Can I ask your opinion on one more thing? I feel pretty good about being romantically moved on from this person, just after therapy and dating other, much more compatible people since, but I still feel a little weird about how traumatized and insecure she left me. (She would just gaslight me into thinking I was in the wrong constantly so now I’m still scared to fully express myself) but you not think that calling her out for lying and manipulating me all this time would be a little validating?
Not trying to be argumentative, I’m aware I’m in a weird headspace and just wanted your opinion on that
No. It won't go how it goes in your head. She'll either just tell you none of that happened and you're misremembering or tell some dramatic story about how it's not really her fault due to past trauma.
The only closure you'll get is the closure you give yourself. If you want to write and burn letters, or yell into the void, or run until you get blisters those would all be more therapeutic than actually talking to her.
One thing I’ve learnt in therapy is that trauma is never at a full stop. It would be amazing if it could magically go away but humans don’t really work that way. There will still be things in your life that can sometimes trigger you. You can go years without feeling it, then one day something happens and you have that weird feeling/emotional response all over again. You still feeling weird is totally normal.
Everyone has different tools but this one really helps me: Whenever I get feelings I wish I could express to my past abusers, I write them a letter in my journal. I say everything I actually want to say as a way of like letting it all out. This way, I get how I’m feeling in the moment out but not in a way that puts me in contact with a past abuser and also a much safer space to freely express myself.
She lied to you for years. All reaching out will do, is give her the chance to lie to you some more. She’s not going to offer any explanations or show any remorse. Leave it be.
Who cares? Move on?
Lets say you do find proof she was gaslighting you. Do you think she's going to apologize? Offer to make amends? Feel guilty for even a minute?
She won't. And all you're doing is opening yourself up to more heartache by wanting it. Move on and leave her in the past where she belongs.
Yep, the girl even went so far as to say "if you see anything about me signing up for tinder it's because of my friends" it was absolutely crazy. Fucking toxic psychopath.
The best thing you can do with a narcissist (not a diagnosis but applies here) is remove their supply. You are their supply
And never fall in the trap of "long distance relationships". If you never see your partner in real life, it is just a waste of time.
No good will come from you digging this up. Move on.
Can I ask your opinion on one more thing? I feel pretty good about being romantically moved on from this person, just after therapy and dating other, much more compatible people since, but I still feel a little weird about how traumatized and insecure she left me. (She would just gaslight me into thinking I was in the wrong constantly so now I’m still scared to fully express myself) but you not think that calling her out for lying and manipulating me all this time would be a little validating? Not trying to be argumentative, I’m aware I’m in a weird headspace and just wanted your opinion on that
No. It won't go how it goes in your head. She'll either just tell you none of that happened and you're misremembering or tell some dramatic story about how it's not really her fault due to past trauma. The only closure you'll get is the closure you give yourself. If you want to write and burn letters, or yell into the void, or run until you get blisters those would all be more therapeutic than actually talking to her.
One thing I’ve learnt in therapy is that trauma is never at a full stop. It would be amazing if it could magically go away but humans don’t really work that way. There will still be things in your life that can sometimes trigger you. You can go years without feeling it, then one day something happens and you have that weird feeling/emotional response all over again. You still feeling weird is totally normal. Everyone has different tools but this one really helps me: Whenever I get feelings I wish I could express to my past abusers, I write them a letter in my journal. I say everything I actually want to say as a way of like letting it all out. This way, I get how I’m feeling in the moment out but not in a way that puts me in contact with a past abuser and also a much safer space to freely express myself.
Exactly, move on OP
I will. Thank you, I appreciate hearing others opinions! You guys are right
Thank you. I needed to hear this
She lied to you for years. All reaching out will do, is give her the chance to lie to you some more. She’s not going to offer any explanations or show any remorse. Leave it be.
I'm not sure you can call that dating
I just read the title and it’s an absolute ‘no’ from me.
Do not contact your ex. Please.
You were not dating and no you shouldn't
Who cares? Move on? Lets say you do find proof she was gaslighting you. Do you think she's going to apologize? Offer to make amends? Feel guilty for even a minute? She won't. And all you're doing is opening yourself up to more heartache by wanting it. Move on and leave her in the past where she belongs.
Had an ex who did this, moved between countries too. Jumped from person to person sexually. Slippery pieces of shit. Just move on my friend.
Same boat as we speak. Was lied to for almost 10 months at least. Just awful some people will find vulnerabilities and use them to no ends.
Yep, the girl even went so far as to say "if you see anything about me signing up for tinder it's because of my friends" it was absolutely crazy. Fucking toxic psychopath.
I called mine a narcissistic manipulator 🥴
I stopped reading after the first sentence...
Leave it alone and let it go
Nope Move on
This has to be a joke
Why and how?
time to let it go bud. no point still being hang up on someone who brings nothing but drama.