39 here. I more or less gave up and focused on career for most of my 30s while dealing with an invisible disability (that was caused by an injury) that made it much harder to socilize.
Now that I'm close to 40 I feel this new desperation that I haven't felt in a long time. I've traveld the world, saved up and invested a lot of money, done everything 'right' except bulding relationships. It all feels so hollow now. It's difficult to express how quickly time flies.
That's rough. Sorry to say if you are a man trying to date women, being a hermit is the ultimate hurdle. Even the homebody introverted women I know aren't as hermited and introverted as the homebody introverted men I know. Some are willing to compromise, but without leaving the house the only option for meeting seems to be dating apps or meeting through friends or family.
I did date a man like this, made all the compromises to my social life and life outsude the home for over 15 years, through my entire youth and over half of my highschool years.
There are a lot of shy and pretty girls in the same boat as you,so believe me you are not alone,and even from your physical description,it sounds like you could become that chick magnet,that girls gravitate to,and you are maybe better looking then you let on, I say go for it man,be the best that you can be,lift those weights,drink that protein powder,buy those nice clothes,talk to those pretty girls,and yes get rejected,but that will only make you stronger,and teach you valuable lessons,that will in the long run help you with honing your social interaction skills!
ps studies show that most people peak in their thirties,as many have said that was the best time of their life!
hey friend, people get partners at any age. don't give up hope, because the key is your mindset and the places you go to meet people. find a communal card game at your local comic book store - go to the library and quietly pass your number to someone you think is cute and cross your fingers. rejection is promised, but the trying is what counts. eventually someone will say yes.
also, plenty of quiet home-bodies find love. plenty of others want a simple, quiet life. you are not alone, nor are you an anomaly.
find a way to build your confidence, and keep trying. you're not a lost cause, and you deserve love too.
wishing you well.
edited: word
try exposure therapy! rejection is a part of life.
i get it, i am also rejection sensitive. you just have to reframe it in your mind. strangers rejections aren't personal. you have no clue why they didn't bite. take it on the chin, and raise it again for another try.
that's entirely fair! i assume the people you've approached before might be the issue. you said that you think the Chad image is the only man who dates, and you tried emulating a Chad character to mask ur way through it all.
you're looking for a quiet person who likely wouldn't come for your throat with their rejections, not girls at a bar that reject several men in a night.
timing is also key.
(the comparison to a Chad was my play on your words!)
edit: clarity
A good friend of mine was in this same situation in his 20's. I know because we had it in common. He agonized about finding the right woman. He was patient and persistent and kept is eye on his goal. It took many years and many rejections but at a certain point in his early 40's he met Mrs. Right while he was walking his dog - totally random like that. They've been together for close to ten years now and they are quite happy. I'm not sure how he held onto his sanity that long but he did it and you can do it, too. You seem like you've got yourself together and that's really what most people want in a mate. I hope relaying my friend's journey showed that there are others of us going through the same thing.
39 here. I more or less gave up and focused on career for most of my 30s while dealing with an invisible disability (that was caused by an injury) that made it much harder to socilize. Now that I'm close to 40 I feel this new desperation that I haven't felt in a long time. I've traveld the world, saved up and invested a lot of money, done everything 'right' except bulding relationships. It all feels so hollow now. It's difficult to express how quickly time flies.
That's rough. Sorry to say if you are a man trying to date women, being a hermit is the ultimate hurdle. Even the homebody introverted women I know aren't as hermited and introverted as the homebody introverted men I know. Some are willing to compromise, but without leaving the house the only option for meeting seems to be dating apps or meeting through friends or family. I did date a man like this, made all the compromises to my social life and life outsude the home for over 15 years, through my entire youth and over half of my highschool years.
There are a lot of shy and pretty girls in the same boat as you,so believe me you are not alone,and even from your physical description,it sounds like you could become that chick magnet,that girls gravitate to,and you are maybe better looking then you let on, I say go for it man,be the best that you can be,lift those weights,drink that protein powder,buy those nice clothes,talk to those pretty girls,and yes get rejected,but that will only make you stronger,and teach you valuable lessons,that will in the long run help you with honing your social interaction skills! ps studies show that most people peak in their thirties,as many have said that was the best time of their life!
hey friend, people get partners at any age. don't give up hope, because the key is your mindset and the places you go to meet people. find a communal card game at your local comic book store - go to the library and quietly pass your number to someone you think is cute and cross your fingers. rejection is promised, but the trying is what counts. eventually someone will say yes. also, plenty of quiet home-bodies find love. plenty of others want a simple, quiet life. you are not alone, nor are you an anomaly. find a way to build your confidence, and keep trying. you're not a lost cause, and you deserve love too. wishing you well. edited: word
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try exposure therapy! rejection is a part of life. i get it, i am also rejection sensitive. you just have to reframe it in your mind. strangers rejections aren't personal. you have no clue why they didn't bite. take it on the chin, and raise it again for another try.
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that's entirely fair! i assume the people you've approached before might be the issue. you said that you think the Chad image is the only man who dates, and you tried emulating a Chad character to mask ur way through it all. you're looking for a quiet person who likely wouldn't come for your throat with their rejections, not girls at a bar that reject several men in a night. timing is also key. (the comparison to a Chad was my play on your words!) edit: clarity
Good point. A “no” is as good as it gets for me.
I have to take issue with 'pass your number to someone you thinks cute'. That could get him arrested these days.
harassing someone gets you arrested. passing your number and moving along does not. you seem fun at parties
"Excuse me, Mr. Librarian, that strange guy over there gave me this piece of paper. I feel scared."
tell me ur a creep without telling me ur a creep
Thanks buddy.
anytime!
A good friend of mine was in this same situation in his 20's. I know because we had it in common. He agonized about finding the right woman. He was patient and persistent and kept is eye on his goal. It took many years and many rejections but at a certain point in his early 40's he met Mrs. Right while he was walking his dog - totally random like that. They've been together for close to ten years now and they are quite happy. I'm not sure how he held onto his sanity that long but he did it and you can do it, too. You seem like you've got yourself together and that's really what most people want in a mate. I hope relaying my friend's journey showed that there are others of us going through the same thing.
I would go ax-crazy.