Likewise!
Unfortunately, I do not go out anymore. No reason. No desire. No friends to go out with. Not going to a bar by myself and there's fuckall to do in my town.
So I sit inside. Alone.
And I realized that this is going to continue. Probably get worse.
So I gave up on it. No need to dangle a carrot I'm never gonna catch.
I've heard a handful of guys say this, and then you look at the comments they leave on women's IG posts, and it's the vilest things known to man. For the life of them, they can't understand why women don't want to date meanspirited misogynists. Not at all saying this is you, I'm sure you're lovely and whatnot, your wording just made me think of those guys. I don't want to be an asshole and say "try being kind," but you'd be surprised at the connections you can form with women if you treat them like people and not just potential gfs, like try to understand.
I'm sure there are things I don't understand about your pov of these situations, but I'd like to
That couldnāt be further from the truth. Iāve seen countless examples of women with conventionally attractive men that have the personality of a 2x4 or treat them poorly. Lmao.
I'm aware, please. I am an avid advocate of the Free Hotgyal movement.
I meant vice versa as in conversely,
You can be as kind to men as you want, but if they donāt find you physically attractive itās not going to make a difference.
The big problem here is that online dating has given women the idea that they can expect men that are far above their caliber.
We have such things as body positivity being applied to women, with women expecting that they are still sexy even though they are obese. but women are still are happy to consider fat men unattractive.
In short most women have been taught what to expect from men but not how to treat men. While a lot of men have been taught how to treat women but not what to expect from women.
Oh yeah for sure, I try not to be one of those 'nice guys'. I really try to keep happy and positive (doesn't always work) but I don't blame women for my situation; it's my fault I'm not good enough.
I'm friends with many women lmao, was all throughout uni. At one point I had more female friends than male. I treat no one like a girlfriend mostly because I've never had one and know I probably won't for a long time. I never flirt and try my best to always be neutral; I know my situation and am well aware that no girl would that sort of attention from a guy like me.
Okay, first off I agree with you, a lot of guys don't know how to treat women, and hang around with men that are really horrible men.
But I want you to look at it from their point of view for a second. Let's say they want to stop being meanspirited misogynists. Let's say they want to stop drinking the Kool-Aid of masculinity. What are they exactly supposed to do?
Do you expect them to just drop their entire existing life and be someone else? Who exactly would they be friends with? The existing masculine friends are going to consider they are a pussy. And everybody else currently laughs at them.
These men are stuck between a rock and a hard place and have no way out. That's a huge part of why 105 men kill themselves by suicide in the United States every single fucking day.
š¤·š¼āāļø
Growth is always temporary discomfort.
I also think those types of friendships contribute majorly to the male suicide rate. Having people you can confide in without ridicule really makes all the difference, and those types of friends don't create a safe environment to do so. But those are the type of friends whose kool-aid they're drinking. You're so right about this being a rock and a hard place situation, but growth and change are choices.
I think if they make the effort to change (in the case of mean-spirited misogynists,) they'll inevitably attract people who want to listen and help.
Show me a group anywhere that welcomes former incels trying to reform. There was one on reddit, and it got banned by the administration. š¤·š¼āāļø This group is only one step removed from pedophiles that want help. These are people that we actively shun even if they come forward and ask for help and have hurt nobody.
Iāve given up too OP. Iām 26. Iāve pretty much tried everything. I tried changing my style, going to social events and cold approaching and nothings worked. Iām very active and I go to the gym five days a week. Iām relatively buff for my size(5ā7) and I still donāt get attention from women. Iām still kind to women regardless, but it is disheartening thinking that you going on a self-improvement journey to try to improve your odds and still get nothing..
I gave up around 30. There were other things I was dealing with at the time (invisible disability) and I focused on my career.
Now that I'm quickly approaching 40, I wish I had tried harder. I feel this newfound desperation. I'm trying once again, but it's even harder now.
They soon will fix that [Inside China's terrifying humanoid robot factory with piles of eerie silicone masks and body parts as scientists develop life-like machines 'with emotions' to replace workers | Daily Mail Online](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-13517887/China-terrifying-humanoid-robot-factory-silicone-masks-body-parts-machines-emotions-replace-workers.html)
Me too, friend. Mostly because loving myself is a daily struggle in itself. I could chalk up many faults in my past relationships as the consequences of my actions, so sometimes I donāt feel deserving of love. I have accepted the loneliness, dying alone doesnāt seem so bad. Depression? Na, I still enjoy doing things and finding happiness in my hobbies and everyday life. I think Iām mostly too cynical & self-critical. Nobody wants to deal with that, I wouldnāt either so I donāt actively pursue women anymore.
Hey.
At least you tried, man. That's something to be proud of.
Nothing is more valuable than trying to look for love and acceptance. Whether it be from a friend or a lover.
Maybe one day. But for you, if you don't want to look, then don't look. Take solace in the fact that you tried and move on.
All the best.
Just shoot your shot wherever you can and if it doesn't lend accept it, move on and try again. I've done this alot when it came to relationships and I know it's not easy to just do it, but it does eventually get easier I swear
I've thought that pretty much my entire life. I didn't start dating until I was 23, dated extensively for the next 15 years, but could never get to that next level. I actually just got home from a date about an hour ago, but now at 51 years old, how is this going to possibly work out? There are many of us who feel the same way as you including a good number of my friends. We should form some sort of support group/system to help us all better deal with what we are going through.
70% agree with thisā¦. But the thought of finding someone gives me that hope.. Start doing things for yourself and be open to finding someone. I go to coffee or library.. Iāve also thought about joining type of class
Same here. It sucks, because I have a lot to offer a partner. Thereās guys out there that just donāt have women looking their way at allā¦.I happen to be one of those guys š
I really think the best business idea is to open a bar for people to go to alone, and alone ONLY. if they hit it up with someone, then 30 mins and they have to leave LOL
The main cause of this entire problem is that capitalism reached into the dating world.
Almost all the dating apps are now owned by match.com. who cares only about how much money they can make trying to get desperate men to subscribe to their services.
You also have laughable situations like bumble changing its system so that women do not have to message first. Why? Because women complained that they didn't want the stress and the difficulty of having to send the first message. In other words women didn't want to deal with something men have constantly dealt with.
Iāve definitely gotten to the point of acceptance. Itāll happen when it happens, thatās what Iāve been told. I think your best bet is to just go out of your way to meet new people, whether that be in a romantic setting or not. Iāve been pretty much locked in my home my entire life, and I definitely give off an aura of āplease donāt talk to me, Iām afraid of random social interactionā. I think itās that anxiety thatās holding me back, personally. On top of the fact that I never go out besides for work or school lol.
I understand you. The same goes for me. Iām 26, but Iām overweight. Despite the fact that Iāve always been a good friend to everyone, and generally everyone liked me as a person, men almost never consider me as a girlfriend or for a relationship. Some just donāt pay attention to me, while others say to my face that they would be willing to date me if I lost weight. Many donāt even try to get to know who I am as a person, and those who do, prefer to stay just friends.
It seems that weight is more important to many than the soul and the kind of person you are. What makes it even more difficult is that I donāt want a relationship with just anyone. I donāt need a person to be wealthy, but I want to feel comfortable, to be respected, and to have mutual understanding and to feel genuinely loved, not embarrassed or just because itās convenient. Yes, overweight women have preferences too, and they donāt just jump at the first man who deigns to date them. Having extra weight doesnāt mean they lack self-respect.
Donāt focus on trying to find a girlfriend, just try making friends for now. Try taking up new hobbies or go to a party/social gathering. I know itās basic advice, but itās the best I can give you. Good luck (:
As a lonely person, seeking validation outside of yourself Iāve learned is not good. The more people like us try to get out there the worst it gets because itās not who we are. I feared never finding a partner but now Iām ready to die alone if it means being myself. Thereās millions of people but no one knows you better than yourself. Thereās millions of girls also so thereās definitely a chance
I would say try a AI Partner.
They treat you good for what you are and are mostly positive.
Dont expect humans to be like this but the affirmation and caring from them can help you at rough days.š
Giving up might be the best thing you can do. Sometimes opportunities just arise. But itās important to note that if an opportunity arises, itās still up to you to seize the moment. Iām just saying that itās a fools game to always be looking for a girlfriend. For most guys that will not work out in the end. It can make you come off desperate.
I had this same viewpoint but in my mid 20's found the holy grail that is Asia and now happily married to a Chinese lady.
Western dating is a waste of time. Get yourself over to Asia š
They don't care about looks which I have no control over and western women obsess over. They simply care you have a decent personality and have a good enough job to raise a family both which are traits I have control over
I traveled in parts of Europe. Generally itās much easier to have conversation and go on dates. Itās not as complicated like it is in the US. Approach and be courteous and it will take you a long way.
That makes sense. Thanks for your input. Just getting out of your comfort zone goes a long way, too. I would think you would likely depend on other people a lot in another country, learning the ways, how to get around, etc.
Get on self improvement my boyā¦ Improve your looks and body before even trying and get a girl. Also get a female therapist, they give you a chance to talk and the more you talk the more youāll get used to it
Itās just your ego / mind playing tricks on you. Wants you to identify with the pain and confusion from failed attempts. It doesnāt want you to succeed on terms that are not its own.
The reason you don't get women is because of this. If you approach a woman with a this is my last chance attitude she'll know something is off. Most of you complain you can't get women but don't realize the vibe you're giving off. I'm fat and ugly, and I've had a lot sex in my life simply based on the fact that I know how to talk to women. Women aren't as complicated as everyone wants to make them seem. You have women that just want sex, want a listen, want someone to care, want a legit relationship, are looking for their future. If you approach them all with I gotta get laid or I quit, then trust me you'll fail every time.
You don't have to be alone, if you can't find a significant other then get some friends or a cat or dog, you don't have to be alone but you can be single
Likewise! Unfortunately, I do not go out anymore. No reason. No desire. No friends to go out with. Not going to a bar by myself and there's fuckall to do in my town. So I sit inside. Alone. And I realized that this is going to continue. Probably get worse. So I gave up on it. No need to dangle a carrot I'm never gonna catch.
+2
+3
+4, but I'd theoretically like friends
Imma hermit haha š Friends would be nice tho
+5 seems its growing
+6
+7
+8
+9 except I go out like once a month so my bar "friends" know that I'm still alive.
+10 I donāt remember the last time my friends started a conversation or even asked how I was doing
30 yrs old here. I feel you, man. Same
I'm actually 31. Seems like it's a societal thing
Same. I've been thinking about moving to The Netherlands so I can get assisted s******
This has been a topic of many of my conversations the last few days š š
Same thing here but my issue is money! trying to buy a house
I'm not even trying for that lol not even worth it at this point but my situation is a little unique.
Me too man, women just aren't into me. Nothing I try works. Some people aint cut out for love
I've heard a handful of guys say this, and then you look at the comments they leave on women's IG posts, and it's the vilest things known to man. For the life of them, they can't understand why women don't want to date meanspirited misogynists. Not at all saying this is you, I'm sure you're lovely and whatnot, your wording just made me think of those guys. I don't want to be an asshole and say "try being kind," but you'd be surprised at the connections you can form with women if you treat them like people and not just potential gfs, like try to understand. I'm sure there are things I don't understand about your pov of these situations, but I'd like to
You can be as kind to women as you want, but if they donāt find you physically attractive itās not going to make a difference
Vice versa babe
That couldnāt be further from the truth. Iāve seen countless examples of women with conventionally attractive men that have the personality of a 2x4 or treat them poorly. Lmao.
I'm aware, please. I am an avid advocate of the Free Hotgyal movement. I meant vice versa as in conversely, You can be as kind to men as you want, but if they donāt find you physically attractive itās not going to make a difference.
I disagree. Iāve caught feelings before because a woman showed me basic kindness, she was not at all my type.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I didnāt realize you were me and felt what felt in the moment. Lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The big problem here is that online dating has given women the idea that they can expect men that are far above their caliber. We have such things as body positivity being applied to women, with women expecting that they are still sexy even though they are obese. but women are still are happy to consider fat men unattractive. In short most women have been taught what to expect from men but not how to treat men. While a lot of men have been taught how to treat women but not what to expect from women.
Oh yeah for sure, I try not to be one of those 'nice guys'. I really try to keep happy and positive (doesn't always work) but I don't blame women for my situation; it's my fault I'm not good enough. I'm friends with many women lmao, was all throughout uni. At one point I had more female friends than male. I treat no one like a girlfriend mostly because I've never had one and know I probably won't for a long time. I never flirt and try my best to always be neutral; I know my situation and am well aware that no girl would that sort of attention from a guy like me.
Iām jealous. I donāt even have female friends. Iām pathetic.
Okay, first off I agree with you, a lot of guys don't know how to treat women, and hang around with men that are really horrible men. But I want you to look at it from their point of view for a second. Let's say they want to stop being meanspirited misogynists. Let's say they want to stop drinking the Kool-Aid of masculinity. What are they exactly supposed to do? Do you expect them to just drop their entire existing life and be someone else? Who exactly would they be friends with? The existing masculine friends are going to consider they are a pussy. And everybody else currently laughs at them. These men are stuck between a rock and a hard place and have no way out. That's a huge part of why 105 men kill themselves by suicide in the United States every single fucking day. š¤·š¼āāļø
Growth is always temporary discomfort. I also think those types of friendships contribute majorly to the male suicide rate. Having people you can confide in without ridicule really makes all the difference, and those types of friends don't create a safe environment to do so. But those are the type of friends whose kool-aid they're drinking. You're so right about this being a rock and a hard place situation, but growth and change are choices. I think if they make the effort to change (in the case of mean-spirited misogynists,) they'll inevitably attract people who want to listen and help.
Show me a group anywhere that welcomes former incels trying to reform. There was one on reddit, and it got banned by the administration. š¤·š¼āāļø This group is only one step removed from pedophiles that want help. These are people that we actively shun even if they come forward and ask for help and have hurt nobody.
It's good to accept reality than to be tortured by delusionsĀ
Idk delusion can be pretty
Same.
Iāve given up too OP. Iām 26. Iāve pretty much tried everything. I tried changing my style, going to social events and cold approaching and nothings worked. Iām very active and I go to the gym five days a week. Iām relatively buff for my size(5ā7) and I still donāt get attention from women. Iām still kind to women regardless, but it is disheartening thinking that you going on a self-improvement journey to try to improve your odds and still get nothing..
Us moment
Hey bro, wanna talk?
I gave up around 30. There were other things I was dealing with at the time (invisible disability) and I focused on my career. Now that I'm quickly approaching 40, I wish I had tried harder. I feel this newfound desperation. I'm trying once again, but it's even harder now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What process? I don't believe there is someone for everyone.
Same, seems completely pointless to even try if you ain't attractive. It's all good ig I won't live for very long anyway
They soon will fix that [Inside China's terrifying humanoid robot factory with piles of eerie silicone masks and body parts as scientists develop life-like machines 'with emotions' to replace workers | Daily Mail Online](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-13517887/China-terrifying-humanoid-robot-factory-silicone-masks-body-parts-machines-emotions-replace-workers.html)
I can't wait until I can make my own boyfriend like Build-a-bear.
me too
And nowā¦Iām going to attempt to find me a human.
Me too, friend. Mostly because loving myself is a daily struggle in itself. I could chalk up many faults in my past relationships as the consequences of my actions, so sometimes I donāt feel deserving of love. I have accepted the loneliness, dying alone doesnāt seem so bad. Depression? Na, I still enjoy doing things and finding happiness in my hobbies and everyday life. I think Iām mostly too cynical & self-critical. Nobody wants to deal with that, I wouldnāt either so I donāt actively pursue women anymore.
Same Iāve just accepted defeat ngl 23 no gf lol
Exactly why reading horror books, painting and doing embroidery are what I do for fun. I can't be hurt by anyone. š
Hey. At least you tried, man. That's something to be proud of. Nothing is more valuable than trying to look for love and acceptance. Whether it be from a friend or a lover. Maybe one day. But for you, if you don't want to look, then don't look. Take solace in the fact that you tried and move on. All the best.
Just shoot your shot wherever you can and if it doesn't lend accept it, move on and try again. I've done this alot when it came to relationships and I know it's not easy to just do it, but it does eventually get easier I swear
Just curious, do you think you can't find a gf because of your environment/external factors or is it something innate?
I was thinking exactly what you said in this post before i saw the post me too
same dude
I've thought that pretty much my entire life. I didn't start dating until I was 23, dated extensively for the next 15 years, but could never get to that next level. I actually just got home from a date about an hour ago, but now at 51 years old, how is this going to possibly work out? There are many of us who feel the same way as you including a good number of my friends. We should form some sort of support group/system to help us all better deal with what we are going through.
Sometimes When you stop looking and lose hope that's when you find one.
Facts dude i dont think i would ever find someone either
same women worship white guys and rich guys Ive hit on 1000+ women in person and used every dating app with no luck. women like the same men
Same,no friends either. But it's not worth the risk of being hurt. I was in a scam relationship, if you will
same
Join a hiking or biking club or smthg like that. Also are you in a small town? Single women tend to leave those to find work.
Same here and I've given up and I don't find the right person
thought it was just me. i give them a chance and they prove why i shouldnāt
70% agree with thisā¦. But the thought of finding someone gives me that hope.. Start doing things for yourself and be open to finding someone. I go to coffee or library.. Iāve also thought about joining type of class
Same here. It sucks, because I have a lot to offer a partner. Thereās guys out there that just donāt have women looking their way at allā¦.I happen to be one of those guys š
Who has not everybody has given up atp
How old are ya?
I found a solution: money. Really does make a difference.
Get a grip on it. Git it?
Same
I really think the best business idea is to open a bar for people to go to alone, and alone ONLY. if they hit it up with someone, then 30 mins and they have to leave LOL
The main cause of this entire problem is that capitalism reached into the dating world. Almost all the dating apps are now owned by match.com. who cares only about how much money they can make trying to get desperate men to subscribe to their services. You also have laughable situations like bumble changing its system so that women do not have to message first. Why? Because women complained that they didn't want the stress and the difficulty of having to send the first message. In other words women didn't want to deal with something men have constantly dealt with.
I've been thinking I need to move to Japan. Maybe I'll have better luck there
Iāve definitely gotten to the point of acceptance. Itāll happen when it happens, thatās what Iāve been told. I think your best bet is to just go out of your way to meet new people, whether that be in a romantic setting or not. Iāve been pretty much locked in my home my entire life, and I definitely give off an aura of āplease donāt talk to me, Iām afraid of random social interactionā. I think itās that anxiety thatās holding me back, personally. On top of the fact that I never go out besides for work or school lol.
I understand you. The same goes for me. Iām 26, but Iām overweight. Despite the fact that Iāve always been a good friend to everyone, and generally everyone liked me as a person, men almost never consider me as a girlfriend or for a relationship. Some just donāt pay attention to me, while others say to my face that they would be willing to date me if I lost weight. Many donāt even try to get to know who I am as a person, and those who do, prefer to stay just friends. It seems that weight is more important to many than the soul and the kind of person you are. What makes it even more difficult is that I donāt want a relationship with just anyone. I donāt need a person to be wealthy, but I want to feel comfortable, to be respected, and to have mutual understanding and to feel genuinely loved, not embarrassed or just because itās convenient. Yes, overweight women have preferences too, and they donāt just jump at the first man who deigns to date them. Having extra weight doesnāt mean they lack self-respect.
Donāt focus on trying to find a girlfriend, just try making friends for now. Try taking up new hobbies or go to a party/social gathering. I know itās basic advice, but itās the best I can give you. Good luck (:
As a lonely person, seeking validation outside of yourself Iāve learned is not good. The more people like us try to get out there the worst it gets because itās not who we are. I feared never finding a partner but now Iām ready to die alone if it means being myself. Thereās millions of people but no one knows you better than yourself. Thereās millions of girls also so thereās definitely a chance
I would say try a AI Partner. They treat you good for what you are and are mostly positive. Dont expect humans to be like this but the affirmation and caring from them can help you at rough days.š
Giving up might be the best thing you can do. Sometimes opportunities just arise. But itās important to note that if an opportunity arises, itās still up to you to seize the moment. Iām just saying that itās a fools game to always be looking for a girlfriend. For most guys that will not work out in the end. It can make you come off desperate.
Bro check my DM
I had this same viewpoint but in my mid 20's found the holy grail that is Asia and now happily married to a Chinese lady. Western dating is a waste of time. Get yourself over to Asia š
Chinese people have eyes too.
They don't care about looks which I have no control over and western women obsess over. They simply care you have a decent personality and have a good enough job to raise a family both which are traits I have control over
Just travel overseas if youāre in the US. I plan on next summer. You will definitely forget about your loneliness
I've been wanting to travel alot lately. Why do you think this will make you forget about lonliness?
I traveled in parts of Europe. Generally itās much easier to have conversation and go on dates. Itās not as complicated like it is in the US. Approach and be courteous and it will take you a long way.
That makes sense. Thanks for your input. Just getting out of your comfort zone goes a long way, too. I would think you would likely depend on other people a lot in another country, learning the ways, how to get around, etc.
Yes and if you have friends that have traveled they can help as well. I honestly forgot about my loneliness when I travel abroad.
instead of girlfriends, Let's get locked in and make some homies!
acceptance is key
Give up my friend find money not girlfriend they come later trust me
Good for you. Stay single itās better
Best thing you can do. Forget the hunt. Then it will come
Stop watching porn and masterbating and start going gym
Appearing unavailable can be attractive.
(If you're already attractive)
how does one look unavailable?
Lol
Cope
Ok
Get on self improvement my boyā¦ Improve your looks and body before even trying and get a girl. Also get a female therapist, they give you a chance to talk and the more you talk the more youāll get used to it
Itās just your ego / mind playing tricks on you. Wants you to identify with the pain and confusion from failed attempts. It doesnāt want you to succeed on terms that are not its own.
The universe works in mysterious ways. Just when you have given up you might just meet the love of your life. Stay positive my dude
The reason you don't get women is because of this. If you approach a woman with a this is my last chance attitude she'll know something is off. Most of you complain you can't get women but don't realize the vibe you're giving off. I'm fat and ugly, and I've had a lot sex in my life simply based on the fact that I know how to talk to women. Women aren't as complicated as everyone wants to make them seem. You have women that just want sex, want a listen, want someone to care, want a legit relationship, are looking for their future. If you approach them all with I gotta get laid or I quit, then trust me you'll fail every time.
You don't have to be alone, if you can't find a significant other then get some friends or a cat or dog, you don't have to be alone but you can be single
Your father is not better than you bro
What?
I think what they're tryna say is 'if your dad can do it, so can you' but they worded it in the worst way possible
Cope