Not seeing how this fits the sub.
It’s a fiction piece about meeting Jonah Hill in the belly of a whale, and so meandering that I gave up a few paragraphs in, when it became clear the writer was more interested in their own voice than in telling a story or having a point.
“I suppose, at the time, I would have found his celebrity interesting had I no regard for my present circumstances and had I also the mind of a child still.”
“I couldn’t walk too far away, whale stomachs are big but not that big. But I sat down ten or so metres away, by a small pool of stomach acid. He was still quite audible as he continued to grumble, I couldn’t make out much over the bubbling of the acid, but I heard occasional phrases like “Damn surfing whore” and “shaking it for the whole world to see”.”
This is pretty rough prose and I don’t need to read more than 10 paragraphs in to see it.
Not seeing how this fits the sub. It’s a fiction piece about meeting Jonah Hill in the belly of a whale, and so meandering that I gave up a few paragraphs in, when it became clear the writer was more interested in their own voice than in telling a story or having a point.
Christ, really? Lol. /r/lostredditors
Tbf that's exactly what I was going for. You need to work on your attention span just because you encounter something you didn't expect
Or you need to work on your writing.
How would you know? You only got a few paragraphs in
“I suppose, at the time, I would have found his celebrity interesting had I no regard for my present circumstances and had I also the mind of a child still.” “I couldn’t walk too far away, whale stomachs are big but not that big. But I sat down ten or so metres away, by a small pool of stomach acid. He was still quite audible as he continued to grumble, I couldn’t make out much over the bubbling of the acid, but I heard occasional phrases like “Damn surfing whore” and “shaking it for the whole world to see”.” This is pretty rough prose and I don’t need to read more than 10 paragraphs in to see it.