostracized. Some bullying didn't help. It killed my self-confidence and I've never fully recovered since it happened for years starting very young. I think that also killed any potential for a romantic relationship until now because I never had the courage to ask a woman out. Hopefully this year might change that 🤞
While I still consider myself introverted I do have a surprisingly large pool of friends from various backgrounds (hobbies, extracurricular, random, work) and a couple really close friends. I also have made good efforts to force myself out of my shell and socialize, which has gone well so far. The biggest relief was once I started not caring what other people think of me. Life's too short to worry about what strangers you'll never see again think of you. I'm not gonna change who I am to conform to other people's standards (ironic considering I'm in the military lol).
I was like that since a kid, but then i tried to make friends and finally after many years of being taken advantage of, lied to, bullied relentlessly, being villanized, never been taken care of or loved by anybody, criticed for even the smallest stuff, nearly being killed off, i can truly 100% say: NO THANK YOU.
That actually saves me from so much suffering.
Expecially now, when people are takers, they want you to have emphaty and love them but when it comes to give it back, absolutely not.
I would assume a huge majority of introverts are just introverted by nature. No need for outward stimuli to "drive" us. And I would also like to assume that being antisocial is a rare thing, more likely the majority are just asocial.
I, and many others, can feel our social battery drain by the moment during social happenings.
I'm not entirely sure, but it seems to be part of my DNA. There are videos from when I was 2 or 3 years old, typically at large gatherings with many children. In these recordings, I'm always by myself climbing something, doing a jigsaw puzzle alone, or looking at picture books. The videos without me often show adults asking, "Have you seen schaweniiia? She's run off again," usually finding me engaged in solo activities somewhere quiet.
Throughout my childhood, I felt inadequate because my family valued social skills. I reckon that it comes from my dad, who always seemed to disapprove of my preferences. I think he might have forced himself to be social, hence why he feels resentful towards me.
Thankfully, I had my granddad (my dad's dad). When my siblings and I stayed with our grandparents, my sisters stayed with my social grandparents (mum's parents), while my granddad often requested me. We played cards all day, mostly Russian Bank, and barely talked while grandma provided chocolates and hot water bottles. It was nice, albeit sometimes boring, but in hindsight, I appreciate that he understood and supported me, providing a space where I could be quiet and relaxed.
Abuse as a child and no socialization with kids/people outside of sports. I feel like for me at least and probably many others. Introversion is a failure of parenting. Now we are adults trying to rectify that but it is deeply ingrained. Heck my most difficult thing is just trying to think about what to talk to someone about. I tend to frequent places I feel comfortable in. I have no problem trying new things. Latest is climbing. The climbing gyms allow for some socialization if I am feeling socially frisky.
For me it's the fact that no matter what we do, no matter how kind we are, we can't control how others treat us. I survived all kinds of abuse...lets just say Ive been in flight or fight mode for over 30 years and my body is tired, my soul is tired. I just dont want to socialize because it takes so much energy out of me its insane. I need like a week to recover after anything. Its just exhausting so I avoid social interactions if possible, as a result I just have 1 very good friend and have focused on myself and my family.
For me, it was the way society treated me while I was dealing with orbital tumors. Now, many years and surgeries later, I still have zero desire to socialize. Ever.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a thing that has to be caused by something terrible; some people are just wired that way.
For me, it was assumed I was an extrovert all the way up through my late 20s, but it turns out I’m just really stellar at masking. After having a mental break down from trying to present for so long as something I’m not, I just didn’t have much energy left to mask anymore.
Now it’s so obvious that being around other people drains me. I am always more productive in solitude, and I love silence (even if my tinnitus doesn’t always let me enjoy it). I also just give less fucks about being a popular person; I won’t suffer through small talk just so some person I’ll never hang out with feel more comfortable. If I’m in the mood to talk to someone, it better be a real conversation. I hate small talk; it’s just a bunch of words that don’t really say anything.
Being abused by family. Bullied, gaslit, exposed to corrupt things, unfairness, unkindness, screaming, yelling, cursing, encouraging of immorality, fakeness, hypocrisy, emotionally stunted angry parenting, no empathy, no true care, dysfunction, abuse, ignoring abuse, encouraging me to go to my very mentally ill mothers house by myself who was an alcoholic, patently irresponsibility, dumping us off at hoarder babysitters… made me dislike people and want to be alone.
I have been a loner by choice since a kid, hard for me to fit in. As I tend to be in my on world feel drain being in long social settings. Let alone I hate small talk hate talking on the phone and texting.
I’ll talk when there’s a vibe to but I like to keep to myself.
You can’t be driven into being an introvert!! You either are or you aren’t!! It’s a social battery thing!! If socializing drains you & you charge back up by being alone then you’re an introvert!!! Introversion is not a mental health issue!!! You can be an introvert WITH mental health issues or perfectly mentally healthy BECAUSE IT’S JUST WHAT YOU HAPPEN TO BE BECAUSE YOU JUST ARE!!
it’s getting really frustrating that people keep connecting it with a mental issue, it’s creating such a stigma…
For me i guess its the thought of being judged by people , i usually overthink what am gonna say and always end up being silent , cuz either way i find something’s wrong with me. And even when am comfort around people (except for my close friends) i fear that they faking it so i could release myself
Friends going to a different school/moving away during times where we didn't have the ability to stay in contact and growing apart 😬 I wish I could make new friends but it's not easy to even keep a conversation, even harder to start one... talking to people is basically impossible
>What drives people into being introvert & antisocial?
I think you’re confusing **antisocial** with **asocial**.
[**Antisocia**l](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-social_behaviour) behavior is defined as *"…actions which are considered to violate the rights of or otherwise harm others by committing crime or nuisance, such as stealing and physical attack or noncriminal behaviours such as lying and manipulation. It is considered to be disruptive to others in society."*
[**Asocial**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality) behavior (aka, [**Asociality**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality)) refers to people who *"….lack of motivation to engage in social interaction, or a preference for solitary activities."*
EDIT: As for me, I’ve always been introverted (or asocial), but I spent a long time pretending to an extrovert. I’ve (pretty much) stopped doing that.
I was born introverted, but I’m asocial and not antisocial. Basically I just don’t want to hear about people’s problems. Like no matter the conversation there’s always those people who like to trauma dump and tell their whole life story
For me it was ppl taking my kindness for granted. I would be nice to ppl even if they didnt like me or were flat out rude. In hs i had this group of “friends” and we were all super close until one day they just decided “we dont like her anymore” (thtz actually wht happened) It caused me to not wanna have a lot of friends and not go out with ppl anymore. To this day i still dont have a lot of friends nor do i have a bsf😭 Its honestly ok but in ur early 20s its hard to find TRUE friends. The only friends i have are 4 women in my nursing program and thts it💀 Which honestly is ok with me sometimes i do wish i could make friends a lot easier tho.
At times we must just stay neutral to keep ourselves from becoming part of trend to be like the crowds I just listen and stay cool and collected perhaps make a change to not be part of the group that is not empathetic to subject at hand
I think that trauma, particularly trauma that occurs over a long period of time and/or during childhood, and betrayal by people very close to you that you felt sure you could trust are big factors. At least for me
All superficial comments, From the Less supportive. No pun intended, Fuc what everyone else is on I'm in my zone if I have to travel to link after disenfranchisement then I'll pass more of them up. Liars are as ever present as denial, distance and desertion. Clearly I'm not Mentally Malnourished but I accomplished more than I've ever in my myriad way of doing things.
I feel like a significant part of me being an introvert & anti-social is due to trauma since childhood.
I was one of 3 children, and the middle child. I'm female with two brothers. As a child I was bullied & ridiculed by my parents & brothers. And over positive qualities! My brothers were poor students & always in trouble. I was the exact opposite & "the good one".
I was in gifted classes since elementary school. In many extracurricular activities. But I was constantly ridiculed by parents & siblings that "I thought I was so smart", "I always had my nose in a book", "I was a straight A student", "I was too modest", "I spent too much time studying", oh, and the "I thought I was better than everybody else". Well, you get the picture.
Is it any wonder that I became an introvert when my own family bullied & ridiculed me over my positive qualities? 😥
Woww you sounded just like my Lil Sis, she has broken down @ a young age before because of grades but I always try to tell her getting an A+ doesn't mean people in the grown-up world will always accept that because some people don't want you to get ahead when you know too much but still do your best. And the same for you Young Lady. I am sorry about the mental anguish you have endured. 😟
Thank you so much for your kind reply! It's just so hard when the things that should be cherished by your own family arent recognized & cherished. It leaves you feeling like if my own family doesn't believe in me, how can I believe in myself. It leaves me feeling like I'll never be good enough.
I try to work through it in therapy. And slowly I'm learning & accepting that as long as I can acknowledge & accept my good points, then what others think or say don't matter as much. I have to love myself first & foremost.
You're welcome, I understand and it doesn't make any sense how some people do their children. It's like building you up just to tear you down every time your vulnerable when everything is going wrong.
Like why would you give someone life just to make them wanna end it or leave them to think for themselves? They call it Tough Love but that doesn't work well for everyone. Not enough consistency of affection or mutual agreement in this universe unfortunately. Keep working on you only.
I think my childhood trauma did it for me. Up until 13 I was friendly and outgoing. Once my father decided I was a great punching bag, I became very secretive and introverted. Still am at 50.
My best friend died and I could no longer be around other friends . I hid myself away and no one bothered to check on me so I stopped talking to people
Being screwed over by every “friend” I’ve had just because I’m an empath and would give them the shirt off my back- led them to believe they could do whatever they wanted to me. I’d rather not do that again so I stick to myself.
I got sober, then my sister and best friend died
I was always like this ten in 9th grade. I had this extroverted phase from then until about 6 years ago( when I got clean).
I'm 32 do that math. All the chaos, I just stopped it and cut it all off all contact with about every one but my close family and now ex. My best friend died, and it's almost been 3 years, and I lost my baby sister.
I've become a recluse and a fragment of who I once was. I go to work and go home.
I have unpopular opinions, interests and preferences which make it more frustrating/unfulfilling to be around people a lot of the time. But pride and insecurity make me antisocial, but I don't think there's a defense to be made for being antisocial. I constantly try to overcome my antisocial tendencies because it's just a rotten, unhealthy way to exist. Being an introvert is quite separate in my mind and neither a vice nor a virtue. I make the distinction because I notice lots of toxic attitudes on this subreddit. Stuff like "people aren't worth bothering with" or "I'm happiest alone". People are wired to be social. Nobody would be happy if completely alone. Just because we tend to be around people more are less than others doesn't make one way great and the other bad. Everybody needs some good people to care about
I don’t like to build relationships with people in my personal life unless it is 💯 trustworthy. They like me for who I am and if I die they will be a loyal friend to the people I left behind. It’s not really worth going beyond a friendly, superficial, conversation if I’m not interested in a friendship.
People are obnoxious and distracting noise pollution and the majority of them diminish the quality of your life vs add any value to it. I can think and accomplish things when left the hell alone!
I think we should send every extrovert to India for a month. Maybe they'll understand how we feel after that!
From a logistical standpoint being broke and living at home making paycheck to paycheck and paying for college. It doesn’t make me live a social and dating life very well.
Being neurodivergent because I get annoyed with gossip and neurotypical behavior.
Everyone misunderstands me and thinks I am just insecure and that’s not totally it. I have confidence but I live in a reality of being busy and having to look after myself so I can become an RN and more financially successful.
I make time for socializing but I overspend and feel burnout and overstimulated.
I hate work and coworkers as is and I have my family obligations temporarily until I move out.
I Love this comment. Not making enough money these days in this world to do what you really want has taken the homes and lives of alot of people. Whoever said money isn't happiness needs a kick in the butt because that is the only thing that will help you properly function to stay relevant and not a homeless or without a date.
When someone gets into trauma or something like that, emotionally gets hurt and they would like to spend their time with themselves. Then they will feel like being alone is good because you will not have to deal with things. So they decide to feel introvert. They also feel like this world is toxic and by their experiences they prefer to stay alone. Maybe it can be involved with some self hate and depression. It also can be "suicidal thoughts"
Oh man, this has been a constant pondering of multiple shrinks and therapists with me, equivalent of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
I've had massive traumas, betrayals (seperate occurences) and some genetic defects in my brainwaves.
No one, not even myself, can determine if the antisocial part was caused, born with or both.
Interesting question though.
Same here. I was betrayed so many times by people who I called "friends" that I got done with it. And let's not talk about my lovers and how they used all my vulnerability against me and all my secrets to shame me.
I said: no, I'm not sharing anymore about myself, it's not worth it. But now because of this I'm in a different predicament; now I became an emotional vessel for people dumping their shit on me. There's no way to win here
Sorry people are going off at you in the comments, i never used to be introverted, i loved meeting new people and talking to people one day it changed and slowly over time i have become extremely introverted. To the point that being social makes me ill and it takes me a long time to recharge. It felt like it happened naturally but i also grew tired of people and there bs.
I was born this way. My dad and brother are extreme introverts like me. My mom is social but doesn't go out of her way to socialize.
I've never chose to be like this due to outside forces. I've always just enjoyed spending time with myself
I don't think people are driven to being introverted, it's just part of their natural personality.
Antisocial, on the other hand, could be something they turn into due to circumstances they've experienced.
I was just kinda born this way I think. I was always the kid who took a book to anything social and hid out in the corner reading instead of socializing with the other kids. I can manage one on one but I’ve never been good at social situations with more than one person and I realized from the pandemic that I almost thrive on my own. I guess that’s weird? But I’ve always been weird so I guess nothing new there.
The way I was raised as a child, I was always sheltered with little to no social life, I was always told that people are dangerous and shouldn't trust anyone not even my classmates, then I was bullied in second grade, and as I got older I developed extreme social anxiety to the point where I would stutter non stop, but I'm so so so so glad it stopped, it was so annoying, and as I got older, I still had social anxiety but not that extreme anymore, still sweat and my heart would race when I'm about to sweat.
But now, I like this, I'm not fighting it anymore, even when I talk too much I feel drained, my social anxiety only gets triggered when I'm about to read a lecture in class or something, And I have 0 social skills, in my friend group I'm the type of person to stand there and listen without engaging until they directly talk to me, and I hate social gatherings it's draining, and also, I'd rather have very few close friends than many friends
Well see most people are huge pieces of shit and they don't realize they are and the people around them enable it because we live in a everyone's feelings matter world. I think if we allowed you to throat punch people like the 70s less people would be anti social.
Well I was born an introvert. It just means I recharge alone where extroverts recharge around others. I became anti social because people suck. I don’t mean they’re loud and rude. I mean they lie. They are not trustworthy. They take advantage etc. I have a very good circle of family and a few friends. I won’t add any new ones for the reasons I listed.
Only child and it was just my mom growing up.. she wasn't much of a mom either.. sure she fed and watered me.. made sure I had clean clothes to wear.. and all the kids made fun of me for being overweight.. and during the time when Fat Albert and the Gang was being aired on Saturday mornings... with my last name very very similar to Albert.. you can about guess how my childhood was growing up..
The town I grew up in, is a farming community and a vast majority of the kids belonged to farmers.. and everyone had money to wear the nice clothes and drive the big Ford f350s.. and my clothes were from the local thrift and I scooted around on a skateboard. As hard as I tried to fit in.. it just never happened
Throughout the years.. this trend just kept continuing of me trying to fit in with other groups.. make friends.. had well over 50 failed relationships.. mainly because I wasn't being true to myself snd I tried to fit myself into the perceived boxes people put me in.. I never once made myself a priority.
I got into using drugs as a way to cope with my self hatred.. tried playing In a few metal bands. The drug use started poking through my bullshit facade..some recognized my bulllshit.. and would eventually distance themselves from me.. I didn't blame them or harbor Ill sill towards them.. I just wanted someone to recognize that I was failing myself pretty badly and hope they would show some compassion or empathy.. but that didn't happen either... so..I did what introverts do.. and went full hermit mode.
I have 2 friends that I could truly lean on if necessary.. but they weren't even local to me.. so we just played every iteration of battlefield and COD. Just so I could have someone to have small talk with.. and I avoided everyone else in the real world.. until my mom died last November.. and it's been a slow motion train wreck ever since.. moved 2 states away to start a business with one of those 2 friends.. and was not made aware of how bad his Cocaine rabbit is until I got here.. snd the only way I could move here was if I had a roommate and unbeknownst to me.. said friend shacked me up.. with his drug dealer. Yall are smart. You can fill in the rest of the blanks from there.. and I'm in such a pit of despair now.. all I do is get high and cry and hide in my room every fucking day.. my roommate does a huge number of drugs and "hires" young.. very young black ladies for sex and the cops have been here once because one of those gals is super crazy and the roommate and her have restraining orders against each other.. and the roommate is on parole because of his habit of trafficking women in and out..
All I want to is get the fuck out of here. Alive or in a body bag.. I don't fuclkng care at this point..
Sorry for the rant. I'm fuckjng lost
I wouldn’t say something drew me “into” this. It’s who I am. I was always like this. I simply don’t enjoy company of majority of the people. I love being alone.
Yes, I can list some things about humans in general that solidify my discomfort in their presence but fact is that I was like this since I was a child, as long as I can remember.
I wanted to be an extrovert but I was always getting left out of the group they were toxic as hell when I tried to speak with someone they just ignore me and continue with their gossips. Even in photos I am always standing in either the right corner or the left when I try to stand in the middle or in between they push me out and say things like " Side ko sarak" or " Baju ho". Thank god that my 10th is finished now I don't even want to see their faces anymore. I find it peaceful now that I am alone and don't have to see those toxic mfs again.
Ngl being an introvert isn’t the same as antisocial imo. Like I will happily hang out with others and will look forward to it. Just I need my own time too. I would say though since moving to a full time job I’ve been having more alone time, because we’re quite chatty at work and I’m usually drained at the end of it
For me it was disloyalty and my family and friends. I can say it here: I LOVE TO TALK, I love to make jokes and laugh, I hate being alone, and I wish I could trust someone and get everything off my chest. But
I think being left alone so much as a child contributed to my anxiety disorders and then verbal abuse & neglect made me have low self esteem. Those things caused me to have fewer friends, and discomfort with socializing. But being an introvert is a personality trait so even if those things didn’t happen I’d still be an introvert. It’s just that those environmental factors exacerbated the tendency to avoid others.
Yeah, it's amazing how our early experiences can shape us. I feel you on the introversion being part of your personality, I think it's a mix of nature and nurture for many of us. And hey, there's nothing wrong with enjoying some alone time, right?
Exactly !
For me, is the constant need to prove myself, the pressure to fit in, or the fear of being judged.
Same, also My siblings every time i talked they said to me shut up
That's very tough. Their insensitivity affects the life you're becoming.
"anti social" per definition has nothing to do with being introverted, so idk why you would pair those two together like that. sure, an introvert can also be anti social, but they are not synonyms. we're just introverts. did you mean asocial?
Thank you for this. I was about to say the same thing. Being introverted is a different entity for being an anti social 😮💨
This sub doesn’t understand what being an introvert means. I am an introvert because I recharge alone. I am anti social for totally different reasons LOL
"Introvert" is a personality trait....not something that can be (or should ever be changed). I do wonder if there are societies that see introversion as a positive...I know American culture does not.
In Austria it’s widely spread that most Austrians are introverted and it’s totally accepted and normal trait
wow, looks like I found my future home!
Yup. I love people, even work in a people field. They just exhaust me. Can only handle a few at a time and only for so long needle I need away. Perhaps some introverts are forced into interaction beyond their threshold and become anti social? Kinda like how if you force fed a lactose intolerant person ice cream long enough they come to resent ice cream.
Antisocial behavior is that of a psychopath..think evil things
That’s not true at all.
Thank you. I'm an introvert who enjoys my time alone. It's not because I was driven to want this, I just prefer my time on my own rather than groups.
That's not how it works. Nobody's driven into it. That's like asking what drove you to be left-handed. It's just how people are.
Posts like this are the reason why I'm so rarely active here. It's simply a false understanding of introversion. Nothing has made me introverted. I've always been introverted, it's just my nature.
This needs more upvotes. Introverted isn’t a choice. Just like I didn’t choose to be left handed, I didn’t choose to feel more comfortable reading a book than going to a loud party. This is who I am. This is how my brain is wired. I am not broken, I am not the result of some circumstance. I am who I was born to be.
Yes!!! You are you..who you were meant to be ..💯My friend once said..." As long as you know who you are....that's all that matters.."....and it's true...
Yeah, people here confuse introversion with social anxiety and antisocial behaviour and lump it all together. Introverted is something I always was, socialisation just drains me quickly. Social anxiety is something I developed from years of school bullying and childhood abuse by family.
Agree. I'm almost convinced that this sub has been labelled wrongly must be **"wrongintrovertstereotypes"**. I'm about to leave this because I'm getting tired of the "introvert accusations" lol
You are spot on. I wish there was a true sub for introverts only. Most of the posts here aren’t even about being an introvert
Please let me know if you find one, I'm leaving this sub. ✌🏽
> brain [Indeed](https://introvertdear.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Introvert_9sensitivitytodopamine_zps33d33aa2.jpg)
Another one of these? Introverts are not anti-social. We're not mentally ill. We're one of two ways a normal person can be. An introvert is not a damaged extrovert. An introvert just is. Now please stop asking.
You're starting to sound like a true introvert
LoL 😀
What drives people to be extroverted? And do you mean “asocial”?
Nothing drives people. It’s a biological thing.
OP doesn’t understand. Everyone has tried to explain. I give up
I have an introverted personality since birth. But I developed social anxiety after being bullied for several years almost daily. People were very mean to me. I'm not antisocial though. I did have friends but it didn't help the matter. It got much worse in high school because my friend group broke up and I became lonely with nobody but my family. At home I had a decent family, but I was kind of on my own. They didn't really understand my interests and weren't creative people. I had very few friends in high school. High school was full of mean jerks and high achieving snooty people. After that, I met my husband, but I had absolutely no friends in college. I tried, but nobody seemed interested. Not even my roommates. One girl did but she passed away. Once I started working, I made work acquaintances. But I wouldn't consider us friends. We never see each other outside of work and honestly I don't have enough in common to see them. But we get along well enough at work and text. That's kind of enough. I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't care about meeting people that much. I sort of wish I had a friend or two to go on walks with or something. But I've had some bad experiences with people as an adult. I don't find people trustworthy.
I HATE catering to people socially. It's very exhausting. I am a people pleaser by nature and that can be very self destructive and has shown to be so.
Yeah, I agree. Sometimes I have to match their energy.
Being bullied relentlessly
Thats one of my reasons. Also, people just fcking suck
It can warp your sense of self which in turn warps how you feel about others as well. I had to block them, everyone deserves a safe space who are you to tell anyone what caused their introversion?
I feel this on a personal level! I was bullied relentlessly most of my childhood and even into my early adulthood years. Sucks.
Simply a NO in bold print. Bullying is not a trigger for introversion! Introversion has no trigger. Introversion is a person's nature. And not a consequence of negative life experiences. (I'm really tired of having to repeat what introversion actually is in this forum.)
YESSSSS!!!!! Asking what drives a person to be an introvert makes it sound like extrovert is the default setting and introversion is a flaw. And anti-social is a whole different thing.
Thank you. You can look at toddlers and already tell who's more introverted and who's more extroverted. Some kids can sit quietly playing with something on their own perfectly content and others need to be running around with others.
Speak for yourself
This right here.
Being bullied relentlessly for naivety. “*How DARE you not be born with full and complete knowledge and understanding of every single unwritten social rule ever to exist?! And how dare you* - GASP - *not know what you did to offend me/us?!! Naivety is unforgivable! The only thing worse than naivety are your* attempts to remedy *that naivety! How DARE you need help understanding ANYTHING?!!!!*” They rarely, if ever, come right out and say it that plainly, but that is the impression I have been left with.
that's just trauma
I honestly just don’t have much to say to others. I’m not very interesting unless it comes to deep talks lol
It's funny that you say you're not very interesting unless it comes to deep talks. Seems that means you are one with deeper thoughts and lousy with small talk fluff. That's an admirable trait and the opposite of uninteresting. Though it's true it also leads to being outcast from the herd. I know that firsthand.
It's not that I'm bad at small talk, I can do it just fine if I have to, I just find it pointless and uninteresting. Deep talks on the other hand and having to think and analyze what others say before talking is what I like more.
I’m like this too.
I am horrible with small talk oh man just awful. It's so boring! It gives me anxiety and I would much rather talk about deep stuff and just learn, see things from other perspectives, understand things better etc. Whats the point of socializing if you can't talk about interesting stuff and learn something new? I love people who can just talk about anything cause they just know a lot about stuff. My boss is like that, he's brilliant. Every time I talk to him I learn something. And people that have no filter at all are the best, but Ive only met a few and they dont stick around too long.
Some of the most socially gracious people i know are introverts. Being an introvert simply means regenerating one’s energy in quiet non social ways. Like curling up with a good book after a stressful day on customer service. Introverts tend to enjoy their own company too. Extroverts after a tough day at work look forward to going out around people after work to get their energy back. They find socializing restorative.
Genetics?
Do you think all introverts are antisocial?
Too much conversation/going out in public exhausts me
*Asocial not anti-social
I feel like I’ve been kind of an introvert from birth. At first, every kid starts out roughly the same, but my personality matured into what it is now.
A genuine lack of interest in socializing.
I just like to be quiet and alone.
People suck! ‘Nough said!
Waiting for people to finish speaking before I speak... Most of them don't ever finish speaking.
Yep
I’ll move my introversion out of the way for now, and explain my anti social attitude. I became straight up anti social because of the things other children would do when I was a young child. If I can be honest, children are assholes, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And so, I became a little more distant from other children, not forming friendships or relations, only having really teachers and my parents. The outside world is chaotic, and I quickly learned that after having gone back to B&M later on in life. The dangerous psyche of humans that disregards other humans can spread in different ways, like me becoming anti-social because one student thought it was funny to be an idiot and get us both in trouble, despite my calls out to him not to do so. There’s also of course, abuse, the online world, being around people overall that causes us to have anxiety and just an all out ‘anti-social’ output to life.
Old age, I have less patience and energy to deal with other people’s bs. I used to never be like this though. I had energy, liked being out and about & around others…well, been there & done that 😂
1000% this. My father used to say he understands why old men were so grumpy. He said it was because they were tired of other people’s shit.
Too many people in one room always leads to trouble lol
I think they’re just born with it tbh like I can’t remember a time where I WASNT antisocial and an introvert tbh
I feel safer and more in control of what can happen around me at anytime, I think this is mainly because I have anxiety disorders too but being in my own space with minimal people definitely sparks joy.
I think I had higher standards for people when I was younger. The constant disappointment of seeing people close to me not live up to those standards seemed to really push me towards isolation. Obviously I’ve learned how low to set the bar now, but does it make me want to make new connections, let people in, and be more social with people? No… it doesn’t. Now I just feel like everyone in my life is temporarily there until they just aren’t.
Putting people on a higher level than ourselves is the first mistake to make when you are on the path of self worth. A side of you may like people because they are the ones that keep us company, give advice, news, entertain us or prepare our meals but behind closed doors you never know what someone is really like so it's best to always have a 3rd eye open.
My grandmother. She showed me how cruel people could be, and if she could be that cruel to me, strangers would be too. (And I was right)
My parents showed me cruelty and for the same reason, I isolate. Ive tried to make friends but I just cant trust anyone, sometimes, not even myself. I prefer to be alone as much as I can. I am a mom of 2, so thats 150% harder to do but I do it and it makes a huge difference in how I treat my kids and husband vs how my parents treated each other and their kids. I recharge to the max for kid parties and interacting with parents which is soooooo exhausting for me. Then I recharge again cause I just can't. And the Holidays oh boy don't get me started on the procedure for Holidays with the fam...mine is super dysfunctional so I went full no contact with them and its been the best thing ever. But I still have to interact with my husbands side of the fam and they are nice people, but I just cant handle the small talk. Its like my brain just cant get rid of all the crap my toxic fam would pull on the Holidays and I am just paralized... I need at least a week alone to mentally prepare and not be THEM.
For me personally, I've been consistently let down. After being bullied at school, it takes a lot for me to let someone in. Over the years, people I've seen as potential friends have not shown up for me and it makes me not want to invest time in anyone anymore. I have my husband and my cats, I'm good.
Your Husband is all you need, everyone else with no idea of who you are will be just fine
Narcissistic abuse
My reasoning is this... I do not trust people. At all. I actually hate people.
I found it was a combination of not really feeling listened to coupled with eventually finding solace in being alone. I wound up craving time by myself more than time with others (probably) because that was when I felt the most in control if my environments and safest to be myself.
Realising the fact that, regardless of whether you socialize or not you're alone .
You arrive in a place alone and sometimes that's just how you leave. There is always some sort of regret that you will have after being around others whether it's work, the bar, a party, riding the bus or any type of social gathering.
It's fu*ked up childhood and poverty for me.
You probably meant no harm but please educate yourself on the differences between antisocial and asocial. Antisocial people completely disregard the rights of others and have a very different perception of reality. They have a hard time feeling empathy towards others. An antisocial person might be an introvert but not all introverts are antisocial. Introversion simply means that people have an inward driven energy in contrast to an external driven energy as in the case of extroverts. Introverts recharge their social battery by spending time alone and engaging in solitary activities. Introverts are not asocial also by default. They are selectively social.
You've explained it much better than I could.
I’m an introvert but not necessarily antisocial. I’m not fond of “general” people. There are some that I can enjoy one-on-one. Introversion is an innate quality. It’s the personality tendency we’re born with. In my case, I had enough trauma in my life to reinforce my fear that I don’t fit in or people don’t like me. I harbor a lot of negative thoughts about other people. I isolate. I avoid. It’s where my brain goes. That’s a separate thing from my introversion. It makes living on the planet hard. I actually like being an introvert. My emotional baggage is what screws me up.
I'm pretty sure that I had undiagnosed Aspergers while growing up. . I know that I'm somewhere on the spectrum. As a very young child, I was ridiculed for just being myself. I'm told that I loved to dance whenever I heard music, but I was made fun of tobthe point of embarrassment and became too self-conscious to ever feel comfortable dancing. That's just one example. Because of my Aspergers, I never had any childhood friends. I was left alone, although supervised. I never developed positive social skills. But I did manage to mask my true feelings, for the most part. I think I've always been too sensitive for my own good. Feelings are too easily hurt. This has only gotten worse with age. Still, LIFE is very good.
They were probably jealous because they wish that they could dance. Some people feel inadequate when they see others that are usually quiet finally being themselves naturally & having fun. If that is your relief to substitute the lack of conversation from others than keep dancing like nobody is watching!
Somehow, this post resonates so much with me. Being in my 30s and for the past 10 years away from almost anything social has given me so much peace and happiness. Sometimes, I realize, even though part of me wants to socialize from time to time, I still prefer to be all alone.
Cool! It's great that you found your own Happiness. Being Alone is a life changing mood for our own inner peace. Wear it like a badge of Honor with Dignity and self respect always.
Two faced people. The feeling that I am the only person who is honest to your face and authentically myself. And then the people who are two faced and narcissists are the ones who thrive socially
Let them keep their two faces & narcissistic socialism. Their is only one authentic you that will survive in the end alone.
If you haven't already, I recommend reading Existentialist philosophy, specifically the works of Albert Camus. I have found his writing to be especially applicable to how we feel in relation to the narcissism and hypocrisy of others. *The Stranger*, by Albert Camus, in particular, the main character sees hypocrisy and fakery everywhere. He feels alone because he is authentically himself and speaks his mind to the shallow world he sees around him. Society is obviously threatened by that. It isn't a very positive philosophy but it is one that makes me feel more at ease. Here is a short video if you're interested: [https://youtu.be/jQOfbObFOCw?si=6QgT00kMTNnjz6nC](https://youtu.be/jQOfbObFOCw?si=6QgT00kMTNnjz6nC)
Shitty friends and people
Age. And interest.
I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I need to work on boundaries for sure, but saying no is so difficult and the more people know I won’t say no, the more they take. So I just don’t get close enough to allow people to take from me. This isn’t just things and money but mainly my time and energy.
Social batteries and listening there is so much listening I can actually do without smashing my head against the wall (most people seem very unaware where i live)
I have a son with autism who doesn't like being around a lot of people. It's too much going on at one time for him. So we hang out at home mostly. Also, people suck.
for me.. just autism dawg
I used to be quite an extrovert when I was younger. Like elementary-middle school. When I was in middle school I switched to a new school in a different district. I had a lot of trouble making friends there. One day I decided to ask a few people what the issue was. The answers were, "You talk really loud....You always answer the questions in class like every time....you're always trying to break into conversations with us....Your voice is really nasally and annoying" After that I just kind of ... changed. I'm now 33 and still am introverted. I now talk at a level people often say they have trouble hearing me. I stopped raising my hand and answering questions in class unless called on. I stopped trying to be a part of conversations with people because I didn't want to annoy them or be rude. Now I'm someone who will sit at the edges and people watch or just not go.
Being somewhat extroverted, smart with academics, and having personality to stand out from the crowd in school while being your own individual can be a beautiful thing but unfortunately that is where the drama and cause of being introverted starts from youth because of others mistreatment challenging your trust & faith in humanity even into adulthood.
There's no reason for why I'm an introvert. I'm just... an introvert.
Understood, keep being yourself.
Nothing! This is just how I have always been. I wonder what made the extroverts so loud /s
I was considered weird by my classmates and somewhat ostracized. Some bullying didn't help. It killed my self-confidence and I've never fully recovered since it happened for years starting very young. I think that also killed any potential for a romantic relationship until now because I never had the courage to ask a woman out. Hopefully this year might change that 🤞 While I still consider myself introverted I do have a surprisingly large pool of friends from various backgrounds (hobbies, extracurricular, random, work) and a couple really close friends. I also have made good efforts to force myself out of my shell and socialize, which has gone well so far. The biggest relief was once I started not caring what other people think of me. Life's too short to worry about what strangers you'll never see again think of you. I'm not gonna change who I am to conform to other people's standards (ironic considering I'm in the military lol).
I was like that since a kid, but then i tried to make friends and finally after many years of being taken advantage of, lied to, bullied relentlessly, being villanized, never been taken care of or loved by anybody, criticed for even the smallest stuff, nearly being killed off, i can truly 100% say: NO THANK YOU. That actually saves me from so much suffering. Expecially now, when people are takers, they want you to have emphaty and love them but when it comes to give it back, absolutely not.
I would assume a huge majority of introverts are just introverted by nature. No need for outward stimuli to "drive" us. And I would also like to assume that being antisocial is a rare thing, more likely the majority are just asocial. I, and many others, can feel our social battery drain by the moment during social happenings.
I'm not entirely sure, but it seems to be part of my DNA. There are videos from when I was 2 or 3 years old, typically at large gatherings with many children. In these recordings, I'm always by myself climbing something, doing a jigsaw puzzle alone, or looking at picture books. The videos without me often show adults asking, "Have you seen schaweniiia? She's run off again," usually finding me engaged in solo activities somewhere quiet. Throughout my childhood, I felt inadequate because my family valued social skills. I reckon that it comes from my dad, who always seemed to disapprove of my preferences. I think he might have forced himself to be social, hence why he feels resentful towards me. Thankfully, I had my granddad (my dad's dad). When my siblings and I stayed with our grandparents, my sisters stayed with my social grandparents (mum's parents), while my granddad often requested me. We played cards all day, mostly Russian Bank, and barely talked while grandma provided chocolates and hot water bottles. It was nice, albeit sometimes boring, but in hindsight, I appreciate that he understood and supported me, providing a space where I could be quiet and relaxed.
Abuse as a child and no socialization with kids/people outside of sports. I feel like for me at least and probably many others. Introversion is a failure of parenting. Now we are adults trying to rectify that but it is deeply ingrained. Heck my most difficult thing is just trying to think about what to talk to someone about. I tend to frequent places I feel comfortable in. I have no problem trying new things. Latest is climbing. The climbing gyms allow for some socialization if I am feeling socially frisky.
For me it's the fact that no matter what we do, no matter how kind we are, we can't control how others treat us. I survived all kinds of abuse...lets just say Ive been in flight or fight mode for over 30 years and my body is tired, my soul is tired. I just dont want to socialize because it takes so much energy out of me its insane. I need like a week to recover after anything. Its just exhausting so I avoid social interactions if possible, as a result I just have 1 very good friend and have focused on myself and my family.
For me, it was the way society treated me while I was dealing with orbital tumors. Now, many years and surgeries later, I still have zero desire to socialize. Ever.
Glad you are healed from surgery and other societal toxins.
Childhood trauma
Unplugging from the Matrix
Well said
Cheating ex
My personality since I can remember, not other people.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a thing that has to be caused by something terrible; some people are just wired that way. For me, it was assumed I was an extrovert all the way up through my late 20s, but it turns out I’m just really stellar at masking. After having a mental break down from trying to present for so long as something I’m not, I just didn’t have much energy left to mask anymore. Now it’s so obvious that being around other people drains me. I am always more productive in solitude, and I love silence (even if my tinnitus doesn’t always let me enjoy it). I also just give less fucks about being a popular person; I won’t suffer through small talk just so some person I’ll never hang out with feel more comfortable. If I’m in the mood to talk to someone, it better be a real conversation. I hate small talk; it’s just a bunch of words that don’t really say anything.
Birth and love of solitude.
Being bullied, not feeling safe around certain people, fear that I’ll say the wrong thing or do something wrong
Being abused by family. Bullied, gaslit, exposed to corrupt things, unfairness, unkindness, screaming, yelling, cursing, encouraging of immorality, fakeness, hypocrisy, emotionally stunted angry parenting, no empathy, no true care, dysfunction, abuse, ignoring abuse, encouraging me to go to my very mentally ill mothers house by myself who was an alcoholic, patently irresponsibility, dumping us off at hoarder babysitters… made me dislike people and want to be alone.
I have been a loner by choice since a kid, hard for me to fit in. As I tend to be in my on world feel drain being in long social settings. Let alone I hate small talk hate talking on the phone and texting. I’ll talk when there’s a vibe to but I like to keep to myself.
humans
Exhaustion
I am an Introvert but have interacted with some people even the girls.
You can’t be driven into being an introvert!! You either are or you aren’t!! It’s a social battery thing!! If socializing drains you & you charge back up by being alone then you’re an introvert!!! Introversion is not a mental health issue!!! You can be an introvert WITH mental health issues or perfectly mentally healthy BECAUSE IT’S JUST WHAT YOU HAPPEN TO BE BECAUSE YOU JUST ARE!! it’s getting really frustrating that people keep connecting it with a mental issue, it’s creating such a stigma…
For me i guess its the thought of being judged by people , i usually overthink what am gonna say and always end up being silent , cuz either way i find something’s wrong with me. And even when am comfort around people (except for my close friends) i fear that they faking it so i could release myself
People.
Friends going to a different school/moving away during times where we didn't have the ability to stay in contact and growing apart 😬 I wish I could make new friends but it's not easy to even keep a conversation, even harder to start one... talking to people is basically impossible
A lot of it is genetics and by nature/design. You are what you are. Same with extroversion.
People.
>What drives people into being introvert & antisocial? I think you’re confusing **antisocial** with **asocial**. [**Antisocia**l](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-social_behaviour) behavior is defined as *"…actions which are considered to violate the rights of or otherwise harm others by committing crime or nuisance, such as stealing and physical attack or noncriminal behaviours such as lying and manipulation. It is considered to be disruptive to others in society."* [**Asocial**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality) behavior (aka, [**Asociality**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asociality)) refers to people who *"….lack of motivation to engage in social interaction, or a preference for solitary activities."* EDIT: As for me, I’ve always been introverted (or asocial), but I spent a long time pretending to an extrovert. I’ve (pretty much) stopped doing that.
I was born introverted, but I’m asocial and not antisocial. Basically I just don’t want to hear about people’s problems. Like no matter the conversation there’s always those people who like to trauma dump and tell their whole life story
I was never driven into anything. I've always been me.
Noise. Just too much noise. I like my environment to be peaceful, otherwise I can't think and I get a headache.
Yes, peace & serenity.
For me it was ppl taking my kindness for granted. I would be nice to ppl even if they didnt like me or were flat out rude. In hs i had this group of “friends” and we were all super close until one day they just decided “we dont like her anymore” (thtz actually wht happened) It caused me to not wanna have a lot of friends and not go out with ppl anymore. To this day i still dont have a lot of friends nor do i have a bsf😭 Its honestly ok but in ur early 20s its hard to find TRUE friends. The only friends i have are 4 women in my nursing program and thts it💀 Which honestly is ok with me sometimes i do wish i could make friends a lot easier tho.
Other people 😏
At times we must just stay neutral to keep ourselves from becoming part of trend to be like the crowds I just listen and stay cool and collected perhaps make a change to not be part of the group that is not empathetic to subject at hand
Same reason as yours plus bad experience with a lot of people and I am an only child so I'm used to being alone.
I think that trauma, particularly trauma that occurs over a long period of time and/or during childhood, and betrayal by people very close to you that you felt sure you could trust are big factors. At least for me
All superficial comments, From the Less supportive. No pun intended, Fuc what everyone else is on I'm in my zone if I have to travel to link after disenfranchisement then I'll pass more of them up. Liars are as ever present as denial, distance and desertion. Clearly I'm not Mentally Malnourished but I accomplished more than I've ever in my myriad way of doing things.
I feel like a significant part of me being an introvert & anti-social is due to trauma since childhood. I was one of 3 children, and the middle child. I'm female with two brothers. As a child I was bullied & ridiculed by my parents & brothers. And over positive qualities! My brothers were poor students & always in trouble. I was the exact opposite & "the good one". I was in gifted classes since elementary school. In many extracurricular activities. But I was constantly ridiculed by parents & siblings that "I thought I was so smart", "I always had my nose in a book", "I was a straight A student", "I was too modest", "I spent too much time studying", oh, and the "I thought I was better than everybody else". Well, you get the picture. Is it any wonder that I became an introvert when my own family bullied & ridiculed me over my positive qualities? 😥
Woww you sounded just like my Lil Sis, she has broken down @ a young age before because of grades but I always try to tell her getting an A+ doesn't mean people in the grown-up world will always accept that because some people don't want you to get ahead when you know too much but still do your best. And the same for you Young Lady. I am sorry about the mental anguish you have endured. 😟
Thank you so much for your kind reply! It's just so hard when the things that should be cherished by your own family arent recognized & cherished. It leaves you feeling like if my own family doesn't believe in me, how can I believe in myself. It leaves me feeling like I'll never be good enough. I try to work through it in therapy. And slowly I'm learning & accepting that as long as I can acknowledge & accept my good points, then what others think or say don't matter as much. I have to love myself first & foremost.
You're welcome, I understand and it doesn't make any sense how some people do their children. It's like building you up just to tear you down every time your vulnerable when everything is going wrong. Like why would you give someone life just to make them wanna end it or leave them to think for themselves? They call it Tough Love but that doesn't work well for everyone. Not enough consistency of affection or mutual agreement in this universe unfortunately. Keep working on you only.
You sound like me and probably many other introverts. We are special people. Not trying to fake to impress 👍.
I think my childhood trauma did it for me. Up until 13 I was friendly and outgoing. Once my father decided I was a great punching bag, I became very secretive and introverted. Still am at 50.
Trauma from childhood with me
After they work at retails and service industry
Dealing with common sense deprived humans.
This is me 100%
My best friend died and I could no longer be around other friends . I hid myself away and no one bothered to check on me so I stopped talking to people
Being screwed over by every “friend” I’ve had just because I’m an empath and would give them the shirt off my back- led them to believe they could do whatever they wanted to me. I’d rather not do that again so I stick to myself.
I got sober, then my sister and best friend died I was always like this ten in 9th grade. I had this extroverted phase from then until about 6 years ago( when I got clean). I'm 32 do that math. All the chaos, I just stopped it and cut it all off all contact with about every one but my close family and now ex. My best friend died, and it's almost been 3 years, and I lost my baby sister. I've become a recluse and a fragment of who I once was. I go to work and go home.
Sorry for all of your losses, life can build up many things and unfortunate events that we are not prepared for. 😕
I have unpopular opinions, interests and preferences which make it more frustrating/unfulfilling to be around people a lot of the time. But pride and insecurity make me antisocial, but I don't think there's a defense to be made for being antisocial. I constantly try to overcome my antisocial tendencies because it's just a rotten, unhealthy way to exist. Being an introvert is quite separate in my mind and neither a vice nor a virtue. I make the distinction because I notice lots of toxic attitudes on this subreddit. Stuff like "people aren't worth bothering with" or "I'm happiest alone". People are wired to be social. Nobody would be happy if completely alone. Just because we tend to be around people more are less than others doesn't make one way great and the other bad. Everybody needs some good people to care about
I don’t like to build relationships with people in my personal life unless it is 💯 trustworthy. They like me for who I am and if I die they will be a loyal friend to the people I left behind. It’s not really worth going beyond a friendly, superficial, conversation if I’m not interested in a friendship.
People are obnoxious and distracting noise pollution and the majority of them diminish the quality of your life vs add any value to it. I can think and accomplish things when left the hell alone! I think we should send every extrovert to India for a month. Maybe they'll understand how we feel after that!
From a logistical standpoint being broke and living at home making paycheck to paycheck and paying for college. It doesn’t make me live a social and dating life very well. Being neurodivergent because I get annoyed with gossip and neurotypical behavior. Everyone misunderstands me and thinks I am just insecure and that’s not totally it. I have confidence but I live in a reality of being busy and having to look after myself so I can become an RN and more financially successful. I make time for socializing but I overspend and feel burnout and overstimulated. I hate work and coworkers as is and I have my family obligations temporarily until I move out.
I Love this comment. Not making enough money these days in this world to do what you really want has taken the homes and lives of alot of people. Whoever said money isn't happiness needs a kick in the butt because that is the only thing that will help you properly function to stay relevant and not a homeless or without a date.
When someone gets into trauma or something like that, emotionally gets hurt and they would like to spend their time with themselves. Then they will feel like being alone is good because you will not have to deal with things. So they decide to feel introvert. They also feel like this world is toxic and by their experiences they prefer to stay alone. Maybe it can be involved with some self hate and depression. It also can be "suicidal thoughts"
Very Well described!
Thank you. It's my experience because I am an introvert.
I respect how you have a compelling story with stories instead of saying "your just an introvert". (That is a compliment)
Bad parenting
People
Oh man, this has been a constant pondering of multiple shrinks and therapists with me, equivalent of which came first, the chicken or the egg. I've had massive traumas, betrayals (seperate occurences) and some genetic defects in my brainwaves. No one, not even myself, can determine if the antisocial part was caused, born with or both. Interesting question though.
Same here. I was betrayed so many times by people who I called "friends" that I got done with it. And let's not talk about my lovers and how they used all my vulnerability against me and all my secrets to shame me. I said: no, I'm not sharing anymore about myself, it's not worth it. But now because of this I'm in a different predicament; now I became an emotional vessel for people dumping their shit on me. There's no way to win here
idk, in some cases it’s not that deep. For me, i just feel more comfortable and like being alone for the most part
Sorry people are going off at you in the comments, i never used to be introverted, i loved meeting new people and talking to people one day it changed and slowly over time i have become extremely introverted. To the point that being social makes me ill and it takes me a long time to recharge. It felt like it happened naturally but i also grew tired of people and there bs.
you hit the nail on the head: disloyalty & misunderstanding, also the constant being ignored
Narcissism
Other people
I don't trust a Lot of people, thats what did it for me, but i got really good Friends, even of they are a few
Other people in general
Same.
I was born this way. My dad and brother are extreme introverts like me. My mom is social but doesn't go out of her way to socialize. I've never chose to be like this due to outside forces. I've always just enjoyed spending time with myself
I don't think people are driven to being introverted, it's just part of their natural personality. Antisocial, on the other hand, could be something they turn into due to circumstances they've experienced.
I was just kinda born this way I think. I was always the kid who took a book to anything social and hid out in the corner reading instead of socializing with the other kids. I can manage one on one but I’ve never been good at social situations with more than one person and I realized from the pandemic that I almost thrive on my own. I guess that’s weird? But I’ve always been weird so I guess nothing new there.
Our past
For me it’s that I hate peoples drama/problems, and when all people want to do is talk shit about other people.
The way I was raised as a child, I was always sheltered with little to no social life, I was always told that people are dangerous and shouldn't trust anyone not even my classmates, then I was bullied in second grade, and as I got older I developed extreme social anxiety to the point where I would stutter non stop, but I'm so so so so glad it stopped, it was so annoying, and as I got older, I still had social anxiety but not that extreme anymore, still sweat and my heart would race when I'm about to sweat. But now, I like this, I'm not fighting it anymore, even when I talk too much I feel drained, my social anxiety only gets triggered when I'm about to read a lecture in class or something, And I have 0 social skills, in my friend group I'm the type of person to stand there and listen without engaging until they directly talk to me, and I hate social gatherings it's draining, and also, I'd rather have very few close friends than many friends
bullying, lack of emotional development as a child, genetics, trama, isolation, via.
It’s a personality type you’re born with it.
Depression/ anxiety/ illness people taking advantage feeling safe on my own. Being disabled
No one is driven to introversion, about half of people are, it’s a spectrum, like sexuality, it’s innate. Being antisocial is wholly different.
Well see most people are huge pieces of shit and they don't realize they are and the people around them enable it because we live in a everyone's feelings matter world. I think if we allowed you to throat punch people like the 70s less people would be anti social.
Well I was born an introvert. It just means I recharge alone where extroverts recharge around others. I became anti social because people suck. I don’t mean they’re loud and rude. I mean they lie. They are not trustworthy. They take advantage etc. I have a very good circle of family and a few friends. I won’t add any new ones for the reasons I listed.
Only child and it was just my mom growing up.. she wasn't much of a mom either.. sure she fed and watered me.. made sure I had clean clothes to wear.. and all the kids made fun of me for being overweight.. and during the time when Fat Albert and the Gang was being aired on Saturday mornings... with my last name very very similar to Albert.. you can about guess how my childhood was growing up.. The town I grew up in, is a farming community and a vast majority of the kids belonged to farmers.. and everyone had money to wear the nice clothes and drive the big Ford f350s.. and my clothes were from the local thrift and I scooted around on a skateboard. As hard as I tried to fit in.. it just never happened Throughout the years.. this trend just kept continuing of me trying to fit in with other groups.. make friends.. had well over 50 failed relationships.. mainly because I wasn't being true to myself snd I tried to fit myself into the perceived boxes people put me in.. I never once made myself a priority. I got into using drugs as a way to cope with my self hatred.. tried playing In a few metal bands. The drug use started poking through my bullshit facade..some recognized my bulllshit.. and would eventually distance themselves from me.. I didn't blame them or harbor Ill sill towards them.. I just wanted someone to recognize that I was failing myself pretty badly and hope they would show some compassion or empathy.. but that didn't happen either... so..I did what introverts do.. and went full hermit mode. I have 2 friends that I could truly lean on if necessary.. but they weren't even local to me.. so we just played every iteration of battlefield and COD. Just so I could have someone to have small talk with.. and I avoided everyone else in the real world.. until my mom died last November.. and it's been a slow motion train wreck ever since.. moved 2 states away to start a business with one of those 2 friends.. and was not made aware of how bad his Cocaine rabbit is until I got here.. snd the only way I could move here was if I had a roommate and unbeknownst to me.. said friend shacked me up.. with his drug dealer. Yall are smart. You can fill in the rest of the blanks from there.. and I'm in such a pit of despair now.. all I do is get high and cry and hide in my room every fucking day.. my roommate does a huge number of drugs and "hires" young.. very young black ladies for sex and the cops have been here once because one of those gals is super crazy and the roommate and her have restraining orders against each other.. and the roommate is on parole because of his habit of trafficking women in and out.. All I want to is get the fuck out of here. Alive or in a body bag.. I don't fuclkng care at this point.. Sorry for the rant. I'm fuckjng lost
It's what we're born to. Not made.
Well, remember a lot of, if not most, introverts like myself are born this way naturally
For me, it was masking my actual self. Masking is a bitch!
I wouldn’t say something drew me “into” this. It’s who I am. I was always like this. I simply don’t enjoy company of majority of the people. I love being alone. Yes, I can list some things about humans in general that solidify my discomfort in their presence but fact is that I was like this since I was a child, as long as I can remember.
I wanted to be an extrovert but I was always getting left out of the group they were toxic as hell when I tried to speak with someone they just ignore me and continue with their gossips. Even in photos I am always standing in either the right corner or the left when I try to stand in the middle or in between they push me out and say things like " Side ko sarak" or " Baju ho". Thank god that my 10th is finished now I don't even want to see their faces anymore. I find it peaceful now that I am alone and don't have to see those toxic mfs again.
Ngl being an introvert isn’t the same as antisocial imo. Like I will happily hang out with others and will look forward to it. Just I need my own time too. I would say though since moving to a full time job I’ve been having more alone time, because we’re quite chatty at work and I’m usually drained at the end of it
I believe in my case it was also bullyism from anyone, teachers and adults included, when I was a kid and a teen
Family trauma from childhood (in my case)
For me it was disloyalty and my family and friends. I can say it here: I LOVE TO TALK, I love to make jokes and laugh, I hate being alone, and I wish I could trust someone and get everything off my chest. But