Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was married for 7.5 years before my exhusband told me he never loved me and never would and only married me because he was going through the motions and wanted to make his family happy.
I had been a SAHM to our two daughters and while I had a college degree, I had no work experience and was terrified. He was in the military and we lived in South Korea at the time and shortly after we decided to divorce I began to develop feelings for one of his co-workers. It felt very meant to be. We grew up in the same cult religion that we left the same year about 6 years prior to meeting. We both had two daughters the same ages. He was also going through a divorce. We were platonic friends for over a year and a half with me being pretty in love with him before anything romantic happened. He moved back to the states and once my ex-husband and I moved back too, him and I met up while traveling and it felt like out of a movie. Everything I had hoped it would be. We then began dating and I really thought he was “the one” and my marriage ended just so we could find each other. 7 months in we were talking future, my girls and I moving to where he was, I told him I loved him and he wouldn’t say it back. Literally the next day my dog had a freak accident while I wasn’t home and she died. I called him devastated and he was very uncomfortable. The next day he ended things saying he didn’t want a long distance relationship after all. I was absolutely devastated. I thought if it wasn’t him, it wasn’t anyone. Who else would want me, a single mom, making barely anything, just starting my career? I thought my love life was over. That my soulmate rejected me so all was lost.
I met someone at my yoga studio a year and a half later. He made good money, was very cute, we had yoga in common and lots of mutual friends, he owned his house, and also had a child. And he wanted me bad which was so flattering. While it was passionate it became unhealthy very quickly. I broke up with him 4 times and each time he’d beg, come to my apartment, promise to be different, disregard my boundaries and wishes. And I was flattered after those two men who didn’t seem to want me so I kept taking him back, wanting so badly for it to work. Until the last break up, I realized it would never be what I needed and wanted and I wouldn’t take him back. Again, I thought this was it for me. My last chance but I couldn’t settle again and I chose my daughters and myself over a relationship that wasn’t good for me. I chose my peace.
I was single for a while after that with no desire to date. That’s when I really began to heal the heartbreak of my exhusband and our family and also the last big heartbreak. About a year and 4 months later after lots of therapy and EMDR and getting a good paying stable job I started to feel ready to date and I really felt someone was out there for me.
I went on some dates that weren’t great but kept remaining open. 6 weeks later I matched with my now partner. It was pretty effortless from the beginning. I was myself and our conversations were deep and meaningful but also so entertaining and funny. Two weeks after talking he asked me on a date. I said yes. He told me later the moment he saw me at the restaurant he knew I was the one. We’ve been together ever since. Even though we’ve had challenges especially as we were getting to know one another and were triggered by past wounds, it has been so easy and everything I hoped was out there for me when my marriage ended plus so much more. I’m SO glad I didn’t settle. I finally have the partner and relationship I have longed for with someone who chooses me and puts me first and loves me deeply.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it will get better. Time heals and therapy and having secure relationships in your life and strong boundaries and self worth help a lot too. You’ll make it. I didn’t think I would for a few years there, but I did.
I was 13 when I met my first love..he was 14. At 15/16 I became pregnant and were guilted into giving our son up for adoption. Our tender hearts could not withstand the magnitude of such a decision and we each went our own way and eventually he moved out of state.
Nearing the end of my freshman year of college I was informed of a visitor in the dorm lobby...when I got there IT WAS HIM. He had tracked me down thru mutual friends...said he couldn't forget me and couldn't get over me. We were married just before the start of fall semester and were wildly passionately head over heels in love...for 14 months...he was tboned on his motorcycle by a drunk driver and then was just gone..instantly traumatically..I had just turned 20 and I couldn't fathom ever and I mean ever loving someone else.
Fast forward to just before my 23 birthday. I had just moved into an apartment with my sister and her boyfriend. It was a madhouse revolving door of people coming and going. On a rare night alone I heard a light tap on the door jamb (the door was always open) and there was this burly bearded dark haired biker dude asking for my sisters boyfriend ...I invited him in to wait for them but after a very intense stare he told me he couldn't do that..he pivoted and left. ( he later confessed that he went to work the next day and told his coworkers he was getting married and he didn't even know my name).
The next day I took off with a friend for a week long road trip never once thinking about him. When I returned there was the perpetual group of people there..he was among them. I kicked off my shoes and threw them with my purse in the apartment..and proceeded to the back carport to say hi to everyone..when I turned to leave I heard him say "I got a new truck"..I wasn't sure he was talking to me but when I turned he was looking directly at me with that intense stare..he asked if I wanted to see it...shrug..sure..the he asked to if I wanted to go for a ride around the block...shrug...sure..
long story short that trip around the block turned into 8 miles down to the beach (he had planned taking me for a walk on the beach but I had no shoes on) He was serious but open we talked alot..he was divorced and had a child..we laughed some..it was all so easy and oddly comforting
we continued talking back at the apartment til the wee hours of the morning and he asked if he could kiss me...and then he did and I wanted him to. I told him he could crash on my living room floor because it was so late...after initially going to my room..I came back and just laid down next to him..when I woke up the next morning I knew I was madly in love with this man..so serious so tender...
that was 39 years ago..he is everything to me...husband...lover...father of my children and while he was not my first love...he is my greatest love. Did I forget my first...never..I was never asked to. My heart built a satellite unit where he lives to this day..so I could give my whole heart to my husband now. You can have more than one great love of your life...I did. Eventually I had a beautiful reunion with my adopted son. He is the spitting image of his father and we have built an amazing relationship. Sometimes love comes with a boom and sometimes it just comes softly.
I was 19 and I worked at a sandwich shop. I had lots of regulars but then one of my regulars began taking an interest in me. At first I hardly even noticed but an older coworker mentioned it. She said you’re going to marry that man. 19, phew no way. A few weeks later, he slipped his phone number on the sandwich receipt over the counter. I later was studying and I called him and asked him to meet me. He showed up, and his face was so red and eyes red. We stayed at this Dunkin’ Donuts almost all night and we were instantly inseparable. I had never loved anything more in my life and when he cheated on me after I moved in and cared for his elderly grandmother, I couldn’t move on. We divorced in 3mos. I used to look back and think how could I ever get over him. I could feel my heart being ripped out repeatedly for years. He was my ups and my downs. He was the thrill of my life- I couldn’t even breathe without him .
Later after we separated, I became extremely independent and had lots of dates but never anything serious.
My current husband who has never loved anyone and me who loves to big, ended up meeting up with each other on a summer he was on leave from the military. We had met on several occasions in the past. I married him and I have a life I couldn’t ask anything more of. I finished my degree, we built a house, and we are the very best of friends. This love is stable and grows and changes over time. I look back and cannot believe I let my first husband demean me, insult me, shove me and so on.
Sometimes it’s unknown for a reason and things don’t go according to plan but that’s what makes everything such an adventure!
My ex of 3 years broke up with me because he thought I was "too unattractive" for him and "too overweight". He started thinking that after he himself lost a bunch of weight and started thinking he was too good for me. I was devastated, as you can imagine. I really thought he was the guy I was going to marry and be with forever.
It started 4 months after the breakup and I wasn't really looking for love because I had gone on a few dates that were pretty bad so I just wanted to be single for a while, but one night while I was at work I got a message from a guy named Josh. I almost didn't respond to it because I never respond to random messages from men I don't know, but he said in the message that his cousin Brittany got him to message me, so I felt comfortable enough to respond back to him. I met Brittany years prior at a place I worked at. We were friends on Facebook and I guess she had seen where I was single and she knew he had just gotten out of a bad 10 year relationship. He told her that he wanted a girl who was unlike his ex, meaning someone who wasn't using drugs and who would be good to him. I'm honestly surprised Brittany thought of me because we hadn't talked in years at that point, but I guess she saw a post I made on Facebook about my ex and thought we'd be a good match.
Flash forward to now, we will be together for 6 years in June and we're engaged and he's honestly the love of my life and everything I've ever hoped and prayed for. Sometimes love comes when you're not looking. I believe it'll happen for you too ❤️
I hope you find it. This is my story in 2 parts. One my true love wrote. One I wrote in reply.
It's hard keeping love alive. Especially when trust has been shattered. We're healing together.
https://www.reddit.com/r/letters/s/m4uopRtGtj
Stop chasing love. Date for a while. Something will go your way when you stop searching for it. I found mine in 1992 when I swore off having a partner.
Got abandoned by my ex at around 11 at night a very weird scenario that in reality we weren't right for each other, didn't really synch up on anything at all or even have anything in common. However two months ago I met who I can only describe as the most beautiful most compatible girl I've ever seen. She is amazing in so many ways I already know I'm going to marry her one day something that I was so unsure of before. I do not question I do not doubt I've never felt affection to or feel affection from the her I have her. Honestly it doesn't even seem real. She's everything I always wanted but thought didn't exist. To think of her one day having my child is absolutely insane and beautiful.
Ohhhh boy this is gonna be long.
I'm 28f now. When i was 18-20 i dated someone who i TRULY believed in my soul was the love of my life (currently 29m). When we broke up, i said i KNOW i will never feel this way again, thats how rare our love is.
He is engaged now & last year contacted me saying he feels like it should be me and that he never stopped loving me. I know it was real (obviously never acted on it, and feel sad for him/his fiancé..).
I had two relationships since then (considering it's been 8 years since we broke up lol).
One was based on fun, drinking/partying together, we lasted about a year before he cheated on me mercilessly and multiple times w multiple women. That hurt a lot, but even then i knew my love wasn't strong ..
I remember laying in his bed one night (after a good night tg!) scrolling instagram and seeing my ex got engaged, and silently crying myself to sleep...
it solidified my theory of "see, i knew i'd never feel this way with anyone else".
Then when i was 23 i met my most recent ex, and dated him until 7 months ago. We were tg 4 years, and lived together 1.5 years..
The entire time we were together i knew i loved him and figured i'd marry him. We got along, he was loyal, had a good job, smart, and a secure option. And i had this cocky attitude of "he'll never leave me", which probably played into why i was ready to settle (always thought I would get back together with the ex who I thought was the love of my life one day, but once he got engaged I knew that would not happen so decided I had to settle or be alone forever because there's no way I would ever feel that way again).
So once again I felt justified and reassured that I was right and there's no way this love will exist anywhere else outside of me and the engaged ex.
Then in March I started talking to my new boyfriend .
I know he's the one. I know it in my bones, feel it every second of every day. We immediately were glued to each other and so many people have told me its "the invisible string theory":
-I saw him on hinge (was not looking for a relationship, just boredom and was serial dating for fun tbh which i was clear about) and saw we went to the same college
-he saw a picture of me with one of my best friends from college on my profile and said "I didn't even recognize the picture of you and _____!" he called her by her nickname so I knew he knew her pretty well for sure
-Turns out he was best friends with her fiancé. We went to their wedding together last weekend.
-we have at least 20 mutual friends in common that we hung out with in college and were able to exchange stories about everyone back-and-forth, both in disbelief that we never knew each other somehow even because we clearly ran in the same circles (i dropped out when he was a freshman though so we JUST missed each other).
-I moved to my own apartment in February in a really random town 45 minutes away from where I had lived for my whole life. When we started talking in March, I found out he grew up here.
-he was headed back to where he has lived for the past couple of years, about six hours away. He was headed back to get the rest of his stuff because he quit his job and was moving back to the town I just moved into.
-We just got new jobs
-we both dealt with drug addiction in our college years, and overcame it because we had friends that passed away from ODing.
-We have a lot of the same philosophies about that, in fact we think the exact same way and both coped in the same way.
I feel like we both went through similar experiences that shaped us into the people we are now, and we met at the perfect time. We both just moved, got new jobs, live in the same town now… it feels like everything is aligning, my life has been a series of tests until I was ready to be given the greatest love of my life.
I absolutely knew he was the one beyond a doubt, the first week that we met in person I told my friends and family that I know it's real because I already love him more than I loved the ex that I thought was the love of my life, I compared everybody to and insisted no one would ever live up to.
He surpasses that somehow by MILES.. I don't understand how but I'm so grateful.
I'm scared every single day about how much I love him because I didn't think it was possible... it's indescribable. I said "oh so THIS must be what people who get married after only a couple of months feel".
I feel like one of the lucky ones, like most people don't ever get to experience this great of a love in their entire lives.
After me and my ex broke up when I was 20, I was completely hopeless for the past eight years even when I felt like I fell in love with the two guys I dated after him.
I got proved wrong. And I'm so glad that I did.
I thought I would settle for the rest of my life no matter what… and now I see that this happened so that I could go through what I needed to go through to meet the real person I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life.
I'm so glad every single decision I made lead me to him.
This is already so long and I could talk about him forever so I'll end it here, just hold out hope.
Understand that if you broke up, there was a reason and it will likely never resolve. My ex broke up with me because of the drug problem I had at the time (my current boyfriend was simultaneously struggling with but we didn't know each other), so once I was sober and stayed sober I figured my ex would find his way back to me… He did not.
Once he didn't, I thought to myself for a reason, maybe I'm supposed to be alone until I find each other back one day… Maybe him and his fiancé won't get married, etc.
I know it's because he was never the one, he was the one that was meant to show me what real love is, but now has shown me what true love is to the very core.
I love him more than my ex who was friends with for years and years before we ever dated… I love him more than the man I was with for four years and had an entire life with and picked out an engagement ring with.
We've been together for two months but everything feels so right. I don't ever think about the people I've been with in the past anymore because he is my present and my future ; but thought it was worth sharing.
I hope this helped, otherwise, I'm sorry for the novel . 😂
i loved the novel, are you kidding me?? i’m bawling on my bed now, thanks to you. i’m really happy you guys found each other and your story has given me so much hope. It’s amazing how life has a way of bringing the right people into our lives at the perfect time, even when we least expect it. Your journey shows that true love can find us, even after the deepest heartaches and doubts.
Your words are a beautiful reminder that we should never lose hope, and that the love we are meant to have might be just around the corner, waiting for the right moment to enter our lives. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring me to keep my heart open. Wishing you both endless happiness and all the love in the world🩷
Oooh, I’ve got one. I was engaged to my ex and were to be married in 4 months. We both had adult kids but I was a distant second to hers. I felt like they controlled our relationship and if my ex didn’t do as they say, they would put her out of their lives. It only got worse once her first grandchild was born.
About a week after she walked out of my life, a woman I used to talked to saw where my Facebook status changed to single. She recently went through a bad breakup with her ex too. We met for ice cream and were both at our lowest points. We decided to be friends again and do things together to keep us busy. We started traveling and going to different countries, which we both enjoy. About 9 months later we officially started dating and it’s been great ever since! I loved my ex but my relationship now is so much healthier. Yes, our kids will always come first but we’re both a close second and our kids don’t control our relationship.
Yeah, i met someone, and it really did start with a “hello”. I had dedicated the song Hello by Allie X to him and i think the song still applies and i still cry when i listen to the song because we were only together for 5 months and then he died. He was 34 and i was 25. I didnt think i would fall for someone again.
I think to be honest, it’s impossible to say that you can fall in love the same way you did before because it’s going to be with a different person and you are going to fall in love with different things in a different person. But i will say when i met my current partner that he has the same laugh as the deceased, which made me feel safer to open up to him. He is very different from the other person but i found that different doesnt mean bad or wrong. And i also learned that you can fall in love more than once. I don’t believe in the “fall in love once/soulmate” thing, but i think that falling in love looks different after your partner is gone, especially at a young age.
I definitely think about falling in love as seeing the unique things about the person as things that you cherish while you have them there. I think this applies to any type of relationship but once you lose someone close to you, it makes you appreciate the people around you more because they are going to leave too at some point and i don’t want to miss any moment of that. I don’t know if this answered your question
I think I might be in love again after an 8 year relationship ended. It’s the first time I’ve felt something for someone since it ended.
My last relationship was falling apart at the seams for so long. We broke up after 6 years together. Spent a year apart. I met other women here and there but even though they were interested I just couldn’t feel anything for them. Then my ex and I got back together. It was good for a time but then it fell apart again after another year.
8 months or so went by and then I just met someone 2 weeks ago randomly at a work event. Asked for her number and so glad that I did. She’s an incredible person. I’m not sure if she’s as into me yet as I am into her but she made me remember what real love feels like. And I realized I had lost that feeling probably 3 years ago. I also realized how poorly my ex was treating me. I should have left earlier.
My advice is this: You have to get out in the world and do things. You have to always be working on improving yourself. And be kind to everyone you meet. Even to the assholes. If you do these things I think eventually fate will throw you a bone.
It's been over a decade. The break up was cruel and violent and exposed the mental illness they had been masking for so long. Despite the way it ended, sometimes I wake up realising that the ache in my chest is the grief of missing them after seeing them in a dream. I know that they have gone on to have other relationships where they have continued to be cruel and at times violent. The rational part of my brain knows they are bad news and I dodged a bullet, but I can't promise that I would not welcome them back with open arms if they said they wanted to try again.
Fortunately I have friends, family and partners who would kick my ass into next week if they knew I was even thinking this.
And speaking of partners, I am deeply in love with the person I am married to, and have had other loves, some I still love, others I love in different ways or the feeling have shifted to something different.
Here is my take: "Love" is not a single container you keep in your heart and it is either filled by someone or empty, waiting to be filled by the next person. Love is like a spice cabinet. You are going to have lots of different kinds of love in your life, in different amounts and will need them in different contexts and stages of your life. Being monogamous or not will impact how you view this metaphor but it works both ways. Everyone loves more than one person at some point in their life. Maybe you love your mom and your dad. or all of your kids or you have a bestie that melts your heart in a plutonic way and also have some crushes. Most folks have a ride-or-die spice: garlic salt, italian seasoning, mine is trader joes onion salt. But sometimes you need a little rosemary or dill. Its okay to have different needs met by different people. Maybe thats going for coffee with a friend who makes you feel heard and seen, or going to a movie with someone who recharges you just by being near them. None of this has to be sexual/romantic love, but also, it can be. A love being gone does not mean you have to dump their container out. Learning that I can just crank the lid down on that jar and stick it in the back of the cabinet has helped me heal and move on. No, they are not my partner now, but keeping those crumbs of my love for them tucked away has helped me have more containers available to fill with new loves.
I was trying to formulate an answer reflecting my experiences of different loves over a long lifetime, but I am not even going to bother bc I can’t improve on your Spice Cabinet analogy. Beautifully said
I have been through this similar thing, but let me tell you, time & god do heal your wounds. You’ll get someone who loves you exactly how you loved that person. I kid you not I still believe that he was the love of my life & the one who got away, but soon you’ll start to accept the reality & the day you move forward, you’ll feel a burden lifted from your shoulder. Also No! You don’t move on, you just start to accept things for as they are. Leave things on god’s hands & timing!
also if he was a woman, i would def date him. fuck it. idk how he would look like but ik im smashing and losing my marbles as a girl too. i can imagine how he could look like as a girl, and damn, long ass legs for days hopefully c cup titties 🙏
i just realized this is the #1 reason why i know he's the one lmao. idc if i was a short man im climbing that mountain and worshipping the ground they walk on.
OKAY! So when I was 15 I started dating Harry. We were each other’s first love and our relationship lasted for a year and a half before he broke my heart. We didn’t speak for a year and both grew as people. He asked to meet up, we talked and kissed and started seeing each other again. I remember when he said he was falling in love with me again it felt so magical. I accepted him as my soulmate and our relationship became so strong. I moved to uni and made wonderful friends, which I introduced him to and integrated him into the group. Everything was looking great, he wanted to join the army but we could make it work. Then I went on a year abroad for uni, and 4 months into it (4 years of being together) he ended the relationship. It was horrible, I cried and recorded myself talking about the relationship because I was so emotionally attached to him and there was a part of me that believed he’d eventually come back and it would finally work.
I started reaching out to my friends more, one of them being my friend from uni Liam. We lived together at uni but were strictly platonic friends, I never had feelings for him and he’d even become friends with my ex. Well we kept on talking, and over 3 months we got to know each other on a deeper level through texting and facetiming. He had decided to come visit me as a friend (did this with another female friend so wasn’t weird) so we naturally had to keep in contact to plan.
I didn’t even realise what was happening until I caught myself getting giddy at his messages, but kept convincing myself we were just friends. Then one day I remember smoking some weed and reflecting on my life before having a surreal and intense vision of me turning away from my ex and letting go of our love, and turning towards Liam and all the bright possibilities with him. It was completely surreal and for the next few weeks after that I would sometimes sit in my room screaming to myself and going “WTAF IS HAPPENING????WHAT IS HAPPENING??!!” - I was literally skipping home from uni I was so happy.
4 months after I’d broken up with my ex, Liam confessed his love for me, and it was everything I ever wanted. I completely fell into his words, he was right there all along how could I not see? He was always there and everything happened so that we could finally ‘meet’ each other. What made it so perfect is that we had developed friendship before love, and so we already cared for each other deeply without feelings attached. We had 2 months of long distance before he flew over and we spent a week in a rainforest getting to know each other. Falling in love with him was the most innocent, playful, childlike, wonderful experience I have ever been through, and I fall in love with him more every day.
We’ve now been together for a year and a month and our life plans are starting to come to fruition. I look back now and I could have never predicted this. I was so sure my ex was my soulmate and that I’d never find a connection as good as the one I had with him. After the breakup I was sure I’d spend the next few years completely alone waiting for my person to appear (or ex to come back for me), and then it is revealed to me that my soulmate was right there all along and he was so much better than my ex in every way.
My advice to you is don’t go looking for love, go looking for friendship. It will always benefit you and may end up turning into something deeper. Don’t lose hope because your person will find you x
his hugs are my favorite and his laugh is like music to my ears. i've been holding myself back for a long time from kissing his neck. any time its near my field of vision it looks juicy. i love how thick his arms are, how soft his skin is, the soft hairs, the beauty marks. his hands are big, i love giving him head rubs. massaging him is like massaging myself, he brings out the nurturer in me lol. i just want to take care of him and have him rest on my lap or shoulder.
we can be in silence and im happy in his presence. he gives me chest butterflies. i've never felt this way before, ik he cares because i wouldnt have dealt with me for this long. i really cant emphasize how much i love his hugs. yes, i've been hugged before but its a different experience. every cell in my body relaxes. ptsd and trauma are not triggered. i fit perfectly in his arms. i love it when he rests his chin on my head. im short as fuck so in a different situation i would have seen it as disrespect.
i could write essays on this. and my favorite details. he's the most respectful man i've met. yes he has said out of pocket things, but i just feel like we're both 15 half the time, im bi and was a tomboy when younger so im used to boy talk. also my first bf we would have convos like that. we were besties lol. i didnt completely mind it from him. the way he carried himself. his patience, his eyes, his voice. he never touched me without consent, never crossed a line even after being so close.
he jabbed my boob one time...ik he was curious af if it was mostly bra or titty. and yes he has said rude things as third party comments to not hurt my feelings directly.
the first time i saw him it was a whole experience. i see this tall af dude next to a scrumpy bug eye bitch. it was like seeing a hardwood tree. the day was sunny and beautiful. his eyes were literally o.o and i know i looked the same. i was scared for a second when i walked in, but quickly realized he was a gentle giant. i fucking loved his hands the moment i saw them. his eyes were so beautiful.
weird he reminded me of my first nephew, he's a quiet kid but so gentle. so good. he's so handsome and has adhd. then he reminded me of my first boyfriend. tall and skinny muscle but ik he could pack a punch with the way he carried himself to not say a deadly knockout LMAO. yes i was assessing this man for a fight. yes i have trauma, no i'll never fight him or hit him. i love him, he kills all aggression in me. my hands get weak and i feel like crying when i think of those things. max i would do is bite him and cute aggression him. i could never hurt him and when i have done so with my words i feel horrible.
he makes me want to be a better person. he inspires me, he's a great leader, and a beautiful soul.
i dont know what he's really been through, but anytime he says 'im bad for you, im an asshole' any of those things like im blaming him for something it hurts me. idk who insulted him like that, who blamed him for everything wrong in their lives but i've never once had those thoughts. like he doesnt know how much he inspires me sometimes lol. i didnt want to stay in college, he would support that, to go for an internship or something else. work was hard, and i was basically burnt out after 3 years nonstop running from life. i would bark at him that he didnt know what he was saying and shut up.
the first time we met up, i couldnt believe it. it was happening. the first time we kissed it was the only time i've felt a man's passion and desire. i loved every single second even if it was a hard ride. he said i had no rhythm. dude i was trying to find my pace how to hold him what to do. it felt like a first kiss, a first make out. first times for everything.
he's older than me, yet doesnt feel like it until i need advice or cant figure something out. i explained to him my mom situation, and he made me see a point i couldnt see before. my little sister was on the line too and my mom had to choose her over me. yet it was ok cuz im older already. he didnt say that directly. yet made me see the point.
he has hunter eyes, but he's ughhh so cute. he's like your dark type of dude bad boy stuff but man, my brain reads him like a puppy sometimes and i just wanna UGHH TAKE HIM AWAY WITH ME!! i love all his sides.
and i wish i could help him heal off his trauma. i've been watching massage videos to make his experiences better physically. i knew based on how much work he did, the over the counter pain killers, and how a manager called him a 'work horse' that he must have had lower back pain and tense shoulders. yet no one took care of that to my knowledge. i was furious after hearing the manager say that shit. i walked out and started doing my work. i hated how i couldnt do more for him to rest and do less. i have a lil injured vertebrae, and when im tired it flares up. never had it checked never will, its mild. i use it as my sign to rest. which lately is a lot...
he's the last thing i think about, and the first when i wake up. i would share every single moment with him and love him to death if given the chance. he made me believe in love again. and in men. we havent had sex yet...so ik he really cares about me and i really want him. 8 months knowing each other and with hella arguments as if he was my boyfriend. in my mind he's my boyfriend. i dont tell him or anyone about it, but he is.
i took ceramics to improve my upper body skills and get better at pressure. my adhd brain saw the similarities between massages, foreplay, sensuality and ceramics. and chose that to get better at touching just for him. and cuz he's the first person to make me believe i am smart.
i tested him talking about my ex, spouting bs, how we could get back together...MAN DID HE GET OFFENDED AS FUCK. called me STUPID. i was like *hell yeaaaahh* on the inside. said he thought i was smart thats why he said it that i knew better and i was like mentally twirling my hair giggling like a lil girl cuz omfg he likes me fr and thinks im so smart (i am but like a man saying that to me after my main attributes are my physics and beauty was basically an i love you translated to my brain) NO OTHER MAN BESIDES MY DAD AND MY BROTHERS HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT!!
that and he caught up on me acting stupid hiding my intelligence. actually asked 'why do you yada yada when you're smart' and i was like
OH SHIT! OHHH NO! also makes me wanna curse less although i love it when he calls me out on it.
'language!' and im like OH YEAH LANGUAGE I'll say it the fuck again shut me up daddy thank you 🙏
this man makes me feral, makes me feel like a woman, inspires me. i want to inspire him too and see him grow as a person next to me.
he has called me beautiful in spanish, the way he says my name melts me. its so many things, so many convos from beginning to end. i was so relieved he didnt cancel the concert he was supposed to go to because of me. i felt horrible lol. i had an amazing time, and couldnt believe i robbed that from other people. i was so glad he went. i didnt care about the details, there was enough space for us to be separated.
I DID SNEEZE THREE TIMES AROUND 5 PM AND IN THE PIT. and after that NEVER AGAIN. so if ya believe in the universe soulmates etc IM TELLING YOU dis is a sign. ALSO I COULDNT BELIEVE IT . i kept looking for him in the crowd. and i hoped with all my heart he was in the back all the way down enjoying the show. and he was! oh the relief, and the sneezes were weird as fuck. the universe be doing its thing
At the time, my ex was the ‘greatest love of my life’. I helped him get on to a paid opportunity abroad for the summer, which he repaid by taking a girl on a date in New York on our anniversary, reserving 4 minutes of the day (it was 3am the next day for me by that time) to call me. He was posting pictures of them cuddling and dancing on his socials. I was absolutely humiliated but accepted him back as a hook up when he came home because I was so confused and lost. Unfortunately, I was assaulted. He responded by asking me how I could get myself into such a situation, and that it was 50/50 my fault.
I was closed off for a very long time. I just wasn’t ready for anything with another person and felt I couldn’t trust people. It took a lot of effort and patience to heal, and when I finally felt happy again, I met the actual love of my life.
We met at a concert, discovered we went from the same bus to work and uni every day, and had been at many of the same concerts in the past (I have a picture of him from about a month before we met, in the crowd ahead of me). He is the most gentle, caring, lovely and kind human I have ever known and I am so so glad I was in the right place when I found him. But also, that I opened my heart back up despite the fact I was apprehensive. He’s sleeping next to me right now. He’s so handsome. I’m so lucky
I hope you can find love again. It’s wonderful when you realise what love truly is, and when you realise you’ve never felt like this before.
This is so beautiful, you and your bf are destined to meet, at the right place at the right time. I hope I'd be lucky enough to experience love again like you do.
You will!! I thought I would never find something as good as my ex, turns out my standards were way too low and I was accepting something that wasn’t right for me because of my own self-perception. As soon as I healed and turned away from things and people that weren’t good, I found my man. It will hit you like a train when you feel it. Good luck on your journey ♥️
Mine is not that great of a love story but hopefully it'll help you a little. So my current boyfriend and I have been dating for an year now (not long I know). But after my last breakup which was almost 3 years back, I really had trouble dating people. I couldn't trust them, I felt why date when I'm in a happy place already (which was not dating anyone). But this guy came into my life and entirely changed everything for me.
The amount of efforts and understanding this guy puts just to make me happy is crazy. You can tell from his eyes how much he loves being together. Never in my relationships before have I felt so secured, so loved, so cared for like this guy does. Fortunately or unfortunately it is a long distance relationship for us, which I really thought would not last any longer than 2 months but when it's right you'll know.
I found someone when I was absolutely not looking for anyone and I'm glad I did. Cannot wait to treasure this guy and give the treatment he deserves.
I hope this helps.. and it's hard it definitely is but trust yourself and trust your life cause it'll definitely bring you to the person you're destined with.
I dated my ex fiancé for 10 years. Engaged and I knew it wasn’t meant to be. I broke it off and we did end up trying again, for what reason I’m unsure of now. I started dating a mutual friend that I had always had an interest in and the difference in this is second to none. I had felt so down that I had wasted so many years on a relationship that didn’t work out, but now i feel like if I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that have helped me in my now relationship. There was a time when I had thought my ex was the one for me, but the feelings I’ve felt in my now relationship are unsurpassed. I wish you nothing but positive vibes and growth in your next chapters! Don’t lose hope, you never know what life can bring.
Absolutely, left husband who was abusive and narcissistic. It was very hard felt like withdrawal from a drug, everytime I thought of going back I went back and read my notes on all the things that were wrong. I wrote a list of things I wanted in my next partner.
If abuse was happening always know you are making the right choice. Also, no one is 100% abusive. There will be good times and bad times. But yelling, being called names, feeling like you might be the narcissist because they make you feel that way with their crazy making. Definitely not worth it and it does get better
I’ve been in multiple relationships over my lifetime and feel like this one is pretty near to the best I can have. I met my now boyfriend three years before we actually started a relationship. I met him when I was in the most toxic and abusive relationship and because I was love bombed a lot, I couldn’t see the relationship for what it truly was: unhealthy.
Once I broke up with her I swore off relationships because I was so mad, so hurt, so many things that I felt broken and had to pick myself up again and be strong for my son and I while we were on another “adventure” looking for our own place while waiting on my disability back payment to come through so we could purchase a forever home.
We were in our own apartment for two years before I asked my now boyfriend out to be with me exclusively. He asked me one time why I hadn’t given him a chance during the time we had been in contact through a mutual company on a regular basis and I told him, “I wasn’t ready for you yet and would not have been the person I am today had I rushed us”.
He told me by me saying that it made him feel good. I’ve been told that when you’re with someone out of desperation, they know and the relationship will happen for all the wrong reasons and when you’re with someone because they give an addition to your life then you are with them out of happiness, not loneliness.
We don’t live together but we talk and text every day, I miss him when he’s not around, and I enjoy most of the times that we spend together even if it’s only for an hour and a half. I know that when we’re together he is with me because he makes time for me, he isn’t forced and he doesn’t have any ulterior motives.
In my last relationship I saw that in her search history on the laptop we both used that she searched how much money she would get from me because I’m on disability. My boyfriend has his own money and never asks me about my money or to have any of it.
My ex, I know now that if she was around when I got my back pay, she would have used it all up in a heartbeat without a care in the world. My advice to you is to focus on you and your healing and either in the midst of it all or when your mind and heart know you’re ready for a new relationship, it will happen. You deserve to be genuinely happy, don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve. =)
Okay so I was with someone for 5 years almost 6, I genuinely thought I’d die with this man. I thought I was so in love and I couldn’t be without him. He was the father to my two kids we met when I was 16. He was abusive and I kept forgiving him, he was so controlling and used to always put me down. Until one day I left him and thought I’d never love again. 4 months later I met this man, who I feel love for that I’ve never felt before. It makes me question the love I felt before as I now think was it even real love? This man pushes me to do my best, makes me feel so good about myself, loves me for me. He makes me feel feelings I’ve never felt before. So if it’s supposed to be then it will be, if not there is someone better out there for you.
Single for over 2 years. Was absolutely shattered after my breakup. Thought I'd never love the same, and I was right. After 1.5 years of dating and small situationships, I've finally found that feeling of falling in love again. However, this time, it's pretty different. I'm obviously a lot more cautious, as expected, but so is the girl I'm seeing (went through a similar breakup a couple of years ago). We initially met when we were both in separate relationships and then ran into each other a couple of months ago, both scared and battered from loving the wrong people. I'm not sure how long this will go on for, but I'm just happy I'm able to strongly feel for someone again.
I had one long-term relationship in my early 20s. He wanted me to choose him over my happiness. The next guy treated me like I was never enough, but I kept going back for 10 years. I finally found the balls to let go and start to heal. At 33/34, I met the person I would marry. Started to list things I wanted and needed in a partner. He checks all boxes and then some. We are besties, lovers, and competitors. I sometimes miss being single, but life with him ain't too bad. He makes me laugh and makes sure I eat. We have hurt each other but I can't imagine At this late in life, being without him.
I dated a guy when I was in high school, on and off for 10 years. It was toxic, manipulative and just overall a bad relationship. But sunk fallacy and being comfortable kept me in it. Idk how or why I thought I loved him. Finally had the courage to leave, took a year and a half off for myself before dating my beloved boyfriend now.
We were in the same friend group for a few years but he was never on my radar. A few months after my break up, we had a conversation and I was slightly interested in getting to know him more while not wanting to hop in a new relationship when I was newly single. He lived 2 hours away so I didn’t get the chance to talk to him more until a year later when we went on a group vacation.
We had late night talks that lasted til the morning. When we went home, he slid in my dm’s 2 weeks later and we have been talking and now dating ever since. He is the love of my life and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
It’s more than possible. You need to be open to it as it’s not exactly easy. My husband of 12 years died suddenly of an unknown birth defect and I met an incredible man later on. He’s handsome, sweet and understanding about my emotional trauma from the loss of my late husband. In fact we’ve been talking about taking the next steps in life and I feel very excited about this! I’m finding it easy to live with and love him, and I have fun every day in this new version of my life. I can’t tell you enough to try and be open to this because if you close yourself off and believe that you’re not going to be happy ever again, you won’t be. Stay positive OP. If I can learn to be happy again after losing my husband, I feel that most anyone can. Best of luck!
I thought I was with the love of my life and was engaged. I knew he wasn't perfect or a good partner, but it's all I thought I deserved. I got the balls to break off the relationship. It turns out the missing piece was my friend of 11 years. We always thought the other was attractive, etc, but we didn't think anything would happen, so we buried our feelings deep down and came to the conclusion that it would never happen. We're currently in the process of buying our first house and are nearly 3 years into our relationship. He truly enriches and completes my life, I've never known a love like this before.
I thought I was deeply in love with my high school sweetheart and then with my next partner and then with my ex-husband. All 3 relationships ended badly and I grieved. Then I met my current partner and holy fuck I have never been this in love. I honestly didn’t know it could be like this. She is absolutely perfect for me in every way. If I had custom ordered an ideal partner from a magic genie in a lamp, it would be her. You will find love again and passion.
I thought I lost the love of my life. I was SO wrong.
My ex broke up with me in 2022, and I can’t explain how crushed I was. I was devastated, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, went through grief like I’d never experienced it. I was in support groups, listened to self help podcasts, worked on myself until I felt like I could date again 6 months later. Let me be clear: I thought I would never find anyone close to my ex.
Then I met the love of my life. I knew her already from my gym, but she wasn’t on my radar whilst I was with my ex. But suddenly, with my newfound independence and self care, there she was.
I can’t even explain in words how she makes me feel. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and she makes me feel the most like me I have ever felt. We have such a passionate and caring relationship, we communicate, she looks after me when I’m down and vice versa. I’ve never known anything like it.
So yes. I lost the love of my life, and then found them again. They just weren’t the same person. And now I know that my ex was nothing close to what I deserved or needed.
i needed to see this :’( i had the strongest connection with someone who i thought had the purest intention.. only to cheat on me with a transwoman later on. i couldn’t recover from something like this. i’m losing passion for my sport. glued to my phone wishing he’d come back, or atleast apologise. i just wanna fast forward to the day where i won’t be depressed anymore..
I was exactly like this. Not sure why the woman being trans is important though, I’m trans and it doesn’t make a difference. If he cheated on you that’s his fault, not the woman’s.
You will get through this, it will take time but you will look back and think wow, I lost so much of myself to this and I’m so glad I’m out the other side. You will gain strength from this that you can’t gain in any other way. And the people that get broken are the ones propelled into greatness because their feelings are so strong. It makes us want to improve ourselves. The people we leave behind will be the ones stuck in their ways, not us. We move onto to greater things, and I am proof of that.
Thank you :(
I’m not blaming anyone. Tbh i don’t even blame him. I just wish he didn’t led me on that he was loyal, didn’t feed me with affection and reassurance, only to hurt me in the end. Not even an apology or closure. Just blocked me even before explaining. I was fully on board… now I’m lost. Traumatized.
I hope I rise above from this. I need to be strong like you.
Sadly, I can't. We both sabotaged the relationship in the end, and when I found someone else, I took too long realising how good she made me feel and lost her too.
My ex wasn't the love of my life by any means but I do wish if we both tried harder that the relationship would have lasted longer. Then my crush came into my life and loved everything about her and now she's in a semi happy relationship and I'm still, well.... worthless, nobody wants me.
Yep. We’ve done it three times already. We are broken up now. The longest in the five-year relationship. It’s been one year. Yeah we both know we’re the right person for each other. So to recap we have been together for five years and broke up three times and back together three times. Right now we’re working on our fourth. There’s no true definition of love. Because I know I love her! She loves me. Eventually, I hope we are going to work through all this bullshit!
Three years ago I had the worst breakup. I had to breakup with the love of my life and I didn’t want to. I had a full blown mental breakdown that uncovered a lot of deep seated trauma I hadn’t worked out. It was truly awful. I was actively sad for a year. I couldn’t even fathom another person looking at my let alone touch me. I did a lot of therapy for the deep seated trauma and have come so incredibly far but I still loved and missed him. Eventually I met someone I didn’t compare to the ex and gave me hope of falling in love again. Someone very close to him died and he just couldn’t be emotionally available despite everything else about us aligning. I practiced all my new non- toxic responses on him. Was hopeful he would come out of the sadness. I casually dated in between and he knew. I was hopeful but also I found many guys who wanted to date. However, I need that extra special kind of person to reciprocate. Kept feeling like I wasn’t going to find it. Then four months ago I met the most incredible human. I didn’t initially think he would be my type. And then slowly and naturally and without any anxiety I am falling in love with him and he reciprocates and I am so grateful for the last two because I made incredible strides forward through therapy. I am showing up in healthy ways and he is so calm and peaceful. I am very grateful to know this love. And I’m so grateful it’s happening again but in the best way possible this time.
My ex, who I dated on and off over 3-4 years, dumped me over text like a week after my grandpa died. We were passionate but in retrospect it wasn’t all that great. I was so angry and so hurt to be broken up with when I was most vulnerable (AND OVER TEXT!?). I let the loss of my grandpa totally consume me for the following months. The next person I dated I ended up marrying. I legit thought I’d never meet “the one”. That happened for other people, not me. Let the ones who aren’t meant for you get out of your way!!
I was absolutely devastated to lose my ex. He was my first true love, the first person I thought was “the one.” I loved him so much it hurt. I was trauma bonded and anxiously attached to him. I upended my life on the west coast and moved across the country to be with him. He left me after two years of living together, and the breakup was way messier and drawn out than it needed to be. No need to get into the dirty details, but it was honestly traumatizing. I talked about him in therapy for YEARS and even did EMDR therapy to try and heal. The only thing that helped was finally cutting all contact with not only him, but all of our mutual friends and his family. I blocked everybody, moved away, started a new life, and was finally starting to move on. Until one day I got a phone call from his mother, and found out he had suddenly and tragically died. He was only 30. At the funeral, his mom told me that she had always hoped we would get back together and that she knew I was the one for him. I try not to read into it too much because I understand she was so struck with grief when she said that. But the whole experience did reopen old wounds and left me ruminating about all the what ifs that could have happened if he was still alive.
I had other relationships, but I never loved anyone else the way I loved that person. Until I met my current partner in March of last year. Neither of us were even looking for a relationship at the time, it kind of just happened. It was the most unexpected and wonderful surprise. Our chemistry formed effortlessly right from the first date. We were compatible in every single way. Every step I took towards the relationship was matched with the same enthusiasm on his side. We were able to be vulnerable with each other and feel safe with each other. One day he told me “I feel like I have been looking for you my whole life,” and I realized I felt the exact same way. I had been begging people to love me the way I loved them, not realizing that my person was still out there ready to give me everything I wanted and more. I used to think it was okay to struggle and fight for love. But this time, falling in love didn’t hurt. It was easy, joyful, and healing. The new relationship energy has mellowed out by now, but we are still obnoxiously and disgustingly happy with each other.
Eventually I even started finding some forgiveness and acceptance towards my ex, which I had always struggled to do prior. I will always grieve my ex’s death, but I am finally at the point where I no longer have to view our relationship with rose tinted glasses. I used to think of him as the one that got away, when really the best thing he did for me was let me go. He was a wonderful person and there were a lot of things to love about him, but he wasn’t my person. I am so much happier and fulfilled with the relationship I have now.
Hang in there OP! You may just need more time to heal and that’s okay. But you can absolutely fall in love again.
"I had been begging people to love me the way I loved them, not realizing that my person was still out there ready to give me everything I wanted and more. I used to think it was okay to struggle and fight for love"
I recently came out of a relationship where I was begging for love. Even when he said he no longer liked me, my answer was I'll wait till his feelings changed. I had given everything- my live, my career, to be with him. I thought he was the one and I would fight everything to be with him. Now I am completely drained out. It's not the love of my life if only I feel that way.
Your words make me believe that there is someone out there for me who would accept all the love I can offer and will give me even more. Someone who wouldn't make me question if I am worthy of love or not. Thankyou
My ex husband (25 at the time of this story) abandoned my baby and myself for a 19 year old waitress he met the day before. Everyone said he must've known her longer. He didn't. I later found out he had cheated on me with at least 5 other women. I made life altering sacrifices for this man.
I was devastated. I thought life was over. We had a messy divorce and I lost everything.
But by 35 I owned two businesses and was a debt free homeowner, with very very little help from my family. I had some lovely casual relationships with some fascinating men and a mostly good long term relationship that ended due to personal differences. My new partner is honestly everything I ever wanted in a partner and reminds me of my (dead) soulmate, like a LOT.
I have primary custody of the kid, two vehicles, I own a home, I'm self employed and work part time with my 2 BFFs and an ex I actually still get along with, i have an awesome social circle and go on some kind of weekend trip about once per month.
He's had at least 19 jobs since we split up (2011) and is often couch surfing. He's cheating on his current girlfriend. He owes me $8,000 in child support that I'll probably never see. He's broke, alone, and miserable. After the divorce, his family stayed on better terms with me than with him.
I won't say I've lived happily ever after but I've lived a lot of life and I would never ever ever ever ever want him back.
My dad: do you know why divorces are so expensive?
Me: no?
My dad: because they're worth it. :)
I met my first woman at the age of nineteen when I was a virgin. I fell hard for her and she also had the same feelings towards me. We were in heaven but we had a problem because she was a married MILF.
We loved each other and enjoyed our time together as if there was no tomorrow. We wanted to continue with our little secret affair but like all secret affairs it had to end.
We both were very sad and heartbroken when we separated because circumstances changed against us. We decided to move on in our life with a promise to connect again if possible, which we did eventually with a difference that now we were long distance.
As time went on and about five years later I found my wife and we felt that we were made for each other. Now we are together for the last forty years and happy.
When I was 30 I met a guy who was perfect for me, my absolute dream guy. Shared my same very specific obscure hobby, same unique heritage, was funny, charming and seemed very into me. After 6 dates I was totally smitten but… he ghosted me! For some weird reason, I was more heart broken than when I ended years long relationships. I just felt like I couldn’t trust my intuition or instincts about people. I also felt like I would never meet anyone who was that perfect for me again. I took a long break from dating.
Then my parent died and I was in a terrible accident that took over a year to recover from.
A few years later I decided it was time to try dating again. I met a man who initially came off as kind of quiet and nervous about dating. We were both a bit older and he’d been burned by the dating world before. We went slowly and took our time and by six months he has come out of his shell as this funny, charming, kind, creative, amazing person. I realized he was even more perfect for me than the other guy, just in different ways. Even now, my mind is blown all the time by how perfect we are for one another. It seems like fate.
We have been together for five years, we’re married and trying for a baby right now. I couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad things didn’t work out with that other guy because I never would have met the person I was meant to spend my life with. Don’t give up hope. True love will find you in the end.
This guy was AMAZING when I met him. HE WAS THE ONE, I KNEW IT!! Over time, he became toxic but I kept on hanging on to him based on who he was in the beginning and the good parts I was still seeing glimpses of intermittently during his toxic behavior. When I walked away, I foolishly felt I would never find somebody as great as this loser was and I even questioned how I would make it without him. Never mind that I had managed spectacularly great before I met him. I kissed a couple of frogs after him but I had experience now so I knew to cut out sooner instead of hanging on, even if it hurt my heart. I got an education during this journey, never did I think I would have a bachelors degree much less an MBA. I should also tell you that the struggle was real, I was poor and this effort consumed me and almost broke me. I traveled the world, moved to big cities. I didn't even know that I was brave until others told me that they could never do what I had done. My experiences changed me, I was able to see that what I thought I wanted was based on the limitations of all I knew given my geography, family culture, and country culture. I'm still single but I am having such a great time. I now know that I don't need a partner, I'm fine on my own, but I do want one. I can't wait to meet him. This is a really powerful place to be in life.
Edit: so I have not found the "one" but I was lucky enough to not be financially dependent on that partner or be tied to them with kids. It still wasn't easy, still isn't, but I am independent.
Sometimes lasting love looks different than that “passionate love of your life” love.
Maybe not always, but more often than not those PASSIONATE burning love feelings are just your unresolved trauma being activated and acted out with someone who reminds you of whatever hurt you.
Idk why brains do that, it’s cruel.
I think things do work out eventually, when we learn to love what’s good for us.
Married for over 20 years to a narcissist. When I tell you I tried and tried and tried and tried to make this work...I had no idea what a narcissist even was. I thought I was going crazy. Finally had enough and kicked him out, and I was single for the first time since being a teen, basically, and after about a year and a half of dating various people, I met someone online because I changed my Tinder location, as I was going on vacation to visit a friend. He was literally my best friends neighbor, who lived across the country from me. We've been together a year and a half, and he's moving in with me in 2 days. I am wildly in love with this man.
I thought my ex abuser was the love of my life, breaking up with him took me 4 years because i thought my love would break his abuse. It broke me so bad that i didnt even cry when i finally broke it off, i was just a shell of myself completely obliterated by his abuse.
It took me 2/3 years to find someone I felt safe with again. He showed me what real love is, he showed me what being in a consenting loving relationship is like. I love him to death and now understand what i felt for my ex was not love, it started as lust and ended in a desperate need for acceptance i never got.
Never had the “love of my life” till I did. My wife left her abusive husband and was single for a couple years. My wife died from health issues. We met through a mutual friends We bonded on the phone initially as support for one another with no intention of dating. We are now madly in love 5 years later. Had to blend our many kids and though it hasn’t been cakes and pies on the way we did it and look forward to tomorrow together, every day.
It’s more than possible.
I was with a man who I thought was my best friend for 10 years. Looking back, it was obvious that I was his beard, even if he hadn’t came to terms with it yet. We hardly had sex, if we did it was maybe 3 minutes max. In the beginning it wasn’t this way, we had a lot of sex as 19 year olds. But it subsided greatly and the last 4 years were really sad and difficult.
On the other side of the coin, I could tell him anything. We were very open and transparent. I knew he liked bi porn, mmf, etc. and we’d watch together. I was convinced he was my person. Never wanted kids with him, probably because I knew trying to make a baby would be a disappointment.
And then by year 7 or so his alcoholism was at its worst, and only got worse after that. In addition to this, he was depressed at, completely dead bedroom, and also he had a video game addiction that overtook his life. Like stayed up every night until til 6:00 AM when I was getting ready for work.
He was also failing to get to work regularly, was in grad school but worked maybe 12 hours a week on a good week, leaving me with a huge financial burden even through he was a trust fund baby.
During my lonely nights and empty days (while he slept) I prayed and prayed he’d change. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized he won’t and only I could change the situation. I did believe he was the love of my life, but I knew there was more to it. And trying to “help” someone for years on end who had no desire to change or for improvement just was not working.
So I ended it. I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. This was my best friend, how could I do something like leave him??
And then I hung out with a college friend one day and my life flipped upside down. Idk if it was the combination of having real sex, longer than a few minutes and more frequently than I ever had in my adult life, or the flirting, or the fun, or the face that he wasn’t a closed homosexual, but I went crazy for the college friend. Like friends called me “dickmatized”, which is entirely accurate. I fell fast and hard.
Three years later we’re doing amazing. I adore him, never knew love could be like this. Feel truly blessed and still just as obsessed as that first date.
He was hurt, but ultimately understood. We kept in touch for a while but I eventually went no contact. He actually got sober, is now a gym addict, got a full time job, and is doing really well for himself. Haven’t spoken to him in years, and always wish him the best.
They can though, and I believe they will. Read about confidence and self esteem. Sometimes you even have to fake it until you believe it. And friend, I never said my new partner was sexy as fuck. Although I believe he is, he, just like you, says he’s ugly and feels ugly. Love has nothing to do with looks. I do get that looks help, I’m not an idiot, but only you can be confident and own your situation.
I don’t have any story to share but here for positivity too. I ended a four year relationship that turned abusive. He was everything and I thought i was going to marry him. I think about him almost every day and I’m afraid i won’t find my person.
When I was 21F I had just met this guy who I was enamored with. I was completely convinced for a time that we would get married. Then (we are both religious) I prayed that God would guide our relationship. The next morning he drove to my house and broke up with me. I was truly devastated, I was beside myself I didn’t eat for three days. I threw up while he was breaking up with me because of how truly awful I felt inside. I felt so hurt and betrayed. I thought we were on the same page but we were not. I told myself I’d never date for a very long time. Three days later a close friend of mine got in a car accident and died which only made this whole experience more traumatizing for me.
Then later, I met my now husband I’m 23 now. It was only a few months later I was healing and going to therapy and decided to give love a chance. I’m so glad that I did. I thought I’d never love anyone like him again or find someone as handsome. But when I met my husband he was the perfect person for me. My ex was no where near the guy that I should’ve married and I realized how delusional I was. I realized my ex and I had nothing in common we were boring together. I also had so much anxiety that I was too afraid to break up with him even tho looking back I should have. I never knew love until I met my husband. He’s the most charming loving and funny goofy person I’ve ever known. He loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh constantly. He’s thoughtful and I’ve never felt more loved. When I realized how completely in love with him I was my whole entire existence made sense. Life is hard but having him makes things so much easier. You grow and learn so much together than you would on your own. I realized it was good I didn’t marry my ex bc he wasn’t for me. My actual husband was on his way to my life.
I was 35 years old. Because of my own lack of monogamy and my own lack of money I decided to become a bachelor. Because no woman wanted to marry me they just wanted to use my penis like a dildo. So I’m 35 years old and I declared myself a bachelor. I wasn’t going to be brokenhearted again by a girl just using me for my body. I would be on equal playing fields and not worry about families and the future. Oh my God that’s when I met my wife. Sometimes you can only find the thing you’re looking for when you stop looking for it.
I decided I was never going to love another man again. I focused on myself. Forgiveness for the past, journaling, meditation, all of it. Then when I least expected it: love found me.
I had a long distance relationship with my first love for 2 years.
He broke up with me out of the blue while I was 3000 miles away from my hometown visiting him. He never gave a reason why and our relationship was seemingly perfect. Was super devastated and confused. Felt unloveable for a while.
6 months later met my now fiance at a bus stop, he went through a similar thing with his ex partner. It was kind of the shared trauma that brought us together but we ended up having a lot of other interests in common and are extremely compatible. I’m grateful I found him every day, we get married next year
Unfortunately not all of us get lucky with our first partners but sometimes it is necessary to go through those learning experiences to find who you’re really meant to be with :)
It was a bus stop at our university, we had a class together beforehand but he never approached me until we were at the bus stop. He tapped me on the shoulder and we shook hands and he introduced himself and how he wanted to make more friends and the rest is history :3
i won't lie, i still think about him sometimes, and i only recently kissed someone else new and for me that was a big moment. it was the first new person i'd kissed since june of last year.
this guy and i had a short relationship but my lord it was passionate. it was one of those relationships you get when you both are so excited initially, throw caution to the wind, and then suddenly you're sitting and wondering where all the passion went as it was simply like it disappeared overnight. suddenly you're noticing small things you disagree on, and you realise all the ways you're not compatible because you were both idealising the other person from the beginning and turning them into someone they're not.
i would say i'm slowly falling back in love with myself, as for me, that passionate relationship was the first love i'd ever had that was also sexual (and maybe i confused the two things a lot). and also, i'm becoming warmer to the idea of a slow romance and of new romances in general. and i view it as a lesson. i'll be more careful next time. i don't want to build walls around myself, but i'd guard my heart a little better in future, and take the time to REALLY get to know the other person. just because you are attracted to someone, and can have good banter, does not mean that they'll be a good partner. for me, this wasn't obvious. i can be very idealistic and naive iwl but i'm also 21 and have had little experience w partners.
he wasn't good for me, and honestly now i'm so happy that i instigated the conversation that led to our inevitable breakup. despite crying over it for what felt like forever. however, there's a nice quote about that, which i'll paraphrase. (it's richard silken fyi)
suddenly you're crying on the floor, and you realise the ridiculousness of it all really, and you have to laugh at yourself. suddenly, the angle lets you see a part of your baseboard that desperately needs repainted, or a spot on your floor that you need to clean. the point is that despite it all life goes on, and eventually you'll find some humour or lesson in it; either is helpful (humour, arguably more-so). and we're all really not as stuck in our states as we believe ourselves to be. you could realistically pursue and do anything, you could give up chocolate and coffee and porn and you would be fine without any of these things, you could do the steps it takes to make yourself a runner (despite how you're simply not a 'runner' and suddenly become one) you're not as set in stone as you think. it's the lies we tell ourselves that create our reality, so do yourself a favour and make your reality something forgiving.
your heart may make you may believe you have lost your soulmate, but the truth is that we have thousands of potential soulmates. you might've walked past your perfect match on july 20th, 2009, you don't mourn that. now you know one person who it FOR SURE wouldn't work out with. you make that person special by the love you give them, do yourself a favour and give even a tad of that slack you gave to them to yourself.
I was married for 16 years and my ex husband was abusive and a cheater. I felt like after that relationship I was going to be single again forever because I didn’t want to feel that way again. And when I wasn’t looking for someone, I found the love of my life. When I met him it was like my soul recognized his. He made me laugh until I cried, I can’t even tell you how long it had been since I laughed like that. The more we talked the more I fell in love with him. I look at him and feel like my chest is going to burst with the amount of love I feel. We can talk openly and honestly about everything. I thought I knew what love was before but now that I met him I know that I never felt true unconditional love before.
I had been with an abusive person on and off for several years. I was able to end it, and then met a great person. He unfortunately passed away. I didn’t think I’d meet anyone after that… but I have met someone, and it’s like meeting someone familiar, yet entirely different from anyone I’ve ever met before… I’m hoping for the best because he is absolutely spectacular.
I married a man who did not love me but pretended to so he could live under the radar and not reveal his sexuality. He stole from me, lied to me, and almost got me sent to prison. To divorce him I had to move mountains. When it was over, I decided that I was simply too stupid/gullible to ever date again.
As I worked towards this resolve, one day I stepped on to an elevator and this guy was already on - oh my he was just my kind of guy. He noticed me too but neither of us spoke. A few weeks later a friend said there was a group going out to a concert but one guy was divorced and would I babysit his kids.
I showed up to be child care and who should answer the door but Elevator Man! He went on the outing but returned within a couple of hours. I moved in with him in ridiculously short amount of time and....
We were married for decades and even though I am now a widow, I think of our time together with much gratitude.
Joy to you.
Thank you for posting this. This is something that has been on my mind and spirit heavy lately. My wife was killed 2.5 years ago and most of the time I feel like I will never be in love again. My ability to form and maintain connections with people has been shattered. So even though it probably won't happen for me, it is nice to know there is a small chance I might feel close to someone again in this lifetime
I signed up for a dating app and kinds hung out on it a couple months and had only managed one conversation with a guy who I thought was promising and put my hope into. He turned out to be the wrong one, towards the end of talking to him someone else started talking to me and I got bored on a long road trip so I gave him my number and we ended up talking on the phone for hours that day. The last time I had a conversation like that I was still a kid falling for one of my first loves. He blew me out of the water and I kept telling myself "no this isn't supposed to be the one" but alas, I eventually fell after we met. The first date, we sat there so long that he put down extra for the tip because it was over 2 hours. It went so well I invited him over, bad decisions were made and I was 100% okay with it. I had already clocked a month of conversation with him over the phone. This week (1 month after that date) we sat next to a lake and watched a storm come in for several hours and it was the most peaceful joyful time I've ever had. Pray that we stay happy together cus idk what I'd do if something happened and this didn't work out.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 10 years. She left me a shell of my former self and then took everything from my when I divorced her. A little time and a lot of introspection and healing, and I’ve got an incredible new wife and daughter, house friend group and a better work life balance.
I spent 10 years with someone I thought I’d be with forever. I was broken up about it, but as time passed I realized that things were not as good as I remember. Time gives you perspective. After a while I started dating casually using apps and completely and suddenly fell in love with someone I met. They see me for who I am and don’t mind accommodating my needs (ocd, mental health issues) and reassuring me the way I need to be reassured. Let some time pass, there’s always a reason for the breakup
the person i thought was the loml had feelings for me first, and though i had feelings too, i ended up rejecting him and we stayed friends. I fell for him even harder over time, and this time he no longer reciprocated... late september 2023 was when our friendship ended. He was my best friend on top of being my first love, and i was absolutely heartbroken.. a few months ago though, i found someone who went through the same thing as me (he lost his best friend ever.) and we became close through how much we relate to each other and how much we care for each other, and hes the one ive now fallen for :)
aw man, im so sorry! but also, im gonna be very real with you, if this person really was someone you were in love with you clearly still love them. If they dont reciprocate those feelings anymore and continue not to, that is going to hurt you VERY badly, trust me i was in that position for over 2 years. I would say distance yourself a bit if y'all r very close friends. or even just leave tbh but that is ofc your choice. btw it depends what reasons u broke up for too i guess, like for example its js cause they arent ready for a relationship w u now but want to be tg in the future then stay, but if it isnt something like that and they acc lost feelings/have feelings for someone else def distance urself from or leave the friendship to avoid being hurt even more. if you are distancing, come back when you have healed from the heartbreak, and if you leave their life completely, then you leave and dont look back.
The reasoning is definitely way closer to her not being ready right now, but wants to be with me in the future…I just hate that though…I was even planning on purposing soon. We were together for just over 2 years and she is genuinely my first love, and tbh I feel like my only. And by only, I also think it will stay that way.
Yeah it honestly sucks that shes "not ready" especially cuz its been two years - it shouldnt take that long to realize something like that. i felt the same way too with "theyre the only person ill ever love" but that turned out to be false, so if it indeed doesnt work out, dont worry because youre gonna feel like that until you get over it to a certain point. until something changes between you two, focus more on yourself, if youre studying then on that, otherwise on ur job and hobbies and make sure to hangout with your friends and family. Feel all your feelings but also put your mind on other important things in your life ! Wishing you all the best and if you ever want to talk js dm :)
My bf died. I loved him more than anything. I thought I was going to die of heartbreak. It took 4-5 years to get over it. I will never feel that same love ever again. Maybe if I’d had children I’d feel that deeply but chose not to so I can only imagine.
My fiancé now, he’s fantastic. I love him very much. But it’s not the same kind of love. My heart rarely feels like it’ll explode like it did around my dead bf.
When you love someone SO much that your chest is exploding, you’re overcome with emotion, it’s hard to breathe just thinking about them, that love VERY rarely comes back the same.
The exploding love made me overlook a lot of terrible things my dead bf did. Now, years later, I’d prefer my fiancé. Sometimes the exploding love just isn’t that good for us to begin with.
You could find someone you’ll love even harder than them. Or maybe that’s the person you’ll love the hardest in your life. Just don’t let the feelings blur reality.
I met her when I didn’t expect to meet anyone. A long time alone because I didn’t want to get hurt again.
She makes me realize getting hurt would be worth it.
She is all I think about.
I love you CM
Was married to my ex for 7 years, together for 14, before she cheated on me. We had 2 kids. Tore my world up.
Fast forward a couple years, playing Ultima Online, on a very small shard. Long story short, started talking in game, IMing, email, then phone calls. Flew back and forth a couple times (lived about 1,000) miles apart. She moved out to me, got married, finished raising our 3 kids (she had 1). Been together 19 years, married 13, have 2 grandkids now.
She's not only the love of my life, but truly my best friend; can't imagine life without her.
I was with an extremely ab*sive guy for 3 years, (he was also a narcissistic so great at manipulating) but when we broke up I had no sense of who I was, I didn’t know who I was looking at in the mirror, so I deep dived in healing and when I chose to start dating I wrote on a piece of paper what characteristics I want in a man. I found my current man and he gave me the room and space to heal. He is patient and kind and checked every box on my list. The healthiest but hardest relationship I’ve ever been in lol. I learned what love is🤍
I fell in love after a break up but I didn’t love the guy anymore after awhile. And if this one say one more thing to rub me wrong I might not love him no more either…moral of the story
I’ve heard people say the grieving takes for 4 years roughly and I think that’s accurate unless you meet someone new and even than you could just be delaying the inevitable.
After my ex-wife and I split up I never thought I'd end up loving anyone else. About 5 years later, I met an amazing woman that treats me better than my ex-wife ever did.
I met what I thought was my soul mate and love of my life at university. We had ten years together, we went through a lot of things for 10 years but were solid in our relationship.
Unfortunately she passed away from Covid.
For obvious reasons it took me probably about two years to recover from that. Then I spent a year pushing myself to get out there and meet new people, including dating. It took me about another year to find my current girlfriend.
I wouldn't say it's perfect, in fact because of the trauma I suspect and the heightened anxiety it's a little like a roller-coaster, but fingers crossed I totally can see this one being another long term relationship. And even if it isn't I feel I could get out there and date again.
It's really the attitude you have that determines these things. You basically have to do this weird dance where you push yourself to find love again, but you don't be desperate or try to expect you will find it again because otherwise you'll come across as too strong and needy.
I had my first boyfriend in 2019, everything seemed great we broke up in 2021 but we were off and on till 2022 it was a very traumatic i had to go to therapy i couldn’t stop crying i kept thinking i was never gonna love again or feel so close with someone or let someone touch me and feel safe but it was actually just toxic relationship! in 2023 i started dating my current boyfriend i love him so much this relationship is the best thing ever i learned so much from my first relationship and i just wish i could tell my 2022 self that its gonna be okay and you will ge through it and to just work on yourself because there’s someone out there that will love you and cherish you. everything happens for a reason.
the right person will come, it happens when you aren’t expecting it because in the beginning on the relationship i didnt think it was going anywhere and we are so happy and in love.
focus on yourself, you got this🤍
I was dating someone in 1998. He moved to Hawaii. (Military). Asked me to move w him. We prepared for me to move in 3 mos. By the time the 3 mos was up he was seeing some9ne else. I was devastated. About 30 days later, I went online and started talking with someone. Here we are 26 years later. We've been married for 24..expect it when you least expect it.
My Limerence often became love too, but I don’t love my ex and still feel Limerence for them. I can go months without seeing them and then as soon as I do it’s over the top overwhelming pain etc because I can’t be with them. We broke up 3 years ago and he definitely isn’t a person I would be with today but those feelings of Limerence are still there
5 years ago, I thought I met my soul mate, absolute love of my life. I gave up everything and moved to be with her. We ended up getting married. I fully loved this woman, but our relationship ended up being awfully toxic and she left me in early 2023. I was crushed, my life fell apart. I ended up moving back home and scraped my life back together. I spent over a year single and alone, hardly socializing and not even attempting dating.
One day I had someone pop up as a suggested friend on Facebook. She was someone I went to high-school with 14 years ago and had a crush on. I sent her a request and she added me. I saw she still lived here and was single. I ended up stepping out of my comfort zone, sent her a message and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Didn't have any expectations and honestly believed it wouldn't go great. Well it went so well, our date lasted over 12 hours and we have so much in common. We have spent so much time together and we have the same goals and wants in life. I got to meet her two little girls and they absolutely adore me.
I never thought I would find love again in my life, yet I found it when I wasn't even looking. She I'd an absolutely amazing person and I actually believe she very well may be the one.
I’m here for the comments as well. I thought I had met the love of my life, but he left me just over a month ago. I’m pregnant and we have a 17 month old.
At 38, I feel like I’ll never find genuine, kind love.
I actually broke up with my ex for the fact he was going back into drug deals, an alcoholic, and did not put his mental health or life first. He wanted me to be his second chance and I was not ready to be that. Unfortunately, he lost his mom prior to meeting me and his family blamed it for it. I tried my very best to be someone there for him but soon I started feeling the very same fear I had with my father who hurt my mom. I was in a mental pickle too due to being on my own without much friends and dealing with family loss in the same year. At the end, I chose my happiness and despite my fears I called to break up with him face to face because he deserve to hear the reason and overall wished him best at life but that was the last time we will see each other again because it was done.
It was the hardest thing I ever did because I'm not a person who turns their back on others but I knew that this had to be done for both our sakes. I didn't date at all for a full year, tried once but I wasn't mentally ready.
Then the last two weeks before COVID took over the world. I met my now boyfriend who at first glance I was rethinking my decision to go on this date. I was on shift at Barnes and Noble and I wanted to observe just to be sure. I watched him go directly to the cook book section (he's a chef) and actually bought the book except I had my coworker take him cause I got nervous.
As soon as I was off shift I gave myself a pep talk and headed off to my date. Sure enough, my boyfriend was surprised when first meeting me because on my bumble profile I said I was 5'7. I am not the greatest in math whatsoever and by my boyfriend's measurements (against protest) I am 4'7.
Despite that we had a magical first date which ended with a kiss. We've been together for four years now and shared our first together but I cannot say our relationship has been easy. We are both family oriented but he's Korean American and I am Ecuadorian American.
Dealing with his parents have been the cost of many break ups but that didn't stop their son from loving me and coming back because he could not imagine a world with me. My parents are weary for they were there when I was in pain from the break ups as I honestly thought we almost completely broke up and his parents had won.
I am not someone who does not hold back on what I can see plain as day no matter who it hurts. I told him that I knew his parents wanted nothing more from him than being a scape goat for being a perfect son that they did not care for his happiness and care more for their own place in their family than his mental well being.
I told him once he realizes his mistake to not contact me if he believe his parents happiness was more important than his and to never come near me without notice but to keep my number as a ghost in his phone. It took him three months by himself to realize through drinking, mental breakdowns, and his family pushing him over the edge. He left them behind with his bag, clothes on his back and laptop.
I was healing to being alone for the rest of my life because I was not going to date again but live my life. Suddenly, he texted, I was going to be there and hear him out maybe exact revenge given to what he was going to tell me.
Unfortunately, I was right, but I hated being right. He went on his knees and apologized for ever giving me up. At that point, he was on the verge for suicide and that he did not deserve anything but he needed help. I forgave him, promise to help but not promise anything in regards to our relationship which did not last.
I put my neck out for my family to chop but my mom like me never turns back on people needing help. My mom provided enough for him to have clothes and grooming utensils. My aunt offered her spare room in her place further away from my neighborhood because my stepdad forbade him in the house. Fair enough and my family went on to help him as his family was trying to make amends for how far they pushed him.
Boyfriend declared that it was too late to act like parents to him when it always on him to care for them at their age. Boyfriend's parents had him at the age of 40 and hope he was better than his brother. None of their children talks to them for they have a daughter my boyfriend never met in his life as she has her own family in Korea. I guess they realized that no one else will care for they pushed my boyfriend over the edge.
My mother and I convinced him to talk to his parents for as much as I wanted to help. I also wanted him to complete his dreams on his own and to take back his life for I was doing the same before he came back. Our relationship is stronger than ever but his parents have lost all right to know about our life together even if we married and have children we both agreed that we're not comfortable having them near them.
I born and raised with love and care even after leaving my dad behind. My mom, sisters and our family were there for us when time got especially harder. My family has been there for him since and he's been making amends for grandma says he must suffer too for what he put you through and earn our trust back. He's since paid my mom back and is spending more and more time with my family.
He and I know how important we are to each other in this life and will be together until the end. We're supporting each other while we're dealing with being independent. I know it feels like the world is over now but soon it will be like a distant memory for you to pop it on the back of your mind.
Surround yourself with people who love you more than anything and distract yourself with something that makes you happy. Take a step at a time as this is a time for yourself to think on how you want to go about your life.
I was with my ex-husband for almost 25 yrs. I got pregnant very early in our relationship and convinced myself he was the one and only for me. We got married in 2003 because he felt stuck. We had a total of 4 kids together and had hit or miss visitation with his son from a previous relationship. I thought he was supposed to be the love of my life, so I kept ignoring red flags and horrible words and actions toward me and the kids. Last year I finally hit a breaking point and left him. Divorced and done with his sorry ass. It took me less than 2 weeks to realize I really didn't want anything more from him and to start dating. I was just having fun and had no plans of getting into anything serious for a long time, if ever. Then a couple months ago, I matched on one of the sites with this guy I never would have imagined would be my type. But 3 dates in and I realized I was feeling a love for him blossoming. I freaked out and ghosted him for about a week. Then I suddenly realized I was wrong. I messaged him and apologized for everything. We met the next day and have been completely devoted to making things work ever since. We are both in complicated living situations, but in just 3 short months we will be getting a place together. He loves me more truly and purely than my ex-husband ever did. He is so amazing and I don't think I could ever imagine my life without him. Love doesn't operate on your terms, but be open to it if you think it might be hovering around your relationship
After three and a half years of friendship, the person I KNEW was the love of my life finally told me he felt the same. We had a short-lived relationship that, even though it was honestly abusive af, I was so happy because it was finally me and him. Things eventually got really bad and we broke up.
A few months later, I needed an ego boost and decided to join a dating app. I wasn’t looking for anything at all - I literally just felt so horrible about myself that I turned somewhere I knew I would get some positive comments about myself.
I ended up meeting someone who was initially someone I just thought was funny, and we bonded over similar interests in video games and such… lo and behold, like they always say, as soon as I wasn’t looking anymore, I found him. He has been so loving and patient with me while I recover from the toxicity I just had in a relationship. He has been understanding and kind and compassionate and gentle. I’ve fallen quickly which makes me nervous, but I am also pretty confident I went through everything I did to meet him.
I promise it gets better. I know right now it LITERALLY seems so certain you will never ever love anyone again, that this is the loss of your life and you will never recover. I know you cry most of the day these days and just sit and think and wonder what you could do to save what y’all had.
I encourage you to let yourself feel your feelings while also accepting that if he were the one, he would still be around. Relationships and love are hard, but not SUPER hard.
Sending you lots of love, friend. I promise your person is out there. For now, love on yourself a bit.
I was engaged to who I thought was the man of my dreams. I was completely stupid in love with him. He called off the wedding 3 months before we were supposed to get married. I was devastated. I’d quit my job and moved to another state to be with him, and I had to start over when I came back. Lived with family and had to get back on my feet. He was all I thought about for a year and a half… I thought I could never love anyone like that.
I met my husband and everything changed. It just felt right. I was loved for who I truly was, not a character I was playing. We’re celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this year and have a 2 year old son.
During that year and a half, I poured myself into my hobbies and friendships. I got into the best shape I’ve ever been in. I had a blast even though it was a really hard time. Stay vulnerable. Stay hopeful. Stay fun and positive as much as you can. Be open to temporary flings and appreciate them for what they are. You’ll gain some good stories and figure out what you need from a partner.
Was with my ex for 8 years (19-27) thought we would get married, have kids, all the things. But his lack of motivation and suspicious behavior was starting to get to me. Like I never actually caught him cheating, but there were several times I caught him lying about little things, suspicious texts, etc. He would always have an excuse and the few times I did have the balls to break up with him, some big tragic event would happen in his life or he’d reveal an old trauma and suck me back in.
Finally he did something I couldn’t get over (crashed my parents’ car, drunk, fled the scene, then blamed his best friend for it). So I finally broke it off. I was sad for about 2 hours and then felt the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
After we broke up I started losing weight, caring about my career, and really giving a go at life. About 4 months later I felt ready to date again and within 6 months I met John (he was literally the first guy I men off of match.com). It was basically love at first sight. He’s the most gentle, caring, amazing person I’ve ever met. We were engaged within a year. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is next week 😇
I still my ex sometimes as a friend. He was very outgoing and extroverted, which I am not naturally. But I think we were always just meant to be friends, and the relationship was a mistake from the start. It’s hard to admit you wasted so much time on someone. But looking back it’s just another life experience that brought me here, happier and healthier than ever.
My ex and I were on and off for about 12 years. We were best friends first and then started dating. O was always so sure that we would end up together one day. Even during our “off” times, I still always felt that he was my end game. Our relationship was tumultuous but when things were good, they were amazing. He was still my best friend but also the love of my life. Well, we had a long stretch of not talking or being together and then I met my current boyfriend.
My relationship with him is completely different. He’s so sweet and amazing and treats me like a princess. It’s something I’ve never experienced before. Well, a few months into dating my new boyfriend, my ex killed himself. It’s been about 8 months since then and even though I love my new boyfriend, it’s still a struggle for me. My ex was a huge part of my life and now that he’s gone, being in love with someone else has really been hard and brought up so many emotions that I never thought I would feel.
It’s been really hard to accept the love of someone new and not to compare it to my old love with my ex. But it’s been about 8 months since my ex took his life and I still think about him all the time. But building a new relationship and a new love with my new boyfriend has been really wonderful. It’s different from what I had before, but different doesn’t mean bad. I love my new boyfriend very much. Love with someone new will always feel different but I’ve learned that it can still be just as wonderful and beautiful as past loves. I’m grateful for my new boyfriend every day and my love for him just grows and grows. It’s hard to move on when you feel like you’ve lost the love of your life but just remind yourself that if that was the case you guys would still be together. You’ll find someone new and you’ll love again, it just might not be the same love as you’ve had before and that’s okay. Best of luck!
I have had a 5 year relationship with my ex, we are about to marry but I figured out she's cheating on me. We broke up.
Things went dark for me, I was depressed for 6 months. But after 2 years of break up. I found the love of my life. And we are married and we have a kid together,
You'll always find your love just stay strong
Your normal soldier story - girlfriend broke up with me during deployment, and we tried to still be friends until she let slip a year later the guy she hooked up with "after" we ended actually started two weeks before I deployed. I spent 3 years single, and then one day, post Army, going to college, a classmate introduces me to her friends group. One of the ladies catches my eye out the gate, and personality matched. She made the same snide jokes, had the same taste in a lot of music. She has a "mood" card, and all her friends came up with different results while she and I both rated perfectly calm. I asked her about it and she said inside she was anything but, and like finding a kindrid spirit, something clicked in my head. We went on our first date about a week after that, 3 months later she was living with me, and I proposed a year into dating. We were poor so that took a while (together for 11 years, married now for 7). She encouraged me and supported me leaving my job to gamble on a start up gig, encouraged me to go back to school (I'm finally about to finish my bachelor's), helped me see things I needed in myself I didn't know was possible. One of my Army friends said it best when we came down for his wedding when he told her "I've never seen him happy before you."
She isn't my world. She's the moon and stars, because she's the goal worth fighting gravity to find. I know losing the big one feels awful, but they are just "the big one right now" just like that love seems like it's incredible until you find the one you are really connected to. Then the old ones seem much less the whole of things.
I'm sure you will. Everyone deserves a hype person in their corner. I'm just trying to make sure I can give her even the slightest comparison of what I feel she does for me.
Also, I showed her this post and she hissed at me because she's like a raccoon, lol
We worked together at an entertainment magazine. He was an editor, I was an intern. When I returned from vacation having dumped the bozo, he wasted no time. I can honestly say he didn’t even ask me to marry him. He was like, we’re getting married and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Literaly the same story with me! Dumped my fiancée of 4.5 years and a few months later found a girl that was my ideal match, compatible on every level, utterly gorgeous, same hobbies, life goals, love languages etc.
Then after 4 months she breaks up with me out of nowhere. 2 months later and I’m still struggling to move on.
Just need to tell myself that if I managed to find her so soon after my long term relationship, that I can find someone else as well. And if she was as compatible with me as I thought, she wouldn’t have broken up with me.
Everything happens for a reason. Trust that and Yourself. For me, my self esteem always took a beating when I ended a relationship or I was left. I’m single now, am independent and date. No way I would give that up for anyone.
There was a time in my life when I never thought I'd find someone. I had dated a lot of people that didn't appreciate me, and I thought I'd be stuck in the same relationships over and over again. Then, on my 29th birthday, I met my life love. He absolutely has been a godsend. He loves me and appreciates me and has stayed with me through thick and thin. He is better than anything I had ever hoped to find. The love and reassurance and devotion he shows me just blows me away every time.
I was in an awful online relationship for 8 months. This man was the center of my world. He shattered my heart over and over but it was still devastating when it ended. I didn’t think I’d ever be happy again. I was convinced by a coworker that if I believed in the law of attraction, he and I would end up together. I dedicated a journal to him. But slowly I began to realize everything happens for a reason. If we belonged together it would’ve worked out. Six months after that “relationship” ended, I met someone. I wasn’t even expecting to find a serious relationship. I just thought it would be a good chance to meet people. But it was easy right away. He didn’t hide things from me. He was honest. I was head over heels in love. That was 7 1/2 years ago. We’ve been married for 4 years.
I’m going through the process of falling in love with myself after my last breakup.
I think this is possibly the best thing we can do.
Waiting for the “other” to fill a hole is going to cause us to repeat the same patterns.
But creating a self that has learned from previous experiences and is someone you actually love and respect I think will create a foundation for a much better relationship than the last.
Relationships are great teachers I think. Even the hard parts give us some of the best insights about ourselves.
The last paragraph is very powerful. I'm definitely guilty of idealising my ex..because he is everything I had ever wanted in a partner on paper ..minus his character. I was so in love with him that I was willing to overlook his character (even to this date, I'll take him back in a heartbeat if he was to come back..which is pathetic I know)
chubby reply complete advise important alive intelligent tease safe aloof
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I should say part of his character. We are so similar on many levels, especially with the darker side of our personality traits, which I had never admitted to anyone. We are also in the same stage of our lives, we have very similar background and career paths. But I'm a much kinder and empathic person than he is. He lacks emotions which I'm quite the opposite.
alleged merciful dependent important entertain reach party decide wrench workable
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was in a decade long relationship with a 'golden retriever' person, he is the kindest and most gentle man I've ever met. But we didn't work out, because we never find each other attractive, we were never intimate so we decided to part ways. The loml was everything that my golden retriever ex wasn't, that's probably why I find him so attractive. He is so happy in his own skin and not afraid to show the world his darker side, which I would never be able to.
I divorced in 2022 after I found out my ex-wife was cheating on me. Marriage of 16 years gone. Hurting the kids in the process. Have to miss them half the time.
Took time to heal and started dating August last year. Dated several women until I met my current gf 3 months ago.
I'm feeling butterflies again. I can't wait to be around her. She feels the same way. We share so many things. Same values and dreams, and we raise the kids the same way.
The passion, lust, and intimacy is so intense. I'm not going into details, but it's better than I've ever experienced.
Love doesn't end with one person.
I have a situation: I am in love with a married man whose wife is cheating. I was the one to tell him. Now I don't know his decision, but I am waiting for him. Reading this story is such a relief, a hope for me.
I guess, for now, he's in denial, doesn't want to believe in it, or wants to be a man who would never even doubt his wife. I respect that deeply because I've lived in a relationship where I've been called a whore and suspected a lot and ended up finding out I was the one cheated on. I didn't believe it at first as well. And it took me a hard time to double-check if she was cheating, but now I'm sure. I feel him on this one. I don't talk to him now, I think it might be because he has feelings for me he suppresses for the sake of saving his family.
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was married for 7.5 years before my exhusband told me he never loved me and never would and only married me because he was going through the motions and wanted to make his family happy. I had been a SAHM to our two daughters and while I had a college degree, I had no work experience and was terrified. He was in the military and we lived in South Korea at the time and shortly after we decided to divorce I began to develop feelings for one of his co-workers. It felt very meant to be. We grew up in the same cult religion that we left the same year about 6 years prior to meeting. We both had two daughters the same ages. He was also going through a divorce. We were platonic friends for over a year and a half with me being pretty in love with him before anything romantic happened. He moved back to the states and once my ex-husband and I moved back too, him and I met up while traveling and it felt like out of a movie. Everything I had hoped it would be. We then began dating and I really thought he was “the one” and my marriage ended just so we could find each other. 7 months in we were talking future, my girls and I moving to where he was, I told him I loved him and he wouldn’t say it back. Literally the next day my dog had a freak accident while I wasn’t home and she died. I called him devastated and he was very uncomfortable. The next day he ended things saying he didn’t want a long distance relationship after all. I was absolutely devastated. I thought if it wasn’t him, it wasn’t anyone. Who else would want me, a single mom, making barely anything, just starting my career? I thought my love life was over. That my soulmate rejected me so all was lost. I met someone at my yoga studio a year and a half later. He made good money, was very cute, we had yoga in common and lots of mutual friends, he owned his house, and also had a child. And he wanted me bad which was so flattering. While it was passionate it became unhealthy very quickly. I broke up with him 4 times and each time he’d beg, come to my apartment, promise to be different, disregard my boundaries and wishes. And I was flattered after those two men who didn’t seem to want me so I kept taking him back, wanting so badly for it to work. Until the last break up, I realized it would never be what I needed and wanted and I wouldn’t take him back. Again, I thought this was it for me. My last chance but I couldn’t settle again and I chose my daughters and myself over a relationship that wasn’t good for me. I chose my peace. I was single for a while after that with no desire to date. That’s when I really began to heal the heartbreak of my exhusband and our family and also the last big heartbreak. About a year and 4 months later after lots of therapy and EMDR and getting a good paying stable job I started to feel ready to date and I really felt someone was out there for me. I went on some dates that weren’t great but kept remaining open. 6 weeks later I matched with my now partner. It was pretty effortless from the beginning. I was myself and our conversations were deep and meaningful but also so entertaining and funny. Two weeks after talking he asked me on a date. I said yes. He told me later the moment he saw me at the restaurant he knew I was the one. We’ve been together ever since. Even though we’ve had challenges especially as we were getting to know one another and were triggered by past wounds, it has been so easy and everything I hoped was out there for me when my marriage ended plus so much more. I’m SO glad I didn’t settle. I finally have the partner and relationship I have longed for with someone who chooses me and puts me first and loves me deeply. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it will get better. Time heals and therapy and having secure relationships in your life and strong boundaries and self worth help a lot too. You’ll make it. I didn’t think I would for a few years there, but I did.
Thank you. I love this so much.
I was 13 when I met my first love..he was 14. At 15/16 I became pregnant and were guilted into giving our son up for adoption. Our tender hearts could not withstand the magnitude of such a decision and we each went our own way and eventually he moved out of state. Nearing the end of my freshman year of college I was informed of a visitor in the dorm lobby...when I got there IT WAS HIM. He had tracked me down thru mutual friends...said he couldn't forget me and couldn't get over me. We were married just before the start of fall semester and were wildly passionately head over heels in love...for 14 months...he was tboned on his motorcycle by a drunk driver and then was just gone..instantly traumatically..I had just turned 20 and I couldn't fathom ever and I mean ever loving someone else. Fast forward to just before my 23 birthday. I had just moved into an apartment with my sister and her boyfriend. It was a madhouse revolving door of people coming and going. On a rare night alone I heard a light tap on the door jamb (the door was always open) and there was this burly bearded dark haired biker dude asking for my sisters boyfriend ...I invited him in to wait for them but after a very intense stare he told me he couldn't do that..he pivoted and left. ( he later confessed that he went to work the next day and told his coworkers he was getting married and he didn't even know my name). The next day I took off with a friend for a week long road trip never once thinking about him. When I returned there was the perpetual group of people there..he was among them. I kicked off my shoes and threw them with my purse in the apartment..and proceeded to the back carport to say hi to everyone..when I turned to leave I heard him say "I got a new truck"..I wasn't sure he was talking to me but when I turned he was looking directly at me with that intense stare..he asked if I wanted to see it...shrug..sure..the he asked to if I wanted to go for a ride around the block...shrug...sure.. long story short that trip around the block turned into 8 miles down to the beach (he had planned taking me for a walk on the beach but I had no shoes on) He was serious but open we talked alot..he was divorced and had a child..we laughed some..it was all so easy and oddly comforting we continued talking back at the apartment til the wee hours of the morning and he asked if he could kiss me...and then he did and I wanted him to. I told him he could crash on my living room floor because it was so late...after initially going to my room..I came back and just laid down next to him..when I woke up the next morning I knew I was madly in love with this man..so serious so tender... that was 39 years ago..he is everything to me...husband...lover...father of my children and while he was not my first love...he is my greatest love. Did I forget my first...never..I was never asked to. My heart built a satellite unit where he lives to this day..so I could give my whole heart to my husband now. You can have more than one great love of your life...I did. Eventually I had a beautiful reunion with my adopted son. He is the spitting image of his father and we have built an amazing relationship. Sometimes love comes with a boom and sometimes it just comes softly.
“Although he wasn’t my first love, he was my greatest.” Best line and so true. ❤️ I’m very happy for you.
I was 19 and I worked at a sandwich shop. I had lots of regulars but then one of my regulars began taking an interest in me. At first I hardly even noticed but an older coworker mentioned it. She said you’re going to marry that man. 19, phew no way. A few weeks later, he slipped his phone number on the sandwich receipt over the counter. I later was studying and I called him and asked him to meet me. He showed up, and his face was so red and eyes red. We stayed at this Dunkin’ Donuts almost all night and we were instantly inseparable. I had never loved anything more in my life and when he cheated on me after I moved in and cared for his elderly grandmother, I couldn’t move on. We divorced in 3mos. I used to look back and think how could I ever get over him. I could feel my heart being ripped out repeatedly for years. He was my ups and my downs. He was the thrill of my life- I couldn’t even breathe without him . Later after we separated, I became extremely independent and had lots of dates but never anything serious. My current husband who has never loved anyone and me who loves to big, ended up meeting up with each other on a summer he was on leave from the military. We had met on several occasions in the past. I married him and I have a life I couldn’t ask anything more of. I finished my degree, we built a house, and we are the very best of friends. This love is stable and grows and changes over time. I look back and cannot believe I let my first husband demean me, insult me, shove me and so on. Sometimes it’s unknown for a reason and things don’t go according to plan but that’s what makes everything such an adventure!
My ex of 3 years broke up with me because he thought I was "too unattractive" for him and "too overweight". He started thinking that after he himself lost a bunch of weight and started thinking he was too good for me. I was devastated, as you can imagine. I really thought he was the guy I was going to marry and be with forever. It started 4 months after the breakup and I wasn't really looking for love because I had gone on a few dates that were pretty bad so I just wanted to be single for a while, but one night while I was at work I got a message from a guy named Josh. I almost didn't respond to it because I never respond to random messages from men I don't know, but he said in the message that his cousin Brittany got him to message me, so I felt comfortable enough to respond back to him. I met Brittany years prior at a place I worked at. We were friends on Facebook and I guess she had seen where I was single and she knew he had just gotten out of a bad 10 year relationship. He told her that he wanted a girl who was unlike his ex, meaning someone who wasn't using drugs and who would be good to him. I'm honestly surprised Brittany thought of me because we hadn't talked in years at that point, but I guess she saw a post I made on Facebook about my ex and thought we'd be a good match. Flash forward to now, we will be together for 6 years in June and we're engaged and he's honestly the love of my life and everything I've ever hoped and prayed for. Sometimes love comes when you're not looking. I believe it'll happen for you too ❤️
I remember feeling like I tricked them into it
I hope you find it. This is my story in 2 parts. One my true love wrote. One I wrote in reply. It's hard keeping love alive. Especially when trust has been shattered. We're healing together. https://www.reddit.com/r/letters/s/m4uopRtGtj
I don’t see anything there unfortunately
Well dang. I'm sorry
第だい７なな宇う宙 + -__iley
Stop chasing love. Date for a while. Something will go your way when you stop searching for it. I found mine in 1992 when I swore off having a partner.
Same -
Got abandoned by my ex at around 11 at night a very weird scenario that in reality we weren't right for each other, didn't really synch up on anything at all or even have anything in common. However two months ago I met who I can only describe as the most beautiful most compatible girl I've ever seen. She is amazing in so many ways I already know I'm going to marry her one day something that I was so unsure of before. I do not question I do not doubt I've never felt affection to or feel affection from the her I have her. Honestly it doesn't even seem real. She's everything I always wanted but thought didn't exist. To think of her one day having my child is absolutely insane and beautiful.
That's the cutest thing i’ve ever read! Am really happy for you.
Ohhhh boy this is gonna be long. I'm 28f now. When i was 18-20 i dated someone who i TRULY believed in my soul was the love of my life (currently 29m). When we broke up, i said i KNOW i will never feel this way again, thats how rare our love is. He is engaged now & last year contacted me saying he feels like it should be me and that he never stopped loving me. I know it was real (obviously never acted on it, and feel sad for him/his fiancé..). I had two relationships since then (considering it's been 8 years since we broke up lol). One was based on fun, drinking/partying together, we lasted about a year before he cheated on me mercilessly and multiple times w multiple women. That hurt a lot, but even then i knew my love wasn't strong .. I remember laying in his bed one night (after a good night tg!) scrolling instagram and seeing my ex got engaged, and silently crying myself to sleep... it solidified my theory of "see, i knew i'd never feel this way with anyone else". Then when i was 23 i met my most recent ex, and dated him until 7 months ago. We were tg 4 years, and lived together 1.5 years.. The entire time we were together i knew i loved him and figured i'd marry him. We got along, he was loyal, had a good job, smart, and a secure option. And i had this cocky attitude of "he'll never leave me", which probably played into why i was ready to settle (always thought I would get back together with the ex who I thought was the love of my life one day, but once he got engaged I knew that would not happen so decided I had to settle or be alone forever because there's no way I would ever feel that way again). So once again I felt justified and reassured that I was right and there's no way this love will exist anywhere else outside of me and the engaged ex. Then in March I started talking to my new boyfriend . I know he's the one. I know it in my bones, feel it every second of every day. We immediately were glued to each other and so many people have told me its "the invisible string theory": -I saw him on hinge (was not looking for a relationship, just boredom and was serial dating for fun tbh which i was clear about) and saw we went to the same college -he saw a picture of me with one of my best friends from college on my profile and said "I didn't even recognize the picture of you and _____!" he called her by her nickname so I knew he knew her pretty well for sure -Turns out he was best friends with her fiancé. We went to their wedding together last weekend. -we have at least 20 mutual friends in common that we hung out with in college and were able to exchange stories about everyone back-and-forth, both in disbelief that we never knew each other somehow even because we clearly ran in the same circles (i dropped out when he was a freshman though so we JUST missed each other). -I moved to my own apartment in February in a really random town 45 minutes away from where I had lived for my whole life. When we started talking in March, I found out he grew up here. -he was headed back to where he has lived for the past couple of years, about six hours away. He was headed back to get the rest of his stuff because he quit his job and was moving back to the town I just moved into. -We just got new jobs -we both dealt with drug addiction in our college years, and overcame it because we had friends that passed away from ODing. -We have a lot of the same philosophies about that, in fact we think the exact same way and both coped in the same way. I feel like we both went through similar experiences that shaped us into the people we are now, and we met at the perfect time. We both just moved, got new jobs, live in the same town now… it feels like everything is aligning, my life has been a series of tests until I was ready to be given the greatest love of my life. I absolutely knew he was the one beyond a doubt, the first week that we met in person I told my friends and family that I know it's real because I already love him more than I loved the ex that I thought was the love of my life, I compared everybody to and insisted no one would ever live up to. He surpasses that somehow by MILES.. I don't understand how but I'm so grateful. I'm scared every single day about how much I love him because I didn't think it was possible... it's indescribable. I said "oh so THIS must be what people who get married after only a couple of months feel". I feel like one of the lucky ones, like most people don't ever get to experience this great of a love in their entire lives. After me and my ex broke up when I was 20, I was completely hopeless for the past eight years even when I felt like I fell in love with the two guys I dated after him. I got proved wrong. And I'm so glad that I did. I thought I would settle for the rest of my life no matter what… and now I see that this happened so that I could go through what I needed to go through to meet the real person I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life. I'm so glad every single decision I made lead me to him. This is already so long and I could talk about him forever so I'll end it here, just hold out hope. Understand that if you broke up, there was a reason and it will likely never resolve. My ex broke up with me because of the drug problem I had at the time (my current boyfriend was simultaneously struggling with but we didn't know each other), so once I was sober and stayed sober I figured my ex would find his way back to me… He did not. Once he didn't, I thought to myself for a reason, maybe I'm supposed to be alone until I find each other back one day… Maybe him and his fiancé won't get married, etc. I know it's because he was never the one, he was the one that was meant to show me what real love is, but now has shown me what true love is to the very core. I love him more than my ex who was friends with for years and years before we ever dated… I love him more than the man I was with for four years and had an entire life with and picked out an engagement ring with. We've been together for two months but everything feels so right. I don't ever think about the people I've been with in the past anymore because he is my present and my future ; but thought it was worth sharing. I hope this helped, otherwise, I'm sorry for the novel . 😂
i loved the novel, are you kidding me?? i’m bawling on my bed now, thanks to you. i’m really happy you guys found each other and your story has given me so much hope. It’s amazing how life has a way of bringing the right people into our lives at the perfect time, even when we least expect it. Your journey shows that true love can find us, even after the deepest heartaches and doubts. Your words are a beautiful reminder that we should never lose hope, and that the love we are meant to have might be just around the corner, waiting for the right moment to enter our lives. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring me to keep my heart open. Wishing you both endless happiness and all the love in the world🩷
Oooh, I’ve got one. I was engaged to my ex and were to be married in 4 months. We both had adult kids but I was a distant second to hers. I felt like they controlled our relationship and if my ex didn’t do as they say, they would put her out of their lives. It only got worse once her first grandchild was born. About a week after she walked out of my life, a woman I used to talked to saw where my Facebook status changed to single. She recently went through a bad breakup with her ex too. We met for ice cream and were both at our lowest points. We decided to be friends again and do things together to keep us busy. We started traveling and going to different countries, which we both enjoy. About 9 months later we officially started dating and it’s been great ever since! I loved my ex but my relationship now is so much healthier. Yes, our kids will always come first but we’re both a close second and our kids don’t control our relationship.
A true healthy relationship. Congratulations.
Yeah, i met someone, and it really did start with a “hello”. I had dedicated the song Hello by Allie X to him and i think the song still applies and i still cry when i listen to the song because we were only together for 5 months and then he died. He was 34 and i was 25. I didnt think i would fall for someone again. I think to be honest, it’s impossible to say that you can fall in love the same way you did before because it’s going to be with a different person and you are going to fall in love with different things in a different person. But i will say when i met my current partner that he has the same laugh as the deceased, which made me feel safer to open up to him. He is very different from the other person but i found that different doesnt mean bad or wrong. And i also learned that you can fall in love more than once. I don’t believe in the “fall in love once/soulmate” thing, but i think that falling in love looks different after your partner is gone, especially at a young age. I definitely think about falling in love as seeing the unique things about the person as things that you cherish while you have them there. I think this applies to any type of relationship but once you lose someone close to you, it makes you appreciate the people around you more because they are going to leave too at some point and i don’t want to miss any moment of that. I don’t know if this answered your question
Can confirm it has happened every time. I’ve fallen in love with someone and didn’t want to look back at the previous person I was in love with.
I think I might be in love again after an 8 year relationship ended. It’s the first time I’ve felt something for someone since it ended. My last relationship was falling apart at the seams for so long. We broke up after 6 years together. Spent a year apart. I met other women here and there but even though they were interested I just couldn’t feel anything for them. Then my ex and I got back together. It was good for a time but then it fell apart again after another year. 8 months or so went by and then I just met someone 2 weeks ago randomly at a work event. Asked for her number and so glad that I did. She’s an incredible person. I’m not sure if she’s as into me yet as I am into her but she made me remember what real love feels like. And I realized I had lost that feeling probably 3 years ago. I also realized how poorly my ex was treating me. I should have left earlier. My advice is this: You have to get out in the world and do things. You have to always be working on improving yourself. And be kind to everyone you meet. Even to the assholes. If you do these things I think eventually fate will throw you a bone.
It's been over a decade. The break up was cruel and violent and exposed the mental illness they had been masking for so long. Despite the way it ended, sometimes I wake up realising that the ache in my chest is the grief of missing them after seeing them in a dream. I know that they have gone on to have other relationships where they have continued to be cruel and at times violent. The rational part of my brain knows they are bad news and I dodged a bullet, but I can't promise that I would not welcome them back with open arms if they said they wanted to try again. Fortunately I have friends, family and partners who would kick my ass into next week if they knew I was even thinking this. And speaking of partners, I am deeply in love with the person I am married to, and have had other loves, some I still love, others I love in different ways or the feeling have shifted to something different. Here is my take: "Love" is not a single container you keep in your heart and it is either filled by someone or empty, waiting to be filled by the next person. Love is like a spice cabinet. You are going to have lots of different kinds of love in your life, in different amounts and will need them in different contexts and stages of your life. Being monogamous or not will impact how you view this metaphor but it works both ways. Everyone loves more than one person at some point in their life. Maybe you love your mom and your dad. or all of your kids or you have a bestie that melts your heart in a plutonic way and also have some crushes. Most folks have a ride-or-die spice: garlic salt, italian seasoning, mine is trader joes onion salt. But sometimes you need a little rosemary or dill. Its okay to have different needs met by different people. Maybe thats going for coffee with a friend who makes you feel heard and seen, or going to a movie with someone who recharges you just by being near them. None of this has to be sexual/romantic love, but also, it can be. A love being gone does not mean you have to dump their container out. Learning that I can just crank the lid down on that jar and stick it in the back of the cabinet has helped me heal and move on. No, they are not my partner now, but keeping those crumbs of my love for them tucked away has helped me have more containers available to fill with new loves.
I was trying to formulate an answer reflecting my experiences of different loves over a long lifetime, but I am not even going to bother bc I can’t improve on your Spice Cabinet analogy. Beautifully said
Thank you!!! I did leave out the line about how knowing which spices will burn your ass is an important part of hanging on to old stuff! lol
he would rock my taste in milfs as a woman. dude would look mad elegant 🫶🏽fucking cheekbones drive me insane, and his eyelashes omfg ❤️
I have been through this similar thing, but let me tell you, time & god do heal your wounds. You’ll get someone who loves you exactly how you loved that person. I kid you not I still believe that he was the love of my life & the one who got away, but soon you’ll start to accept the reality & the day you move forward, you’ll feel a burden lifted from your shoulder. Also No! You don’t move on, you just start to accept things for as they are. Leave things on god’s hands & timing!
also if he was a woman, i would def date him. fuck it. idk how he would look like but ik im smashing and losing my marbles as a girl too. i can imagine how he could look like as a girl, and damn, long ass legs for days hopefully c cup titties 🙏 i just realized this is the #1 reason why i know he's the one lmao. idc if i was a short man im climbing that mountain and worshipping the ground they walk on.
OKAY! So when I was 15 I started dating Harry. We were each other’s first love and our relationship lasted for a year and a half before he broke my heart. We didn’t speak for a year and both grew as people. He asked to meet up, we talked and kissed and started seeing each other again. I remember when he said he was falling in love with me again it felt so magical. I accepted him as my soulmate and our relationship became so strong. I moved to uni and made wonderful friends, which I introduced him to and integrated him into the group. Everything was looking great, he wanted to join the army but we could make it work. Then I went on a year abroad for uni, and 4 months into it (4 years of being together) he ended the relationship. It was horrible, I cried and recorded myself talking about the relationship because I was so emotionally attached to him and there was a part of me that believed he’d eventually come back and it would finally work. I started reaching out to my friends more, one of them being my friend from uni Liam. We lived together at uni but were strictly platonic friends, I never had feelings for him and he’d even become friends with my ex. Well we kept on talking, and over 3 months we got to know each other on a deeper level through texting and facetiming. He had decided to come visit me as a friend (did this with another female friend so wasn’t weird) so we naturally had to keep in contact to plan. I didn’t even realise what was happening until I caught myself getting giddy at his messages, but kept convincing myself we were just friends. Then one day I remember smoking some weed and reflecting on my life before having a surreal and intense vision of me turning away from my ex and letting go of our love, and turning towards Liam and all the bright possibilities with him. It was completely surreal and for the next few weeks after that I would sometimes sit in my room screaming to myself and going “WTAF IS HAPPENING????WHAT IS HAPPENING??!!” - I was literally skipping home from uni I was so happy. 4 months after I’d broken up with my ex, Liam confessed his love for me, and it was everything I ever wanted. I completely fell into his words, he was right there all along how could I not see? He was always there and everything happened so that we could finally ‘meet’ each other. What made it so perfect is that we had developed friendship before love, and so we already cared for each other deeply without feelings attached. We had 2 months of long distance before he flew over and we spent a week in a rainforest getting to know each other. Falling in love with him was the most innocent, playful, childlike, wonderful experience I have ever been through, and I fall in love with him more every day. We’ve now been together for a year and a month and our life plans are starting to come to fruition. I look back now and I could have never predicted this. I was so sure my ex was my soulmate and that I’d never find a connection as good as the one I had with him. After the breakup I was sure I’d spend the next few years completely alone waiting for my person to appear (or ex to come back for me), and then it is revealed to me that my soulmate was right there all along and he was so much better than my ex in every way. My advice to you is don’t go looking for love, go looking for friendship. It will always benefit you and may end up turning into something deeper. Don’t lose hope because your person will find you x
his hugs are my favorite and his laugh is like music to my ears. i've been holding myself back for a long time from kissing his neck. any time its near my field of vision it looks juicy. i love how thick his arms are, how soft his skin is, the soft hairs, the beauty marks. his hands are big, i love giving him head rubs. massaging him is like massaging myself, he brings out the nurturer in me lol. i just want to take care of him and have him rest on my lap or shoulder. we can be in silence and im happy in his presence. he gives me chest butterflies. i've never felt this way before, ik he cares because i wouldnt have dealt with me for this long. i really cant emphasize how much i love his hugs. yes, i've been hugged before but its a different experience. every cell in my body relaxes. ptsd and trauma are not triggered. i fit perfectly in his arms. i love it when he rests his chin on my head. im short as fuck so in a different situation i would have seen it as disrespect. i could write essays on this. and my favorite details. he's the most respectful man i've met. yes he has said out of pocket things, but i just feel like we're both 15 half the time, im bi and was a tomboy when younger so im used to boy talk. also my first bf we would have convos like that. we were besties lol. i didnt completely mind it from him. the way he carried himself. his patience, his eyes, his voice. he never touched me without consent, never crossed a line even after being so close. he jabbed my boob one time...ik he was curious af if it was mostly bra or titty. and yes he has said rude things as third party comments to not hurt my feelings directly. the first time i saw him it was a whole experience. i see this tall af dude next to a scrumpy bug eye bitch. it was like seeing a hardwood tree. the day was sunny and beautiful. his eyes were literally o.o and i know i looked the same. i was scared for a second when i walked in, but quickly realized he was a gentle giant. i fucking loved his hands the moment i saw them. his eyes were so beautiful. weird he reminded me of my first nephew, he's a quiet kid but so gentle. so good. he's so handsome and has adhd. then he reminded me of my first boyfriend. tall and skinny muscle but ik he could pack a punch with the way he carried himself to not say a deadly knockout LMAO. yes i was assessing this man for a fight. yes i have trauma, no i'll never fight him or hit him. i love him, he kills all aggression in me. my hands get weak and i feel like crying when i think of those things. max i would do is bite him and cute aggression him. i could never hurt him and when i have done so with my words i feel horrible. he makes me want to be a better person. he inspires me, he's a great leader, and a beautiful soul. i dont know what he's really been through, but anytime he says 'im bad for you, im an asshole' any of those things like im blaming him for something it hurts me. idk who insulted him like that, who blamed him for everything wrong in their lives but i've never once had those thoughts. like he doesnt know how much he inspires me sometimes lol. i didnt want to stay in college, he would support that, to go for an internship or something else. work was hard, and i was basically burnt out after 3 years nonstop running from life. i would bark at him that he didnt know what he was saying and shut up. the first time we met up, i couldnt believe it. it was happening. the first time we kissed it was the only time i've felt a man's passion and desire. i loved every single second even if it was a hard ride. he said i had no rhythm. dude i was trying to find my pace how to hold him what to do. it felt like a first kiss, a first make out. first times for everything. he's older than me, yet doesnt feel like it until i need advice or cant figure something out. i explained to him my mom situation, and he made me see a point i couldnt see before. my little sister was on the line too and my mom had to choose her over me. yet it was ok cuz im older already. he didnt say that directly. yet made me see the point. he has hunter eyes, but he's ughhh so cute. he's like your dark type of dude bad boy stuff but man, my brain reads him like a puppy sometimes and i just wanna UGHH TAKE HIM AWAY WITH ME!! i love all his sides. and i wish i could help him heal off his trauma. i've been watching massage videos to make his experiences better physically. i knew based on how much work he did, the over the counter pain killers, and how a manager called him a 'work horse' that he must have had lower back pain and tense shoulders. yet no one took care of that to my knowledge. i was furious after hearing the manager say that shit. i walked out and started doing my work. i hated how i couldnt do more for him to rest and do less. i have a lil injured vertebrae, and when im tired it flares up. never had it checked never will, its mild. i use it as my sign to rest. which lately is a lot... he's the last thing i think about, and the first when i wake up. i would share every single moment with him and love him to death if given the chance. he made me believe in love again. and in men. we havent had sex yet...so ik he really cares about me and i really want him. 8 months knowing each other and with hella arguments as if he was my boyfriend. in my mind he's my boyfriend. i dont tell him or anyone about it, but he is. i took ceramics to improve my upper body skills and get better at pressure. my adhd brain saw the similarities between massages, foreplay, sensuality and ceramics. and chose that to get better at touching just for him. and cuz he's the first person to make me believe i am smart. i tested him talking about my ex, spouting bs, how we could get back together...MAN DID HE GET OFFENDED AS FUCK. called me STUPID. i was like *hell yeaaaahh* on the inside. said he thought i was smart thats why he said it that i knew better and i was like mentally twirling my hair giggling like a lil girl cuz omfg he likes me fr and thinks im so smart (i am but like a man saying that to me after my main attributes are my physics and beauty was basically an i love you translated to my brain) NO OTHER MAN BESIDES MY DAD AND MY BROTHERS HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT!! that and he caught up on me acting stupid hiding my intelligence. actually asked 'why do you yada yada when you're smart' and i was like OH SHIT! OHHH NO! also makes me wanna curse less although i love it when he calls me out on it. 'language!' and im like OH YEAH LANGUAGE I'll say it the fuck again shut me up daddy thank you 🙏 this man makes me feral, makes me feel like a woman, inspires me. i want to inspire him too and see him grow as a person next to me. he has called me beautiful in spanish, the way he says my name melts me. its so many things, so many convos from beginning to end. i was so relieved he didnt cancel the concert he was supposed to go to because of me. i felt horrible lol. i had an amazing time, and couldnt believe i robbed that from other people. i was so glad he went. i didnt care about the details, there was enough space for us to be separated. I DID SNEEZE THREE TIMES AROUND 5 PM AND IN THE PIT. and after that NEVER AGAIN. so if ya believe in the universe soulmates etc IM TELLING YOU dis is a sign. ALSO I COULDNT BELIEVE IT . i kept looking for him in the crowd. and i hoped with all my heart he was in the back all the way down enjoying the show. and he was! oh the relief, and the sneezes were weird as fuck. the universe be doing its thing
At the time, my ex was the ‘greatest love of my life’. I helped him get on to a paid opportunity abroad for the summer, which he repaid by taking a girl on a date in New York on our anniversary, reserving 4 minutes of the day (it was 3am the next day for me by that time) to call me. He was posting pictures of them cuddling and dancing on his socials. I was absolutely humiliated but accepted him back as a hook up when he came home because I was so confused and lost. Unfortunately, I was assaulted. He responded by asking me how I could get myself into such a situation, and that it was 50/50 my fault. I was closed off for a very long time. I just wasn’t ready for anything with another person and felt I couldn’t trust people. It took a lot of effort and patience to heal, and when I finally felt happy again, I met the actual love of my life. We met at a concert, discovered we went from the same bus to work and uni every day, and had been at many of the same concerts in the past (I have a picture of him from about a month before we met, in the crowd ahead of me). He is the most gentle, caring, lovely and kind human I have ever known and I am so so glad I was in the right place when I found him. But also, that I opened my heart back up despite the fact I was apprehensive. He’s sleeping next to me right now. He’s so handsome. I’m so lucky I hope you can find love again. It’s wonderful when you realise what love truly is, and when you realise you’ve never felt like this before.
This is so beautiful, you and your bf are destined to meet, at the right place at the right time. I hope I'd be lucky enough to experience love again like you do.
You will!! I thought I would never find something as good as my ex, turns out my standards were way too low and I was accepting something that wasn’t right for me because of my own self-perception. As soon as I healed and turned away from things and people that weren’t good, I found my man. It will hit you like a train when you feel it. Good luck on your journey ♥️
Mine is not that great of a love story but hopefully it'll help you a little. So my current boyfriend and I have been dating for an year now (not long I know). But after my last breakup which was almost 3 years back, I really had trouble dating people. I couldn't trust them, I felt why date when I'm in a happy place already (which was not dating anyone). But this guy came into my life and entirely changed everything for me. The amount of efforts and understanding this guy puts just to make me happy is crazy. You can tell from his eyes how much he loves being together. Never in my relationships before have I felt so secured, so loved, so cared for like this guy does. Fortunately or unfortunately it is a long distance relationship for us, which I really thought would not last any longer than 2 months but when it's right you'll know. I found someone when I was absolutely not looking for anyone and I'm glad I did. Cannot wait to treasure this guy and give the treatment he deserves. I hope this helps.. and it's hard it definitely is but trust yourself and trust your life cause it'll definitely bring you to the person you're destined with.
I dated my ex fiancé for 10 years. Engaged and I knew it wasn’t meant to be. I broke it off and we did end up trying again, for what reason I’m unsure of now. I started dating a mutual friend that I had always had an interest in and the difference in this is second to none. I had felt so down that I had wasted so many years on a relationship that didn’t work out, but now i feel like if I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that have helped me in my now relationship. There was a time when I had thought my ex was the one for me, but the feelings I’ve felt in my now relationship are unsurpassed. I wish you nothing but positive vibes and growth in your next chapters! Don’t lose hope, you never know what life can bring.
Absolutely, left husband who was abusive and narcissistic. It was very hard felt like withdrawal from a drug, everytime I thought of going back I went back and read my notes on all the things that were wrong. I wrote a list of things I wanted in my next partner. If abuse was happening always know you are making the right choice. Also, no one is 100% abusive. There will be good times and bad times. But yelling, being called names, feeling like you might be the narcissist because they make you feel that way with their crazy making. Definitely not worth it and it does get better
I’ve been in multiple relationships over my lifetime and feel like this one is pretty near to the best I can have. I met my now boyfriend three years before we actually started a relationship. I met him when I was in the most toxic and abusive relationship and because I was love bombed a lot, I couldn’t see the relationship for what it truly was: unhealthy. Once I broke up with her I swore off relationships because I was so mad, so hurt, so many things that I felt broken and had to pick myself up again and be strong for my son and I while we were on another “adventure” looking for our own place while waiting on my disability back payment to come through so we could purchase a forever home. We were in our own apartment for two years before I asked my now boyfriend out to be with me exclusively. He asked me one time why I hadn’t given him a chance during the time we had been in contact through a mutual company on a regular basis and I told him, “I wasn’t ready for you yet and would not have been the person I am today had I rushed us”. He told me by me saying that it made him feel good. I’ve been told that when you’re with someone out of desperation, they know and the relationship will happen for all the wrong reasons and when you’re with someone because they give an addition to your life then you are with them out of happiness, not loneliness. We don’t live together but we talk and text every day, I miss him when he’s not around, and I enjoy most of the times that we spend together even if it’s only for an hour and a half. I know that when we’re together he is with me because he makes time for me, he isn’t forced and he doesn’t have any ulterior motives. In my last relationship I saw that in her search history on the laptop we both used that she searched how much money she would get from me because I’m on disability. My boyfriend has his own money and never asks me about my money or to have any of it. My ex, I know now that if she was around when I got my back pay, she would have used it all up in a heartbeat without a care in the world. My advice to you is to focus on you and your healing and either in the midst of it all or when your mind and heart know you’re ready for a new relationship, it will happen. You deserve to be genuinely happy, don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve. =)
Okay so I was with someone for 5 years almost 6, I genuinely thought I’d die with this man. I thought I was so in love and I couldn’t be without him. He was the father to my two kids we met when I was 16. He was abusive and I kept forgiving him, he was so controlling and used to always put me down. Until one day I left him and thought I’d never love again. 4 months later I met this man, who I feel love for that I’ve never felt before. It makes me question the love I felt before as I now think was it even real love? This man pushes me to do my best, makes me feel so good about myself, loves me for me. He makes me feel feelings I’ve never felt before. So if it’s supposed to be then it will be, if not there is someone better out there for you.
Single for over 2 years. Was absolutely shattered after my breakup. Thought I'd never love the same, and I was right. After 1.5 years of dating and small situationships, I've finally found that feeling of falling in love again. However, this time, it's pretty different. I'm obviously a lot more cautious, as expected, but so is the girl I'm seeing (went through a similar breakup a couple of years ago). We initially met when we were both in separate relationships and then ran into each other a couple of months ago, both scared and battered from loving the wrong people. I'm not sure how long this will go on for, but I'm just happy I'm able to strongly feel for someone again.
I had one long-term relationship in my early 20s. He wanted me to choose him over my happiness. The next guy treated me like I was never enough, but I kept going back for 10 years. I finally found the balls to let go and start to heal. At 33/34, I met the person I would marry. Started to list things I wanted and needed in a partner. He checks all boxes and then some. We are besties, lovers, and competitors. I sometimes miss being single, but life with him ain't too bad. He makes me laugh and makes sure I eat. We have hurt each other but I can't imagine At this late in life, being without him.
Asking for a friend, what happened with the second guy? I feel like I might be in a similar situation but still unable to move on.
I dated a guy when I was in high school, on and off for 10 years. It was toxic, manipulative and just overall a bad relationship. But sunk fallacy and being comfortable kept me in it. Idk how or why I thought I loved him. Finally had the courage to leave, took a year and a half off for myself before dating my beloved boyfriend now. We were in the same friend group for a few years but he was never on my radar. A few months after my break up, we had a conversation and I was slightly interested in getting to know him more while not wanting to hop in a new relationship when I was newly single. He lived 2 hours away so I didn’t get the chance to talk to him more until a year later when we went on a group vacation. We had late night talks that lasted til the morning. When we went home, he slid in my dm’s 2 weeks later and we have been talking and now dating ever since. He is the love of my life and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
It’s more than possible. You need to be open to it as it’s not exactly easy. My husband of 12 years died suddenly of an unknown birth defect and I met an incredible man later on. He’s handsome, sweet and understanding about my emotional trauma from the loss of my late husband. In fact we’ve been talking about taking the next steps in life and I feel very excited about this! I’m finding it easy to live with and love him, and I have fun every day in this new version of my life. I can’t tell you enough to try and be open to this because if you close yourself off and believe that you’re not going to be happy ever again, you won’t be. Stay positive OP. If I can learn to be happy again after losing my husband, I feel that most anyone can. Best of luck!
I thought I was with the love of my life and was engaged. I knew he wasn't perfect or a good partner, but it's all I thought I deserved. I got the balls to break off the relationship. It turns out the missing piece was my friend of 11 years. We always thought the other was attractive, etc, but we didn't think anything would happen, so we buried our feelings deep down and came to the conclusion that it would never happen. We're currently in the process of buying our first house and are nearly 3 years into our relationship. He truly enriches and completes my life, I've never known a love like this before.
I just broke off an engagement myself, this gives me hope.
I thought I was deeply in love with my high school sweetheart and then with my next partner and then with my ex-husband. All 3 relationships ended badly and I grieved. Then I met my current partner and holy fuck I have never been this in love. I honestly didn’t know it could be like this. She is absolutely perfect for me in every way. If I had custom ordered an ideal partner from a magic genie in a lamp, it would be her. You will find love again and passion.
This makes me so hopeful
I thought I lost the love of my life. I was SO wrong. My ex broke up with me in 2022, and I can’t explain how crushed I was. I was devastated, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, went through grief like I’d never experienced it. I was in support groups, listened to self help podcasts, worked on myself until I felt like I could date again 6 months later. Let me be clear: I thought I would never find anyone close to my ex. Then I met the love of my life. I knew her already from my gym, but she wasn’t on my radar whilst I was with my ex. But suddenly, with my newfound independence and self care, there she was. I can’t even explain in words how she makes me feel. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and she makes me feel the most like me I have ever felt. We have such a passionate and caring relationship, we communicate, she looks after me when I’m down and vice versa. I’ve never known anything like it. So yes. I lost the love of my life, and then found them again. They just weren’t the same person. And now I know that my ex was nothing close to what I deserved or needed.
i needed to see this :’( i had the strongest connection with someone who i thought had the purest intention.. only to cheat on me with a transwoman later on. i couldn’t recover from something like this. i’m losing passion for my sport. glued to my phone wishing he’d come back, or atleast apologise. i just wanna fast forward to the day where i won’t be depressed anymore..
I was exactly like this. Not sure why the woman being trans is important though, I’m trans and it doesn’t make a difference. If he cheated on you that’s his fault, not the woman’s. You will get through this, it will take time but you will look back and think wow, I lost so much of myself to this and I’m so glad I’m out the other side. You will gain strength from this that you can’t gain in any other way. And the people that get broken are the ones propelled into greatness because their feelings are so strong. It makes us want to improve ourselves. The people we leave behind will be the ones stuck in their ways, not us. We move onto to greater things, and I am proof of that.
Thank you :( I’m not blaming anyone. Tbh i don’t even blame him. I just wish he didn’t led me on that he was loyal, didn’t feed me with affection and reassurance, only to hurt me in the end. Not even an apology or closure. Just blocked me even before explaining. I was fully on board… now I’m lost. Traumatized. I hope I rise above from this. I need to be strong like you.
Sadly, I can't. We both sabotaged the relationship in the end, and when I found someone else, I took too long realising how good she made me feel and lost her too.
My ex wasn't the love of my life by any means but I do wish if we both tried harder that the relationship would have lasted longer. Then my crush came into my life and loved everything about her and now she's in a semi happy relationship and I'm still, well.... worthless, nobody wants me.
Yep. We’ve done it three times already. We are broken up now. The longest in the five-year relationship. It’s been one year. Yeah we both know we’re the right person for each other. So to recap we have been together for five years and broke up three times and back together three times. Right now we’re working on our fourth. There’s no true definition of love. Because I know I love her! She loves me. Eventually, I hope we are going to work through all this bullshit!
Three years ago I had the worst breakup. I had to breakup with the love of my life and I didn’t want to. I had a full blown mental breakdown that uncovered a lot of deep seated trauma I hadn’t worked out. It was truly awful. I was actively sad for a year. I couldn’t even fathom another person looking at my let alone touch me. I did a lot of therapy for the deep seated trauma and have come so incredibly far but I still loved and missed him. Eventually I met someone I didn’t compare to the ex and gave me hope of falling in love again. Someone very close to him died and he just couldn’t be emotionally available despite everything else about us aligning. I practiced all my new non- toxic responses on him. Was hopeful he would come out of the sadness. I casually dated in between and he knew. I was hopeful but also I found many guys who wanted to date. However, I need that extra special kind of person to reciprocate. Kept feeling like I wasn’t going to find it. Then four months ago I met the most incredible human. I didn’t initially think he would be my type. And then slowly and naturally and without any anxiety I am falling in love with him and he reciprocates and I am so grateful for the last two because I made incredible strides forward through therapy. I am showing up in healthy ways and he is so calm and peaceful. I am very grateful to know this love. And I’m so grateful it’s happening again but in the best way possible this time.
I am proud of you ❤️ may it always get easier for you
My ex, who I dated on and off over 3-4 years, dumped me over text like a week after my grandpa died. We were passionate but in retrospect it wasn’t all that great. I was so angry and so hurt to be broken up with when I was most vulnerable (AND OVER TEXT!?). I let the loss of my grandpa totally consume me for the following months. The next person I dated I ended up marrying. I legit thought I’d never meet “the one”. That happened for other people, not me. Let the ones who aren’t meant for you get out of your way!!
I was absolutely devastated to lose my ex. He was my first true love, the first person I thought was “the one.” I loved him so much it hurt. I was trauma bonded and anxiously attached to him. I upended my life on the west coast and moved across the country to be with him. He left me after two years of living together, and the breakup was way messier and drawn out than it needed to be. No need to get into the dirty details, but it was honestly traumatizing. I talked about him in therapy for YEARS and even did EMDR therapy to try and heal. The only thing that helped was finally cutting all contact with not only him, but all of our mutual friends and his family. I blocked everybody, moved away, started a new life, and was finally starting to move on. Until one day I got a phone call from his mother, and found out he had suddenly and tragically died. He was only 30. At the funeral, his mom told me that she had always hoped we would get back together and that she knew I was the one for him. I try not to read into it too much because I understand she was so struck with grief when she said that. But the whole experience did reopen old wounds and left me ruminating about all the what ifs that could have happened if he was still alive. I had other relationships, but I never loved anyone else the way I loved that person. Until I met my current partner in March of last year. Neither of us were even looking for a relationship at the time, it kind of just happened. It was the most unexpected and wonderful surprise. Our chemistry formed effortlessly right from the first date. We were compatible in every single way. Every step I took towards the relationship was matched with the same enthusiasm on his side. We were able to be vulnerable with each other and feel safe with each other. One day he told me “I feel like I have been looking for you my whole life,” and I realized I felt the exact same way. I had been begging people to love me the way I loved them, not realizing that my person was still out there ready to give me everything I wanted and more. I used to think it was okay to struggle and fight for love. But this time, falling in love didn’t hurt. It was easy, joyful, and healing. The new relationship energy has mellowed out by now, but we are still obnoxiously and disgustingly happy with each other. Eventually I even started finding some forgiveness and acceptance towards my ex, which I had always struggled to do prior. I will always grieve my ex’s death, but I am finally at the point where I no longer have to view our relationship with rose tinted glasses. I used to think of him as the one that got away, when really the best thing he did for me was let me go. He was a wonderful person and there were a lot of things to love about him, but he wasn’t my person. I am so much happier and fulfilled with the relationship I have now. Hang in there OP! You may just need more time to heal and that’s okay. But you can absolutely fall in love again.
"I had been begging people to love me the way I loved them, not realizing that my person was still out there ready to give me everything I wanted and more. I used to think it was okay to struggle and fight for love" I recently came out of a relationship where I was begging for love. Even when he said he no longer liked me, my answer was I'll wait till his feelings changed. I had given everything- my live, my career, to be with him. I thought he was the one and I would fight everything to be with him. Now I am completely drained out. It's not the love of my life if only I feel that way. Your words make me believe that there is someone out there for me who would accept all the love I can offer and will give me even more. Someone who wouldn't make me question if I am worthy of love or not. Thankyou
This is beautiful ❤️ thank you!
My ex husband (25 at the time of this story) abandoned my baby and myself for a 19 year old waitress he met the day before. Everyone said he must've known her longer. He didn't. I later found out he had cheated on me with at least 5 other women. I made life altering sacrifices for this man. I was devastated. I thought life was over. We had a messy divorce and I lost everything. But by 35 I owned two businesses and was a debt free homeowner, with very very little help from my family. I had some lovely casual relationships with some fascinating men and a mostly good long term relationship that ended due to personal differences. My new partner is honestly everything I ever wanted in a partner and reminds me of my (dead) soulmate, like a LOT. I have primary custody of the kid, two vehicles, I own a home, I'm self employed and work part time with my 2 BFFs and an ex I actually still get along with, i have an awesome social circle and go on some kind of weekend trip about once per month. He's had at least 19 jobs since we split up (2011) and is often couch surfing. He's cheating on his current girlfriend. He owes me $8,000 in child support that I'll probably never see. He's broke, alone, and miserable. After the divorce, his family stayed on better terms with me than with him. I won't say I've lived happily ever after but I've lived a lot of life and I would never ever ever ever ever want him back. My dad: do you know why divorces are so expensive? Me: no? My dad: because they're worth it. :)
My brother had that saying on a bumper sticker he put on his car after his divorce 😂
I met my first woman at the age of nineteen when I was a virgin. I fell hard for her and she also had the same feelings towards me. We were in heaven but we had a problem because she was a married MILF. We loved each other and enjoyed our time together as if there was no tomorrow. We wanted to continue with our little secret affair but like all secret affairs it had to end. We both were very sad and heartbroken when we separated because circumstances changed against us. We decided to move on in our life with a promise to connect again if possible, which we did eventually with a difference that now we were long distance. As time went on and about five years later I found my wife and we felt that we were made for each other. Now we are together for the last forty years and happy.
When I was 30 I met a guy who was perfect for me, my absolute dream guy. Shared my same very specific obscure hobby, same unique heritage, was funny, charming and seemed very into me. After 6 dates I was totally smitten but… he ghosted me! For some weird reason, I was more heart broken than when I ended years long relationships. I just felt like I couldn’t trust my intuition or instincts about people. I also felt like I would never meet anyone who was that perfect for me again. I took a long break from dating. Then my parent died and I was in a terrible accident that took over a year to recover from. A few years later I decided it was time to try dating again. I met a man who initially came off as kind of quiet and nervous about dating. We were both a bit older and he’d been burned by the dating world before. We went slowly and took our time and by six months he has come out of his shell as this funny, charming, kind, creative, amazing person. I realized he was even more perfect for me than the other guy, just in different ways. Even now, my mind is blown all the time by how perfect we are for one another. It seems like fate. We have been together for five years, we’re married and trying for a baby right now. I couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad things didn’t work out with that other guy because I never would have met the person I was meant to spend my life with. Don’t give up hope. True love will find you in the end.
A video I saw today said, You don’t find someone “better”, you find someone that’s better for you.
OmG😍😍😍😍😍
This guy was AMAZING when I met him. HE WAS THE ONE, I KNEW IT!! Over time, he became toxic but I kept on hanging on to him based on who he was in the beginning and the good parts I was still seeing glimpses of intermittently during his toxic behavior. When I walked away, I foolishly felt I would never find somebody as great as this loser was and I even questioned how I would make it without him. Never mind that I had managed spectacularly great before I met him. I kissed a couple of frogs after him but I had experience now so I knew to cut out sooner instead of hanging on, even if it hurt my heart. I got an education during this journey, never did I think I would have a bachelors degree much less an MBA. I should also tell you that the struggle was real, I was poor and this effort consumed me and almost broke me. I traveled the world, moved to big cities. I didn't even know that I was brave until others told me that they could never do what I had done. My experiences changed me, I was able to see that what I thought I wanted was based on the limitations of all I knew given my geography, family culture, and country culture. I'm still single but I am having such a great time. I now know that I don't need a partner, I'm fine on my own, but I do want one. I can't wait to meet him. This is a really powerful place to be in life. Edit: so I have not found the "one" but I was lucky enough to not be financially dependent on that partner or be tied to them with kids. It still wasn't easy, still isn't, but I am independent.
You speak my language 😊
You may not have found ‘the one’ yet, but you found you. And at the end of the day, the only person you can dictate your happiness, is you
Sometimes lasting love looks different than that “passionate love of your life” love. Maybe not always, but more often than not those PASSIONATE burning love feelings are just your unresolved trauma being activated and acted out with someone who reminds you of whatever hurt you. Idk why brains do that, it’s cruel. I think things do work out eventually, when we learn to love what’s good for us.
Married for over 20 years to a narcissist. When I tell you I tried and tried and tried and tried to make this work...I had no idea what a narcissist even was. I thought I was going crazy. Finally had enough and kicked him out, and I was single for the first time since being a teen, basically, and after about a year and a half of dating various people, I met someone online because I changed my Tinder location, as I was going on vacation to visit a friend. He was literally my best friends neighbor, who lived across the country from me. We've been together a year and a half, and he's moving in with me in 2 days. I am wildly in love with this man.
This is encouraging to me, as a fellow October Libra. Thanks for the confidence!
You are very welcome! Good luck!
Thank you!
I thought my ex abuser was the love of my life, breaking up with him took me 4 years because i thought my love would break his abuse. It broke me so bad that i didnt even cry when i finally broke it off, i was just a shell of myself completely obliterated by his abuse. It took me 2/3 years to find someone I felt safe with again. He showed me what real love is, he showed me what being in a consenting loving relationship is like. I love him to death and now understand what i felt for my ex was not love, it started as lust and ended in a desperate need for acceptance i never got.
Never had the “love of my life” till I did. My wife left her abusive husband and was single for a couple years. My wife died from health issues. We met through a mutual friends We bonded on the phone initially as support for one another with no intention of dating. We are now madly in love 5 years later. Had to blend our many kids and though it hasn’t been cakes and pies on the way we did it and look forward to tomorrow together, every day. It’s more than possible.
I was with a man who I thought was my best friend for 10 years. Looking back, it was obvious that I was his beard, even if he hadn’t came to terms with it yet. We hardly had sex, if we did it was maybe 3 minutes max. In the beginning it wasn’t this way, we had a lot of sex as 19 year olds. But it subsided greatly and the last 4 years were really sad and difficult. On the other side of the coin, I could tell him anything. We were very open and transparent. I knew he liked bi porn, mmf, etc. and we’d watch together. I was convinced he was my person. Never wanted kids with him, probably because I knew trying to make a baby would be a disappointment. And then by year 7 or so his alcoholism was at its worst, and only got worse after that. In addition to this, he was depressed at, completely dead bedroom, and also he had a video game addiction that overtook his life. Like stayed up every night until til 6:00 AM when I was getting ready for work. He was also failing to get to work regularly, was in grad school but worked maybe 12 hours a week on a good week, leaving me with a huge financial burden even through he was a trust fund baby. During my lonely nights and empty days (while he slept) I prayed and prayed he’d change. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized he won’t and only I could change the situation. I did believe he was the love of my life, but I knew there was more to it. And trying to “help” someone for years on end who had no desire to change or for improvement just was not working. So I ended it. I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. This was my best friend, how could I do something like leave him?? And then I hung out with a college friend one day and my life flipped upside down. Idk if it was the combination of having real sex, longer than a few minutes and more frequently than I ever had in my adult life, or the flirting, or the fun, or the face that he wasn’t a closed homosexual, but I went crazy for the college friend. Like friends called me “dickmatized”, which is entirely accurate. I fell fast and hard. Three years later we’re doing amazing. I adore him, never knew love could be like this. Feel truly blessed and still just as obsessed as that first date.
How did your former lover handle it and did you remain in touch?
He was hurt, but ultimately understood. We kept in touch for a while but I eventually went no contact. He actually got sober, is now a gym addict, got a full time job, and is doing really well for himself. Haven’t spoken to him in years, and always wish him the best.
I wish a woman could feel that way towards me. I'm too ugly and I am too abused to find real romantic love.
They can though, and I believe they will. Read about confidence and self esteem. Sometimes you even have to fake it until you believe it. And friend, I never said my new partner was sexy as fuck. Although I believe he is, he, just like you, says he’s ugly and feels ugly. Love has nothing to do with looks. I do get that looks help, I’m not an idiot, but only you can be confident and own your situation.
I don’t have any story to share but here for positivity too. I ended a four year relationship that turned abusive. He was everything and I thought i was going to marry him. I think about him almost every day and I’m afraid i won’t find my person.
I thought I would fall in love. One day I met someone so kind and sweet and if no where I wasn’t looking but love Found me. Unexpected
When I was 21F I had just met this guy who I was enamored with. I was completely convinced for a time that we would get married. Then (we are both religious) I prayed that God would guide our relationship. The next morning he drove to my house and broke up with me. I was truly devastated, I was beside myself I didn’t eat for three days. I threw up while he was breaking up with me because of how truly awful I felt inside. I felt so hurt and betrayed. I thought we were on the same page but we were not. I told myself I’d never date for a very long time. Three days later a close friend of mine got in a car accident and died which only made this whole experience more traumatizing for me. Then later, I met my now husband I’m 23 now. It was only a few months later I was healing and going to therapy and decided to give love a chance. I’m so glad that I did. I thought I’d never love anyone like him again or find someone as handsome. But when I met my husband he was the perfect person for me. My ex was no where near the guy that I should’ve married and I realized how delusional I was. I realized my ex and I had nothing in common we were boring together. I also had so much anxiety that I was too afraid to break up with him even tho looking back I should have. I never knew love until I met my husband. He’s the most charming loving and funny goofy person I’ve ever known. He loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh constantly. He’s thoughtful and I’ve never felt more loved. When I realized how completely in love with him I was my whole entire existence made sense. Life is hard but having him makes things so much easier. You grow and learn so much together than you would on your own. I realized it was good I didn’t marry my ex bc he wasn’t for me. My actual husband was on his way to my life.
I was 35 years old. Because of my own lack of monogamy and my own lack of money I decided to become a bachelor. Because no woman wanted to marry me they just wanted to use my penis like a dildo. So I’m 35 years old and I declared myself a bachelor. I wasn’t going to be brokenhearted again by a girl just using me for my body. I would be on equal playing fields and not worry about families and the future. Oh my God that’s when I met my wife. Sometimes you can only find the thing you’re looking for when you stop looking for it.
Totally agree with this
give it time bae. what is the context? if we knew more we’d probably be able to help better. but just give it time
Will it make you happy?
I decided I was never going to love another man again. I focused on myself. Forgiveness for the past, journaling, meditation, all of it. Then when I least expected it: love found me.
I had a long distance relationship with my first love for 2 years. He broke up with me out of the blue while I was 3000 miles away from my hometown visiting him. He never gave a reason why and our relationship was seemingly perfect. Was super devastated and confused. Felt unloveable for a while. 6 months later met my now fiance at a bus stop, he went through a similar thing with his ex partner. It was kind of the shared trauma that brought us together but we ended up having a lot of other interests in common and are extremely compatible. I’m grateful I found him every day, we get married next year Unfortunately not all of us get lucky with our first partners but sometimes it is necessary to go through those learning experiences to find who you’re really meant to be with :)
Did he just start talking to you at the bus stop?
It was a bus stop at our university, we had a class together beforehand but he never approached me until we were at the bus stop. He tapped me on the shoulder and we shook hands and he introduced himself and how he wanted to make more friends and the rest is history :3
Give them another chance if you love them that much!
He doesn't want me anymore, he's moved on to someone new two weeks after...
I’m so sorry to hear that! Maybe in time he will realize what he’s lost and come back to you!
i won't lie, i still think about him sometimes, and i only recently kissed someone else new and for me that was a big moment. it was the first new person i'd kissed since june of last year. this guy and i had a short relationship but my lord it was passionate. it was one of those relationships you get when you both are so excited initially, throw caution to the wind, and then suddenly you're sitting and wondering where all the passion went as it was simply like it disappeared overnight. suddenly you're noticing small things you disagree on, and you realise all the ways you're not compatible because you were both idealising the other person from the beginning and turning them into someone they're not. i would say i'm slowly falling back in love with myself, as for me, that passionate relationship was the first love i'd ever had that was also sexual (and maybe i confused the two things a lot). and also, i'm becoming warmer to the idea of a slow romance and of new romances in general. and i view it as a lesson. i'll be more careful next time. i don't want to build walls around myself, but i'd guard my heart a little better in future, and take the time to REALLY get to know the other person. just because you are attracted to someone, and can have good banter, does not mean that they'll be a good partner. for me, this wasn't obvious. i can be very idealistic and naive iwl but i'm also 21 and have had little experience w partners. he wasn't good for me, and honestly now i'm so happy that i instigated the conversation that led to our inevitable breakup. despite crying over it for what felt like forever. however, there's a nice quote about that, which i'll paraphrase. (it's richard silken fyi) suddenly you're crying on the floor, and you realise the ridiculousness of it all really, and you have to laugh at yourself. suddenly, the angle lets you see a part of your baseboard that desperately needs repainted, or a spot on your floor that you need to clean. the point is that despite it all life goes on, and eventually you'll find some humour or lesson in it; either is helpful (humour, arguably more-so). and we're all really not as stuck in our states as we believe ourselves to be. you could realistically pursue and do anything, you could give up chocolate and coffee and porn and you would be fine without any of these things, you could do the steps it takes to make yourself a runner (despite how you're simply not a 'runner' and suddenly become one) you're not as set in stone as you think. it's the lies we tell ourselves that create our reality, so do yourself a favour and make your reality something forgiving. your heart may make you may believe you have lost your soulmate, but the truth is that we have thousands of potential soulmates. you might've walked past your perfect match on july 20th, 2009, you don't mourn that. now you know one person who it FOR SURE wouldn't work out with. you make that person special by the love you give them, do yourself a favour and give even a tad of that slack you gave to them to yourself.
I was married for 16 years and my ex husband was abusive and a cheater. I felt like after that relationship I was going to be single again forever because I didn’t want to feel that way again. And when I wasn’t looking for someone, I found the love of my life. When I met him it was like my soul recognized his. He made me laugh until I cried, I can’t even tell you how long it had been since I laughed like that. The more we talked the more I fell in love with him. I look at him and feel like my chest is going to burst with the amount of love I feel. We can talk openly and honestly about everything. I thought I knew what love was before but now that I met him I know that I never felt true unconditional love before.
I had been with an abusive person on and off for several years. I was able to end it, and then met a great person. He unfortunately passed away. I didn’t think I’d meet anyone after that… but I have met someone, and it’s like meeting someone familiar, yet entirely different from anyone I’ve ever met before… I’m hoping for the best because he is absolutely spectacular.
I married a man who did not love me but pretended to so he could live under the radar and not reveal his sexuality. He stole from me, lied to me, and almost got me sent to prison. To divorce him I had to move mountains. When it was over, I decided that I was simply too stupid/gullible to ever date again. As I worked towards this resolve, one day I stepped on to an elevator and this guy was already on - oh my he was just my kind of guy. He noticed me too but neither of us spoke. A few weeks later a friend said there was a group going out to a concert but one guy was divorced and would I babysit his kids. I showed up to be child care and who should answer the door but Elevator Man! He went on the outing but returned within a couple of hours. I moved in with him in ridiculously short amount of time and.... We were married for decades and even though I am now a widow, I think of our time together with much gratitude. Joy to you.
What a beautiful story! I’m so glad you had the chance to experience real love. 💕
Thank you for posting this. This is something that has been on my mind and spirit heavy lately. My wife was killed 2.5 years ago and most of the time I feel like I will never be in love again. My ability to form and maintain connections with people has been shattered. So even though it probably won't happen for me, it is nice to know there is a small chance I might feel close to someone again in this lifetime
I'm so sorry to hear that.. hope some of the stories here have put a smile on your face
Thank you 🙏
I signed up for a dating app and kinds hung out on it a couple months and had only managed one conversation with a guy who I thought was promising and put my hope into. He turned out to be the wrong one, towards the end of talking to him someone else started talking to me and I got bored on a long road trip so I gave him my number and we ended up talking on the phone for hours that day. The last time I had a conversation like that I was still a kid falling for one of my first loves. He blew me out of the water and I kept telling myself "no this isn't supposed to be the one" but alas, I eventually fell after we met. The first date, we sat there so long that he put down extra for the tip because it was over 2 hours. It went so well I invited him over, bad decisions were made and I was 100% okay with it. I had already clocked a month of conversation with him over the phone. This week (1 month after that date) we sat next to a lake and watched a storm come in for several hours and it was the most peaceful joyful time I've ever had. Pray that we stay happy together cus idk what I'd do if something happened and this didn't work out.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 10 years. She left me a shell of my former self and then took everything from my when I divorced her. A little time and a lot of introspection and healing, and I’ve got an incredible new wife and daughter, house friend group and a better work life balance.
I spent 10 years with someone I thought I’d be with forever. I was broken up about it, but as time passed I realized that things were not as good as I remember. Time gives you perspective. After a while I started dating casually using apps and completely and suddenly fell in love with someone I met. They see me for who I am and don’t mind accommodating my needs (ocd, mental health issues) and reassuring me the way I need to be reassured. Let some time pass, there’s always a reason for the breakup
the person i thought was the loml had feelings for me first, and though i had feelings too, i ended up rejecting him and we stayed friends. I fell for him even harder over time, and this time he no longer reciprocated... late september 2023 was when our friendship ended. He was my best friend on top of being my first love, and i was absolutely heartbroken.. a few months ago though, i found someone who went through the same thing as me (he lost his best friend ever.) and we became close through how much we relate to each other and how much we care for each other, and hes the one ive now fallen for :)
I did not need to see this yet because I’m currently in the broken up but still friends era😭 UGHHHHHH…I hope we get back together…
aw man, im so sorry! but also, im gonna be very real with you, if this person really was someone you were in love with you clearly still love them. If they dont reciprocate those feelings anymore and continue not to, that is going to hurt you VERY badly, trust me i was in that position for over 2 years. I would say distance yourself a bit if y'all r very close friends. or even just leave tbh but that is ofc your choice. btw it depends what reasons u broke up for too i guess, like for example its js cause they arent ready for a relationship w u now but want to be tg in the future then stay, but if it isnt something like that and they acc lost feelings/have feelings for someone else def distance urself from or leave the friendship to avoid being hurt even more. if you are distancing, come back when you have healed from the heartbreak, and if you leave their life completely, then you leave and dont look back.
The reasoning is definitely way closer to her not being ready right now, but wants to be with me in the future…I just hate that though…I was even planning on purposing soon. We were together for just over 2 years and she is genuinely my first love, and tbh I feel like my only. And by only, I also think it will stay that way.
Yeah it honestly sucks that shes "not ready" especially cuz its been two years - it shouldnt take that long to realize something like that. i felt the same way too with "theyre the only person ill ever love" but that turned out to be false, so if it indeed doesnt work out, dont worry because youre gonna feel like that until you get over it to a certain point. until something changes between you two, focus more on yourself, if youre studying then on that, otherwise on ur job and hobbies and make sure to hangout with your friends and family. Feel all your feelings but also put your mind on other important things in your life ! Wishing you all the best and if you ever want to talk js dm :)
My bf died. I loved him more than anything. I thought I was going to die of heartbreak. It took 4-5 years to get over it. I will never feel that same love ever again. Maybe if I’d had children I’d feel that deeply but chose not to so I can only imagine. My fiancé now, he’s fantastic. I love him very much. But it’s not the same kind of love. My heart rarely feels like it’ll explode like it did around my dead bf. When you love someone SO much that your chest is exploding, you’re overcome with emotion, it’s hard to breathe just thinking about them, that love VERY rarely comes back the same. The exploding love made me overlook a lot of terrible things my dead bf did. Now, years later, I’d prefer my fiancé. Sometimes the exploding love just isn’t that good for us to begin with. You could find someone you’ll love even harder than them. Or maybe that’s the person you’ll love the hardest in your life. Just don’t let the feelings blur reality.
I met her when I didn’t expect to meet anyone. A long time alone because I didn’t want to get hurt again. She makes me realize getting hurt would be worth it. She is all I think about. I love you CM
Was married to my ex for 7 years, together for 14, before she cheated on me. We had 2 kids. Tore my world up. Fast forward a couple years, playing Ultima Online, on a very small shard. Long story short, started talking in game, IMing, email, then phone calls. Flew back and forth a couple times (lived about 1,000) miles apart. She moved out to me, got married, finished raising our 3 kids (she had 1). Been together 19 years, married 13, have 2 grandkids now. She's not only the love of my life, but truly my best friend; can't imagine life without her.
I was with an extremely ab*sive guy for 3 years, (he was also a narcissistic so great at manipulating) but when we broke up I had no sense of who I was, I didn’t know who I was looking at in the mirror, so I deep dived in healing and when I chose to start dating I wrote on a piece of paper what characteristics I want in a man. I found my current man and he gave me the room and space to heal. He is patient and kind and checked every box on my list. The healthiest but hardest relationship I’ve ever been in lol. I learned what love is🤍
I need some positivity, too, after a recent breakup... sending you love ❤️ and light ✨️
I fell in love after a break up but I didn’t love the guy anymore after awhile. And if this one say one more thing to rub me wrong I might not love him no more either…moral of the story 
I’ve heard people say the grieving takes for 4 years roughly and I think that’s accurate unless you meet someone new and even than you could just be delaying the inevitable.
After my ex-wife and I split up I never thought I'd end up loving anyone else. About 5 years later, I met an amazing woman that treats me better than my ex-wife ever did.
I met what I thought was my soul mate and love of my life at university. We had ten years together, we went through a lot of things for 10 years but were solid in our relationship. Unfortunately she passed away from Covid. For obvious reasons it took me probably about two years to recover from that. Then I spent a year pushing myself to get out there and meet new people, including dating. It took me about another year to find my current girlfriend. I wouldn't say it's perfect, in fact because of the trauma I suspect and the heightened anxiety it's a little like a roller-coaster, but fingers crossed I totally can see this one being another long term relationship. And even if it isn't I feel I could get out there and date again. It's really the attitude you have that determines these things. You basically have to do this weird dance where you push yourself to find love again, but you don't be desperate or try to expect you will find it again because otherwise you'll come across as too strong and needy.
I had my first boyfriend in 2019, everything seemed great we broke up in 2021 but we were off and on till 2022 it was a very traumatic i had to go to therapy i couldn’t stop crying i kept thinking i was never gonna love again or feel so close with someone or let someone touch me and feel safe but it was actually just toxic relationship! in 2023 i started dating my current boyfriend i love him so much this relationship is the best thing ever i learned so much from my first relationship and i just wish i could tell my 2022 self that its gonna be okay and you will ge through it and to just work on yourself because there’s someone out there that will love you and cherish you. everything happens for a reason. the right person will come, it happens when you aren’t expecting it because in the beginning on the relationship i didnt think it was going anywhere and we are so happy and in love. focus on yourself, you got this🤍
I was dating someone in 1998. He moved to Hawaii. (Military). Asked me to move w him. We prepared for me to move in 3 mos. By the time the 3 mos was up he was seeing some9ne else. I was devastated. About 30 days later, I went online and started talking with someone. Here we are 26 years later. We've been married for 24..expect it when you least expect it.
Have you ever thought you may have been feeling Limerence for this person?
It could be limerence at the beginning I'm not gonna deny that, but I grew to truly love that person including their flaws.
My Limerence often became love too, but I don’t love my ex and still feel Limerence for them. I can go months without seeing them and then as soon as I do it’s over the top overwhelming pain etc because I can’t be with them. We broke up 3 years ago and he definitely isn’t a person I would be with today but those feelings of Limerence are still there
See r/limerence
5 years ago, I thought I met my soul mate, absolute love of my life. I gave up everything and moved to be with her. We ended up getting married. I fully loved this woman, but our relationship ended up being awfully toxic and she left me in early 2023. I was crushed, my life fell apart. I ended up moving back home and scraped my life back together. I spent over a year single and alone, hardly socializing and not even attempting dating. One day I had someone pop up as a suggested friend on Facebook. She was someone I went to high-school with 14 years ago and had a crush on. I sent her a request and she added me. I saw she still lived here and was single. I ended up stepping out of my comfort zone, sent her a message and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Didn't have any expectations and honestly believed it wouldn't go great. Well it went so well, our date lasted over 12 hours and we have so much in common. We have spent so much time together and we have the same goals and wants in life. I got to meet her two little girls and they absolutely adore me. I never thought I would find love again in my life, yet I found it when I wasn't even looking. She I'd an absolutely amazing person and I actually believe she very well may be the one.
I’m here for the comments as well. I thought I had met the love of my life, but he left me just over a month ago. I’m pregnant and we have a 17 month old. At 38, I feel like I’ll never find genuine, kind love.
Going thru the same thing!
I’m so sorry what a douche.
I actually broke up with my ex for the fact he was going back into drug deals, an alcoholic, and did not put his mental health or life first. He wanted me to be his second chance and I was not ready to be that. Unfortunately, he lost his mom prior to meeting me and his family blamed it for it. I tried my very best to be someone there for him but soon I started feeling the very same fear I had with my father who hurt my mom. I was in a mental pickle too due to being on my own without much friends and dealing with family loss in the same year. At the end, I chose my happiness and despite my fears I called to break up with him face to face because he deserve to hear the reason and overall wished him best at life but that was the last time we will see each other again because it was done. It was the hardest thing I ever did because I'm not a person who turns their back on others but I knew that this had to be done for both our sakes. I didn't date at all for a full year, tried once but I wasn't mentally ready. Then the last two weeks before COVID took over the world. I met my now boyfriend who at first glance I was rethinking my decision to go on this date. I was on shift at Barnes and Noble and I wanted to observe just to be sure. I watched him go directly to the cook book section (he's a chef) and actually bought the book except I had my coworker take him cause I got nervous. As soon as I was off shift I gave myself a pep talk and headed off to my date. Sure enough, my boyfriend was surprised when first meeting me because on my bumble profile I said I was 5'7. I am not the greatest in math whatsoever and by my boyfriend's measurements (against protest) I am 4'7. Despite that we had a magical first date which ended with a kiss. We've been together for four years now and shared our first together but I cannot say our relationship has been easy. We are both family oriented but he's Korean American and I am Ecuadorian American. Dealing with his parents have been the cost of many break ups but that didn't stop their son from loving me and coming back because he could not imagine a world with me. My parents are weary for they were there when I was in pain from the break ups as I honestly thought we almost completely broke up and his parents had won. I am not someone who does not hold back on what I can see plain as day no matter who it hurts. I told him that I knew his parents wanted nothing more from him than being a scape goat for being a perfect son that they did not care for his happiness and care more for their own place in their family than his mental well being. I told him once he realizes his mistake to not contact me if he believe his parents happiness was more important than his and to never come near me without notice but to keep my number as a ghost in his phone. It took him three months by himself to realize through drinking, mental breakdowns, and his family pushing him over the edge. He left them behind with his bag, clothes on his back and laptop. I was healing to being alone for the rest of my life because I was not going to date again but live my life. Suddenly, he texted, I was going to be there and hear him out maybe exact revenge given to what he was going to tell me. Unfortunately, I was right, but I hated being right. He went on his knees and apologized for ever giving me up. At that point, he was on the verge for suicide and that he did not deserve anything but he needed help. I forgave him, promise to help but not promise anything in regards to our relationship which did not last. I put my neck out for my family to chop but my mom like me never turns back on people needing help. My mom provided enough for him to have clothes and grooming utensils. My aunt offered her spare room in her place further away from my neighborhood because my stepdad forbade him in the house. Fair enough and my family went on to help him as his family was trying to make amends for how far they pushed him. Boyfriend declared that it was too late to act like parents to him when it always on him to care for them at their age. Boyfriend's parents had him at the age of 40 and hope he was better than his brother. None of their children talks to them for they have a daughter my boyfriend never met in his life as she has her own family in Korea. I guess they realized that no one else will care for they pushed my boyfriend over the edge. My mother and I convinced him to talk to his parents for as much as I wanted to help. I also wanted him to complete his dreams on his own and to take back his life for I was doing the same before he came back. Our relationship is stronger than ever but his parents have lost all right to know about our life together even if we married and have children we both agreed that we're not comfortable having them near them. I born and raised with love and care even after leaving my dad behind. My mom, sisters and our family were there for us when time got especially harder. My family has been there for him since and he's been making amends for grandma says he must suffer too for what he put you through and earn our trust back. He's since paid my mom back and is spending more and more time with my family. He and I know how important we are to each other in this life and will be together until the end. We're supporting each other while we're dealing with being independent. I know it feels like the world is over now but soon it will be like a distant memory for you to pop it on the back of your mind. Surround yourself with people who love you more than anything and distract yourself with something that makes you happy. Take a step at a time as this is a time for yourself to think on how you want to go about your life.
I was with my ex-husband for almost 25 yrs. I got pregnant very early in our relationship and convinced myself he was the one and only for me. We got married in 2003 because he felt stuck. We had a total of 4 kids together and had hit or miss visitation with his son from a previous relationship. I thought he was supposed to be the love of my life, so I kept ignoring red flags and horrible words and actions toward me and the kids. Last year I finally hit a breaking point and left him. Divorced and done with his sorry ass. It took me less than 2 weeks to realize I really didn't want anything more from him and to start dating. I was just having fun and had no plans of getting into anything serious for a long time, if ever. Then a couple months ago, I matched on one of the sites with this guy I never would have imagined would be my type. But 3 dates in and I realized I was feeling a love for him blossoming. I freaked out and ghosted him for about a week. Then I suddenly realized I was wrong. I messaged him and apologized for everything. We met the next day and have been completely devoted to making things work ever since. We are both in complicated living situations, but in just 3 short months we will be getting a place together. He loves me more truly and purely than my ex-husband ever did. He is so amazing and I don't think I could ever imagine my life without him. Love doesn't operate on your terms, but be open to it if you think it might be hovering around your relationship
After three and a half years of friendship, the person I KNEW was the love of my life finally told me he felt the same. We had a short-lived relationship that, even though it was honestly abusive af, I was so happy because it was finally me and him. Things eventually got really bad and we broke up. A few months later, I needed an ego boost and decided to join a dating app. I wasn’t looking for anything at all - I literally just felt so horrible about myself that I turned somewhere I knew I would get some positive comments about myself. I ended up meeting someone who was initially someone I just thought was funny, and we bonded over similar interests in video games and such… lo and behold, like they always say, as soon as I wasn’t looking anymore, I found him. He has been so loving and patient with me while I recover from the toxicity I just had in a relationship. He has been understanding and kind and compassionate and gentle. I’ve fallen quickly which makes me nervous, but I am also pretty confident I went through everything I did to meet him. I promise it gets better. I know right now it LITERALLY seems so certain you will never ever love anyone again, that this is the loss of your life and you will never recover. I know you cry most of the day these days and just sit and think and wonder what you could do to save what y’all had. I encourage you to let yourself feel your feelings while also accepting that if he were the one, he would still be around. Relationships and love are hard, but not SUPER hard. Sending you lots of love, friend. I promise your person is out there. For now, love on yourself a bit.
I was engaged to who I thought was the man of my dreams. I was completely stupid in love with him. He called off the wedding 3 months before we were supposed to get married. I was devastated. I’d quit my job and moved to another state to be with him, and I had to start over when I came back. Lived with family and had to get back on my feet. He was all I thought about for a year and a half… I thought I could never love anyone like that. I met my husband and everything changed. It just felt right. I was loved for who I truly was, not a character I was playing. We’re celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this year and have a 2 year old son. During that year and a half, I poured myself into my hobbies and friendships. I got into the best shape I’ve ever been in. I had a blast even though it was a really hard time. Stay vulnerable. Stay hopeful. Stay fun and positive as much as you can. Be open to temporary flings and appreciate them for what they are. You’ll gain some good stories and figure out what you need from a partner.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh once u lose the love of ur life theres no going back ngl i dont believe in finding love after losing the love of ur lifw
Nooooo 🥲
This comments not goingn to help op
Just here for the comments because I need it too.
Was with my ex for 8 years (19-27) thought we would get married, have kids, all the things. But his lack of motivation and suspicious behavior was starting to get to me. Like I never actually caught him cheating, but there were several times I caught him lying about little things, suspicious texts, etc. He would always have an excuse and the few times I did have the balls to break up with him, some big tragic event would happen in his life or he’d reveal an old trauma and suck me back in. Finally he did something I couldn’t get over (crashed my parents’ car, drunk, fled the scene, then blamed his best friend for it). So I finally broke it off. I was sad for about 2 hours and then felt the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. After we broke up I started losing weight, caring about my career, and really giving a go at life. About 4 months later I felt ready to date again and within 6 months I met John (he was literally the first guy I men off of match.com). It was basically love at first sight. He’s the most gentle, caring, amazing person I’ve ever met. We were engaged within a year. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is next week 😇 I still my ex sometimes as a friend. He was very outgoing and extroverted, which I am not naturally. But I think we were always just meant to be friends, and the relationship was a mistake from the start. It’s hard to admit you wasted so much time on someone. But looking back it’s just another life experience that brought me here, happier and healthier than ever.
My ex and I were on and off for about 12 years. We were best friends first and then started dating. O was always so sure that we would end up together one day. Even during our “off” times, I still always felt that he was my end game. Our relationship was tumultuous but when things were good, they were amazing. He was still my best friend but also the love of my life. Well, we had a long stretch of not talking or being together and then I met my current boyfriend. My relationship with him is completely different. He’s so sweet and amazing and treats me like a princess. It’s something I’ve never experienced before. Well, a few months into dating my new boyfriend, my ex killed himself. It’s been about 8 months since then and even though I love my new boyfriend, it’s still a struggle for me. My ex was a huge part of my life and now that he’s gone, being in love with someone else has really been hard and brought up so many emotions that I never thought I would feel. It’s been really hard to accept the love of someone new and not to compare it to my old love with my ex. But it’s been about 8 months since my ex took his life and I still think about him all the time. But building a new relationship and a new love with my new boyfriend has been really wonderful. It’s different from what I had before, but different doesn’t mean bad. I love my new boyfriend very much. Love with someone new will always feel different but I’ve learned that it can still be just as wonderful and beautiful as past loves. I’m grateful for my new boyfriend every day and my love for him just grows and grows. It’s hard to move on when you feel like you’ve lost the love of your life but just remind yourself that if that was the case you guys would still be together. You’ll find someone new and you’ll love again, it just might not be the same love as you’ve had before and that’s okay. Best of luck!
I have had a 5 year relationship with my ex, we are about to marry but I figured out she's cheating on me. We broke up. Things went dark for me, I was depressed for 6 months. But after 2 years of break up. I found the love of my life. And we are married and we have a kid together, You'll always find your love just stay strong
Your normal soldier story - girlfriend broke up with me during deployment, and we tried to still be friends until she let slip a year later the guy she hooked up with "after" we ended actually started two weeks before I deployed. I spent 3 years single, and then one day, post Army, going to college, a classmate introduces me to her friends group. One of the ladies catches my eye out the gate, and personality matched. She made the same snide jokes, had the same taste in a lot of music. She has a "mood" card, and all her friends came up with different results while she and I both rated perfectly calm. I asked her about it and she said inside she was anything but, and like finding a kindrid spirit, something clicked in my head. We went on our first date about a week after that, 3 months later she was living with me, and I proposed a year into dating. We were poor so that took a while (together for 11 years, married now for 7). She encouraged me and supported me leaving my job to gamble on a start up gig, encouraged me to go back to school (I'm finally about to finish my bachelor's), helped me see things I needed in myself I didn't know was possible. One of my Army friends said it best when we came down for his wedding when he told her "I've never seen him happy before you." She isn't my world. She's the moon and stars, because she's the goal worth fighting gravity to find. I know losing the big one feels awful, but they are just "the big one right now" just like that love seems like it's incredible until you find the one you are really connected to. Then the old ones seem much less the whole of things.
Oh my gosh…This is so beautiful. I hope I find a man who loves me this way one day ❤️
I'm sure you will. Everyone deserves a hype person in their corner. I'm just trying to make sure I can give her even the slightest comparison of what I feel she does for me. Also, I showed her this post and she hissed at me because she's like a raccoon, lol
This is such a beautiful story! I'm so happy for you!
I dumped my fiancé and three months later married my person. This July it will be 44 years together.
I'm intrigued, so how did you know this person? To marry them 3 months after leaving your ex?
We worked together at an entertainment magazine. He was an editor, I was an intern. When I returned from vacation having dumped the bozo, he wasted no time. I can honestly say he didn’t even ask me to marry him. He was like, we’re getting married and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
How long was you with your ex for?
Roughly seven or eight months. His parents were friendly with my stepfather.
I had quite a similar experience, dumped my ex fiancé of 10 years, 3 months later met the love of my life, only for him to dump me 3 months ago...
Literaly the same story with me! Dumped my fiancée of 4.5 years and a few months later found a girl that was my ideal match, compatible on every level, utterly gorgeous, same hobbies, life goals, love languages etc. Then after 4 months she breaks up with me out of nowhere. 2 months later and I’m still struggling to move on. Just need to tell myself that if I managed to find her so soon after my long term relationship, that I can find someone else as well. And if she was as compatible with me as I thought, she wouldn’t have broken up with me.
Everything happens for a reason. Trust that and Yourself. For me, my self esteem always took a beating when I ended a relationship or I was left. I’m single now, am independent and date. No way I would give that up for anyone.
Sorry to hear that.
There was a time in my life when I never thought I'd find someone. I had dated a lot of people that didn't appreciate me, and I thought I'd be stuck in the same relationships over and over again. Then, on my 29th birthday, I met my life love. He absolutely has been a godsend. He loves me and appreciates me and has stayed with me through thick and thin. He is better than anything I had ever hoped to find. The love and reassurance and devotion he shows me just blows me away every time.
I was in an awful online relationship for 8 months. This man was the center of my world. He shattered my heart over and over but it was still devastating when it ended. I didn’t think I’d ever be happy again. I was convinced by a coworker that if I believed in the law of attraction, he and I would end up together. I dedicated a journal to him. But slowly I began to realize everything happens for a reason. If we belonged together it would’ve worked out. Six months after that “relationship” ended, I met someone. I wasn’t even expecting to find a serious relationship. I just thought it would be a good chance to meet people. But it was easy right away. He didn’t hide things from me. He was honest. I was head over heels in love. That was 7 1/2 years ago. We’ve been married for 4 years.
Would you be willing to share more about your journal?
I basically just wrote letters to him. It helped me to put my feelings into words. I never did anything with them.
I’m going through the process of falling in love with myself after my last breakup. I think this is possibly the best thing we can do. Waiting for the “other” to fill a hole is going to cause us to repeat the same patterns. But creating a self that has learned from previous experiences and is someone you actually love and respect I think will create a foundation for a much better relationship than the last. Relationships are great teachers I think. Even the hard parts give us some of the best insights about ourselves.
recognise chop ruthless cows future fall subtract tub lavish terrific *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The last paragraph is very powerful. I'm definitely guilty of idealising my ex..because he is everything I had ever wanted in a partner on paper ..minus his character. I was so in love with him that I was willing to overlook his character (even to this date, I'll take him back in a heartbeat if he was to come back..which is pathetic I know)
chubby reply complete advise important alive intelligent tease safe aloof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I should say part of his character. We are so similar on many levels, especially with the darker side of our personality traits, which I had never admitted to anyone. We are also in the same stage of our lives, we have very similar background and career paths. But I'm a much kinder and empathic person than he is. He lacks emotions which I'm quite the opposite.
alleged merciful dependent important entertain reach party decide wrench workable *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was in a decade long relationship with a 'golden retriever' person, he is the kindest and most gentle man I've ever met. But we didn't work out, because we never find each other attractive, we were never intimate so we decided to part ways. The loml was everything that my golden retriever ex wasn't, that's probably why I find him so attractive. He is so happy in his own skin and not afraid to show the world his darker side, which I would never be able to.
I divorced in 2022 after I found out my ex-wife was cheating on me. Marriage of 16 years gone. Hurting the kids in the process. Have to miss them half the time. Took time to heal and started dating August last year. Dated several women until I met my current gf 3 months ago. I'm feeling butterflies again. I can't wait to be around her. She feels the same way. We share so many things. Same values and dreams, and we raise the kids the same way. The passion, lust, and intimacy is so intense. I'm not going into details, but it's better than I've ever experienced. Love doesn't end with one person.
I have a situation: I am in love with a married man whose wife is cheating. I was the one to tell him. Now I don't know his decision, but I am waiting for him. Reading this story is such a relief, a hope for me.
That is a situation. He'll probably be a mess after finding that out.
I guess, for now, he's in denial, doesn't want to believe in it, or wants to be a man who would never even doubt his wife. I respect that deeply because I've lived in a relationship where I've been called a whore and suspected a lot and ended up finding out I was the one cheated on. I didn't believe it at first as well. And it took me a hard time to double-check if she was cheating, but now I'm sure. I feel him on this one. I don't talk to him now, I think it might be because he has feelings for me he suppresses for the sake of saving his family.
Well, time will tell. It's a fucked up place to be in.
It's hard for me because I don't know if he will forgive her. I hope he decides to move on.
I’m curious, how did you date people? Online? Shared activities? Cold approaching?
Yes, to most of those. I've dated through the apps, reddit, and I met my gf at my sons daycare, where her son also goes to.
Thank you for sharing! This is reassuring!