Let me have a Three Musketeers, and a ball point pen, and one of those combs there, a nuclear reactor, a couple of flash light batteries and some beef jerky.
If your body can digest and convert those calories to fat, that will be converted into about 6 million pounds of fat
Almost the weight of a discord mod
Last yr 2 of my aunts died of cancer (the ones that treated me like fam)
My dad coned me of everything i worked for lost my job n all my money n my place to live
My mom kicked me out b4 but i came bk home late last yr and she wants me out asap and yesterday my gf of 3yrs n 10 months left me
I joke with my wife regularly that this is how she's gonna either die or go to jail in her old age.
W- This poor kitty was just sitting by itself, no one loving on it, no food bowl in sight. It's just one more cat after all.
M- Honey, that's a jaguar and the police are here.
every fork is a spoon if you are patient enough
every knife is a fork if you are courageous enough
every spoon is a fork if you are incapable enough
every knife is a spoon if you are suicidal enough
Last month I woke up with bruises all over my back and I asked my gf what happened and she said you slid on the hardwood floor and fell in to the bedroom. Then I started blaming the floors for being too slippery. No recollection of course.
So now when I buy booze she asks me how slippery are the floors getting tonight.
This is true. I’ve seen people repost something that was posted 8 years ago and I’m certain more people have joined Reddit since and would be new to the meme
My grandma used to say it all the time but in a different context. Like “He has 7 Fridays a week” when a person changes his plans too often. Never heard of it referring to laziness
I gave this saying a quick google, and your grandma is right too.
Originally it referred to fridays being market days in Russia when people buy and sell stuff. Some payments were made right away, some were done in debt, which was due next week. So, a person with 7 fridays a week would strike a new deal every day instead of staying true to a single plan.
But some time later this saying began referring to beurocracy, where officials were reluctant to get any work done on friday, so they would do whatever to make their clients leave.
Yup. As a certified Russian, I can tell you that I've only ever heard this saying used to indicate that a person in question changes their plans or opinions faster than you can reasonably track those changes.
Kinda like quantum states: there's a bunch of potential states, and you won't know which state the system is really in until you observe it.
An actual quote from my baby sister:
“Every water fountain is a swimming pool if you’re drunk enough.”
She was, in fact, drunk enough. Luckily security thought it was funny.
ETA: yes, my *younger* sister. She’s the youngest of all the siblings I know of, and we are incredibly close, thus, the baby. She’s one of my favorite people!
I'm a man and I think you're giving men entirely too much credit.
(sadly necessary: Yes, women can be intolerable too, it's not just a guy thing, blah blah blah)
Every **whisper** is a **CRY FOR HELP**, if you are **Listening** enough.
Every **word spoken** is a **lie**, if you are **ignorant** enough.
Every **obstacle** is a **lesson**, if you are **intelligent** enough.
Every **hole** is a **entrance** if you are **horny** enough
I’m taking about a dragon entering a cave… hence the horns and hole as in cave entrance nothing dirty to see here.
Every **mushroom** is a**n edible** if you are **brave** enough
Every mushroom is edible at least once
Everything is edible at least once
There’s stuff that will kill you before it reaches your mouth. You can’t eat a nuclear reactor once.
Can I get uhmmm one large nuclear reactor with fries and a large soda. Diet Coke please, the reactor has too many calories.
Let me have a Three Musketeers, and a ball point pen, and one of those combs there, a nuclear reactor, a couple of flash light batteries and some beef jerky.
Beef jerky has so much sodium!
Big smoke entered the chat
18 billion calories per gram of uranium. I guess we ain't dieting this year
That's an average diet of a discord mod
If your body can digest and convert those calories to fat, that will be converted into about 6 million pounds of fat Almost the weight of a discord mod
Best bulk
Is this what they refer to as fusion food?
You need a reactor lite
Are you challenging me?
Fuck yes, do it
Not with that attitude, you can’t
I mean you never said the reactor had to have any live nuclear material in it
Well you'd have to be the size of Godzilla to even try
“Ok that ones safe ✅ Oh no, bill’s dead from that one ❌ dave said he’s been speaking to god for the last week after that one❓
Mushroom
Mushroom!
Badger badger…
Ah snake! Ah snake! It’s a snaaake!
Snake, snakkke oooh it’s a snake
every mushroom is a mushroom if you are thinking enough
You can only eat one, there isn't much room...
Every one is a genius if you are dumb enough.
That is my new favorite quote
Where is that quote from?
Him
Him has a name too you know
He who's name is him has a name but his name is not him
r/technicallythetruth
Every day is a failure if you are depressed enough.
Me_rn
Im not doing okay
Me neither dude/dudette, me neither.
The sun will rise again, dude. Hang in there. I believe in you.
hopefully it doesn’t 😂😂😂😂🥰🥰
Last night I found out my toaster is waterproof, that was disappointing.
Last yr 2 of my aunts died of cancer (the ones that treated me like fam) My dad coned me of everything i worked for lost my job n all my money n my place to live My mom kicked me out b4 but i came bk home late last yr and she wants me out asap and yesterday my gf of 3yrs n 10 months left me
Ooof, that’s a lot all at once! You talking to and leaning on people who are close to you for a bit of support and strength?
I'm in this thread and I don't like it, srsly how do I get out
It does get better
r/TooMeIrlForMeIrl
Honey, look! I found my people!
As a depressed man i can say nights are a failure too
Hey, so ... um. Just incase ... you matter.
You ok bro?
Every Zoo is a petting Zoo, if you are brave enough!
I actually had my daughter say to me "No dad. No petting the tigers!"
She’s not brave enough
Smart girl.
CLEVER girl
Wonder who brought her up this way, since you were busy petting the tigers
I joke with my wife regularly that this is how she's gonna either die or go to jail in her old age. W- This poor kitty was just sitting by itself, no one loving on it, no food bowl in sight. It's just one more cat after all. M- Honey, that's a jaguar and the police are here.
Let her pet the kitty, man. :(
I’ve always wanted to pet a polar bear! -lady who got eaten by a polar bear
The sad truth is that everytime an human petted a polar bear, that means one of the two is already dead.
Every spoon is a knife if you are strong enough
every fork is a spoon if you are patient enough every knife is a fork if you are courageous enough every spoon is a fork if you are incapable enough every knife is a spoon if you are suicidal enough
According to this I qualify for courage and suicidal thoughts. (Obviously a joke).
Bart: That's not a knife, it's a spoon Australian: Alright, alight. Huh, I see you've played knifey spooney before
[KnifeySpooney](https://youtu.be/QwkG9H2vWew)
I see you've played knoifey spooney before.
Every *flat surface* is a *bed* if you are *tired* enough.
I don't need a flat surface, a chair will do if you are tired enough.
A chair is a flat surface lol
I mean, on the ass part, sure. But it's not flat on a single, horizontal plane. That's what everyone here is talking about...
This gets my upvote and utter agreement... a reality of adulting
Oh you need *flat* surface? Weak.
Fine. Flat-ish will do.
I can snooze on a fractal curve man
That's pretty based, ngl.
Every step is a tripping hazard if you're drunk enough.
Last month I woke up with bruises all over my back and I asked my gf what happened and she said you slid on the hardwood floor and fell in to the bedroom. Then I started blaming the floors for being too slippery. No recollection of course. So now when I buy booze she asks me how slippery are the floors getting tonight.
Every step is a tripping hazard if you're me enough 😔
Every POST is a REPOST if you are VETERAN enough
This is true. I’ve seen people repost something that was posted 8 years ago and I’m certain more people have joined Reddit since and would be new to the meme
Happy 9 year cake day!
Happy cake day!
Every***day*** is a ***friday*** if you are ***lazy*** enough
A Russian saying actually goes like this: "A lazy man has 7 fridays a week".
My grandma used to say it all the time but in a different context. Like “He has 7 Fridays a week” when a person changes his plans too often. Never heard of it referring to laziness
I gave this saying a quick google, and your grandma is right too. Originally it referred to fridays being market days in Russia when people buy and sell stuff. Some payments were made right away, some were done in debt, which was due next week. So, a person with 7 fridays a week would strike a new deal every day instead of staying true to a single plan. But some time later this saying began referring to beurocracy, where officials were reluctant to get any work done on friday, so they would do whatever to make their clients leave.
Yup. As a certified Russian, I can tell you that I've only ever heard this saying used to indicate that a person in question changes their plans or opinions faster than you can reasonably track those changes. Kinda like quantum states: there's a bunch of potential states, and you won't know which state the system is really in until you observe it.
Why not 7 Saturdays?
I don’t know, that just sounds like going to work every day.
Every *person* is a *friend*, if you are *kind* enough.
I wasn't expecting feels
I read this is my head with voice I use to read Elden Ring messages.
Try fingers but hole
O you don't have the right, you don't have the right
It is set up like the message function 😂
Who expects wholesome on Reddit…
Every**thing** is a **dildo**, if you are **brave** enough
Every *hole* is a *vagina*, if you are *horny* enough
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to find this. Also not sure what it says about me that I thought this was the official version!
That's very nice but completely wrong sometimes sadly. There are plety of people that see kindness as a weakness and are willing to expolit it.
Yeah I’d love this to be true but sadly it isn’t. I don’t know why but some people really are just driven by nothing but cruelty.
[удалено]
Every friend is a meal, if you are hungry enough
I hate to say it…. But this just isn’t true :(
Yes because even if you're kind, shitty people will find a way to put a strain in that relationship regardless if you did nothing bad yourself.
Its sweet, but not true :(
Every person is an enemy if you’re paranoid enough
Every *fart* is a *risk* if you are ***diarrhetic*** enough.
Every *person* is an *adversary* if you are *selfish* enough.
Every hole is a goal, if you're brave enough
And that’s why we have to have a sex offender registry.
I'm the reason we have the toilet paper snorting registry
That's why the mortar in my house is crumbling
Every **pee-pee time** is a **poo-poo time** if you are **desperate** enough
Every _poo-poo time_ is a _pee-pee_ time if you are _but not every pee-pee time is a poo-poo time_ enough
Every pee-pee time is a poo-poo time if you are old enough... 🤣😅
every stick is a sword if your imagative enough
Everything is awesome if you are Lego enough
Everything is cool if you're part of a team enough
Underrated comment right here lol
At least you're part of the team
Every armhair is a goosebump If you are spooked enough
Or cold enough
Every girl is a leaver if your are not enough. :(
Go treat yourself to some ice cream my friend
oof
damn this just sad
every ear is a cheek if you are hair enough? what is this post about?
It clearly says every underscore is a underscore if you are underscore enough. Be more underscore.
Oh, that's what low dash is actually called in English:) thanks
I've also heard it called an underbar, but that makes me irrationally angry for some reason.
probably because it is so freaking close to wunderbar and that just is so mean
I genuinely like the term “low dash” haha it sounds much cooler that way
Every pizza is a Personal Pan if you're hungry enough.
An actual quote from my baby sister: “Every water fountain is a swimming pool if you’re drunk enough.” She was, in fact, drunk enough. Luckily security thought it was funny. ETA: yes, my *younger* sister. She’s the youngest of all the siblings I know of, and we are incredibly close, thus, the baby. She’s one of my favorite people!
Why would you let a baby get drunk, that sounds like child endangerment. Edit: _fine_ /s
Every gun law is an infringement if you are American enough.
Based
Based
Every gun law is an infringement if you are American enough.
They silenced the upvote system. Lame looks like we know where the mods stand
Every rose is a thorn if you are cowboy enough
…just like every cowboy….
Every dick is a vagina, if you are cold enough
Please elaborate .
I think he meant clitoris
I challenge you to go outside in less than 20 degree weather and see what happens, IT GOES IN!!!
Every beer bottle is a twist-off if you’re strong enough
[удалено]
Every *LAW* is a *SUGGESTION* if you're *RICH* enough.
Every thing is a dildo if you are brave enough Edit: typo
So close
*Braced
Every Woman is a Ten, if you're Drunk enough.
Every man is tolerable if you're patient enough
I'm a man and I think you're giving men entirely too much credit. (sadly necessary: Yes, women can be intolerable too, it's not just a guy thing, blah blah blah)
Every thing is a distraction if you are ADHD enou
Underrated comment h---
Every **bad thought you have about yourself** is a **false belief.** If you are **reading this, you are** enough.
Good one! Also.. thanks.
Every **whisper** is a **CRY FOR HELP**, if you are **Listening** enough. Every **word spoken** is a **lie**, if you are **ignorant** enough. Every **obstacle** is a **lesson**, if you are **intelligent** enough.
>Every obstacle is a lesson, if you are intelligent enough. I feel like this one should be wise enough?
Everything is a beer opener if you are brave enough
Did I hear German Dorfkinder?
🎶Every N is a Star🎶 if you are Kendrick enough
Every dog is a god if you are dyslexic enough.
Everything is a dildo if you are brave enough
Every feeling is a drug if you are starved enough
Every app is a dating site of u are Indian enough
Every randi is a randi if you are randi enough
Every **word** is a **sexual thing** if you are **horny** enough.
This is actually one of the more interesting truthful ones that I've seen here. It's also unfortunately true.
Every *4* is a *10*, if you are *desperate* enough.
Every gaslight is a gatekeep if you're girl boss enough
Everything is a dildo if you're bold enough
Every path is a Road , if you are jesus enough
person...dick...cynical
Every taco is delicious, if you are MexiCAN enough.
Every hole is a goal, if you are mole enough.
Every **desk** is a **standing desk** if you are **short** enough.
I will go first. "Every **thing** is a **pussy**, if you are **brave** enough"
Horny*
Every cactus is a dildo if you’re horny enough.
Every pussy is a meal if your man enough
Every ear is a fuckhole if you are tiny enough.
Every **hole** is a **entrance** if you are **horny** enough I’m taking about a dragon entering a cave… hence the horns and hole as in cave entrance nothing dirty to see here.
Ruined your own joke
Every setback is a lesson, if you are receptive enough.
Every yawn is a blowjob if you are fast enough
Every friend is a drunk if you one enough.
Everyday is a holiday if you're lazy enough
Every person is a meal if you are hungry enough
Every *fart* is a *shart* if you are *drunk* enough
everyone Is a N word If you are black enough
Every post is a meme if you are on the internet enough.