The problem with a truly perfect joke is that nobody can tell it's a joke. This is why all jokes must be slightly flawed in order to get a laugh. It's like when you try to boil water in a container that's too smooth and it can't form bubbles.
#I used to work at a Wildlife Resource Agency, and I can tell you this is not a blood pine. This is a Cedar tree based on the bark and the shape of the trunk and the growth pattern of the limbs.
Right? It seems like it used to be somewhat outlandish storied but now they're very well disguised. Shittymorph has somewhat evolved their story telling skills
What’s interesting about shittymorph is their ability to know when a post is going to blow up, and research the topic to generate interesting details and comment early enough to not get buried too far down. It’s astonishing. It makes me wonder whether it’s mostly shittymorph themselves that cause posts like this to gain traction.
And they sit in shadows, rubbing their hands, waiting patiently for the moment to strike. Preying on unsuspecting redditors who have gotten comfortable thinking themselves safe.
Guys I did it! I got about 2 lines into reading before I realized I needed to go back and look at who the comment was from. And BAM. I avoided being shittymorph’d for the first time ever!
Thanks for the reddit equivalent of seeing a rare and exotic bird whilst bird watching!
Edit: Hey thanks for the award! I think it's the first award I've ever received! Shittymorph has wondrous coattails apparently!
I also have expertise that allowed me to determine this was cedar and definitely not Pine. I'm from the south. Haha that's seriously why I know, but to appease my Yankee comrades here... I'll offer an alternative explanation, I work in paper mill and handle wood/chips/bark for 12 hours a day. So guess you could attribute part of my knowledge to my profession... But mostly backwoods hick knowledge! Lol my pawpaw taught me to differentiate tree species as a child (because he was awesome) and he'd roll in his grave if I let this slide without correcting you.
Edit: By "You" I mean OP not the person I replied to, he knows his shit.
Well I'm mid twenties, so guess it's my time to shine? It's southern swing shift, 4 nights then 3 off then 3 dayshifts, then 1 off, then 3 nights, then 3 off then 4 days, then 7 off and restart all over next month. But I have coworkers in they're 70's and 40+ years on the job who would politely disagree who's game this is lol.
With how large the text is i thought you'd say it's poisonous or that the red color is caused by some sort of venomous insect or something like that. Glad it's just a very enthusiastic factoid instead of a concerned warning, though
You can tell the difference between cedar and pine by the leaves.
Cedar leaves have [Scales](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58885486e58c624f6843b521/1500351003939-6BD45DNEVIDTWOXYQ5H1/wrc-butterflies_%281_of_1%29.jpg)
Pine leaves are [Needles](https://greenerideal.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/pine-tree-needles-696x465.jpg) in bunches of 2,3, or 5
If the tree has needles in bunches more than 5 it's likely a larch tree.
If it has needles that aren't bunched into groups (single needles) than it's some other tree like a spruce or fir tree, which is typically what they sell as Christmas trees, despite chritstmas trees almost always being called pine trees it's rare that they actually are.
It’s a red cedar
And if it isn’t a red cedar then you just chopped down a blood wood and unleashed a unholy curse upon your family for generations to come that you will all perish uncanny violent deaths so that your blood may satiate the roots of future trees
But it’s probably a red cedar
Everyone keeps saying this is cedar, but thats incorrect. This is actually the body of a man turned into a tree to suffer for eternity by a deranged witch. You can tell by the blood in the limbs, and the faint sound of screaming if you listen closely.
Source: 🤷
Okay but who's gonna tell me why it's red in the center, and then very suddenly not red anymore around the outer edge? Why's UT red in the first place? Why such a hard cut off instead of a transition? Is it an illness?
To save others the trouble:
> heartwood, also called duramen, dead, central wood of trees. Its cells usually contain tannins or other substances that make it dark in colour and sometimes aromatic.
> sapwood, also called alburnum, outer, living layers of the secondary wood of trees, which engage in transport of water and minerals to the crown of the tree. The cells therefore contain more water and lack the deposits of darkly staining chemical substances commonly found in heartwood.
The place where it stops being red in the center was growing when they first illegalized lead in our gasoline. It goes from rust-laden to healthy and white because the CO2 it was breathing wasn’t laced with lead anymore.
Just kidding, I have no fucking idea what I’m talking about.
If you don't wanna get into woodworking, you can sell that in your local online marketplace. It will be bought up quickly if there's any hobbyist or professional woodworkers in the area
That picture smells amazing.
Red Cedar (as has already been mentioned in countless comments) one of my favorite woods to work with, my shop smells like Christmas when I do.
That’s because it’s not pine lol
Reminds me of this weird bump I hit Halloween night that got me put in jail.
Username checks out… I guess?
It’s a tree that grew up during the time the world was soaked in blood.
That’s no pine, that’s a cedar and the wood smells amazing.
I see you’ve played Piney-Cedar befoh
Piney-Cedar? I would have called them chazzwozzas.
> That’s no pine, that’s a cedar It’s too big to be a cedar. *edit:* Apparently my Star Wars reference was too obscure or too unfunny. Probably both.
Your reference was certainly obscure, but your edit was on point.
… it’s a spruce station
The problem with a truly perfect joke is that nobody can tell it's a joke. This is why all jokes must be slightly flawed in order to get a laugh. It's like when you try to boil water in a container that's too smooth and it can't form bubbles.
I would give you an upvote, but keeping it on 66 seems in order.
It's undercooked bruh
“IT’S FUCKING RAW”- Gordon Ramsay
ROOAHH
ROAR
Ewe funken donkeh
Do you know what Gordon Ramsay's favorite subreddit is? >IT'S FUCKING R/AWW
🎖️
"You, you, you, you...fuck off!"
THROWS A CHUNK ON THE GROUND
No it’s just rare. I’m so tired of u people who like well done cuts telling us rare eaters that our food is undercooked. 😡
I like my chicken and pork medium rare
#I used to work at a Wildlife Resource Agency, and I can tell you this is not a blood pine. This is a Cedar tree based on the bark and the shape of the trunk and the growth pattern of the limbs.
I genuinely appreciate how you turned your PSA into a billboard by Reddit standards. Carry on good soldier.
Your comment made me laugh. Which I really needed today. Thank you.
we all need it…thats why we keep showing up.
I’m just here for the blood pine.
Why thank you kind Redditor!
Hey dude I hope you're doing ok, just remember how awesome you are and don't let the bullshit get you down ❤️
Thanks. Been a hard couple of weeks, but overall it's slowly getting better.
Carry on my wayward son!
There'll be peace when you are done!
Lay your weary logs to rest.
Don't you pine no more.
🎸🎹🥁🎸
Don’t you cry no more!
Don't you cry no more.
I think dad wants us to pick up where he left off
*Guitar solo*
*Guitar, Hammond B3 duet...*
I was gonna just do the beats of the solo with doos and dahs but that’s pretty impressive.
I've wasted the last 10 minutes trying to verify that it is in fact a b3. On a Friday night. This is what my life has become LMAO
You can tell by the way it is
A true classic
It really helps us that are hard of hearing
How neat is that??
That's pretty neat.
This is why I love science!
My wife made me stop saying this.
What a reference! Neat!
neat!
That's pretty neat.
Wow. What a beaut.
I came here thinking.. I mean, I’m a woodworker not a forester, but that’s cedar.
I came here thinking I'm a total jackass and not a Forester but that's a cedar
I came in here thinking "I bet that's called 'brazilian purple heartwood' or something fancy like that."
I came in here thinking it's probably radon or some shit in OP's soil and his whole family is slowly dying. Been on Reddit to long.
Very bold of you to say
[удалено]
Damn I was fully invested...got me haha
I was riveted, God help me.
This is the third day in a row for me.
I had never heard of u/shittymorph until a few days ago, and this is my second one.
He vanished for a while but now he's back with a vengeance.
I'm absolutely amazed that I fell for it The dude disappeared and that's the perfect way to bait people
We all thought we were safe. This was his plan, all along.
Same. Saw my first yesterday and he got me again today.
He's been a reddit legend for legit years. It's almost like seeing an old friend for me at this point
Months for me dude. He got me good this time.
Strangely the entire comment was accurate…
It always is. That's the beauty of u/shittymorph
They usually are...
Right? It seems like it used to be somewhat outlandish storied but now they're very well disguised. Shittymorph has somewhat evolved their story telling skills
What’s interesting about shittymorph is their ability to know when a post is going to blow up, and research the topic to generate interesting details and comment early enough to not get buried too far down. It’s astonishing. It makes me wonder whether it’s mostly shittymorph themselves that cause posts like this to gain traction.
And they sit in shadows, rubbing their hands, waiting patiently for the moment to strike. Preying on unsuspecting redditors who have gotten comfortable thinking themselves safe.
I honestly thought I was learning something until I got to undertaker. Fooled me again
I’ve worked with eastern juniper on several occasions and can attest the man’s whole comment is factually accurate
Thank you! I was hoping I had a least learned something from getting fooled.
Whoa, he's not actually just shitting out words before his punchline? I already respected the man's work, but damn. New level achieved!
IT GETS ME EVERY TIME
Lol I got to the 1998 part and was like mother fucker again. I always fail to read the usernames
I always think "Is this somebody copying him?" Then look up and no, he just got me again.
I saw a copy of him the other day, but he himself popped into the replies to… not give his blessing, but say he was ok with people continuing the meme
Legends never die, they just pass the torch....
I was like "wait is it...." Checked and was played again!
He's still got it. *Shakes fist at the sky.* Damn you Shittymooorph!
Guys I did it! I got about 2 lines into reading before I realized I needed to go back and look at who the comment was from. And BAM. I avoided being shittymorph’d for the first time ever!
Hot damn I found a shitty morph within minutes. What a day to be alive
I found it in less than an hour twice this week! I've never seen it so fresh! And they say the Mega Millions winner is lucky.
Same!
Twice in two days!
i occasionally visit big subs like these but finding a shittymorph comment in 2 hours is pretty much a win for me. most of the time its past 10 hours.
Hook, line and sinkered me.
Fucking god dammit
I haven’t come across a shittymorph in like 2 years. I thought he retired
Legend
Holy shit I haven't gotten shittymorphed in yeeeeeeears, i thought he wasn't doing this shit anymore
Same. Glad to see I was mistaken.
Got damn, found one in the wild and under 20 minutes old! Hell of a day. Big fan of your work. Keep on keepin on.
it's hard widdling against trees with lots of branches
Kills the tree, too.
Holy shit a shittymorph out in the wild, it’s been so long.
BRUH I WAS JUST LOOKING THROUGH YOUR COMMENTS LIKE 3 HOURS AGO
Thanks for the reddit equivalent of seeing a rare and exotic bird whilst bird watching! Edit: Hey thanks for the award! I think it's the first award I've ever received! Shittymorph has wondrous coattails apparently!
Like a jackdaw?
Here's the thing
Mmmmm, fresh Morph
Not only does it smell good, it burns with a snap, crackle, and pop. And it attracts carpenter bees.
I like how you just replied honestly to their comment, you madlad.
Yet another “every damn time”
Nineteen ninety eight
Waiting for the day he writes this as 1998 and I make it to the undertaker before realizing...
That's twice in one day for me. Solid chance for a hat trick if I stay on Reddit another hour or so...
Got me 2 days in a row
I believe that it's called cedar because it often grows resembling true cedars and it's evergreen.
Read the username first for this one. Not today!
Haven't run into you in a while. Got me hook, line, and sinker on this one lol
Ughhhhhhhhh
Goddamit, got me twice in as many days. Well done
I actually caught this one!!! #WOO HOO!!! The first shittymorph, of hundreds, I wasn't fooled by. :) ^(probably the last for the next few hundred)
God damn it
Where can I purchase one of your birdhouses?
Damn, just when I thought it was safe to venture into the comments again.
not AGAIN
This should be the reddit default presentation for anyone that really knows what the hell they are talking about.
Every 1,000 upvotes the font gets bigger.
Why are you yelling at us?
#Thank you for your service 🫡
I also have expertise that allowed me to determine this was cedar and definitely not Pine. I'm from the south. Haha that's seriously why I know, but to appease my Yankee comrades here... I'll offer an alternative explanation, I work in paper mill and handle wood/chips/bark for 12 hours a day. So guess you could attribute part of my knowledge to my profession... But mostly backwoods hick knowledge! Lol my pawpaw taught me to differentiate tree species as a child (because he was awesome) and he'd roll in his grave if I let this slide without correcting you. Edit: By "You" I mean OP not the person I replied to, he knows his shit.
Dude, 12 hour work shift...... that’s a young mans game.
Well I'm mid twenties, so guess it's my time to shine? It's southern swing shift, 4 nights then 3 off then 3 dayshifts, then 1 off, then 3 nights, then 3 off then 4 days, then 7 off and restart all over next month. But I have coworkers in they're 70's and 40+ years on the job who would politely disagree who's game this is lol.
You can tell it’s a cedar tree because of the way that it is
With how large the text is i thought you'd say it's poisonous or that the red color is caused by some sort of venomous insect or something like that. Glad it's just a very enthusiastic factoid instead of a concerned warning, though
It's either that or u/OP just murdered a Dryad.
He literally know it is, by the way it is
[You can tell this is a cedar because the way that it is. ](https://youtu.be/QXe1PkslirY)
Looks like cedar
Red Cedar to be exact. https://nfs.unl.edu/publications/eastern-redcedar-nebraska
Yeah, this is exactly what it looked like. https://www.arborday.org/trees/treeguide/TreeDetail.cfm?ItemID=913
You can tell the difference between cedar and pine by the leaves. Cedar leaves have [Scales](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58885486e58c624f6843b521/1500351003939-6BD45DNEVIDTWOXYQ5H1/wrc-butterflies_%281_of_1%29.jpg) Pine leaves are [Needles](https://greenerideal.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/pine-tree-needles-696x465.jpg) in bunches of 2,3, or 5 If the tree has needles in bunches more than 5 it's likely a larch tree. If it has needles that aren't bunched into groups (single needles) than it's some other tree like a spruce or fir tree, which is typically what they sell as Christmas trees, despite chritstmas trees almost always being called pine trees it's rare that they actually are.
Yup. Red cedar, it is very fragrant and used for chests and blocks to deter moths.
Fun fact! Cedar oil is actually toxic to many insects that like to eat natural fibers, hence why it keeps them away.
It’s toxic to humans, too, if you inhale sawdust, and causes flu-like symptoms. Can be a real problem for woodworkers.
I can smell this picture.
It’s a red cedar And if it isn’t a red cedar then you just chopped down a blood wood and unleashed a unholy curse upon your family for generations to come that you will all perish uncanny violent deaths so that your blood may satiate the roots of future trees But it’s probably a red cedar
Maybe cedar, maybe op is haunted now. Who can really tell from a picture.
Did someone say [Bloodywood](https://youtu.be/Gsy5sJy5_34)?
Well now THAT was unexpected.
You can tell its a cedar because of the way it is. Wow.
How neat is that?!
That's pretty neat
It’s not often that you get all this neat in one location
Heeere we go. Bap bap bap. Hiiyip. Hiiyiptichip.
For those who havent seen it... https://youtu.be/Hm3JodBR-vs
Neat!
That doesn't look like pine
ITS FUCKIN RAWWWW
Ok Chef Ramsey!
Everyone keeps saying this is cedar, but thats incorrect. This is actually the body of a man turned into a tree to suffer for eternity by a deranged witch. You can tell by the blood in the limbs, and the faint sound of screaming if you listen closely. Source: 🤷
That’s a cedar tree
[It's cedar.](https://i.etsystatic.com/6899511/r/il/5f3ea5/3929406266/il_1588xN.3929406266_f0em.jpg)
See the two pieces on the right, the way the branches are growing out? Pine branches don't grow like that.
That's cedar
That doesn’t look like Pine bark. Looks a lot more like a Cedar.
Probably cedar but if you post a picture of what the tree look like we can say for sure. Or Google glass that shit
It's a medium rare stake.
I giggled
Oh my God. You killed Groot!
You bastard!
That's marrow. You've cut off a finger of his; he won't be happy.
Because it's not pine lmao
Okay but who's gonna tell me why it's red in the center, and then very suddenly not red anymore around the outer edge? Why's UT red in the first place? Why such a hard cut off instead of a transition? Is it an illness?
It's sapwood vs heartwood. Walnut does something similar.
To save others the trouble: > heartwood, also called duramen, dead, central wood of trees. Its cells usually contain tannins or other substances that make it dark in colour and sometimes aromatic. > sapwood, also called alburnum, outer, living layers of the secondary wood of trees, which engage in transport of water and minerals to the crown of the tree. The cells therefore contain more water and lack the deposits of darkly staining chemical substances commonly found in heartwood.
Thank you for an actual explanation.
Red Cedar Cut a few rounds off the end and hang them an air freshener in the closet and car.
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That’s a cedar tree..
They look like dog treats
I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not a pine.
Gordon Ramsay: **it’s fucking raw!! where’s the lamb sauce!!??** Edit: turns out ppl have same humour as me.
The tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants my friend…
You hurt it :(
#not a pine tree, that's a cedar tree.
The place where it stops being red in the center was growing when they first illegalized lead in our gasoline. It goes from rust-laden to healthy and white because the CO2 it was breathing wasn’t laced with lead anymore. Just kidding, I have no fucking idea what I’m talking about.
If you don't wanna get into woodworking, you can sell that in your local online marketplace. It will be bought up quickly if there's any hobbyist or professional woodworkers in the area
Ooooo Dry and use or sell
Cedar. Just give it a wiff…
red cedar, not pine
Does it taste like raspberry?
Images you can smell
That cedar heartwood makes great fenceposts. They last forever.
That's cedar and must have smelled awesome.
Probably need to leave it on the grill a bit longer
What made you think this was pine in the first place? Lol.
That picture smells amazing. Red Cedar (as has already been mentioned in countless comments) one of my favorite woods to work with, my shop smells like Christmas when I do.