Maybe asking to be released isn't the first step. If it were me, I would start by counseling with the primary president first. If either of the children you're talking about have disabilities, your PP might call a helper for one or both of them or a parent come in, allowing you and your husband to focus on teaching the rest of the class. She might have other ideas, or she can take the issue to the ward council, where they can discuss solutions as well. You can tell her (or the bishop, if you get nowhere with the PP) that you are willing to serve wherever you are needed, but if you are to continue in this calling, you will need some kind of additional support. Often, as the PP/ward council discuss, they will think of another member who is better suited to that calling and may release you without even being asked.
However, if after a few weeks, you still get nowhere, it might be worth bringing up being released to give someone else and opportunity to work with those particular children and for you to have a new experience in another calling.
Thank you for response! We did have a parent at the beginning of the year coming in with her child but that has tapered off. I don’t really know if either child has disabilities or not. It is a good idea to have a parent or call another person in to help with the chaos though to sit in. It usually has been better when another parent comes in.
Can I play devil's advocate here in good faith? Is your position that we should avoid all callings/situations that we dread going to? Or that might give us anxiety?
>Your physical and mental health should be priority.
We are in agreement that one should care for their own physical and mental health. I just worry that many here on this subreddit are too quick to suggest exiting thorny situations under the guise of mental health while eschewing growth opportunities our HF has put before us.
Yes, there is a spectrum, and yes there are dire enough situations where we should absolutely extricate ourselves for the sake of our mental health. I just get the sense that this has become a bit of a crutch.
I agree that not every calling or position we are called to will be comfortable or easy. I can see where using an excuse that it affects your mental health in order to not be in a calling, that wouldn’t be something I would want to do necessarily. I also don’t want to miss a learning opportunity either.
Each person needs to determine what the level of physical and/or mental stress is acceptable for them. Two different times I had Primary callings that made me dread going every week. In both cases, we had moved and so were new to the ward. In one case, I went home almost every week with a migraine, largely due to the noise level in the room. The other time, the calling exacerbated the depression I was experiencing from the move. The calling isolated me every Sunday. In retrospect, I wish I had said no or asked to be released before it caused more harm.
Have I had other callings I didn't enjoy? Yes. Did I do them? Yes. In some cases I learned something. In some cases, no.
My husband and I have been involved with primary for just over three years. He was in activity days and I was called to the primary to teach with a lady for a while. Then, just over a year ago last February my husband started teaching with me. I have maybe been to relief society once or twice since I’ve been in the ward. This is definitely something I will take into consideration the amount of stress/ anxiety that I have and how that affects me.
How about an alternative? "Dear Primary President, I'm having a hard time with my class (feel free to expound)... It has gotten to the point where I have anxiety about teaching each week. I was wondering if you'd consider switching me to teach another class?"
Alternatively, you could also bring up the issues with the primary presidency, ask for suggestions, or ask that they assign another adult to help manage the chaos.
>would it be wrong to ask to be released?
What do you mean by wrong? Would HF prefer you keep working at your calling despite its challenges, or prefer you ask to be released? None of us can answer that for you. This could be His way of helping you to learn and grow with the children. It could be a chance for you to grow in communicating with your other volunteer leaders. It could be a way to grow in standing up for your own mental health. We can't know. Only you can. You should seek some of these answers in prayer.
Thanks for an honest response! The alternatives I will definitely take into consideration. I will definitely have to pray about it though and determine what I should do moving forward.
I had a similar experience 2 years ago when teaching the valiant 8 class(8 -9 year olds). The primary president was able to call a third teacher to help us. I also brought in fidget toys with the ground rule being that if they became more important than the lesson, they would get taken away. It also became important to pick my battles. If a kid didn't want to participate, then that's fine as long as they don't distract the class. We gave the second kid ( he had ADHD) more leeway when he couldn't sit still. We also made sure they weren't sitting next to each other which helped a lot. These are just some suggestions, but I think going to the primary president to arrange extra help is a great start.
Please talk to your primary president, even if you do ask to be released. Sometimes the presidency is unaware that 2 kids together is causing such issues, especially ones that behave during music or if a third adult is in the room. Then, invite her or a counselor to your class so she can see the issues first hand. It's helpful to see and hear the issues, especially as we seek guidance on how to do the best for teachers and kids.
Thanks for the advice this is something I will definitely take into consideration as well in my decision. Luckily in primary the Grandma of one of my primary kids who is a trouble maker is the Primary President and is well aware of the situation. The first counselor was the teacher of him and the other kid the previous year and so she knows as well. Luckily they are supportive and the Primary President will come sit by her grandson or any of the other kids is being disruptive or causing problems in singing time.
Sounds a lot like my first graders. Only I have 21 of them for six hours a day, five days a week. Here is the thing. All callings in the church are voluntary. If it is time for you to leave the job it’s okay. It’s not healthy to continue to be in a situation that causes such stress and anxiety.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with a perspective of being around the same age group! I will definitely take this into consideration while I am making my decision.
What I would do is meet with the parents of the two. Find out as much as you can about the child, see how they are at home. Especially ask about any sensory issues or behavioral struggles in other situations.
If there are disabilities (common ones would be acting out to avoid reading when they can't read, and a problem with florescent lighting) or even if there aren't any known ones, talk to your stake's disability specialist and proven ways to address issues.
Start your class with music in keeping with the subject. Arrange for the teacher before you to start your boom box when they leave.
Ignore all the behavior you wish to extinguish. Lavishly praise behaviors you want to see. (Every time you "correct" bad behavior, you are rewarding it. That reinforces the very behavior you seek to extinguish.) While rewards are behavior modification and inconsistent with Christ's way of teaching "Teaching no greater Call" if you occasionally give a tangible reward, don't do it in any pattern, or very much and only give them for behavior you want to see --- never as an inducement to stop doing anything.
You might also get past the idea that the only way to learn in a class is sitting in a chair with your feet on the floor. There are children who are unable to learn that way but can learn if they can touch something with texture and moving their feet.
If God called you, then He can help you. It isn't the end of the world if your class doesn't go as well as you hope. Your role as teacher is to represent the love of God to those you serve as much as it is to teach them. Your personal best is always enough for Him.
When I've struggled in a calling, I have sometimes prayed to be released or given second wind. In every case I have received second wind or been released, without saying anything to a human.
I knew the previous teachers and talked with them about what they did and what they learned from the parents too. They still ultimately still struggled too with this group of kids anyways though. Maybe we will stop bringing treats as much and do that more occasionally. And rewarding the behaviors that are good is something we could do better at too I believe. I’ll definitely be praying either to be given a second wind, or to be released. Thank you for the advice and encouragement.
The primary manuals used to say not to offer any food except that relatied to the actual lesson (like grapes when teachning vineyard. There is so much medical risk these days because of allergies, and food nutrition/not, and parents being unhappy with/not using themselves spoiling meals. If your meetings are held at time when children might be hungry, then suggest parents feed them a snack after sacrament and before primary?
Yeah, I never really knew that was mentioned in the manual but definitely good to keep in mind. Luckily none of the parents have cared that we bring in suckers/smarties for the end of class.
Nothing wrong with telling your leaders that you are overwhelmed in your calling and that you feel like you need to be in the adult classes.
I for one ask to be in primary because I love the chaos.
Maybe asking to be released isn't the first step. If it were me, I would start by counseling with the primary president first. If either of the children you're talking about have disabilities, your PP might call a helper for one or both of them or a parent come in, allowing you and your husband to focus on teaching the rest of the class. She might have other ideas, or she can take the issue to the ward council, where they can discuss solutions as well. You can tell her (or the bishop, if you get nowhere with the PP) that you are willing to serve wherever you are needed, but if you are to continue in this calling, you will need some kind of additional support. Often, as the PP/ward council discuss, they will think of another member who is better suited to that calling and may release you without even being asked. However, if after a few weeks, you still get nowhere, it might be worth bringing up being released to give someone else and opportunity to work with those particular children and for you to have a new experience in another calling.
+1 for seeing if a parent can come in and be with the class on a fairly permanent basis if necessary.
Thank you for response! We did have a parent at the beginning of the year coming in with her child but that has tapered off. I don’t really know if either child has disabilities or not. It is a good idea to have a parent or call another person in to help with the chaos though to sit in. It usually has been better when another parent comes in.
If it's causing you to dread going and creating anxiety, then yes, ask to be released. Your physical and mental health should be priority.
Can I play devil's advocate here in good faith? Is your position that we should avoid all callings/situations that we dread going to? Or that might give us anxiety? >Your physical and mental health should be priority. We are in agreement that one should care for their own physical and mental health. I just worry that many here on this subreddit are too quick to suggest exiting thorny situations under the guise of mental health while eschewing growth opportunities our HF has put before us. Yes, there is a spectrum, and yes there are dire enough situations where we should absolutely extricate ourselves for the sake of our mental health. I just get the sense that this has become a bit of a crutch.
I agree that not every calling or position we are called to will be comfortable or easy. I can see where using an excuse that it affects your mental health in order to not be in a calling, that wouldn’t be something I would want to do necessarily. I also don’t want to miss a learning opportunity either.
Each person needs to determine what the level of physical and/or mental stress is acceptable for them. Two different times I had Primary callings that made me dread going every week. In both cases, we had moved and so were new to the ward. In one case, I went home almost every week with a migraine, largely due to the noise level in the room. The other time, the calling exacerbated the depression I was experiencing from the move. The calling isolated me every Sunday. In retrospect, I wish I had said no or asked to be released before it caused more harm. Have I had other callings I didn't enjoy? Yes. Did I do them? Yes. In some cases I learned something. In some cases, no.
My husband and I have been involved with primary for just over three years. He was in activity days and I was called to the primary to teach with a lady for a while. Then, just over a year ago last February my husband started teaching with me. I have maybe been to relief society once or twice since I’ve been in the ward. This is definitely something I will take into consideration the amount of stress/ anxiety that I have and how that affects me.
How about an alternative? "Dear Primary President, I'm having a hard time with my class (feel free to expound)... It has gotten to the point where I have anxiety about teaching each week. I was wondering if you'd consider switching me to teach another class?" Alternatively, you could also bring up the issues with the primary presidency, ask for suggestions, or ask that they assign another adult to help manage the chaos. >would it be wrong to ask to be released? What do you mean by wrong? Would HF prefer you keep working at your calling despite its challenges, or prefer you ask to be released? None of us can answer that for you. This could be His way of helping you to learn and grow with the children. It could be a chance for you to grow in communicating with your other volunteer leaders. It could be a way to grow in standing up for your own mental health. We can't know. Only you can. You should seek some of these answers in prayer.
Thanks for an honest response! The alternatives I will definitely take into consideration. I will definitely have to pray about it though and determine what I should do moving forward.
I had a similar experience 2 years ago when teaching the valiant 8 class(8 -9 year olds). The primary president was able to call a third teacher to help us. I also brought in fidget toys with the ground rule being that if they became more important than the lesson, they would get taken away. It also became important to pick my battles. If a kid didn't want to participate, then that's fine as long as they don't distract the class. We gave the second kid ( he had ADHD) more leeway when he couldn't sit still. We also made sure they weren't sitting next to each other which helped a lot. These are just some suggestions, but I think going to the primary president to arrange extra help is a great start.
Please talk to your primary president, even if you do ask to be released. Sometimes the presidency is unaware that 2 kids together is causing such issues, especially ones that behave during music or if a third adult is in the room. Then, invite her or a counselor to your class so she can see the issues first hand. It's helpful to see and hear the issues, especially as we seek guidance on how to do the best for teachers and kids.
Thanks for the advice this is something I will definitely take into consideration as well in my decision. Luckily in primary the Grandma of one of my primary kids who is a trouble maker is the Primary President and is well aware of the situation. The first counselor was the teacher of him and the other kid the previous year and so she knows as well. Luckily they are supportive and the Primary President will come sit by her grandson or any of the other kids is being disruptive or causing problems in singing time.
Do you know any preschool teachers? There are tricks they use that could work for you.
I don’t personally know anyone super well that is a preschool teacher. Maybe I will need to find someone who is.
Sounds a lot like my first graders. Only I have 21 of them for six hours a day, five days a week. Here is the thing. All callings in the church are voluntary. If it is time for you to leave the job it’s okay. It’s not healthy to continue to be in a situation that causes such stress and anxiety.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with a perspective of being around the same age group! I will definitely take this into consideration while I am making my decision.
What I would do is meet with the parents of the two. Find out as much as you can about the child, see how they are at home. Especially ask about any sensory issues or behavioral struggles in other situations. If there are disabilities (common ones would be acting out to avoid reading when they can't read, and a problem with florescent lighting) or even if there aren't any known ones, talk to your stake's disability specialist and proven ways to address issues. Start your class with music in keeping with the subject. Arrange for the teacher before you to start your boom box when they leave. Ignore all the behavior you wish to extinguish. Lavishly praise behaviors you want to see. (Every time you "correct" bad behavior, you are rewarding it. That reinforces the very behavior you seek to extinguish.) While rewards are behavior modification and inconsistent with Christ's way of teaching "Teaching no greater Call" if you occasionally give a tangible reward, don't do it in any pattern, or very much and only give them for behavior you want to see --- never as an inducement to stop doing anything. You might also get past the idea that the only way to learn in a class is sitting in a chair with your feet on the floor. There are children who are unable to learn that way but can learn if they can touch something with texture and moving their feet. If God called you, then He can help you. It isn't the end of the world if your class doesn't go as well as you hope. Your role as teacher is to represent the love of God to those you serve as much as it is to teach them. Your personal best is always enough for Him. When I've struggled in a calling, I have sometimes prayed to be released or given second wind. In every case I have received second wind or been released, without saying anything to a human.
I knew the previous teachers and talked with them about what they did and what they learned from the parents too. They still ultimately still struggled too with this group of kids anyways though. Maybe we will stop bringing treats as much and do that more occasionally. And rewarding the behaviors that are good is something we could do better at too I believe. I’ll definitely be praying either to be given a second wind, or to be released. Thank you for the advice and encouragement.
The primary manuals used to say not to offer any food except that relatied to the actual lesson (like grapes when teachning vineyard. There is so much medical risk these days because of allergies, and food nutrition/not, and parents being unhappy with/not using themselves spoiling meals. If your meetings are held at time when children might be hungry, then suggest parents feed them a snack after sacrament and before primary?
Yeah, I never really knew that was mentioned in the manual but definitely good to keep in mind. Luckily none of the parents have cared that we bring in suckers/smarties for the end of class.
Nothing wrong with telling your leaders that you are overwhelmed in your calling and that you feel like you need to be in the adult classes. I for one ask to be in primary because I love the chaos.