We did, I took pictures of everything, and then went and cried in the bathroom, I feel sick knowing that someone hurt him, he’s so little. Man, kids can be so cruel.
Take him to the doctor to document his bruises! Get the doctor to write something up to give to the school. Tell the school that you need it addressed, in writing, how they will deal with your son being **assaulted**.
Yes. These children were allowed to attack and injure your child.
This can't be allowed to continue and the school must deal with it. It is damaging your son emotionally as well as physically.
Talk to the principal and school psychologist and demand that they protect him. Changing physical education class might not even work, as the same man probably teaches the whole school and may teach other classes at the same time as your son's class.
Just in case this is a cultural misunderstanding, in the U.S, urgent care and the emergency room are different things. Urgent care is where you go for small things like colds, flu shots, sore throats. Urgent care appointments are usually same day and it’s often easier to get an urgent care appointment than one with your regular pediatrician who might be busy.
A lot of people outside the U.S. think we’re talking about the emergency room when we say urgent care but it’s very different.
In many places, the term for intentionally physically injuring someone is battery, whereas assault is threatening to injure someone. OP needs to research which term is used in their jurisdiction and use that.
I second everything you’re saying! I’m gonna take it one step further though and gently edit your definition: legal definition of assault is any physical injury that leads to serious bodily harm. But OP definitely should look into which term is used where they live and go from there!
Source: got degrees in criminal justice and interned at a DAs office in college
You're right but either way the school should take this more seriously if OP informs them that a *doctor* has been called on to bear witness to an assault that happened on their watch. Photos, doctor involvement, paper trail of complaints to the school.
This is a crime, and the teacher is a MANDATORY RESPONDER/REPORTER. They are REQUIRED to intervene. You need to report this to the police right away, and notify the school that you are getting a lawyer involved.
It depends on the location but where i am the child cant be charged if any crime if they are less than 8 years old. And if they have an iep no one can do anything really...
Even if they can’t be charged you can demand a report be taken. And the police will have to send a notification to the school.
Also, the teacher should also be investigated.
Schools have to provide a free and appropriate education in the least restrictive environment possible for that student to all students, even the problematic ones. That often means that parents have to advocate hard and document everything to counter the bad behavior of other people’s kids.
I second this ! School and Parents of the girl need to brace themselves for a lawsuit for medical bills and emotional suffering — watch how quickly they get this girl on her bestest behavior once money starts flying
This.
The school is not listening, some of the teachers are flat out ignoring this behavior happening with them only a few feet away.
OP needs to take their kid to the doctor and have the injuries documented. And then OP needs to schedule a meeting with the principal and hold the school accountable. This should not be happening to any child. The school needs to understand the seriousness of the activities being committed under their watch.
Yup. Using loaded, but accurate, terms forces them to address it. The difference between battery and assault, if it matters, using the wrong one will still work, since they will have to say, “no, no, it is not assault, it’s battery”. That will still work for OP. They can’t say the child wasn’t struck, with doctor notes.
Our school has cameras everywhere I would demand they review the footage, they may not be able to show you for children’s privacy, but they need to investigate.
I posted an update a little while ago, the principal did pull the cameras and reviewed them, and you’re right, she couldn’t show us. She was horrible to deal with refused to give any kind of clear answer as to what really happened, insisted on calling what these girls did to my son flailing, instead of hitting, and was just all over the place throughout the conversation. My son‘s dad is the one that called because I was at work, but he recorded the conversation and sent it to me, this woman was so annoyed and so dismissive. The one part I keep hearing in my head over and over is where she said that to her, it looked like kids roughhousing and playing and my son’s dad responded that our son had bruises all over him, and that if they were just playing, he shouldn’t be covered in bruises and he shouldn’t feel that he was attacked. Her reply was to say well from what I saw he shouldn’t have bruises.*everywhere* with this huge emphasis on the word everywhere. Basically admitting that she could see how he would have some bruises but that we were exaggerating how many I guess? Like how does it go from it looked like kids playing to implying that some bruises would be understandable? And when he pushed back about that, all she could say was that my son fought back, so it wasn’t all one-sided. So again, my son’s dad pushed and was like “so he defended himself? good.” And she started to backpedal again about how the little girl had gotten consequences this morning and she had been spoken to, and that if there was nothing else, and he was done threatening her and the school she was going to hang up now. I’m elevating the situation to the superintendent, and doing some research on what I would need to make happen for him to be put into the elementary school in the district his dad lives in.
If escalating to the superintendent doesn’t work, there’s always the media. I have seen plenty of stories in the news about teachers, etc who have gotten into trouble after they ended up on the news.
As someone who used to work in a US school system. file a police report and get a lawyer ASAP. With what has happened and with that attitude I can tell you that school will do nothing. And very well might make things worse for your kid in Retaliation for y'all trying to make them responsible for they're lack of action. Some teachers and admins have no business being around/ in charge of kids. Document everything little thing. And as much as you can get it in writing or video.
>"from what I saw he shouldn't have bruises *everywhere*"
"Do you wanna go down there and see the bruises yourself? He's in room #___. Matter of fact I can show you the pictures of them!"
God this is infuriating OP I am seething for you
You can also contact the police. Your son was attacked. You can file a police report. Depending on your state's laws you can also request a protective order to keep a minor away from another minor. There are avenues to take outside the school system and it may be time to seek such.
Report it to your local law enforcement, they can get those tapes and everyone's attention without issue. And while you're at it demand the girl be removed from his class, removing the victim further distracts from his education. Best of luck to your family!
Wow…I’m glad that you are trying to get him moved to a different school. I also think that it’s uncalled for of the principal to try to say that he can’t be bruised that much…some people bruise more easily sometimes due to a medical condition sometimes due to a genetic reason, etc.
however if a 5-year harmed another 5-year old enough to cause bruising & the child does not bruise easily, then that’s really bad. Just a simple talking to is not enough for a 5 year old sorry. Plus she will just continue to go after your son because of it. It’s a bad situation all around. I am 24 years old & I am shocked that the world has gotten more violent. It’s saddening 😞
Never underestimate the power of an angry, persistent parent. My mom took matters all the way up the city’s department of transportation and the school got me my own school bus for a whole year. Don’t take no for an answer, show up in the school, unannounced if you have to and don’t play amicable and nice when your child is being assaulted, demand the evil girl’s parents to come into the school. Take it up to the superintendent and the local news if it needs to be done. I don’t have kids but I was you, I would be raising hell in the school until I get what my child needs by force. I hope your kid will see better, more fun times in school very soon.
I would not do so. An ER visit with a bruised child may automatically trigger a CPS investigation. The OP's son could be removed while that is ongoing.
In addition, take him to the doctor and get that note. Then threaten the school with going to the press. They'll fix it then. When they know you're taking the photos of your daughter all bruised up to the press.....they'll suddenly decide to fix it.
And insist your son, as the victim, shouldn’t be the one who has to move to a new class and make all new friends. The assailant should be moved. Call her that. “The assailant.” It’s what she is. And don’t be afraid to talk about the teacher as a bystander who was aware and did not protect your son. Argh. This boils my blood. Please give your little guy even more hugs than you already are - and one extra from an Internet stranger who feels terrible for him.
Usually they have either seen others do similar things, or they have some kind of trauma or mental health issue. For repeated kicking anyway. One kick or two could just be not having learned empathy yet.
The press will only be interested in this story if the OP files suit or the kid who beat her son is arrested. A bruised child and allegations aren't a story (yet).
1.) Photo the bruises
2.) Send to Principal and state why you are are keeping him out tomorrow
.) Consider taking to MD
4.) Principal has to meet with you and counselor & teachers
%) Get your gloves on- no kid should be bruised from kid sin kindergarten PE
Gosh this is so sad, I am so sorry for you and your son. This absolutely needs to be addressed with the girl parents, your schools principle and the counselor as well as teachers. This is terrible and should not happen , especially with little ones in Kindergarten
Thank you. I hate knowing that this kid is able to get to him just because he’s such a nice person. He’s just the kind of kid that wants to be everyone’s friend, and instead of getting angry and fighting back, he gets sad, and wants to know “why me”. Bullies can sense that, they target it. But I don’t ever want him to have to change just to not be hurt by another person. I am keeping him home tomorrow, his dad and I are separated but decided to both spend the night with him and then contact the school in the morning as a unit, while keeping him home. He may not be sick, but he’s black and blue all over, and it happened under their watch, so I feel like I should have some leeway there.
Absolutely, he should feel safe at school and this is such a pivotal moment in kids lives where they learn how to be around other kids their own age. This girl sounds like she needs to be removed and evaluated
I would do a few things. You got your son’s account of the situation.
1) get a parent advocate.
2) get the video of the incident
3) get a meeting with the principal & teacher ( I would raise HELL over the fact that the teacher was on his F$&@ing phone instead of monitoring the kids)
4) get a plan of actions from the principal. What will they do to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Make the teacher accountable for his inactive teaching. (He should be fired for being on his phone!)
5) I would get a lawyer if all else fails.
(I am sooo mad for you and your son.)
Be sure to use the words "bullying", "harassment", and "assault" in your communication and back up every discussion in writing via email. Document, document, document.
School Admin will immediately go into CYA mode. They will *talk big* about what they will do but if this teacher is not immediately put on leave after Prinicipal talks to OP and this girl is not suspended/expelled/transferred to another school, OP will need that lawyer to get Admin to do thier job., which iz insuring a safe learning environment for OP's son.
OP, close your ears and heart to the excuses Admin will make about this little girl's behavior(bad home life, mom in jail, dad in jail, abuse, neurodivergent); *she* in not *your* responsibility! *Your son's well being and safety are*
The being on the phone part is a potential legal landmine. An aunt of ours used to teach early childhood education at a community college (classes to be licensed to work in daycares). She told us that anyone on their phone was no longer legally present and could not be counted as one of the adults in the adult/child ratio. Don’t know if it’s true, but you might want to look into that in your state.
This is outrageous & should not be happening to your little boy!
I have 3 kids in public school & none have ever been hit by anyone. That is just not something that should happen at school & if it does, the school should be on top of it to ensure that your child (and others) don’t become scared of going to school!
At this point, you’ve reached out and it’s clear that his teacher cares, but once he leaves the classroom, no one else is taking it seriously.
So I would email the principal (if you haven’t already) and include pictures and the fact that this is the very thing you were trying to prevent and the fact it happened to a KINDERGARTNER as the gym teacher who has been notified of the problem repeatedly has now escalated to negligence and you either want a meeting and established safety plan for your son, along with tangible consequences for the girl, or the next contact will be Superintendent, school board and your attorney. You can typically go into the school board (District website) to gain the contact(s) for the board and possibly the Superintendent. But you can also call the district office and ask to speak to the assistant to the Superintendent.
I’ve taken these exact steps when my son was being bullied relentlessly in 2nd grade and the moment it gets to the people who sign budgets, etc. everyone suddenly stands at attention. Plus a superintendent is going to be extremely frustrated to have something escalated to their level with a student this young, because it wasn’t handled at the school level.
This! And be sure to include the words "bullying", "harassment", and "assault". Follow up and resulting conversations with a recap email. "Following up on our discussion, ..." with a summary of what was said. Include direct quotes of any promises made or statements you find problematic. When they see you are documenting everything, it will raise the urgency level for them. And if they don't take appropriate action, you'll have plenty of documentation if you need to take legal action.
I was bullied in kindergarten- harassed by a boy in my class who kept telling his older friends to tell me that he (David) wanted to have sex with me. They would surprise me on the playground and say it. It was so terrifying, I didn’t even know what it meant. And it happened all the time when I least expected it. It ruined that year and took me from an advanced, reading and writing kindergartner to a nervous wreck who had to see the school psychologist. Be proactive. Show up at school and make sure it’s dealt with. I would have done anything to have that advocacy 35 years ago.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ATTENDANCE ffs. He’s in kindergarten. You can fight the school and the district over any repercussions of his missed days. Especially with pics of injuries from assault. Doubt the district wants the publicity of expelling a 6 y/o victim of assault.
Poor kid. This absolutely breaks my heart for him and for you as his parent having to see all this and not being able to save him from it. He sounds like such a genuinely sweet soul and I wish there more humans like him in the world. It’s so sad that the nicest people get bullied like this.
My 4 year old girl dealt with this and I told her to open palm slap the boy in the ears if he hits her. If he called her names or was mean i told her to call him a poop face stinky bird. Fast forward a week later and I get an email from the school saying my daughter made a boy cry. Best part was she didn't even say "dad told me to do it".
Never slap someone in the ears. As someone with hearing loss, you’re looking at potentially causing a lifetime of hearing issues from bursting someone’s ear drum.
As much as I hate to say it, I have limited empathy for bullies who get injured when their victims defend themselves.
On the one hand, yes, a lifetime of hearing issues sucks and shouldn't happen.
On the other hand, people have a right to defend themselves and there was a simple way to avoid it happening here. All the bully had to do was to not attack another student.
In disclosure: I was bullied. The "sticks and stones" mantra only goes so far.
I also have hearing loss and I have to agree. Bullying is bad and I like the idea of a bully getting a taste of their own medicine, but permanently destroying a child’s hearing over it seems excessive. Weird to see ppl defending this like asshole kids deserve permanent hearing loss. They still have time to learn empathy. Maybe just regular punch/slap them really hard instead.
Absolutely keep him home and raise hell. I’d be out for blood on this, when I saw the title I was NOT expecting this to be about kindergarteners. Sending so much love to you and your little sweetie.
If I were you I’d have a lawyer with me when I show up tomorrow. I hate how “sue-happy” our society has become, but often nothing gets the attention of school officials besides the threat of a lawsuit.
Unfortunately, I am not in an income bracket where I could afford to get a lawyer, and the school is in such a small town, the school administration has a pretty good idea of the general situation of all the students families. (If only because small towns are so prone to gossip). I’ve actually been stressing a bit, worried that I am going to be blown off when I approach the administration over this, due to lack of local social support (new to the area, low income, don’t go to church, things that matter entirely too much in small southern towns.) I would not let being blown off deter me from pushing until I get a satisfactory resolution, but still would rather not have to deal with it.
Call around and talk to some lawyers and ask for a consultation. Explain the situation. Hopefully you’ll find someone willing to give some advice or maybe a write a letter
There are lawyers who do cases pro bono, or only take a percentage of the lawsuit winnings so you pay nothing up front. Don’t let cost be something that stops you from looking for a lawyer entirely. It’s still worth the research and phone calls. You absolutely need to raise hell. If there’s no lawyers that will work, go to the media. Cry, and make it clear that this could happen to any one of the kids going to this school due to mismanagement. Appeal to the other parents until things happen.
Just came to say I sympathize. When my oldest was 5 and in pre k, he was stomped and kicked in the head and neck. My oldest was covering his head to stop it and the 2 teachers watching the kids didn't see it until the end. I was seeing red. Not much to do with the school because the child was removed. He had other incidents and my son was the last straw. But we started teaching our son self defense, we grapple, and we got him a punching bag cause he's also sensitive and doesn't like confrontation, so he has it all pent up. Knowing your kid got hurt can bring on so many emotions.
It makes me feel so shitty. Like, this year has been brutal on him. Divorce, moving, starting school, has been sick all year. He definitely got a punching bag for Christmas, we are constantly talking about how to process emotions healthily. I want to just wrap him up and say he can stay home and screw that school forever, but I have to sit and figure out if I should go to my crap food service job in the morning to keep a roof over our heads, or go into the school loaded for bear. I want to do whatever is best for him, but it’s so much more than just black and white. I know that I will manage to do whatever I need to to get the school situation figured out. But I’m still beating myself up a little bit because I can’t just drop everything else and give my entire self to fixing it. Luckily his dad is off tomorrow so he’s staying home with him, and I have a little time to get in touch with school before I have to be in for my shift.
Understandable! We want this world to be as safe and warm for our kids as our arms are. Unfortunately that's just not the case. We just gotta raise our kids right and hope that's enough.
I would be going into the superintendent’s office tomorrow and addressing it with them. It seems that the school doesn’t want to do anything. Demand something be done now or else you will take this assault to the PD. I don’t even know how a five year old would be even learning how to fight and be a bully. This is just awful and down right horrific. Tell your little one he has a whole community behind him.
That part blows my mind too. This little girl knew to kick him where it hurt. He has bruised thighs all around his testicular area, like HOW? When I was five I was not even remotely aware that kicking boys there was something that hurt.
THE HELL?! If the principal or whomever you go to doesn’t take it seriously- please consider police involvement- I know it sounds awful and insane to file a report and police aren’t my favorite and yes she’s five - but she needs a mental health exam or something at the very least - and if she’s going after his Private area it kinda screams that her home life needs a once over via CPS.
I’m sorry for you and your poor soon it sounds awful but also - this is not normal bullying for a five or six year old at all
Honestly, I agree. I’m not really a police person, but this is something that I would be speaking to the police over. This isn’t just bullying, it’s assault. There should absolutely be a CPS investigation in this case.
First, I’m so sorry you and your little boy are dealing with this. I agree with the actions others have recommended. If I’m not mistaken, a kick in the privates is considered sexual assault in most school districts. The district’s code of conduct should be online, so it might be worth looking into in order to get admin’s attention.
That had not even occurred to me. I was so upset about the viciousness of it that, so mad because it was an area that is so painful that it didn’t even occur to me to think of that angle.
You can call CPS. Most states have a child welfare department to address major bullying situations and child on child SA. I would personally be calling police as well.
In addition to what others have said about photographing and documenting, if he has visible injuries you may also want to consider taking him to the pediatrician and having them document it as well. Then escalate—first the principal, then if that doesn't give you results, the superintendent. Then you start talking to a lawyer.
UPDATE- after reading everyone’s comments last night, I felt justified in keeping my son home from school today while I looked into the incident. I was unable to get out of work, so I tried to handle things by contacting the principal and letting her know what happened. I was told that she was going to pull the tapes from the gym and watch them and that my son‘s dad and I could give her a call and discuss things after she had an idea of what actually happened.
When my son‘s father spoke to her, she initially started off the conversation by saying that she watched the video and did not really see anything aside from kids being kids that they were playing tag, and that my son instead of participating was over in the corner and these little girls Ran over to him and one of them was “flailing at him” but that to her eyes, it looked like it could have been them playing.
My son’s dad said to her well if it was just playing, then why is my son covered in bruises all over? The principal replied. “ well, from what I saw, he shouldn’t have bruises *everywhere*…” with this big emphasis on everywhere like we were exaggerating so his dad responded by saying well where should he have bruises? Where was he hit? Where did you see him get hit by these girls? She then said, “ I only saw the one little girl putting her hands on him, the other was just standing there. Then, she started to backpedal by saying “well he flailed back at her. It was both of them.” she refused to call it hitting and kept referring to it as flailing. When we brought up the fact that we have attempted to resolve the bullying numerous times with the teacher, she said that she had never heard anything about my son, except for the fact that he had poor attendance, and that it was worrisome. When we asked how things were going to be handled, we were told that the little girl was given consequences this morning. The teacher spoke to her. We asked what the consequences were, we asked about separating the kids into different classes. She said that the consequences were appropriate, but would not tell us what they were. Later on she said that she did not even know because she had a teacher handling it. Then she said we could not view the video because there were other children in it. When asked about the possibility of moving the girl to another class she said that she was not going to hurt a child academically by pulling them from a class they were in since August, nobody was being moved.
Overall, it was an absolute joke, and now that I’m out of work, I am working on writing up an email to the superintendent. It’s killing me that I can’t just stop everything and focus solely on this, but I can’t lose my job overtaking the day off, so I am trying to handle it the best I can from work. I figured I’d start at the bottom (that being contacting the principal) and if that didn’t work, move up to the superintendent and if that doesn’t work, I guess I’ll have to look into how much further I need to take things
I also called the school in his dad‘s district to figure out what we needed to do to switch him because I’m thinking that’s going to have to happen in order for him to have any good quality schooling. The way the administration handled this today showed me this is not a place that I feel is healthy for a kid.
Im so sorry that happened. It sounds like they’re trying to cover themselves probably to protect the gym teacher. I am glad you are going to the superintendent. I hope your baby gets the justice he deserves.
It is interesting that the principal chose to use “flailing” instead of “hitting.” Also that she used your son’s attendance against you, as if him missing school due to illnesses, has anything to do with any of this. Ridiculous. I’m glad you are looking into other school options and that his father is being supportive.
Lawyer. Now. She's covering her tracks and could delete evidence. You are not overreacting. After what happened with Nex Benedict I will never accept any classroom violence. Protect your child, protect other children.
Absolutely call the police. Get superintendent AND school board involved. I would send them and principal pictures of your son's bruises... and start calling lawyers.
Lawyer, now. Involve the police. This is unacceptable and the school needs to be held accountable. I’m so sorry this happened to your son. Please update us.
You're taking the right steps by going to the principal. I used to work at a school, so I kinda know how things are run. You can ask the school if you can observe the class as a guest. You can also ask the teacher what consequence they save to the girl. You can request your son to be in a different class if the girl can't be moved. The reason why the school doesn't want to move the girl is because they have to get her parents involved. And her parents SHOULD be involved. Ask the gym teacher if the girls parents were contacted. If the superintendent won't do anything, reach out to school board. They will have monthly meetings or something, where you might be able to raise concerns about how the principal is not handling school violence well.
There's no reason that your son and the girl can't be separated. Either have your son go to the library or something during that time or be moved to a different class. I don't see a reason why the school can't do that.
As for your son's absence, it actually hurts the school funding. Schools lose funding if they lose students or if they're chronically absent. Maybe you can use that as a leverage and tell them the reason why your son's absent a lot is because of the girl.
And if you want more suggestions, ask the kindergarten teachers in a different subreddit. They should know more.
Teacher here, sounds like you have taken all of the appropriate actions. If he is infact covered in bruises, I would contact the local police first first thing in the morning. Kids do kid things and they aren't always nice, but this sounds like straight up assault.
I would also show up in the school office demanding a meeting with the principal so that they can see first hand what happened. If you are able I'd then keep your son home for the rest of the week and spend some time loving on him while the school works to come up with a plan so that this girl is not in close proximity to your son again. Her classes should be changed, not your kiddo.
Keep him home. He needs to be safe today and you need to know what the hell the school is going to do to make sure that's true every day going forward.
You have absolutely every right and the duty to be Mama Bear in this situation. Please do not doubt yourself for a second. You are your child’s advocate and protector and what happened to him is so wrong. I whole heartedly agree with lots of advice….whatever medical person can see him today and make a police report and escalate to school superintendent. Sending hugs!!
I am so sorry for you and your son. This is unacceptable and you absolutely should keep him home. Worst case he repeats kindergarten. If you do not keep your son physically safe he will not trust with sharing other things down the road. You cannot expect a teacher to protect your son if you don’t do it first and pull him. Unfortunately you may have to switch schools. Just do whatever it takes. Also document everything especially with visible injuries. You may even reach out to the police to see if they can intervene because a child was assaulted on school property and an adult allowed it to happen. Our gym has cameras check if yours does. Again, so sorry this is happening.
I’m planning on doing all that in the morning including trying to figure out if I can switch his school without losing my job. I have him at this school because I have a sitter in the district, he rides the bus to her house and I get him a little later. But his dad lives in another district a few minutes away, so a transfer would be easy, assuming that I could get aftercare. (Dads not really a good option for after school due to his job.) I am pretty sure the gym has cameras, I am going to find out for sure when the administrators are in the office in the morning.
I would have a meeting with the other school while you're dealing with his current one just to get an idea of what their vibe is, maybe talk to some parents in the neighbourhood. That lets you know how good the other option is while you see if this school is salvageable.
My daughter had a pretty bad frenemy/bully in preschool and I had a choice of two schools, I went with the one that kid wouldn't be at. I've heard of many bullying issues at the other school but my daughter's school is incredibly pro-social - it's baked into the entire admin and school staff - and it's been amazing for social/emotional development alongside learning.
The school will do everything it can to keep this internal. They’ve had up to now to do that. With an incident this severe it is time to escalate this outside of the principal. I say this as a parent who has been dealing with bullying with one of my kids since kindergarten. If I had it to do over again I would have escalated it much earlier.
Obviously you don’t want a kindergartner arrested but I think making a police report in conjunction with the pediatrician would be really smart to protect yourself. And if you decide to stay in the district you should go one and/or two steps above the principal. There is likely an organizational chart on your district website. Include those people on any email correspondence you have with the principal. This is just so far beyond the pale. I find it very hard to believe that with three kids beating on him there wasn’t a large enough commotion to draw the gym teacher’s attention. They are going to circle the wagons and you will need to outwit them. Use statements they can’t argue with, like, “I know we all agree that a safe learning environment is critical for a child’s emotional and social development” because to say anything else would be an admittance if wrongdoing. It will be really difficult but the more controlled you can be, the higher the likelihood for an outcome that can bring about what is best for your son.
It’s not really about punishing kindergartners, it’s about sending a message to every adult in relation to this that the behavior is unacceptable. Kids do what we permit them to do.
The ideal outcome would be for his attackers to be forced out. Your son, the victim, shouldn't be the one forced to find a new friend group.
Having said that, it's a good idea to look at the logistics of switching schools in the event that a backup plan is necessary.
Document everything, keep escalating up the chain as necessary, and be there for your son.
Omg I’m so sorry this is happening!! This would be beyond unacceptable to me. I’d go to admin immediately. Forget bothering with the teachers. I would change schools if it isn’t taken seriously and handled. In kindergarten this is intolerable.
ETA- I’d also be finding out who the parents are and contacting them about this.
My initial reaction was to pull him out and put him in a different school, his dad and I only live ten minutes apart but we are separate districts. I feel trapped because I have him in this school in order to be able to have childcare for an hour or two after school. He rides the bus home to my sitter four days a week. If he switches to the other district, he can’t get that bus. I am definitely going to have to do some research into what options are available as far as aftercare in the other district. I’m *hoping* his school takes this seriously, but I’m not confident that they will.
I honestly wanted to suggest just pulling him entirely and not even bothering with admin or teachers, but I wasn’t sure if that was an option for you guys. I think you’ve got some great advice here. Contacting your pediatrician and maybe even the police if you feel comfortable. If he has bruises all over I for sure would. I’m so sorry, I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling right now as a mother.
Photograph the bruises, and write down his account of what happened. Be careful not to ask leading questions or the same question more than once. Just ask him to tell you everything he remembers. Date it.
Tell the school principal you are seeking legal advice on your options, and would like to work with them to develop a safety plan for your son.
Look up relevant policies (eg Department of Education or your equivalent) and what consequences/escalation options are available to you.
Keep a journal and document the bullying your son is receiving. Take pictures of the bruises. Build a case, and bring it to the board. That’s neglect on the schools job for not doing their job in preventing bullying
That’s the part that makes me maddest. The damn teacher was Right. There. Playing on his phone. It wasn’t even like they had to go somewhere private to torment my baby, just right in front of the teacher. I want his job. I am definitely not a “talk to your manager” type, but this is just too far.
You have every right to feel this way. I work with 4-7 yr old boys and girls. The boys are always so sweet to me and love to spend time with me/talk about anything. I love them so much, and I would be FURIOUS if anyone did that to them! This breaks my heart. I hope your son gets justice
File a police report and get a lawyer. Your child was assaulted at school and a responsible adult and a mandated reporter did nothing. Legal action will get the school district’s attention.
This is what helped get my nephews school to finally take action. Our nephew is in kindergarten and it’s pretty similar to what happened here. My brother and SIL told the school that they’re getting the police involved and the school did a complete 180 & finally addressed the issue.
The police said that they’d come to the school and talk to the other student and explain to them the seriousness of their actions.
There wasn’t bruising in our situation so I’d definitely 100% get a lawyer here. Another issue is the PE teacher. If a grown adult sees and hears a child get assaulted and continues to be on their phone instead of taking action then that needs to be looked at too. It’s PE kids can get hurt why is this teacher even on their phone?
I'd make a police report. And that will force their hand. Also, put all correspondence in email so there is a record.. next stop is the principal, then the school board, then lawyer and state board of education. Make noise. Threaten to sue.and call the local news if they don't do something about these bullies.
My son had bullies on 2 occasions. Both tines I went right to the parents, and i wasnt playing. . One of those parents won't even look me in the eye. And it's been 15 years. But they both stopped.
I'd be switching classes, requesting a meeting with his teacher, gym teacher, principal, the other parent. If that doesn't get results say okay I am going to the school board with the pictures and I'm going to post this shit on the school's fb page with the pictures.
Take pics, bring it up to the principal asap. This is unacceptable. Other kids were witnesses. Make sure this little twats parents KNOW what she did. Send them the pictures, and tell them everything she has done. Find another school. This is unacceptable that they let this happen. Document. Everything.
There’s a girl with behavior problems in my son’s class that kept hitting and choking him at the start of the year. I spoke with the teacher and bus driver and they have kept her away from him since. She’s not even allowed near him in class. If it does happen again I will raise hell. They absolutely can do something about it.
Teacher here. Definitely escalate this situation. Parents need to get pissed for there to be any change. It is becoming very common for kids with behavior problems to interfere with the learning and safety of all the other students and very little is done. It's unacceptable. Parents of the kids who are losing learning time or whose safety is compromised need to voice their concerns and force these kids to be dealt with and also hold their parents accountable.
>Today he came home covered in bruises, and said that the girl and her two friends came after him during gym class and “punched him, smacked him, kicked him in the balls and ran away”. He said that he called for the teacher but he didn’t do anything , he just kept playing on his phone.
If this were me I'd let the school know that if they do not present you with a written plan on how to avoid this happening again in the future that you will be contacting police and pressing charges, as well as alerting the news media.
Your child was assaulted by another child. That child learned this behavior somewhere.
Have you considered filing a police report? While these children are obviously too young to be held legally accountable, it gets you documentation to go after their parents for the medical bills and puts the school on notice. This is not normal behavior for 3 kids to gang up on and beat up another child.
Call the police. Your kid is being assaulted at school and the school staff is not doing anything about it. Bruises should be documented and call a lawyer. No kid should have to worry about basic safety at school
I fucking hate this kind of post. Why are you all dealing with incompetent school admins and teachers when your child is being abused like this.
Take him to the ER. Get all the bruises and injuries recorded. File a police report. We are not talking about throwing the little girl in jail. We are talking about moving the school admin to do something. Once there is evidence of abuse and negligence on the school's part, you can move to sue them. But they know that too. So they will move to protect your son before that. But you have to show them that you have teeth.
Everyone has good points, and this suggestion I'm going to give shouldn't be necessary, nor is victim blaming- but if people are becoming as apathetic as they are in recent times, why not put him in some self-defense classes?
I swear people have just stopped caring, so if there's no consequences...
May I recommend you also get your son in a martial arts class. My daughter started at 4. She is super kind to everyone and is autistic. My big concern was her getting picked on and also as a girl turning into a teen- getting hurt by boys. She has been hurt several times by the same boy in her class. I warned the administrators that I will not punish her at home when she decides she has had enough of him and puts him on the ground. Her karate has increased her confidence because she knows that she could hurt someone way easier. The weird thing is - the boy has no friends. My daughter is the ONLY kid that gives him a chance. He pulled her hair the other day for no reason. We still aren’t 100% sure if it was intentional or he just wanted to feel it. Lots of kids (especially boys) like feeling her rapunzel hair. I also know first hand the boy has serious emotional issues and a divorce happening at home. Not that it makes it right because it doesn’t. But it helps my daughter understand that it’s not anything to do with her. That he can’t control himself. I think Part of it is he feels like she is the only one that he can express his distress to because she is the only one that encourages him to be better. The teacher is just so worried my daughter is going to give up on him (and she said rightfully so). Whenever something happens I remind my daughter she has every right to protect herself. Knowing she has that in her back pocket really gives her a sense of control. If she has to get suspended because she uses it- so be it. At least she has it.
I am so sorry your son is going through this. It is heartbreaking to see our kids hearts hurt. And, your kid has physical damage too.
Absolutely take him to the doctor and ask them to document the extent of his bruising and injuries. I'm sure they'll also write a note but you then have documentation of everything without having to take photos (thinking especially if he has bruising where his underwear should be).
It will help underpin your complaint as well as providing the sick note.
That said, I would absolutely keep my kid home, probably for more than one day, to help him feel safe again before he goes back to school.
I can tell you from personal experience that when this kind of thing isn't addressed, it can lead to ongoing issues. Been working on it for six years give or take. Things are better than they were, but not undone.
This is an egregious failure on their part.
These kids are 5?!
> pediatrician to check out bruising, especially the testicular bruising, and get a referral to a children’s therapist to help your son cope. I’d also discuss your concerns about the school’s inaction with the ped + therapist because the teachers allowing this to happen will affect how your son sees authority figure.
> keep after the school + get any records they may have (nurse visit, files on previous incidents)
> go ahead and request remuneration for the therapy, doctor’s visits and lost work hours from the school. Remind them that is their responsibility to provide a safe learning environment.
Please go and be that angry annoying parent. I worked in early education and I would have died if this happened in my class! The principal and parents should be involved. It’s not okay!!!
It’s time to go to the school in-person and raise all hell. Bring any documentation - pictures of the bruises, proof of conversations with the teacher, etc printed out. If you don’t leave with a concrete solution, next stop is the school board.
What an awful way for your kid to come home. No, I would absolutely keep him home too. Demand to speak to the principal as clearly the teacher cannot handle the child who beat your son up.
You show the principal pictures and tell them where it happened. 1 the gym teacher is going to have some explaining to do. 2 they will be forced to deal with the other kids. What you describe is assault. 3 switch your kids class. You gotta be willing to protect your child in anyway.
Has the school contacted the bully's parents. You should also talk to the parent's, either through the school or on your own. I see you work during the day, but can you take some time and "volunteer a few times during his gym class or at recess. Send an "unsaid message" to the bully that you are watching out for your son and know what is going on. Often your mere presence will send a message to a kid who knows they are doing wrong.
My son had a bullying issue at school in K. Fortunately, I was able to volunteer at the school. So daily I was interacting directly with the bully. The bully realized that my son's Mom was watching very closely at the what was going on at school. The bullying stopped.
I did also have a long talk with the parents who were sincerely mortified to learn of their son's bullying behavior at school...(found it hard to believe they didn't realize their son was so aggressive and mean at school, but they really did not).
You need to make your presence felt by everyone involved. Protect your son. Best of Luck to you.
My son's arms were getting gouged every day by a girl who cut her fingernails into points. I'd emailed, called the teacher a couple times. I think I ended up emailing the principal when he came home with bloody arms again, --that if it didn't stop I was going to either get a lawyer or call the cops--I can't remember which, as it was a long time ago. But it did stop then!
Go into the meeting with the principal and remain calm. You have every right to be furious, but you are going to get more results and be taken more seriously if you remain calm. Yelling, cursing, screaming, and name calling will not get the results that clear thinking and rational conversation will.
Be prepared to escalate above the school level if you don’t get results.
I would absolutely talk with the Principal at this point. Kinders are not normally this abusive but it’s sad to see there is this one! Ask the admin to pull the cameras video and have them watch it. That’s when it becomes painfully obvious they have failed your child, especially with the complaints in the past.
On the flip side, I once had a kiddo (I teach kindergarten) come to class with these bruises on his arm. When I asked him what happened, he said the day prior (I was out) two students were “karate chopping” his arm and caused the bruises. I was pretty upset but I had admin pull the cameras in the area the child said it happened. The child was sitting at the lunchroom table bashing his arms into the table. When asked why he did that, he stated that the kids made him do it. At this point, we involved mom and the counselor.
I only mention this story as the cameras will tell you the full story. No way, shape, or form am I saying your child is lying, but it’s best to get not just bruise documentation, but the actual visual evidence as well. If that is a school that cares, all of this will force them to change their perspective and take stuff more seriously than they currently are.
I would be specific and clear.
That girl must be removed from your son’s class. If there is another gym teacher in the school then you want the teacher switched. If not, you want a para assigned to your child to make sure he is safe.
If these measures are not taken then you will be filing charges with the police department against the child for assault and against the school district/teacher/principal for failure to protect a minor under their care. This was not just one punch where a teacher could not stop it in time.
I may also call child protective services and report that there is something wrong in that girls home or that the parents aren’t getting the child effective psychiatric help that the girl desperately needs. So it’s either abuse or neglect.
This is not normal for kindergarten and is a sign that something is wrong somewhere.
Also I agree with others, if possible - I would put your child in a martial arts class or a kickboxing class. Turn this into an empowering moment.
Former PE teacher here-- ask the principal if there are cameras/video footage. In both of the schools i worked at, the gym had nearly full camera coverage so any incident could very easily be reviewed by pulling the footage. This will do two things. 1. Show the children responsible for hurting your little one in a way that can not be refuted and 2. Hold the PE teacher accountable because it will show that he's constantly on his phone and not teaching or supervising the children.
Yes, we can't possibly see everything that is happening in a sea of active kids. Things do happen, but it's definitely not cool that nothing was reported or addressed.
Anyway, request a meeting with the principal. Explain everything and ask them to investigate the gym issue and request video footage.
First of all take him to the doctor and document the injuries. Next step is to send an email to the superintendent, principal and teachers outlining what happened and tell them you are getting an attorney (even if you are not.) Demand the other child receives an alternative placement because the school refuses to provide a safe learning environment. I would make a ton of noise online as well. (Local FB mom groups ought to do it.) I’m livid for you. Make sure you have photos of the abuse. Take kid to a therapist and get documentation there. I would consider calling the police as well to have some documentation and have them talk to the principal to scare the shit out of them. This is no time to be nice.
I would request to see the video tape. Most schools record the gym area because of events like this. Gym classes are so large and there’s typically only one teacher and one assistant.
I would have been sitting in the principals office weeks ago. And I don't say that to be mean. I know not every parent can just take a day to do it. But now we are at the point of going to the principal and demanding a meeting with the principal and the gym teacher. This is assault and you can press charges.
If that doesn't work, the next step is to park yourself at the superintendent's office. Make yourself a nuisance until action is taken.
Have you notified your ex? Can you go to the school together. I feel like they unfortunately take things much more seriously when the father is present.
I would demand disciplinary action against the perpetrators and teacher in writing as well as in person. Mail the letter regular mail and certified mail and keep a copy.
Did you see what happened to the child in Oklahoma? You’re not overreacting. This is serious. Don’t gaslight yourself or let anyone tell you otherwise. Get authorities involved.
I’m sorry this is happening. As a teacher, this is why I will be home schooling my children, at least for the first few years. Teachers are overwhelmed and burnt out with classes packed to the brim with kids. Behavior problems are abundant and there are not enough personnel to support teachers as needed, at least in my state.
Definitely take him to the doctor and get his injuries documented. I'd follow up by making a police report. Schools like to keep things in-house, so don't give them the opportunity. The poor kid is covered in bruises. This wasn't a simple dust-up. This was an all-out assault and needs to be officially addressed.
Time to go to the superintendent of schools. Why have the children been allowed to get away with this type of behavior? Why is the teacher allowing this to happen? You need to go all mama bear on their asses and protect your child.
Take him to the doctor for evaluation of injuries and get a note and take that to the school. Not over dramatic at all. In fact, if you sent him back that would be concerning for almost negligence. I’m sorry you are going through this. Sounds like it’s one teacher in one main situation that is the primary issue so hopefully that can be remedied without a huge disruption for him.
Take him to the E.R and let them document his injuries (he should be checked over! She was kicked on the balls! Which can cause a lot of damage) I'd be full mother bear and use the hospital and police to rain hell on that teacher
Girl...please go up to the school and demand an emergency meeting with the principal. Like other commenters mentioned, take the photos of your son and anything other documentation that you have. This is very serious and how bullying gets ignored. I know that your son said that he didn't want to switch classes but as a parent, we sometimes have to do things that may seem unfair/uncomfortable in the moment but will lead to better outcomes for our children. The gym teacher most likely didn't think it was serious because the aggressor in this case was a girl. Not ok. Hugs for your little one. Keep him home today and give him all of your love ❤️.
File a police report and name the teacher.
Next, contact the state board of education and file a complaint against the teacher. Education is a civil right guaranteed at the state level, and hid rights are being violated.
The teacher and school are lazy and doing nothing
It's good that you are taking the child to the doctor and documenting the assault that took place. You also took pictures, which is important for documenting. The next thing you need to do is contact the principal IN WRITING and inform them about the ongoing bullying your son is experiencing and the assault that took place while a teacher who was supposed to be supervising was playing on their phone.
Do everything in email, not over the phone. Email creates a paper trail. If it happens in a phone conversation, the principal can pretend it never happened. Email says you're serious and on the path to taking legal action if they don't protect your son. Tell the principal you want this child put on a "mutual stay away plan" with your son and you want your son transferred to a different class immediately if they are in the same class.
Your school district has a school board. It has meetings open to the public. There's an agenda online you can find. The meeting has a "Public Comments" section where anyone can address the school board for two or three minutes.
If you want to go scorched earth, you say what's happening, say that the school isn't helpful, emphasize he's needed medical treatment for his injuries and ask that they help you. Be honest and heartfelt and vulnerable. Crying is fine.
This is a scorched earth technique because it puts the dirty laundry out in the open. The school board won't be able to address you in the moment (that's not how these meetings function) but you'll hear from someone high up in school district very quickly.
I would be on the phone with the principal and if that didn’t get results, the superintendent. I would bring him to the doctor and document the bruises as well. I also would be on the phone with child protection services as the adults are neglectful in their caretaker role.
Let him miss the days he needs to. Truant officer for the district (or whoever fills that role) can be told the events too…. The more district personnel the better!
PLEASE TAKE PICTURES. it is so important that you document EVERYTHING here in this situation or you're going to find out that nothing gets done. Take a photo of all his marks and bruises. Document everytime you spoke to the school. If nothing is done and you have this well documented paper trail, then you can take them to court or talk of legal.
I’m saying this as the wife of an admin, who had a very similar situation happen with junior high kids, but let the admin do their job. Email the teacher and include the principal. Include photos of the bruises and anything from the doctor, if you choose to take him to one. Write in the email who your son says the students were that beat him up, the names of any witnesses, and that he says the gym teacher didn’t do anything. They’ll then look through the security footage, look for the incident on camera, and then look for where the teacher is. It’s probably going to take a few days for them to conduct their investigation, because they’ll have to also get statements from witnesses. If they find that the teacher was being negligent, there are steps in place that they have to go through as far as disciplining the teacher. In my husband’s instance, the teacher had zero remorse and didn’t think he had done anything wrong, but he quit before they could terminate him.
As a parent of a kindergartner as well, I get it. My son was threatened with a gun by a fellow classmate his first month of school. He was scared, I was scared, and all I wanted to do was unleash hell, but that will do nothing, and not help the situation. Going straight to the superintendent, getting a lawyer, or calling the police, are all terrible pieces of advice at this point. Report it to admin, give them a few days to conduct their investigation, and then go from there.
I do plan to go to admin first, because I expected that to be the first question that would be asked if I immediately jumped higher. But I am planning to let them know that I don’t feel comfortable allowing my son in school until I have some kind of resolution, because up to this point, I have not been shown anything that makes me feel like my regular attempts at asking them to do something about the bullying have gotten anywhere. With it escalating to something physical, I can’t just send him back to be tormented. I also plan to let them know that I will have to go to the superintendent if I don’t have good communication from them letting me know how the process of looking into the situation/resolving it is going.
If it were just a one time “we got in a fight in gym” I would be upset, but not like this. It’s been a year of begging them to help me get my son to a place where he’s not dreading school due to being bullied on the daily, and hearing vague lip service in response. But I do understand at least trying to take things in the appropriate order when I look for a solution, even if it’s only so I don’t have to run in as many circles to eventually get a response.
Why are lawyer or police report terrible ideas? She feels like she is the outsider in a small close-knit town and doesn't anticipate it being easy to be the boat-rocker. She also did say she is not able to use a lawyer anyway, but I am wondering more generally why having a professional intervene or provide outside support would be a bad idea for someone who doesn't feel the community is an ally.
She hasn’t even reported it to the school yet. There’s nothing to go to a lawyer about until she has documented evidence that the school hasn’t done anything, and if police show up to the school, which my husband has had happen a couple of times the past couple of weeks, they’ll talk to admin, admin will tell them they haven’t conducted their investigation yet, and then they’ll leave. Unless they’re bored, maybe they’ll hang around until they’re done.
First, take him to the doctor and get his bruises stuff documented. Then go straight to the principal and file a formal complaint against a teacher who was on his phone instead of watching the kids in his fucking charge.
Educator here...please do not raise hell as many comments suggest. Call the teacher and ask questions. Know one person watching 15 to 25+ kids at a time won't see everything. Know teachers quit over parents like many in the comments. Know and trust your child, but also understand there are two sides to every story. Know children this age are still navigating problem solving, communication strategies, peer relationships, and ones self.
All in all...take a damn breath and let your child learn to navigate life. Keeping them home benefits no one other than you and your emotions. Your reactive mindset and reactions may lead to negative reinforcement of "mom rescue me" behaviors. Stop while you can.
Did you read that he is bruised on his thighs all around his testicles? This isn’t just a normal thing for kids to work out. This is a really serious physical attack. This little boy needs to be protected. It’s very possible this girl is going to end up with a special ed designation at some point, with someone with her to prevent her from harming others, but right now, she’s a danger to other students.
You do know this is a kindergartner right? And that even when traumatic things happen to adults they might stay home for a day or so to recuperate. Full adults with years of "navigating life". I don't agree with many parents in this thread but this comment is just asinine.
I have to respectfully disagree. If my child came home from school covered in bruises there would be BIG problems. This was the gym teacher who clearly wasn't watching. While I truly understand your perspective as an educator, sometimes the momma bear has to roar. The child not only reported what happened but had physical evidence to substantiate what he said. Also, this is not a new issue-the little girl has a record of bullying OP's child and now it's escalating. It's time for action now.
Make sure you document and take pictures in case you get any backlash or someone trying to claim the incident wasn't as serious as you say it was.
We did, I took pictures of everything, and then went and cried in the bathroom, I feel sick knowing that someone hurt him, he’s so little. Man, kids can be so cruel.
Take him to the doctor to document his bruises! Get the doctor to write something up to give to the school. Tell the school that you need it addressed, in writing, how they will deal with your son being **assaulted**.
I’m going to get ahold of my boss to see if I can come in a couple hours late in the morning, so I can get him to urgent care when they open.
Hope you made it to urgent care. This is a good course of action.
Yes. These children were allowed to attack and injure your child. This can't be allowed to continue and the school must deal with it. It is damaging your son emotionally as well as physically. Talk to the principal and school psychologist and demand that they protect him. Changing physical education class might not even work, as the same man probably teaches the whole school and may teach other classes at the same time as your son's class.
If the school does nothing, you should go to the police
You don’t need urgent care. Go to his regular pediatrician.
I think urgent care is easier to get into without an appointment
Just in case this is a cultural misunderstanding, in the U.S, urgent care and the emergency room are different things. Urgent care is where you go for small things like colds, flu shots, sore throats. Urgent care appointments are usually same day and it’s often easier to get an urgent care appointment than one with your regular pediatrician who might be busy. A lot of people outside the U.S. think we’re talking about the emergency room when we say urgent care but it’s very different.
Assault is the word OP should use, as this is what it is
In many places, the term for intentionally physically injuring someone is battery, whereas assault is threatening to injure someone. OP needs to research which term is used in their jurisdiction and use that.
Probably right, but either will make the school take it more seriously.
I second everything you’re saying! I’m gonna take it one step further though and gently edit your definition: legal definition of assault is any physical injury that leads to serious bodily harm. But OP definitely should look into which term is used where they live and go from there! Source: got degrees in criminal justice and interned at a DAs office in college
You're right but either way the school should take this more seriously if OP informs them that a *doctor* has been called on to bear witness to an assault that happened on their watch. Photos, doctor involvement, paper trail of complaints to the school.
This is a crime, and the teacher is a MANDATORY RESPONDER/REPORTER. They are REQUIRED to intervene. You need to report this to the police right away, and notify the school that you are getting a lawyer involved.
It depends on the location but where i am the child cant be charged if any crime if they are less than 8 years old. And if they have an iep no one can do anything really...
Even if they can’t be charged you can demand a report be taken. And the police will have to send a notification to the school. Also, the teacher should also be investigated. Schools have to provide a free and appropriate education in the least restrictive environment possible for that student to all students, even the problematic ones. That often means that parents have to advocate hard and document everything to counter the bad behavior of other people’s kids.
I second this ! School and Parents of the girl need to brace themselves for a lawsuit for medical bills and emotional suffering — watch how quickly they get this girl on her bestest behavior once money starts flying
This. The school is not listening, some of the teachers are flat out ignoring this behavior happening with them only a few feet away. OP needs to take their kid to the doctor and have the injuries documented. And then OP needs to schedule a meeting with the principal and hold the school accountable. This should not be happening to any child. The school needs to understand the seriousness of the activities being committed under their watch.
Yup. Using loaded, but accurate, terms forces them to address it. The difference between battery and assault, if it matters, using the wrong one will still work, since they will have to say, “no, no, it is not assault, it’s battery”. That will still work for OP. They can’t say the child wasn’t struck, with doctor notes.
I'm so sorry
I would be petty and sue the parents in small claims court for emotional distress and medical costs.
Our school has cameras everywhere I would demand they review the footage, they may not be able to show you for children’s privacy, but they need to investigate.
I posted an update a little while ago, the principal did pull the cameras and reviewed them, and you’re right, she couldn’t show us. She was horrible to deal with refused to give any kind of clear answer as to what really happened, insisted on calling what these girls did to my son flailing, instead of hitting, and was just all over the place throughout the conversation. My son‘s dad is the one that called because I was at work, but he recorded the conversation and sent it to me, this woman was so annoyed and so dismissive. The one part I keep hearing in my head over and over is where she said that to her, it looked like kids roughhousing and playing and my son’s dad responded that our son had bruises all over him, and that if they were just playing, he shouldn’t be covered in bruises and he shouldn’t feel that he was attacked. Her reply was to say well from what I saw he shouldn’t have bruises.*everywhere* with this huge emphasis on the word everywhere. Basically admitting that she could see how he would have some bruises but that we were exaggerating how many I guess? Like how does it go from it looked like kids playing to implying that some bruises would be understandable? And when he pushed back about that, all she could say was that my son fought back, so it wasn’t all one-sided. So again, my son’s dad pushed and was like “so he defended himself? good.” And she started to backpedal again about how the little girl had gotten consequences this morning and she had been spoken to, and that if there was nothing else, and he was done threatening her and the school she was going to hang up now. I’m elevating the situation to the superintendent, and doing some research on what I would need to make happen for him to be put into the elementary school in the district his dad lives in.
If escalating to the superintendent doesn’t work, there’s always the media. I have seen plenty of stories in the news about teachers, etc who have gotten into trouble after they ended up on the news.
If they see him as fighting “back” he might be considered an equal participant and they will both be punished.
As someone who used to work in a US school system. file a police report and get a lawyer ASAP. With what has happened and with that attitude I can tell you that school will do nothing. And very well might make things worse for your kid in Retaliation for y'all trying to make them responsible for they're lack of action. Some teachers and admins have no business being around/ in charge of kids. Document everything little thing. And as much as you can get it in writing or video.
>"from what I saw he shouldn't have bruises *everywhere*" "Do you wanna go down there and see the bruises yourself? He's in room #___. Matter of fact I can show you the pictures of them!" God this is infuriating OP I am seething for you
You can also contact the police. Your son was attacked. You can file a police report. Depending on your state's laws you can also request a protective order to keep a minor away from another minor. There are avenues to take outside the school system and it may be time to seek such.
FIOA the cameras. It's possible.
Report it to your local law enforcement, they can get those tapes and everyone's attention without issue. And while you're at it demand the girl be removed from his class, removing the victim further distracts from his education. Best of luck to your family!
Wow…I’m glad that you are trying to get him moved to a different school. I also think that it’s uncalled for of the principal to try to say that he can’t be bruised that much…some people bruise more easily sometimes due to a medical condition sometimes due to a genetic reason, etc. however if a 5-year harmed another 5-year old enough to cause bruising & the child does not bruise easily, then that’s really bad. Just a simple talking to is not enough for a 5 year old sorry. Plus she will just continue to go after your son because of it. It’s a bad situation all around. I am 24 years old & I am shocked that the world has gotten more violent. It’s saddening 😞
Never underestimate the power of an angry, persistent parent. My mom took matters all the way up the city’s department of transportation and the school got me my own school bus for a whole year. Don’t take no for an answer, show up in the school, unannounced if you have to and don’t play amicable and nice when your child is being assaulted, demand the evil girl’s parents to come into the school. Take it up to the superintendent and the local news if it needs to be done. I don’t have kids but I was you, I would be raising hell in the school until I get what my child needs by force. I hope your kid will see better, more fun times in school very soon.
Take him into the ER so it’s legally documented
I would not do so. An ER visit with a bruised child may automatically trigger a CPS investigation. The OP's son could be removed while that is ongoing.
That would be solved with a private interview with the child.
In addition, take him to the doctor and get that note. Then threaten the school with going to the press. They'll fix it then. When they know you're taking the photos of your daughter all bruised up to the press.....they'll suddenly decide to fix it.
And insist your son, as the victim, shouldn’t be the one who has to move to a new class and make all new friends. The assailant should be moved. Call her that. “The assailant.” It’s what she is. And don’t be afraid to talk about the teacher as a bystander who was aware and did not protect your son. Argh. This boils my blood. Please give your little guy even more hugs than you already are - and one extra from an Internet stranger who feels terrible for him.
Seriously, that assailant and her shitty little friends should all be expelled.
I didn't know little kindergartners could be this mean.
Usually they have either seen others do similar things, or they have some kind of trauma or mental health issue. For repeated kicking anyway. One kick or two could just be not having learned empathy yet.
They definitely can. Especially if they decide someone is "weird".
From two internet strangers! ♥️
I second the press. Nothing like the threat of bad publicity to get people to do shit.
The press will only be interested in this story if the OP files suit or the kid who beat her son is arrested. A bruised child and allegations aren't a story (yet).
True. But OP should keep this in mind worst case scenario.
Some local television stations have a" problem solver" segment that usually get results pretty quick.
And continue documenting as the bruises age
1.) Photo the bruises 2.) Send to Principal and state why you are are keeping him out tomorrow .) Consider taking to MD 4.) Principal has to meet with you and counselor & teachers %) Get your gloves on- no kid should be bruised from kid sin kindergarten PE
I wouldn't simply "consider" in number 3. Getting them documented in his medical records could come in handy if 4 doesn't result in improvements.
Gosh this is so sad, I am so sorry for you and your son. This absolutely needs to be addressed with the girl parents, your schools principle and the counselor as well as teachers. This is terrible and should not happen , especially with little ones in Kindergarten
Thank you. I hate knowing that this kid is able to get to him just because he’s such a nice person. He’s just the kind of kid that wants to be everyone’s friend, and instead of getting angry and fighting back, he gets sad, and wants to know “why me”. Bullies can sense that, they target it. But I don’t ever want him to have to change just to not be hurt by another person. I am keeping him home tomorrow, his dad and I are separated but decided to both spend the night with him and then contact the school in the morning as a unit, while keeping him home. He may not be sick, but he’s black and blue all over, and it happened under their watch, so I feel like I should have some leeway there.
Absolutely, he should feel safe at school and this is such a pivotal moment in kids lives where they learn how to be around other kids their own age. This girl sounds like she needs to be removed and evaluated
Make sure to take pictures of bruises as well but I agree with previous comments of contacting principal and meeting with parents
Nevermind I see you did take pics I’m so sorry he is dealing with this and you as well.
I would do a few things. You got your son’s account of the situation. 1) get a parent advocate. 2) get the video of the incident 3) get a meeting with the principal & teacher ( I would raise HELL over the fact that the teacher was on his F$&@ing phone instead of monitoring the kids) 4) get a plan of actions from the principal. What will they do to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Make the teacher accountable for his inactive teaching. (He should be fired for being on his phone!) 5) I would get a lawyer if all else fails. (I am sooo mad for you and your son.)
Be sure to use the words "bullying", "harassment", and "assault" in your communication and back up every discussion in writing via email. Document, document, document.
Do mention getting a lawyer is not off the table. This will get the attention of the admin n the mean girl guardians
School Admin will immediately go into CYA mode. They will *talk big* about what they will do but if this teacher is not immediately put on leave after Prinicipal talks to OP and this girl is not suspended/expelled/transferred to another school, OP will need that lawyer to get Admin to do thier job., which iz insuring a safe learning environment for OP's son. OP, close your ears and heart to the excuses Admin will make about this little girl's behavior(bad home life, mom in jail, dad in jail, abuse, neurodivergent); *she* in not *your* responsibility! *Your son's well being and safety are*
The being on the phone part is a potential legal landmine. An aunt of ours used to teach early childhood education at a community college (classes to be licensed to work in daycares). She told us that anyone on their phone was no longer legally present and could not be counted as one of the adults in the adult/child ratio. Don’t know if it’s true, but you might want to look into that in your state.
This is outrageous & should not be happening to your little boy! I have 3 kids in public school & none have ever been hit by anyone. That is just not something that should happen at school & if it does, the school should be on top of it to ensure that your child (and others) don’t become scared of going to school!
At this point, you’ve reached out and it’s clear that his teacher cares, but once he leaves the classroom, no one else is taking it seriously. So I would email the principal (if you haven’t already) and include pictures and the fact that this is the very thing you were trying to prevent and the fact it happened to a KINDERGARTNER as the gym teacher who has been notified of the problem repeatedly has now escalated to negligence and you either want a meeting and established safety plan for your son, along with tangible consequences for the girl, or the next contact will be Superintendent, school board and your attorney. You can typically go into the school board (District website) to gain the contact(s) for the board and possibly the Superintendent. But you can also call the district office and ask to speak to the assistant to the Superintendent. I’ve taken these exact steps when my son was being bullied relentlessly in 2nd grade and the moment it gets to the people who sign budgets, etc. everyone suddenly stands at attention. Plus a superintendent is going to be extremely frustrated to have something escalated to their level with a student this young, because it wasn’t handled at the school level.
This! And be sure to include the words "bullying", "harassment", and "assault". Follow up and resulting conversations with a recap email. "Following up on our discussion, ..." with a summary of what was said. Include direct quotes of any promises made or statements you find problematic. When they see you are documenting everything, it will raise the urgency level for them. And if they don't take appropriate action, you'll have plenty of documentation if you need to take legal action.
I was bullied in kindergarten- harassed by a boy in my class who kept telling his older friends to tell me that he (David) wanted to have sex with me. They would surprise me on the playground and say it. It was so terrifying, I didn’t even know what it meant. And it happened all the time when I least expected it. It ruined that year and took me from an advanced, reading and writing kindergartner to a nervous wreck who had to see the school psychologist. Be proactive. Show up at school and make sure it’s dealt with. I would have done anything to have that advocacy 35 years ago.
You could also take him to the doctor and document the bruises. No excuse for the gym teacher to ignore kindergartners getting beat up. Just very sad.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ATTENDANCE ffs. He’s in kindergarten. You can fight the school and the district over any repercussions of his missed days. Especially with pics of injuries from assault. Doubt the district wants the publicity of expelling a 6 y/o victim of assault.
OP, your child was just the victim of assault and battery. You need a lawyer now, and a police report. That’s the only way the school will do anything
Poor kid. This absolutely breaks my heart for him and for you as his parent having to see all this and not being able to save him from it. He sounds like such a genuinely sweet soul and I wish there more humans like him in the world. It’s so sad that the nicest people get bullied like this.
My 4 year old girl dealt with this and I told her to open palm slap the boy in the ears if he hits her. If he called her names or was mean i told her to call him a poop face stinky bird. Fast forward a week later and I get an email from the school saying my daughter made a boy cry. Best part was she didn't even say "dad told me to do it".
Never slap someone in the ears. As someone with hearing loss, you’re looking at potentially causing a lifetime of hearing issues from bursting someone’s ear drum.
As much as I hate to say it, I have limited empathy for bullies who get injured when their victims defend themselves. On the one hand, yes, a lifetime of hearing issues sucks and shouldn't happen. On the other hand, people have a right to defend themselves and there was a simple way to avoid it happening here. All the bully had to do was to not attack another student. In disclosure: I was bullied. The "sticks and stones" mantra only goes so far.
If that person is attacking my child, can't say that their outcome is my concern.
I also have hearing loss and I have to agree. Bullying is bad and I like the idea of a bully getting a taste of their own medicine, but permanently destroying a child’s hearing over it seems excessive. Weird to see ppl defending this like asshole kids deserve permanent hearing loss. They still have time to learn empathy. Maybe just regular punch/slap them really hard instead.
Absolutely keep him home and raise hell. I’d be out for blood on this, when I saw the title I was NOT expecting this to be about kindergarteners. Sending so much love to you and your little sweetie.
I sad about same- photo, Principal, MD. meetings ;; consider a lawyer/ or ask if you need to get legal help
If I were you I’d have a lawyer with me when I show up tomorrow. I hate how “sue-happy” our society has become, but often nothing gets the attention of school officials besides the threat of a lawsuit.
Unfortunately, I am not in an income bracket where I could afford to get a lawyer, and the school is in such a small town, the school administration has a pretty good idea of the general situation of all the students families. (If only because small towns are so prone to gossip). I’ve actually been stressing a bit, worried that I am going to be blown off when I approach the administration over this, due to lack of local social support (new to the area, low income, don’t go to church, things that matter entirely too much in small southern towns.) I would not let being blown off deter me from pushing until I get a satisfactory resolution, but still would rather not have to deal with it.
Call around and talk to some lawyers and ask for a consultation. Explain the situation. Hopefully you’ll find someone willing to give some advice or maybe a write a letter
There are lawyers who do cases pro bono, or only take a percentage of the lawsuit winnings so you pay nothing up front. Don’t let cost be something that stops you from looking for a lawyer entirely. It’s still worth the research and phone calls. You absolutely need to raise hell. If there’s no lawyers that will work, go to the media. Cry, and make it clear that this could happen to any one of the kids going to this school due to mismanagement. Appeal to the other parents until things happen.
Just came to say I sympathize. When my oldest was 5 and in pre k, he was stomped and kicked in the head and neck. My oldest was covering his head to stop it and the 2 teachers watching the kids didn't see it until the end. I was seeing red. Not much to do with the school because the child was removed. He had other incidents and my son was the last straw. But we started teaching our son self defense, we grapple, and we got him a punching bag cause he's also sensitive and doesn't like confrontation, so he has it all pent up. Knowing your kid got hurt can bring on so many emotions.
It makes me feel so shitty. Like, this year has been brutal on him. Divorce, moving, starting school, has been sick all year. He definitely got a punching bag for Christmas, we are constantly talking about how to process emotions healthily. I want to just wrap him up and say he can stay home and screw that school forever, but I have to sit and figure out if I should go to my crap food service job in the morning to keep a roof over our heads, or go into the school loaded for bear. I want to do whatever is best for him, but it’s so much more than just black and white. I know that I will manage to do whatever I need to to get the school situation figured out. But I’m still beating myself up a little bit because I can’t just drop everything else and give my entire self to fixing it. Luckily his dad is off tomorrow so he’s staying home with him, and I have a little time to get in touch with school before I have to be in for my shift.
Understandable! We want this world to be as safe and warm for our kids as our arms are. Unfortunately that's just not the case. We just gotta raise our kids right and hope that's enough.
I would be going into the superintendent’s office tomorrow and addressing it with them. It seems that the school doesn’t want to do anything. Demand something be done now or else you will take this assault to the PD. I don’t even know how a five year old would be even learning how to fight and be a bully. This is just awful and down right horrific. Tell your little one he has a whole community behind him.
That part blows my mind too. This little girl knew to kick him where it hurt. He has bruised thighs all around his testicular area, like HOW? When I was five I was not even remotely aware that kicking boys there was something that hurt.
THE HELL?! If the principal or whomever you go to doesn’t take it seriously- please consider police involvement- I know it sounds awful and insane to file a report and police aren’t my favorite and yes she’s five - but she needs a mental health exam or something at the very least - and if she’s going after his Private area it kinda screams that her home life needs a once over via CPS. I’m sorry for you and your poor soon it sounds awful but also - this is not normal bullying for a five or six year old at all
Honestly, I agree. I’m not really a police person, but this is something that I would be speaking to the police over. This isn’t just bullying, it’s assault. There should absolutely be a CPS investigation in this case.
First, I’m so sorry you and your little boy are dealing with this. I agree with the actions others have recommended. If I’m not mistaken, a kick in the privates is considered sexual assault in most school districts. The district’s code of conduct should be online, so it might be worth looking into in order to get admin’s attention.
That had not even occurred to me. I was so upset about the viciousness of it that, so mad because it was an area that is so painful that it didn’t even occur to me to think of that angle.
You can call CPS. Most states have a child welfare department to address major bullying situations and child on child SA. I would personally be calling police as well.
In addition to what others have said about photographing and documenting, if he has visible injuries you may also want to consider taking him to the pediatrician and having them document it as well. Then escalate—first the principal, then if that doesn't give you results, the superintendent. Then you start talking to a lawyer.
UPDATE- after reading everyone’s comments last night, I felt justified in keeping my son home from school today while I looked into the incident. I was unable to get out of work, so I tried to handle things by contacting the principal and letting her know what happened. I was told that she was going to pull the tapes from the gym and watch them and that my son‘s dad and I could give her a call and discuss things after she had an idea of what actually happened. When my son‘s father spoke to her, she initially started off the conversation by saying that she watched the video and did not really see anything aside from kids being kids that they were playing tag, and that my son instead of participating was over in the corner and these little girls Ran over to him and one of them was “flailing at him” but that to her eyes, it looked like it could have been them playing. My son’s dad said to her well if it was just playing, then why is my son covered in bruises all over? The principal replied. “ well, from what I saw, he shouldn’t have bruises *everywhere*…” with this big emphasis on everywhere like we were exaggerating so his dad responded by saying well where should he have bruises? Where was he hit? Where did you see him get hit by these girls? She then said, “ I only saw the one little girl putting her hands on him, the other was just standing there. Then, she started to backpedal by saying “well he flailed back at her. It was both of them.” she refused to call it hitting and kept referring to it as flailing. When we brought up the fact that we have attempted to resolve the bullying numerous times with the teacher, she said that she had never heard anything about my son, except for the fact that he had poor attendance, and that it was worrisome. When we asked how things were going to be handled, we were told that the little girl was given consequences this morning. The teacher spoke to her. We asked what the consequences were, we asked about separating the kids into different classes. She said that the consequences were appropriate, but would not tell us what they were. Later on she said that she did not even know because she had a teacher handling it. Then she said we could not view the video because there were other children in it. When asked about the possibility of moving the girl to another class she said that she was not going to hurt a child academically by pulling them from a class they were in since August, nobody was being moved. Overall, it was an absolute joke, and now that I’m out of work, I am working on writing up an email to the superintendent. It’s killing me that I can’t just stop everything and focus solely on this, but I can’t lose my job overtaking the day off, so I am trying to handle it the best I can from work. I figured I’d start at the bottom (that being contacting the principal) and if that didn’t work, move up to the superintendent and if that doesn’t work, I guess I’ll have to look into how much further I need to take things I also called the school in his dad‘s district to figure out what we needed to do to switch him because I’m thinking that’s going to have to happen in order for him to have any good quality schooling. The way the administration handled this today showed me this is not a place that I feel is healthy for a kid.
Im so sorry that happened. It sounds like they’re trying to cover themselves probably to protect the gym teacher. I am glad you are going to the superintendent. I hope your baby gets the justice he deserves.
It is interesting that the principal chose to use “flailing” instead of “hitting.” Also that she used your son’s attendance against you, as if him missing school due to illnesses, has anything to do with any of this. Ridiculous. I’m glad you are looking into other school options and that his father is being supportive.
Lawyer. Now. She's covering her tracks and could delete evidence. You are not overreacting. After what happened with Nex Benedict I will never accept any classroom violence. Protect your child, protect other children.
Absolutely call the police. Get superintendent AND school board involved. I would send them and principal pictures of your son's bruises... and start calling lawyers.
Lawyer, now. Involve the police. This is unacceptable and the school needs to be held accountable. I’m so sorry this happened to your son. Please update us.
You're taking the right steps by going to the principal. I used to work at a school, so I kinda know how things are run. You can ask the school if you can observe the class as a guest. You can also ask the teacher what consequence they save to the girl. You can request your son to be in a different class if the girl can't be moved. The reason why the school doesn't want to move the girl is because they have to get her parents involved. And her parents SHOULD be involved. Ask the gym teacher if the girls parents were contacted. If the superintendent won't do anything, reach out to school board. They will have monthly meetings or something, where you might be able to raise concerns about how the principal is not handling school violence well. There's no reason that your son and the girl can't be separated. Either have your son go to the library or something during that time or be moved to a different class. I don't see a reason why the school can't do that. As for your son's absence, it actually hurts the school funding. Schools lose funding if they lose students or if they're chronically absent. Maybe you can use that as a leverage and tell them the reason why your son's absent a lot is because of the girl. And if you want more suggestions, ask the kindergarten teachers in a different subreddit. They should know more.
Teacher here, sounds like you have taken all of the appropriate actions. If he is infact covered in bruises, I would contact the local police first first thing in the morning. Kids do kid things and they aren't always nice, but this sounds like straight up assault. I would also show up in the school office demanding a meeting with the principal so that they can see first hand what happened. If you are able I'd then keep your son home for the rest of the week and spend some time loving on him while the school works to come up with a plan so that this girl is not in close proximity to your son again. Her classes should be changed, not your kiddo.
As another teacher, I agree. Her classes should be switched around because she is the child causing issues.
Keep him home. He needs to be safe today and you need to know what the hell the school is going to do to make sure that's true every day going forward.
Thank you. I needed to hear that I wasn’t having a mom overreaction.
He has BRUISES. You are not overreacting.
You have absolutely every right and the duty to be Mama Bear in this situation. Please do not doubt yourself for a second. You are your child’s advocate and protector and what happened to him is so wrong. I whole heartedly agree with lots of advice….whatever medical person can see him today and make a police report and escalate to school superintendent. Sending hugs!!
I am so sorry for you and your son. This is unacceptable and you absolutely should keep him home. Worst case he repeats kindergarten. If you do not keep your son physically safe he will not trust with sharing other things down the road. You cannot expect a teacher to protect your son if you don’t do it first and pull him. Unfortunately you may have to switch schools. Just do whatever it takes. Also document everything especially with visible injuries. You may even reach out to the police to see if they can intervene because a child was assaulted on school property and an adult allowed it to happen. Our gym has cameras check if yours does. Again, so sorry this is happening.
I’m planning on doing all that in the morning including trying to figure out if I can switch his school without losing my job. I have him at this school because I have a sitter in the district, he rides the bus to her house and I get him a little later. But his dad lives in another district a few minutes away, so a transfer would be easy, assuming that I could get aftercare. (Dads not really a good option for after school due to his job.) I am pretty sure the gym has cameras, I am going to find out for sure when the administrators are in the office in the morning.
I would have a meeting with the other school while you're dealing with his current one just to get an idea of what their vibe is, maybe talk to some parents in the neighbourhood. That lets you know how good the other option is while you see if this school is salvageable. My daughter had a pretty bad frenemy/bully in preschool and I had a choice of two schools, I went with the one that kid wouldn't be at. I've heard of many bullying issues at the other school but my daughter's school is incredibly pro-social - it's baked into the entire admin and school staff - and it's been amazing for social/emotional development alongside learning.
go police they can ask for the cam records.
The school will do everything it can to keep this internal. They’ve had up to now to do that. With an incident this severe it is time to escalate this outside of the principal. I say this as a parent who has been dealing with bullying with one of my kids since kindergarten. If I had it to do over again I would have escalated it much earlier. Obviously you don’t want a kindergartner arrested but I think making a police report in conjunction with the pediatrician would be really smart to protect yourself. And if you decide to stay in the district you should go one and/or two steps above the principal. There is likely an organizational chart on your district website. Include those people on any email correspondence you have with the principal. This is just so far beyond the pale. I find it very hard to believe that with three kids beating on him there wasn’t a large enough commotion to draw the gym teacher’s attention. They are going to circle the wagons and you will need to outwit them. Use statements they can’t argue with, like, “I know we all agree that a safe learning environment is critical for a child’s emotional and social development” because to say anything else would be an admittance if wrongdoing. It will be really difficult but the more controlled you can be, the higher the likelihood for an outcome that can bring about what is best for your son.
At least where I am, a kindergartner won't be arrested at all. They have to be 12. They'll at least document it though
It’s not really about punishing kindergartners, it’s about sending a message to every adult in relation to this that the behavior is unacceptable. Kids do what we permit them to do.
We just filed a report on a 5th grader, documentation mainly.
The ideal outcome would be for his attackers to be forced out. Your son, the victim, shouldn't be the one forced to find a new friend group. Having said that, it's a good idea to look at the logistics of switching schools in the event that a backup plan is necessary. Document everything, keep escalating up the chain as necessary, and be there for your son.
Omg I’m so sorry this is happening!! This would be beyond unacceptable to me. I’d go to admin immediately. Forget bothering with the teachers. I would change schools if it isn’t taken seriously and handled. In kindergarten this is intolerable. ETA- I’d also be finding out who the parents are and contacting them about this.
My initial reaction was to pull him out and put him in a different school, his dad and I only live ten minutes apart but we are separate districts. I feel trapped because I have him in this school in order to be able to have childcare for an hour or two after school. He rides the bus home to my sitter four days a week. If he switches to the other district, he can’t get that bus. I am definitely going to have to do some research into what options are available as far as aftercare in the other district. I’m *hoping* his school takes this seriously, but I’m not confident that they will.
I honestly wanted to suggest just pulling him entirely and not even bothering with admin or teachers, but I wasn’t sure if that was an option for you guys. I think you’ve got some great advice here. Contacting your pediatrician and maybe even the police if you feel comfortable. If he has bruises all over I for sure would. I’m so sorry, I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling right now as a mother.
He’s in a critical stage in his brain development. Switch schools.
Photograph the bruises, and write down his account of what happened. Be careful not to ask leading questions or the same question more than once. Just ask him to tell you everything he remembers. Date it. Tell the school principal you are seeking legal advice on your options, and would like to work with them to develop a safety plan for your son. Look up relevant policies (eg Department of Education or your equivalent) and what consequences/escalation options are available to you.
Keep a journal and document the bullying your son is receiving. Take pictures of the bruises. Build a case, and bring it to the board. That’s neglect on the schools job for not doing their job in preventing bullying
That’s the part that makes me maddest. The damn teacher was Right. There. Playing on his phone. It wasn’t even like they had to go somewhere private to torment my baby, just right in front of the teacher. I want his job. I am definitely not a “talk to your manager” type, but this is just too far.
You have every right to feel this way. I work with 4-7 yr old boys and girls. The boys are always so sweet to me and love to spend time with me/talk about anything. I love them so much, and I would be FURIOUS if anyone did that to them! This breaks my heart. I hope your son gets justice
File a police report and get a lawyer. Your child was assaulted at school and a responsible adult and a mandated reporter did nothing. Legal action will get the school district’s attention.
This is what helped get my nephews school to finally take action. Our nephew is in kindergarten and it’s pretty similar to what happened here. My brother and SIL told the school that they’re getting the police involved and the school did a complete 180 & finally addressed the issue. The police said that they’d come to the school and talk to the other student and explain to them the seriousness of their actions. There wasn’t bruising in our situation so I’d definitely 100% get a lawyer here. Another issue is the PE teacher. If a grown adult sees and hears a child get assaulted and continues to be on their phone instead of taking action then that needs to be looked at too. It’s PE kids can get hurt why is this teacher even on their phone?
I'd make a police report. And that will force their hand. Also, put all correspondence in email so there is a record.. next stop is the principal, then the school board, then lawyer and state board of education. Make noise. Threaten to sue.and call the local news if they don't do something about these bullies. My son had bullies on 2 occasions. Both tines I went right to the parents, and i wasnt playing. . One of those parents won't even look me in the eye. And it's been 15 years. But they both stopped.
I'd be switching classes, requesting a meeting with his teacher, gym teacher, principal, the other parent. If that doesn't get results say okay I am going to the school board with the pictures and I'm going to post this shit on the school's fb page with the pictures.
i would tahe him to urgent care and got a report. Then mail everyone. keep documenting and mailing also sent him to material arts.
Tell the school you need an appointment with the principal ASAP or you will be calling the police. Take pictures of the kid's injuries.
Principal. Immediately. Tell them everything and demean a plan for keeping your son safe. If they blow you off, superintendent and then school board.
Get photos of the bruises and go to the principal and school board.
Take pics, bring it up to the principal asap. This is unacceptable. Other kids were witnesses. Make sure this little twats parents KNOW what she did. Send them the pictures, and tell them everything she has done. Find another school. This is unacceptable that they let this happen. Document. Everything.
There’s a girl with behavior problems in my son’s class that kept hitting and choking him at the start of the year. I spoke with the teacher and bus driver and they have kept her away from him since. She’s not even allowed near him in class. If it does happen again I will raise hell. They absolutely can do something about it.
Teacher here. Definitely escalate this situation. Parents need to get pissed for there to be any change. It is becoming very common for kids with behavior problems to interfere with the learning and safety of all the other students and very little is done. It's unacceptable. Parents of the kids who are losing learning time or whose safety is compromised need to voice their concerns and force these kids to be dealt with and also hold their parents accountable.
>Today he came home covered in bruises, and said that the girl and her two friends came after him during gym class and “punched him, smacked him, kicked him in the balls and ran away”. He said that he called for the teacher but he didn’t do anything , he just kept playing on his phone. If this were me I'd let the school know that if they do not present you with a written plan on how to avoid this happening again in the future that you will be contacting police and pressing charges, as well as alerting the news media. Your child was assaulted by another child. That child learned this behavior somewhere.
Have you considered filing a police report? While these children are obviously too young to be held legally accountable, it gets you documentation to go after their parents for the medical bills and puts the school on notice. This is not normal behavior for 3 kids to gang up on and beat up another child.
Call the police. Your kid is being assaulted at school and the school staff is not doing anything about it. Bruises should be documented and call a lawyer. No kid should have to worry about basic safety at school
Get in a room with the superintendent, the parents of the girl, the video, pictures of your son's injuries and your lawyer.
I fucking hate this kind of post. Why are you all dealing with incompetent school admins and teachers when your child is being abused like this. Take him to the ER. Get all the bruises and injuries recorded. File a police report. We are not talking about throwing the little girl in jail. We are talking about moving the school admin to do something. Once there is evidence of abuse and negligence on the school's part, you can move to sue them. But they know that too. So they will move to protect your son before that. But you have to show them that you have teeth.
Go to the doctor tomorrow to document the bruises. And get a note.
Everyone has good points, and this suggestion I'm going to give shouldn't be necessary, nor is victim blaming- but if people are becoming as apathetic as they are in recent times, why not put him in some self-defense classes? I swear people have just stopped caring, so if there's no consequences...
Take photos of the bruises, if you haven’t already. You may need documentation.
May I recommend you also get your son in a martial arts class. My daughter started at 4. She is super kind to everyone and is autistic. My big concern was her getting picked on and also as a girl turning into a teen- getting hurt by boys. She has been hurt several times by the same boy in her class. I warned the administrators that I will not punish her at home when she decides she has had enough of him and puts him on the ground. Her karate has increased her confidence because she knows that she could hurt someone way easier. The weird thing is - the boy has no friends. My daughter is the ONLY kid that gives him a chance. He pulled her hair the other day for no reason. We still aren’t 100% sure if it was intentional or he just wanted to feel it. Lots of kids (especially boys) like feeling her rapunzel hair. I also know first hand the boy has serious emotional issues and a divorce happening at home. Not that it makes it right because it doesn’t. But it helps my daughter understand that it’s not anything to do with her. That he can’t control himself. I think Part of it is he feels like she is the only one that he can express his distress to because she is the only one that encourages him to be better. The teacher is just so worried my daughter is going to give up on him (and she said rightfully so). Whenever something happens I remind my daughter she has every right to protect herself. Knowing she has that in her back pocket really gives her a sense of control. If she has to get suspended because she uses it- so be it. At least she has it. I am so sorry your son is going through this. It is heartbreaking to see our kids hearts hurt. And, your kid has physical damage too.
Absolutely take him to the doctor and ask them to document the extent of his bruising and injuries. I'm sure they'll also write a note but you then have documentation of everything without having to take photos (thinking especially if he has bruising where his underwear should be). It will help underpin your complaint as well as providing the sick note. That said, I would absolutely keep my kid home, probably for more than one day, to help him feel safe again before he goes back to school. I can tell you from personal experience that when this kind of thing isn't addressed, it can lead to ongoing issues. Been working on it for six years give or take. Things are better than they were, but not undone. This is an egregious failure on their part.
Take photos, take them to the principal, and tell them you want action or you're pressing charges.
These kids are 5?! > pediatrician to check out bruising, especially the testicular bruising, and get a referral to a children’s therapist to help your son cope. I’d also discuss your concerns about the school’s inaction with the ped + therapist because the teachers allowing this to happen will affect how your son sees authority figure. > keep after the school + get any records they may have (nurse visit, files on previous incidents) > go ahead and request remuneration for the therapy, doctor’s visits and lost work hours from the school. Remind them that is their responsibility to provide a safe learning environment.
Move class for sure
Please go and be that angry annoying parent. I worked in early education and I would have died if this happened in my class! The principal and parents should be involved. It’s not okay!!!
My heart aches for you both. I can’t believe this is something we have to worry about for our kids in kindergarten! I thought this would come later.
It’s time to go to the school in-person and raise all hell. Bring any documentation - pictures of the bruises, proof of conversations with the teacher, etc printed out. If you don’t leave with a concrete solution, next stop is the school board.
What an awful way for your kid to come home. No, I would absolutely keep him home too. Demand to speak to the principal as clearly the teacher cannot handle the child who beat your son up.
You show the principal pictures and tell them where it happened. 1 the gym teacher is going to have some explaining to do. 2 they will be forced to deal with the other kids. What you describe is assault. 3 switch your kids class. You gotta be willing to protect your child in anyway.
Has the school contacted the bully's parents. You should also talk to the parent's, either through the school or on your own. I see you work during the day, but can you take some time and "volunteer a few times during his gym class or at recess. Send an "unsaid message" to the bully that you are watching out for your son and know what is going on. Often your mere presence will send a message to a kid who knows they are doing wrong. My son had a bullying issue at school in K. Fortunately, I was able to volunteer at the school. So daily I was interacting directly with the bully. The bully realized that my son's Mom was watching very closely at the what was going on at school. The bullying stopped. I did also have a long talk with the parents who were sincerely mortified to learn of their son's bullying behavior at school...(found it hard to believe they didn't realize their son was so aggressive and mean at school, but they really did not). You need to make your presence felt by everyone involved. Protect your son. Best of Luck to you.
My son's arms were getting gouged every day by a girl who cut her fingernails into points. I'd emailed, called the teacher a couple times. I think I ended up emailing the principal when he came home with bloody arms again, --that if it didn't stop I was going to either get a lawyer or call the cops--I can't remember which, as it was a long time ago. But it did stop then!
Go into the meeting with the principal and remain calm. You have every right to be furious, but you are going to get more results and be taken more seriously if you remain calm. Yelling, cursing, screaming, and name calling will not get the results that clear thinking and rational conversation will. Be prepared to escalate above the school level if you don’t get results.
I would absolutely talk with the Principal at this point. Kinders are not normally this abusive but it’s sad to see there is this one! Ask the admin to pull the cameras video and have them watch it. That’s when it becomes painfully obvious they have failed your child, especially with the complaints in the past. On the flip side, I once had a kiddo (I teach kindergarten) come to class with these bruises on his arm. When I asked him what happened, he said the day prior (I was out) two students were “karate chopping” his arm and caused the bruises. I was pretty upset but I had admin pull the cameras in the area the child said it happened. The child was sitting at the lunchroom table bashing his arms into the table. When asked why he did that, he stated that the kids made him do it. At this point, we involved mom and the counselor. I only mention this story as the cameras will tell you the full story. No way, shape, or form am I saying your child is lying, but it’s best to get not just bruise documentation, but the actual visual evidence as well. If that is a school that cares, all of this will force them to change their perspective and take stuff more seriously than they currently are.
I would be specific and clear. That girl must be removed from your son’s class. If there is another gym teacher in the school then you want the teacher switched. If not, you want a para assigned to your child to make sure he is safe. If these measures are not taken then you will be filing charges with the police department against the child for assault and against the school district/teacher/principal for failure to protect a minor under their care. This was not just one punch where a teacher could not stop it in time. I may also call child protective services and report that there is something wrong in that girls home or that the parents aren’t getting the child effective psychiatric help that the girl desperately needs. So it’s either abuse or neglect. This is not normal for kindergarten and is a sign that something is wrong somewhere. Also I agree with others, if possible - I would put your child in a martial arts class or a kickboxing class. Turn this into an empowering moment.
Former PE teacher here-- ask the principal if there are cameras/video footage. In both of the schools i worked at, the gym had nearly full camera coverage so any incident could very easily be reviewed by pulling the footage. This will do two things. 1. Show the children responsible for hurting your little one in a way that can not be refuted and 2. Hold the PE teacher accountable because it will show that he's constantly on his phone and not teaching or supervising the children. Yes, we can't possibly see everything that is happening in a sea of active kids. Things do happen, but it's definitely not cool that nothing was reported or addressed. Anyway, request a meeting with the principal. Explain everything and ask them to investigate the gym issue and request video footage.
First of all take him to the doctor and document the injuries. Next step is to send an email to the superintendent, principal and teachers outlining what happened and tell them you are getting an attorney (even if you are not.) Demand the other child receives an alternative placement because the school refuses to provide a safe learning environment. I would make a ton of noise online as well. (Local FB mom groups ought to do it.) I’m livid for you. Make sure you have photos of the abuse. Take kid to a therapist and get documentation there. I would consider calling the police as well to have some documentation and have them talk to the principal to scare the shit out of them. This is no time to be nice.
Also use words like “abuse” “assault.”
I would request to see the video tape. Most schools record the gym area because of events like this. Gym classes are so large and there’s typically only one teacher and one assistant.
I would have been sitting in the principals office weeks ago. And I don't say that to be mean. I know not every parent can just take a day to do it. But now we are at the point of going to the principal and demanding a meeting with the principal and the gym teacher. This is assault and you can press charges. If that doesn't work, the next step is to park yourself at the superintendent's office. Make yourself a nuisance until action is taken.
Have you notified your ex? Can you go to the school together. I feel like they unfortunately take things much more seriously when the father is present. I would demand disciplinary action against the perpetrators and teacher in writing as well as in person. Mail the letter regular mail and certified mail and keep a copy.
Absolutely keep him home and raise HELL with the principal, and possibly the school board. This is beyond not ok.
Threaten a lawyer.... they will fix it real quick. Schools HATE bad publicity and lawyers
Did you see what happened to the child in Oklahoma? You’re not overreacting. This is serious. Don’t gaslight yourself or let anyone tell you otherwise. Get authorities involved.
I’m sorry this is happening. As a teacher, this is why I will be home schooling my children, at least for the first few years. Teachers are overwhelmed and burnt out with classes packed to the brim with kids. Behavior problems are abundant and there are not enough personnel to support teachers as needed, at least in my state.
I'd be burning everything to the ground figuratively speaking.
Definitely take him to the doctor and get his injuries documented. I'd follow up by making a police report. Schools like to keep things in-house, so don't give them the opportunity. The poor kid is covered in bruises. This wasn't a simple dust-up. This was an all-out assault and needs to be officially addressed.
Time to go to the superintendent of schools. Why have the children been allowed to get away with this type of behavior? Why is the teacher allowing this to happen? You need to go all mama bear on their asses and protect your child.
You should you should definitely file a police report. The school will try to cover it.
Take him to the doctor for evaluation of injuries and get a note and take that to the school. Not over dramatic at all. In fact, if you sent him back that would be concerning for almost negligence. I’m sorry you are going through this. Sounds like it’s one teacher in one main situation that is the primary issue so hopefully that can be remedied without a huge disruption for him.
Just pull him out completely. Home school until you can switch schools or classrooms.
Take him to the E.R and let them document his injuries (he should be checked over! She was kicked on the balls! Which can cause a lot of damage) I'd be full mother bear and use the hospital and police to rain hell on that teacher
Girl...please go up to the school and demand an emergency meeting with the principal. Like other commenters mentioned, take the photos of your son and anything other documentation that you have. This is very serious and how bullying gets ignored. I know that your son said that he didn't want to switch classes but as a parent, we sometimes have to do things that may seem unfair/uncomfortable in the moment but will lead to better outcomes for our children. The gym teacher most likely didn't think it was serious because the aggressor in this case was a girl. Not ok. Hugs for your little one. Keep him home today and give him all of your love ❤️.
Call the cops. Your son was assaulted. Press charges. Get a lawyer.
File a police report and name the teacher. Next, contact the state board of education and file a complaint against the teacher. Education is a civil right guaranteed at the state level, and hid rights are being violated. The teacher and school are lazy and doing nothing
It's good that you are taking the child to the doctor and documenting the assault that took place. You also took pictures, which is important for documenting. The next thing you need to do is contact the principal IN WRITING and inform them about the ongoing bullying your son is experiencing and the assault that took place while a teacher who was supposed to be supervising was playing on their phone. Do everything in email, not over the phone. Email creates a paper trail. If it happens in a phone conversation, the principal can pretend it never happened. Email says you're serious and on the path to taking legal action if they don't protect your son. Tell the principal you want this child put on a "mutual stay away plan" with your son and you want your son transferred to a different class immediately if they are in the same class.
Raise hell. Don’t let them sweep it under the rug!!
Skip the gym teacher. Document the bruises and go straight to admin. Depending on how they handle it, the police are your next stop.
Your school district has a school board. It has meetings open to the public. There's an agenda online you can find. The meeting has a "Public Comments" section where anyone can address the school board for two or three minutes. If you want to go scorched earth, you say what's happening, say that the school isn't helpful, emphasize he's needed medical treatment for his injuries and ask that they help you. Be honest and heartfelt and vulnerable. Crying is fine. This is a scorched earth technique because it puts the dirty laundry out in the open. The school board won't be able to address you in the moment (that's not how these meetings function) but you'll hear from someone high up in school district very quickly.
Document the injuries. Keep him home. Escalate this to the principal and the superintendent. This is beyond petty stuff if there are bruises all over.
I would be on the phone with the principal and if that didn’t get results, the superintendent. I would bring him to the doctor and document the bruises as well. I also would be on the phone with child protection services as the adults are neglectful in their caretaker role.
Sue the shit out of the school sue the girls parents
Let him miss the days he needs to. Truant officer for the district (or whoever fills that role) can be told the events too…. The more district personnel the better!
Hi OP, any updates on this?
PLEASE TAKE PICTURES. it is so important that you document EVERYTHING here in this situation or you're going to find out that nothing gets done. Take a photo of all his marks and bruises. Document everytime you spoke to the school. If nothing is done and you have this well documented paper trail, then you can take them to court or talk of legal.
I’m saying this as the wife of an admin, who had a very similar situation happen with junior high kids, but let the admin do their job. Email the teacher and include the principal. Include photos of the bruises and anything from the doctor, if you choose to take him to one. Write in the email who your son says the students were that beat him up, the names of any witnesses, and that he says the gym teacher didn’t do anything. They’ll then look through the security footage, look for the incident on camera, and then look for where the teacher is. It’s probably going to take a few days for them to conduct their investigation, because they’ll have to also get statements from witnesses. If they find that the teacher was being negligent, there are steps in place that they have to go through as far as disciplining the teacher. In my husband’s instance, the teacher had zero remorse and didn’t think he had done anything wrong, but he quit before they could terminate him. As a parent of a kindergartner as well, I get it. My son was threatened with a gun by a fellow classmate his first month of school. He was scared, I was scared, and all I wanted to do was unleash hell, but that will do nothing, and not help the situation. Going straight to the superintendent, getting a lawyer, or calling the police, are all terrible pieces of advice at this point. Report it to admin, give them a few days to conduct their investigation, and then go from there.
I do plan to go to admin first, because I expected that to be the first question that would be asked if I immediately jumped higher. But I am planning to let them know that I don’t feel comfortable allowing my son in school until I have some kind of resolution, because up to this point, I have not been shown anything that makes me feel like my regular attempts at asking them to do something about the bullying have gotten anywhere. With it escalating to something physical, I can’t just send him back to be tormented. I also plan to let them know that I will have to go to the superintendent if I don’t have good communication from them letting me know how the process of looking into the situation/resolving it is going. If it were just a one time “we got in a fight in gym” I would be upset, but not like this. It’s been a year of begging them to help me get my son to a place where he’s not dreading school due to being bullied on the daily, and hearing vague lip service in response. But I do understand at least trying to take things in the appropriate order when I look for a solution, even if it’s only so I don’t have to run in as many circles to eventually get a response.
Why are lawyer or police report terrible ideas? She feels like she is the outsider in a small close-knit town and doesn't anticipate it being easy to be the boat-rocker. She also did say she is not able to use a lawyer anyway, but I am wondering more generally why having a professional intervene or provide outside support would be a bad idea for someone who doesn't feel the community is an ally.
She hasn’t even reported it to the school yet. There’s nothing to go to a lawyer about until she has documented evidence that the school hasn’t done anything, and if police show up to the school, which my husband has had happen a couple of times the past couple of weeks, they’ll talk to admin, admin will tell them they haven’t conducted their investigation yet, and then they’ll leave. Unless they’re bored, maybe they’ll hang around until they’re done.
First, take him to the doctor and get his bruises stuff documented. Then go straight to the principal and file a formal complaint against a teacher who was on his phone instead of watching the kids in his fucking charge.
Educator here...please do not raise hell as many comments suggest. Call the teacher and ask questions. Know one person watching 15 to 25+ kids at a time won't see everything. Know teachers quit over parents like many in the comments. Know and trust your child, but also understand there are two sides to every story. Know children this age are still navigating problem solving, communication strategies, peer relationships, and ones self. All in all...take a damn breath and let your child learn to navigate life. Keeping them home benefits no one other than you and your emotions. Your reactive mindset and reactions may lead to negative reinforcement of "mom rescue me" behaviors. Stop while you can.
Did you read that he is bruised on his thighs all around his testicles? This isn’t just a normal thing for kids to work out. This is a really serious physical attack. This little boy needs to be protected. It’s very possible this girl is going to end up with a special ed designation at some point, with someone with her to prevent her from harming others, but right now, she’s a danger to other students.
You do know this is a kindergartner right? And that even when traumatic things happen to adults they might stay home for a day or so to recuperate. Full adults with years of "navigating life". I don't agree with many parents in this thread but this comment is just asinine.
The kid is black and blue with bruised testicles. This is not ‘navigating peer relationships’, this is a hugely traumatic event.
They beat him up and kicked him in the genitals. Wtf?
I have to respectfully disagree. If my child came home from school covered in bruises there would be BIG problems. This was the gym teacher who clearly wasn't watching. While I truly understand your perspective as an educator, sometimes the momma bear has to roar. The child not only reported what happened but had physical evidence to substantiate what he said. Also, this is not a new issue-the little girl has a record of bullying OP's child and now it's escalating. It's time for action now.